Best Of Dear Chelsea: Kate Hudson

We’re counting down your favorite episodes of 2023!  Here’s number four on your list of  most loved & most listened-to episodes of the year.  See you in 2024!

 

 

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Executive Producer Catherine Law

Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, good morning. I don't know why I say that.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
Any time, Chelsea.

Speaker 1 (00:06):
I had.

Speaker 3 (00:07):
I got an epidural last night, last night, last afternoon.

Speaker 1 (00:11):
Oh my goodness, what for my neck?

Speaker 3 (00:14):
I have a dislocated uh or an impingement on my
spinal cord from an.

Speaker 1 (00:20):
Cheap discs in my neck.

Speaker 3 (00:21):
Possibly I had did a big, pretty big face plant
this winter, so that could have definitely been it. But anyway,
I was how experiencing shoulder pain and then I did
one of those body MRIs and then that told us
that I had to do a spinal leminari and then
we found it and then I was like, oh, now.

Speaker 1 (00:36):
I'm really in pain and gosh. So then I got
my epidural.

Speaker 3 (00:40):
And I was really excited about my epidural because I've
spoken about this ad nauseum about how much I enjoy
being put under, and my assistant had emailed me yesterday
the day before telling me that I couldn't eat all day,
which it was at like three p thirty. So I
was like, oh, that's hard, but of course doable. And
then I was excited about being put under, you know,
properly put Yeah, but it was just a twilight and

(01:03):
I don't.

Speaker 2 (01:03):
So you didn't get that like real good.

Speaker 4 (01:05):
Now.

Speaker 1 (01:05):
I felt them poke it in my neck.

Speaker 3 (01:07):
I felt two injections, Like it wasn't the magic carpet, right,
I was excited about all day.

Speaker 1 (01:12):
That got me through the day. I was excited about.
You know, I love a just like.

Speaker 2 (01:16):
A body buzz.

Speaker 1 (01:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:17):
And when they cut me on the table was funny
because they had to put me down face down, which
is really where I belong, but because they had to
have my neck exposed for the injection.

Speaker 1 (01:26):
And I remember thinking like this is this is going to.

Speaker 3 (01:29):
Be funny when I like I'm out of it, No,
when I like go under, because I'm going to be
doing a face plant anyway. So I got home at
like four point thirty and they'd given me some adavan,
So I took that the night away and had a
nice little good night party.

Speaker 1 (01:44):
Well, Gop thought it was the morning.

Speaker 3 (01:46):
And it was eleven pm. I got my hyperbaric chamber.
I slept in there for three.

Speaker 2 (01:52):
Hours after eleven pm.

Speaker 3 (01:54):
After eleven pm you're supposed to do two and a
half hours. So I don't know, I'll probably have to
drink some extra water this morning or something.

Speaker 1 (02:00):
My girlfriend the other night was so funny. We were
at my friend's house. Somebody was like, you have to.

Speaker 3 (02:04):
Drink water, drink more water, And my friend Wendy was like,
so sick of every She goes, Why is water so trendy?
She goes, When I grow up, nobody offered me water,
She goes, I would play all day at school and
I would come in and have a juice box.

Speaker 1 (02:18):
No one said anything about water. And now everywhere you
go it's like they're fucking shoving it down your throat.

Speaker 5 (02:25):
I mean, we are made what ninety seven percent of water,
so why do we need so much more of it?

Speaker 1 (02:30):
Because it's there, like it's not going anywhere.

Speaker 3 (02:32):
And I'm always I get an iv every week because
I'm always dehydrated. I never drink enough water, but I like,
in the last year two years, I've drank much more
than I used to.

Speaker 1 (02:43):
But water is in everything else you're drinking too.

Speaker 3 (02:45):
And then when they tell you that you're so dehydrated
that not even water will help.

Speaker 1 (02:49):
You, I'm like, well then what will?

Speaker 3 (02:53):
And they're like, oh, you need an IVY or you
need electrolytes, and I'm like, all I do is put
electrolytes in my doctor, doctor.

Speaker 1 (03:00):
Doctors are telling me.

Speaker 3 (03:01):
Every doctor is like, the reason you have this issue
with your neck is because you're too dehydrated.

Speaker 5 (03:06):
But I do see that drinking water, I have a flavor,
but sure it's still water.

Speaker 2 (03:11):
After that.

Speaker 3 (03:11):
Enough, I mean, it's never enough, and it's like it
is being forced down our throats in a way that
it wasn't that would offer me water. The reason I
don't drink waters because no one gave me any when
I was growing up, either someone's mother gave us the water.

Speaker 1 (03:23):
I was like, don't go back to that house, like,
where's my glass of milk?

Speaker 5 (03:26):
When I was in high school, I started getting chronic
headaches and my mom was like, well, how how long
have you had these? I was like months, like every
single day a headache.

Speaker 6 (03:34):
Me.

Speaker 1 (03:34):
Guess they told you to drink water.

Speaker 5 (03:35):
She shir did, And I had a little picture that
had on the counter every day and I would drink
the whole thing and then my headaches mysteriously disappear.

Speaker 1 (03:42):
Oh well, then there you go. Water's great for you. Everybody,
we're back on track.

Speaker 2 (03:46):
Drink more water.

Speaker 5 (03:48):
Chelsea, do you have any sort of skills or talents
in your life that you have chosen not to pursue
since you had sort of other big talents.

Speaker 3 (03:57):
I mean, I guess acting I never really seriously pursued
because I don't think I can pretend to be someone
completely different. Sure I don't have that skill, but like
I've been in movies, I'm doing a movie. Actually I'm
doing a cute little role in this movie in a
couple of weeks.

Speaker 1 (04:12):
I'm filming that in Syracuse, New York.

Speaker 3 (04:14):
And that worked out perfectly because when I'm on tour,
I can never do anything but right. And they were like, oh,
and it's right, I have a date in New York
and so I was like, yes, perfect, Like I would
love to, but you know, people don't think of me
as anything other than like a funny character or like,
you know, a big sister best friend type like that.
So I don't want to play that, you know, I

(04:34):
don't play j Lo's like sidekick or something.

Speaker 1 (04:37):
But I like to change it up. But I'm not.
I don't love being in a trailer.

Speaker 3 (04:41):
All day waiting, you know, it's a long process. I
like to use my own language, and so I like
to improvise on set too. So it's got to be
a place where I can have fun. Like this movie
I'm doing, They're like, we want you to come and
have fun, do your thing. This is the role, but
like do whatever you want with it.

Speaker 1 (04:57):
So that's fun. So I'll do that.

Speaker 3 (04:59):
But yeah, I've never really pursued acting, just because I
never was really an actress.

Speaker 5 (05:04):
Yeah, or is it something you're passionate about or like
not really, it was just a means to an end.

Speaker 1 (05:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (05:09):
I feel like being a comedian and like kind of
creating my own Mariner is what I've done, you know,
with all my books and my stand up and my
talk shows and the podcast. Like I get to do
what I'm doing rather than having being placed in someone
else's project. I feel like I'm very autonomous that way,
and I don't particularly not that I don't play well

(05:31):
with others, but I like to be in charge of
my own stuff.

Speaker 5 (05:34):
Yeah, And there is something really wonderful that you get
to make these sort of creative decisions. You get to
be in a position of power rather than just sort
of going out and having to read the lines that
somebody else has written for you.

Speaker 2 (05:46):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (05:47):
Yeah, I mean I can't sing or dance, so like
those are not options for me.

Speaker 1 (05:52):
I can't really play a musical instrument. I don't have.
I mean, anything that I'm interested in.

Speaker 3 (05:56):
Is athletic, Like, yeah, I love to ski, so that
I made sure. I said to myself when I was
like twenty five years old, when I rediscovered skiing, I
was like, I want to be successful.

Speaker 1 (06:09):
Enough to pay someone to make me a great skier. Yeah,
and I did do that.

Speaker 5 (06:14):
Are you someone when you're learning a new talent that
you are like, okay, being bad at it for a while,
or do you want to be great right away?

Speaker 3 (06:20):
I want to be a good student, so I want
to I don't want you to have to tell me twice.
I like very specific instruction, like Spanish. I'm very passionate
about learning Spanish, but I'm not as diligent as one
would be if they really wanted to be able to
converse in the language. Like I'm always trying my Belle
and I are always working on my Spanish.

Speaker 1 (06:37):
I'm on Lingo, dear.

