February 7, 2024 • 54 mins
Court is in session! All rise for the honorable Judge Judy Sheindlin and her book "Beauty Fades, Dumb is Forever: The Making of a Happy Woman." Your honor, I would like to call Steven and Lily to the stand to discuss the following: Judge Judy’s first marriage, breast implants, her lovemaking style, toilet seat politics, salary negotiations with men, her on-and-off relish with the honorable Judge Jerry, and what it’s like to be the highest paid person on daytime TV. We also dare to ask the question on everyone’s mind: what does a judge actually do? Court adjourned!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Who's that knocking at the door. It's all your friends,
you filthy horse. Your husband's gone and we've got books
and a bottle of wine to kill. It's Hollywood, it's books,
it's gossip. I'm sure it's memoir. It's Martini's.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Celebrity Book Club.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Read it while it's hot. Celebrity book Club, tell your secrets.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
We won't talk celebrity books.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
No boys are a loud celet book say it loud
and cloud Celebrity book Club.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Buzz me in. I brought the queer Voe.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Hello best Hello, best friend or should I say former
best friends, who have come into my courtroom to adjudicate
this disturbance. And I'm very disturbed by what I see.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
So let me get this straight. We've been friends for
now going on thirty one years. Yet your daughter came
into my house yes yesterday, broke my fridge, then kissed
my son in law, left a mess on my rug,
stained my rug, And that is why I'm taking you
to court today.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
In this podcast, your honor, your honor, the fridge was
already broken. I happened to know that the fridge had
a faulty latch, because your honor, the defendant's husband failed
to install the latch properly, even though he said he would.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Now, what what do you have business knowing about how
my husband installs fridge latches? Huh? Why are we talking?
I'm just like, Hey, what's up? Stephen Lake?
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Literally?
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Hi?
Speaker 1 (01:34):
How are you go? Literally? Hi? We're in the freezing
dad of winter, but I'm still feeling sunny and happy,
maybe because I just got back from vacation. It was
actually not a vacation, was a workcation because I was working.
You were, well, I was reading the book for this episode. Okay,
on the beach. That's work. It is. The entire trip
(01:54):
is a work expense, and I'm writing it off.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Yes, hashtag accounts. Wait, No, it literally is a works
to read the amazing one hundred and seventy page book
that we read this week, some of us in the cold,
some of us at the beach office by the highest
paid woman in television.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Judge Judy Shinn and her second book, Beauty Fades Does
Forever The Making of a Happy Woman.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Off the rub don't pee on my leg and tell
me it's raining.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
And she has her arms crossed on the cover, wearing
her like doily and Judge robe.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
Make you a happy woman when it's just like she's
famously also the grumpiest woman in America.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
And yet she's sitting pretty on a pilot cash. Wait,
I just looked it up. Guess what her net worth is?
Speaker 2 (02:44):
I think I looked it up too, and it's like
sixty six billion.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
Literally four hundred and forty million actually in sand.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
What you get when you're syndicated, Yeah, Daytime TV.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Because you're getting paid by every affiliate in the nation
that's running the show.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
It's crazy people shit on you know, Oh Daytime TV.
Who watches it? Well, she's laughing all.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
I mean, I'm watching and I'm at the gym on
the goddamn elliptical and there's Judge Judy. I think probably
a lot of people know her from their phones on
the gift where she's dabbing the watch and she's got
a gorgeous watch it which we had a friend of
the pod time Piece to let us know what this is.
It looks like a thin kind of cardier from like
nineteen eighty eight or something.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
And she's also wearing her big ass ring, which she
talks about in the book.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
So this book is it's kind of like a vice
for women book. Yeah, and it's sort of predicated on
the idea that in her many years in the courtroom,
So before she was on judge duty, she worked in
family court and lower manhat.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
I mean the stuff she was seaten.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
A lot of domestic abuse, a lot of drug use,
a lot of like neglected kids, a lot of custody
trail debut. And what she sees over and over and
over again are women who are victims. Victims, victims are circumstances,
victims of their family, forms of the economy, and victims
(04:16):
of men. And so much of the time she sees
women allowing themselves to be walked all over by these.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Assholes, trampled by men. Yeah, here's the thing, y'all, Judge Judy,
don't get her own. She may be roasting men, but
it's really a guide to like how to get a
woman's power and how to deal with men, because she
if she is nothing but not horny for her on
(04:46):
and off husband, fellow judge Jerry, and they were married
for like ten years. So she was first married to
a guy named Ron.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
And sorry, Ron was an asshole.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Ron was an asshole. He expected her to do everything, Okay,
and a lot of women don't stand up for themselves
and get themselves in these situations where you know, they
had two kids, and he said, I'm not going to
even help raise these kids until they can speak to me,
which is a pretty insane thing to say. But you know,
(05:23):
our current dads right now are wearing their little car
heart baby holders. I don't know what you call them.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Oh that's like the front packs.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
Yeah, but back then, rare and children is a woman's.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
Job, and it still is the most part. I mean,
that was one interesting thing she talked about how she's
like in times are changed all of that, and now
men are like helping out more, but I think in
the vast majority of cases women are doing the vast
majority of the work in raising.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
She's like the keyword there, helping.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
No, they're helping, And the men say it, yeah, they're
like never doing, never doing that helping. So then she
like moves the suburbs with her first husband. She's bored
out of her goddamn mind, changing diapers, chasing kids around,
and she runs into an old law school colleague when
the children were still Nursey school. I attended a Bar
(06:14):
Association luncheon where I ran into a former class slate
from law school. We started talking and it turned out
that he was running the Manhattan office of the Family Court.
He asked me, what have you been doing? And I
told him changing a lot of diapers, raising a couple
wonderful kids, going berserk, the usual. What about you? He said,
that's perfect, You're exactly who I need in my office.
(06:36):
You want a job? What could I say? Yes? Thanks?
I do great? When do I start? I returned home elated.
When Ron came home for dinner later, you mean I
told him I'm going back to work in two weeks.
He almost choked on his food. What do you mean
you're going back to work in two weeks? What about
the kids? I called around this afternoon, I replied, and
I'm going to interview with your daytime caretakers. They can
(06:58):
do some of the housework too. Ron stared at me, stunned,
and so he's just like, Doesnen thinks she should go
back to work? And then he literally goes, Judy, you
work because you want to. Okay, you're playing, but I
have to work. Can you believe the goal?
Speaker 2 (07:15):
The balls are sorry, the lack of balls on this guy.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
Right like so threatened by a woman's success. A woman
in the work force, god forbid, should not be spiritually
fulfilled by changing diapers all day for this guy's I mean, can.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
You imagine though, being ron this book comes out in
whatever in nineteen ninety six, she really got the last.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
Last, oh for sure, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
All the way to the bank. And there was a
moment also in their marriage when she was like it's over,
and she really had to convince her parents because like
divorce was seen as a failure.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
And like she's still kind of after there was like
another year and her parents were really like, divorce is
so bad.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
I mean, my parents never told old my nana.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
Really that they got divorced.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
I mean she was thinking her nineties is a little
bit like let's keep it closeted. But yeah, we all
did this whole like lying thing where like my grandmother
would be on like her bed being like where's your mother.
I'd be like, oh, she's homemaking dinner, and she was
like that's good.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
Oh You're always like she's being a good housewife. She's
making me balls for the family.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
Literally were like she's making macaroni. She was a good
good so you'll have macaroni. Come home.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Yeah, I think that's fine.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Little lives of that age. But it's like her parents
they weren't that oh but a different generation.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
I mean that's the classic thing. It's like, you don't
need to tell your grandparents are going to worry your
Polly exactly. You don't need to come out as Polly
to your grandparents.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
Which is the modern divorce.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
Right, it's the same, like equivalent and sort of like
carry the albatross of shame.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
But one day yeah, basically she reflecting back is like, wait,
why did I move for Ron? Because she did because
she was like, he's the man. And then one day
he like hurts himself playing dodgeballs. He's always playing some
many games. And then he's like, dooty, well you help
me go to the bathroom and she's like do it yourself.
And then he's like what because he would never help
(09:17):
change a diaper. But then she does give in because
as women she talks about, we think, oh we have
to nurture. Yeah, this whole book is abou laundry.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
Also literally entirely about laundry and dry cleaning and pressing
shirts and.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
Right cleaning, like the most it's like all about like
long Island Erran's. She's just like women make all the
social appointments. You think I want to make all the
social appointments. I don't, but I do because Jerry expects.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
And she's just like, we're doing dinner with the Rabinowitzes
on Saturday, and you're gonna be there.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
And she's like, oh, and he just gets to float
on by and be the star of the dinner with
the Rabbino.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
Wits talian all his ju so dotes from criminal Court.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
But so basically she divorces Ron and then she never
goes out at night, but like one night, like she
gets invited to the local watering hole, like Kelly's of
like Massapequa to like go. On Friday, it.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
Was Peggy Doyle's down working at the courthouses and Dewey Square.
So I was working at Prosecuting Family Court in Manhattan
at sixty Lafayette Street. That's downtown, at the edge of
the island.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
I need to be more referred into as like the island.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
It was Friday night and Jerry had just finished a
big trial in which he'd been victorious. As I was
wrapping up my work for the week, my boss came
into my office, stuck his head in the door and
inviting me to join the rest of the lawyers for
a drink at Peggy Doyle's, a local watering hole favored
by the legal crowd. I usually left the office by
five point thirty pm for the trek to Hartsdale, but
this was a Friday. My parents had made it a
(10:56):
habit to come up every Friday to spend their day
and night visiting. My father's dead Street practiced allowed him
Fridays off, so we'd like to come up to golf.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
She is also such a daddy's girl, even though she's
like consistently like nine hundred, like he's always being like
my father was the most amazing dentist.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
She's classic hopping and daddy's lap until the age of seventy. Yeah,
of course her dad is a dentist. Like it is
just the iconic upper middle class.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Like, you can make a lot of money as a dentist.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
Dennis make a ton of money the.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
Best hours, and that's why everyone became a dentist.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Literally, dentistry is the sickest fucking gig in the world.
First of all, you don't literally have to do anything.
You come in at the end of the visit. After
the like Donald hygienis keen. You come in to take
a look at the teeth. You're like, looks good, make
sure to loss gotta go.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
And then you make like kind of a silly joke
and it's like.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
You're just pulling in like three hundred k a year.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
All dentists have like such a big arms with like
arm hair and just like it's always like the shiniest
watch in your face.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
They're like picking, like I'm dangling so many changs. I
remember my dentists as a child. Doctor sonis just like
the biggest bushiest mustache. I'm just always getting right in
there with all those little tools Wobin dentel and I
just like I mean, of course it was a sexual.
It was an erotic experience for me, absolutely getting worked
(12:25):
one in my big orifice. God, and I had headgear too.
I was such a freak.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
I went headgear. I guess I missed that. Yeah, that's
like the worst fear as a kid to get like head.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
It was before we met, and it was so crazy.
It was like a torture device. It was like a
crazy helmet that like pulled back on your teeth and
like I literally look like ham balacter, but like as
a nine year old, and it's just like so horrifying.
It's really why I'm such a bitch today. No, it
literally is very like teeth fee like flashback.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
And you accused me. I like the other day you
were like, oh, I bet you were always making fun
of me for wearing a retainer, when I actually literally
never made fun of you for wearing a retainer, but
like you have a hang up.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
Clearly it was like, I don't care what your fucking
retailer packet.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
Now I will make fun of you.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
And you also know, dentists, along with surgeons, are one
of the most republican leaning medical.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
Professions, so they make the most money.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
I mean, a lot of doctors make a lot of money.
But to me, I think it's because if you're doing
like surgery or something like that, like you kind of
need to be a little bit more detached. If you're
doing like precision work on the body. It's actually a
benefit to be able to like dehumanize people and to
like see people.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
As yeah as you're like not people drilling into someone's mouth.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Yeah, I mean it's also an incredibly sadistic profession.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
Yeah, the vibe. If you're into like drilling and cutting,
but also like wearing polos and like rolexes and golf.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
It's giving Republican energy and like.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
Giving stickers out back to Shuty, back to Judy.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
So her father's dentistry pactice allowed on Fridays off, so
we'd like to come up to golf. It gave my
mother a chance to fuss over her grandchildren. If I
want to just stay out a little late after work
on a Friday, I could. Nevertheless, I declined my.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
Boss's invitations, irregardless.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
It had been a long week and I really did
just want to go home, put my feet up and
be with my parents, which is so crazy. It's just
like you're like, well working professional, like thirty two year
old woman. You're like, oh, I just want to go
home and be my parents. But when I left the building,
I decided on a whim to stop by Peggy's for
(14:28):
a few minutes. I walked into the bar and there,
sitting at the center of the group was Jerry Shindlen,
regaliing everyone with the colorful tale of his victory in
court earlier that day. All my friends were standing around
him and joining his blow by blow description of the
casey one. Jerry was a great storyteller. He still is.
