February 22, 2024 • 57 mins
Rosebud Baker joins Chelsea to talk about the body torture of pregnancy, her husband stealing her post-partum thunder, and her new set on Netflix’s Verified Stand-Up (which she filmed while 8 months pregnant). Then: A woman is terrified of having a second child. A 20-something struggles to find the right time for the DTR (defining-the-relationship convo). And a daughter wrestles with the decision to out her Grandmother’s cheating ways.
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Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at DearChelseaPodcast@gmail.com
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Executive Producer Catherine Law
Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea, how are you.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
I'm good.
Speaker 3 (00:03):
I'm just here in Whistler, just whistling and whistler.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
Is it snowing or raining behind you? I can't quite tell.
Speaker 3 (00:09):
It was snowing and it turned to rain, which has
been the saga of this whole season. It's supposed to
be freezing temperature so that it's rain, that it's snow,
not rain. So when the freezing levels are higher and
higher and higher, that means anything beneath that is wetter
and wetter and wetter.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Then it just turns to ice.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
Yes, it just ruins the snow basically, and then it
gets cold and it freezes the snow and then it
turns into ice.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
So basically, a meteorologist snow.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
I mean, just added to your list of skills.
Speaker 3 (00:40):
Yeah, I'm adding that as well as dog training. I've
become very regimented in my dog training. Doug has an
entire situation going. He has a life coach, he has
a dog walker. He goes out three times a week.
She picks him up at nine and brings him back
at noon. And then, I mean, yeah, my neighbor was like, hey,
can Doug and his dog play have a playdate, and
(01:01):
I'm like, his schedule is packed during the day.
Speaker 4 (01:03):
I'm like, if you.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Want Doug, you have to come at night.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
And he's like, okay, I'm gonna come at six to
pick up Doug because they play so nicely on the
ski hill.
Speaker 4 (01:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
And I was like, okay, let me know any other
nights you want to come get them.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
And social calendar is so fall.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
He has a lot of social activities. I feel like
a soccer moll. Yeah, everyone wants playdates with him. I'm like,
we don't do one on ones, so we only do
group playing me.
Speaker 5 (01:23):
He doesn't have time for anything else. Well, you have
a birthday coming up.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
I do. I filmed my ski video yesterday. Oh, exciting
some special guests in that skip video.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Oh that'll be new and exciting for this year.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
I was actually going to be like fuck it because
the weather's been so shitty and the snow's been kind
of crappy.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
I was like, oh, fuck the video, and then my
friends are like, you can't do that.
Speaker 4 (01:44):
You have to do the video. It's tradition.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
It's tradition.
Speaker 5 (01:47):
But I also know that you're reading a fun new
book that I just finished.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
Yes you, guys, we have to tease Kristin Hannah, author
of The Great Alone, the book that I gave out
to everyone as my Christmas gift, along with Atomic Habits,
which is a book I actually read yet, but I
heard great things about and I've read the great things
about it. I've read everything about the book. But Kristin
Hannah wrote The Great Alone, and she wrote this new book.
She wrote The Nightingale. She wrote a bunch of books,
and the most recent book is called The Women, which
(02:12):
I am currently reading, and we are having her on
the podcast soon. So for all of our listeners who
read The Greade Alone and loved it, please read The
Women to prepare for our interview with Kristin Hannah.
Speaker 4 (02:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (02:22):
It's fantastic. It's like her books are very long, but
they're like you just consume them because her character is
super vivid. Yeah. Awesome.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
And we have a special guest today which is one
of my favorite people. She's a comedian, she has a
bunch of it. She has her own podcast too, and
she is a new mother. Please welcome Rosebud Baker. Rosebud
is back for her second well it's the second Coming
of Christ.
Speaker 4 (02:47):
Really.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
She is back as a second time guest because we
loved her so much the first time.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
And there's a pretty major update that has happened in
Rosebud's life.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
If you don't follow Rosebud on so well, you should,
and you should also watch your comedy specials.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
You have two on YouTube, right.
Speaker 4 (03:06):
I have one on YouTube, two shorter sets on Netflix.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Yeah okay, and then you have one on Comedy Central.
Speaker 4 (03:12):
Right. Well, it's on Comedy Central's YouTube. It's called Whiskey Fish.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
Anyway, Rosebud, against my better judgment, decided to procreate. And
when I have known her now for a few years,
I've had the pleasure of knowing her for a few years.
She's also a writer on SNL, so that's actually very
much worth mentioning.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
She is a married woman.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
Who I met because she's a very talented writer, and
she was talking to me. I think she was opening
for me on a couple of stand updates, and we
were discussing freezing your eggs, and I was trying to
dissuade you from ever doing such a thing and that
it was not necessary to procreate because I assumed you
were like more like me in yeah, in really, because
(03:55):
I felt like you were on the fence, and I
always feel like if any one's on the fence, don't
do it with children, Like you should be one hundred
thousand percent excited. And you were on the fence, and
I was like, if you have any question, there's no question,
back it up.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
Yeah, And then.
Speaker 4 (04:11):
You and I are different in that way, and that
I feel like, if you're one hundred percent into having kids,
you haven't thought it through. Hmm, Like if you're one
hundred percent into it, stop and think for a second,
you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (04:25):
But I but valid.
Speaker 4 (04:26):
Yeah, And I remember you saying like, oh, you don't
have to and I and I felt I was. I
was kind of like, we'll see, we'll see. And then
I rosee embryos because I was like, I wasn't sure.
And then I got pregnant while I had COVID, like
right after freezing the amber.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Oh so interesting, got a little frisky while you were sick.
Speaker 4 (04:46):
It was against your better judgment and mine.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
Yeah, and doctor Frauci's.
Speaker 4 (04:51):
And doctor Frauci's so okay.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
So since then, she's had a baby and she has
fallen madly in love with her baby, and I want
to fucking hear all about it, Rosebud Okay fro, I
want to hear from everything because I know your pregnancy.
First of all, your pregnancy looked very uncomfortable for me
watching you expand like that she was on stage. I
think up until probably like a week before you gave birth,
(05:16):
right or was it even closer to your birthday?
Speaker 4 (05:18):
It was? It was not, No, it wasn't a week,
but it was. I think I was like thirty six
weeks was the last time I was on stage, and
then I went until thirty nine weeks, so it was
like three weeks I was down. But yeah, it sucked.
Speaker 3 (05:31):
Okay, So I look at what you did as something
that like if I were ever to do it, I
feel like I would have a similar experience that you
did because of your attitude towards pretty much everything. Yeah,
so take us through it, take us through the pregnancy,
take us through the news of becoming pregnant and all
of that stuff. I want to know, like what your
(05:52):
roller coaster of emotions or if it wasn't a roller
coaster of emotion.
