Keeping Up With The Kids

We might feel young, but when it comes to the fashion, technology, lingo and trends that our kids are hip to, we are completely out of the loop. In this episode, Khadeen and Devale talk about how they are trying to keep up with what their kids know, so that they can be better parents. Dead Ass. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Parents. If you think you know your kids, you.

Speaker 2 (00:06):
Don't, dead ass, because I remember when Lord.

Speaker 3 (00:13):
And I refuse to become that mom that refers to
various apps and social media platforms as the Facebook. Can
you hit me on what's up? Don't let me be
that girl? I cannot be that mom. Y'all dead ass. Hey,

(00:34):
I'm Kadeen and and we're the Ellis's.

Speaker 1 (00:38):
You may know us from posting funny videos.

Speaker 3 (00:40):
With our boys and reading each other publicly as a.

Speaker 2 (00:43):
Form of therpy.

Speaker 4 (00:44):
Wait.

Speaker 1 (00:45):
I make you need therby most days.

Speaker 4 (00:47):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (00:48):
Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.

Speaker 1 (00:50):
Yes, sir, we are.

Speaker 5 (00:52):
We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of
li's most taboo topics.

Speaker 2 (00:56):
Things most folks don't want to talk about.

Speaker 1 (00:59):
The lens of the lend you marry a couple.

Speaker 5 (01:01):
Dead ass is a term that we say every day.
So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts
one hundred, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but
the truth. Were about to take philosoff to our whole
new level.

Speaker 2 (01:15):
Dead ass starts right now.

Speaker 1 (01:19):
Okay, story time.

Speaker 5 (01:22):
Now, I'm known for telling stories about my young athletes,
but this time in particular, I'm going to tell story
about different set of athletes. My female athletes, and the
young female athletes move different than the young male athletes.
I noticed that they were way more sneaky. Right in

(01:44):
this particular time, all of the parents and I were
all we were all friends because we also did our
own training sessions. And I remember they tried to run
the okie dog, and the okie dog was you tell
one set of parents you staying at their house, and
you tell those set of parents that you staying at
another parent's house. Meanwhile, all of the kids are going
to a party, thinking that none of the parents are

(02:05):
gonna check in. And I remember there was one parent
in particular. She was a younger single mom. She had
access to the snapchats.

Speaker 3 (02:14):
And I said, the snapchats for a reason, the several snapchats, several.

Speaker 5 (02:18):
Snapchats, and she happened to check the snapchats and realize
that all of the girls were at a party. So
she didn't do like they do on the sitcoms and
waited home and tried to catch the girls in the line.

Speaker 1 (02:34):
No, she got in.

Speaker 2 (02:35):
Her car, Oh she didn't.

Speaker 5 (02:38):
She got in the car and popped up knock knocked
on the door, walked in there and snatched them girls
up out of that party, like the most embarrassing thing
a mom can do on the most embassing when she
snatched them girls out and then brought them to training
on that Monday and said, Coach Deval, this is what

(02:58):
your athletes were doing, and now they left it up
to me to punish them. So they ran a lot.
They they did a lot of duck walks a.

Speaker 6 (03:08):
Lot because the mom was just like, oh, you know
what they was doing, Coach vow they want to be
in the party lights of shaking their booties all over.

Speaker 5 (03:16):
Everybody wanted to do all these dances and stuff. So
you know what, I think their legs need to.

Speaker 3 (03:20):
Be quad strength, yeah, quad strength and flexibility.

Speaker 1 (03:24):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (03:25):
There's a lot of sad faces in practice that day.
I didn't scream it all. I was just like, Mama,
they are they good moms? Just like, nah, they're not good.

Speaker 2 (03:34):
I know exactly the mom he's talking about.

Speaker 3 (03:36):
And if there was a mom that I had to
pick to go up to somebody's house and snap some
people out of there, yes, she'd have definitely been the one.

Speaker 2 (03:43):
Yes, that's probably why I don't have daughter's lord because.

Speaker 5 (03:46):
Shout out to her though, because she taught me a
very valuable lesson. And then this lesson we're going to explain.

Speaker 2 (03:51):
Let's do it. So karaoke time.

Speaker 5 (03:53):
We're back to karaoke, and I'm you know, y'all know
I'm terrible with lyrics, so I'm actually gonna pull up
the lyric and the lyrics.

Speaker 1 (04:02):
No, I'm not going to butcher it because the lyrics are.

Speaker 2 (04:04):
Very very important, but many songs on karaoke time.

Speaker 1 (04:08):
No, I'm not gonna butcher because these words are important.

Speaker 2 (04:10):
You Okay, go for it.

Speaker 1 (04:12):
You can jump on whatever you want, all right.

Speaker 4 (04:15):
I can show you the world shining, shimmering, spanned. Tell me, princess, Now,
when did you last let.

Speaker 2 (04:27):
Your heart is sign?

Speaker 1 (04:29):
Oh?

Speaker 4 (04:29):
Yes, I can open your rise to social media take
you wonder by one over Sideways and the Magic carpid
ride a.

Speaker 2 (04:44):
Whole new world, don't you dare? Close Your ride a
new fantastic point of you.

Speaker 5 (04:51):
Listen, no one to tell us no where to go
or say we're only dream.

Speaker 2 (05:00):
Not damn Come on voice addiction, you better hit that dream.

Speaker 1 (05:05):
Yes, but listen to the words. That's what social media
be doing.

Speaker 5 (05:08):
The people taking you on a magic carpet ride, a
cess pool of.

Speaker 1 (05:12):
Stuff that's going on out here in the world.

Speaker 2 (05:14):
What kind of magic was that?

Speaker 5 (05:16):
Shining, shimmering, splendid everything you see in the world.

Speaker 1 (05:20):
Ain't the way it's presented on social media.

Speaker 2 (05:21):
Yeah, that's exactly it.

Speaker 3 (05:23):
And if no one's there to tell you know where
to go, baby, you will end up down bad. So yeah,
let's take a quick break and pay some bills, and
then we'll come back in and talk about why it's
so important for us as parents to stay up on
all of these technologies and social media trends and what's
next and all the app and the lingo and this
that and the third, because we will get left behind

(05:43):
in the dust and can't keep up with our own
damn kids.

Speaker 2 (05:46):
All right, we'll be back.

Speaker 1 (05:50):
All right, we're back.

Speaker 5 (05:52):
So this, this story, even though it's funny, was super
important to me because it came to me like an
epiphany two weeks ago.

Speaker 1 (06:01):
You know, Jackson turned thirteen. He turned thirteen.

Speaker 5 (06:05):
Earlier in the year in April, and I've noticed just
a change in him, you know, like he walks with
a little bit more of a swag. He hasn't really
gone through puberty yet, but he's almost taller than you.

Speaker 1 (06:17):
Now he's feeling himself.

Speaker 5 (06:18):
He actually says all the words to this rap songs,
like he's not just saying to beat no more.

Speaker 1 (06:22):
He's listening to the words.

Speaker 5 (06:23):
And then he introduced me to something last year that
I didn't even know existed. It was chat GPT me too.
And in this moment, I was just like, yo, show
me what this is. He showed me how it works,
and you was showing me some stuff on AI. He
was like, Dad, did you know on your phone? You
can do this? And instantly my first response was, Man,
I'm not doing all that shit. Man, I'm too old
for this. Yeah, young people can have all this technology.

(06:45):
I'm focusing on what I got to do to make money.
But then I started realizing as I watched the world,
and you know, I used to mentor a bunch of
young men and young women, and I'm watching so many
young men and young women now having to deal with
social media in real time. And I look at the
Kaitlyn Clark's and the Angel Reese's and the Shador Sanders,
and I'm looking at all of these young people who've

(07:07):
been like thrust it into social media and they're expected
to behave a certain way. And I said those three
names in particular, because when you look at social media
or you look up who's the most search athlete that's
not a professional, those are the first three names that
come up. Oh psychology, Yeah, because number last year, before
they became rookies in the wa it was Kaitlyn Clark
and Angel Reees. They were the biggest buzz. And then

(07:29):
Shador Sanders had came into Colorado. And then I said
to myself, those young children or young people's parents probably
had no idea the type of vitriol that their children
would receive through social media, or would have no idea
how to help their children navigate what they're seeing or
what they're going through because us as parents so time,

(07:50):
so many times we disregard what the young people doing
as a fad or a trend and loss.