I took one look at this guy and something moved
(14:49):
inside of me. I wanted to meet him, so I'm
a typical delicate manner. I walked over to where he
was sitting, stuck my finger in his face, and, turning
to one of his friends, demanded, who's this. I felt
my finger suddenly enveloped by Jerry's very warm hand. Your
eyes locked. The first words he ever directed to me
were memorable. He said, get your finger out of my face, lady.
(15:10):
And I've been with him ever since, except for our divorce.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
It's such a rob calm when you like but kind
of like your picture, like Anne Hathaway or something like that.
You see this guy and everyone's in.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Suits, and he's like Anne Hathaway as Judge Judy, that
bio pic. That would be an insane asking choice, and.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
She would nail it. I'm sure she would nail it
so hard. She would be overdoing the accent so much.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
Oh yeah, get out of my court, sustained, and she's
like taking off the rope and being like, oh.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
Jerry coot, but so quote was awful.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
Rub my feet will you, Oh, you always know all.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Of them my feet. It's just so wild reading this
and fights about laundry and she's like she had tells
this whole story about how like she went skiing just
to impress him because like that's what he loved to do,
but like she hated skiing, and she was like he
was so attractive and me and Jerry just had that click.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
She does say he's short at one point because they're
driving in a Porsche and he's like going so fast
and he's like having such a road rage and she's
just like, Jerry, you can pass eighteen more Mazdas in
your porch, but you're still gonna be short. And that
got him going.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
Does he behaved himself for ten more miles? Yeah, I
mean he's taller than her, but she's also like four
ten Oh.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
Yeah, I mean people are on TV are tiny. They
got to fit in the box. I do feel like
he has Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
He's pass farm Oh but don't you think for her
small stature?
Speaker 1 (16:57):
No, I mean I don't think you need a ton
of dick to dip down Judy.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
She's a spina.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
She's a spinout for Surety.
Speaker 4 (17:08):
Book Club, sty book Club.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
So does she have like a huge rack. It's kind
of hard to tell because she's always wearing the judge
rug and she's behind the thing, Like never seen her
in like a form fitting outfit.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
That brings me just to one of her court cases
about like women and beauty that I'm just going to
jump to. Speaking of tas.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
Oh, the plastic surgery section. This part is insane. I
love this part.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
So you know, she's kind of going down all these
things just being like, you gotta have grit and morals,
you know, to be a woman. Like the cover, you know,
beauty face dumbs forever she goes. Last year I had
a case on Judge Judy. A woman was suing her
doctor because she claimed, after two breast enhancement surgeries, her
breasts were not perfect. She felt she needed a third
procedure to fix the problem, and her husband was standing
(18:00):
by her side in full agreement. Since there were no photos,
I asked the woman to step into my chambers so
I could evaluate the evidence. Suffa is to say these
were breasts of a goddess. If they were uneven as
she claimed, it certainly wasn't visible to the naked eye.
I returned to the bench and said, I'm jealous on
(18:21):
my age even uneven. I'm just happy I have them.
This statement was true, but there had to be more
to her fixation. I focused on her husband, Sir, I said,
you encourage your wife to see another plus surgeon. I
have a third operation. I was dismayed, and it showed
you should have encouraged her to see a psychiatrist.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Hello, honey, this woman needs therapy, not surgery, you know.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
And it was clear this guy was pressuring her, you know,
to keep on going and going.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
So this is an interesting question because I do kind
of feel like you're in a slightly impossible situation as
a husband when your wife is like do I because
of course you say no, honey, you're perfect the way
you are. But then she's just like, oh, I don't
like the job that they did on the surgery. Like
if you say no, they look good, then you're like
gasline her and it's like, hello, believe women, Like she
(19:08):
said the surgery was.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
Well, and you want to be like her warrior, Yes,
into the medical field.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Exactly, because like doctors are always not believing women. So
you know, I feel like you're in a catch twenty two.
It's like if you're well. First of all, if your
partner said she want an implants, what would you do.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
I would say, whatever makes you right answer. If you
want to do it, I'll support you. If you don't
want to do it, I'll also support you. I'll drive
and pick you up if you need to.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Now she comes back and she got the new tits
and you're like, to you, they're perfect, and she's going,
I don't like them. I need another surgery. What do
you say?
Speaker 2 (19:44):
I feel like, on the event, you kind of realize
it actually is more of it's never enough. And I
think I would try to convince her that they are prefercent.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
Okay, And I think that is the right decision. And
that's kind of what you're saying. Now, what's interesting about this?
She goes, this is how she starts this passage. By
the way, according to the American Society of Plastic and
Reconstructive Surgeons, the most popular procedure today is breast enlargement. Now,
I don't have anything against plastic surgery. If a woman
wants to improve the way she looks in her own eyes,
(20:10):
I say, go for it. But I have to wonder
about breast enlargement because big breasts are a male fantasy,
not a female fantasy. I read that passage and I said, hmmm, hmm,
are they still the most popular procedure in America? And
the answer, Lily is, what do you think.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
Would we include like filler and botoxa's procedure.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
No, those are non invasive procedures, and I'll get to
that list after we're talking about surgical procedures.
Speaker 2 (20:38):
Surgical procedure under the knife, under the knife, I think
it still is. I guess maybe LiPo, but like I
feel like people do a zembic.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Now, ding ding ding, Madam, you have one the car
LiPo is the most popular now, followed by breast augmentation,
then abdominoplasty, and then breast lift. And that's a huge
shift in the past four years because I do think
that we're in like a pro thin era and like
a rejection of the Kardashian supremacy is happening.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
Yes, well, yeah, I feel like we've been revolting against
you know, the big eighties breast for so long. I
also think that people just want to be thin more
or like perky and just want to wear like a
little tank top with their like little talls. But I
also think there have been so many crazy news stories
lately in the past twenty years about Breaston plants going
wrong and people almost dying like Kathy Griffin, and I
(21:29):
don't know that that show botched. I think people are
a little more afraid of getting the ten k Breaston
plants now.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
I think they are. And I also think I think
about Linda Evangelista. I was talking about this at a
dinner party last night, and we were discussing procedures like
cool sculpting, and I was like, I kind of almost
think it's good that Linda Evangelista had this like famously
botched situation where it like grew and like shifted all
around her body, because now I feel like it's turning
people off to that procedure, which is probably good. Like
(21:58):
we need to see these scarecases because I feel like
there would be nothing worse. And this is kind of
why I don't want to get like any like facial anything,
because I'm like, if it went so much, it would
be so kind of like shameful and embarrassing if you
were like, oh, I look worse now because I was
so vain and I was like trying to stop the
aging process and now I fuck myself up. It was like,
(22:20):
there's just such a shame.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Did think Kanye's mom die from like a bad plastic
surgery thing that.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
Is ringing about the West. It's just it's scary, Okay,
But the top five non invasive.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
Surgeries filler, I lift, but lift BBL.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
I think that those absolutely kind of as invasive. A
BBL is like you're putting in like acid plants.
Speaker 2 (22:42):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
I saw BBL on the beach in Puerto Rican. I
was like they look insane.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
To bbls are crazy crazy.
Speaker 1 (22:49):
I'm just like fake tits. I feel like you're like, yeah,
like it's tit like, but the fake asses are just
like they don't look like asses.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
I saw a BBL that was just so insane where
it was like the waist was so tiny. Then ass
is just like three feet wide.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
Oh, it's crazy, like nothing to do with the rest
of the body. Number one is botox obviously, and then
it's filler and then skin resurfacing, which I've always thought about.
But again, the fear of debauchery is why I don't
want to do it.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
And it's like Judge Judy also being like I'm glad
I still have my brass and just to bring it
back to like her like meeting Jerry and like getting divorced,
and we're saying it's insane because she's just always looked
like Judge Judy, like how she looks on the cover,
which is like her classic perm and just like having
that dentist receptionist neck, do you know what I'm talking about.
(23:35):
Just like she's just always looked fifty eight, But recently
she's straightened her hair and has like undone the perm
and she looks so much younger now even though she's
and now she's looking.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
Like such a golden Bachelor contestant.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Yeah, because she got this like new now Judg Judy
is like on streaming on the IMDb app, not the
IMDb app.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
Okay, it's still short though it's not like long hair.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
Yeah no, it's not like so going back, she's having
so many waves, but you know it's strained, and I
do feel like it's taken some years off her life
where it's like she's one of those people who's like
always like looked old.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
Yeah, she's always looked old. She's an old soul and
that's why we love her.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
Even though she's still learning to undo the patriarchy in
her marriage. Like with all these passages about laundry, she.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
As the woman is dealing with the dry cleaning. It's
also very like the legal world is like one of
the last professions where you do like wear a suit
all the time.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
Right, you need to be pressed and dry cleaned and
start waiting.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
Something I've always wondered with judges is like I feel
like this is the most like basic podcasting, but like
say it, this is so like armed her expert. But
I'm just like, what are they wearing under those robes?
Like if it were me, that's that's just like such
a sich felt.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
Yeah, we're siinefall. I don't think podcast armchare experts are
being so like, what's the deal with judges? What do
I wear under those robes?
Speaker 1 (25:08):
But are they wearing a full suit? I kind of
feel like the male judge is wearing like a suit
and tie underneath the robe. Yeah. Anyway, So like there's
this whole thing where Jerry is like she does a
dry cleaning, and then she'll bring back the dry cleaning,
and he's got all these knits and picks about the
dry cleaning, and they're not start straight and the collars
aren't pressed correctly and the dartines isn't done, so she's
(25:31):
running around. She's switching dry cleaners every week, making enemies
all across the island. So then what she does she
just stops doing his laundry. This is also so her though,
where she's so passive aggressive and she's being like, women
need to stand up for yourself, but only after you
do something really passive aggressive for like three.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
Weeks, So she's never really like standing up for herself.
She's always doing like crazy ass wife where she's like,
so I stop doing his laundry. So he comes down
the stairs and he's like, wow, my shirt's dirty, and
she goes pick one off the floor and he's like,
but they're dirty, and she's like, not my problem. And
(26:10):
then she finally tells him that, like they need to
do laundry separately now, and she found a secret dry
cleaner and she won't let her name be like tarnished.
Speaker 1 (26:18):
So she's not going to tell him about the dry cleaners.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
Then they have a whole separate basic laundry fight.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
The underwear thing, yeah, oh right, This book is entirely
about laundry, so basically she's also not doing his underwear,
and he doesn't have any clean underwear.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
It's actually a really long story, but she's picking him
up from corn. He's super grumpy. This explains your question
what they wear under the roape. She goes, will we
race upstairs and get out of our business clothes and
change into jeans and T shirts? And they're both putting
on these like total mom and dodgy Mom.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
The high waisted mom. Jee's for lounging around the house. Jeans.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Jeansans okay, new brand, very good American home jeans.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
Come Fina for the couch, cute enough for dinner, okay.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
So he's so mad. He finally tells her basically, his
pants ripped. He asked his secretary for a needle and thread,
goes into the bathroom to fix his pants. He goes
apparently the law secretary did indeed have a needle and thread,
and he gave them to Jerry. Jerry then went to
the men's bathroom do the repair. He took off his
pants so he could do the sewing, and was standing
(27:31):
there on a shirt tie and suit jacket, busy with
the needle and thread. Suddenly the door of the men's
room swung open, and two burly Secret Service agents came in.
They had an office on the same floor the Federal buildings.
Jerry did humble bragg. I was never so mortified in
all of my life, Jerry, said, Jerry. Jerry I quickly
replied sympathetically, don't be ridiculous. I'm sure they understood. Jerry
(27:54):
locked his eyes on mine. Then he said, you think
they understood this? And then he dropped his pants. My
gorgeous husband of six months was wearing a pair of
my lacey Bikiti pink underwear.
Speaker 4 (28:07):
And I'm assize too, my gorgeous husband of six months.
I mean, it's just there.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
Her life is and everybody loves Raymond episode No, it's.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
Like that could not be more stick onman. This like big, burly, stunning, gorgeous.
He's like sewing in the men's bathroom and lazy pink underwear.
Are you so small? I'm like the fact that he
won even didn't just go commando and secret service agents.
