Boss of the Family with Chelsea's Sisters, Shoshanna & Simone

Chelsea is joined by two very special guests this week - her sisters!  They chat about their (mis)adventures nursing Simone back to health after surgery, chasing after new beginnings, and why making big changes in your life is almost never a bad thing.  Then: An auntie’s nephew is a bully - just like his mom was.  A sister can’t get over her brother’s ex.  And a girlfriend wonders if her cheating past will destroy her relationship… for good.

*

Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail]

*

Executive Producer Nick Stumpf

Produced by Catherine Law

Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert

*

*

*

*

*

The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi Catherine, Oh, Hi Chelsea, Hi everybody. Welcome to a
new episode of Dear Chelsea. I have been getting a
lot of sister advice. I got a lot of sister
action in my life, a lot of sisters in my life,
a lot of sisters asking for advice, and a lot
of sisters come to see me perform. So I thought

(00:22):
it would be kind of fun to have my sisters
on to dull, loud advice because my older sister Simone
is who I go to for all my advice, Shoshanna.
I also Shanna is more of like a love like
a love seat, like you go to her for love
and and warm stuggle ship. Yeah, she's a lot like
my mom. And then my sister Simone is less emotional

(00:44):
and more practical. And so I have both sides of
the coin and my sister's Yes, I feel very, very lucky.
Notice that I'm not mentioning how lucky I feel about
my brother's um. But I do have a really sweet
brother named Roy. He is so sweet. He's just a
little He's like a just a love muffin. Also, but

(01:05):
I'm not asking him for advice either. I'm so excited
that they're joining us I know it's a very exciting.
So I want to give a warm welcome to both
of my sisters, Simone and Shoshanna. Look they're both here
at the same time, so serendipitous or an appointment. Hello, Hello, Hello, Simone,
you look so profession I love it. I am a professional,

(01:27):
so I know, I know, I know all the fucking
about it. Catherine, nice to meet you. I likewise, I'm
so excited for today, shawna beginning. See you but not
hear you yet. This is what it's like to get
a phone call from her. Hi, girls, do we not
get to me? Brad Brat? Come say hi, Brad. Bring
the dogs. They got a brother and sister combo platter,

(01:49):
just like Burton Bernice pug puppies. Oh my god. Yes,
and we have an older pug whose seven nice. They're
the two dogs. I'd say, Hi, look at that they're
making out with each other. That's sweet when they kiss
each other like that. Okay, So to continue our family story,

(02:12):
so Simone had her surgery. Then I went so Shanna
got the rough of it because someone was in bad
shape for the first week. And then when I came
on the scene, we turned a corner and I forced
her into a physical therapy regimen, a walking exercise regimen
post spinal book camp is what I like to call it.

(02:32):
And then Shoshanna was like, Chelsea, don't give her alcohol.
You know, you can't give her alcohol. She's recovering, she's
on oxycotton. And I was like, first of all, oxy
cotton was made to be paired with alcohol, so like, obviously,
if you know anything about a medical procedure or recovery,
you want to make it as painless as possible. That
first Margarita was delicious, yes, exactly, and then she's like,

(02:53):
and definitely don't give her edibles. And of course, you know,
three days in, I'm like, this is gonna make you
relax and feel better. So we had two different experiences.
But on the last day of our trip, Simone had
a goal to walk across the Golden Gate Bridge. Right
it's at the bridge. We walked across Money, which was
a lot less pleasant than we thought it was going
to be because you're basically on a bridge that feels

(03:13):
like it's swaying back and forth while hundreds of cars
are zooming past. It's like this, and you can't talk
because you can't hear anything. So it's basically was like
a march and we got to one side. I was like,
let's call an uber. She's like, let's just walk back.
I'm like, but why it's so unpleasant. All I saw
that you were there was posts of margarite is and luncheons,

(03:33):
and I was like, what happened? I mean, what did
I mean? You didn't get the raw end of the field.
Shanna thought they were going to board a board together.
She's like, when are we gonna go paddle boarding? Anyway,
I left Simone in great Stead. So Shoshanna is technically
a registered nurse, but I'm a medical practitioner, and I
would like to say that even though everyone advises me

(03:55):
against advising others of medicine, I'm going to continue to
do it because I feel like I know what I'm doing,
and I can tell by Simone's progress while I was
there that I do know what I'm doing. You were
on CNN yesterday for that? Did you see that? No?
For what? I don't watch CNN anymore. Oh, for my ozempic.
People are like, Chelsea Handler didn't know she was on ozempic.

(04:16):
I was like, first of all, do you think I
would admit that I don't know the difference between the
sun and the moon, but then lie about a zempic.
I mean, obviously I tell the truth about everything, and
it's called sema glue tide. So I did not know
I was on a zempic until I was on a
zempic anyway. Okay, so girls, let's talk about both of you.

(04:37):
Oh no, Katherine, you had something right, I do. I
actually have an email from one of our listeners, and
I wanted to get your perspective on it. Ladies. A
very special flight attendant emailed us and she said, Dear Chelsea,
I'm not sure if you'll ever read this, but I
watched your special last night with a fond memory of
having you on board my flight in first class when
I was a person on a flight we were taxing

(04:58):
out when the in parents, these white businessman gentleman next
to you rang his call button and decided to tell
me you hadn't turned off your phone. You looked at
him and said, are you fucking kidding me? Are we
in high school? You're telling on me? I was laughing
so hard I almost paid myself. Your mention of respect
for flight attendants was touching, as was the mention of

(05:20):
your fear of pregnancy in the forties. I am one
of those women who chose to never have children. And yes, drunk,
I thought you couldn't get pregnant in your forties and did,
and yes, thank God had access to abortion. So thank
you for mentioning it, and thank you for one of
my most memorable flight stories. So what I would love
perspective on is has she always been this way? Just

(05:43):
able to say stuff like this to like strangers who
were trying to read her on the plane. Yes, that's
a really quick, easy answer. Yes, And that's the most
common question we get about Chelsea is what she always
like this? Yes, since she was probably three years old.
And are you both like that as well or less direct?

