August 14, 2024 • 55 mins
After being diagnosed with breast cancer, Grace Azubike immediately sprung into action. In this episode of A Day With Kay, Khadeen talks to her dear friend Grace about her mission to help women survive. Dead Ass.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
When things affect your friends who have turned family, it
hits different.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Stepping into my new reality now a twenty sentence, But
that's all I got, dead ass. Hey, I'm Kadeen and
I'm Devout and we're the Ellis's. You may know us
from posting funny videos with.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Our boys and reading each other publicly as.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
A form of therapy. Wait, I'll make you need therapy
most days.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.
Speaker 4 (00:32):
Yes, sir, we are.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of
Li's most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to
talk about through the lens of a millennial married couple.
Dead ass is a term that we say every day.
So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts
one hundred the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but
the truth. We about to take philos off to our
(00:53):
whole new level.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Dead ass starts right now. Story time, all right now.
So it was a random I want to say, Monday morning,
got the kids off to school, went back to lay
down for a little bit, then got up to pee,
(01:18):
check my phone and I see a text message from Grace. Grace,
who is my makeup artist in Atlanta whose turned friend
turned family and Janelle, Janelle everyone knows is my hairstylist
that I've known for years. I mean, did my my
hair for my wedding, like all that, right, all the events,
(01:41):
all the events, and you know, it's not unusual for
us to have our group text where we're Kiki and
we chit chat and we share, you know, memes.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
And we pray and we do all sorts of stuff together.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Right, But this particular morning, I you know, went to
use the bathroom and then I standing in front of
the mirror and I read this text message and it says, oh.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
My god, you have to say you have the message.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Good morning ladies. And it's with the emoji with like
the too happy hands. So I'm like, hey, girl, like.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
You know, hand hands.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
It's on my heart to reach out to you both
and encourage you to schedule your mammograms if you haven't already.
I do not fit the bill, but sadly, I've been
diagnosed with stage two breast cancer. I'm fine mentally at peace.
Q tears okay.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Like I'm fine, I promise, I'm fine.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
Tears Okay, So I gather myself, so I can see again,
because at this point I'm literally in tears. The original
medical professional told me that I wasn't that that I was.
What I was feeling wasn't cancer because according to the
book I it did not fit. I thank God for
di sermon and obedience. I question everyone for a reason.
(03:05):
She was annoyed by my questioning her authority and I
went to get a mammigrant against her recommendation. I have
a whole story to tell in due time. Treatment is
moving quickly, miseectomies are scheduled. Janelle, I'm still your model,
because Janelle had a class coming up. I love you both,
(03:27):
tell Sakari and everyone you know, every woman you care
about to do it continuing to listen to the inner
voice God has given us. For me, it was just
the casual way that Grace in this group chat just
dropped a bomb on us, so casually, without any kind
(03:51):
of warning, and like, hey, good morning, good morning, jazz hands.
It's Monday, and I'll never forget that moment and how
I felt.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
And it's almost making me choke up now. Oh oh,
she's trying to make me cry. We need tissues. Yeah, yes,
So that's my story.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Time income the tissues with Matt.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Thank you, I tried it, indeed. So we're gonna take.
Speaker 5 (04:21):
A quick break so I can gather myself, Lord, because
I'm having a feeling that this episode is, oh Lord,
one of those, but I think it's very necessary and
I'm so happy that you're here with me today.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
Let's not do this.
Speaker 4 (04:36):
And uh yeah, we're gonna get into karaoke town.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Let's brighten the mood.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
You better have a good song today, Grace, because I
cannot cry this whole episode. So Lincoln Park, all right, Grace,
you got something good for me? Because the only song
that came to mind, of course, was Amazing Grace, but
that was just so somber and solemn, and I just can't.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
I feel like we need something upbeat. Well, I mean
in the God, now that I think about it, in
the end, Lincoln Park, I mean it's upbeat sounding, Okay,
so we don't have to really listen to the words.
Go ahead now.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
Like I said, I was telling her pre show, the
only Lincoln Park song I know is the one with
jay Z.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Do you want to or I can't? I can't And
she's like, yeah, all the black people know. That's what
I'm like. Yeah, that's me. Okay, we might have to
skip the Lincoln Park. I was just thinking about the lyrics.
I'm like, the lyrics don't work. I mean, we're gonna cry. Oh,
we're gonna cry. Yeah. Those songs are quite heavy. Are
they heavy?
Speaker 1 (05:35):
But if it's on your heart, go ahead and do
your think.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Okay, we're gonna do it this way. Okay. I tried
so hard, but god, so far. Oh I do know
this song in the end, Yes, it doesn't really matter,
I know, but it does matter. Yeah, it does matter.
I'm like, that's the song I want to sing.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
You want to even say the lyrics. You can't even
say the lyrics. You don't even have to sing it. Girl,
that was my get right there, do it?
Speaker 2 (06:03):
I already did it. Do it again, Okay, run it back,
because yeah, I tried so hard and got so far,
but in the end it didn't even matter. Okay I
had to fall to lose it all. But in the
(06:24):
end it doesn't even matter. Wow.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
It's actually really deep when you think about you know,
and I'm thinking about the tempo of the song and
like the upbeatness of it.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
Yeah, yeah, And I'm like, damn, that was pretty deep.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
In the end, it didn't really matter. I'm fortunate because
he ended up committing suicide. He did, all right, guys,
Oh my god, Grace.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Can heard it too, as the hell with it?
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Like that?
Speaker 2 (06:53):
All right now, So even back to our text, like
that's how I deal with a bad situation, Yeah, throwing
dark humor. I noticed that.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
I noticed that your career sarcasm is actually one of
the things I love about you.
Speaker 4 (07:06):
So all right, let's take a break to recover from
that whole thing in the beginning of the show, and
we're gonna come back and we're gonna dive back into
story time and we're gonna talk more with Grace about
breast cancer awareness, how she found out, and what her
story is looking like right now.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
So stick around, all right. So, as I passed tissue out.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
We passed the it's almost like passing the offering plate.
We're gonna pass the tissue box around because I just
anticipate that as we aim to in this episode, bring awareness,
educate people, the people who don't.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Think like it can happen to me.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
I'm still that actually, yeah, yeah, And I can imagine
I still look at you and I'm like, I can't
believe this is happening.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
I saw you at Matt's wedding.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
We had a moment, you know, we're bringing together with
every It was just It's just one of those situations.
Like I said in my sound by earlier, that when
it affects someone who you love, it literally affects you
as well too. So going back to story time where
you sent out this text message to Janelle, and I
take us back to the moment that you found out
(08:18):
what what's your story here? You know you felt a lump,
something didn't feel right, and God led you to am
my friend.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
So I want to say back in November, I remember
laying in the bed at night and I tell my husband,
I said, Babe, I feel something and I feel everything.
But He's like, here we go, what now, hypochondriac? And
I'm like, no, I feel something in my breast. And
breasts are lumpy from you know.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
Especially post breastfeeding like my I remember I had to
get a lump checked in my armpit right because my
lymph nodes got swolen after each baby, breastfeeding each so
it's hard to decipher what's what.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
Yeah, And I remember feeling the lump, thinking okay, well,
it's a lump and it's soft, and it's like you
can move it, but again I don't. I don't do
that to other women. So I don't know what's there,
what's supposed to be there, what's not. So he feels
it too, and he's like, well, go to the hospital,
(09:23):
like you know, go to your doctor.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
And you would say the size of a green grape.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
The big one got you. And so go to bed.
The next day or so or whenever. A mutual friend
had passed from breast cancer and she's young kids, twin
boys and another I think all under five, and her
(09:55):
issue was she didn't it had come back. But long
story short, she passed and I remember texting my friend,
who is my gynecologist. I text her, I'm like, I
need a Mam Graham and she was like why you know,
because I'm the I'm the one that's like I need this.
I need an am. I right A pets can't I
need my sister?
Speaker 1 (10:15):
And I now I'm like, oh, you're a nurse practitioner,
Now you got that right, Okay, sis, let me get
some ibuprof an eight hundred to stand by, you know,
And I just.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
Like to check. I like to check things. And my
husband's like, you like to freak yourself out pretty much.
It's like, no, I like to know, low key control freak.
Same and I don't even know what's going on. Yeah,
that way I can behead exactly. Yeah. And so I
text her. She's like, why you know at this time,
I'm thirty seven and I think the age people start
(10:48):
to check or they tell you to check. It's forty
forty one. Yeah, yeah, I'm I turned forty December fifth.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
My annual was January fifth, and she was like, oh,
you get to get your you to get your first man,
I'm glad she has my scheduled three weeks.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
What they scheduled to out that far? Yeah, okay, we're
gonna talk about it, okay, right, So I text her
Texas Change I I think I did. I called the
office to get uh seen and because you know, I
(11:22):
just went to do everything, and she could not see
me because her mother was going through something. So she
went to be with her mom, rightfully, So I'm glad
she did. She ended up passing and so I expected
her to be out of office. So her pa saw
me instead and we were you know, black woman young.
(11:48):
We were talking Kei king and she feels she does
a physical and she's feeling and she feels what I
was telling her. And she's like, well, you know, asking
me the book questions because they do go by the
book and the questions, you know, is it painful? Is
it you know, does it move? So it moves? It
(12:11):
was moving, and it was a very dull pain. It
wasn't painful, but it was like a dull numb pain
if you will, that I would feel around my menstrel time.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
It's like aching, like a throbbing or something very.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
Very and so I had to let her know. She
was like, well, you know, cancer is not painful, so
you know, and I think she was excited that all
these things according to the book. You know, she was
happy that it's not cancer according to the book.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
And also maybe trying to temper your your emotion, right,
because you feel something like that so naturally, especially being
a hypoconject, which I understand because I kind of share
the same sentiment.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
That's where your mind goes, right, Yeah, So then I
get it, and that's why you know, I'm not upset
with her, Like I get what she was doing, but
something told me like, mmm, it keeps coming to me
breast cancer, breast cancer and now I'm not trying to
wish it all myself, but at the same time, I
like to pay attention. And so I told her, I said, well,
(13:14):
I'm going to check you know. She's like, well, you
don't need to. You know, you're under the age the
all the things checklists. According to the book, this is
it's probably like a site fibro at noma, you know,
some fibrous tissue or vibrus and arsistic And she's like,
you don't need to. And I was like, well, I'm
(13:35):
still going to and I know, medical professor, y'all go
to school.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
You read the book. Some of y'all go to school longer.
But she was a little annoyed by my persistence. Yes,
she was like questioning, questioning authority. Yeah, and she was like,
well you can you know, schedule one and we don't
do it here or something like that. But she was like,
do use this, yeah, basically right, get lost. So so
(14:00):
at that point, you again are just getting all of
these feelings signs. You're feeling like God is saying to
you like this is something more, this is something more,
And so you schedule the mammogramage. You're in the mammogram.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
How does that go?
Speaker 3 (14:15):
Well?
Speaker 2 (14:15):
I schedule it Google where to Go because I'm like, okay,
what I'm I supposed to now? Google where to go?
This spot paid for a top spot on Google because
they popped up and I went to this imaging center.
I'm gonna say their name went to this imaging imaging center.
Was not painful at all. She's mashed down, but it
(14:36):
wasn't painful. So I'm like, what are people tripping about? Right?
