October 9, 2024 • 13 mins
Hello and welcome to a new episode of Dear Chiquis, where I answer your questions and give you advice as a best friend or big sister. Today, an anonymous listener is dating a man who doesn’t meet her standards and needs to know if she should say something to him; Karina is wondering what happens after I have a guest on my podcast; another anonymous listener appears to have a hater at work and wants my take on that and Yadhira doesn’t know what to do as the father of her child wants to come back into their lives.
You can leave me your questions at speakpipe.com/chiquisandchillpodcast! And don’t forget to listen to “Chiquis and Chill” every Monday. They’re longer podcast episodes filled with personal stories and interviews with special guests.
And guess what? You can now watch the podcast on Youtube!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Hello, everyone, it's your girl Cheeky's and you've reached the
voicemail box for Dear Cheeky's. I'm here to give you
advice on anything and everything you need help with. Maybe
you're going through a breakup, maybe you're having issues with
your family, or maybe you need help figuring out how
to balance your checkbook or how to start a business,
whatever the cases, I want to hear from you. Remember
these are my thoughts and opinions, and if you're suffering
(00:40):
from an issue or hardship, you should seek help from
a qualified professional. All right, now, go ahead and leave
your question at the sound of the beat.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Hi, Cheekys, love it your podcast. Love how positive you are.
I need advice with this situation. So I met this
guy on Tinder I've been seeing I've seen him a
few times, and I really like him. I think he's great.
He's so talkative, he's so funny. He makes me feel
awesome when I'm with him. But he does not fit
any of the standards that I've set for myself and
(01:12):
I guess for my partner. He smokes weed, he's been
to jail, he has a criminal background, he does drugs,
he's been an alcoholic. He says that he's a different personnel,
that's all in his past. But it's quite concerning to me,
and I don't know what to do with this. It's
(01:34):
making me question continuing seeing him. What would you do
in my situation? I mean, he's completely different from anything
that I've wanted in the past, but he makes me
feel great. I don't know how to maneuver this. I
don't know if I should just cut it off now
and avoid getting hurt later or what? Thank you?
Speaker 3 (01:55):
H okay?
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Is he doing drugs or he did drugs? Because you
said he does drugs, so that's concerning. If he does drugs,
that's a huge red flag. If that's something you're not
down with. If you're not okay with your partner smoking weed,
then that's a red flag. You have to ask yourself,
you know, am I okay with weed?
Speaker 3 (02:17):
Am I not? I have a personal opinion on weed.
You know. I smoke cannabis to sleep. I love it.
I do it with my.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
Partner or on the same page. But if you are
not on the same page and it's something you don't
want and you don't want in a partner for whatever reason,
then that to me is considered a yellow flag, an
orange flag, or red flag. It all depends, you know.
I do believe people can change. I do believe it.
I have seen it. I have changed. I'm a different person.
(02:47):
So I don't think it's fair to judge people because
of their past and the mistakes that they've made. I
think if they are willing to admit them, and and
he has shared this with you, then I think he's
on the path of just being himself and being open
with you. If he's not lying about it, I think
(03:08):
you're fine. I just don't know what kind of drugs
he still does or if it's just weed.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
I don't know. I wish I had a little bit
more clarity on that.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
But I do feel if he makes you feel good,
and if he's being open and honest with you, then
I think that's a good sign personally. If he's hiding things,
if you're finding out and he's lying, then that's obviously
not good. I think maybe having a conversation with him
and just telling him, hey, would you be willing to
stop smoking weed if that's a big problem for you?
Speaker 3 (03:34):
You know, But I don't know.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
I think I need a little bit more information. Can
you ask send me another question again, you know through
your Cheeky's do the speakpipe dot com, slash Chickius and
Chill podcast, send me another one, giving me a little
bit more detail so I can give you a better response.
But I need to know is he still doing them
the drugs? What kind of drugs? Like?
