November 13, 2023 • 21 mins
Chiquis addresses a recent video she posted on social media in which she talks about having a “pobrecita” mentality. She explains what that means to her, the recent family issues that led her to make the video and why she felt the need to post it. Chiquis also talks about her own experience having a victim mentality and how lessons from her late mother, Jenni, helped her overcome it.
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
I'm going to be very vague, yet very direct. My
siblings are and I are suing my grandfather because a
lot of things weren't done right. I don't think it's
cool to have a Bodha sat that mindset or attitude.
Before we start pointing fingers, we need to look within
ourselves and say, wait a second, what have I done
to cause a situation. It's not just mistakes and all
(00:25):
that stuff, but always just feeling sorry for yourself. No
one wants to be around that, and you're going to
find yourself lonely if you don't fix that. What up, guys,
Happy Monday. I hope you all are having an amazing day.
I'm happy to be on the mic with you guys
for today's episode of Cheeks and Chill, and I hope
(00:46):
you guys had a chance to check out last week's
episode on the Pie of Life, something I learned about
in therapy and it's really helped me balance my life,
so be sure to check it out anyway. On today's episode,
I'm going to be talking about something I posted on TikTok.
In the video, I talked about how I can't stand
people who have a boba that mindset. That attitude. A
(01:06):
lot of you guys watched it and responded to it,
so I wanted to impact that a little bit on here.
So let's get into it. This is Cheeky's and chill, okay,
So let's start with a little bit of the backstory.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
You know what I can't stand approach to life mindset?
You know someone that victimizes themselves, especially when they're the
ones that caused the situation that they're.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
In the reason why I posted the video in the
first place was because my siblings and I are going
through a little something that we have not yet publicly
talked about, and we have chosen for it to be
that way. I'm gonna be very vague, yet very direct.
My siblings are and I are suing my grandfather because
(02:05):
a lot of things weren't done right since I can remember. Again,
I can't get into detail because I'm gonna let the
lawyers take care of that. But there has been a
lot of lies and deception and just people and I'm
not going to say names, but people really not taking
accountability and not taking responsibility for their actions, not knowing
(02:30):
how to apologize, how to accept that they didn't do
a perfect job, and that's okay. We don't want perfection,
we want honesty. Right. So I was thinking, and it
had been sitting in my heart and in my mind
for a while, and then then I thought, you know what,
it's something that has been bugging me in general. It's
something that bugs me in general. And when this all
happened and then I saw certain things being said, I
(02:53):
took a lot. And it still takes a lot for
me to just stay quiet and stay centered and focus
on God and know that he has our back and
he knows the truth and everything is going to be okay.
Because as a big sister, the first thing I want
to do is go out there and defend my siblings
and defend our truth. But I'm just trying to be
chill now. So that's the reason I posted it. And
(03:13):
I was thinking of someone specifically, which I'm not going
to say their name, And I always say if the
shoe fits, wear it. But it also does go with
what I truly believe. I don't think it's cool to
have a Bodhesita mindset or attitude. What does that mean exactly?
(03:37):
That means oh, pore me, Oh, I I didn't do this,
And the reason I did this was because this person
did that. It's like, wait, wait, wait, wait, stop pointing
fingers first of all, because when you point a finger,
there are three fingers pointing back at you. So I'm
(03:57):
not saying that the other person doesn't and shouldn't take accountability.
But before we start pointing fingers, we need to look
within ourselves and say, wait a second, what have I
done to cause a situation? What can I do differently
to have a better and a different outcome? Where can
I apologize? You know, there is a lot of power
(04:18):
in manning up, even if you're a woman like womaning
up you know the way I said it on my
TikTok and apologizing and saying you know what I asked up.
I'm not perfect. You know I could have done things differently,
you know what I mean. It could be in different situations.
But stop trying to make people feel sorry for you,
painting a picture of like it's the other person's fault. No, no, no, wit.
(04:41):
There's always two sides, three sides to the story, Okay,
your side, their side, and the truth. So it's taking
accountability more than anything, and not wanting, first of all,
not victimizing yourself. Yes, you can be a victim of
a situation, but once you start victimizing yourself, that's very different.
It's oh my god, poor me, this happened to me.
(05:02):
And it keeps you stuck, It keeps you stagnant. It
doesn't allow you to grow, it doesn't allow you to
live a more peaceful life. There is so much freaking power, you, guys,
in being vulnerable and in saying, dude, I'm messed up
and I'm sorry for that, and I want to be
different and that does not define who I am today.