How embarrassing. I almost was like, I actually don't believe
(28:44):
this is like too hilarious.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
Have you ever worn woman's underwear? Silk women?
Speaker 2 (28:53):
You know, on some days when my girlfriend has it
dropped off my laundry.
Speaker 1 (29:01):
You put on her laciest provoca.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
I love parla. No, I like have put on her underwear,
and then I am.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
So like, damn, I'm damn, this feels nice, nice, And.
Speaker 2 (29:13):
I'm being such a chick cross dresser wearing this these
nice little cotton briefs.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
Oh, but they're not like she doesn't have like the
motion she does.
Speaker 2 (29:23):
But I feel like when I've borrow her underwear, I'm
taking more of the random.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
You're not heading straight.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
For the straight for like glacist ones.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
I'm trying to remember if I was like so sounds
of the lambs and trying to my mother's silk under
her as a child like room. I was definitely always
put it on her like crazy eighties like blazers and
like right high heels. But the panties are not ringing
a bell.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
It wasn't like you got home from school, you made
yourself a perfect grilled cheese, big glass of milk. Now
as you sipped your milk lid on her silk lawyer pants,
and I was just.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
Like, I am jacked counselor my chambers order on the
court with my book massage. Okay, you were discussing your hair.
I want to talk about her discussion of hair. While
I'm on the subject, I'd like to say a word
about hair. Lots of men just love long hair on
(30:24):
a woman. They think it makes her sexier. I suppose
if you happen to like the way you look in
a shorter, more manageable length of hair, and the man
you're with is crazy about long hair, buy him a
copy of the fairy tale Rapunzel. It features a beautiful
young woman with hair enough hair to clothe the nation.
Do what works for you, not for him. If you
were to mention that you thought Michael Jordan had fabulous
(30:46):
looking with fabulous looking, and you'd like to see what
your partner looked like with his head shaved baal very
oh courrone, by the way, when he rushed into the bathroom,
and make it so not in a million years interesting thing,
which she obviously she's just like such a like second
wave feminist and like such a like kind of like
Hillarista in this way. But she's just like women need
(31:08):
to lighten up around the office.
Speaker 2 (31:10):
Well, but that's what's so actually is second wave because
she's so just like right like she's so like in
my day, Like what a guy tells you a joke
and that's axual harassment.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
You can't even tell a dirty joke anymore. She's very
Selena Meyer man up, the man up campaign.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
Yeah, because I feel like Hillary is so I mean
obviously Epstein plane and it's just like.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
Yeah, she's just like Bill, go get on your plane.
Speaker 2 (31:37):
Well, it's also been because it's like this whole book,
she's also just being like why waste your time and
like sue people for small reasons. But I'm like that's
your entire job.
Speaker 1 (31:47):
I know, And she's just like, get up off the couch.
But also watch judge shooting.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
Also like don't be bitter and like sue your boss
for two thousand. Her whole show is just being like
I owe you four hundred dollars.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
I mean, listen, the role of judge, it's not a
compassionate one. Like all judges are conservative, like at their core,
Like it's definitionally like a conservative position to be a judge.
You are passing judgment, and especially after so long, like
you do, I think you have kind of a disdain
for all these all these idiots parading in front of
(32:19):
your courtroom with their petty squabbles and you're just kind
of just like, oh, for Christ's sake.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
It's also fun to see a judge judging because it's
like in all other movies, it's all about the jury
and their decision.
Speaker 1 (32:31):
No, thank you, no absolutely quorum TIV elevates the judge
finally in the narrative and like stops getting premacy to
the jury right.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
Where you're like, well, what's your opinion if you're literally
the judge, it's.
Speaker 1 (32:43):
So true, wait, thank you for calling in the legal
system right now, because it's always just like so, then
what's the judge doing. The judge is just like presiding
and being like.
Speaker 2 (32:52):
Yeah, they're really just presiding. Sustain them in a row.
You're in contempt, but.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
Like you're not allowed to actually like think anything. I mean,
I guess you're kind of making some judgments about the
legal process and mean like okay, this can continue or whatever,
this can't.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
But it's like they're kind of being the manager of
the court there.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
Yeah, thank you, campaign to rename the role of judges
management because that's what y'all are doing unless you're judge
judy and there is no journey and you're just being like, oh,
for a roll. Please leave my court.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
Please say my court, I'm disturbed by you, and you
owe her twenty one hundred dollars. But question of Judge
Dy Olso is like I wonder if people are just like, okay,
you do owe me four hundred dollars, but like, let's
just try to go Unjudge Judy.
Speaker 1 (33:36):
Oh if they're faking it. It's television, yeah, of course,
one hundred percent. It's like House Hunters, it's like anything, Yeah,
maybe we should go Unjudge Judy.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
Well, that one I sent you that was so like
these women writing a cookbook for Amazon.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
I was it's like the most like self published cookbook.
Speaker 2 (33:51):
And like, I remember our guest Micky Blanco wanted to
take our Chicago landlord. You wanted to apply to like
the people court or Judge Judy.
Speaker 1 (34:01):
Because you guys paid too much rent.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
I think it was like she didn't give the security
deposit back because I'm sure the house was like it.
Speaker 1 (34:09):
Was an absolute disaster.
Speaker 2 (34:12):
And then I remember my dad like getting involved because
I guess my dad was one who signed the lease,
so he was like, please don't take this woman into
the people's scored. He was like, I think it's gonna
be a waste.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
Of your time, and you were like, no, I'm gonna
be on TV.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
No, I'm gonna be on TV. Dad, don't you get it?
So we didn't take Maria to the people's.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
Court, and you also never got that security to pass
it back.
Speaker 2 (34:38):
No, we didn't.
Speaker 1 (34:39):
Also, in her wife antics when she's so mad at
men for say it with me leaving the toilet seat
up and she like falls into a bearer bowl, I.
Speaker 2 (34:50):
Was just like, that's happened to me when you've left
the seat up. Oh yeah, I said it. No, and
I just go along with it.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
What I don't understand And I'm not trying to a
misogynous here, but I'm kind of like, well, why aren't
you looking to see if the seat's down, because like
sometimes I sit down to take a dumb but I'm
not I also look to see if it fits down.
It's like, aren't you using your eyes?
Speaker 2 (35:11):
Well, I think the time that happened to me, it
was like, because rarely is a man pissing in my home,
so right kind of the surprise. It was kind of
like the case of the unexpected. You kind of just
walk in, sit down fast.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
You're speed pissing. You're just like, walk in, sit down,
don't look at anything. Leave Okay. So she does fall
in at night, and then she's like, after I take
care of my personal business, I went into the kitchen,
turned on the light and started searching in the cupboards.
I chose two fairly large pot lids, then quietly returned
to the bedroom. Jerry was sound asleep, sleeping the sleep
(35:48):
of the good, the innocent, and the pure. I quietly
got into bed. Then I turned over and straddled and
banging the pot covers together like the symbols and cannon
fire at the climactic finish of Tchaikovsky's eighteen twelve overture,
What are you doing? Jerry screamed at me, giving you
the polite version of what he actually said. The next
time you think about leaving the toilet, seat up, I said,
(36:09):
brandishing the pot covers. I want you to remember this moment.
Your heart's pounding, isn't it. I woke you up, didn't I? Okay?
Jerry muttered, no, not okay, I threatened, sitting on the bed.
If I fall into the toilet, it wakes you up to.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
This image her straddling him, begging pots hot.
Speaker 1 (36:31):
Honestly, it's pretty erotic.
Speaker 2 (36:34):
Clearly they have an amazing sexual dynamic.
Speaker 1 (36:39):
Yeah, they are like a solid twice.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
A week, classic twice a week. And she's always using
this phrase. There's one of the chapters as calls you
can't teach a bull how to chat cha, which is
all about how you like can't teach a man to
do laundry or put the toilet seat down, but that
at the same time, this whole book is about how
you do need to train.
Speaker 1 (37:00):
Your man to put thet I know, the thesis like
is constantly falling apart, like under the weight of her
own conflicting examples. Because then then she's also like, men
don't clean. But then we got divorced. Apparently Jerry kept
his house spick and span. He had a windex in
one hand a sponge in the other every day of
the week. I never found out what happened to that guy.
(37:20):
And you're like, so he does clean, and they will
fend for themselves if believe them alone. But then you
also just but.
Speaker 2 (37:26):
Then she was a key clean so bad, and he
was like cleaning the window with the sponge that he
used to clean the toilet with. I mean, I was like,
that's so be just as a maid.
Speaker 1 (37:37):
You're always like, yeah, I'm washing their spatula in the toilet.
What it's water, It's.
Speaker 2 (37:42):
The same water. Stop being water.
Speaker 1 (37:44):
Is it's easier to put all the utensils in the toilet.
Speaker 2 (37:47):
Also, she divorced him because she, like her after her
dad died, she wanted more affection from Jerry the quote
unquote the affection she was getting from her dad, which
was she describes as remembering birthdays and anniversaries.
Speaker 1 (38:02):
And he's just been such a man and can't remember
my anniversary. And so they did have a big fight
of at I went to couple's therapy and then like
he is working on and it is remembering more. But
that's an interesting insight. I do think that's probably true,
Like she's getting that emotional labor is being done by daddy,
although maybe dads just don't remember their daughter's birthdays, you.
Speaker 2 (38:23):
Know, it is what her main point is this also
is dad gets rewards, but it's the mom going out
and buying the presence and putting things on the calendar
and making the social engagements.
Speaker 1 (38:35):
Right because her dad was this hotshot Dennis and her
mom is actually the one like doing all the work.
And she saw that dynamic a plane and realized later
in life that she never really appreciated her mom as much.
And now it's kind of like the shoes on their
foot and she's the mom not getting all the appreciation.
It is still just like she is only going to
have the most like almost nineteen fifties idea of like
(38:55):
male female dynamics. I mean, then this whole book is
just about launch question how many men does it take
to change a roll of toilet paper? Answer? No, one knows.
It's never been attempted.
Speaker 2 (39:07):
Oh yeah, I had a question for you. How often
do you think you and your boyf go through a
role because you're not using it for like pissing, So.
Speaker 1 (39:15):
Like, well, I'm always wiping the bowl after I pissh.
I'm wiping the porcelain because I'm very considerate.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
Very considerate, because you're spilling on the porcelain. It's getting everywhere.
Speaker 1 (39:27):
Spilling is an interesting word. She do the word. It's
called splatter. It's a little splatter from the piss hitting
the water at such a velocity.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
As far as you know, I'm new to this. I
don't live in assists male household, but.
Speaker 1 (39:43):
You've probably noticed in bars how there might be like
piss on the rim. Definitely of the porcelain.
Speaker 2 (39:48):
I mean, the biggest question is always like at the
women's bathroom, also when it's like everywhere and I'm like,
I just actually don't understand how that happens, and.
Speaker 1 (39:55):
You're just like who did that?
Speaker 2 (39:56):
Who did that? So they get divorce for a year
because of this, like she's not getting the affection, and
then basically like they can't stay away from each other
and they were talking the whole time. So they get
back together and she realizes like it's fine if he
can't remember her birthday because he's a hilarious and she
knows he does care for her, it just may not
show in a certain way. And there's this like one
(40:19):
time when she goes shopping with her friend and buys
herself an engagement ring because he never got her like
a fancy one, which her mother did the same thing.
And he's like, what'd you do? And he's reading the
sports pages or whatever, and she goes, I went to
the jeweler and she was like that, god'll put the
paper down, and she was like it was the act
of self care.
Speaker 1 (40:39):
But then when she tells him about it. He's like,
good for you, and she's like, and that's when I
know that Jerry was a good man because he's proud
of her for doing something that makes her feel good.
So even though he is not necessarily going to buy
her rings remember her birthday. When she remembers her own birthday,
he's like that a girl.
Speaker 2 (40:57):
But you know, I was like, I guess this is
like a cute story of him being like, good for
you for like going out and like getting this fabulous
ring for yourself, And I feel like he obviously is
turned on by her being a girl.
Speaker 1 (41:09):
Bass Oh for sure. Okay, but this brings me back
to the sexual dynamic where I'm just like, how much
is she topping from the bottom where I'm like lo
or should we say bot? I mean from the top,
because that scene of her with the pots and pans
straddling him, I'm like, maybe that's a really natural position
for them and they're very comfortable. Regular cowgirl.
Speaker 2 (41:31):
Yeah, I think she's a classic cowgirl. She's getting on top.
