Hobbit Day! Dad jokes you'll be Tolkein about for ages! 22 September 2024

Daily Dad Jokes (22 Sep 2024)

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Jokes sourced and curated from reddit.com/r/dadjokes. Joke credits: silentpl, space0watch, porichoygupto, air28uk, BrewSwayin, another-dave, SeekerSpock32, weirdalyankee, tinygluesticks, chimchalm, porichoygupto, Drunkeh, , roxas_leonhart, zsm1994, KevinLeeC, Devex123, CalmFan381, GrilledSpamSteaks, rogueasset, TOPSIturvy, Rav4xle, AutumnMare, .css-j9qmi7{display:-webkit-box;display:-webkit-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webkit-flex-direction:row;-ms-flex-direction:row;flex-direction:row;font-weight:700;margin-bottom:1rem;margin-top:2.8rem;width:100%;-webkit-box-pack:start;-ms-flex-pack:start;-webkit-justify-content:start;justify-content:start;padding-left:5rem;}@media only screen and (max-width: 599px){.css-j9qmi7{padding-left:0;-webkit-box-pack:center;-ms-flex-pack:center;-webkit-justify-content:center;justify-content:center;}}.css-j9qmi7 svg{fill:#27292D;}.css-j9qmi7 .eagfbvw0{-webkit-align-items:center;-webkit-box-align:center;-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center;color:#27292D;}

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Do you know why Bruce Willis is a Hobbit? Because
old Hobbits die hard?

Speaker 2 (00:17):
Why did the Hobbits go to McDonald's to get a
second breakfast?

Speaker 1 (00:23):
I like the Hobbit books, but as for Harry Potter,
that's a different story.

Speaker 2 (00:31):
Bilbo was surprised to wake one morning and find a
tesco had been built next to his house. It was
an unexpected item in the Baggin's area.

Speaker 1 (00:45):
How does Gandalf do the dishes with the kitchen staff?

Speaker 2 (00:53):
Why did Gandalf get fired from Hogwarts? No matter how
hard they studied, he kept telling all the students, you
shall not pass.

Speaker 1 (01:04):
Who's the tallest Hobbit of all time? Scottie Pippen?

Speaker 2 (01:13):
If Frodo was the president of the fellowship, what position
would Gandalf have? Chief of staff?

Speaker 1 (01:24):
What do you call the village where Hobbits live? That
isn't as good as the shire? But they make really
good sloppy joes Worcester shirt.

Speaker 2 (01:36):
My dad couldn't stop collecting and reading books about the Hobbit.
He's a huge Bilba phile.

Speaker 1 (01:48):
Bilbo Baggins suddenly wakes up and here's someone singing. Don't
stop believing it was an unexpected journey.

Speaker 2 (02:00):
My friend was dressed as a certain Lord of the
Rings character asked her if she had loads to drink
tonight because she was Legoless.

Speaker 1 (02:11):
Hanging there for more laughs and groans After this quick announcement,
did you hear about the new Lord of the Rings
spin off? It's about a newborn Froudo and you can
hear everything he's thinking. It's called Look who's Tolkien? Now?

Speaker 2 (02:29):
I lost my whole Lord of the Rings lego sat
Now I'm legoless.

Speaker 1 (02:40):
I was going to do a visual gag about Tolkien's
walking trees, but the ends don't justify the memes.

Speaker 2 (02:52):
I've just bought a hobbit nft, my very own, non
fungible Tolkien.

Speaker 1 (03:01):
Why was Gimli so interested in plotting equations on an
X Y coordinate plane? He heard it involved axes.

Speaker 2 (03:13):
What do you call proto Baggins playing a fiddle the
Lord of the Strings.

Speaker 1 (03:22):
What is the difference between smoking and galum? One can
give you cancer and the other is just a bad hobbit?

Speaker 2 (03:35):
Aragorn, Borimir, Legoless, and Gandalf walk into a bar. Gimli
and the Hobbits are short enough to walk under it.

Speaker 1 (03:47):
What do you call a hobbit party a little get together?

Speaker 2 (03:54):
How does a hobbit turn into a plant protosynthesis?

Speaker 1 (04:03):
I like the name Frodo. It really has a ring
to it.

Speaker 2 (04:09):
Billy Joel is not responsible for mapping the hobbit homeland.
He didn't chart the shire.

Speaker 1 (04:24):
There weren't a lot of Hobbits in the first Lord
of the Rings books. They were just Tolkien characters.

Speaker 2 (04:36):
I wouldn't be able to be a Hobbit, but Elijah would.

Speaker 1 (04:44):
Why was Gandolf always smoking that pipe? He had a
bad hobbit.

Speaker 2 (04:53):
In the shire. All hobbit holes have the same doorbell.
It's one ring to rule them all.

Speaker 1 (05:03):
What do you call a hobbit that works in advertising?
Billboard baggins?

Speaker 2 (05:12):
Why do hobbit holes only have one entrance? One does
not simply walk into more doors.

Speaker 1 (05:21):
Last night in bed, my wife kept saying I was
born in eighteen ninety two in Bloemfontein, and I wrote
The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings. She's Tolkien
in her sleep again.

Speaker 2 (05:36):
What did the Hobbits order at the Italian restaurant Fettuccini?

Speaker 1 (05:39):
Alfrodo, Me and the lads did a Lord of the
Rings Marathon last weekend ran twenty six miles dressed as Gandolf.

Speaker 2 (05:56):
I hear that Legalists from the Lord of the Rings
had an older brother, but he died before Legolis was born.
His name was Lego first.

Speaker 1 (06:09):
I shouldn't have hired dwarfs and Hobbits to run my
Middle Earth restaurant. I am always short staffed.

Speaker 2 (06:21):
When Gandolf was asked why his company was so successful,
he gave all the credit to his incredible staff.

Speaker 1 (06:32):
How do Hobbits cover their food with Sharan rep.

Speaker 2 (06:41):
Did you hear that Tolkien's wife had more to do
with Lord of the Rings? Mordoor? She wrote?

Speaker 1 (06:51):
There are only two white people in the movie Black Panther,
Martin Freeman and Andy Serkis. They also play roles in
Lord of the Rings. I guess that makes them the
Tolkien white guys.

Speaker 2 (07:07):
Have you heard about the photographic evidence of the One
Ring being destroyed? Turns out it was proto shopped.

Speaker 1 (07:23):
My dad set up a stand at a renaissance fair
where people can dress up as Froto from Lord of
the Rings exclusively. It was his Froto booth.

Speaker 2 (07:36):
What was Sean Connery's first thought when he heard legalist
sing blue suede shoes Elvish. I'm Bob Jeffy and I'm
Montgomery Jones. And that's the short Dad jokes for Hobb
a day. We're on a mission to spread the laughs
and drones far and wide, so please do us a

(07:57):
favor and share just one of these jokes with your
family and friends today. Thanks.

Speaker 1 (08:08):
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(08:28):
Classic Studios. See the show notes page for social media
links and Joe credits. This show was recorded in front
of a canned studio audience.