August 22, 2024 • 40 mins
SERIES 3 EPISODE 14: COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN
A-Block (1:44) SPECIAL COMMENT: You heard that right. RFK Junior will drop out of the presidential race tomorrow. Whether or not he then endorses Trump reportedly depends on when his wife, Curb Your Enthusiasm actress Cheryl Hines, relents on her opposition to Trump.
Of course it may not matter. There is no reliable polling on what Kennedy's remaining support thinks of Trump or Harris or anybody else. And despite what individual state polls suggest, national polling suggests he's been taking 2% or 3% support from both Kamala and Psychotrump.
The other wild card is what position in his cabinet Trump is willing to offer. I'm thinking "Secretary of Bears."
THE OTHER NEW POLLING IS SO ASTONISHING that the whole thing may be irrelevant. Rasmussen Republican polling has her up by one in Wisconsin. University of New Hampshire polling has her having gone from four behind Trump in the conservative Maine 2nd District to five points AHEAD of him. And Politico analyzed ten quality polls and suggests that the data suggests the snowball is forming.
MEANWHILE TRUMP'S GREATEST FREUDIAN SLIP EVER: His antisemitic trope about Democrats and Jews is well known by now. "If Jewish people vote for her they ought to go out and get their heads examined." And yet on the Hugh Hewitt show yesterday he forgot the back half of it. He stopped after "go out" and started talking about something out. The part he left out was "get their heads examined."
Trump also made up a story about Harris meeting with Putin before the Ukraine invasion. This also sounds crazy but may be less insanity and more an indicator that the Trump campaign is giving up on actually winning at the ballot box and just amping up the conspiracy theories so its minions in state legislatures and the House can try to steal the election by coup after Harris wins.
B-Block (21:05) THE WORST PERSONS IN THE WORLD: How could you misspell Bruce Springsteen's name? A Philly hotel managed to do it! Rudy Giuliani says Steve Bannon is being "tortured" in prison (I wish), and should the FBI or Secret Service be visiting Hulk Hogan and asking him why he threatened the Vice President of the United States?
C-Block (29:30) THINGS I PROMISED NOT TO TELL: A non-broadcasting friend of mine brought up the name the other day and I was surprised he knew him. Meet the former president of MSNBC who threatened - while his screams were audible in the background live on the air - to destroy and kill me. Fun place to work!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Countdown with Keith Olderman is a production of iHeartRadio. So
tomorrow Robert F. Kennedy Junior will drop out of the
presidential race and might endorse Trump. And we don't know
(00:28):
what the deal is and which bribe Trump offered him,
but I'm expecting that Trump has agreed to name RFK
Secretary of Bears just to mess this up further. The
website The Hill reports that Rfk's endorsement of Trump is
being held up because his wife, Cheryl Hines from Curb
Your Enthusiasm, does not want him to endorse Trump. No,
(00:51):
I didn't email Larry and ask him what he knows. Regardless,
none of it may make any difference, because there is
some stunning new pro Harris polling and equally stunning new
reasons for me to repeat my question from yesterday. Is
Trump dying or something? Kennedy First, he says, I will
(01:12):
not confirm or deny that he's dropping out and endorsing Trump,
but he has confirmed that tomorrow he will address the
nation about the path forward for his campaign, which, as
three quarters of his support has vanished, the path is
pretty much narrowed to taking his campaign, stuffing it in
(01:33):
the backseat. Of his car and then dumping it in
Central Park and trying to make it look like it
was killed by a bicyclist. Yeah, bicyclist named Joe Biden.
ABC News reports Kennedy will drop out. The Washington Post
merely intimates he has had multiple conversations about it with Trump,
including one in person. The campaign insists nothing is final.
(01:56):
He'll be announcing whatever he announces in Phoenix at noon
local time, and Trump will be at a rally in Glendale, Arizona,
at four local time. And yeah, you do the math.
This really is Trump's only obvious remaining play at this point,
and it is debatable if it is as big a
(02:17):
deal as it would have been literally just five weeks ago.
To start with, it is unclear how many Kennedy voters
there are left, And of course all the polls asked
a backwards version of the question that would answer that.
NBC quized Republicans and Democrats about Kennedy in July before
the President dropped out, and found that Kennedy's approval among
(02:39):
Republicans was plus eleven, while among Democrats it was minus
thirty eight. That, of course, is exactly the opposite of
the information we could use, which is, what would be
Kennedy voters think of Kamala Harris and Trump? What do
they think of Democrats and Republicans before the Biden drop out,
(03:03):
when it was forty five forty three in the head
to head matchup, when they would expand to the full
field with all the other psychoes like Kennedy and Cornell
West and Jill Stein, Trump would lose thirteen percent of
his support. What's more, though, in state after state, it's
clear Kennedy is now hurting Trump. The most recent national
poll by IPSO says Kennedy's has been taking two percent
(03:27):
of Trump's support but three percent of Harris's support. The
Times poll in just the battlegrounds produces an even foggier number.
Kennedy has been taking three percent of Harris's support and
three percent of Trump's support. And all of this is
still predicated on an assumption that the remaining Kennedy voters
(03:48):
will vote for Trump or Harris. I mean, if you
were dumb enough to be ready to vote for Kennedy,
you are dumb enough to vote for Jill Stein. There
also continue to be early signs, and I mean like
predicting next month's weather early signs that we might have
(04:09):
to change that last sentence there too, if you were
dumb enough to vote for Trump. Obviously, the Tim Walls
speech went well last night, and the Obamas will continue
to piss off the fascists right through the election. And please,
dear God, get Kamala Harris on stage no later than
ten pm Eastern tonight. I'm pleading with you. This is
not a sporting event. The ratings do not go up
(04:30):
the later you stay on past eleven o'clock. But more
intriguing than all that these new polls, something very very
odd has come out of Rasmussen polling. He died in
the will pick fights on social media in the tank
(04:51):
boot licking bunch of conservatives founded by the guy who
created ESPN, then was removed from controlling it two months
before it signed on, and eventually he got like seven
hundred and forty grand for his share of the whole company.
The average Rasmussen poll shaves four to five points off
the Democrat in every other pole, and yet in Wisconsin
(05:13):
Rasmussen now has Senator Baldwin beating Eric Hovdy, the guy
from the brawny paper towel rappers, by ten points and
it has Harris beating Trump by one point. If that
pole in Wisconsin by Rasmussen is accurate, the weather may
be getting very dark for Trump very fast. And then
the University of New Hampshire has put out polling on Maine.
(05:37):
On July twenty fifth, the week Biden dropped out, This
same pole had the pretty damned Conservative Republican Secure Main
second District at Trump plus two or Trump plus four
with Kennedy and the rest in the mix. The same
pole now has Harris up by five in both measures,
(05:58):
a seven or nine point swing to Harris in a
Conservative bash in less than one month. And in the
same poll she is ahead by twenty eight points in
the liberal first district of Maine and seventeen overall in
the state. It is startling, or if you prefer stunning,
(06:22):
that is the word Politico of all outfits has used
to describe interior numbers in major polls across tabs, as
the kids call them. Taking time out from listing who
went to the Politico grill at the Democratic Convention, their
analysts delved into ten quality polls, and they now write, quote,
Harris has registered gains across a wide range of demographic categories,
(06:46):
but the improvement has been especially pronounced among young voters,
non white voters, and women voters. Taken together, the numbers
suggest that the Harris swap has largely repaired a fraying
Democratic coalition, has repaired the party's image presidentially among independents,
and has dragged the election back to a toss up
(07:07):
at the minimum. In short, she has managed to do
something that every candidate can only dream of, appeal to
her base without turning off swing voters. Politico cites these
gains in particular twelve percent improvement over Joe Biden among
black voters, six percent among Hispanics, five percent growth among
(07:29):
non college educated, seven points added among women, nine percent
among independents, seventeen percent among young voters. Politico started that
report with the words startling and ended its analysis of
the eye popping gains with a different word, and that
word was unprecedented. Here's another word to use about what's
(08:11):
going on. Craze has in crasee gains for Kamala Harris
because Trump is crazy. I don't know if this is
truly the most Freudian slip Trump has ever made, or
the most Freudian slip Trump could ever make but it
sure feels like it, and it sure feels like it
contains an admission or a plea for help, or a
(08:34):
foreshadowing or something. It is now many hours since I
first heard it, and I am still shocked by it,
and I'll stop with the preamble already. But Trump has
gone on the Hugh Hewitt Gullible Hour and was, for
whatever reason, unable to complete his hoary old anti Semitic
trope about Jewish Americans voting for Democrats.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
If Jewish people vote for her, and I use this expression,
they ought to go out because Kamala is a person.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
He left out. The second half the Trump trope is,
if Jewish people vote for her, they ought to go
out and get their heads examined. He left out and
gets their heads examined. This brain damaged, deteriorating, crazy individual
who packs more personality disorders per pound than anybody else
in human history, This man who has over the last
(09:28):
several months showed accelerating signs of physical decline, whole body decline.