It's so actually kind of reminds me of one of
the first sex scenes I saw in film, in the
Jerrem McGuire movie and his girlfriend before, Rene Leelwacker, and
she's like riding him. They're like talking about the law
school or like sports agent stuff, and I feel like
she's riding Jerry, just being like, so they came in
(41:53):
with the case, it got thrown out, blah blah blah.
Speaker 1 (41:55):
Do you think there are sexes lasting like thirty five
minutes or is it like three minutes.
Speaker 2 (42:01):
I think it's a little more like ten to fifteen
at most. Yeah, but I'm sure he gets viagra.
Speaker 1 (42:07):
He pops a viagra. But then it's like you could
maybe last too long. I feel like I can see
like a seventy five year old guy with an enlarged prostate,
like not coming but having like a rock hard viagra
dick for like thirty minutes, and she's just being like, honey,
I'm getting raw.
Speaker 2 (42:21):
Yeah, and she's like, I gotta change the towels. Yeah
after a lake house.
Speaker 1 (42:26):
Oh wait. The one other thing that I did like
a lot is when she's at that like trade show
or whatever, she gets in booth like tiny autographs and
then she starts telling her like contract is up for renegotiations,
and she was like, when I sat down my booth,
I noticed three big bosses, but standing near buying the
convention floor having what appeared to be a very intense
(42:48):
summit meeting. Men's meetings always look very intense, and it's
just like all the presidents of like the TV networks
that like syndicate her show are there, and so she
stops the people she's sending autographs for, and she's like,
you see those three men over there, Well, if you'd
really like my show, I mean a lot to me
if you go over there and tell them before you leave. Thanks.
She did, and I could see the bosses nodding and smiling.
(43:10):
Men don't like to be interrupted when they're in a huddle.
That's because they think everything they talk about is so important.
Oh but then she keeps interrupting them by sending fans
over who are just saying they love Judge Judy. Like,
after my hour of autographs, I was over about to
leave when I was called over a side room with
the bosses that just finished their meeting. Larry came over
to me and said, Hey, what's the matter. Don't you
like to sign autographs? Both John and Peter laughed at this.
(43:32):
They were being cute. I prefer to sign my name
immediately following the words for deposit only I've responded with
the smile. They all roared with laughter, disarming. Yes made
my point. Yes, women have to learn to do that.
Don't be afraid to give as good as you get.
So again, she's like, do wife antics to like annoying
men and then show that you're sassy and you know
(43:55):
what you're doing, and then they'll respect you and run
you your check.
Speaker 2 (43:59):
She did nothing, crazy wife fantic where she went once
to like the judges lunch room, and some judge to
her was like, this is the judges room. Only judges here,
And so then she pretends to be a maid wife
antics to like fool him and she goes, oh, so sorry,
I'm just here to clean up, and everyone else in
(44:19):
that room knew she was a judge. And then he
finds her later and he's like, you made a fool
of me in front of all the other judges. Why
didn't you say you were a judge, And she's just like,
you made a fool of yourself. Lose her.
Speaker 1 (44:33):
She's like, but basically that is I want to ask
our fans if you could when you see the executive
leadership of iHeart at your next trade show. Please go
up and tell them how much you love our chef.
(44:59):
By the power invest I mean by the County of Queens.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
In the court of Celebrity book Club.
Speaker 1 (45:04):
I hereby declare these segments guilty of being fabulous.
Speaker 2 (45:09):
A plaintiff, what does she wear? You are ordered to pay?
What does she eat?
Speaker 1 (45:15):
Four hundred dollars? The bailiff, how does she live? Will
see you out court adjourned? Okay, what is she?
Speaker 2 (45:26):
What does she eat?
Speaker 1 (45:27):
I feel like she's so like split piece bird.
Speaker 2 (45:30):
Yes, it's so judges lunch, Judge lunch. Like there's the
cafeteria that's like in the court room where it's like
it's all these classic judge watering holes where she's like
getting the spleepit soup with the piece of bread.
Speaker 1 (45:43):
And it's also because she has been fifty eight forever
that she's always eating senior citizen food. Like even at
twenty six, she was just like, I'll just get the
split peek because it's also burdened. She's tiny and she's pecking,
and she's buried in papers and gavels.
Speaker 2 (45:56):
And I think like there's a diet coke.
Speaker 1 (45:58):
Oh, for sure, she's the diet coke Personal lives.
Speaker 2 (46:01):
It's like diet coke pepto split pee. Jerry's like, where's
my pepto. She's like, I drank it.
Speaker 1 (46:13):
There is in every cabinet in that house. But she's
like she's pouring the pepto into the split piece, this
pepto soup, pepto swirl.
Speaker 2 (46:21):
I also feel it's like classic like Mom of Seven
Boys in this way at their lake house. We're like, well,
she says she doesn't cook anymore, because I was like,
you are rich at this point where she's like, I
do the laundry, but I don't cook.
Speaker 1 (46:32):
So I'm like she definitely has like a housekeeper kind
of making her bland meals like corn salad for lunch.
She's like, oh, it's corn salad again, all right, some
col cuts. How does she live? I feel like she
has eleven houses. I feel like she has a house
in just like Sun Valley. She has a house in Montecito.
She has a house in Florida. She has two houses
(46:53):
in Florida, one in West Palm, like one in Naples.
Speaker 2 (46:57):
She has like a midtown or like a central park overlooking.
Speaker 1 (47:01):
Yeah, and it's in like such a like kind of
nineteen seventies, like high rise.
Speaker 2 (47:06):
She was like an Adirondecks.
Speaker 1 (47:08):
Oh. I feel like the Adirondeck house is so just
like marble countertops and just like huge wooden kitchen with
a thousand cabinets and like appliances, and she does have
a soda stream and they also have like a stand
mixer and they're just like all the appliances.
Speaker 2 (47:21):
All the on the countertime, like a Hamilton beach blender.
Speaker 1 (47:25):
Yeah, and like she's definitely getting like you know whatever,
like someone on the production staff like got everyone like
butter warmers for Christmas, and like there's like a weird
like induction butter heater.
Speaker 2 (47:39):
And she's like, how do I even use this? Yeah,
I'm like does she actually she doesn't drink? She like
she had like the one beer Peggy Doyle's.
Speaker 1 (47:49):
Yeah, she doesn't strict me as a It's like at.
Speaker 2 (47:51):
A dinner party, she's having one glass of Josh.
Speaker 1 (47:54):
She didn't mention alcoholed on this book. I mean, Jerry
likes steak and red wine.
Speaker 2 (47:57):
But Jerry must be so like Scotch.
Speaker 1 (48:00):
Oh, you think he's even scotch, not red wine. I
think he's red wine and dinner. I think he's a
big heavy cab during dinner that too, you can you
can do both, yeah, but like in the couches, like, okay,
I have two ideas for couches. I'm either like they
could be almost like a thick floral like Roquete.
Speaker 2 (48:16):
Almo was about to say, it's like a thick floral,
kind of like nineties pattern, Laura ashtall.
Speaker 1 (48:24):
Like almost like rock carts at the touch, like you
could use the couch as a cutting board, bounce off
of it. Yeah, or it could be like tan leather
in there, like Central Park high Rise.
Speaker 2 (48:35):
Yeah, the Central Park is a little more modern. And
then I think like the Westchester or the Florida is
having this carpeted normal like parent house that's like comfortable
grandma core.
Speaker 1 (48:48):
But like in an eighties way. And there's like framed
photos of her with like the season thirteen like production
crew and the season fifty seven production crew and the
grand Yeah, lots of photos of the grandchildren.
Speaker 2 (49:03):
Tons of towels, tons of front gate towels everywhere.
Speaker 1 (49:07):
What does she wear is obviously rosess robes.
Speaker 2 (49:12):
And I mean she said, I think she is in
like such like Little Philine's TBT, like blooming Dale's slacks.
Speaker 1 (49:19):
Okay, but I actually kind of think that she's not
slacks because yes, we're calling her like second wave feminist,
but I think in this way that she's even more
like first ate feminist. She's a little bit more just
like us to be Anthony, where it's like I'm a
little bit like she's like, she's not even doing pantsuit
like her girl bossery is still like I'm doing antics
(49:40):
and that's more of fifties and skirtsuit to me than
it is being like a miss magazine. I'm in a
pants suit and like rising to the top.
Speaker 2 (49:48):
I guess it's not even pants suit. It's a little
more of just like the most basic black work slacks
of Bloomingdale's and like a white top. But I do
think she does wear like total mom jeans that are
like stoke home jeans, home jeans. Well I did. Okay,
this is just cheating, but I saw this photo of
her and Jerry and they're both in mom jeans wearing
(50:08):
big breast cancer t shirts.
Speaker 1 (50:11):
Oh, I mean, she's so the Jimmy Fun.
Speaker 2 (50:13):
Yeah, her style is so pink. Doesn't like breast cancer awareness.
Oh wait, I've been saving to tell you this on
this app in the iHeart Elevator. A headline came up
in that little TV and it says, Judge Judy endorses
Nikky Haley. That makes so much, which is maybe so
skirt suit is so skirt suit.
Speaker 1 (50:35):
And that's exactly what I was saying earlier about like
Dennis being a Republican. She's so Nikki Haley. I mean,
she's very just like Trump, are you kidding me? He
doesn't know his ass from his face? Right, She's just like,
we need a smart woman in there who knows what
she is doing.
Speaker 2 (50:49):
She's like, that man is a criminal. Okay, yeah, but
we need a smart woman who knows left from right,
knows how to raise kids, and.
Speaker 1 (50:58):
It's going to do something about immigration.
Speaker 2 (51:01):
Oh my gosh, so oh who are you?
Speaker 1 (51:06):
In the book? I was kind of wondering if you're
that anecdote about the woman whose dream is to be
a bank teller and.
Speaker 2 (51:15):
Then and then she gets an out bank by.
Speaker 1 (51:19):
An ATM, and she's like not reading the writing on
the wall when they start to install more ATMs in
the bank, and she's kind of be like, I'm going
to talk to people. I'm just gonna keep doing my
telling job and just handing people money, not realizing that
I'm being replaced by machine.
Speaker 2 (51:34):
By online banking. Okay, but then she has the story
about the maid and she's like, oh, you think you
can replace a maid anytime you want, but actually they're
indispensable because they know your secrets.
Speaker 1 (51:45):
Yeah, they do. And you do have these legacy clients
who literally will not let you go.
Speaker 2 (51:49):
Yeah, but then also I have been let go by
legacy clients who like.
Speaker 1 (51:53):
Ultimately were dissatisfied by your mating.
Speaker 2 (51:56):
And then I am thinking I know all their secrets,
and then I am replaced.
Speaker 1 (52:01):
And they actually don't care that you're telling your secret.
There are secrets on your podcast.
Speaker 2 (52:06):
So yeah, I guess I'm a mix between the bank
teller and the maid.
Speaker 1 (52:11):
I feel like I'm her boss, coming and being like girl,
come to Beggy Doyle's.
Speaker 2 (52:16):
Definitely, And she's like, oh, but I want to go
and watch with a fortune my parents, and you're just like,
you're thirty two, Like you need to meet your male.
Speaker 1 (52:24):
Like if you come to the fucking bar. All right.
I give this book maybe four out of five gavels.
There's a lot of one liners in it, pretty dope, funny, yeah,
really saying it's a great beach read for a workation.
She's a character.
Speaker 2 (52:41):
She's a character, and her humor shines. I mean, if
you lost the TV show, you're kidding the book.
Speaker 1 (52:46):
What you see is what you got with Judy and
the same girl on TV as the girl in this book.
Speaker 2 (52:51):
I think I once owned, don't be on my leg.
I don't know lost it somehow this one. I think
she is honestly giving the tea about her marriage so
much and like roasting him. Actually, I think this really
healthy way. And she's like, you may think, like I'm
roasting my husband too much, but he's the first one
to laugh at all these stories.
Speaker 1 (53:08):
Yeah, I think that's really beautiful. I think if you
can't roast your husband in print, then is even a husband?
Speaker 2 (53:15):
True words? True words? Yeah. I also give this four
point two Bloomingdale's slacks under the row ab out of five.
No sorry, Lacey bikini underwear.
Speaker 1 (53:28):
Worn in the men's bathroom, okay, fank Club Kids courd
adjourned tojourn Court is in recess until next week. Bet best.
Speaker 2 (53:42):
Order in the Court. This episode of Celebrity Book Club
has been executive produced by Judge Christina Everett, presiding over
iHeart Studios. Supervising producers Abu Zafar, He's a wonderful bailiff.
Darby Masters, the defendant also actually produced that even though
she is being sued, but you know, she represented herself.
