December 4, 2024 • 51 mins
What if Einstein was a chick??? This week we read wildly popular millennial comedian Iliza Shlesinger’s book "Girl Logic: The Genius and the Absurdity." You might be asking, "What the hell is GL™?" Well, my liege, we’ll explore together. In this research project we discuss white jeans, nose jobs, awesome stepfathers, backup boyfriends, Emerson College, study abroad behavior, how to get female friends, and a time when Sarah Silverman was the hottest comedian. Plus, we'll address the age old question: Can men and women actually BE friends???
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Who's that knocking at the door.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
It's all your friends.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
You've filthy horse, your husband's gone, and we've got books
and a bottle of wine to kill.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
It's Hollywood, it's books, it's gossip.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
I'm sure it's memoir. It's Martini.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Celebrity poof club to read it while it's hot. Celebrity
poop club.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Tell your secrets.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
We won't talk celebrity books. No boys are a loud
celeto say it loud and cloud Celebrity book club. Buzz
me in. I brought the queer voe. Hey, my best friend.
What's up, Chikita?
Speaker 1 (00:41):
How the fun buck are you? Chicalita?
Speaker 3 (00:45):
I'll say this when we went to Nashville a month ago.
I guess I'm still recovering because I feel like a
total party goblin.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Yes, I feel like my party goblin absolutely took over
my personality and I'm just clawing my main back to reality.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
And the holidays. I'm like, sorry, what did I say
to my uncle last night?
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Society for never talking about politics at the dinner table.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
But can we talk about war? Gass?
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Okay, I do love podcasting with you, Like as a woman,
it's so powerful about sex? Okay, I will just quickly
say yeah before we get into this week's episode, I'm
scared that I didn't come to a historically preserved nineteenth
century townhouse that is located in Manhattan this weekend of
(01:36):
that was owned by a prominent merchant family and is
like so haunted and like completely preserved as it was
in like eighteen thirty nine when like this girl died
a spinster.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Wait, is this a seasonal exhibit.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
No, it's it's a year there round and I've never
heard of it. And it's like on East fourth Street.
I've walked by it like a thousand times. It's like
on East fourth and Lafayette.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Oh it's down town, yes, And.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
It's like around the corner from the standard Hoteli's.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Village because I'm always taking meetings there.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
And the place is obviously all just like a Crystal
Guest film where it's just like run by like gay
guys and spinster women.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
Like ridiculous gay men, just like this.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Gay with pink hair is like working the space. And
then I go in with my family. I was like, yeah,
my parents there, and I was like, oh, yeah, I
saw on the plaque outside that like Arthur Treadwell sold
this place in Ain't seventy nine. He was just like, well,
then you can run the tower, and he like handed
me the like binder that you have to take around
the whole space with you. And then everyone else who
(02:38):
is visiting the day was also like a lone gay man.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
Okay obsessed, and it's like a lone gay man being like,
what do I want to do today? I would like to.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
Visit a historic old house, but that's kind of like
when I go to a city like that is also
all I want to see, or a town, an old town.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
I was so happy because I have to say, showed
it too my mom. She found out no she wanted
to go to the Statue of Liberty, and I was
just like, bitch, no, I'm desperately googling like things to
do in New York because I was just like, there
is nowhere I would rather go lass.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
No, I think, give me Liberty. I've actually never been.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
I went to Ellis Island once like many many years ago,
and it's very much like we got it.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
We got it, Like people came.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
And I was like I don't need to like so hungover,
like be waiting in line to like see a big
toe it's.
Speaker 3 (03:32):
Like actually like sorry, like party goblin stuff like that's
actually like a national nightmare to be hungover on a
Sunday with your parents, like visiting the Statue of Liberty.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
Okay, so you found this on the infatuation Hidden Secrets.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
And you can try on a hoop skirt.
Speaker 3 (03:51):
A girl in my high school, for her final project
for senior year of high school made like a historically
accurate hoop nineteenth century dress.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
Wait was that the girl who was like always wearing
hoop dresses anyway though?
Speaker 3 (04:05):
Or no, Yeah, she like already was into that and
then made her own.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
And it's very like, Okay, congrats, you made it. We
got it.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
You're like fucking nerdos.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
Huge nerd yours with the little war So how did
it look? Well, the thing is it creates this kind
of really fabulous silhouette because it makes your waist look
so tiny. Yeah, you look snatched, but it's not actually
snatching you or this like Amazon version they had that
you could try on.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Oh it wasn't.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
It wasn't period a time accurate. No, it was just
this like synthetic like sitting on like a plastic hangar.
You could throw it on.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
Right, I guess the gays would be much more like.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
They wouldn't be letting you try on an actual like.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Period, did everyone in your family tried on?
Speaker 1 (04:48):
My mother and I did. The women women, we were
like totally so fab okay. But then it's like you
see the servants quarters and I like Carrie just being like, well,
her bedrooms is bigger than mine.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
So she is walking closet.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
Yeah, and like they had high ceilings. I was a
little bit like, I don't feel so bad for the
Irish girls as they call them, because a lot of
the servants for Irish pack in those times.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Why do you think my family came over here?
Speaker 1 (05:19):
And look you're still mad.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
That's where the phrase, one of my mother's favorite phrase
is Irish washerwoman. It's in our blood.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
Is that a phrase or is that just like something.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
She says, like, oh, I don't want to end up
some Irish washerwoman, right right, right, yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
Because she's like, so lace curtain Irish.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Well, it's like right, the dream is to be.
Speaker 3 (05:38):
Lace curtain is when you you know, you get a
little fancy and you get a house in the South
Shore and you have lace curtain, lace curtain.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Irish anyway, you know, who else.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
It's accessful, amazing.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
You know what, sometimes we don't need to find a
segue between you.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
Know, between the banter and the top of the day,
I will.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
Say just more his struggle houses. There's one Southampton them
into and with a husband and the woman. Of course
they had separate bedrooms.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
This is like from the eighteen hundreds.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Or early nineteen hundreds orect. And it is so fabulous.
Speaker 3 (06:12):
The man's room is being so like joke about a
husband's gift guide because it's like binoculars glass old reading glasses,
and then the woman's is like mirror brush.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
Okay, this is interesting and this actually will segue.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
Yeah, no, this is good sway.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Like binoculars and telescopes are so male coded and yet
like women are supposed to be the gossips. Because one
of the things about this house I went to is
they were like women had to like receive other women
all the time, and it became like actually insane burden
where like someone would come over to your house. There's
(06:49):
no telephones, so they would just like ring the doorball.
Then you're like, oh, well fuck missus Haersham is here, yeah,
and she comes in and you would have to have
the servants bring the tea, and then like she'd sit
in the parlor and you have this twenty minute tea
where you like gossip about the other women and like
if they got a new silk damask. Right then she leaves.
Now you owe her a visit, and if you don't
(07:10):
repay the visit within three days, then everyone's talking about you.
So then you have to go to her house for
tea and like knock on and like ring the doorbell
and get tea. And it's like this endless cycle of
like visits.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
Well I guess that thing, and like a dinner party
when it's like you have a dinner party and then
you have to be.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Like, oh, well we have to have you over exactly.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
But then you're kind of like, well, am I just
gonna have the same same people.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Right, And then you're just adding one and it's just
like this slate mix or everything slightly changing. Always someone's
being a little bit of grief.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
Well that's why the woman can't work, because she has.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Why you need servants. And this comes back to my
idea where like there needs to be one railroad apartment
on the block.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
That has just like a gay okay, and he's just
kind of working.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
And he could be putting the chili on right now, right.
But what's weird about all this is like the women
of the Gospel and then manner so binoculars and which,
But binoculars are so gossip codd because binoculars is about
spines and this what's up with this? Shows that men
do want.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
To go Men want to gossip so much, yes, but
society has conditioned them to think they don't. But it's like,
well then they have to actually be creepy about it,
and I have to.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
Hide it by a telescope or binoculars, right, Pretend it's
for birds or the stars.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Right, and they have to be peeping Tom's and so
were window.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
But then when you hear about like straight couples that
are really happy together, they actually gossip with each other
because you know, when like girls are always just like
you know, you found the rates.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
And head. There are sexual couples who are the most
happy are the ones who.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Gossip the most together. Wait, Evanka, and of course I
saw this months ago.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
It just oh she just turned forty two.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
Yeah, and in her big Twitter thread about turning forty two, she.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
Par I scream grab to scream. She also said some
weird Jewish phrase, which is also going to segue into
our right topic. She goes to avoid gossips. She was
words that he'll not I feel like that's Hebrew.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Yeah, she's being so nobody wants us.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
She's been so nobody wants.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
Because his character like hated gossip.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Is she even Jewish? Are they just so pro Israel?
Oh wait obviously Jared.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
Yeah, okay, but she's not.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
It passes to the mom. It doesn't pass the husband.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
No. Literally, It's like she probably did and like dunked
in the bathroom.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
She did it dunk and she didn't.
Speaker 3 (09:35):
And I'm sure she was so like reading and being
like Chelsea, will you help me study for my test?
Speaker 2 (09:43):
I do feel like a lot of.
Speaker 3 (09:44):
Those October seventh she goes are always just like fake Jewish.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
Speaking of October.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
Seventh, October seventh noted zionist.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
You know her from her Netflix a shall Confirmed Kills.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
You know her from her Netflix special party Goblin.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
She is a mainstream female comedian.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
Who won last Comic Standing.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
She's probably like our age exactly, maybe like a year older.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
I think I actually was when you're younger.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
No, she's three years older, because there's a photo of
her in the book being three during our birth year,
which being three kind of like creator of like dirt face,
but also I'm doing pirate voice and like, yeah, we'll
get it, We'll get she's corneli f let's say it
(10:44):
lies Lessinger.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
And her book girl logic and the absurdity forward by.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
One of her one of her best which it's so
her being like guys girl who's like, yeah, sorry, like
that I'm hot because I got a nose job and
I'm a white girl with a fat ass. But I'm
not that hot, but I am hotter than my best
friend might be, all like because she doesn't threaten me.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
No, this whole book is like her search for like
female friendship.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
Which she like basically doesn't have because she's too much
of a guy's girl.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
All right, and explaining why she's a guys girl, but
also being like no, by page one ninety eight, like
I realized, like I did need like this random like
opener in Calgary to be my like girlfriend because you
can't actually like only be friend with like dope male comedians.
Speaker 1 (11:45):
Well also like it sounds like her other girlfriends have
just like god, she is basic and so like her
other girlfriends like have gotten basic, even her fabulous like
econ lesbian best yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Who lives in Austin and has two pups.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
Has two pups. But it is also just like head
of the World Bank or something, and she's like she
and Grace like are.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
Really successful, awesome marriage.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
And the cover of the book it's so fucking like
it's so she's not as funny as Amy Schumer and
she's and she's not as like a I don't know,
she's not as interested in like talking about like the
world we live in. It's Amy, but she's also not
full borch Belt. She's somewhere in between like a borschball
comic and Amy Schumer where it's like she's so just
(12:31):
like men are like this, women are like this.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
I want to say, she's almost a little like Alien
who like put in her.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Comedian costume aka like weird stretch, skinny jeans, like a
weird tank top, big sneakers.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
And it's like, yes, I look, that is also classic
every comedian, Yes.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
But I mean Alien this way where it's like, right,
she's not full likek Glazer. That's like, yes, I'm friends
with all the guys like at the fucking store.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
And I'm talking not nick Taylor Swist because she's like
more of a prude than Nikki.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
But then right, isn't ulto Amy Schumer being like I
gave a thousand below jobs. Like she tells one sex
story in this.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
And then she's like, sorry, I'm a comedian, I have
to talk about sex. Eep.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
You're like okay, But then it's also just like oh, man,
like you guys, like I realized, like I needed a
girlfriend to tell me how I look in these boots
because like none of my friend's name Mark knew it
to say.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
She like doesn't have any gay friends.
Speaker 3 (13:33):
She defines which girl with no gaze, and like she
does have female friends, but like it's one from childhoodho's lesbian,
one from her semester at sea, she keeps no.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
When I got to that part, I was like, well,
this just explained everything. Yeah, sa semester at see what
there's something so pro.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
It's like it's not birthright but close. It's like next steps.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
Because she's from Plano, Texas.