Speaker 3 (03:57):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Is he responsible? Does he have a good fightcal score?
That's a good question. What else can you ask? Is
your responsible man with his bills? I mean, does he
I need it a little bit more basically anonymous listener
because you don't give your name either.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
But it's okay.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
I hope I was able to help a little bit,
but yes, I need a little more clarity.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
Okay, I'll be waiting.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
Okay, guys, So we're gonna move on to the second
question that comes from Garina Garna Karina.
Speaker 4 (04:26):
Let's see, Hi, Cheeky's.
Speaker 5 (04:28):
I love you since forever you and your family of
course your mother. I've always followed you guys, since the
reality TV and your mom's music and now yours love
you guys, So my question for you is what happens
after a podcast? I just finished listening to Yours with
Horamos and what happens next, Like, do you guys follow up?
(04:52):
Do you send them like a little gift email, what
happens after your podcast? Love you hope to hear from
you soon, Karina.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
I love your question.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
It's a great question. It depends with like cork I,
you know, like I said in the episode, he had
interviewed me before. Ever since that interview, like we'll send
dms here and there. Super nice guy, amazing So when
he said yes to the podcast, I was just super psyched.
I didn't send him a gift, but that's a good idea.
Maybe I should start doing that. I definitely do follow
up and say thank you, but I haven't sent a gift.
(05:24):
I mean I've sent flowers to some guests because for
their birthday and stuff like that. But yeah, I mean
I think more than anything, once you have someone sitting
in this chair and they give you their time, to me,
that's super valuable. So I always try to just check
up on them and comment and have a little bit
more of like a relationship, even if it's just through
(05:47):
social media.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
You know.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
But that's about it. But thank you for your question,
and thank you for the idea too. Maybe I should
start sending more gifts after they come on. Okay, guys, ooh,
we have another anonymous listener. Let's see what question they have.
Speaker 6 (06:07):
Hi Cheeky's Tula Moosa love you girl. So I will
remain anonymous for my question. I just wanted to get
your opinion on this. I work at a credit union
and I'm with an operations department, so I assist all
of the branches that the credit union owns in case
anybody has any questions. You know, I roll up my sleeves,
(06:29):
I held them out. And I just recently was told
by one of my closest quote unquote friends from work
that there's other managers at other branches that are trying
to spread rumors saying that I'm a gralla and that
I'm a snob. And I'm just like, holy shit, that
sucks because I'm always the one to drop what I'm doing,
(06:51):
and like, I don't even tell them hey did you
check this? Did you check that? When they have any questions,
I just literally answer questions more of them and I'm like, hey,
I got you. You know, next time, check here or
check there, or you can find the answer here. But
you know, I help them out and cover the branches
I'm at the front line, you know. I do so
much to help them out and be there for them
as best as I can. So when I found that out,
(07:12):
I kind of hurt my feelings. I found out who
supposedly this is coming from. But I guess that's my
question to use. What will you do if you know
it's a cheese man, but you know who it's coming from.
Do you confront the person or do you just let
it go? Like I'm usually that person, I'd rather not know.
I'll let it go. But what do you think? What
would you do in my situation? Thank you so much?
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Well, miss anonymous listener, Well, you gotta hate girl, And
when someone's hating on you, so because you're doing something right,
I it all depends. I'm not a very confrontational person,
but I don't mind letting someone know and putting them
in their place when I need it. But she's saying
(07:55):
that you're a kreiva and I know it all or
a snob. That's because she's probably jealous of the position
that you have and how hard working you are. I
feel like it's jealousy because if it wasn't, then why
would she be saying it behind your back, tell me
my face, girl. But if she was saying something deeper,
I'd say confront her. Maybe it's just not even worth
it. It's just let me do what I'm doing. She's not
(08:18):
saying that an I'm lazy or I'm boning someone, or
she's just saying that you're a kreta, that you're a snob. Well,
you're doing what you gotta do. You're not there to
try to make friends, like, you're there to do your job.