(54:06):
The artwork is done by Teddy Blanks. I stole the
artwork and he's suing me. Theme song done by Stephen
Phillips Horse. You can see him perform at the Nasau Coliseum.
And uh yeah, this podcast was really co produced at
the Nassau County Courthouse for profile projects.
Who's that knocking at the door. It's all your friends,
you filthy horse. Your husband's gone and we've got books
and a bottle of wine to kill. It's Hollywood, it's books,
it's gossip. I'm sure it's memoir. It's Martini's.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Celebrity Book Club.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Read it while it's hot. Celebrity book Club, tell your secrets.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
We won't talk celebrity books.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
No boys are a loud celet book say it loud
and cloud Celebrity book Club.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Buzz me in. I brought the queer Voe.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Hello best Hello, best friend or should I say former
best friends, who have come into my courtroom to adjudicate
this disturbance. And I'm very disturbed by what I see.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
So let me get this straight. We've been friends for
now going on thirty one years. Yet your daughter came
into my house yes yesterday, broke my fridge, then kissed
my son in law, left a mess on my rug,
stained my rug, And that is why I'm taking you
to court today.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
In this podcast, your honor, your honor, the fridge was
already broken. I happened to know that the fridge had
a faulty latch, because your honor, the defendant's husband failed
to install the latch properly, even though he said he would.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Now, what what do you have business knowing about how
my husband installs fridge latches? Huh? Why are we talking?
I'm just like, Hey, what's up? Stephen Lake?
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Literally?
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Hi?
Speaker 1 (01:34):
How are you go? Literally? Hi? We're in the freezing
dad of winter, but I'm still feeling sunny and happy,
maybe because I just got back from vacation. It was
actually not a vacation, was a workcation because I was working.
You were, well, I was reading the book for this episode. Okay,
on the beach. That's work. It is. The entire trip
(01:54):
is a work expense, and I'm writing it off.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Yes, hashtag accounts. Wait, No, it literally is a works
to read the amazing one hundred and seventy page book
that we read this week, some of us in the cold,
some of us at the beach office by the highest
paid woman in television.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Judge Judy Shinn and her second book, Beauty Fades Does
Forever The Making of a Happy Woman.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Off the rub don't pee on my leg and tell
me it's raining.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
And she has her arms crossed on the cover, wearing
her like doily and Judge robe.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
Make you a happy woman when it's just like she's
famously also the grumpiest woman in America.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
And yet she's sitting pretty on a pilot cash. Wait,
I just looked it up. Guess what her net worth is?
Speaker 2 (02:44):
I think I looked it up too, and it's like
sixty six billion.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
Literally four hundred and forty million actually in sand.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
What you get when you're syndicated, Yeah, Daytime TV.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Because you're getting paid by every affiliate in the nation
that's running the show.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
It's crazy people shit on you know, Oh Daytime TV.
Who watches it? Well, she's laughing all.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
I mean, I'm watching and I'm at the gym on
the goddamn elliptical and there's Judge Judy. I think probably
a lot of people know her from their phones on
the gift where she's dabbing the watch and she's got
a gorgeous watch it which we had a friend of
the pod time Piece to let us know what this is.
It looks like a thin kind of cardier from like
nineteen eighty eight or something.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
And she's also wearing her big ass ring, which she
talks about in the book.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
So this book is it's kind of like a vice
for women book. Yeah, and it's sort of predicated on
the idea that in her many years in the courtroom,
So before she was on judge duty, she worked in
family court and lower manhat.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
I mean the stuff she was seaten.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
A lot of domestic abuse, a lot of drug use,
a lot of like neglected kids, a lot of custody
trail debut. And what she sees over and over and
over again are women who are victims. Victims, victims are circumstances,
victims of their family, forms of the economy, and victims
(04:16):
of men. And so much of the time she sees
women allowing themselves to be walked all over by these.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Assholes, trampled by men. Yeah, here's the thing, y'all, Judge Judy,
don't get her own. She may be roasting men, but
it's really a guide to like how to get a
woman's power and how to deal with men, because she
if she is nothing but not horny for her on
(04:46):
and off husband, fellow judge Jerry, and they were married
for like ten years. So she was first married to
a guy named Ron.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
And sorry, Ron was an asshole.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
Ron was an asshole. He expected her to do everything, Okay,
and a lot of women don't stand up for themselves
and get themselves in these situations where you know, they
had two kids, and he said, I'm not going to
even help raise these kids until they can speak to me,
which is a pretty insane thing to say. But you know,
(05:23):
our current dads right now are wearing their little car
heart baby holders. I don't know what you call them.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Oh that's like the front packs.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
Yeah, but back then, rare and children is a woman's.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
Job, and it still is the most part. I mean,
that was one interesting thing she talked about how she's
like in times are changed all of that, and now
men are like helping out more, but I think in
the vast majority of cases women are doing the vast
majority of the work in raising.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
She's like the keyword there, helping.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
No, they're helping, And the men say it, yeah, they're
like never doing, never doing that helping. So then she
like moves the suburbs with her first husband. She's bored
out of her goddamn mind, changing diapers, chasing kids around,
and she runs into an old law school colleague when
the children were still Nursey school. I attended a Bar
(06:14):
Association luncheon where I ran into a former class slate
from law school. We started talking and it turned out
that he was running the Manhattan office of the Family Court.
He asked me, what have you been doing? And I
told him changing a lot of diapers, raising a couple
wonderful kids, going berserk, the usual. What about you? He said,
that's perfect, You're exactly who I need in my office.
(06:36):
You want a job? What could I say? Yes? Thanks?
I do great? When do I start? I returned home elated.
When Ron came home for dinner later, you mean I
told him I'm going back to work in two weeks.
He almost choked on his food. What do you mean
you're going back to work in two weeks? What about
the kids? I called around this afternoon, I replied, and
I'm going to interview with your daytime caretakers. They can
(06:58):
do some of the housework too. Ron stared at me, stunned,
and so he's just like, Doesnen thinks she should go
back to work? And then he literally goes, Judy, you
work because you want to. Okay, you're playing, but I
have to work. Can you believe the goal?
Speaker 2 (07:15):
The balls are sorry, the lack of balls on this guy.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
Right like so threatened by a woman's success. A woman
in the work force, god forbid, should not be spiritually
fulfilled by changing diapers all day for this guy's I mean, can.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
You imagine though, being ron this book comes out in
whatever in nineteen ninety six, she really got the last.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
Last, oh for sure, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
All the way to the bank. And there was a
moment also in their marriage when she was like it's over,
and she really had to convince her parents because like
divorce was seen as a failure.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
And like she's still kind of after there was like
another year and her parents were really like, divorce is
so bad.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
I mean, my parents never told old my nana.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
Really that they got divorced.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
I mean she was thinking her nineties is a little
bit like let's keep it closeted. But yeah, we all
did this whole like lying thing where like my grandmother
would be on like her bed being like where's your mother.
I'd be like, oh, she's homemaking dinner, and she was
like that's good.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
Oh You're always like she's being a good housewife. She's
making me balls for the family.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
Literally were like she's making macaroni. She was a good
good so you'll have macaroni. Come home.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Yeah, I think that's fine.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Little lives of that age. But it's like her parents
they weren't that oh but a different generation.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
I mean that's the classic thing. It's like, you don't
need to tell your grandparents are going to worry your
Polly exactly. You don't need to come out as Polly
to your grandparents.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
Which is the modern divorce.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
Right, it's the same, like equivalent and sort of like
carry the albatross of shame.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
But one day yeah, basically she reflecting back is like, wait,
why did I move for Ron? Because she did because
she was like, he's the man. And then one day
he like hurts himself playing dodgeballs. He's always playing some
many games. And then he's like, dooty, well you help
me go to the bathroom and she's like do it yourself.
And then he's like what because he would never help
(09:17):
change a diaper. But then she does give in because
as women she talks about, we think, oh we have
to nurture. Yeah, this whole book is abou laundry.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
Also literally entirely about laundry and dry cleaning and pressing
shirts and.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
Right cleaning, like the most it's like all about like
long Island Erran's. She's just like women make all the
social appointments. You think I want to make all the
social appointments. I don't, but I do because Jerry expects.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
And she's just like, we're doing dinner with the Rabinowitzes
on Saturday, and you're gonna be there.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
And she's like, oh, and he just gets to float
on by and be the star of the dinner with
the Rabbino.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
Wits talian all his ju so dotes from criminal Court.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
But so basically she divorces Ron and then she never
goes out at night, but like one night, like she
gets invited to the local watering hole, like Kelly's of
like Massapequa to like go. On Friday, it.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
Was Peggy Doyle's down working at the courthouses and Dewey Square.
So I was working at Prosecuting Family Court in Manhattan
at sixty Lafayette Street. That's downtown, at the edge of
the island.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
I need to be more referred into as like the island.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
It was Friday night and Jerry had just finished a
big trial in which he'd been victorious. As I was
wrapping up my work for the week, my boss came
into my office, stuck his head in the door and
inviting me to join the rest of the lawyers for
a drink at Peggy Doyle's, a local watering hole favored
by the legal crowd. I usually left the office by
five point thirty pm for the trek to Hartsdale, but
this was a Friday. My parents had made it a
(10:56):
habit to come up every Friday to spend their day
and night visiting. My father's dead Street practiced allowed him
Fridays off, so we'd like to come up to golf.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
She is also such a daddy's girl, even though she's
like consistently like nine hundred, like he's always being like
my father was the most amazing dentist.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
She's classic hopping and daddy's lap until the age of seventy. Yeah,
of course her dad is a dentist. Like it is
just the iconic upper middle class.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Like, you can make a lot of money as a dentist.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
Dennis make a ton of money the.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
Best hours, and that's why everyone became a dentist.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Literally, dentistry is the sickest fucking gig in the world.
First of all, you don't literally have to do anything.
You come in at the end of the visit. After
the like Donald hygienis keen. You come in to take
a look at the teeth. You're like, looks good, make
sure to loss gotta go.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
And then you make like kind of a silly joke
and it's like.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
You're just pulling in like three hundred k a year.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
All dentists have like such a big arms with like
arm hair and just like it's always like the shiniest
watch in your face.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
They're like picking, like I'm dangling so many changs. I
remember my dentists as a child. Doctor sonis just like
the biggest bushiest mustache. I'm just always getting right in
there with all those little tools Wobin dentel and I
just like I mean, of course it was a sexual.
It was an erotic experience for me, absolutely getting worked
(12:25):
one in my big orifice. God, and I had headgear too.
I was such a freak.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
I went headgear. I guess I missed that. Yeah, that's
like the worst fear as a kid to get like head.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
It was before we met, and it was so crazy.
It was like a torture device. It was like a
crazy helmet that like pulled back on your teeth and
like I literally look like ham balacter, but like as
a nine year old, and it's just like so horrifying.
It's really why I'm such a bitch today. No, it
literally is very like teeth fee like flashback.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
And you accused me. I like the other day you
were like, oh, I bet you were always making fun
of me for wearing a retainer, when I actually literally
never made fun of you for wearing a retainer, but
like you have a hang up.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
Clearly it was like, I don't care what your fucking
retailer packet.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
Now I will make fun of you.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
And you also know, dentists, along with surgeons, are one
of the most republican leaning medical.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
Professions, so they make the most money.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
I mean, a lot of doctors make a lot of money.
But to me, I think it's because if you're doing
like surgery or something like that, like you kind of
need to be a little bit more detached. If you're
doing like precision work on the body. It's actually a
benefit to be able to like dehumanize people and to
like see people.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
As yeah as you're like not people drilling into someone's mouth.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Yeah, I mean it's also an incredibly sadistic profession.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
Yeah, the vibe. If you're into like drilling and cutting,
but also like wearing polos and like rolexes and golf.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
It's giving Republican energy and like.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
Giving stickers out back to Shuty, back to Judy.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
So her father's dentistry pactice allowed on Fridays off, so
we'd like to come up to golf. It gave my
mother a chance to fuss over her grandchildren. If I
want to just stay out a little late after work
on a Friday, I could. Nevertheless, I declined my.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
Boss's invitations, irregardless.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
It had been a long week and I really did
just want to go home, put my feet up and
be with my parents, which is so crazy. It's just
like you're like, well working professional, like thirty two year
old woman. You're like, oh, I just want to go
home and be my parents. But when I left the building,
I decided on a whim to stop by Peggy's for
(14:28):
a few minutes. I walked into the bar and there,
sitting at the center of the group was Jerry Shindlen,
regaliing everyone with the colorful tale of his victory in
court earlier that day. All my friends were standing around
him and joining his blow by blow description of the
casey one. Jerry was a great storyteller. He still is.
