Fight Night

There's a day that every boy Dad anticipates. The day that his son tries to knuck 'cause he is buck! In this episode, the Ellises discuss when that fateful day came for Devale and their oldest son. Dead Ass.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ladies and gentlemen, if you have a young son that's
gonna come a point in their life when they think
they can beat you. For me, that time has come.

Speaker 2 (00:16):
It was about to be dead ass somewhere y'all in
this house. But baby, I could have used a warning
because as a mom to boys who's never been a
boy or a man, that caught me all the way
off guard.

Speaker 3 (00:31):
And I'm not gonna lie. I was a little scared.

Speaker 4 (00:34):
Dead ass.

Speaker 3 (00:37):
Hey, I'm Kadan and I'm Devo and we're the Ellis's.

Speaker 4 (00:41):
You may know us from posting funny videos with our.

Speaker 2 (00:43):
Boys and reading each other publicly as a.

Speaker 3 (00:46):
Form of therpy.

Speaker 4 (00:48):
Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow.

Speaker 3 (00:52):
Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.

Speaker 4 (00:54):
Yes, sir, we are.

Speaker 1 (00:55):
We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of
li's most taboo topics.

Speaker 3 (01:00):
Most folks don't want to talk about.

Speaker 1 (01:02):
Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass
is a term that we say every day. So when
we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred
the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Speaker 4 (01:14):
Were about to take philotof to our whole new.

Speaker 3 (01:16):
Level dead ass starts right now.

Speaker 4 (01:22):
Story time. So take you out back to a couple
of weeks ago.

Speaker 1 (01:28):
Me and Kay go to a basketball game and Jackson
is not playing like his normal self. He seems a
little bit like timid. Right, little did we know that
he was suffering from the hip injury. He didn't tell us,
But he's playing a little timid. So I had seen
some things during his play, even engaging with him and
the kids afterwards.

Speaker 4 (01:50):
I didn't like.

Speaker 1 (01:52):
So I go to talk to him about it in
the car and then he's being quiet, He's gonna say nothing.
We come home later on that day and he avoids
me the whole four hours. So don't I don't like that? Like,
I just don't like that if we have an issue.
As a man, you have to learn how to face
your issues. You can't run from confrontation. So the kids

(02:15):
had went to bed, and remember Jackson had went to bed,
and I said, did he go to bed without saying
good night to me? I'm like, so he really trying
to avoid me that much? So I called him on
his phone. I said, that's the type of time you want.
He said, what I said, You You're gonna go to
sleep and not say good night to me. We say
good night every night. You can go to sleep without
saying good night.

Speaker 4 (02:31):
Cool.

Speaker 1 (02:31):
Since you want to be like that, you stay on
your side of the house. I stay on my side.
Don't ask me for nothing, don't tell me nothing. I
don't care. You do whatever it is you want to
do since we can't talk.

Speaker 4 (02:41):
Right. So then he says cool, So now I'm even
more mad.

Speaker 3 (02:46):
Right, Oh, he's his mother's child.

Speaker 1 (02:49):
So I call him back and I said, cool. So
you just gonna be a little bit right, Cool, that's
you cool with that? You're just not gonna face Well,
he said, what you want to I don't know what
to say. I'm not gonna just stand in your face
like a poop. But so I said, all right, you
better have something to say when I come upstairs.

Speaker 4 (03:04):
I just got done working out. I'm pissed, right, So
I go upstairs.

Speaker 1 (03:09):
To talk to him like a normal person does, but
I'm mad. Go up the stairs, go up the first
flight of stairs from the man cave. I get to
the second flight to get us upstairs, and he's staying
at the top of the stairs. And then when I
get like midway through the stairs, he comes down and
he stops me. He's like, what you mean, Like, watch
when I come upstairs? What you're supposed to mean? So
at first I'm like, Jackson, get up my face, and

(03:30):
I push him up the stairs and he like gets
to the top of the stairs. And then when I
get there, he like pushes me back. So I'm like,
I'm like, oh word, I'm like, this is what we're
doing now. So you're trying, okay, good. So I'm like, fine,
you want to fight, put your hands up. So then
he put his hands up and I'm like, oh, he really,
he really well, he's really trying to go toe to
toe right now. So he put his hands up. The

(03:50):
first thing I do is sweep them, right, I sweep them.
After I sweep them, he falls.

Speaker 4 (03:55):
On the floor. But no, no, no, that's all of
the that's all you heard. The ain't in it.

Speaker 1 (03:59):
Right after he falls on the floors to get up
since you know so much, right, So I got look
in his eyes and he just jumps right back up.
So now I push him in his room, right. I
push him in his room, and he got his hands
up right, So I throw a little jab right, a
little quick jab right. He weaves it weaves it throws
a jab back at me. I said, oh, you're really
trying to throw bros at me right now? So then
I grab him right and we tussling with each other. Right,

(04:20):
So I throw him on the floor and I got
my elbow in his chest right, and I'm.

Speaker 4 (04:23):
Like, you think you could beat me? You really think
you could beat me? Right? Then I hear don't, don't, don't, don't, don't,
don't don't me.

Speaker 1 (04:28):
Me and Kay run upstairs, right, So I got my
elbow on Jack's right, and I'm like, yo, go back downstairs.

Speaker 4 (04:36):
Were good, we're good. And then Kadeen is like, y'all
don't look good.

Speaker 1 (04:40):
Just don't look good to me. And I'm like, we're good,
go back downstairs. So then I let Jackson up and
Kate looks at Jack. Jacks goes, yeah, mom, we just
slapbox and we fine. So Kate looks at me, don't
say nothing. Then she looks at Jack, don't say nothing,
Me and him breathing mad heavy.

Speaker 3 (04:53):
You forgot me me?

Speaker 1 (04:54):
Oh no, I didn't forget me and me I didn't
get to me me yet. So then I go go ahead,
go back downstairs. I go to close the door, me
me busting the door booth. No, dudes, I'm not letting
you do this.

Speaker 4 (05:06):
I'm like, let me do what. I'm like, me me.

Speaker 1 (05:09):
Now I'm getting real upset and I'm screaming me, me
go back downstairs, like this is between me and my son?

Speaker 4 (05:15):
Is my house? Go back downstairs? I see me me
she thought. She she's throwing her hands.

Speaker 3 (05:20):
I like what, okay?

Speaker 1 (05:22):
Me, Me goes downstairs. I go to close the door.
Kate push the door open again. Now I'm getting upset.
I'm not even upset at Jackson. No more, I'm upsetting
them too. I'm screaming, Kate, go downstairs, leave me with
my son. She's like, no, I'm not leaving. Like there,
y'all don't seem okay. I said, we're fine, right, So
I closed the door. After I close the door, I
turn around, Jackson is still standing there with his hands up.

(05:45):
So I said, what's up? So you want some what's up?

Speaker 4 (05:48):
So?

Speaker 1 (05:48):
Now I go form tackle him. He grabs me right,
he gives me two like quick rib shots. Huh huh.
So I punch him in the stomach.

Speaker 4 (05:56):
Boom.

Speaker 1 (05:57):
He buckles over. He gets up, We grabbing each other.
He gets me in a headlock. At this moment gets
me in a headlock. I said, this is a moment
where I can either end my son's confidence and I
can body slam him through the floor and probably be
downstairs with y'all, or I could tap out. I chose
to tap out, and I'm going to explain after we

(06:19):
come back from a commercial break, everything that was going
on that day.

Speaker 2 (06:24):
You guys, perspective of what I saw. Karaoke time karaoke.

Speaker 4 (06:29):
So being is on from Brooklyn.

Speaker 1 (06:31):
It's only right that I sing the song that relates
to what was going on in the house. What's beef
Beef is when you need to cast to go to sleep.
Beef is with your mom means stay up in the streets.
Beef is when I see you, guaranteed you be yet
I see you one more time.

Speaker 4 (06:48):
What's beef.

Speaker 1 (06:49):
Beef is when Mimi come upstairs trying to sleep, not
your mad busting in the door.

Speaker 4 (06:54):
We got heat.

Speaker 1 (06:56):
Beef is when I see Mimi telling me to stop
hitting their kids.

Speaker 2 (07:04):
Night so much been and you know me, me and
I are allergic to.

Speaker 3 (07:10):
The cow, so we wasn't having it. We wasn't having it.

Speaker 4 (07:13):
All right, We're going to discuss it.

Speaker 3 (07:14):
Yeah, yeah, boo boo.

Speaker 2 (07:15):
Let's go pay some bills to come back so we
can unravel this fight night at the Yellen's house.

Speaker 3 (07:24):
All right, So we're back.

