Get Your Freak On

The secret to having a great marriage is keeping the spark alive. That means date nights, acts of service and having sex like two strangers who just met at a bar. In this episode, Khadeen and Devale discuss how they keep their relationship hot, steamy and interesting with casual sex. Dead Ass.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Marriage sex be whacked as fuck. No, it's not with me,
marriage sex. I'm talking about marriage sex. Marriage sex be
whack as fuck.

Speaker 2 (00:13):
All right, dead ass, I guess dead ass?

Speaker 3 (00:17):
Dead ass?

Speaker 2 (00:18):
So how do we get this spark pothin or how
do we keep it? Is the question.

Speaker 3 (00:21):
That's what we're gonna talk about casually.

Speaker 2 (00:25):
Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devou and we're the Ellis's.

Speaker 3 (00:30):
You may know us from posting funny videos with our.

Speaker 2 (00:32):
Boys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy.

Speaker 3 (00:36):
Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow.

Speaker 2 (00:40):
Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.

Speaker 3 (00:42):
Yes, sir, we are.

Speaker 1 (00:43):
We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of
li's most taboo topics.

Speaker 2 (00:48):
Things most folks don't want to talk about.

Speaker 1 (00:51):
Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass
is a term that we say every day. So when
we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred,
the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Were about to take Bilos off to our whole new level.

Speaker 2 (01:07):
Dead ass starts right now.

Speaker 1 (01:11):
All right, story time, story time, I'm gonna take y'all
back to two weeks ago.

Speaker 3 (01:19):
We're on a flight coming back from.

Speaker 2 (01:21):
Oh god, we're because we've been on so many flights, y'all.

Speaker 3 (01:24):
We're coming back to yourself.

Speaker 2 (01:26):
Okay, back here.

Speaker 1 (01:27):
From and you and Jackson, no, you and Kiro were
sitting in first class.

Speaker 3 (01:33):
I was in comfort plus I was sitting right behind.

Speaker 1 (01:35):
You, right behind us, and we were getting ready to
go back home, and we weren't able to have the
type of sex that we wanted to have because Cairo
was staying with losing cure cyle. So we was like
it was two dry days, right, which you know in
our house doesn't happen too often. But I remember sitting
there texting and k was sending me memes from Instagram,

(01:55):
like sexy memes, and then she sends me a text
on the meme it was just like, yo, I want
you to do some and so to me, and then
at the end of it, she was just like, I
want to get fucked. And to be honest, though, I
don't think a lot of people realize how important that
is in the marriage. When you and your spouse decide

(02:16):
that we're not going to play the marriage game, right,
we were gonna play the I want to get mind
game in the bedroom, and that's what I want to
talk about today.

Speaker 2 (02:24):
All right, Now we can unravel that story, baby, when
you're ready. All right, karaoke time. I feel like we've
had so many episodes about sex. We're talking about random
different things about sex, so we're.

Speaker 3 (02:35):
Not a different one though.

Speaker 2 (02:36):
We're trying to remember, like what songs we've used, and
we use knocking the boots before.

Speaker 1 (02:42):
Uh huh, we used less talk about done that.

Speaker 3 (02:46):
I got a different one.

Speaker 2 (02:47):
This time, you got different. I let you pick today.

Speaker 3 (02:50):
Shout out to our roots since we both Jamaican.

Speaker 2 (02:53):
Oh yeah, he is the passport to proof of baby,
and the popis them mm hmm.

Speaker 1 (02:57):
And now I got the voice, So dime to a
have six look out a long every rude boy, yea
weird flicks.

Speaker 3 (03:07):
Dime do I have said?

Speaker 2 (03:09):
Bye, that's a good one. Flip flip flip flip flicks
before you're rich, I guess perfume.

Speaker 3 (03:19):
Oh my god, that's when it said, man, yeah.

Speaker 2 (03:21):
Child crazy because we were singing this stuff as children.
I know.

Speaker 3 (03:25):
I think it came out in It was either ninety
nine or ninety was it really? Yeah? So I remember
from Bethlehem, so I was like six.

Speaker 1 (03:34):
Trying to figure out how to wind my waist tight
because that's when all of the slow wine was happening
in nineteen ninety flu.

Speaker 2 (03:41):
The most top tier thing about life for me at
least is growing up as a person of West Indian
descent in Brooklyn in the nineties.

Speaker 3 (03:54):
Yeah, like that was a.

Speaker 2 (03:57):
Vibe. Like the private school that we went to you
was all black, It was a mix between American and
Caribbean people. It was just such a vibe. I felt
like I was really able to come into my own.

Speaker 1 (04:09):
It became it became a global like cultural movement because
from the nineties into two thousands, that's when the Sean
Paul's and the Beanie Man's and the Elephant Man's took
the world by storm and reggae became real mainstream. Remember
from like the late nineties, Maya had the song with
Beanie I'm trying to think about what was the first
reggae song that went mainstream?

Speaker 3 (04:31):
I think it was best collab, wasn't It wasn't best
to me? What was Maya and Beanie Man's.

Speaker 2 (04:37):
Take the Stars the Sky?

Speaker 3 (04:40):
Four years that guys guys.

Speaker 2 (04:43):
In this world? Then if I could be young girl,
that was right? I don't know that was the first,
but that was definitely a big one when I was
in school.

Speaker 3 (04:50):
I remember that was the.

Speaker 1 (04:51):
First reggae song. I remember hearing on Hot ninety seven, okay,
and then that song came and Simsimmer. That was was
huge in nineteen ninety eight. So matter of fact, I
think sim Simmer was first.

Speaker 2 (05:05):
I love a white beamer to this day.

Speaker 1 (05:08):
Oh because of sim Simmer. I thought you said, because
I love that's why I love white man. I was
about to be like, what what because you said that's
why I love white And I was like, whereh she going?

Speaker 2 (05:16):
No, no, no, you know it's a thing where Jamaican's
guess what it is. You know what I'm saying. So
that's always gonna be a vibe.

Speaker 3 (05:23):
All right.

Speaker 2 (05:24):
One thing that kills vibes bills. We gotta pay bills,
all right, they're about to kill our vibe. We're gonna
take a quick break and we're gonna come back. We're
gonna jump into story time and talk about casual sex
and marriage. Okay, don't get it twisted. We're gonna explain
what that means when we're back. Stick around, y'all, all right,
and we're back. Yes, listen, okay, I will say as

(05:47):
it relates to your story time, Yes, there is something
to be said about like being with your husband away
in a tropical place, you know where they are celebrating
our really good friend's wedding. But the style cramper is
like your kids in the bed hol you in the
hotel with us. You know what I'm saying. So we're like,
you know what, We'll tough it out for two days.
Were there for Tuesday to Thursday, so for three days,

(06:09):
we're gonna tough it out until we get back home.
So being in that environment and wanting my man the
way I want my man, well, actually we did have
a moment that was very casual of us. We had
How did I forget about that?