I took one look at this guy and something moved
(14:49):
inside of me. I wanted to meet him, so I'm
a typical delicate manner. I walked over to where he
was sitting, stuck my finger in his face, and, turning
to one of his friends, demanded, who's this. I felt
my finger suddenly enveloped by Jerry's very warm hand. Your
eyes locked. The first words he ever directed to me
were memorable. He said, get your finger out of my face, lady.
(15:10):
And I've been with him ever since, except for our divorce.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
It's such a rob calm when you like but kind
of like your picture, like Anne Hathaway or something like that.
You see this guy and everyone's in.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Suits, and he's like Anne Hathaway as Judge Judy, that
bio pic. That would be an insane asking choice, and.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
She would nail it. I'm sure she would nail it
so hard. She would be overdoing the accent so much.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
Oh yeah, get out of my court, sustained, and she's
like taking off the rope and being like, oh.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
Jerry coot, but so quote was awful.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
Rub my feet will you, Oh, you always know all.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Of them my feet. It's just so wild reading this
and fights about laundry and she's like she had tells
this whole story about how like she went skiing just
to impress him because like that's what he loved to do,
but like she hated skiing, and she was like he
was so attractive and me and Jerry just had that click.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
She does say he's short at one point because they're
driving in a Porsche and he's like going so fast
and he's like having such a road rage and she's
just like, Jerry, you can pass eighteen more Mazdas in
your porch, but you're still gonna be short. And that
got him going.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
Does he behaved himself for ten more miles? Yeah, I
mean he's taller than her, but she's also like four
ten Oh.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
Yeah, I mean people are on TV are tiny. They
got to fit in the box. I do feel like
he has Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
He's pass farm Oh but don't you think for her
small stature?
Speaker 1 (16:57):
No, I mean I don't think you need a ton
of dick to dip down Judy.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
She's a spina.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
She's a spinout for Surety.
Speaker 4 (17:08):
Book Club, sty book Club.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
So does she have like a huge rack. It's kind
of hard to tell because she's always wearing the judge
rug and she's behind the thing, Like never seen her
in like a form fitting outfit.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
That brings me just to one of her court cases
about like women and beauty that I'm just going to
jump to. Speaking of tas.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
Oh, the plastic surgery section. This part is insane. I
love this part.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
So you know, she's kind of going down all these
things just being like, you gotta have grit and morals,
you know, to be a woman. Like the cover, you know,
beauty face dumbs forever she goes. Last year I had
a case on Judge Judy. A woman was suing her
doctor because she claimed, after two breast enhancement surgeries, her
breasts were not perfect. She felt she needed a third
procedure to fix the problem, and her husband was standing
(18:00):
by her side in full agreement. Since there were no photos,
I asked the woman to step into my chambers so
I could evaluate the evidence. Suffa is to say these
were breasts of a goddess. If they were uneven as
she claimed, it certainly wasn't visible to the naked eye.
I returned to the bench and said, I'm jealous on
(18:21):
my age even uneven. I'm just happy I have them.
This statement was true, but there had to be more
to her fixation. I focused on her husband, Sir, I said,
you encourage your wife to see another plus surgeon. I
have a third operation. I was dismayed, and it showed
you should have encouraged her to see a psychiatrist.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Hello, honey, this woman needs therapy, not surgery, you know.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
And it was clear this guy was pressuring her, you know,
to keep on going and going.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
So this is an interesting question because I do kind
of feel like you're in a slightly impossible situation as
a husband when your wife is like do I because
of course you say no, honey, you're perfect the way
you are. But then she's just like, oh, I don't
like the job that they did on the surgery. Like
if you say no, they look good, then you're like
gasline her and it's like, hello, believe women, Like she
(19:08):
said the surgery was.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
Well, and you want to be like her warrior, Yes,
into the medical field.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Exactly, because like doctors are always not believing women. So
you know, I feel like you're in a catch twenty two.
It's like if you're well. First of all, if your
partner said she want an implants, what would you do.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
I would say, whatever makes you right answer. If you
want to do it, I'll support you. If you don't
want to do it, I'll also support you. I'll drive
and pick you up if you need to.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Now she comes back and she got the new tits
and you're like, to you, they're perfect, and she's going,
I don't like them. I need another surgery. What do
you say?
Speaker 2 (19:44):
I feel like, on the event, you kind of realize
it actually is more of it's never enough. And I
think I would try to convince her that they are prefercent.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
Okay, And I think that is the right decision. And
that's kind of what you're saying. Now, what's interesting about this?
She goes, this is how she starts this passage. By
the way, according to the American Society of Plastic and
Reconstructive Surgeons, the most popular procedure today is breast enlargement. Now,
I don't have anything against plastic surgery. If a woman
wants to improve the way she looks in her own eyes,
(20:10):
I say, go for it. But I have to wonder
about breast enlargement because big breasts are a male fantasy,
not a female fantasy. I read that passage and I said, hmmm, hmm,
are they still the most popular procedure in America? And
the answer, Lily is, what do you think.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
Would we include like filler and botoxa's procedure.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
No, those are non invasive procedures, and I'll get to
that list after we're talking about surgical procedures.
Speaker 2 (20:38):
Surgical procedure under the knife, under the knife, I think
it still is. I guess maybe LiPo, but like I
feel like people do a zembic.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
Now, ding ding ding, Madam, you have one the car
LiPo is the most popular now, followed by breast augmentation,
then abdominoplasty, and then breast lift. And that's a huge
shift in the past four years because I do think
that we're in like a pro thin era and like
a rejection of the Kardashian supremacy is happening.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
Yes, well, yeah, I feel like we've been revolting against
you know, the big eighties breast for so long. I
also think that people just want to be thin more
or like perky and just want to wear like a
little tank top with their like little talls. But I
also think there have been so many crazy news stories
lately in the past twenty years about Breaston plants going
wrong and people almost dying like Kathy Griffin, and I
(21:29):
don't know that that show botched. I think people are
a little more afraid of getting the ten k Breaston
plants now.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
I think they are. And I also think I think
about Linda Evangelista. I was talking about this at a
dinner party last night, and we were discussing procedures like
cool sculpting, and I was like, I kind of almost
think it's good that Linda Evangelista had this like famously
botched situation where it like grew and like shifted all
around her body, because now I feel like it's turning
people off to that procedure, which is probably good. Like
(21:58):
we need to see these scarecases because I feel like
there would be nothing worse. And this is kind of
why I don't want to get like any like facial anything,
because I'm like, if it went so much, it would
be so kind of like shameful and embarrassing if you
were like, oh, I look worse now because I was
so vain and I was like trying to stop the
aging process and now I fuck myself up. It was like,
(22:20):
there's just such a shame.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Did think Kanye's mom die from like a bad plastic
surgery thing that.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
Is ringing about the West. It's just it's scary, Okay,
But the top five non invasive.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
Surgeries filler, I lift, but lift BBL.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
I think that those absolutely kind of as invasive. A
BBL is like you're putting in like acid plants.
Speaker 2 (22:42):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
I saw BBL on the beach in Puerto Rican. I
was like they look insane.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
To bbls are crazy crazy.
Speaker 1 (22:49):
I'm just like fake tits. I feel like you're like, yeah,
like it's tit like, but the fake asses are just
like they don't look like asses.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
I saw a BBL that was just so insane where
it was like the waist was so tiny. Then ass
is just like three feet wide.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
Oh, it's crazy, like nothing to do with the rest
of the body. Number one is botox obviously, and then
it's filler and then skin resurfacing, which I've always thought about.
But again, the fear of debauchery is why I don't
want to do it.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
And it's like Judge Judy also being like I'm glad
I still have my brass and just to bring it
back to like her like meeting Jerry and like getting divorced,
and we're saying it's insane because she's just always looked
like Judge Judy, like how she looks on the cover,
which is like her classic perm and just like having
that dentist receptionist neck, do you know what I'm talking about.
(23:35):
Just like she's just always looked fifty eight, But recently
she's straightened her hair and has like undone the perm
and she looks so much younger now even though she's
and now she's looking.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
Like such a golden Bachelor contestant.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Yeah, because she got this like new now Judg Judy
is like on streaming on the IMDb app, not the
IMDb app.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
Okay, it's still short though it's not like long hair.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
Yeah no, it's not like so going back, she's having
so many waves, but you know it's strained, and I
do feel like it's taken some years off her life
where it's like she's one of those people who's like
always like looked old.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
Yeah, she's always looked old. She's an old soul and
that's why we love her.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
Even though she's still learning to undo the patriarchy in
her marriage. Like with all these passages about laundry, she.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
As the woman is dealing with the dry cleaning. It's
also very like the legal world is like one of
the last professions where you do like wear a suit
all the time.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
Right, you need to be pressed and dry cleaned and
start waiting.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
Something I've always wondered with judges is like I feel
like this is the most like basic podcasting, but like
say it, this is so like armed her expert. But
I'm just like, what are they wearing under those robes?
Like if it were me, that's that's just like such
a sich felt.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
Yeah, we're siinefall. I don't think podcast armchare experts are
being so like, what's the deal with judges? What do
I wear under those robes?
Speaker 1 (25:08):
But are they wearing a full suit? I kind of
feel like the male judge is wearing like a suit
and tie underneath the robe. Yeah. Anyway, So like there's
this whole thing where Jerry is like she does a
dry cleaning, and then she'll bring back the dry cleaning,
and he's got all these knits and picks about the
dry cleaning, and they're not start straight and the collars
aren't pressed correctly and the dartines isn't done, so she's
(25:31):
running around. She's switching dry cleaners every week, making enemies
all across the island. So then what she does she
just stops doing his laundry. This is also so her though,
where she's so passive aggressive and she's being like, women
need to stand up for yourself, but only after you
do something really passive aggressive for like three.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
Weeks, So she's never really like standing up for herself.
She's always doing like crazy ass wife where she's like,
so I stop doing his laundry. So he comes down
the stairs and he's like, wow, my shirt's dirty, and
she goes pick one off the floor and he's like,
but they're dirty, and she's like, not my problem. And
(26:10):
then she finally tells him that, like they need to
do laundry separately now, and she found a secret dry
cleaner and she won't let her name be like tarnished.
Speaker 1 (26:18):
So she's not going to tell him about the dry cleaners.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
Then they have a whole separate basic laundry fight.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
The underwear thing, yeah, oh right, This book is entirely
about laundry, so basically she's also not doing his underwear,
and he doesn't have any clean underwear.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
It's actually a really long story, but she's picking him
up from corn. He's super grumpy. This explains your question
what they wear under the roape. She goes, will we
race upstairs and get out of our business clothes and
change into jeans and T shirts? And they're both putting
on these like total mom and dodgy Mom.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
The high waisted mom. Jee's for lounging around the house. Jeans.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Jeansans okay, new brand, very good American home jeans.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
Come Fina for the couch, cute enough for dinner, okay.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
So he's so mad. He finally tells her basically, his
pants ripped. He asked his secretary for a needle and thread,
goes into the bathroom to fix his pants. He goes
apparently the law secretary did indeed have a needle and thread,
and he gave them to Jerry. Jerry then went to
the men's bathroom do the repair. He took off his
pants so he could do the sewing, and was standing
(27:31):
there on a shirt tie and suit jacket, busy with
the needle and thread. Suddenly the door of the men's
room swung open, and two burly Secret Service agents came in.
They had an office on the same floor the Federal buildings.
Jerry did humble bragg. I was never so mortified in
all of my life, Jerry, said, Jerry. Jerry I quickly
replied sympathetically, don't be ridiculous. I'm sure they understood. Jerry
(27:54):
locked his eyes on mine. Then he said, you think
they understood this? And then he dropped his pants. My
gorgeous husband of six months was wearing a pair of
my lacey Bikiti pink underwear.
Speaker 4 (28:07):
And I'm assize too, my gorgeous husband of six months.
I mean, it's just there.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
Her life is and everybody loves Raymond episode No, it's.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
Like that could not be more stick onman. This like big, burly, stunning, gorgeous.
He's like sewing in the men's bathroom and lazy pink underwear.
Are you so small? I'm like the fact that he
won even didn't just go commando and secret service agents.
How embarrassing. I almost was like, I actually don't believe
(28:44):
this is like too hilarious.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
Have you ever worn woman's underwear? Silk women?
Speaker 2 (28:53):
You know, on some days when my girlfriend has it
dropped off my laundry.
Speaker 1 (29:01):
You put on her laciest provoca.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
I love parla. No, I like have put on her underwear,
and then I am.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
So like, damn, I'm damn, this feels nice, nice, And.
