December 30, 2024 • 25 mins
Hi everyone! 2024 has been quite the year for me, so I wanted to re-cap some of it for you. I’ll also be sharing some news about what 2025 will look like for me, so be sure to listen to the entire episode. Wishing you and your loved ones a happy, safe and prosperous new year.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:22):
What Up, guys, Welcome back to your favorite podcast, Cheeks
and Chill. I know, and thank you so much for
being here. I cannot believe tomorrow is New Year's Eve.
That is crazy, and I am in the Philippines with
my husband, so we're going to be spending it out here.
But AnyWho, this year has been full of lows and highs,
(00:44):
but nonetheless, it's been a great year and I want
to highlight a few things and also welcome twenty twenty
five because I'm looking forward to it. So in one word,
if I can describe twenty twenty four, I would say
it was fulfilling. It was the year of fulfillment, very grateful.
(01:06):
A lot has happened. I feel that it's been like
three years or more in this one year. Let's start
off with January and January twenty twenty four. We spent
last New Years in Zion, Utah, our absolute favorite place,
and we haven't been back since actually, and I missed
(01:28):
it and I need it in my life. But anyways,
we chose to spend it out there. We also decided
that we were going to start the year off sober,
so we did that the first ninety days of the year.
Twenty twenty four were sober, no alcohol, no cannabis for me,
no red meat, no coffee. I think it was one
of the best things I could have done. On January fourth,
(01:50):
I got my breast surgery, my fifth breast surgery. Guys,
poor Emidio, he's been through two of them with me.
So that's kind of how the year started. You know.
I was getting the scar revision and like I had
something going on with my boob. It was just like
this whole thing. Anyways, it was necessary. And then towards
the end of January that's when I started IVF and
(02:12):
I think that's what the first thing that threw me
through a loop because it's a bunch of hormones. As
you guys know, I talked about it here on the podcast.
So I was injecting myself with hormones and it just
took an emotional toll on me. It was a lot,
but I'm grateful because I only had to do it once.
A lot of women I here have to do a
few cycles. I prayed and I was like, God, I
(02:34):
just want to do it once because I know myself
I'm already a cancer. I'm very emotional. I'm lunatic. Lunatica,
not lunatic, but lunatica sounds better in English or in Spanish.
Should I say I've never done birth control pills because
I'm all the hormones and stuff like it really does
affect me. I'm very in tune with my body. So
that happened. That was how it started. And then we
were sober, which kind of obviously helped. But sometimes you know,
(02:55):
a glass of wine or some tequila makes things feel better.
So I just really had no other choice but to
face everything. Then I was started working on you know,
the album, The Amanthis, And that's why it's so important
to for me anyways as an artist, to really think
(03:17):
about what I'm going to name the album, the concept
and everything, because the whole concept, the whole theme was,
like I said, diamonds and how a diamond is made,
the process that it goes through, and I really felt
it in my life in every aspect. Trying to finish
the album, which round late, it was supposed to come
(03:40):
out a lot sooner than it did. Also, you know,
trying to put the tour together all while I'm going
through all these things, all these emotions. I wasn't able
to work out because of the breast surgery and then
the IVF, and that also affects my psyche, you know,
my mental health, not being able to work out. So
I just felt a lot of pressure. Puli means being polished,
(04:05):
and that's what I feel that this year has done
for me. Twenty twenty four was a number eight, like
the entire year for everyone in the world. So with
the number eight, there's a lot of great things. This
is like I'm talking to mirology now. A lot of
great things come with it. It's everlasting, it's infinity, it's
constantly flowing. And I felt like that happened this year
(04:26):
a lot. And I also knew I was going to
have what they call a karmic year, which means that
all the seeds that I planted for good or for bad,
I was going to sew in this year or see
or reap you know, the benefits, or learn a lot
of lessons. And let me tell you, that's exactly what happened.
I didn't think about that until towards the end of
(04:48):
the year, where I'm like, oh, shoot, this is a
number eight. Everything that has happened is supposed to happen.
The nominations and all the recognition and all everything as
far as, like you know, speaking career wise, everything I've
been working towards for the past ten years. But it
also left me a little depleted emotionally. There was a
lot of work, A lot was going on. We had
(05:12):
the miscarriage, We got married. That was a beautiful, amazing thing.
And as you guys know, I also got divorced. And
I had a very tough relationship and marriage before this one.
And I know I made noticing me to talk about it,
but it is part of my life and my history
and it was a very very difficult, I guess relationship,
(05:34):
and I learned a lot from it. And I think
that because of that, and I was able to let
that go. I mean, I got an amazing man, and
I think that that's another thing, that another seed that
I planted. And now I'm living a beautiful relationship and
I'm very grateful for that. So a lot has happened.
That was in July, my birthday was in June. We
(05:57):
had the miscarriage June first, So well, everything it's crazy.
I oh my gosh, As I'm speaking to you guys,
like I didn't write anything down, I'm kind of like
going down the line of the month, and every month
had something major happening. I feel like something happened in March,
and I can't remember what happened in March. Oh we
went to Big Sir in March. Okay, so yeah, so
(06:18):
in March, I mean it was reminding me right now, guys.
So in March we went to Big sur and we
were sober, and that was one of our first vacations
that we did sober. But it was super awesome because
then we did mushrooms together and it was very nice.
