October 7, 2024 • 22 mins
Hello to all my lovely listeners! Today’s episode is another hear-to-heart with your big sister Chiquis. I’m talking about the importance of living in the present and embracing who we are at this very moment. It’s time to quit comparing ourselves to our younger or past selves.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:09):
Hi, everyone, Welcome to your favorite podcast, Cheeky's and Chill.
I hear a lot of great feedback from you guys,
so you are enjoying the podcast and that makes me
so happy. So thank you so much for letting me
in your life. And if you are going through something,
it could be anything, because I feel like we all
go through something. I definitely was last week. Don't worry,
(00:30):
hang in there, it will pass. Take deep breaths. You
got this, okay, we got this hashtag no to self Okay, guys.
So today I wanted to talk to you guys about
comparison and not so much maybe a little bit comparing
yourself to other people, but more than anything, comparing yourself
to your younger self or to an old version of
(00:52):
yourself and the importance of not doing that and why.
So let's start off with age. Okay, and I get it.
We get older, our bodies change, our skin changes. Especially
for women, I feel like we feel it a lot,
even men. I think just men don't talk about it
as much, but for women it is something. It was
(01:13):
something that affected me a little more saying, oh my gosh,
like you know, I don't know, my booty is not
as perky as it used to be. I don't know,
like things like that let us women go through. And
I think it's important to really embrace where you're at now,
you know, instead of thinking, oh, my body was this
(01:35):
or my face looked like that when I was twenty Like,
I'm sorry, but I really really feel that the thirties
are the new twenties. And I know it's like, oh,
it's so cliche, but it's seriously like, I feel better
than ever, although I do miss things for my twenties, like,
for instance, a lot I had thicker hair when I
was twenty five. In my twenties, I hadn't gotten so
many surgeries. Being under affects your hair growth so much,
(01:58):
you guys, and then just age and stress and hormones
and all that stuff. So my hair is not as
thick as these are extensions by the way, okay, but
my hair is not as thick as it used to be.
And I'll look at pictures and I'm like, oh, my gosh,
my hair was so long and it was my real hair,
and it makes me sad that I'm like, you know what,
who cares. I'm wiser now, you know, And I think
it's important for us to really just learn to embrace
(02:21):
where we're at now and stop thinking about the things
that we don't have or that we had before and
we no longer have. Like that steals so much joy,
you guys. And that's what this podcast, or should I
say this episode is all about, is like not allowing
our thoughts to steal our joy, our present joy because
we're so stuck in either the past or even sometimes
(02:43):
the future, because that happens a lot, at least to
me sometimes where I'm thinking of something that hasn't even
happened yet, and I'm like, why am I thinking about
next year? Like just focus on right now what's in
front of me. And honestly, guys, the truth is another
way to look at it is a lot of people
don't make it to their thirties or their forties, or
(03:03):
the fifties to their sixties. Like a lot of people
like unfortunately, for whatever it may be, like either illness
or or a tragic accident, don't don't make it to
like the next decade of their life. And it's like,
that's why we have to learn to be grateful and
to enjoy what we're living in the moment, you know,
and just to kind of a little bit more on
(03:26):
you know, the age thing. I think that we need
to focus on our self worth, you know, on our
self worth, who we are inside, what we bring to
other people's lives. Look at estabia and not just in
the world, but in people that are in our lives.
(03:47):
You know, our self worth, our value. It's not just
about a number. And it took me a while to
really understand that before. And I think it's because the
industry that I'm in, to be honest, like it's like, oh,
you know, don't don't talk at your age, just always
say early thirties.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
And I'm like, wait a second. I started.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
I had to stop and say, what's wrong with saying
my real age? You know, for a long time, my
management was like, no, no, to say it because it
ages you and this and that, Like I'm proud of
being in the industry for ten years.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
That doesn't shouldn't age me.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
If anything, it's like, damn, I look back and I'm like,
thank God, I've accomplished so much at this age. You know,
we have to look at it that way and not
let society rob us from what we've been able to
not only accomplish, but get through emotionally. We all go
through things, you know, and we're still here, Thank goodness,
(04:38):
we're still standing. We're doing our best in this very
sometimes cruel.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
World, you know.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
And it took me a while because I'm like, oh,
I used to think like, oh, I'm.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
Getting too old for this or whatever.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
No, No, I want to be myself and that's okay.