You know that it's painful. This was not painful. They
saw the lumps two and I only felt one, but
they saw two, so they said I needed a biopsy. Okay,
this place doesn't do their own biopsy. So long story short,
Maybe a month passed and my one of my really
(14:58):
good friends, she kept pushing me to call and get
this biopsy and I wouldn't. I was busy, and they
put in an order for biopsy, but they didn't do
it themselves. So again, I finally got around to calling
a place that did biopsies.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
So pretty much, you're doing all the leg worksposed to
support it in the price once you told the PA
that you were gonna investigate further with the mammogram.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
So I'm on my own googling a place again. This
place pops up first spot on Google and they put
in an order. I called around because now I'm like, okay,
well where am I supposed to go for that? And
they were like, well, you can google places to do biopsies.
I'm like, oh, so you just.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Google and the random place it's gonna cut you open ink,
take out stuff.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
This is crazy. Ends ended up north Side, going to
north Side and called them. They never got the images
from the place, and I'm like, what are you talking about?
So I'm fishing around looking for where this place is.
How come they haven't sent I need to come in
(16:14):
and sign a consent for him to release and I'm
like what, Okay, long story short, I had to do
another mammogram from north Side. Now this hurt and outside.
So it was a clear difference. First of all, like
they just did not like the other images, so they
did their own. They do biopsies as well. Schedule a
biopsy the next few days. Did that. Three days later,
(16:39):
my results came in and it went to my friend first,
who's my OB and she got it. First of all,
another doctor called me I hadn't even gotten the news.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
And she called me and she was like, I just
got your news. I'm so sorry. Do you want to
when do you want to come in? And I'm like,
what are you talking about? Broken to you? Yes, I'm
my lady yell. Didn't talk about my number?
Speaker 5 (17:01):
Right?
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Was there?
Speaker 2 (17:03):
Not like a way we're going to break this kind
of So she apologized she thought I had already gotten
the news. I'm like, no, ma'am, like I don't. First
of all, you're not gonna put that on me. I
don't have cancer, And turned out it did men do.
And so my friend ends up calling explaining what they found.
(17:24):
I automatically hit up my doctor. Actually, no, doctor didn't
like her vibe. I'm big on vibes and energy and
see another doctor loved instantly. And everything was happening so fast,
(17:44):
And I felt like it's because my husband got this
great ass insurance. Yes, like I've known such people in
situations where months out for an appointment for this, for this,
for that, and everything was like back to back day
after another.
Speaker 1 (17:58):
So that's an addedly yes to the story, or to
just the healthcare system that is all of that existing
in America. So you see the hierarchy in Oh, yeah,
you're treated based off of the type of insurance you have.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
I have been sharingty you have, I mean knocking everything
out like in days where people are like that's so rare,
like they're seeing you like this, and I'm like, yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
Yeah, I remember talking to you when you were like, yeah,
I'm getting this doneline by Monday, this by tesday, Friday,
and you're done.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
Even my MRI, which they don't usually do in my
rides on Sundays, I have a Sunday appointment. Not that happened. Yeah, okay,
I'll take it. But it made me realize. I know
people who get pushed out weeks months and cancer depending
on how aggressive it's spreading fast right so by you know,
(18:45):
they could have been stage zero, one or two by
the time everything gets situated and seen, their stage three,
you know, or four, depending on how aggressive it is,
how aggressive it is. And that's another topic. This healthcare system.
We're not gonna go I know, layered, very LAPI theorists.
I mean, its like, but so saw everything breast doctor,
(19:09):
first MRI, second genetics test. They did the highest testing,
which is eighty five genes all negative for mutations, So
it's like where did this cancer come from? Right? And
even seeing my reconstructive doctor, that took another month, or
was supposed to take another month to handle that. And
(19:31):
she came back in the room and she was like, well,
someone just canceled for the twenty fifth do you want it?
This was like the week before, like hell yeah, and
oh yeah, yeah, I'll you know.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
Okay, So the course of action now is is what
you have stage two cancers in one.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
Of it's in one. I was gonna cut both off
regardless because I wasn't gonna be uneven, right And after
the MRI, my breast doctor saw that I had a
six millimeter tumor in the left as well. Wow, and
she was a good thing, you can cut them off,
because here we go, gotcha. It just made sense to
me because I'm like, if it's in one, it's possibly
(20:08):
could you know? And I know it's not always like that,
but to me, let's cut cut it out control, right, right?
Speaker 1 (20:16):
So you get the news, of course, kind of rig
them around because someone called first, then your obguin calls.
How do you break the news to your family because
now this is a journey that you're on, not alone,
you have a husband, you have two children, a host
of family and friends. So in your mind, how do
(20:37):
do you brace to tell the family or in true
grace form, we kind of just like throw out their casualty.
What was your husband's feeling? I guess with you were
going into this when you finally got the.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
News with you uh he instantly I could tell. And
men like to show that they are, you know, your rock,
which is great of course, put together, put together, always
under control. And I could see his body shift and
his face was you know, putting on the front, but
(21:12):
I could see his body shift. So he was hurt
and scared, and he was like, cut it out, cut
it out, you know, like cut off the breast, cut
everything off. And and I knew at that moment I
wasn't gonna tell anyone else, and especially my family. Yeah,
because Nigerians, I mean all the native doctors were called
(21:35):
right right right. I don't know, I don't know about
Nigerian culture, but I'll listen ya know what it is,
right right? The native doctors were called and from over
across the sea, and my mom was like, don't cut
your breast off. The doctors have been called. They said
(21:56):
they can take the thing away, you'll never see it again.
And I'm like, who, like you said, mommy, please don't
pay anybody else, Like, oh my goodness, giving people your
heart on money. Yes, I haven't even spoken to these people, like,
don't do it right, right, And I said, I'm cutting
them off, Like we've just talked about it already. At
that point.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
It was just a hard decision that you made with you, well,
with you and your husband. Yeah, yeah, well first and
then of course letting your husband know what the plan was,
what the.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Plan was, and I still hadn't told anyone.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
So just jumping into some Saxon stats because we were
doing some just research and stuff, just to see what
things are looking like now in twenty twenty four, because
you know, breast cancer of course has been around forever, right,
It's something that always unfortunately pops up. You know. October
is Breast cancer Awareness Month. Some stats we had recently
for twenty twenty four, The American Cancer Society estimates that
(22:48):
more than three hundred and ten thousand plus new cases
of invasive breast cancer and fifty six thousand new cases
of ductyl carcinoma in stage one breast cancer will be
diagnosed in women in the US.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
It's crazy, that's.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Crazy, and we're just in may right, things to improve
therapies and early detection, breast cancer is increasingly treatable. Despite
these improvements, breast cancer is now the leading cause of
cancer death among Black women, according to a new report
by the American Cancer Society, and black women are now
forty one percent more likely to die from breast cancer
than white women. Trying to take us out, despite but
(23:28):
despite the lower risk of being diagnosed for the disease.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
Right.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
This is partly because Black women are more likely to
be diagnosed with breast cancer at a later stage when
it is harder to treat.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
Gee, I when do I Let's think about some of.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
The things that account for these disparities, right, we have
Black women who are statistically.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
More likely serious topic And I'm laughing, no, And.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
I know to anycent grace, it's okay, because I know, like,
in a sense, it's how you deal, right, Yes, it's
how you deal. And I know that about you, yes,
And I've learned that about you right, right, And sometimes
you have to laugh so that you don't cry exactly,
And I get it, trust me, I understand.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
Don't worry here. Oh yeah, okay.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
Black women are statistically more likely to have diabetes, heart disease,
and obesity, and are less likely to breastfeed after childbirth birth,
which are all risk factors for breast cancer. Which is
I'm not sure I hear it. That is because I
know every Black mam I know has don't know, I
probably know maybe one who hasn't who hasn't. Right, exactly
(24:37):
when I met Grace, Grace came into my makeup for
the first time when she was two weeks postpartum and
made a commitment to me to come here.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
And I said, girl, you had the baby how long ago?
Seven days? I said, you better go sit down. You
know you're Nigeria. And mom would have been like, girl,
where are you going? But but yeah, so there.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
And they're also more likely than there than white counterparts
to have with inadequate health insurance or access to health
care facilities, which may affect screening, follow up care, and
the completion of therapy, which is essentially what you were
experiencing in your journey to an extent on what saved
you was the fact that your husband did have really
good insurance. Black women are also disproportionately affected more by
(25:20):
aggressive subtypes such as triple negative breast cancer and inflammatory
breast cancer, and they're more likely to be diagnosed at
younger ages and more advanced stages of cancer. I have
a cousin thirty years old diagnosed with a very aggressive
breast cancer again, had to have both breasts removed and
at thirty. At thirty, we just celebrated her one year
(25:42):
cancer free. Wow anniversaries, So shout out to my cousin
Shane for that. But it's just one of those things
where you just never think is going to be you.
So what were you feeling in that moment when you.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
Got the call?
Speaker 1 (25:55):
How did you sit in that after you received the
phone call from I guess the first doctor and then
eventually your friend who is your obgu I n Like,
What's what goes through your mind in that moment?
Speaker 2 (26:05):
Is it like your life flashes before your eyes? Is
it I'm going to fight? What do you feel?
Speaker 1 (26:10):
Because I'm sure there was a rollercoaster of emotions. Well,
when the first doctor called, I was upset because who
are you calling? R Like I don't know more angry? Yeah,
and why would you speak that on me? That's how
I felt. It was earlier in the day. By the way,
the same day and my friend, my friend ended up
texting me. She's like she text me, she said, hey,
(26:31):
what you doing. And I was like, oh shit, oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
And so she calls and she tells me and I'm
like okay, and she's like, well, you're taking it well,
and I said yeah. At that moment, I had no
option not to, like, so you're more of a practical
like this is what it is. This is what it is,
(26:56):
and emotions come after, gotcha, And and she was so shocked.
She was like and I was like, yeah, I mean
here we are, here, we are, So what's next, Like
what's the plan? And I think almost right then, I'm
a bea cup. So if they did a lumpectomy, I
will look crazy. So I knew automatically, like okay, I'm
(27:18):
cutting my breast off and I don't know. I'm not
tied to them, so it didn't I didn't feel anything
about it, and I later that's how my company, my
nonprofit came about, just because like, I'm not attached to beauty,
but I do know from what I do being a
(27:41):
makeup artist, Like it's a thing like and it makes
people feel amazing, And in that moment, I automatically thought, Okay,
like if I at the time thinking of chemo and
all of that, if I need to do it, okay,
I'll put a wig on and draw my brows on,
like it's not a thing for me. So it just
didn't hit me in that moment, like, Okay, this is life.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
Let's move So you're so it's interesting when I spoke
to you, you know a couple of times after that,
I don't remember if it was before or after your
cancer diagnosis, but you had called me and you said,
I feel like I need to do something, like there's
a business that's looming in my mind that I feel
like God is placing on my heart to do. And
what do you think about this? Was that before or after? That?
Speaker 2 (28:28):
Was the before that? That was different? So it was
a different business that we were talking about.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
And I thought about this as I knew you were
coming on, because I'm like, wow, I wonder when we
had that conversation and I was giving you some advice
about how I felt like you should approach that business,
and You're like, you know, God is just placing on
me to do this, and I just I think I
should start this business, and I'm like, girl, if you're
going to do it, do it.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
And then cut to you get your.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
Diagnosis, and then you said to me that business that
I think God wanted me to start, is that actually
a nonprofit where I would be working with women who
are cancers survivors are erecting or going through it to
make them feel like themselves again. So you can share
(29:12):
with me what that's looking like. So this is now propelled.
