February 8, 2023 • 39 mins
Yoko Homo’s accomplished a lot: he’s a 3-time Grammy Awards Party Crasher, runner up on the only season of NBC’s America’s Biggest Show-Off, and an alum of Pronceton University in Pronceton, Arizona. The one thing he’s never been able to achieve? His father’s love. But things are starting to look up: the good people at iHeartRadio have given him an opportunity to create an educational podcast. This is his one chance to prove to his Dad that he isn’t the idiot unworthy of love his father claims he is. And who knows, maybe he’ll learn a thing or two. Welcome to Are You There Dad? It’s Me, Yoko Homo.
In this first episode, Yoko interviews the Head of Archeology at Vanderbilt University, Professor Dmitri Wipe (Andrew Knox @softknox). They discuss archeologists’ base salaries, humans who predate George Clooney, and Yoko’s hardships of living with his evil stepmom Sharon.
ABOUT STEVE HAN:
Steve Han (he/him) is a comedian and actor based out of Los Angeles. He’s an alum of the 2022 ViacomCBS Showcase and has appeared on networks such as FX, NBC, FOX, Freeform, Showtime, and Amazon Freevee. He’s performed with the Second City, on the Harold team Mothership and Improv All-Stars at iO Chicago, and at the Steppenwolf in Chicago. You can find him and his dog who bullies him at instagram.com/yoko__homo.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
Hey, Hey, Yeah, how do you feel? Wait? You think
I'm talking about coming out? Right? Yeah? You just text
meant to make sure I feel really good? Okay, great.
I feel like now I can start figuring out who
I am. You know what I mean, because now I've
said the words I'm okay. So now it's just like
(00:30):
like keep building because when you come out of the closet,
that's actually just the beginning. Because now I feel like
I have to I have to come out even further
about you know, who I really am, and I think
it's going to be really interesting and I'm excited about
my life. You know what The next thing you should
do is listen to music that will kind of familiarize
(00:56):
yourself with this time this time, because you know, guys,
I did it. Oh my god, will what you came outulations? Whatever?
It is? Nod? What is that the closet? As in
the closet like this is not sexuality? Oh no, no, no no, okay,
(01:21):
what do you mean? What did you did it? You
didn't offer Kevin Spacey a contract, did you. I got
a haircut. Oh it looks good for you. I thought
you did something crazy. No, I just finally got a haircut.
Have you been in contact with Kevin Okay, the lack
of response damning I have, but it's Kevin James. Okay,
(01:44):
Now we're now we're cooking with Queen Queens, a young talent. Hey,
cheers to thatchers sugar sugar. Okay, let's just hold on,
let me put him in the blender together. Absolutely well,
(02:07):
we gotta we gotta get this meeting started. We should
get started soon. But we got it to a good thing. Ye.
So um anyway, congratulations came out of the closet. Congratulations. Yeah,
it's a big, big, big, big week, big night our
latest comedian entertainer, yes, writer, performer. Uh, triple quadruple quintuple threat.
(02:36):
Holy should you keep counting anymore? Jesus is a proud alumni, alumni,
alum alumnus, all of them, of the University of Chicago, right,
smarty pants, right down. I guess what he graduated with?
A four point now possibly a biology degree that he
(02:58):
is not using at all. Yeah, I bety uses it
every now and then. I bet it uses this biology
in the bad room. Hey, listen, did you know that
Bowen Yang was a chemistry major? We don't have to
get into really, Yeah, he was at University of Chicago,
now at a worst school called n y U. Okay,
(03:18):
it wasn't. It was especially for chemistry, honey, honey. Anyone
can get into that program. Truly, this is this is real.
I got, I got. I got a Bachelor of Arts
in chemistry, not science arts arts, because chemistry, as we
all know, is an art, is an art. I have
a Bachelor of Fine Arts in I have a b
(03:39):
f a fat ass and dramatic writing from New York University. Okay,
tish school of the you've heard of it, I have
I have. Okay, Well, where did you go to school?
I'm not going to say, I know, I went to
the School of Hard Knocks, right right, That's what I
(04:00):
was going to say. USC great sports information degree, thank you? Really?
Uh huh, that's cool. They canceled the major. Okay, you
burned it down. Huh down. They said it was way
too difficult, so they can't sports information sports information that
sounds that sounds really? Was that like how many yards
(04:23):
in a football field? Good? My dad was a football
coach my entire life. I didn't know that you need
to be a sports information major. Don't make you. Don't
tell me what I needed to the tishe School of
Sports Information? Is that your Finally they just asked you
that one question? That was it? That's amazing in front
(04:44):
of a panel of a thousand people staring at you. God,
it's like slum Dog Millionaire. Was Steaks So High? Question? Well,
so tell us about this podcast. This podcast is called
Steaks So High? No wrong page, that's for later. Okay,
I'm seeing it was hosted by Kevin James. Kevin James.
(05:08):
It's where he uh, it's where he tries to reach ribbies.
He put on top of a high shelf. It's hilarious.
Leah remedies in it and hopefully doesn't pull a back muscle. Yeah.
Well then Leah Remandy's in the corner lotioning her hands,
being like I told you so, and her name is
Ashley Steaks and she's stoned out of her mind stas
(05:31):
so high? Wait, why do I want to see this?
Tuesday eight on TVs I Live. I'd watch too. Well,
I mean is that I'm just no, I'm sorry, I'm
not doing this person. I'm doing this person a disservice
and I need to just let you know who it is.
(05:51):
It's Steve Hahn. Steve Han one of like one of
the Greatest, one of the Greatest Chicago by a Leogy degree.
He's a recipient of the NBC Universal Second City Bob
Curry Fellowship, Okay, cast member and writer of Urban Twist,
(06:11):
Public Empathy Number One, Public Empathy, I Love, I Love.
He's also performed sketch and stand up at venues like
The Steppin Wolf. It is called it is. It is
always referred to as the step In Wolf or just
step in Wolf. I think steppin Wolf. Maybe the article
is optional. I want to read you what Steve's endeavor
is all about. The super delusionally confident Yoko Homo, part
(06:36):
of the part of the Quick community, attempts to educate
listeners and interview scholarly guests with his one Achilles heel
his relationship with his dad and step mom Sharon, who
find out more on Are you there, Dad, It's me
Yoko Okay. Interesting some Judy Bloom. I think that we're
(06:58):
getting a young town. It's coming of age, coming of
age with a story, with a story, a queer story.
I'm sorry not from Los Angeles, He's not, but I
think that's fine. Mm hmm. Let's see it's good for
us to have some Midwest in here. Yeah. Especially you know, well,
(07:19):
this is just the truth. Gay people are everywhere and
we need to start saying it. This is so are
you there, Dad? It's me Hello, this is are you there? Dad?
(07:51):
It's me Yoko. My name is Yoko Homo and I
will be your host. I am a three time Grammy
Award party crasher. I'm runner up on the first and
only season of NBC's America's Biggest Show Off. And I
have a b a. In Costume Technology from Pranceton University
and Prance in Arizona. So recently, I was in my
dad's new fancy home for my stepsister's eighth grade graduation
(08:14):
party when I got a call from my alma mother
saying that the whole school fell into the Grand Canyon
and as such, the school and my degree lost its accreditation. Okay,
and then my stepmom, Sharon told me that I was
an idiot who would never amount to anything. And you
know what, Now I have a podcast and only smart
(08:35):
people have podcast. So who's the dummy who bubbled their
name incorrectly and subsequently got the world's first and so
far only negative say t score Sharon, and to prove
Sharon even more wrong, I thought I'd start an educational
podcast to show her and more importantly, my dad, how
smart I actually am. And Dad, if you're listening, please
don't forget to pick me up today after I finished recording,
(08:56):
like you did last time when you and Sharon went
to that David Busters and I just the night here,
please pick me up. So join each week to hear
me interview experts and fields ranging from architecture to zoology,
to hear me help them learn a thing or two
about their field. And hey, who knows, maybe I'm going
to learn a thing or two myself, which seems highly
unlikely because I got an E n f J on
my recent i Q test, So I'm pretty smart. Um.
(09:18):
But this is are you there, Dad, it's me Yoko.