We had an amazing conversation. We were in the chacuzzi.
Him and I were talking. It was so nice. I'm
not telling you guys to go out there and do mushrooms.
(06:40):
That's not what I'm saying. That is my business. I'm
a responsible adult. It's my choice. But you guys might
share everything with you guys. So anyways, that was what
happened in March. I know in April I got pregnant
April twenty fifth. Didn't find out until like obviously a
few weeks later. Then I even went to go see
my mom. Oh my gosh, I went to go see
(07:01):
my mom. I feel like I was able to get
closure there. I got so much peace out of that.
I went to go visit my dad. It's crazy because
I feel, oh my god, it's ins insane. Everything just
lined up in every single way, everything that I've been
caring for the past. I don't know how many years
I was able to close chapters start new ones. And
(07:23):
as difficult as it was, even going to Lakademiat for
three months, guys every weekend, I did not think it
was going to be as hard not being there on
the show, because being on the show and getting dressed
up and doing the actual show was actually really fun.
It was fun. It was not having my weekends and
having to fly and that's a lot of flights. I mean,
(07:46):
thank goodness, we have the ability to fly on airplanes,
and you know, that's that's amazing. But also it's not natural,
and I don't know if there's studies on it, but
I definitely felt it. It takes an emotional toll on
you on physically as well, and I was definitely filling
that up and down. I was literally going up and down,
you know. I would come to sea level in California,
(08:09):
and then I would go to Sia, Mexico and it was.
The elevation was insane, So I felt like for three
months I was floating and that's not good for me.
I need to be grounded. I also took a retreat
in April with a friend. Emilia was supposed to go
with me, but he had to work, so I took
(08:30):
my best friend Judy, who you guys also met as
well Judy Sabeta here on the podcast, and that in
itself was crazy, Guys. I wasn't able to vacation as
much going into the year a million, and I knew
this year there's a lot of work. We have to
just set the tone and we're not going to be
able to vacation as much. So we don't have a
(08:51):
lot of vacations. We did have our pre honeymoon in
bl Garmen, which was beautiful, so amazing, very like, very
much needed. But I want to say that that trip
with Judy, and not even because we spent time together,
because we didn't. They had us separated almost the entire
time intentionally, but what I felt and the healing that
(09:16):
I felt at that retreat and while I was in
my experience because it was a psychedelic retreat. Wow, I
literally I don't know if we ever talked about it
in detail here on the podcast, but let me just
you know, make a long story short. I healed you, guys.
(09:36):
I felt my body healing. I was in heaven, and
not like heaven that you hear at church and you know,
the roads or gold. I mean, I don't know, maybe
that's the heaven that you have in your head, but
the heaven that I saw, I was in so much peace.
I felt what bliss really meant. It doesn't happen every
(09:56):
time during my meditation, but there are times when I
can like tap into that moment of doing breath work
out there and meditating because it was a very spiritual retreat.
Oh my god, I just get this feeling that I
can't even explain. And I remember saying it, I'm like,
I'm healing, I'm healing. I was crying. I had so
much like it's gonna sound gross, but I had so
much snot coming out of my nose, and I felt
(10:19):
like that was a symbol of me just cleansing. And
I had such a wonderful experience. People there, there was
like about fifteen of us. Some people I could see
they were not having a good time. I was in heaven,
and I kept saying it out loud, like oh my goodness, God,
thank you. I felt like the Lord was letting me
feel what peace really feels and giving me this gift
(10:40):
of you have suffered so much in your life that
I'm letting you feel this. And I did not want
to leave, but I kept thinking about a media. I'm like,
oh my god, he seems so far away, like I
want to go back for him, but then I want
to stay here. And I was battling with that the
entire time. That's the moment, guys, And the reason why
this is such a highlight in my life is because
that is the moment when I let go of all
(11:01):
fear in my relationship and I saw his soul. I
know that's gonna sound crazy, but I saw his soul.
I saw it and I'm like, oh my god, it's
so beautiful. I'm safe, it's okay, I'm in good hands.
And that's when I was like, oh my god, I'm
with my person. And that's when I saw that we
(11:22):
had met and we had been together in other lifetimes.
I know this might sound crazy to some of you, guys,
but I just it's it's insane. I know even it
coming out of my mouth, I'm like, oh my god,
but it felt so real and it was very real
that I remember I wasn't supposed to use my phone.
They're like, don't use phones, but I remember going to
my room and I text them. I'm like, oh my god, Emilio,
(11:42):
I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. You knew. You knew from
the very beginning that I was it, and I have
been so afraid because of my trauma and everything that
I've gone through that I always as much as I
let my walls down, they were only halfway down until
that moment and I let them completely down. And I've
different in our relationship, and it was like the sign
(12:03):
for me that it is okay for me to get married.
I was with the right person. I was with my soulmate.
I felt our souls connect. It was crazy, guys, craziness.
We had beautiful moments. Wh went to Big Sir, we
went to play the garment. We've done Vegas trips, We've
done cute things. But for me, even though he wasn't
with me there physically, Emilio, he was there and it
(12:24):
was exactly what I needed. And because I was on
such a high. That's what they were worried about at
the retreat. The people, the guides, the counselors, They're like,
you had such a high that the low might be
very low, so we want to just take care of you.