Like my age is just my wisdom, you know, getting
an age wiser is would I say, you know, okay,
so okay, before I lost weight, I would even think about,
you know, there's this picture my very i think very
first red carpet and my legs look so nice and tone,
(05:16):
and I'd be like, damn, Like I just fixate on that,
and I'm like, yeah, maybe I'm not as lean, or
my boobies were so tiny, you know, and it's like
then I went over there and got some big tits
and then they're not in anymore, and I'm like, damn,
I miss my cute, little perky tits, you know, And
I'm like so hard on myself. Maybe yes, we're not
as lean, we're not as tight as when we were
(05:38):
when we were in our twenties, but.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Who freaking cares?
Speaker 1 (05:41):
What about again, the wisdom, what we've learned, the maturity,
Like I'm so proud of the woman I am today.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
There's no way.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
That the way I've been able to handle certain things
and certain people in my life, I'd be able to
do that in my twenties. And that comes with age,
comes with growing through situations, and I think we need
to focus on that more than the physical aspect of aging.
You know, we can age gracefully. I mean, I tell you, guys,
(06:13):
I give botox, I do feelers here and there, like
I do my thing.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
I want to. Good skincare is important, you know.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
But at the end of the day, it always and
I know I tell you guys this all the time,
but it really is.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
And I know it sounds so cliche, but like it is.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
The beauty is in your heart, in your mind and
what you speak about and what you share on social
media and what you're doing for the world, Like that
is beautiful and that is everlasting, that will always be
a part of you, your essence, your intentions in life.
You know, that is what I feel makes a person beautiful.
(06:51):
And again in my younger years, like, oh, I want
a certain type of guy and he needs to be
this hide and he all that is out of the
window when you get older and you're like, what is
really important? Their morals, their values, the way they treat
other people, all those things are so much more important
than if he's tall, dark and handsome, like.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
That'll fade. It's his heart.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
My therapist once told me, focus on the motor, not
the outside, the exterior of the car. The dude. You know,
maybe he's muscular, but his motor, that is what's going
to get you, guys.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
Down the road.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
And I was like, damn, always stuck with me. So hopefully,
you know, teach you a little some something. Okay, guys,
So while we're here, I also want to talk about
comparing ourselves to our past selves. Okay, whether it be
(07:53):
you know, you were an athlete before, or a CEO
and you had to hire or a better position in
a company me or in my case, for a long time,
I was the only girl, you know, doing my thing.
I was like the only girl on billboard, like charting
on Billboard, and then came a lot of other wonderful women,
(08:15):
you know, and for me, I'd be like, damn, like
I'm not charting the way I used to. But because
there's a lot of amazing women that are coming out,
a lot of very talented women, and that makes me
happy because there's more women in music. But for a
little bit there, I was like, damn, Like it does
(08:35):
it can mess with you a little, and that's normal,
you know, But I think it is important to just
really and I say this all the time because it's true,
you guys, like I think we've talked about it, like
what causes depression and what causes anxiety. Anxiety is a
lot of the time, every case is different, but when
we are thinking of something that hasn't even happened yet,
we start psyching ourselves out and causes anxiety and it
(08:56):
makes us feel a certain way and we just start
thinking of things that haven't even happened. Depression is being
stuck in the past. And I've been there where I'm
like thinking, damn, and I feel less then, or I
feel not as cool, or I think am I losing
my mojo?
Speaker 2 (09:12):
And that's another thing.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
You know, We're gonna talk about all kinds of things here,
but you know, that's one of my affirmations. I am
timeless and I am youthful, and that's it, Like I
can't compare myself to the younger artists that are coming
out or what I was, or if I was charting,
or if I was the only one for a while,
Like that doesn't exist anymore. And it was causing me
depression and was causing me to shrink. And as soon
(09:36):
as I let that go, I was like, you know what,
I'm going to step into my power, my power of now,
the power of Now. If you haven't read that book,
read it. Amazing. Emilio has a tattooed on his right
here in his arm, the Power of Now. It's an
amazing book, and there is so much power in the now,
in the present. It is a present, it is it's
(09:57):
a gift, you guys, And we need to learn to
just focus on that, because if not, we're not able
to enjoy again, enjoy what we have in front of
us instead of always trying to chase what we want
or what we had. And it's like, dude, right now
is the only thing that is real. Like, right now,
this moment here, me speaking to you guys, is the
(10:19):
only thing that is real. I don't know what's going
to happen in two hours. I can't go back and
think about what I could have done, I should have
done what it was?