(06:04):
We'll say no. Now we have different styles. I'm kind
of a pleaser. I don't like to make waves and
those confrontational type things. I mean, I will get annoyed,
but it takes a little bit more for me to
get annoyed. Like I had someone on the plane once who,
during an eight hour flight to France, got up six
times to bee and the fifth time I just looked

(06:26):
over and said, really, well, we both have the same language,
because really was the first thing I said to that
guy too. I'm reasonable up to a point and then
I lose it. So yeah, I feel kind of the
same way. I mean, you know, it takes a lot
to get me going, but it it's something like that,
I would definitely have said something. Yeah. I love the

(06:47):
idea of an adult person telling on another adult person
to a flight attendant, like you can't settle this little
kerfuffle between two people. She's not turning off her phone.
It's so that's like her saying her seat tray isn't up,
which I still don't understand why those have to be
up when we take off, like they're gonna fly off
into our eyes. I don't understand why we can't be reclined.

(07:07):
And actually, with all of my newer relationships with flight
attendants and the good will that I've instilled with them
for me, I feel like I should be able to
ask one of them. I don't understand why we can't
be reclining when we take off. When I take a
sleeping pill and then get on a plane, I want
to go straight to sleep. I don't want to take
off and go to sleep. There must be a reason
I don't know what it is and get those answers

(07:30):
for you, Chelsea. Yeah, well there's yeah. And also the
like turned your phone on airplane mode. I don't believe
that's true either, that you have to do that. I
do it. Do you do it when you guys go
on planes put your phones on airplane mode to do it?
But the last couple of years I hit or miss,
I just forget and they don't get. Somewhether you do it,

(07:51):
somewhether I do it. That's above our pay grade. Yeah. Sorry, Okay, well,
thanks for all your help you guys. That's the end
of the episode. Thank you for coming her. Okay, So
let's talk about Catherine. I want to talk about sisters
and the dynamic between sisters. So Simone's oldest sh Shauna
is the middle and I'm the youngest. Even though I'm
the loudest and the most obnoxious and the most opinionated,

(08:13):
I'm the baby. But I also act like I run
the family, right, guys, act like the boss of the family. Yeah,
but I will defer to other people's opinions if I
find them a value, so kind of you. I'll defer
to Simone on a lot of things because I know
Simone smarter than I am. So when I asked her

(08:35):
a question about how to frame something in a more
reasonable way, or how to tell somebody that they're fucking
annoying without hurting their feelings, Simone is the person to
go to. And Shoshanna has recently blossomed and burst into
her own stage of womanhood right with her personal business.
When she's at ear Piercer, a remote ear piercer, and
she's a registered nurse so you're getting a safe ear

(08:56):
piercing when you you can follow her on Instagram at
Piercing's I Shoshanna. Shanna started her own business how long
ago Shauna two years, one year, about a year ago, okay,
and it's thriving doing it about four years. So yeah.
It's a mobile concierge piercing service to become right to
your home and make it a safe, fun experience. Everyone
gets a certificate of bravery for pictures and it's just

(09:18):
a really happy, fun way to do it that's comfortable
and relaxed in your own home. And there's a huge
market of little babies and little girls that are getting
their ears pierce. I had no idea that so many
people do this. Oh my gosh, yes, every little girl
in Jersey. Yeah, and everybody I tell, they tell five
or six friends. Do you do like birthday parties and stuff?
I do? Sometimes I'm the actual president and the kid

(09:39):
doesn't even know I'm coming. But she's been begging to
get her ears pierce for months. And I walked on
the door and they say, do you know who this is?
She's gonna pierce your ears. And then I popped out
of the cake topless. All all everyone in our family
goes topless. It's not just me, it's hereditary. My point
of that story, Shauna, was you were working in the

(10:01):
medical industry, not medical industry with healthcare, proper healthcare. You
were a nurse. My sister was a nurse and then
she kind of got tired of that, and I guess
the hours and the sense of responsibility. So you started
your own business, and I think it's given you a
really big boon, right, like a boost of self confidence
of self esteem. Tell us about that, Well, in a

(10:21):
million years, I never thought I would own my own business,
so it's been so much fun. I kind of fell
into it because I started out with another company and
then they ended up stopping the home piercings, and there
was such a huge demand, so Shoshana continued to moonlight
that I thought, you know, how can I keep doing this,
you know, legitimately, And so I formed my own company.

(10:42):
And I love it. It's so rewarding and fun. Everybody
I need is so nice and they're so happy. It's
such a happy occasion. Everything's good about it, and I
love it. It's so cute because you're so much more
social now, Like I never really thought of you as
being super social, but you're out there, like meeting new
people all the time, and they adore you. It's really cute. Yeah. No,
I mean, I don't think I ever had a problem

(11:04):
being social or anything. I'm like more shy and quiet
than you guys are. But I've always give been good
with patients and patient care in the hospital and all that,
so it's just transferring it to the home. So for me,
it's been easy, but I love it. Well. I think
that Pivot is really great for our listeners to hear
because I have a ton of people who call in

(11:24):
or right in and they're like, well, this is what
I learned to do, this is what my career has
been for the last twenty years. I can't really get
out of it, especially when it's something really like you
had to study for a long time for like healthcare, etcetera.
And you pivoted into something where your background is super relevant.
But it's definitely outside the box, and you know, you
got creative with it, and look at you now. And

(11:44):
both of them have had big life moves. Simone moved
to San Francisco, like how many years ago? Money, It's
been like six and a half years. I guess, yeah,
from New Jersey. Her kids were getting older, and but
she still had one kid in high school, my niece Sunny.
So she was deliberating whether or not to move out west,
which was a huge culture shift really, I mean as
far as a culture shift as you can get in

(12:06):
like America. I guess Mississippi would be a bigger culture shift.
But you know, and you kind of did change not careers,
but in a in a way, you did you change
what you were doing. Yeah. No, I mean I think
in my career I've done a lot. I've had a
lot of different jobs or different positions, but so it
has been in healthcare law, and so I think as
my kids were getting Holder, and I was divorced and

(12:27):
I was living in Suberby, and I was kind of
just bored with living there and that whole routine of
taking kids to soccer and baseball, and I didn't really
find my people there where I was, And then I thought,
you know, I really do need to change. So when
I found this job in California, I was like, oh,
I could. I could totally live in San Francisco. Why
couldn't I. The only big stumbling block was my daughter,

(12:48):
who was in high school and had to move her
whole life here, But even for her, for her it
was probably a huge benefit as well, so it worked out.
I don't know for both of us. It's change the venue.
I think is that was good. I feel like those
big changes are always beneficial to everybody. Because you were
kind of like, this, isn't that a far move? I
remember you talking about it, and it's like, no, you
gotta go for it. Switch things up in a big way.