And they did, and I didn't feel as bad. But
the other work started coming months after, and it prepared me,
(12:46):
I think, for the miscarriage, for some disappointments in my
family things that have been happening. There's been a lot,
you know, we've been going through these lawsuits, mine, my
personal one with my mom's brother and our family went
with my grandpa, and it's been so crazy, but I
feel like it all just helped me just step outside
(13:06):
of myself and look at my life from the outside in.
And it was amazing. And I don't know if I
would have been able to handle everything or even get
married if I hadn't had that experience. So I'm not
gonna share the retreat that I went on. I don't know.
I feel like that's everyone's choice. It was my choice.
(13:26):
It is something that I wanted to do, and I
don't know if i'd do it again because it was
a lot, But if I do it next time, i'd
do it with Emilio for sure, but it definitely did
heal me. And I saw my dad. I didn't really
see my mom. A lot of people ask me that
did you see your mom and that you know, on
that retreat, I just saw butterflies and I felt like, Oh,
(13:46):
she's happy. That's the symbol that I was. She's happy,
We're good. And I was able to because I had
already closed the chapter with her, you know when we
went to you know, so I felt good. It was
more with my dad and I understood him on a
different level. And I won't get into that because it's
a little it's a little different. What else my career,
(14:07):
I feel more than ever, guys, and I'm so happy.
It has been an uphill battle in some way. I
feel like I've always had to kind of swim against
the current when it comes to my career, and I
feel like this year, people finally are seeing me for me,
(14:27):
for Cheeky's, for my own talents, for my own experiences,
for my music, and giving me the respect that I
feel that in some way I've earned that I deserve.
Now I look back and I know that I got
a lot of criticism. I was judged a lot for
like my music and how I sang and just so
(14:50):
many things, and now it just feels different. I don't
even know how to explain it. So I feel that
that's another thing that I've been able to really enjoy,
is my career. But then on the other side of
the token, I'm ready to take a little break, And
I haven't said that anywhere else that I'm just going
to say it here on my podcast because this is
where I feel safe and I feel the need, the
(15:12):
dire need of taking a break. I feel content, but
not comfortable. I feel like I need to step back
a little bit because I have worked the last ten
years so hard to get to this point. And it's
not that I never want to do music again. I do.
I just feel like it's one of those things that
(15:33):
I need to step away from for a little bit
to be able to step back into it with more
passion and more clarity. Because so much has happened this year,
some things are foggy, and the enjoyment and the passion
isn't as electrifying as it once was, and for me
personally as an artist, that is a problem. So I
(15:56):
want to just take time for myself and enjoy my
marriage and figure out what we're going to do when
it comes to having a baby and really starting our
own little family that I feel like that needs a
lot of my attention, a lot of my energy, and
I just want to be for a little bit, and
I'll come back to music. That's always going to be
(16:16):
a part of my life. It's something that I absolutely love.
It might change a little bit, but I feel like
I'm stepping into this new era, this soft girl era,
and I think it started with Gisiya Passando, the song
that I wrote for Emilio. And just to clarify, just
to clarify, maybe now that I'm married, you guys might think,
(16:37):
maybe some of you, that it has to do with Emilio,
and I want to clarify that just before rumors are
started or anything. I want you guys to hear it
from my mouth, not necessarily. It does not have to
do with Emilio. Emilio I know will support me in
my career if I want to keep going in twenty
twenty five, I think it'd be like, look, I know
(16:58):
how you felt this year, maybe you should take a break,
but if you want to continue do it. I know
He'll have my back one hundred percent. But it has
to do with him, but it doesn't have to do
with him. I want to spend more time. I want
to enjoy my marriage with him, absolutely, but this is
more of a personal choice for sure, and I feel
(17:18):
like I've earned it. I feel like I deserve to
take a little bit of a break. I also want
to miss Cheeky's a little but I want to really
go into my jine mode. I feel like I've been
tending to Cheeky's for so long. I love the bitch, Okay,
she's cool, I like her, but I haven't been tending
(17:39):
to Janae and her needs. And really like stepping into
that hippie side of myself. And I want to just
reconnect with my body and I want to cook more,
and I want to do more quote unquote normal things.
And I'm craving that. My soul is craving that. And
as much as Emilio thinks that Chee is super hot
(18:00):
and sexy, I think he really enjoys Jena too, and
he hasn't been getting enough of that. So I do
want to give him that because he's important to me,
So it has to do with him, but it doesn't.
It's more definitely, and I promise you it's more of
a personal choice, and I don't know. I went to
church the other day, to my church that I hadn't
gone to in four years, guys because of the pandemic
(18:21):
they had to close down, and it just it ignited
something in me, something that I feel like I had
suppressed for the sake of working and being focused and
being on and it was just confirmation for me that
what I'm feeling for next year is what I should do.
I don't know for how long, but I know I'm
(18:42):
going to get a lot of clarity and a lot
of answers, so I'm looking forward to that. I just
don't know what it looks like. And I don't like
feeling that way because usually I know exactly what I
want and how I want it. And right now, when
it comes to my music, it feels like a little
bit of a cluster and I want to just shake
it off, miss it a little bit. And I wanted
to miss me and Richard, my manager, doesn't know this yet,
(19:05):
he'll know it soon. But it's okay because I feel
like I'm always gonna be okay, like no matter what
I don't know what the next move is. I have
a little bit of an idea, and I'll get to
you guys. I'll share that with you guys, of course,
when the time is right. But I don't know. That's
kind of what I'm feeling, because i look back and
I'm very happy and I'm very happy with twenty twenty
(19:26):
four and how everything happened in my career and everything.
