November 11, 2024 • 21 mins
Earlier this year, my siblings and I traveled to Monterrey, Mexico to visit the site of my mom’s 2012 plane crash. After hiking for about 2 hours, we finally reached the site and I felt so much peace. I’ll be sharing why we went, why we waited so many years, what it was like and more. The mountain site is open to the public, so if you’re a Jenni Rivera fan, you can visit, too.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:09):
Hello, everyone, Welcome to Cheeky's and Chill Happy Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.
Whenever you are listening to this podcast, to this episode,
I hope you're having a good day. This week for
me has been a little crazy, to be honest, but good.
(00:30):
It's kind of like the you know, you're winding down
the years ending. A lot of stuff is happening, but
I'm happy nonetheless, and I hope you are too. So
this episode is going to be a personal one. It's
the Mike and I. We're going to be talking about
something a lot of people have been asking about because
they saw it on Cheeky sinfieldro my docu follow when
(00:54):
we went to go visit my mom in Mexico.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Well sounds weird? Was in my mom in Mexico? Well
were my.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
Mom passed, where my mom's plane crashed. So that's what
we're going to be talking about today because a lot
of people asked how that came about, and they just
wanted a little bit more details.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
So we went earlier this year. It's going to be
what twelve.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Years since my mom's passing, and in December it'll be
twelve years and we waited this long because a lot
of us weren't ready. It's five of us, five children,
and I didn't want to go without them, and Johnny
wasn't ready and I wasn't ready for a long time.
So anyways, it happened when it was supposed to happen.
(01:39):
It happened in Monterrey, Mexico. That's where the plane, you know, crashed.
It's still so weird for me to talk about it,
to like talk, I just I don't know. It's weird
when people ask me, you know, how you know, how
old is your mom? Like, oh, my mom was forty
four years old, and then they asked, okay, how did
she pass? And I say, yeah, It's just so weird
(02:01):
to me still, it's just I can't believe it. So anyways,
we wanted to go out there. I feel like for me,
it was part of my healing journey before getting married.
I wanted to kind of get some closure in a way, because.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
I never really got it.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
My mom and I weren't on speaking terms. So when
that happened, so many things came crumbling down in my life.
So I think I worked so hard and was so
focused on work, work, work, work, work to kind of
just not deal with the pain for so long that
it came to a point where I'm like, I can't
ignore this. This is part of my life, this is
(02:40):
part of my truth. And I told my siblings. I
was like, I'm ready to go. Who wants to come
with me? You know, because we always heard it was
a hike and the whole thing. And I talked to Emilio,
my husband, about it, and now my husband because he
wasn't my husband then when we went, and he said yeah,
that he was down to go, and so we all went.
(03:00):
And it's called it is where it is, and it
again it's a monterrey, so it was a mountain, it's
someone's property. It's a farmer has like a huge land,
has huge land. And so now we met him, we
met his family, his his his wife.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
We met also his son.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
His son was and his cousin were one of uh
our guides to get up there. They told this in
the beginning, Oh, it's going to be like a four
hour hike. We're like, oh damn, okay. I was like,
my mom's worth it. Let's do it, you know, let's go.
But it didn't take us that long. It took us
like they were very surprised, you know. So it took
us like, I don't know, maybe like a little bit
less than two hours.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
It was very hot.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
I felt fine for the most part because my siblings
were with me, and I've been doing a lot of
healing and a lot of like soul searching and therapy,
and also having Emilio there helped a lot. So I
I didn't go there expecting anything. I was just like,
I just want to go and see what I feel.
(04:09):
So that's exactly like what I did.
Speaker 3 (04:12):
On the way up there.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
My siblings and I were just listening to music, to
songs that she liked and her songs, and we were
all pretty happy for the most part, I think because
we were together when we were doing it together, and yeah,
I thought Johnny would have broken down a little more,
but the one that broke down more was my brother Mikey.