Speaker 3 (14:09):
She's from Plano, Texas, but is Jewish and her dad
is from Long Island and is like a tie and
suspender salesman, which she gets too at the end, being like,
my dad's a fucking road dog.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
She's like, this is also why she's like not a
girl's girl.
Speaker 3 (14:23):
She's like, yeah, I get my work ethic from my dad. Sure,
my mom worked, but not.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Like my dad driving across this country selling ties.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
She's also a double dad's girl because she also likes
her stepdad, but her stepdad respects her dad for being
the real dad.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
So her explanation in her like kind of weird therapy
girl logic way of why she's a guys girl is
because her parents got divorced and she had to like
riff with her stepdad and that's what made her a
guy's girl. And she tells the story about like her
stepdad having a friend over who worked for Texas Advertised Company.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
And she got the intern because she made a sassy
joke Yeah it is dead mom.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
And she was like, see, that's why I'm a guys girl.
You have to learn to like riff with men and
say crazy shit.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
I want to just give it example so you guys
like understand, like how corny she is. There's so many
to choose from. This is what I'm talking about. P. S.
Thanks hip hop culture for making it easier for women
with meat on their bodies to show it off and
for allowing more men to admit they like it. But
stop body shaming thing girls. You might cry out, to
(15:33):
which I would cry back, I am thin and I
don't feel ashamed, just slightly annoyed most of the time.
MOrTL of the story. Let our bodies be our bodies.
Quit studying and labeling them. No one looks at a
linebacker and says, Wow, it's amazing he found a niche
spot in the NFL. He's so confident.
Speaker 3 (15:50):
She kind of defines the type of girl that absolutely
has the embarrassing Facebook photo of her going as ghetto
fabulous to a Halloween party in college yes, and then
has like deleted it.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
Maybe just now, Okay.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
This is so me going to the pimps and nose
Bartie when I was at like You're on semester. It's see,
I am her when I was at semester at sea
in Sweden when I was fourteen, and yes, I was
a hoe.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
I think we all knew that. With a fat ass.
She's so corny and it's kind of this book is
her trying.
Speaker 3 (16:30):
To be like, I love men, but like the Battle
of the Sexes Israel, and like, guys are always awarded
for being single, but girls are told we're sagging goblins
with tit sacks.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
It's just it's the Barbie feminism of that movie. It's
America Ferrera's monologue when she's like, women are supposed to
be nice but not mean, right, and you're kind of like,
uh huh.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
And she's like just discovering that this is.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Part of the beginning when she goes, we're expected to
be continually kind to our fellow women, carrying towards children,
respectful of the elderly, supportive of our coworkers, while simultaneously
making every dude around a super horny. She's been like,
it's so hard to respect elderly. I don't know, I
that's such an impossible expectation that society is placing on
(17:18):
you because you're a woman. Then she like can't like
push an old woman in front of a bus.
Speaker 2 (17:23):
She's like, guys, we'll be clap that.
Speaker 3 (17:25):
They're so hilarious, Like it's well, which is very comedian
because I think she just like wants to be more.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
Jackass because she's the guys.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
Girl, because she's a guys girl.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
But then she like she is like this brude though, right.
Speaker 3 (17:39):
And she's just being like, so, I spent so long
putting on makeup only to be eating a Tai food
at for a m party, goblin activated, I wore my
best at leggings and slinky top.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
When she does like the pirate voice and her stand up,
because she'll say like, twas this is where she gets
a little old old dirty and like Twitter like twenty
fourteen ish about it, when she's just like and when
my date was late to pick me up, twas a
nightmare before I did put on too much makeup, and
that twas how the body glitter happened.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
Twas a fortnight before I absolutely vomited in my bootleg
skinny jeans, Like right, Okay, This part when she on
her like big semester abroad to Madrid, which is kind
of like her explaining that she didn't have that many
friends in high.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
School but like yeah, and the mean girls were mean
to her.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
She goes anyway on the uninvited front. When I was sixteen,
I went on a group schrip to Spain. I was
the only kid from Dallas. Parents, don't send your kids
abroad with kids from either of these cities.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
They have money, an appetite.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
For drugs and booze, and at sixteen, are worse than
your average twenty one year old Jesus Christ.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
One of the girls brought a whole bag of dildos.
Speaker 3 (18:56):
At sixteen, all I wanted was a T shirt from Abercrombie,
and this girl had a bag of it dildo's who
sold them to her.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
Just make a jildo face.
Speaker 1 (19:09):
Because that girl was from New York City, where dildos
grow on trees. Apparently okay, And this is like the
thing though, where she has this kind of schizophrenic feminism,
so she does get a nose job. This is the
part of the book where you're blessed with the realization
that I had a nose job at eighteen. I'm Joeish
and no one has ever asked me about my surgery,
(19:30):
so it was obviously a good one. But was I
insecure about my nose more than anything? I would send
class in high my profile because I thought it was
so hideous. No, it made fun of me, except for
one kid who called me rhino nos and I'll never
forget it because I had a crush on him, and
hindsight he wasn't even that cute, which made him more attainable,
and he still thought I was ugly, What a punch
in the hook. I didn't feel ugly. I just knew
I had an ugly nose and the universe that had
made a mistake. And so then she goes like, so
(19:53):
I got it, but I got it for myself, And
she's like, and it's so important.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
To like, oh, like, it goes something about plastic surgery.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
That's a little bit like, if it makes you feel better,
do it, but right, also, don't do it to me?
Speaker 1 (20:06):
A little pas is serious, no different from losing a
little weight or changing your hair color. If tweaking one
thing will help you feel better about yourself, why not
do it. Just know that deciding to ultra superficial flaw
won't necessarily fix whatever emotional awareness you might be holding
inside about said flaw. Tons of fat people who've lost
weight via a natural means, surgery or anything else still
say they feel fat inside. Plenty of people who change
their faces still don't feel attractive of And she's being
(20:26):
so like, don't do it, but do.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
It, because my happiness will never like.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
Later, she has this whole thing if I may turn
to page fifty one, where she's like, I mean, when
it comes to overly enhanced lips and asses, I just
don't believe women are doing it for themselves. I think
it's so men will get hard when they look at them.
Are women really capitalizing their sexual power over men? Maybe,
but then we should be honest about that. She's being like, okay,
so like, if you're trying to get a Kardashian ass
(20:53):
and face, then you're doing it for the male gaze
and not for yourself. But I got my nose job
purely for myself.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
I'm like, yeah, the friends of the nose job is weird.
Speaker 3 (21:04):
It's like, sorry, it was two thousand and one, the
year of nose jobs.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
Yeah, like you didn't. It's like you were following a trend,
just like everyone who's getting lips and Asda was also
following her trum. Why don't you wake up and realize
that you're a fucking product of society, dumb bitch clubs.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
Club.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
Let's just talk about her fashion for a second, because
she tries to be like, no, I don't follow trends,
but I also like succumb to them, and she's like, uh,
you know, we all have a pair of white jeans
that are the bottom of our clothset that we reach for.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
Okay, And she did say.
Speaker 3 (21:49):
If you have white tips, straight leg white jeans, you
should never.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Wear, oh, because they'll ruin your day.
Speaker 3 (21:55):
And so I wore today my straight like white jeans
that I do always put.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
Please get up, let me see this. Those look amazing
on you. If I don't give straight like white jeans
the opportunity to ruin your dack, they're r Because here's
the thing though, is she keeps talking about how clothes
are like so tight because like of misogyny.
Speaker 3 (22:19):
And it's like, noause, you're an elder millennial wearing the
skinniest stretch.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
You're an elder millennial from Dallas and you like only
know to wear like the most stretched jeans. And it's
like you've never heard of like wearing something.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
Okay, now I need to correct.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
Although now wait because it's like if you go to
Anthropology Urban, now like they are going to sell her jeans.
Speaker 3 (22:39):
And then she tells this like long story about how
her cousin like didn't get a job at Urban because
of misogyny.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
Right, and they were like, you don't have the right
body for urban I kind of didn't believe this.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
I do again. That's what I'm saying about her being alien.
Speaker 3 (22:53):
It's kind of her being like I should write about
like body image issues.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
Let me make up a story about a girl not getting.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
Done a job at her Wait, okay, what I did
think was funny about that part true story. A friend
sister applied to an urbanotfitters. She's nineteen. She's adorable on
a little kurvy, but no more than the average college
freshman at a big state school, which like.
Speaker 2 (23:14):
Oh, you're being a bitch because you're talking about buffet.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
Yeah, but she also is like making this kind of
class analysis via weight, which is kind of funny and
tea to be just like if you go to a
big States girl, like you are a chunkie girl.
Speaker 3 (23:26):
Going to be eating and like, well you know where
Also she went, which is so she transferred to Emerson,
which because you didn't get in freshman. Because she's also
the most like Boston coded person ever.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
Yeah, bad style like horrible style guys.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
Girl knows job.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
Like bad style guy's girls to find.
Speaker 3 (23:46):
We're like you're at a bar for like the Patriots,
but also trivia and like she's so mixed sex friend group.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
Red Flag Girl, Red Flag.
Speaker 3 (24:00):
And she always talks about in this book about how
like she has to like watch out when she's single
around her friends that are coupled to like not touch
the guy too much, and how like when she went
on a cruise with her mom, her mom like would
make sure to like touch a man and a woman
like the same amount, so like the wife wouldn't be jealous. Yeah,
(24:23):
and her mom was always being like criticized as like
a divorce mom in Texas.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
And let's talk about it, Lily, can guys be friends
with women?
Speaker 2 (24:30):
Thank you for bringing it up. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
I feel like the jury is out.
Speaker 3 (24:37):
The jury is still out because she says they can.
But then she has this passage where she talks about
how the friend that you always had on reserve, which
I also think is kind of like this Hollywood myth.
Maybe that's also more Boston to have this guy in
reserve in your friend group who you're like, well, maybe
I'll marry him if like I don't get with a guy.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
You're saying that's a myth? Are you kidding me? No,
great single girl as a straight guy that they're like
that's my backup.
Speaker 3 (25:04):
But that they're so tight with friends wise they have
a backup guy, but are they.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
So what about?
Speaker 4 (25:12):
Okay, No, it's I guess and.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
I see what you mean.
Speaker 3 (25:17):
Okay, yes, yes, okay, you guys, I'm dialing a back Sorry,
I don't know any straight people.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
Like I'm just saying, like I've just heard that's from
straight people I know who like literally have tobade him
that they have a backup and that this is their backup.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
It's like, let me read the backup passage.
Speaker 3 (25:33):
People get married, including that one guy you kind of
had on reserve. He meets some girl named Alison, and
they fall in love and move in together and.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
Get married at her parents estate in Connecticut.
Speaker 3 (25:43):
Alison has a pilates body and some adorably meaningful job
you can't compete with, like curating a children's museum. She
has no idea you ever existed, which is funny, since
you know that if you rang his doorball tomorrow, Parnces
do not ring his doorball. And said, remember when we
did mushrooms at that cabin in Big Bear in two
thousand and nine and you said you love me.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
I know you still mean it. He would totally leave her,
you know it in your heart, or at least you
think you do, but don't go to their house. Stay
here with me.
Speaker 3 (26:16):
I guess what I meant is the scenario is very
like straight to Hulu movie.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
I mean, I don't think the guy would leave the
girl with their children's curator, but.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
I think she wishes.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
She wishes, and like that wish is what I think
prevents some girls from settling for mister right now, which
because they have the backup, because they think that the
backup is coming, and honestly prevents some guys from doing
that too.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
Definitely because he's like, well, maybe the backup will happen.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
Yeah, and it's like maybe it won't. Sis no time
to be.
Speaker 3 (26:48):
By property, by property, find the girl who's the children's
museum curator.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
Yeah, I mean she sounds like a winner.
Speaker 3 (26:55):
Yeah, And that's what I'm saying. I guess I'm like
Eliza like hates women in this because it just means
one of the many male comedians she hangs out with
at like Giggles Comedy and Indiana finally like married a
plate's instructor.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
Yeah, and she's.
Speaker 1 (27:13):
Like, oh, she's pissed.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
I thought we like were road dogs.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
Yeah, I mean she does fall into this category though,
where it's like she is.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
Married now though with two kids, saying.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
Okay, so maybe she doesn't want to. But I do
feel like there's like the Sarah Silverman's who it's like,
because for a while, the Sarah Silverman's like were like
the hottest women in comedy, and like Kathy Griffin has
that whole thing where she's always like I wish I
was like Sarah Silverman because like all of the guys
in comedy wanted to fuck her, and like Luis Ka
wants to Silverman and not Kathy Griffin. But like now
(27:44):
I think the window has shifted, and so it's like elify,
all guys want to fuck Kathy. That's the way.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
Imagine that.