Speaker 3 (06:38):
I have my classes I take each day, I have
a tutor, but I'm still not fluent. So clearly something's amiss,
which it's practice. Yeah, but I've also learned when you're
learning new things as I've gotten older, stop being so
anal retentive about getting it right, like it absorbs, learning absorbs.

(06:59):
It doesn't always hit you in the moment, but once
you build a strong enough foundation, ye can stuff starts
to sink in without trying so hard.

Speaker 2 (07:08):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (07:08):
I'm someone who's very I'm very fine with being bad
at something until i'm good at it and like sticking
with something. You know, one of my nieces she gets
so frustrated and angry when she's not like, just perfect
at it the first try.

Speaker 2 (07:21):
I'm like, no, it's okay.

Speaker 5 (07:22):
You build skills, you build muscle memory, and then if
you keep doing it consistently, you'll be great eventually.

Speaker 1 (07:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (07:29):
Yeah, it's consistency and not flogging yourself or not getting
it exactly right.

Speaker 1 (07:34):
That's a young thing. Uh uh, that's you.

Speaker 2 (07:36):
Yeah, okay.

Speaker 1 (07:37):
So our next guest is a good friend of mine.

Speaker 3 (07:40):
I love her so much. She is a ray of sunshine.
She has a lot of stuff going on, so let
me inform you and all of her stuff and products
that she is involved in I have tried because she
is a friend. She is the founder of in Bloom,
which is a supplement powder, and she has a vodka
brand called.

Speaker 1 (07:58):
King Street vodka.

Speaker 3 (07:59):
She's the cohos of the Sibling Revelry podcast with another
one of our favorite guests, Oliver Hudson. So please welcome
actress and entrepreneur Kate Hudson. Yay, Kate, Look who's here,
My buddy, my sister. Do you know that I grew
up pretending I in third grade, I lied to all

(08:20):
my schoolmates so that they would respect me more and
said that I was going to be in a reboot
of Private Benjamin and playing Goldie Home's daughter. I just
lied to the whole school and everyone believed me. So
when I grew up and I became friends and I
met Goldie and Kate for the first time, I was like, you, guys,
I'm part of this family, whether like you accept me

(08:40):
or not.

Speaker 4 (08:41):
But it was really a fast acceptance.

Speaker 2 (08:45):
Entry perfect.

Speaker 4 (08:48):
It just felt right. It just felt right.

Speaker 3 (08:51):
Speaking of fast entries, I just saw Kate last night. Actually,
we were celebrating one of her magazine launches.

Speaker 4 (08:57):
We did.

Speaker 3 (08:58):
She's on the cover of Want magazine and so she
had a party for that because it's her first magazine
cover ever, and so that's exciting.

Speaker 4 (09:07):
Yeah, it was yeah, number one, number one, although it
was a king Street Vodka party too, so we did
celebrate with my vodka.

Speaker 3 (09:16):
And I am a big ardent supporter of King Street
Vodka because of Kate's relationship with them. She introduced me
to King Street Vodka. And you know that I'm very
particular about my vodkas. It's either Belvidere or King Street
for me.

Speaker 4 (09:28):
So yeah, exactly, I do get a little jealous when
I see Belvidere. I'm not gonna mine.

Speaker 5 (09:34):
I know.

Speaker 3 (09:34):
Well, that's because I don't have any King Street left
because I drank it all because it's so delicious, So
you have to send me another case.

Speaker 1 (09:40):
I suppose I could order one myself.

Speaker 5 (09:42):
What it is also like very beautiful, like the battle's gorgeous.
It's perfect for a gift.

Speaker 3 (09:47):
Like, yeah, yeah, you're such a You're such an entrepreneur, Kate.
I mean, look at you blossoming into womanhood.

Speaker 1 (09:53):
You know what.

Speaker 4 (09:54):
I just have so many things I want to do.
There's this there's this really funny post online where this
girl's like fully ADHD, like my ADHD self, and.

Speaker 7 (10:04):
She's like I want to do everything, Like I'm going
to do this and I'm going to like make wooden
spoons and then basically, it's like, I think that's who
I am. I think I'm just massively adhd have to
do a million different things and somehow I'm able to
like figure it out do it all.

Speaker 1 (10:23):
Are we allowed to talk about what you and I
were talking about last night? Music?

Speaker 3 (10:27):
Yeah, let's talk about that, because I think that's speaking
of doing a bunch of different things. So Kate is
musically gifted, and if you didn't know that, she has
a banging voice on her and she loves to fucking sing.

Speaker 1 (10:38):
I love loves to do everything.

Speaker 3 (10:39):
She loves to dance, she loves to sing, she loves
to meditate, she likes to have children.

Speaker 4 (10:45):
With multiple men. I love to sing. I mean honestly,
when I was younger, I thought that's what I was
going to do, you know, I thought I was gonna
sing and dance and music theater was always my favorite
type of acting other than like improv. But really I
thought I was going to sing. And I never thought like, oh,

(11:07):
I can't do all of it until I started auditioningly
really young, got very famous, very fast, and then it
was like, you don't break what's not broken. You don't
go from being an actor to like now, I'm, you know,
a musician, so I just kind of kept it to
myself forever. I just I just wrote music my whole
life and I have never shared it. And then in

(11:30):
the lockdown, I was really writing music and then I
was like, what's I can't keep going and not put
this out there, I'd really regret it. So I started
writing and then started writing with Linda Perry. It was
amazing and we really hit it off, and then it's
just sort of unfolded from there with no expectation. It
just sort of was like, I'm just going to make

(11:51):
a record. I'm going to make a record, and here
I am, like two years later. It's been a great,
really great, massive creative experience for me. And I can't
wait for it to come out.

Speaker 1 (12:03):
And when does it come out?

Speaker 4 (12:05):
I can't say that, yeah, not yet, but it's coming,
you know.

Speaker 1 (12:09):
And did see it influenced this at all?

Speaker 3 (12:12):
This decision because when you guys work together on your
project you did with her.

Speaker 1 (12:16):
I felt like she had an impact on you musically.
Do you is that accurate?

Speaker 4 (12:20):
You? Like? Sea gave me this like this huge like
hug of confidence. You know, she really was like, you're
a singer that's what you really are, and kind of
gave me these incredible songs to sing that were really
powerful and where my voice likes to sit, you know,
I like powerful songs, and and yeah, she really gave

(12:43):
me that like kiss of confidence. I had a hard
time really believing in myself as a singer for a
number of different reasons. But over the years, as I
got older, I got more and more kind of closed
off with my singing, and then Sea really opened it
back up for me for sure.

Speaker 8 (13:01):
Wow, like feeling.

Speaker 4 (13:02):
Confident actually just being able to share it.

Speaker 6 (13:05):
You know.

Speaker 3 (13:05):
Yeah, and you're going to go on tour when your
album comes out, which is something we were talking about
last we Well, she has experience being on tour because
she's been married or dated men that have toured the
whole life, so she knows what that's about.

Speaker 1 (13:18):
Right at the.

Speaker 4 (13:19):
Only way I'm going to get back on tours if
I do it myself.

Speaker 1 (13:22):
Yeah, I hear the hell her.

Speaker 3 (13:24):
But another thing that I love about Kate, which I
want to talk to you about, Kate, is that you
do have three different children from three different men. And
I we were talking about that last night because you
said it's you, Oh, who else? Has that, Kate Winslet
has that. And then there was another third person who.

Speaker 4 (13:38):
Was the third person Melanie Griffin.

Speaker 8 (13:40):
Yeah, there's a couple of people.

Speaker 3 (13:42):
Were you saying that you thought you'd take a lot
of shit for that, because I was saying, I don't
think you take any heat.

Speaker 1 (13:46):
For that, not that you should in any way, I don't.

Speaker 4 (13:50):
Take any kind of I would say respectable heat.

Speaker 3 (13:53):
Right, it's probably the same heat I get for not
having children.

Speaker 1 (13:58):
It's the kind of heat you're talking about.

Speaker 4 (13:59):
That's right, that's right. But I do get like, I
do get a lot of you know, the little peanut
galleries out in the world that like to kind of
on certain days like Mother's Day. You know, you'll see
it in the comments, like you must be so proud
to have three kids with three dads, you know, little
little things like that, And I'm like, well, yeah, actually
I am, because it's it's great. But yeah, I don't

(14:23):
I don't catch like any big people don't shame me.
I don't feel like I get shamed very often about it.