So in this first segment, because this is an educational podcast,
I'm going to start off each podcast by educating the
listeners on an event in history and talk about how
I would have handled it differently in a segment called
(09:38):
they should Have Known. In this first they should have Known,
we're going to talk about POMPEII. Okay, so for those
of you who don't know what POMPEII is because you're dumb.
I'm here to help. It's a city in Old Italy
that had this big volcano and basically like everyone died,
(10:02):
like the lava and the volcano. Guests like it, like, um,
what's the word suffocated? It suffocated everyone and then they
just went like they died. So how have I handled it?
I was just seeing the volcano erupting, and I would
have gotten into my Honda c RV and I would
have driven off, like It's like, come on, people, Like
people don't do anything unless they see someone else do.
It's like how my dad when I was a kid,
(10:24):
he wouldn't show up to my soccer games until he
saw all the other dad's doing it. And then his
favorite thing became going to anyone's soccer game but mine,
which is fine, Like I'm totally fine. That's cool. Anyway.
This is not to say this is my advice for
this episode. If you see a volcano, drive away in
your Honda c RV. So in this next segment called
(10:48):
you should Have Known, I bring it experts in their
field to talk about their studies and their work. Again,
because this is an educational podcast and speaking of Pompey
and old stuff. This week's guest is esteemed Department head
of Archaeology from Vanderbilt University, Professor to be treat White.
(11:12):
I'm so excited to have you on board, Professor. It
is an honor to be here with you, Yoko. Thank
you so much for reaching out. Yes, thank you so
much for responding. Um, I really appreciate it. And my
producers UM said that Instagram was an appropriate way to
reach out. So I'm sorry about some of those messages.
As I said, It's okay, I mixed up who I
(11:32):
send things to all the time, and I will not
share those pictures with anyone. Thank you so much. I
appreciate that because I did see that you screenshot at
them because Instagram tells you that, but you can have
those for yourself. I just show that I'm keeping them
safe for you. Wow. And that's crazy because you're an archaeologist,
so you do things like that all the time. Wow. Yeah,
it was kind of a digital dig. Wow. Okay, So, Professor,
(11:56):
I'm just so interested in archaeology, you know, like especially
and so you're you're a professor of the archaeology of
the America's right, correct, Yes, like Atlantis because I love
I love Georgia in the spring. Yeah. So, um, we're
actually talking about four different places here, right. So Georgia
is a state as well as the country. In Atlantis
is a mythical city underneath water in Atlanta is a
(12:18):
city in Georgia, which is the state in America. Now,
if you've seen the Elton John animated movie of Atlantis,
you'll notice it doesn't feel real. And that's something that
you should trust in your gut because to my knowledge,
Atlantis is not a real place. Are you sure? Because
that guy and it was pretty hot. Well, I mean,
even if you're animated, if you get cast in a
Disney movie, you've gotta you've gotta be chiseled. But to
(12:41):
my studies, into my knowledge of my colleagues information, I
do not believe it is a real place. Are you sure?
Because my crush got pretty real? It was pretty Yeah,
it's not. I mean, it is a real hotel in
the Bahamas where sometimes live with um Kelly. You know,
we'll go for a week. But otherwise no, I don't
believe it is a underwater village. Oh well, this is
(13:02):
kind of a bummer to start the podcast off. Okay, Um,
there's a lot of places that are real, and I'm
happy to talk about them. They some of them are
even more exciting than what we know to be the
myth of Atlantis. Okay, well, I guess just God, this sucks.
I'm sorry. Do I have to keep doing this? Do
I have to keep recording? Okay? My producers saying I
(13:23):
have to cute anyway? Sorry? Okay, So can you okay, whatever?
Can you just tell me, like, what makes the findings
in the America unique? I guess from Georgia or whatever.
You were saying, Well, we don't have time for everything.
I'll tell you that much. I can keep you hostage
with some of this information. So there's so many interesting
findings that make North American archaeology interesting. And I'll tell
(13:45):
you one of the most recent ones that I found. Um,
A lot of people say horses were brought over to
the America's by Columbus. Have you heard that before? Yoko?
What have you ever heard that? I've seen the movie Spirit,
and I know that horses were born here. Well, yes,
horses are born all over the place if they if
their parents were there. But horses were actually here before Columbus,
(14:09):
and they were prevalent and one of the most unique
ways that we know that is many Native American indigenous
tripes had horses with longer hair, and so we have
found the material remains of horse hair clips from thousands
of years ago. In fact, the first banana clip was
(14:29):
used on a horse in North America thousands of years ago.
Thousands of years ago. Tell me that's not interesting. Like
the eighties, you know what, it could have been the
thousand eighties, the what or the zero eighties. Yeah, long,
long time ago, well before anyone we knew was alive.
You mean, they're older than than John Stamos, are well
(14:52):
well older than John Stamos. Yeah, John Stamos, his great
great great great great grandparents weren't around when this horse
banana clip was first manufactured. Older than George Clooney, much
older than George Clooney, much older than George Clooney. Okay,
so the horses have been around for a long time
with long with long hairs. Yeah. Yeah. Horses are much
(15:16):
like humans where they are generational. So um, they don't
live forever, but they keep reproducing. Okay. So that's the
only thing that makes America unique, not Atlantis. That is
one of the most specific ones that I've recently learned
about um Atlantis. Again, it could be real. I'm sure
that if there is funding, they will continue to search
(15:37):
for it, but I don't think that they will find it. Okay,
well I have a question for you then. Okay, so
you say you're an archaeologist. Every archaeologist I've ever hooked
up with has a whip. Do you have a whip?
You know when you graduate from archaeology? Well, in my
where I got my doctorate, when you graduate from the
archaeology department, instead of a diploma, they will give you
(15:59):
a whip. I turned it down. I turned it down.
I said, you know, if I have to use this
whip to get things on a dig, maybe I'm not
going about it the right way. That doesn't sound like
you're a real archaeologist. Then well, I certainly get I
get paid for it, and I teach it. But I
just feel the use of force is too much. Nothing
(16:23):
is worth hurting another human for. Are you sure? For me?
That's what my moral compass says. Do you are you
someone who hurts people? No, but sometimes my dad hurts
my feelings. I don't like to hear that. But you know,
I had a rough father too. Wait really, mh, you
(16:45):
have a father. I thought old people didn't have a
father because you're so old. Well I did. He has
since passed to the other side. But yeah, he pushed
me very hard. He wanted me to be a fly
fisherman like him, and he was rough with me and
would yell at me like catch the fisher, you're not
eating that kind of thing. And and but I'm here
(17:07):
and I'm able to be happy regardless of that relationships.
So I wish to say for you. Wait, okay, so
I'm I'm actually so. I was a really good student
in high school. Okay, I gotta um, I gotta be
on my AP World history test. Wow. Yeah, and you
said fishing. Were you a hunter and gatherer? Is that
(17:28):
something that you do? That is that is? Well, now
we are we are all more gatherers, right because you're
going to the grocery store and you're gathering. But that
is part of the human tradition. Yes, there were hunters
and there were gatherers, and that is before um oh lord,
I'm blanking, before crops became a thing. So before we
started before crops, yes, yes, like not into for these sure, yeah,
(17:53):
and and even even further back, um from that, there's
agriculture is the word that I'm looking for. Agriculture. Before agriculture,
we were hunters and we were gatherers. Yeah, agriculture, now
that sounds fascinating. What's that all about? Agriculture is essentially
using the earth to um grow food or crops or
vegetables plants for our own purposes and mostly for eating.
(18:17):
So what does it mean when my step mom calls
me passive agri culture that she okay, that she's probably
saying passive aggressive, and passive aggressive is yeah, when you're
not the same thing. It. Well, if she's saying passive agriculture,
passive agriculture would be like a corn seed flies and
it just ends up growing somewhere. I don't think that's
(18:37):
what she means. Yeah, I think she means passive aggressive,
which just means you don't feel comfortable with your anger
or with your displeasure about something, and so you sort
of say it in a snide way rather than just
being upfront about it. Okay, you sound like my therapist
cursed in now, so let's move on. Okay, okay, professor,
(19:11):
So you're saying that people came to the America, as
you're saying, people like Colombo, he came over to America. Okay,
So I was doing a little bit of research before
this because my producer told me I had to do
some preparation. Sure, whatever, she told me. When I was
doing my research, she told me, looked this up and
it was actually kind of helpful. She said that people
came over to the America's from Asia on the bearing straight. Yes, yes, okay,
(19:39):
can you tell us a little bit about that? Sure? Yes,
So when Columbus came over, there were already people in
the America's. I hope that that's known in and like
George Clooney, Uh maybe, yeah, that's maybe it could be.