And the crazy part about this grace that I want
people to understand is that you're going through something where
it's so it's it's to so many people with it's devastating, right,
And I'm sure it is for you as you navigate
this and you're dealing with your emotions, but then you're
also thinking of how you can impact others through your
(29:34):
story and your journey that you're still so freshly going through.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
Like you text me on April eighth, Yeah, surgery was
twenty fifth of April or was it of April? Right?
Speaker 1 (29:45):
This is May now, so that you're literally fresh out
of surgery. I didn't even want to ask you to
come on to the show. Now. You were one of
the people who I eventually wanted to have on but
not like now, but nowcause you're a really in the
think of it. So I'm like, Grace is not going
to probably be in like a mental or emotional space
to want to talk about this now. But in the
process you're like, you know what, God, Like like God,
(30:07):
why me?
Speaker 2 (30:07):
Why? Why me? Why now?
Speaker 1 (30:10):
And it's just amazing to me that you're thinking of
everyone else as you're navigating such a devastating process.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
I think that's the Aquarius humanitarian like like and I'm like,
what is that?
Speaker 1 (30:27):
Like, w how does it what makes you feel like
this is the next step, like I need to do
this nonprofit and work with women simultaneously essentially right while
I'm going through this. I think that hits differently for
women who are survivors or going through the process. It's like,
here's someone who wants to help to make me feel
like myself again, even if it's just a surface level
(30:49):
a brow or you know, a lash or something. You
know what put that on your heart in that moment
to do this now.
Speaker 2 (30:56):
I think it was maybe after a week or two
and it just hit me like a ton of bricks
that this is what I'm supposed to do. I've been
wanting to teach women how to do makeup masterclass style,
but it just seemed impersonal, having a large class, and
I just didn't do it. I didn't do it. That's
(31:18):
just I didn't feel like that was my mission. And
I remember shortly after the diagnosis and it hit me
that I'm fine. I think I'm fine in that moment.
I think I'm fine because I'm not tied to beauty
like what we know, cancer and the chemo and your
brows and your lashes and your hair goes away. And
(31:39):
in that moment, I thought, Okay, what's next. But that's
how I think. And it's because I can get up
and put a brow on or a lash easy. And
I thought about and I was like, wow, what about
the women who can't, like women who come to us
for the birthday parties and weddings because you're everyday girl. Yeah,
you can do it because you want to. You know,
(32:01):
you're a former makeup artist, like you can. We know
how to do things. So that's how Grace and I
also bonded. We were former Mac girl.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
MA was like the makeup authority and they still are,
you know, low key low key we said it, but.
Speaker 2 (32:20):
So I thought about them, and I'm like, wow, this
must be devastating, because I felt like I was supposed
to be devastated by it and I wasn't. But it
is a real thing. And I said, that's what I'm
supposed to do, and I'm supposed to teach women how
to just look like themselves again. And I reached out
to some major brands, the big brands, and told them
(32:46):
my story and they were on board so to fill
you know, the goodie bags with And so you were
already like absolutely round running with business. It's not just
like places on my I'll figure it out, Like we
got goodie bags coming already. Girls. Okay, it's been improved
by the state, and like it's a thing.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
Yet.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
Yeah, Survivor's Beauty, I love it dot org and you know,
hopefully by October, which is Breast Cancer Awareness month, will
we'll have our first masterclass Survivor's Beauty.
Speaker 1 (33:18):
So that beauty, that's wow. Yeah, I'm proud of you, man,
I'm so proud of you. I feel like if I
were in your shoes, I probably like you'd be picking
me up off the floor. You know, there's just so
many ways and right until it happens, you know, God
forbid when it happens to someone like you, just don't
know how you're going to really exist in that space
(33:39):
because I just knew it wasn't you know. But it's
also a testament to your your faith in God and
listening and being still and you know, thinking what the
higher purpose is here? What's the positivity in it? Looking
on the bright side, Like, that's something that I really
applaud you for. And I think a lot of people
can take a page from your book. When you're hit
with something that completely can derail your entire life, how
(34:02):
do you maintain control of that? And like you said,
you're the person that likes the power and control. So
it's like, how do I this let cancer control me?
And that's how control this care You may cancer a bit.
She was like, listen, what you're not about to.
Speaker 2 (34:16):
Do, okay, is disrupt my world at all.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
What you're gonna do is make me impact this world absolutely.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
That's the kicker. I literally said, like whoever put that
out there, put that on me the devil miss like periods. Okay,
it happened, cut it out, gone goodbye, and a new org.
Speaker 1 (34:35):
That's it And it's only going to elevate your life,
your profile, what you do for others, and then also
elevate the lives of women who really really need that supporter,
because within that it's more than makeup. Right, Yeah, it's
going to be more than beauty. You have people who
can relate to a similar situation that you've been through,
that you're going through in itself. There's like a sisterhood,
(34:56):
there's a bond, there's's families that will be connected the
whole community around it.
Speaker 2 (35:01):
And you have time.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
I mean this is made by October. Oh my gosh,
I can't wait to help you spread the word and
get it out there.
Speaker 2 (35:07):
I'm excited.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
So I'm excited for that. I'm excited for that phase
of your journey. How do you or what makes you
feel supported?
Speaker 2 (35:15):
Right now? Wow, everybody, I'm not gonna leave the tissues
on the floor, but I can pick them up now.
It's all right when I say, you really don't know
who your tribe is until not to say until bad
things happen, but people really show up, show up. Yeah,
(35:38):
and don't right, I was about to say, so what
makes me feel supported? Just people showing up? You know,
the text, the calls, the action, the actionable items. You know,
I couldn't be more grateful. So there's no one thing
(35:59):
that makes me feel supported. It's just that I feel it. Yeah,
from my community.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
Yeah, and you being your line of work, you work
for yourself.
Speaker 2 (36:10):
Yeah, so that's an added layer of potential stress, you know,
not having not having income, being able to work.
Speaker 1 (36:21):
I was about to come over there and beat you
down because I heard Grace was about to go do
makeup at some point, like a week or two out
of surgery, and I was like, girl, it was down.
Speaker 2 (36:31):
But at the surgery was the twenty fifth, the client
was the twenty eighth.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
Going, now.
Speaker 2 (36:38):
Tell me what you thought, Grace, I can tell you
what it was. It wasn't what it wasn't going to be.
I thought that, okay because I had I had two
C sections and was a you know, hop back up.
Speaker 1 (36:48):
Well, oh shoot, I didn't even realize you had to
see sechon you.
Speaker 2 (36:50):
Came to see me. Yeah. But that's the thing I
was able to do that sperience. Yeah, I was able
to move, and so I was like, I'm gonna be
able to move. And it was the first night I
was like, I'm fine. I didn't even let my client know.
Finally let her know, and she's like, absolutely not. And
(37:11):
it's like, I'm going you won't have a makeup artists.
I'm gonna do it. Like I'm not gonna send anybody.
I'm coming to do it. And she was like, I
can't fight you, but I'm telling you no. I said, well,
I'm just going to show up. Oh my gosh, it's
either that or you're not gonna have a makeup artist.
And Grace is a bully. Okay, she's a bully for
the people she loves. Absolutely, there we go and I
(37:34):
was fine, but I was on morphine. No, I didn't
realize what was in your body what was in my body.
And that night morphine was starting to leave. And the
next morning I was burning and I was like I
texted my client. I was like, I can't do it,
and she's like, it was the drugs. Liter said, it
was the drugs.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
I get it.
Speaker 2 (37:54):
And I sent her my good colleague Cherie, and I
was like, what was I think? Yeah, wow, trying to
show up. Wow.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
But I understand because again, like you have you're in
a position now where I know you started to go
fund me page, and I know that took a lot
for you to do because you're like, I don't want
to have to ask for donations or anything like that's
just not And I feel the same way as an
entrepreneur when I was a makeup artist, and it's just
like we were hustling, Like you pick up the client.
You have your weddings, you have your people scheduled, you
(38:23):
have your everyday girls, you have your loyal clients. So
that's what you're accustomed to, and that's an added layer
that this cancer has affected for you. So I know
that you're aiming to get back into the space where
you're doing what you love and that you're meeting with
your clients again and you're making them feel beautiful again.
Speaker 2 (38:43):
Little by little. Yeah, Yeah, I'm glad that you have
realized that this is a little by little little, a
little by.
Speaker 1 (38:51):
Little kind of thing. What do you other black women
or just women in general to know about breast's health.
Now that you've been through this process.
Speaker 2 (38:58):
It's real. Everything is is not real until it's real.
And now that I am on the it's real side,
Listen to your body. You may not know what something
is supposed to feel like, but go ask you know,
and even when you ask going they tell you textbook
why this may not be it. Listen to yourself. Listen
(39:19):
to yourself.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
I always say people either say it's gut or God,
whatever you think it is, whatever, that that thing is
real in that in your in your chest, you steel
right there in your stomach that that's what we've listened to.
Speaker 2 (39:29):
Absolutely, And I'm so happy that you listened over and
over because it didn't just stop at checking. It was
a follow up. It was the on my own calling biopsy.
Speaker 1 (39:40):
Location, and it was all the doors literally all the
door yeah that you needed in that moment and quickly expeditiously.
Speaker 2 (39:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:47):
I mean it was like, I know, I'm on the bed,
I'm a surgery, I'm here, what's next?
Speaker 2 (39:52):
Sharing my story? Nonprofit? Like the chain reaction of things,
and that might be keeping me sane as well, like
not just sitting idle, yeah, but having my mind be occupied,
you know.
Speaker 1 (40:05):
Shout out to you for being obedient to whatever your
purpose is or the purpose in this moment, because I
don't believe that this is the purpose for your life,
but in this space and in this moment, I am
grateful that you're listening to what God's placing in your
heart and just know that I'm here to support you
through this. I really wanted to share your story in
(40:26):
real time, and I'm grateful that you were willing to
do this in real time so people can just take
heed to it. If there's nothing that anyone takes away
from this our listeners today, whether it's a man, a woman,
somewhere in between, whoever you are, encourage someone you love
to go ahead and schedule.
Speaker 2 (40:45):
That mammogram and they follow up of it.
Speaker 1 (40:47):
Follow up and be diligent and listen to whatever God
is telling you to do or that gut feeling that
you have, because it can be a lifesaver. Absolutely, it
can be a lifesaver. All right, Grace, thank you for
sharing your story. Thank you to stick around a little
bit another portion of the show. We have this listener
letters so we can see what they're writing in about today,
(41:08):
you know, can lighten the mood, give a little two
cents depending on the story, child, because sometimes these stories
be moved.
Speaker 2 (41:13):
They'll have you too, you know. But we're gonna take
a quick break.
Speaker 1 (41:16):
We're gonna pay some bills, and then we're gonna get
back with Grace as we talk about more listener letters
and get into the end of the show with the
moment of truth.
Speaker 2 (41:24):
Stick around, y'all.
Speaker 1 (41:36):
All right, we're back and it's time for listener letters.
This is the moment where you know, we get into
your business a little bit only because you shared though, Okay,
because y'all wrote in weed in a I'm just kidding,
all right, first starters, I love you both.
Speaker 2 (41:49):
I love the content and the podcast. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (41:52):
I'll let de vou know. But we got grace today.
So let's see what y'all talking about. This is in
reference to the April tenth episode They are, They're Your
sacrifice is not your kids.
Speaker 2 (42:02):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (42:02):
I'm a thirty year old single mom. My daughter is thirteen.
I've come to the realization, after several tear soaked pillow nights,
that we have reached a time in her life of
transition from my sweet baby to this young lady who's
navigating what she knows and how she's influenced by her environment.