Speaker 2 (07:26):
I'll give you guys his perspective on story time, and
you know, from his point of view everything that was happening.
So I'll let you guys know when I take it
back to the basketball game. For those that don't know,
there's it's been a while since DeVos actually attended a
basketball game that Jackson has played in main reason being
Jackson was on all these different teams and had so
many different games, and aside from just not being able

(07:47):
to make every single game, there was a level of
anxiety that Jackson felt, I think when he would see
you in the audience, because there's the pressure of wanting
to make Dad proud and wanting to deliver and everything
that they talk about it and they practice. Devau wants
to see it in the game, and if he doesn't
see it in the game, Jackson knows it's going to
be a long car ride home with debriefing and unhashing

(08:09):
what happened. So Devall hadn't been to a game for
a long time, so at this particular game, devall felt
like man Jackson was playing kind of Timody wasn't doing
this thing. So you had, you know, conversations with him
after the game and then in the car ride home
and you know there's that long about to get home,
fifty minute drive. Yeah, you know, talking about all the
things that should have, could have, would have done. And

(08:32):
so I already knew that there was going to be
some kind of contention, but I'm like, it's normal, that's
what happens after game.

Speaker 3 (08:37):
All good, until fast forward to that evening.

Speaker 2 (08:41):
I see that Jackson was kind of staying away from
Deval throughout the day. But I'm like, you know what
that was. That was previous, kadid that was Kadian behavior.
Like I would be Deval, and I previously would be
in you know a little kerfuffle, and then I would
just try to just stay away cleaning everything.

Speaker 4 (08:57):
Why do you clean in the vacuum, Kadi? Who you
ever seen somebody clean the vacuum.

Speaker 2 (09:00):
I do clean my vacuum regularly, sir, thank you. But yeah,
it's just like I just don't want that kind of heat.
I don't want that energy. Let things cool down for
a bit. So Jackson was definitely just on his side
of the house, Devol on this side. So it's towards
the end of the night, the boys are in bed
for the most part. Jackson is still up getting ready
for bed, and I see Devao just worked out. So
now imagine he's leaving the gym downstairs. He's hot, he's sweaty,

(09:21):
he's breathing heavy. He's just like going upstairs. I'm thinking
to the shower. I was in that moment and got
turned all the way off real quick, in a matter
of like three minutes.

Speaker 4 (09:30):
Sorry.

Speaker 2 (09:31):
So I see him coming up all sweaty or whatever,
like Okay, I'm gonna take a shower.

Speaker 3 (09:35):
So I'm like, okay, cool.

Speaker 2 (09:36):
So I went downstairs, checked to make sure all the
doors would locked, put the alarm on and whatnot, and
then I.

Speaker 3 (09:40):
Hear like like like fumbling, you know, like fumbling upstairs.
So I was like, what is that?

Speaker 2 (09:47):
So for a split second, I was just like, I
did not The last thing I thought was it was
jacksone Devou. I'm thinking somebody either fell devout, caught an
intruder in the house. Like There's all these things going
through my mind, but never that Val and Jackson are fighting.
So I'm at the bottom of the stairs as I
come upstairs, and I look up and I see the
two of them in the balcony area, like literally going

(10:09):
back and forth.

Speaker 3 (10:09):
They're tussling.

Speaker 2 (10:10):
So I'm standing there for a second confused because I'm like,
are they slap boxing or are they really fighting? But
I saw the type of energy Develle left the gym with,
so I'm like, is he really like fighting Jackson now?
And I see Jackson fighting back, And as I'm standing
there in my mind all of these things kind of playing,
I see my mom come around the corner because now

(10:30):
she hears the altercation going on, and then she looks
at me, and she.

Speaker 3 (10:34):
Looks up and she looks back at me, and she's like,
you're just gonna stand there. You're just gonna stand there.

Speaker 2 (10:39):
And I'm like, I'm trying to figure out what's happening,
That's what I say to her. So she's like bolting
up the stairs at this point, and I'm running behind
her because I also know my husband, and I also
know that he's probably not gonna take kindly to her
interjecting with whatever they have going on, whether it's a
fight or not, and I was just like, Ugh, this
is probably gonna go bad. So I go upstairs and

(11:00):
at this point, my heart is pounding because I'm like, oh,
they're legitimately fighting. And I've never seen this in our house,
Like Deval's never lifted a hand to me or the boys.

Speaker 3 (11:07):
We don't spank our kids. Like this is just.

Speaker 2 (11:09):
Completely out of left field in my opinion. So we
go upstairs and, like Deval says, him and Jackson are tussling.
I open the door and I'm like, it's everything okay,
Like what's going on? And he's like, we're fine. In
my eyes still from my vantage point, they don't look fine.
Deval looks like he's seeing red. Jackson is over there
with his hands up, he's sweating. I'm like, what's happening.
Then Mom is just like I'm not gonna let you

(11:29):
do this because Mom in her mind is like, oh
my god, they're actually fighting. We've never in our household fall.
We don't come from a house of fighting. We don't
come from a family of fighting. That's one thing Deval
said he used to do with his brother and stuff
when they were in the streets to Brooklyn. I was
not like raised that way.

Speaker 1 (11:44):
We saw it all the time, like that was me
and my brother fought in the house, yep, and we
fought outside with each other against people like it didn't matter.

Speaker 4 (11:53):
Me and my brother could be like not talking that odd.

Speaker 1 (11:56):
Somebody says something to my brother and this beef is
on right and it's me and my brother against everybody.

Speaker 4 (12:01):
Everybody always, but.

Speaker 2 (12:02):
They used to we're not accustomed to that because we've
never had to do that. However, there were moments when
Deval had to jump in and help my brother or
whatever if my brother like one tid my brother had
gotten his chain snatch or something like way back in
the days and was developed.

Speaker 4 (12:15):
Got in my car and I'm going in the type
of time. That's what it is.

Speaker 3 (12:22):
Moral of the story. Don't ever roll up on de Val, y'all.

Speaker 4 (12:24):
No, okay, so let me let me finished finish. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (12:29):
So in that moment, we were just very like shocked
because we didn't know what was happening. Devalo died and say,
you're about to go upstairs the slap box, Jackson, because
I've seen them slat box before.

Speaker 3 (12:36):
The kids all know how to fight.

Speaker 2 (12:38):
Deval has been training them, like it's what they do
but in that moment, given all of the prior, you know,
things that happened throughout the day, I just didn't know
what was happening in this moment, and it came to
a head and to me in the worst way. And
I never wanted to see you and Jackson having any
kind of physical altercation, nor my mom. But then you
explained to me afterward was what happened, and I understood. Then,

(13:00):
well we can take it from there.

Speaker 1 (13:01):
There are many nuances to nuances to everything. The biggest
thing is Jackson is a very polite, kind kid, right,
and he's also a very privileged kid because of who
his parents are. Because of that and because of what
he wants to do in his life, Jay and I
put him in environments and in surroundings where everybody's not privileged,

(13:21):
because that's not the world. So I'm not gonna have
Jackson only play basketball or play sports in our neighborhood.

Speaker 4 (13:29):
No, we are going to the places where I grew up.
He goes to the park to play.

Speaker 1 (13:34):
Ball in Brooklyn, when we go to Ta Cobb County
out here, when we in Georgia to play ball, like
we go everywhere he goes to ote, he plays ball.
But what he has to understand is that there are
people who are watching you who automatically assume, because you're privileged,
that you're gonna be soft. And there are gonna be
people who are gonna see the things you have and
they're going to take or try to take from you

(13:56):
because they feel like, one, you don't have the mental
fort two to fight back, or streets marts, or they're
gonna feel like he don't really need it anyway, so
if I take it, he won't care. And I'm trying
to empower my kids to realize that, like, yo, you
don't have to take that from people. My dad told
me when we moved to Kanarsi. We moved to Narciti

(14:16):
in nineteen ninety three, the third black family to move
to Kanarsi when it was mainly Jewish and Italian and
we were considered privilege.

Speaker 4 (14:23):
Growing up in Brooklyn, we were considered house kids.

Speaker 1 (14:25):
So when we would go to the park in Bayview
or Brookline, people used to fuck with us, and me
and my brother used to have to fight because they're like, oh,
this goes to house kids. So I got used to
having to stand my ground and also put hands on
people in that type of energy. So especially when you
live in Kannarsi, but you go to school in Flatbush.
My brother goes to school in Marine Park. Sheep said, Bay,

(14:47):
you know what I'm saying. You get on the bus
at eleven, you may come across somebody who may try you.
So I've always trying to teach my sons to always
be confident enough to not have to fight, but show
people confidence that they don't try you. But if you
need to fight, you could put somebody down. That's always
been the less So on this day, I just didn't

(15:09):
like Jackson's demeanor because I felt like other kids were.
Of course, he's also we have him playing up, so
he's the only twelve turn and thirteen year old who's
playing with fourteen.