Speaker 3 (06:27):
But that's what sparked you to send me the things
on the plane.

Speaker 2 (06:31):
I think that's what it was.

Speaker 3 (06:32):
So let me let me go back.

Speaker 2 (06:35):
I'm gonna let y'all into like a this would be
the only fans version of the past for y'allay. So
it is the night of the wedding, right, and at
that point we had been out dancing all night. Y'all
saw the footage. Probably check my fan page because they
probably got all my stories on there dancing having a
grand on time at the wedding. Right, So Cairo was

(06:56):
dancing on the dance floor, he was knocked out in
sleep sleep, So Deval and I put them in the
bed and whatnot. And then we're just chilling on the
balcony on and you know, one thing leads to another.
And at that point we're on like the fifth floor,
so we're pretty high up.

Speaker 1 (07:16):
They ain't know one thing leads to another. It's we're
on the fifth floor, is high up. We can see
it's it's dark out there. Nobody can really because we
can't see.

Speaker 3 (07:25):
No, yeah, hope, we hope nobody can see us. But
we're on the balcony.

Speaker 2 (07:32):
Ye, all the world is sleeping. Blowout.

Speaker 1 (07:38):
I'm like, yo, you ain't then you ain't never want
to have sex on the balcony Macony.

Speaker 3 (07:45):
She's like people, I was like, shut up, shut up,
shut up, shut up.

Speaker 1 (07:49):
This is where I talk about like the casual sex
because if if it's your wife, right, we have these conversations.

Speaker 3 (07:55):
You know, we're gonna cuddle you know, can we cuddle
me up beforehand? Can we? And it's like we can
do all of these things.

Speaker 1 (08:02):
Yes, I get it, I get it, but that should
be whacked to me sometimes, Like I'm being honest, Like
I love cuddling and I love doing all of that
stuff because I know that you need it.

Speaker 3 (08:09):
But sometimes I want.

Speaker 1 (08:10):
It to just be like ah and not not spontaneous, spontaneous,
but not a quickie because we'll do spontaneous like YoY,
we only got seven minutes left before the kids come home. Yeah,
so we'll do that, but that's also like a let
me get mine real fast. No, I want to have
casual sex, not casual quikies. Right, casual sex where I'm

(08:33):
trying to prove to you that I'm the man that
you need me to be, and I want you to
prove to me right, you know what I'm saying, And
have the type of sex when you you know, when
you don't know each.

Speaker 3 (08:43):
Other really right sore phase. Yes, the dating phase.

Speaker 2 (08:47):
It is getting back to dating phase, trying to gain
title of boyfriend and girlfriend. Yes, you're really feeling this person.
That's where all of the sparks, like we talked about,
like bottling up that newness in the relationship, in the
sexual journey that is marriage. So yeah, we both have
had those moments, and I more recently we spoke about

(09:07):
removing my IUD devaliating his vasectomy. That those two major
things eliminating so much of what used to bother us
or used to just interestrate with our sex life and
our drives and whatnot. So I have now begind And
it could because I'm on the fourth floor now, because
I've heard once you get there, you know, you get there,
So it could be a combination of those things. But

(09:29):
saying that to say, that's something that I kind of
require now too. And to your point, there are moments
where I'm like, you know, babe, I want you to
see me and feel me, and we do all the
theatrics of the foreplay, but sometimes the cure style Bontoni
Son got that work.

Speaker 1 (09:46):
The reason why I felt like that too was because
your parents live with us right this. Sometimes I want
to have casual sex right there in the family room,
And every time I go, I'm like, yo, yo, come on,
just come on, come give me some happy quick.

Speaker 3 (09:56):
She'd be like She's like, no, no, no, what My
dad he walks real slow, He's like a.

Speaker 2 (09:59):
Go and I'm like it floats around the house, y'all.
He pops up. He's scared this shit out of me.
The other day when I was over here just packing,
cleaning up the room or whatever, and I turned around
and my dad was literally standing there looking at me
like a creep, and I'm like what and he's like, oh, nothing,
I was just checking to see if you want me
to take out some meat for dinner.

Speaker 1 (10:16):
I'm like, okay, I'm meat and give it to your
daughter right now, sir. You messing up my vibes all right.

Speaker 2 (10:22):
Like we literally have to be like, yeah, we are
conscious of it.

Speaker 3 (10:26):
And if it's not your parents, it's a kid, so.

Speaker 1 (10:29):
We don't we don't get a chance to have like
casual sex ever, like it's it's always planned. It has
to be like I wanted it to be casual sex
because married couples don't ever get a chance to have
casual sex, especially if you have kids. For example, if
I look at my wife and she looks hot right now, right,

(10:51):
I can't just say, yo, let's go in the back end. No,
I got to be like, what time you got to
get so and so, who is there? Who is in
the house? Okay, Then by the time we get to
the end of the night, she tired. So now I'm
just like, fuck, how do I how do I ease
her back into the idea of having sex? And then
it's like, what hoops do I gotta jump through? Okay,
let me give her a massage, let me rub her back.

(11:13):
At this point, it's not casual no more. And I'm
not really enjoying it that much, right you know what
I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (11:18):
It's the work that has to go into it when
we just want those effortless moments. It was hilarious other day.
I think Matt came by, and Matt, you know, Matt's family.
So Matt came by and I think he noticed that,
like some car was missing, and he didn't know who
exactly was home. And he's like, valecaty might be home
by themselves, and if they are, who knows what might

(11:39):
be going down if I walk through this door right now.
So it's like, announce yourself, sir, because he had the
right idea, Let me announce myself so that I'm not
working your doorbell.

Speaker 1 (11:48):
And the thing is that annoyed the ship out of me.
I'm like, who the fuck ringing the doorbell in the
middle of the day. They know we are just like,
whoever's here knows that we here. So then I'm like, Matt,
why the camera the door?

Speaker 3 (11:58):
Bet Matt. He's just like, look, man, I ain't see
these cars. The kids is at school. I know how
y'all do? Do you know what I'm saying? I was like, I.

Speaker 2 (12:06):
Appreciate that, bro, Yeah, appreciate that.

Speaker 1 (12:09):
But for real, though, like people don't realize how monotonous
sex can become, even in your marriage, even when you
try to.

Speaker 3 (12:16):
Be deliverate, deliverate, deliberate, deliver it would be.

Speaker 2 (12:21):
Trying to want you to deliver it. Yes, I want
you to deliver it, and I'd be wanting to do that.

Speaker 3 (12:27):
I be wanting to deliver it, but there'd be so
much things going on.

Speaker 1 (12:30):
And I'm gonna say this, two women don't understand how
much goes in our mind when we getting ready to
have sex.

Speaker 3 (12:35):
Right, Like we were talking beforehand, Josh was like his
wife was just like, do you see me?

Speaker 2 (12:41):
And he was like she wants to feel seen too, right,
But he's just like, you don't see y'all.

Speaker 3 (12:45):
Is clearly I see you, and you asking me if
I see you? It's messing up the mojo right now, So.