(05:23):
So that's why I posted it. I just felt that
it could fit many people, and that's why I kept
it general, because yes, it is like something I truly
can't stand, and yes we are and we're going through
something during that time, and I felt the need to
say something without saying it directly to the person, if
(05:45):
that makes sense. So I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna
say how it is. I'm straight up, and it's not
because I'm scared if I haven't spoken up. It's because
I'm respecting my sister in her position, and I don't
want to make her position harder. My sister Jackie, who
is now the CEO of Jenny Rivera enterprises and we
all decided to just stay quiet. And I do see
and I do hear a lot of things that pissed
(06:06):
me off, and I'm gonna just maybe eventually, I don't
know when, I don't know if it's even gonna happen,
but take the reins as the eldest sister and speak
the truth. But for now, I'm chilling. I'm leaving it
in God's hands. And I truly, truly do believe that
you should not. And it's not cute to have able
(06:29):
to see that mentality, guys, absolutely not. You know, I
was sitting and thinking to myself, where does this come from?
Is it a maturity thing? Is it lack of confidence?
(06:52):
I don't know. I mean, I personally feel because I'm
not gonna lie. Back in the days when I was younger,
it was a little harder for me to take accountability.
And I think it was because I didn't know who
I was. I thought that I had to be quote
unquote perfect, you know what I mean, in order for
people to like me. Then it got to a point
where it's like, I'm human. I make mistakes, I can
(07:14):
say sorry, I can change no situation is going to
define who I am today and who am going to
be tomorrow and in my future. So once I understood
that and I was like, Okay, I accept myself for
who I am, flaws and all. Now I'm like, okay, yeah,
I'm cool with not being perfect. I'm okay with making
mistakes and I admit to them because regardless dos a
(07:35):
la la loos, everything comes to light. So I do
think it is a part of not knowing who you are,
not being confident in who you are, and maturity. But unfortunately,
in my situation, my personal situation, which is what caused
me to record this video in the first place, the
person I'm kind of thinking about is older than I am.
Actually it's not just one person, it's a few people.
They're older than I am, And I'm like, what the
(07:57):
heck they have, in my personal opinion, something that they
need to heal in their heart and in their mind,
or something that's causing them not to see the truth
of things. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a grown
ass man or a grown ass woman, doesn't matter your age,
to say, you know what, I didn't do this right
(08:18):
and for that I'm sorry. I admire people that can
just face it. You take the power from the other
person once you're just like, I apologize, I'm sorry, you
know what I mean. Like you take literally the power
and you're like, oh shoot, the other person says like,
oh wow, they admitted to it, or you know, yeah,
I'm gonna I'm gonna forgive them because they've been honest,
(08:38):
because they're apologizing, because they're admitting, you know what I mean.
So I do think it's a little bit. It's a
conjunction of things. I could be wrong. Again, this is
just my opinion and my advice and my podcast, so
I can talk about whatever I want, Thank goodness, but
it is something that is not cute, especially in men.
It's not cute to be like, oh, you know, everyone
(09:01):
feels sorry for me. You know, I didn't do anything wrong,
and these people are accusing me, and these people are
saying things that no, no, no, have your balls in your
hand and your body's in your hand, and face the truth,
face the music. You know what I mean. It's okay.
No one is perfect. We all make mistakes and it's
going to be that way for the rest of our lives.
(09:21):
That's just the way life works. You learn from every mistake.
The gatta gaia. Each time you fall, you learn, you grow,
you mature, You're supposed to anyways. And if you have
it and you still have that poor me attitude, bobahesitam
mentality added to whatever you want to call it, you
really got to do some like inner work, you know,
(09:42):
because it's just it's it's not it you guys, and
it will keep you stuck. It will not allow you
to grow. And what Chiggie's and Chill is all about
is growing and expanding and evolving in every way. Perfection
does not exist. And it's okay because I feel like
being perfect would be boring. It wouldn't like bring any
(10:02):
labor or sason to like life. So we need certain
situations and certain things to spice things up a little bit.
But what are you going to learn from that? You
know what I mean? And I want to publicly think
my mother for the way that I am because she
was tough. She was a tough and a very strict mom.
She was very direct with us and her lessons were hard,
(10:24):
very hard, but they stuck. And that's one thing that
when I went through the whole thing with my dad's
actually molesting me in that whole situation. My mom believed
me right away and said, you know what, Okay, I
believe you. I don't question it. She took me to
the doctor, she did everything she had to do as
a mother to be there for me, put me into therapy,
the whole thing. But I swear to you, in my
(10:47):
little mind at twelve years old, I thought, okay, cool,
I'm going to be able to get away with a
lot of things because this happened to me. My mom
was like, uh h, hell no, that happened to you,
but I'm not going to feel sorry for you, and
you should not feel sorry for yourself and get started.