Speaker 3 (27:57):
It's like Dmitri Martin is like, oh, actually, like Kathy
Griffon's really hot.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
I do feel like girls are like hotter now girls.
Speaker 5 (28:06):
Because like the hotification the hotication girl comedian and also
the expansion of what it means to be a comedian
because it's just like we have like TikTok girls and
so Sarah Silverman is no longer like the pinnacle of
like female comedian hotness.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
Well because also that was like at a time when
like that was a little more about being the guy's girl.
It was a little more baseball quarter lengths, jen X
coffee moll there weren't there also weren't high fam comedians. No,
it wasn't like weird short leather jacket, skinny jean comedian
which Eliza is.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
Right, and she's obviously not super glam.
Speaker 2 (28:44):
You know, no, but she like kind of no friend
of the.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
Pod Mary Beth Barun. But it's like she thinks she's clammy.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
She thinks she's glamor and like.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
She's obviously wearing the most crop. Like I was watching jacket.
Speaker 3 (28:57):
She's so I was watching like five minutes of party Call,
and she was like, men, here's a note like if
you take too long to pick us up.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
The apex of makeup.
Speaker 3 (29:08):
Yeah, where it's like, okay, we have steps to do
to get ready, but if you take too long, then
we go further.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
So they start putting on too much makeup and putting
on which was kind of funny. No, I was laughing.
But the thing was so embarrassing is her being like
and then the party lablin comes out, she.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
Has to then get like full trivia.
Speaker 1 (29:27):
Yeah, and it is so trivia in Boston and Austin.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
She starts doing like Goblin prancing and she's.
Speaker 1 (29:33):
Like, like, twas not me, twas my party Goblin. That's
where the twas comes. It's actually so embarrassing. I will
give her a credit. There is a couple lines in
this book that I did think were funny and accurate.
And this is the part where it's not hating women.
To stay creative. I would end up doing long form
improv and burbank on weekends, and my troop would have
some hilarious name like hot Dog time Machine, and like
(29:55):
that is an accurate read of improv names.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
Yes, Like she is reading like some guy culture in this.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
Way, she's reading guy culture down boots, because like it
is always hot Dog time Machine or like Grandma lunch
or like whatever it is.
Speaker 2 (30:09):
Wait, okay.
Speaker 3 (30:09):
The other thing I did really like laugh when I
was walking back from the Midwood Library, She's like, build
a wall more, build a wall around the True Religion outlet.
Speaker 1 (30:21):
I do feel like True religion has like is in
its like really second Renaissance. Lately, I feel like I
see them everywhere, especially on men.
Speaker 3 (30:28):
Okay, like here's her talking about like where she is
also so hoody and improv but like knowing there is
fashion for women. She's like, makeover shows are created to
make women like other women more. It's always chestnut, low
lights or a fun blazer, a chunky necklace and a
quint and heel. But let's think about this. Why no
spray tanded white tank top? Why no mini screwter five
(30:49):
and chiels? Why is it trashes show off certain parts
of your body?
Speaker 1 (30:53):
And she reading tea, Yeah, it all it's always it's
always like semi professional like blaze, a chunky.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
Necklace, stalk deenim heels that's.
Speaker 1 (31:03):
Not low lights is funny, she tore.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
Yeah, and she's always been like dog and I work so.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
Hard, like when it's like guys going to be like,
it's actually hotter for women to dress just like more cheesy,
slutty leather jeggeans like mini skirt and like fried hair
and a spray tan and like maybe that should be
a makeover.
Speaker 3 (31:25):
Yeah, And she was always like, I actually like to
go to Frederick's of Hollywood and dress totally trashy. Okay,
this part also is so me like ninety stuff. When
she goes it's nineteen ninety five. You're trying to look gangster,
but your mom won't buy you baggy jeans, your truck
on your dad's.
Speaker 2 (31:39):
Or visgaggys with a woven belt.
Speaker 3 (31:42):
The way I took my dad's dress pants when I
was twelve and like put a belt around them because
I was like, yeah, I'm so hair and it's like, okay,
you're swimming in these like fighters.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
But it's like now, in twenty twenty four, that look
would be so dadcore and would be so like literally
every girl like rocking the fuck out of her fupa
ass or dad pats.
Speaker 2 (32:05):
Literally like cut to everyone searching orvis jeanes.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
Okay, this other section where she breaks on the different
types of guys girls, I thought was a pretty accurate taxonomy. Yes,
guys girl type D the hot chick dude's claim is
quote like a sister, but you know they secretly jerk
off to her Instagram pictures. This is more of a
subset because the only reason this girl usually hangs around
guys is because the guys want to have sex with her,
which unfortunately has the made for impact on female self esteem,
(32:31):
and this makes her feel good about herself. There's often
a sort of weird unspoken competition going on among her
dude crew about who can be the better friend. They know,
like a shark smelling blood, that at some point she
will be emotionally vulnerable, she'll need a strong trapezius to
cry on. So they stick around, and she sticks around
because hey, they're trying so uncomfortably embarrassing your heart. Maybe
she even buys it. Ps if her name is Kelsey,
(32:53):
I guarantee they're all trying to fuck her. There are
no ugly Kelsey's. Okay, obviously that insane and coming from
this weird like seless plane o place. But I do
think that Kelsey's are like bangs, thin, slightly funky, you
know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (33:11):
Kelsey is also definitely like you follow some sports Kesey.
Speaker 1 (33:15):
I'm touching all the Kelsey's I know, and they're all
a little bit like this where it's like they are
fun and like they are guys girls, and they do
seem like down to fucking chill and like take one
head of a joint, right.
Speaker 3 (33:28):
Which brings us to the next type of guys, which
is the stoner girl, which she says is always down
to smoke, always has we'd always down.
Speaker 2 (33:37):
To eat because she smokes and Okay.
Speaker 3 (33:44):
The stoner girls I remember, like in college were like
so funny and it's just like, yeah, guys are always
in their dorm room because they were always like watching
like kind of before even binging culture was a thing,
because like I am an elder millennial.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
We're watching like DVDs of Nip Tuck and like rolling
so many blunts. Except all those girls always had boyfriends back.
Speaker 1 (34:06):
Home, but and then they cheated on them or.
Speaker 3 (34:10):
Like those boyfriends like died and then like these were
like these guys were in the wings, like ready to swoop.
Speaker 1 (34:15):
In, ready to backup guy like kelse. Okay, But the
thing is like we were also stoner girls.
Speaker 3 (34:22):
But not in the way that I'm talking about the
hot girl and the huge who like randomly doesn't leave
her room and is always rolling cone.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
Yeah, that like was me, but like you were also
like at butter kind of like barely and.
Speaker 3 (34:39):
Like I was more like guy going to a stone
or like I'm not trying to buy weed and like
going to people's rooms to smoke.
Speaker 1 (34:47):
You were poor girl.
Speaker 2 (34:51):
Where oh you guys are heard pizza?
Speaker 1 (34:57):
No?
Speaker 3 (34:57):
I was always like, oh yeah, no, can I have
size most cool.
Speaker 1 (35:01):
Okay, I did love this part where again she's just
like so pruvene in her the only archetypes she knows
are just like men who are there like super basic
and like American and like, Okay, the part where she
has that sex experience with the speel, let's.
Speaker 3 (35:15):
Talk about the Swedish guy and let's read it because
we have to read her line about uncircumcised.
Speaker 1 (35:18):
That was actually kind of sad to me. So she goes,
first of all, I've never been a fan of one
night stands, and I've never had sex with a stranger. Okay,
maybe just one other time.
Speaker 2 (35:29):
It's like, okay, so you're such a prude.
Speaker 3 (35:32):
I also think she's only even though she says she
doesn't date comedians, she's definitely only dating comedians. So she
all is like meeting a guy and they're like have
two nights together at like Giggles Dayton.
Speaker 1 (35:45):
In the green room with the giggle Hut, and.
Speaker 3 (35:48):
Then she's there like going back to the holiday inn
and like she's fucking him.
Speaker 1 (35:52):
Gotten mortified, and I figured, hey, I'm in this foreign
country fore weeks, I have my days free, and a
flat might be nice to have a companion for a bit.
So I went out hunting, That is, I went dancing
with some friends that I made that night at a bar.
It was the first time in my life that I
had left the house with the goal of finding a
hot stranger and making him my temporary paramour. Simultaneously trepadacious. Okay,
(36:16):
there's something very this sorts about this book, where I'm like, girl,
trippadacious is not one of your words.
Speaker 3 (36:20):
Like, oh, she's like, So, I'm trepadacious in my skinny jeans,
simultaneously treppadacious and exhilarated about what I might find in
a European market.
Speaker 1 (36:30):
Bad teeth, fun accent, most likely antisemitic. I set out
and there he was, in the middle of the dance floor, blonde,
swooping hairn and arian smile so strong it would make
Hitler say, see, this is what I was talking about.
He was in skinny jeans and a Polish it with
a giant stripe across it. He was gorgeous, and obviously
not American gorgeous. He told me he was Swedish. The
(36:50):
hookup gods were smiling upon me that night because he
spoke English quite well and had great teeth. Blah blah blah.
Then she's like, doesn't want to tell him she's a comedian.
She's like embarrassed.
Speaker 2 (36:59):
She gets her period, and it's like, we can't.
Speaker 1 (37:01):
Pack well when a first go we got back to
my place. I soon uncovered something I wasn't prepared for
but should have been. He was uncircumcised. Being American and Jewish,
I'd never encountered this before. My ignorant side came right
out with red, white and blue sparklers in a butt.
What do I do with that? It looks like a
Russian grandma wrapped in a shawl? He replied, Why would
I be circumcised. I'm not Jewish. Most of the world's
(37:21):
men a un'tcircumcised. I can't believe you've gone this long
without knowing that. What got me was his maturity. I
was thirty two. Then just after that, she goes, sorry,
I just got my period, and he goes he ripped
off my underwear and said, what am I in kindergarten?
I don't give a fuck. It's the first time that
some guy has not cried about a period, and the
first time that she's seen an uncircumcised penis. It's like
(37:43):
both of those things are so sad to me.
Speaker 2 (37:45):
That's so sad, like a thirty two. None of the
guys she's slept with are so being like ew, your period,
like I won't have sucks with you. And also she's
just starting her period, which is even sadder, like it's
probably not a heavy flow, like is probably just starting
and she's probably it's been like oh fuck, well it's
all over.
Speaker 1 (38:02):
Right right right, no, so true because when it starts out,
it's so light. I'm like, and the thing is like,
this is actually what is so sad about America, and
like we are such like an isolated, said non cosmo
wonden country, and like so many people have just like
so little experiences and like there's just so sheltered. And
(38:25):
it's like even her going to Emerson and doing semester
sc she's still so sheltered and unfamiliar. And this is
the problem with guys girlism is that it just like
she wishes you to guys who are freaked out by periods.
Speaker 2 (38:40):
And she's calling out guys girls.
Speaker 3 (38:43):
But in this also very like bud Light commercial and
it's still just about weight, where she's just like, don't
be a guys girl, because then a decade later, you're
bloated from drinking so much beer and eating so many
hot wings, you don't have any girlfriends, and they basically
she's just don't be a guys girl because you'll be
like fat by the time you're oh.
Speaker 1 (39:03):
Right, because beer is bad being bloaded. I mean, listen,
she's not wrong, like the way a PBR sits on
my hips and the way that I didn't ten years ago.
Speaker 2 (39:14):
Hello.
Speaker 1 (39:15):
Sure, But also I do feel like beer becomes to.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
Me at this point, beers like a health.
Speaker 1 (39:21):
Yes, it is a healthy alternative to like if.
Speaker 2 (39:24):
You're not doing like a hazy nine hundred calorie beer.
Speaker 1 (39:28):
Well, because it's like beer as opposed to like four
whiskey sours. It's like beer is actually way healthier.
Speaker 3 (39:33):
And even if it's a healthy whiskey sour, a s
guinea whisky sour to be.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
A party goblin. But I'm also just like, do you drink.