Speaker 2 (12:51):
You should see that.

Speaker 3 (12:52):
I see you, don't see me seeing you, both of
us see you.

Speaker 1 (12:55):
He looking right at you with the one eye, right,
he the one eye looking right at you, like, come on,
what we're trying to do. And that's that's what I'm
talking about with casual sex. That that sex was just
like John fuck and you like yeah, and then there's no,
there's no let's talk about for a play like me,
get in my phone and make sure not it.

Speaker 3 (13:15):
Is grab the collar, dragging the back of the room
and I got we're seeing.

Speaker 2 (13:21):
That the footage of the lions and stuff like that.
That's what you mean. Do they like each other? They're fighting? Oh,
they're not. They're not fighting.

Speaker 1 (13:32):
They fighting they're fighting for love. That's how when we
have casual sex.

Speaker 3 (13:36):
You know, have you noticed how to do this? We
have casual sex. We have casual sex.

Speaker 1 (13:39):
Right when I'm finished, I'm not getting the towel, Nope,
because if I just met you, I'm not getting the
towel this casual sex. Baby, I'm just rolling over, going
to sleep. Whatever happens on that side of the bed
happened on that side of the bed already. You figure
it out, Which.

Speaker 2 (13:53):
Is fine because sometimes I don't feel like being cuddled either.
I'm hot anyway. I'm hot anyway, So back up.

Speaker 3 (14:00):
What KA gonna do is right, We're gonna be finished.
She's gonna look down there. She's gonna be like.

Speaker 1 (14:06):
This, if this can dry up on its own, I'm
going to sleep. But she's like, if this might cause
some problems down there, then I see her stomp to.

Speaker 3 (14:15):
The bathroom right.

Speaker 2 (14:17):
Like that. Man, it really just all depends.

Speaker 1 (14:20):
It really all you selfish too, because then you'll come
back after wiping yourself up, won't come back with it.

Speaker 3 (14:26):
She will go right on the side of the bed
and go to sleep, and you know what, don't touch
me anyway.

Speaker 1 (14:30):
I'm good like That's that to me is what keeps
our sex life like on fire, because it's like yo
sometimes and it's gonna sound crazy to people, but once again,
I'm not. I'm not asking you how to affirm my marriage.
I don't want to care about you. Sometimes I just
want to split you in half and show you like
this is why you marry me I completely.

Speaker 2 (14:50):
Sometimes the reminder is very valid and needed in that moment,
you know what I'm saying, because as a woman, sometimes
I want to be you know handled a little bit,
you know what I'm saying, so it really works out.
I saw a video on Instagram of a couple and
the pov was just like when you both are trying
to act normal after you just like pretty much had
a session and you walk in and you have to

(15:10):
return to life and return to the kids. I'm like
and I laugh because I'm like, that's deval nice so
many times because falling into again the marriage rud of
what sex is. There's the Okay, it's the end of
the day, the kids have been taken care of, it's nighttime,
we cleaned up the kitchen, everybody showered, and it's like, okay,
here's the bed. Let's both turn down east side of
the bed and then get in the bed. And that's

(15:31):
probably the worst way for us at least, and it
may work for somebody else, but for us, that's the
worst way to start a session.

Speaker 3 (15:40):
I agree with you, though I'm not going to say
it's the worst sex for everyone else. Right for me,
I hate the minute I get in the bed and
we both laying in the bed shoulder and shoulder.

Speaker 1 (15:51):
I don't want to have sex no more, right, I
don't like there has to be some sort of adventure,
like like we've done this already, you know. And and
to be honest, and then isn't as important when you
get married as the actual idea of having sex with
your wife, Like when you younger or you're single, you
want to get a nut, like I'm looking for gettingnot

(16:12):
I want that feeling. Right once you've got married, you
get that feeling because we have sex consistently. Now it's
not just about the nuts. I can get a nut
if I wanted a nut. It's about actually having that
connection with a person. And that's to me, Oh my gosh,
to be to be with you in any type of
way and me giving it to you and you look
back and you giving it to me, and we enjoying

(16:34):
it and we without having to think about I hope
I did enough for a play.

Speaker 3 (16:39):
I hope I you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (16:41):
I hope she feels seen, you know, without you having
to feel like, I hope we had sex enough days
in a role you know, it's like, yeah, sometimes you
need to have casual sex in the marriage where we're
not thinking about each other.

Speaker 3 (16:52):
I'm thinking about myself. You better think about yourself.

Speaker 2 (16:55):
Absolutely, get what we need. But there's also like a
performance aspect of it too, because it's like, as much
as I want to get what I need from it,
I need to make sure that he gets what I'm giving.

Speaker 3 (17:04):
You know what?

Speaker 1 (17:05):
That's that, To be honest, I think that's what the
biggest thing is. Casual sex for a lot of people
is about performance. When you get married, you stop performing
because it's like, I got my person, I don't have
to prove anything.

Speaker 3 (17:17):
I can just get whatever I'm getting.

Speaker 1 (17:19):
But no, if you're constantly trying to perform for your spouse,
imagine what type of sex you have in If she
come to bed and she's like, I'm about to really
freak this niggle off something crazy, but he comes to you,
I done have my ginkolobo.

Speaker 3 (17:34):
You know what I'm saying, No and meet you shots.

Speaker 1 (17:36):
And shit's getting brain and not exploding before you're supposed to.
Because we got we got missing guys. We all got
our tricks. You know some guys, I was in the
hood or was You get a honey pack. You get
a honey pack before you go to lay down with
that one sick you want the corner store.

Speaker 3 (17:57):
And it keeps you here.

Speaker 2 (17:58):
You know what, I'm saying the honey peg tonic, sexy
and the roots you go to health food stores, you know.

Speaker 1 (18:03):
But that's the type of sex that makes a woman
fall in love because he's not going it or not.
That's the type of sex when guys with their friends,
they'd be like, Yo, I'm going to shorty that I
was after for the past couple and she said, now
is the time I have to deliver that grade A.
You know what I'm saying, because I'm not going to
be the clown in her friends group chats that chat

(18:24):
bro jet. That type of sex is the sex that
be missing when you get married, when you're and I
think we just having this discussion really like brought it
to a point. It's the performance because you perform now.

Speaker 2 (18:38):
Absolutely man, you thought can say stayed on stage after tour,
baby we brought her home.

Speaker 1 (18:44):
Okay, ladies, this is this is a this is a
married man talking right. And we had this conversation too. Like,
I feel like a lot of the world is lost
because single people listen to single people of the opposite
sex and say, well, this is what they want.

Speaker 3 (18:58):
Yeah, that guy single, he's telling you what he wants.
He's single.

