Live In LA!

The Dead Ass Podcast Live tour stopped at the Regent Theatre in LA. If you missed it, listen to part of the show here. For video of the full show go to https://www.patreon.com/deadass

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:11):
Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devout and we're the Ellis's.

Speaker 2 (00:15):
You may know us from posting funny videos.

Speaker 1 (00:17):
With our voice and reading each other publicly as a.

Speaker 3 (00:20):
Form of therapy.

Speaker 2 (00:22):
Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow?

Speaker 3 (00:25):
Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married, Yes.

Speaker 4 (00:28):
Sir, we are.

Speaker 5 (00:29):
We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of
li's most taboo topics.

Speaker 3 (00:33):
Things most folks don't want to talk about.

Speaker 4 (00:36):
Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass
is a term that we say every day. So when
we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred
the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
We about to take philosof to our whole new level.

Speaker 3 (00:52):
Dead ass starts right now.

Speaker 2 (00:57):
How y'all feeling DJ Executive? What's good? I didn't like
my sweater? Y'all say that right? Yeah?

Speaker 4 (01:11):
Have a seat real quick shout out to Shari got
me dressed up. Internet was talking about something. Hey, the
Elysis are the new Cosby's. So she got me in
the fucking Cardigan. So I'd be talking to Caine like
it gang bringing that ass over a year. She'd be

(01:33):
like the vout stop. I'd be like, all right, all right,
I'll stop. How y'all feeling it's raining a lot?

Speaker 2 (01:44):
That ass?

Speaker 4 (01:45):
Yeah, somebody said that ass took us an hour to
get over here. Y'all can't drive in La boy. Y'all
ain't used to the rain. It don't rain. We lived
here for two years. It rained four times. It rained
four times since we've been here. We've been here since yesterday.

(02:05):
But I know why you here. Look look, look, stop
right now.

Speaker 2 (02:12):
Stop, it's be over me.

Speaker 4 (02:17):
Man hold look all right, all right, so today is
a little different. I have not seen KaDee since last night,
and I'm gonna tell you why we We went with

(02:39):
what you mean, what you do?

Speaker 2 (02:40):
I didn't do nothing.

Speaker 4 (02:44):
So every every year when we do the trip, I
submit my story times so that DJ executive knows what
the music we play, lights and sound.

Speaker 1 (02:54):
No.

Speaker 4 (02:55):
Right, So I submitted my story time for today because
the yance tickets came out and the minute I said
I submitted this story time, she looked at me with
that Kadeen face and she said, oh really, So I
was like, yeah, what's the problem.

Speaker 2 (03:13):
She goes nothing to valve?

Speaker 4 (03:17):
Then last night she checked out of my room and
got her own room. So introducing for the first time,
you did that. So so yeah, y'all, y'all, y'all traaring
and shit.

Speaker 3 (03:33):
Because you got the story time to tell.

Speaker 4 (03:36):
I do, and you're gonna miss it because you're going
to change. Yes, got the cheeks so long. They didn't
pay for this type of show.

Speaker 1 (03:50):
I was gonna start the single ladies dance, but I
figured I shouldn't.

Speaker 2 (03:54):
But you married?

Speaker 4 (03:55):
What you mean, Sam, there's no single ladies, all the
married ladies, all the married ladies.

Speaker 2 (04:00):
Yes, yes, I do that, all right.

Speaker 1 (04:04):
So we were like trying to go for the whole lemonade. Look,
I had cherigoing crazy trying to find it. Big brim head.
Didn't quite work out. Don't got the praise, But y'all
get the picture.

Speaker 3 (04:13):
You get the picture, all right. Well, continue with your
little story time.

Speaker 4 (04:17):
Yeah, change, put the checks away, all right, I'll try.
That's my wife, y'all, she's the biggest troll ever. So
let me tell you about storytelling.

Speaker 2 (04:38):
This was.

Speaker 4 (04:40):
June twenty eleven. I remember because it was the day
that our marriage changed. Beyonce was doing a little performance.
I remember the day specifically. It was August fourteenth, sixteenth, eighteenth,
and nineteen. I was gonna go get tickets. Kadeen and

(05:01):
I were about to be celebrating our first wedding anniversary.

Speaker 2 (05:05):
She just had our son, Jackson. I was like, yes,
some husband of the year. But to get these Beyonce tickets.

Speaker 4 (05:13):
I said, Yo, Kaye, Beyonce got tickets coming out. I'm
gonna cop us some tickets. She was like, yes, baby,
you the best of all that right at the time.
If y'all remember, I was broke. Beyonce tickets be fucking expensive,

(05:33):
all right? Can I get an amen?

Speaker 1 (05:34):
And that? Yes.

Speaker 4 (05:38):
So I had just got finished paying for the wedding,
we just.

Speaker 2 (05:43):
Had a baby.

Speaker 4 (05:44):
We were living in my grandmother's apartment in Brooklyn. I
had no money, but I was gonna do this for
my wife. So I say, yo, remember that credit card
that you were supposed to pay off. I'm gonna use
that to buy the beyond the tickets. And I washed
her eyes go to the left and go up, And

(06:07):
I said, what was with that look? And she was like, no, nothing,
just check the car. Let me take y'all even further
back two thousand and seven.

Speaker 2 (06:18):
I'm in that. No, this is not the American Express card.

Speaker 4 (06:21):
This is the City Bank card I know, specifically the
one that ended four zero nine six, because I'll be
doing everything. The car limit was fifteen thousand dollars. The
car was up to fourteen thousand, nine hundred and seventy
two cents. I noticed, because I know numbers. I said, Yo, okay,

(06:42):
why the car's so high. I don't know, di valda
card just be high. What you mean, you don't know
you'll be spending it. That's not the way credit cards work.
You gotta pay it off, right. That was two thousand
and seven. It was two thousand and nine when I
noticed the car was still at fourteen thousand, nine hundred
and seventy two dollars. Were getting ready to plan our wedding.

(07:03):
I said, yo, I'm gonna cover the wedding. You got
one responsibility. You gotta get this credit card down. She said,
easy money, I got it. I said, cool, this is
your responsibility.

Speaker 2 (07:21):
Boom.

Speaker 4 (07:23):
Fast forward to twenty eleven June.

Speaker 2 (07:27):
The credit card was a fourteen.

Speaker 4 (07:29):
Thousand, nine hundred and sixty eight dollars. I go to
get the card to buy the tickets, and the card
don't got no money on it.

Speaker 2 (07:46):
So I called kadem. I'm like, okay, man, come here,
first year.

Speaker 4 (07:51):
Marriage, just had a baby, had a baby in April.
She goes, wet deval. I said, yo, white American Express
so high. She goes, I don't know. I've been paying
that car for two years. I said, how, how have
you been paying the call off for two years? Have

(08:11):
you been using it? She says no.

Speaker 2 (08:14):
I said, that's cap.

Speaker 4 (08:15):
Well, I didn't say cap because people weren't saying cap
in twenty eleven. But I said that's a lie. She goes, no,
it's not. I've been paying it. So I go to
look at the history, the payment history. The minimum on
the car was forty two dollars. Kate put sixty dollars
on the car every month.

Speaker 2 (08:36):
No interesting, So I was living.

Speaker 4 (08:42):
I was living because I did my part right, got
us in an apartment, paid for this wedding. Wedding was
seventy five thousand dollars in twenty and ten.

Speaker 2 (08:52):
Yeah, exactly. Oh yeah, I paid for.

Speaker 4 (08:56):
That because my wife says she wanted to have a
platinum wedding at the time.

Speaker 2 (09:00):
That's what's happening. So I get pissed. I'm like, yo,
enough is enough.

Speaker 4 (09:07):
No accountability, you don't understand the responsibility.

Speaker 2 (09:11):
I put my foot down.

Speaker 4 (09:14):
I'm not buying the Beyonce tickets. Look, look, look at
all of the Beyonce fans mad at me. Y'all don't
care about y'all.

Speaker 2 (09:25):
Mortgages, y'all don't get out of nothing. Is Beyonce? Right.

Speaker 4 (09:30):
I put my foot down, I go down. I'm not
buying the Beyonce tickets. Now here's the crazy thing. I
was not even not buying the Beyonce tickets. To be me,
I did not have the money. I just didn't have it.
So KaDee goes, wait a minute, you about to punish me.

(09:50):
And I did everything you asked?

Speaker 2 (09:53):
I said, how you did everything I asked?