And if no one's complaining about your job, then you're
doing a great job.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
So let it go.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Don't even say hello, kill people with kindness, hi, by
you know, cool, be polite and do your job. But
I don't think it's worth it to be honest, like,
you know, tell her anything, like why give her the
attention that she probably wants. Just continue doing you, Mama Sita,
When you're doing something right, people be hating, maybe saying
(08:56):
stuff they've been They've said that about me so much,
that I'm a mamna that this is.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
I'm like, dude, you don't even know me. Sit that
with me. We're gonna be cool.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
But anyways, yeah, don't even girls, don't even let it
bother you keep up the good work. Okay, guys. Our
last question comes from Yadidrah.
Speaker 4 (09:19):
I was in a four year relationship and I had
a baby with the dad, and I just don't know
how to go about him because it's like four years
down the drain, but then like two years of almost
having the baby. But it's just like I don't know
if I should hold onto the relationship when I already
(09:40):
know he wasn't being a father. Yeah, like he's the
dad and my kid, but you have to earn that
father title because he never once bought him diapers. He
never took him to the park, He never wanted to
do anything with his baby. But now that we separated,
now he wants to come around and be like I
want to see my baby, and all of a sudden
he wants to start buying him diapers. But it's like
where were.
Speaker 7 (10:01):
You then when I really needed you, like his newborn stage,
and now he's almost two, and it's just like I'm
trying to get over this guy, but it's like really hard,
like every day think about him, and it's like I
don't want to think about him because he was really
bad to me.
Speaker 4 (10:17):
He was like verbally abusive, and it's just I keep thinking,
like why are you even thinking about him? Or why
are you giving him a space in your mind? You know,
like just let him go? What advice can you give
me to just move on or just be happy with myself?
Because it makes it hard every day for me to
(10:37):
just keep going. But I know I have to be
strong for my baby.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
You know the little music in the background, the little lullaby, guys,
I love it, okay, yahdi dah. This is tough because
you have to be able to separate your relationship with
him and the relationship that he has with his child
and that he wants to have. Yes, we're upset with him.
I'm upset with him, like why didn't you look for
(11:04):
the baby when I really needed it.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
In you know, the newborn stage.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
But sometimes guys don't make that click, like don't even
take it personal, like they don't like get it. And
I think in the very beginning, not all guys, some guys,
you know, and maybe he was just one of those
guys that didn't really understand. And now you can't take
that from him now that he wants to step in,
if he's willing to buy diapers and be there for
his son allow it. Don't take that from your child,
(11:30):
and don't take that from him. You have to separate
the two now if you're still not over him, your
baby and his feelings. The baby's feelings are more important
right now than your own, Like, don't do that to
your baby, like try to like keep him away from
his dad. You just have to work on yourself, you know,
(11:52):
in the way of like whatever is going to make
you happy, work out, Like do those things that make
you feel good and are going to make you look good.
Speaker 3 (11:59):
So that when he picks up the baby, you look good, girl,
you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
Not because we want him back, you know, especially if
it was verbally abusive, no, but just so that you
feel good, like I want him to see and I'm good.
I'm good, even if you're not one hundred percent, Like
it's okay to like fake it a little bit, you know,
like you are good, and that is also going to
help you speed up the healing process, feeling good, taking
(12:24):
care of yourself. But you guys know, I'm always the
one to say, go to therapy. Do therapy. Therapy helps
so much, babe, And if you can do that to
help you get through this hump in the love road.
Do so, but separate that. Don't mix the two, you know,
(12:44):
especially if he wants to be in the baby's life
and hopefully he's helping you financially. Okay, hope that helped.