It's just I don't know. I just feel like finally,
like oh okay. And some people would think, oh my gosh,
it's barely happening, like you're barely getting to that point,
like why are you walking away? First of all, I'm
not walking away. I'm just stepping back a little bit.
But also I think it's important that we know when
(19:49):
to step away, and that's what I'm doing right now.
I want to take a little step back. Sometimes our
ego gets in the way, and because we want to
be financially secure or you know, we don't want to
be forgotten, especially as artists. You know, artists have a
lot like a big ego, and that's why I always
we talk about ego here a lot. We have to
(20:10):
ego check ourselves, and especially me as an artist, because
you do get a lot of pressure and you're like
the next single and the next single, and every two
weeks is a single, and I'm just like, that's too much.
It's too much pressure, and that's kind of what I've
lived for the past ten years. And I'm like, I
need a break and i want to go back to basics,
you know, and that's all it is. And I'm okay
(20:31):
with that. I'm not afraid. I'm still gonna do my thing.
I'm still gonna have my podcast. Don't do not fret.
We will have a fourth season. Guys, do not worry,
because I love doing this and you guys, I always say,
it's like a therapy for me. You guys help me
out as I'm helping you out. I don't know exactly
what's gonna happen for twenty twenty five, but I'm definitely
welcoming it and I'm excited and I'm honestly I'm excited
(20:55):
for this year to be over. It's been a beautiful
and also heart wrenching at moments year, but I'm excited
to start something new. It's always a new year, is
always like a fresh start, and that's what excites me
because for so long, I was so afraid of change,
and now I welcome change, and now I'm okay with
(21:17):
it because I know how to navigate through it and
how to work through it. So yeah, right now, twenty
twenty five, I don't know what it looks like. Usually
I have a plan. I'm like, Okay, next year, I
start my you know, my tour in May. I have
this album coming out. Right now, I have no plan.
For once in a very long time, I have no plan.
I only have one plan, and I'll share that with
you guys when the time is right. But other than that,
(21:39):
as far as my career, I don't know, and I'm
for the first time okay with it, stepping into the unknown,
very hopeful. I'm going to take another leap of faith
in my life and I'm going to let life and
God guide me. And if that means also I have
to downsize in my home, I'm okay with doing that.
I want to be smarter with my money. There's so
(22:01):
many changes that I want to make, positive changes. But
with those changes, of course, comes a little discomfort. That's
just the way life is. But I'm ready for it,
and that's what I'm looking forward to. Kind of just
stepping into the unknown. And there's something exciting about that
because I'm a very organized person and I like to
have a plan, and I want to live on the
edge a little, a little, not too much, but definitely
(22:25):
catering to my needs, to my home, to my relationship,
to my siblings, to my nieces and nephews. Guys, it's
been so long. I want to go pick up my
nieces and nephews and say, hey, sister, don't worry. I'ming
to pick up the kids from school. I'm going to
take them to Disney and Mideo and I are going
to go like I want, I need that. My soul
is craving it so badly. And that's that's what I'm
going to be doing. And of course you guys will
be updated because we have the podcast and I have
(22:47):
social media. But I don't know, we'll figure it out.
That's a bridge I'm going to cross when I get there.
So yeah, that is it. That is what this episode
is all about. I did not have a plan for it.
There's just times that I just come on the mic
and I talk to you guys from my heart, and
that is one of these episodes. And no matter what
I am very, very grateful twenty twenty four. I thank
(23:09):
you beautiful year, sometimes very painful year, but we got
up and we got up stronger, and now twenty twenty five,
I welcome you with arms wide open and we will see.
So I'm wishing you all an amazing twenty twenty five.
Make sure to have fun, enjoy, celebrate with some champagne
(23:32):
or tequila or however you want to celebrate, but make
sure that you set your intentions for the year. My intention,
my only intention this year, is letting my soul guide me.
And if I had one word for twenty twenty five,
I would say foundation. I think maybe that word will
change later. I'll keep you guys updated, but for now
(23:53):
it's I feel like I'm gonna rebuild again. So I'm
going to be setting the foundation for the next for
years of my life. And yeah, my New Year's resolution,
if I have one New Year's resolution, it's going to
be to call people more. That is the only one
that I have right now, because a lot of people complain.
My siblings included that I don't answer my phone, that
(24:14):
I never want to call, that I am the voice
note queen. That is very true. I want to change
that this year twenty twenty five, FaceTime more and if
I have more resolutions, I'll share them in January or
February and the next season of Cheeky's and Chill. But
for now that that is the only one I can
think of. So yeah, and I love resolutions. They keep
you accountable. But anyways, I don't want to make this
(24:35):
longer than it has to be. Guys, you know I
love you. I'm grateful for you. I am wishing you
and your family a beautiful, prosperous, peaceful, abundant, healthy New Year.
Do you need advice on love, relationships, health emails. I'm
(24:56):
so excited to share with you that my Cheeky's and
Chill podcast will have a extra episode drop each week.
I'll be answering all your questions. Just leave me a
voice message. All you have to do is go to
speak pipe dot com, slash Cheeky's and Chill Podcasts and
record your questions. I can't wait to hear from you.