Speaker 1 (39:40):
Like, do you even drink? No, she's a little bit
more than cavalary. She's having to Christie Larry is like
the good kind of guys girl.
Speaker 3 (39:51):
Yes, where she throws down where it's like she she
a like.
Speaker 1 (39:55):
Actually marries a mega guy b actually has gay friends.
Speaker 2 (40:00):
It's like this girl could not have less negative gay friends.
Speaker 1 (40:03):
No, And like Kristin like doesn't drink for two weeks
and then turns the fuck up, whereas like she's just
having like a beer and a half and being like ooh,
I probably yeah, I'm a part I'm saying that she's
a party golblin after.
Speaker 3 (40:15):
Okay, which brings me to her and Kristen's connections. So,
Kristin Cavalarry dated a comedian after Jay like two years
ago and watched him get a d y and then
talked about it on her podcast, but she didn't name
him and then he heard it wrong and then like
was like, Kristin's such a bitch. I can't believe she
talked about me getting a duy in her podcast when
(40:36):
she never even mentioned him Anyway. That guy was in
the finalists with Eliza during the Last Comic Standing, and
she talks about how all the guys who were the
finalists with her were like total dickheads and like threw
her under the bus like on their.
Speaker 1 (40:50):
Last But he was also addicted to Kristen.
Speaker 2 (40:53):
Yeah, and his name is Jeff die Well.
Speaker 1 (40:55):
I wonder if that means that like she and Kristin
have like keyd I just feel like, I'm sorry, I
just can't actually picture Kristin.
Speaker 2 (41:03):
I'm saying I think they have this connection with this
guy as a dick, right.
Speaker 1 (41:06):
Because Kristin also does have girlfriends.
Speaker 2 (41:08):
Yeah, tons of girlfriends.
Speaker 3 (41:09):
Speaks speaks, not just like Eliza, who's she lists we
know her female friends. She's just been like semester at
see my lesbian. And then at the end of the
book is like one woman came up to me at
a show in Calgary and was like, can I be
your friend? And she's like, she has a tattoo in
her arm that'says have fun. How awesome is that? It's
a little bit like sounds like she's not your friend.
(41:31):
She also was a really weird relationship, non existing relationship
I think with her brother.
Speaker 1 (41:36):
That was weird when she was just like, ladies, he's attractive,
he joined the military, went on his own path, but
lives in Texes and I support him.
Speaker 3 (41:44):
He sounds like he's back to earth and like fully
crazy and a little latein foil at.
Speaker 2 (41:50):
And then she's like, yeah, my half siblings are totally awesome.
Do I know them?
Speaker 1 (41:53):
Well?
Speaker 2 (41:54):
Absolutely not one of them lives in LA But do
I want to drink with an underage girl? No, are
not friends. You're like, that's such a weird thing to
put in your book.
Speaker 1 (42:04):
That you're not close with your half sibling.
Speaker 3 (42:06):
Yeah, I'm like kind of like, did she need to
do this dig and this.
Speaker 2 (42:13):
Random self dig in this way?
Speaker 1 (42:17):
Right?
Speaker 3 (42:17):
My anonymous tea that I heard about her was that
a fellow comedian told me that she said, I won't
go into a restaurant with trans people because I know
they'll be pro Palestine.
Speaker 1 (42:32):
You mean, she's like in a restaurant.
Speaker 2 (42:36):
She sees a tea girl in a restaurant, It's like, what.
Speaker 1 (42:40):
Are you draped in? These? Really fine? I guess you
go in the restaurant.
Speaker 4 (42:42):
Probably, Oh doth she live?
Speaker 1 (42:59):
Dot she eat?
Speaker 2 (43:01):
What doth she down? On her body?
Speaker 1 (43:04):
She donneth like tights and like cropped jackets, and and
she's been like, mules are disgusting, and I don't know
how to wear like loafers. She's obviously not getting.
Speaker 3 (43:16):
She wears weird TJ Max high top sneakers that kind
of are.
Speaker 2 (43:22):
Bejeweled a little bit.
Speaker 3 (43:23):
Absolutely, And I think she's walking in to an H
and M being like what in the gen z happened?
Here were my favorite ten dollar skinny jee Okay.
Speaker 1 (43:32):
So like she's a little bit like Taylor Swift if
Taylor Swift didn't have a stylist, because like when Taylor Swift,
like her stylist puts her in like some like basic
look that's just like a plaid skirt. I'm sure she's
looking at Taylor and being like, wow, she looks incredible.
I could never look like that because I'm a goblin.
But it's like Taylor unstyled is very just like flat,
(43:55):
like flat sneakers and sleggings, aches, and like she.
Speaker 3 (44:02):
Has this one line about how like her friend made
her wear wide like Alexander wyn gaucho pants and now
she wears them all the time.
Speaker 2 (44:09):
But she was so.
Speaker 3 (44:10):
Sketch because she's just like, well, if something's not fully
skin tight, then like I won't be like hot.
Speaker 1 (44:16):
Even though she's not trying to dress for the male gaze,
nor is she getting her nose job for the male cage.
Even though she is doing both of those things for
the male gaze.
Speaker 2 (44:26):
What does she eat?
Speaker 3 (44:27):
She mentions typhood obviously like two thousand times book so.
Speaker 1 (44:33):
Typhood, guess me think she loves Typhood.
Speaker 3 (44:35):
Yeah, she likes to like couchrot with Typhood. But it's
also so just like Cliff bar during the day on
the road being a road dog in Indiana.
Speaker 1 (44:45):
But isn't she being so like, M sorry, I'm a goblin,
I'm gas station Caesar.
Speaker 2 (44:52):
I feel like after a show she's like goblin gas
station Seesar.
Speaker 1 (44:55):
She's like, not actually a gas station though, she's like
afraid of a gas station.
Speaker 2 (44:58):
And I was like, that's sketchy. Maybe she's more just
like comfable.
Speaker 1 (45:02):
Now, I don't think she's comfable. That's too modern. She
lives in like twenty eleven.
Speaker 3 (45:09):
Okay, I know, I'm like, what besides tie like Panera?
Oh actually no, she must be like addicted to Panera.
Speaker 2 (45:18):
Yeah, half soup and salad.
Speaker 1 (45:20):
Half soup Eliza, half soup lessoner.
Speaker 3 (45:23):
She doesn't drink coffee and like I'm a hyper girl away.
Speaker 1 (45:28):
No, but she talks about like boyfriend jeans and she's like,
and you go to the cafe and you get a
colbrew that doesn't make you want to shot yourself immediately, right,
She's she's like, doesn't be going to take a Jurassic
shit she was funny, how does she live? This is
I'm actually scared. You know what she is? I bet
it's so like Airbnb in this way.
Speaker 2 (45:49):
It's gray floors.
Speaker 1 (45:50):
It's absolutely gray floors, like gray walls and gray celians.
And then I think it's like weird fake paintings.
Speaker 2 (45:56):
Fake paintings of like her family.
Speaker 1 (45:58):
No you know where it's like a print out of
a sunset but on a canvas.
Speaker 2 (46:03):
Oh you think she's that cheesy?
Speaker 1 (46:05):
Yeah, Mama, I think she's that fucking cheesy.
Speaker 2 (46:08):
Huh.
Speaker 1 (46:09):
I could see no Texas the Semester at Sea.
Speaker 3 (46:14):
Maybe in this lazy way where she's just like I
never decorated an apartment, okay.
Speaker 2 (46:18):
Like I'm at the comedy store every night.
Speaker 1 (46:20):
Sorry, I'm at a core goblin like I I don't know. Great.
Speaker 3 (46:24):
But then maybe she's like my friend Josephine from Semester
at Sea told me to like get this weird print.
Speaker 1 (46:30):
Yeah, but that's still so like sunset print on canvas
or like maybe it's a weird triptyck.
Speaker 2 (46:36):
Yeah, I would see it.
Speaker 1 (46:37):
It's like borderline sky mall, like that's what I'm I could.
Speaker 2 (46:39):
Also see it like just photos of the Brooklyn Bridge.
Speaker 1 (46:42):
That's the same difference. It's like I'm or again print
out of the Brooklyn Bridge from canvas.
Speaker 3 (46:46):
I think it's more three black and white small photos
of triptick.
Speaker 1 (46:51):
Okay, yes, I did wear the same territory.
Speaker 2 (46:54):
Yeah, okay, who are you in the book? Are we
like Mark Jason?
Speaker 1 (47:01):
Who's Jason?
Speaker 3 (47:02):
I'm just like all the guy friends she's mentioned, but
she's like, Okay, I need to meet more guy friends
or wait, are you her one female friend who like
tells her about fashion, text her being like, you.
Speaker 1 (47:15):
Should get these gaucho pants from alex But then.
Speaker 3 (47:17):
She's like, it's sad because like she doesn't text me
about fashion choices.
Speaker 1 (47:22):
I mean, I feel like I'm kind of her world
bank friend.
Speaker 3 (47:26):
Oh, the lesbian world bank friend. Yeah, you wish for
the world world. I think I'm her new female friend
who's like the Calgary local comedian who is a tattoo
that says have fun.
Speaker 2 (47:41):
That's so fun, And I'm like, I would love to
open for you anytime. Yeah, listen, listen, Eliza.
Speaker 3 (47:49):
I don't know, did I laugh couple times? A couple
of times. I'm like, honestly, just opening to this page
and it says I wasn't drowning in brunch, buddy, I
needed a court group. All women need other women in
their lives.
Speaker 1 (48:04):
I am like, it's actually really sad.
Speaker 2 (48:06):
Seek treatment.
Speaker 3 (48:09):
I FaceTime a girlfriend New York to consult, but no answer.
I scrolled my phone Mark, Steve Mark, Josh Mark, Chris Mark, James.
Speaker 1 (48:17):
Women cobble together fantasy notions about the perfect man from
movies and novels, and then we find ourselves disappointed. But
said man shows up because he's five to one, eats
with his hands, and wear's this singe twiste leather coat
from Wilson's.
Speaker 2 (48:30):
It's so eighties. Hey, Wilson's is in.
Speaker 1 (48:33):
It's actually cool.
Speaker 3 (48:34):
Yeah, you have a beautiful Wilson's a loser. It's a
little bit like, Okay, you're wearing stonewashed jeans, stay away
from him, Okay, I'm yeah.
Speaker 1 (48:44):
I give this book like a two, giving it one
out of five party Goblin. I'm giving it like Goblin claws.
Speaker 2 (48:52):
Two really skinny jeans out of five?
Speaker 1 (48:54):
Like what annoys me? Like this book still exists? First
of all, like female comedians are still writing books that
are basically like vaguely anecdotal, but also just like some
kind of like really generic philosophy pinned together with a
few anecdotes, and I'm just like, we don't need to
keep writing these kind.
Speaker 2 (49:10):
Of No, we certainly don't.
Speaker 1 (49:12):
Either go full on like this is the philosophy and
more disease on sorry modern romance, and be like random studies,
which like not that that book is great.
Speaker 3 (49:19):
But no, but then don't end the book with just
like it was actually really harding on left comic standing
and my dad's my business went out of business.
Speaker 1 (49:27):
Yeah, either go memoir or or full girl logic.
Speaker 3 (49:31):
Yeah, let's be honest, like this book is like you
try and have female friends.
Speaker 1 (49:35):
Yeah, so let's have that conversation anyway you.
Speaker 2 (49:40):
Best.
Speaker 1 (49:48):
This episode was executive produced by one of my favorite
party goblins in crime, Christina Everett.
Speaker 3 (49:56):
Co president and party goblin who eats type food with
me at four am. What is Derbi Masters who produced
this podcast.
Speaker 1 (50:03):
Twas the hour before podcasting and all through the studio.
Our engineer was the Heat Frasier in Ohio.
Speaker 3 (50:12):
I met this really dope comedian and his name is
Abuzafar and he is the supervising producer.
Speaker 1 (50:18):
Our theme song was created by my very good friend
who I met at the Laugh Hut in Boise Stephen
philps hours. He's a brilliant musician and I could never
do what he does. He's probably saving babies in Africa
right now or doing something meaningful with his life, which
I'll never do because I'm a goblin.
Speaker 2 (50:40):
I'm the one foreign guy. Yes, I had sex with.
His name is Teddy Blint and he's just a cover
art for our podcast. Yeah, you can still be friends
with your exes. It's possible, ladies.