Speaker 4 (09:56):
She said, you told me to pay off the credit card,
paid it off. You told me to pay more than
the minimum. I did that. I said, Kadeen, you paid eighteen.

Speaker 2 (10:06):
Dollars more than the minimum. My guy, I said. I
literally said my gud too, because I was that pissed.

Speaker 4 (10:12):
She was like, well, you need to have better details
if you want me to get shit done. So I said, cool,
here's detail number one. I'm not buying the Beyonce tickets.
The whole building started to shape whole building. Yo, whole building.
Kadeen didn't even lose eye context. You's looking right at

(10:33):
me like this. I said, what.

Speaker 2 (10:38):
She goes what's in the room and slams the door.
So now I'm at the door. I'm banging on the door. Boom, boom, boom,
open the door. Caneen, open the door, Caneen. Right.

Speaker 4 (10:50):
I hear screaming in the room. So I kicked the
door open. Ba, this is all the true story. When
she comes out, she is gonna co operate the story.
A bust in the door.

Speaker 2 (11:02):
Boom.

Speaker 4 (11:03):
She's on the windowsill, one foot out the windowsill, other
foot in the room.

Speaker 2 (11:10):
I panic. I'm like, yoom, what are you doing.

Speaker 4 (11:14):
She's just like, I can't believe you're gonna do this
to Beyonce. I said, I'm not doing nothing to Beyonce. Bro,
you about to jump out the window for Beyonce tickets.
She goes, not the Beyonce tickets, to vows the fucking principle.
I say, what's the principal? She pauses and she goes,

(11:35):
fuck the principle.

Speaker 2 (11:37):
It's the ouzer.

Speaker 4 (11:43):
Swear to God, I swear everything, Bro, That's exactly what happened.

Speaker 2 (11:48):
So I go, you.

Speaker 4 (11:52):
Have lost your mind. I am not about to do
this with you. If you want to kill yourself over Beyonce,
that's on you. But we got a son and we
I'm gonna live for our son. I was being mad, dramatic.

Speaker 2 (12:09):
I turned and I walked away. What's our son name?
Kadeen then said.

Speaker 4 (12:19):
To me, because I was ready to walk away, that's
why Beyonce is better than Michael Jackson.

Speaker 2 (12:31):
Take that ship back, take it back right now. She goes. No.

Speaker 4 (12:37):
I said, I will push you out that fucking window
if you don't take it back. She said no, I'm
run to the window. I grabbed Kate. We over rolling, rolling, rolling,
and tussle in the bed.

Speaker 2 (12:50):
Bro Saint Michael Johnson's better than Beyonce. She goes, buy
man the tickets.

Speaker 4 (12:57):
Y'all think I'm joking. This is really what happened. I'm
saying I'm not.

Speaker 2 (13:02):
She goes, I bet you Beyonce would have brought me
the tickets.

Speaker 4 (13:06):
I was like God, and then we had sex. Yes,
clap that up, Clap that up, because who here is married?
So who here has had a marverage argument like that?

(13:29):
Man raised his hand slow and looked at his wife.
He said, Oh you're back both in time. God damn it,
What the buck is going on?

Speaker 3 (13:43):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (13:43):
I have no idea what's going on right there in
that corner right there. Shout out to Charie, Christina, Janelle
and Nelly for the quick change. So what kind of
lies he even telling y'all while I was back there changing,
because I was hearing thiss and pieces of the story,
all the lies.

Speaker 3 (13:57):
Right, all the lies.

Speaker 4 (13:59):
It's not lies, just I just I just want to
know what happened to the costume in the back.

Speaker 3 (14:05):
You know it's in safekeepings for later.

Speaker 2 (14:10):
It's in my face?

Speaker 3 (14:12):
Do you know what?

Speaker 2 (14:13):
Do you know why they're in safe keepings for later?

Speaker 4 (14:17):
I got tickets to the Beyonce concert this year.

Speaker 1 (14:20):
Yeah, yeah, listen, I follow instructions, y'all. He said, you
should be paying more than the minimum every month. So
the minimum is twenty five dollars A pay thirty?

Speaker 2 (14:31):
No it was forty, it was forty eight. You paid sixty.
I remember like that, more or less.

Speaker 3 (14:35):
But was I not paying more than the minimum?

Speaker 1 (14:38):
No?

Speaker 3 (14:39):
I follow the instructions.

Speaker 2 (14:41):
Listen, don't don't co sign this bullshit.

Speaker 4 (14:45):
Don't don't co sign it like this is not good
financial literacy.

Speaker 2 (14:49):
But the people are trying to learn to be better.

Speaker 4 (14:52):
Okay, okay, But first of all, because I didn't get
a chance to reintroduce you, please give it up to
my beautiful wife for the.

Speaker 6 (15:02):
Your husband though not the jail, not the jail poses.

Speaker 4 (15:14):
No, we we appreciate y'all. But uh, for sure, you
got mines. You got mines looking like Beyonce. That was great.

Speaker 2 (15:20):
That was great.

Speaker 3 (15:22):
So what's up, l A.

Speaker 1 (15:24):
All these beautiful faces in the building, some new ones,
some old ones.

Speaker 3 (15:29):
What's up, y'all? How are you.

Speaker 2 (15:33):
Talk him out? I just looked down here. Who do
we see? I see some of my BT casts out here.

Speaker 7 (15:40):
That is a fact.

Speaker 2 (15:42):
Hello, stary day, scary day. Come on, Maurice.

Speaker 8 (15:49):
Yeah, hey, my man, do y'all come on Chase stand up,
Chase stand.

Speaker 2 (15:56):
From big Yeah, Nate, my boy Nates come to whoa.

Speaker 4 (16:06):
Hey, nobody better fucking clap for sorry guys.

Speaker 9 (16:10):
Q All right, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on,
hold on.

Speaker 2 (16:19):
Who is my arch numbers sist in the hand, salon.
Everybody give a shout out the bam.

Speaker 4 (16:28):
Everybody give a shout out to kJ and Sky. Yeah,
come on, man, queen.

Speaker 2 (16:40):
It be out big bet that's how that's all. That's
our Scott be, that's what's gonna be. We're not done yet.
Who ain't watch is ruthless? Come on, stand up, Josh
out of a. Let's right. This last person I'm about

(17:00):
to bring up, nobody probably know. Don't nobody probably know?

Speaker 4 (17:03):
Anybody knows somebody named Fatima fans out Patimo. Yeah, one
thing I will say, My Tyler Perry BT family definitely
supports all the time.

Speaker 2 (17:22):
Everybody out here always supports.

Speaker 10 (17:24):
Man.

Speaker 2 (17:25):
I love y'all.

Speaker 4 (17:26):
I appreciate y'all. Yes, yes, yes, So who here listens
to the podcast? What normally comes after my wild last stories?

Speaker 1 (17:40):
Carry yoke?

Speaker 4 (17:41):
All right? All right?

Speaker 3 (17:43):
So I changed before karaoke was not how to do?
What have you doing? Karaoke is Beyonce?

Speaker 2 (17:49):
I may Sea.

Speaker 3 (17:49):
I got out of that costume before karaoke time, for sure.

Speaker 4 (17:52):
So we got the TJ executive said he got something
special for us. Let me see what you got. We
like to play that game for two reasons. First reason,
it's just an icebreaker, get everybody into the show before
we sit down and do the Q and A. But secondly,
to show you how couples communicate. This is the most

(18:13):
important thing. Communication in a relationship is important, right, who're
here in a relationship?

Speaker 2 (18:21):
Everybody here?

Speaker 1 (18:22):
Right?

Speaker 3 (18:23):
How many single women in the house? Okay? Single men, Okay,
carrier you.

Speaker 9 (18:38):
They are not their characters, ladies. He's not scary Gary
and he's not mess Q no real life.

Speaker 1 (18:51):
Yes, yes, I say, guys normally have the game fucked up,
because if there's a lot of single women in the spot,
I would think like, if that's what you're too, like,
single guys should.

Speaker 3 (19:01):
Be here or whatever you Oh, that's that's exactly to
go for it. So singles, mingle, mingle single.

Speaker 8 (19:07):
Let me tell you something that is exactly why Cheeto
was here. Cheeto hit me up on FaceTime, right, Cheeto
goes hey, bro Bro. If y'all y'all don't know Cheeto this,
I'm gonna do cheto space right here.