(25:21):
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What Up, guys, Welcome back to your favorite podcast, Cheeks
and Chill. I know, and thank you so much for
being here. I cannot believe tomorrow is New Year's Eve.
That is crazy, and I am in the Philippines with
my husband, so we're going to be spending it out here.
But AnyWho, this year has been full of lows and highs,
(00:44):
but nonetheless, it's been a great year and I want
to highlight a few things and also welcome twenty twenty
five because I'm looking forward to it. So in one word,
if I can describe twenty twenty four, I would say
it was fulfilling. It was the year of fulfillment, very grateful.
(01:06):
A lot has happened. I feel that it's been like
three years or more in this one year. Let's start
off with January and January twenty twenty four. We spent
last New Years in Zion, Utah, our absolute favorite place,
and we haven't been back since actually, and I missed
(01:28):
it and I need it in my life. But anyways,
we chose to spend it out there. We also decided
that we were going to start the year off sober,
so we did that the first ninety days of the year.
Twenty twenty four were sober, no alcohol, no cannabis for me,
no red meat, no coffee. I think it was one
of the best things I could have done. On January fourth,
(01:50):
I got my breast surgery, my fifth breast surgery. Guys,
poor Emidio, he's been through two of them with me.
So that's kind of how the year started. You know.
I was getting the scar revision and like I had
something going on with my boob. It was just like
this whole thing. Anyways, it was necessary. And then towards
the end of January that's when I started IVF and
(02:12):
I think that's what the first thing that threw me
through a loop because it's a bunch of hormones. As
you guys know, I talked about it here on the podcast.
So I was injecting myself with hormones and it just
took an emotional toll on me. It was a lot,
but I'm grateful because I only had to do it once.
A lot of women I here have to do a
few cycles. I prayed and I was like, God, I
(02:34):
just want to do it once because I know myself
I'm already a cancer. I'm very emotional. I'm lunatic. Lunatica,
not lunatic, but lunatica sounds better in English or in Spanish.
Should I say I've never done birth control pills because
I'm all the hormones and stuff like it really does
affect me. I'm very in tune with my body. So
that happened. That was how it started. And then we
were sober, which kind of obviously helped. But sometimes you know,
(02:55):
a glass of wine or some tequila makes things feel better.
So I just really had no other choice but to
face everything. Then I was started working on you know,
the album, The Amanthis, And that's why it's so important
to for me anyways as an artist, to really think
(03:17):
about what I'm going to name the album, the concept
and everything, because the whole concept, the whole theme was,
like I said, diamonds and how a diamond is made,
the process that it goes through, and I really felt
it in my life in every aspect. Trying to finish
the album, which round late, it was supposed to come
(03:40):
out a lot sooner than it did. Also, you know,
trying to put the tour together all while I'm going
through all these things, all these emotions. I wasn't able
to work out because of the breast surgery and then
the IVF, and that also affects my psyche, you know,
my mental health, not being able to work out. So
I just felt a lot of pressure. Puli means being polished,
(04:05):
and that's what I feel that this year has done
for me. Twenty twenty four was a number eight, like
the entire year for everyone in the world. So with
the number eight, there's a lot of great things. This
is like I'm talking to mirology now. A lot of
great things come with it. It's everlasting, it's infinity, it's
constantly flowing. And I felt like that happened this year
(04:26):
a lot. And I also knew I was going to
have what they call a karmic year, which means that
all the seeds that I planted for good or for bad,
I was going to sew in this year or see
or reap you know, the benefits, or learn a lot
of lessons. And let me tell you, that's exactly what happened.
I didn't think about that until towards the end of
(04:48):
the year, where I'm like, oh, shoot, this is a
number eight. Everything that has happened is supposed to happen.
The nominations and all the recognition and all everything as
far as, like you know, speaking career wise, everything I've
been working towards for the past ten years. But it
also left me a little depleted emotionally. There was a
lot of work, A lot was going on. We had
(05:12):
the miscarriage, We got married. That was a beautiful, amazing thing.
And as you guys know, I also got divorced. And
I had a very tough relationship and marriage before this one.
And I know I made noticing me to talk about it,
but it is part of my life and my history
and it was a very very difficult, I guess relationship,
(05:34):
and I learned a lot from it. And I think
that because of that, and I was able to let
that go. I mean, I got an amazing man, and
I think that that's another thing, that another seed that
I planted. And now I'm living a beautiful relationship and
I'm very grateful for that. So a lot has happened.
That was in July, my birthday was in June. We
(05:57):
had the miscarriage June first, So well, everything it's crazy.
I oh my gosh, As I'm speaking to you guys,
like I didn't write anything down, I'm kind of like
going down the line of the month, and every month
had something major happening. I feel like something happened in March,
and I can't remember what happened in March. Oh we
went to Big Sir in March. Okay, so yeah, so
(06:18):
in March, I mean it was reminding me right now, guys.
So in March we went to Big sur and we
were sober, and that was one of our first vacations
that we did sober. But it was super awesome because
then we did mushrooms together and it was very nice.
We had an amazing conversation. We were in the chacuzzi.
Him and I were talking. It was so nice. I'm
not telling you guys to go out there and do mushrooms.