He said, if Jewish people vote for her, they ought
to go out, and he forgot the rest of it.
He forgot to say and get their heads examined, which,
by no coincidence whatsoever, is what he should be doing
(09:49):
right now, getting his head examined. Just to sell the
point further. The interviewer well, the stenographer, Hugh Hewitt, the
Lars Larsen of Eric Erickson's, followed up with a promotional
tweet in which he gave it all away. Trump remains
the best interview in America has been since twenty fifteen
(10:10):
because he tells you exactly what you think. You bet
your ass, Sonny. Hugh Hewett deleted that post. Again, it
sounds like a badly written scene in a badly written
episode of Succession. And I know that's redundant, but that's
(10:31):
a different story for a different podcast. But it also
sounds like one of those moments when everybody who doesn't
recognize its importance looks back and says, and that's when
I knew Trump was finished psychologically. One more time on this.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
It's Jewish people vote for her, And I use this
expression they ought to go out because Kamala.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
Is a person, Doctor Fried. If that is insufficient, everybody
forgets things like the second half of their hateful cat phrases,
the half that could be applied to themselves everybody does
that right. Trump also got back on the outdoor stump
yesterday and he announced that American generals are woke and fake,
(11:16):
and he claims we have F thirty two fighters, even
though there is no such thing as an F thirty
two fighter. And he made up a story, made up
a story that Kamala Harris met with Vladimir Putin just
before he invaded further into Ukraine in twenty twenty two.
Utter bullshit. They have never met. Harris went to the
(11:38):
Munich Security Conference in February twenty twenty two, warning Russia
and warning that Russia was going to create a false
pretext for invasion. Putin was not there. The closest thing
Harris and Putin have ever come to a meeting is
Harris talked about Putin once. This sounds nuts, obviously in
(12:01):
a way it is, But in a different way, it's
far darker. Between the polls and the escalating tone of
absurdity in Trump's attacks on Harris, there is reason to
suppose Trump and is very evil, not quite geniuses may
be shifting from bothering to even try to win at
the ballot box to simply ginning up the rage and
(12:23):
the doubt and the lunacy and the conspiracy so much
that it, as they say, creates consent for him and
his cooperative minions in the state legislatures and the House
of Representatives to steal the election after they lose it.
Thomas Edsell's column on Trump's next coup in the New
York Times ends with a quote from Yale historian Timothy Snyder.
(12:46):
I am thanking Edsall and quoting Snyder. Trump is in
the classic dictatorial position. He needs to die in bed
holding all executive power to stay out of prison. This
means that he will do whatever he can to gain
power and wants in power, will do all that he
(13:07):
can to never let it go. This is a basic
incentive structure which underlies everything else. It is entirely inconsistent
with democracy. So thanks to the Times for that, and
(13:34):
damn the Times for this. From fact check reporter Linda Hugh,
take it from an actual billionaire. Trump is rich and
only one thing stupidity a quote attributed to Governor JB.
Pritzker of Illinois at the Democratic National Convention, and the
fact check reporter in the Times writes this lacks evidence.
(13:56):
While mister Trump's exact net Worth is unknown. Forbes and
Bloomberg estimate that he is currently a billionaire. Obviously, we
know The New York Times has no sense of humor.
I mean, Maureen Dowd is considered a humorist at the
New York Times. But does a hyperbolic joke now require
(14:16):
a Times fact check so that The Times can claim
it as being fair to Trump? I mean, if I
ask how many Times fact checkers and idiotic editors does
it take to screw in a light bulb? Is the
Times going to fact check that? And note that there
is no empirical evidence that more or fewer of them
would be required than of any other demographic group. Jud
(14:39):
Leegum has an amazing piece of popular information headlined the
fact checking industrial complex. Just one paragraph of that please.
The fact checking industry got that right. Has attempted to
prove its objectivity by producing similar pieces for the Democratic
and Republican National Conventions. This requires some sleight of hand.
(15:01):
Glenn Kessler's fact check in the Washington Post on the
night Trump spoke to the RNC was limited exclusively to Trump.
Other noted fabulousts on the agenda, including Tucker Carlson Franklin Graham,
Alina Haba, and Eric Trump were ignored. Kessler's fact check
of Biden's speech to the DNC included all other speakers
(15:24):
on Monday evening. If you doubt that the Post is
doing this, still doing this? Oh you want fact checks
of Trump? Do you liberals? We'll give you some fact checks.
Let me read you this from Amy Gardner, National reporter
Washington Post quote. Donald Trump says he will refuse to
(15:47):
accept the election results if he loses again. Biden said,
But that's not true, Amy Gardner writes, Trump just hasn't
said that he would accept, and he has previously said
the only way he loses is if the Democrats cheat.
Well done, Amy Gardner. If you manage to snatch fascism
(16:10):
from the jaws of democracy with shit like this, please
do so confidence that when we are then all in
the Trump re education camps, there will be a sign
hanging from just your cell door. Reading noted that Trump
never said he would refuse to accept the election results,
only that he didn't say he would accept the election result.
(16:32):
So remember, give her two bowls of water a day.
Also have interest here did Hulk Hogan make a threat
of violence against the Vice president of the United States.
Shouldn't the FBI or the Secret Service be asking this
question and not some idiot with a podcast. Also, if
(16:56):
Hulk Hogan did try to fight her, wouldn't she kick
his ass? That's next? This is countdown. This is Countdown
with Keith Olberman ahead of us on this editiontive Countdown
(17:31):
out of nowhere. My lunch guest the other day who
was not in broadcasting and never has been said he
knew the former president of MSNBC, Rick Kaplan. Rick Kamplan
who wants threatened to kill me live while we were
both on MSNBC where we were in the background. We
(17:53):
weren't like the main show. God knows that would have
gotten much better ratings than anything they have now. But
we were live and he threatened to kill me and
was swearing at me live on MSNBC. So my friend
at lunch and I we traded Rick Kaplan stories. Mine
still wins because he tried to kill me. Coming up
in Things I promised not to tell first, there are
(18:15):
still more new idiots to talk about. The daily roundup
of the miss Grants, morons and Dunning Kruger effects specimens
who constitute today's worst persons. In the world, the brons worse.
The Live Casino in Philadelphia. Wait, I'm sorry, Apparently that's
it's the Live casino in Philadelphia has an exclamation point,
(18:39):
so it's either live or live. Apparently it's live. Makes
more sense that way, doesn't it. In any event, they
put up a big sign outside greeting Bruce Springsteen as
he comes to Philadelphia for a bunch of tour dates
there at the ballpark. Per Springsteen. Fan tour organizer Stan
Goldstein took a picture of the sign at the Live
(19:03):
or Live Cain in Philadelphia and captioned it, you had
one job. And it's a picture apparently of Bruce Springsteen
Live Casino hotel in the corner, and it says Welcome
to Philadelphia, Bruce Springsteen s p R I N G
st ei N. So it could read welcome to Philadelphia,
(19:24):
Bruce Springstein. It misspelled Springsteen's name. They misspelled Springsteen's name
kid from the Jersey Shore, and they misspelled his name
in Philadelphia. You had one job. Also, it's it's just me,
but the photo of Springsteen looks like Jerry Seinfeld. Are
(19:45):
we sure that's Springsteen? Maybe it's some guy named Springstein.