(13:09):
And you've never looked back and regretted that you ever
moved across the country exactly, And Shoshana, even when you
were starting your business, you were like, oh, I gotta
go register as like an LLC or whatever it was,
or an s corp or whatever you were talking about,
and you're like, it's just such a pain in the ass,
and then you did it, and look and then you
have never looked back. Right, Like, all the little reasons

(13:30):
that we always have for not doing something, we don't
ever even end up remembering those reasons. So, like when
you're making a big decision or a life move and
you're making it's almost like you're making excuses for why
it can't be done. And when you overcome hurdles, which
you kind of need to do to take a risk
in life, you have to overcome these hurdles otherwise it's
not a risk. You really rarely ever look back and

(13:54):
be like, oh God, I wish I hadn't done that,
you know, when you're taking leap of faith. I mean,
I'm three years old and it's the best thing I've
ever done, and I'm happier now than I've ever been
doing anything professionally. I couldn't be happier. So I'm so
glad that I did found out what I had to do,
and it was a pain in the ask and it
took a while, but now it's done. I also like

(14:16):
the fact that when you do something like that, you
know you have two kids that see that change in you,
and so you're modeling this behavior of doing something unique
and different and and risky. So they see that and
they benefit from that in their own lives and their
own decision making too. Yeah, I totally agree with that.
They definitely do. I know Burton Bernice have benefited from

(14:36):
all of the challenges and risks I put myself in
front of. The only thing is Russell, my fourteen year
old teenage son tells his friends when they ask what
his mother does, they say, she stabbed babies for a living.
So that's a little yeah, but those are babies whose
parents are choosing for them to be stabbed, Like that's
an unfair assessment. I always used to look at like

(14:58):
babies getting their ear pierce as hard, So now I
think it's adorable. It looks so cute, I know, and
and plus it's over in a second, right, It's not
like it goes on. I said to Sean, I go,
what happens when you do the one ear and then
they know what's going on? How do you do the
second ear? She's like, they forget right away quickly. You're
smiling and happy. Two minutes. It's great and they never

(15:19):
remember it, so everybody's happy. The parents are happy. Do
you only do ears? I do only do ears. You
know a few months ago, Chelsea put up on Instagram
that I would pierce pretty much anything on your body,
you know, anything, anything, And I got all these private
messages if I could come pierce their private parts, and
they're this and that, and I had to you know,

(15:41):
I had to let them down gently that right now,
it's uh, it's just an ear business. So it was
an area for expansion down the road. Don't roll it out. Yeah,
I'll think about that. Just get some extra alcohol swabs
and you'll be all set. Maybe I'll practice nipple piercing
on my husband, Mike. I'm sure he would be thrilled.
Nipple piercing can't be that bad. Oh yeah, copy that? Okay,

(16:04):
got it? Got it. Shshana is more virginal than I am.
If you haven't picked up on that. Also, where's our
where's Roy? Shoshanna? What's roy status? These days? Our brother
Roy was living with Shoshanna. He came out to visit
with Simone when we were we were tending to her back.
That's right, there was a surprise visit. He just showed
up at my doorstep. That was that was a really
nice surprise. Yeah, And then he hung out with us

(16:26):
all week. And then what we would do is each
of us had to take Simone for well. We took
her for like her geriatric walk basically every day because
she wasn't very mobile. So we would take her out
for like thirty minutes or as much as she could handle,
and then we get back and then Roy would go
for a real walk, and then he'd come back and
I'd go for a real walk. I was smoking a
lot of pot during this time because I had nothing

(16:46):
going on except to care for Simone, and that I
could barely handle. So one day and our only responsibility
was not to leave Simone alone like that was it
just don't leave her alone because in case she got
herself into a jam, she wouldn't be able to get
out of it because he had stitches up and down
her back. So one day Simone was like, oh, I
have a tesla appointment at two, that's all we have today.
After we went for a walk, I said sure, okay.

(17:07):
So Roy went for a walk, I smoke a joint,
I go for a walk. I go for a longer
walk than expected because I'm stoned. And I get back
and Simone's not there, and I was like, Roy, what
the fuck? Where's Simone? And he's like, oh, she went
to a Tesla appointment. I was like, you let her
drive herself and he goes, yeah, you weren't back and
she didn't want to teach me how to use the Tesla.

(17:28):
Her tesla's for some reason extra annoying, and I was like,
the whole reason we're here is to never leave her alone.
He's like, you're the one who missed the appointment, and
I said, I know, Roy, but I thought I could
rely on you. So then I was like, okay, well
I have to go to her find she's at the
a Tesla dealership. And I was like, we have to
call an uber, Roy, call an uber and he's like

(17:49):
I don't know how to call an uber. I don't
know how to call a newper either. And then and
these are the people that are in charge of me,
are protect me, and like can't. I was like screaming
at him in the kitchen. I go, why don't you
have Uber? That doesn't even make any sense. He's like
why would I need Uber And I'm like, well, I
don't eat Uber, and so anyway, I had Uber Eats

(18:11):
on my phone and I was like, I wonder if
they can pick me up in the middle of a
food delivery and take me to my sister. And then
finally I had Uber on my phone. I just had
to find it and I called an Uber. It was
a huge success. I got there as Simone was just
in the waiting room, just with a tiny bit of attitude,
not too much, and she's like, I told you at
an appointment at two. I was like, this is fucking

(18:33):
roy She stayed another week or two. I know it
would have been more fun if we were all together. Sean,
I'm sorry you got the brunt of it. I mean,
really came in hot. He was cooking every day, I
mean and me made chicken soup for twenty six people
even though there's only three of us. So and then
one night he made turkey meatballs for twenty six people
even though there were three of us. I still have
those meet balls in the freezer. By the way, It's like, boy,