(06:40):
That's not what I'm saying. That is my business. I'm
a responsible adult. It's my choice. But you guys might
share everything with you guys. So anyways, that was what
happened in March. I know in April I got pregnant
April twenty fifth. Didn't find out until like obviously a
few weeks later. Then I even went to go see
my mom. Oh my gosh, I went to go see
(07:01):
my mom. I feel like I was able to get
closure there. I got so much peace out of that.
I went to go visit my dad. It's crazy because
I feel, oh my god, it's ins insane. Everything just
lined up in every single way, everything that I've been
caring for the past. I don't know how many years
I was able to close chapters start new ones. And
(07:23):
as difficult as it was, even going to Lakademiat for
three months, guys every weekend, I did not think it
was going to be as hard not being there on
the show, because being on the show and getting dressed
up and doing the actual show was actually really fun.
It was fun. It was not having my weekends and
having to fly and that's a lot of flights. I mean,
(07:46):
thank goodness, we have the ability to fly on airplanes,
and you know, that's that's amazing. But also it's not natural,
and I don't know if there's studies on it, but
I definitely felt it. It takes an emotional toll on
you on physically as well, and I was definitely filling
that up and down. I was literally going up and down,
you know. I would come to sea level in California,
(08:09):
and then I would go to Sia, Mexico and it was.
The elevation was insane, So I felt like for three
months I was floating and that's not good for me.
I need to be grounded. I also took a retreat
in April with a friend. Emilia was supposed to go
with me, but he had to work, so I took
(08:30):
my best friend Judy, who you guys also met as
well Judy Sabeta here on the podcast, and that in
itself was crazy, Guys. I wasn't able to vacation as
much going into the year a million, and I knew
this year there's a lot of work. We have to
just set the tone and we're not going to be
able to vacation as much. So we don't have a
(08:51):
lot of vacations. We did have our pre honeymoon in
bl Garmen, which was beautiful, so amazing, very like, very
much needed. But I want to say that that trip
with Judy, and not even because we spent time together,
because we didn't. They had us separated almost the entire
time intentionally, but what I felt and the healing that
(09:16):
I felt at that retreat and while I was in
my experience because it was a psychedelic retreat. Wow, I
literally I don't know if we ever talked about it
in detail here on the podcast, but let me just
you know, make a long story short. I healed you, guys.
(09:36):
I felt my body healing. I was in heaven, and
not like heaven that you hear at church and you know,
the roads or gold. I mean, I don't know, maybe
that's the heaven that you have in your head, but
the heaven that I saw, I was in so much peace.
I felt what bliss really meant. It doesn't happen every
(09:56):
time during my meditation, but there are times when I
can like tap into that moment of doing breath work
out there and meditating because it was a very spiritual retreat.
Oh my god, I just get this feeling that I
can't even explain. And I remember saying it, I'm like,
I'm healing, I'm healing. I was crying. I had so
much like it's gonna sound gross, but I had so
much snot coming out of my nose, and I felt
(10:19):
like that was a symbol of me just cleansing. And
I had such a wonderful experience. People there, there was
like about fifteen of us. Some people I could see
they were not having a good time. I was in heaven,
and I kept saying it out loud, like oh my goodness, God,
thank you. I felt like the Lord was letting me
feel what peace really feels and giving me this gift
(10:40):
of you have suffered so much in your life that
I'm letting you feel this. And I did not want
to leave, but I kept thinking about a media. I'm like,
oh my god, he seems so far away, like I
want to go back for him, but then I want
to stay here. And I was battling with that the
entire time. That's the moment, guys, And the reason why
this is such a highlight in my life is because
that is the moment when I let go of all
(11:01):
fear in my relationship and I saw his soul. I
know that's gonna sound crazy, but I saw his soul.
I saw it and I'm like, oh my god, it's
so beautiful. I'm safe, it's okay, I'm in good hands.
And that's when I was like, oh my god, I'm
with my person. And that's when I saw that we
(11:22):
had met and we had been together in other lifetimes.
I know this might sound crazy to some of you, guys,
but I just it's it's insane. I know even it
coming out of my mouth, I'm like, oh my god,
but it felt so real and it was very real
that I remember I wasn't supposed to use my phone.
They're like, don't use phones, but I remember going to
my room and I text them. I'm like, oh my god, Emilio,
(11:42):
I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. You knew. You knew from
the very beginning that I was it, and I have
been so afraid because of my trauma and everything that
I've gone through that I always as much as I
let my walls down, they were only halfway down until
that moment and I let them completely down. And I've
different in our relationship, and it was like the sign
(12:03):
for me that it is okay for me to get married.
I was with the right person. I was with my soulmate.
I felt our souls connect. It was crazy, guys, craziness.
We had beautiful moments. Wh went to Big Sir, we
went to play the garment. We've done Vegas trips, We've
done cute things. But for me, even though he wasn't
with me there physically, Emilio, he was there and it
(12:24):
was exactly what I needed. And because I was on
such a high. That's what they were worried about at
the retreat. The people, the guides, the counselors, They're like,
you had such a high that the low might be
very low, so we want to just take care of you.
And they did, and I didn't feel as bad. But
the other work started coming months after, and it prepared me,
(12:46):
I think, for the miscarriage, for some disappointments in my
family things that have been happening. There's been a lot,
you know, we've been going through these lawsuits, mine, my
personal one with my mom's brother and our family went
with my grandpa, and it's been so crazy, but I
feel like it all just helped me just step outside
(13:06):
of myself and look at my life from the outside in.