Speaker 2 (19:18):
Oh my gosh, for Cheeto. Cheeto hit me up on
face some right. I'll be like, yo, he'd like it,
what's up?

Speaker 4 (19:28):
D I'll be like, put a shirt on my nigga,
I don't want to see your nipples on face, tom.

Speaker 2 (19:33):
Bey And he'd be like, no, no, I got you,
I got you, I got you, but you you you
n l A, right, you in l A. I'm like, yeah,
he had cool cool cool.

Speaker 4 (19:46):
There'd be a lot of women at the podcast, right,
I'm like, yeah, why he goes cool cool, cool, cool cool.
I'm gonna need a ticket, I said, go buy one online.
He said no, no, no, no, no, I'm not gonna
do that. I know you get me a ticket, but
then he's gonna throw this at me. I'm saving for
my wife, So I need you to help me with
a ticket.

Speaker 3 (20:05):
So about oh, well play?

Speaker 2 (20:11):
I love that, Yes, I love that.

Speaker 1 (20:14):
So a little something that we're gonna do for y'all
who watches Zatima.

Speaker 3 (20:23):
And who knows when season two will be back.

Speaker 2 (20:28):
Sixteen sixteen.

Speaker 1 (20:31):
So I think this is the perfect opportunity, given the
space that we're in and giving who's in the building,
to introduce to y'all.

Speaker 3 (20:42):
Mits christopherne come on, I.

Speaker 4 (20:46):
See, we'll take a seat, we'll cook first and foremost.
I know people have a lot of questions. Look, look, look,
look at y'all. Messy, messy. That's why I like this
part of the show. People ask all the time, how
could Dean be so cool with all the sex that
be happening on a team up. If I was a wife,

(21:08):
I wouldn't be cool with all the sex that be
having it on the teamer. First of all, the sex
don't be sexy. Imagine you in the room. It's cold
as fuck. It's the pandemic. Tyler Perry is sixty five,
two hundred and sixty pounds.

Speaker 2 (21:24):
He's scared of.

Speaker 11 (21:25):
Getting sick with COVID, so he got on an astronaut
helmet and he's in the back like doll. Uh looked
up Crystal's leg closs it up. Okay, hold it, hold it, Okay,
get the shot. Get the shot.

Speaker 2 (21:40):
Now, Krystal was a very voluptuous, thick woman, a nigga
be holding up like God, damn it, Tyler, get the shot,
Get the shot. There's nothing sexy about it.

Speaker 4 (21:54):
But these two women here make it easy for me
to do my job because they're always on the same page.

Speaker 2 (22:01):
So shout out to my wife and my coat conversation.

Speaker 1 (22:05):
The first time the Valley, Crystal were working together with
the intimacy coordinator, right, and Deval calls me on FaceTime.

Speaker 3 (22:13):
Look, you're real frustrated.

Speaker 1 (22:14):
So I was like, what's the problem, bro? He was like,
can you talk to Crystal Pave can you talk to Crystal?
So I'm like, Devello, what happened so prior to that?

Speaker 4 (22:23):
So what happened was for all of you people who
think sex is real on TV, I'm gonna break it down.
There is an intimacy coordinator, just like there is a
stunt coordinator, and for every stunt you have to practice
and do all of this stuff. For sex, it's the
same thing. There is a pad first of all, that's
about this thick that goes over everything that I have.

(22:47):
Then there's a sock where they put my joint and
my balls in the sock, they tie it up.

Speaker 2 (22:54):
There's no circulation, so it's not comfortable.

Speaker 4 (22:59):
They they put the same pad on Crystal, and the
pad comes from back here all the way up here.
Then by the use of CGI, you don't get to
see all of the pads and stuff. So when you
see it, they be like, oh my god, Devo was
eating help pussy. No, the vow was not, because I
know that's what y'all was thinking. Yea, that's a little

(23:22):
nasty asses.

Speaker 2 (23:24):
Nasty asses, huh, it don't be happening like that.

Speaker 4 (23:30):
So we're in there with the intimacy coordinator and they
have to show us all the positions we're gonna do.

Speaker 2 (23:36):
So they have two gumbies.

Speaker 4 (23:37):
One gumby is the color of crystal whatever she's wearing
that day, if it's red. The other gumby is the
color of the val whatever I'm wearing this black. They
got the gumbies and this is what they're doing with
the gum bees. So now we two grown people. I
got four kids, and the intimacy coordinator, her name is Nikki.
She's like, hey, are you guys comfortable, So we're gonna

(23:59):
actually try the kids today. So I'm like, we're gonna
try and kids. Now I know how to kiss, I'm
doing this ship. She's just like, no, there are ways
to kids on television. And she's she's dead serious. So
she was like, are we doing tongue or no tongue?
No tongue. I'm married. Christal was like, he got a wife,

(24:20):
We're not doing no tongue. She's like, okay, so what
you're gonna do is open your mouth and you're going
to imitate. And she's doing the movements and I'm like,
I'm like, this is serious. She's like yes, she said, okay,
now you too do it. So I woke up on Crystal.
Crystal walks up on me and she goes, So I opened.

Speaker 2 (24:48):
My eyes and I'm like, what are you doing y'all?
She goes, I can't.

Speaker 4 (24:55):
I just I don't feel comfortable movie because you have
my wife and you have I said, all right, fine,
what Deval?

Speaker 2 (25:07):
Can you talk to Crystal? Please and tell Crystal it's
okay to kiss me to.

Speaker 3 (25:10):
What should I say? You better kiss that man so
that chick can clean It is a good toy.

Speaker 2 (25:22):
We got to pay.

Speaker 3 (25:23):
We got kissed the beat, you better kissed that man ship.

Speaker 4 (25:29):
So for all you messy people who'll be watching the team,
we're talking about this shit is too real. It don't
be real.

Speaker 2 (25:41):
It don't be real sex. It be thinkings hell, and
it don't.

Speaker 3 (25:45):
Make a good moment though, with Zach and the team
of a real sex moment for it.

Speaker 2 (25:49):
Oh yes, we do have a real sex moment.

Speaker 3 (25:53):
Anybody see the blue Light? Shall I say? Baby?

Speaker 1 (25:58):
I was inspired so much that they were away locked
away filming that February.

Speaker 3 (26:03):
It's still COVID regulations and all that, So I missed
my man.

Speaker 1 (26:07):
I was moving cross country from California to Georgia with
the boys alone, hadn't had nothing about good two three weeks,
so I was over it. Valentine's Day is approaching and
the episode that airs that Wednesday before Valentine's Day is
the infamous blue Lights shower scene.

Speaker 3 (26:24):
So I was like, oh, this is this is nice.
It's like it's the art for me.

Speaker 1 (26:33):
So I was like, look at this blue lights. I said,
you know what, I'm about to recreate this. So I
go to Amazon, get my laptop out and I'm like
blue light bulb and I was like, oh, they got
that all right?

Speaker 3 (26:44):
Add the cart. Then I was like, shit, we just
moved in. All we have is this air bed. I
don't got no furniture.

Speaker 1 (26:49):
I was like, lamp, so add the cart and I
was like we got the air bed. It don't even
matter because we got the shower.

Speaker 3 (26:59):
All right.

Speaker 1 (26:59):
Good. So in about two days what comes to my
door the lamp and the blue light bolt. He surprises
me and comes home early because I wasn't expecting him
until the fifteenth, the day after Valentine's Day.

Speaker 3 (27:11):
He came home on the thirteenth and baby nine months later.
Dakota Bucks.

Speaker 1 (27:23):
Yes, So I appreciate you, sis for a moment inspired
and Crystal is one of Dakota's godmothers.

Speaker 3 (27:29):
How weird is that?

Speaker 2 (27:30):
Yes?

Speaker 1 (27:30):
I can't tell him the story when he grows up though,
how he was conceived, he's gonna be like, that's weird.
You were like turned down by your turned on by
my father and uh my godmother.

Speaker 3 (27:39):
And the sex seen year I was. But you know
that's another story for another day.

Speaker 2 (27:47):
You Wall, You know you all right?

Speaker 1 (27:49):
You Wall.

Speaker 4 (27:50):
I wish y'all could have been there when I walked
in his room and seen this blue light and this
air mattress in his lamp.

Speaker 2 (27:57):
I wish y'all could have been there and see you
could be face yo. She I walk in.