Speaker 2 (29:13):
I'm being such a chick cross dresser wearing this these
nice little cotton briefs.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
Oh, but they're not like she doesn't have like the
motion she does.
Speaker 2 (29:23):
But I feel like when I've borrow her underwear, I'm
taking more of the random.
Speaker 1 (29:26):
You're not heading straight.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
For the straight for like glacist ones.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
I'm trying to remember if I was like so sounds
of the lambs and trying to my mother's silk under
her as a child like room. I was definitely always
put it on her like crazy eighties like blazers and
like right high heels. But the panties are not ringing
a bell.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
It wasn't like you got home from school, you made
yourself a perfect grilled cheese, big glass of milk. Now
as you sipped your milk lid on her silk lawyer pants,
and I was just.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
Like, I am jacked counselor my chambers order on the
court with my book massage. Okay, you were discussing your hair.
I want to talk about her discussion of hair. While
I'm on the subject, I'd like to say a word
about hair. Lots of men just love long hair on
(30:24):
a woman. They think it makes her sexier. I suppose
if you happen to like the way you look in
a shorter, more manageable length of hair, and the man
you're with is crazy about long hair, buy him a
copy of the fairy tale Rapunzel. It features a beautiful
young woman with hair enough hair to clothe the nation.
Do what works for you, not for him. If you
were to mention that you thought Michael Jordan had fabulous
(30:46):
looking with fabulous looking, and you'd like to see what
your partner looked like with his head shaved baal very
oh courrone, by the way, when he rushed into the bathroom,
and make it so not in a million years interesting thing,
which she obviously she's just like such a like second
wave feminist and like such a like kind of like
Hillarista in this way. But she's just like women need
(31:08):
to lighten up around the office.
Speaker 2 (31:10):
Well, but that's what's so actually is second wave because
she's so just like right like she's so like in
my day, Like what a guy tells you a joke
and that's axual harassment.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
You can't even tell a dirty joke anymore. She's very
Selena Meyer man up, the man up campaign.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
Yeah, because I feel like Hillary is so I mean
obviously Epstein plane and it's just like.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
Yeah, she's just like Bill, go get on your plane.
Speaker 2 (31:37):
Well, it's also been because it's like this whole book,
she's also just being like why waste your time and
like sue people for small reasons. But I'm like that's
your entire job.
Speaker 1 (31:47):
I know, And she's just like, get up off the couch.
But also watch judge shooting.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
Also like don't be bitter and like sue your boss
for two thousand. Her whole show is just being like
I owe you four hundred dollars.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
I mean, listen, the role of judge, it's not a
compassionate one. Like all judges are conservative, like at their core,
Like it's definitionally like a conservative position to be a judge.
You are passing judgment, and especially after so long, like
you do, I think you have kind of a disdain
for all these all these idiots parading in front of
(32:19):
your courtroom with their petty squabbles and you're just kind
of just like, oh, for Christ's sake.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
It's also fun to see a judge judging because it's
like in all other movies, it's all about the jury
and their decision.
Speaker 1 (32:31):
No, thank you, no absolutely quorum TIV elevates the judge
finally in the narrative and like stops getting premacy to
the jury right.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
Where you're like, well, what's your opinion if you're literally
the judge, it's.
Speaker 1 (32:43):
So true, wait, thank you for calling in the legal
system right now, because it's always just like so, then
what's the judge doing. The judge is just like presiding
and being like.
Speaker 2 (32:52):
Yeah, they're really just presiding. Sustain them in a row.
You're in contempt, but.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
Like you're not allowed to actually like think anything. I mean,
I guess you're kind of making some judgments about the
legal process and mean like okay, this can continue or whatever,
this can't.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
But it's like they're kind of being the manager of
the court there.
Speaker 1 (33:10):
Yeah, thank you, campaign to rename the role of judges
management because that's what y'all are doing unless you're judge
judy and there is no journey and you're just being like, oh,
for a roll. Please leave my court.
Speaker 2 (33:20):
Please say my court, I'm disturbed by you, and you
owe her twenty one hundred dollars. But question of Judge
Dy Olso is like I wonder if people are just like, okay,
you do owe me four hundred dollars, but like, let's
just try to go Unjudge Judy.
Speaker 1 (33:36):
Oh if they're faking it. It's television, yeah, of course,
one hundred percent. It's like House Hunters, it's like anything, Yeah,
maybe we should go Unjudge Judy.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
Well, that one I sent you that was so like
these women writing a cookbook for Amazon.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
I was it's like the most like self published cookbook.
Speaker 2 (33:51):
And like, I remember our guest Micky Blanco wanted to
take our Chicago landlord. You wanted to apply to like
the people court or Judge Judy.
Speaker 1 (34:01):
Because you guys paid too much rent.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
I think it was like she didn't give the security
deposit back because I'm sure the house was like it.
Speaker 1 (34:09):
Was an absolute disaster.
Speaker 2 (34:12):
And then I remember my dad like getting involved because
I guess my dad was one who signed the lease,
so he was like, please don't take this woman into
the people's scored. He was like, I think it's gonna
be a waste.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
Of your time, and you were like, no, I'm gonna
be on TV.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
No, I'm gonna be on TV. Dad, don't you get it?
So we didn't take Maria to the people's.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
Court, and you also never got that security to pass
it back.
Speaker 2 (34:38):
No, we didn't.
Speaker 1 (34:39):
Also, in her wife antics when she's so mad at
men for say it with me leaving the toilet seat
up and she like falls into a bearer bowl, I.
Speaker 2 (34:50):
Was just like, that's happened to me when you've left
the seat up. Oh yeah, I said it. No, and
I just go along with it.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
What I don't understand And I'm not trying to a
misogynous here, but I'm kind of like, well, why aren't
you looking to see if the seat's down, because like
sometimes I sit down to take a dumb but I'm
not I also look to see if it fits down.
It's like, aren't you using your eyes?
Speaker 2 (35:11):
Well, I think the time that happened to me, it
was like, because rarely is a man pissing in my home,
so right kind of the surprise. It was kind of
like the case of the unexpected. You kind of just
walk in, sit down fast.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
You're speed pissing. You're just like, walk in, sit down,
don't look at anything. Leave Okay. So she does fall
in at night, and then she's like, after I take
care of my personal business, I went into the kitchen,
turned on the light and started searching in the cupboards.
I chose two fairly large pot lids, then quietly returned
to the bedroom. Jerry was sound asleep, sleeping the sleep
(35:48):
of the good, the innocent, and the pure. I quietly
got into bed. Then I turned over and straddled and
banging the pot covers together like the symbols and cannon
fire at the climactic finish of Tchaikovsky's eighteen twelve overture,
What are you doing? Jerry screamed at me, giving you
the polite version of what he actually said. The next
time you think about leaving the toilet, seat up, I said,
(36:09):
brandishing the pot covers. I want you to remember this moment.
Your heart's pounding, isn't it. I woke you up, didn't I? Okay?
Jerry muttered, no, not okay, I threatened, sitting on the bed.
If I fall into the toilet, it wakes you up to.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
This image her straddling him, begging pots hot.
Speaker 1 (36:31):
Honestly, it's pretty erotic.
Speaker 2 (36:34):
Clearly they have an amazing sexual dynamic.
Speaker 1 (36:39):
Yeah, they are like a solid twice.
Speaker 2 (36:41):
A week, classic twice a week. And she's always using
this phrase. There's one of the chapters as calls you
can't teach a bull how to chat cha, which is
all about how you like can't teach a man to
do laundry or put the toilet seat down, but that
at the same time, this whole book is about how
you do need to train.
Speaker 1 (37:00):
Your man to put thet I know, the thesis like
is constantly falling apart, like under the weight of her
own conflicting examples. Because then then she's also like, men
don't clean. But then we got divorced. Apparently Jerry kept
his house spick and span. He had a windex in
one hand a sponge in the other every day of
the week. I never found out what happened to that guy.
(37:20):
And you're like, so he does clean, and they will
fend for themselves if believe them alone. But then you
also just but.
Speaker 2 (37:26):
Then she was a key clean so bad, and he
was like cleaning the window with the sponge that he
used to clean the toilet with. I mean, I was like,
that's so be just as a maid.
Speaker 1 (37:37):
You're always like, yeah, I'm washing their spatula in the toilet.
What it's water, It's.
Speaker 2 (37:42):
The same water. Stop being water.
Speaker 1 (37:44):
Is it's easier to put all the utensils in the toilet.
Speaker 2 (37:47):
Also, she divorced him because she, like her after her
dad died, she wanted more affection from Jerry the quote
unquote the affection she was getting from her dad, which
was she describes as remembering birthdays and anniversaries.
Speaker 1 (38:02):
And he's just been such a man and can't remember
my anniversary. And so they did have a big fight
of at I went to couple's therapy and then like
he is working on and it is remembering more. But
that's an interesting insight. I do think that's probably true,
Like she's getting that emotional labor is being done by daddy,
although maybe dads just don't remember their daughter's birthdays, you.
Speaker 2 (38:23):
Know, it is what her main point is this also
is dad gets rewards, but it's the mom going out
and buying the presence and putting things on the calendar
and making the social engagements.
Speaker 1 (38:35):
Right because her dad was this hotshot Dennis and her
mom is actually the one like doing all the work.
And she saw that dynamic a plane and realized later
in life that she never really appreciated her mom as much.
And now it's kind of like the shoes on their
foot and she's the mom not getting all the appreciation.
It is still just like she is only going to
have the most like almost nineteen fifties idea of like
(38:55):
male female dynamics. I mean, then this whole book is
just about launch question how many men does it take
to change a roll of toilet paper? Answer? No, one knows.
It's never been attempted.
Speaker 2 (39:07):
Oh yeah, I had a question for you. How often
do you think you and your boyf go through a
role because you're not using it for like pissing, So.
Speaker 1 (39:15):
Like, well, I'm always wiping the bowl after I pissh.
I'm wiping the porcelain because I'm very considerate.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
Very considerate, because you're spilling on the porcelain. It's getting everywhere.
Speaker 1 (39:27):
Spilling is an interesting word. She do the word. It's
called splatter. It's a little splatter from the piss hitting
the water at such a velocity.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
As far as you know, I'm new to this. I
don't live in assists male household, but.
Speaker 1 (39:43):
You've probably noticed in bars how there might be like
piss on the rim. Definitely of the porcelain.
Speaker 2 (39:48):
I mean, the biggest question is always like at the
women's bathroom, also when it's like everywhere and I'm like,
I just actually don't understand how that happens, and.
Speaker 1 (39:55):
You're just like who did that?
Speaker 2 (39:56):
Who did that? So they get divorce for a year
because of this, like she's not getting the affection, and
then basically like they can't stay away from each other
and they were talking the whole time. So they get
back together and she realizes like it's fine if he
can't remember her birthday because he's a hilarious and she
knows he does care for her, it just may not
show in a certain way. And there's this like one
(40:19):
time when she goes shopping with her friend and buys
herself an engagement ring because he never got her like
a fancy one, which her mother did the same thing.
And he's like, what'd you do? And he's reading the
sports pages or whatever, and she goes, I went to
the jeweler and she was like that, god'll put the
paper down, and she was like it was the act
of self care.
Speaker 1 (40:39):
But then when she tells him about it. He's like,
good for you, and she's like, and that's when I
know that Jerry was a good man because he's proud
of her for doing something that makes her feel good.
So even though he is not necessarily going to buy
her rings remember her birthday. When she remembers her own birthday,
he's like that a girl.
Speaker 2 (40:57):
But you know, I was like, I guess this is
like a cute story of him being like, good for
you for like going out and like getting this fabulous
ring for yourself, And I feel like he obviously is
turned on by her being a girl.
Speaker 1 (41:09):
Bass Oh for sure. Okay, but this brings me back
to the sexual dynamic where I'm just like, how much
is she topping from the bottom where I'm like lo
or should we say bot? I mean from the top,
because that scene of her with the pots and pans
straddling him, I'm like, maybe that's a really natural position
for them and they're very comfortable. Regular cowgirl.
Speaker 2 (41:31):
Yeah, I think she's a classic cowgirl. She's getting on top.
It's so actually kind of reminds me of one of
the first sex scenes I saw in film, in the
Jerrem McGuire movie and his girlfriend before, Rene Leelwacker, and
she's like riding him. They're like talking about the law
school or like sports agent stuff, and I feel like
she's riding Jerry, just being like, so they came in
(41:53):
with the case, it got thrown out, blah blah blah.