Oh that was our last question.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
Guys.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
Oh my gosh, that felt really fast. Okay, So guys,
I hope that you enjoyed this episode. Thank you to
our two anonymous listeners, to Karina and ta Yahida for
your questions. And if you have a question, please leave
it at speakpipe dot com, slash Chikys and Chill Podcasts.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
I'd love to hear from you. I love you guys
so much.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
Peete. This is a production of iHeartRadio and Mike Withura
podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at Mike Withdura Podcasts
and follow me Cheeky's That's c h I q U
I s. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your favorite shows.
Hello, everyone, it's your girl Cheeky's and you've reached the
voicemail box for Dear Cheeky's. I'm here to give you
advice on anything and everything you need help with. Maybe
you're going through a breakup, maybe you're having issues with
your family, or maybe you need help figuring out how
to balance your checkbook or how to start a business,
whatever the cases, I want to hear from you. Remember
these are my thoughts and opinions, and if you're suffering
(00:40):
from an issue or hardship, you should seek help from
a qualified professional. All right, now, go ahead and leave
your question at the sound of the beat.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Hi, Cheekys, love it your podcast. Love how positive you are.
I need advice with this situation. So I met this
guy on Tinder I've been seeing I've seen him a
few times, and I really like him. I think he's great.
He's so talkative, he's so funny. He makes me feel
awesome when I'm with him. But he does not fit
any of the standards that I've set for myself and
(01:12):
I guess for my partner. He smokes weed, he's been
to jail, he has a criminal background, he does drugs,
he's been an alcoholic. He says that he's a different personnel,
that's all in his past. But it's quite concerning to me,
and I don't know what to do with this. It's
(01:34):
making me question continuing seeing him. What would you do
in my situation? I mean, he's completely different from anything
that I've wanted in the past, but he makes me
feel great. I don't know how to maneuver this. I
don't know if I should just cut it off now
and avoid getting hurt later or what? Thank you?
Speaker 3 (01:55):
H okay?
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Is he doing drugs or he did drugs? Because you
said he does drugs, so that's concerning. If he does drugs,
that's a huge red flag. If that's something you're not
down with. If you're not okay with your partner smoking weed,
then that's a red flag. You have to ask yourself,
you know, am I okay with weed?
Speaker 3 (02:17):
Am I not? I have a personal opinion on weed.
You know. I smoke cannabis to sleep. I love it.
I do it with my.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
Partner or on the same page. But if you are
not on the same page and it's something you don't
want and you don't want in a partner for whatever reason,
then that to me is considered a yellow flag, an
orange flag, or red flag. It all depends, you know.
I do believe people can change. I do believe it.
I have seen it. I have changed. I'm a different person.
(02:47):
So I don't think it's fair to judge people because
of their past and the mistakes that they've made. I
think if they are willing to admit them, and and
he has shared this with you, then I think he's
on the path of just being himself and being open
with you. If he's not lying about it, I think
(03:08):
you're fine. I just don't know what kind of drugs
he still does or if it's just weed.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
I don't know. I wish I had a little bit
more clarity on that.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
But I do feel if he makes you feel good,
and if he's being open and honest with you, then
I think that's a good sign personally. If he's hiding things,
if you're finding out and he's lying, then that's obviously
not good. I think maybe having a conversation with him
and just telling him, hey, would you be willing to
stop smoking weed if that's a big problem for you?
Speaker 3 (03:34):
You know, But I don't know.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
I think I need a little bit more information. Can
you ask send me another question again, you know through
your Cheeky's do the speakpipe dot com, slash Chickius and
Chill podcast, send me another one, giving me a little
bit more detail so I can give you a better response.
But I need to know is he still doing them
the drugs? What kind of drugs? Like?
Speaker 3 (03:57):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Is he responsible? Does he have a good fightcal score?
That's a good question. What else can you ask? Is
your responsible man with his bills? I mean, does he
I need it a little bit more basically anonymous listener
because you don't give your name either.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
But it's okay.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
I hope I was able to help a little bit,
but yes, I need a little more clarity.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
Okay, I'll be waiting.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
Okay, guys, So we're gonna move on to the second
question that comes from Garina Garna Karina.