Speaker 1 (19:02):
He don't know what he wants, because if he wanted
to be with somebody, he would have found it and
found that person. So you're listening to single people, listen
to married people tell you how they keep the flames.
As a man, I'm telling you when you perform right,
that shit keeps me excited when you when I know
that this ain't about the cuddles and when this is
about oh, she really wants to show me that she

(19:23):
the baddest one. When it's the sex that part of me, Ladies,
it's the sex that your side chick give you when
she's trying to prove she's trying to be the main ship.
Don't you hear this all the time, and you say
this all the time. The best position for a woman
to be heard that is the side chick position, because
that's the woman that wants to constantly prove.

Speaker 2 (19:42):
That's also that the person that most of most men
I've heard, at least I don't know, go to for
some sort of escapism, right, you know why because you
only come with one.

Speaker 3 (19:51):
Thing, and she's coming to do what perform?

Speaker 1 (19:55):
Perform for me it's like wife perform Because as a husband,
I put that pressure on myself to perform. I don't
ever want. I don't ever want in our marriage ever.
I don't care how old we are. You look at
me and be like, Okay, that's it. Like you forgot
about me, Like you didn't you didn't want to make
sure that I got mine.

Speaker 2 (20:13):
I don't think I could. I could honestly say, I
don't think that was ever a case.

Speaker 1 (20:18):
You know why, because my friends in my group chat.
We be on each other, like keep your health up.
Like a lot of us we work out and stuff,
but we keep our bodies on point because we want
our wives to look at us in that way. Where Yo,
if your wife ain't looking at you like that, trust me,
she looking at somebody like that. You know what I'm saying.
So imagine you lose yourself in the looks department as
a man. Right so now, stomach getting big, your hair

(20:41):
falling out. You can't perform as much as you did
before because you don't care to try because you already
got her. Then you're gonna be mad if she steps out. Nah, bro,
that's your fault.

Speaker 3 (20:51):
That is like, you have a.

Speaker 1 (20:52):
Responsibility as a man to make sure that your wife
knows Like I'm coming home to deliver grade A.

Speaker 3 (20:59):
I don't how many kids we got.

Speaker 2 (21:02):
I completely get it, and I love that that's happening
in your group chat because I've actually been the one
to shift the dialogue in some of my group chats
or even just in one on one conversations with women
who I know who are friends that are still married,
and a lot of time, the narrative is us as
women getting together and communing over how tired we are,
how much we have on our plate, all the things

(21:22):
that we have to do, which is very accurate and
it's very I see them, and I see because I
know I'm living that, like there's a thousand things to
be done on a toy day basis as a wife
and mom. But I'm also the one now to introduce
into those group chats and those discussions. But doesn't your
husband deserve to have his wife? And I'm trying to
change the narrative because I feel like, I feel like

(21:43):
it's necessary for us as women to be honest, to
finally be honest as wives and as moms about what
it requires for us to sustain these marriages healthily with
our spouses. So the conversations have become now.

Speaker 3 (21:58):
Wait, wait, just because you to go to have his
wife in what way.

Speaker 2 (22:03):
The way he wants to have his wife, or the
way you feel your husband deserves to be treated based
off of the life that he's able to provide for you.
Like I recently became friends with someone that I met
through another friend, and she's so refreshing to me. That's
why I don't subscribe to the whole no new friends thing. Yeah,
because at this point in life, I'm meeting people who

(22:24):
are aligning with a lot of the things that I
have become. And I love conversations with her because we
talk about how amazing our husbands are, how much they're
doing for us, how much we want to go the
extra miles, exchanging tips and tricks about like oh this
worked for me, or I took him on a staycation
or I had him do that. Like they're just little

(22:45):
things that we feel like are required. So it's changing
the narrative within those women group chats and within those
married women forums where we're not just complaining about all
the things that we have on our plate, but just
really saying, how can we refocus husband, how can we
focus marriage and intimacy and what our husbands require based
off of the life that we've provided for each other.

(23:07):
You know, it's important to have those conversations, and I
think women tend to glaze over that it is important.

Speaker 3 (23:11):
I'm glad you kind of brought that up because when
we did the.

Speaker 1 (23:16):
Podcast with Nice and Neat Okay, yes, and we talked
about making a choice, and then them all three of
those brothers, Jalan, Omar, and Duke, all married black women
as well, all in shape, all make really good money,
but all decided that they weren't going to do the
same thing that other podcasts where young men did, was
create a battle of the sexist and talk.

Speaker 3 (23:37):
About the things that women weren't doing.

Speaker 1 (23:39):
They decided to talk about what they can do as
men to show up for each other, to be better spouses.
And that's why when you put me on to them,
I was like, damn, Like this is really a different
perspective because now these are young men that I can
talk to as well and be like, wait, that worked
for you. What for example with Omar right and him
changing his whole diet and this whole lifestyle right to

(24:00):
be part of Kansas to be what Candace needs. And
now they had their child, they getting their sex life
back in order. It's like, those are things that I
think we as a society need more.

Speaker 2 (24:12):
Enough of the blame game and enough of the salacious
you know clips where podcasts are just pinning us against
each other. Like, no, I think we have a responsibility
as wives, for example, and I'll speak on our behalfs
because we speak a lot about couples and relationships stuff.
But I think at some point us women need to
stand up and say, you know what, these are the
things that we need to change. These are the things

(24:33):
that we can tap into a little bit more. And
I discover that when I really had the conversation with you,
and you were like, why do I always have to
be the last one on the total pole? Why do
I always have to be the one to understand where
you're coming from or just understand that you have all
these things to get done. At what point can I
raise my level on that list of things that you
have where I am more of the priority, even if

(24:55):
it's for a day or two out of the week,
if it's for an hour out of the week, we
prioritize and make time for the things that are important.
And I've been taken for granted for a long time
you and the things that you require. So these are
the conversations that I want to have now with women
in those forum of women who are married or aspire
to marriage, to say, you know what, no, you need

(25:16):
to figure out a way to make sure that your
husband is taken care of. I thin, because that's what
he requires.

Speaker 1 (25:22):
I think that's dope because in the past casual sex
spoken about in marriages where a woman just says, you know,
let's go have sex.

Speaker 3 (25:27):
All your hear is I don't got time for it.
I got so many other things to do.

Speaker 2 (25:30):
I want I'm going to move for it, which is
very valid too, because I've been there. I've been that
woman that's just like now, it's not the time I
have a kid hanging off of my breast, I'm in
the middle of cooking dinner, like I have all the
things going on. But we really have to be mindful
of taking the time to say, this is what he.

Speaker 3 (25:47):
Needs, and that's not just what he needs, what is
he doing to help you be better to do that?

Speaker 1 (25:54):
For example, I know for a fact, if my wife
is exhausted at the end of the day, she's not
gonna want to have casual sex.

Speaker 3 (25:59):
She's gonna be tired. So you know what I do.

Speaker 1 (26:01):
I make sure I pick up the slack in other ways,
or I get people to help around the house. That's
a responsibility as a man you have to do if
you want your wife to freak off.

Speaker 3 (26:09):
But also, I'm in the gym every single day. You
know what I'm saying. It's bad enough you already tired.