Speaker 3 (07:57):
I think about so many different times that growing up, right,
of course, we were before social media ages, right, so
that was a little bit easier for us to maneuver
and navigate and sneak around and do things that we
probably had no business doing. But the layers of it
now are so much more intense. Then you have the
push for, for example, athletes. Since we're talking about your
track girls, we can go back to the story. But

(08:18):
the push for athletes with nil deals and all these
things that they have going on social media is necessary
for them to build a persona from an early age.
So it's like, who's regulating those things when it comes
to someone social media persona when they're younger.

Speaker 2 (08:32):
Who's regulating those things? Are the kids?

Speaker 3 (08:35):
I mean sure at that age, when you have that
need to want to fit in, you're looking through the comments,
You're letting that affect you. So I'm wondering what that
looks like for children or I guess athletes in that position.

Speaker 5 (08:46):
Well, I'm I'm glad you brought that up because it
was one name that I forget and forgot and I
don't know how I even forgot this because he's a
professional and still gets a ton of vitrio. But Bronnie James,
when I watch how they maneuvered Bronnie on social media,
and when you really think about it, did BRONI ever
really have a social media?

Speaker 1 (09:04):
See?

Speaker 2 (09:04):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (09:06):
Following it, you see what I'm saying.

Speaker 5 (09:07):
He had a social media but you can tell his
page wasn't run by him, and it was specifically monitored
by his parents, which makes sense because Bron knows everything
he has gone through through social media. Same thing with Savanna,
So they were like, I'm not going to throw my
kids into social media now that whole idea of in
order to boost your profile social media is necessary. Yes,

(09:28):
that's true, but your thirteen year old doesn't have to
manage their.

Speaker 2 (09:31):
Social their own account exactly.

Speaker 1 (09:32):
There can be a.

Speaker 5 (09:33):
Page dedicated to the work that your child does that
they don't have access to, if that's something they want
to do, or you can sit down with your child
and say, look, you get a social media page, because.

Speaker 2 (09:45):
They're probably gonna get one anyway.

Speaker 1 (09:46):
Facts without without you knowing it.

Speaker 5 (09:49):
That you could do like what we did with Jackson,
and I said, look, you can't post anything, and Jackson like,
why can't I post anything? I say, because at thirteen
years old, you don't understand the repercussions and the ramification
of something that you post exactly.

Speaker 1 (10:01):
So I don't want you to have I don't want
you to post.

Speaker 3 (10:03):
Anything, and we don't want you don't We don't want
you subjected to other people's opinions about what you post
because Ultimately, when you do post on social media, which
was also the conversation we have with him, when you
post on social media, you have to understand that it's
fair game. Whatever you put out there, people have the
right to be able to comment, to share, to like,
to do whatever. That's the whole point of it. So

(10:25):
by not posting anything, you already remove that. But what
Deval and I have done uniquely, it's like on the
platform that he does have, we sometimes will just send
him little, you know, messages.

Speaker 1 (10:39):
It's all the time. I see you do it because
I have his.

Speaker 2 (10:42):
I guess, I say some time because I know, yeah.

Speaker 1 (10:44):
I have his password.

Speaker 5 (10:45):
And part of the thing that we decided was you
can have a social media page if I have access
to it. So on his social media page, I have
his social media page linked, so I can just double
click it and I'm on on his page exactly.

Speaker 1 (10:58):
So he doesn't even know. I don't even have to say,
give me your phone, Jacks, I can look.

Speaker 5 (11:02):
And I told him, I said, look, I'm just letting
you know that I can see right, just so that you.

Speaker 2 (11:06):
Know, yeah, his whole phone is pretty much successible to
no HI.

Speaker 1 (11:09):
If you want to look at stuff, ask questions, but
go ahead.

Speaker 3 (11:12):
No, So yeah, I was just saying that to say,
when you think about the algorithms and how those work
with social media platforms, I feel like, Okay, if I'm
pushing him that things that are motivational inspirational to build
his confidence. We joke over certain things, like we have
our own little inside jokes. I'll send them things that
have to do with that. Then that will hopefully push
his algorithm to search more things that are inspirational and motivational.

(11:35):
But then also having, like you said, the follow up conversations,
knowing what he's looking.

Speaker 5 (11:39):
At, there's no hopefully it will because the way the
algorithm works, things that you save or things that you
click on they constantly send you because the algorithm wants
you to stay on the app. So if you're constantly
looking at trees, for example, the algorithm's going to send
you trees because they want you to stay engaged with
what you like. So I purposefully send him inspirational quotes,

(12:00):
wealth building things, muscle building things, minds, things about being
peaceful and staying away from social media. Like I send
them all of these stats about why you shouldn't spend
a lot of time or not become a scroller on
social media because I want to create and set his algorithm.

Speaker 1 (12:16):
I know he has his cousins and his friends. It's
another thing I do.

Speaker 5 (12:19):
You can't accept anybody without me seeing because your praise
is private. So when I go in there and I
count I'm that dad guy, I'm not.

Speaker 1 (12:29):
I listen to me.

Speaker 5 (12:31):
Kadeen and I are unapologetic about what we're doing with
our kids, and I've met with other parents and other
parents the most you think that's a big controlling and
I said, yes.

Speaker 2 (12:39):
It is controlling. Absolutely it is because.

Speaker 5 (12:41):
The minute my child goes out there in the world
and does something that people don't like, the first thing
they say is like, why is this child out of control?

Speaker 2 (12:46):
Exactly, I'm not going Exactly.

Speaker 1 (12:49):
Kadeen and I are not going to let social.

Speaker 2 (12:51):
Media or leave it up to them or children, it's.

Speaker 5 (12:54):
Friends or anybody to raise our kids. So what are
we going to do control what they see and how
they see it? Now, granted, he's gonna find other ways.
Absolutely we know this, right, We also know and we
told him that we know this. So now it's a
point where it's like, yo, we're being as transparent if
you want to do things or try things or see things,
come to us, we'll walk you through.

Speaker 3 (13:16):
Literally like nothing is off the table in this household
essentially when you think about it, nothing because we want
them to always feel comfortable coming. And that's even me
as a mom, you know, thinking raising for boys, like
there's things that they probably wouldn't feel comfortable with, something
to a mom about because it may be things having
to do with girls or having to do with just
growing as a man and being a boy and change

(13:36):
it in the body.

Speaker 2 (13:37):
But Jackson, he comes to us.

Speaker 3 (13:40):
It comes to us, and he comes to me and
he'll ask and he literally does not have that like
fear or anxiety.

Speaker 2 (13:46):
I don't see that.

Speaker 3 (13:47):
And I love that freeness that we have with our
boys because they literally like I want to be in
the car with y'all, and I want to be rapping
to a little baby too, you know what I'm saying.
I've been known a time too to pull up some
lyrics a to see what the hell they're rapid about,
just so I know, because we do believe that you
know the power of speaking things and saying things. So
I want to know a little baby talking about sometimes too.

(14:08):
But at the same time too. I want to be
up on game and on trend and we bond over
music and you know, those are things that I think
are invaluable to have those kind of connections with your children.

Speaker 5 (14:17):
I think the truth is for both of us right,
and we need to do a whole podcast on this trouble.

Speaker 1 (14:25):
Please write this down.

Speaker 5 (14:26):
I want to do a podcast on me being the
type of man that I want my boys to grow into,
and them seeing you as a type of woman they
would want to spend the rest of their life with,
and how important it is for the both of us
to make a decision once we had children. It's like, yo,
I have to be what I want my kids to be.