Then when I was like, oh shoot, I thought I
was gonna have like special treatment, you know what I mean,
because I was going through so much. But she was like, oh,
you're going to school, You're gonna bring me good grades,
(11:08):
and if you don't, I'm gonna whoop your ass. You know,
so mind you times are different, you guys. Spanking was
still okay back in the days. So anyways, my mom
was very like, no, I'm not gonna allow you to
feel sorry for yourself and victimize yourself. Yes, you are
a victim of sexual abuse, but you are not going
to victimize yourself. You are going to take this and
(11:29):
learn from it and help other people. And that's what
was instilled in my mind, and I till this day
think like that. I'm like, Okay, I got a separation,
I was divorced. Everything, anything and everything that I've been through.
I'm like, what lesson? Literally? I asked myself, and I'm like,
what is God trying to teach me from this? What
(11:49):
lesson am I to learn from this pain? How am
I going to turn this pain into growth, maturity, into
making myself a better version of myself to keep myself
from feeling this pain again. So I've always had that mentality,
and you know, and I thank my mom for it,
you know, And I think for sure that's where it
comes from. When it comes to me, I don't like
(12:11):
to sit there and mope and just say oh my
God and not do anything. Like I'm like, no, what
can I change? How can I make this situation better?
How can I learn from this? There is always something
to learn from every situation, even if it's painful. I
always say pain is a pastor promotion. Pain is supposed
to make us grow in every single way, and growing
(12:33):
isn't necessarily comfortable. It's actually uncomfortable. Change is uncomfortable, but
it's necessary in order to make us a better version
of ourselves. Going back to the TikTok, there was a
comment on my post of a girl saying, you know
(12:55):
what she admitted here. This is a prime example of
someone taking accountability and saying, you know what, I do
this a lot to myself. How can I stop doing it?
What advice do you have for me? So I hope
she listens to my podcast. My advice to the specific
girl who, honestly, I commend random applause to you for
doing it publicly because you left a comment publicly that
you do this, and it's okay, we all, I've been there,
(13:17):
I get it. I understand. It's first of all, recognizing it,
which that's a first step. And you're doing that, recognizing it,
admitting to it, taking accountability, okay. And I think it's
important to know who you are and what you bring
to the world, what you bring to the table, being
okay with that, accepting your flaws and doing anything and
(13:37):
everything that you can to change those things. How can
you do that? Okay? Going to therapy, healing things, you know,
especially healing healing is so important for the process of
growing and becoming our best selves. That is one of
the most important things to do, so that you don't
throw yourself a little pity party and it's like, oh
my god, a pitty party of one, Like, no, that's
(13:58):
not cute, you guys, that's not in an attractive thing.
And feeling sorry for yourself is just admitting apologizing if
you need to apologize, and healing, taking accountability, taking responsibility
for whatever mistake you make, and being okay with knowing
that you're human and you're gonna make mistakes. You're not perfect,
and you have to allow yourself through that mistake to
grow and to learn, because that's what life is all about,
(14:20):
is going through certain situations and scenarios in order for
you to grow, to learn, to mature, and that's going
to make you your best self. That's my advice to you,
and I hope you listen to this podcast because I've
been meaning to respond to that comment, but I thought
that this would be the best way to go about
it because I wanted people to really truly understand where
(14:40):
that whole TikTok boese that mentality attitude came from. Because
it's just I don't know. I really admire someone that
can come and just in your face say, dude, I
really screwed up. I shouldn't have said that, I shouldn't
have done that. I didn't do things right. My bad.
Because when you say it out loud, you're not only
asking the person and for forgiveness, but you're also forgiving
(15:02):
yourself and giving yourself that grace and that compassion that
it just you won't fall. When you say it out
loud and you yourself bring it to light, it's very
hard for you to go back to do the same thing.
And that's what it's about. It's like, hey, let me
bring this out to the world and out loud, and
not to the world, but to the person, like not
keeping it within yourself, but actually telling not like going
(15:24):
on a podcast or like on TikTok and saying it
the way I did. But I'm saying, like, you know,
like going to the person or saying hey, admitting out loud,
hey I messed up. That just like allows you or
helps you not to make the same mistake. You get me.