Speaker 3 (14:30):
Every once in a while, Yeah, well, talk to me
about a little bit what it's like having these kids
at such different stages in your life. Because last night
you were saying that Rider's going to be thirty two
years old when Ronnie gets her driver's license.

Speaker 4 (14:42):
Right, that's right. I mean, well, honestly, it's like for
me having Rider. I was so young, but.

Speaker 3 (14:49):
I remember, oh my god, I remember that pregnancy. I
didn't know you that, but I remember your pregnancy. I
was you, she's like a monster truck.

Speaker 4 (14:59):
I was like, I pregnant, and I was like, I am.
All I wanted was was burgers, fried food, fried chicken,
and ice cream. And I would eat a pint of
ice cream my mom. I'd like sit at home, like eating,
and my mom would like come and I'd see her
hand just like the ice cream, and I kind of
pull it away. I gained almost eighty pounds. I was

(15:21):
so happy. I was just big and happy and and
I thought I knew what I was doing. You know,
I really wanted to have a baby. He's really a
nine to eleven baby, you know, nine to eleven happened.
I was married to Chris. We were so happy, and
I just wanted a family and I was ready. And
then and then you know, six years later, getting divorced,

(15:45):
going like wow, I'm a mom of a toddler. My
friends are still just like out and about and single,
and so I had to figure out how to manage
being a mom and actually enjoying being young and out
and single and having a good time. And so I
never knew what life was without having that voice in
the back of my head going like you need to

(16:06):
go home and wake up at six in the morning
and make pancakes. Like you should go home now, you know.
So my first rider was like all trial and error.
I wrote a song about it on my album. He
was like my witness, you know, he was there my
whole adult life. And then that relationship didn't work out.

(16:27):
I'm single and then I met a new guy.

Speaker 1 (16:30):
Was that a difficult separation or divorce for you? I mean,
obviously they're.

Speaker 3 (16:34):
All difficult, but oh yeah, oh yeah, on a scale
of one to ten.

Speaker 4 (16:38):
Yeah, it's really It was really interest when when you're
going through relationships, especially when you're young in the public eye.
I don't really get into all that stuff, but that
was hard for me. Like, I really really really loved Chris.
We had a great relationship, and the things that got
in the way for me of sort of growing together.

(17:00):
I knew we could never grow together for the rest
of our lives. Like he just fundamentally we saw our
values were different in certain places that I would never
have been able to stay on that train with him.
And he is exactly where he's supposed to be with
a beautiful wife, and I'm where I'm supposed to be.

(17:20):
But you know, even now when I look at Chris,
I have so much deep love for him, Like he
taught me everything about love. He loved me unconditionally, you know,
and I think deep down still maybe does you know,
but he really he taught me so much. But it
just wasn't meant to be. We weren't meant to be together, right,

(17:41):
I was through Type A for him.

Speaker 1 (17:45):
I get it. And then you had Bang.

Speaker 4 (17:47):
Then I had Bang.

Speaker 1 (17:48):
So how old were you when you had.

Speaker 4 (17:49):
Rider twenty three, twenty four With Rider.

Speaker 1 (17:53):
I'm just so young, oh my god.

Speaker 2 (17:56):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (17:57):
And then I was thirty one thirty with Bing, he
was a happy oops. He was my little, my little
like whoop, pregnant and he's just my little cuddly incredible. Oh,
he's the best. Being is just I'm so proud of being.
He's so funny and so smart. He's like the kid
that I had that I don't recognize, meaning like he's

(18:20):
good at school, everything he does, he's he can sit
and read for hours. He's almost twelve years old. No
learning disability. Everybody in my family is learning disability. Being
just came out.

Speaker 3 (18:34):
Well, but those are from Oliver, So I mean, that's
not anyone's fault about all these Really, I don't know.

Speaker 4 (18:40):
I don't know. It could be a Hudson hank real
lineage thing. But you know, Ryder got all that I got,
all that being being just came out like he is
just a rocket ship. He can do everything. And so
I watch him and I see him he's all he
already judges me. He already looks like she's really like

(19:01):
underdeveloped mother. And then Ronnie, her little golden female that
just balanced everything out in the house.

Speaker 3 (19:12):
And she's which I said to Kate last night, I'm like,
what does it feel like to have a daughter that
looks nothing like you?

Speaker 6 (19:19):
My?

Speaker 4 (19:20):
And she just honestly like her. I stare at her
sometimes and she's talking to me, and I'm just lost
in her, you know, mom, Mommy, And yes, I'm like
looking at her just everything her and her nature is
so different than mine, you know, it's like I was like,
so tough, she's very everything's about beauty, that she's all

(19:42):
in the air. I mean sometimes she's so in this
like beautiful world that she lives in that she runs.
She literally runs right into things, you know, And I'm
like the person that like sees everything I could run
into first, you know, is just all you know, soaks
everything in all about beauty. She even wakes up in
the morning. I mean, for when she was like could

(20:03):
start talking, she'd wake up and like she'd look at
the sunset and go mine, so the sunset beautiful. I'd
be like, yes, I have to slow everything down.

Speaker 8 (20:16):
Run.

Speaker 1 (20:17):
Oh that's so sweet.

Speaker 3 (20:19):
I mean, I think it's so fascinating to think about
all of the changes that you've gone through as a parent,
right learning how to parent, and how your parenting has changed,
probably over all these years and the three children.

Speaker 4 (20:31):
Yeah, And it's weird because sometimes I when I'm really
trying to be a witness, like I'm trying to figure
out what I've done right, what I maybe could do better.
I'm a much better parent now, like I have it down,
but I'm also a much more Sometimes I have these
anxieties that I didn't have when I was parenting writer.

(20:51):
You know, I had this full, big, happy family, and
you're like, I just don't want anything to interrupt how
good it is right now. So then you get all
the anxiety. You get all the anxiety, whereas before I
never had those things. I just sort of was way
more spontaneous. So as I've gotten to become a better parent,

(21:13):
I've also kind of have different attachments that I'm also
now trying to like, you know, as I get older,
I want to, like, I kind of want to remember
what it's like to have more freedom and more spontaneity,
to let things be a little messy. It is interesting
how it changes, you know, and it does ebb and flow,
and like, some things are better. And then as you

(21:35):
get older, I think you also can certain things become
a little too tight as a parent, you know.

Speaker 3 (21:41):
Yeah, I think the more aware we could become, it's
like you get smarter and better at your job. But
then you also are you have are wise enough and
experienced enough to know that anything can change in a second,
so you want to protect what you have, Whereas I
think when we're younger, we're not as conscious about what
we have in the first place, we kind of take
things for granted more, right, especially with your mom too,

(22:03):
because obviously you guys have a very tight knit family,
and your relationship with her must have changed so much
when you had children.

Speaker 4 (22:12):
I think so, I don't know, I mean, sometimes my mom,
I'm like, I think you become more apologetic of your
own behaviors when you become a when you become a mother,
to your parents, you're like, wow, like they didn't know
what they were doing either, you know, and I you
know must have been there have been times where I
must have just drove them insane, especially all of her.

(22:35):
I mean I was actually good, you know, I wanted
them to be proud. All of her just wanted to
hide everything that he was up to. But now, yeah,
I mean I think I think the relationship where it
changes is that as you get older, you kind of
emulate the things that you really love about how you
grew up, and then you really want to walk away
from the things that you didn't. I think every parent

(22:57):
has that moment when they're reflecting on there how they
were raised, you know.

Speaker 3 (23:03):
Yeah, And I think whether you're a parent or not,
as you get older, you start to understand how you're
mimicking the very things that you couldn't stand growing up,
whether it's your mother's or father's behavior, because the mindset,
well this is a separate thought, but the mindset when
you're growing up is my parents are in charge, They're
in control, they know what's best, even though I disagree
with them most of the time in my case anyway.

(23:25):
But then as you get older, and now that i'm
my age, you know, older than my parents were when
they had me, I'm like, they didn't know what the
fuck they were doing either, just like I barely knew
what I was doing. You know, you don't know what
you're doing until you're in your forties or fifties.