(14:47):
You know, it's not enough like when we grew up,
do as I say, not as I do. That don't
work anymore.

Speaker 2 (14:51):
No, they don't actually live exist.

Speaker 5 (14:55):
Yes, because I want my kids to look up and
be like I want to be like my dad. So
if my dad is not doing these things, I don't
want them to be like, look at my dad.

Speaker 1 (15:01):
It's so old school. I don't want to be like.

Speaker 5 (15:03):
Him because then it becomes a thing where it's like, oh,
if he's not doing these things, because he's a square.

Speaker 3 (15:08):
Did you feel like that with your dad, because I
know like you got some pushback when you were growing
up about like getting braids or getting a tattoo or
doing those things that they felt like was on trend
at the time that the young people were doing, but
it was frowned upon, you know, from your parents' generation.

Speaker 5 (15:21):
I'll be honest, I never really like sat down and
thought about it, but I will remember this.

Speaker 1 (15:26):
My dad was the cool guy.

Speaker 2 (15:28):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (15:28):
Remember growing up in Flatbush, Brooklyn.

Speaker 5 (15:30):
All of the dudes that was on the corner always
like people in the people over there.

Speaker 1 (15:34):
In album, all knew my pops through his organization.

Speaker 6 (15:38):
So I looked up to my father because he's the
dude that all the guys I looked up to looked
up to.

Speaker 1 (15:44):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (15:44):
Okay, so your dad was cool.

Speaker 5 (15:46):
Yeah, de Sean Freeman is the Chris Jackson's, the Kevin Caesars.
Like all of those guys who protected us in Flatbush
and made sure we was good.

Speaker 1 (15:53):
They yo, mister t uncle. They looked up to my pop.

Speaker 5 (15:56):
So I was automatically like, Yo, whatever my pops is doing,
That's what I'm want to do. You know, walking around
with my sleeves cut off my shirt. My father wore jewelry.
People asked me why I wear jewelry. My father wore jewelry.
Why he liked nice cars while he put ten in
windows and rims on his cars.

Speaker 2 (16:10):
My dad didn't was that guy he was though.

Speaker 1 (16:13):
My pops literally was that guy.

Speaker 5 (16:15):
That's why, you know, when people talk to me about
fatherhood and stuff, and they just like, you know, who
are your role models? And I understand why they asked
people who their role models were, because it's very rare
that you hear a black man say my role model
was my dad, because they purposely don't choose black men
with fathers to ask them. They always asked the black
men who don't have their father who was their role models?

(16:36):
And they say other father figures. But for me, I
looked up to my pops like he had a car
with system in it. He used to write, the beats
would be boom, boom, And I think about it. My
father had me when he was twenty two. Yeah, so
at seven, my father's twenty nine, he just started becoming
who he was supposed to be.

Speaker 3 (16:54):
So I got to watch my dad, you know, I
literally grew up with your dad's lessen. Yeah, I think
about my mom and dad, or particularly my mom, because
you know, girls like to emulate their moms. My mom
carried herself with the utmost like presence. Everything was about
the apparents and being put together, and that's what I

(17:15):
wanted to emulate as I grew up. So like being
in pageants, for example, was like so spot on for
my mom. Like she bought into that whole thing once
I said I wanted to do it, because she was like, yes,
this is going to make you into a respectable young
lady who has manners and etiquette and knows how to
carry herself like that was important for her.

Speaker 2 (17:32):
So I'll completely get that.

Speaker 3 (17:33):
All right, Let's jump into some facts and stat's really
quick so we can see what's going on in this
world of parenting and children and how we're trying to
stay up.

Speaker 2 (17:44):
Okay, let's see more than half.

Speaker 3 (17:46):
That's fifty six percent of parents who report having at
least one minor child but who may also have an
adult child or children say they spend too much time
on their smartphones, while smaller shares say they spend too
much time on social media. Thirty six percent or playing
video games eleven percent. Eighty four percent of parents say

(18:08):
their children use technology with them or another parent at home.
Sixty two percent of parents feel that technology has a
positive impact on the time spent with their children. Monitoring
children's online activity, sixty one percent of parents check what
websites their teens have visited, sixty percent check their teens
social media profile. Thirty nine percent of parents use parent

(18:30):
controls or other technological tools to monitor their teens online activities,
and parents worry about their children's online safety. Eighty four
percent of parents say they are worried about their child's
online safety.

Speaker 5 (18:44):
Now, I don't want to say throw all of this away.
I don't write because I read all of this right,
but throw all of this shit away, okay, Because there's
a story that I told, oh, I think it was
two years.

Speaker 1 (18:55):
Ago about parents who came in.

Speaker 5 (18:57):
Remember I used to do social media checks for protogah
at the gym, and these parents came in because I
had a profile from their for their son. Mom says,
there's no way that my son has a profile because
my son doesn't even have a phone. Coach, if I
wouldn't even let my son have a phone, I said,
are you sure, I said, well, these pictures and video

(19:20):
are from a phone that I found in your son's possession.
She's looking at it. She's like, I've never seen this
phone in my life. I purchased nothing, went through everything.
Turns out his friend got updated, upgraded, the phone still
had the old iPhone. Their son purchased the IP iPhone
four hundred and fifty dollars from the friend.

Speaker 2 (19:41):
Probably with his allowance money, saving us lunch.

Speaker 5 (19:43):
And saving up his own money that he got, put
his own pro, created his own profile and everything, no
number because it worked on Wi Fi. Then hard all
of his own But here's the here's the smartest part.
All of the stuff that he had on the phone,
he kept it at the gym. That's why the phone.
He never took the phone home. But that's why his

(20:05):
parents didn't know. Wow, because those.

Speaker 3 (20:07):
Parents, those parents were probably probably in his shit trying
to find stuff.

Speaker 5 (20:12):
That's why I say all of these stats where you
think you know your child, you don't. You have to
be caught up on technology. These parents were listening to
their child. My child would never lie to me, same
thing we said about Jackson. Right, My child would never
lie to me, right, my child doesn't have a phone.
You find out that your son not only has a phone,
but it's on there at fourteen, throwing up gang signs,

(20:32):
threatening people, exchanging pictures, elude pictures of young women. Because
he didn't know it, because he was fourteen, right, and
no one told him how this works. And the reason
why I had to bring it up to his parents
is because I got a phone call from a young
lady's parents that these group of boys had shared some
pictures of their daughter.

Speaker 1 (20:51):
His name came up.

Speaker 5 (20:52):
Now you here denying the fact that your child has
a profile and them has a phone, press charges on you.
Your son now he has pedophile charges against him for
sharing pictures of a minor to his friends. And this
is why I say all of this stuff about facts
and stacks, throw it out.

Speaker 3 (21:10):
It's true, because the real fact about it is that
whatever you think you know about your kid, you probably
know that much just about that.

Speaker 5 (21:17):
And I'm saying the same thing about I need to
know the technology, right. The reason why we need to
know the technologies. I can't trust that my kids are
gonna tell me everything about the technology. And he felt
comfortable doing stuff on Snapchat. He's fourteen, he said, I
thought it just disappears. And I said that to him.
I said, you see, this is the problem with you guys.
He was sending stuff thinking it was funny and joking

(21:39):
our dad. I'm not in the gang, like I'm not
them this other stuff. We were sending pictures and sending videos
and stuff. I thought the stuff disappeared and it went
away in walk.

Speaker 2 (21:46):
Screen recording in walk saving the story.

Speaker 1 (21:50):
When I asked Hm, I said, how do you think
I got all of these things right?

Speaker 3 (21:53):
They just don't even know the pork. They're so dumb
like teenagers. They man, they are so dumb. I know
we were so dumb.

Speaker 1 (21:59):
Then not only teenagers.

Speaker 5 (22:00):
Parents are dumb because you know who else monitors social media,
the Feds.

Speaker 1 (22:06):
The FEDS monitor social media.

Speaker 5 (22:08):
They didn't know that their child was caught up with
a bunch of kids who were all gang affiliated fourteen.