(04:35):
I don't know, I just didn't expect it, and I
think it really helped him a lot. So anyways, going
up there, walking up there, it was very nice, a
very very beautiful mountain, and I always felt like where
that happened, that incident and that catastrophe, I always thought
(04:57):
it was going to be like dark and cold and ugly,
and I I didn't know that's what I imagined. So
I'm so happy that I was able to go and
walking up there in silence and you know, talking you know,
to my siblings here and there was really cool. And
that we were able to document the you know, the
the that day was awesome because then I can show
(05:20):
my kids or maybe, I don't know, maybe one day
take my kids. We even thought about taking my nieces
and nephews one day, but it was so pretty, it
was so green and so peaceful. When we actually got
to where it happened, I can't the breeze was so nice.
It's crazy how much peace I felt. I even thought
(05:43):
in a moment, I'm like, why am I not crying?
Why am I not sad? Like I'm like something wrong
with me? But then when I thought about it, like
I'm like, no, nothing's wrong with me. I'm I'm I'm good.
Even though things happened the way that happened with my
mom and I and we weren't able to speak, like,
I feel like I have a very beautiful connection with her,
and I got the closure that I needed because when
(06:05):
we were just sitting there listening to her music, and
my brother was we were all kind of doing our
own thing. Jenica did cry. She's very very reserved. She went,
you know, off to on her own to do her thing.
Mikey too, and I just I stood there and I
was like kind of closed my eyes and I prayed.
I'm like, what am I supposed to get out of
(06:25):
this moment? Like what am I looking for? Because I
didn't even really know. I just knew it was something
I needed to do and I wanted to do with
my siblings. So I just all I could hear was
it's okay.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
To let go.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
And I'm like, and I'm like, what, Like it's weird,
it's I don't know if it was. I obviously didn't
hear someone say it. It was something that I felt
in my soul and I but I heard it clearly,
like it's okay to let go, And I'm like, what
do you mean? Like, I just know that I felt
(06:59):
so much peace, and I felt like my mom is good.
My mom is so good and at peace wherever she
may be. Because I do feel that there's life after
this life, whether it's in heaven or I don't know,
but I feel she's so busy, so consumed in her
new life, doing her thing, she's happy, and she's still
(07:23):
watching over us.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
But I feel her. And this might sound weird, but
I feel her far yet close. It's so weird.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
What I got out of that whole experience and what
I have felt after that is just it's okay to
let my siblings go, to let them grow, to not
hold on so tight, to get married, because that's kind
of like what I wanted in a way. I hadn't
said any thing to anyone about it, but it was like,
(08:01):
it's okay to let go of me, your mother, and
step into your new life, which is because I was
very scared of getting remarried and I never thought I
was going to do it again. I wanted to, but
I was like, I don't know if it's ever going
to happen for me, and I just felt like her
(08:22):
blessing in that moment. I again, I don't know how
to explain it. I can't even going back to that
moment and closing my eyes is just such a unique
experience that I can't even tell you everything that I felt.
I can't even like explain it in words. I just
know that I got this like beautiful feeling, like of
(08:43):
and now ever since I did that, I used to
cry so much on stage for my mom so much,
and I did I did that before I started this
new tour, the A'm on this tour that was like
I think this happened like in April, if I'm not
mistaken when we went out there, and I don't cry
(09:06):
for her the way I used to on stage or
when I would sing her songs, like I think of her,
but it's not a sadness anymore. It's not like this grieving.
It's it's peace. It's like it's so weird.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
I don't even.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
I don't know, and it's gonna sound crazy, I think,
you know, because I know a lot of people love
my mom.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
But I feel like.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Like I got the answers that I needed, Like not
like I don't love her, because I love her very much,
and there's times when I miss her so much, but
I don't cry the way I used to.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
I feel like we're good.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
She was my mom, she was meant to be my
mom in this in this lifetime to teach me certain things,
so I can teach her certain things. And she's moved
on and she's doing something else, and I'm okay to
start doing me my life, live my life the way
I want to live it in every aspect and my
(10:06):
personal life and my career with my siblings. And even
since then, like I've in a way kind of let
go of my siblings as well, like I'm like, okay.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
They're grown.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
I love them very much, but I have to let
them live and learn and be here for them. But
now it's me and my husband. It's my husband and
I and I didn't feel that. I always felt like
my what I'm supposed to be doing in this world
is always honoring my mom and her legacy and what
(10:39):
she left for me and my siblings. And I just
felt like this need and this desire and this fire
within me to just do anything and everything for them,
and that's what my purpose was in life. And when
I did that and I went to go see her,
and I got this like let go, that's all I heard,
I was like, oh shit, Like I have my own
(11:01):
life to live, like I have a different purpose. I
don't necessarily need to just do that or be that.