It's not like lander Garfield. Uh but well he would
have been probably in the UK, but he maybe he
(20:00):
could have been here. Um. Yes, So mid Pangaea. Pangaea,
of course, is when all of the continents basically divorced,
got divorced. Um in mid Pangaea, when what is now
modern day Russia and modern day Alaska, we're still touching.
People did come over from East Asia and then populated
the America's and we know that through archaeology because they
(20:23):
left food wrappers as they walked. Isn't that interesting? They
left food rappers. They left food rappers. They were like,
who oh sorry, w R A P P E R S.
So if you went to McDonald's burking in, your sandwich
was wrapped in something. It was that because they were
(20:43):
constantly on the move, they had to wrap their food
because they didn't have a kitchen. You know when you're
when you're on the move. Uh, So they wrapped their
food and leaves and cloth bark and and then those
were strown about. Okay, I know exactly what you're talking
about because my step mom, Sharon, sometimes used to make
me pick up after her. Oh so I'm kind of
(21:06):
like those people. So those are like my ancestors. Yes, well,
and if she is the one who's throwing the food rapper,
she is like them. But you are still a good person.
So no, Sharon does not get anything special. Sharon gets
my dad and the house. I can have this one thing, okay, Yeah,
well then yes I have this one thing. You can yes,
(21:28):
And I don't know, Sharon, but can you let me
have this one thing? Yes? Yes I can. Okay, anyway,
so you say the bearing straight question. Yeah, they're bearing
bearing by or like a bearing gay. Okay, okay, well
it did used to stretch across different continents, so it
(21:49):
was pan continental. What because pan sexual? Is that what
you were? What I'm gonna stick to archaeology. I tried
to play your game, and it didn't really work out
for me. What are you implying something? No? I was
you you said is like you were using straight as
in a sexual preference. And so then I was trying
(22:09):
to make the same joke about being pan sexual, but
it didn't work out for me, and I don't feel
good about it. And again, I'm sorry that that was funny. Okay,
So you keep talking about finding stuff like in the
America's which is like really interesting. Sure, yeah, So I
have a question. One time, I got really tipsy at
(22:30):
my nieces graduation and we have annual passes to Disney World.
So then I went to the French pavilion at Epcot
and I kept digging. I just like kept kept kept digging,
and I eventually almost found something. Does that make me
an archaeologist? It does? It does? And this is one
of the ways that we try to engage younger generations
in the passion that is archaeology if you are finding
material remains that leads you to investigate human history or
(22:55):
history in general. Yes, you are an archaeologist, and I
encourage you to continue with your archaeology. Do you hear that, Sharon,
I'm doing something with my life. He's doing something, Sharon, Professor,
You're funny. You should response to those Instagram dms. Professor. Um,
So just a question. Have you have you ever found, like,
(23:16):
what's the close thing that you found in your findings
and your diggings or whatever excavations? Oh? We have found many,
many cool things. But I will tell you one thing
that was unique to me. This was outside of Nashville,
which is where I live, and we were working on
a site and digging deeper, deeper, deeper, not not finding anything,
(23:36):
but I just had this feeling that something was going
to be there, and eventually I came upon a rudimentary tool,
maybe from ten thousand years ago. Uh. And it would
have been used maybe as an ax as something to
club with, could have been a weapon, could have I
loved clubbing, yo, Yes, I love clubbing. You do you
(23:57):
go out? Yes? Absolutely. I took my wife to Olive
Garden last night and we it was it's one of
my favorite clubs. Olive Garden is not club. Well, we're
part of the rewards program and um, okay, what's your
favorite thing together Olive Garden. Well, this is such a
wrote answer and my wife says, you gotta change. But
(24:18):
it's the bread sticks, a warm bread stick. I mean,
it's the cotton candy of carbohydrates. Okay, you asked me
what my favorite thing Olive Garden is, and what is
your favorite item at Olive Garden? Just like Sharon, it's
the trip to Italy. Oh, tour of Italy. I love
tour itally, Yes, of Italy. That's that's that's what it is. Yeah,
(24:38):
that's part. Really it was like the lasagna and the
parmesan and then the Alfredo and now they have themed
one Yoko, if you haven't gone back, they have a
full tour of Italy menu. What I mean, if you've
got an any it's going to become an Audie because
you can stuff yourself with a tour of several tours
of Italy. Wow. Okay, So anyway, you're saying that you
(25:00):
like clubbing, I like clubbing. So we're digging out. We
find this club on the club is inscribed my name,
your name, my name is inscribed on this club. What wait, okay,
tell the story of it. That is the that's the
story why we don't know now archaeology. I probably don't
(25:27):
have to tell you this. But we are jokesters. We
are we are just always. So it could have been
one of my colleagues pranking me and they got down
there they I mean again, we're about a hundred feet
into the earth. It was almost to where it was
the nickel feet into the earth into there was that
like eight miles. It's about that. It's about which one
(25:50):
of my favorite movies, by the way, and there and
there it is a food rapper. So um. It could
have been a prank. Or it could be proof of
multiple dimensions. I don't I don't know, but I haven't
slept much since multiple dimensions. Okay, so does that do
you have to do with that? Do you deal with
(26:11):
like the the the thing that like in spire Man
messed up? Oh yeah, multi versus I I'm saying, that's
one of the explanations. This is the only verse that
I've been in. I'm a universe, right as opposed to
a multiverse. I'm a universe. Guy, because I've only been
in one, but it's possible. I don't know how my
name got on that club, but there it was. So
(26:35):
what do you do with it? Do you get to
do you get to keep the stuff that you do?
I tried to, but Vanderbilt took it. Vanderbilt took it
from you. So now work is it in the museum? Uh?
It Well, so it was supposed to be on display first.
They that you wave all sorts of lasers and things
that go through the data and that. And one of
my students was taking it to put on display, was
(26:55):
walking to the lobby sort of where we display some
of our more prized archaeological item and um, she tripped
and crushed it. And so it's just gone now. And
now it is gone. It was so brittle from being
so old that it was crushed like my grandpa's pelvic
replacement bone. Oh well, that sounds like a story. I
(27:17):
tripped and then I broke it because everyone said it
was so brittle. And then my dad was like, this
is the reason why we don't let you sleep in
the house because you just broke my dad's pelvis. And
then Sharon was like, get off, why are you still
stepping on him. Get off of him. And I was like,
oh my god, I'm so sorry. And my dad was like,
get off him. You're crushing him even more. You're crushing
his pelvis. Why are you still stepping on him? And
then I was like, oh my god, I tripped. I tripped.
(27:37):
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Yeah, is he okay? Oh? Um?
I should I don't know. I went to my best
friend David's house after I stayed there for three years. Well,
that's a long that's a long overnight, it's a long weekend.
Sharon said, don't don't, don't, don't come anyway. Um, okay.
(27:58):
Can I ask you a little bit of a personal question,
of course, how many? How how much do you make
as an archaeologist, because it sounds like I could be one.
I make one point five million dollars a year. You
make one point five million, That means you're like a
multi billionaire. Not yet, but if crypto works out the
way that I'm hoping it does, I could be. But yeah,
archaeologists are. It's one of the highest paid professions in
(28:22):
the world. As an archaeologist college professor, archaeologists about one
point five million starting salary. Wow, so I should be
one and then I could make one point five million,
and then I could buy back my dad's house. That
sounds like a plan to me. Yeah. I think I
kick out Sharon and then make her stay with David
for three years. Yeah. Can I ask you a question? Yeah?