And he's going to perform at the Live casino. Maybe
Bruce in nineteen seventy seven, but it's much more Seinfeld.
And the look on his face is is that my
car on fire in the parking lot? Disaster? All around?
Springsteen spelled wrong. The runner up worser Rudy Giuliani. Rudy
(20:11):
Giuliani along with Mike Lindell co hosting Steve Bannon's streaming
show on Nazi TV or whatever they call it, Real
Nazi's Choice. I forget what the name of it is.
The war Room, as if Steve Bannon could fit through
the doorway of the War Room. And the one argument
for letting Steve Bannon out of prison, and perhaps letting
(20:34):
him out early, is so that Rudy Giuliani and Mike
Lindell would not be hosting the show in his absence. Hello,
I'm Mike Lindell. And by the way, wasn't Mike Lindell
supposed to go undercover at the Democratic National Committee by
shaving off his mustache, because in the video he's wearing
a mustache. It's possible he has a collection of them
at home in a jar, hopefully his own. He's been
(20:58):
united done shaving other men's mustaches and keeping them in
any event, just a little update from Rudy who said,
as Steve mannon is being prevented from watching television or
streaming stuff, or listening to radio or listening to his
own show. And oh, by the way, Steve Bannon is
being tortured in jail.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
Steve Bannon, let me tell you this, Steve mann is
not being treated the way other prisoners are being treated.
His case has been moved from the Bureau of Prisons
to crooked Attorney General Garland's office, and they're calling the
shots because contacts that I have in the Bureau of
Prisons have told me they've been taken out of the case.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
So he's being let's.
Speaker 3 (21:36):
Say, tortured. Well, and he'll be out. I'm sure he'll
be able to talk all about it. But boy, this
election is about a fascist regime and Steve Bannon is
prime number one of Victor.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
Now, Rudy is right about this election being about a
fascist regime, just not in the way he's saying. I
was going to say thinking, But Rudy doesn't think, does he.
And by the way, he also used the little durbile,
little bunny rabbit air quotes around the word tortured, so
who knows what he actually means, but he theorizes Steve
Bannon is being tortured at the instructions of Merrick Garland
(22:13):
in a federal prison. I wish but your winner the worst.
Hulk Hogan, who you will recall, is one of the
speakers who introduced Trump on the climax night and if
that's the right word for it, of the Republican National Convention.
Somebody who represents Hulk Hogan does much of what has
(22:33):
destroyed our culture. Not wrestling. Wrestling's fine. Lots of fictional
things are fine, but the belief in the culture of wrestling,
the belief that it's anything but a performance, the belief
that it's legit in some way, the belief that it's
dignified in some way. It's an act, and it's a
crappy act. It's like the guy who announces his name
(22:55):
is Bruce Springstein and comes out and sings born to
run in the wrong key in any event. Here's Hulk
Hogan on his threat against the Vice President of the
United States.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
Right crazy, Love me to grow.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
More beers out, Love me to body slam somebody else,
Love me to body slam Kamala Harris.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
Send you along near the body slam Kamala Harris.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
I'm gonna talk away on comala famala from young.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
Okay, I like it?
Speaker 3 (23:32):
Oh he for that one.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
Bears coming. First off, yes, you heard him go how
and he thinks Indian means Native American? I mean not
even Trump is stupid enough to think that the Indian
in Indian African, in the heritage of the Vice President
of the United States is Native American. That's how stupid
(23:57):
this man, Hogan is. Secondly, broadly interpreted, asking a bunch
of people, do you want me to body slam Kamala
Harris could be deemed a threat against the Vice President
of the United States. So, circling back to Rudy Giuliani's
friend Merrick Garland, prosecute him, put him in prison. Let's
see how far he's willing to take this T shirt
(24:18):
ripping wrestling bullshit culture. I know, I know, don't say
things like that. How about this. Put him in one
of those Steve Bannon jails and he can be tortured
by being forced to listen to Rudy doing the Steve
Bannon show. Hulk. By the way, You're seventy one years old,
three hundred pounds, drunk, and desperately out of shape. I
(24:42):
would avoid the vice president. She'd probably beat the crap
out of you. Hogan two days worst person in the world,
(25:12):
finally our number one story in the Countdown Things. I
promised not to tell him. Back to my favorite topic, me,
How exactly was I supposed to tell the police that
the man threatening to kill me was the president of MSNBC.
He was chasing me through the studios. He was too
overweight to run. But even though he inexplicably lied and
(25:33):
said he was six foot seven, at six foot five,
this guy his name was Rick Kaplan, and he was
the soon to be ex president of MSNBC, just as
he was already the ex president of CNN. He still
had strides as long as my own. Plus On that
night of August eighth, two thousand and five, I was multitasking.
I was trying to mentally record everything he was shouting,
(25:56):
while also drawing him away from the live microphones of
the live studio in which he had started shouting, while
also wishing for my office key so I could lock
myself in there if need be, while also figuring out
how I would hit him if it came to that,
while also trying to register the superb double takes from
(26:16):
my colleagues past, whom he was stomping like an out
of shape Frankenstein, while also trying to suppress an overwhelming
and seemingly inappropriate desire to burst into laughter, while still
game planning these soon to be inevitable call to the cops.
A beautiful downtown Secaucus, New Jersey. Hi. Yeah, yeah, he's
(26:40):
trying to kill me, my boss, the president of MSNBC. Yeah, yeah,
the cable television network. Yeah, exact down the street from
the London Fog Outlet store. Yeah, one MSNBC Plaza. I
know it's a dumb address. He's about sixty to seventy
(27:01):
five two hundred and eighty pounds. By the way, he
says he's six foot seven, but he's only six foot five.
Why Why does he lie about his height or why
is he trying to kill?
Speaker 2 (27:11):
Right?
Speaker 1 (27:12):
Well, I did a commentary urging the viewers to stop smoking,
and he's afraid of the mention of blood. Hello.
Speaker 4 (27:18):
Hello.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
As all of this played out in my head, President
Kaplan was huffing and puffing his way through our giant studio,
weaving through the news assignment area, past the makeup room,
down the hallways, nearing the offices of my show countdown,
and passed the bank of a couple of one hundred
television monitors with a different face on every one of them,
each seemingly staring slack jawed at the executive, screaming threats
(27:41):
at the only guy on his own network who got
any ratings. I'll pay you back, I'll get you I'll
finish your own I'll tell y'all. This had all begun
roughly ten days earlier, in late July two thousand and five,
an oral surgeon who had intended to examine a growth
(28:04):
on the roof of my mouth that instead, with one
pale look, silently betrayed his suspicion that it was cancerous.
Then he cut the whole thing out. I was on
my way to work anyway, It was too late to
get a replacement, and I was bleeding so much that
our technical director and I decided to pre record all
of my on camera segments for that night's show, thus
(28:27):
reducing the chances of viewers hearing me say President Bush
today while blood oozed out of my mouth over my
teeth and lips and onto the desk like I was
dracul Anchor. When the following Wednesday I got the unexpected
all clear from the surgeon's office, I decided to devote
some of each night's newscast to a campaign to help
(28:48):
viewers and myself quit smoking. My premise was a simple
one that I had never heard argued before and have
rarely heard argued since, that it would be a lot
easier to quit if you didn't have cancer. If you
did have cancer, I pitched my producers on the series.
I went into Rick Kaplan's office to get his seal
(29:11):
of approval. He was enthusiastic and supportive, and most rare
of all, he was paying attention. And then I said,
I was also going to point out that if you
got the good outcome like I had, they would merely
stick a laser in your mouth, and you'd smell your
own flesh burning for like forty eight hours, and you'd
have to keep spitting out your own blood. Don't say that.
(29:31):
He suddenly threw his meaty hands out towards me in
a strangling gesture, and then just as quickly clamped them
over his own ears and closed his eyes and began
actually screaming no no, no, no no no no no
no no no no no. I thought he had gone crazy,
as it proved he was just practicing for going crazy. Later,
(29:51):
I'm sorry, I'm squeamish. I got the point. I just
can't handle references to, you know, uh the red stuff.