Speaker 3 (50:52):
This podcast was co created with Prologue Projects.
Speaker 2 (50:56):
Yes, he's uncircumcised. Two
Who's that knocking at the door.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
It's all your friends.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
You've filthy horse, your husband's gone, and we've got books
and a bottle of wine to kill.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
It's Hollywood, it's books, it's gossip.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
I'm sure it's memoir. It's Martini.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Celebrity poof club to read it while it's hot. Celebrity
poop club.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Tell your secrets.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
We won't talk celebrity books. No boys are a loud
celeto say it loud and cloud Celebrity book club. Buzz
me in. I brought the queer voe. Hey, my best friend.
What's up, Chikita?
Speaker 1 (00:41):
How the fun buck are you? Chicalita?
Speaker 3 (00:45):
I'll say this when we went to Nashville a month ago.
I guess I'm still recovering because I feel like a
total party goblin.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Yes, I feel like my party goblin absolutely took over
my personality and I'm just clawing my main back to reality.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
And the holidays. I'm like, sorry, what did I say
to my uncle last night?
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Society for never talking about politics at the dinner table.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
But can we talk about war? Gass?
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Okay, I do love podcasting with you, Like as a woman,
it's so powerful about sex? Okay, I will just quickly
say yeah before we get into this week's episode, I'm
scared that I didn't come to a historically preserved nineteenth
century townhouse that is located in Manhattan this weekend of
(01:36):
that was owned by a prominent merchant family and is
like so haunted and like completely preserved as it was
in like eighteen thirty nine when like this girl died
a spinster.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Wait, is this a seasonal exhibit.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
No, it's it's a year there round and I've never
heard of it. And it's like on East fourth Street.
I've walked by it like a thousand times. It's like
on East fourth and Lafayette.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Oh it's down town, yes, And.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
It's like around the corner from the standard Hoteli's.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Village because I'm always taking meetings there.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
And the place is obviously all just like a Crystal
Guest film where it's just like run by like gay
guys and spinster women.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
Like ridiculous gay men, just like this.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Gay with pink hair is like working the space. And
then I go in with my family. I was like, yeah,
my parents there, and I was like, oh, yeah, I
saw on the plaque outside that like Arthur Treadwell sold
this place in Ain't seventy nine. He was just like, well,
then you can run the tower, and he like handed
me the like binder that you have to take around
the whole space with you. And then everyone else who
(02:38):
is visiting the day was also like a lone gay man.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
Okay obsessed, and it's like a lone gay man being like,
what do I want to do today? I would like to.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
Visit a historic old house, but that's kind of like
when I go to a city like that is also
all I want to see, or a town, an old town.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
I was so happy because I have to say, showed
it too my mom. She found out no she wanted
to go to the Statue of Liberty, and I was
just like, bitch, no, I'm desperately googling like things to
do in New York because I was just like, there
is nowhere I would rather go lass.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
No, I think, give me Liberty. I've actually never been.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
I went to Ellis Island once like many many years ago,
and it's very much like we got it.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
We got it, Like people came.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
And I was like I don't need to like so hungover,
like be waiting in line to like see a big
toe it's.
Speaker 3 (03:32):
Like actually like sorry, like party goblin stuff like that's
actually like a national nightmare to be hungover on a
Sunday with your parents, like visiting the Statue of Liberty.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
Okay, so you found this on the infatuation Hidden Secrets.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
And you can try on a hoop skirt.
Speaker 3 (03:51):
A girl in my high school, for her final project
for senior year of high school made like a historically
accurate hoop nineteenth century dress.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
Wait was that the girl who was like always wearing
hoop dresses anyway though?
Speaker 3 (04:05):
Or no, Yeah, she like already was into that and
then made her own.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
And it's very like, Okay, congrats, you made it. We
got it.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
You're like fucking nerdos.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
Huge nerd yours with the little war So how did
it look? Well, the thing is it creates this kind
of really fabulous silhouette because it makes your waist look
so tiny. Yeah, you look snatched, but it's not actually
snatching you or this like Amazon version they had that
you could try on.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Oh it wasn't.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
It wasn't period a time accurate. No, it was just
this like synthetic like sitting on like a plastic hangar.
You could throw it on.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
Right, I guess the gays would be much more like.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
They wouldn't be letting you try on an actual like.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Period, did everyone in your family tried on?
Speaker 1 (04:48):
My mother and I did. The women women, we were
like totally so fab okay. But then it's like you
see the servants quarters and I like Carrie just being like, well,
her bedrooms is bigger than mine.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
So she is walking closet.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
Yeah, and like they had high ceilings. I was a
little bit like, I don't feel so bad for the
Irish girls as they call them, because a lot of
the servants for Irish pack in those times.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Why do you think my family came over here?
Speaker 1 (05:19):
And look you're still mad.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
That's where the phrase, one of my mother's favorite phrase
is Irish washerwoman. It's in our blood.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
Is that a phrase or is that just like something.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
She says, like, oh, I don't want to end up
some Irish washerwoman, right right, right, yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
Because she's like, so lace curtain Irish.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Well, it's like right, the dream is to be.
Speaker 3 (05:38):
Lace curtain is when you you know, you get a
little fancy and you get a house in the South
Shore and you have lace curtain, lace curtain.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Irish anyway, you know, who else.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
It's accessful, amazing.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
You know what, sometimes we don't need to find a
segue between you.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
Know, between the banter and the top of the day,
I will.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
Say just more his struggle houses. There's one Southampton them
into and with a husband and the woman. Of course
they had separate bedrooms.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
This is like from the eighteen hundreds.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Or early nineteen hundreds orect. And it is so fabulous.
Speaker 3 (06:12):
The man's room is being so like joke about a
husband's gift guide because it's like binoculars glass old reading glasses,
and then the woman's is like mirror brush.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
Okay, this is interesting and this actually will segue.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
Yeah, no, this is good sway.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Like binoculars and telescopes are so male coded and yet
like women are supposed to be the gossips. Because one
of the things about this house I went to is
they were like women had to like receive other women
all the time, and it became like actually insane burden
where like someone would come over to your house. There's
(06:49):
no telephones, so they would just like ring the doorball.
Then you're like, oh, well fuck missus Haersham is here, yeah,
and she comes in and you would have to have
the servants bring the tea, and then like she'd sit
in the parlor and you have this twenty minute tea
where you like gossip about the other women and like
if they got a new silk damask. Right then she leaves.
Now you owe her a visit, and if you don't
(07:10):
repay the visit within three days, then everyone's talking about you.
So then you have to go to her house for
tea and like knock on and like ring the doorbell
and get tea. And it's like this endless cycle of
like visits.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
Well I guess that thing, and like a dinner party
when it's like you have a dinner party and then
you have to be.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
Like, oh, well we have to have you over exactly.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
But then you're kind of like, well, am I just
gonna have the same same people.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Right, And then you're just adding one and it's just
like this slate mix or everything slightly changing. Always someone's
being a little bit of grief.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
Well that's why the woman can't work, because she has.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Why you need servants. And this comes back to my
idea where like there needs to be one railroad apartment
on the block.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
That has just like a gay okay, and he's just
kind of working.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
And he could be putting the chili on right now, right.
But what's weird about all this is like the women
of the Gospel and then manner so binoculars and which,
But binoculars are so gossip codd because binoculars is about
spines and this what's up with this? Shows that men
do want.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
To go Men want to gossip so much, yes, but
society has conditioned them to think they don't. But it's like,
well then they have to actually be creepy about it,
and I have to.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
Hide it by a telescope or binoculars, right, Pretend it's
for birds or the stars.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Right, and they have to be peeping Tom's and so
were window.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
But then when you hear about like straight couples that
are really happy together, they actually gossip with each other
because you know, when like girls are always just like
you know, you found the rates.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
And head. There are sexual couples who are the most
happy are the ones who.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Gossip the most together. Wait, Evanka, and of course I
saw this months ago.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
It just oh she just turned forty two.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
Yeah, and in her big Twitter thread about turning forty two, she.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
Par I scream grab to scream. She also said some
weird Jewish phrase, which is also going to segue into
our right topic. She goes to avoid gossips. She was
words that he'll not I feel like that's Hebrew.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Yeah, she's being so nobody wants us.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
She's been so nobody wants.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
Because his character like hated gossip.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Is she even Jewish? Are they just so pro Israel?
Oh wait obviously Jared.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
Yeah, okay, but she's not.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
It passes to the mom. It doesn't pass the husband.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
No. Literally, It's like she probably did and like dunked
in the bathroom.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
She did it dunk and she didn't.
Speaker 3 (09:35):
And I'm sure she was so like reading and being
like Chelsea, will you help me study for my test?
Speaker 2 (09:43):
I do feel like a lot of.
Speaker 3 (09:44):
Those October seventh she goes are always just like fake Jewish.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
Speaking of October.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
Seventh, October seventh noted zionist.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
You know her from her Netflix a shall Confirmed Kills.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
You know her from her Netflix special party Goblin.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
She is a mainstream female comedian.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
Who won last Comic Standing.
Speaker 1 (10:13):
She's probably like our age exactly, maybe like a year older.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
I think I actually was when you're younger.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
No, she's three years older, because there's a photo of
her in the book being three during our birth year,
which being three kind of like creator of like dirt face,
but also I'm doing pirate voice and like, yeah, we'll
get it, We'll get she's corneli f let's say it
(10:44):
lies Lessinger.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
And her book girl logic and the absurdity forward by.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
One of her one of her best which it's so
her being like guys girl who's like, yeah, sorry, like
that I'm hot because I got a nose job and
I'm a white girl with a fat ass. But I'm
not that hot, but I am hotter than my best
friend might be, all like because she doesn't threaten me.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
No, this whole book is like her search for like
female friendship.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
Which she like basically doesn't have because she's too much
of a guy's girl.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
All right, and explaining why she's a guys girl, but
also being like no, by page one ninety eight, like
I realized, like I did need like this random like
opener in Calgary to be my like girlfriend because you
can't actually like only be friend with like dope male comedians.
Speaker 1 (11:45):
Well also like it sounds like her other girlfriends have
just like god, she is basic and so like her
other girlfriends like have gotten basic, even her fabulous like
econ lesbian best yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Who lives in Austin and has two pups.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
Has two pups. But it is also just like head
of the World Bank or something, and she's like she
and Grace like are.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
Really successful, awesome marriage.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
And the cover of the book it's so fucking like
it's so she's not as funny as Amy Schumer and
she's and she's not as like a I don't know,
she's not as interested in like talking about like the
world we live in. It's Amy, but she's also not
full borch Belt. She's somewhere in between like a borschball
comic and Amy Schumer where it's like she's so just
(12:31):
like men are like this, women are like this.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
I want to say, she's almost a little like Alien
who like put in her.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Comedian costume aka like weird stretch, skinny jeans, like a
weird tank top, big sneakers.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
And it's like, yes, I look, that is also classic
every comedian, Yes.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
But I mean Alien this way where it's like, right,
she's not full likek Glazer. That's like, yes, I'm friends
with all the guys like at the fucking store.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
And I'm talking not nick Taylor Swist because she's like
more of a prude than Nikki.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
But then right, isn't ulto Amy Schumer being like I
gave a thousand below jobs. Like she tells one sex
story in this.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
And then she's like, sorry, I'm a comedian, I have
to talk about sex. Eep.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
You're like okay, But then it's also just like oh, man,
like you guys, like I realized, like I needed a
girlfriend to tell me how I look in these boots
because like none of my friend's name Mark knew it
to say.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
She like doesn't have any gay friends.
Speaker 3 (13:33):
She defines which girl with no gaze, and like she
does have female friends, but like it's one from childhoodho's lesbian,
one from her semester at sea, she keeps no.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
When I got to that part, I was like, well,
this just explained everything. Yeah, sa semester at see what
there's something so pro.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
It's like it's not birthright but close. It's like next steps.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
Because she's from Plano, Texas.
Speaker 3 (14:09):
She's from Plano, Texas, but is Jewish and her dad
is from Long Island and is like a tie and
suspender salesman, which she gets too at the end, being like,
my dad's a fucking road dog.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
She's like, this is also why she's like not a
girl's girl.