I'm having a difficult time allowing her to make mistakes
(42:24):
and drawing the line of trying to protect her from
her choices that I know the outcome of. I get
extremely frustrated when I allow her room to be independent
and she comes back with disobedience or wrongdoing. I feel
alone in parenting because her father isn't present and family
doesn't know how to respect the boundaries of my parenting
(42:44):
and do things how they've done with their children. What
advice do you have to have better communication with my
daughter knowing when to step back or step up with discipline. Sincerely,
a mom who's mf and tied. She said, Dad, she's
an efantie. So for some backstory, Grace. We were talking
on an episode DEVALAINI about sacrifices and when our parents
(43:08):
and I say our parents meaning our generation of parents
will kind of hit us with the I've sacrificed so
much for you and I've sacrificed so much. And it
had hit me one day where I was like, man,
I don't want to kind of weaponize sacrifices to my
children because they wanted to be here, Right, they didn't
ask to be here. They didn't ask for these sacrifices, right,
(43:30):
they didn't ask for these sacrifices. This is these are
things that I want to do as a parent to
be the best parent that I can be, to give
my children the opportunities that I want to afford them.
So this was an episode of val and I did.
So that's what she's talking in reference too. I don't
have a daughter. I've heard that, you know, the Good
Lord has saved me from teenage daughter years because he
(43:53):
knew that I probably didn't have the strength because I've
been beating her asked down. So that'd be said, a
thirty year old single mom daughter is thirteen. How does
she tow the line between being the I guess disciplinarian
and also allowing her daughter to make mistakes?
Speaker 2 (44:11):
Wow, I may not be I fed up, so I
would say, let her f up, but as a teenage girl,
you mean, yeah, and be there for her, be there
for her when she does or if she does, or
you can I mean all you can do is pray. Yeah,
(44:32):
to be honest with you, especially in this twenty twenty
four where everything easily accessible, Yeah, we're really combating so
many things.
Speaker 1 (44:42):
Like I know, our parents had their share of things
that they had to worry about, right, right, but everything
is so much more complex now parenting in this day
and age. What I'm hoping is that you know, thirteen
kind of gets rocky because they're starting to come into
their own they like boys, you girls? Middle age transition? Yeah,
(45:02):
boys or girls? You know what I'm saying, it's that
middle age transition where Deval had kind of equated it
to after working with all of his mentees for so
many years that those middle school ages. Yeah, Okay, we've
started those conversations for sure.
Speaker 2 (45:18):
Yeah, so she's going to have to do this thing. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:20):
So it's like you reach that middle school ages where
you kids can either go left or right. And what
I'm hoping that you are doing with your daughter is
developing a relationship where there's a comfort level that she
has to talk to you about whatever it is.
Speaker 2 (45:35):
But in that, like Grace said, kids are going to
make mistakes.
Speaker 1 (45:40):
They're going to try, Like I know who I was
as a teenager and having the overbearing parents where I'm
just like, kids are going to find a way to
do the things that they want to do. So I say, sis,
keep fighting the good fights. I think it's just one
of those things where we have to have constant conversations
(46:01):
and making it a safe space for her and if
she does mess up, try to seat yes, give her
grace and try to get her to see the lesson
in it, right, you know, not necessarily the punishment or
the disciplinary action, because that will tend to make her
want to close up more or not share, to hide
or exactly. So that open line of communication is so necessary,
(46:24):
and you really want to toll the line between being
like that that friend confidant, but also allowing them to
make the mistakes that that may happen inevitable. So, yeah,
Jackson turned thirteen and I just look at him and
I'm like, first of all, probably by the end of
the summer, he's going to be taller than me.
Speaker 2 (46:42):
Make sure I can't be that door off the hinges
off the hinges. You know, phones will be charged on
the charger at night, and the community family charger controls
and tracking and all of that.
Speaker 1 (46:53):
I mean, there's just so many, so many different things.
Just the other day, I was scrolling on Instagram aimlessly
and came across a video of a woman saying, you know,
three things to make sure that your children aren't doing
while they're having video game time or something like that.
And one of those games, if it's Fortnite or something,
(47:14):
you can speak to people through the video games. And
she's like, make sure that that function is turned off,
So your children having conversations with a stranger. I'm just like,
wait in a second, they talk to people on Fortnite.
Speaker 2 (47:24):
Too, like chat room.
Speaker 1 (47:26):
Oh my true a well, chat rooms. I was definitely
doing that shit too, It's just a different version of it.
So I instantly called Jackson to my room and he's like,
what happened?
Speaker 5 (47:36):
Mom?
Speaker 1 (47:36):
Man? I was like, the boy's talking to anybody on Fortnite?
Can you make sure that you turn that function off?
And he's like, that's never been on, and I was like,
who do they talk to? And they were liked about Jackson,
just like nobody. We don't even have Mike's for Fortnite.
Speaker 2 (47:47):
We just play. I'm like, all right, and if you
ever get Mike's, let me know.
Speaker 1 (47:51):
So to make sure that function is turned off because
they are praying on children left and right, and we
just have to be in our p's and q's and
as technologies continues to advance, always something else that we're
going to have to.
Speaker 2 (48:01):
Track them there under that's inhumane. But I personally don't
have time to go to the news asking for my child. Sure,
I need to go to work to kill somebody.
Speaker 1 (48:14):
We too cute for jail. You know what I'm saying,
look at me and raised. All right, we take a
look at the camera. We're too cute for jail because
I will kill somebody.
Speaker 2 (48:23):
All right, good luck to you sis.
Speaker 1 (48:24):
Thank you so much for writing in and if you
want to be featured as a future Listener letter, we
cannot wait to hear from y'all, so go ahead and
email us at dead Ass Advice at gmail dot com.
All Right, we're rolling on to the moment of truth
now as we wrap things up, we're talking with my girl, Amazing,
Grace Amazing, and we are talking about her journey through
(48:47):
discovering and uh treating.
Speaker 2 (48:50):
And fighting and beating whooping ass that's a fact, and
her new nonprofit called Beauty.
Speaker 1 (48:59):
What do you want people to know? What's that takeaway?
What's that moment of truth you want to share with
us today? Wow, moment of truth my mind and what
should be everyone's is listening to yourself like that in
a lot of situations, in every scenario, whether it's a
(49:21):
restaurant you're supposed to go to or not, or taking
a visit to someone like that initial, that gut feeling
that first person is there for a reason. It can
save your life, it can save your family's lives, you know.
So that's my truth is literally listening to that voice
(49:42):
God put in you. Therefore a reason can save your
life and it can change so many lives in the process.
I guess my moment of truth as we wrap up
today is find out how you can be of support
to people who are going through life altering things.
Speaker 2 (50:01):
Have grace for them in the moments that you know
require grace.
Speaker 1 (50:08):
Really just extend yourself in whatever capacity or whatever need
they may need met in that moment. It doesn't have
to be financial. It could be time, it could be
a meal, it could be you know, what are some
things that were helpful for you grace, just like.
Speaker 2 (50:26):
Like my house, I have no self done with y'all.
Speaker 1 (50:31):
I was just trying to think of, like in that
moment when you feel so helpless, it's like, what can
I do? What can I take off of her plate?
Speaker 2 (50:37):
Right now?
Speaker 1 (50:38):
I'm thinking grace, the wife, Grace, the mom, grace, the
the entrepreneur, Like how can I alleviate something from you?
Speaker 2 (50:45):
And I'm thinking about.
Speaker 1 (50:48):
I think of your husband, I'm thinking of your children, Like, okay,
if I can help with like the I don't worry
about dinner for like two three nights.
Speaker 2 (50:54):
Yeah, Like, what's just something that'll help, you.
Speaker 1 (50:57):
Know, to just really think about how you can be
of help to people who are going through some really
life changing things.
Speaker 2 (51:04):
Memes, memes, help you know, and something so simple like
we you know, on Instagram and we're sharing memes and
things with people. And I have a I've never met
her in real in person yet, but she's going through
a form of cancer and I asked her what can
I do? And she's like, I like memes. I like reels, Okay, cool,
(51:27):
say less because that's what I do, send them off
and off. I think I said something recently to us,
like just in the informational like did you try this?
Did you think of that? I'm like, I have my
friend in Jamaica. She's like, sourcing sour stop leaves.
Speaker 1 (51:40):
I'm like, suddenly leave, send me that whatever you know,
something back home those good back home remedies.
Speaker 2 (51:47):
I'm like anything.
Speaker 1 (51:48):
At this point, it's like everyone's grasping and straws. But
to make sure we help. Everyone wants to help. And
it's interesting.
Speaker 2 (51:56):
And I did the Caring Bridge because it was easy
for me to write everything in one spot, yes, versus
a thousand people asking what can they do? And I
get it. Everyone's coming from a place of love. Yes,
But in those moments it's a lot. Yeah, it's a lot.
We have to pace ourselves. Yes, and then's funny means right,
(52:17):
the informational things, it's great, But a lot of times
in that moment, we don't want to think about Yes, reality, yes,
you know, so something to take your mind off, which
was great, the cooking, and people were sending me shows
to watch. I finally watched Bridgerton, which I get it,
I get the hype, you know, but you know, just
(52:40):
things to take your mind off of that amazing in
that moment. Amazing grace, my girl. What's something you're dead
ass about?
Speaker 5 (52:50):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (52:52):
Who I am as a person? I'm dead ass about. Yes,
I am dead ass about who I am as a person.
You never know. Be good, do good, because you never
know when life hits you. I have learned, and I
am learning in this moment. Everything that's happening is coming
back because of who I am as a person. For sure,
I didn't realize that, and I don't do things because
(53:14):
of because of that. But people learned because doing this
and you were like, Grace, you don't realize what you
do for people. And I'm like, I'm just doing it
because that's.
Speaker 1 (53:25):
That's who you are, who I am, that's who you are,
and that's what connected me to you and drew me
to you.
Speaker 2 (53:29):
And I was like, I need her in my life.
I'm deads about the people who I love. There you
go and you are one of them. Thank you, And
we're fighting together. Make sure you put the eye in
front of that and do love you. It's I love
you ownership.
Speaker 1 (53:45):
I love you your mine. I love you your mine,
your mind, and we're fighting this together.
Speaker 2 (53:49):
Grace, Like I did you know what I'm saying? You know,
I just figured it was appropriate. And I we're black because.
Speaker 3 (53:59):
Only because I know once a mad girl, like I said,
always a mag You're always dressed in black for you today,
but low key was swimming because I could fit them again. Great, thanks, Okay,
I dressed up for you today grades we were having
a moment. I love it and I love you and
thank you so much for being here today.
Speaker 2 (54:15):
Thank you for having that. Absolutely if people want to
find you, where can they find you? Oh man, don't
come to my house. Don't come to her house don't
come to mind either. A graceful artistry on Instagram that's
my Makeup World and nonprofit Survivors Beauty dot Org.
Speaker 1 (54:34):
Survivors Beauty dot Org. That's where you can find my
girl Grace. And you know where you can find us
on Patreon of course if you're a subscriber, we're having
lots of fun over there. See exclusive dead Ass podcasts,
video content as well as more Ellis family content, and
you can find us on social media at dead Ass
the Podcast.
Speaker 2 (54:51):
You can find me at Kadeen I Am Don't forget
to vow too.
Speaker 1 (54:53):
He's open there still, you know, on and off, but
you can find them an Im Deval and if you're
listening on Apple podcast, we still want you to rate,
review and subscribe. Thank you so much for listening today,
Spread the words, spread the awareness, and yeah dead adds.