Speaker 3 (15:19):
Fifteen year olds who hasn't like scratched the surfaces.

Speaker 4 (15:22):
He's no puberty yet.

Speaker 1 (15:23):
So I see them little brother in him a little
bit right, and I see that he's in that position where, well,
these are guys I look up to because they're also
really good in basketball, so I am the little brother
and I'm like, no, you're not the fucking little brother.
Those are your contemporaries who you have to learn not
to view them as an older brother, and that's the
people you're competing for for the same jobs and scholarships.

(15:43):
So that was my mentality and my thought processes was
if he is afraid of me and he doesn't want
to talk to me because we have a difference of opinion,
he's going to then roll over to other people who
have difference of opinions because he's used to just avoiding confrontations.

Speaker 3 (15:58):
Agree.

Speaker 2 (15:58):
And Jackson is just naturally nice and kind kid. He's
every school he's been in, every teacher he's had, every
teammate that he's played with, their parents have been like,
we just love Jackson.

Speaker 1 (16:11):
Because we teach him not to bully people. We teach
him to have awareness and emotional maturity if you see
other kids are going through stuff, like be there to
be in support of your teammates and friends. So because
he was taught that, sometimes he doesn't know when to
use discernment like this kid don't need that. This kid
needs to be told get the fuck out my face
because it's gonna be a problem.

Speaker 4 (16:32):
And I'm trying to teach Jackson the difference. So when
I came.

Speaker 1 (16:35):
Home that day, Yeah, when I came home that day.
I wanted him to challenge me, like that, what did
I do wrong? I don't understand, But rather than challenge me,
he hit, which showed me more of him being the
propensity to be bullied if he's hiding, because in those environments,
when people see that you're a hider, that's who they
go to show other people that they tough. I'm going

(16:56):
to chase the kid just hiding, and I'm like, Jackson,
You're not that kid. So when I was coming upstairs,
I was coming says to have a very intense conversation.
And then when I came upstairs, he met me at
the stairs and he was like, what you mean, Like
we're gonna talk about it. So at first I was like,
first of all, don't impede my progress in my house.
I went to Dad more like I'm walking up the stairs,

(17:17):
don't stop me. So I'm like jack to get out
my face. So I pushed him back, and then when
he resisted and pushed me, immediately I got excited because
I'm the first thing that came to my mind was
like this, my son is not a punk, like my
son is not Solt.

Speaker 4 (17:32):
That's the first thing.

Speaker 1 (17:33):
So then I pushed him back, and I'm like, let's
see how he's gonna respond. When he responded, he got
up and put his hands up. My first thing is, okay,
this is the moment that every dad talks about. There's
going to be a moment where your son is not
going to just say yes dad and listen. And I said, okay,
this is the moment. Let's see how far Jackson goes.
So I put my hands up, and I thought he
was gonna be like, okay, okay. So then when I

(17:54):
put my hands up, he put his hands up. I'm like,
I can't punch my son. So I swept him in
the front of his.

Speaker 3 (17:58):
Foot, swep a bottle ye soaked.

Speaker 4 (18:03):
He put his hands up. I sweeped in the front of
his foot.

Speaker 1 (18:05):
When he falls, I expect him to fall, and then
it's like, okay, did I get it? But then he
got up, so I said, okay, he really not afraid.
So now I'm like, okay, let's go through this. Let's
see how far he's willing to go. So I throw
out a little slap box play jab. He dips it
and swings at me. So I'm like, yo, he really
is like, I'm not going to back down. I immediately

(18:26):
became very proud of the fact that my son is
not backing down, because if he's if he's willing to
challenge me, that means in the street, he's not going
to be afraid by some fourteen fifteen year old kid.

Speaker 4 (18:37):
He's going to fight back. So now we get to tussling.

Speaker 1 (18:40):
And I've been through this with my dad, I've been
through this with my Sinsey when I've had to fight.
I was a black belt in taekwondo. I trained under
Donna Commander, Anthony Commander, and Professor Duncan, who's a tenth
degree black belt. He trained Wesley Snipes and a whole
bunch of other people. But I remember when I tried
to challenge him and he swept my ass and was
pinning me down to the ground, and I kept getting
up in tears. Is coming out because I'm trying to

(19:01):
figure out. I was thirteen at the time. I'm trying
to figure out how to sweep this grand master and
I'm getting flipped all over the place.

Speaker 4 (19:07):
But I also said to myself, I'm not going to
quit till I get him. One time.

Speaker 1 (19:11):
Never got him, but I ended up ripping his gee
because I was battling that much. And he came to
me afterwards and he said, you know, I appreciate that
you never gave up and you never quit. With everybody
watching here and after a while people started to giggle
because they knew that I couldn't do it.

Speaker 4 (19:26):
I never stopped. And he said, that is what's going
to make you great in life.

Speaker 1 (19:30):
In that moment, I said, this is Jackson's moment to
realize that he didn't give up.

Speaker 3 (19:34):
See, I needed to be prefaced with all.

Speaker 4 (19:36):
Of it, but for this, but to be honest, I
didn't know what was going to happen like that.

Speaker 2 (19:41):
And also you were upset with me and mom after
the fact, absolutely, because from Davao's perspective, he's like, how
dare you guys think that I was legitimately going to
hurt Jackson? Like do you not trust me absolutely as
a father and as a man to know like I've
never raised my hand at anybody.

Speaker 3 (19:59):
So he was pissed. He came in.

Speaker 2 (20:00):
Now, So now that's where I went turned on to
turn off because now you're mad at me, You pissed.

Speaker 3 (20:04):
Off, just like what the heck is going on?

Speaker 2 (20:07):
You're supposed to know better than to know that I
would never do something to harm our child, right, And
I'm like, that wasn't even the thing on my mind.

Speaker 3 (20:13):
It was just like it was a scared a scared
feeling that Mom and I had.

Speaker 2 (20:17):
We had a feeling of like, oh my God, like
Devalot has completely lost it. At this point, we don't
know how to help the situation.

Speaker 4 (20:24):
I understand where you were coming from.

Speaker 1 (20:25):
The thing that bothered me the most is that if
I'm the one tasked to protect his family, right. For example,
your mom often says, you'll call your brother talking about Tristan.

Speaker 4 (20:34):
He needs so I'll call him.

Speaker 1 (20:36):
It's like, if I'm the one that you tasked to
be responsible for all of these people, when Tristan has
an issue, they call me. When my brother has issue,
everyone calls me. You gotta trust that I know what
I'm doing. So when I'm telling you guys, yo, I
got it, leave and now you're refusing to leave, what
you're doing now is ultimately undermining what I'm trying to
teach Jackson, because what I alwayso want Jackson to know

(20:56):
is that in this world, no one is.

Speaker 4 (20:57):
Going to save you.

Speaker 3 (20:59):
Yeah, I get it.

Speaker 1 (21:00):
No one, But now here I am going through with
you and your mother and your grandmother is literally trying
to come save you. That's not the message I want
because I didn't want him, you know, once I pinned
him down to be like okay, dad, Mom, help mom.

Speaker 4 (21:13):
No, he didn't do that.

Speaker 1 (21:15):
When I pinned him down, he hit my wrists, he
elbowed it, he got his hits from underneath, and he
got on his feet and he was afraid. He was
legitimately afraid, but he never stopped. And as a man,
that's what you want from your son, you know, when
he's fearful, how is he going to respond? I then
went in lunch, because, like I said, I'm never going
to hit my kids. I lunged at him to tackle

(21:36):
him in the ground, and rather than him conceding, you
know what he did. He pushed my head down, got
me in the choke hold. And of course he's lighted
to me. He's one hundred pounds, I'm two hundred pounds.
I could have easily picked Jackson up and slammed him,
but no, when he got me in a choke hold,
I'm thinking like if I'm a fourteen year old one
hundred and ten pound kid, and that this kid got

(21:56):
me in a choke hold. I'm probably gonna tap, So
I tapped.

Speaker 3 (21:59):
And yeah, you know what I'm saying, they are strong.

Speaker 1 (22:02):
I tapped. And then as soon as I tapped, he's
looking at me. He's breathing, and I was just like,
I'm like, are you okay? Are you good now?

Speaker 4 (22:11):
No?

Speaker 1 (22:12):
It's literally it's the same thing you if you ever
watched Lion right with his cubs, and the cubs like
nibble on his tail and he goes oh, and he
fakes like it hurt. The reason why he does that
is to give those lions confidence that their bite has power.
I give you that's that's part of it. And a

(22:33):
lot of women don't know. When you have sons, there's
going to be that moment where the dad and the
son go at it.

Speaker 4 (22:39):
The best thing you can do is get out the
fucking way.

Speaker 1 (22:42):
If you if you if you use discernment right, if
you use discernment, and you pick the right type of
man that you say, I want my sons to grow
up like him.