Speaker 1 (41:55):
Do you think there are sexes lasting like thirty five
minutes or is it like three minutes.
Speaker 2 (42:01):
I think it's a little more like ten to fifteen
at most. Yeah, but I'm sure he gets viagra.
Speaker 1 (42:07):
He pops a viagra. But then it's like you could
maybe last too long. I feel like I can see
like a seventy five year old guy with an enlarged prostate,
like not coming but having like a rock hard viagra
dick for like thirty minutes, and she's just being like, honey,
I'm getting raw.
Speaker 2 (42:21):
Yeah, and she's like, I gotta change the towels. Yeah
after a lake house.
Speaker 1 (42:26):
Oh wait. The one other thing that I did like
a lot is when she's at that like trade show
or whatever, she gets in booth like tiny autographs and
then she starts telling her like contract is up for renegotiations,
and she was like, when I sat down my booth,
I noticed three big bosses, but standing near buying the
convention floor having what appeared to be a very intense
(42:48):
summit meeting. Men's meetings always look very intense, and it's
just like all the presidents of like the TV networks
that like syndicate her show are there, and so she
stops the people she's sending autographs for, and she's like,
you see those three men over there, Well, if you'd
really like my show, I mean a lot to me
if you go over there and tell them before you leave. Thanks.
She did, and I could see the bosses nodding and smiling.
(43:10):
Men don't like to be interrupted when they're in a huddle.
That's because they think everything they talk about is so important.
Oh but then she keeps interrupting them by sending fans
over who are just saying they love Judge Judy. Like,
after my hour of autographs, I was over about to
leave when I was called over a side room with
the bosses that just finished their meeting. Larry came over
to me and said, Hey, what's the matter. Don't you
like to sign autographs? Both John and Peter laughed at this.
(43:32):
They were being cute. I prefer to sign my name
immediately following the words for deposit only I've responded with
the smile. They all roared with laughter, disarming. Yes made
my point. Yes, women have to learn to do that.
Don't be afraid to give as good as you get.
So again, she's like, do wife antics to like annoying
men and then show that you're sassy and you know
(43:55):
what you're doing, and then they'll respect you and run
you your check.
Speaker 2 (43:59):
She did nothing, crazy wife fantic where she went once
to like the judges lunch room, and some judge to
her was like, this is the judges room. Only judges here,
And so then she pretends to be a maid wife
antics to like fool him and she goes, oh, so sorry,
I'm just here to clean up, and everyone else in
(44:19):
that room knew she was a judge. And then he
finds her later and he's like, you made a fool
of me in front of all the other judges. Why
didn't you say you were a judge, And she's just like,
you made a fool of yourself. Lose her.
Speaker 1 (44:33):
She's like, but basically that is I want to ask
our fans if you could when you see the executive
leadership of iHeart at your next trade show. Please go
up and tell them how much you love our chef.
(44:59):
By the power invest I mean by the County of Queens.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
In the court of Celebrity book Club.
Speaker 1 (45:04):
I hereby declare these segments guilty of being fabulous.
Speaker 2 (45:09):
A plaintiff, what does she wear? You are ordered to pay?
What does she eat?
Speaker 1 (45:15):
Four hundred dollars? The bailiff, how does she live? Will
see you out court adjourned? Okay, what is she?
Speaker 2 (45:26):
What does she eat?
Speaker 1 (45:27):
I feel like she's so like split piece bird.
Speaker 2 (45:30):
Yes, it's so judges lunch, Judge lunch. Like there's the
cafeteria that's like in the court room where it's like
it's all these classic judge watering holes where she's like
getting the spleepit soup with the piece of bread.
Speaker 1 (45:43):
And it's also because she has been fifty eight forever
that she's always eating senior citizen food. Like even at
twenty six, she was just like, I'll just get the
split peek because it's also burdened. She's tiny and she's pecking,
and she's buried in papers and gavels.
Speaker 2 (45:56):
And I think like there's a diet coke.
Speaker 1 (45:58):
Oh, for sure, she's the diet coke Personal lives.
Speaker 2 (46:01):
It's like diet coke pepto split pee. Jerry's like, where's
my pepto. She's like, I drank it.
Speaker 1 (46:13):
There is in every cabinet in that house. But she's
like she's pouring the pepto into the split piece, this
pepto soup, pepto swirl.
Speaker 2 (46:21):
I also feel it's like classic like Mom of Seven
Boys in this way at their lake house. We're like, well,
she says she doesn't cook anymore, because I was like,
you are rich at this point where she's like, I
do the laundry, but I don't cook.
Speaker 1 (46:32):
So I'm like she definitely has like a housekeeper kind
of making her bland meals like corn salad for lunch.
She's like, oh, it's corn salad again, all right, some
col cuts. How does she live? I feel like she
has eleven houses. I feel like she has a house
in just like Sun Valley. She has a house in Montecito.
She has a house in Florida. She has two houses
(46:53):
in Florida, one in West Palm, like one in Naples.
Speaker 2 (46:57):
She has like a midtown or like a central park overlooking.
Speaker 1 (47:01):
Yeah, and it's in like such a like kind of
nineteen seventies, like high rise.
Speaker 2 (47:06):
She was like an Adirondecks.
Speaker 1 (47:08):
Oh. I feel like the Adirondeck house is so just
like marble countertops and just like huge wooden kitchen with
a thousand cabinets and like appliances, and she does have
a soda stream and they also have like a stand
mixer and they're just like all the appliances.
Speaker 2 (47:21):
All the on the countertime, like a Hamilton beach blender.
Speaker 1 (47:25):
Yeah, and like she's definitely getting like you know whatever,
like someone on the production staff like got everyone like
butter warmers for Christmas, and like there's like a weird
like induction butter heater.
Speaker 2 (47:39):
And she's like, how do I even use this? Yeah,
I'm like does she actually she doesn't drink? She like
she had like the one beer Peggy Doyle's.
Speaker 1 (47:49):
Yeah, she doesn't strict me as a It's like at.
Speaker 2 (47:51):
A dinner party, she's having one glass of Josh.
Speaker 1 (47:54):
She didn't mention alcoholed on this book. I mean, Jerry
likes steak and red wine.
Speaker 2 (47:57):
But Jerry must be so like Scotch.
Speaker 1 (48:00):
Oh, you think he's even scotch, not red wine. I
think he's red wine and dinner. I think he's a
big heavy cab during dinner that too, you can you
can do both, yeah, but like in the couches, like, okay,
I have two ideas for couches. I'm either like they
could be almost like a thick floral like Roquete.
Speaker 2 (48:16):
Almo was about to say, it's like a thick floral,
kind of like nineties pattern, Laura ashtall.
Speaker 1 (48:24):
Like almost like rock carts at the touch, like you
could use the couch as a cutting board, bounce off
of it. Yeah, or it could be like tan leather
in there, like Central Park high Rise.
Speaker 2 (48:35):
Yeah, the Central Park is a little more modern. And
then I think like the Westchester or the Florida is
having this carpeted normal like parent house that's like comfortable
grandma core.
Speaker 1 (48:48):
But like in an eighties way. And there's like framed
photos of her with like the season thirteen like production
crew and the season fifty seven production crew and the
grand Yeah, lots of photos of the grandchildren.
Speaker 2 (49:03):
Tons of towels, tons of front gate towels everywhere.
Speaker 1 (49:07):
What does she wear is obviously rosess robes.
Speaker 2 (49:12):
And I mean she said, I think she is in
like such like Little Philine's TBT, like blooming Dale's slacks.
Speaker 1 (49:19):
Okay, but I actually kind of think that she's not
slacks because yes, we're calling her like second wave feminist,
but I think in this way that she's even more
like first ate feminist. She's a little bit more just
like us to be Anthony, where it's like I'm a
little bit like she's like, she's not even doing pantsuit
like her girl bossery is still like I'm doing antics
(49:40):
and that's more of fifties and skirtsuit to me than
it is being like a miss magazine. I'm in a
pants suit and like rising to the top.
Speaker 2 (49:48):
I guess it's not even pants suit. It's a little
more of just like the most basic black work slacks
of Bloomingdale's and like a white top. But I do
think she does wear like total mom jeans that are
like stoke home jeans, home jeans. Well I did. Okay,
this is just cheating, but I saw this photo of
her and Jerry and they're both in mom jeans wearing
(50:08):
big breast cancer t shirts.
Speaker 1 (50:11):
Oh, I mean, she's so the Jimmy Fun.
Speaker 2 (50:13):
Yeah, her style is so pink. Doesn't like breast cancer awareness.
Oh wait, I've been saving to tell you this on
this app in the iHeart Elevator. A headline came up
in that little TV and it says, Judge Judy endorses
Nikky Haley. That makes so much, which is maybe so
skirt suit is so skirt suit.
Speaker 1 (50:35):
And that's exactly what I was saying earlier about like
Dennis being a Republican. She's so Nikki Haley. I mean,
she's very just like Trump, are you kidding me? He
doesn't know his ass from his face? Right, She's just like,
we need a smart woman in there who knows what
she is doing.
Speaker 2 (50:49):
She's like, that man is a criminal. Okay, yeah, but
we need a smart woman who knows left from right,
knows how to raise kids, and.
Speaker 1 (50:58):
It's going to do something about immigration.
Speaker 2 (51:01):
Oh my gosh, so oh who are you?
Speaker 1 (51:06):
In the book? I was kind of wondering if you're
that anecdote about the woman whose dream is to be
a bank teller and.
Speaker 2 (51:15):
Then and then she gets an out bank by.
Speaker 1 (51:19):
An ATM, and she's like not reading the writing on
the wall when they start to install more ATMs in
the bank, and she's kind of be like, I'm going
to talk to people. I'm just gonna keep doing my
telling job and just handing people money, not realizing that
I'm being replaced by machine.
Speaker 2 (51:34):
By online banking. Okay, but then she has the story
about the maid and she's like, oh, you think you
can replace a maid anytime you want, but actually they're
indispensable because they know your secrets.
Speaker 1 (51:45):
Yeah, they do. And you do have these legacy clients
who literally will not let you go.
Speaker 2 (51:49):
Yeah, but then also I have been let go by
legacy clients who like.
Speaker 1 (51:53):
Ultimately were dissatisfied by your mating.
Speaker 2 (51:56):
And then I am thinking I know all their secrets,
and then I am replaced.
Speaker 1 (52:01):
And they actually don't care that you're telling your secret.
There are secrets on your podcast.
Speaker 2 (52:06):
So yeah, I guess I'm a mix between the bank
teller and the maid.
Speaker 1 (52:11):
I feel like I'm her boss, coming and being like girl,
come to Beggy Doyle's.
Speaker 2 (52:16):
Definitely, And she's like, oh, but I want to go
and watch with a fortune my parents, and you're just like,
you're thirty two, Like you need to meet your male.
Speaker 1 (52:24):
Like if you come to the fucking bar. All right.
I give this book maybe four out of five gavels.
There's a lot of one liners in it, pretty dope, funny, yeah,
really saying it's a great beach read for a workation.
She's a character.
Speaker 2 (52:41):
She's a character, and her humor shines. I mean, if
you lost the TV show, you're kidding the book.
Speaker 1 (52:46):
What you see is what you got with Judy and
the same girl on TV as the girl in this book.
Speaker 2 (52:51):
I think I once owned, don't be on my leg.
I don't know lost it somehow this one. I think
she is honestly giving the tea about her marriage so
much and like roasting him. Actually, I think this really
healthy way. And she's like, you may think, like I'm
roasting my husband too much, but he's the first one
to laugh at all these stories.
Speaker 1 (53:08):
Yeah, I think that's really beautiful. I think if you
can't roast your husband in print, then is even a husband?
Speaker 2 (53:15):
True words? True words? Yeah. I also give this four
point two Bloomingdale's slacks under the row ab out of five.
No sorry, Lacey bikini underwear.
Speaker 1 (53:28):
Worn in the men's bathroom, okay, fank Club Kids courd
adjourned tojourn Court is in recess until next week. Bet best.
Speaker 2 (53:42):
Order in the Court. This episode of Celebrity Book Club
has been executive produced by Judge Christina Everett, presiding over
iHeart Studios. Supervising producers Abu Zafar, He's a wonderful bailiff.
Darby Masters, the defendant also actually produced that even though
she is being sued, but you know, she represented herself.
(54:06):
The artwork is done by Teddy Blanks. I stole the
artwork and he's suing me. Theme song done by Stephen
Phillips Horse. You can see him perform at the Nasau Coliseum.
And uh yeah, this podcast was really co produced at
the Nassau County Courthouse for profile projects.
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