Speaker 2 (10:27):
What good does that give?
Speaker 1 (10:29):
Like? What good does that do? None at all at all.
And it takes a while to really train your mind
to be in the present, to be mindful. Mindfulness means
being present, being here, being with the person in front
of you, you know what I mean. Like there's just
so much power in that. And I think that we
(10:49):
live in such a fast paced world, you know. I
feel like every year's going by faster and faster and faster.
I can't believe that we're almost like there's only a
couple months left in the year, Like it's insane, and
it's happening so fast that we get stuck in like, oh,
I just I want to hurry up and do that,
and I want to accomplish that, and I want that,
(11:11):
I want.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
The next this or what this is all about being
stuck in.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
The past, and that causes depression and it just does
not allow you to be your best self.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
And I'm telling you all of this.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
I never ever talk about anything that I haven't experienced firsthand.
And this is something that I think I was able
to conquer, to really just embrace who I am now
just a few years ago, like three macs, three years,
and it takes time, and it takes maturity. And now
I really do enjoy being my age and knowing everything
(11:47):
that I know and embracing other women wherever they're at,
even if they're younger, even if they're prettier. Like I'm
just like, you know what, whatever, We're all just trying
to do our best here, you know. And I can
look at a woman and give her props and say, dude,
she's beautiful, she's very intelligent, and use it as inspiration
versus making myself feel bad.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
You know.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
I get it more than anything I understand, especially being
a woman in the industry, Like in the pressure that
we get, not just me and my industry, I think
all of us, I mean even anywhere in our workplace.
Like you feel a lot of pressure whether you're a
woman or a man, and it's always and it's the
world that we live in. But we can't allow that
pressure to shrink us and make us smaller. It's like
(12:34):
we got to break through it, you know, in every way,
like boom pierce through it.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
It's a thing. It really I get it. I know.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
I mentioned athletes a little bit earlier, and I want
to kind of talk about that. I mean, obviously I
wasn't an athlete. I wish, but I have seen it
with some people that I know that played sports in
high school and they were very I guess excited to
(13:20):
make it to the big leagues or something, or they
get hurt.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
I've seen it.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
I've experienced it with even family members that were very
dedicated to baseball and for whatever reason, life took a
turn or they got hurt and they weren't able to
make it. And for a long time, I saw how
it just put them in a very stagnant situation. They
(13:46):
were stagnant. They weren't moving forward or backward. They were
just like I can't believe, they were.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
So just.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
In a hole of just thinking what could have been.
And that's why for me, because I've seen it even
with certain people again family members, I guess because in
the singing industry, you know, like it's that's just life.
And I've learned that you can be here on the
(14:14):
top of the top, and it's not how you get there.
It's sustaining yourself and also knowing when not to give up.
It's not giving up when to walk away. I guess
to say, I did what I had to do, and
(14:35):
it's going to be my choice.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
To stay here.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
Or even if you come a little you come down
a little bit, like it's life. They say, what goes
up must come down one way or another. Either you're
going to do it gracefully or I've seen situations where
people have been at the top of their career making
an amazing, crazy amount of money. I don't even know
if it's amazing, but I'm just saying a crazy amount
(15:01):
of money and they just made a mistake and they.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Weren't true to themselves.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
And I just say that true to themselves or true
about their actions, they were honest, and life just took
it away and they did it. They were so stuck
in that moment that I felt like they never grew
out of it. They stayed stuck there. And we're not
meant to stay stuck anywhere. We're meant to evolve and
(15:29):
to grow. And even if for me, I've thought about
it like things are going amazing, Thank God, in my career.
I'm able to live where I live right now, and
I'm very happy, but I'm not stuck. If I'm not
stuck with Okay, this is my home and I have
to pay, Like if I can't pay it next here,
(15:49):
I want to be okay with saying okay, I'll downsize.