Go ahead with the series. Just tone down the uh
the red stuff. I toned down the red stuff, and
my executive producer is Epovich sent him the scripts and
he told her to tone down the red stuff a
(30:13):
little more. And I went and I did that too.
We all decided to start the anti smoking series the
following Monday, August eighth, two thousand and five. By nauseating coincidence,
that was the day after the ABC anchorman Peter Jennings
had died of lung cancer. The MSNBC president had been
a producer on jennings newscast. I had long since written
(30:36):
and recorded jennings obituary, and now this somewhat cold but
still journalistically valid segue would have to be made. We
would have to go directly from the twelve minute long
Jennings Oh bit to the start of our anti tobacco
campaign eight or nine minutes into that pre recorded Jennings obituary.
Rick Kaplan came out of his office and walked the
(30:56):
fifty feet or so through the vast open newsroom to
where my anchor desk was. His eyes were full of tears.
This is wonderful, he said. Qie Peter would have liked this.
He gave me a thumbs up. Then he walked to
a second desk another fifty feet away, where his first
big hire, a woman named Rita Cosby, was about to
premiere his first big gamble, her new show immediately following mine.
(31:20):
I was actually moved by Rick Kaplan's comment. I did
not once think of phoning the Secaucus police. But then
I began the anti smoking segment, and as I focused
on the camera and the teleprompter in front of me
and detailed the blood and the gore and the spitting
and how that was the good outcome, out of the
corner of my eye I saw this weird sight. The
(31:42):
President again left his office and waddled out along the
wall thirty feet all ahead of me in the general
direction of the control rooms. Within moments, as I continued
to read my script, he was back in the studio
and standing right next to my camera, gesticulating wildly. I said,
they never say it, but wouldn't it be really easier
(32:02):
to quit smoking when you didn't have cancer than when
you did? And Kaplan responded with the same two handed
choking gesture he had made briefly in his office much earlier.
I presumed there was some simple problem, like that the
building was on fire, but I calculated that I could
still make it to the show scheduled finished time eight
fifty nine to fifty nine EDT and still survive even
(32:24):
if others perished. That's countdown for this the eight hundred
and thirtieth day since the declaration of mission accomplished in Iraq.
I'm Keith Olderman. Good night and good luck your SULIVI,
Rick Kaplan suddenly screamed from the other anchor desk. I
could hear, and this is my impression of her.
Speaker 4 (32:41):
Good evening. I'm Rita Cosby. This is Rita Cosby, live
and direct with Rita Cosby, and I'm Rita Cosby.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
She was not a big woman, but she had a
voice on her like the horn on the Staten Island
ferry if it had a cold. You are over the top.
You aren't disgusting. My first thought was that Kaplan had
forgotten that microphones fifty feet away were live during the
premiere of his pet project, sh Rina is on. I
actually whispered to him, silly me, I don't give her half.
Speaker 4 (33:10):
If Free Day is on, you were told by is
He poevits that the piece was over the top and
you needed to cut it, and you didn't.
Speaker 1 (33:18):
I still couldn't bring myself to yell back her in
a live studio. I did cut it, and eas He
read it and approved it, and she said you had too.
And Rita's premiere is going on over there in that
sort of direction. Maybe you should yell at me closer
to the assignment desk. Maybe I don't give a crap.
If is He approved it, then she's an ass and
I can't trust you. I can't trust you. You're all idiots.
Speaker 4 (33:39):
I can't believe you did this to me. I'm trying
to get Rita's show off the ground, and you start
talking about spitting blood into a garbage can.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
Well, now I was getting angry. I couldn't resist. Yes,
Rita is in fact live and direct from that desk
right over there. And if you'll notice, she keeps looking
over here at us, wondering why you are yelling during
the first minutes of her first show, So why don't
we move over here? I began to move away from him,
and we're walking away from the live Mike's and we're walking,
(34:11):
and we're walking, and Rick and Keith are walking because
the noise isn't really professional. Well, we're not talking professionals,
are we We're talking idiots. We were walking and he
was still screaming, you're idiots. I will never trust you again.
He had begun to trot or stumble or whatever he
was doing. This is not over.
Speaker 4 (34:29):
I will pay you back self serving garbage. I will
get you, and I'll get that A hole is he
for not staying here and reading that script? How many
times did you intend to say spit blood into a
garbage can before I stopped to I now realized what
he thought had happened, as he had gestured spasmodically at
me while he stood next to my camera. I briefly
(34:51):
let my focus shift to amazement at the fact that
this guy, who had been in TV news for twenty
five years, knew almost nothing about how TV worked. I
explained to him that Izzy and one of her assistants
and I had gone over the the script several times
and taken out half of the Gorrier references. Then they
suck at television. And since I can't trust anybody here,
(35:13):
since they won't stand up to you and edit the script,
since you obviously bullied.
Speaker 1 (35:16):
Them, he bawled up his fist and stomped his foot
on the floor as he called me a bully and
now going to have to approve every piece of your copy.
By this point, I was backing into the countdown work
area with its array of desks and all the producers
Kaplin had just insulted, and I knew one of them
(35:37):
would dial the phone when I said, call the cops
and call this lunatics boss, did you hear me? And
if you don't like it and you don't want to
come into work tomorrow, that's fine too. I never did
get that part, but now I had him. I crossed
my arms in front of my chest slowly, like you
have seen every news anchor do in every television news
(35:58):
promo ever shown in the history of the world. I
flashed as evil a slow mo smile as I could, Oh,
I'll be here tomorrow, and then I made a sweeping
gesture back towards my staff, who were both, of course
literally and figuratively behind me, and so will all of them. Suddenly,
(36:20):
at that point, for no apparent reason, Rick Caplan's hysterics
were replaced by mere confusion. He even stopped huffing at
almost normal volume. He asked me all of who. Only
at this point did I turn around to discover that
my entire staff had already left the building. There was
nobody there behind me. Of course, there was nobody there,
(36:42):
Azipovich told me later he went into the control room
and threatened all of them first. So we got on
the phone back to the office to tell everybody to
get the hell out of the building. She paused and laughed.
I mean, we love you, but we're not crazy. Rick
Caplan's exorcism was a brief one. He began screaming again,
I'm going to hand your career tomorrow. I'm going to
(37:03):
completely few up. He turned and stumbled away from my office.
Good luck sleeping tonight. I slept like a stone, and
not because Kaplin had previously threatened to fire me for
not leaving my father's bedside after what they thought was
a heart attack to fly to la to appear on
the tonight show, and not because he'd once threatened to
(37:24):
fire me because he didn't like my tie, and not
because he had previously threatened to fire me for not
doing something during live coverage that I had already done
but he thought we hadn't done because he was watching
us not live but on delay on his DVR president
of a network. And I slept beautifully, not because I
correctly guessed this would be it for Rick Kaplan and
(37:46):
it was. The next day, human resources forced him to
apologize to me, and ten months later his bosses fired him.
Nor did I snooze blessedly because of any bravery or
stoicism or fatalism on my part. But I slept well
simply because of the realization that even after all of this,
(38:08):
Rick Kaplan was still only the second or third craziest
MSNBC executive I had ever worked for. I've done all
(38:31):
the damage I can do here. Thank you for listening.
Please share this podcast with somebody who does not listen,
And my apologies. Yesterday I was going to blame the
fact that there was no podcast at midnight, as there
usually is, and the first actual listing on Apple Podcasts
was at about eight thirty or so in the morning yesterday.
I was going to blame that on technical problems, but
(38:52):
in fact I simply screwed up. You know when they
say check the boxes, I didn't check the right boxes.
The thing didn't get published. I apologize. I may need
some time off. Brian Ray and John on Phillip Shanel,
the musical directors of Countdown. Maybe I can suspend myself
to get a day off. Brian Ray and John Phillip Schanel,
the musical directors of Countdown, arranged it wouldn't be the
(39:13):
first time Arrange produced and performed most of our music.
Mister Chanelle handled orchestration and keyboards, Mister Ray was on guitars,
bass and drums, and it was produced by Tko Brothers.