Speaker 4 (05:56):
No, it was one hundred percent of roller coaster of emotion.
And it's an absolute I just to be clear, not
for everybody. But for me, pregnancy was a no less
than body torture that went on for nine months. It's
bad when it starts and then it gets a little better.
But by the end, I was like, Oh, this is
(06:18):
what makes it possible to give birth is that you're
so miserable that you're like, I'll do anything to get
them out. Like, that's what makes it possible is just
the amount of physical discomfort you're in. It kind of
like gives you this willingness to just go to do whatever.
(06:39):
You're like, I'll cut it out myself. If this is
where we're headed.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
You know, which is where you're headed?
Speaker 4 (06:45):
Which is where we're headed. Yeah, So when I found
out I was pregnant, I was like, oh, well, this
sort of messes up the plan, you.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Know, yeah, because Rostbud's career is really on the upswing.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
You're taking off, you're getting the credit you've deserveed, and
you only have your whole career ahead of you. So
also like not great timing for a lot of people's
mentality in this business, right, people don't want to have
kids until they're completely situated in their success exactly.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
A lot of people are scared to do yeah, but
not you.
Speaker 4 (07:16):
Well, I was scared.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
I was are you smoking right now?
Speaker 4 (07:20):
Yeah, I'm vaping. I'm back to BA.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
You also couldn't do that while pregnant.
Speaker 4 (07:25):
I decided not to breastfeed because it's not for me.
I wanted to debate, and I also wanted debate, that's
the truth. And I was like, I've done enough. You know,
I carried her.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
You're sober, you can don't have any alcohol or like addiction.
You can lean on except for vape.
Speaker 4 (07:42):
Except for this, and so I and the whole time
that I quit, I was like, people were like, so,
are you quit for good? And I said, from the
very beginning of my pregnancy until right now, I said,
I'm going to go back the second that I can.
And I was true to my word. Yeah good. So yeah.
I think here's one thing that my attitude has given
(08:03):
me is like an unwavering faith that whatever decision I
make is the right decision. And I don't care about
people's opinions about it. I don't. I'm going to do
what I want to do because a happy mom is
a better mom than a mom that is miserable and
a martyr. So I am just not I'm not into
(08:26):
that and that's not the kind of mom I'm going
to be.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
So what was the most uncomfortable part about the back
to the pregnancy? Was it the weight gain? Was it indigestion?
Speaker 4 (08:34):
Like?
Speaker 2 (08:34):
What was the part that was just so unbearable?
Speaker 4 (08:37):
It was that the weight of my baby caused my hips.
There's a joint that connects your pelvis in the front,
and the weight of my baby was such that and
because your ligaments loosen up in pregnancy, my hips actually
split and so it just felt like hit. My entire
(08:57):
pelvis felt like a barrel of loose bone. So by
the end of my pregnancy, I truly couldn't walk. And
the worst part about it was that they had no solution.
I went in and I was like, Hey, it feels
like my pussy's gonna fall out of my asshole and
I need something for this, and they were like support, Yeah.
(09:18):
They said, well, you could just tape your hips together
with this disgusting elastic underwear that's just medical underwear. So
not only did I feel less sexy than I'd ever
felt in my life, they also added medical underwear to
that equation, which made it not the most glowing I've
(09:39):
ever felt, you know, and you know there are women
that glow during pregnancy. I was not one of those women.
It doesn't look good on me, it doesn't feel good
on me. I fucking hated it from beginning to end.
But by the time it was over, I was like,
this was one hundred percent worth it. I love my baby.
(10:01):
It took some time. It wasn't a meeting.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Yes, okay, tell us about that.
Speaker 4 (10:06):
I mean I it didn't take some time to love her.
I loved her the second. It was weird, like I
would have died for her, but I couldn't tell you
why because she didn't do anything, like she was truly
like a blob. And it's like having a pet turtle.
For a while, you're just kind of staring at them
and they don't do anything, and you're like, did I
(10:27):
I ruined my life? I ruined my life and I
don't know what I'm doing and I liked my life before,
and what have I done? And then one day they
smile at you, and it's like the whole thing changes. Now.
It feels like I have Seltzer in my veins when
I think about her. That's how much I love her,
And I get excited to go home which was not
(10:51):
the case when it was just a husband. Okay, I
mean it's like, now I get excited. I'm so pumped
I get to talk to her. She smiles back at me,
like every day, it's a new thing. But for a while,
it was really rough. And I was nervous about that
time because I was like I knew it was coming,
(11:13):
Like I knew that when she was here, I was
going to have a real identity crisis that I wasn't
that nothing could have prepared me for. And so while
it was happening, even being aware of it didn't help.
Like I was just like, oh my god. And plus
I was so raw. You're just an open wound walking around.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
Did you have a natural childbirth or did you get
an epidural? I mean, I don't know, you're sober. I
don't know what the rules are. I'll assume you could
get the one time drugs are legally allowed to get
in your body.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
Yet that you would take that.
Speaker 4 (11:45):
Opportunity obvious, Okay, I said to the doctor's I don't
want to push for one fucking second. I said, I
I'm calling to schedule acy section. I was twenty weeks
when I called scheduleacy section and they were like, well,
you could give birth naturally, and I said, I have
no interest. I want to know when I'm giving birth.
I want there to be a deadline and I want
(12:07):
to go in there and I want a full spinal tap.
I just want you to present my baby like a
bottle of wine and just say here she is. And
it was really lovely. I mean, I really really loved
my labor. It was like I went in, I laid down,
(12:28):
they gave me a baby, and then I was paralyzed
for three days and it was fantastic.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
That's perfect.
Speaker 3 (12:34):
That sounds like a procedure I would want without the
end result being a baby.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
Though.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Yes, you know, like I want to get a spinal tap,
I want to be in bed in a hospital for
three days getting drugs and yeah, like all the way
all of that sounds I wouldn't even mind, like a
cician scar. Yeah, if I had to get that in
exchange for all of the supplies that they were giving me,
it was worth it.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
Well, we're going to take a break. We'll be right back,
and we're back.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
So Andy is her husband, and I always find it
very interesting how everyone spouses are surprised by each other's
reactions behavior and parenting.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
When a baby comes on the scene.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
Yeah, so are you surprised by Andy? Tell me about
his reaction and everything.
Speaker 4 (13:23):
I'm not surprised, but I mean because it's so it's
so what you would kind of expect from with our dynamic.
Like I was so nervous about getting like postpartum depression,
postpartum anxiety, and then he, being so supportive, decided to
get it for me. And he got the postpartum anxiety
(13:46):
and was fully checking to see if she was breathing
every five seconds, was scared to like zip up her
onesie all the way because he thought it was gonna
choke her. I'm like, it's this is how they're designed,
and all of that sounds like totally fine until you're
putting the baby in the car seat and he's like, well,
leave it a little loose because it could kill her.