(18:57):
who are you serving here? He has no can't you
can only cook for like fifty people at a time.
He can't cook for two or three people at the time. Yeah,
he can't cook individually. Yeah it's individually or for fifty people.
It's nothing in between exactly. But anyway, they nursed me
back to health. How are you feeling money, I'm good.
I mean this lovely deluxe chair that you kindly bought me,

(19:18):
and I'd say I'm about eighty five percent there. I
think the last ten or fifteen percent will take another
six months. There's certain twisting right and left sending that
I can't really do. But I got a physical therapy
once or twice a week, and they are great. I'd
like to go there every day, frankly, but apparently that's
not really necessary. I just like having a trainer. I

(19:42):
like someone who tells me what to do and I
do it. It feels like you should go more than
once a week. Now They're like, I've progressed so much
that I only need to I just need to do
what they tell me seven days a week. And also,
when I was out there with someone, I said, listen,
this is a make or break moment in your life.
This could be the end or this could be a
new beginning. And she looked at me. She goes, just

(20:04):
shut up. Okay, I have another peak left in me.
This is not the end. And I was like, yeah,
but you can go for it in this moment and
get really healthy and strong, or some people in their
mid fifties that get a procedure like this just slide
straight downhill to happen to you. No, no, I've got

(20:27):
many good years left. So this was just a little hiccup. Okay,
good to know. Good. You know. By the way, to
all of our straight male listeners, Simone is available. I'm available. Yeah, hey, okay,
so what do we have in store today? Catherine? Amazingly,
I do have a straight male listener who has written
in is it for Simone? Oh my god, this would
be amazing. I don't know, but he has married somebody.

(20:51):
Sounds like an eager beever. Listen. I have some sister questions.
I have some dating questions and all kinds of stuff.
Let's do sisters question. All right, well, let's go quick
break and we'll be right back. And we're back. We

(21:12):
are back. Well. This first question is from lovable Aunt.
Growing up with my three years older sister was sort
of a battle. She was always so headstrong, almost like
a bully to everyone, especially me. She had this bad attitude,
always looking for a fight, and she was spoiled rotten.

(21:32):
When we were young, we weren't friends. She always pushed
me around, teased me to the point where I would cry.
She once said to a new friend that she didn't
know me and that I was a neighbor who lived
on another street. Fast forward to now, and we are
the best of friends. Somewhere along the way she grew
up and finally realized what's right and wrong and became normal.
The issue is she has a four year old son

(21:53):
who looks exactly like her, and I'm terrified to say,
is exactly like she was when she was younger. My
nephew is a bully in the making, just like she was.
He's only four and he already has this bad attitude.
I feel like it's giving me PTSD of some sort.
I do love him, but I cannot tolerate him. It's

(22:14):
hard to like him. Do I have to wait till
he's in his twenties to be able to bond with him?
He is just so awful? And No, I do not
have kids on my own, nor do I ever want one.
He is my birth control. Any advice lovable aunt with
an unlikable nephew. Oh jeez, that's an interesting one. I
haven't heard like that. When you started out, I was like, oh,

(22:35):
this is Shoshana and Chelsea when they were little. Yeah,
that's what I thought too, except I was the youngest
and I was the bully, and this is what would
have happened if you had children, right, which is why
everyone in our family advised me over and over again.
You guys say I don't listen, but obviously I did
because I didn't have children, and all of you kept
telling me definitely don't when you didn't need to say that.

(22:57):
But okay, so go on, okay, so continue siga most simon. Now.
So I think this is a tough one because I
feel like commenting on someone's child is that you have
to tread really lightly. It's a delicate area. If she's
good friends with her sister now, but that's a great
starting point. There's got to be an opportunity that when
they're all together, for her to not necessarily criticize her

(23:19):
her nephew, but when her sister corrects her nephew or
parents her nephew. I wonder if there's an opportunity to
have a broader discussion about his behavior, or you know,
even saying things like, oh, how does he do it preschool?
How's he doing with other kids? Like asking more objective
questions about his behavior to see if she'll realize that

(23:41):
this child is having some behavioral issues and is a
bit of a bully. But I wouldn't do it very
subjectively and really go in there and say your kid
is a nightmare, like you need to fix him, because
that's that's never goes well. Yeah, do you think that
she's aware that her son is acting like she did
when she was young or that's a question that you know,

(24:01):
I wouldn't want to know. It's interesting to talk about
who's aware of their children and who Isn't you know
what I mean, you're so blind when it's your own child.
I just talked to a friend of mine who said
it was a straight cup I was with recently that
they both were working big jobs, both CEOs of different companies,
and they realized that their kid was turning into a
major brat. And she's like, I just realized that she

(24:24):
was turning into that. She's like, so one of us
had to stop working and we had to spend more
time with her, and I was like, oh, oh, I've
never heard anyone say that about their own kids. Yeah.
I mean that takes a lot of self awareness to
realize that. I think in some cases, like if the
child is now emulating the parents, some people find that endearing.
And it was just like me, as a kid, he's looking, oh,
I've heard that so many times from so many mothers.

(24:45):
She's like, she's just like me, Like, that's actually not
appropriate behavior a child. So it's a difficult area. Again.
I think siblings providing advice on their nieces and nephews
is just a touchy area. I just think you have
to I think it's worth bringing up, but I think
you have to do it in a in a very
sort of diplomatic way. Well maybe this woman could she

(25:06):
start doing stand up and just out everybody that way.
There you go. There's another option. That's option B. That's
the straightest path to success. I think if the sisters
have a close enough relationship, there is a way to
open up that conversation gently. It depends how tight they
are to be able to work that in slowly gently,

(25:28):
But if you really do have that really tight close relationship,
I think that you can find a space to talk
about it in the right way without being really obnoxious
about it. I also think, depending on the relationship that
you have with your nephew and with your sister, if
it's appropriate, where like she doesn't mind if you reprimand
him or have some input on his behavior. I have

(25:48):
a niece who was a Hellian growing up, and I
was a person in her life who set like really
firm boundaries, and she knew that, like I was the
auntie that if I said no, the answer was no.
If I said later, the answer was later, and that
as I set those boundaries early on, that paid off
in dividends as she got older. Yeah, Catherine, I think