Speaker 4 (23:40):
Sometimes I'm just not sure we really ever know what
we're doing, to be honest, because like the other day too,
it's like, now I'm in this place where I'm like,
you know what, I've got it figured out. And Writer,
now that writer is turning it as an adult. I mean,
he looks at me the way I looked at my parents, like,
you know what, this is my mom's issues. I'm not

(24:00):
going to feed into the Now I'm watching Writer do
that with me, and I'm like, whoa aren't I doing good?
How about it? He's like, Mom, this is I don't
think there's any parent in the world that's going to
get through raising their kids being anything but having that
thing where their kids goes. I don't want to be
anything like my parent. There's this, but I don't want

(24:22):
any of that to be a part of what I'm
going to, like end up becoming as a parent. I
can see it and writer already He's like, yeah, I
don't like that part of my mom, you know. And
You're like, oh god, I thought I was going to
like win this one.

Speaker 3 (24:36):
Yeah, yeah, that is true, right, just when you think
you have things sorted out. Even in relationships, you know,
you're in a great relationship with your partner Danny for
and have been for many years now, and you were
also saying last night, you know how great this relationship
is for you, how you have space and he respects you,
and you guys have a great time together, and also

(24:59):
a healthy relationship when you're apart, and those things when
they happen in our lives, there's just so much gratitude.
I feel like when I have somebody in my life
that I can be completely.

Speaker 1 (25:09):
Myself with, I'm like, oh, this is such a nice gift.

Speaker 4 (25:11):
It's the best. It's all about safety, isn't it. I mean,
at the end of the day, like if you feel
that real, like yummy sense of safety, you feel so
much more freedom. Danny's the first relationship I've had where
I really feel free. Even though we're in a monogamous
intimate relationship, I don't feel any part of me that

(25:34):
feels like I need to break out or feel like,
you know, he gives me so much freedom and my
life and in the kind of world that we travel in,
and we travel all over the world and we're meeting
incredibly interesting people and beautiful people. When you have someone

(25:55):
who has such a deep trust in you and gives
you so much freedom, it's just like it feels so nice.
It's like you never want to do anything to hurt it.
You know. He really is the first time I felt
that kind of safety. And I also think with Danny,
and I don't know if you felt this before in
any kind of relationship, but Danny has no interest in

(26:16):
being the center of attention of anything, Like he never
wanted to be you know, a rock star or a
famous painter or a famous writer or you know, an
actor like he never wanted to be in that spotlight.
So when we're doing things together, like I could be

(26:36):
on a red carpet and I've never felt that thing
where I never had to worry about someone else or
feel like I was making sure that we were doing
something together, or that that it wasn't going to cause
any kind of friction or insecurity, Like I'll look around
for Danny, and Danny would be like talking to anybody,
and he's so happy, and I just there's something so

(26:58):
lovely about not having to be with anyone who feels
a sense of insecurity when you're the center. Even though
it's all bells and whistles and doesn't mean anything anyway,
it still can create I think a lot of insecurity
and men sometimes or women.

Speaker 3 (27:15):
Well, especially in this industry, because you're coming up against
the same thing. You know, if people are involved in
the same business, it's like, obviously there's going to be
a little bit of conflict.

Speaker 1 (27:23):
No matter how evolved you are. You can pretend, but
it comes up.

Speaker 3 (27:27):
I mean I've had to come up other you know,
all of my friends who have been dating other celebrities.
It comes up all the time. Whether you think you're
above it or beneath it or whatever.

Speaker 4 (27:35):
There are moments where it's like, when is it my
turn to be at the center of what's happening for
my partner right now? You can't Sometimes you just can't
help but feel like, wow, it's happening to them, like
how do I always just it becomes a sensitive insecurity,
It becomes a conversation piece. It becomes like I'm trying
so hard to make this happen, and it can just

(27:56):
like eat away at any relationship where you're in the
same field. I think it can be challenging.

Speaker 3 (28:03):
Yeah, Okay, on that note, we're gonna take a couple
of calls. Okay, we're gonna give people advice. That's what
we do on this podcast. So put your therapy hat on.

Speaker 1 (28:11):
I know you have it. We're gonna take a quick break.
I will be right back, and we're back.

Speaker 5 (28:21):
We are well. Our first email comes from Betts. She writes,
Dear Chelsea, I'm a thirty two year old woman with
a thirteen year old daughter who's in the seventh grade.
I've always given my daughter a ton of credit because
I was, in fact a teen mom and I never
really had my shit together up until the past handful
of years. Recently, we've started a new school at a

(28:43):
new district while making a move to live back with
my parents, and my job requires so much of my
time that my parents do all the running for my kids,
thus making this most logical decision for my family.

Speaker 2 (28:53):
Since moving, my daughter has basically spiraled.

Speaker 5 (28:56):
I allowed her to get Snapchat after waiting for so long,
and she ruined it within a week as I caught
her having sexually charged conversations with strangers. This past weekend,
she had a school dance, and after doing some very
light monitoring, I noticed she had been having a conversation
with a classmate about weed. I decided to drug test her,
and sure enough, she was positive for THHC. And although

(29:19):
I'm not anti marijuana, I feel like she's way too young.
Sometimes when I find myself up in her business, I
hear your voice, Chelsea in the back of my head,
reminding me I don't own her and that she's her
own individual self. But I still feel like she's too young.
My biggest fear is that she'll get caught up with
the wrong crowd. And eventually moved to taking pills. Hell
I didn't wind up pregnant in high school because I

(29:40):
was a good kid. But the amount of fentanel related
deaths in our stupid ass midwestern city is astronomical. What
are your thoughts on keeping herself aware and safe while
becoming her individual self? Side note she started therapy literally
two days before the discovery of this newest incident.

Speaker 1 (29:55):
Bets Kate, I'm gonna let you take this as a parent.

Speaker 4 (29:59):
Well, I'm just really impressed that she's she hears you.
When it comes to her parents, I'm no shit. WHOA Okay, Well,
there's a lot to say. One, I didn't hear anything
about dad, so I'm.

Speaker 2 (30:16):
Not exactly sure what the deal is with dad.

Speaker 5 (30:19):
She says that they split when her daughter was one,
but they get along great. I'm just not sure if
he lives nearby or any of that stuff.

Speaker 4 (30:27):
Okay, So I think I can really relate to this
because that's a really really challenging thing when you are
going through when you start to go through puberty as
a girl. Who who It doesn't even it doesn't even
matter if you have a stepfather, because I had a
great stepdad. Kurt's the best. When you have dealt with
that kind of abandonment and what really feels like a rejection.

(30:51):
The individuation from mom becomes pretty intense during puberty. Well said,
and so I I think she's going through probably massive
hormonal time, you know, And I'm glad she's going to therapy.
Number one, I would be like, there has to be
open conversations about dad, and she needs to start feeling

(31:15):
like she is worthy of being a great, healthy, beautiful
young girl who doesn't need to appease boys or party
to like seeing cool or any of those things. And
then she just needs the information, you know. I think
like kids in weed is not great, Like you got

(31:36):
to grow your brain. There's so much research on this,
Like you start smoking weed too young, too much, it's
gonna fuck your brain up and it just ages your brain,
doesn't allow it to develop properly if you're too young
and you don't give it the right development time, especially
during puberty. And then there's the other thing, which is
to say to mom, like we all were there. So

(31:58):
we were all at that time. I'm in middle school
where people were experimenting and looking at you know. Now
we have the snapchat and we have the thing, like
we were all flirting and we were like trying to
be sexy and girls were trying to figure out what
that looked like on them. And it is the time

(32:20):
where you experiment with those things, so you want to
remember what it was like for you, which I feel
like she does, and then take that fucking Snapchat off
of their phone. I just think that social media for
kids that aren't wait till they're in ninth grade, like,

(32:40):
wait till they're a little bit older, like they just
the research is so heavy on this now. It's terrible
for kids. It's terrible. So I'm not, like, I will
not allow my son to get Snapchat when he gets
his phone. I won't allow him to get Instagram. I
won't allow him to get TikTok until he's fifty team.

(33:00):
You can fuck around with it with someone else's phone, fine,
but not he won't have it on his phone. And
I'm really strict about that.

Speaker 1 (33:08):
Yeah, you're strict.

Speaker 2 (33:09):
I like that.

Speaker 3 (33:10):
And I also think all you can do as a
parent is a set boundaries and over communicate. The best
parents I see are the people who actually have open
dialogues with their children. And I know your daughter probably
sounds like she's in a place that she doesn't want
to hear you talking to her about it because she
probably thinks she knows better.

Speaker 1 (33:27):
But everything Kay said is perfect.