Speaker 4 (22:51):
I want my sons to be like my husband. You say, okay, and.

Speaker 2 (22:55):
I have you know what I'm saying, most confidence in
who I selected to be our sons.

Speaker 4 (23:01):
I appreciate that who I should.

Speaker 2 (23:02):
Procreate with, because that's one thing I can always say
I've done right you.

Speaker 3 (23:06):
As a father.

Speaker 4 (23:07):
I mean, I appreciate that.

Speaker 2 (23:09):
I think it's clear to see everybody knows. Everybody sees it,
but me seeing it firsthand and seeing the things that
people don't see and the things that are not captured,
is invaluable.

Speaker 3 (23:19):
And I do completely trust you.

Speaker 2 (23:20):
So I'm sorry that you felt like in that moment
I was trying to undermine you and mom when I were,
but we were just we were just oblivious to what
is happening. In my mind, I've seen you coming out
the gym high and sweaty. I was like, oh, it's
that type of time. I was getting ready to get ready.
And then that completely dampened the entire proof. But now
we know what it is, all right. Some facts and stats.
Dot's jump into it after telling the story about Jackson

(23:42):
and Deval. According to research, forty percent of kids who
lack secure bonds with their parents may avoid or resist
their parents when they're upset if they cause them more distress.
Studies suggest that this can make kids more prone to
serious behavior problems.

Speaker 1 (23:58):
So think about my time prototype. You know how many
of those kids I had to wrestle and fight in
You know what I'm saying, because most of my kids,
seventy five percent of them didn't have dads. So now
you're coming into a facility where we have rules and standards,
and regardless of who you are, how good you are
playing a sport, who your mom was. Coach Deval and

(24:19):
Coach Brian and Coach Dolo, we're not having it. You're
two minutes late. That means everybody has to do burpees.
Oh you want to talk back, everybody else has to
do burpees. Oh you want to make a scene. I
will physically remove you from the gym. Coach Deval, You're
not gonna touch me. How much you want to bet?
And then we get into it, and then they start
to realize, like the way you're acting now, it's literally

(24:43):
the same way a young man acts against the police
and either gets locked up or gets his life taken
because you don't understand authority figures. And when you see men,
your first thing is to buck up to prove that
you're a man. But you're a child, and I could
literally end you. But I'm trying to teach you how
to control your emotions and get your point across without

(25:03):
being physical.

Speaker 2 (25:04):
See, that's the value in having males around, strong males,
not any male, but strong males around your boys, especially
for the moms like you said that we had in
prototypes who had the lack of male presence in the
life but entrusted you. Yes, and Brian and Dolo and
Rick with their sons because they knew they were going
to receive that level of discipline. Or if you boys

(25:25):
tried to buck up and step out of line, they're
not going to buck up to their mom.

Speaker 3 (25:28):
And even if they did try to.

Speaker 1 (25:29):
And the couple tried to mom and got hemmed up,
absolutely and I was like, who you talking to your mom?
Like like how absolutely? Okay, wait till you come to.

Speaker 2 (25:37):
Accountability system was like something that was so so valuable
to have, you know, in this program that we had
within Brooklyn, because we knew what it was to be
a black boy or a black young man walking through
the streets of Brooklyn.

Speaker 3 (25:48):
At any moment, stop and frisks, you get thrown up
against the wall.

Speaker 2 (25:52):
You don't know what's going to happen if you do
not conduct yourself in a certain kind of way.

Speaker 3 (25:57):
So and I get it.

Speaker 1 (25:58):
I just want to say this, It's not to comply.
People say all the time, how come that person didn't comply.
It's not just about complying, it's complying with compassion because
also understand that police officers have a job to do,
but also explaining that I know my rights and I'm
not going to be railroaded in a way that's going

(26:19):
to be deemed unacceptable by me as a person.

Speaker 3 (26:21):
And emotions enough knowing how to community, how.

Speaker 4 (26:25):
To communicate that.

Speaker 1 (26:25):
So I'm going to comply with compassion, but I'm going
to communicate to you that I will not be disrespected
in a way where you and I can both understand, like, hey,
I'm not bucking up against the power, but this is
exactly what it is. And I've had to do that
so many times in Brooklyn. I've had to do that.
So my my uncle was his retired detective. He taught

(26:47):
me everything about how to deal with cops. Small things
like they come down to the window, roll all the
windows down, hand them your ID with your PBA card
and say just giving your heads up. My uncle is
on the force, looking them in the eye.

Speaker 4 (26:59):
How you're doing officable?

Speaker 1 (26:59):
Makes get him feel safe by rolling out on the
windows and lets them know that you have somebody on
the force. But also, I understand you have a tough
job to do, but I'm letting you know I know
somebody on a horse, which means I know my rights,
and I'm looking you in the eye, which means I'm
not scared, I'm not intimidated, and I'm not gonna be
treated less than. Those things taught me how to get
through those instances with police, but not only just police,

(27:21):
with principles who you know, sometimes you have a male
principle or even a female principle who wants to exude
or exert their power on you as a child, and
sometimes you got to learn, like, you know what, in
this moment, that person has more power. I'm gonna control
my emotions. I'm gonna get out of this situation. I'm
gonna call my parents, you know what I'm saying. And

(27:42):
if it's a male principle, my dad gonna deal with you,
and if it's a female, my mom is coming to
deal with you.

Speaker 4 (27:48):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (27:49):
That's what I'm trying to teach Jackson. Don't you don't
got to back down. You don't have to back down,
but you can compose yourself. And in that moment he
showed me like he's like yo. He I could tell
he wanted to cry, but he didn't. He did not
want to fight me back, but he was not going
to be pushed down and held down. And I also

(28:10):
could tell when he was pulling a little bit, because
nobody really wants to hit they pops. When you respect
your pops, you know what I'm saying, he wanted. And
I asked him, I said, how did that feel? He said,
I just wanted to get you to stop. And I said, well,
how do you feel now? He said, I feel in control.
I controlled that, Like it could have gotten worse, but
I feel like I controlled it. Then I took Jackson

(28:32):
in the room with Cairo and Kaz and Dakota and
we all had a conversation about being a man and
standing in your ground and learning how to control your
emotions but also knowing how to protect yourself and fight
and know one when to listen. And I had the
conversation with all four of them because I know Kyrol's coming.

Speaker 4 (28:48):
Next and the.

Speaker 3 (28:51):
Next door. And then he came downstairs like I'm just
so scared.

Speaker 4 (28:53):
He said, Dad, you scared me like you scared me.

Speaker 1 (28:55):
So I had to explain to Cairo, like what you
and this good thing for Ky to see that too,
because young boys often don't get to see their fathers
in the controlled rage of protection to know how harmful
their father could be to someone else.

Speaker 2 (29:14):
You know what I'm saying, because you talk about it
a lot of times, you tell the stories, you talk
about your upbringing all the time, but they've never actually
seen you in action, noting to be physical with some.

Speaker 1 (29:22):
Right, They've never seen And until a boy sees their
father do that, it's hard for them to even imagine
that my father can go there, but.

Speaker 2 (29:30):
Or that people can go there, especially if you haven't
been in a fight ever or had some kind of
like altercation physical. Well, you can prepare for it, but
until it actually happens.

Speaker 1 (29:40):
Boys also need to understand how different it is for
a young boy and a man and strength, because Jay,
you know Jasim, like y'all heard you got into with
your pops and he was just like, yeah, you know,
I was able to stop him, but he's like yo,
he's mad strong. But that gives him a level of
respect to know when you're dealing with grown men. Sometimes
maybe you might want watch your mouth because as much

(30:02):
as you think you know, he's wild strong, and if
he has that level of superior strength over me, I
have to respect that in this moment. I'm gonna get
out of this moment. Then I'm gonna tell about Pops.
But you understand what I'm saying. It teaches young men
how to know, like, yeah, you fourteen, you got a
little hair on your balls, your chest is a little wider,
and now you think you can talk to your mom.

Speaker 4 (30:21):
And I've watched it through prototype.

Speaker 1 (30:26):
I had one kid tell his mom to shut up
in my office in front of you, in front of me,
and not for nothing. His mom was being extremely abusive.
Oh you ain't no, no, no, no no, And he said, man,
why don't you just shut up? Sometimes I watched her
go to like and I was like, like you cause

(30:49):
she and then I was like, can you just leave
for a second? And I asked her to leave for
a second and I say, dude, like what is that about?
And he was just like, yo, I'm I'm scared. And
I was like scared of what? And he was like, yo,
like my mom be hitting me all the time, and
it starts with the screaming and the yelling, and then

(31:11):
like people be hitting me in school, like I don't.
And then it really made me realize all of his
responses came from fear getting bullied in school, getting picked
on in school, his mom not realizing she's picking on
him at home and right. So then I said, Yo,
all right, can you step up let me talk to
your mom? And I say, oh, like, what's the deal?
You know what she said, I'm scared. I was like

(31:34):
scared of what she was like, Yo, he's bigger than
me now, Like at any moment, he can decide that
he wants to do what he wants to do and
I can't stop him. He lifts weights with you, he's
sixty one two hundred and fifteen pounds, Like what am
I supposed to do as a woman. She also said,
I'm scared that when he goes to school that he's
going to get picked on. He acts so soft, so
trying to say her way, and I'm realizing, like, wow,

(31:55):
you're both afraid, and because you're both afraid, you don't
know how to control your motion.