And just to be honest, when I say that's not cute,
I really mean it. That whole like pity party and
oh my god, and you know I don't have this,
(15:44):
and it's like always complaining and being negative is just
no one wants to be around that. It could be
somewhat contagious and you could be like in a great
mood and then you all of a sudden are around
this person who's just like, oh, you know, my goodness,
and this always happens to me and this and this
and that and blah blah blah. It's just like, dude,
that's another thing. It's not just mistakes and all that stuff,
because I was like my personal situation, but like yeah,
(16:07):
like always just feeling sorry for yourself and always just
pointing out how everything is going wrong and complaining in
your life. Like that's also abbot to see that mentality,
Like no one wants to be around that, and you're
going to find yourself lonely if you don't fix that.
Like it's it's about being positive. And I know that
sounds like so cliche, like oh, optimistic and all this stuff,
(16:28):
but it's way better than complaining and being negative, for sure.
I'd rather be optimistic all day long than pessimistic, for sure.
So that's another thing to take into consideration. I don't
want to live my life by myself, you know. I
want to have solid, good friends, And that's also in
your hands and being more of a positive person, not
just for yourself but for those around you. And if
(16:50):
you find yourself doing this, take the device I just
gave homegirl from TikTok where she left her comment. Or
if you have friends or family members that do this
all the time and it's affecting you, because it will
first it'll annoy you and you'll be like, oh my gosh,
this is so annoying. Why they're always saying that? And
then it's just gonna start really affecting you mentally emotionally.
(17:11):
So I think you just got to like, don't stay
in front of people. I always say, like, pull someone
to the side, write them a letter. I love writing letters,
So write them a letter or tell them personally privately, hey,
like this is not okay. You're now starting to affect me,
and you really need to heal yourself, Like you really
need to do something to heal whatever's going on and
(17:32):
is making you feel this way, whatever it is, tell
them what I'm telling you, Like, that's not cute, you
know what I mean like, you're gonna push me away
if you continue doing this, if you continue feeling sorry
for yourself and being negative and pointing out everything that's
going wrong in your life. And that's one thing I
always say you, guys, Yes we can have a bad day,
and believe me, I have them where I'm irritated or
(17:54):
I'm annoyed, or I'm overwhelmed, and I do my best
to say, hey, at least to have a roof over
my head, at least I have running water, like point
out the good things. You know, no one wants to
be around someone that's constantly pointing out the bad things.
It's okay for you to say, hey, I'm feeling this,
but don't let that moment turn into two days, three
(18:14):
days a week, a month, like, no, we got to
stop it. It's in our hands. It's a choice to say,
I choose to be happy, I choose to heal, I
choose to be better. I choose to forgive myself, I
choose to forgive that person. It's all about what you
choose on a daily basis that's going to make the
biggest difference. So just to wrap everything up, because I
know I went here, there and everywhere, but take accountability,
(18:36):
Take responsibility for your actions, for your mistakes. Know that
no one is perfect. Allow yourself to be human. You
are human, but also allow yourself to be a spiritual
person and mature enough to apologize if need be. And also,
instead of looking at all the negative things and looking
at all the things that you don't have, start focusing
(18:59):
on what you do have, on the good things in
your life, and that will definitely help you set the
tone for your day, for your life, and for you
not to have a bob to see that mentality, because
that's not gonna get you anywhere. It's going to keep
you stuck. And no one is trying to be stuck.
That's not the goal here. The goal is to keep going,
to keep moving, to move forward, to be better, to grow,
(19:22):
you know. So anyways, guys, I hope that this episode
has helped you and will help you, or you can
help someone else. If you know someone that is kind
of like this, it's okay. I've been there before. I
know I recognize it, So it's okay. If you have
a friend a family member that is doing this right now,
send them this episode so that they can listen to
(19:42):
it and Hopefully that can spark something in them to
make a difference, to change so that they're also happier,
because at the end of the day, you're so much
happier when you take accountability. Accountability, it'll take you far, guys.
So with that being said, you know I always leave
you guys with a quote. I actually have two, guys. Okay,
(20:09):
So the quotes are, you can't mope around feeling sorry
for yourself and expect good things to happen. It doesn't
work like that. The next one is don't feel sorry
for yourself. Only assholes do that, all right, guys. So
I hope you guys found this episode empowering. Just know
that I appreciate you, that I love you, and that
all I want is for you to become your best self.
(20:31):
That is all okay, And before I let you go,
be sure to tune in for next week's episode of
Cheeks and Chill because it's a good one. We sit
down with one of my good friends, DJ Lechro. Don't
miss that one, Okay. I love you guys. Do you
need advice on love, relationships, health emails? I'm so excited
(20:52):
to share with you that my cheekys and Chill podcast
will have an extra episode drop each week. I'll be
answering all your questions. Leave me a voice message person
Ade Monday. All you have to do is go to
speak pipe dot com, slash Cheeky's and Chill Podcasts and
record your questions. I can't wait to hear from you.