(14:07):
I'm like, you don't want to like invalidate how he's feeling,
but at the same time, how he's feeling is insane,
not valid, is not valid, So you're like, what do
I do here? And plus I felt a little jealous
because I was like, this is kind of like my
time to be crazy, Like I have like full carte
blanche to be insane right now, and you're like taking
(14:29):
that from me. So I had my own feelings about
that as well, you know where I had to work through,
Like it's like this asshole.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
Is so synthrobbing my postpart of experience.
Speaker 3 (14:43):
Yes, and how quickly did you go back to work
after you had the baby?
Speaker 2 (14:48):
What's your baby's name again, Mino Minno?
Speaker 3 (14:50):
I was gonna say Willow, but that's my other friend's baby, okay, Mino, Yeah,
Oh that's cute.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
What's her middle name?
Speaker 4 (14:55):
Baker? Because I was like, if I she's named after
my favorite aunt. And I was like, if I give
her the name Minno, I can't give her like a
anything after that is like a Wes Anderson movie, you
know what I mean. Like I was like, you can't
do like Minno Penelope. It's got to be something hard
after Minno. So solid, I was like, Minno Baker haynes
(15:19):
Is that's her full name.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
That's a cool name.
Speaker 4 (15:22):
It's yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
So what have you discovered about yourself as a mother.
Speaker 4 (15:27):
I guess I'm still kind of discovering it, Like I
don't really know yet. I'm still figuring that out, I'll
say what I think I'm doing right, which is that
when I'm with her, I'm one hundred percent with her,
Like I don't look at my phone, I don't mess
with work. I'm just like with her one hundred percent.
(15:48):
And I love watching her grow up. Like I'm not
someone who like I don't feel sad when she grows
out of something. I'm like excited to see her because
who she is, and like I don't have this kind
of nervousness that I feel like a lot of parents
have about her growing up. I'm excited. I'm genuinely excited
(16:10):
for it, and I'm excited to see her become who
she is. On the other hand, I went back to
work after six weeks, and some people say, like, that's
not a lot of time. To me, it's a lot
of time. I wanted to start using my brain again
for other things besides like changing her diaper. And so
(16:32):
the result of that is, like I do worry all
the time that she's gonna think Andy is her mom.
I am constantly worried, Like I look in her eyes
to see if she thinks I'm like her dad's girlfriend.
Do you know what I mean? Like it's I feel
genuine anxiety about the time that I spend away from
(16:54):
her and how that is affecting her, and I worry
about that all the time, Like I keep trying to remember,
like how I felt about this stuff before I had
a kid, which is like, she's a baby. It's gonna
be fine. You're her mom, There's nothing that's going to
break that, like bond. You're good. I just try not
to overthink things.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
And has anything about your behavior since you had a
child surprised you.
Speaker 4 (17:17):
No, I mean I am surprised by how much I
love her, Like I was prepared for the stuff that
is bad, I'm prepared for. I've been sleep deprived, I've
done things that I thought were impossible. Honestly, I've had
a puppy, and that is harder, Like having a puppy
is harder than having a baby. Puppies can run, they
(17:40):
are born knowing how to run, and babies can't. So
the sleep deprivation is tough. But out of the two,
I'm like, that was probably tougher for us. So it's
just been like amazing to me how much I love her.
I'm like, I wasn't prepared for the good stuff I
really wasn't.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
And so when you have questions already saying like do
you have people to go to? Like who do you
go to? Do you go to your mom or any friends?
Speaker 4 (18:04):
I mean, I talked to Rachel Fine seeing a lot
because Rachel's a comic with a kid. And it's weird
because I feel outside of comics in a way now
that I didn't before. But I also feel outside of
moms in a way that I didn't expect to because
I'm like, you know, I don't get excited about decorations
(18:25):
for Halloween. It's not something that I'm like excited about.
So there's things about like being a mom that I
feel distant from. So I just go to people who
are comics with kids, you know, that I feel close to,
and there's not a lot of them. So yeah, it's
that there's not a ton of questions that I have.
(18:46):
The only things that I'm like really concerned about are
like I'm like, hey, I'm crying more than I used to.
What's that about? And people are like, yeah, that's pretty normal, Rosebud.
It's not like you don't need to be concerned about that.
But I wasn't a big crier before. So that's kind
of odd.
Speaker 3 (19:05):
And what about your relationship with Andy? Has that brought
you guys closer together?
Speaker 2 (19:09):
Because you've produced this thing.
Speaker 4 (19:11):
It's brought us closer in a major way. It's challenged
our relationship in a huge way. It's it's very difficult
at this stage that we're in not to constantly be
fighting about who's doing more. You know. That's like a
thing where you're just like why did this? And then
why did this? And I found myself being like, you're
(19:32):
keeping score, but so was I. You know, I had
like a score I had, I had a tallly of
all the times he'd kept score. So I was like,
I'm telling him not to keep score while keeping a
tallly of all the times that he's done it, Which
is we're both doing more than we thought we were
capable of. And you definitely start to feel resentful about it.
(19:55):
But you have to you literally have to fight that
urge to like be like it wasn't like this before,
and it's like, yeah, no shit, dumbass, it's never going
to be the same, you know. So that's been tough.
But it also is like I look at him and
I'm like, holy shit, everything that I've made fun of
him for for years, like being so sensitive and so
(20:20):
like caring. I'm like, there's no one in the world
that if I was going to have a kid, I
chose absolutely the right person advocate with. And also if
I weren't with him, this wouldn't be possible, Like this
would not be possible. So yeah, there's that. I mean,
that's not funny, but it's that's the story, you know
(20:41):
what I mean.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
No, I love it.
Speaker 3 (20:43):
I think it's always Yeah, I think it's always so
fascinating how people react to it.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
People always describe.
Speaker 3 (20:49):
It as like your heart expanding to this degree of
you don't even know you have this capacity to love.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
I have a new puppy and I'm like, wow, I
didn't know I had the capacity to actually take to.
Speaker 3 (21:00):
Walks because my dogs don't fucking walk stand there. I've
never I always have rescues so they're always old quick,
And now I have a nine month old puppy and
I'm like seeing myself. I'm like, I'm taking him to
the doggie park, Like I would never take them to
the doggy park because.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
They don't do anything at the doggy park.
Speaker 3 (21:18):
And I'm like, oh, Mike and I'm talking about a
dog and I'm like, oh my god.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
I'm like, I'm my bandwidth.