I can build and it's okay, and I and I
let go. And it's crazy because I think like I
had this this idea of, you know, there were times
(11:24):
where I was angry at her, I guess, you know,
because of everything that happened, and I had this idea of, like, shit,
that's what she left me. But now I'm like, no,
that's just a little part. You know. Yes that happened,
Yes we weren't on talking terms, but that doesn't determine
all of our relationship, you know, And.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
And that's it. I'm going to leave that in my
past and I'm good.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
And then after that, after we went to see my
mom and I got like her blessing of like letting go.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
And my idea of what I got out of that.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
Then I went to visit my dad and I got
his blessing, and I feel like, without even knowing or
planning it, everything just fell into place. And I was
ready to get married, like to step into this new
era of my life. And I'm glad we did it.
And it was very healing, and I think my brother
Mikey's doing a lot better. My sister Jackie had that
(12:18):
was her second time going, Jenica's first. I feel like
ever since we went there, we got a lot of
clarity and a lot of direction, and I don't know
it just it did something for us and it was
just I guess that that missing piece of the puzzle
to like just in a way move on. As messed
(12:40):
up as that might sound to certain people, but it
was just this beautiful gift that like we got, or
at least I did, And I think we all felt
different things, but we had that in common of like, Okay,
that's our mom, we love her, but she's happy. Also
moved on is what I felt like, She's she's happy, she's.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
Good wherever she is.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
There was so much peace, guys, Like I can't even explain,
Like just thinking of what I felt in that moment
makes me want to cry because I was like, shit,
she's good. And I think that's what I needed to
feel to just say, Okay, cool, she's good. I need
to be okay and not thinking I need to be
okay for my siblings or for anyone else, but I
need to be okay for me, for Jane, for my life,
(13:27):
to have kids, to like just live a different life.
And I just I don't know a lot of people
ask me like what did you feel? Like what did
you guys think? And that's why I wanted to talk
about it on an episode of Cheeky's and Chill because
this is my space to open up and express things
to you. So I thank you guys for allowing me
(13:48):
to do that. And I don't know, I just I
highly recommend guys, like, if you feel it in your
heart and there's things that you haven't gotten closure if
you can, if you feel it in your heart, do
(14:08):
it get closure in one way or another. Because of
course I'd love to speak to my mother and see
her and like hear the words that I imagine, like for
her to in a way even apologize to me, because
a lot of things went down in a messed up way,
but I feel in her way she did apologize to me,
is what I felt. And again I can't explain it.
It's just something that happened, spiritual, I don't know, but
(14:32):
it really has helped me just.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
Move on with my life.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
It was really nice to see a place that I
for so long that was just this ugly dark place,
place that tormented my life, not only mine, my famili's
people that loved my mother. I just saw that place
as something just so dark and just I don't know,
(15:10):
and especially because I saw pictures and footage that people
that were there, like police officers and you know, authorities
and stuff that weren't necessarily supposed to do that, but
they they shared and I'm assuming sould the footage. And
(15:31):
I just never thought I would want to go there
because I saw some pretty graphic pictures remains of not
only my mom, but like people that were on the
plane with her and her dress. And I actually there
was this this picture that I'll never forget of my
mom's dress, her Mariacci dress that she was wearing the
(15:53):
night of that her last concert in Monterrey. There it
was just like hanging on a tree, and that tree
is still there, and that tree, I guess with the
plane like with one of the wings cut off like
the top of it. So my mom's dress, I guess
flew on top of the on top of the tree
(16:16):
and it was like this humongous tree before now it
is now it's what it was before. But They're like,
that's the tree where the dress was. And I was like,
oh my gosh, it's crazy because I didn't ask. No
one asked the guide. He's like, oh, that's the tree
where the dress was. A pink dress, and I'm like
Oh my gosh, I'll never forget that picture, that image,
because I just I was thinking in that moment, guys,
(16:37):
I was like, well, maybe someone placed it there. Maybe
I wanted to think my mom hadn't died. I wanted
to think that someone had taken her and they just
placed it there to make it seem like I thought
so many things. I was like, no, she's still alive.