Speaker 3 (32:00):
Communicate that to each other.

Speaker 1 (32:01):
And what do you think that's sixth first layer. What
do you think that's six foot one, two hundred and
fifteen pound kid gonna do if he's really scared and
he's in school, He's gonna hurt somebody.

Speaker 2 (32:10):
Or probably just make a super move. You see what
I'm saying, and not even think about it.

Speaker 1 (32:14):
And seeing so many different iterations of that type of
fear with our young men and their moms and not
having their dads. I just wanted to be able to
instill the type of confidence in our boys to where
it's like, bro, it's okay to walk away because you
know you tougher than that kid. You know you bigger
than that kid, laugh it off, or have the level

(32:35):
of toughness to say, oh he bigger than you, Yeah,
but he ain't that as. He ain't as big as
my pops. So I'm not taking his shit, and if
i have to, I'll put his ass down. I want
my sons to have that level of confidence so they
can walk around and make better decisions, because most decisions
that are made that are like poor decisions are made
out of any emotion that they don't know how to control,

(32:57):
anger or anger, fear. You know what I'm saying, I'm
just trying to teach my boys how to do that,
and sometimes it's better for them to get physical at home,
Like you'll realize this, and I'm gonna say this, And
one thing is I'm not asking for anybody to validate
what I'm saying or agree. I don't give a fuck.
I'm gonna raise my kids the way I want to
raise my kids. I've seen too many different other ways.

(33:20):
I've lost kids to gun violence. I've lost kids to jail.
I've almost lost kids to prison. I've lost parents because
of issues with sons and daughters and then other parents
got involved. I've seen too many things in real life
to give a shit what social media says about how
my parent. I don't want my sons to ever walk

(33:41):
around the world afraid. And if that means that we
have a kerfuffle in the house or him and his
brothers are fighting, and rather than me jump in and
saying stop and saying okay, no, y'all gonna fight, go
ahead and fight.

Speaker 4 (33:50):
That's the way I'm gonna do things.

Speaker 1 (33:51):
Cause it's gonna come a point where Kyro's gonna test
Jackson and I'm gonna have to teach Jackson how to
be as compassionate with his little brother as I was
when him and say he gonna try you buck, all right,
show him, show him your strength, but don't hurt them.

Speaker 4 (34:05):
You know what I'm saying. And that's just the way
I'm raising my kids.

Speaker 1 (34:08):
I don't People can argue, I don't care whatever sound
bites they want to take or videos and say this,
he's beat his kids. Do you think whatever you want care?
My son's not gonna be no bullies. They're not gonna
get bullied. My sons ain't gonna be a product of
the system. No, no cop is gonna ever take my
son and say he didn't comply, he was being aggressive.
If that happens, I know you did something to my son.

(34:29):
And I can guarantee you this, If that ever happens,
you won't hear you won't hear me up there with
no hashtags and de val coming.

Speaker 4 (34:37):
I'm making that very very player.

Speaker 1 (34:41):
On your real talk though, like I'm not. I'm not
doing that serious. Like I'm raising my sons to be compassionate, strong,
empathetic young men, and if something happens to one of them,
I know that whoever did it did it.

Speaker 3 (34:54):
You know, and we know we're.

Speaker 2 (34:55):
Doing the right thing, because it's going to be unfortunate
that they're going to have to engage with people in
their life as we do every day who are not
going to have the same kind of emotional intelligence or
just that kind of mindset. But I would hope and
implore all parents raising children to really invest time and
energy into that because it'll probably help our children generation
to be less getting into these kerfruffles.

Speaker 1 (35:19):
I'm gonna be honest, K if only you knew some
of the stuff. And it's not just the boys the
girls getting into fights because they're afraid, them being afraid,
the bullying, or them being afraid.

Speaker 4 (35:32):
So what they do is tell one of their brothers
or cousins.

Speaker 1 (35:35):
And now you have a raging bull who's afraid running
to another raging bull who's afraid, and one takes out
a gun, and now kids are gone.

Speaker 4 (35:45):
I've lost kids that way too.

Speaker 1 (35:47):
He was going to defend who over what, So y'all
are fighting and he's getting arrested over Instagram comments And
when I.

Speaker 4 (35:59):
Speaking to the kids, something like, there's always this what happened?

Speaker 1 (36:02):
I didn't know I was afraid because he said, or
you were scared because you were scared.

Speaker 4 (36:06):
Now you got to show everybody you're not scared.

Speaker 3 (36:08):
But you are.

Speaker 1 (36:09):
Yeah, but in order to prove you not scared, you
can pick up a weapon, or you go get ten
people and you run up on this guy and now
y'all jump him or you kill him, or you slice him,
or to prove a point that you're not scared.

Speaker 4 (36:21):
And you know what that kid does.

Speaker 1 (36:23):
He goes back and he gets a weapon, well his
twenty people, and it's anover ending cycle when all it
would have took was one person to be like, you
know what, you got it, you got it.

Speaker 4 (36:34):
That comment wasn't that important.

Speaker 2 (36:36):
You got it, and you're not that important, right and
all you saw okay, okay.

Speaker 1 (36:43):
To me, I walked away from so many fights. No,
I walked away from so many fights in high school.
Middle school I got into more fights because middle school
was where I learned how to manage myself. But high
school I walked away from so many fights because when
you compete competitively and you really hit people and you
hurt people, or you punch somebody and you see their
eyes go in the back of their head, it becomes

(37:05):
real to you that if I hit someone who doesn't
know how to fight who doesn't have on head gear
because my brother and I fought and Joyce centerl same
thing as Tristan Joyce Sanna Marina tournaments, Oyama tournaments where
it was full contact but with head gear.

Speaker 4 (37:17):
And when you're thirteen and you kick someone boom.

Speaker 1 (37:20):
In the head and you watch their head eyes go
back and you're like, dang, if they didn't have head gear,
or when they they could be a problem. When I
get in the street now with fourteen fifteen and oh
you solved other and it's like, no, what, because what's
gonna happen? We get into a fight and I roundhouse
kick you with no head gear and you hit your
your head on the.

Speaker 4 (37:37):
Seamen and you die.

Speaker 1 (37:38):
Now I'm getting locked up, and now I got to
deal with someone's death on my hands or my girlfriend
the foul someone so said this to me? So why
why do they feel comfortable saying that to you? How about
you stay over here where I am and it won't
be no problems. You're not gonna go say nothing to them. No,
I don't know them, man, I don't know what started it.
Oh you pussy, Okay, I'm pussy that. So if I'm
pussy in. You don't fuck with me or I'm gonna

(37:59):
bring your My brother had to fuck you up because
you ain't defending my honor.

Speaker 4 (38:02):
Do it. Then the brother comes and get in your
face and you're just looking at them like, I'm not
scared of you neither, but I'm not fighting for your sister.
So what you're gonna do?

Speaker 1 (38:12):
And then you have a certain level of calm that
people realize they can't get.

Speaker 4 (38:17):
He probably calm for a reason. And I don't want
that smoke.

Speaker 3 (38:20):
You've seen it.

Speaker 4 (38:21):
Think about it. Think about it Sari's twenty first birthday.

Speaker 3 (38:24):
Yes, I remember that.

Speaker 4 (38:26):
All them dudes.

Speaker 1 (38:27):
Long story short, A dude disrespected Sakari because she had
a VIP. One dude was standing in the VIP. She
asked if the dude could leave the VIP. Dude said,
fuck you, I'm not done it. No, No, I've seen
Sakari jump back. So now I'm like, i gotta stand up.
I go over to the dude. Dude is obviously inebriated.
I said, Yo, it's my sister's thin He I ain't
getting all, you know, and we're in the club.

Speaker 4 (38:47):
There's only one exit in the club that we're in is.
This wasn't tracks.

Speaker 3 (38:51):
This was years ago, years ago.

Speaker 1 (38:54):
So we're all the way in the back. A whole
bunch of dudes come around because they see me talking
to their homeboy. It's like ten dudes.

Speaker 4 (39:00):
They roll up. Yo, yo, you're talking to my man's
So he put his hand out to me. First.