(26:09):
you definitely that's a good point about as the child
grows up, you develop your own relationship with that child.
I don't think she has to wait till he's eighteen
years old, but it develops over time. And I know
all of my kids benefit from the ants and novels.
Starting school to might help correct some of this behavior,
because a lot of times kids are bad in a
way that like their peers are not going to put
up with. So like, as he gets into kindergarten, first grade, whatever,

(26:33):
some of this might start coming out in the wash.
Hopefully that's true. I mean that wasn't the case for
Chelsea when she was little. But you know, I got more.
I was more confrontational. Once I met other people. I
was like, Oh, there's a whole there's a whole sea
of people I can disagree with. I remember getting thrown
out of nursery school because I said something to the
teacher that Dad had said to me about her. I

(26:54):
said to her face, and then I got in troubled.
She had Dad picked me up, and Dad's I give
to go and apologize. I think she was trying to
get me to take a nap and I hated that.
Now I would love it, but back then I didn't
want to be forced to lie on those stupid cots.
I was like, first of all, there's accounting to be
done for my family, Like I have to figure out
where the money is coming from, or where is it
where is it coming in? And my dad was like,

(27:16):
you have to apologize. I'm like, you're the one who
said it. It was either something about the way she
dressed or it was something I can't remember, but anyway,
I was so mad that I was basically getting in
trouble for something he told me, and then I repeated.
I was like, you're a bad influence. But yeah, so
I'm not a good example, but other people are. You
do get socialized when you go to school. I feel

(27:37):
like teachers are so tired and exhausted now that they're
not gonna put up with any bullshit anyway. Yeah, okay,
while lovable aunt, tell us what happens with their nephew,
and if you can set some boundaries, let us know
what happens. Problem solved. It sounds like froved at the
end of the day. I gotta wait it out right, Well,
we have a caller. Are you ready for a caller?

(27:59):
Ladies of color? Color? Okay, Amber says, dear Chelsea. I've
been dating my perfect man for two years this time around.
We dated seventeen years ago and had a tumultuous eight
year relationship that ended with cheating, and I was the cheater.

(28:19):
In the seven years apart, he dated one girl and
I dated several douchebags. He was always on my mind, though,
and about two years before we got back together, I
started pursuing him again, even while he was committed to
someone else. Needless to say, I want him back. I
know there's a lot to unpack there, but we've been
working really hard. But he has major trust issues. I

(28:40):
cheated on him ten years ago, and I'm a completely
different person now. I have done a ton of therapy
and twelve step programs and even a two month retreat
in Thailand. They all have the same message of truth
telling and honesty. So I've been exactly that honest. How
do I earn his trust back and convinced him that
I'm not the Amber from ten years go? Will the

(29:00):
trust ever come back? Or will my shitty ways haunt
me forever? Amber? Hi Amber, Hi Catherine, how are you?
Show everyone your shirt? I'm very excited about this. Let's
go to therapy. That's cute, Hi Amber, how are you?
These are my sisters. There are a special guests today.
Hi sisters. Hi get you. Nice to meet you as well. Wow,

(29:26):
that's a long breakup and then you got back. How
many years were you guys apart? We were apart for
seven years? Wow? So you had let me get this straight.
You had eight years together, then broke up for seven
and then you've been together again for the second time
for two years. Correct? Okay, that's yeah. So we've been
together for eight years and then I cheated on him

(29:49):
and I had a little bit of an affair, about
a three month affair. Obviously he found out about it.
We broke up, he got involved in a new relationship,
and I was pining for him that whole time time.
Then ended up getting back together and we've been back
together this last two years, but he just does not
trust me. Wait, I have a question, Amber, Was that
the only time you cheated on him? One time? Okay, yeah, Okay,

(30:13):
go ahead, someone, So how has it been these last
two years? You obviously both still had something going on
for each other, so enough to bring you back together? Yeah?
What is How is he demonstrating this distrust Like he's
just not there? You know? For me, it's been great.
I'm just so excited to be back together with him
that I think I'm a little bit blinded by his insecurity.

(30:37):
He gets insecure about kind of the silliest things, like
if I'm on my phone for too long. Maybe if
I'm on an app and I close out of the
app too soon, He's like, why why are you doing that?
I mean, obviously we cheated on him eight years ago.
A lot of it was related around the phone. So
he's just been really insecure. He doesn't really voice it.
He's a little bit passive aggressive. I can just tell
that something's upsetting him. He's not really good at ver

(31:00):
balizing it. And then it gets to a point where
I start to retreat because he's being he's retreating, and
then we'll have kind of like a blow up where
he's like, I just don't trust you. You're doing these things.
You're being shady with your phone U, you're closing out
of these apps some things. I I don't even know
what he's talking about. I'm I'm confused on why he's right.
He's in a different state of mind altogether than you are. Right,

(31:23):
the jealousy thing is a serious thing that's not going
to automatically go away. Have you guys gone to counseling
together at all? I go to therapy. I asked him
to go to therapy, and he was not on board
with going to therapy. Well that's a big problem right there.
That's a big red flag. This is a hurdle that
you have to figure out, and therapy is not the

(31:44):
only way, but it might be, you know, the easiest
and best way to have a third party figure out,
you know, with you guys, if you can get past this,
because it's hanging over your relationship and it's not healthy.
So you have to move through this or you have
to probably not be together. So if you're going to
make it work, you have to find a way to

(32:05):
address this issue because it's not going away. Yeah, and
it's you know, it's been seventeen years and I have
so many amazing single girl friends, and I want to
be in a long term relationship and I want to
be with him, and I don't want to give up
on the relationship. And I know that he loves me
very much too and doesn't want to give up either.
I don't want to say he doesn't. He doesn't want

(32:25):
to go to a traditional therapist. He does his own work.
He's very spiritual. He listens to a lot of like
Eckhart totally and Deepak, and he's just really into that
spiritual side of himself. He's a pretty special human. He
just can't get past this hurdle. And I'm not sure.
I'm not sure what to do. I think the fact
that he's had this experience, I mean, he has he

(32:46):
has a legitimate reason to have this trust issue with you.
You have never been in that position, it sounds like,
so you can't really understand what he's going through and
why he's acting this way, but it's legitimate for him.
So I think you really do. If he is spiritual,
maybe you just need to go to a different type
of third party as someone that's a little bit, you know,
more connected to mindfulness, or someone that he's on board with,