She's hiding somewhere. And I remember thinking when everything happened
that Sunday, because she passed away on a Sunday, or
(16:59):
they passed away on a side day. I don't want
to just talk about my mom, but like, you know,
there's other people there with her. You know, that happened
on a Sunday. And I was still I still had
hope Monday Tuesday until Wednesday when some idiot posted or
they decided they thought it was a great idea to
post images and and it was a picture of my
(17:22):
mom's toes and I knew, I freaking knew. I said,
this is I massage those feet. I know that's my mom,
and that's what I knew. I was like, shit, she's
not coming home. I just and that's when I had
to break the news to my siblings, and.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
It was tough.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
That's why I'm just I'm so against people posting or
sharing images like that, like when they try to share
images of like Kobe, you know, and and Vanessa suit
of the shit out of them, good job and she
won as she should, like it's not cool, you know,
or when you know, Nipsey got shot and killed and
someone posted actually unfollowed this girl, which is like what
(17:58):
started this beef with her? She talks I'm not gonna
mention him her name because it's not even worth it.
But she's this girl that's like a blogger or she
just talks shit about people, a lot about me. And
it all happened because I unfollowed her because I told her,
I said, hey, it's not cool that you're posting this
video of him being shot and he's on the Like
I was very upset about it. I was like, he
(18:19):
has kids, he has his wife, Like I'm sure she's
watched it. She doesn't want the whole world to watch
her man Lauren like like you know, on the floor,
like fighting for his life and it's just not cool.
Like I'm just I don't know, I think about it,
and it pisses me off, you know. So anyways, that's
a side story. But I did see a lot of
images and it's just nice to know that that ugly
(18:41):
place turned into something beautiful because it is very beautiful
and very peaceful, and it made me feel like my
mom's energy was there and she's like telling us, I'm
okay because we all felt the same piece, all of us.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
The breeze.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
It was wonderful, like the breeze, the greenery, butterflies were
all over the place. It was just very nice, and
there were still pieces of the plane. Like we walked around,
there was still like like you know, metal still there.
They're like, oh sometimes it just so with the breeze
that they come up, and it's just it's crazy.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
I can't even believe that this is my life sometimes, guys,
I really can't. I'm like, how how did this happen?
And it's just it's insane.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
And yeah, I.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
Mean, I hope it doesn't offend any genuine Rivera fans
out there, because of course that's my mom, proud of
who she is. But such an ugly event that tormented
my life, our life for so long, like turned into
beauty like that place I think was they said, you know,
nothing grew here for years.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Now it's green. The breeze was beautiful.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
It was just amazing, like ashes to beauty, and that's
what I saw and that's what I felt. So yeah,
if you guys can go out there. It's open to
the public. There's like a little it's all over in Monterrey.
Like you can just have to ask anywhere at an
olkso at a gas station and tell them I want
to go see where Jenny Rivera is or whatever you
(20:06):
want to call it, and they'll direct you and they'll
take you there. So it's really nice. It's not that
much of a hike, it's not too bad, but take water.
So yeah, that's it, guys. I just wanted to express
this and you know, answer your guys's questions because I
was getting a lot of them and tell you my
experience going to Monterrey and can't really speak for my siblings.
(20:28):
A lot of people ask like, what did your siblings feel? Like,
I can't really speak for them. Maybe one day we'll
have a podcast with all of them and we'll talk
a little bit more about it. But I can only
speak about what I felt in my experience and how
it changed my life. So thank you guys for listening.
I appreciate it. It's always nice to just sit here
and talk to the mic, talk to you guys, because
it's like therapy for me.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
So I thank you guys.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Thank you for listening, for watching, for coming to the podcast,
listening to everything that I have to say, because you know,
it's always out of love. Think I share. All my
thoughts and feelings are to inspire and empower in some way. Okay,
So I love you guys, and I'll catch you on
the next episode of Cheeky's and Chill a Samayana. This
(21:20):
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or wherever you get your favorite shows.