Speaker 1 (26:15):
Right then you look at a dude that you like,
you don't even look the way I saw you attractively,
you know what I'm saying. And we put a lot
of onus on women to maintain themselves, but we don't
put the same on this on dudes. If you a dude,
then you want to have casual sex with your wife
right and in the the middle of the day or

(26:37):
at the end of the night, how about you present
something to her that makes her go, I can't wait
till fuckentic.

Speaker 3 (26:42):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (26:43):
Why why don't you change your diet to eat better?
Why don't you make sure your six pack is a
little more six pack?

Speaker 3 (26:49):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (26:50):
And here's the thing, even if you're not a six
packed type of dude. I got friends who played in
the NFL. Who husky, You can still be husky, but
get your line up lined up, make sure your beard.
You know, being with some colone like, you don't have
to just lose yourself in your marriage because you like,
I already got my woman. Nah, bro, be the best
version of yourself to her so that she sees you

(27:10):
randomly and you want to grab that colum and be like, yo,
what's going on.

Speaker 2 (27:13):
It's helpful. It's helpful when we're talking about the casual
sex with the marriage. Same thing goes for women. I
get it. I've been there, I've been postpartum, I've had
all the kids and all that. But I made the
effort and I made the choice to figure out how
my body works. I'm learning my body. I made the
necessary changes to be able to be who my husband

(27:34):
met essentially. Yeah, and better. I feel like I'm a
better version of that girl that you met when we
were eighteen. Like, I'm a hold men.

Speaker 1 (27:40):
Now I've gained ten pounds with every child. You eighteen
pounds on all men.

Speaker 2 (27:46):
Yeah, now you're.

Speaker 3 (27:47):
Closer to one sixty one.

Speaker 2 (27:50):
I fluctuate a bit, you know what I'm saying in
the right places, But that's something that I'm interested in
because when I look at my man and he's sexy,
and I know I'm sexy for my man, it sparks
something within me, that confidence where I'm just like, oh,
I can be whoever he needs me to be in
this casual sex moment within our marriage, you know, saying,
all right, we have some quick facts and stats that

(28:11):
we can get into. According to web ind twenty five
percent of American adults have sex weekly, sixteen percent have
sex two to three times a week, seventeen have sex
once a month, nineteen percent have sex two to three
times per month, five percent have sex four or five
times per week. So we're within the five percent percent. Yeah,

(28:32):
and ten percent didn't have sex in the past year.

Speaker 3 (28:35):
Oh, ten percent, apeak.

Speaker 2 (28:37):
That's crazy that some people just aren't doing it, doing
it and doing it well.

Speaker 1 (28:41):
According to Tatistan twenty twenty one, people who were cohabitating
and had sex the most frequently, with an average of
one point six times per week. Married people had sex
on average one point two times per week, while unpartnered
people had sex and averages zero point three times a week.
This is what's funny too. I'm glad we're talking about
this why casual sex is so much better when you're single,

(29:02):
you don't have sex. Is often when you don't have sex,
is often that anticipation when you do have sex. Because
when I speak to my single friends, true, and I'm
talking to them and I'm like, these are dudes, handsome
dudes with money who live in places that are flooded
with women Miami, La, New York. And I'm just like, yo,
how often do you have sex? And he's like, man,
I'll just try to get I try to get one
a week. You know, you're trying to. It's like it's

(29:24):
like trying to play whack them more with some of
these chicks, these young chicks you following. And I said,
it's funny that you're laugh at me and talk about
how as a married person we don't have sex, but
I have sex four to five times a week, and
you try to have it one time in a week.

Speaker 3 (29:36):
And that's what it made me like.

Speaker 1 (29:37):
And when they looked at me, it was like, wait
a minute, y'all have sex that often? I said, yeah,
he's like, I gotta get married. I said, see, that's
that's the thing. You think that you're gonna get married,
And that one girl is gonna provide you with all
of that sex when before you are balancing five girls
and only getting sex once a week. Then when you
get married, you both get complacent, and then that sex
becomes monotonous and then you don't even want.

Speaker 3 (29:59):
To have sex with each other each other. Yeah, because
you came from a space, So it's importance.

Speaker 2 (30:03):
It isn't even which one's worse exactly. At least when
you're married is with one person. Then you can trust
that when you do have a session, that you can
do all the things you want to do in your
risk of like contracting something is.

Speaker 1 (30:15):
Like, but imagine how amazing the sex can be when
you trust somebody, When you open and you're attracted, you
don't have no iud in I have a vasectomy. Now
we're both attracted to each other and we can have
that raw animalistic sex and not have no consequences. And
what I mean consequences is like, Okay, you can get pregnant,

(30:35):
you can have an STD. There's so many things you
can happen if you have sex with someone randomly. But
that's an amazing feeling. And to me, that's why having
casual sex within your marriage is important because it keeps
your libido up right. And as it's keeping your libido
up then we also have the intimate moments where Kadeen
is just like, yo, can we just cuddle tonight? And

(30:56):
can we We may just cuddle and roll into each
other and have like a slow love making sessions.

Speaker 2 (31:01):
Which is good for You're also great for that moment too,
you know exactly.

Speaker 3 (31:05):
The casual sex just keeps everything vibrant.

Speaker 2 (31:07):
You know what's funny. I used to look at the
I don't want to say burden of our everyday life,
because it's not a burden. It's a blessing to have
our four boys and our businesses and all the things
that we're doing. But in that where I used to
look at it as a burden or something that impeded
my sex drive or just even my desire to want
to do anything when it came to that at the
end of the night because I was just so exhausted.

(31:29):
Now I look at it as Okay, we have all
of these things. My escapism is you like to get
away from the monotony of the truck and this one
here and there, and you know, having to deal with
emails and people and talking and texting and being social
and my social battery just having to be on for
the public. You are my escape where I feel like, okay,

(31:49):
now I'm craving those moments more where I want to
be with you and in that, like you said, sometimes
it's just sitting in our bed, laying together, listen to
R and B singing at the top of our love Yeah,
that eventually becomes a love making session, or it could
just not be that, or it could be the sexual,
you know, sex portion of it, but the casual sex

(32:10):
portion rather. But those moments for me now become a
means of escapism from life, which I think is great.

Speaker 1 (32:17):
I mean it's great, but it's also a fact, a
scientific fact, oh is it? In a study that asks
married people how satisfied they were in their marriage, researchers
found that as sexual satisfaction increased, marital satisfaction also increased,
which is a proven factor. You can't say to people
sex is not that important in a marriage, or it
shouldn't be a priority. Sex should be a priority, especially

(32:38):
if infidelity is a priority. If you don't want your
partner to be with anybody else, how can you then
say sex is not a priority. So I think more
married people need to take heed to that and decide that,
you know what, We're not going to let sex fall
by the wayside because I got my partner. Yes, I
am going to try to casually have sex with my
partner to remind them the fun of sex.