Speaker 4 (04:26):
Let's see, Hi, Cheeky's.
Speaker 5 (04:28):
I love you since forever you and your family of
course your mother. I've always followed you guys, since the
reality TV and your mom's music and now yours love
you guys, So my question for you is what happens
after a podcast? I just finished listening to Yours with
Horamos and what happens next, Like, do you guys follow up?
(04:52):
Do you send them like a little gift email, what
happens after your podcast? Love you hope to hear from
you soon, Karina.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
I love your question.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
It's a great question. It depends with like cork I,
you know, like I said in the episode, he had
interviewed me before. Ever since that interview, like we'll send
dms here and there. Super nice guy, amazing So when
he said yes to the podcast, I was just super psyched.
I didn't send him a gift, but that's a good idea.
Maybe I should start doing that. I definitely do follow
up and say thank you, but I haven't sent a gift.
(05:24):
I mean I've sent flowers to some guests because for
their birthday and stuff like that. But yeah, I mean
I think more than anything, once you have someone sitting
in this chair and they give you their time, to me,
that's super valuable. So I always try to just check
up on them and comment and have a little bit
more of like a relationship, even if it's just through
(05:47):
social media.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
You know.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
But that's about it. But thank you for your question,
and thank you for the idea too. Maybe I should
start sending more gifts after they come on. Okay, guys, ooh,
we have another anonymous listener. Let's see what question they have.
Speaker 6 (06:07):
Hi Cheeky's Tula Moosa love you girl. So I will
remain anonymous for my question. I just wanted to get
your opinion on this. I work at a credit union
and I'm with an operations department, so I assist all
of the branches that the credit union owns in case
anybody has any questions. You know, I roll up my sleeves,
(06:29):
I held them out. And I just recently was told
by one of my closest quote unquote friends from work
that there's other managers at other branches that are trying
to spread rumors saying that I'm a gralla and that
I'm a snob. And I'm just like, holy shit, that
sucks because I'm always the one to drop what I'm doing,
(06:51):
and like, I don't even tell them hey did you
check this? Did you check that? When they have any questions,
I just literally answer questions more of them and I'm like, hey,
I got you. You know, next time, check here or
check there, or you can find the answer here. But
you know, I help them out and cover the branches
I'm at the front line, you know. I do so
much to help them out and be there for them
as best as I can. So when I found that out,
(07:12):
I kind of hurt my feelings. I found out who
supposedly this is coming from. But I guess that's my
question to use. What will you do if you know
it's a cheese man, but you know who it's coming from.
Do you confront the person or do you just let
it go? Like I'm usually that person, I'd rather not know.
I'll let it go. But what do you think? What
would you do in my situation? Thank you so much?
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Well, miss anonymous listener, Well, you gotta hate girl, And
when someone's hating on you, so because you're doing something right,
I it all depends. I'm not a very confrontational person,
but I don't mind letting someone know and putting them
in their place when I need it. But she's saying
(07:55):
that you're a kreiva and I know it all or
a snob. That's because she's probably jealous of the position
that you have and how hard working you are. I
feel like it's jealousy because if it wasn't, then why
would she be saying it behind your back, tell me
my face, girl. But if she was saying something deeper,
I'd say confront her. Maybe it's just not even worth
it. It's just let me do what I'm doing. She's not
(08:18):
saying that an I'm lazy or I'm boning someone, or
she's just saying that you're a kreta, that you're a snob. Well,
you're doing what you gotta do. You're not there to
try to make friends, like, you're there to do your job.
And if no one's complaining about your job, then you're
doing a great job.