Speaker 4 (28:01):
She want to talk about something, so that's what we're doing.
And I'm like, doing what And she turns off all
the lights and I'm like, it's dark. I can't even
see you. Then she goes click and it's all blue.
I'm like, oh, but then she had on this negligent
and I was like and it was a wrap after that.

Speaker 3 (28:27):
So I think we should we should give them a
little sleep.

Speaker 4 (28:32):
Yeah, So Crystal, yes, aka Fatima, what are you most
excited about with season two? Oh?

Speaker 2 (28:47):
My goodness, the roller coaster it's a lot.

Speaker 4 (28:50):
It is a lot.

Speaker 2 (28:53):
Not for real?

Speaker 4 (28:55):
Are you all ready for another surprise? How many episodes
we had in season one? Guess I'm in he got
in season two we got twenty episodes.

Speaker 2 (29:05):
And that is because of you guys. Think see that's
my who here engages on Twitter? Who here like to
engage on Twitter? Do you be arguing me on Twitter?
I know you look Familion, Yeah, you look for me.
When I seen in your face when I came out,
I'm like, dies, she go.

Speaker 1 (29:26):
No.

Speaker 4 (29:27):
The thing I'm most excited about with the team of
season two is that you learn a lot about why
Zach is the way he is. Like you get a
chance to see in his past, his parents, his siblings,
his friends, and I guarantee you all the answers, all
the questions you have from sisters. When you watch the

(29:49):
Team of season two, you ain't gonna have no more questions.
You're gonna watch it. It be like that's why Zach
does things the way he does things. I'm excited for
that so much. For sure, we're unpacking a lot season two.

Speaker 1 (30:01):
We are.

Speaker 7 (30:03):
I know a lot of people are like, we're ready
for the team to give back to the happy it's
a team. But I think in order with any relationship,
in order to get to the happy place, you gotta
go through the low places.

Speaker 2 (30:13):
And we're gonna take you guys through it. So Gary, Yes,
so listen, give a round of applause to my cold
star plaster.

Speaker 4 (30:23):
I love you. It's hard to call somebody's system and
y'all be doing sex scenes like the ship come.

Speaker 1 (30:42):
All right, man, time just flying with y'all'.

Speaker 3 (30:46):
Like, wait, what time is this? Shoot? We gotta let
y'all go.

Speaker 2 (30:48):
So we're trying to rush.

Speaker 3 (30:50):
Take some listener letter questions.

Speaker 1 (30:51):
So if you listen to the show, we do story
time karaoke to meet of the show, and then we
move into listen letters. This is our time to hear
from you. If you have any questions, do you want
some advice? We can have the audience chime in. It'll
be a good time. So where is trouble with the mic?

Speaker 2 (31:06):
I see trouble on the back pants.

Speaker 3 (31:09):
Nitor i'le So if you have a question, know me,
shy raise your hand. Oh anybody purchased? We over me
some book that I heard about. Oh my goodness, right there.
I love that.

Speaker 1 (31:24):
Thank y' all, Thank you so much for that man
because of y'all. New York Times Bestsellers, isn't that crazy?

Speaker 2 (31:30):
Yes, thank you, thank you, and yo, not for nothing.
That is a feat for all of us.

Speaker 4 (31:37):
Do you know how many black people actually make the
New York Times Bestsellers list? And we made the most
difficult one self help, And it wasn't because of us,
It was because of you. This is a victory for
all of us. When you look at that list, you
can say, now, we did that because without you, guys,

(31:57):
it would be no us.

Speaker 2 (31:58):
So we honor.

Speaker 4 (31:59):
We honestly really feel like that, like we wouldn't be
what we are if it weren't for you guys.

Speaker 2 (32:05):
So we appreciate y'all.

Speaker 3 (32:06):
Love y'all so much.

Speaker 2 (32:08):
Oh we got a question, what's up.

Speaker 3 (32:21):
Like yesterday?

Speaker 12 (32:31):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (32:33):
So for you it was different than it was for me.

Speaker 2 (32:35):
For you, it was different.

Speaker 1 (32:37):
For me.

Speaker 4 (32:37):
It was when I found out that well quick story
me and Kate was arguing coming off of Christmas time
the American Express bill was high.

Speaker 2 (32:50):
Sounds familiar, right.

Speaker 3 (32:52):
I still didn't learn my listen.

Speaker 4 (32:54):
On top of that, if you guys know, when we
had our first son, Jackson, we almost lost Kay.

Speaker 2 (33:00):
They had a cervical tear. She had a cervical tear.

Speaker 4 (33:03):
She almost bled out, she almost had to get a
blood transfusion, she had to have emergency surgery and get
twenty six stitches. Twenty seven I'm not gonna just seven times, alright, right.
So at that point I had made a promise to
God and to my wife. I said, if I could
get my wife out of this healthy and my kids
be healthy, I don't want no more kids. I just
want my wife and I want my son, and I'll

(33:24):
be good. After about four years, Kay was like, I
want to try it for another child, and I was like,
all right, as long as you cool, I'm cool. Like
I wasn't gonna push her for it, so we decided
we were going to do it together. At that moment,
I started doing a bunch of studying about how to
have a successful childbirth without an epidural, and because the
epidural is ultimately what caused us to have that issue

(33:45):
with her servex tearing, so we wanted to have a
natural birth.

Speaker 2 (33:48):
Even though we wanted to have it in the hospital,
we wanted to have a natural birth.

Speaker 4 (33:51):
So I was researching all this stuff, and they were
talking about creating a positive space, but also constantly working out.
So Kate was like, all right, going into this pregnancy,
I'm gonna work out the strong the best I can
to get in the best shape. We're in the gym.
And I owned the gym at the time. I'm in
there eighteen hours a day because I'm taking a bunch
of clients. I told, hey, listen, you don't have to work.
Let me focus on providing and you focus on being

(34:13):
a mom and building your body up to have another baby.
She comes in the gym on this one day and
she was there for about six hours. I watched her
talk to a bunch of people. She was lolly gagging, bullshit.
And I'm getting ready to leave, and she's like, oh,
you're leaving.

Speaker 1 (34:25):
To parents making tangible connections, promoting retention of the program, right, yeah,
bullshit and gag.

Speaker 2 (34:41):
So I go to my office. I go to my office.

Speaker 4 (34:44):
I'm like, y're I'm ready to go. I didn't been
there eighteen hours. She's like, oh, I didn't get a
chance to work out yet. Okay, let's work.

Speaker 2 (34:51):
Let's go.

Speaker 4 (34:51):
I said, you know what, this just messed up. I
got all these American Express bills to pay you ain't
been working.

Speaker 2 (34:57):
You had one job.

Speaker 4 (34:58):
Your job was to come here and work out, and
you find a reason not to work out. We end
up arguing, screaming and hollering. And the reason why I
like telling the story is because, yes, we just wrote
a book about how we're really good at communicating, But
it wasn't always like that.

Speaker 2 (35:12):
I said to my wife, you know what your problem is?
You fucking lazy? Yeah. Yeah, this same divil that.

Speaker 4 (35:19):
Wrote a book about how to communicate told my wife
she was fucking lazy. She cussed me out, and then
it said, I'm not fucking lazy, deval, I'm fucking pregnant.
I go, well, why didn't you leave with that? Because

(35:39):
I didn't know. I didn't know what else to say
at that point, but I had egg on my face.
But also in that moment, I realized, like, damn, I
claim to be a provider and a protector and I'm
not even aware of what my wife's body is going through.

Speaker 2 (35:53):
In this moment, I'm to find a.

Speaker 1 (35:55):
Nice way to tell him that we were going to
be expanding our families. So you know, it's that big
where you're trying to like wait it out and figure
out something cool to do, and I was so sick,
and I was trying to camouflage it so I can
do a nice little reveal and your boy beat me
to it by call me fucking lazy, so I had
to let him know what the fuck was going on.

Speaker 2 (36:13):
So that moment, so, yes, I was not the same
person I am today.

Speaker 4 (36:18):
I realized in that moment that as much as I
want to protect and provide for my wife, I wasn't
protecting and providing at all. I wasn't protecting her spiritually
and emotionally, and I wasn't providing a space for her
to be open and tell me what she needed and
what she wanted. So after that, in that same argument,
I said to her, I said, you know what, during
this pregnancy, whatever you need, whatever you want, I got you.

Speaker 2 (36:42):
Just tell me what it is.