Speaker 3 (33:29):
She's hormonal, she's growing, she's experimenting, she's looking around like ooh,
am I interested in that. It's all fucking completely normal.
The only things that you can control are like the
guardrails that you put up and getting rid of Snapchat.
She'll probably try and start a fake account, but it's
worth getting rid of and making sure that she understands
that if she does have a fake account, there are
going to be repercussions for that. And being in therapy

(33:52):
is great, thank god, because all she needs is the
information about what this is going to do.

Speaker 1 (33:57):
What you can't smoke pot when you're thirteen years old.
It doesn't work that way.

Speaker 3 (34:00):
Your brain has to develop and otherwise you're going to
pay the price for a really long time. And you
should put that information in front of her, you know,
and not necessarily. I don't know, Kate, what do you
think about, you know, being a parent versus being a friend,
Like I think that's a very gray area with a
lot of parents, where people try to be their kids' friends,
and I think it's important during these kinds of times

(34:21):
to really be a parent.

Speaker 4 (34:22):
Yeah, I mean I really try to talk to my
kids when it comes to drugs and it comes to sex,
Like I really get very clinical, and I come from
a place of like what for me is a parent
and what I wish for them in their life, the
seriousness of it, and that it might seem now that

(34:44):
it's like fine, but what I've experienced and my friends
of mine that have gone down certain paths and being
really really brutal and open with them about it. You know,
I've lost friends to drugs. It's been terrible and I've
it and you watch it happen. And also like how
much you love your kids. I remember when I was

(35:07):
a teenager, like I love my mom so much. My
hormones and where I was at I had moments where
I just couldn't stand her. And it's not it wasn't personal.
It literally was my hormones, a function of me wanting
to be my own person and my psychology and all
the things that were happening at that moment, and my

(35:29):
mom's love and consistency in being there talking to me,
communicating is what ends up showing actively what that love
looks like. You know.

Speaker 3 (35:40):
Yeah, And I also think you should also treat this
what's her name again, bet sets like this is a
time in your life, like it's not the rest of
your life. She's just going through a time in her
life right now, and so you have to parent differently
during this time in order just to help guide her,
you know. And you can also set up like stepping
stones for her to earn your trust, you know, so
that she's to act responsibly. So when she acts responsibly,

(36:02):
then she can be on social media when you can
monitor her account and see that she's not talking about
drugs or sex or things that you're not comfortable with
yet as a parent of a thirteen year old girl,
which is totally acceptable. You can't control a thirteen year old.
I mean, you're her parent at thirteen years old. That's
still your role. And when I say like you don't
own your children, I mean that in a larger sense.

(36:22):
I think as a thirteen year old girl, you are
in charge of her. You don't own her, no, but
you are in control of the way she's going to
be directed. And so you just take that part really
seriously in this sensitive time which is puberty, and you're
not alone everyone is dealing with the same thing with
a thirteen year old girl, you know, if not exactly
the same thing.

Speaker 1 (36:42):
I heard a.

Speaker 4 (36:42):
Great piece of advice where someone said, like, we don't
need tough love, like the world presents us with tough
and I was raised with a lot of tough love.
When I heard that, I was like, that's a really
interesting approach when you say boundaries, Like there's a way
to set boundaries that don't feel like you're coming down

(37:04):
on your kids, but really feel like we need to
meet each other as our kids get older. I remember
saying a rider our relationship will change. My love for
you never change is but our relationship and the mutual
respect that needs to start happening changes as you become
as you get older. And if we can't meet each other,
there's we're going to have a complicated relationship. And I

(37:27):
have boundaries, and if this is going to be smooth,
then we got to be able to talk these things out,
and that I think is the best, the only thing
you can do. You know.

Speaker 3 (37:37):
Yeah, I like the idea of not looking at boundaries
as a punishment, but actually as like an encouragement, like, Okay,
you know, if you meet all of these criteria. Then
you're going to have more freedom to make your own
decisions once you prove to me that you're making sound
decisions and responsible decisions for your health and your safety,
et cetera.

Speaker 2 (37:53):
It's a reward system.

Speaker 3 (37:54):
Yeah, like a reward system. It doesn't have to be like, no,
you're a bad girl. It's like, look, if you do this,
you can get this, you know, and after time of
watching her mature, which you will, like, don't worry, you're
gonna be fine. You've got her in therapy. You've done
all the right things. So just be very you know,
conscious of making sure you're over communicating all the time,
whether she wants to or not, you're available for it
if she ever needs you. So that's the message you

(38:16):
get across when you're always showing up for someone, is
that when they do need you, you'll be there.

Speaker 4 (38:20):
So parenting is hard.

Speaker 1 (38:23):
And that's why I've chosen not to do it and
participate in that.

Speaker 4 (38:26):
It's not an easy job. Our kids challenge us so
deeply and profoundly. They also know how to pick and
poke at all your weak spots. They see it, even
if they don't even know that they're seeing it. They know.
I think the other thing is that our kids are
our teachers. When we see our kids going through something,
we also need to reflect back on ourselves. You know,

(38:47):
they've moved, she's moved. She must feel destabilizing for her.
She's acting out, and so I think mom too has
to look and go like, what am I doing that's
contributing to that.

Speaker 5 (38:58):
Yeah, I wanted to touch on the fentanyl concern. You know,
there are those fentanyl test strips that are out there,
and you know, on the one hand, it feels like
providing your child with that could be sort of seen
as you're saying, like, go ahead, do whatever you want
with pills whatever. On the other hand, like it's a
real concern. What are your thoughts about about fentyl and safety?

Speaker 1 (39:20):
Oh god, I don't know, okay about that.

Speaker 4 (39:23):
I a part of me just feels bad that kids
can't live in the world that we did when we experimented,
you know, you know, where we didn't have this issue.
You were like, oh, well, I guess we'll try it.
You know, I was like, you weren't afraid that like
that you could die and had to carry around like
narcam and have fentanyl strips. I mean, I've heard crazy

(39:44):
story Like the other day is my son. We're talking
about these kids that had fentanyl strips and they thought
that it was fine and they one of them ended
up Odin's fentanyl in it, and oh, really terrible. Yeah,
and you're like, this is at the end of the day,
we're just living. I I just say to my kids,
just don't do it. Just don't fucking do it.

Speaker 3 (40:04):
Yeah, it's not it doesn't seem worth it anymore. I
feel badly like I grew up in a time where
you could try anything and it was pretty much going
to be fine.

Speaker 1 (40:11):
But it's not like that anymore.

Speaker 3 (40:12):
And you know, it's a bummer because you do want
to experiment and have a little fun, but you can't
do that.

Speaker 1 (40:17):
It's just not worth the risk at this point.

Speaker 4 (40:19):
Yeah, that's how I see it now.

Speaker 3 (40:21):
It's like I do feel like giving somebody a fence
and all strip is permissive, it's right saying okay, well
if you do it, then yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (40:29):
I would feel weird about that as a parrot.

Speaker 2 (40:32):
Yeah, especially that young that's young kid.

Speaker 5 (40:35):
Well that's all from bets, but let's jump to our
first collar. Monica Rights, Dear Chelsea. I'm thirty six years
old and have been with my partner for two and
a half years. When we decided to become exclusive, I
asked him where he stood on having kids. He said
he was indifferent. He'd be happy with or without kids.

Speaker 2 (40:54):
I was clear with.

Speaker 5 (40:54):
Him that I want children. All was good on that front,
so we moved ahead. About a year in, he told
me he actually wasn't so sure about having kids. He
realized he hadn't really thought about it that much when
I first asked him, and now he's having second thoughts.
I was devastated. Our relationship has been amazing so far,
and we decided to move in together. Per my request,

(41:14):
we started couples counseling to help with that transition. In
counseling and with his own counselor, he came to the
conclusion that his doubts about kids were rooted in fears
he had from his prayer marriage and conservative Christian upbringing.
Thank Jesus, he's no longer religious or married. I'm delighted
that he is back on board with having kids now.
The problem is adoption has long been a dream of mine.

(41:36):
He knows this, but it's not a deal breaker. For me,
not wanting kids at all is a deal breaker. Over
the last year or so, I began to realize how
important adopting is to me for so many reasons. My
partner does not want to adopt, and he's adamant. When
I've asked why, he just says he's not interested. I've
tried to respect his wishes, but I'm not ready to
let it rest. Where do I go from here? I'm

(41:58):
afraid to keep probing the top back as I don't
feel like I have a good idea of other questions
to ask or what to say to convey how important
this is to me. Please help Monica.