(28:46):
Is there? And again this is coming from me. I
had a hard relationship with my father and he also
got remarried. I had my Sharon. I've had my share
of Sharon's. Um, is there anything that Sharon could do
to make your relationship? Okay? Wow? No one's ever no
one's ever asked me that. Um. I guess Sharon could
(29:07):
firstly sorry, That would be great the acknowledgement. Yeah. And
I guess Sharon could, um say sorry for taking away
my Nintendo yes, when I was a kid, right before
I was about to beat the Elite four. And I
guess Sharon could apologize for leaving me here at the
studio the other week let's sleep here met the janitor
(29:31):
when I've told me and I think the best thing
to do would be to tell her because it sounds
like that pain is your materialistic remains. Painful materialistic remains
that we just dug up, right, we did a full
day dig and we found it. We've now categorized it
what and it's time to say, Hey, Sharon, this club
(29:54):
has your name on it. And it's hit me too
many times, and I'm looking for an apology so I
can move forward and be a multimillionaire archaeologist. Well, you
know what archaeologist is what I mean. I'm so sorry
I said archaeologists archaeologists. I meant archaeologist. I'm saying archaeologist
a lot of times in a row, but you know
what I mean. Oh my, okay, Well stop first of it,
(30:14):
stop making this about you, this about me. It's my podcast. Sorry,
that is Wow, that was a really good idea. I
just need to get her number because she's blocking on
every other burner phone she's had. But that's a good idea. Yeah.
Once I get ahold of her, she won't tell me
where she is, and she blocked me on Instagram, so
I can't follow her story. That's tough. That's tough. Yeah,
(30:50):
So I guess the question I have also is do
you think that this line of work that you're in
is it rewarding. I want to say yes. I want
to say yeah, then say yes. I always do what
I want to do, and I always say what I
want to say, but I don't feel that it is
what I'm doing it for the money. A lot of
college professors will tell you that they are doing it
(31:12):
for the money. Most teachers, in fact, we'll say they're
doing it for the money. And that is the case
for me. I got into this because it pays so well.
But I hate travel. I don't like being outside, and
all digs are basically outside, so then you have to
think about sun protection and sunscreen is still not where
it should be. How is it still running and getting
(31:33):
in my eyes? There's a lot of work to be
done there. I'm an indoor cat and this job forces
me to be outside and I resent it for that.
But I want to be rich. Okay, so it's not rewaring.
So if someone wants to have fulfillment in their life,
they shouldn't go into archaeology. Oh well, not all buildings
have the same blueprint, right, So what works for me
(31:56):
might not work for you. Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa. If
you're going to use all that fancy word thing, you
need to expect blueprint. So what I'm saying is what
works for me or what doesn't work for me might
work for you or might not work for you. Every
person is different, so they're calling is different? Is a
blueprint like a blue version of Nicki Minaj's pink Print?
(32:19):
It could be it could be yeah, but it's also
I love that album. It's She's She's a food rapper.
O Oh, I trust me. I know who Nicholas minajes
and I'm such a huge fan of her work. A blueprint, yes,
used in architecture to you know, tell the builders what
the building should be. It's like a script for a
screenplay or screenplay for a movie. It's like a domptop
for a building. It is exactly that. It's like, you
(32:43):
do this, you shut up. You have to call me sir. Yes,
it is. It's like that. It's a domtop yep. I
love that. Wow. Okay, So so maybe someone could like
archaeology and could go into it. They could like if
they could love it, this could you're calling And it
sounds like if you were spending your precious time in
Disney World to dig, then maybe this is your calling.
(33:07):
Maybe it is. There's only one way to find out,
and it's to come on a dig with us. Would
you like to come on a dig with us. Oh
are you inviting me to a dig? Okay? Um, I
have a few rules, but I would love to come
on a dig with you. Okay, Well we've got our
rules too. What are they? Okay, wait, we should do
one rollout. I'll say one role, then you say one role. Okay, okay.
So my role is? Can it be to find Atlanta? Uh? Yes,
(33:32):
if you want to go find if you want to
do a dig in Atlanta, I'm sure we could make
that happen. Okay, what's your role? Our rule is be tidy.
Be tidy at the dig. Everyone's got their little space
and we need to have everything categorized and clean so
that we know when something is different. So we were
able to catalog it. Okay. Well, my ex one time
(33:53):
called me a messy bottom, so not like that. Don't
be like with my ex. Yes, if you have a
messy bottom, you're gonna need to clean it up before
you come on the dig. I don't have a messy bob.
Now this was back in Yes. Well okay, I'm not
saying I'm just in general, no messy bottoms at the dig.
Okay Okay. My second role is, um can I um can,
(34:16):
I cannot, Yoko? Are these rules are questions? I guess
they're kind of questions. Well, they can be both. If
you have other questions, let's do it. But I I
don't want to. I want to make the experience what
you wanted to be. Well, I just I've never been
on a dig, so it's really cool to get invited
on the dig. I don't know, like I'm just almost
kind of nervous. I don't want to make a fool
(34:37):
of myself. I don't want to be embarrassed. Oh, and
that is unavoidable, because I will say again, archaeologists are
we are pranky people? Uh? Most of Actually the Jackass
Crew started out in archaeology. And on your first dig
there will be many pranks and you will be the
butt of many jokes. You cannot walk away from your
first dig not feeling embarrassed, with your tail between your legs. Oh, well,
(35:01):
is there a way I can skip that step? Because
I don't like that, because that sounds like my entire
life from ages zero to six. Oh, but this is
done with love. This is not done in the absence
of love. This is saying that's my dad said. Is
your dad an archaeologist. No, well, yeah, I mean I
(35:22):
can only tell you the reality of what the job is.
And on your first day on an archaeological dig, you
will not be able to walk away from that dig
without somebody taking their shovel and spanking you. And that
is just part of the fun of an archaeological dig.
Spank Yeah, yeah, all sorts of pranks of given somebody
(35:44):
a dirt bath, burying them and then forgetting about them,
which is always really funny, and then come back the
next day and be like, oh, what what's this artifact? Oh,
it's it's your go you know. It sounds like you're
planning to do that, professor, Well, we've done it before. Yeah,
you gotta watch out. Okay. On my first dig, I
was buried underneath dirt for a month. Okay, well you
(36:06):
know what. Thank you so much for this. This has
been very educational, to say the least. I hope you
mean that, Yoko, I do good. And we've come to
our last segment called I should have known and so
(36:26):
another our guest has proven how knowledgeable they are on
their subject. And honestly, I think I'm a tad a
thing or two. We're going to show how I'm not
only an expert in their field myself, but also I'm
an expert in mind me. So I'm going to ask
my guest five questions on me to see who's the
smarter one. Here it's me and our time begins now. Okay,
(36:48):
So the first question, what's my worst fear succeeding No,
it's my key to Tampa being taken away, because I
had a key to Tampa. I have a key I
have present, so I can't oh my god, I can't
manifest it getting taken away. So I have a key
to Tampa that the mayor gave me. And uh, it's
the most prized possession I have because Tampa is very
(37:08):
important to me. You know, it's like the strip club
capital of the America's because I know a lot about
America's too. Okay, my my producers saying, keep going okay. Um.
Number two, rank the Spice Girls in order of how
much I think about them. Scaries one, Sporty is two,
baby is three, pashas for ginger five. Are you stupid?
(37:32):
Are you dumb? I feel like I'm about to find
out are you dumb? Answered? I want to answer to
that question, are you stupid? I'm a professor with a
doctorate PhD. Are are you a stupid poopy head? No?
I've never had poop on my head, although I have
gotten pink eye annually, which is something that I need
to figure out. Okay, well, the answer is obviously baby
(37:53):
scary posh, sporty and ginger. The wow posh is higher
than I would have her. But hey, some people are
in it for the flash and the smoke and mirrors,
and other people just appreciate talent. And this is why
vanderbo If you're listening to take aways, dr Okay, Um,
who's my favorite singer? Yourr favorite singer? Mandy Moore? Wrong,
(38:17):
it's Sirie. Okay. Where is my favorite second date spot?
Your favorite second date spot? Lake house? Lake House? No,
I feel like we've got to know each other. I'm
terrified of water, Okay, can I try to get How
about a Italian restaurant? Wow, we've already done Olive Garden
(38:39):
steak place? You mean steak home? No, the answer is Grinnell, Iowa.
It's a great place to take someone on the second date. Delightful.