Speaker 4 (36:43):
And throughout the pregnancy I was doing it, and throughout
the pregnancy she was reciprocating the same energy.

Speaker 2 (36:51):
So I was like, wait a minute, why don't I
do this all the time?

Speaker 4 (36:56):
And then I started to focus on being It's real
I and then say, you know what, let me focus
on being of service to my wife so I can
create a space for her to then be of service
to me, and that's when I realized it happened when
she was carrying our second child.

Speaker 2 (37:12):
I was not the best person.

Speaker 4 (37:14):
I was not the best father or husband, but in
that moment, I had to find a way to make
sure that I got my wife back.

Speaker 1 (37:20):
So, yeah, for me, it was a little delayed, right,
My little reaction was delayed in terms of when I
found out that being of service made the most sense
for our relationship.

Speaker 3 (37:30):
And things improved.

Speaker 1 (37:31):
It actually didn't happen for me, I think because I
was so accustomed to de Vo always saying, Okay, I
got it, I got it under control, don't worry about it.
We can literally the world can be crumbling around him
and he'd be like, I got it, and I'm like.

Speaker 3 (37:45):
I know, like I got it, you got it, We
got it.

Speaker 1 (37:48):
So it didn't really hit me until we had a
conversation one morning, and this was maybe in twenty twenty
or twenty.

Speaker 2 (37:55):
One, twenty twenty.

Speaker 1 (37:57):
Yeah, it was going into the new year, and we
usually had like a recap of the year, and at
the beginning of the year we talk about our you know, hopes, goals,
dreams of the year, things that we want to kind
of just rehash moving into a new year, and he said,
when you wake up in the morning, what's the first
thing you think about?

Speaker 3 (38:13):
So I was like, well, open my eyes, thank God
for another day.

Speaker 1 (38:18):
Then I'm thinking of instantly the kids, who has to
be where at what time, the schedule, work that has
to get done, like all these things, like what's going
to make this day afloat? Because it's not just me,
it's the family, it's the kids, it's work. We work
together a lot.

Speaker 3 (38:31):
So he said, do you realize that you did not
mention me one time in that And I was like, oh, yikes.

Speaker 1 (38:40):
So I felt like in that moment I had egg
in my face because I'm like, wow, my husband literally
who does everything to provide a space for me to
be protected and provided for our children. I not once
thought about him in the course of the day because
why I just expected him to be okay.

Speaker 3 (38:57):
I'm like, you're an adult. I'm an adult. We're adults.
We know what it is.

Speaker 1 (39:00):
We're both busy, we have kids, we have work, we
have all these things were going on. You're supposed to
be okay because you always are, And in that moment it.

Speaker 7 (39:09):
Broke my heart.

Speaker 3 (39:10):
She cried, and I cried, and I'm like, I could
not believe that.

Speaker 1 (39:13):
I really never took the time on an even semi
regular basis to think about what he may need. So
in that moment, sis, and at this point, if it's
talking twenty twenty, how many years in?

Speaker 2 (39:24):
Is that twenty twenty? So that was eighteen years eighteen
years in?

Speaker 3 (39:28):
How many years married? Nine nine years married?

Speaker 1 (39:33):
That's when it clicked to me that being of service
to my husband was something so necessary because if I
just said to myself, you know what, let me ask him, devou,
what do you need today? How can I make your
plate lighter? What can I help you with? It could
be something as simple as he wants a pack lunch
to go to set. That's something that I'm doing for
him that just makes his day a little bit brighter,

(39:54):
takes one thing off of his plate. So that way,
then he's more inclined to look at me and say, wow, kay,
did that nice gesture for me?

Speaker 3 (40:01):
I want to do this for her?

Speaker 1 (40:03):
And then he does something nice for me, and I'm like,
oh shit, look at you think about me? And then
I do something nice for him. So it's the reciprocal
process that started to happen for me, and for me
it literally just clicked. You know, sometimes you hear something
over and over again in different ways, it never really
clicks to you. But that him asking me that question
in that moment, and I could see the hurt in
his eyes. He felt like, I'm always worried about everybody

(40:25):
else and no one's worried about me.

Speaker 3 (40:28):
That's my job.

Speaker 1 (40:29):
I'm his wife, like who else is supposed to be
worried about him? So that's when it clicked for me
that being of service to my spouse was the best
way for us to function.

Speaker 3 (40:38):
And since then you can say things have been so much.

Speaker 2 (40:42):
Better now, since since then, it's definitely been better.

Speaker 4 (40:44):
But I think the most important part of that story
is the time, right, Like, we had been together since
two thousand and two. It wasn't til twenty twenty that
I asked her a question and she was like, oh shit,
I haven't been doing that.

Speaker 2 (40:55):
That's eighteen years.

Speaker 4 (40:56):
So often in relationships, people think after three months, if
this person has figured everything else about me, then I'm
moving on. Meanwhile, we've been together eighteen years and it
took me to point it out to her, And the
reason why I say That is because as black men,
oftentimes we're taught because of society standards, that if we
express our feelings or say what we want or what

(41:16):
we need, then we're weak or we're less than. So
we sit back and say I'm gonna just take it,
and then when our significant other doesn't meet us at
our needs, we either say fuck it, I'm gonna go
find my knees elsewhere, or we lash out.

Speaker 2 (41:30):
What I want to say to any black man that's
in this room.

Speaker 4 (41:34):
If you are married or with a woman that you
love and you feel like that woman is responsible for
helping you be the best version of you, tell her
don't leave it up to her to figure it out.
It's easier to say, look, I need, I require, I want,
and I would like for you to do this, and
if she loves you, it's then up to her to
make the choice to deliver on that. If you say

(41:57):
that to her and she chooses not to deliver on that,
then now you make You can make a choice and say,
you know what, I got to do what's in the
best interest of myself. But to sit back and be
quiet like most of us do, like I did for
eighteen years, and say she needs to figure out.

Speaker 2 (42:11):
It's unfair because she had no way of knowing.

Speaker 1 (42:14):
And we've stopped doing this whole figure things out shit
because that just wastes so much time. Yeah, what you
want tonight, my nigga? Tell me what I do for
you tonight? You want a crop top in shorts, you
want a sandwich? You want me to pack your bond?

Speaker 2 (42:29):
Like, what is it that you want me to do
to make your night that she's not lying and.

Speaker 1 (42:33):
He's doing because it takes the guessing game out of it.
We don't got no time to be trying to figure
shit out. We got kids, we got careers. There's too
much going on. Tell me what she wanted, let me deliver.

Speaker 2 (42:44):
It, yo.

Speaker 4 (42:45):
She's not lying though, like she legit asked me, was like,
what was you like when I when you come home
from when you are working.

Speaker 2 (42:52):
I was like, well, you know them red co ed shorts.
I would like those. I would like for you to
pack my bond.

Speaker 4 (42:59):
I would like for you to make a sandwich because
after I get the munchies, I would like a drink.
I would like a sports bra and I want to
watch BMF.

Speaker 2 (43:09):
I walk in the house. All the kids in sleep.
She even put her parents to sleep.

Speaker 4 (43:18):
She legit told her pops, do not come upstairs, my guys.
And when I walk in the house, she has all
of those things ready for me. And in versely, I say, good, now,
what do you want? And her shit be a little
bit different than mine. I want ship.

Speaker 2 (43:37):
She'd be like, well, bermuda and a private chair.

Speaker 3 (43:44):
Any other Sagittarius in the house.

Speaker 1 (43:46):
Travel is our love language, book me a flight.

Speaker 2 (43:54):
It's my wife, y'all, it's my wife. But here's the thing.

Speaker 4 (43:58):
Don't tell her mate, don't don't try to tailor make
your marriage to hours. Your your husband's wants in these
maybe different than mine. Your wife's wanting these maybe different
from hers. The biggest mistake we made in our marriage
was I was looking at my friends who got married
around the time of hours, and I used to do
stuff for k that my homeboys did for their wives, right,

(44:19):
And I used to do it and I'd be like,
look what I did, and she'd be like.

Speaker 2 (44:24):
And I'd be like, you know, you're fucking ungrateful, lazy.

Speaker 3 (44:28):
I'm grateful, and she'd be.

Speaker 4 (44:31):
Like, I ain't ask for none of this shit, nigga,
And I'm like, like, y'all, think my mouth is bad.

Speaker 2 (44:35):
K mouth is terrible.

Speaker 10 (44:37):
Yo.