Speaker 3 (21:23):
Is greater now because if he has such high energy
and I want to support that. Yeah, I'm like, look
at you cruising in a motherhood for this seventh time
as a dog owner. But I can only imagine, you know,
that's on a obviously different level. But like I can
only imagine when people talk about your heart expanding and
your capacity to like love someone so much, that's got
(21:43):
to be the best feeling in the world.
Speaker 4 (21:45):
It is. It's funny because I used to hear that
all the time, Like before I had kids, I used
to hear, oh, yeah, loving a dog is different than
loving it, And I'm like, it's not, though, I feel
like love is love is love is love, you know
what I mean. Like when I think about my pitbull Alabama,
and there's certain dogs you know that you have like
(22:05):
that like real strong connection with and this was like
my soul dog, and I think about her, and I'm like, yeah,
it was the same level. It was the same level
of love that I feel now that I felt then.
I truly like love them both the same. So I
don't really think it's like a different thing, you know.
Speaker 3 (22:26):
Right, you would you could jump in front of a
car for both of them too. I would like your
degree of commitment is the same, right.
Speaker 4 (22:32):
Yeah, exactly. To be honest, it's funny. I was like
thinking about it. It was like a few days after
Minna was born, and I was like walking her across
the street, and I thought, if a car came and
hit us right now, what would what would I do?
And literally my first thought was, well, my body would
turn into metal and the car would flip over. Like
I literally was like, I just that was what I thought.
(22:56):
It like took me a second to be like, oh,
that's not physically possible.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
But and what's your SNL schedule these days? Like do
you did you have to adjust that? Because I know
you work crazy hours there you all do?
Speaker 4 (23:08):
Yeah, I haven't. I haven't really adjusted the schedule. I don't.
I mean I took those six weeks off, but I
I work the same hours that I did before. You know,
and I have a nanny. So it's that makes me lucky,
you know.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
Is Mateo your nanny?
Speaker 4 (23:25):
Yeah? No, Mateo won't hold the baby. Mateo has come
over so many times and and and just sits next
to the baby, and I'm like, he's like, well, when
she can hold up her head, then I'll then I'll
then I'll hold her. But he's like, it scares the
shit out of me.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
Then I'll engauge.
Speaker 4 (23:42):
Right.
Speaker 5 (23:43):
My dad always says that he's like when they're out
of the slug stage, like six months, like past six months,
he's interested.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
But before that he's like no, no, no, no thanks.
Speaker 4 (23:50):
Yeah. Yeah, Honestly, I'm kind of the same. I was not.
I'm not really like a newborn gal. They don't do
it for me until their eyes are open and they're laughing.
That's when it gets interesting.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (24:03):
I mean it's almost pathetic how useless they are in
the beginning. It is defenseless and useless, like it's just
like a blood like they have to be kept alive.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
Yeah, you're like, wow, they're like a slug.
Speaker 4 (24:18):
I know, it's crazy. They're not even supposed to be
out of the womb for like another It's like human
beings just can't physically carry a baby for as long
as we're supposed to, which is why they call that
the fourth trimester is like those three months after they're
born that they're just they're not fully cooked like they
they have to finish cooking outside of the womb basically,
(24:40):
and it shows.
Speaker 3 (24:41):
Was your mom there with you and helping you in
the beginning, Yes, my mom, My mom was there.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
Yeah, and that was that very helpful to you.
Speaker 4 (24:48):
It was so helpful. And at the same time, it's like,
your mom is there, so it's so helpful and it's
so hard, and then they leave and you're like who
But then you watch them walk away and you're like sobbing.
It's just very complicated, you know.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Ye, Yeah, your mom is present on my Instagram page
a lot.
Speaker 3 (25:07):
I noticed her comments a lot, so we've cultivated an
online friendship.
Speaker 4 (25:11):
How does she what does she say?
Speaker 3 (25:13):
That's none of your business, Rosebudden, It's really none of
your business.
Speaker 4 (25:17):
Is she? Is she so supportive? Is she like, oh.
Speaker 3 (25:20):
She's a sweetheart? Yeah, she seems I she's somebody. I'm
interested in her. I love parents. I'm always interested in parents,
and she seems like she's off in the right kind
of way.
Speaker 4 (25:29):
Yeah, she really is. She's the most earnest person. It's
crazy that I came from her. I'm always just like,
how am I your daughter? She's like a golden retriever
and I'm like the angel of Death and I.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
Know, I know, it's very funny. Isn't that so interesting?
Speaker 4 (25:45):
It's so odd to me?
Speaker 3 (25:47):
My mother was so shy. My mother was so demure,
she was like ladylike, and she was horrified by me
in my presence.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
She was like, what are you are you? Are you
a man?
Speaker 4 (25:58):
Like? What? What is that? Like?
Speaker 3 (26:00):
She had never seen a girl talk like me, or
act like me, or be so like a loud mouth.
And my mom was always just in like, not disgusted
or repelled, more like shocked than I was of her.
Speaker 4 (26:12):
Yes, Like She's like.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
How did you come out of me?
Speaker 3 (26:15):
And I'm like, I don't know, bitch, but I'm here
and let's get down to business. And she was just
I remember she once found something like I guess it
was a hair, I mean, something gross in her salad.
We were at the Olive Garden in New Jersey and
that was already you know, traumatizing growing up by an
olive garden. And when she found the hair in her salad,
(26:37):
I remember calling the waitress over to get rid of
the salad and my mom was like, no, no, and
I was like, nine, I'm excuse me she found a
hair and my mom was like, no, no, it's okay,
don't say anything, don't say anything. I was like, I
was like advocating for her. And I realized then I
was like.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
Oh god, we are not on the same page at all.
Speaker 3 (26:55):
But it's so interesting to see that, Like, I wonder
how that will be with minnow.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
You know, she's gonna be a reflection of you and
or the complete opposite of you.
Speaker 4 (27:03):
I know, I wonder about that too. I'm really curious
to find out. My mom and I we went on
you know, I took her to Italy on a trip
while I was pregnant.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
Yes, how was that?
Speaker 4 (27:11):
It was so funny because here I am, I'm like,
I'm in my second trimester. I'm walking around Italy with
my mother, and my mom is she's a painter. So
she stops at every painting and reads the museum placard
and sort of takes it in and breaks it down
and cries softly cries, and then comes to me while
(27:32):
she's crying and explains the meaning of the painting, right,
And each time I can't summon the feeling each time,
you know, I mean, it's like the Duomo. There's like,
we spent all day in there, and I at the
end of the day, we went out to dinner and
I was kind of like fed up, right, and she
she she was like, what's the matter, and I said,
(27:53):
I was like, it's just, you know, there's not enough
hours in the day for the amount of crying that
you got to do. I can't. And of course she
starts to tear up, and she's like, well, do you
just want me to pretend like I don't care? And
I was like, yes, yes, I want you to pretend
like you don't care, just for a just for an hour, please,
(28:16):
And so it became like a joke. Each time we
walked by a painting, she'd be like, I mean, who
gives a shit?