Speaker 3 (14:23):
She's like, yeah, I get my work ethic from my dad. Sure,
my mom worked, but not.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Like my dad driving across this country selling ties.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
She's also a double dad's girl because she also likes
her stepdad, but her stepdad respects her dad for being
the real dad.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
So her explanation in her like kind of weird therapy
girl logic way of why she's a guys girl is
because her parents got divorced and she had to like
riff with her stepdad and that's what made her a
guy's girl. And she tells the story about like her
stepdad having a friend over who worked for Texas Advertised Company.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
And she got the intern because she made a sassy
joke Yeah it is dead mom.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
And she was like, see, that's why I'm a guys girl.
You have to learn to like riff with men and
say crazy shit.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
I want to just give it example so you guys
like understand, like how corny she is. There's so many
to choose from. This is what I'm talking about. P. S.
Thanks hip hop culture for making it easier for women
with meat on their bodies to show it off and
for allowing more men to admit they like it. But
stop body shaming thing girls. You might cry out, to
(15:33):
which I would cry back, I am thin and I
don't feel ashamed, just slightly annoyed most of the time.
MOrTL of the story. Let our bodies be our bodies.
Quit studying and labeling them. No one looks at a
linebacker and says, Wow, it's amazing he found a niche
spot in the NFL. He's so confident.
Speaker 3 (15:50):
She kind of defines the type of girl that absolutely
has the embarrassing Facebook photo of her going as ghetto
fabulous to a Halloween party in college yes, and then
has like deleted it.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
Maybe just now, Okay.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
This is so me going to the pimps and nose
Bartie when I was at like You're on semester. It's see,
I am her when I was at semester at sea
in Sweden when I was fourteen, and yes, I was
a hoe.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
I think we all knew that. With a fat ass.
She's so corny and it's kind of this book is
her trying.
Speaker 3 (16:30):
To be like, I love men, but like the Battle
of the Sexes Israel, and like, guys are always awarded
for being single, but girls are told we're sagging goblins
with tit sacks.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
It's just it's the Barbie feminism of that movie. It's
America Ferrera's monologue when she's like, women are supposed to
be nice but not mean, right, and you're kind of like,
uh huh.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
And she's like just discovering that this is.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Part of the beginning when she goes, we're expected to
be continually kind to our fellow women, carrying towards children,
respectful of the elderly, supportive of our coworkers, while simultaneously
making every dude around a super horny. She's been like,
it's so hard to respect elderly. I don't know, I
that's such an impossible expectation that society is placing on
(17:18):
you because you're a woman. Then she like can't like
push an old woman in front of a bus.
Speaker 2 (17:23):
She's like, guys, we'll be clap that.
Speaker 3 (17:25):
They're so hilarious, Like it's well, which is very comedian
because I think she just like wants to be more.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
Jackass because she's the guys.
Speaker 2 (17:34):
Girl, because she's a guys girl.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
But then she like she is like this brude though, right.
Speaker 3 (17:39):
And she's just being like, so, I spent so long
putting on makeup only to be eating a Tai food
at for a m party, goblin activated, I wore my
best at leggings and slinky top.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
When she does like the pirate voice and her stand up,
because she'll say like, twas this is where she gets
a little old old dirty and like Twitter like twenty
fourteen ish about it, when she's just like and when
my date was late to pick me up, twas a
nightmare before I did put on too much makeup, and
that twas how the body glitter happened.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
Twas a fortnight before I absolutely vomited in my bootleg
skinny jeans, Like right, Okay, This part when she on
her like big semester abroad to Madrid, which is kind
of like her explaining that she didn't have that many
friends in high.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
School but like yeah, and the mean girls were mean
to her.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
She goes anyway on the uninvited front. When I was sixteen,
I went on a group schrip to Spain. I was
the only kid from Dallas. Parents, don't send your kids
abroad with kids from either of these cities.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
They have money, an appetite.
Speaker 3 (18:48):
For drugs and booze, and at sixteen, are worse than
your average twenty one year old Jesus Christ.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
One of the girls brought a whole bag of dildos.
Speaker 3 (18:56):
At sixteen, all I wanted was a T shirt from Abercrombie,
and this girl had a bag of it dildo's who
sold them to her.
Speaker 2 (19:04):
Just make a jildo face.
Speaker 1 (19:09):
Because that girl was from New York City, where dildos
grow on trees. Apparently okay, And this is like the
thing though, where she has this kind of schizophrenic feminism,
so she does get a nose job. This is the
part of the book where you're blessed with the realization
that I had a nose job at eighteen. I'm Joeish
and no one has ever asked me about my surgery,
(19:30):
so it was obviously a good one. But was I
insecure about my nose more than anything? I would send
class in high my profile because I thought it was
so hideous. No, it made fun of me, except for
one kid who called me rhino nos and I'll never
forget it because I had a crush on him, and
hindsight he wasn't even that cute, which made him more attainable,
and he still thought I was ugly, What a punch
in the hook. I didn't feel ugly. I just knew
I had an ugly nose and the universe that had
made a mistake. And so then she goes like, so
(19:53):
I got it, but I got it for myself, And
she's like, and it's so important.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
To like, oh, like, it goes something about plastic surgery.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
That's a little bit like, if it makes you feel better,
do it, but right, also, don't do it to me?
Speaker 1 (20:06):
A little pas is serious, no different from losing a
little weight or changing your hair color. If tweaking one
thing will help you feel better about yourself, why not
do it. Just know that deciding to ultra superficial flaw
won't necessarily fix whatever emotional awareness you might be holding
inside about said flaw. Tons of fat people who've lost
weight via a natural means, surgery or anything else still
say they feel fat inside. Plenty of people who change
their faces still don't feel attractive of And she's being
(20:26):
so like, don't do it, but do.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
It, because my happiness will never like.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
Later, she has this whole thing if I may turn
to page fifty one, where she's like, I mean, when
it comes to overly enhanced lips and asses, I just
don't believe women are doing it for themselves. I think
it's so men will get hard when they look at them.
Are women really capitalizing their sexual power over men? Maybe,
but then we should be honest about that. She's being like, okay,
so like, if you're trying to get a Kardashian ass
(20:53):
and face, then you're doing it for the male gaze
and not for yourself. But I got my nose job
purely for myself.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
I'm like, yeah, the friends of the nose job is weird.
Speaker 3 (21:04):
It's like, sorry, it was two thousand and one, the
year of nose jobs.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
Yeah, like you didn't. It's like you were following a trend,
just like everyone who's getting lips and Asda was also
following her trum. Why don't you wake up and realize
that you're a fucking product of society, dumb bitch clubs.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
Club.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
Let's just talk about her fashion for a second, because
she tries to be like, no, I don't follow trends,
but I also like succumb to them, and she's like, uh,
you know, we all have a pair of white jeans
that are the bottom of our clothset that we reach for.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
Okay, And she did say.
Speaker 3 (21:49):
If you have white tips, straight leg white jeans, you
should never.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Wear, oh, because they'll ruin your day.
Speaker 3 (21:55):
And so I wore today my straight like white jeans
that I do always put.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
Please get up, let me see this. Those look amazing
on you. If I don't give straight like white jeans
the opportunity to ruin your dack, they're r Because here's
the thing though, is she keeps talking about how clothes
are like so tight because like of misogyny.
Speaker 3 (22:19):
And it's like, noause, you're an elder millennial wearing the
skinniest stretch.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
You're an elder millennial from Dallas and you like only
know to wear like the most stretched jeans. And it's
like you've never heard of like wearing something.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
Okay, now I need to correct.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
Although now wait because it's like if you go to
Anthropology Urban, now like they are going to sell her jeans.
Speaker 3 (22:39):
And then she tells this like long story about how
her cousin like didn't get a job at Urban because
of misogyny.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
Right, and they were like, you don't have the right
body for urban I kind of didn't believe this.
Speaker 2 (22:51):
I do again. That's what I'm saying about her being alien.
Speaker 3 (22:53):
It's kind of her being like I should write about
like body image issues.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
Let me make up a story about a girl not getting.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
Done a job at her Wait, okay, what I did
think was funny about that part true story. A friend
sister applied to an urbanotfitters. She's nineteen. She's adorable on
a little kurvy, but no more than the average college
freshman at a big state school, which like.
Speaker 2 (23:14):
Oh, you're being a bitch because you're talking about buffet.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
Yeah, but she also is like making this kind of
class analysis via weight, which is kind of funny and
tea to be just like if you go to a
big States girl, like you are a chunkie girl.
Speaker 3 (23:26):
Going to be eating and like, well you know where
Also she went, which is so she transferred to Emerson,
which because you didn't get in freshman. Because she's also
the most like Boston coded person ever.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
Yeah, bad style like horrible style guys.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
Girl knows job.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
Like bad style guy's girls to find.
Speaker 3 (23:46):
We're like you're at a bar for like the Patriots,
but also trivia and like she's so mixed sex friend group.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
Red Flag Girl, Red Flag.
Speaker 3 (24:00):
And she always talks about in this book about how
like she has to like watch out when she's single
around her friends that are coupled to like not touch
the guy too much, and how like when she went
on a cruise with her mom, her mom like would
make sure to like touch a man and a woman
like the same amount, so like the wife wouldn't be jealous. Yeah,
(24:23):
and her mom was always being like criticized as like
a divorce mom in Texas.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
And let's talk about it, Lily, can guys be friends
with women?
Speaker 2 (24:30):
Thank you for bringing it up. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
I feel like the jury is out.
Speaker 3 (24:37):
The jury is still out because she says they can.
But then she has this passage where she talks about
how the friend that you always had on reserve, which
I also think is kind of like this Hollywood myth.
Maybe that's also more Boston to have this guy in
reserve in your friend group who you're like, well, maybe
I'll marry him if like I don't get with a guy.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
You're saying that's a myth? Are you kidding me? No,
great single girl as a straight guy that they're like
that's my backup.
Speaker 3 (25:04):
But that they're so tight with friends wise they have
a backup guy, but are they.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
So what about?
Speaker 4 (25:12):
Okay, No, it's I guess and.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
I see what you mean.
Speaker 3 (25:17):
Okay, yes, yes, okay, you guys, I'm dialing a back Sorry,
I don't know any straight people.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
Like I'm just saying, like I've just heard that's from
straight people I know who like literally have tobade him
that they have a backup and that this is their backup.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
It's like, let me read the backup passage.
Speaker 3 (25:33):
People get married, including that one guy you kind of
had on reserve. He meets some girl named Alison, and
they fall in love and move in together and.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
Get married at her parents estate in Connecticut.
Speaker 3 (25:43):
Alison has a pilates body and some adorably meaningful job
you can't compete with, like curating a children's museum. She
has no idea you ever existed, which is funny, since
you know that if you rang his doorball tomorrow, Parnces
do not ring his doorball. And said, remember when we
did mushrooms at that cabin in Big Bear in two
thousand and nine and you said you love me.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
I know you still mean it. He would totally leave her,
you know it in your heart, or at least you
think you do, but don't go to their house. Stay
here with me.
Speaker 3 (26:16):
I guess what I meant is the scenario is very
like straight to Hulu movie.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
I mean, I don't think the guy would leave the
girl with their children's curator, but.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
I think she wishes.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
She wishes, and like that wish is what I think
prevents some girls from settling for mister right now, which
because they have the backup, because they think that the
backup is coming, and honestly prevents some guys from doing
that too.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
Definitely because he's like, well, maybe the backup will happen.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
Yeah, and it's like maybe it won't. Sis no time
to be.
Speaker 3 (26:48):
By property, by property, find the girl who's the children's
museum curator.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
Yeah, I mean she sounds like a winner.
Speaker 3 (26:55):
Yeah, And that's what I'm saying. I guess I'm like
Eliza like hates women in this because it just means
one of the many male comedians she hangs out with
at like Giggles Comedy and Indiana finally like married a
plate's instructor.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
Yeah, and she's.
Speaker 1 (27:13):
Like, oh, she's pissed.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
I thought we like were road dogs.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
Yeah, I mean she does fall into this category though,
where it's like she is.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
Married now though with two kids, saying.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
Okay, so maybe she doesn't want to. But I do
feel like there's like the Sarah Silverman's who it's like,
because for a while, the Sarah Silverman's like were like
the hottest women in comedy, and like Kathy Griffin has
that whole thing where she's always like I wish I
was like Sarah Silverman because like all of the guys
in comedy wanted to fuck her, and like Luis Ka
wants to Silverman and not Kathy Griffin. But like now
(27:44):
I think the window has shifted, and so it's like elify,
all guys want to fuck Kathy. That's the way.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
Imagine that.