Oh okay, really good liberal arts callers there too. I
didn't get in, but fund to walk around. Yes, I
believe it's called Kenyan Okay, now at all? And number five,
(38:59):
who is my biggest inspiration? Apollo and aunt I No, no, no,
I'm so mad at him for what he knows what
he did. He knows what he did. He knows exactly
what he did, and if he replied to my texts,
he would know that I'm not mad at him really
(39:20):
anymore by his what apology and the answer is me,
I'm my own biggest inspiration. Okay, that's healthy. I will
say that that sounds healthy. Thank you so much, Thank
you well, thank you so much for coming on my podcast,
and thanks for listening to this week's episode of Are
You There Dad? It's me Yoko And until next time, Bye,
Hey, Hey, Yeah, how do you feel? Wait? You think
I'm talking about coming out? Right? Yeah? You just text
meant to make sure I feel really good? Okay, great.
I feel like now I can start figuring out who
I am. You know what I mean, because now I've
said the words I'm okay. So now it's just like
(00:30):
like keep building because when you come out of the closet,
that's actually just the beginning. Because now I feel like
I have to I have to come out even further
about you know, who I really am, and I think
it's going to be really interesting and I'm excited about
my life. You know what The next thing you should
do is listen to music that will kind of familiarize
(00:56):
yourself with this time this time, because you know, guys,
I did it. Oh my god, will what you came outulations? Whatever?
It is? Nod? What is that the closet? As in
the closet like this is not sexuality? Oh no, no, no no, okay,
(01:21):
what do you mean? What did you did it? You
didn't offer Kevin Spacey a contract, did you. I got
a haircut. Oh it looks good for you. I thought
you did something crazy. No, I just finally got a haircut.
Have you been in contact with Kevin Okay, the lack
of response damning I have, but it's Kevin James. Okay,
(01:44):
Now we're now we're cooking with Queen Queens, a young talent. Hey,
cheers to thatchers sugar sugar. Okay, let's just hold on,
let me put him in the blender together. Absolutely well,
(02:07):
we gotta we gotta get this meeting started. We should
get started soon. But we got it to a good thing. Ye.
So um anyway, congratulations came out of the closet. Congratulations. Yeah,
it's a big, big, big, big week, big night our
latest comedian entertainer, yes, writer, performer. Uh, triple quadruple quintuple threat.
(02:36):
Holy should you keep counting anymore? Jesus is a proud alumni, alumni,
alum alumnus, all of them, of the University of Chicago, right,
smarty pants, right down. I guess what he graduated with?
A four point now possibly a biology degree that he
(02:58):
is not using at all. Yeah, I bety uses it
every now and then. I bet it uses this biology
in the bad room. Hey, listen, did you know that
Bowen Yang was a chemistry major? We don't have to
get into really, Yeah, he was at University of Chicago,
now at a worst school called n y U. Okay,
(03:18):
it wasn't. It was especially for chemistry, honey, honey. Anyone
can get into that program. Truly, this is this is real.
I got, I got. I got a Bachelor of Arts
in chemistry, not science arts arts, because chemistry, as we
all know, is an art, is an art. I have
a Bachelor of Fine Arts in I have a b
(03:39):
f a fat ass and dramatic writing from New York University. Okay,
tish school of the you've heard of it, I have
I have. Okay, Well, where did you go to school?
I'm not going to say, I know, I went to
the School of Hard Knocks, right right, That's what I
(04:00):
was going to say. USC great sports information degree, thank you? Really?
Uh huh, that's cool. They canceled the major. Okay, you
burned it down. Huh down. They said it was way
too difficult, so they can't sports information sports information that
sounds that sounds really? Was that like how many yards
(04:23):
in a football field? Good? My dad was a football
coach my entire life. I didn't know that you need
to be a sports information major. Don't make you. Don't
tell me what I needed to the tishe School of
Sports Information? Is that your Finally they just asked you
that one question? That was it? That's amazing in front
(04:44):
of a panel of a thousand people staring at you. God,
it's like slum Dog Millionaire. Was Steaks So High? Question? Well,
so tell us about this podcast. This podcast is called
Steaks So High? No wrong page, that's for later. Okay,
I'm seeing it was hosted by Kevin James. Kevin James.
(05:08):
It's where he uh, it's where he tries to reach ribbies.
He put on top of a high shelf. It's hilarious.
Leah remedies in it and hopefully doesn't pull a back muscle. Yeah.
Well then Leah Remandy's in the corner lotioning her hands,
being like I told you so, and her name is
Ashley Steaks and she's stoned out of her mind stas
(05:31):
so high? Wait, why do I want to see this?
Tuesday eight on TVs I Live. I'd watch too. Well,
I mean is that I'm just no, I'm sorry, I'm
not doing this person. I'm doing this person a disservice
and I need to just let you know who it is.
(05:51):
It's Steve Hahn. Steve Han one of like one of
the Greatest, one of the Greatest Chicago by a Leogy degree.
He's a recipient of the NBC Universal Second City Bob
Curry Fellowship, Okay, cast member and writer of Urban Twist,
(06:11):
Public Empathy Number One, Public Empathy, I Love, I Love.
He's also performed sketch and stand up at venues like
The Steppin Wolf. It is called it is. It is
always referred to as the step In Wolf or just
step in Wolf. I think steppin Wolf. Maybe the article
is optional. I want to read you what Steve's endeavor
is all about. The super delusionally confident Yoko Homo, part
(06:36):
of the part of the Quick community, attempts to educate
listeners and interview scholarly guests with his one Achilles heel
his relationship with his dad and step mom Sharon, who
find out more on Are you there, Dad, It's me
Yoko Okay. Interesting some Judy Bloom. I think that we're
(06:58):
getting a young town. It's coming of age, coming of
age with a story, with a story, a queer story.
I'm sorry not from Los Angeles, He's not, but I
think that's fine. Mm hmm. Let's see it's good for
us to have some Midwest in here. Yeah. Especially you know, well,
(07:19):
this is just the truth. Gay people are everywhere and
we need to start saying it. This is so are
you there, Dad? It's me Hello, this is are you there? Dad?
(07:51):
It's me Yoko. My name is Yoko Homo and I
will be your host. I am a three time Grammy
Award party crasher. I'm runner up on the first and
only season of NBC's America's Biggest Show Off. And I
have a b a. In Costume Technology from Pranceton University
and Prance in Arizona. So recently, I was in my
dad's new fancy home for my stepsister's eighth grade graduation
(08:14):
party when I got a call from my alma mother
saying that the whole school fell into the Grand Canyon
and as such, the school and my degree lost its accreditation. Okay,
and then my stepmom, Sharon told me that I was
an idiot who would never amount to anything. And you
know what, Now I have a podcast and only smart
(08:35):
people have podcast. So who's the dummy who bubbled their
name incorrectly and subsequently got the world's first and so
far only negative say t score Sharon, and to prove
Sharon even more wrong, I thought I'd start an educational
podcast to show her and more importantly, my dad, how
smart I actually am. And Dad, if you're listening, please
don't forget to pick me up today after I finished recording,
(08:56):
like you did last time when you and Sharon went
to that David Busters and I just the night here,
please pick me up. So join each week to hear
me interview experts and fields ranging from architecture to zoology,
to hear me help them learn a thing or two
about their field. And hey, who knows, maybe I'm going
to learn a thing or two myself, which seems highly
unlikely because I got an E n f J on
my recent i Q test, So I'm pretty smart. Um.
(09:18):
But this is are you there, Dad, it's me Yoko.
So in this first segment, because this is an educational podcast,
I'm going to start off each podcast by educating the
listeners on an event in history and talk about how
I would have handled it differently in a segment called
(09:38):
they should Have Known. In this first they should have Known,
we're going to talk about POMPEII. Okay, so for those
of you who don't know what POMPEII is because you're dumb.
I'm here to help. It's a city in Old Italy
that had this big volcano and basically like everyone died,
(10:02):
like the lava and the volcano. Guests like it, like, um,
what's the word suffocated? It suffocated everyone and then they
just went like they died. So how have I handled it?
I was just seeing the volcano erupting, and I would
have gotten into my Honda c RV and I would
have driven off, like It's like, come on, people, Like
people don't do anything unless they see someone else do.