Speaker 2 (28:22):
Right, yeah, but now look at you.
Speaker 3 (28:26):
You're like, karma just landed on your doorstep, because now
you're crying all the time.
Speaker 4 (28:29):
I know. I'm like, God, damn it, I've.
Speaker 3 (28:31):
Been seeing that happen a lot lately, like karma working
in real time. Like even if I think like a
nasty thought about someone, something will bite me right away
or I trip right away, and I'm like, oh, I go,
I might I must be so close to the surface
of like especially when it happens to other people too.
I was skiing the other day with this elderly woman
and she was a cunt, and she was like, I
think she was trying to rap. I didn't even want
(28:53):
to go skiing with her, but a friend of a friend.
And then and then she blamed me, like she was
so unpleasant anyway, I was like, why am I spending
my day with her? And then she started she was
kind of racing me. And this is a woman in
her older sixties, and I'm like, she is she.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
Racing to me right now?
Speaker 3 (29:07):
And I'm like, am I Am I racing an elderly
And I started to step it up and I was
like going to race her back. And then I stopped
myself and said, no, no, this is so silly, stop it.
Speaker 2 (29:18):
What are you doing? And then she wiped out.
Speaker 3 (29:21):
She wiped out so badly, and I couldn't help but laugh.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
I was like that you had that coming. That is karma.
In a second.
Speaker 3 (29:29):
You're sitting here trying to race someone on a mountain.
We're not racing, we're not fucking in the Olympics. We're
just on a regular day. So I kind of I've
been noticing that a lot lately, karma in real time,
and I'm enjoying it even when it happens to myself,
because it's a reminder, like, you know, you don't have
to like even if you have a negative thought about someone,
like you don't have to say it every single time.
(29:52):
You don't have to emote it, and sometimes it's better
to leave it inside. So I like it as a
reminder personally, and I like seeing it happen to others.
Speaker 4 (29:59):
Yeah, although I do like when I have a negative
thought just texting it to someone immediately. I love. I
do love to.
Speaker 2 (30:05):
That's what Matteo is. That's what Matteo is for.
Speaker 3 (30:08):
Yeah, he's my receptacle for negative thoughts, I know, or
if I'm if I'm having a moment of shade and froud,
you know.
Speaker 2 (30:16):
Yeah, I like to share that. He's a good audience
for that.
Speaker 4 (30:19):
He's perfect for it.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
I know, he's ridiculous.
Speaker 4 (30:22):
Sometimes Matteo will just text me a name and I'll
just write pass.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
Okay, we're gonna take a break and we'll be right back.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
Okay, we're back. All right, Catherine, what the fuck is happening?
Speaker 4 (30:40):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 5 (30:41):
We have some parenting questions well, some having babies questions
because I figured they'd be perfect for you.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
Perfect. That's my wheelhouse.
Speaker 5 (30:48):
We've got some DNA questions. We've got a whole bunch
of crazy questions. Dating, also dating. Her first question comes
from Janine. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm struggling with a
decision right now. I cannot decide whether or not to
find the identity of my biological grandfather. My father has
wanted to know who he is ever since he was
(31:09):
a boy and found out that my Grandpa was not
his biological dad. My grandmother refuses to tell him. In
a recent twist, we found out via DNA test that
his quote cousin is actually his complete biological sister. He
confronted my grandmother about it and now they aren't speaking.
The problem is my grandmother is obsessed with her image
(31:30):
and her social standing, not to mention, she's a total
bitch to my dad every chance she gets. My father's
half siblings have no idea about any of this. This
has left a huge hole in my dad's life. He's
always been so good to me, especially when I came
out being a lesbian when I was a teenager.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
I really want to find out.
Speaker 5 (31:46):
For him, but I don't want to overstep his boundaries
or risk any more fighting than we already have on
that side of the family.
Speaker 1 (31:52):
What do you think I should do, Jinine.
Speaker 3 (31:54):
I think you should just go for it. Don't worry
about all the drama. If you don't participate in drama,
you're not part of the drama. Your dad wants to
know where he's from, go help him, and forget about
your grandmother, like that's her own problem. Let her deal
with her own emotions, and you do the right thing
for your dad, which sounds like he wants that too,
So I don't think that's a I think.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
That's a no brainer.
Speaker 3 (32:15):
I think everyone gets caught up in all the drama.
You don't have to participate in drama. You can just
do your thing and then extricate yourself from the situation
and let everything. Let the chips fall where they may,
as they say, Rosebud your thoughts.
Speaker 4 (32:26):
I agree. I feel like people's opinions about you are
none of your business, and if you want to help
out your dad, go for it and let the chips
fall where they may. Like you said, like, it's just
just see what happens. You know, you could just sit
back and watch. You could enjoy it.
Speaker 3 (32:44):
Yeah, sit back exactly, Sit back, get some popcorn, and
just enjoy enjoy other people floundering.
Speaker 4 (32:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:50):
But also the other thing is like your grandmother's saying,
your grandmother's really protective over her image.
Speaker 2 (32:55):
That's no one's problem but hers.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
Yeah, it's her right.
Speaker 2 (32:57):
So don't ever.
Speaker 3 (32:58):
Feed into other people's pretend lives, pretentiousness, or their image,
you know, like that's that is their deal, and they
need to deal with that because the truth is what
the truth is, and that's going to affect them.
Speaker 2 (33:11):
However, it's gonna affect them.
Speaker 4 (33:12):
Worst case scenario, what she has to accept who she
actually is at the end of her life. That sounds
like a pretty good payoff to me.
Speaker 2 (33:21):
I agree with you, actually.
Speaker 4 (33:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (33:24):
The other thing is like I don't think you have
to advertise it, Like, just because you and your dad
are going to find this out, there's already plenty of
secrets that everybody else doesn't know about.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
Like, if you don't want to advertise, they don't have to.
Speaker 4 (33:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (33:34):
Yeah, when you're not in the argument, there's nothing to
argue about. Like, as long as you don't subscribe to it,
it's it diffuses, like if someone's yelling at you and
you're not saying anything back, eventually they're going to walk
away because there's nothing to argue about.
Speaker 4 (33:48):
Right agreed?
Speaker 3 (33:50):
Anyway, Wise words from the sagacious Chelsea joy Handler.
Speaker 2 (33:53):
Let's move on to the next question.
Speaker 5 (33:55):
Moving on, Lauren says, Dear Chelsea, modern dating is hard
between the apps and meeting in person. It's all fun
and games until it's just the games. I'd love your
advice on when it's time to bring up what someone's
intentions are.