Hello, everyone, Welcome to Cheeky's and Chill Happy Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.
Whenever you are listening to this podcast, to this episode,
I hope you're having a good day. This week for
me has been a little crazy, to be honest, but good.
(00:30):
It's kind of like the you know, you're winding down
the years ending. A lot of stuff is happening, but
I'm happy nonetheless, and I hope you are too. So
this episode is going to be a personal one. It's
the Mike and I. We're going to be talking about
something a lot of people have been asking about because
they saw it on Cheeky sinfieldro my docu follow when
(00:54):
we went to go visit my mom in Mexico.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Well sounds weird? Was in my mom in Mexico? Well
were my.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
Mom passed, where my mom's plane crashed. So that's what
we're going to be talking about today because a lot
of people asked how that came about, and they just
wanted a little bit more details.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
So we went earlier this year. It's going to be
what twelve.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Years since my mom's passing, and in December it'll be
twelve years and we waited this long because a lot
of us weren't ready. It's five of us, five children,
and I didn't want to go without them, and Johnny
wasn't ready and I wasn't ready for a long time.
So anyways, it happened when it was supposed to happen.
(01:39):
It happened in Monterrey, Mexico. That's where the plane, you know, crashed.
It's still so weird for me to talk about it,
to like talk, I just I don't know. It's weird
when people ask me, you know, how you know, how
old is your mom? Like, oh, my mom was forty
four years old, and then they asked, okay, how did
she pass? And I say, yeah, It's just so weird
(02:01):
to me still, it's just I can't believe it. So anyways,
we wanted to go out there. I feel like for me,
it was part of my healing journey before getting married.
I wanted to kind of get some closure in a way, because.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
I never really got it.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
My mom and I weren't on speaking terms. So when
that happened, so many things came crumbling down in my life.
So I think I worked so hard and was so
focused on work, work, work, work, work to kind of
just not deal with the pain for so long that
it came to a point where I'm like, I can't
ignore this. This is part of my life, this is
(02:40):
part of my truth. And I told my siblings. I
was like, I'm ready to go. Who wants to come
with me? You know, because we always heard it was
a hike and the whole thing. And I talked to Emilio,
my husband, about it, and now my husband because he
wasn't my husband then when we went, and he said yeah,
that he was down to go, and so we all went.
(03:00):
And it's called it is where it is, and it
again it's a monterrey, so it was a mountain, it's
someone's property. It's a farmer has like a huge land,
has huge land. And so now we met him, we
met his family, his his his wife.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
We met also his son.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
His son was and his cousin were one of uh
our guides to get up there. They told this in
the beginning, Oh, it's going to be like a four
hour hike. We're like, oh damn, okay. I was like,
my mom's worth it. Let's do it, you know, let's go.
But it didn't take us that long. It took us
like they were very surprised, you know. So it took
us like, I don't know, maybe like a little bit
less than two hours.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
It was very hot.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
I felt fine for the most part because my siblings
were with me, and I've been doing a lot of
healing and a lot of like soul searching and therapy,
and also having Emilio there helped a lot. So I
I didn't go there expecting anything. I was just like,
I just want to go and see what I feel.
(04:09):
So that's exactly like what I did.
Speaker 3 (04:12):
On the way up there.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
My siblings and I were just listening to music, to
songs that she liked and her songs, and we were
all pretty happy for the most part, I think because
we were together when we were doing it together, and yeah,
I thought Johnny would have broken down a little more,
but the one that broke down more was my brother Mikey.
(04:35):
I don't know, I just didn't expect it, and I
think it really helped him a lot. So anyways, going
up there, walking up there, it was very nice, a
very very beautiful mountain, and I always felt like where
that happened, that incident and that catastrophe, I always thought
(04:57):
it was going to be like dark and cold and ugly,
and I I didn't know that's what I imagined. So
I'm so happy that I was able to go and
walking up there in silence and you know, talking you know,
to my siblings here and there was really cool. And
that we were able to document the you know, the
the that day was awesome because then I can show
(05:20):
my kids or maybe, I don't know, maybe one day
take my kids. We even thought about taking my nieces
and nephews one day, but it was so pretty, it
was so green and so peaceful. When we actually got
to where it happened, I can't the breeze was so nice.