It's okay with going back to basics. There's not people
see it as I'm going backwards. No, you're just adjusting
to what's happening your life now. If imagine if like
I just do anything and everything to just work work, work, work, work,
and I'm not enjoying anything that I'm doing just to
pay this house off, but I'm not enjoying my relationship
(16:11):
or I'm so stressed over money, then I'm like the
purpose of life, I'm losing out on it because of
my ego of like, no, I need to sustain this
type of you know, image, this lifestyle because of who
I am or who I was.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
And I see that all the time.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
It's like, No, we need to be so confident in
who we are that it doesn't matter a title. That
shouldn't determine who we are inside and where we're going
and what we can still do in the world for others,
(16:52):
whether we have a title or not, whether we are
on the top of our game or not. Like, and
I know it sounds crazy, but it's something that I
have seen I have grown up in a very successful family.
I've grown up around athletes, and I've seen how much
it's affected them because they make that their identity. And again,
(17:14):
I've done it with my past self, you know, and
it's like, no, it's okay. Before I was like, I
was so naive, you know, I was I believed everything
and the world was so much better when I was naive,
is what I thought. And I'm like, no, like, it's okay.
I'm meant to evolve, i am meant to grow, i
am meant to be better. I am meant to be different.
(17:36):
If people don't tell me, hey, you've changed, then I'm
not living. I'm not doing what a human is supposed
to do. I'm not supposed to be the same in
any way. And that's okay. It takes a while to
get there and to embrace that, but I finally got
a hold of it, and I'm like, Okay, it's fine
not to compare yourself with anyone else, not to compare
yourself with who you were where you were, And it
(18:00):
just takes. It takes just knowing who you truly are
in the depths of your heart, and it takes time,
and it takes a lot of tears and accepting, but
it is possible. So all I can tell you, guys
is I feel you. I understand.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
I know.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
We live in a world where there's a lot of
pressure and how we should look, where we should be,
you know, social media, and it's like, oh the cars
that we drive, and it's like doesn't even matter, guys,
Like it really doesn't matter. Like sometimes when I'm having
(18:39):
a hard day, like it's been a couple times at lame,
I'm sitting there and I'm just like, okay, I have
to remind myself. I'm like, okay, this is my job.
This isn't who I am, you know, Like it's who
I am. But at the end of the day, there
are more important things than saying the right things.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
You know. Because I'm on live television and there's so
much fucking pressure. I'm just like, oh my god, And
I'm like, you know what.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
Once I get that out of my head, I'm just like,
you know what, I am here, I am present, i
am in the now. I'm going to enjoy myself right now.
It completely changes everything. And I get out of my
head and I enjoy and I'm in my skin and
I'm in my flesh and I'm like in the present,
not thinking of did I say the right thing or
how do I look? Or it robs us of so
(19:24):
much joy in the present, guys. So anyways, I just
want to share with you, guys, because I think that
these are things that I think about, that I see,
that I observe, and you know, just like sharing it
all with you, guys, and I hope that it can
inspire you in some way and make you feel empowered
(19:46):
in yourself and where you are now so that you
can enjoy the now, the present, because again it is
a gift, so unwrap it, you know. And before I
let you guys go, I do want to end on
this note. I think it's something that we are aware
of but we don't really appreciate, is time. And I
(20:11):
am telling you guys, is because after my mom passed
away and the way she passed away, it really put
things into perspective, especially when it has to do with
time and how that is something you can never get back.
And from what I hear, especially with my mom. You know,
(20:32):
her and I weren't on speaking terms when she passed,
and she would say, I just need time. I need time.
And then time was taken from us and time did
what it was going to do. You know, we weren't
ever able to speak. So I think it's it was
a learning lesson for me. And I don't know if
that resonates with some of you, but I think it
is important to appreciate the time again in the now.
(20:57):
And yes, the years are going by faster, but we
have right now, We have the day, you know, and
sometimes we get so stuck in tomorrow that we don't
do what we need to do now right now. Anyways,
I'll leave you guys with that, so let's take advantage
of the time that we have now.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Guys.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
That's it, and I love you guys, and I hope
that this episode can help you in one way or another.
That is my goal, that is my mission in life
with this podcast is to inspire you, to empower you
to yes, inspire you to become the best version of yourself,
and not to beat yourself up if you fall off track,
(21:39):
let's get back on it. So I love you and
thank you for listening to Cheeky's and Chill. Thank you
for coming back each and every single week, and.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
Check out Dear Cheeky's. I love you guys.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
This is a production of iHeartRadio and Make Quintura podcast Network.