Speaker 1 (34:09):
I know it may seem.
Speaker 5 (34:10):
Silly, like I could just be honest and ask someone,
But what I really mean is when you're dating someone
and you see potential but also don't want it to
be just another hookup or friends with benefit situation, how
do you casually bring this up without sounding crazy or
that you're trying to tie them down? And I don't
know if there's an answer to this, but how many
days before you sleep with someone that you see potential
(34:30):
with I'm no prude, but I don't want to be
just another notch in someone's bed.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
Post.
Speaker 5 (34:35):
This back and forth with men walking in and out
of my life makes me wonder if I will ever
find someone that will stick around. One guy told me
he's ready to settle down, and then days later I
see him back on the dating apps looking for a
long term relationship and monogamy. The one after him, I
found out was a former cop that's sexually assaulted a
girl and has to register it as a sex offender.
Speaker 1 (34:52):
So, as you can tell, dating is quite.
Speaker 5 (34:54):
The learning experience, which is why I'd like your advice.
Any advice would be amazing.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
Lauren.
Speaker 4 (35:00):
Hi Lauren, Hi Lauren, Hi, good morning.
Speaker 6 (35:03):
How are you.
Speaker 2 (35:04):
We're good? Thank you. This is Rose about our special
guest today.
Speaker 4 (35:07):
Hi Lauren.
Speaker 2 (35:08):
She's a dating expert, so you're in good hands.
Speaker 6 (35:10):
That's perfect. Nice to meet you. Good to see Catherine.
Speaker 4 (35:14):
Hi.
Speaker 3 (35:15):
Listen, there's a bunch of fucking assholes out there, but
that goes for women and men. And like, the dating
scene is so up and down and you shouldn't follow
any set of rules, is my personal opinion. You need
to listen to your gut and you need to listen
to like what you're interested in. Also, I feel like
so many times as young women, we are so programmed
(35:35):
to try to discern if the guy likes us, if
the guy wants to be with us. When's the right
time to sleep with him so that he'll speak to
us again and.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
We'll still and he won't he'll still respect us. It's like,
what do you want? What do you like? What are
you attracted to?
Speaker 3 (35:49):
That we kind of marginalize our own feelings in exchange
for what we want to do to please men. And
I think you have to take it always back to yourself.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
Who do you like? You know, when do you want
to sleep with someone?
Speaker 3 (36:00):
There is no prescription of when it's a perfect timing,
because if you meet a guy who's great and you
have chemistry and you both like each other, you could
slip together right away and then spend the rest of
your life together.
Speaker 2 (36:11):
Possibly.
Speaker 3 (36:11):
There's no like, oh if I wait ten days and
he's gonna respect me more. I mean, I don't buy
into any of that. I think there you know, you know,
when you have chemistry with somebody, and I think setting
your intention as early as you want is fine, then
you're weeding out anybody who's going to waste your time.
You know why you don't have to wait five days
so because you're gonna scare them off. There's a way
(36:32):
to say what you're looking for without being desperate about it.
Speaker 2 (36:35):
There's a way to say, hey, how old are you?
Speaker 6 (36:38):
I'm twenty eight.
Speaker 3 (36:39):
Okay, there's a way to say, hey, I'm twenty eight.
I've dated a lot. I'm ready for whatever your history is.
I'm ready for something a little bit more substantial. So
I just want to make sure we're on the same
page even before you go out on a date. You know,
it may change after you go out on a date
and they'll say, you know, what they say may not
be true afterward. But all you can do is be honest,
outbound with your and your feelings, and then you're clean,
(37:02):
you know what I mean. Like, you're not playing games,
you're not doing anything wrong. Even if the first five
guys you might be interested in aren't reciprocating that or
don't end up being in your life. You have a
clear conscience because you're being very, very direct and kind
of self actualized about what you want, so to speak.
And I always think that reaps more dividends than anything else,
(37:25):
because then nobody can get confused.
Speaker 2 (37:27):
You're clear, then they're clear.
Speaker 6 (37:30):
Yeah, definitely, No. I think that's really good advice. And
I think I mean, I have been dating a lot
and I like to be very upfront and direct, but
sometimes I feel like, you know, I may get one
response and then their true color show later on. I
just feel like I keep running into these like situationships.
It seems like it's like this modern dating, whether it's
the apps or in person, and it's like it's exhausting,
(37:54):
you know, and that's part of dating. And I get
all of that, but I think it's hard to kind
of find that sometimes.
Speaker 4 (38:01):
I think when you are like if you just do
what if you do what Chelsea does or what she's
promoting you do, which I think she also does in
her personal life. Is like if you just say this
is where I'm at, this is what I want. It
might not you might not be the right person for this,
but this is what I want. And if you're not
(38:22):
the right person for this, maybe we should go separate
ways now. And they say no, no, no, I am
this is what I want. This is you know, because men,
they're a lot of times I've noticed in my own
dating history that they'll lie and say something that they
think I want to hear the same way that I've
bent myself into different shapes hoping that I don't scare
(38:43):
them off. So I think we're all kind of like
programmed to do this to one another. But once you
get that information of like, oh he was lying because
he thought this is what I wanted to hear, and
you you just go, Okay, that's all the information I need.
I can move on to the next one. And you
don't get discouraged by that. I think that's a really
helpful attitude to have, of like, you have time, you
(39:07):
know what I mean, you have all the time in
the world. So to just say, like, all right, Like
when I met my now husband, I was we had
slept together on the first.
Speaker 2 (39:17):
Night, I ainal they did ANAL.
Speaker 4 (39:20):
We did ANAL on the first night. Yeah, when I
say slept together, it was hardcore anal. And and then
and I said to him like, look, I don't know
if you're the right person for me, but I do
know that I want to get married. So if you
aren't into that idea, we should start dating other people.
(39:40):
And he was like, well, I don't want to date
other people. And I said, okay, well, then you know
where I stand and you know where I'm at, and
if this gets serious, I just want you to know
I want to get married. So that's where I'm at,
and we can just keep going on as if this
conversation never even happened. But just know that's where I stand,
(40:02):
you know.
Speaker 2 (40:03):
And know that the conversation did happen.
Speaker 4 (40:05):
Yeah. Yeah, and then it ended up working out. But
like I wasn't even sure that he was the guy
for me when I told him that. I just knew
that that was what I wanted. So yeah, it was
like I had to put my own shame and feelings
about how he would feel about it totally aside. Like
I had to be like, I don't care what your
(40:26):
reaction is to this. In fact, the more honest your reaction,
the more information for me I can move forward just
by watching you react to this.
Speaker 6 (40:36):
So I think that's a good way being true to
yourself and where you stand with things and how they
react is going to determine you know how or whether
you move forward with them. And it's almost better knowing
it that way than finding out maybe later on when
it fizzles out.