It's like how my dad when I was a kid,
(10:24):
he wouldn't show up to my soccer games until he
saw all the other dad's doing it. And then his
favorite thing became going to anyone's soccer game but mine,
which is fine, Like I'm totally fine. That's cool. Anyway.
This is not to say this is my advice for
this episode. If you see a volcano, drive away in
your Honda c RV. So in this next segment called
(10:48):
you should Have Known, I bring it experts in their
field to talk about their studies and their work. Again,
because this is an educational podcast and speaking of Pompey
and old stuff. This week's guest is esteemed Department head
of Archaeology from Vanderbilt University, Professor to be treat White.
(11:12):
I'm so excited to have you on board, Professor. It
is an honor to be here with you, Yoko. Thank
you so much for reaching out. Yes, thank you so
much for responding. Um, I really appreciate it. And my
producers UM said that Instagram was an appropriate way to
reach out. So I'm sorry about some of those messages.
As I said, It's okay, I mixed up who I
(11:32):
send things to all the time, and I will not
share those pictures with anyone. Thank you so much. I
appreciate that because I did see that you screenshot at
them because Instagram tells you that, but you can have
those for yourself. I just show that I'm keeping them
safe for you. Wow. And that's crazy because you're an archaeologist,
so you do things like that all the time. Wow. Yeah,
it was kind of a digital dig. Wow. Okay, So, Professor,
(11:56):
I'm just so interested in archaeology, you know, like especially
and so you're you're a professor of the archaeology of
the America's right, correct, Yes, like Atlantis because I love
I love Georgia in the spring. Yeah. So, um, we're
actually talking about four different places here, right. So Georgia
is a state as well as the country. In Atlantis
is a mythical city underneath water in Atlanta is a
(12:18):
city in Georgia, which is the state in America. Now,
if you've seen the Elton John animated movie of Atlantis,
you'll notice it doesn't feel real. And that's something that
you should trust in your gut because to my knowledge,
Atlantis is not a real place. Are you sure? Because
that guy and it was pretty hot. Well, I mean,
even if you're animated, if you get cast in a
Disney movie, you've gotta you've gotta be chiseled. But to
(12:41):
my studies, into my knowledge of my colleagues information, I
do not believe it is a real place. Are you sure?
Because my crush got pretty real? It was pretty Yeah,
it's not. I mean, it is a real hotel in
the Bahamas where sometimes live with um Kelly. You know,
we'll go for a week. But otherwise no, I don't
believe it is a underwater village. Oh well, this is
(13:02):
kind of a bummer to start the podcast off. Okay, Um,
there's a lot of places that are real, and I'm
happy to talk about them. They some of them are
even more exciting than what we know to be the
myth of Atlantis. Okay, well, I guess just God, this sucks.
I'm sorry. Do I have to keep doing this? Do
I have to keep recording? Okay? My producers saying I
(13:23):
have to cute anyway? Sorry? Okay, So can you okay, whatever?
Can you just tell me, like, what makes the findings
in the America unique? I guess from Georgia or whatever.
You were saying, Well, we don't have time for everything.
I'll tell you that much. I can keep you hostage
with some of this information. So there's so many interesting
findings that make North American archaeology interesting. And I'll tell
(13:45):
you one of the most recent ones that I found. Um,
A lot of people say horses were brought over to
the America's by Columbus. Have you heard that before? Yoko?
What have you ever heard that? I've seen the movie Spirit,
and I know that horses were born here. Well, yes,
horses are born all over the place if they if
their parents were there. But horses were actually here before Columbus,
(14:09):
and they were prevalent and one of the most unique
ways that we know that is many Native American indigenous
tripes had horses with longer hair, and so we have
found the material remains of horse hair clips from thousands
of years ago. In fact, the first banana clip was
(14:29):
used on a horse in North America thousands of years ago.
Thousands of years ago. Tell me that's not interesting. Like
the eighties, you know what, it could have been the
thousand eighties, the what or the zero eighties. Yeah, long,
long time ago, well before anyone we knew was alive.
You mean, they're older than than John Stamos, are well
(14:52):
well older than John Stamos. Yeah, John Stamos, his great
great great great great grandparents weren't around when this horse
banana clip was first manufactured. Older than George Clooney, much
older than George Clooney, much older than George Clooney. Okay,
so the horses have been around for a long time
with long with long hairs. Yeah. Yeah. Horses are much
(15:16):
like humans where they are generational. So um, they don't
live forever, but they keep reproducing. Okay. So that's the
only thing that makes America unique, not Atlantis. That is
one of the most specific ones that I've recently learned
about um Atlantis. Again, it could be real. I'm sure
that if there is funding, they will continue to search
(15:37):
for it, but I don't think that they will find it. Okay,
well I have a question for you then. Okay, so
you say you're an archaeologist. Every archaeologist I've ever hooked
up with has a whip. Do you have a whip?
You know when you graduate from archaeology? Well, in my
where I got my doctorate, when you graduate from the
archaeology department, instead of a diploma, they will give you
(15:59):
a whip. I turned it down. I turned it down.
I said, you know, if I have to use this
whip to get things on a dig, maybe I'm not
going about it the right way. That doesn't sound like
you're a real archaeologist. Then well, I certainly get I
get paid for it, and I teach it. But I
just feel the use of force is too much. Nothing
(16:23):
is worth hurting another human for. Are you sure? For me?
That's what my moral compass says. Do you are you
someone who hurts people? No, but sometimes my dad hurts
my feelings. I don't like to hear that. But you know,
I had a rough father too. Wait really, mh, you
(16:45):
have a father. I thought old people didn't have a
father because you're so old. Well I did. He has
since passed to the other side. But yeah, he pushed
me very hard. He wanted me to be a fly
fisherman like him, and he was rough with me and
would yell at me like catch the fisher, you're not
eating that kind of thing. And and but I'm here
(17:07):
and I'm able to be happy regardless of that relationships.
So I wish to say for you. Wait, okay, so
I'm I'm actually so. I was a really good student
in high school. Okay, I gotta um, I gotta be
on my AP World history test. Wow. Yeah, and you
said fishing. Were you a hunter and gatherer? Is that
(17:28):
something that you do? That is that is? Well, now
we are we are all more gatherers, right because you're
going to the grocery store and you're gathering. But that
is part of the human tradition. Yes, there were hunters
and there were gatherers, and that is before um oh lord,
I'm blanking, before crops became a thing. So before we
started before crops, yes, yes, like not into for these sure, yeah,
(17:53):
and and even even further back, um from that, there's
agriculture is the word that I'm looking for. Agriculture. Before agriculture,
we were hunters and we were gatherers. Yeah, agriculture, now
that sounds fascinating. What's that all about? Agriculture is essentially
using the earth to um grow food or crops or
vegetables plants for our own purposes and mostly for eating.
(18:17):
So what does it mean when my step mom calls
me passive agri culture that she okay, that she's probably
saying passive aggressive, and passive aggressive is yeah, when you're
not the same thing. It. Well, if she's saying passive agriculture,
passive agriculture would be like a corn seed flies and
it just ends up growing somewhere. I don't think that's
(18:37):
what she means. Yeah, I think she means passive aggressive,
which just means you don't feel comfortable with your anger
or with your displeasure about something, and so you sort
of say it in a snide way rather than just
being upfront about it. Okay, you sound like my therapist
cursed in now, so let's move on. Okay, okay, professor,
(19:11):
So you're saying that people came to the America, as
you're saying, people like Colombo, he came over to America. Okay,
So I was doing a little bit of research before
this because my producer told me I had to do
some preparation. Sure, whatever, she told me. When I was
doing my research, she told me, looked this up and
it was actually kind of helpful. She said that people
came over to the America's from Asia on the bearing straight. Yes, yes, okay,
(19:39):
can you tell us a little bit about that? Sure? Yes,
So when Columbus came over, there were already people in
the America's. I hope that that's known in and like
George Clooney, Uh maybe, yeah, that's maybe it could be.
It's not like lander Garfield. Uh but well he would
have been probably in the UK, but he maybe he
(20:00):
could have been here. Um. Yes, So mid Pangaea. Pangaea,
of course, is when all of the continents basically divorced,
got divorced. Um in mid Pangaea, when what is now
modern day Russia and modern day Alaska, we're still touching.