Speaker 2 (55:11):
Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast Network and
its produced by Donorapinya and Trible. Follow the podcast on
social media at dead Ass the Podcast and never miss
a Thing
When things affect your friends who have turned family, it
hits different.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Stepping into my new reality now a twenty sentence, But
that's all I got, dead ass. Hey, I'm Kadeen and
I'm Devout and we're the Ellis's. You may know us
from posting funny videos with.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Our boys and reading each other publicly as.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
A form of therapy. Wait, I'll make you need therapy
most days.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.
Speaker 4 (00:32):
Yes, sir, we are.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of
Li's most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to
talk about through the lens of a millennial married couple.
Dead ass is a term that we say every day.
So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts
one hundred the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but
the truth. We about to take philos off to our
(00:53):
whole new level.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Dead ass starts right now. Story time, all right now.
So it was a random I want to say, Monday morning,
got the kids off to school, went back to lay
down for a little bit, then got up to pee,
(01:18):
check my phone and I see a text message from Grace. Grace,
who is my makeup artist in Atlanta whose turned friend
turned family and Janelle, Janelle everyone knows is my hairstylist
that I've known for years. I mean, did my my
hair for my wedding, like all that, right, all the events,
(01:41):
all the events, and you know, it's not unusual for
us to have our group text where we're Kiki and
we chit chat and we share, you know, memes.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
And we pray and we do all sorts of stuff together.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Right, But this particular morning, I you know, went to
use the bathroom and then I standing in front of
the mirror and I read this text message and it says, oh.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
My god, you have to say you have the message.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Good morning ladies. And it's with the emoji with like
the too happy hands. So I'm like, hey, girl, like.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
You know, hand hands.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
It's on my heart to reach out to you both
and encourage you to schedule your mammograms if you haven't already.
I do not fit the bill, but sadly, I've been
diagnosed with stage two breast cancer. I'm fine mentally at peace.
Q tears okay.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Like I'm fine, I promise, I'm fine.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
Tears Okay, So I gather myself, so I can see again,
because at this point I'm literally in tears. The original
medical professional told me that I wasn't that that I was.
What I was feeling wasn't cancer because according to the
book I it did not fit. I thank God for
di sermon and obedience. I question everyone for a reason.
(03:05):
She was annoyed by my questioning her authority and I
went to get a mammigrant against her recommendation. I have
a whole story to tell in due time. Treatment is
moving quickly, miseectomies are scheduled. Janelle, I'm still your model,
because Janelle had a class coming up. I love you both,
(03:27):
tell Sakari and everyone you know, every woman you care
about to do it continuing to listen to the inner
voice God has given us. For me, it was just
the casual way that Grace in this group chat just
dropped a bomb on us, so casually, without any kind
(03:51):
of warning, and like, hey, good morning, good morning, jazz hands.
It's Monday, and I'll never forget that moment and how
I felt.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
And it's almost making me choke up now. Oh oh,
she's trying to make me cry. We need tissues. Yeah, yes,
So that's my story.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Time income the tissues with Matt.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Thank you, I tried it, indeed. So we're gonna take.
Speaker 5 (04:21):
A quick break so I can gather myself, Lord, because
I'm having a feeling that this episode is, oh Lord,
one of those, but I think it's very necessary and
I'm so happy that you're here with me today.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
Let's not do this.
Speaker 4 (04:36):
And uh yeah, we're gonna get into karaoke town.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Let's brighten the mood.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
You better have a good song today, Grace, because I
cannot cry this whole episode. So Lincoln Park, all right, Grace,
you got something good for me? Because the only song
that came to mind, of course, was Amazing Grace, but
that was just so somber and solemn, and I just can't.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
I feel like we need something upbeat. Well, I mean
in the God, now that I think about it, in
the end, Lincoln Park, I mean it's upbeat sounding, Okay,
so we don't have to really listen to the words.
Go ahead now.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
Like I said, I was telling her pre show, the
only Lincoln Park song I know is the one with
jay Z.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Do you want to or I can't? I can't And
she's like, yeah, all the black people know. That's what
I'm like. Yeah, that's me. Okay, we might have to
skip the Lincoln Park. I was just thinking about the lyrics.
I'm like, the lyrics don't work. I mean, we're gonna cry. Oh,
we're gonna cry. Yeah. Those songs are quite heavy. Are
they heavy?
Speaker 1 (05:35):
But if it's on your heart, go ahead and do
your think.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Okay, we're gonna do it this way. Okay. I tried
so hard, but god, so far. Oh I do know
this song in the end, Yes, it doesn't really matter,
I know, but it does matter. Yeah, it does matter.
I'm like, that's the song I want to sing.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
You want to even say the lyrics. You can't even
say the lyrics. You don't even have to sing it. Girl,
that was my get right there, do it?
Speaker 2 (06:03):
I already did it. Do it again, Okay, run it back,
because yeah, I tried so hard and got so far,
but in the end it didn't even matter. Okay I
had to fall to lose it all. But in the
(06:24):
end it doesn't even matter. Wow.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
It's actually really deep when you think about you know,
and I'm thinking about the tempo of the song and
like the upbeatness of it.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
Yeah, yeah, And I'm like, damn, that was pretty deep.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
In the end, it didn't really matter. I'm fortunate because
he ended up committing suicide. He did, all right, guys,
Oh my god, Grace.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Can heard it too, as the hell with it?
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Like that?
Speaker 2 (06:53):
All right now, So even back to our text, like
that's how I deal with a bad situation, Yeah, throwing
dark humor. I noticed that.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
I noticed that your career sarcasm is actually one of
the things I love about you.
Speaker 4 (07:06):
So all right, let's take a break to recover from
that whole thing in the beginning of the show, and
we're gonna come back and we're gonna dive back into
story time and we're gonna talk more with Grace about
breast cancer awareness, how she found out, and what her
story is looking like right now.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
So stick around, all right. So, as I passed tissue out.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
We passed the it's almost like passing the offering plate.
We're gonna pass the tissue box around because I just
anticipate that as we aim to in this episode, bring awareness,
educate people, the people who don't.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Think like it can happen to me.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
I'm still that actually, yeah, yeah, And I can imagine
I still look at you and I'm like, I can't
believe this is happening.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
I saw you at Matt's wedding.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
We had a moment, you know, we're bringing together with
every It was just It's just one of those situations.
Like I said in my sound by earlier, that when
it affects someone who you love, it literally affects you
as well too. So going back to story time where
you sent out this text message to Janelle, and I
take us back to the moment that you found out
(08:18):
what what's your story here? You know you felt a lump,
something didn't feel right, and God led you to am
my friend.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
So I want to say back in November, I remember
laying in the bed at night and I tell my husband,
I said, Babe, I feel something and I feel everything.
But He's like, here we go, what now, hypochondriac? And
I'm like, no, I feel something in my breast. And
breasts are lumpy from you know.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
Especially post breastfeeding like my I remember I had to
get a lump checked in my armpit right because my
lymph nodes got swolen after each baby, breastfeeding each so
it's hard to decipher what's what.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
Yeah, And I remember feeling the lump, thinking okay, well,
it's a lump and it's soft, and it's like you
can move it, but again I don't. I don't do
that to other women. So I don't know what's there,
what's supposed to be there, what's not. So he feels
it too, and he's like, well, go to the hospital,
(09:23):
like you know, go to your doctor.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
And you would say the size of a green grape.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
The big one got you. And so go to bed.
The next day or so or whenever. A mutual friend
had passed from breast cancer and she's young kids, twin
boys and another I think all under five, and her
(09:55):
issue was she didn't it had come back. But long
story short, she passed and I remember texting my friend,
who is my gynecologist. I text her, I'm like, I
need a Mam Graham and she was like why you know,
because I'm the I'm the one that's like I need this.
I need an am. I right A pets can't I
need my sister?
Speaker 1 (10:15):
And I now I'm like, oh, you're a nurse practitioner,
Now you got that right, Okay, sis, let me get
some ibuprof an eight hundred to stand by, you know,
And I just.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
Like to check. I like to check things. And my
husband's like, you like to freak yourself out pretty much.
It's like, no, I like to know, low key control freak.
Same and I don't even know what's going on. Yeah,
that way I can behead exactly. Yeah. And so I
text her. She's like, why you know at this time,
I'm thirty seven and I think the age people start
(10:48):
to check or they tell you to check. It's forty
forty one. Yeah, yeah, I'm I turned forty December fifth.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
My annual was January fifth, and she was like, oh,
you get to get your you to get your first man,
I'm glad she has my scheduled three weeks.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
What they scheduled to out that far? Yeah, okay, we're
gonna talk about it, okay, right, So I text her
Texas Change I I think I did. I called the
office to get uh seen and because you know, I
(11:22):
just went to do everything, and she could not see
me because her mother was going through something. So she
went to be with her mom, rightfully, So I'm glad
she did. She ended up passing and so I expected
her to be out of office. So her pa saw
me instead and we were you know, black woman young.
(11:48):
We were talking Kei king and she feels she does
a physical and she's feeling and she feels what I
was telling her. And she's like, well, you know, asking
me the book questions because they do go by the
book and the questions, you know, is it painful? Is
it you know, does it move? So it moves? It
(12:11):
was moving, and it was a very dull pain. It
wasn't painful, but it was like a dull numb pain
if you will, that I would feel around my menstrel time.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
It's like aching, like a throbbing or something very.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
Very and so I had to let her know. She
was like, well, you know, cancer is not painful, so
you know, and I think she was excited that all
these things according to the book. You know, she was
happy that it's not cancer according to the book.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
And also maybe trying to temper your your emotion, right,
because you feel something like that so naturally, especially being
a hypoconject, which I understand because I kind of share
the same sentiment.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
That's where your mind goes, right, Yeah, So then I
get it, and that's why you know, I'm not upset
with her, Like I get what she was doing, but
something told me like, mmm, it keeps coming to me
breast cancer, breast cancer and now I'm not trying to
wish it all myself, but at the same time, I
like to pay attention. And so I told her, I said, well,
(13:14):
I'm going to check you know. She's like, well, you
don't need to. You know, you're under the age the
all the things checklists. According to the book, this is
it's probably like a site fibro at noma, you know,
some fibrous tissue or vibrus and arsistic And she's like,
you don't need to. And I was like, well, I'm
(13:35):
still going to and I know, medical professor, y'all go
to school.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
You read the book. Some of y'all go to school longer.
But she was a little annoyed by my persistence. Yes,
she was like questioning, questioning authority. Yeah, and she was like,
well you can you know, schedule one and we don't
do it here or something like that. But she was like,
do use this, yeah, basically right, get lost. So so
(14:00):
at that point, you again are just getting all of
these feelings signs. You're feeling like God is saying to
you like this is something more, this is something more,
And so you schedule the mammogramage. You're in the mammogram.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
How does that go?
Speaker 3 (14:15):
Well?
Speaker 2 (14:15):
I schedule it Google where to Go because I'm like, okay,
what I'm I supposed to now? Google where to go?
This spot paid for a top spot on Google because
they popped up and I went to this imaging center.
I'm gonna say their name went to this imaging imaging center.
Was not painful at all. She's mashed down, but it
(14:36):
wasn't painful. So I'm like, what are people tripping about? Right?