Speaker 1 (22:13):
I know what you think of fourteen. They're not really
doing anything in gangs. You know.

Speaker 5 (22:16):
With the highest rate of murders amongst kids in New
York City during the most time twenty twelve to twenty sixteen,
murders from between twelve and sixteen years old. That was
when Wu and chow really started to develop twenty twelve.
In twenty sixteen, they used to use young boys as
shooters because you could. You didn't get fed time as
a shooter when you were young. You get out when
you're eighteen. So they would tell kids all the time,

(22:38):
it's not that big of a deal. I need you
to take care of this for me. I'll give you
some bread, you get some clout, you become the man.
And when you have impressionable kids who don't know any better,
whose parents don't know who's And I love rap music,
I grew up during the time of Gimme the Lute,
Biggie and hit them up with Tupac. So I'm not
going to sit here and shit on on hip hop music.
But when you got drill music, who's teaching kids, kids

(23:00):
to look for the ops and bang bang, they start
to glorify the things they see. They need a parent
to not sit next to them and say, don't listen
to this, it's trash. They need a parent to say, yo,
what do you listen to? Do you know what this is?
Do you know the repercussions.

Speaker 2 (23:13):
That you know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 (23:16):
You should know this.

Speaker 5 (23:17):
You shouldn't be singing certain songs and then walking through
East New York, because if you sing those songs and
walk through East New York, you may have beef with somebody.
You singing these songs so loud because you got your
EarPods in and you walking through a drug zone or
a zone where these dudes are the ops, and you
get your ass what I've lived it when that prototype.
So when I tell you these parents are just as

(23:39):
dumb as these kids they are, we as parents have
to decide, like, if this is the new technology, I'm
not going to push it aside as a trend because
my kids know know all the snapchats, all the Instagrams.
I wasn't on TikTok. You know what I'm about to do.
Get on TikTok, and I'm not getting onto who dance

(24:00):
I'm not. I'm not doing no TikTok things. I'm forty
years old. My knees and my little back do not
work like that.

Speaker 3 (24:04):
Man. Because I was going to one of the questions
would asked it was what trends do you feel behind
on when it comes to technology? And I'm like, maybe
as much as I try to get on TikTok and
try to post on there and be a tiktoking person.

Speaker 2 (24:14):
I just I just don't have the capacity at all.
I don't have the capacity.

Speaker 3 (24:18):
And I don't think it's a special kind of brain
power that requires its required to do TikTok.

Speaker 2 (24:23):
It's just not Maybe it's just not my You don't
have the band with. I don't have that. Don't have
the band with?

Speaker 5 (24:28):
When are you going to sit down and practice dances
between all the other stuff you got going on?

Speaker 3 (24:31):
That is absolutely true. I think it's more of a
time thing. I just don't have the time, the energy,
or the real interesting either, you know. So that's somewhere
where I fall behind. But like you said, to your point,
having a TikTok and at least knowing like that's going
to be something that you can have just to insane.
It has to be the op want to know me
for your kid to know what's happening and know what's
going on.

Speaker 5 (24:51):
What about in the I think it was the nineties,
This is before TikTok. This I told about my parents
when U teens were playing a knockout game where they
pined you up against the wall and had you fight, and.

Speaker 1 (25:01):
It like they cut off.

Speaker 5 (25:05):
And a couple kids had died and the parents didn't
know like why they choked my son out like this?

Speaker 1 (25:10):
And it was like they were doing a trend.

Speaker 5 (25:12):
Parents need to know the trend so that they can
talk to their kids like, yo, don't play this knockout trend.

Speaker 2 (25:17):
You know what?

Speaker 3 (25:17):
I else to rely on to having like a younger sibling,
Like my sister's ten years younger than me. Your sister
is nine years younger. It's like, what's happening.

Speaker 2 (25:26):
Over in that world? You don't know?

Speaker 3 (25:28):
Like now I have to tap into our nieces and
our nephews. Yeah, who are the eighteens and the nineteen
and twenty year olds to be like yo, like let's
have what's happening. But it's again having the genuine interest
as parents and not writing it off like oh, these
young people, these young people, you know as social media
personalities are having a presence on social media. Do you
think that our kids are going to be more responsible

(25:50):
when it comes to social media?

Speaker 5 (25:51):
Well, I've had conversations with with our children, all of them,
even the little one, Dakota, because he liked to pick
up the phone. And I'm learning through social media, like
they're learning, you know, we don't put our children on
social media as much as we used to because now
we're realizing. At first, I thought social media was a
trend that was going to be gone, right, and we were,

(26:12):
you know, we were utilizing it to help boost our
TV and film careers. But then as it became the norm,
became a business, became an actual medium that people rely
on to get information. Now it's not a game like
you dont you wouldn't let your children play at a
TV station, or you wouldn't let your children play at
paramount studios. You can't let your people, your children play

(26:34):
on social media because the reach in social media is
even grander than those other mediums, right, Because in television,
something has to get approved before it goes out to everyone.
In movies, it has to get approved, you know, the
studio has to prove it before it goes out. With
distribution social media, they click send. Now the whole world
gets a chance to see you in your roars form.

(26:57):
And that's a scary proposition for a parent with young.

Speaker 3 (27:01):
Children, and it's like you can't take it back. Like
once it's out there, it's like forget it, Like love
love my fan page down, baby, But let me post
the Instagram story real quick, and within like two minutes
it's reposted on the fan page. So I'm like, damn,
if I wanted to take the story down, I can't
now because y'all already reposted it and you know, and
it's just so quick that people have the access.

Speaker 5 (27:21):
That's why we have to become those same people like
the TV model and the movie model, where they have
governing bodies who decide what people are going to post.

Speaker 1 (27:31):
We have to be that for our children.

Speaker 5 (27:32):
Yeah, so it's no longer you know, you can't have this, No,
it's let's talk about this. Why would you post this?
Let's discuss why is it important for you to post this? Now,
let's discuss what can happen if you post this? You
know what I'm saying. It's those types of conversations, not
not no, you can't ever stay away because it's the
same things. It's church. When I was growing up, most

(27:53):
of the people that I knew who grew up in
the church whose parents were just like no, no, no,
went to college and said yes to everything and either
came back with.

Speaker 2 (28:01):
That's a whole nother s.

Speaker 6 (28:02):
Child alcoholism, a drug problem, depression because the minute they
got out in the real world and there was nobody
there to tell them no.

Speaker 1 (28:10):
They were stimulated by everything.

Speaker 3 (28:12):
I kind of worked out well in a sense. Maybe
it's because I found you. Maybe you helped to save me,
because I know I was baby. I was ready to
turn up in college when I left my parents' household,
because I was the textbook person that was we did
turn up.

Speaker 2 (28:27):
We turned up in life.

Speaker 3 (28:29):
No, but I was that textbook person leaving my parents'
house going to college. That was like completely suffocated by
my parents. But in their eyes, which I completely understand
and I don't knock them for it now as an adult,
they were trying to do everything to protect me.

Speaker 2 (28:43):
So I get where they were coming from.

Speaker 3 (28:45):
You know, both of them came up here when they
were just teenagers and had to fend for themselves, so
they're trying to protect me from this world.

Speaker 2 (28:51):
That they were up against.

Speaker 3 (28:53):
But yeah, I was prepared to go to college to
just be like, all right, I'm in every party, I'm
outside like I'm going to do all the things that
I couldn't do at home.

Speaker 5 (29:01):
I said no, and nah, I'll put the kabasha on that.

Speaker 2 (29:05):
So aside from falling in love with you.

Speaker 3 (29:08):
I think there was always just like this innate, healthy
fear that I had, not wanting to disappoint my parents
like that, That for me.

Speaker 2 (29:18):
Trumped everything else.

Speaker 3 (29:20):
So if it came down to me making a decision,
even when it came down to decisions you and I
had to make, as you know teenagers in college, it
ultimately boiled down to, oh my god, what are my
parents going to think if they got wind of this?
There was always that in the back of my mind.