People did come over from East Asia and then populated
the America's and we know that through archaeology because they
(20:23):
left food wrappers as they walked. Isn't that interesting? They
left food rappers. They left food rappers. They were like,
who oh sorry, w R A P P E R S.
So if you went to McDonald's burking in, your sandwich
was wrapped in something. It was that because they were
(20:43):
constantly on the move, they had to wrap their food
because they didn't have a kitchen. You know when you're
when you're on the move. Uh, So they wrapped their
food and leaves and cloth bark and and then those
were strown about. Okay, I know exactly what you're talking
about because my step mom, Sharon, sometimes used to make
me pick up after her. Oh so I'm kind of
(21:06):
like those people. So those are like my ancestors. Yes, well,
and if she is the one who's throwing the food rapper,
she is like them. But you are still a good person.
So no, Sharon does not get anything special. Sharon gets
my dad and the house. I can have this one thing, okay, Yeah,
well then yes I have this one thing. You can yes,
(21:28):
And I don't know, Sharon, but can you let me
have this one thing? Yes? Yes I can. Okay, anyway,
so you say the bearing straight question. Yeah, they're bearing
bearing by or like a bearing gay. Okay, okay, well
it did used to stretch across different continents, so it
(21:49):
was pan continental. What because pan sexual? Is that what
you were? What I'm gonna stick to archaeology. I tried
to play your game, and it didn't really work out
for me. What are you implying something? No? I was
you you said is like you were using straight as
in a sexual preference. And so then I was trying
(22:09):
to make the same joke about being pan sexual, but
it didn't work out for me, and I don't feel
good about it. And again, I'm sorry that that was funny. Okay,
So you keep talking about finding stuff like in the
America's which is like really interesting. Sure, yeah, So I
have a question. One time, I got really tipsy at
(22:30):
my nieces graduation and we have annual passes to Disney World.
So then I went to the French pavilion at Epcot
and I kept digging. I just like kept kept kept digging,
and I eventually almost found something. Does that make me
an archaeologist? It does? It does? And this is one
of the ways that we try to engage younger generations
in the passion that is archaeology if you are finding
material remains that leads you to investigate human history or
(22:55):
history in general. Yes, you are an archaeologist, and I
encourage you to continue with your archaeology. Do you hear that, Sharon,
I'm doing something with my life. He's doing something, Sharon, Professor,
You're funny. You should response to those Instagram dms. Professor. Um,
So just a question. Have you have you ever found, like,
(23:16):
what's the close thing that you found in your findings
and your diggings or whatever excavations? Oh? We have found many,
many cool things. But I will tell you one thing
that was unique to me. This was outside of Nashville,
which is where I live, and we were working on
a site and digging deeper, deeper, deeper, not not finding anything,
(23:36):
but I just had this feeling that something was going
to be there, and eventually I came upon a rudimentary tool,
maybe from ten thousand years ago. Uh. And it would
have been used maybe as an ax as something to
club with, could have been a weapon, could have I
loved clubbing, yo, Yes, I love clubbing. You do you
(23:57):
go out? Yes? Absolutely. I took my wife to Olive
Garden last night and we it was it's one of
my favorite clubs. Olive Garden is not club. Well, we're
part of the rewards program and um, okay, what's your
favorite thing together Olive Garden. Well, this is such a
wrote answer and my wife says, you gotta change. But
(24:18):
it's the bread sticks, a warm bread stick. I mean,
it's the cotton candy of carbohydrates. Okay, you asked me
what my favorite thing Olive Garden is, and what is
your favorite item at Olive Garden? Just like Sharon, it's
the trip to Italy. Oh, tour of Italy. I love
tour itally, Yes, of Italy. That's that's that's what it is. Yeah,
(24:38):
that's part. Really it was like the lasagna and the
parmesan and then the Alfredo and now they have themed
one Yoko, if you haven't gone back, they have a
full tour of Italy menu. What I mean, if you've
got an any it's going to become an Audie because
you can stuff yourself with a tour of several tours
of Italy. Wow. Okay, So anyway, you're saying that you
(25:00):
like clubbing, I like clubbing. So we're digging out. We
find this club on the club is inscribed my name,
your name, my name is inscribed on this club. What wait, okay,
tell the story of it. That is the that's the
story why we don't know now archaeology. I probably don't
(25:27):
have to tell you this. But we are jokesters. We
are we are just always. So it could have been
one of my colleagues pranking me and they got down
there they I mean again, we're about a hundred feet
into the earth. It was almost to where it was
the nickel feet into the earth into there was that
like eight miles. It's about that. It's about which one
(25:50):
of my favorite movies, by the way, and there and
there it is a food rapper. So um. It could
have been a prank. Or it could be proof of
multiple dimensions. I don't I don't know, but I haven't
slept much since multiple dimensions. Okay, so does that do
you have to do with that? Do you deal with
(26:11):
like the the the thing that like in spire Man
messed up? Oh yeah, multi versus I I'm saying, that's
one of the explanations. This is the only verse that
I've been in. I'm a universe, right as opposed to
a multiverse. I'm a universe. Guy, because I've only been
in one, but it's possible. I don't know how my
name got on that club, but there it was. So
(26:35):
what do you do with it? Do you get to
do you get to keep the stuff that you do?
I tried to, but Vanderbilt took it. Vanderbilt took it
from you. So now work is it in the museum? Uh?
It Well, so it was supposed to be on display first.
They that you wave all sorts of lasers and things
that go through the data and that. And one of
my students was taking it to put on display, was
(26:55):
walking to the lobby sort of where we display some
of our more prized archaeological item and um, she tripped
and crushed it. And so it's just gone now. And
now it is gone. It was so brittle from being
so old that it was crushed like my grandpa's pelvic
replacement bone. Oh well, that sounds like a story. I
(27:17):
tripped and then I broke it because everyone said it
was so brittle. And then my dad was like, this
is the reason why we don't let you sleep in
the house because you just broke my dad's pelvis. And
then Sharon was like, get off, why are you still
stepping on him. Get off of him. And I was like,
oh my god, I'm so sorry. And my dad was like,
get off him. You're crushing him even more. You're crushing
his pelvis. Why are you still stepping on him? And
then I was like, oh my god, I tripped. I tripped.
(27:37):
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Yeah, is he okay? Oh? Um?
I should I don't know. I went to my best
friend David's house after I stayed there for three years. Well,
that's a long that's a long overnight, it's a long weekend.
Sharon said, don't don't, don't, don't come anyway. Um, okay.
(27:58):
Can I ask you a little bit of a personal question,
of course, how many? How how much do you make
as an archaeologist, because it sounds like I could be one.
I make one point five million dollars a year. You
make one point five million, That means you're like a
multi billionaire. Not yet, but if crypto works out the
way that I'm hoping it does, I could be. But yeah,
archaeologists are. It's one of the highest paid professions in
(28:22):
the world. As an archaeologist college professor, archaeologists about one
point five million starting salary. Wow, so I should be
one and then I could make one point five million,
and then I could buy back my dad's house. That
sounds like a plan to me. Yeah. I think I
kick out Sharon and then make her stay with David
for three years. Yeah. Can I ask you a question? Yeah?
(28:46):
Is there? And again this is coming from me. I
had a hard relationship with my father and he also
got remarried. I had my Sharon. I've had my share
of Sharon's. Um, is there anything that Sharon could do
to make your relationship? Okay? Wow? No one's ever no
one's ever asked me that. Um. I guess Sharon could
(29:07):
firstly sorry, That would be great the acknowledgement. Yeah. And
I guess Sharon could, um say sorry for taking away
my Nintendo yes, when I was a kid, right before
I was about to beat the Elite four. And I
guess Sharon could apologize for leaving me here at the
studio the other week let's sleep here met the janitor
(29:31):
when I've told me and I think the best thing
to do would be to tell her because it sounds
like that pain is your materialistic remains. Painful materialistic remains
that we just dug up, right, we did a full
day dig and we found it. We've now categorized it
what and it's time to say, Hey, Sharon, this club
(29:54):
has your name on it. And it's hit me too
many times, and I'm looking for an apology so I
can move forward and be a multimillionaire archaeologist. Well, you
know what archaeologist is what I mean. I'm so sorry
I said archaeologists archaeologists. I meant archaeologist. I'm saying archaeologist
a lot of times in a row, but you know
what I mean. Oh my, okay, Well stop first of it,
(30:14):
stop making this about you, this about me. It's my podcast. Sorry,
that is Wow, that was a really good idea. I
just need to get her number because she's blocking on
every other burner phone she's had. But that's a good idea. Yeah.