Speaker 1 (42:08):
Hi Monica, Hello, Hi Monica, Hi Monica. This is our
special guest, Kate Hudson today. Hello, Hi Kate, Hi Chelsea, Hi, Kutie, Okay, Kate, Kate.
It's passionate. So I'm gonna let Kate go first.

Speaker 4 (42:21):
Well, first of all, there's a lot unpacked here, because
it sounds like there's like you, you know, you guys
haven't been on the same page for meant for a
lot of years. It's like goes back and forth with
the whole kid thing. But there's also I mean, just
simply you can also have babies on your own. Yeah,
if adoption is your life's purpose and you want to
do that as much as you love him, you need

(42:42):
to go adopt a child and have and you'll never
regret it, I'll tell you that.

Speaker 8 (42:47):
Yeah, but you will.

Speaker 4 (42:48):
Regret being with someone where you to feel like you're
not doing something that you're meant to be doing. Yeah,
that's how I feel about it. I mean, you know,
really simply like if someone loves you and you're in
it together, like then you figure out how to do
it together. And if you're not on the same page,
you're never going to be on the same page about that.

Speaker 6 (43:08):
Yeah. Yeah, those are great points. It's interesting you brought up,
you know, being able to do it on my own
before this relationship. You know, many years ago, I was
very concerned about finding a partner at all, and I
was like, I'm getting too old to start a family.
And I finally came to the point where I accepted
and was okay with and happy with the reality that

(43:29):
I could go out and adopt children on my own
and still live a full and happy life. So yeah,
it's interesting you bring up that point.

Speaker 3 (43:37):
Which is a very salient point because instinctively, I was thinking, like, oh,
he was already on the fence about having kids. You
convinced him to do that through therapy, and now you're
throwing another wrench at him.

Speaker 1 (43:47):
It feels slightly unfair for you to be putting that.

Speaker 3 (43:51):
You know, you're kind of moving the goal posts for him,
even though they've been your goalposts. It feels like it's
unfair to him for that. So I but I think
Katie's right, like, you're never going to regret a child.
Nobody regrets having children, you know what I mean. But
you will resent to somebody for stopping your dreams to
come into full bloom.

Speaker 1 (44:11):
And that's very valid.

Speaker 3 (44:13):
And if you think that's something that you can't live
without doing without adoption, then you absolutely need to let
him know that and and prepare to leave the relationship
if he doesn't change his mind.

Speaker 6 (44:24):
Yeah. Yeah, that's that's a great point. It's it's you know,
everything is really great aside from this one thing that's
kind of unresolved, and the idea of leaving him is
really hard because I love him so much. Do you
think you know the idea of the moving goalpost? Do
you feel like this is a conversation that's fair to
have with him to like hope that he gets there,
Like if i'm you know.

Speaker 3 (44:46):
Well, you have to have the conversation because this is
what you want. But did you convey this early on
in your relationship that you were into adoption or is
this a newer feeling that you've had.

Speaker 6 (44:58):
I definitely conveyed it within the first year. I don't
recall that I brought it up when I first told
him that I definitely want kids. That was very very
early on when I said that. In hindsight, I wish
I would have brought up adoption then as well. But yeah,
he's known about it for a while, and it's only
been more recently, like in the last I don't know,
maybe six months or so that he has said, you

(45:21):
know where I've kind of asked him again. I brought
it up at least a second time, and he's like, yeah,
I don't think that's something I want to do, And yeah,
I guess I'm not sure how to bring this up
again when all he's given me is I don't want
to do that. I'm just not interested. Yeah, I'm curious
like how to get like to what's underneath that my.

Speaker 4 (45:42):
Therapist always says, you know, when you change, then everything
starts changing around you, you know, because at the end
of the day, this is really more about you than
it is about him. I think you need to be
really clear about what you want first. It's not that
you know, if you really want to have an adopt

(46:04):
if you have the means obviously really important to bring
and to pay for a child on your own, and
that something that is really important to you is adoption,
then you need to like really lean into that as
something that you need to do in your life. And
the more sure you are, then you'll see it will

(46:27):
reveal itself.

Speaker 5 (46:28):
Yeah, and people do warm up to ideas, you know.
I don't think it's like, Okay, we have to talk
about this once and decide, Like if you're bringing it
up on occasion and talking to him about how important
it is to you, how much you love the idea,
like he may warm to the idea.

Speaker 1 (46:44):
Well, let me ask you a question, Monica, is it
a deal breaker?

Speaker 3 (46:47):
Like if you want adoption is more important than your relationship,
I mean, sorry to put it that way, but that's
pretty much what it comes down to.

Speaker 6 (46:54):
Yeah, you know, and that's kind of something I'm trying
to decide where I do think I need to figure
out where I stand on this issue, whether it's a
deal breaker or not. I previously thought just you know,
not wanting kids was a deal breaker and that I
could compromise on the adoption thing. But the more that
I've thought about it in the last year or so,

(47:14):
I'm realizing that it I don't know. I'm not to
the point yet where I want to call it a
deal breaker, but it is very important to me, and
I would be sad to give up that dream.

Speaker 4 (47:24):
Right.

Speaker 1 (47:25):
Well, I think what you can do is, do you
guys go to a couples counseling at all?

Speaker 6 (47:28):
We have we're not currently, but we were earlier this year.

Speaker 3 (47:32):
Well, you might want to enlist a counselor to kind
of talk about it with you, because it's always better
to have a third party, I think. But I think
there's a very natural, sweet way you can bring it
up without putting It's not like you're ending the relationship,
but you're introducing the idea that this is something that's
really become more and more important to you. Maybe you
didn't even realize how important it was, the adoption and
you're at a time in your life where you're really thinking, like,

(47:53):
I don't know if I'm going to be complete without
doing this, And I just need you to know that
this is how I'm feeling, and I would love for
you to change your mind, but I'm also not here
to make you change your mind.

Speaker 1 (48:03):
Like if you're not on board, and I have to
respect that.

Speaker 3 (48:06):
You have to respect his decision as well as you
have as you're respecting your own decision, you know, whatever
that ends up being, and give him the room to
think about it and like soak in the idea of
what might that look like as your future. And that
way you're giving each other room in space to breathe
and contemplate a decision and a new life and all

(48:27):
of that of those things without saying this, you better
do this or I'm leaving you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (48:32):
It doesn't have to be like that.

Speaker 4 (48:33):
Do you guys live together? You live together?

Speaker 6 (48:35):
Yeah, we do.

Speaker 4 (48:37):
I mean that there's also like you could just be like,
I really love you, I want to keep seeing you.
I'm going to adopt I'm a baby. I'm gonna get
in my own house, and you don't have to raise
this baby with me, but you know, I don't want
to end it. Yeah, yeah, see what happened, you know.

Speaker 3 (48:52):
What I mean?

Speaker 1 (48:53):
I like that option. That's a great option. Yeah.

Speaker 6 (48:56):
When he was uncertain about kids, my counselor suggested something
I thought, you know, just you know, you can live separately,
raise a child and still be together, which is something
that I still I don't know. I haven't been able
to fully wrap my head around, because I do want to,
you know, have a partner in a you know, a
more traditional family. Yeah, but yeah, I mean that is
that is an.

Speaker 4 (49:15):
Option that I should give some more thought. Truth is
the second, the second it starts happening. You know, if
you guys really love each other, he's probably just going
to be all over that child.

Speaker 3 (49:25):
And you know, I'm thinking the same thing. I think
that that that. I think that's a good move. That's
a good sideways move.

Speaker 1 (49:31):
I like that. We don't usually give sideways advice, or
actually we probably do unknowingly.

Speaker 4 (49:38):
I've ever done is sideways.

Speaker 3 (49:42):
So yeah, think about think outside the box, you know
what I mean. You're thinking about everything has to be
in this perfect little unit. It doesn't necessarily have to.

Speaker 1 (49:48):
Be that way.

Speaker 3 (49:49):
We live in modern times in some states, so you can,
you know, chart your own course.

Speaker 1 (49:55):
And you should definitely be a mother.

Speaker 3 (49:57):
I can tell by your whole aura and energy that
you're a maternal and you should live that dream out,
you know.

Speaker 6 (50:02):
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (50:02):
You're very motherly. I can see it.

Speaker 8 (50:05):
Thank you.

Speaker 4 (50:06):
I just think that that's so amazing because there's so
there's so many kids that need homes, and I have
so many friends who've adopted, and it's just it's just
the best, and it's just you know everything.

Speaker 5 (50:18):
So yeah, and of course having your own kid doesn't
preclude you from adopting Monica. You know, you might have
a kid together, adopt and have another kid later.