Speaker 3 (27:57):
It's like Dmitri Martin is like, oh, actually, like Kathy
Griffon's really hot.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
I do feel like girls are like hotter now girls.
Speaker 5 (28:06):
Because like the hotification the hotication girl comedian and also
the expansion of what it means to be a comedian
because it's just like we have like TikTok girls and
so Sarah Silverman is no longer like the pinnacle of
like female comedian hotness.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
Well because also that was like at a time when
like that was a little more about being the guy's girl.
It was a little more baseball quarter lengths, jen X
coffee moll there weren't there also weren't high fam comedians. No,
it wasn't like weird short leather jacket, skinny jean comedian
which Eliza is.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
Right, and she's obviously not super glam.
Speaker 2 (28:44):
You know, no, but she like kind of no friend
of the.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
Pod Mary Beth Barun. But it's like she thinks she's clammy.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
She thinks she's glamor and like.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
She's obviously wearing the most crop. Like I was watching jacket.
Speaker 3 (28:57):
She's so I was watching like five minutes of party Call,
and she was like, men, here's a note like if
you take too long to pick us up.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
The apex of makeup.
Speaker 3 (29:08):
Yeah, where it's like, okay, we have steps to do
to get ready, but if you take too long, then
we go further.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
So they start putting on too much makeup and putting
on which was kind of funny. No, I was laughing.
But the thing was so embarrassing is her being like
and then the party lablin comes out, she.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
Has to then get like full trivia.
Speaker 1 (29:27):
Yeah, and it is so trivia in Boston and Austin.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
She starts doing like Goblin prancing and she's.
Speaker 1 (29:33):
Like, like, twas not me, twas my party Goblin. That's
where the twas comes. It's actually so embarrassing. I will
give her a credit. There is a couple lines in
this book that I did think were funny and accurate.
And this is the part where it's not hating women.
To stay creative. I would end up doing long form
improv and burbank on weekends, and my troop would have
some hilarious name like hot Dog time Machine, and like
(29:55):
that is an accurate read of improv names.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
Yes, Like she is reading like some guy culture in this.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
Way, she's reading guy culture down boots, because like it
is always hot Dog time Machine or like Grandma lunch
or like whatever it is.
Speaker 2 (30:09):
Wait, okay.
Speaker 3 (30:09):
The other thing I did really like laugh when I
was walking back from the Midwood Library, She's like, build
a wall more, build a wall around the True Religion outlet.
Speaker 1 (30:21):
I do feel like True religion has like is in
its like really second Renaissance. Lately, I feel like I
see them everywhere, especially on men.
Speaker 3 (30:28):
Okay, like here's her talking about like where she is
also so hoody and improv but like knowing there is
fashion for women. She's like, makeover shows are created to
make women like other women more. It's always chestnut, low
lights or a fun blazer, a chunky necklace and a
quint and heel. But let's think about this. Why no
spray tanded white tank top? Why no mini screwter five
(30:49):
and chiels? Why is it trashes show off certain parts
of your body?
Speaker 1 (30:53):
And she reading tea, Yeah, it all it's always it's
always like semi professional like blaze, a chunky.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
Necklace, stalk deenim heels that's.
Speaker 1 (31:03):
Not low lights is funny, she tore.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
Yeah, and she's always been like dog and I work so.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
Hard, like when it's like guys going to be like,
it's actually hotter for women to dress just like more cheesy,
slutty leather jeggeans like mini skirt and like fried hair
and a spray tan and like maybe that should be
a makeover.
Speaker 3 (31:25):
Yeah, And she was always like, I actually like to
go to Frederick's of Hollywood and dress totally trashy. Okay,
this part also is so me like ninety stuff. When
she goes it's nineteen ninety five. You're trying to look gangster,
but your mom won't buy you baggy jeans, your truck
on your dad's.
Speaker 2 (31:39):
Or visgaggys with a woven belt.
Speaker 3 (31:42):
The way I took my dad's dress pants when I
was twelve and like put a belt around them because
I was like, yeah, I'm so hair and it's like, okay,
you're swimming in these like fighters.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
But it's like now, in twenty twenty four, that look
would be so dadcore and would be so like literally
every girl like rocking the fuck out of her fupa
ass or dad pats.
Speaker 2 (32:05):
Literally like cut to everyone searching orvis jeanes.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
Okay, this other section where she breaks on the different
types of guys girls, I thought was a pretty accurate taxonomy. Yes,
guys girl type D the hot chick dude's claim is
quote like a sister, but you know they secretly jerk
off to her Instagram pictures. This is more of a
subset because the only reason this girl usually hangs around
guys is because the guys want to have sex with her,
which unfortunately has the made for impact on female self esteem,
(32:31):
and this makes her feel good about herself. There's often
a sort of weird unspoken competition going on among her
dude crew about who can be the better friend. They know,
like a shark smelling blood, that at some point she
will be emotionally vulnerable, she'll need a strong trapezius to
cry on. So they stick around, and she sticks around
because hey, they're trying so uncomfortably embarrassing your heart. Maybe
she even buys it. Ps if her name is Kelsey,
(32:53):
I guarantee they're all trying to fuck her. There are
no ugly Kelsey's. Okay, obviously that insane and coming from
this weird like seless plane o place. But I do
think that Kelsey's are like bangs, thin, slightly funky, you
know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (33:11):
Kelsey is also definitely like you follow some sports Kesey.
Speaker 1 (33:15):
I'm touching all the Kelsey's I know, and they're all
a little bit like this where it's like they are
fun and like they are guys girls, and they do
seem like down to fucking chill and like take one
head of a joint, right.
Speaker 3 (33:28):
Which brings us to the next type of guys, which
is the stoner girl, which she says is always down
to smoke, always has we'd always down.
Speaker 2 (33:37):
To eat because she smokes and Okay.
Speaker 3 (33:44):
The stoner girls I remember, like in college were like
so funny and it's just like, yeah, guys are always
in their dorm room because they were always like watching
like kind of before even binging culture was a thing,
because like I am an elder millennial.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
We're watching like DVDs of Nip Tuck and like rolling
so many blunts. Except all those girls always had boyfriends back.
Speaker 1 (34:06):
Home, but and then they cheated on them or.
Speaker 3 (34:10):
Like those boyfriends like died and then like these were
like these guys were in the wings, like ready to swoop.
Speaker 1 (34:15):
In, ready to backup guy like kelse. Okay, But the
thing is like we were also stoner girls.
Speaker 3 (34:22):
But not in the way that I'm talking about the
hot girl and the huge who like randomly doesn't leave
her room and is always rolling cone.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
Yeah, that like was me, but like you were also
like at butter kind of like barely and.
Speaker 3 (34:39):
Like I was more like guy going to a stone
or like I'm not trying to buy weed and like
going to people's rooms to smoke.
Speaker 1 (34:47):
You were poor girl.
Speaker 2 (34:51):
Where oh you guys are heard pizza?
Speaker 1 (34:57):
No?
Speaker 3 (34:57):
I was always like, oh yeah, no, can I have
size most cool.
Speaker 1 (35:01):
Okay, I did love this part where again she's just
like so pruvene in her the only archetypes she knows
are just like men who are there like super basic
and like American and like, Okay, the part where she
has that sex experience with the speel, let's.
Speaker 3 (35:15):
Talk about the Swedish guy and let's read it because
we have to read her line about uncircumcised.
Speaker 1 (35:18):
That was actually kind of sad to me. So she goes,
first of all, I've never been a fan of one
night stands, and I've never had sex with a stranger. Okay,
maybe just one other time.
Speaker 2 (35:29):
It's like, okay, so you're such a prude.
Speaker 3 (35:32):
I also think she's only even though she says she
doesn't date comedians, she's definitely only dating comedians. So she
all is like meeting a guy and they're like have
two nights together at like Giggles Dayton.
Speaker 1 (35:45):
In the green room with the giggle Hut, and.
Speaker 3 (35:48):
Then she's there like going back to the holiday inn
and like she's fucking him.
Speaker 1 (35:52):
Gotten mortified, and I figured, hey, I'm in this foreign
country fore weeks, I have my days free, and a
flat might be nice to have a companion for a bit.
So I went out hunting, That is, I went dancing
with some friends that I made that night at a bar.
It was the first time in my life that I
had left the house with the goal of finding a
hot stranger and making him my temporary paramour. Simultaneously trepadacious. Okay,
(36:16):
there's something very this sorts about this book, where I'm like, girl,
trippadacious is not one of your words.
Speaker 3 (36:20):
Like, oh, she's like, So, I'm trepadacious in my skinny jeans,
simultaneously treppadacious and exhilarated about what I might find in
a European market.
Speaker 1 (36:30):
Bad teeth, fun accent, most likely antisemitic. I set out
and there he was, in the middle of the dance floor, blonde,
swooping hairn and arian smile so strong it would make
Hitler say, see, this is what I was talking about.
He was in skinny jeans and a Polish it with
a giant stripe across it. He was gorgeous, and obviously
not American gorgeous. He told me he was Swedish. The
(36:50):
hookup gods were smiling upon me that night because he
spoke English quite well and had great teeth. Blah blah blah.
Then she's like, doesn't want to tell him she's a comedian.
She's like embarrassed.
Speaker 2 (36:59):
She gets her period, and it's like, we can't.
Speaker 1 (37:01):
Pack well when a first go we got back to
my place. I soon uncovered something I wasn't prepared for
but should have been. He was uncircumcised. Being American and Jewish,
I'd never encountered this before. My ignorant side came right
out with red, white and blue sparklers in a butt.
What do I do with that? It looks like a
Russian grandma wrapped in a shawl? He replied, Why would
I be circumcised. I'm not Jewish. Most of the world's
(37:21):
men a un'tcircumcised. I can't believe you've gone this long
without knowing that. What got me was his maturity. I
was thirty two. Then just after that, she goes, sorry,
I just got my period, and he goes he ripped
off my underwear and said, what am I in kindergarten?
I don't give a fuck. It's the first time that
some guy has not cried about a period, and the
first time that she's seen an uncircumcised penis. It's like
(37:43):
both of those things are so sad to me.
Speaker 2 (37:45):
That's so sad, like a thirty two. None of the
guys she's slept with are so being like ew, your period,
like I won't have sucks with you. And also she's
just starting her period, which is even sadder, like it's
probably not a heavy flow, like is probably just starting
and she's probably it's been like oh fuck, well it's
all over.
Speaker 1 (38:02):
Right right right, no, so true because when it starts out,
it's so light. I'm like, and the thing is like,
this is actually what is so sad about America, and
like we are such like an isolated, said non cosmo
wonden country, and like so many people have just like
so little experiences and like there's just so sheltered. And
(38:25):
it's like even her going to Emerson and doing semester
sc she's still so sheltered and unfamiliar. And this is
the problem with guys girlism is that it just like
she wishes you to guys who are freaked out by periods.
Speaker 2 (38:40):
And she's calling out guys girls.
Speaker 3 (38:43):
But in this also very like bud Light commercial and
it's still just about weight, where she's just like, don't
be a guys girl, because then a decade later, you're
bloated from drinking so much beer and eating so many
hot wings, you don't have any girlfriends, and they basically
she's just don't be a guys girl because you'll be
like fat by the time you're oh.
Speaker 1 (39:03):
Right, because beer is bad being bloaded. I mean, listen,
she's not wrong, like the way a PBR sits on
my hips and the way that I didn't ten years ago.
Speaker 2 (39:14):
Hello.
Speaker 1 (39:15):
Sure, But also I do feel like beer becomes to.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
Me at this point, beers like a health.
Speaker 1 (39:21):
Yes, it is a healthy alternative to like if.
Speaker 2 (39:24):
You're not doing like a hazy nine hundred calorie beer.
Speaker 1 (39:28):
Well, because it's like beer as opposed to like four
whiskey sours. It's like beer is actually way healthier.
Speaker 3 (39:33):
And even if it's a healthy whiskey sour, a s
guinea whisky sour to be.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
A party goblin. But I'm also just like, do you drink.
Speaker 1 (39:40):
Like, do you even drink? No, she's a little bit
more than cavalary. She's having to Christie Larry is like
the good kind of guys girl.