Speaker 2 (33:00):
You know what I'm saying, Yes, because it can be fun, baby,
and trust and believe. All Right, we're gonna take a
quick break and we're gonna move into listen letters after
we get into some ads, so stick around. We'll be
right back, y'all. All right, y'all, we're back time for

(33:20):
my favorite part of the show, listener letters, because this
is when we get to hear from you guys and
see what you got going on in your lives and
we can give you our two cents. Hey guys, this
is Sha Day writing from Cleveland. First, I would like
to say I love you both. Kaddin, You're an inspiration
to me and all husbands should be like you. Devo.
Thank you relationship, real life relationship, girls and time. But

(33:46):
it's so worth it. You guys have a beautiful family
and I wish you all the best and many more blessings.
Thank you, Shadday. I've been in a relationship for seven years,
and my dilemma is he's a mama's boy. I'm thirty
three years old and he will be thirty five in September.
I love this man so much, and he checks all
the boxes of what I want in a man. We
get along great. We always have good time together. We

(34:08):
have and enjoy the same interests, and the sex is great.
Capital letters for exclamation points.

Speaker 3 (34:14):
Baby.

Speaker 2 (34:16):
His only and biggest downfall is him being a mama's boy.
We do not live together. He lives at home with
her and I live at home with my mother because
I'm in the process of buying my first home. He
is financially unable to buy a home because of circumstances.
She's very manipulative and overbearing. She has purposely done things
to keep him busy so that he doesn't have time

(34:37):
for me, and has asked him to do things right
before our plans for the evening. She's very controlling and
wants to micromanage everything. I don't know if it's because
he's the youngest of her three children, or because he
had brain surgery, or because he had brain surgery, but
he can seem to set boundaries when it comes to
her he is a non confrontational person, and to avoid

(34:59):
argument with her, he will do the things the way
she wants to keep peace. We've gone out together and
we speak to one another, but the mother and I
won't have any conversation. She has told people she doesn't
like me, but never gives a valid reason. It's frustrating
because I always feel like it's frustrating because I always

(35:19):
feel like I'm finding an invisible battle of tugo war
with her. She treats him as if he is her
man and not her son. She won't seem to cut
the umbilical cord and let him be a fully grown
man without always adding her two cents. From my point
of view, it doesn't seem like he's doing enough to
put her in her place. He says, once we move
in together, things will be different, But I don't see

(35:41):
how if he can't take the steps now to make
a change. I know he has, I know he has
to change the dynamic of the situation. But when he
does speak up against her, she uses a guilt trip
and is back to the same old vicious cycle. Should
I leave him to his mother or hold on? Please
give me some advice in this common situation. Thank you
love you guys, man. I never want to be that mom.

(36:04):
I pray I never want to be that. As much
as my boys love me, I never want. I would
never let you that mom, I would never let you
be there. I would never want to impede their life
that way.

Speaker 3 (36:13):
I would never I want them.

Speaker 2 (36:15):
To be there for me and want to be around me,
but never to a detriment of their own life.

Speaker 1 (36:19):
I will say this though, she's a single mom, right
she said, yeah, she's a single mom.

Speaker 3 (36:25):
He lives with his mom.

Speaker 2 (36:26):
Yes, okay, yes.

Speaker 1 (36:27):
I've also seen this where there have been women who
have their last child or that child that's been like theirs,
and it's like, once this child goes, who do I have? Right?
So subconsciously they do things to try to sabotage or
promo the factors. But I've also seen women who says
that a guy is a mama's boy, and it's not
that he's a mama's boy, he just won't do everything

(36:49):
you want him to do. And since his mom still
tells him like yo, like that's not your wife yet,
like right now, it's he's a mama's boy. The truth
of the matter is I can't really give them full
I can't get for a full advice without hearing his
side and the mom's side, right, because I want to understand.

Speaker 3 (37:06):
Is he really a mama's boy?

Speaker 2 (37:08):
You know what I'm saying, His mom's really tripping, right,
you know?

Speaker 3 (37:11):
Is mom being overbearing?

Speaker 2 (37:12):
I mean, because the setup is that it's a set
up for Mom is probably a little you know, overbearing
because it's her last like you think about the last
baby to leave the house, So when he leaves the house,
then what happens? You know? Also, mom's having a very
high standard for who they think their son should be
with or who is deserving of their son, who is
probably like their crown jewel. You know. It could be

(37:34):
that her whole life she had to be his mouthpiece
and be overprotective of him because he had to have
brain surgery as a kid. So there are a lot
of factors in here that Mom might be warranted for
how she feels. But at the same time, too, I
think the only person that really can have a handle
on this if it comes down to, like, you know,
knowing there needs to be a mediation session, maybe it
would be him. He has to step up and be

(37:56):
like Okay, mom, this is what it is. Maybe when
they are living together to be a little different. They've
been together some more privacy.

Speaker 1 (38:04):
They've been together seven years, this is this is one
thing I will sell and I will say, after I
read that up to see how long they were together,
I will retract a certain statement. You've been with somebody
for seven years and you your mom and her don't talk.
That's a you problem, bro. I can't put that on
either one of the women. At some point you have

(38:26):
to say, look, look, ma, this is my girlfriend. You
have to have a relationship with her. Because if we're
going back to biblical times, the Biblical the Bible says
once you find a wife, you find a good thing,
and then your wife and you create your family. You
are no longer a part of your nuclear family. So
if that's going to be the thing, you have to
be able to be the person in between your wife

(38:47):
and your mom as the man you have to be.

Speaker 3 (38:50):
You can't just say.

Speaker 2 (38:52):
Figure that out, that's not how that works. Yeah yeah,
and he needs to stand up, bro.

Speaker 3 (38:56):
Yeah, but that's he wants to make her his wife.

Speaker 1 (39:01):
I mean, they've been together seven years, she's purchasing the house,
she didn't say that he was purchasing the house. She
said because of circumstances. So my thing is does he
feel I hold it to his mom because he still
lives at the house. You know, these are things that
she has to start looking at because she's thirty three.
She's not getting any younger. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2 (39:20):
Seven years and years, you know what you've been invested here.
It's kind of like the same time frame we were together.
Before I was like, all right, what are we going
to do? We're gonna be together. We didn't have mother,
but at.

Speaker 1 (39:29):
Seven years we were twenty six. I had mother issues
mama with your mom. But even with that, though you
would have won. It was like your mom like, what
this this thing that's going on? I have you being
rude and you not speaking, and your mom was trying
to hold her standard. Nobody was going to be good
enough for her daughter, which I understand now and looking
at us now, we met at eighteen, we were twenty

(39:51):
two and acting like we was grown. We weren't grown right,
So your mom had every every right to be defensive
and make sure she was protecting her daughter. But you
are the one who got up and said mom, this
is not this is who I want to be with.
You know what I'm saying the same way if it
was my parents, I would have had to be the one.
So he got to step up at some especially if
she's writing in she clearly feels a way about it.

(40:13):
If this is the woman you want to spend the
rest of your life with, my dude, you got to
stand up and be like your mom.