Speaker 1 (39:05):
I pulled his hand and pulled him up on the
VIP did that in first to show him on purpose,
to show him I ain't some weak dude, And I said,
what's up, my guy?

Speaker 4 (39:14):
He was just like, yo, my man, you my man
doing a lot of talking. He looked upset if he
got a problem. I got a problem.

Speaker 1 (39:19):
I looked him in the eye. I said, look, I'm
here with my sister. She's twenty one. There's seven women
in here. It's me and one other dude. What do
I look like fighting with y'all with all of these
women in here. He looked at me in the face
and he said, you know what, You're right. I said,
this is kind of corny, Like I'm not spending my

(39:41):
time fighting young. He went and talked to his man.
They got into a little argument or whatever. I guess
this man wanted him to do whatever. But In that moment,
I was like, I'm not gonna get killed on Tuesday
at track because I want to be the tough guy
in tracks on a Tuesday day, like I'm not. I

(40:02):
showed him that I'm not scared. I pulled him up
on the thing. I spoke to a man, the man
in his eye, and you know what he did. He
respected it. A lot of young men need that same
type of tutelage. It's okay to be a man and
show you're not scared, but let's be honest. Look at
all these women. What we're doing.

Speaker 3 (40:16):
What are we doing here?

Speaker 1 (40:17):
But if I was scared and I see all I'm
coming and the first thing I do is punch your dude,
and now we fighting, Now, now it's a big thing.
Or if I threaten him like y'all better leave me
out here, you know who? I know that's corny too.

Speaker 3 (40:29):
There's always the people that want to leave the club
and come back and all that.

Speaker 2 (40:31):
It's just all.

Speaker 3 (40:33):
To be like wow, in the pissing contest, I won, y'all.

Speaker 1 (40:36):
And as a man, that's my biggest fear of my sons.
You know what I'm saying, Getting into a pissing contest,
with someone that has nothing to lose, and then my
son is no longer here.

Speaker 4 (40:48):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (40:49):
You can avoid over that by being the peace and
the ease in the situation.

Speaker 4 (40:53):
You know what I'm saying, A little this this, I'm
gonna show you something too.

Speaker 1 (40:57):
If I'm ever not here and people pay attention in this,
it's so easy to calm a man down as a
dude when you could squeeze his hand firm like this,
look him in the iron like my g like. But
but they feel in your strength. He not weak, he
not a pushover. And if once you pull him up
on the stage and you tell him and they realize, like, okay,

(41:17):
he did kind of pull me out. Weai over two
hundred pounds, he probably got something to him. Let's not
do this. Most people, especially you, probably don't notice too
Most people who get shot, right, they only get shot
because one person had a gun places where they know
everyone's carrying. How can we never hear about shootouts. There's
a certain level of respect when you know someone else

(41:40):
is armed. That doesn't always mean armed with guns, armed
with intelligence, you know, armed with that physicality to put
somebody else down. When people know that they be calm.
It's always the one sucker who were going to a party.

Speaker 3 (41:54):
We've always seen that, We've seen that guy.

Speaker 1 (41:56):
You know what I'm saying this, Absolutely, they always looking
at the call as a risk because they have an insecurity.
But when there's one is a metal detector and there's
only one person with a gun, that person is always
the toughest. But then there's no metal detective because everybody's armed.
Everybody chilling because it's like.

Speaker 4 (42:15):
Oh, he could shoot too.

Speaker 3 (42:15):
Nobody wants to pop off, not popping off. Yeah, you
see what I'm saying, to pop off.

Speaker 2 (42:19):
See, y'all, I'm over here learning something new every day.
I'm listening to out unpack this even more because we
kind of had a conversation about this after we did
have a conversation about this after everything happened.

Speaker 3 (42:28):
But you know, I'm learning now.

Speaker 2 (42:31):
As a boy mom the things that I didn't know
because I was raised completely differently, completely differently, even my
brother was. My mother and father were the type that
was just like, stay out of trouble, stay out the way,
stay in the background, don't be that person, don't bring
it un necessary attention to yourself. Like that's like we
were more so on the offensive side of things, like

(42:51):
just be the ones to sit back. But we just
have to understand now and not to say that the
world is so different now than when we were raised,
because there's always going to be nonsense. It's just knowing
that now I'm in the parents sy and I see
what's required of young men nowadays in order to carry
themselves in a certain way, that they have the confidence
to be able to take care of themselves.

Speaker 3 (43:10):
And that's ultimately what we want.

Speaker 4 (43:12):
That's it just confidence.

Speaker 1 (43:13):
Just have confidence to walk through I mean small things,
like one thing I have to shout out.

Speaker 4 (43:19):
My uncle Kevin, and my Pops and my uncle Dan.

Speaker 1 (43:22):
Growing up in Brooklyn, they all taught me, like, yo,
when you walk in through Brooklyn, make sure that people
know who you are.

Speaker 4 (43:29):
Make eye contact with everybody.

Speaker 1 (43:30):
It doesn't matter if it's a bum on the street
or a local gang member or it was good my
g look them in the eye, shake hands. Because all
people want to feel is respected. And a lot of
issues that happened in the world happened because someone felt disrespected.

Speaker 4 (43:46):
Disrespect comes from small things. You and Brooklyn.

Speaker 1 (43:48):
You walk by somebody, you look at them and look
away sometimes like the fuck you looking at or it's
like what you're grilling me for?

Speaker 4 (43:55):
It is, but you could ease that like this and
you see me do this.

Speaker 1 (43:58):
Kadeen and I will be walking down Saint Mark's to
go somewhere or from unpacking our car, and it be
a bunch of young dudes that look like they're gonna
cause trouble, which looks like my prototype kids. I was like, Yo,
we're walking right through this group and I'm gonna just
watch this. We walk through evening gentlemen and what do
they always do?

Speaker 3 (44:16):
They?

Speaker 4 (44:17):
What's up? No issues?

Speaker 1 (44:19):
K used to be when he's twenty something years old
walking the dog going to the car never had an
issue in our neighborhood. Ever with all of them young
men that be hanging on the corner, the only thing
they would ever say is like your dog man will
watch your car for you. Make sure nobody leaning on
your car. And it didn't take me having to go
out there to punch nobody. Nah, I just show them

(44:40):
respect and reverence that like, Yo, I know that y'all
are here too.

Speaker 4 (44:44):
You know what I'm saying. We shared a community. I
know y'all here. You know what I'm saying, it ain't nothing,
you know what I'm saying. When stuff were going on,
I run out the window and you'll like, Yo, the
Jakes is coming down the block. You might need to disperse.

Speaker 1 (44:55):
Because we used living on the fourth floor and I
could see down New York Avenue.

Speaker 4 (44:59):
It's a one way street.

Speaker 1 (44:59):
So whenever I've seen the cops coming down because someone
had called because the young men to be at the corner,
I yell out the window.

Speaker 4 (45:06):
Nothing. You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (45:08):
But it's stuff like that in your hood. Last thing
before because we do got to take a break. We
coached over five hundred young black men and women in
Brooklyn from Bedstar, Crown Heights, Brownsville, East, New York, Kanarsi Flatbush.

Speaker 4 (45:23):
Over twelve years of tutelage.

Speaker 1 (45:26):
We never had one fight, one gang incident, one shooting,
one arrest in our building.

Speaker 4 (45:32):
You know why.

Speaker 1 (45:34):
We had a certain level of respects and respect and
we demanded it from every child that came in there.

Speaker 4 (45:40):
And part of that respect was we will physically put.

Speaker 1 (45:43):
Your ass out of this gym if you come in
here under the long and I'm running my house the
same way. You know, we're in the world now where
everybody's super sensitive. Don't say this, don't do that, don't
do this. I was that coach. I'm not lying. My
brother too, would tell a man in a heartbeat, keep
fuck with me. I will slap the shit out of you.

Speaker 2 (46:02):
I will talk because how you've moved on since then,
Because these kids nowadays, you couldn't be like that with them.

Speaker 3 (46:08):
Well some, depending on what the parents allow. Because we
did what.

Speaker 1 (46:12):
We always did was we had full conversations with the parents.
Remember it was, hey, if you're going to join this
mentorship program, understand that the level of discipline we're going
to instill in your kids starts with us. We want
to make sure they get home safely. We had relationships
with the sixty ninth percent. I made sure that every
cop that patrolled that area knew my prototype kids. They

(46:33):
all have my cards, so the parents knew that we
were coming from a place of love. But if a
young man ever got disrespectful, we let the parents know
we will put hands on your kids and let them
know what it is, because I don't want a cop
to ever have to do that to our sons. I
always with love, always led with love, and I mean
to be honest. You're raising football players who are lifting weights.

(46:55):
Our sixteen year olds are five eleven six three five
to two hundred and forty pounds.