(21:16):
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I'm going to be very vague, yet very direct. My
siblings are and I are suing my grandfather because a
lot of things weren't done right. I don't think it's
cool to have a Bodha sat that mindset or attitude.
Before we start pointing fingers, we need to look within
ourselves and say, wait a second, what have I done
to cause a situation. It's not just mistakes and all
(00:25):
that stuff, but always just feeling sorry for yourself. No
one wants to be around that, and you're going to
find yourself lonely if you don't fix that. What up, guys,
Happy Monday. I hope you all are having an amazing day.
I'm happy to be on the mic with you guys
for today's episode of Cheeks and Chill, and I hope
(00:46):
you guys had a chance to check out last week's
episode on the Pie of Life, something I learned about
in therapy and it's really helped me balance my life,
so be sure to check it out anyway. On today's episode,
I'm going to be talking about something I posted on TikTok.
In the video, I talked about how I can't stand
people who have a boba that mindset. That attitude. A
(01:06):
lot of you guys watched it and responded to it,
so I wanted to impact that a little bit on here.
So let's get into it. This is Cheeky's and chill, okay,
So let's start with a little bit of the backstory.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
You know what I can't stand approach to life mindset?
You know someone that victimizes themselves, especially when they're the
ones that caused the situation that they're.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
In the reason why I posted the video in the
first place was because my siblings and I are going
through a little something that we have not yet publicly
talked about, and we have chosen for it to be
that way. I'm gonna be very vague, yet very direct.
My siblings are and I are suing my grandfather because
(02:05):
a lot of things weren't done right since I can remember. Again,
I can't get into detail because I'm gonna let the
lawyers take care of that. But there has been a
lot of lies and deception and just people and I'm
not going to say names, but people really not taking
accountability and not taking responsibility for their actions, not knowing
(02:30):
how to apologize, how to accept that they didn't do
a perfect job, and that's okay. We don't want perfection,
we want honesty. Right. So I was thinking, and it
had been sitting in my heart and in my mind
for a while, and then then I thought, you know what,
it's something that has been bugging me in general. It's
something that bugs me in general. And when this all
happened and then I saw certain things being said, I
(02:53):
took a lot. And it still takes a lot for
me to just stay quiet and stay centered and focus
on God and know that he has our back and
he knows the truth and everything is going to be okay.
Because as a big sister, the first thing I want
to do is go out there and defend my siblings
and defend our truth. But I'm just trying to be
chill now. So that's the reason I posted it. And
(03:13):
I was thinking of someone specifically, which I'm not going
to say their name, And I always say if the
shoe fits, wear it. But it also does go with
what I truly believe. I don't think it's cool to
have a Bodhesita mindset or attitude. What does that mean exactly?
(03:37):
That means oh, pore me, Oh, I I didn't do this,
And the reason I did this was because this person
did that. It's like, wait, wait, wait, wait, stop pointing
fingers first of all, because when you point a finger,
there are three fingers pointing back at you. So I'm
(03:57):
not saying that the other person doesn't and shouldn't take accountability.
But before we start pointing fingers, we need to look
within ourselves and say, wait a second, what have I
done to cause a situation? What can I do differently
to have a better and a different outcome? Where can
I apologize? You know, there is a lot of power
(04:18):
in manning up, even if you're a woman like womaning
up you know the way I said it on my
TikTok and apologizing and saying you know what I asked up.
I'm not perfect. You know I could have done things differently,
you know what I mean. It could be in different situations.
But stop trying to make people feel sorry for you,
painting a picture of like it's the other person's fault. No, no, no, wit.
(04:41):
There's always two sides, three sides to the story, Okay,
your side, their side, and the truth. So it's taking
accountability more than anything, and not wanting, first of all,
not victimizing yourself. Yes, you can be a victim of
a situation, but once you start victimizing yourself, that's very different.
It's oh my god, poor me, this happened to me.
(05:02):
And it keeps you stuck, It keeps you stagnant. It
doesn't allow you to grow, it doesn't allow you to
live a more peaceful life. There is so much freaking power, you, guys,
in being vulnerable and in saying, dude, I'm messed up
and I'm sorry for that, and I want to be
different and that does not define who I am today.