Once I get ahold of her, she won't tell me
where she is, and she blocked me on Instagram, so
I can't follow her story. That's tough. That's tough. Yeah,
(30:50):
So I guess the question I have also is do
you think that this line of work that you're in
is it rewarding. I want to say yes. I want
to say yeah, then say yes. I always do what
I want to do, and I always say what I
want to say, but I don't feel that it is
what I'm doing it for the money. A lot of
college professors will tell you that they are doing it
(31:12):
for the money. Most teachers, in fact, we'll say they're
doing it for the money. And that is the case
for me. I got into this because it pays so well.
But I hate travel. I don't like being outside, and
all digs are basically outside, so then you have to
think about sun protection and sunscreen is still not where
it should be. How is it still running and getting
(31:33):
in my eyes? There's a lot of work to be
done there. I'm an indoor cat and this job forces
me to be outside and I resent it for that.
But I want to be rich. Okay, so it's not rewaring.
So if someone wants to have fulfillment in their life,
they shouldn't go into archaeology. Oh well, not all buildings
have the same blueprint, right, So what works for me
(31:56):
might not work for you. Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa. If
you're going to use all that fancy word thing, you
need to expect blueprint. So what I'm saying is what
works for me or what doesn't work for me might
work for you or might not work for you. Every
person is different, so they're calling is different? Is a
blueprint like a blue version of Nicki Minaj's pink Print?
(32:19):
It could be it could be yeah, but it's also
I love that album. It's She's She's a food rapper.
O Oh, I trust me. I know who Nicholas minajes
and I'm such a huge fan of her work. A blueprint, yes,
used in architecture to you know, tell the builders what
the building should be. It's like a script for a
screenplay or screenplay for a movie. It's like a domptop
for a building. It is exactly that. It's like, you
(32:43):
do this, you shut up. You have to call me sir. Yes,
it is. It's like that. It's a domtop yep. I
love that. Wow. Okay, So so maybe someone could like
archaeology and could go into it. They could like if
they could love it, this could you're calling And it
sounds like if you were spending your precious time in
Disney World to dig, then maybe this is your calling.
(33:07):
Maybe it is. There's only one way to find out,
and it's to come on a dig with us. Would
you like to come on a dig with us. Oh
are you inviting me to a dig? Okay? Um, I
have a few rules, but I would love to come
on a dig with you. Okay, Well we've got our
rules too. What are they? Okay, wait, we should do
one rollout. I'll say one role, then you say one role. Okay, okay.
So my role is? Can it be to find Atlanta? Uh? Yes,
(33:32):
if you want to go find if you want to
do a dig in Atlanta, I'm sure we could make
that happen. Okay, what's your role? Our rule is be tidy.
Be tidy at the dig. Everyone's got their little space
and we need to have everything categorized and clean so
that we know when something is different. So we were
able to catalog it. Okay. Well, my ex one time
(33:53):
called me a messy bottom, so not like that. Don't
be like with my ex. Yes, if you have a
messy bottom, you're gonna need to clean it up before
you come on the dig. I don't have a messy bob.
Now this was back in Yes. Well okay, I'm not
saying I'm just in general, no messy bottoms at the dig.
Okay Okay. My second role is, um can I um can,
(34:16):
I cannot, Yoko? Are these rules are questions? I guess
they're kind of questions. Well, they can be both. If
you have other questions, let's do it. But I I
don't want to. I want to make the experience what
you wanted to be. Well, I just I've never been
on a dig, so it's really cool to get invited
on the dig. I don't know, like I'm just almost
kind of nervous. I don't want to make a fool
(34:37):
of myself. I don't want to be embarrassed. Oh, and
that is unavoidable, because I will say again, archaeologists are
we are pranky people? Uh? Most of Actually the Jackass
Crew started out in archaeology. And on your first dig
there will be many pranks and you will be the
butt of many jokes. You cannot walk away from your
first dig not feeling embarrassed, with your tail between your legs. Oh, well,
(35:01):
is there a way I can skip that step? Because
I don't like that, because that sounds like my entire
life from ages zero to six. Oh, but this is
done with love. This is not done in the absence
of love. This is saying that's my dad said. Is
your dad an archaeologist. No, well, yeah, I mean I
(35:22):
can only tell you the reality of what the job is.
And on your first day on an archaeological dig, you
will not be able to walk away from that dig
without somebody taking their shovel and spanking you. And that
is just part of the fun of an archaeological dig.
Spank Yeah, yeah, all sorts of pranks of given somebody
(35:44):
a dirt bath, burying them and then forgetting about them,
which is always really funny, and then come back the
next day and be like, oh, what what's this artifact? Oh,
it's it's your go you know. It sounds like you're
planning to do that, professor, Well, we've done it before. Yeah,
you gotta watch out. Okay. On my first dig, I
was buried underneath dirt for a month. Okay, well you
(36:06):
know what. Thank you so much for this. This has
been very educational, to say the least. I hope you
mean that, Yoko, I do good. And we've come to
our last segment called I should have known and so
(36:26):
another our guest has proven how knowledgeable they are on
their subject. And honestly, I think I'm a tad a
thing or two. We're going to show how I'm not
only an expert in their field myself, but also I'm
an expert in mind me. So I'm going to ask
my guest five questions on me to see who's the
smarter one. Here it's me and our time begins now. Okay,
(36:48):
So the first question, what's my worst fear succeeding No,
it's my key to Tampa being taken away, because I
had a key to Tampa. I have a key I
have present, so I can't oh my god, I can't
manifest it getting taken away. So I have a key
to Tampa that the mayor gave me. And uh, it's
the most prized possession I have because Tampa is very
(37:08):
important to me. You know, it's like the strip club
capital of the America's because I know a lot about
America's too. Okay, my my producers saying, keep going okay. Um.
Number two, rank the Spice Girls in order of how
much I think about them. Scaries one, Sporty is two,
baby is three, pashas for ginger five. Are you stupid?
(37:32):
Are you dumb? I feel like I'm about to find
out are you dumb? Answered? I want to answer to
that question, are you stupid? I'm a professor with a
doctorate PhD. Are are you a stupid poopy head? No?
I've never had poop on my head, although I have
gotten pink eye annually, which is something that I need
to figure out. Okay, well, the answer is obviously baby
(37:53):
scary posh, sporty and ginger. The wow posh is higher
than I would have her. But hey, some people are
in it for the flash and the smoke and mirrors,
and other people just appreciate talent. And this is why
vanderbo If you're listening to take aways, dr Okay, Um,
who's my favorite singer? Yourr favorite singer? Mandy Moore? Wrong,
(38:17):
it's Sirie. Okay. Where is my favorite second date spot?
Your favorite second date spot? Lake house? Lake House? No,
I feel like we've got to know each other. I'm
terrified of water, Okay, can I try to get How
about a Italian restaurant? Wow, we've already done Olive Garden
(38:39):
steak place? You mean steak home? No, the answer is Grinnell, Iowa.
It's a great place to take someone on the second date. Delightful.
Oh okay, really good liberal arts callers there too. I
didn't get in, but fund to walk around. Yes, I
believe it's called Kenyan Okay, now at all? And number five,
(38:59):
who is my biggest inspiration? Apollo and aunt I No, no, no,
I'm so mad at him for what he knows what
he did. He knows what he did. He knows exactly
what he did, and if he replied to my texts,
he would know that I'm not mad at him really
(39:20):
anymore by his what apology and the answer is me,
I'm my own biggest inspiration. Okay, that's healthy. I will
say that that sounds healthy. Thank you so much, Thank
you well, thank you so much for coming on my podcast,
and thanks for listening to this week's episode of Are
You There Dad? It's me Yoko And until next time, Bye,
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