You know that it's painful. This was not painful. They
saw the lumps two and I only felt one, but
they saw two, so they said I needed a biopsy. Okay,
this place doesn't do their own biopsy. So long story short,
Maybe a month passed and my one of my really
(14:58):
good friends, she kept pushing me to call and get
this biopsy and I wouldn't. I was busy, and they
put in an order for biopsy, but they didn't do
it themselves. So again, I finally got around to calling
a place that did biopsies.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
So pretty much, you're doing all the leg worksposed to
support it in the price once you told the PA
that you were gonna investigate further with the mammogram.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
So I'm on my own googling a place again. This
place pops up first spot on Google and they put
in an order. I called around because now I'm like, okay,
well where am I supposed to go for that? And
they were like, well, you can google places to do biopsies.
I'm like, oh, so you just.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Google and the random place it's gonna cut you open ink,
take out stuff.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
This is crazy. Ends ended up north Side, going to
north Side and called them. They never got the images
from the place, and I'm like, what are you talking about?
So I'm fishing around looking for where this place is.
How come they haven't sent I need to come in
(16:14):
and sign a consent for him to release and I'm
like what, Okay, long story short, I had to do
another mammogram from north Side. Now this hurt and outside.
So it was a clear difference. First of all, like
they just did not like the other images, so they
did their own. They do biopsies as well. Schedule a
biopsy the next few days. Did that. Three days later,
(16:39):
my results came in and it went to my friend first,
who's my OB and she got it. First of all,
another doctor called me I hadn't even gotten the news.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
And she called me and she was like, I just
got your news. I'm so sorry. Do you want to
when do you want to come in? And I'm like,
what are you talking about? Broken to you? Yes, I'm
my lady yell. Didn't talk about my number?
Speaker 5 (17:01):
Right?
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Was there?
Speaker 2 (17:03):
Not like a way we're going to break this kind
of So she apologized she thought I had already gotten
the news. I'm like, no, ma'am, like I don't. First
of all, you're not gonna put that on me. I
don't have cancer, And turned out it did men do.
And so my friend ends up calling explaining what they found.
(17:24):
I automatically hit up my doctor. Actually, no, doctor didn't
like her vibe. I'm big on vibes and energy and
see another doctor loved instantly. And everything was happening so fast,
(17:44):
And I felt like it's because my husband got this
great ass insurance. Yes, like I've known such people in
situations where months out for an appointment for this, for this,
for that, and everything was like back to back day
after another.
Speaker 1 (17:58):
So that's an addedly yes to the story, or to
just the healthcare system that is all of that existing
in America. So you see the hierarchy in Oh, yeah,
you're treated based off of the type of insurance you have.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
I have been sharingty you have, I mean knocking everything
out like in days where people are like that's so rare,
like they're seeing you like this, and I'm like, yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
Yeah, I remember talking to you when you were like, yeah,
I'm getting this doneline by Monday, this by tesday, Friday,
and you're done.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
Even my MRI, which they don't usually do in my
rides on Sundays, I have a Sunday appointment. Not that happened. Yeah, okay,
I'll take it. But it made me realize. I know
people who get pushed out weeks months and cancer depending
on how aggressive it's spreading fast right so by you know,
(18:45):
they could have been stage zero, one or two by
the time everything gets situated and seen, their stage three,
you know, or four, depending on how aggressive it is,
how aggressive it is. And that's another topic. This healthcare system.
We're not gonna go I know, layered, very LAPI theorists.
I mean, its like, but so saw everything breast doctor,
(19:09):
first MRI, second genetics test. They did the highest testing,
which is eighty five genes all negative for mutations, So
it's like where did this cancer come from? Right? And
even seeing my reconstructive doctor, that took another month, or
was supposed to take another month to handle that. And
(19:31):
she came back in the room and she was like, well,
someone just canceled for the twenty fifth do you want it?
This was like the week before, like hell yeah, and
oh yeah, yeah, I'll you know.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
Okay, So the course of action now is is what
you have stage two cancers in one.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
Of it's in one. I was gonna cut both off
regardless because I wasn't gonna be uneven, right And after
the MRI, my breast doctor saw that I had a
six millimeter tumor in the left as well. Wow, and
she was a good thing, you can cut them off,
because here we go, gotcha. It just made sense to
me because I'm like, if it's in one, it's possibly
(20:08):
could you know? And I know it's not always like that,
but to me, let's cut cut it out control, right, right?
Speaker 1 (20:16):
So you get the news, of course, kind of rig
them around because someone called first, then your obguin calls.
How do you break the news to your family because
now this is a journey that you're on, not alone,
you have a husband, you have two children, a host
of family and friends. So in your mind, how do
(20:37):
do you brace to tell the family or in true
grace form, we kind of just like throw out their casualty.
What was your husband's feeling? I guess with you were
going into this when you finally got the.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
News with you uh he instantly I could tell. And
men like to show that they are, you know, your rock,
which is great of course, put together, put together, always
under control. And I could see his body shift and
his face was you know, putting on the front, but
(21:12):
I could see his body shift. So he was hurt
and scared, and he was like, cut it out, cut
it out, you know, like cut off the breast, cut
everything off. And and I knew at that moment I
wasn't gonna tell anyone else, and especially my family. Yeah,
because Nigerians, I mean all the native doctors were called
(21:35):
right right right. I don't know, I don't know about
Nigerian culture, but I'll listen ya know what it is,
right right? The native doctors were called and from over
across the sea, and my mom was like, don't cut
your breast off. The doctors have been called. They said
(21:56):
they can take the thing away, you'll never see it again.
And I'm like, who, like you said, mommy, please don't
pay anybody else, Like, oh my goodness, giving people your
heart on money. Yes, I haven't even spoken to these people, like,
don't do it right, right, And I said, I'm cutting
them off, Like we've just talked about it already. At
that point.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
It was just a hard decision that you made with you, well,
with you and your husband. Yeah, yeah, well first and
then of course letting your husband know what the plan was,
what the.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Plan was, and I still hadn't told anyone.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
So just jumping into some Saxon stats because we were
doing some just research and stuff, just to see what
things are looking like now in twenty twenty four, because
you know, breast cancer of course has been around forever, right,
It's something that always unfortunately pops up. You know. October
is Breast cancer Awareness Month. Some stats we had recently
for twenty twenty four, The American Cancer Society estimates that
(22:48):
more than three hundred and ten thousand plus new cases
of invasive breast cancer and fifty six thousand new cases
of ductyl carcinoma in stage one breast cancer will be
diagnosed in women in the US.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
It's crazy, that's.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Crazy, and we're just in may right, things to improve
therapies and early detection, breast cancer is increasingly treatable. Despite
these improvements, breast cancer is now the leading cause of
cancer death among Black women, according to a new report
by the American Cancer Society, and black women are now
forty one percent more likely to die from breast cancer
than white women. Trying to take us out, despite but
(23:28):
despite the lower risk of being diagnosed for the disease.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
Right.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
This is partly because Black women are more likely to
be diagnosed with breast cancer at a later stage when
it is harder to treat.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
Gee, I when do I Let's think about some of.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
The things that account for these disparities, right, we have
Black women who are statistically.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
More likely serious topic And I'm laughing, no, And.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
I know to anycent grace, it's okay, because I know, like,
in a sense, it's how you deal, right, Yes, it's
how you deal. And I know that about you, yes,
And I've learned that about you right, right, And sometimes
you have to laugh so that you don't cry exactly,
And I get it, trust me, I understand.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
Don't worry here. Oh yeah, okay.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
Black women are statistically more likely to have diabetes, heart disease,
and obesity, and are less likely to breastfeed after childbirth birth,
which are all risk factors for breast cancer. Which is
I'm not sure I hear it. That is because I
know every Black mam I know has don't know, I
probably know maybe one who hasn't who hasn't. Right, exactly
(24:37):
when I met Grace, Grace came into my makeup for
the first time when she was two weeks postpartum and
made a commitment to me to come here.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
And I said, girl, you had the baby how long ago?
Seven days? I said, you better go sit down. You
know you're Nigeria. And mom would have been like, girl,
where are you going? But but yeah, so there.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
And they're also more likely than there than white counterparts
to have with inadequate health insurance or access to health
care facilities, which may affect screening, follow up care, and
the completion of therapy, which is essentially what you were
experiencing in your journey to an extent on what saved
you was the fact that your husband did have really
good insurance. Black women are also disproportionately affected more by
(25:20):
aggressive subtypes such as triple negative breast cancer and inflammatory
breast cancer, and they're more likely to be diagnosed at
younger ages and more advanced stages of cancer. I have
a cousin thirty years old diagnosed with a very aggressive
breast cancer again, had to have both breasts removed and
at thirty. At thirty, we just celebrated her one year
(25:42):
cancer free. Wow anniversaries, So shout out to my cousin
Shane for that. But it's just one of those things
where you just never think is going to be you.
So what were you feeling in that moment when you.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
Got the call?
Speaker 1 (25:55):
How did you sit in that after you received the
phone call from I guess the first doctor and then
eventually your friend who is your obgu I n Like,
What's what goes through your mind in that moment?
Speaker 2 (26:05):
Is it like your life flashes before your eyes? Is
it I'm going to fight? What do you feel?
Speaker 1 (26:10):
Because I'm sure there was a rollercoaster of emotions. Well,
when the first doctor called, I was upset because who
are you calling? R Like I don't know more angry? Yeah,
and why would you speak that on me? That's how
I felt. It was earlier in the day. By the way,
the same day and my friend, my friend ended up
texting me. She's like she text me, she said, hey,
(26:31):
what you doing. And I was like, oh shit, oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
And so she calls and she tells me and I'm
like okay, and she's like, well, you're taking it well,
and I said yeah. At that moment, I had no
option not to, like, so you're more of a practical
like this is what it is. This is what it is,
(26:56):
and emotions come after, gotcha, And and she was so shocked.
She was like and I was like, yeah, I mean
here we are, here, we are, So what's next, Like
what's the plan? And I think almost right then, I'm
a bea cup. So if they did a lumpectomy, I
will look crazy. So I knew automatically, like okay, I'm
(27:18):
cutting my breast off and I don't know. I'm not
tied to them, so it didn't I didn't feel anything
about it, and I later that's how my company, my
nonprofit came about, just because like, I'm not attached to beauty,
but I do know from what I do being a
(27:41):
makeup artist, Like it's a thing like and it makes
people feel amazing, And in that moment, I automatically thought, Okay,
like if I at the time thinking of chemo and
all of that, if I need to do it, okay,
I'll put a wig on and draw my brows on,
like it's not a thing for me. So it just
didn't hit me in that moment, like, Okay, this is life.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
Let's move So you're so it's interesting when I spoke
to you, you know a couple of times after that,
I don't remember if it was before or after your
cancer diagnosis, but you had called me and you said,
I feel like I need to do something, like there's
a business that's looming in my mind that I feel
like God is placing on my heart to do. And
what do you think about this? Was that before or after? That?
Speaker 2 (28:28):
Was the before that? That was different? So it was
a different business that we were talking about.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
And I thought about this as I knew you were
coming on, because I'm like, wow, I wonder when we
had that conversation and I was giving you some advice
about how I felt like you should approach that business,
and You're like, you know, God is just placing on
me to do this, and I just I think I
should start this business, and I'm like, girl, if you're
going to do it, do it.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
And then cut to you get your.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
Diagnosis, and then you said to me that business that
I think God wanted me to start, is that actually
a nonprofit where I would be working with women who
are cancers survivors are erecting or going through it to
make them feel like themselves again. So you can share
(29:12):
with me what that's looking like. So this is now propelled.
And the crazy part about this grace that I want
people to understand is that you're going through something where
it's so it's it's to so many people with it's devastating, right,
And I'm sure it is for you as you navigate
this and you're dealing with your emotions, but then you're
also thinking of how you can impact others through your
(29:34):
story and your journey that you're still so freshly going through.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
Like you text me on April eighth, Yeah, surgery was
twenty fifth of April or was it of April? Right?