(05:23):
So that's why I posted it. I just felt that
it could fit many people, and that's why I kept
it general, because yes, it is like something I truly
can't stand, and yes we are and we're going through
something during that time, and I felt the need to
say something without saying it directly to the person, if
(05:45):
that makes sense. So I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna
say how it is. I'm straight up, and it's not
because I'm scared if I haven't spoken up. It's because
I'm respecting my sister in her position, and I don't
want to make her position harder. My sister Jackie, who
is now the CEO of Jenny Rivera enterprises and we
all decided to just stay quiet. And I do see
and I do hear a lot of things that pissed
(06:06):
me off, and I'm gonna just maybe eventually, I don't
know when, I don't know if it's even gonna happen,
but take the reins as the eldest sister and speak
the truth. But for now, I'm chilling. I'm leaving it
in God's hands. And I truly, truly do believe that
you should not. And it's not cute to have able
(06:29):
to see that mentality, guys, absolutely not. You know, I
was sitting and thinking to myself, where does this come from?
Is it a maturity thing? Is it lack of confidence?
(06:52):
I don't know. I mean, I personally feel because I'm
not gonna lie. Back in the days when I was younger,
it was a little harder for me to take accountability.
And I think it was because I didn't know who
I was. I thought that I had to be quote
unquote perfect, you know what I mean, in order for
people to like me. Then it got to a point
where it's like, I'm human. I make mistakes, I can
(07:14):
say sorry, I can change no situation is going to
define who I am today and who am going to
be tomorrow and in my future. So once I understood
that and I was like, Okay, I accept myself for
who I am, flaws and all. Now I'm like, okay, yeah,
I'm cool with not being perfect. I'm okay with making
mistakes and I admit to them because regardless dos a
(07:35):
la la loos, everything comes to light. So I do
think it is a part of not knowing who you are,
not being confident in who you are, and maturity. But unfortunately,
in my situation, my personal situation, which is what caused
me to record this video in the first place, the
person I'm kind of thinking about is older than I am.
Actually it's not just one person, it's a few people.
They're older than I am, And I'm like, what the
(07:57):
heck they have, in my personal opinion, something that they
need to heal in their heart and in their mind,
or something that's causing them not to see the truth
of things. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a grown
ass man or a grown ass woman, doesn't matter your age,
to say, you know what, I didn't do this right
(08:18):
and for that I'm sorry. I admire people that can
just face it. You take the power from the other
person once you're just like, I apologize, I'm sorry, you
know what I mean. Like you take literally the power
and you're like, oh shoot, the other person says like,
oh wow, they admitted to it, or you know, yeah,
I'm gonna I'm gonna forgive them because they've been honest,
(08:38):
because they're apologizing, because they're admitting, you know what I mean.
So I do think it's a little bit. It's a
conjunction of things. I could be wrong. Again, this is
just my opinion and my advice and my podcast, so
I can talk about whatever I want, Thank goodness, but
it is something that is not cute, especially in men.
It's not cute to be like, oh, you know, everyone
(09:01):
feels sorry for me. You know, I didn't do anything wrong,
and these people are accusing me, and these people are
saying things that no, no, no, have your balls in your
hand and your body's in your hand, and face the truth,
face the music. You know what I mean. It's okay.
No one is perfect. We all make mistakes and it's
going to be that way for the rest of our lives.
(09:21):
That's just the way life works. You learn from every mistake.
The gatta gaia. Each time you fall, you learn, you grow,
you mature, You're supposed to anyways. And if you have
it and you still have that poor me attitude, bobahesitam
mentality added to whatever you want to call it, you
really got to do some like inner work, you know,
(09:42):
because it's just it's it's not it you guys, and
it will keep you stuck. It will not allow you
to grow. And what Chiggie's and Chill is all about
is growing and expanding and evolving in every way. Perfection
does not exist. And it's okay because I feel like
being perfect would be boring. It wouldn't like bring any
(10:02):
labor or sason to like life. So we need certain
situations and certain things to spice things up a little bit.
But what are you going to learn from that? You
know what I mean? And I want to publicly think
my mother for the way that I am because she
was tough. She was a tough and a very strict mom.
She was very direct with us and her lessons were hard,
(10:24):
very hard, but they stuck. And that's one thing that
when I went through the whole thing with my dad's
actually molesting me in that whole situation. My mom believed
me right away and said, you know what, Okay, I
believe you. I don't question it. She took me to
the doctor, she did everything she had to do as
a mother to be there for me, put me into therapy,
the whole thing. But I swear to you, in my
(10:47):
little mind at twelve years old, I thought, okay, cool,
I'm going to be able to get away with a
lot of things because this happened to me. My mom
was like, uh h, hell no, that happened to you,
but I'm not going to feel sorry for you, and
you should not feel sorry for yourself and get started.