Speaker 3 (44:39):
He made me this way.

Speaker 2 (44:40):
I didn't make up like this. I didn't make it
like this.

Speaker 4 (44:42):
But we stopped tailor making our relationship to other people's
expectations and just doing what we want and then then
doing that, we were able to find.

Speaker 3 (44:50):
Bliss because even when it came time to write our book,
we over me. We didn't want it to be something.

Speaker 1 (44:55):
Where we're giving people the pillars to have the perfect
relationship or you know, five these five steps, because we
sure as hell don't know.

Speaker 3 (45:02):
Half the time, we're figuring the shit out on our own.

Speaker 1 (45:04):
But we want to just share our love story with
hopes that whether you're single, whether you're in a relationship,
whether you aspire to marriage, whether you don't aspire to marriage,
at least you can walk away with something that you
can use as an individual for growth. So when y'all
dive in, we hope you like it. Make sure you
leave us a review and let us know what y'all think.
All right, that was very long answer to your question,
since but you got the point. Yes, you know one

(45:25):
thing about this.

Speaker 3 (45:26):
We gonna be long winded. Any other questions come on.
This is y'all part I have one here, one oora
has a question down.

Speaker 2 (45:34):
I'm I'm not disrespecting y'all. There's something else I'm looking
at right now. It's another surprise.

Speaker 3 (45:38):
But horn, wait what happened?

Speaker 2 (45:41):
That's a question? Okay, all right, hey girl.

Speaker 7 (45:47):
First of all, I want to say thank you to him.
We missed y'all show in Houston and float. He flied
me all the way out here to see y'all.

Speaker 2 (46:04):
I tell him all the time, y'all aspire us and
I love y'all the way. Y'all raise y'all boys. We
have two boys. I want a girl, but he only
make boys, so.

Speaker 4 (46:16):
It is.

Speaker 7 (46:18):
But my question is, I don't know if anybody have
had a postpartum with kids, and how can your partner
help you with like getting over there and to.

Speaker 2 (46:31):
Just do better like in your day to day. Missed
the first.

Speaker 7 (46:39):
When my second son, I had postpartum, and I don't
know if you went through any of that, But I
was like, do you have any advice to have Like
my partner like kind of helped me with the data.

Speaker 2 (46:49):
Oh yeah, you said, have I ever been through postpartum?
Did you not hear? She almost killed herself over Beyonce tickets.

Speaker 1 (46:58):
Postpartum No, it's a very real thing and it manifests
itself in different ways in different people. And I think
the rhetoric is that after you have a baby, the
baby comes out of your body, then everything should go
back to normal. But a lot of people don't speak
about that fourth trimester, which is the post part of
vase and there's no time frame on when it can exist, right,

(47:18):
because some people are okay off the bat and then
it kind of starts to fester around a six to
nine month mark, or it can last for a year
or two. I think what we need to not do
is shame women who are in those positions and feel
like there's a time frame or a time limit on
when they should be back to quote unquote normal.

Speaker 4 (47:34):
Right.

Speaker 3 (47:35):
But the snapback culture, whether it's physically or just.

Speaker 1 (47:38):
Even mentally, women don't take the time to understand that
it takes the body a full nine to twelve months
minimum for hormones to just get back to baseline, so
who you are and the space that you're existing in
along with sleep deprivation, it's like a snowball effect. So

(47:59):
the support that you get from your spouse and the
people around you. Your village is super important. One thing
I can say about the Boom, I'll give him his
props for this with every child and which with each pregnancy,
he knew my body inside out to the point where
it was.

Speaker 2 (48:12):
Almost inside of your body, baby man.

Speaker 1 (48:15):
Clearly, clearly he knows, but to the point where he
was telling me things about my body before I even
was able to figure it out. So you've been great
about making sure that you were invested in my process,
and not just prenatal and during pregnancy, but postpartum as well.

Speaker 2 (48:31):
Now.

Speaker 4 (48:31):
Absolutely, I honestly, this is actually my favorite part of
the show when people ask this questions because I wish
a man from an older generation would have helped me
to understand this. And I want you to think about this.
Think about the most disciplined people in our country, Navy seals,
Army rangers, marine corps. Right, think about all the most

(48:53):
disciplined people in the world. You know what, They spend
three to six months training for sleep deprivation. They spend
three to six months just focusing on how to be
present and being able to deliver your do your job
through sleep deprivation. But we expect moms to deal with

(49:13):
sleep deprivation and after six months, know how to deal
with being a wife, a mom, breastfeeding, get back to normal,
and go back to work in certain situations six weeks
in six weeks. The reason why I think that's important
is because I didn't realize how much sleep deprivation affected
a person's body physiologically, not sleeping message with your hormones.

(49:38):
I used to walk in the house and I'm like,
what's up baby? She's like hey, And I'd be like,
I'm hungry. You got something to eat? And she'd be like,
and I'm like, yo, what happens?

Speaker 1 (49:50):
She's like, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (49:54):
Now I'd be like, hey, hey, I don't I'm good,
I'm not hungry. So now you're telling me you're not
fucking hungry. So you're telling me I can't provide for
you as a wife. And I'm like, y'o, I'm a lunatic.

Speaker 4 (50:06):
In my And honestly, I used to look at her
and I'd be like, yo, you act like you the
first woman to ever have a baby, Like why like why,
why why.

Speaker 2 (50:14):
Are you acting like this?

Speaker 3 (50:16):
No one told me.

Speaker 2 (50:19):
No one told me.

Speaker 4 (50:20):
And after Jackson and then Cairo and Kaz and Dakota
me doing more research on how sleep deprivation affects the
woman's body. But I don't need a woman's body the
man's body, because if you're a man, like I'm a man,
when my wife is up, I'm up.

Speaker 2 (50:36):
So she's not the only one getting two and a
half hours of sleep. I'm getting two and a half
hours of sleep.

Speaker 4 (50:40):
And if she's emotional and she's spazing because she's emotional,
I'm emotional too. But what happens is we never talk
about that. So and here's the truth. She got she
got engaged. All the women said, my god, you gotta engage.
They whisked her off and took her and did all
of this stuff, and they was talking about the wedding.

(51:03):
I got engaged, all the men said, and I was
just standing there and they were like, so you getting married?

Speaker 2 (51:17):
Huh.

Speaker 4 (51:19):
I was like, yeah, man, I love her. Man, she's
my best friend. And they said, that's nice. How much
that set me back? Oh guy, you don't even wann
know how much that sent me back. But the truth is,
the men never prepared me. And I feel like if
they would have prepared me, I would have been more
inclined to do the research as well and be prepared

(51:42):
to be a partner that was supporting my wife and
help her get through it and help us get through it.

Speaker 2 (51:48):
So the biggest thing I'll say to any.

Speaker 4 (51:49):
Man out here, if your girl is getting ready to
have a baby, or any woman who your girl is
getting ready to have a baby, we have to be inclusive.
Now I'm trying to learn how to not speak and
from a heterosexual mindset. If you are dating someone and
they're about to have a baby, it is your responsibility
to make sure that you understand every aspect of that pregnancy,

(52:10):
pre natal, during postpartum. If you do that, you'll be
more prepared and you won't think your girl is crazy
and she won't think you're crazy.

Speaker 2 (52:18):
So that's the way I try to tell as many guys.
We have friends.

Speaker 3 (52:23):
That has like a whole support group.

Speaker 4 (52:24):
Now I have a support group. Yes first time parents
with my friends. Say you know I'm having a baby,
I don't go, I go, let's go to dinner. I
drop a little something in their bank account because it's
all about building generational wealth first and foremost so that
he can feel more comfortable. But then I also tell

(52:46):
him everything your wife is about to go through or
your girlfriend is about to go through, is going to
make her a different person than the person you know.
It is not your girl, It is every girl who
is dealing with having a baby. So give your girl
grace and be prepared for the roller coaster. And it
doesn't end when that baby comes. Give yourself a year
after that baby comes and you'll get your girl or
your wife back. And for the most part, our friends

(53:09):
have been prepared. So there now you know what. It
ain't my girl. And they work with each other. And
then Kay also talks with the wives and be like, yo, listen,
you asking your man to do all of these things.
You running him, ride, get take care of your man.
Kay does that too, So it's not one sided because
a lot of times the it's always one sided. The

(53:29):
men are always supposed to understand and the women get
to walk around and be crazy. No, Ky be telling
them women too, like you have a responsibility even in
his time, to take care of your man because he's
the one that's going to take care of you. So
that's the ministry we share to people. Hopefully that helps
you in that journey. We got one over here, Oh

(53:49):
we got a brother.