Speaker 2 (40:18):
Yeah, you know it is, mom, This is what it is.

Speaker 3 (40:21):
Is what it is, This is what it is.

Speaker 2 (40:23):
All right. Good luck to you guys as you venture off.
I hope that good luck with the house hunt and
all that good stuff. And hopefully you guys can figure
out a way to get it together if it's meant
to be, and.

Speaker 1 (40:31):
I think that will change things then moving in together.
But then they can also create a strain where the
mom is always calling him back, come kind of.

Speaker 3 (40:38):
Need you to do this and we've read that before. Absolutely,
And then you know they'll find it.

Speaker 1 (40:42):
If he doesn't nip it in the butt, it's always
gonna be a problem whether they find a house or not.
Right Number two, Hey, the Valen Kadeen, I truly need
some advice, So I'm going to try to provide as
much context as possible. Let me first say, I love
your show. I've been listening to you guys for a minute.
Now now to the matter at hand.

Speaker 3 (40:59):
Thank you. Thank you so much for following us and listening.
We appreciate your support.

Speaker 1 (41:04):
I thirty year old male, and my fiancee, twenty eight
year old female, have recently ended our relationship for three years.
Our last conversation of trying to figure out what went wrong,
my fiance mentioned that I had everything that I needed
in her. However, I didn't have the things that However,
I didn't have the things that I wanted. Some background,
and I'll ever and I ever wanted all I ever wanted,

(41:26):
some background, All I ever wanted was to be a
good husband and a good father.

Speaker 3 (41:29):
It's good to hear she mentioned that I had all
I needed that being her. That being her and her
two kids isn't me.

Speaker 2 (41:38):
It's the comments she know. She mentioned that I had
all I needed that.

Speaker 3 (41:41):
Being her two kids, I got you things made.

Speaker 2 (41:45):
Don't read like these young kids now. We actually used
punctuation still.

Speaker 1 (41:49):
So she's saying he had all he needed earned her
two kids, rightfully, So I had everything I needed in
them in my family. What I felt that I always
still wanted, though, were the titles, the title of husband,
the title of father. I would follow up by saying
that I never looked for her kids to call me
father slash dad. I never wanted to replace their biological father.
I only wanted to just be there for those kids,

(42:10):
because I do love them like their my very own.
What I was searching for was that acknowledgment from my
significant other. Nevertheless, she was still right. I had everything
I needed. My question for you, guys, are titles really important?
Or was I just losing sight of my eighty while
worrying about the other twenty. I proposed to her two
years ago, but we agreed that we would get married

(42:30):
after I got my finances together, and for the time
being I was. For the time being, I was doing,
in my opinion, much better with finances and budgeting than
I was not. Then we moved into our new home
last year. This is what happens, only for it to
not feel like home. Our differences in perspective just started
constantly clashing with one another. I feel like what it

(42:51):
came down to was that I felt like I wasn't
being heard in our household as a partner. She felt
that I lacked initiative. Several small problems led to big
problem that led us here today. Any advice ps. After
listening to an episode of Dead Ass, I realized that
I too have mother issues that I need to process. Well,
there you go and heal from That's what it sounds
like to me. He wants the titles and the affirmation

(43:12):
from her because he wants that from his mom. That
was when she was saying. When he kept saying, I
want the titles and I wanted it from her, That's
what it sounded like to me. I feel like hearing
Deval tell his experience of dealing with that truly helped
me to begin to understand that I may be dealing
with the same issues I am in the process of
seeking someone to speak to in order to begin this

(43:32):
healing journey. Thank you, guys for all the support you
give to your listeners.

Speaker 2 (43:36):
That's awesome. That is awesome that you are like so
self aware to know like, Okay, yeah, I have some
issues here and I need to go on the healing journey.
So just because it was a little spotty in the beginning,
you get sorry if you want to I just want
to reread one portion of it. Our last conversation of
trying to figure out what went wrong. My fiance mentioned
that I had everything I needed in her, However I
didn't have the things I wanted. So essentially, what he

(44:00):
saying is that he wants the title. He wanted to
get married, to have the title of husband and.

Speaker 1 (44:06):
Father right, And what she was saying is is like,
we're not in a good place financially to get married,
so focus on that. And he feels like he's I'm focused,
I'm doing better, I'm doing better, and she's like, no,
you're not ready yet, and he feels like he keep
jumping through hoops and he never gets the affirmation from
his wife or girlfriend soon to be wife that he wants.

Speaker 2 (44:27):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (44:28):
And I think there's two things to this.

Speaker 1 (44:30):
Number one, looking for someone to affirm you is always
a setup for failure because, like he said, that affirmation
that you're seeking is not really what you're truly seeking.
You have issues with your own issues, and you have
those issues and you want your mom to affirm you.
But now you're looking for someone else. What's going to
happen is she's going to affirm him, and it's not
going to change the way he feels, and it's going

(44:51):
to be something else.

Speaker 2 (44:52):
Say that void feeling is going to become kind of
obsolete at that point because it's like you're not going
to really get to the root of the issue, which
is probably, like he says, and I'm glad that you
acknowledge it. It's your mom or whatever that lack of
you know, relationship you have with her or what she
didn't pour into you, that you're seeking validation within your relationship,
And it could be your fiance seeing that also in
you and saying, I know that there's something deeply rooty

(45:14):
here that needs to be handled or addressed before we
take that step to become a married couple, you know.
And also too, when you move in together and you become,
you know, one within a household, that doesn't necessarily either
make it a home when the heart of the home
is absent because they are underlying issues, then it's only
just going to be a house.

Speaker 1 (45:35):
Also, there is very hard to blend a family, right,
especially if the other members outside the family are still involved.
For example, you meet a woman, she's beautiful, she has everything,
she has a child, right, that child has a father, right, Oh,
I love the child. Yeah, but that child has a father,
so you can't be that child's father you. He opened

(45:58):
up saying, I always wanted to be a dad and
a husband.

Speaker 3 (46:00):
Cool.

Speaker 1 (46:01):
You wanted a wife and you wanted kids, but you
found somebody with kids, so you want to assume or
you want to take on the role of being a
father figure to them kids.

Speaker 3 (46:09):
Them kids is like I already got a dad. Bro Like,
I'm not here for you. I'm here with my mom.

Speaker 1 (46:14):
And I think it's difficult for people sometimes to compartmentalize,
especially when it comes time to kids. Come down to kids,
it's like, you're here for the partnership with that person.
Those children are not yours, so you are not obligated
to do anything for them. They also are not obligated
to but anything to make you feel comfortable. Those are
somebody else's kids. He's going to have to deal with that,

(46:36):
and there's nothing she can say to make him feel comfortable.
He wants to be a father and a husband. You
can't be a father to those kids because it seems like,
based on when she said that those kids have a
father figure who's already involved.