Follow us on Instagram at Mike Quintura Podcasts and follow
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For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you get your favorite shows.
Hi, everyone, Welcome to your favorite podcast, Cheeky's and Chill.
I hear a lot of great feedback from you guys,
so you are enjoying the podcast and that makes me
so happy. So thank you so much for letting me
in your life. And if you are going through something,
it could be anything, because I feel like we all
go through something. I definitely was last week. Don't worry,
(00:30):
hang in there, it will pass. Take deep breaths. You
got this, okay, we got this hashtag no to self Okay, guys.
So today I wanted to talk to you guys about
comparison and not so much maybe a little bit comparing
yourself to other people, but more than anything, comparing yourself
to your younger self or to an old version of
(00:52):
yourself and the importance of not doing that and why.
So let's start off with age. Okay, and I get it.
We get older, our bodies change, our skin changes. Especially
for women, I feel like we feel it a lot,
even men. I think just men don't talk about it
as much, but for women it is something. It was
(01:13):
something that affected me a little more saying, oh my gosh,
like you know, I don't know, my booty is not
as perky as it used to be. I don't know,
like things like that let us women go through. And
I think it's important to really embrace where you're at now,
you know, instead of thinking, oh, my body was this
(01:35):
or my face looked like that when I was twenty Like,
I'm sorry, but I really really feel that the thirties
are the new twenties. And I know it's like, oh,
it's so cliche, but it's seriously like, I feel better
than ever, although I do miss things for my twenties, like,
for instance, a lot I had thicker hair when I
was twenty five. In my twenties, I hadn't gotten so
many surgeries. Being under affects your hair growth so much,
(01:58):
you guys, and then just age and stress and hormones
and all that stuff. So my hair is not as
thick as these are extensions by the way, okay, but
my hair is not as thick as it used to be.
And I'll look at pictures and I'm like, oh, my gosh,
my hair was so long and it was my real hair,
and it makes me sad that I'm like, you know what,
who cares. I'm wiser now, you know, And I think
it's important for us to really just learn to embrace
(02:21):
where we're at now and stop thinking about the things
that we don't have or that we had before and
we no longer have. Like that steals so much joy,
you guys. And that's what this podcast, or should I
say this episode is all about, is like not allowing
our thoughts to steal our joy, our present joy because
we're so stuck in either the past or even sometimes
(02:43):
the future, because that happens a lot, at least to
me sometimes where I'm thinking of something that hasn't even
happened yet, and I'm like, why am I thinking about
next year? Like just focus on right now what's in
front of me. And honestly, guys, the truth is another
way to look at it is a lot of people
don't make it to their thirties or their forties, or
(03:03):
the fifties to their sixties. Like a lot of people
like unfortunately, for whatever it may be, like either illness
or or a tragic accident, don't don't make it to
like the next decade of their life. And it's like,
that's why we have to learn to be grateful and
to enjoy what we're living in the moment, you know,
and just to kind of a little bit more on
(03:26):
you know, the age thing. I think that we need
to focus on our self worth, you know, on our
self worth, who we are inside, what we bring to
other people's lives. Look at estabia and not just in
the world, but in people that are in our lives.
(03:47):
You know, our self worth, our value. It's not just
about a number. And it took me a while to
really understand that before. And I think it's because the
industry that I'm in, to be honest, like it's like, oh,
you know, don't don't talk at your age, just always
say early thirties.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
And I'm like, wait a second. I started.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
I had to stop and say, what's wrong with saying
my real age? You know, for a long time, my
management was like, no, no, to say it because it
ages you and this and that, Like I'm proud of
being in the industry for ten years.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
That doesn't shouldn't age me.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
If anything, it's like, damn, I look back and I'm like,
thank God, I've accomplished so much at this age. You know,
we have to look at it that way and not
let society rob us from what we've been able to
not only accomplish, but get through emotionally. We all go
through things, you know, and we're still here, Thank goodness,
(04:38):
we're still standing. We're doing our best in this very
sometimes cruel.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
World, you know.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
And it took me a while because I'm like, oh,
I used to think like, oh, I'm.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
Getting too old for this or whatever.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
No, No, I want to be myself and that's okay.