Speaker 3 (40:52):
But they also the other thing is is like women,
especially in your twenties and your thirties, before you really
are like fortified in your self worth. I mean, you
seem like you have some self worth, so I like
to see that. But I also would like to say,
like that is a practice. You have to practice your
self worth, and by announcing to these guys or having
real adult conversations is a constant cementing of your self worth,
(41:13):
saying this is what I'm interested in, and if you're not,
that's fine too, but like, let's just be on the
same page.
Speaker 2 (41:18):
And conversely, if the opposite.
Speaker 3 (41:20):
Were true, I just had a conversation with a guy
where I'm like, listen, there's nothing serious happening here.
Speaker 2 (41:24):
This is wintertime.
Speaker 3 (41:26):
I like having sex when I'm skiing and a lot
of fun, and it's over when.
Speaker 2 (41:31):
I leave in March.
Speaker 3 (41:32):
And he was like, wow, that's pretty harsh. I go, well,
you can take it as harsh, but that's where I am.
If it's not going to be you, it's going to
be another guy. I didn't say that part to him,
but that's what I was thinking, Like, yeah, you can
sign up for this program or but I'm never going
to be deceptive.
Speaker 2 (41:48):
I'm never going to pretend.
Speaker 3 (41:49):
I mean, you know, like if it does get serious, great,
but that's not my intention.
Speaker 2 (41:53):
I'm not trying to get serious.
Speaker 3 (41:54):
So and I think that works in all ways because
it's just a good reminder to yourself to always say
your truth, especially when dating, when guys can be you know,
these dating sites are filled with tons of assholes, so
you just have to know that going in. So it's like,
you know, if you get one good guy out of
ten dates, then that's what's out there. You know, every
ten dates you're gonna find somebody. Oh that's actually a potential,
(42:16):
but you know, if that's what you're after, that's kind
of what you have to do these days.
Speaker 2 (42:20):
And just know that nothing is.
Speaker 3 (42:21):
Personal, Like who cares if someone doesn't like you move
on to the next guy. There are millions, billions of
men out there. Yeah, so just keep that and practice
the art of like self respect.
Speaker 5 (42:34):
I think also there's an element of separating like could
this be something in the future and do you eventually
want a long term relationship slash marriage whatever? And being exclusive,
like I think you can find out if that's where
someone's end goal is that they want, you know, a
long term relationship and not necessarily be like we're a
boyfriend and girlfriend. We don't see anybody else right now,
(42:55):
until like you actually feel like you want that with
that person, right.
Speaker 6 (42:59):
Yeah, and that's that's where I think, like what's hard
and you know, whether it's on the apps or just
in person, you know, when you start consistently seeing someone,
like when do you kind of define the relationship and
whin do you Whether it's not that I'm trying to
get married tomorrow, but you know, when you finally meet
someone you would like to, you know, see where things go,
it turns into this when do you have that conversation
(43:23):
and still staying true to yourself. But at that point that's.
Speaker 4 (43:27):
I don't think you have to know that they're the guy.
You can also be clear like I'm not even sure
if this is you. You can say like I don't
know if it's you that I'm talking about, but I
know that this is what I'm looking for.
Speaker 5 (43:42):
You know.
Speaker 2 (43:43):
Yes, I like that a lot.
Speaker 4 (43:44):
Yeah, if you're not it, that's okay, I'm not I'm
just having this conversation for me because i want to
be clear about my intentions.
Speaker 1 (43:51):
Yeah, I like that.
Speaker 2 (43:53):
That's good.
Speaker 4 (43:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (43:54):
And also you know, like everyone is always looking for
a timeline, Like it's different for every relationship. When you're
post to you know, sometimes it's mutual. Sometimes it's them,
sometimes it's you, and not trying to control the outcome
of something before it begins is a nicer, easier way
to go through everything, you know, not trying to say, okay,
by six months, I have to be engaged. But this
(44:14):
is like that kind of hard line thinking doesn't allow
for fun and spur of the moment, like a jouis
de vie that you kind of want to implement into
your dating life. Because you are only twenty eight, you
could have like three or four loves before you meet
the guy you know you could have, and like, wouldn't
you want that?
Speaker 2 (44:32):
I want that for you.
Speaker 3 (44:33):
I want you to have a lot of different guys
to like experience, so that when you're ready to really
ready to settle down, you settle down. And that could
be your intention the whole time, but it's nice to have,
you know, the more experience you get, the better.
Speaker 2 (44:45):
In my opinion, Yeah.
Speaker 6 (44:47):
Yeah, definitely. I think through dating it's like I'm figuring
out more of the things that I don't want and
honestly more about myself and what I do. So I
think that's a good way to look at it, not
rushing things and just kind of you know, going with
the flow a little bit and having some fun.
Speaker 3 (45:03):
Yeah, and having fun right, Like, some people aren't going
to be your boyfriends. They're just going to be like
a casual guy for two months, and that's fun as
long as you're not you know, it has to end
with this result, Like you can have fun with all
sorts of different people in different ways.
Speaker 2 (45:18):
I mean, men do it, and you know, I feel
like not enough women do that.
Speaker 4 (45:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (45:23):
No, it's not the same standard.
Speaker 4 (45:24):
It needs to be about our pleasure. If they're not
going to make it their number one priority, then we
have to, you know what I mean. And I feel
like we have to anyway, regardless of what they do.
Speaker 3 (45:35):
Yeah, I mean, I spent so many times in my
twenties and thirties, a little bit in my thirties faking orgasms,
faking like just pleasing men. I mean, and now I'm like,
I don't even give a shit if you come, just
go down on me and we'll talk about it if
this leads to something else, Like I.
Speaker 2 (45:51):
Am so selfish now I don't even.
Speaker 3 (45:53):
Fucking care, you know, Like that it's a complete role
reversal of the way I was in my twenties. So yeah,
just from remember that when you sit down with a man,
do you like him?
Speaker 4 (46:03):
Not?
Speaker 2 (46:03):
Does he like you?
Speaker 1 (46:04):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (46:04):
On that first second third date, like you know, ask
yourself like is he even worth having? The sort of
like DTR defining the relationship dog with and the answer map.
Speaker 1 (46:12):
You know, on the first second third date and then
you're on the next year.
Speaker 2 (46:15):
Wow, DTR. That was quick, Catherine. Is that some lingo
that I don't know about? DTR?
Speaker 1 (46:19):
The DTR?
Speaker 2 (46:20):
Have the DTR sounds like d M e T D
five d M e O T which is frog venom.
I've been haled have the DTR. Okay, well, we're gonna
send you off.
Speaker 3 (46:29):
Good luck with everything, and remember self worth, self value,
self respect, start there.