Speaker 2 (46:48):
I mean, but he I do like and acknowledge that
he feels like he does love them like they're his
own and they just want that relationship, which is good
because we've seen a lot of blended situations that are not.

Speaker 1 (47:00):
But I will say this, we not together and you
marry somebody else, right, Jake, my son's is not calling
that guy dad or stepdad. Your name is Jake, right, Yes,
that's Jake is my mother's husband. I have a dad
and a father and I am adamant that because I
don't foresee us ever. But if it were to ever happen,

(47:22):
my kids are not calling another man dad, and and
to be honest, my kids would be super respectful absolutely
in that man's house.

Speaker 3 (47:30):
Yep.

Speaker 1 (47:30):
But my kids also not staying there. My kids are
staying with me because I only trust me with my kids,
and I think some people need you see what I'm saying.
He doesn't have kids, or he doesn't know what it
feels like to have your offspring with someone else, so
he may feel like, oh, our house is a house,
but it's not a home. Yeah, because them kids ain't
running in the house saying hey Dad, you know what

(47:54):
I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (47:55):
You know what I'm saying, right, get it?

Speaker 3 (47:58):
Get yeah, you got a compartmental lot.

Speaker 2 (48:00):
Hey, and then once you go on your healing journey
and you figure out what's going on and you get
to rid of that, and then you finally get with
you fiance and then you decide maybe y'all want to
have children together, then you can have that family and
that happily ever after that you were so seeking. So
good luck to you, brother. I appreciate your.

Speaker 1 (48:16):
It's unfair for people to come to the table. And
I say people because I saw me and the other
day on Instagram. You come to the table with a relationship,
he said, I come with a child. You got to
treat my child like it's yours. But then when that
person says, hey, well i'm stepping into discipline as y like, well.

Speaker 3 (48:32):
I don't need you for all that. No, no, no,
no no, do not tell me.

Speaker 1 (48:35):
You want me to step up as a parental figure
to your child only when it's convenient, because now you're
blurring the lines.

Speaker 3 (48:41):
And there was a woman on there screaming at this
man like you're not how father, You're not how father.

Speaker 1 (48:45):
Don't say nothing to her, And he was just like,
but y'all here staying in my house and I saw
she was doing something disrespectful to you, and she's like,
well she got a father to Doude that I don't
need you.

Speaker 3 (48:53):
That would have been the last day both of them
was being in my house.

Speaker 1 (48:55):
I'd be like, oh, for real, okay, so I can't
discipline so and so okay, cool, this is the last
set of discipline. Get y'all shit and get out, because
you're not going to disrespect me in my house in
front of your child.

Speaker 3 (49:06):
And now that child one.

Speaker 1 (49:07):
Think they can disrespect me in my house. And if
I disrespect the child, then they go to get their father.
And if I'm that child's father and you disrespect my
kid in your house, I'm whooping your ass. And that's
what I think a lot of people need to realize.
When you are getting involved with people who have kids,
there's a dynamic that you may not.

Speaker 3 (49:24):
Be ready for.

Speaker 2 (49:25):
That's a fact.

Speaker 3 (49:26):
And until you ready for that, don't get into it.

Speaker 2 (49:29):
Don't do it. Just don't do it. All right, Good
luck to you, bro, And if you guys want to
be featured as one of our listening letters, email us
at dead Ass Advice at gmail dot com. We'd love
to hear from you.

Speaker 3 (49:39):
That's D E A D A S S A D
V I C E at gmail dot com.

Speaker 2 (49:45):
All right now, moment of truth time. We're talking casual
sex within a marriage. Don't get it twisted. Mine is
a fairly simple baby. Let me hear it every now
and again. You just gotta bust a wide open for
your man, okay. And why and when you think it's wide,
go wider. And when you think you wider, wider. I'm

(50:06):
about to take some stretch classes, y'all, to get my
flexibility back. Like I said, I've been working on my body,
you know what I'm saying. So working on all the
things so that when we have our casual sex moments
within the relationship here, I like, I can give you
what you need and in turn you give me what
I need and that gives us what we need collectively
to move forward with our day. And I love that

(50:29):
for us. I love where we are with this. You
guys have literally seen this progress over the course of
fifteen seasons, okay, because if you listen to one of
our podcast episodes talking about sex early on, where there was.

Speaker 3 (50:40):
Season one, two or three trying to figure it out.

Speaker 2 (50:42):
We were trying to figure it out We've literally figured
out the journey of our life together as a married couple,
having sex within this marriage, and what that looks like
for us, and the struggles and the ups and the downs.
But I'm happy to announce, as if y'all care. I
don't know if y'all do. I'm happy to announce that
we're in a great space.

Speaker 1 (51:00):
We're in a great space. I have nothing to complain about.
I get taken care of her, focus on taking care
of you. My moment of truth is the same as yours.
You know what I'm saying. Gentlemen, we ask them to
bust it open. Sometimes you gotta just get deep. And
when you think you've gone deep, you gotta go deeper.
And when you think you're going as deep as you

(51:21):
can go, you gotta go deeper.

Speaker 3 (51:22):
Y'all.

Speaker 1 (51:23):
Like to be honest, you gotta remember, Oh my god,
you gotta remember when you was trying to drop that
grade A to prove to her that she should mess
with no other dude. Every dude has that moment. But
it's like, y'all gonna make sure she don't mess with
nobody else. I think it's imperative that you continue to
do that. Five ten fifteen twenty years into the marriage,

(51:45):
and don't lose sight of the fact that that woman
wants to be split in half once in a while,
Like does she need that?

Speaker 3 (51:52):
She need that?

Speaker 1 (51:52):
Reminded, gentleman, So yo, casually fuck your wife consistently.

Speaker 2 (51:56):
All right, dead ass, y'all, and we have some amazing
after show content, exclusive podcast videos, family content. Everything is
on Patreon patrem Patreon shout out, I know you got
me all hot and bothered. Good thing. I got my
hoodie on camouflage under hear y'all, but no, make sure

(52:18):
you're signed up on Patreon. Shout out to our Patreon
gang Gang Gang Gang for subscribing and watching all of
our content. You can also follow us on social media
at dead Ass the podcast I'm Kadena, I am and
I Am Devout.

Speaker 1 (52:30):
And if you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate,
review and subscribe. And if you're listening, make sure you
get that copy of We Over Me, The counter Intuitive
Approach to Getting Everything you want out of your relationship.

Speaker 3 (52:41):
New York Times bestselling y'all over almost one hundred thousand.

Speaker 2 (52:45):
Come on, get us to one hundred thousand copies, y'all.
The holiday seasons are coming up right there. We're right
into fall. It's holiday season pretty much. It's gift giving season.
It's hoodie season. Grab your dead Ass merch, grab your book.
All great gifts it gets for the holidays as well.
All right, love y'all so much.

Speaker 3 (53:05):
Cut.

Speaker 1 (53:07):
Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast network and
its produced by Donor Opinya and Triple Follow the podcast
on social media at dead Ass the Podcast and never
miss a Thing