Speaker 1 (29:35):
You know. See, for me, I grew up differently.

Speaker 5 (29:37):
May I think because I was a boy growing up
in the nineties, different than your parents.

Speaker 1 (29:41):
Raising a daughter.

Speaker 5 (29:42):
I got a little bit more leeway and part two
because my parents weren't home all the time, so they
had to trust me. So a lot of times it
was just like, okay, you're gonna wear who you going with?
I need to know And because I had to share
that information because I wasn't afraid of my parents always
saying no, I trusted my parents. When I wanted to
try things, my parents like, okay, bet you can try here.
Shout out to my uncle Kevin, who I had my

(30:04):
first drink in his house. I was fifteen years old
and he was just like I was just like, yo,
what's you drinking? And he was like, hennessy, you want
to try something? And I was just like, all right,
you know what I mean. He's a police officer, so
I felt comfortable that.

Speaker 2 (30:20):
He was gonna you know, he would never put you
in harmsquad.

Speaker 5 (30:22):
He gave me some Hennessy on the rocks, me and
my boy Jay, my brother, and he was like, the
only thing is if you're gonna drink it, you gotta
drink the whole cup. Jay thought he was super smooth
and drank the whole cup and was messed up for
the rest of the day. I sipped mind, my brother
sipped out. Was but we didn't like the feeling. So
from that point it was just like I wasn't in
a rush to drink. You know, I was at home

(30:43):
in his house. We all stayed the night.

Speaker 6 (30:45):
There, so it was just like, so you weren't ed
by it, No, I wasn't because it was something I
had access to.

Speaker 5 (30:50):
And then when I did it and it didn't feel good,
I didn't want to do it no more. And he
was just like, you know, in typical uncle Cape Fast
see'all athletes now you're supposed to go to practice the
next day. How you can go to practice feeling like this?
And it was like, you know what, it was like,
you know what? Are he right though? Like I'm trying
to be nice at this? Why would I mess that up?
And for that reason, I didn't drink or smoke in
high school at all because I was afraid that my

(31:12):
performance was going to be diminished. But I had to
go through that, and someone guided me through it, you
know what I'm saying. There was someone who was on trend.
My uncle was a cop. He was there when they
arrested Diddy and j Lo with the whole Shine shooting.

Speaker 6 (31:24):
Like.

Speaker 1 (31:24):
He was known as hip hop cop. So he was
the guy that was on trend.

Speaker 5 (31:28):
Who knew all the music, who was you know, let
me drive his car, but also kept an eye out
so I knew how to navigate.

Speaker 1 (31:34):
So that's what I want to do for our kids.

Speaker 3 (31:36):
You know. Yeah, I think we're kind of well on
our way with that because I even see it, like
even outside of social media, it'll be little things like
when the kids decided to grab a snack. Kaz for example,
God love cas down, Okay, Kaz is my little He's
like my little pantry mouse, right, He's the one that's
always looking for a snack, and after dinner, he's the
one that's going to ask for dessert. Yep, you would

(31:58):
think that Kaz was like one hundred pound seven year old,
but he's not. Kaz is like this big right, and
he'll be like, mom, can I have dessert after eating
after eating his entire meal, or he'll say he's full,
and he'll have a couple of things left on the
plate and I'll be like, oh, yeah, what do you
want for dessert?

Speaker 2 (32:16):
Kaz an orange?

Speaker 3 (32:19):
I'll take some watermelon because that's a healthy right.

Speaker 1 (32:23):
I'm like, yeah, he's using discernments.

Speaker 3 (32:25):
So like where most kids would be like, let me
get the cookie, let me get the brownie, let me
get So it's like little things like that are starting
to resonate with them where they're like, I'm going to
make a healthy choice because this is good for my body.

Speaker 1 (32:36):
Conversation.

Speaker 3 (32:37):
I want to yeah, and I want to be like
the best version of myself. I want to be a
supreme athlete, so I actually give my body the right things.

Speaker 5 (32:45):
Jackson and Cairo was just like then I walked in
and it was a box of prime on the floor.

Speaker 2 (32:50):
They sent Yeah, the company said the company.

Speaker 5 (32:51):
Center and Jackson and cairols, Now, we're not drinking those.
It's not good for us as athletes. And I was like,
you'll be listening, but the box been there.

Speaker 3 (33:03):
But you know what it tells me, and it tells
us that our word holds weight heavier than what they
watch or what their friends say. Because when it first
came out, they were like, oh, we need to get this, this,
that prime and all because all the kids were doing it.
And then once we told them, I'm like, you know,
we don't. It's it's a new it's a new dream.
We don't even really know what's in it. Let's do
some research and research on it first to see and

(33:25):
then slowly they were like, yeah, we don't really want that.
So this morning, what did Jackson have before he went
to practice, because he had early practice, oking up water
and a bowl of fruit there and I was like,
see that's how you break fast living water and fruit
in the morning.

Speaker 1 (33:38):
Son.

Speaker 5 (33:39):
You know when we became cool with our kids when
we took the picture with the rapper not grbo oh
NFL Chappa NL chappo. You said NFL Chopper.

Speaker 1 (33:50):
Oh my god, you see what I'm saying. Guys, You
see what I'm saying, NFL Chopper. No, you see what
I'm saying about to send us back? The kids gonna
be like.

Speaker 2 (33:59):
Namn a Facebook. No, you know what it is.

Speaker 3 (34:02):
Y'all have to excuse me because we're knee deep in
the NFL season and that's all we talk about, and
that's all that's on my team.

Speaker 2 (34:08):
L E Chopper, Please forgive me, baby. Okay, but you're.

Speaker 5 (34:11):
Thinking about NBA young Boy because there's an NBA young
boy and then there's an n L E child.

Speaker 2 (34:17):
I NL Chopper.

Speaker 5 (34:18):
Yes, we met NLI Chopper at the hip hop at
the BT Awards and we took a picture.

Speaker 1 (34:23):
But then me and him was throwing the ball to
each other.

Speaker 5 (34:25):
And shooting jump shots at the game again, and that's
when Jackson was like, yo, Dad, he was playing ball
with NLI Chopper.

Speaker 1 (34:32):
Yes, right, And I was just like, that's what's up right.
He was like, you don't even know what song he singing,
do you?

Speaker 5 (34:36):
And I was like, yes, I do, and he started
singing the song and then I was like, well I
should I actually do know the song?

Speaker 2 (34:41):
Which which one is that you remember Walkome Down Down?
Oh you know, yeah, got a little dance to go with.

Speaker 1 (34:47):
The twenty nineteen. But I feel old even saying that.

Speaker 5 (34:51):
You know that song that the boy sang, the NFL Chapel,
you know, NFL Chopper, He sang the song and walk
them Down.

Speaker 1 (34:57):
He sang the song and the walk them Down.

Speaker 3 (34:59):
We watched the NFL all day yesterday, game after game
after game, from.

Speaker 5 (35:03):
One o'clock to eleven. There's a football game on every Sunday.

Speaker 6 (35:07):
Absolutely, and it's Monday, so it's gonna be game on today.

Speaker 3 (35:10):
It will be my life, my life, my life, all right, y'all.
Another part of life is paying bills. Let's take a
quick break. We're gonna pay some more bills and we
will get back into listener letters when we.

Speaker 2 (35:19):
Return, so stick around, all right, y'all.

Speaker 3 (35:30):
Were back, and we were just laughing about the fact
that I totally totally called and then lean chopping and
chop yo yo.

Speaker 2 (35:40):
That is wild.

Speaker 1 (35:42):
The kids can't see.

Speaker 2 (35:42):
Them, and that was that was my typical West Indian
mom moment.

Speaker 3 (35:49):
Where I was just like call them punder, whats up
and tell them so that you know, the.

Speaker 1 (35:56):
Chop up on the TV. And if you know.

Speaker 4 (35:59):
Football, Tom Bradgy, you know, uh traffic.