Speaker 10 (53:50):
What's going on. My question is specifically for Darvell. I mean,
excuse me, yes, sir, get my name right.

Speaker 2 (53:58):
My mother can do on his own.

Speaker 4 (54:00):
What is my mother?

Speaker 2 (54:00):
Fucked you up?

Speaker 10 (54:02):
I'm here with my wife right now. We've been together
thirteen years, since we was nineteen thirty two.

Speaker 2 (54:06):
Now shout out to y'all. Yes as well.

Speaker 10 (54:10):
My question is I'm a former athlete as well. I
actually used to play for the La Rams back in
twenty fifteen. I was undrafted. I used to play wide receiver.

Speaker 2 (54:19):
Okay, okay, okay. I seen you see that release? You
see that release forty okay. I just want to My
question is about like, as an athlete, stop laughing, as
an athlete.

Speaker 10 (54:34):
As an athlete, like the transition to go from you know,
an athlete to like, you know what you're doing now
with the acting. It's kind of like an elephant in
the room for a lot of guys. Guys go back
to the hood trying to figure out whatever. Absolutely, like
what was the mentality for you to go from where
you was at then to now?

Speaker 4 (54:50):
So that's a great question, and I'm glad you asked
us in front of your girlfriend.

Speaker 2 (54:54):
Orr Is she your wife now? Your wife? Yes?

Speaker 4 (54:57):
I got that title matters. It's because a lot of
people don't understand what an athlete go through. No one
experiences it like his woman. When an athlete is hurt,
when an athlete is dealing with a fucked up coach,
when an athlete is dealing with the media, the person
that they complain to the most is this woman right here.
That's why when you watch some of these wives go

(55:18):
on Twitter rants and y'all be like, why, why don't
she mind her business? And it is her business because
when her man walks in the house and is not
in a good mood, she's the one that has to
deal with it. But this is the biggest thing, and
I think this is this important for anyone, even if
you have children who are looking to be athletes. If
you're an athlete that is considered to be a prodigy

(55:39):
or an athlete that can play at the highest level,
it doesn't matter if the highest level is the NFL, NBA,
or college. There comes a point where other people recognize
that you are the one, and from that moment they
pretty much plan your life.

Speaker 2 (55:53):
Go to high school, take these classes, go to college,
take these classes.

Speaker 4 (55:57):
You're going to be in the NFL or the NBA,
and when it does happen, all those people disappear, and
then you're left with the real world. Yes, and what
happens at this point is all the people who looked
up to you and said you were the light, you
were gonna be the one to do this, You were
going to be the one. Those same people who cherished

(56:17):
you and honored you are the same people who scrutinize
you because they be like, how come he didn't make it?
And then you have to deal with that, And if
you're anything like me, you don't know how to deal
with it because all you know how to do is win.
And the hardest part about that is when you have
to find someone to blame, and when there's no one
to blame except for the woman that's been there for

(56:39):
you the whole time. It can be a difficult transition
for any athlete. Now here's the crazy part. I have
a ton of friends who are Division one athletes as women.
They go through the same thing, So it's not a
gender thing. It's just the idea of being everyone savior
and being the person that's gonna take everyone out of
their situation, and then you fall short when the truth

(57:01):
of the matter is only one percent of people become
Division one athletes, and then one percent of the one percent,
So now we're talking about one thousandth of a percent
make it to be a professional athlete to make enough
money to support everyone around them.

Speaker 2 (57:16):
So what I would say to you is, if you ever.

Speaker 4 (57:19):
Feeling alone, if you have a feeling down, if you
have a feeling disappointed, if you have a feeling like a.

Speaker 2 (57:26):
Failure, you are not alone.

Speaker 4 (57:27):
My brother, all athletes, regardless of whether they made the NFL.
Because Kate can talk about this as well. I have
friends who played fifteen years in the league, won Super Bowls,
have seventy million dollars in a bank, and are dealing
with depression because their identity has been stripped away because
they are no longer devow Ellis from the Detroit Lions.

(57:49):
Now they are that used to be devou Ellis. So
what I say is, speak to your wife, let her
know how you feel, tell her what you're going through,
and include her in the process. I always include a
k This is what I want to do. I want
to I want to get into TV. I want to retire.
Now I understand that we don't have money. And if

(58:10):
you read the book, you'll hear this part of the story.
I understand that we don't have the money we had
when I was playing ball, But if you give me time,
I promise you I will get us back to where
we were.

Speaker 2 (58:19):
And this woman right here always said to me.

Speaker 1 (58:23):
I know she I was.

Speaker 4 (58:26):
Even now we are living in abundance, we doing a
great job, and I'll be like, baby, I think we
can make thirty million dollars next year, and we can
do this, and we can do that.

Speaker 2 (58:34):
And all she says is, I know how we gonna
do it.

Speaker 4 (58:39):
When it becomes a team and you don't feel alone anymore,
it's easier to go out there in the world. And
this is for anybody who's not an athlete. This just
for anybody who has a dream. When you go out
in the world and you know that, regardless of whether
you fail or succeed, that person is gonna be there
or rub your back when you get home, it's easier
to take that chance and tell the world, fuck you.

(59:00):
If you don't like me, you're gonna like me when
I figure it out. But you know who does like me,
my partner, And that to me is what marriage, why
marriage is so important I've been able to take so
many chances, and it takes so many gambles because regardless
of what anyone else says, I got this beautiful woman
right here, who and.

Speaker 2 (59:24):
This is not just hyperbole.

Speaker 4 (59:27):
When I was rich and in the NFL and everybody
was loving me, she was right there when I got
cut and nobody give a fuck and we had to
move back to Brooklyn in my grandparents' apartment that had
roaches and.

Speaker 2 (59:38):
Mice and was not done.

Speaker 4 (59:40):
This same woman that was kept in our home in
Detroit was right there, like, all right, show what we're doing.

Speaker 1 (59:47):
When we got back to Brooklyn, right wedding, dival decide
if he wanted to retire. He even had a chance
to play in Canada, and I was like, I will
learn the Canadian national anthem. I moved to Canada if
that means you're gonna play another couple of years, right,
Because for me, it was more so about seeing him

(01:00:08):
fulfill his dream to the max. Though I knew early
on that a career in the NFL or the the
CFL CFL was not necessarily his ultimate dream. I felt
like he was in a moment where he had to
prove himself right. He was always the underdog. He was
the undrafted free agent. He had to fight and scratch
his way against first round draft picks just to even
make the team. So in that moment, I felt like, Zval,

(01:00:30):
you have to at least make your mark in the
NFL to a point where you're satisfied and you can
move forward to the next thing. He didn't have it
in him, So I said, all right, we moved back
to the apartment. We need health insurance. Came back from
our honeymoon pregnant with Jackson. He has no job technically,
he wants to start a business. He wants to start

(01:00:51):
this training program for athletes in Brooklyn. I'm like, all right, cool,
we still need health insurance because I'm pregnant. We can't
just be winging it. So he was like, yo, what
do you think we should do?

Speaker 2 (01:01:00):
I said, you know what.

Speaker 1 (01:01:01):
I took my ring off my finger, put it in
a jewelry box, put makeup on, beat my face, put
on all black. Was a makeup artist at the time,
kind of doing a little thing here and there. So
I went on the B forty four bus. Anybody from
Brooklyn Nose that's the bus that go down to No
stren avenue, got on the bus and went to the

(01:01:22):
mall and said I'm looking for a job and was
at the counter working as a part time artist for
a little bit, then finally went to assistant manager, became
a manager, and at least I felt like, Okay, I
can do my part to hold things down so we
could be comfortable with some income with health insurance while
he figured things out. So there was never a power
struggle here with us, and it was never about egos.

(01:01:44):
Ever better equipped in that moment to hold shit down,
is going to hold it down, And that's how we've
always been.

Speaker 4 (01:01:58):
A'm not gonna lie of shit is always touching to
me because I'm a very like hyper I don't know
y'all follow me. I'm a very hyper masculine man. I
like to feel like I got everything under control all
the time, like most men in here do. But it's
hard to be a man. And you a professional athlete
and your wife is kept and she's in the house

(01:02:20):
and now she gets on the B forty four to
go to King's Plaza to work.