Speaker 4 (47:04):
Them cops be afraid too, because they don't look like kids.

Speaker 3 (47:07):
They don't.

Speaker 2 (47:08):
You're right, A lot of them after I can believe it.
You know, it a matter of a couple of years.
It's like from babies to men.

Speaker 1 (47:14):
Think about Think about Kamora from Grand Street, six four,
two hundred and seventy pounds.

Speaker 4 (47:20):
Jamaican mom.

Speaker 1 (47:21):
Mom is a nurse, you know, and she you know,
Coach Brian, coach Duvau help my son Da Da Da.
He big as hell, but didn't know anything about the streets.
A kid like that starts to get picked on and
feels so afraid he can really hurt somebody.

Speaker 4 (47:34):
Never happened. Gave him confidence.

Speaker 1 (47:36):
And on the Rutgers, I think he played a couple
of years in the legal or he may be trying
to play.

Speaker 4 (47:41):
Went on the Rutgers, got a free education. Shout out so.

Speaker 2 (47:44):
Many, so many men, not just saying now that boy
to them, but there are men doing amazing things, and
our boys will not be any different. All right, y'all,
let's take a quick break, and we're going to come
back and get into some list of letters after we
pay some bills.

Speaker 3 (47:57):
All right, we'll be back. All right, let's dive right in.

Speaker 2 (48:08):
Since you did a lot of the talking today, baby,
with your expertise filling us in on what it's like
to be a boy becoming a man. It's easy all
I'm gonna dive into these listening letters for you. Okay,
all right, what's up y'all? First off, you two are
an inspiration to me and my family. I'm a father
of two and eleven year old son and a four
year old daughter. Me and my girl both love the
work that you all do to spread your message. Thank

(48:30):
you so much. The world needs to see so much
more of what you guys put out, and we thank
you for that.

Speaker 3 (48:35):
So check it.

Speaker 2 (48:36):
I heard in the previousness in the letter that one
of Jackson's punishments was thirty sprints on the treadmill, and
I wanted more details of those work. Ok okay, for
my own workout routine, and I keep in my bag
in case, oh, for my own workout routine is to
keep in my bag in case my kids want to
test me. That's all I wanted peace and love to
you both in your beautiful family.

Speaker 4 (48:57):
We appreciate you.

Speaker 1 (48:58):
Yeah, And I answer the questions simple, thirty sprints on
the treadmill.

Speaker 4 (49:01):
Typically I do high incline sprints with the kids.

Speaker 1 (49:04):
But when it's punishment, it's not high incline sprints because
high incline is for performance.

Speaker 3 (49:08):
What wasment for it?

Speaker 1 (49:10):
This was a while ago. This is a while ago,
but it was punished for something he didn't do. But
I know the thirty sprints. It's typically everything is within
a minute. So for example, if he's doing sprints, I'll
tell him, look, you have a twenty second sprint, which
means you get forty seconds rest. And if you have
thirty of them, that means you have to be on
this treadmill for thirty minutes.

Speaker 4 (49:30):
So it's a thirty minute exercise.

Speaker 1 (49:31):
Twenty seconds off, forty seconds, twenty seconds on, forty seconds off.
It's a flat ground right for him at his age,
I think he was like eleven.

Speaker 4 (49:40):
He only ran at like seven. You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (49:43):
But for you, as a workout, if you're a grown up,
like I do the same workout thirty minutes sprints, I'll
do twenty seconds on forty seconds off. I'll put the
incline to like six, and I may run it like
ten because it's a good cardio vascular workout. But it's
not like just running on the treadmill. You sprint for
twenty seconds, you rest for forty, you won't be able
to do thirty off the bat Start with maybe ten

(50:04):
to twelve, and then build your way up.

Speaker 4 (50:05):
Like even Jackson. I didn't start him with thirty.

Speaker 1 (50:08):
Jackson started with eight, and then after eighty two, every
two weeks we added four, so we went from eight
to twelve to sixteen, and ultimately he ended up at thirty.

Speaker 2 (50:16):
Oh okay, cool, I spread to y'all, Yeah you do.
Once I get rid of this plant, our fasciaties that
I have, you know, you turn forty and all everything
starts to get tight and it starts to hurt and whatnot.
So I'm wearing birkenstocks and Hokah sneakers and everything. That's like,
my level of drip lately has been at an all
time low because I'm trying to get back at your body.
But my body it has been on.

Speaker 4 (50:36):
Yeah, that's been drippy.

Speaker 1 (50:39):
There's so many ways splash.

Speaker 3 (50:45):
Oh my gosh, all right, what's number two?

Speaker 1 (50:48):
Hi?

Speaker 2 (50:48):
I hope this message gets to you. I'm in desperate
need of advice. My daughter, who turned eighteen in May,
was invited to her boyfriend's family for a birthday party
at Great Wolf Lodge, where she would have to stay
overnight and come back the following day, meaning she will
stay with the family at the hotel. Ooh, we've never
allowed her to stay overnight anywhere, let alone with the

(51:08):
boyfriend's family. I text the boyfriend's mother and thanked her
for the invitation. However, we'll pass this time and maybe
next time we can all go together. I sat with
my daughter and explained to her I didn't just say
you're not going because I said so. So I explained
to her that that it's not that I don't trust her,
but I think my comfort level for her to sleep
away with a family I've known for so little time.

(51:30):
They've only been dating for a year now. Also, we
don't have those values. When I told her, she got upset.
Of course, she did said she will go. It sounds
like me said that she will go to which I replied, no,
you're not, and she said I am and walked away
just to give you some context.

Speaker 3 (51:47):
She's a great kid.

Speaker 2 (51:47):
She has been very respectful until now graduated high school,
will start college in August. We have never allowed her
to have sleepovers as a Latina mom, that's just not
even a thing understood. Mom drained, a super drained, a
teen mom of three? What would you have done in
this situation? How can we keep the trust that we
have for her when she's in college. It's two fold

(52:10):
for me, baby, at this point, I completely understand where
you're coming from.

Speaker 3 (52:15):
We don't do sleepovers either.

Speaker 2 (52:17):
I think Jackson has slept over at two people's homes
and those are people who we trust heeartedly, and we've
known and we know that without a doubt everything. Yes,
we know these people, you know. And other than that,
it's just going to be a grandparents inles, that's it.
So I completely understand where you're coming from, because things
are crazy this day and age. However, However, Mama, where

(52:42):
there's a will, there's a way, And the fact that
they spoke to you about it and let you know
what was happening and she still said she was going
to do what she wanted to do regardless.

Speaker 3 (52:50):
That sounds like Kadeen.

Speaker 2 (52:51):
At eighteen, because Kadeen at eighteen met Deval, and Kadeen
at eighteen was so in love with him and knew
that he came from an amazing family and had a
mom who was not interested in even getting to know
these people. But Kadeen wanted to do what Kadeen wanted
to do. So what did Kadean do what she wanted
to do?

Speaker 3 (53:08):
Anyway?

Speaker 2 (53:08):
And then I ended up lying about the situation and
saying that I was staying on campus for the night
when I wasn't.

Speaker 3 (53:13):
I was up in the Poconos with the Valan his family.

Speaker 4 (53:16):
Yeah, so saying as the.

Speaker 2 (53:18):
Same mom, the fact that they're being honest and opening
upfront about it, as much as I understand how uncomfortable
it may make you feel at eighteen, I know she's
probably going to say to you, technically, I'm an adult.
I hit eighteen, I'm an adult. The fact that she
can be open and honest, and then the family can
be open and honest and say here's what's going to happen.
I get you not feeling comfortable, but the next level

(53:39):
of conversation, if she's still going to go anyway, it's like,
what are the sleeping arrangements. Where will she be staying, Like,
how is the setup going to be? Yeah, because they're
going to find a way to do what they want
to do anyway.

Speaker 3 (53:49):
But Mom, I understand. I'm giving you a hug right
now because I get it. I get on a cultural
level and on a parent level.

Speaker 2 (53:56):
But I'm also not far removed from eighteen to nineteen
year Okadeen, who did the very same thing with Deval
and told my mom I was gonna go anyway.

Speaker 1 (54:05):
This is what I think parents need to realize. First
of all, I think she did everything the right way.
I would have done everything the same way. But you
also have to realize that you say she leaves to
go to college, so she'll be having the biggest sleepover
for the next four years.

Speaker 4 (54:16):
Yep.

Speaker 1 (54:16):
So whatever you think, you haven't taught her up until
she leaves in August. Like it's a rap, now, you
know what I'm saying, Like this not her not going
on this trip is not going to teach her anything
more for when she goes away. And to be honest,
what I think might happen is you say this and
then it becomes a moment of contention the minute she
leaves to go to school. Then it's gonna be I'm

(54:39):
gonna show my mom. I'm gonna do what I want
and you don't want that. I would agree with Kay
on this when they say, listen, you're eighteen, you're an adult.
You can vote, you can smoke, you can't drink yet,
but you're going away to college. If this is something
you think that is that you're comfortable with or you
feel is okay, I'm not in support of it as
your mom, but I also can not stop you.