Speaker 2 (36:04):
They wouldn't even know Tom Brady. They would, they would,
they would.

Speaker 1 (36:07):
Completely tail us swift tail us swift.

Speaker 2 (36:10):
Brian what's his name again? Remember? Anyway?

Speaker 5 (36:18):
Let it over.

Speaker 2 (36:19):
Yeah, speak for yourself, bro let me. I'm about to
get up.

Speaker 1 (36:21):
On the I'm speaking for you. You don't want to
say the NFL chop. But what you may speak for yourself,
I just know I speaking for both of us.

Speaker 3 (36:27):
It was the confusion, y'all. I'm living in the matrix
that is boy mom life. Okay, you gotta want me
go first, I'm sure, go for it, Hey, go first, Hey,
fam I just want to.

Speaker 1 (36:39):
I just want to put this out here, right.

Speaker 5 (36:41):
And there was a study that came out right and
I'm gonna put this out here for trouble that heterosexual
couples the divorce at the rate of forty six.

Speaker 1 (36:51):
Percent on half.

Speaker 2 (36:52):
Okay, that's quite a bit, right.

Speaker 5 (36:54):
Lesbian couples, No, I'm just male gay couples twenty six percent.

Speaker 6 (36:59):
Really, m lesbian couples seventy four percent. Damn Yeah, y'all
a problem. I'm not a lesbian, no, but you're a
woman so what I got.

Speaker 5 (37:09):
To do it.

Speaker 2 (37:09):
I'm married to you and we.

Speaker 5 (37:10):
Still what you just did to me, What you just
did to me is the problem. You said I could
do it that you change your mind missing just cut
me off. If I was a lesbian like Trouble, we'd
be fighting.

Speaker 2 (37:20):
Oh my god, you write trouble.

Speaker 5 (37:24):
You ain't taking that shit, huh. But as a man,
I'm gonna take it. You know why, Happy wife, happy life.

Speaker 2 (37:30):
I love it.

Speaker 3 (37:31):
I just said, tell me get the longer ones, you know,
because I'm trying to save you from doing all this
the work. You know what I'm saying, teamwork.

Speaker 1 (37:37):
I will never say let me take the longer one.
You can have that, all right.

Speaker 2 (37:42):
I indeed enjoy the longer one. Thank you? All right? Now, Hey,
you're nasty.

Speaker 1 (37:48):
Y'all.

Speaker 5 (37:48):
Kids can't watch this between NFL Chopper and you begging podcast.

Speaker 3 (37:52):
It's not for them kids, Okay, period. Much love from Houston, Texas.
I'm in a bit of a pickle. Bos does it?

Speaker 2 (38:00):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (38:01):
My husband and I going on am eight years married,
and for the first two years of our marriage, he
decided he wanted to open his own massage therapy business.

Speaker 2 (38:09):
I agreed that this would be.

Speaker 3 (38:11):
A great idea, even though it would push back our
plans to move to Houston. Originally, we lived in Louisiana
until twenty nineteen. For the first year of our marriage,
we stayed with his mom so that he can have
money to build his business. The second year, he finally
got We finally got our own place so that he
can take care of his business. I decided to take

(38:31):
on all the bills, including rent and daycare. Six years later,
it's my turn to do what I'd like to do,
which is go back to school for occupational therapy. But
he doesn't seem excited about it, especially since that means
that I would have to stop working full time and
he would have to take on more bills.

Speaker 2 (38:47):
I asked if he could at least pick.

Speaker 3 (38:49):
Up a part time job while I'm in school, which
would only be for two years, and that was an
immediate no. So I asked if he could at least
pick up on trying to get clientele for his business.
But he hasn't really put the work in to even
speak or pass out business because.

Speaker 1 (39:05):
I still got a business after six years.

Speaker 3 (39:08):
So that he can gain this clientele that he really needs,
he wants me to help with his business, which I do.
I post on Facebook, on our page and posting groups
around the city. I even speak at his business when
people even mention needing a massage. If he doesn't bring
in close to what I make, then it would mean
that I would not be able to go to school,
which means I would be resentful for what he couldn't do.

(39:32):
How do I motivate my husband or what can I
do so that I don't forget about my dreams?

Speaker 1 (39:39):
All Right?

Speaker 5 (39:42):
The first thing, I'm not even gonna approach this for me,
I'm not going to take I'm gonna take all the
personal stuff out.

Speaker 2 (39:47):
Of here and keep a business.

Speaker 5 (39:49):
Six years doing a business and you haven't been able
to scratch the surface to build a clientele. You don't
have a business. You're hemorrhaging money, and since you're not
worth you're hemorrhaging your wife's money. Right, most businesses that
become successful and have sustainability start to make a profit
after three years.

Speaker 6 (40:09):
So I'll give you the first six years. That's the glideline. Yeah,
the first two years you win a red. Right, once
you get to the third year, you're supposed to be
in the black. You get to the fourth year, then
it's like, oh, my business can sustain. The fifth year
is oh, my business has solvency by the sixth years
now was like, how could I expand or even scale
my business by year six?

Speaker 1 (40:29):
Like, that's that's a long time.

Speaker 5 (40:31):
If you're in year six of the business and you're
still in putting your own money into the business and
don't have the clientele for it to be sustained, you
should pivot and try to do another business. Maybe that
business isn't for you, the business model you're using isn't good,
or you're.

Speaker 3 (40:46):
Just not a good business person, right, or maybe you
don't give good massages, sir, because if you didn't, if
a friend didn't tell a friend to tell a friend
by now, like, yeah, that's usually how businesses thrived. I mean,
I think number one is like word of mouth. That's true,
telling people. Then she says she's on Facebook share and
talking like anytime someone brings up you know, oh my
neck might hurt. Oh my husband he does a massage,
just like that's crazy. The thing that struck me in

(41:07):
this is that final question, how do I motivate my husband?
Like I understand that when you're in a relationship and
a marriage that you know, we have ebbs and flows.
There's moments when you may feel like you're not motivated
in that moment to do something, or you may be
a little bit in a rut. If you're a creative,
it's like, damn, like right now my antenna is a
little bit down, or things are a bit foggy. But
the motivation I feel like in itself should be you.

(41:27):
It should be you your dreams. Like when I think about us,
even like, we're so motivated by each other's dreams that
I never have to ask de Val to help motivate
me or vice versa.

Speaker 1 (41:37):
You know that.

Speaker 2 (41:40):
Huh, it's just dead indeed it is.

Speaker 1 (41:42):
Can we be real?

Speaker 2 (41:43):
Be real?

Speaker 1 (41:43):
All right?

Speaker 4 (41:44):
Man?

Speaker 5 (41:44):
That nigga don't need no fucking motivation. Bro, He don't
you know what he need a foot up his ass.
There's no way in the way if that's my.

Speaker 1 (41:51):
Sister, right, Seriously, six years, my sister's been paying all
of the bills and then now it's time for her
to do something for herself, to go back to school,
which wild probably help her make more money.

Speaker 2 (41:59):
And you like, and it's a problem, that's crazy.

Speaker 1 (42:01):
So how like real talk?

Speaker 5 (42:04):
Because I think a lot of what people they tend
to try to pander to either sex or pander to
a situation so that they don't sound bad.

Speaker 1 (42:11):
This is the truth.

Speaker 5 (42:12):
As a man, right, you have a responsibility to provide.
As much as we like to say women should do
this and women should do that, as a man, you
have a responsibility to provide. Your wife gave you an
opportunity in years to set up something.

Speaker 1 (42:24):
Did we not do the same thing?

Speaker 2 (42:26):
Literally the.

Speaker 1 (42:28):
NFL?

Speaker 5 (42:29):
And I was just like, yo, I want to start
this beast training business. And I said, Yo, after these
two years, you will not have to work at.

Speaker 1 (42:37):
That store anymore. Literally that, I said, I'm not We're
not doing this anymore.

Speaker 2 (42:41):
It was literally that.