(33:10):
because I don't think you can kind of grow together
if you really think he's the one and he thinks
you're the one, but there's this constant issue hanging over
your head. I don't think it's gonna work unless you
really hash it out. Yeah, I just feel like he's
punishing me for something I did ten years ago. Well,

(33:31):
he's not punishing you. He's still hurt from something that
you did ten years ago. He's hurting and he's not
able to let it go. And the whole thing about
spirituality is not to hold onto the past or to
harbor the past, and that's what he's doing. So he
can be as spiritual as he wants, but he's not
taking the advice that he's listening to, which is to
let go. You're a different person. You've gone to therapy

(33:51):
all these years. If he doesn't even have the interest
in going and sitting down with you to hear about
what you've learned and to figure out a way for
you guys to continue, that is a really big red flag.
And that's to say what he could spend the next
ten years holding this over your head. I feel like
you have done the work to account for your behavior.
You're not going to do it again. Enough time has passed,

(34:13):
It's been two years. How long is he going to
hold onto this for he has to accept and trust
in order for you guys to grow, and if he can't, Yeah,
you've got to either figure you have to have a
third party sit down and have a conversation about it,
because it's irrational. At this point, you're not doing anything
that's warranting his distrust. And if he wanted to get
back in this relationship, even though you went and pursued

(34:34):
him and I'm sure you were very influential and getting
you back together, he agreed to get back together, So
he has to agree to like a new set of
terms at a fresh start. Yeah, I mean enough time
has passed since this happened, and you've demonstrated your behavior
in the past two years and then this newest part
of your relationship, and if that's not enough, then it
has to be you know, you have to work on

(34:55):
it together for him to either get past or if
you if he realizes he can't get past it, that's
a problem. Yeah, it makes me really sad because I'm
worried that he can't and it sounds like he might
not be able to. I do wonder if there is
something that's, not, like you said, traditional therapy that might

(35:16):
be really healing for him. First of all, of course,
there's a ton of books about getting over cheating and
how to repair relationships, so like that might be something
to be like, Hey, I need you to read a
couple of these books so we can start to move
on from this and rebuild that trust. But you might
also look into like a weekend retreat with a shaman
based on connecting with your significant other or something like

(35:39):
that that feels a little bit more you, guys, or
feels a little bit more of him that he might
be more comfortable with now. Liked ayahuasca. He did an
Ayahuaska retreat and cost and I think that really helped him.
I don't think it was as powerful as he was
expecting it to be, but I know that's more his
route and I'm willing to support him and that, so

(36:01):
I really I really like that idea. Well, I mean,
it's good that he's into this stuff, and then he's
sort of open to sort of you know, forward thinking
and and and you know, changing his outlook and all
of that, so it sounds like he's got the potential
to do it. I mean, this one issue is kind
of significant for him, but there's got to be a
way that you can address it together, because again, you're

(36:22):
you're speaking about two different things. He's experiencing things, and
he's not able to verbalize it to you what the
triggers are and when it happens and how that makes
him feel, and you need to have this conversation together.
And I think the only way to do is to
have an interpreters their party that can really help you
and try maybe you can do a Molly m d
m A session with somebody. Those are good. No, really,

(36:42):
it's helpful for couples, especially when they're cheating involved, because
it kind of like gets rid of your ego and
people are just like you're so loving and communicative that
you can solve a lot of these kinds of big
issue relationship issues in one session, Like if you get
somebody who can guide you through an m d M
a therapy journey with you and your partner, and that
way it's not traditional therapy. Yeah, we've tried be made together,

(37:05):
but having somebody lead it, I think would be would
probably be more powerful. Yeah. Yeah, because for him at
this point, his wrote response, his pattern and his brain
is like I'm afraid, I'm afraid. I'm afraid. So he
needs something to break him out of that, and he
also needs to be taking the initiative to work on
that healing for himself. Yeah. I just hope, I just

(37:26):
hope that the relationship that hasn't it hasn't gone too far,
because I do love him, and it sounds like you
want to do the work, So that's half the battle,
and I just have to make sure he wants to
do the work. Yeah. Yeah, you just need to figure
out what that work looks like and let him know
how much you're committed to trying to get there where
whatever it is that it takes to get him more comfortable.

(37:46):
You guys, are on the same page and get past
this that you'll do it. Well, I'll do what it
what it takes. I'm hoping he does as well. Yeah,
I mean, you've got like seventeen years together now, right,
so try and figure it the funk out what I
tell him? That? Tell him that, I'll tell him. Chelsea
said that, Yeah, please, do I need another straight fan

(38:08):
to add to the other two. All right, well, thanks
for calling in, Amber, keep us posted and let us
know how everything goes. Good luck, Amber will so much.
Thank you, sisters. By that's a good podcast title, you guys.
Thank you sisters, unless it's about nuns. Well, I have

(38:32):
an email from a straight listener. His name is Sean.
Dear Chelsea, my name is Shawn, and I wanted to
write in and see if I could get some advice
about an upcoming diagnosis. My wife, yes I'm a straight
man writing in, has come into recent awareness that she
might be on the autism spectrum. She's going to get
tested because she would like to have the answer to

(38:53):
some of the idiosyncrasies in her life. We've been together
for six years and married for a little over a year.
I've expressed that no matter what the outcome could be
it doesn't change any part of who she is as
a person, and more importantly, she's my wife. I am
just worried that she could go into a grieving or
depression about this discovery. She's expressed to me that she
would most likely grieve for her younger self. But I

(39:16):
want to make sure I can show up for her
in every facet as a role model for women and
mental health. I feel that you would be able to
help give some perspective as to how I can best
support and comfort my wife through this time. You're a
north star for both my wife and my mother in law,
sharing many similar traits and beliefs. That's why I thought
you'd be perfect to give an outside perspective. Sean, What

(39:37):
a sweetheart. I know. Yeah, that's sweet Sean. We're all
attracted to you. Now, okay, I'll go first. I think
that first all, that's a total gift to get a
diagnosis so you understand where your behaviors are coming from.
My friend Amy Schumer, who has been very public about
her husband's autism diagnosis, was also directed by her. She
noticed some weird behaviors or some non tradition sinel behavior