Speaker 2 (01:02:25):
Yeah, how hard that was.

Speaker 4 (01:02:27):
And it had nothing to do with her, but had
everything to do with how I felt about myself and
it was hard, but to look over like every day
and look at where.

Speaker 2 (01:02:37):
We are now and be like this woman believed in.

Speaker 4 (01:02:43):
I don't want to say my dream because it was
always our dream, but she believed the love in me
to say I'm a rock through this and I'm gonna
do this to make sure that we get there. That
to me is the most powerful part of love. Like
two things you can't tell me. You can't tell me

(01:03:04):
God don't exist, and you can't tell me love ain't real.

Speaker 2 (01:03:08):
You can't.

Speaker 4 (01:03:11):
Like I've been in them dark places, brother, where you've
been before sometimes making that transition and you like, I
don't know how I'm gonna get through.

Speaker 2 (01:03:19):
I've been in them dark places.

Speaker 4 (01:03:21):
There was times where should sit in the bathroom and
I would put the shower on and I would just
sit on the toilet fully closed, and I would be
crying on everything, and she'd be like, hey, baby, you
all right, and this would I'd be crying. I'd be like, yeah,
I'm good, I'm good. Yeah, and I'd be crying because
I don't want her to see me weak. But bro,
you not by yourself. You got athletes in front. Me

(01:03:41):
and Brian have talked about this. Me and Cheetah have
talked about this. Me and Chase have talked about this,
Me and Native talk about this, AKA Cam. But we've
all talked about that same transition, that same exact transition.
Josh played basketball, same transition. Don't feel like you by
yourself and whatever you do, don't give up and don't

(01:04:02):
not include your girl. You have to, bro, don't don't
do it by yourself. Talk to her and let her
know what you're going through. That's gonna be the power
that you have to go through.

Speaker 2 (01:04:13):
I have to she's already right here. I got one
more question to We have time for one more?

Speaker 3 (01:04:18):
Yes, don't want to hold your hostage too long?

Speaker 2 (01:04:20):
Hi, Hi, so real quick.

Speaker 12 (01:04:23):
I more or less just want to give you your
flowers because you inspiring me KK, because.

Speaker 2 (01:04:27):
You have four boys. I have four boys. Talk about it.
Twenty twelve seven and one who.

Speaker 3 (01:04:37):
You started over, We are not doing that, So shout
out to the thousands. The second to me.

Speaker 4 (01:04:47):
Yeah, I got to snip twenty and one. I'd be
giving that one year old to that twenty old, like, hey,
you better take care of your brother.

Speaker 1 (01:04:55):
Now.

Speaker 2 (01:04:56):
That's where he is right now, It's I could be
here with his brother.

Speaker 12 (01:05:00):
But I just wanted to say that, you know more
orlans just watching you with the Dakota because they're around
the same age. And then how you went through the
ice bath that he put you through, and I like
watch that. It was just it was inspiring though. This
the relationship that you guys have, and then the love
that you have for your sons. It was just like

(01:05:21):
when you had the first one, when you had him
there with the ball, playing the ball and telling him
not to give up no matter how tired he was.
I just want you to to know, you guys mean
a lot to a lot of us. And I'm looking
up to you guys, and I'm having my boys look
up to you too. So thank you for just being y'all,
and thank you for being here for us today.

Speaker 3 (01:05:38):
Thank you, thank you for that.

Speaker 2 (01:05:49):
Thank you so much, Thank you so much.

Speaker 4 (01:05:54):
I am.

Speaker 2 (01:05:56):
Y'all about to make cre y'all about to make Kate cry.

Speaker 3 (01:06:01):
Right, it's not only cancers that cry too. Shout out
to my sister down front. Cry she seen me cry?
She start crying. Shout my sister down front. No, honestly, y'all,
you have no idea.

Speaker 1 (01:06:15):
There's so many nights when I look over at develop
I'm just like, y'all, don't want to do this anymore.
Like I just want to be all social media, delete
all the apps, shut down YouTube, and just be with
my kids and my husband, and I just don't want
to do it. And then I have moments like this

(01:06:36):
in front of y'all. I'll meet the random love you back.
I'll see the random you know girl in the target
that's just like Kadeen, Like you have no idea how
much you inspire me with just getting back after kids,
or you saved my marriage, like you know how many
people have said I can finally get my husband to
talk to me, I can finally get my partner to
speak to me and say how they feel. So it's

(01:06:57):
moments like that for me that just that the valid
It's why we're doing this. And for so long I've
been in search of what my purpose is, right, And
I was asked this a couple of years ago. I
want to say it was during the pandemic. I was
doing some sort of interview and they said, you know, Giddie,
what's your purpose? And I was stumped because I'm like,

(01:07:18):
I'm expecting at this age I should have this like
eloquent statement of what my purpose is in life, and
I didn't have anything to say. I was stumped for
the first time, and I had to sit back for
a while, and it took me to realize, like, I'm
walking in my purpose.

Speaker 2 (01:07:35):
Yes, and I'm doing what supposed to do, and this
is our.

Speaker 1 (01:07:39):
Ministry and my walk is not gonna look like everybody
else's walk. But the fact that we can sit here
and you guys are even interested to come and spend
your evening with us on a rainy ass cold day
in LA I thought for sure it was gonna be empty.
I'm like, people are not gonna come because of the weather.
But I thank y'all and it's moments like this that
gives me the fuel to keep going because I never,

(01:08:01):
in my wildest dreams could have imagined anything like this.

Speaker 3 (01:08:04):
So I love y'all so so much, and I'm so thankful,
and I'm so grateful.

Speaker 1 (01:08:10):
I'm so grateful to my husband who even had the
vision of what the Ellises would be. I could have
never imagined any of this, So I love you.

Speaker 3 (01:08:18):
I love y'all.

Speaker 1 (01:08:19):
Thank you so much for that. I appreciate you and
that gives me fuel to keep going a little bit longer.

Speaker 3 (01:08:25):
So thank you for that.

Speaker 2 (01:08:27):
So I have nothing to say after that because that
was perfect. My wife is a fucking bomb, bro.

Speaker 3 (01:08:36):
It needs to make the book a movie.

Speaker 4 (01:08:37):
Yes, my wife is a bomb. But this is the
part of the show where I want everyone to stand. Okay,
I want to share he's cracking.

Speaker 3 (01:08:48):
That was my niece, that was that was my He's
so good.

Speaker 2 (01:08:54):
I want to share with all of you something that
Kadeen and I do.

Speaker 4 (01:09:01):
Last summer, Cam said to me, Cam plays Nate the
value the greatest manifesto I've ever met in my life.

Speaker 2 (01:09:11):
He said, everything that you say you're gonna do come
to fruition.

Speaker 4 (01:09:14):
I told them while we were filling season one of
Zatima that everybody's gonna love it.

Speaker 2 (01:09:19):
We're gonna get season two and it's gonna be twenty episodes.
Did I not say that?

Speaker 4 (01:09:24):
Next year we get confirmation season two and season three
is the team has already been greenlit and we about
to start shooting.

Speaker 2 (01:09:34):
But that's not the part. I want everybody to close
their eyes.

Speaker 4 (01:09:40):
I want you to think about your greatest dream, the
amount of money you want to make your significant other,
what they want to be what you want them to be.
The biggest house your career. I want you to think
about the biggest dreams you've ever had in your life.

Speaker 2 (01:09:59):
Can you see it? I need everybody to say, can
you see it? It's there and it's yours. Open your eyes.

Speaker 4 (01:10:09):
The fact that you can see it mean that it's
already happened, and now it's up to you to go
claim it. You gotta do the work. But the fact
that you can see it means it's already happened. And
I know this to be a fact because I want
you to think about this. If you take a child
and put him in a white, padded room from the
time he's born, is he gonna have any visions in

(01:10:30):
his eyes? The only visions he's gonna have in his
eyes is what God has showed him is there for him.
So if you see it in your eyes right now,
it is yours.

Speaker 2 (01:10:40):
Claim it. I want everybody to say, it's mine. I'm
gonna get it, and I got it. It's mine. I'mna
get it, and I got it and I got it.

Speaker 3 (01:10:53):
Yeah, you got it.

Speaker 2 (01:10:59):
Yourself.

Speaker 5 (01:11:01):
Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast network, and
it is produced by Donor, Pinya and Triple follow the
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