Speaker 5 (42:43):
And if I didn't build that business after two years,
you know what, I would have went and done got a.

Speaker 1 (42:47):
Job because I had a part time job the whole time.

Speaker 2 (42:50):
Anywayuly did.

Speaker 3 (42:51):
And there's an actual timeline that you need to put
into place when you're doing something with a part facts
you have a husband and wife. What's the point in
having a teammate when you're not wor working as a team.

Speaker 1 (43:00):
Child.

Speaker 5 (43:01):
Part of motivation is accountability, and the accountability is for
her to say to him, and this is when you
know that you've met your match with someone who's evenly yoked.
Right when I wanted to do certain things and I
needed you to go back to work, it wasn't a hey, babe,
how can I find ways to motivate?

Speaker 1 (43:17):
It was like, Yo, we got a plan. The plan
is to do this.

Speaker 5 (43:19):
Part of that plan requires you going to get insurance
so that we can at least survive for these two years.

Speaker 1 (43:24):
And it was I say less, so said so done.

Speaker 5 (43:28):
Right when you was working and you was like your devow,
I hate working and going for the holidays, it was no, babe,
how can I motivate you?

Speaker 1 (43:35):
It was like DIVI, I don't want to do this. Okay,
so what's the plan?

Speaker 2 (43:39):
What is the plan?

Speaker 5 (43:40):
If this is your life partner? There's no how can
I motivate? Sit down with that man and the two
of y'all created a plan that works for both of you,
not just one. The plan that they created in the
beginning was only working for him. But he seems very
comfortable because she's handling all.

Speaker 2 (43:55):
The bills bills exactly.

Speaker 5 (43:57):
Nah, bro, Now if that's my sister either, I'm fighting you.

Speaker 1 (44:02):
You know, what I'm saying, or I'm telling her to leave.
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 6 (44:05):
If you my brother, I'm asking you what are you
doing there? Like, what are you doing?

Speaker 5 (44:10):
You got to get up, Go get a job, do
the massage business in the since you don't have a
lot of clients, go be a substitute teacher.

Speaker 3 (44:16):
Yeah, if it's your own clients, you schedule your days.
It's flexible, and then you pick up something else on
the other side. Like to me, it's just a no brainer.

Speaker 5 (44:23):
Nobody mass in the middle of the day, So go
work somewhere in the middle of the day. Between you
can be a parer at a school and make a
quick fifteen hundred dollars every two week just being a
power in the school. And if you're a massage theup pison,
you have a skill set you can offer to teach
the kids.

Speaker 1 (44:40):
Why you can't teach massage stup being the school that's.

Speaker 2 (44:43):
Episode ye.

Speaker 1 (44:46):
Teaching.

Speaker 3 (44:47):
You have a basis of people that you can then say, hey,
guess what I do.

Speaker 2 (44:53):
You know what my business is like.

Speaker 3 (44:54):
You find different ways to network and you spread the
word about your business. He got to get it together,
it up. That's crazy. Craze.

Speaker 5 (45:02):
Hope that helps. Like long, we said this is dead
ass podcast. We're not judging you, but.

Speaker 2 (45:06):
Good luck to you, my man. We want to see
you live your dreams out too, saying we all got dreams.

Speaker 3 (45:12):
Shit.

Speaker 2 (45:13):
I'm right all right, babe, you can number two.

Speaker 1 (45:16):
Hell, thank you allowing me to do number two. Pause.
It's not a pause but something around doing number two
then sound right. Hello. My name is to Quisha aka Cuisha.
What's up? Quisha? I'm thirty nine years old and my
boyfriend is thirty four.

Speaker 5 (45:31):
We've been in a relationship since December eleventh, twenty twenty three.
That's what's up, guys. We met at work while working
in the same building. We spent every break together. Now
he's on third shift and I'm on first shift. Still,
I understand that it's going to take time to get
used to the different hours we have, But my question
is how am I supposed to get used to it
when we make plans to spend time together. He sleep
from being tired at work. I love this man with

(45:53):
all of me. We don't live together. We have a
son that he gets every other weekend. I have three daughters. Oh,
he has a son. He has a son that he
gets every other week, and I have three daughters and
all I want is time with my man. It's like
I'm crying out for the time with him, but I
don't want him to feel like I'm not happy about
his new position. But how do I stay strong When
I talk to him at night sometimes and text him

(46:14):
throughout the day, checking on him and letting him know
that I love him. He says he loves me too,
but I need time. Plus he's an introvert, so he
loves time to himself. I see the love y'all have
for each other and how strong that relationship is. How
can I get my relationship together because this is the
last relationship I have in me?

Speaker 1 (46:30):
Please help?

Speaker 2 (46:31):
Yeah thirty nine for kids, I get it.

Speaker 3 (46:34):
I kind of feel like with this situation here, since
it's like a different shift than they're working at the
same place, this sacrifices in everything sometimes. I mean, at
least he's working, both y'all are working. Y'all have jobs.
It seems like he's spends time with his son. You
have your daughters, so it's a sacrificial period, you know,
until maybe you guys can do better or get on
another shift. I don't know what where they work or

(46:55):
what it looks like. But it's hard when you don't
have time. Because I know for a fact that and
Deval and I don't have time to get there, bad
stuff gets really, really bad, and it's just for nothing
more than lack of just wanting to be together and
wanting time and missing each other. If not living together
right now is not an option, you know, are you

(47:15):
going to his place?

Speaker 2 (47:16):
Are you spending time?

Speaker 3 (47:17):
Sometimes just being in the presence and falling asleep together
can be enough.

Speaker 5 (47:21):
We've been doing that as podcast for so long that
I'm starting to realize that it's not up to us
to decide how they're going to make the perfect life
for themselves. Them too have to have a conversation and
build the life they want. I honestly believe in the
law of attraction. Right if you really want something in
the world and you put any all of your energy
around it to get it, the universe will conspire to

(47:43):
give it to you. If you love this man that
much and he loves you that much, y'all just need
to work together to find out how to make it work.
That's all Ka and I have ever done. When things
weren't going perfectly in school.

Speaker 1 (47:53):
We pivoted.

Speaker 5 (47:53):
We figured out, well, how can we change our schedule
and see each other more When it was the NFL
and she was still living in a Long Island and
I was living in Detroit.

Speaker 1 (48:00):
We got on flights.

Speaker 2 (48:02):
Listen.

Speaker 3 (48:02):
That's it's it's sacrificial. It's like doing whatever by any means,
that is it. Nothing could keep de Val and I apart, Like,
nothing could. It couldn't, not a job, not distance, not anything.
And we just we literally like you're right, we worked
to be together. Like whatever we're fired, we do it now.

Speaker 5 (48:19):
Is you got twenty four hours in the day. Nobody's
working all twenty four hours, Like you have time in
the day, whether it's an hour to get on Facebook
when we're in a Facebook on face time face get
on the Facebook and listen to the NFL travel. No,
it's if there's an hour in a day where I'm
in Canada and I'm filming and Kay got an hour
we get on FaceTime and we spend time like that,

(48:40):
Like like you have to be deliberate with your partner
and if one of the partners is like, oh, I
don't have time, that partner is just not as serious
about creating the time as the other partner, and that
has to be a discussion.

Speaker 3 (48:51):
That has to be a discussion for sure with him. Yeah,
taking to each other, you have to. Yeah, because just
working different ships and being tired. I get it, everybody tired.
But if I'm tired with you, look at us.

Speaker 1 (49:01):
I was up this morning to practice it.

Speaker 3 (49:04):
Well, six, I was up with thirty. Took him out
by six at the rest of the kids be tired.

Speaker 1 (49:10):
Yeah, you know what happened.

Speaker 5 (49:11):
We came back into bed, fell back asleep for about
an hour and a half and woke up and we're
here and we're here.

Speaker 6 (49:16):
So yo, fine, time for your your loved ones. Man,
your spouse is your family. Gotta make it time for
each other even when you're tired.