Speaker 3 (50:27):
That's a great way to trap him, have the baby together,
and then adopt the baby.

Speaker 6 (50:31):
Perfect.

Speaker 1 (50:31):
You will know what the fuck hit him. He'll be like,
whoa whoopsie doodle.

Speaker 8 (50:35):
How'd I end up here?

Speaker 2 (50:38):
Thank you so much?

Speaker 1 (50:41):
Good luck with everything you post it?

Speaker 6 (50:44):
Okay, we'll do bye bye.

Speaker 1 (50:47):
Okay bye. You just reminded me to drink my water.

Speaker 8 (50:50):
Yeah, so fun.

Speaker 1 (50:52):
I know, it's so fun.

Speaker 4 (50:53):
Through this on my podcast is Oliver. I'm gonna steal this.

Speaker 1 (50:57):
K Kate's podcast is called Sibling Revelry. If you guys
have heard it.

Speaker 3 (51:00):
I was on there with my sister as her the
first episode of her first episode.

Speaker 4 (51:04):
I loved it. Oh my god, your sister's.

Speaker 1 (51:07):
The Okay, we have one more state. We have time
for the last one.

Speaker 2 (51:10):
Yeah. Should we take a quick break and we'll come
back for our last college.

Speaker 1 (51:13):
Sure, we'll take a quick break. We're back.

Speaker 2 (51:19):
We're back.

Speaker 5 (51:22):
Julia is calling in from the woods somewhere, so I'll
give you the quick and dirty. She really needs some
unbiased advice.

Speaker 2 (51:30):
She's got a couple of kids, I believe.

Speaker 5 (51:31):
Around seven and nine, and they live near a city
in Canada, but they're really thinking about moving up north,
kind of in the middle of nowhere, get out in
the country.

Speaker 2 (51:43):
Raise their kids, be a little more rural.

Speaker 5 (51:46):
Yeah so, but she's truly torn because her mom and
other family and friends are in the area that she
currently lives in, and she thinks her mom is going
to be really totally devastated if they were to move.
She says, please, Chelsea, don't say if you're asking you
already the answer like you do a lot, because I
truly don't know what to do and feel split down
the middle. So she's calling us from a cabin in

(52:06):
the woods, but not the one they may be moving to.

Speaker 1 (52:09):
Hi Hi Jilli, Hi, Hi are you inca?

Speaker 8 (52:14):
Oh my god, I'm so close.

Speaker 9 (52:16):
Yes, I'm not right there, but we passed through it
actually to go where we are.

Speaker 4 (52:21):
I grew up in Muskoke. I grew up going every summer.

Speaker 8 (52:24):
Oh my god, your parents still go there.

Speaker 4 (52:27):
No, No, we sold the house and everything.

Speaker 9 (52:30):
But yeah, you guys are like the talk of the
town up here.

Speaker 4 (52:33):
It's the most beautiful country. Honestly, it's just the best.
I miss it so much, so I know why you
want to move.

Speaker 8 (52:42):
Yeah.

Speaker 9 (52:43):
Yeah, it's tricky because it is so beautiful and you
see the value of living like that and raising kids
in that environment, right, Yeah, Like I get that, but
there's so many other factors that it makes it hurt.

Speaker 8 (52:54):
It's harder than it seems.

Speaker 4 (52:56):
How long is the drive? Are you like two hours
or you long? It would be No.

Speaker 9 (53:00):
We are just north of Toronto, so we are about
four We're past from Scoco. We're actually on Manitulin Island,
so it's like four or five hours.

Speaker 4 (53:09):
Okay, So it's a long it's a long drive, yeah.

Speaker 3 (53:11):
But it's not yeah, like it's not like undoable. I
mean four or five hours. People do that on the
weekends all the time.

Speaker 1 (53:18):
I mean, I know.

Speaker 9 (53:19):
I think that's the thing is I'm so conflicted with like,
it's not a big deal. It's not like we're moving
to the other side of the world. But some people
will respond in that way as if we are moving
to the other side of it.

Speaker 3 (53:29):
But this is your fucking life. What are you doing.
You can't let other people direct what you're gonna do.
You're not moving to another country, You're moving five hours away.
And while that might be a hard pill to swallow
in the beginning, everyone will adjust that this is not
a breakup.

Speaker 4 (53:43):
And you know, but I have the same issue. Can
I just like totally relate to this because I live
seven blocks from my mom, My brother is two minutes
literally literally two minutes down the street. My other brother
is eight, and I'm always like, I don't want to
live in Last Angelus. I don't LA doesn't move me,
and I can't move. I'm like, I would be it

(54:07):
would be devastating to all of us if want, like
we have to move as this pack and if I don't,
then like you're like something's wrong with you.

Speaker 9 (54:17):
Yeah, oh, my god, you are literally describing the dynamic
of the whole situation because while like I understand it,
and I could see it, and I probably like we
could find somewhere that's like comfortable with both of us,
Like I don't want to be too rural out in
the hicks, but like somewhere kind of middle ground that
we're all happy with, and it's like good for our
kids and stuff. But my mom will lose her mind

(54:38):
because these are her only grandkids and that's her livelihood.
Her whole life revolves around my kids.

Speaker 1 (54:44):
And so with you, yeah, she.

Speaker 8 (54:47):
Will never move up here. No, she will never move
up here.

Speaker 9 (54:50):
And like she hates driving, like if it's like literally
like if there's a if it snows, she won't drive.
If it rains, she won't drive. If it's nighttime, she
won't drive, Like she so it's so hard for her
to like for appl well, I'm four.

Speaker 4 (55:01):
And a half hours in northern Toronto in the winter is.

Speaker 8 (55:04):
Brutal, it's brutal.

Speaker 9 (55:06):
So it's like I'd have to like go and pick
her up and bring her back, like she's retired, so
she could stay with us for a long periods of
time and have nice visits and stuff, but I just
know that, like having that conversation will be a disaster.
It'll be like devastating her and you're leaving me and
all this.

Speaker 8 (55:21):
Stuff, and she's sixty seven, like she's still young.

Speaker 4 (55:25):
Well why don't you do it for a couple of
years and see what happens?

Speaker 9 (55:28):
I guess yeah, because my husband's I feel like once
we go, we're never going to come back though, because
my husband loves it up here and he's like, I'm
sick of overliving.

Speaker 8 (55:36):
I hate it. I've sacrificed and lived there for you.

Speaker 9 (55:39):
Like we've done this, now, let's have another chapter, let's
try something new. And part of me is like, am
I making a big deal my being a spoiled brat
and just like not want to do it because I
don't like change? Or should I just suck it up
and do it? Or is it my gut telling me
not to do it? Like I have so many and
like friends are like you can't leave your mother, and like, yes,
you should move, Like I'm so conflicted that I literally
don't got a standstill because I don't know what to do.

Speaker 3 (56:03):
I honestly, I really think you have to just go
do what's right for you and your family, And I
think your mother will adjust and the conversation will be
very difficult initially, but I think you'll be surprised by
how quickly she turns around and starts driving long distances
and starts spending more time with you and contemplates even
you know, spending maybe months at a time with you.
Like it's just the conversation that's scaring the shit out

(56:25):
of you because you know what her reaction is going
to be. But the sooner you have that conversation, the
sooner she's gonna get used to the idea.

Speaker 2 (56:33):
Yeah, I think that's exactly right.

Speaker 5 (56:35):
Like floating the idea out before you're like, this is
what we're doing and when it's happening could be really helpful.

Speaker 1 (56:41):
Right.

Speaker 9 (56:42):
Yeah, Yeah, we like we've sort of like danced around it,
but I can tell it's like not gonna go smoothly,
so we just like leave it.

Speaker 3 (56:48):
But that's not a reason to not do it. And
also you can set up like, hey, this is this
is our plan. We're going to come back every whatever
once a month and spend the weekend with you.

Speaker 1 (56:58):
You're gonna come, We're gonna come get you. For a week,
a month or whatever.

Speaker 3 (57:02):
The schedule is, Like lay that out so that you
know there's comfort in that and there's like some consistency
and a schedule that's being set.

Speaker 9 (57:10):
Yeah, yeah, for sure. I think that's the thing, is
just giving her that comfort.

Speaker 1 (57:13):
But and frame it that it is temporary.