Our satirical and fifty musical comments are by the best
baseball stadium organist ever, Nancy Faust. The sports music is
the Olderman theme from ESPN two, written by Mitch Warren
Davis courtesy of ESPN Inc. Other music arranged and performed
(39:37):
by the group No Horns Allowed. My announcer today was
my friend Stevie van Zant, and everything else as usual.
It was pretty much my fault, so that's countdown for
this the seventy sixth day until the twenty twenty four
presidential election. The one three hundred and twenty third day
since convicted fellon Donald J. Trump's first attempted coup against
(39:57):
the democratically elected government of the United States. Use the
September eighteenth sentencing hearing. If it happens, use the mental
health system you've got this. President Biden used presidential immunity.
The Supreme Court says you can do whatever you want
as long as it's official. To stop him from doing
it again while we still can, and anti Semitic, anti immigration,
(40:22):
gun nut Republicans, please stop shooting at Trump. The next
scheduled countdown is tomorrow. Bulletins as the news requires till
the next one. I'm Keith Alderman. Good morning, good afternoon,
good night, and good luck. Countdown with Keith Olderman is
(40:49):
a production of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit
the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Countdown with Keith Olderman is a production of iHeartRadio. So
tomorrow Robert F. Kennedy Junior will drop out of the
presidential race and might endorse Trump. And we don't know
(00:28):
what the deal is and which bribe Trump offered him,
but I'm expecting that Trump has agreed to name RFK
Secretary of Bears just to mess this up further. The
website The Hill reports that Rfk's endorsement of Trump is
being held up because his wife, Cheryl Hines from Curb
Your Enthusiasm, does not want him to endorse Trump. No,
(00:51):
I didn't email Larry and ask him what he knows. Regardless,
none of it may make any difference, because there is
some stunning new pro Harris polling and equally stunning new
reasons for me to repeat my question from yesterday. Is
Trump dying or something? Kennedy First, he says, I will
(01:12):
not confirm or deny that he's dropping out and endorsing Trump,
but he has confirmed that tomorrow he will address the
nation about the path forward for his campaign, which, as
three quarters of his support has vanished, the path is
pretty much narrowed to taking his campaign, stuffing it in
(01:33):
the backseat. Of his car and then dumping it in
Central Park and trying to make it look like it
was killed by a bicyclist. Yeah, bicyclist named Joe Biden.
ABC News reports Kennedy will drop out. The Washington Post
merely intimates he has had multiple conversations about it with Trump,
including one in person. The campaign insists nothing is final.
(01:56):
He'll be announcing whatever he announces in Phoenix at noon
local time, and Trump will be at a rally in Glendale, Arizona,
at four local time. And yeah, you do the math.
This really is Trump's only obvious remaining play at this point,
and it is debatable if it is as big a
(02:17):
deal as it would have been literally just five weeks ago.
To start with, it is unclear how many Kennedy voters
there are left, And of course all the polls asked
a backwards version of the question that would answer that.
NBC quized Republicans and Democrats about Kennedy in July before
the President dropped out, and found that Kennedy's approval among
(02:39):
Republicans was plus eleven, while among Democrats it was minus
thirty eight. That, of course, is exactly the opposite of
the information we could use, which is, what would be
Kennedy voters think of Kamala Harris and Trump? What do
they think of Democrats and Republicans before the Biden drop out,
(03:03):
when it was forty five forty three in the head
to head matchup, when they would expand to the full
field with all the other psychoes like Kennedy and Cornell
West and Jill Stein, Trump would lose thirteen percent of
his support. What's more, though, in state after state, it's
clear Kennedy is now hurting Trump. The most recent national
poll by IPSO says Kennedy's has been taking two percent
(03:27):
of Trump's support but three percent of Harris's support. The
Times poll in just the battlegrounds produces an even foggier number.
Kennedy has been taking three percent of Harris's support and
three percent of Trump's support. And all of this is
still predicated on an assumption that the remaining Kennedy voters
(03:48):
will vote for Trump or Harris. I mean, if you
were dumb enough to be ready to vote for Kennedy,
you are dumb enough to vote for Jill Stein. There
also continue to be early signs, and I mean like
predicting next month's weather early signs that we might have
(04:09):
to change that last sentence there too, if you were
dumb enough to vote for Trump. Obviously, the Tim Walls
speech went well last night, and the Obamas will continue
to piss off the fascists right through the election. And please,
dear God, get Kamala Harris on stage no later than
ten pm Eastern tonight. I'm pleading with you. This is
not a sporting event. The ratings do not go up
(04:30):
the later you stay on past eleven o'clock. But more
intriguing than all that these new polls, something very very
odd has come out of Rasmussen polling. He died in
the will pick fights on social media in the tank
(04:51):
boot licking bunch of conservatives founded by the guy who
created ESPN, then was removed from controlling it two months
before it signed on, and eventually he got like seven
hundred and forty grand for his share of the whole company.
The average Rasmussen poll shaves four to five points off
the Democrat in every other pole, and yet in Wisconsin
(05:13):
Rasmussen now has Senator Baldwin beating Eric Hovdy, the guy
from the brawny paper towel rappers, by ten points and
it has Harris beating Trump by one point. If that
pole in Wisconsin by Rasmussen is accurate, the weather may
be getting very dark for Trump very fast. And then
the University of New Hampshire has put out polling on Maine.
(05:37):
On July twenty fifth, the week Biden dropped out, This
same pole had the pretty damned Conservative Republican Secure Main
second District at Trump plus two or Trump plus four
with Kennedy and the rest in the mix. The same
pole now has Harris up by five in both measures,
(05:58):
a seven or nine point swing to Harris in a
Conservative bash in less than one month. And in the
same poll she is ahead by twenty eight points in
the liberal first district of Maine and seventeen overall in
the state. It is startling, or if you prefer stunning,
(06:22):
that is the word Politico of all outfits has used
to describe interior numbers in major polls across tabs, as
the kids call them. Taking time out from listing who
went to the Politico grill at the Democratic Convention, their
analysts delved into ten quality polls, and they now write, quote,
Harris has registered gains across a wide range of demographic categories,
(06:46):
but the improvement has been especially pronounced among young voters,
non white voters, and women voters. Taken together, the numbers
suggest that the Harris swap has largely repaired a fraying
Democratic coalition, has repaired the party's image presidentially among independents,
and has dragged the election back to a toss up
(07:07):
at the minimum. In short, she has managed to do
something that every candidate can only dream of, appeal to
her base without turning off swing voters. Politico cites these
gains in particular twelve percent improvement over Joe Biden among
black voters, six percent among Hispanics, five percent growth among
(07:29):
non college educated, seven points added among women, nine percent
among independents, seventeen percent among young voters. Politico started that
report with the words startling and ended its analysis of
the eye popping gains with a different word, and that
word was unprecedented. Here's another word to use about what's
(08:11):
going on. Craze has in crasee gains for Kamala Harris
because Trump is crazy. I don't know if this is
truly the most Freudian slip Trump has ever made, or
the most Freudian slip Trump could ever make but it
sure feels like it, and it sure feels like it
contains an admission or a plea for help, or a
(08:34):
foreshadowing or something. It is now many hours since I
first heard it, and I am still shocked by it,
and I'll stop with the preamble already. But Trump has
gone on the Hugh Hewitt Gullible Hour and was, for
whatever reason, unable to complete his hoary old anti Semitic
trope about Jewish Americans voting for Democrats.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
If Jewish people vote for her, and I use this expression,
they ought to go out because Kamala is a person.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
He left out. The second half the Trump trope is,
if Jewish people vote for her, they ought to go
out and get their heads examined. He left out and
gets their heads examined. This brain damaged, deteriorating, crazy individual
who packs more personality disorders per pound than anybody else
in human history, This man who has over the last
(09:28):
several months showed accelerating signs of physical decline, whole body decline.
He said, if Jewish people vote for her, they ought
to go out, and he forgot the rest of it.