Speaker 3 (39:51):
Yes, where she throws down where it's like she she
a like.
Speaker 1 (39:55):
Actually marries a mega guy b actually has gay friends.
Speaker 2 (40:00):
It's like this girl could not have less negative gay friends.
Speaker 1 (40:03):
No, And like Kristin like doesn't drink for two weeks
and then turns the fuck up, whereas like she's just
having like a beer and a half and being like ooh,
I probably yeah, I'm a part I'm saying that she's
a party golblin after.
Speaker 3 (40:15):
Okay, which brings me to her and Kristen's connections. So,
Kristin Cavalarry dated a comedian after Jay like two years
ago and watched him get a d y and then
talked about it on her podcast, but she didn't name
him and then he heard it wrong and then like
was like, Kristin's such a bitch. I can't believe she
talked about me getting a duy in her podcast when
(40:36):
she never even mentioned him Anyway. That guy was in
the finalists with Eliza during the Last Comic Standing, and
she talks about how all the guys who were the
finalists with her were like total dickheads and like threw
her under the bus like on their.
Speaker 1 (40:50):
Last But he was also addicted to Kristen.
Speaker 2 (40:53):
Yeah, and his name is Jeff die Well.
Speaker 1 (40:55):
I wonder if that means that like she and Kristin
have like keyd I just feel like, I'm sorry, I
just can't actually picture Kristin.
Speaker 2 (41:03):
I'm saying I think they have this connection with this
guy as a dick, right.
Speaker 1 (41:06):
Because Kristin also does have girlfriends.
Speaker 2 (41:08):
Yeah, tons of girlfriends.
Speaker 3 (41:09):
Speaks speaks, not just like Eliza, who's she lists we
know her female friends. She's just been like semester at
see my lesbian. And then at the end of the
book is like one woman came up to me at
a show in Calgary and was like, can I be
your friend? And she's like, she has a tattoo in
her arm that'says have fun. How awesome is that? It's
a little bit like sounds like she's not your friend.
(41:31):
She also was a really weird relationship, non existing relationship
I think with her brother.
Speaker 1 (41:36):
That was weird when she was just like, ladies, he's attractive,
he joined the military, went on his own path, but
lives in Texes and I support him.
Speaker 3 (41:44):
He sounds like he's back to earth and like fully
crazy and a little latein foil at.
Speaker 2 (41:50):
And then she's like, yeah, my half siblings are totally awesome.
Do I know them?
Speaker 1 (41:53):
Well?
Speaker 2 (41:54):
Absolutely not one of them lives in LA But do
I want to drink with an underage girl? No, are
not friends. You're like, that's such a weird thing to
put in your book.
Speaker 1 (42:04):
That you're not close with your half sibling.
Speaker 3 (42:06):
Yeah, I'm like kind of like, did she need to
do this dig and this.
Speaker 2 (42:13):
Random self dig in this way?
Speaker 1 (42:17):
Right?
Speaker 3 (42:17):
My anonymous tea that I heard about her was that
a fellow comedian told me that she said, I won't
go into a restaurant with trans people because I know
they'll be pro Palestine.
Speaker 1 (42:32):
You mean, she's like in a restaurant.
Speaker 2 (42:36):
She sees a tea girl in a restaurant, It's like, what.
Speaker 1 (42:40):
Are you draped in? These? Really fine? I guess you
go in the restaurant.
Speaker 4 (42:42):
Probably, Oh doth she live?
Speaker 1 (42:59):
Dot she eat?
Speaker 2 (43:01):
What doth she down? On her body?
Speaker 1 (43:04):
She donneth like tights and like cropped jackets, and and
she's been like, mules are disgusting, and I don't know
how to wear like loafers. She's obviously not getting.
Speaker 3 (43:16):
She wears weird TJ Max high top sneakers that kind
of are.
Speaker 2 (43:22):
Bejeweled a little bit.
Speaker 3 (43:23):
Absolutely, And I think she's walking in to an H
and M being like what in the gen z happened?
Here were my favorite ten dollar skinny jee Okay.
Speaker 1 (43:32):
So like she's a little bit like Taylor Swift if
Taylor Swift didn't have a stylist, because like when Taylor Swift,
like her stylist puts her in like some like basic
look that's just like a plaid skirt. I'm sure she's
looking at Taylor and being like, wow, she looks incredible.
I could never look like that because I'm a goblin.
But it's like Taylor unstyled is very just like flat,
(43:55):
like flat sneakers and sleggings, aches, and like she.
Speaker 3 (44:02):
Has this one line about how like her friend made
her wear wide like Alexander wyn gaucho pants and now
she wears them all the time.
Speaker 2 (44:09):
But she was so.
Speaker 3 (44:10):
Sketch because she's just like, well, if something's not fully
skin tight, then like I won't be like hot.
Speaker 1 (44:16):
Even though she's not trying to dress for the male gaze,
nor is she getting her nose job for the male cage.
Even though she is doing both of those things for
the male gaze.
Speaker 2 (44:26):
What does she eat?
Speaker 3 (44:27):
She mentions typhood obviously like two thousand times book so.
Speaker 1 (44:33):
Typhood, guess me think she loves Typhood.
Speaker 3 (44:35):
Yeah, she likes to like couchrot with Typhood. But it's
also so just like Cliff bar during the day on
the road being a road dog in Indiana.
Speaker 1 (44:45):
But isn't she being so like, M sorry, I'm a goblin,
I'm gas station Caesar.
Speaker 2 (44:52):
I feel like after a show she's like goblin gas
station Seesar.
Speaker 1 (44:55):
She's like, not actually a gas station though, she's like
afraid of a gas station.
Speaker 2 (44:58):
And I was like, that's sketchy. Maybe she's more just
like comfable.
Speaker 1 (45:02):
Now, I don't think she's comfable. That's too modern. She
lives in like twenty eleven.
Speaker 3 (45:09):
Okay, I know, I'm like, what besides tie like Panera?
Oh actually no, she must be like addicted to Panera.
Speaker 2 (45:18):
Yeah, half soup and salad.
Speaker 1 (45:20):
Half soup Eliza, half soup lessoner.
Speaker 3 (45:23):
She doesn't drink coffee and like I'm a hyper girl away.
Speaker 1 (45:28):
No, but she talks about like boyfriend jeans and she's like,
and you go to the cafe and you get a
colbrew that doesn't make you want to shot yourself immediately, right,
She's she's like, doesn't be going to take a Jurassic
shit she was funny, how does she live? This is
I'm actually scared. You know what she is? I bet
it's so like Airbnb in this way.
Speaker 2 (45:49):
It's gray floors.
Speaker 1 (45:50):
It's absolutely gray floors, like gray walls and gray celians.
And then I think it's like weird fake paintings.
Speaker 2 (45:56):
Fake paintings of like her family.
Speaker 1 (45:58):
No you know where it's like a print out of
a sunset but on a canvas.
Speaker 2 (46:03):
Oh you think she's that cheesy?
Speaker 1 (46:05):
Yeah, Mama, I think she's that fucking cheesy.
Speaker 2 (46:08):
Huh.
Speaker 1 (46:09):
I could see no Texas the Semester at Sea.
Speaker 3 (46:14):
Maybe in this lazy way where she's just like I
never decorated an apartment, okay.
Speaker 2 (46:18):
Like I'm at the comedy store every night.
Speaker 1 (46:20):
Sorry, I'm at a core goblin like I I don't know. Great.
Speaker 3 (46:24):
But then maybe she's like my friend Josephine from Semester
at Sea told me to like get this weird print.
Speaker 1 (46:30):
Yeah, but that's still so like sunset print on canvas
or like maybe it's a weird triptyck.
Speaker 2 (46:36):
Yeah, I would see it.
Speaker 1 (46:37):
It's like borderline sky mall, like that's what I'm I could.
Speaker 2 (46:39):
Also see it like just photos of the Brooklyn Bridge.
Speaker 1 (46:42):
That's the same difference. It's like I'm or again print
out of the Brooklyn Bridge from canvas.
Speaker 3 (46:46):
I think it's more three black and white small photos
of triptick.
Speaker 1 (46:51):
Okay, yes, I did wear the same territory.
Speaker 2 (46:54):
Yeah, okay, who are you in the book? Are we
like Mark Jason?
Speaker 1 (47:01):
Who's Jason?
Speaker 3 (47:02):
I'm just like all the guy friends she's mentioned, but
she's like, Okay, I need to meet more guy friends
or wait, are you her one female friend who like
tells her about fashion, text her being like, you.
Speaker 1 (47:15):
Should get these gaucho pants from alex But then.
Speaker 3 (47:17):
She's like, it's sad because like she doesn't text me
about fashion choices.
Speaker 1 (47:22):
I mean, I feel like I'm kind of her world
bank friend.
Speaker 3 (47:26):
Oh, the lesbian world bank friend. Yeah, you wish for
the world world. I think I'm her new female friend
who's like the Calgary local comedian who is a tattoo
that says have fun.
Speaker 2 (47:41):
That's so fun, And I'm like, I would love to
open for you anytime. Yeah, listen, listen, Eliza.
Speaker 3 (47:49):
I don't know, did I laugh couple times? A couple
of times. I'm like, honestly, just opening to this page
and it says I wasn't drowning in brunch, buddy, I
needed a court group. All women need other women in
their lives.
Speaker 1 (48:04):
I am like, it's actually really sad.
Speaker 2 (48:06):
Seek treatment.
Speaker 3 (48:09):
I FaceTime a girlfriend New York to consult, but no answer.
I scrolled my phone Mark, Steve Mark, Josh Mark, Chris Mark, James.
Speaker 1 (48:17):
Women cobble together fantasy notions about the perfect man from
movies and novels, and then we find ourselves disappointed. But
said man shows up because he's five to one, eats
with his hands, and wear's this singe twiste leather coat
from Wilson's.
Speaker 2 (48:30):
It's so eighties. Hey, Wilson's is in.
Speaker 1 (48:33):
It's actually cool.
Speaker 3 (48:34):
Yeah, you have a beautiful Wilson's a loser. It's a
little bit like, Okay, you're wearing stonewashed jeans, stay away
from him, Okay, I'm yeah.
Speaker 1 (48:44):
I give this book like a two, giving it one
out of five party Goblin. I'm giving it like Goblin claws.
Speaker 2 (48:52):
Two really skinny jeans out of five?
Speaker 1 (48:54):
Like what annoys me? Like this book still exists? First
of all, like female comedians are still writing books that
are basically like vaguely anecdotal, but also just like some
kind of like really generic philosophy pinned together with a
few anecdotes, and I'm just like, we don't need to
keep writing these kind.
Speaker 2 (49:10):
Of No, we certainly don't.
Speaker 1 (49:12):
Either go full on like this is the philosophy and
more disease on sorry modern romance, and be like random studies,
which like not that that book is great.
Speaker 3 (49:19):
But no, but then don't end the book with just
like it was actually really harding on left comic standing
and my dad's my business went out of business.
Speaker 1 (49:27):
Yeah, either go memoir or or full girl logic.
Speaker 3 (49:31):
Yeah, let's be honest, like this book is like you
try and have female friends.
Speaker 1 (49:35):
Yeah, so let's have that conversation anyway you.
Speaker 2 (49:40):
Best.
Speaker 1 (49:48):
This episode was executive produced by one of my favorite
party goblins in crime, Christina Everett.
Speaker 3 (49:56):
Co president and party goblin who eats type food with
me at four am. What is Derbi Masters who produced
this podcast.
Speaker 1 (50:03):
Twas the hour before podcasting and all through the studio.
Our engineer was the Heat Frasier in Ohio.
Speaker 3 (50:12):
I met this really dope comedian and his name is
Abuzafar and he is the supervising producer.
Speaker 1 (50:18):
Our theme song was created by my very good friend
who I met at the Laugh Hut in Boise Stephen
philps hours. He's a brilliant musician and I could never
do what he does. He's probably saving babies in Africa
right now or doing something meaningful with his life, which
I'll never do because I'm a goblin.
Speaker 2 (50:40):
I'm the one foreign guy. Yes, I had sex with.
His name is Teddy Blint and he's just a cover
art for our podcast. Yeah, you can still be friends
with your exes. It's possible, ladies.
Speaker 3 (50:52):
This podcast was co created with Prologue Projects.
Speaker 2 (50:56):
Yes, he's uncircumcised. Two
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