(40:00):
stuff She wasn't used to seeing. She saw and asked, hey,
do you think I've looked this up, and I think
there's a chance you might want to get tested because
you might be on the spectrum. And he did, and
it was like such an informational tool. Then he understood
why he acted differently in his behavior towards things like
she fell down once and he didn't go to pick
her up, and he's like, I don't know why I

(40:23):
didn't do that either. She's like, usually if someone falls,
you know, somebody comes to help me, Like why are
you standing there? And he's like, I don't know. So,
you know, the synapses are different, and the reactions are different,
and your socialization is very different. So it's a very
big gift to get the information to understand and put
in context all of these things that you've kind of

(40:44):
been confused about for so long. So I think you
have to look at it and go at it from
that very positive angle, like, oh my god, great we
have answers. Yeah, yeah, I agree. I mean data is key.
So you know, she could potentially being diagnosed with a
form of autism, but she's not being diagnosed with terminal cancer.
So it's something she's had probably since she was a child,

(41:05):
and it's just putting sort of a name to it,
in diagnosis to it. But it's not changing her life
in anyway. She's still living the same life with her husband.
So this information can be useful, you know, they can
read more about it, and they can sort of maybe
I don't even know if you would change anything, to
be honest, but just recognizing the signals in the symptoms
and the behaviors that she's been seeing, I think, yeah,

(41:28):
I agree, it's it's valuable to get that information back.
There's nothing wrong with data. Yeah, And being autistic is
an advantage in many ways that we don't see. So
there's this whole additional layer of added value that autistic
people bring to the table in the way they see
things and in the way they take information in in
the way that they see the world. It's just so

(41:49):
much different, and so like there's so much value in
teaching more people about that. Your children. You it's not
a bad thing. It's not like you're getting a cancer diagnosis.
You're getting a personality diagnosed this and that is always helpful. Yeah,
And it might be like a little just a relief
just to know Okay, now that's that's what I have.
I have a name for it, this is what it is.

(42:09):
If I know that I have autism, then there are
very specific people that you can go see that deal
with that you know, regarding autism, that can help you,
as opposed to seeing somebody that may not be familiar
with that or that kind of thing. So it's a
good opportunity to move forward with it knowing what you
have and knowing where to go to get help if

(42:30):
there's things you want to change. And I also think
to Sean's original question, which I think was about how
do I provide appropriate support, I think you know she's
gonna handle it, how she's gonna handle it. We can't
predict if she's going to be depressed about it initially,
or she's going to be kind of excited to have
this data and want to see a therapist or want
to see a specialist. So you kind of have to

(42:51):
react to her and know not to diminish any of
those feelings that she's having and just be there as
you have been apparently in support her regardless of her reaction.
And then it's really ultimately her decision as to whether
she takes the next steps or not, because I remember
it sounds very similar to Amy's story. So some people,
you know, there's nothing to do, it's just to be

(43:13):
there and support those reactions and sort of help her
walk through the emotions that she might experience. Yeah. Yeah,
and great for you for even asking, you know, I
mean that says it all about your personality. It's already
where it needs to be that you'll be supportive and
very encouraging and always I think just keep reminding your
wife in the moments that she needs to hear it
what a positive thing this is. Knowledge is power, and

(43:36):
like you have all this information now, assuming she does
tests and is on the spectrum, so positivity is everything too.
You know, just to be like a solid kind of
stable force in someone's life when they're going through something
is a big gift. Yeah. I think that's all good advice. Well, Sean,
let us know how it goes. Let us know if
you found some resources and we're able to put some

(43:57):
good systems in place, and I think we should start. Also,
we're giving rewards to the straight men that call into
the podcast, Catherine. I mean, if they're this kind, there
should be a list obviously, anyone straight man who's listening
to this or calling in is very masculine, because you
would have to be very confident. Oh, I just hit
myself in the face with a microphone. It's almost like

(44:19):
men were just kicking me in the face as a
response to that. But yeah, it takes a big man
to do that, and that's very sexy. So, like I said,
we're all attracted to you, Sean. Yes, this is another
sibling related questions. So Live wrote into us and she said,

(44:42):
Dear Chelsea, my brother and his Now what breaks my
heart to say ex girlfriend have been separated for close
to a year. To make a long story short, they
encountered issues as they both got older and faced real
world responsibilities. It had an impact on their relationship where
they felt they needed to separate and of the record,
there here's the thing. The two of them are still

(45:04):
in love with each other and have both admitted it
to me, and it's so obvious to everyone who knows
and loves them that they're meant to be. For some reason,
they haven't been able to get it together to resolve
the situation, most likely poor communication. Our entire family has
been under the impression that we were just waiting for
them to be in the right headspace to get back together. However,

(45:26):
after his ex told him he should move on, even
though she didn't actually want him to, my brother has
taken it upon himself to start dating a new girl.
I'm entirely sure that this is a band aid, an
easy situation for him to have fun and feel better.
He was hiding this from me because he knows I'm
still close with his ex. I always envisioned her as
my future sister in law. I really don't want to

(45:47):
make this situation about myself. However, I'm having a hard
time because only I know how the two of them
still feel about each other. But now he wants me
to meet his new girl that he's seeing. I feel
like it's too soon and frankly have no interest in
meeting her. But I don't want to hurt his feelings.
How do I handle this situation without imposing my feelings
onto his life? Ps Listening to this podcast every week

(46:08):
has probably enabled me to not have very strong emotional
reaction to the situation to begin with. I appreciate this
basically free therapy, and I should probably go to real
therapy live. I feel like has she expressed her feelings
about this to her brother, I don't think so. Like,
I think they've talked about it, and she said, like
she's close with both of them, are both still in

(46:29):
love with each other, but it's also been a year
since they broke up. Yeah, but look at our last couple,
they were broken up for seven years. I feel like
not meeting a new girlfriend is not the move. I
don't think that like she's holding it against him that
he hasn't. He may need five years to come to
that conclusion, you know, And it's not really for her

(46:50):
to sort of force them together at this point in
their life if they've decided they need to be separate
at this point in their life. So this no girlfriend
hasn't done anything wrong. She's just happens to be the
new girlfriend. And if it's important to her brother that
they meet, I don't see why she can't honor that
and don't think of it as you this is your
sister in law. This is just someone he's dating right