He forgot to say and get their heads examined, which,
by no coincidence whatsoever, is what he should be doing
(09:49):
right now, getting his head examined. Just to sell the
point further. The interviewer well, the stenographer, Hugh Hewitt, the
Lars Larsen of Eric Erickson's, followed up with a promotional
tweet in which he gave it all away. Trump remains
the best interview in America has been since twenty fifteen
(10:10):
because he tells you exactly what you think. You bet
your ass, Sonny. Hugh Hewett deleted that post. Again, it
sounds like a badly written scene in a badly written
episode of Succession. And I know that's redundant, but that's
(10:31):
a different story for a different podcast. But it also
sounds like one of those moments when everybody who doesn't
recognize its importance looks back and says, and that's when
I knew Trump was finished psychologically. One more time on this.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
It's Jewish people vote for her, And I use this
expression they ought to go out because Kamala.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
Is a person, Doctor Fried. If that is insufficient, everybody
forgets things like the second half of their hateful cat phrases,
the half that could be applied to themselves everybody does
that right. Trump also got back on the outdoor stump
yesterday and he announced that American generals are woke and fake,
(11:16):
and he claims we have F thirty two fighters, even
though there is no such thing as an F thirty
two fighter. And he made up a story, made up
a story that Kamala Harris met with Vladimir Putin just
before he invaded further into Ukraine in twenty twenty two.
Utter bullshit. They have never met. Harris went to the
(11:38):
Munich Security Conference in February twenty twenty two, warning Russia
and warning that Russia was going to create a false
pretext for invasion. Putin was not there. The closest thing
Harris and Putin have ever come to a meeting is
Harris talked about Putin once. This sounds nuts, obviously in
(12:01):
a way it is, But in a different way, it's
far darker. Between the polls and the escalating tone of
absurdity in Trump's attacks on Harris, there is reason to
suppose Trump and is very evil, not quite geniuses may
be shifting from bothering to even try to win at
the ballot box to simply ginning up the rage and
(12:23):
the doubt and the lunacy and the conspiracy so much
that it, as they say, creates consent for him and
his cooperative minions in the state legislatures and the House
of Representatives to steal the election after they lose it.
Thomas Edsell's column on Trump's next coup in the New
York Times ends with a quote from Yale historian Timothy Snyder.
(12:46):
I am thanking Edsall and quoting Snyder. Trump is in
the classic dictatorial position. He needs to die in bed
holding all executive power to stay out of prison. This
means that he will do whatever he can to gain
power and wants in power, will do all that he
(13:07):
can to never let it go. This is a basic
incentive structure which underlies everything else. It is entirely inconsistent
with democracy. So thanks to the Times for that, and
(13:34):
damn the Times for this. From fact check reporter Linda Hugh,
take it from an actual billionaire. Trump is rich and
only one thing stupidity a quote attributed to Governor JB.
Pritzker of Illinois at the Democratic National Convention, and the
fact check reporter in the Times writes this lacks evidence.
(13:56):
While mister Trump's exact net Worth is unknown. Forbes and
Bloomberg estimate that he is currently a billionaire. Obviously, we
know The New York Times has no sense of humor.
I mean, Maureen Dowd is considered a humorist at the
New York Times. But does a hyperbolic joke now require
(14:16):
a Times fact check so that The Times can claim
it as being fair to Trump? I mean, if I
ask how many Times fact checkers and idiotic editors does
it take to screw in a light bulb? Is the
Times going to fact check that? And note that there
is no empirical evidence that more or fewer of them
would be required than of any other demographic group. Jud
(14:39):
Leegum has an amazing piece of popular information headlined the
fact checking industrial complex. Just one paragraph of that please.
The fact checking industry got that right. Has attempted to
prove its objectivity by producing similar pieces for the Democratic
and Republican National Conventions. This requires some sleight of hand.
(15:01):
Glenn Kessler's fact check in the Washington Post on the
night Trump spoke to the RNC was limited exclusively to Trump.
Other noted fabulousts on the agenda, including Tucker Carlson Franklin Graham,
Alina Haba, and Eric Trump were ignored. Kessler's fact check
of Biden's speech to the DNC included all other speakers
(15:24):
on Monday evening. If you doubt that the Post is
doing this, still doing this? Oh you want fact checks
of Trump? Do you liberals? We'll give you some fact checks.
Let me read you this from Amy Gardner, National reporter
Washington Post quote. Donald Trump says he will refuse to
(15:47):
accept the election results if he loses again. Biden said,
But that's not true, Amy Gardner writes, Trump just hasn't
said that he would accept, and he has previously said
the only way he loses is if the Democrats cheat.
Well done, Amy Gardner. If you manage to snatch fascism
(16:10):
from the jaws of democracy with shit like this, please
do so confidence that when we are then all in
the Trump re education camps, there will be a sign
hanging from just your cell door. Reading noted that Trump
never said he would refuse to accept the election results,
only that he didn't say he would accept the election result.
(16:32):
So remember, give her two bowls of water a day.
Also have interest here did Hulk Hogan make a threat
of violence against the Vice president of the United States.
Shouldn't the FBI or the Secret Service be asking this
question and not some idiot with a podcast. Also, if
(16:56):
Hulk Hogan did try to fight her, wouldn't she kick
his ass? That's next? This is countdown. This is Countdown
with Keith Olberman ahead of us on this editiontive Countdown
(17:31):
out of nowhere. My lunch guest the other day who
was not in broadcasting and never has been said he
knew the former president of MSNBC, Rick Kaplan. Rick Kamplan
who wants threatened to kill me live while we were
both on MSNBC where we were in the background. We
(17:53):
weren't like the main show. God knows that would have
gotten much better ratings than anything they have now. But
we were live and he threatened to kill me and
was swearing at me live on MSNBC. So my friend
at lunch and I we traded Rick Kaplan stories. Mine
still wins because he tried to kill me. Coming up
in Things I promised not to tell first, there are
(18:15):
still more new idiots to talk about. The daily roundup
of the miss Grants, morons and Dunning Kruger effects specimens
who constitute today's worst persons. In the world, the brons worse.
The Live Casino in Philadelphia. Wait, I'm sorry, Apparently that's
it's the Live casino in Philadelphia has an exclamation point,
(18:39):
so it's either live or live. Apparently it's live. Makes
more sense that way, doesn't it. In any event, they
put up a big sign outside greeting Bruce Springsteen as
he comes to Philadelphia for a bunch of tour dates
there at the ballpark. Per Springsteen. Fan tour organizer Stan
Goldstein took a picture of the sign at the Live
(19:03):
or Live Cain in Philadelphia and captioned it, you had
one job. And it's a picture apparently of Bruce Springsteen
Live Casino hotel in the corner, and it says Welcome
to Philadelphia, Bruce Springsteen s p R I N G
st ei N. So it could read welcome to Philadelphia,
(19:24):
Bruce Springstein. It misspelled Springsteen's name. They misspelled Springsteen's name
kid from the Jersey Shore, and they misspelled his name
in Philadelphia. You had one job. Also, it's it's just me,
but the photo of Springsteen looks like Jerry Seinfeld. Are
(19:45):
we sure that's Springsteen? Maybe it's some guy named Springstein.
And he's going to perform at the Live casino. Maybe
Bruce in nineteen seventy seven, but it's much more Seinfeld.
And the look on his face is is that my
car on fire in the parking lot? Disaster? All around?
Springsteen spelled wrong. The runner up worser Rudy Giuliani. Rudy
(20:11):
Giuliani along with Mike Lindell co hosting Steve Bannon's streaming
show on Nazi TV or whatever they call it, Real
Nazi's Choice. I forget what the name of it is.
The war Room, as if Steve Bannon could fit through
the doorway of the War Room. And the one argument
for letting Steve Bannon out of prison, and perhaps letting
(20:34):
him out early, is so that Rudy Giuliani and Mike
Lindell would not be hosting the show in his absence. Hello,
I'm Mike Lindell. And by the way, wasn't Mike Lindell
supposed to go undercover at the Democratic National Committee by
shaving off his mustache, because in the video he's wearing
a mustache. It's possible he has a collection of them
at home in a jar, hopefully his own. He's been
(20:58):
united done shaving other men's mustaches and keeping them in
any event, just a little update from Rudy who said,
as Steve mannon is being prevented from watching television or
streaming stuff, or listening to radio or listening to his
own show. And oh, by the way, Steve Bannon is
being tortured in jail.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
Steve Bannon, let me tell you this, Steve mann is
not being treated the way other prisoners are being treated.