It's crazy how much peace I felt. I even thought
(05:43):
in a moment, I'm like, why am I not crying?
Why am I not sad? Like I'm like something wrong
with me? But then when I thought about it, like
I'm like, no, nothing's wrong with me. I'm I'm I'm good.
Even though things happened the way that happened with my
mom and I and we weren't able to speak, like,
I feel like I have a very beautiful connection with her,
and I got the closure that I needed because when
(06:05):
we were just sitting there listening to her music, and
my brother was we were all kind of doing our
own thing. Jenica did cry. She's very very reserved. She went,
you know, off to on her own to do her thing.
Mikey too, and I just I stood there and I
was like kind of closed my eyes and I prayed.
I'm like, what am I supposed to get out of
(06:25):
this moment? Like what am I looking for? Because I
didn't even really know. I just knew it was something
I needed to do and I wanted to do with
my siblings. So I just all I could hear was
it's okay.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
To let go.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
And I'm like, and I'm like, what, Like it's weird,
it's I don't know if it was. I obviously didn't
hear someone say it. It was something that I felt
in my soul and I but I heard it clearly,
like it's okay to let go, And I'm like, what
do you mean? Like, I just know that I felt
(06:59):
so much peace, and I felt like my mom is good.
My mom is so good and at peace wherever she
may be. Because I do feel that there's life after
this life, whether it's in heaven or I don't know,
but I feel she's so busy, so consumed in her
new life, doing her thing, she's happy, and she's still
(07:23):
watching over us.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
But I feel her. And this might sound weird, but
I feel her far yet close. It's so weird.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
What I got out of that whole experience and what
I have felt after that is just it's okay to
let my siblings go, to let them grow, to not
hold on so tight, to get married, because that's kind
of like what I wanted in a way. I hadn't
said any thing to anyone about it, but it was like,
(08:01):
it's okay to let go of me, your mother, and
step into your new life, which is because I was
very scared of getting remarried and I never thought I
was going to do it again. I wanted to, but
I was like, I don't know if it's ever going
to happen for me, and I just felt like her
(08:22):
blessing in that moment. I again, I don't know how
to explain it. I can't even going back to that
moment and closing my eyes is just such a unique
experience that I can't even tell you everything that I felt.
I can't even like explain it in words. I just
know that I got this like beautiful feeling, like of
(08:43):
and now ever since I did that, I used to
cry so much on stage for my mom so much,
and I did I did that before I started this
new tour, the A'm on this tour that was like
I think this happened like in April, if I'm not
mistaken when we went out there, and I don't cry
(09:06):
for her the way I used to on stage or
when I would sing her songs, like I think of her,
but it's not a sadness anymore. It's not like this grieving.
It's it's peace. It's like it's so weird.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
I don't even.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
I don't know, and it's gonna sound crazy, I think,
you know, because I know a lot of people love
my mom.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
But I feel like.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Like I got the answers that I needed, Like not
like I don't love her, because I love her very much,
and there's times when I miss her so much, but
I don't cry the way I used to.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
I feel like we're good.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
She was my mom, she was meant to be my
mom in this in this lifetime to teach me certain things,
so I can teach her certain things. And she's moved
on and she's doing something else, and I'm okay to
start doing me my life, live my life the way
I want to live it in every aspect and my
(10:06):
personal life and my career with my siblings. And even
since then, like I've in a way kind of let
go of my siblings as well, like I'm like, okay.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
They're grown.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
I love them very much, but I have to let
them live and learn and be here for them. But
now it's me and my husband. It's my husband and
I and I didn't feel that. I always felt like
my what I'm supposed to be doing in this world
is always honoring my mom and her legacy and what
(10:39):
she left for me and my siblings. And I just
felt like this need and this desire and this fire
within me to just do anything and everything for them,
and that's what my purpose was in life. And when
I did that and I went to go see her,
and I got this like let go, that's all I heard,
I was like, oh shit, Like I have my own
(11:01):
life to live, like I have a different purpose. I
don't necessarily need to just do that or be that.