And it was amazing. And I don't know if I
would have been able to handle everything or even get
married if I hadn't had that experience. So I'm not
gonna share the retreat that I went on. I don't know.
I feel like that's everyone's choice. It was my choice.
(13:26):
It is something that I wanted to do, and I
don't know if i'd do it again because it was
a lot, But if I do it next time, i'd
do it with Emilio for sure, but it definitely did
heal me. And I saw my dad. I didn't really
see my mom. A lot of people ask me that
did you see your mom and that you know, on
that retreat, I just saw butterflies and I felt like, Oh,
(13:46):
she's happy. That's the symbol that I was. She's happy,
We're good. And I was able to because I had
already closed the chapter with her, you know when we
went to you know, so I felt good. It was
more with my dad and I understood him on a
different level. And I won't get into that because it's
a little it's a little different. What else my career,
(14:07):
I feel more than ever, guys, and I'm so happy.
It has been an uphill battle in some way. I
feel like I've always had to kind of swim against
the current when it comes to my career, and I
feel like this year, people finally are seeing me for me,
(14:27):
for Cheeky's, for my own talents, for my own experiences,
for my music, and giving me the respect that I
feel that in some way I've earned that I deserve.
Now I look back and I know that I got
a lot of criticism. I was judged a lot for
like my music and how I sang and just so
(14:50):
many things, and now it just feels different. I don't
even know how to explain it. So I feel that
that's another thing that I've been able to really enjoy,
is my career. But then on the other side of
the token, I'm ready to take a little break, And
I haven't said that anywhere else that I'm just going
to say it here on my podcast because this is
where I feel safe and I feel the need, the
(15:12):
dire need of taking a break. I feel content, but
not comfortable. I feel like I need to step back
a little bit because I have worked the last ten
years so hard to get to this point. And it's
not that I never want to do music again. I do.
I just feel like it's one of those things that
(15:33):
I need to step away from for a little bit
to be able to step back into it with more
passion and more clarity. Because so much has happened this year,
some things are foggy, and the enjoyment and the passion
isn't as electrifying as it once was, and for me
personally as an artist, that is a problem. So I
(15:56):
want to just take time for myself and enjoy my
marriage and figure out what we're going to do when
it comes to having a baby and really starting our
own little family that I feel like that needs a
lot of my attention, a lot of my energy, and
I just want to be for a little bit, and
I'll come back to music. That's always going to be
(16:16):
a part of my life. It's something that I absolutely love.
It might change a little bit, but I feel like
I'm stepping into this new era, this soft girl era,
and I think it started with Gisiya Passando, the song
that I wrote for Emilio. And just to clarify, just
to clarify, maybe now that I'm married, you guys might think,
(16:37):
maybe some of you, that it has to do with Emilio,
and I want to clarify that just before rumors are
started or anything. I want you guys to hear it
from my mouth, not necessarily. It does not have to
do with Emilio. Emilio I know will support me in
my career if I want to keep going in twenty
twenty five, I think it'd be like, look, I know
(16:58):
how you felt this year, maybe you should take a break,
but if you want to continue do it. I know
He'll have my back one hundred percent. But it has
to do with him, but it doesn't have to do
with him. I want to spend more time. I want
to enjoy my marriage with him, absolutely, but this is
more of a personal choice for sure, and I feel
(17:18):
like I've earned it. I feel like I deserve to
take a little bit of a break. I also want
to miss Cheeky's a little but I want to really
go into my jine mode. I feel like I've been
tending to Cheeky's for so long. I love the bitch, Okay,
she's cool, I like her, but I haven't been tending
(17:39):
to Janae and her needs. And really like stepping into
that hippie side of myself. And I want to just
reconnect with my body and I want to cook more,
and I want to do more quote unquote normal things.
And I'm craving that. My soul is craving that. And
as much as Emilio thinks that Chee is super hot
(18:00):
and sexy, I think he really enjoys Jena too, and
he hasn't been getting enough of that. So I do
want to give him that because he's important to me,
So it has to do with him, but it doesn't.
It's more definitely, and I promise you it's more of
a personal choice, and I don't know. I went to
church the other day, to my church that I hadn't
gone to in four years, guys because of the pandemic
(18:21):
they had to close down, and it just it ignited
something in me, something that I feel like I had
suppressed for the sake of working and being focused and
being on and it was just confirmation for me that
what I'm feeling for next year is what I should do.
I don't know for how long, but I know I'm
(18:42):
going to get a lot of clarity and a lot
of answers, so I'm looking forward to that. I just
don't know what it looks like. And I don't like
feeling that way because usually I know exactly what I
want and how I want it. And right now, when
it comes to my music, it feels like a little
bit of a cluster and I want to just shake
it off, miss it a little bit. And I wanted
to miss me and Richard, my manager, doesn't know this yet,
(19:05):
he'll know it soon. But it's okay because I feel
like I'm always gonna be okay, like no matter what
I don't know what the next move is. I have
a little bit of an idea, and I'll get to
you guys. I'll share that with you guys, of course,
when the time is right. But I don't know. That's
kind of what I'm feeling, because i look back and
I'm very happy and I'm very happy with twenty twenty
(19:26):
four and how everything happened in my career and everything.