His case has been moved from the Bureau of Prisons
to crooked Attorney General Garland's office, and they're calling the
shots because contacts that I have in the Bureau of
Prisons have told me they've been taken out of the case.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
So he's being let's.
Speaker 3 (21:36):
Say, tortured. Well, and he'll be out. I'm sure he'll
be able to talk all about it. But boy, this
election is about a fascist regime and Steve Bannon is
prime number one of Victor.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
Now, Rudy is right about this election being about a
fascist regime, just not in the way he's saying. I
was going to say thinking, But Rudy doesn't think, does he.
And by the way, he also used the little durbile,
little bunny rabbit air quotes around the word tortured, so
who knows what he actually means, but he theorizes Steve
Bannon is being tortured at the instructions of Merrick Garland
(22:13):
in a federal prison. I wish but your winner the worst.
Hulk Hogan, who you will recall, is one of the
speakers who introduced Trump on the climax night and if
that's the right word for it, of the Republican National Convention.
Somebody who represents Hulk Hogan does much of what has
(22:33):
destroyed our culture. Not wrestling. Wrestling's fine. Lots of fictional
things are fine, but the belief in the culture of wrestling,
the belief that it's anything but a performance, the belief
that it's legit in some way, the belief that it's
dignified in some way. It's an act, and it's a
crappy act. It's like the guy who announces his name
(22:55):
is Bruce Springstein and comes out and sings born to
run in the wrong key in any event. Here's Hulk
Hogan on his threat against the Vice President of the
United States.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
Right crazy, Love me to grow.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
More beers out, Love me to body slam somebody else,
Love me to body slam Kamala Harris.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
Send you along near the body slam Kamala Harris.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
I'm gonna talk away on comala famala from young.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
Okay, I like it?
Speaker 3 (23:32):
Oh he for that one.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
Bears coming. First off, yes, you heard him go how
and he thinks Indian means Native American? I mean not
even Trump is stupid enough to think that the Indian
in Indian African, in the heritage of the Vice President
of the United States is Native American. That's how stupid
(23:57):
this man, Hogan is. Secondly, broadly interpreted, asking a bunch
of people, do you want me to body slam Kamala
Harris could be deemed a threat against the Vice President
of the United States. So, circling back to Rudy Giuliani's
friend Merrick Garland, prosecute him, put him in prison. Let's
see how far he's willing to take this T shirt
(24:18):
ripping wrestling bullshit culture. I know, I know, don't say
things like that. How about this. Put him in one
of those Steve Bannon jails and he can be tortured
by being forced to listen to Rudy doing the Steve
Bannon show. Hulk. By the way, You're seventy one years old,
three hundred pounds, drunk, and desperately out of shape. I
(24:42):
would avoid the vice president. She'd probably beat the crap
out of you. Hogan two days worst person in the world,
(25:12):
finally our number one story in the Countdown Things. I
promised not to tell him. Back to my favorite topic, me,
How exactly was I supposed to tell the police that
the man threatening to kill me was the president of MSNBC.
He was chasing me through the studios. He was too
overweight to run. But even though he inexplicably lied and
(25:33):
said he was six foot seven, at six foot five,
this guy his name was Rick Kaplan, and he was
the soon to be ex president of MSNBC, just as
he was already the ex president of CNN. He still
had strides as long as my own. Plus On that
night of August eighth, two thousand and five, I was multitasking.
I was trying to mentally record everything he was shouting,
(25:56):
while also drawing him away from the live microphones of
the live studio in which he had started shouting, while
also wishing for my office key so I could lock
myself in there if need be, while also figuring out
how I would hit him if it came to that,
while also trying to register the superb double takes from
(26:16):
my colleagues past, whom he was stomping like an out
of shape Frankenstein, while also trying to suppress an overwhelming
and seemingly inappropriate desire to burst into laughter, while still
game planning these soon to be inevitable call to the cops.
A beautiful downtown Secaucus, New Jersey. Hi. Yeah, yeah, he's
(26:40):
trying to kill me, my boss, the president of MSNBC. Yeah, yeah,
the cable television network. Yeah, exact down the street from
the London Fog Outlet store. Yeah, one MSNBC Plaza. I
know it's a dumb address. He's about sixty to seventy
(27:01):
five two hundred and eighty pounds. By the way, he
says he's six foot seven, but he's only six foot five.
Why Why does he lie about his height or why
is he trying to kill?
Speaker 2 (27:11):
Right?
Speaker 1 (27:12):
Well, I did a commentary urging the viewers to stop smoking,
and he's afraid of the mention of blood. Hello.
Speaker 4 (27:18):
Hello.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
As all of this played out in my head, President
Kaplan was huffing and puffing his way through our giant studio,
weaving through the news assignment area, past the makeup room,
down the hallways, nearing the offices of my show countdown,
and passed the bank of a couple of one hundred
television monitors with a different face on every one of them,
each seemingly staring slack jawed at the executive, screaming threats
(27:41):
at the only guy on his own network who got
any ratings. I'll pay you back, I'll get you I'll
finish your own I'll tell y'all. This had all begun
roughly ten days earlier, in late July two thousand and five,
an oral surgeon who had intended to examine a growth
(28:04):
on the roof of my mouth that instead, with one
pale look, silently betrayed his suspicion that it was cancerous.
Then he cut the whole thing out. I was on
my way to work anyway, It was too late to
get a replacement, and I was bleeding so much that
our technical director and I decided to pre record all
of my on camera segments for that night's show, thus
(28:27):
reducing the chances of viewers hearing me say President Bush
today while blood oozed out of my mouth over my
teeth and lips and onto the desk like I was
dracul Anchor. When the following Wednesday I got the unexpected
all clear from the surgeon's office, I decided to devote
some of each night's newscast to a campaign to help
(28:48):
viewers and myself quit smoking. My premise was a simple
one that I had never heard argued before and have
rarely heard argued since, that it would be a lot
easier to quit if you didn't have cancer. If you
did have cancer, I pitched my producers on the series.
I went into Rick Kaplan's office to get his seal
(29:11):
of approval. He was enthusiastic and supportive, and most rare
of all, he was paying attention. And then I said,
I was also going to point out that if you
got the good outcome like I had, they would merely
stick a laser in your mouth, and you'd smell your
own flesh burning for like forty eight hours, and you'd
have to keep spitting out your own blood. Don't say that.
(29:31):
He suddenly threw his meaty hands out towards me in
a strangling gesture, and then just as quickly clamped them
over his own ears and closed his eyes and began
actually screaming no no, no, no no no no no
no no no no no. I thought he had gone crazy,
as it proved he was just practicing for going crazy. Later,
(29:51):
I'm sorry, I'm squeamish. I got the point. I just
can't handle references to, you know, uh the red stuff.
Go ahead with the series. Just tone down the uh
the red stuff. I toned down the red stuff, and
my executive producer is Epovich sent him the scripts and
he told her to tone down the red stuff a
(30:13):
little more. And I went and I did that too.
We all decided to start the anti smoking series the
following Monday, August eighth, two thousand and five. By nauseating coincidence,
that was the day after the ABC anchorman Peter Jennings
had died of lung cancer. The MSNBC president had been
a producer on jennings newscast. I had long since written
(30:36):
and recorded jennings obituary, and now this somewhat cold but
still journalistically valid segue would have to be made. We
would have to go directly from the twelve minute long
Jennings Oh bit to the start of our anti tobacco
campaign eight or nine minutes into that pre recorded Jennings obituary.
Rick Kaplan came out of his office and walked the
(30:56):
fifty feet or so through the vast open newsroom to
where my anchor desk was. His eyes were full of tears.
This is wonderful, he said. Qie Peter would have liked this.
He gave me a thumbs up. Then he walked to
a second desk another fifty feet away, where his first
big hire, a woman named Rita Cosby, was about to
premiere his first big gamble, her new show immediately following mine.