Speaker 2 (49:23):
Man, that's a fact. All right, y'all.

Speaker 3 (49:25):
If you want to be featured as one of our
listener letters, be sure to email us at dead ass
Advice at gmail dot com.

Speaker 5 (49:31):
That's D E A D A S S A D
V I C E at gmail dot com.

Speaker 3 (49:37):
All Right, moment of truth time. Today, we're talking about
parents staying up on trends social media technology.

Speaker 2 (49:45):
It seems like we may need a course for this babe.

Speaker 5 (49:47):
To be honest, my moment of truth is very simple.
All right, have the type of relationship with your kids
that allows them to be open about their one needs
and desires. We talk about it as spouses all the time, right,
creating that safe space for each other. And a lot
of time, I don't think parents create that safe space

(50:08):
with their children. You know, they create a barrier where
there has to be a level of respect and a
level of fear so that the kids don't do things
when you're not there.

Speaker 6 (50:17):
But I'd rather my children speak to me, and I'm
still maintain their respect absolutely sometimes, But no, I think
there's a healthy level of fear.

Speaker 5 (50:27):
I'm an old school parent and I'm not looking for
when I say fear, I'm not looking for everyone to
agree with me. People can disagree with me, even you
as a mom. I don't even mind if you disagree
with me. I want my sons to fear me a
little bit because I want them to understand that there
is a hierarchy that exists in the world. The hierarchy
starts with God, right, and then from God it goes

(50:49):
down to the people who are able to provide you
with the type of lifestyle, want to live and protect you,
you know, so it goes from God to your parents,
to your siblings and people you live with, your grandparents,
your aunts and uncles.

Speaker 1 (51:02):
You should have a fear of these people, you know.

Speaker 6 (51:04):
It's to be like, Okay, these people you know have
my best interest in heart, but they also have an
authority to tell me what's good and what's not good,
and what's right and what was wrong.

Speaker 2 (51:13):
And that's kind of missing from this day and age.

Speaker 3 (51:15):
Now. Yes, when you think about it, yes, you think
about the village. And we talk so much about the
village and how they're able to help us raise our children.

Speaker 2 (51:21):
That used to be an extended village that we had.

Speaker 3 (51:23):
Really so when we didn't have social media and we
didn't have phones and technology, we had people on the
street on the ground.

Speaker 1 (51:28):
Who would you.

Speaker 3 (51:29):
Walk past Miss Mary's house or you'd walk past Uncle
Joe's house. And it's like, if you were doing something
that you knew you weren't supposed to be doing, or
you with the group of people you shouldn't have been with,
the word is probably gonna get back to your parents
faster than you're getting home that night.

Speaker 5 (51:41):
It's funny, you say that, right, because we have a
village here, right, And Josh will say it Trouble will
say it's like, y'all kids are just different.

Speaker 1 (51:48):
You know.

Speaker 5 (51:49):
My kids also have fear in us, but they also
have fear in all of these adults. And that fear
is if I do something outside of the character or
the moral standard that my parents, it's created and Matt
or trouble and then Josh sees it. I couldn't get
in trouble. That's why they feel like all your kids
are so well behaved because they're scared, you know, And

(52:10):
I'm unapologetic that while they are young, and I want
them to be afraid of us so that they do
the right thing. And as they were sure enough to
understand it. Wait a minute, I don't have to fear
my parents exactly. I can't respect them enough to not
make those decisions because I don't want to disrespect them.
Then they don't have to fear me because I don't
fear my parents anymore. But I still make decisions like

(52:31):
I'm not.

Speaker 2 (52:31):
Doing parenting our parents.

Speaker 1 (52:33):
Yeah you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (52:36):
I guess I could tie this into my moment in
true time. But Jackson just said to us last night
that he's starting to see in life as his life
is unfolding, He's starting to see why we are the
way we are, why we parent the way we parent,
why we say the things we say, why we raise

(52:57):
him the way we raise him.

Speaker 2 (52:58):
He had to do and overnight.

Speaker 3 (53:00):
Retreat, and that already built of anxiety and being devoured
because the minute I saw the email come across about
an overnight retreat, I was like, he overnight over with
who you got FACETI a mind baby, because he's gonna
be sleeping in our house because we don't do the
whole sleep out thing. However, it's something that he was
required to do. So we had to like, really, you know,

(53:22):
get get have the discussion about what that's going to
look like with you being away. So it was like
an overnight retreat camp for school. And he came back
and he said, I get why y'all tell me to
do a lot of the things you do. And it
was deval andy and even like Mimi, the things that
she instills in him, she's like he said, because he
went to this this this cabin, this retreat where he

(53:42):
was rooming with other individuals, and he said he took
out his toiletry bag, and he had his shower slippers together,
and his toothbrush where it was supposed to be, and
he made his bed up and everything. And he said
some of the other people in his cabin just had
stuff all over all over the place.

Speaker 5 (54:00):
On the floor, there's one flip flop. Can't find my
flip flop? Who stole my shirt? And he's just like,
I have to deal with none.

Speaker 2 (54:06):
Of that problems because all my stuff was together.

Speaker 3 (54:08):
And he said he didn't realize how naturally that came
to him, that he just was. He just did it
because that's what was instilled in him. And then he
talked about sitting down to eat dinner at nights.

Speaker 1 (54:20):
What looks like, see I'm cutting the steakman. They elbows
all love steak, flying crazy, They dropped for his knife.

Speaker 5 (54:26):
He's like, I'm sitting here, elbows tuck. I'm just they
asking me, Jackson, how you do that? He said, simple practice.
He's just like yeah. He couldn't believe it. He's sitting
down with all of these kids. He said, it was.

Speaker 6 (54:36):
Like it was like a jungle in there, exactly every
man for themselves.

Speaker 1 (54:39):
They didn't know what was going going on, and he.

Speaker 3 (54:41):
Was just so put together, but that was his first
time doing something like that and away yes from us,
And naturally, Deval and I were in talk about being
in a pickle. We were over there looking at each
other like, man, I hope I.

Speaker 5 (54:54):
Don't ever let my wife say that the vials always
the pickle and I'm always in her Okay, all right,
just make that clear, unpaused.

Speaker 2 (55:02):
Think we're clear, all right?

Speaker 3 (55:05):
But that being said, parents, we need to be the
ones to instill that moral compass and instill the things
in the children, our children that we want for them
to be in this world.

Speaker 2 (55:16):
And then stay up on.

Speaker 3 (55:16):
The trends to baby, get you a young friend, get
you a niece, a nephew, somebody who knows how to
tick tack drop like you had, all that stuff.

Speaker 2 (55:23):
Okay, and never ever get the name wrong. N l
e Chappa.

Speaker 3 (55:31):
Listen, miss kay, I got you, baby. I know your name,
I know exactly who you are. I know the whole
dance and all that thing. Okay, all right, cool. Be
sure to follow us on social media, y'all. Okay, if
you haven't been doing that already, where have you been?
You can see exclusive dead ass podcast content on Patreon.

Speaker 2 (55:51):
Let me start that over, y'all, because.

Speaker 3 (55:55):
The whole thing all right, y'all, be sure to find
us on Patreon to say exclusive dead Ass podcasts, video
content and exclusives. Ellis family content, and you can find
us on social media at dead Ass the Podcast. I'm Kadine,
I am and I am Devo.

Speaker 5 (56:09):
And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate, review,
and subscribe and get your copy of We Over Me
The counter of Tuitive Approach to getting Everything you want
out of your relationship.

Speaker 2 (56:20):
Absolutely.

Speaker 3 (56:20):
Oh and it's officially fall, y'all, and we're going into
colder weather.

Speaker 2 (56:25):
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Speaker 3 (56:26):
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Speaker 1 (56:36):
That's true, That's very true.

Speaker 2 (56:37):
It's a change, it's a movie. Gets your It's dead ass.

Speaker 1 (56:39):
Dead Ass.

Speaker 5 (56:42):
Got dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast Network,
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