It's just I don't know. I just feel like finally,
like oh okay. And some people would think, oh my gosh,
it's barely happening, like you're barely getting to that point,
like why are you walking away? First of all, I'm
not walking away. I'm just stepping back a little bit.
But also I think it's important that we know when
(19:49):
to step away, and that's what I'm doing right now.
I want to take a little step back. Sometimes our
ego gets in the way, and because we want to
be financially secure or you know, we don't want to
be forgotten, especially as artists. You know, artists have a
lot like a big ego, and that's why I always
we talk about ego here a lot. We have to
(20:10):
ego check ourselves, and especially me as an artist, because
you do get a lot of pressure and you're like
the next single and the next single, and every two
weeks is a single, and I'm just like, that's too much.
It's too much pressure, and that's kind of what I've
lived for the past ten years. And I'm like, I
need a break and i want to go back to basics,
you know, and that's all it is. And I'm okay
(20:31):
with that. I'm not afraid. I'm still gonna do my thing.
I'm still gonna have my podcast. Don't do not fret.
We will have a fourth season. Guys, do not worry,
because I love doing this and you guys, I always say,
it's like a therapy for me. You guys help me
out as I'm helping you out. I don't know exactly
what's gonna happen for twenty twenty five, but I'm definitely
welcoming it and I'm excited and I'm honestly I'm excited
(20:55):
for this year to be over. It's been a beautiful
and also heart wrenching at moments year, but I'm excited
to start something new. It's always a new year, is
always like a fresh start, and that's what excites me
because for so long, I was so afraid of change,
and now I welcome change, and now I'm okay with
(21:17):
it because I know how to navigate through it and
how to work through it. So yeah, right now, twenty
twenty five, I don't know what it looks like. Usually
I have a plan. I'm like, Okay, next year, I
start my you know, my tour in May. I have
this album coming out. Right now, I have no plan.
For once in a very long time, I have no plan.
I only have one plan, and I'll share that with
you guys when the time is right. But other than that,
(21:39):
as far as my career, I don't know, and I'm
for the first time okay with it, stepping into the unknown,
very hopeful. I'm going to take another leap of faith
in my life and I'm going to let life and
God guide me. And if that means also I have
to downsize in my home, I'm okay with doing that.
I want to be smarter with my money. There's so
(22:01):
many changes that I want to make, positive changes. But
with those changes, of course, comes a little discomfort. That's
just the way life is. But I'm ready for it,
and that's what I'm looking forward to. Kind of just
stepping into the unknown. And there's something exciting about that
because I'm a very organized person and I like to
have a plan, and I want to live on the
edge a little, a little, not too much, but definitely
(22:25):
catering to my needs, to my home, to my relationship,
to my siblings, to my nieces and nephews. Guys, it's
been so long. I want to go pick up my
nieces and nephews and say, hey, sister, don't worry. I'ming
to pick up the kids from school. I'm going to
take them to Disney and Mideo and I are going
to go like I want, I need that. My soul
is craving it so badly. And that's that's what I'm
going to be doing. And of course you guys will
be updated because we have the podcast and I have
(22:47):
social media. But I don't know, we'll figure it out.
That's a bridge I'm going to cross when I get there.
So yeah, that is it. That is what this episode
is all about. I did not have a plan for it.
There's just times that I just come on the mic
and I talk to you guys from my heart, and
that is one of these episodes. And no matter what
I am very, very grateful twenty twenty four. I thank
(23:09):
you beautiful year, sometimes very painful year, but we got
up and we got up stronger, and now twenty twenty five,
I welcome you with arms wide open and we will see.
So I'm wishing you all an amazing twenty twenty five.
Make sure to have fun, enjoy, celebrate with some champagne
(23:32):
or tequila or however you want to celebrate, but make
sure that you set your intentions for the year. My intention,
my only intention this year, is letting my soul guide me.
And if I had one word for twenty twenty five,
I would say foundation. I think maybe that word will
change later. I'll keep you guys updated, but for now
(23:53):
it's I feel like I'm gonna rebuild again. So I'm
going to be setting the foundation for the next for
years of my life. And yeah, my New Year's resolution,
if I have one New Year's resolution, it's going to
be to call people more. That is the only one
that I have right now, because a lot of people complain.
My siblings included that I don't answer my phone, that
(24:14):
I never want to call, that I am the voice
note queen. That is very true. I want to change
that this year twenty twenty five, FaceTime more and if
I have more resolutions, I'll share them in January or
February and the next season of Cheeky's and Chill. But
for now that that is the only one I can
think of. So yeah, and I love resolutions. They keep
you accountable. But anyways, I don't want to make this
(24:35):
longer than it has to be. Guys, you know I
love you. I'm grateful for you. I am wishing you
and your family a beautiful, prosperous, peaceful, abundant, healthy New Year.
Do you need advice on love, relationships, health emails. I'm
(24:56):
so excited to share with you that my Cheeky's and
Chill podcast will have a extra episode drop each week.
I'll be answering all your questions. Just leave me a
voice message. All you have to do is go to
speak pipe dot com, slash Cheeky's and Chill Podcasts and
record your questions. I can't wait to hear from you.
(25:21):
This is a production of iHeartRadio and the Michael Dura
podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at Michael Dura Podcasts,
then follow me Cheeky's That's c H I T u
i s. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast
Host
Chiquis
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