I can build and it's okay, and I and I
let go. And it's crazy because I think like I
had this this idea of, you know, there were times
(11:24):
where I was angry at her, I guess, you know,
because of everything that happened, and I had this idea of, like, shit,
that's what she left me. But now I'm like, no,
that's just a little part. You know. Yes that happened,
Yes we weren't on talking terms, but that doesn't determine
all of our relationship, you know, And.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
And that's it. I'm going to leave that in my
past and I'm good.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
And then after that, after we went to see my
mom and I got like her blessing of like letting go.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
And my idea of what I got out of that.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
Then I went to visit my dad and I got
his blessing, and I feel like, without even knowing or
planning it, everything just fell into place. And I was
ready to get married, like to step into this new
era of my life. And I'm glad we did it.
And it was very healing, and I think my brother
Mikey's doing a lot better. My sister Jackie had that
(12:18):
was her second time going, Jenica's first. I feel like
ever since we went there, we got a lot of
clarity and a lot of direction, and I don't know
it just it did something for us and it was
just I guess that that missing piece of the puzzle
to like just in a way move on. As messed
(12:40):
up as that might sound to certain people, but it
was just this beautiful gift that like we got, or
at least I did, And I think we all felt
different things, but we had that in common of like, Okay,
that's our mom, we love her, but she's happy. Also
moved on is what I felt like, She's she's happy, she's.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
Good wherever she is.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
There was so much peace, guys, Like I can't even explain,
Like just thinking of what I felt in that moment
makes me want to cry because I was like, shit,
she's good. And I think that's what I needed to
feel to just say, Okay, cool, she's good. I need
to be okay and not thinking I need to be
okay for my siblings or for anyone else, but I
need to be okay for me, for Jane, for my life,
(13:27):
to have kids, to like just live a different life.
And I just I don't know a lot of people
ask me like what did you feel? Like what did
you guys think? And that's why I wanted to talk
about it on an episode of Cheeky's and Chill because
this is my space to open up and express things
to you. So I thank you guys for allowing me
(13:48):
to do that. And I don't know, I just I
highly recommend guys, like, if you feel it in your
heart and there's things that you haven't gotten closure if
you can, if you feel it in your heart, do
(14:08):
it get closure in one way or another. Because of
course I'd love to speak to my mother and see
her and like hear the words that I imagine, like for
her to in a way even apologize to me, because
a lot of things went down in a messed up way,
but I feel in her way she did apologize to me,
is what I felt. And again I can't explain it.
It's just something that happened, spiritual, I don't know, but
(14:32):
it really has helped me just.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
Move on with my life.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
It was really nice to see a place that I
for so long that was just this ugly dark place,
place that tormented my life, not only mine, my famili's
people that loved my mother. I just saw that place
as something just so dark and just I don't know,
(15:10):
and especially because I saw pictures and footage that people
that were there, like police officers and you know, authorities
and stuff that weren't necessarily supposed to do that, but
they they shared and I'm assuming sould the footage. And
(15:31):
I just never thought I would want to go there
because I saw some pretty graphic pictures remains of not
only my mom, but like people that were on the
plane with her and her dress. And I actually there
was this this picture that I'll never forget of my
mom's dress, her Mariacci dress that she was wearing the
(15:53):
night of that her last concert in Monterrey. There it
was just like hanging on a tree, and that tree
is still there, and that tree, I guess with the
plane like with one of the wings cut off like
the top of it. So my mom's dress, I guess
flew on top of the on top of the tree
(16:16):
and it was like this humongous tree before now it
is now it's what it was before. But They're like,
that's the tree where the dress was. And I was like,
oh my gosh, it's crazy because I didn't ask. No
one asked the guide. He's like, oh, that's the tree
where the dress was. A pink dress, and I'm like
Oh my gosh, I'll never forget that picture, that image,
because I just I was thinking in that moment, guys,
(16:37):
I was like, well, maybe someone placed it there. Maybe
I wanted to think my mom hadn't died. I wanted
to think that someone had taken her and they just
placed it there to make it seem like I thought
so many things. I was like, no, she's still alive.