(31:20):
I was actually moved by Rick Kaplan's comment. I did
not once think of phoning the Secaucus police. But then
I began the anti smoking segment, and as I focused
on the camera and the teleprompter in front of me
and detailed the blood and the gore and the spitting
and how that was the good outcome, out of the
corner of my eye I saw this weird sight. The
(31:42):
President again left his office and waddled out along the
wall thirty feet all ahead of me in the general
direction of the control rooms. Within moments, as I continued
to read my script, he was back in the studio
and standing right next to my camera, gesticulating wildly. I said,
they never say it, but wouldn't it be really easier
(32:02):
to quit smoking when you didn't have cancer than when
you did? And Kaplan responded with the same two handed
choking gesture he had made briefly in his office much earlier.
I presumed there was some simple problem, like that the
building was on fire, but I calculated that I could
still make it to the show scheduled finished time eight
fifty nine to fifty nine EDT and still survive even
(32:24):
if others perished. That's countdown for this the eight hundred
and thirtieth day since the declaration of mission accomplished in Iraq.
I'm Keith Olderman. Good night and good luck your SULIVI,
Rick Kaplan suddenly screamed from the other anchor desk. I
could hear, and this is my impression of her.
Speaker 4 (32:41):
Good evening. I'm Rita Cosby. This is Rita Cosby, live
and direct with Rita Cosby, and I'm Rita Cosby.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
She was not a big woman, but she had a
voice on her like the horn on the Staten Island
ferry if it had a cold. You are over the top.
You aren't disgusting. My first thought was that Kaplan had
forgotten that microphones fifty feet away were live during the
premiere of his pet project, sh Rina is on. I
actually whispered to him, silly me, I don't give her half.
Speaker 4 (33:10):
If Free Day is on, you were told by is
He poevits that the piece was over the top and
you needed to cut it, and you didn't.
Speaker 1 (33:18):
I still couldn't bring myself to yell back her in
a live studio. I did cut it, and eas He
read it and approved it, and she said you had too.
And Rita's premiere is going on over there in that
sort of direction. Maybe you should yell at me closer
to the assignment desk. Maybe I don't give a crap.
If is He approved it, then she's an ass and
I can't trust you. I can't trust you. You're all idiots.
Speaker 4 (33:39):
I can't believe you did this to me. I'm trying
to get Rita's show off the ground, and you start
talking about spitting blood into a garbage can.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
Well, now I was getting angry. I couldn't resist. Yes,
Rita is in fact live and direct from that desk
right over there. And if you'll notice, she keeps looking
over here at us, wondering why you are yelling during
the first minutes of her first show, So why don't
we move over here? I began to move away from him,
and we're walking away from the live Mike's and we're walking,
(34:11):
and we're walking, and Rick and Keith are walking because
the noise isn't really professional. Well, we're not talking professionals,
are we We're talking idiots. We were walking and he
was still screaming, you're idiots. I will never trust you again.
He had begun to trot or stumble or whatever he
was doing. This is not over.
Speaker 4 (34:29):
I will pay you back self serving garbage. I will
get you, and I'll get that A hole is he
for not staying here and reading that script? How many
times did you intend to say spit blood into a
garbage can before I stopped to I now realized what
he thought had happened, as he had gestured spasmodically at
me while he stood next to my camera. I briefly
(34:51):
let my focus shift to amazement at the fact that
this guy, who had been in TV news for twenty
five years, knew almost nothing about how TV worked. I
explained to him that Izzy and one of her assistants
and I had gone over the the script several times
and taken out half of the Gorrier references. Then they
suck at television. And since I can't trust anybody here,
(35:13):
since they won't stand up to you and edit the script,
since you obviously bullied.
Speaker 1 (35:16):
Them, he bawled up his fist and stomped his foot
on the floor as he called me a bully and
now going to have to approve every piece of your copy.
By this point, I was backing into the countdown work
area with its array of desks and all the producers
Kaplin had just insulted, and I knew one of them
(35:37):
would dial the phone when I said, call the cops
and call this lunatics boss, did you hear me? And
if you don't like it and you don't want to
come into work tomorrow, that's fine too. I never did
get that part, but now I had him. I crossed
my arms in front of my chest slowly, like you
have seen every news anchor do in every television news
(35:58):
promo ever shown in the history of the world. I
flashed as evil a slow mo smile as I could, Oh,
I'll be here tomorrow, and then I made a sweeping
gesture back towards my staff, who were both, of course
literally and figuratively behind me, and so will all of them. Suddenly,
(36:20):
at that point, for no apparent reason, Rick Caplan's hysterics
were replaced by mere confusion. He even stopped huffing at
almost normal volume. He asked me all of who. Only
at this point did I turn around to discover that
my entire staff had already left the building. There was
nobody there behind me. Of course, there was nobody there,
(36:42):
Azipovich told me later he went into the control room
and threatened all of them first. So we got on
the phone back to the office to tell everybody to
get the hell out of the building. She paused and laughed.
I mean, we love you, but we're not crazy. Rick
Caplan's exorcism was a brief one. He began screaming again,
I'm going to hand your career tomorrow. I'm going to
(37:03):
completely few up. He turned and stumbled away from my office.
Good luck sleeping tonight. I slept like a stone, and
not because Kaplin had previously threatened to fire me for
not leaving my father's bedside after what they thought was
a heart attack to fly to la to appear on
the tonight show, and not because he'd once threatened to
(37:24):
fire me because he didn't like my tie, and not
because he had previously threatened to fire me for not
doing something during live coverage that I had already done
but he thought we hadn't done because he was watching
us not live but on delay on his DVR president
of a network. And I slept beautifully, not because I
correctly guessed this would be it for Rick Kaplan and
(37:46):
it was. The next day, human resources forced him to
apologize to me, and ten months later his bosses fired him.
Nor did I snooze blessedly because of any bravery or
stoicism or fatalism on my part. But I slept well
simply because of the realization that even after all of this,
(38:08):
Rick Kaplan was still only the second or third craziest
MSNBC executive I had ever worked for. I've done all
(38:31):
the damage I can do here. Thank you for listening.
Please share this podcast with somebody who does not listen,
And my apologies. Yesterday I was going to blame the
fact that there was no podcast at midnight, as there
usually is, and the first actual listing on Apple Podcasts
was at about eight thirty or so in the morning yesterday.
I was going to blame that on technical problems, but
(38:52):
in fact I simply screwed up. You know when they
say check the boxes, I didn't check the right boxes.
The thing didn't get published. I apologize. I may need
some time off. Brian Ray and John on Phillip Shanel,
the musical directors of Countdown. Maybe I can suspend myself
to get a day off. Brian Ray and John Phillip Schanel,
the musical directors of Countdown, arranged it wouldn't be the
(39:13):
first time Arrange produced and performed most of our music.
Mister Chanelle handled orchestration and keyboards, Mister Ray was on guitars,
bass and drums, and it was produced by Tko Brothers.
Our satirical and fifty musical comments are by the best
baseball stadium organist ever, Nancy Faust. The sports music is
the Olderman theme from ESPN two, written by Mitch Warren
Davis courtesy of ESPN Inc. Other music arranged and performed
(39:37):
by the group No Horns Allowed. My announcer today was
my friend Stevie van Zant, and everything else as usual.
It was pretty much my fault, so that's countdown for
this the seventy sixth day until the twenty twenty four
presidential election. The one three hundred and twenty third day
since convicted fellon Donald J. Trump's first attempted coup against
(39:57):
the democratically elected government of the United States. Use the
September eighteenth sentencing hearing. If it happens, use the mental
health system you've got this. President Biden used presidential immunity.
The Supreme Court says you can do whatever you want
as long as it's official. To stop him from doing
it again while we still can, and anti Semitic, anti immigration,
(40:22):
gun nut Republicans, please stop shooting at Trump. The next
scheduled countdown is tomorrow. Bulletins as the news requires till
the next one. I'm Keith Alderman. Good morning, good afternoon,
good night, and good luck. Countdown with Keith Olderman is
(40:49):
a production of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit
the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Host
Keith Olbermann
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