Then when I was like, oh shoot, I thought I
was gonna have like special treatment, you know what I mean,
because I was going through so much. But she was like, oh,
you're going to school, You're gonna bring me good grades,
(11:08):
and if you don't, I'm gonna whoop your ass. You know,
so mind you times are different, you guys. Spanking was
still okay back in the days. So anyways, my mom
was very like, no, I'm not gonna allow you to
feel sorry for yourself and victimize yourself. Yes, you are
a victim of sexual abuse, but you are not going
to victimize yourself. You are going to take this and
(11:29):
learn from it and help other people. And that's what
was instilled in my mind, and I till this day
think like that. I'm like, Okay, I got a separation,
I was divorced. Everything, anything and everything that I've been through.
I'm like, what lesson? Literally? I asked myself, and I'm like,
what is God trying to teach me from this? What
(11:49):
lesson am I to learn from this pain? How am
I going to turn this pain into growth, maturity, into
making myself a better version of myself to keep myself
from feeling this pain again. So I've always had that mentality,
and you know, and I thank my mom for it,
you know, And I think for sure that's where it
comes from. When it comes to me, I don't like
(12:11):
to sit there and mope and just say oh my
God and not do anything. Like I'm like, no, what
can I change? How can I make this situation better?
How can I learn from this? There is always something
to learn from every situation, even if it's painful. I
always say pain is a pastor promotion. Pain is supposed
to make us grow in every single way, and growing
(12:33):
isn't necessarily comfortable. It's actually uncomfortable. Change is uncomfortable, but
it's necessary in order to make us a better version
of ourselves. Going back to the TikTok, there was a
comment on my post of a girl saying, you know
(12:55):
what she admitted here. This is a prime example of
someone taking accountability and saying, you know what, I do
this a lot to myself. How can I stop doing it?
What advice do you have for me? So I hope
she listens to my podcast. My advice to the specific
girl who, honestly, I commend random applause to you for
doing it publicly because you left a comment publicly that
you do this, and it's okay, we all, I've been there,
(13:17):
I get it. I understand. It's first of all, recognizing it,
which that's a first step. And you're doing that, recognizing it,
admitting to it, taking accountability, okay. And I think it's
important to know who you are and what you bring
to the world, what you bring to the table, being
okay with that, accepting your flaws and doing anything and
(13:37):
everything that you can to change those things. How can
you do that? Okay? Going to therapy, healing things, you know,
especially healing healing is so important for the process of
growing and becoming our best selves. That is one of
the most important things to do, so that you don't
throw yourself a little pity party and it's like, oh
my god, a pitty party of one, Like, no, that's
(13:58):
not cute, you guys, that's not in an attractive thing.
And feeling sorry for yourself is just admitting apologizing if
you need to apologize, and healing, taking accountability, taking responsibility
for whatever mistake you make, and being okay with knowing
that you're human and you're gonna make mistakes. You're not perfect,
and you have to allow yourself through that mistake to
grow and to learn, because that's what life is all about,
(14:20):
is going through certain situations and scenarios in order for
you to grow, to learn, to mature, and that's going
to make you your best self. That's my advice to you,
and I hope you listen to this podcast because I've
been meaning to respond to that comment, but I thought
that this would be the best way to go about
it because I wanted people to really truly understand where
(14:40):
that whole TikTok boese that mentality attitude came from. Because
it's just I don't know. I really admire someone that
can come and just in your face say, dude, I
really screwed up. I shouldn't have said that, I shouldn't
have done that. I didn't do things right. My bad.
Because when you say it out loud, you're not only
asking the person and for forgiveness, but you're also forgiving
(15:02):
yourself and giving yourself that grace and that compassion that
it just you won't fall. When you say it out
loud and you yourself bring it to light, it's very
hard for you to go back to do the same thing.
And that's what it's about. It's like, hey, let me
bring this out to the world and out loud, and
not to the world, but to the person, like not
keeping it within yourself, but actually telling not like going
(15:24):
on a podcast or like on TikTok and saying it
the way I did. But I'm saying, like, you know,
like going to the person or saying hey, admitting out loud,
hey I messed up. That just like allows you or
helps you not to make the same mistake. You get me.
And just to be honest, when I say that's not cute,
I really mean it. That whole like pity party and
oh my god, and you know I don't have this,
(15:44):
and it's like always complaining and being negative is just
no one wants to be around that. It could be
somewhat contagious and you could be like in a great
mood and then you all of a sudden are around
this person who's just like, oh, you know, my goodness,
and this always happens to me and this and this
and that and blah blah blah. It's just like, dude,
that's another thing. It's not just mistakes and all that stuff,
because I was like my personal situation, but like yeah,
(16:07):
like always just feeling sorry for yourself and always just
pointing out how everything is going wrong and complaining in
your life. Like that's also abbot to see that mentality,
Like no one wants to be around that, and you're
going to find yourself lonely if you don't fix that.