She's hiding somewhere. And I remember thinking when everything happened
that Sunday, because she passed away on a Sunday, or
(16:59):
they passed away on a side day. I don't want
to just talk about my mom, but like, you know,
there's other people there with her. You know, that happened
on a Sunday. And I was still I still had
hope Monday Tuesday until Wednesday when some idiot posted or
they decided they thought it was a great idea to
post images and and it was a picture of my
(17:22):
mom's toes and I knew, I freaking knew. I said,
this is I massage those feet. I know that's my mom,
and that's what I knew. I was like, shit, she's
not coming home. I just and that's when I had
to break the news to my siblings, and.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
It was tough.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
That's why I'm just I'm so against people posting or
sharing images like that, like when they try to share
images of like Kobe, you know, and and Vanessa suit
of the shit out of them, good job and she
won as she should, like it's not cool, you know,
or when you know, Nipsey got shot and killed and
someone posted actually unfollowed this girl, which is like what
(17:58):
started this beef with her? She talks I'm not gonna
mention him her name because it's not even worth it.
But she's this girl that's like a blogger or she
just talks shit about people, a lot about me. And
it all happened because I unfollowed her because I told her,
I said, hey, it's not cool that you're posting this
video of him being shot and he's on the Like
I was very upset about it. I was like, he
(18:19):
has kids, he has his wife, Like I'm sure she's
watched it. She doesn't want the whole world to watch
her man Lauren like like you know, on the floor,
like fighting for his life and it's just not cool.
Like I'm just I don't know, I think about it,
and it pisses me off, you know. So anyways, that's
a side story. But I did see a lot of
images and it's just nice to know that that ugly
(18:41):
place turned into something beautiful because it is very beautiful
and very peaceful, and it made me feel like my
mom's energy was there and she's like telling us, I'm
okay because we all felt the same piece, all of us.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
The breeze.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
It was wonderful, like the breeze, the greenery, butterflies were
all over the place. It was just very nice, and
there were still pieces of the plane. Like we walked around,
there was still like like you know, metal still there.
They're like, oh sometimes it just so with the breeze
that they come up, and it's just it's crazy.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
I can't even believe that this is my life sometimes, guys,
I really can't. I'm like, how how did this happen?
And it's just it's insane.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
And yeah, I.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
Mean, I hope it doesn't offend any genuine Rivera fans
out there, because of course that's my mom, proud of
who she is. But such an ugly event that tormented
my life, our life for so long, like turned into
beauty like that place I think was they said, you know,
nothing grew here for years.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Now it's green. The breeze was beautiful.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
It was just amazing, like ashes to beauty, and that's
what I saw and that's what I felt. So yeah,
if you guys can go out there. It's open to
the public. There's like a little it's all over in Monterrey.
Like you can just have to ask anywhere at an
olkso at a gas station and tell them I want
to go see where Jenny Rivera is or whatever you
(20:06):
want to call it, and they'll direct you and they'll
take you there. So it's really nice. It's not that
much of a hike, it's not too bad, but take water.
So yeah, that's it, guys. I just wanted to express
this and you know, answer your guys's questions because I
was getting a lot of them and tell you my
experience going to Monterrey and can't really speak for my siblings.
(20:28):
A lot of people ask like, what did your siblings feel? Like,
I can't really speak for them. Maybe one day we'll
have a podcast with all of them and we'll talk
a little bit more about it. But I can only
speak about what I felt in my experience and how
it changed my life. So thank you guys for listening.
I appreciate it. It's always nice to just sit here
and talk to the mic, talk to you guys, because
it's like therapy for me.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
So I thank you guys.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Thank you for listening, for watching, for coming to the podcast,
listening to everything that I have to say, because you know,
it's always out of love. Think I share. All my
thoughts and feelings are to inspire and empower in some way. Okay,
So I love you guys, and I'll catch you on
the next episode of Cheeky's and Chill a Samayana. This
(21:20):
is a production of iHeartRadio and Mike wa podcast Network.
Follow us on Instagram at mike Wintura Podcasts and follow
me Cheeky's That's c h i q u y s.
For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you get your favorite shows.
Host
Chiquis
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