Speaker 3 (57:16):
Just say that for everyone's sake, Just say we're just
gonna try this for a couple of years so that
everyone can warm up to the idea. Because that way,
if you do end up staying by that time, everyone's
going to be over it.

Speaker 1 (57:26):
Anyway.

Speaker 3 (57:26):
Families are resilient and they rebound from the trauma and
they come back to you. You know, if you're a
close knit family, no one's going anywhere anyway.

Speaker 4 (57:34):
It's kind of true. My brother moved to Colorado for
two years and we were all like, are you serious,
Like this is It was devastating to all of us,
and before we knew it, he was back and everything
was It's fine.

Speaker 8 (57:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 9 (57:50):
I think it's almost just like the anxiety is like
before it even happens, you have more anxiety than you
even need to do.

Speaker 1 (57:55):
That's what you're doing.

Speaker 8 (57:56):
Yeah, do you.

Speaker 4 (57:58):
Want to move? Do you want to move? Or that
more your husband.

Speaker 9 (58:01):
It's like if he said tomorrow, like no, never mind,
let's just cancel everything and stay. I'd be happy where
we are, Like it's a lovely community. It's a beautiful,
small little communit Like it's a beautiful area where we
live now. So I'm we're happy there. But he's like,
I think we can do more. We can like his
business could do well here. I can work remote, I
work from wherever, so we have that like flexibility and

(58:24):
it's just like it's beautiful up here. So he's just like,
this is why what are we doing? Like what we're
we're in the early forties, Let's do something else that'll
be what the hell?

Speaker 4 (58:33):
Right?

Speaker 8 (58:33):
So and I totally see it.

Speaker 9 (58:35):
It's like more, more money, more opportunities, better lifestyle.

Speaker 8 (58:39):
I see all the pros.

Speaker 9 (58:41):
But then I'm just like I just keep pulling myself
back to like I hate change, and like part of
me is like can I mentally go through a big
move and like rerip my kids out of the school
and like start over and leave all our friends, And
part of me is like can I even handle that?

Speaker 8 (58:54):
Because that scares me.

Speaker 9 (58:55):
It's not even just like my mom and stuff it's
like the scary I don't like change.

Speaker 3 (58:59):
Yeah, but you can handle it and you will handle
it if that's what you choose to do, and you
can handle it. And this is a difficult conversation, and
this is what adulthood is about, is about having difficult
moments with people we love when sometimes you have to
like give somebody bad news.

Speaker 1 (59:12):
So it's like a testament.

Speaker 3 (59:13):
To your like, you know, enduring strength as a woman,
and it's empowering. So I think you should look at
it from that, like you're taking a stance for your
family and you're doing what's right for your family for
this period of time. And that doesn't mean anyone's going
to be excommunicated. You're all just going to adjust to
it together. And if that's you know, if you really
feel this way, and I think you should go. I
think the way Kate described it, the way you're describing it,

(59:35):
it just sounds beautiful and why not have an adventure?

Speaker 8 (59:38):
Yeah, no, it is. And I think that's the thing.

Speaker 9 (59:40):
It's like, deep down, I have that little voice like
when we come up here, it's like, oh, it is
so gorgeous, and it's like, but I'm so scared, right,
Like I just don't like change.

Speaker 4 (59:48):
They also say that when you do things like that,
you just you live longer. Yeah, they say when you change,
when you go into new environments and you have these
like different experiences, and it's actually like it literally rejuvenates yourselves.

Speaker 8 (01:00:06):
Yeah, I could see that.

Speaker 9 (01:00:07):
Yeah, it makes Yeah, I think I just don't like
being out of my comfort zone. And I just I
think it'd be good though, It'll be a growth experience
for everything.

Speaker 8 (01:00:15):
Right, So, just well you're.

Speaker 4 (01:00:16):
Saying it, if you're if this is about you and anxiety,
then you need to go Yeah you know what I mean,
You need to like be more fearless.

Speaker 8 (01:00:24):
And just yeah, I know, I think that's what it is.

Speaker 9 (01:00:26):
It's just like you're in your comfort zone with like
your family and your kids in schools and everything, and
it's just scary to like start over and just move
somewhere where it's brand new. Everything's brand new and scary.

Speaker 8 (01:00:37):
Right.

Speaker 9 (01:00:37):
So but anyways, now everything you're saying, it's like I think,
deep down I know all that, and it's just hard
to like come to terms with it.

Speaker 1 (01:00:46):
Well, this is the kick in your ass that you're
looking for.

Speaker 8 (01:00:48):
Okay, Yeah, Chelsey and I.

Speaker 4 (01:00:50):
We're really like the wrong people to say, because we
literally live on the road all we do. It's we're
like circus, folks.

Speaker 1 (01:00:56):
I'm going to live.

Speaker 3 (01:00:57):
I'm going to live till one hundred and fifty for
all the new ironments I'm exposed to. Yeah, yeah, good
luck to you and let us know what happens.

Speaker 1 (01:01:06):
Okay, keep in touch with us.

Speaker 2 (01:01:08):
Send us a postcard from up north.

Speaker 4 (01:01:10):
Yeah, bias to meet you.

Speaker 8 (01:01:12):
Thanks so much meeting you. This was awesome. Thank you
so much.

Speaker 1 (01:01:16):
Bye Julia, Bye, Hey, how did you know?

Speaker 2 (01:01:18):
Exactly where did you go?

Speaker 1 (01:01:21):
That was so funny.

Speaker 2 (01:01:22):
They even say Canada like.

Speaker 4 (01:01:25):
Scoca, Well, the Lake Country when she said up north,
like that's what we call from Toronto. All Lake Country
and Muskoka is like kind of the biggest sort of Algonquin.
It's honestly, guys, it's like heaven up there. It's the
most beautiful place in the world to me.

Speaker 3 (01:01:46):
That's where I'm going to buy a bunch of acres
for global warming is Northern Canada.

Speaker 1 (01:01:49):
That seems to be the safest place to do it.

Speaker 3 (01:01:51):
I'm gonna buy one hundred acres and then tell anybody
that they want that they can just come build and.

Speaker 1 (01:01:56):
Keep about fifty feet in between dwellings.

Speaker 4 (01:01:58):
Okay, I'll show you where to go.

Speaker 1 (01:02:01):
Yeah you will. You're a climatologist, you'll know where to go.

Speaker 4 (01:02:04):
Uh huh, that's right, Kate.

Speaker 3 (01:02:05):
This was so much fun. Thank you so much for
being with us today. I love you. You know how
much I love you.

Speaker 4 (01:02:11):
I love you so much, and you.

Speaker 1 (01:02:13):
Gave great fucking advice on top of it.

Speaker 8 (01:02:15):
I did you did?

Speaker 4 (01:02:17):
I could talk to it. I could talk forever on
this stub.

Speaker 8 (01:02:20):
Do you how do you even think goodbye?

Speaker 4 (01:02:22):
I could like literally talk to you for an hour.

Speaker 2 (01:02:25):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (01:02:26):
Well, you contributed so thank you and I will see
you soon.

Speaker 4 (01:02:30):
Thanks for having me, Love you.

Speaker 1 (01:02:32):
Thanks, love you, Thanks Kate, Bye bye. Okay, guys.

Speaker 3 (01:02:36):
Also, I have added more second shows to my Little
Big Bitch tour. I added second shows in Hollywood at
the Pantages.

Speaker 1 (01:02:44):
I am going to be there two.

Speaker 3 (01:02:46):
Nights October twelfth and thirteenth. I added another show at
the Chicago Theater October twenty seventh and October twenty eighth,
one of my favorite places to perform. I added another
show in Portland, so I'll be there November se second
and third. And I added a second show in Boston
at the Weighing Center, so I will be their November

(01:03:06):
sixteenth and seventeenth. I also have two shows in Seattle,
San Francisco, New York at the Beacon and Washington, d C.
I will be there October fifth and sixth, and a
special shout out to Phoenix, Arizona, where I'm coming Saturday,
October fourteenth, and then I'm coming to Cleveland Columbus in Pittsburgh,

(01:03:27):
so suck on that, you guys. I can't wait to
see everybody. Oh and I'm coming to Eugene, Oregon too, everybody.
That's November ninth, twenty twenty three, and I will be
at the Clubhouse in East Hampton, which is going to
be a very intimate show on Saturday, August twenty sixth,
So if you are in the Long Island area, that's
where I'll be the Clubhouse.

Speaker 5 (01:03:49):
If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
and engineered by Brad Dickert secutive producer Katherine Locke, and
be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
com