Like it's it's about being positive. And I know that
sounds like so cliche, like oh, optimistic and all this stuff,
(16:28):
but it's way better than complaining and being negative, for sure.
I'd rather be optimistic all day long than pessimistic, for sure.
So that's another thing to take into consideration. I don't
want to live my life by myself, you know. I
want to have solid, good friends, And that's also in
your hands and being more of a positive person, not
just for yourself but for those around you. And if
(16:50):
you find yourself doing this, take the device I just
gave homegirl from TikTok where she left her comment. Or
if you have friends or family members that do this
all the time and it's affecting you, because it will
first it'll annoy you and you'll be like, oh my gosh,
this is so annoying. Why they're always saying that? And
then it's just gonna start really affecting you mentally emotionally.
(17:11):
So I think you just got to like, don't stay
in front of people. I always say, like, pull someone
to the side, write them a letter. I love writing letters,
So write them a letter or tell them personally privately, hey,
like this is not okay. You're now starting to affect me,
and you really need to heal yourself, Like you really
need to do something to heal whatever's going on and
(17:32):
is making you feel this way, whatever it is, tell
them what I'm telling you, Like, that's not cute, you
know what I mean like, you're gonna push me away
if you continue doing this, if you continue feeling sorry
for yourself and being negative and pointing out everything that's
going wrong in your life. And that's one thing I
always say you, guys, Yes we can have a bad day,
and believe me, I have them where I'm irritated or
(17:54):
I'm annoyed, or I'm overwhelmed, and I do my best
to say, hey, at least to have a roof over
my head, at least I have running water, like point
out the good things. You know, no one wants to
be around someone that's constantly pointing out the bad things.
It's okay for you to say, hey, I'm feeling this,
but don't let that moment turn into two days, three
(18:14):
days a week, a month, like, no, we got to
stop it. It's in our hands. It's a choice to say,
I choose to be happy, I choose to heal, I
choose to be better. I choose to forgive myself, I
choose to forgive that person. It's all about what you
choose on a daily basis that's going to make the
biggest difference. So just to wrap everything up, because I
know I went here, there and everywhere, but take accountability,
(18:36):
Take responsibility for your actions, for your mistakes. Know that
no one is perfect. Allow yourself to be human. You
are human, but also allow yourself to be a spiritual
person and mature enough to apologize if need be. And also,
instead of looking at all the negative things and looking
at all the things that you don't have, start focusing
(18:59):
on what you do have, on the good things in
your life, and that will definitely help you set the
tone for your day, for your life, and for you
not to have a bob to see that mentality, because
that's not gonna get you anywhere. It's going to keep
you stuck. And no one is trying to be stuck.
That's not the goal here. The goal is to keep going,
to keep moving, to move forward, to be better, to grow,
(19:22):
you know. So anyways, guys, I hope that this episode
has helped you and will help you, or you can
help someone else. If you know someone that is kind
of like this, it's okay. I've been there before. I
know I recognize it, So it's okay. If you have
a friend a family member that is doing this right now,
send them this episode so that they can listen to
(19:42):
it and Hopefully that can spark something in them to
make a difference, to change so that they're also happier,
because at the end of the day, you're so much
happier when you take accountability. Accountability, it'll take you far, guys.
So with that being said, you know I always leave
you guys with a quote. I actually have two, guys. Okay,
(20:09):
So the quotes are, you can't mope around feeling sorry
for yourself and expect good things to happen. It doesn't
work like that. The next one is don't feel sorry
for yourself. Only assholes do that, all right, guys. So
I hope you guys found this episode empowering. Just know
that I appreciate you, that I love you, and that
all I want is for you to become your best self.
(20:31):
That is all okay, And before I let you go,
be sure to tune in for next week's episode of
Cheeks and Chill because it's a good one. We sit
down with one of my good friends, DJ Lechro. Don't
miss that one, Okay. I love you guys. Do you
need advice on love, relationships, health emails? I'm so excited
(20:52):
to share with you that my cheekys and Chill podcast
will have an extra episode drop each week. I'll be
answering all your questions. Leave me a voice message person
Ade Monday. All you have to do is go to
speak pipe dot com, slash Cheeky's and Chill Podcasts and
record your questions. I can't wait to hear from you.
(21:16):
This is a production of iHeartRadio and the Micaeldura podcast Network.
Follow us on Instagram at Michael Gura Podcasts and follow
me Cheeky's That's c h i q u i s.
For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast, and check
us out on YouTube.
Host
Chiquis
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