Speaker 1 (29:45):
This is May now, so that you're literally fresh out
of surgery. I didn't even want to ask you to
come on to the show. Now. You were one of
the people who I eventually wanted to have on but
not like now, but nowcause you're a really in the
think of it. So I'm like, Grace is not going
to probably be in like a mental or emotional space
to want to talk about this now. But in the
process you're like, you know what, God, Like like God,
(30:07):
why me?
Speaker 2 (30:07):
Why? Why me? Why now?
Speaker 1 (30:10):
And it's just amazing to me that you're thinking of
everyone else as you're navigating such a devastating process.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
I think that's the Aquarius humanitarian like like and I'm like,
what is that?
Speaker 1 (30:27):
Like, w how does it what makes you feel like
this is the next step, like I need to do
this nonprofit and work with women simultaneously essentially right while
I'm going through this. I think that hits differently for
women who are survivors or going through the process. It's like,
here's someone who wants to help to make me feel
like myself again, even if it's just a surface level
(30:49):
a brow or you know, a lash or something. You
know what put that on your heart in that moment
to do this now.
Speaker 2 (30:56):
I think it was maybe after a week or two
and it just hit me like a ton of bricks
that this is what I'm supposed to do. I've been
wanting to teach women how to do makeup masterclass style,
but it just seemed impersonal, having a large class, and
I just didn't do it. I didn't do it. That's
(31:18):
just I didn't feel like that was my mission. And
I remember shortly after the diagnosis and it hit me
that I'm fine. I think I'm fine in that moment.
I think I'm fine because I'm not tied to beauty
like what we know, cancer and the chemo and your
brows and your lashes and your hair goes away. And
(31:39):
in that moment, I thought, Okay, what's next. But that's
how I think. And it's because I can get up
and put a brow on or a lash easy. And
I thought about and I was like, wow, what about
the women who can't, like women who come to us
for the birthday parties and weddings because you're everyday girl. Yeah,
you can do it because you want to. You know,
(32:01):
you're a former makeup artist, like you can. We know
how to do things. So that's how Grace and I
also bonded. We were former Mac girl.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
MA was like the makeup authority and they still are,
you know, low key low key we said it, but.
Speaker 2 (32:20):
So I thought about them, and I'm like, wow, this
must be devastating, because I felt like I was supposed
to be devastated by it and I wasn't. But it
is a real thing. And I said, that's what I'm
supposed to do, and I'm supposed to teach women how
to just look like themselves again. And I reached out
to some major brands, the big brands, and told them
(32:46):
my story and they were on board so to fill
you know, the goodie bags with And so you were
already like absolutely round running with business. It's not just
like places on my I'll figure it out, Like we
got goodie bags coming already. Girls. Okay, it's been improved
by the state, and like it's a thing.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
Yet.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
Yeah, Survivor's Beauty, I love it dot org and you know,
hopefully by October, which is Breast Cancer Awareness month, will
we'll have our first masterclass Survivor's Beauty.
Speaker 1 (33:18):
So that beauty, that's wow. Yeah, I'm proud of you, man,
I'm so proud of you. I feel like if I
were in your shoes, I probably like you'd be picking
me up off the floor. You know, there's just so
many ways and right until it happens, you know, God
forbid when it happens to someone like you, just don't
know how you're going to really exist in that space
(33:39):
because I just knew it wasn't you know. But it's
also a testament to your your faith in God and
listening and being still and you know, thinking what the
higher purpose is here? What's the positivity in it? Looking
on the bright side, Like, that's something that I really
applaud you for. And I think a lot of people
can take a page from your book. When you're hit
with something that completely can derail your entire life, how
(34:02):
do you maintain control of that? And like you said,
you're the person that likes the power and control. So
it's like, how do I this let cancer control me?
And that's how control this care You may cancer a bit.
She was like, listen, what you're not about to.
Speaker 2 (34:16):
Do, okay, is disrupt my world at all.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
What you're gonna do is make me impact this world absolutely.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
That's the kicker. I literally said, like whoever put that
out there, put that on me the devil miss like periods. Okay,
it happened, cut it out, gone goodbye, and a new org.
Speaker 1 (34:35):
That's it And it's only going to elevate your life,
your profile, what you do for others, and then also
elevate the lives of women who really really need that supporter,
because within that it's more than makeup. Right, Yeah, it's
going to be more than beauty. You have people who
can relate to a similar situation that you've been through,
that you're going through in itself. There's like a sisterhood,
(34:56):
there's a bond, there's's families that will be connected the
whole community around it.
Speaker 2 (35:01):
And you have time.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
I mean this is made by October. Oh my gosh,
I can't wait to help you spread the word and
get it out there.
Speaker 2 (35:07):
I'm excited.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
So I'm excited for that. I'm excited for that phase
of your journey. How do you or what makes you
feel supported?
Speaker 2 (35:15):
Right now? Wow, everybody, I'm not gonna leave the tissues
on the floor, but I can pick them up now.
It's all right when I say, you really don't know
who your tribe is until not to say until bad
things happen, but people really show up, show up. Yeah,
(35:38):
and don't right, I was about to say, so what
makes me feel supported? Just people showing up? You know,
the text, the calls, the action, the actionable items. You know,
I couldn't be more grateful. So there's no one thing
(35:59):
that makes me feel supported. It's just that I feel it. Yeah,
from my community.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
Yeah, and you being your line of work, you work
for yourself.
Speaker 2 (36:10):
Yeah, so that's an added layer of potential stress, you know,
not having not having income, being able to work.
Speaker 1 (36:21):
I was about to come over there and beat you
down because I heard Grace was about to go do
makeup at some point, like a week or two out
of surgery, and I was like, girl, it was down.
Speaker 2 (36:31):
But at the surgery was the twenty fifth, the client
was the twenty eighth.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
Going, now.
Speaker 2 (36:38):
Tell me what you thought, Grace, I can tell you
what it was. It wasn't what it wasn't going to be.
I thought that, okay because I had I had two
C sections and was a you know, hop back up.
Speaker 1 (36:48):
Well, oh shoot, I didn't even realize you had to
see sechon you.
Speaker 2 (36:50):
Came to see me. Yeah. But that's the thing I
was able to do that sperience. Yeah, I was able
to move, and so I was like, I'm gonna be
able to move. And it was the first night I
was like, I'm fine. I didn't even let my client know.
Finally let her know, and she's like, absolutely not. And
(37:11):
it's like, I'm going you won't have a makeup artists.
I'm gonna do it. Like I'm not gonna send anybody.
I'm coming to do it. And she was like, I
can't fight you, but I'm telling you no. I said, well,
I'm just going to show up. Oh my gosh, it's
either that or you're not gonna have a makeup artist.
And Grace is a bully. Okay, she's a bully for
the people she loves. Absolutely, there we go and I
(37:34):
was fine, but I was on morphine. No, I didn't
realize what was in your body what was in my body.
And that night morphine was starting to leave. And the
next morning I was burning and I was like I
texted my client. I was like, I can't do it,
and she's like, it was the drugs. Liter said, it
was the drugs.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
I get it.
Speaker 2 (37:54):
And I sent her my good colleague Cherie, and I
was like, what was I think? Yeah, wow, trying to
show up. Wow.
Speaker 1 (38:03):
But I understand because again, like you have you're in
a position now where I know you started to go
fund me page, and I know that took a lot
for you to do because you're like, I don't want
to have to ask for donations or anything like that's
just not And I feel the same way as an
entrepreneur when I was a makeup artist, and it's just
like we were hustling, Like you pick up the client.
You have your weddings, you have your people scheduled, you
(38:23):
have your everyday girls, you have your loyal clients. So
that's what you're accustomed to, and that's an added layer
that this cancer has affected for you. So I know
that you're aiming to get back into the space where
you're doing what you love and that you're meeting with
your clients again and you're making them feel beautiful again.
Speaker 2 (38:43):
Little by little. Yeah, Yeah, I'm glad that you have
realized that this is a little by little little, a
little by.
Speaker 1 (38:51):
Little kind of thing. What do you other black women
or just women in general to know about breast's health.
Now that you've been through this process.
Speaker 2 (38:58):
It's real. Everything is is not real until it's real.
And now that I am on the it's real side,
Listen to your body. You may not know what something
is supposed to feel like, but go ask you know,
and even when you ask going they tell you textbook
why this may not be it. Listen to yourself. Listen
(39:19):
to yourself.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
I always say people either say it's gut or God,
whatever you think it is, whatever, that that thing is
real in that in your in your chest, you steel
right there in your stomach that that's what we've listened to.
Speaker 2 (39:29):
Absolutely, And I'm so happy that you listened over and
over because it didn't just stop at checking. It was
a follow up. It was the on my own calling biopsy.
Speaker 1 (39:40):
Location, and it was all the doors literally all the
door yeah that you needed in that moment and quickly expeditiously.
Speaker 2 (39:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:47):
I mean it was like, I know, I'm on the bed,
I'm a surgery, I'm here, what's next?
Speaker 2 (39:52):
Sharing my story? Nonprofit? Like the chain reaction of things,
and that might be keeping me sane as well, like
not just sitting idle, yeah, but having my mind be occupied,
you know.
Speaker 1 (40:05):
Shout out to you for being obedient to whatever your
purpose is or the purpose in this moment, because I
don't believe that this is the purpose for your life,
but in this space and in this moment, I am
grateful that you're listening to what God's placing in your
heart and just know that I'm here to support you
through this. I really wanted to share your story in
(40:26):
real time, and I'm grateful that you were willing to
do this in real time so people can just take
heed to it. If there's nothing that anyone takes away
from this our listeners today, whether it's a man, a woman,
somewhere in between, whoever you are, encourage someone you love
to go ahead and schedule.
Speaker 2 (40:45):
That mammogram and they follow up of it.
Speaker 1 (40:47):
Follow up and be diligent and listen to whatever God
is telling you to do or that gut feeling that
you have, because it can be a lifesaver. Absolutely, it
can be a lifesaver. All right, Grace, thank you for
sharing your story. Thank you to stick around a little
bit another portion of the show. We have this listener
letters so we can see what they're writing in about today,
(41:08):
you know, can lighten the mood, give a little two
cents depending on the story, child, because sometimes these stories
be moved.
Speaker 2 (41:13):
They'll have you too, you know. But we're gonna take
a quick break.
Speaker 1 (41:16):
We're gonna pay some bills, and then we're gonna get
back with Grace as we talk about more listener letters
and get into the end of the show with the
moment of truth.
Speaker 2 (41:24):
Stick around, y'all.
Speaker 1 (41:36):
All right, we're back and it's time for listener letters.
This is the moment where you know, we get into
your business a little bit only because you shared though, Okay,
because y'all wrote in weed in a I'm just kidding,
all right, first starters, I love you both.
Speaker 2 (41:49):
I love the content and the podcast. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (41:52):
I'll let de vou know. But we got grace today.
So let's see what y'all talking about. This is in
reference to the April tenth episode They are, They're Your
sacrifice is not your kids.
Speaker 2 (42:02):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (42:02):
I'm a thirty year old single mom. My daughter is thirteen.
I've come to the realization, after several tear soaked pillow nights,
that we have reached a time in her life of
transition from my sweet baby to this young lady who's
navigating what she knows and how she's influenced by her environment.