Like my age is just my wisdom, you know, getting
an age wiser is would I say, you know, okay,
so okay, before I lost weight, I would even think about,
you know, there's this picture my very i think very
first red carpet and my legs look so nice and tone,
(05:16):
and I'd be like, damn, Like I just fixate on that,
and I'm like, yeah, maybe I'm not as lean, or
my boobies were so tiny, you know, and it's like
then I went over there and got some big tits
and then they're not in anymore, and I'm like, damn,
I miss my cute, little perky tits, you know, And
I'm like so hard on myself. Maybe yes, we're not
as lean, we're not as tight as when we were
(05:38):
when we were in our twenties, but.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Who freaking cares?
Speaker 1 (05:41):
What about again, the wisdom, what we've learned, the maturity,
Like I'm so proud of the woman I am today.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
There's no way.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
That the way I've been able to handle certain things
and certain people in my life, I'd be able to
do that in my twenties. And that comes with age,
comes with growing through situations, and I think we need
to focus on that more than the physical aspect of aging.
You know, we can age gracefully. I mean, I tell you, guys,
(06:13):
I give botox, I do feelers here and there, like
I do my thing.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
I want to. Good skincare is important, you know.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
But at the end of the day, it always and
I know I tell you guys this all the time,
but it really is.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
And I know it sounds so cliche, but like it is.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
The beauty is in your heart, in your mind and
what you speak about and what you share on social
media and what you're doing for the world, Like that
is beautiful and that is everlasting, that will always be
a part of you, your essence, your intentions in life.
You know, that is what I feel makes a person beautiful.
(06:51):
And again in my younger years, like, oh, I want
a certain type of guy and he needs to be
this hide and he all that is out of the
window when you get older and you're like, what is
really important? Their morals, their values, the way they treat
other people, all those things are so much more important
than if he's tall, dark and handsome, like.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
That'll fade. It's his heart.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
My therapist once told me, focus on the motor, not
the outside, the exterior of the car. The dude. You know,
maybe he's muscular, but his motor, that is what's going
to get you, guys.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
Down the road.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
And I was like, damn, always stuck with me. So hopefully,
you know, teach you a little some something. Okay, guys,
So while we're here, I also want to talk about
comparing ourselves to our past selves. Okay, whether it be
(07:53):
you know, you were an athlete before, or a CEO
and you had to hire or a better position in
a company me or in my case, for a long time,
I was the only girl, you know, doing my thing.
I was like the only girl on billboard, like charting
on Billboard, and then came a lot of other wonderful women,
(08:15):
you know, and for me, I'd be like, damn, like
I'm not charting the way I used to. But because
there's a lot of amazing women that are coming out,
a lot of very talented women, and that makes me
happy because there's more women in music. But for a
little bit there, I was like, damn, Like it does
(08:35):
it can mess with you a little, and that's normal,
you know, But I think it is important to just
really and I say this all the time because it's true,
you guys, like I think we've talked about it, like
what causes depression and what causes anxiety. Anxiety is a
lot of the time, every case is different, but when
we are thinking of something that hasn't even happened yet,
we start psyching ourselves out and causes anxiety and it
(08:56):
makes us feel a certain way and we just start
thinking of things that haven't even happened. Depression is being
stuck in the past. And I've been there where I'm
like thinking, damn, and I feel less then, or I
feel not as cool, or I think am I losing
my mojo?
Speaker 2 (09:12):
And that's another thing.
Speaker 1 (09:13):
You know, We're gonna talk about all kinds of things here,
but you know, that's one of my affirmations. I am
timeless and I am youthful, and that's it, Like I
can't compare myself to the younger artists that are coming
out or what I was, or if I was charting,
or if I was the only one for a while,
Like that doesn't exist anymore. And it was causing me
depression and was causing me to shrink. And as soon
(09:36):
as I let that go, I was like, you know what,
I'm going to step into my power, my power of now,
the power of Now. If you haven't read that book,
read it. Amazing. Emilio has a tattooed on his right
here in his arm, the Power of Now. It's an
amazing book, and there is so much power in the now,
in the present. It is a present, it is it's
(09:57):
a gift, you guys, And we need to learn to
just focus on that, because if not, we're not able
to enjoy again, enjoy what we have in front of
us instead of always trying to chase what we want
or what we had. And it's like, dude, right now
is the only thing that is real. Like, right now,
this moment here, me speaking to you guys, is the
(10:19):
only thing that is real. I don't know what's going
to happen in two hours. I can't go back and
think about what I could have done, I should have
done what it was?