Speaker 4 (55:01):
So you do what you think is right.

Speaker 1 (55:04):
I don't think it's right, and then try to guide
her through the decision process.

Speaker 4 (55:09):
When you tell an eighteen year.

Speaker 1 (55:10):
Old no when they know they're going to be leaving,
they like, I don't really have to listen to you.
My mother and father told me no a lot, And
the minute I turned eighteen, I did everything I wanted
to do. I got a tattoo, I got both my
ears peers, I was drinking out.

Speaker 4 (55:24):
You know what I'm saying, Like I did those things
just to say.

Speaker 2 (55:27):
That I did it, because it becomes a countdown or
how much longer I'm going to be in this household
with you, and then it's just like I'm never going
to come back after this, And that's what I said too.
Whatever you've instilled in her, those morals, those values, that
moral compass over the past eighteen years, at some point, Mom,
you're going to have to rely on that and just
know that she's going to make decisions. Some are probably
going to be in her best interests and some won't.

(55:49):
But you have to have that kind of conversation and
that confidence in what you've done with her up till now,
and just hope that she will in those moments lean
on that voice in her head, which is to be
her gut or it's going to be God for her,
and then it's going to be what mom has also
taught me and instilled in me over the years. And
I promise she'll make the right decisions, or at least what.

Speaker 4 (56:11):
If moms tried to do this.

Speaker 1 (56:12):
You know what, I don't agree with this, but I
trust that you will make right decisions if you decide
to go, and then make it a collaborative effort with
her and her daughter as opposed to me versus you.
I know you really want to go. Okay, So since
you really want to go, let's see how we can
make this work where you can feel comfortable and I

(56:32):
can feel comfortable.

Speaker 4 (56:33):
What does that look like for you?

Speaker 1 (56:34):
And if they're collaborative, then she'll be more inclined to
be like, oh, my mom said I can go, but
I have to.

Speaker 2 (56:40):
Do these things the things, And then she may say
to herself, because mom is now entrusting me to do
something even though she really wasn't signed up for it,
I'm going to go out of my way to make
sure that I don't make my mom regrets absolutely the
decision that she's made absolutely by allowing me to collaborate
with her on going on this trip. I'm saying, so,

(57:01):
I think that's fair. I think that's a That's probably
how you and I would have handled something and come
up once our boys become older and you know, Jackson
or Cairo pass. Yeah, moments like that. I just always
want to be in the loop. It's like you, says
a parent. You just never want to be out of
the loop of what's happening. You want them to feel
comfortable and confident coming to you with anything.

Speaker 1 (57:19):
We did that with Jackson recently. I didn't want him
to go in that sleep away then he went to
I didn't. Yeah, it was, but I asked him and
I said, Yo, do you want to go?

Speaker 4 (57:27):
Yeah? And he was just like, yeah, I want to go.

Speaker 1 (57:28):
Everybody's going. I said, all right, well this is how
it's going to be, you know what I'm saying. And
then the first, the very first thing that happened right
because I told Jackson, yo, you got to text me
every night and every morning. Then I don't hear of
him for three days, and I said, oh, shoot, they
probably took their phones. The minute he got his phone,
you know, he did, hey Dad, they took my phone
or sorry. But then it let me know that he

(57:49):
was still thinking yes about us. And even though I
didn't want him to go, he went and behaved himself
the way he was supposed to, nothing but glowing reviews
of how he behaved himself.

Speaker 4 (57:59):
So I said, you see, if I was.

Speaker 1 (58:00):
Being an overbearing dad at thirteen, it was like, no,
you're not going, he wouldn't have learned that lesson.

Speaker 3 (58:04):
That lesson exactly. Good luck, mom. I know it's hard.
I know it's hard your mom, like you said, your
drained teen mom of three. I get it.

Speaker 2 (58:12):
I get it, but yeah, you're gonna have to work
on trusting her when she gets to college and just
relying on everything that you taught her so far. So
good luck to you, and I'll probably be leaning back
on y'all child when we reached that face like play back,
the episode could even play it back, clear back.

Speaker 4 (58:27):
Because even when she was reading, when he was reading,
I was like, Oh, I've been here.

Speaker 2 (58:30):
Been here before on both sides of it, you know
what I'm saying, understanding the parent perspective and then the
child perspective. And my mama warned me about it, he said,
wait till you have your own kids, you're going to
really understand that.

Speaker 3 (58:40):
And here we are, all right, y'all.

Speaker 2 (58:42):
If you want to be featured as one of our
listener letters, email us at ted ass Advice at gmail
dot com.

Speaker 1 (58:47):
That's d E A D A S S A d
V I C E at gmail dot com.

Speaker 3 (58:52):
All right, moment of truth time. We're talking about Jackson
and Deval's first little.

Speaker 2 (58:58):
Skuffle here, full scuffle here at home and what we're
taking away from that whole thing.

Speaker 3 (59:06):
Do you have a moment of truth, babe?

Speaker 1 (59:07):
I do have a moment of truth. That's a couple
of them. The first thing is that I'm proud of
my son. Proud of my son for standing up to
his dad. Proud of him for, even though being afraid,
being able to compose himself to defend himself, but then
also speak intelligently when I ask questions after when it
comes to you and your mom, I understand. You know

(59:29):
you're getting in defense mode of your children. I just
need y'all to know that if you chose me, then
trust me. You know one thing you said to me,
One thing you said to me during that time where
I was like that makes no sense. You said to
me you said, I've never seen you like that. I
didn't know how to trust you. And I said, you've
never been in a bank robbery. But if we're in
a bank and they started to get robbed and I say, Kadeen, run,

(59:51):
you can't defy me and say, well, I've never been
in a bank robbery. I'm not running because you said,
like you know what I'm saying, I need you to
trust that.

Speaker 4 (59:57):
I got it. And with me me it was.

Speaker 1 (01:00:02):
Telling her like, listen, you are doing everything you're supposed
to do as a grandma, but just don't overstep because
this is still like a dean in my house. And
we don't do everything the way y'all did you know,
we're doing things a bit differently. And although we appreciate
everything you're doing to help us raise these kids, because
we're not raising them by ourselves, still also give me

(01:00:23):
some grace and understanding that this is still my house
and trust that you know you gave your daughter to
me when you said I trust you with my daughter,
you trusted her with me, So now trust your daughter
and your grandkids. So that that's my moments of truth.

Speaker 2 (01:00:37):
Absolutely, And it's funny because my moment in truth is
going to be trust and fully illheartedly believe in the
person who you chose to have children with. You know
that they're never going to bring harm to them. And
it's also me relying on you as my son's father,
Like all the time, I'm.

Speaker 3 (01:00:53):
Like, four boys, Lord, what are you trying to teach
me or show me?

Speaker 2 (01:01:00):
But I think that the world is going to be
that much better with our four voice because of you
being their dad and you teaching them the lessons. And
I know that so for so long, you spend so
much time thinking about just your childhood and your upbringing
and the things that you've had to endure and the
things that you want to prepare your sons for, but
also too or our sons for, but also making sure

(01:01:21):
that you kind of remove them from that environment. But
in the end that they are in that kind of environment,
how they can handle themselves, and wanted them to be
equipped with the confidence and the tools to handle themselves
if they God for better ever in situations like this.
So you know, I love that for them, and I
love that you are the person that they come to
and that is guiding them through life and manhood.

Speaker 3 (01:01:44):
My boys in manhood. You know, it's a beautiful thing
to watch.

Speaker 4 (01:01:48):
Gotcha.

Speaker 2 (01:01:49):
I love you all right, y'all. Before we're getting any
more mushy over here. Find us on Patreon if you
have not been subscribed yet, we have lots of really
really dope content there. The after show is always a riot. Yes,
you have full dead Ass podcast video content as well
as family content, and you can find us on social
media at dead Ass the podcast.

Speaker 3 (01:02:10):
I'm Kadina, I am and I am Devo.

Speaker 1 (01:02:11):
And if you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate,
review and subscribe. And while you're subscribing, make sure you
get that copy of We over Meet The counter Intuitive
approach to getting everything you want out of your relationships.

Speaker 3 (01:02:24):
To get the drip, y'all, grab your merch.

Speaker 2 (01:02:27):
We got that on sale as well too, So see
you guys soon, See you next time for the next episode,
and until then, keep it dead Ass, Baby, dead Ass.

Speaker 1 (01:02:39):
Got dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast Network,
and it's produced by Donor Opinya and Triple. Follow the
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