I'm having a difficult time allowing her to make mistakes
(42:24):
and drawing the line of trying to protect her from
her choices that I know the outcome of. I get
extremely frustrated when I allow her room to be independent
and she comes back with disobedience or wrongdoing. I feel
alone in parenting because her father isn't present and family
doesn't know how to respect the boundaries of my parenting
(42:44):
and do things how they've done with their children. What
advice do you have to have better communication with my
daughter knowing when to step back or step up with discipline. Sincerely,
a mom who's mf and tied. She said, Dad, she's
an efantie. So for some backstory, Grace. We were talking
on an episode DEVALAINI about sacrifices and when our parents
(43:08):
and I say our parents meaning our generation of parents
will kind of hit us with the I've sacrificed so
much for you and I've sacrificed so much. And it
had hit me one day where I was like, man,
I don't want to kind of weaponize sacrifices to my
children because they wanted to be here, Right, they didn't
ask to be here. They didn't ask for these sacrifices, right,
(43:30):
they didn't ask for these sacrifices. This is these are
things that I want to do as a parent to
be the best parent that I can be, to give
my children the opportunities that I want to afford them.
So this was an episode of val and I did.
So that's what she's talking in reference too. I don't
have a daughter. I've heard that, you know, the Good
Lord has saved me from teenage daughter years because he
(43:53):
knew that I probably didn't have the strength because I've
been beating her asked down. So that'd be said, a
thirty year old single mom daughter is thirteen. How does
she tow the line between being the I guess disciplinarian
and also allowing her daughter to make mistakes?
Speaker 2 (44:11):
Wow, I may not be I fed up, so I
would say, let her f up, but as a teenage girl,
you mean, yeah, and be there for her, be there
for her when she does or if she does, or
you can I mean all you can do is pray. Yeah,
(44:32):
to be honest with you, especially in this twenty twenty
four where everything easily accessible, Yeah, we're really combating so
many things.
Speaker 1 (44:42):
Like I know, our parents had their share of things
that they had to worry about, right, right, but everything
is so much more complex now parenting in this day
and age. What I'm hoping is that you know, thirteen
kind of gets rocky because they're starting to come into
their own they like boys, you girls? Middle age transition? Yeah,
(45:02):
boys or girls? You know what I'm saying, it's that
middle age transition where Deval had kind of equated it
to after working with all of his mentees for so
many years that those middle school ages. Yeah, Okay, we've
started those conversations for sure.
Speaker 2 (45:18):
Yeah, so she's going to have to do this thing. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:20):
So it's like you reach that middle school ages where
you kids can either go left or right. And what
I'm hoping that you are doing with your daughter is
developing a relationship where there's a comfort level that she
has to talk to you about whatever it is.
Speaker 2 (45:35):
But in that, like Grace said, kids are going to
make mistakes.
Speaker 1 (45:40):
They're going to try, Like I know who I was
as a teenager and having the overbearing parents where I'm
just like, kids are going to find a way to
do the things that they want to do. So I say, sis,
keep fighting the good fights. I think it's just one
of those things where we have to have constant conversations
(46:01):
and making it a safe space for her and if
she does mess up, try to seat yes, give her
grace and try to get her to see the lesson
in it, right, you know, not necessarily the punishment or
the disciplinary action, because that will tend to make her
want to close up more or not share, to hide
or exactly. So that open line of communication is so necessary,
(46:24):
and you really want to toll the line between being
like that that friend confidant, but also allowing them to
make the mistakes that that may happen inevitable. So, yeah,
Jackson turned thirteen and I just look at him and
I'm like, first of all, probably by the end of
the summer, he's going to be taller than me.
Speaker 2 (46:42):
Make sure I can't be that door off the hinges
off the hinges. You know, phones will be charged on
the charger at night, and the community family charger controls
and tracking and all of that.
Speaker 1 (46:53):
I mean, there's just so many, so many different things.
Just the other day, I was scrolling on Instagram aimlessly
and came across a video of a woman saying, you know,
three things to make sure that your children aren't doing
while they're having video game time or something like that.
And one of those games, if it's Fortnite or something,
(47:14):
you can speak to people through the video games. And
she's like, make sure that that function is turned off,
So your children having conversations with a stranger. I'm just like,
wait in a second, they talk to people on Fortnite.
Speaker 2 (47:24):
Too, like chat room.
Speaker 1 (47:26):
Oh my true a well, chat rooms. I was definitely
doing that shit too, It's just a different version of it.
So I instantly called Jackson to my room and he's like,
what happened?
Speaker 5 (47:36):
Mom?
Speaker 1 (47:36):
Man? I was like, the boy's talking to anybody on Fortnite?
Can you make sure that you turn that function off?
And he's like, that's never been on, and I was like,
who do they talk to? And they were liked about Jackson,
just like nobody. We don't even have Mike's for Fortnite.
Speaker 2 (47:47):
We just play. I'm like, all right, and if you
ever get Mike's, let me know.
Speaker 1 (47:51):
So to make sure that function is turned off because
they are praying on children left and right, and we
just have to be in our p's and q's and
as technologies continues to advance, always something else that we're
going to have to.
Speaker 2 (48:01):
Track them there under that's inhumane. But I personally don't
have time to go to the news asking for my child. Sure,
I need to go to work to kill somebody.
Speaker 1 (48:14):
We too cute for jail. You know what I'm saying,
look at me and raised. All right, we take a
look at the camera. We're too cute for jail because
I will kill somebody.
Speaker 2 (48:23):
All right, good luck to you sis.
Speaker 1 (48:24):
Thank you so much for writing in and if you
want to be featured as a future Listener letter, we
cannot wait to hear from y'all, so go ahead and
email us at dead Ass Advice at gmail dot com.
All Right, we're rolling on to the moment of truth
now as we wrap things up, we're talking with my girl, Amazing,
Grace Amazing, and we are talking about her journey through
(48:47):
discovering and uh treating.
Speaker 2 (48:50):
And fighting and beating whooping ass that's a fact, and
her new nonprofit called Beauty.
Speaker 1 (48:59):
What do you want people to know? What's that takeaway?
What's that moment of truth you want to share with
us today? Wow, moment of truth my mind and what
should be everyone's is listening to yourself like that in
a lot of situations, in every scenario, whether it's a
(49:21):
restaurant you're supposed to go to or not, or taking
a visit to someone like that initial, that gut feeling
that first person is there for a reason. It can
save your life, it can save your family's lives, you know.
So that's my truth is literally listening to that voice
(49:42):
God put in you. Therefore a reason can save your
life and it can change so many lives in the process.
I guess my moment of truth as we wrap up
today is find out how you can be of support
to people who are going through life altering things.
Speaker 2 (50:01):
Have grace for them in the moments that you know
require grace.
Speaker 1 (50:08):
Really just extend yourself in whatever capacity or whatever need
they may need met in that moment. It doesn't have
to be financial. It could be time, it could be
a meal, it could be you know, what are some
things that were helpful for you grace, just like.
Speaker 2 (50:26):
Like my house, I have no self done with y'all.
Speaker 1 (50:31):
I was just trying to think of, like in that
moment when you feel so helpless, it's like, what can
I do? What can I take off of her plate?
Speaker 2 (50:37):
Right now?
Speaker 1 (50:38):
I'm thinking grace, the wife, Grace, the mom, grace, the
the entrepreneur, Like how can I alleviate something from you?
Speaker 2 (50:45):
And I'm thinking about.
Speaker 1 (50:48):
I think of your husband, I'm thinking of your children, Like, okay,
if I can help with like the I don't worry
about dinner for like two three nights.
Speaker 2 (50:54):
Yeah, Like, what's just something that'll help, you.
Speaker 1 (50:57):
Know, to just really think about how you can be
of help to people who are going through some really
life changing things.
Speaker 2 (51:04):
Memes, memes, help you know, and something so simple like
we you know, on Instagram and we're sharing memes and
things with people. And I have a I've never met
her in real in person yet, but she's going through
a form of cancer and I asked her what can
I do? And she's like, I like memes. I like reels, Okay, cool,
(51:27):
say less because that's what I do, send them off
and off. I think I said something recently to us,
like just in the informational like did you try this?
Did you think of that? I'm like, I have my
friend in Jamaica. She's like, sourcing sour stop leaves.
Speaker 1 (51:40):
I'm like, suddenly leave, send me that whatever you know,
something back home those good back home remedies.
Speaker 2 (51:47):
I'm like anything.
Speaker 1 (51:48):
At this point, it's like everyone's grasping and straws. But
to make sure we help. Everyone wants to help. And
it's interesting.
Speaker 2 (51:56):
And I did the Caring Bridge because it was easy
for me to write everything in one spot, yes, versus
a thousand people asking what can they do? And I
get it. Everyone's coming from a place of love. Yes,
But in those moments it's a lot. Yeah, it's a lot.
We have to pace ourselves. Yes, and then's funny means right,
(52:17):
the informational things, it's great, But a lot of times
in that moment, we don't want to think about Yes, reality, yes,
you know, so something to take your mind off, which
was great, the cooking, and people were sending me shows
to watch. I finally watched Bridgerton, which I get it,
I get the hype, you know, but you know, just
(52:40):
things to take your mind off of that amazing in
that moment. Amazing grace, my girl. What's something you're dead
ass about?
Speaker 5 (52:50):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (52:52):
Who I am as a person? I'm dead ass about. Yes,
I am dead ass about who I am as a person.
You never know. Be good, do good, because you never
know when life hits you. I have learned, and I
am learning in this moment. Everything that's happening is coming
back because of who I am as a person. For sure,
I didn't realize that, and I don't do things because
(53:14):
of because of that. But people learned because doing this
and you were like, Grace, you don't realize what you
do for people. And I'm like, I'm just doing it
because that's.
Speaker 1 (53:25):
That's who you are, who I am, that's who you are,
and that's what connected me to you and drew me
to you.
Speaker 2 (53:29):
And I was like, I need her in my life.
I'm deads about the people who I love. There you
go and you are one of them. Thank you, And
we're fighting together. Make sure you put the eye in
front of that and do love you. It's I love
you ownership.
Speaker 1 (53:45):
I love you your mine. I love you your mine,
your mind, and we're fighting this together.
Speaker 2 (53:49):
Grace, Like I did you know what I'm saying? You know,
I just figured it was appropriate. And I we're black because.
Speaker 3 (53:59):
Only because I know once a mad girl, like I said,
always a mag You're always dressed in black for you today,
but low key was swimming because I could fit them again. Great, thanks, Okay,
I dressed up for you today grades we were having
a moment. I love it and I love you and
thank you so much for being here today.
Speaker 2 (54:15):
Thank you for having that. Absolutely if people want to
find you, where can they find you? Oh man, don't
come to my house. Don't come to her house don't
come to mind either. A graceful artistry on Instagram that's
my Makeup World and nonprofit Survivors Beauty dot Org.
Speaker 1 (54:34):
Survivors Beauty dot Org. That's where you can find my
girl Grace. And you know where you can find us
on Patreon of course if you're a subscriber, we're having
lots of fun over there. See exclusive dead Ass podcasts,
video content as well as more Ellis family content, and
you can find us on social media at dead Ass
the Podcast.
Speaker 2 (54:51):
You can find me at Kadeen I Am Don't forget
to vow too.
Speaker 1 (54:53):
He's open there still, you know, on and off, but
you can find them an Im Deval and if you're
listening on Apple podcast, we still want you to rate,
review and subscribe. Thank you so much for listening today,
Spread the words, spread the awareness, and yeah dead adds.
Speaker 2 (55:11):
Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast Network and
its produced by Donorapinya and Trible. Follow the podcast on
social media at dead Ass the Podcast and never miss
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