Speaker 2 (10:27):
What good does that give?
Speaker 1 (10:29):
Like? What good does that do? None at all at all.
And it takes a while to really train your mind
to be in the present, to be mindful. Mindfulness means
being present, being here, being with the person in front
of you, you know what I mean. Like there's just
so much power in that. And I think that we
(10:49):
live in such a fast paced world, you know. I
feel like every year's going by faster and faster and faster.
I can't believe that we're almost like there's only a
couple months left in the year, Like it's insane, and
it's happening so fast that we get stuck in like, oh,
I just I want to hurry up and do that,
and I want to accomplish that, and I want that,
(11:11):
I want.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
The next this or what this is all about being
stuck in.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
The past, and that causes depression and it just does
not allow you to be your best self.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
And I'm telling you all of this.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
I never ever talk about anything that I haven't experienced firsthand.
And this is something that I think I was able
to conquer, to really just embrace who I am now
just a few years ago, like three macs, three years,
and it takes time, and it takes maturity. And now
I really do enjoy being my age and knowing everything
(11:47):
that I know and embracing other women wherever they're at,
even if they're younger, even if they're prettier. Like I'm
just like, you know what, whatever, We're all just trying
to do our best here, you know. And I can
look at a woman and give her props and say, dude,
she's beautiful, she's very intelligent, and use it as inspiration
versus making myself feel bad.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
You know.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
I get it more than anything I understand, especially being
a woman in the industry, Like in the pressure that
we get, not just me and my industry, I think
all of us, I mean even anywhere in our workplace.
Like you feel a lot of pressure whether you're a
woman or a man, and it's always and it's the
world that we live in. But we can't allow that
pressure to shrink us and make us smaller. It's like
(12:34):
we got to break through it, you know, in every way,
like boom pierce through it.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
It's a thing. It really I get it. I know.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
I mentioned athletes a little bit earlier, and I want
to kind of talk about that. I mean, obviously I
wasn't an athlete. I wish, but I have seen it
with some people that I know that played sports in
high school and they were very I guess excited to
(13:20):
make it to the big leagues or something, or they
get hurt.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
I've seen it.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
I've experienced it with even family members that were very
dedicated to baseball and for whatever reason, life took a
turn or they got hurt and they weren't able to
make it. And for a long time, I saw how
it just put them in a very stagnant situation. They
(13:46):
were stagnant. They weren't moving forward or backward. They were
just like I can't believe, they were.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
So just.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
In a hole of just thinking what could have been.
And that's why for me, because I've seen it even
with certain people again family members, I guess because in
the singing industry, you know, like it's that's just life.
And I've learned that you can be here on the
(14:14):
top of the top, and it's not how you get there.
It's sustaining yourself and also knowing when not to give up.
It's not giving up when to walk away. I guess
to say, I did what I had to do, and
(14:35):
it's going to be my choice.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
To stay here.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
Or even if you come a little you come down
a little bit, like it's life. They say, what goes
up must come down one way or another. Either you're
going to do it gracefully or I've seen situations where
people have been at the top of their career making
an amazing, crazy amount of money. I don't even know
if it's amazing, but I'm just saying a crazy amount
(15:01):
of money and they just made a mistake and they.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Weren't true to themselves.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
And I just say that true to themselves or true
about their actions, they were honest, and life just took
it away and they did it. They were so stuck
in that moment that I felt like they never grew
out of it. They stayed stuck there. And we're not
meant to stay stuck anywhere. We're meant to evolve and
(15:29):
to grow. And even if for me, I've thought about
it like things are going amazing, Thank God, in my career.
I'm able to live where I live right now, and
I'm very happy, but I'm not stuck. If I'm not
stuck with Okay, this is my home and I have
to pay, Like if I can't pay it next here,
(15:49):
I want to be okay with saying okay, I'll downsize.
It's okay with going back to basics. There's not people
see it as I'm going backwards. No, you're just adjusting
to what's happening your life now. If imagine if like
I just do anything and everything to just work work, work, work, work,
and I'm not enjoying anything that I'm doing just to
pay this house off, but I'm not enjoying my relationship
(16:11):
or I'm so stressed over money, then I'm like the
purpose of life, I'm losing out on it because of
my ego of like, no, I need to sustain this
type of you know, image, this lifestyle because of who
I am or who I was.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
And I see that all the time.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
It's like, No, we need to be so confident in
who we are that it doesn't matter a title. That
shouldn't determine who we are inside and where we're going
and what we can still do in the world for others,
(16:52):
whether we have a title or not, whether we are
on the top of our game or not. Like, and
I know it sounds crazy, but it's something that I
have seen I have grown up in a very successful family.