(47:11):
now at this moment in time. I think he's reading
a lot into it. And I don't think that people
need to find their life partner years old. Yeah, definitely
not at twenty five years old. And if you really
believe that they're so in love with each other, then
you can say that to your brother, like, hey, it's
very obvious to me that you guys are in love
with each other still. So all you have to do
is just express that to him once and then your

(47:33):
job is done and your conscious is clear. You can't
prevent him from moving on and dating people or any
of that. It's like you're not in charge of their relationship.
All you can do is just tell him your truth,
tell him once, don't repeat it fifty times, and then
move on with it. And this new girl didn't do anything,
she's just dating somebody. And the fact that he's twenty
five years old is also a sign that everybody needs

(47:53):
a little bit more growing up than to get settled
down at twenty five. That's just so super young. So
I mean, they may have gotten super scared if they
were so intense and so like ready for marriage, and
that could have caused the breakup. Maybe they realized, like
we were going too fast, too young, and maybe they'll
come around and it will get back together. But again,
it's not her job to force them together and get

(48:14):
in the middle of it. It It is a lot about her,
is this I'm getting a future him. This is the
sister right writing in yeah, this is just writing in
yeah yeah. And I think you know, we do get
so bonded to the people that are siblings. Bring home.
I know my mother in law was even more devastated
with a breakup that happened with one of her sons
than he was. I mean, and for years who was

(48:34):
devastated about the loss of this relationship. And it's okay
to grieve that, But at the same time, you do
have to respect, like, maybe your brother does want to
move on, Maybe maybe he does want a little band
aid and a little fun, and maybe they will get
back together, and maybe they won't. You just have to
be nice and civil to the new girl while she's there.
But it doesn't mean you have to like me or
bestie all the time. And you don't need to sabotage

(48:56):
it either. Yes, yeah, right, right, Trishanna, anymore wisdom on
that one. I mean, she really needs to take a
step back. She's too involved with the whole their adults,
so they're gonna do what they're gonna do and let
nature take its course. I agree with Chelsea that she
should let her know how she feels for him, know

(49:16):
how she feels. But you know, that's all you can say.
And and they're grown up, so you know, maybe it'll happen,
maybe it won't. Don't hold it against the new person
that's you know, it seems wrong, and what's going on
with you and your boyfriend and your relationships? Like you know.

(49:41):
But I will say I want to go on the
record because I've had this conversation with both of my
sisters about previous relationships that I've been in when they
didn't say anything to me when I was with somebody
that they thought was creepy or weird or whatever. I'm like,
you guys, way to tell me After the fact, They're like, well,
we never liked him. It's like, well, fuck off. It
was like two or to four years of my life.
But and their excuses, what'sman, that I wouldn't listen to

(50:03):
you if you have. I think it's a different sitation.
I think those are different situations. Here. We're talking about
someone she loves an ex girlfriends. She wants them to
marry the ex girlfriend. It's like, not for her to
make that happen. When it's I'm seeing with you that
I don't think someone that you're with is currently perfect.
I know, I know, it's not the same situation. I
know how how that can sabotage. You can say like

(50:24):
you can say I really don't like this person. Then
you end up getting married and you have a twenty
five year married and I put that out there that
I just don't love this guy. There's that risk there
to the relationship. If I really thought the person was
dangerous for you or it was an unhealthy relationship, I
think that's a different story, and that's where you do
have to step up and say something to prevent that

(50:45):
from becoming a long term unhealthy relationship. Yeah, I guess, so,
I guess so. I don't know. I feel like you
should tell people when you don't like their spouse, but
I know it does backfire. But I just think with
sisters and siblings, it's a different story. You're hearing that
from a doubling like, oh, yeah, this person is dangerous
or this person is weird or I think it would
have a different impact, especially girls. But then again, conversely,

(51:09):
girls can be totally bitchy and county and be pissed
about it. So I get it. Yeah, Well, it's like
that movie what was that show Bad Sisters where all
the sisters where they murdered the brother in law. I
love that best. I know they were at the Critics
Choice Awards. I gave them a shout out for murdering
their brother, their brother, their brother, and that's how their
brother in law. I said that my family. I've been

(51:31):
wanting to do that for years, but I could never
get any of my siblings on board. You know who
I was really talking about. Anyway, Okay, that's a crap.
We are done. We're not going to ask them for advice, Catherine,
because it's silly. You know. I'm like, we're gonna ask you,
a little sister for a lot of unsolicited advice. Anyway,

(51:52):
So all the time. Yeah, well, thank you, ladies. What
a great job, Sissy Bomb, so good to meet you.
Oh likewise, I'm so pleased to finally meet you. And
She'll say, I confirmed the March connection. Yes, the March babies.
I know. That's a great birthday to have. Actually, March

(52:14):
fifteen three now free and our family from the family,
Mike and me, Yeah, okay, and Olga's March right, Okay, Okay, Well,
good to know. I'm gonna write all those dates down
right now, because I don't want to miss your birthday.
Bye girls, thank you. Also, I'm going back on tour. Everybody,

(52:35):
I have a new tour. It's called a little Big
Bitch because I'm a little big bitch and I always
have been. Sometimes. Well now i'm a big little bit. No,
I'm still a little big bitch. Whatever. Anyway, I'm going
back on tour. I'm warming up my new one hour
that I have to create from scratch. But I have
some very strong ideas. I'm gonna be a Daney's Nashville
March twenty nine through Sunday April six, and then Irvine

(52:58):
improv and then and I have dates theater dates everywhere
from Peoria, Illinois, Carmel, Kalamazoo, Spokane, Washington, Boys Idaho, Vegas, Highland, California, Tulsa, Oklahoma,
and more and more and more. So go to Chelsea
Handler dot com for tickets. And yeah, that starts in April.
So I'm very excited, Katherine. Yeah, I have family in Peoria, Illinois.

(53:22):
They might feel too square though to come to you. Well,
now they can see me. They just reach. Shouldn't interact
riot exactly, don't forget to watch my special on Netflix.
You guys revolution. It's a revolution. So if you'd like
advice from Chelsea, just send us an email at Dear
Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is a

(53:42):
production of I Heart Radio. Executive produced by Nick Stuff,
produced by Catherine Law, and edited and engineered by Brad Dickert.