Speaker 3 (08:34):
So let it go.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Don't even say hello, kill people with kindness, hi, by
you know, cool, be polite and do your job. But
I don't think it's worth it to be honest, like,
you know, tell her anything, like why give her the
attention that she probably wants. Just continue doing you, Mama Sita,
When you're doing something right, people be hating, maybe saying
(08:56):
stuff they've been They've said that about me so much,
that I'm a mamna that this is.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
I'm like, dude, you don't even know me. Sit that
with me. We're gonna be cool.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
But anyways, yeah, don't even girls, don't even let it
bother you keep up the good work. Okay, guys. Our
last question comes from Yadidrah.
Speaker 4 (09:19):
I was in a four year relationship and I had
a baby with the dad, and I just don't know
how to go about him because it's like four years
down the drain, but then like two years of almost
having the baby. But it's just like I don't know
if I should hold onto the relationship when I already
(09:40):
know he wasn't being a father. Yeah, like he's the
dad and my kid, but you have to earn that
father title because he never once bought him diapers. He
never took him to the park, He never wanted to
do anything with his baby. But now that we separated,
now he wants to come around and be like I
want to see my baby, and all of a sudden
he wants to start buying him diapers. But it's like
where were.
Speaker 7 (10:01):
You then when I really needed you, like his newborn stage,
and now he's almost two, and it's just like I'm
trying to get over this guy, but it's like really hard,
like every day think about him, and it's like I
don't want to think about him because he was really
bad to me.
Speaker 4 (10:17):
He was like verbally abusive, and it's just I keep thinking,
like why are you even thinking about him? Or why
are you giving him a space in your mind? You know,
like just let him go? What advice can you give
me to just move on or just be happy with myself?
Because it makes it hard every day for me to
(10:37):
just keep going. But I know I have to be
strong for my baby.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
You know the little music in the background, the little lullaby, guys,
I love it, okay, yahdi dah. This is tough because
you have to be able to separate your relationship with
him and the relationship that he has with his child
and that he wants to have. Yes, we're upset with him.
I'm upset with him, like why didn't you look for
(11:04):
the baby when I really needed it.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
In you know, the newborn stage.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
But sometimes guys don't make that click, like don't even
take it personal, like they don't like get it. And
I think in the very beginning, not all guys, some guys,
you know, and maybe he was just one of those
guys that didn't really understand. And now you can't take
that from him now that he wants to step in,
if he's willing to buy diapers and be there for
his son allow it. Don't take that from your child,
(11:30):
and don't take that from him. You have to separate
the two now if you're still not over him, your
baby and his feelings. The baby's feelings are more important
right now than your own, Like, don't do that to
your baby, like try to like keep him away from
his dad. You just have to work on yourself, you know,
(11:52):
in the way of like whatever is going to make
you happy, work out, Like do those things that make
you feel good and are going to make you look good.
Speaker 3 (11:59):
So that when he picks up the baby, you look good, girl,
you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
Not because we want him back, you know, especially if
it was verbally abusive, no, but just so that you
feel good, like I want him to see and I'm good.
I'm good, even if you're not one hundred percent, Like
it's okay to like fake it a little bit, you know,
like you are good, and that is also going to
help you speed up the healing process, feeling good, taking
(12:24):
care of yourself. But you guys know, I'm always the
one to say, go to therapy. Do therapy. Therapy helps
so much, babe, And if you can do that to
help you get through this hump in the love road.
Do so, but separate that. Don't mix the two, you know,
(12:44):
especially if he wants to be in the baby's life
and hopefully he's helping you financially. Okay, hope that helped.
Oh that was our last question.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
Guys.
Speaker 1 (12:53):
Oh my gosh, that felt really fast. Okay, So guys,
I hope that you enjoyed this episode. Thank you to
our two anonymous listeners, to Karina and ta Yahida for
your questions. And if you have a question, please leave
it at speakpipe dot com, slash Chikys and Chill Podcasts.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
I'd love to hear from you. I love you guys
so much.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
Peete. This is a production of iHeartRadio and Mike Withura
podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at Mike Withdura Podcasts
and follow me Cheeky's That's c h I q U
I s. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your favorite shows.
Host
Chiquis
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