I've grown up around athletes, and I've seen how much
it's affected them because they make that their identity. And again,
(17:14):
I've done it with my past self, you know, and
it's like, no, it's okay. Before I was like, I
was so naive, you know, I was I believed everything
and the world was so much better when I was naive,
is what I thought. And I'm like, no, like, it's okay.
I'm meant to evolve, i am meant to grow, i
am meant to be better. I am meant to be different.
(17:36):
If people don't tell me, hey, you've changed, then I'm
not living. I'm not doing what a human is supposed
to do. I'm not supposed to be the same in
any way. And that's okay. It takes a while to
get there and to embrace that, but I finally got
a hold of it, and I'm like, Okay, it's fine
not to compare yourself with anyone else, not to compare
yourself with who you were where you were, And it
(18:00):
just takes. It takes just knowing who you truly are
in the depths of your heart, and it takes time,
and it takes a lot of tears and accepting, but
it is possible. So all I can tell you, guys
is I feel you. I understand.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
I know.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
We live in a world where there's a lot of
pressure and how we should look, where we should be,
you know, social media, and it's like, oh the cars
that we drive, and it's like doesn't even matter, guys,
Like it really doesn't matter. Like sometimes when I'm having
(18:39):
a hard day, like it's been a couple times at lame,
I'm sitting there and I'm just like, okay, I have
to remind myself. I'm like, okay, this is my job.
This isn't who I am, you know, Like it's who
I am. But at the end of the day, there
are more important things than saying the right things.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
You know. Because I'm on live television and there's so
much fucking pressure. I'm just like, oh my god, And
I'm like, you know what.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
Once I get that out of my head, I'm just like,
you know what, I am here, I am present, i
am in the now. I'm going to enjoy myself right now.
It completely changes everything. And I get out of my
head and I enjoy and I'm in my skin and
I'm in my flesh and I'm like in the present,
not thinking of did I say the right thing or
how do I look? Or it robs us of so
(19:24):
much joy in the present, guys. So anyways, I just
want to share with you, guys, because I think that
these are things that I think about, that I see,
that I observe, and you know, just like sharing it
all with you, guys, and I hope that it can
inspire you in some way and make you feel empowered
(19:46):
in yourself and where you are now so that you
can enjoy the now, the present, because again it is
a gift, so unwrap it, you know. And before I
let you guys go, I do want to end on
this note. I think it's something that we are aware
of but we don't really appreciate, is time. And I
(20:11):
am telling you guys, is because after my mom passed
away and the way she passed away, it really put
things into perspective, especially when it has to do with
time and how that is something you can never get back.
And from what I hear, especially with my mom. You know,
(20:32):
her and I weren't on speaking terms when she passed,
and she would say, I just need time. I need time.
And then time was taken from us and time did
what it was going to do. You know, we weren't
ever able to speak. So I think it's it was
a learning lesson for me. And I don't know if
that resonates with some of you, but I think it
is important to appreciate the time again in the now.
(20:57):
And yes, the years are going by faster, but we
have right now, We have the day, you know, and
sometimes we get so stuck in tomorrow that we don't
do what we need to do now right now. Anyways,
I'll leave you guys with that, so let's take advantage
of the time that we have now.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Guys.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
That's it, and I love you guys, and I hope
that this episode can help you in one way or another.
That is my goal, that is my mission in life
with this podcast is to inspire you, to empower you
to yes, inspire you to become the best version of yourself,
and not to beat yourself up if you fall off track,
(21:39):
let's get back on it. So I love you and
thank you for listening to Cheeky's and Chill. Thank you
for coming back each and every single week, and.
Speaker 2 (21:50):
Check out Dear Cheeky's. I love you guys.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
This is a production of iHeartRadio and Make Quintura podcast Network.
Follow us on Instagram at Mike Quintura Podcasts and follow
me Chieky's That's c h i q u i s.
For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you get your favorite shows.
Host
Chiquis
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