Speaker 2 (46:34):
And then move on out. Thank you.
Speaker 6 (46:37):
Well, I'm excited you're coming to LA I'm going to
try to make it out to your show.
Speaker 2 (46:40):
Oh yes, the YouTube theater May eleventh. That's going to
be a fun show. Yes come.
Speaker 6 (46:45):
Thank you so much for all of your guys' advice.
I'll definitely keep it in mind as I continue the process.
Speaker 2 (46:51):
Okay, well, good luck and I'm sure you'll be very successful.
Speaker 4 (46:55):
Thank you, Bye, bye, Laurence, Bye, give me your Doug.
Speaker 3 (46:58):
I want to show you Doug. But he's so fucking
big I can't even lift him up. I threw my
back out yesterday taking him to the dog park. And
then I get to the dog park and there was
this guy who's like, there's a massive dog.
Speaker 2 (47:08):
And he's like, hey, is it okay to take my
dog off leash? And I'm like, well, it's an awfu
leash dog park?
Speaker 3 (47:13):
So why are you asking? He goes, do you have
any snacks on you? I go, why what would happen
if I do?
Speaker 2 (47:17):
I need that full? What's?
Speaker 3 (47:19):
And I said what kind of dog is that? He goes, Oh,
he's half wolf. I'm like, we're leaving half wolf?
Speaker 2 (47:24):
Fuck off?
Speaker 4 (47:25):
That's so La.
Speaker 2 (47:27):
I'm in Whistler, so oh.
Speaker 4 (47:29):
They have they have half wolves in Whistler and I.
Speaker 2 (47:31):
Don't see wolves in La. Do you Is that allowed?
Speaker 4 (47:35):
I feel like people would find find a loophole out there.
Speaker 5 (47:39):
Yeah, it's actor dogs. You can have I think up
to a half wolf.
Speaker 1 (47:43):
I had a neighbor. I'd one neighbor. If you're an actor,
well the dog is an actor.
Speaker 3 (47:48):
Oh wait, actors got to have wolves, but civilians don't.
Speaker 4 (47:55):
I wouldn't even blink an eye if that was the rule.
I'd be like that, I does that make sense? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (48:00):
Yeah, it is illegal to own a coyote.
Speaker 5 (48:02):
And I also had a neighbor that owned a coyote
and I was like, wow, looks like they're like, yeah, yeah,
don't tell anyone.
Speaker 1 (48:08):
I'm like, oh my god.
Speaker 2 (48:09):
You should have reported them right away. I have no
problem telling on people all the time.
Speaker 4 (48:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (48:14):
Well, our last question today comes from r That's it
r just our, just our.
Speaker 1 (48:21):
We could give her a name.
Speaker 2 (48:21):
It's Rachel, It's me Remedial, It's me Rose, It's.
Speaker 1 (48:26):
From rosebud Hi, Chelsea. I actually could be for you.
Speaker 2 (48:31):
Giving yourself advice. You wrote into yourself so you could
give your self advice.
Speaker 5 (48:37):
I'm listening to your episode with Elise Loanan and she
just asked you about pushing through your fears. I love
this idea under most circumstances, but my fear about having
a second child seems like one that I'm not sure
is worth pursuing. A little backstory. I got pregnant with
my daughter in March twenty twenty. Whoops, being a mom
is all I ever wanted. With all of what twenty
(48:57):
twenty took from literally everyone, it really cast an insane
toll on my mental health while being pregnant. After my
daughter was born, my postpartum depression and anxiety skyrocketed. I
resisted medication at first and was talking to a therapist. Finally,
after the darkest year of my life, I got on
medication and really came into my own I still struggle
here and there, but my daughter is now two and
(49:17):
a half and I'm having the time of my life.
Speaker 1 (49:20):
Here's the thing.
Speaker 5 (49:21):
I'm terrified of the idea of having a second child.
I'd always wanted multiple kids before, no less than three,
no more than five. What when I read that now,
I can't believe I ever said that and really thought
that's what I wanted with all my heart. I feel
like a completely different person after what I went through.
Do I accept the realities of my first experience and
(49:42):
move forward with a new perspective on my future, or
do I push through my fears of having a second
child because I can trust that I can get through
the hardship I might endure for longer term. Joy I
hear your voice saying, don't have a child unless you're
one hundred percent positive. But I'm struggling with knowing which
of my voices to listen to. Thanks for reading are.
Speaker 3 (50:02):
I don't think having a second child is pushing through fear.
When I talk about pushing through fear, I'm talking about
like daring yourself to like do stuff that you're not
comfortable with. This fear is actually like based in what
your experience was, like you had a reaction after having
a child. But I do think that having been through
(50:23):
it and surviving it, which I know nothing about, I
want to be very clear, I don't I think once
you survive something, then it seems a lot more reasonable
to expect that you will survive it again. So if
having a child is so important to you, I would
say go for it.
Speaker 2 (50:40):
But I wouldn't frame it as pushing through your fears.
Speaker 3 (50:43):
I would frame it as getting to the end goal
of like long term happiness and having the family that
you even desired many years ago when you wrote down
how many kids you wanted to have. I think that
you should go for it because you know what it is,
and while it might not be, it may not even
happen the second time, and what happened to you the
first time, and even if it does, you survived it.
(51:04):
So there's really like if you really want the kid.
That's the question, do you want a second child? And
if the answer is yes, I would say, go for it.
Speaker 1 (51:12):
She survived it, and she's got the tools now too.
Speaker 4 (51:15):
You know.
Speaker 1 (51:15):
It's just that evolution and the therapy.
Speaker 2 (51:17):
Rosebud, what about you, God.
Speaker 4 (51:19):
I'm like, that's just like a hard question for someone
else to answer. I feel like that's such a personal
choice that I don't know, I truly, because I'm in
the same position where it's like, I mean, I would
be I don't want a second kid, but it would
be terrifying to me if I did want one, it
(51:44):
would be terrifying to choose to do it. And I
know what she means by I don't know which voice
to listen to, because that's how I felt before I
had my first kid, was I was like, I don't
it's it scared the shit out of me having a kid,
and for good reason, it is terrify and life changing,
and you do feel like a totally different person. And
(52:04):
I think if there's anything that I could say, it's like,
just take a minute to yourself to really work through
how much you want this, you know, because if you
really want this and you're just scared. I agree with Chelsea,
like you have the tools, you've done it before, you
(52:28):
can do it again, and if you don't, you'll find
that out. But I think it's going to take to me.
It sounds like a little bit like you're still unsure
just from the question. So I would say it's okay
to let to give time time and to just figure
out how badly you want this, you know, because I
(52:49):
think that's really what it comes down to, is like
how badly you want it. So I don't know if
that's an answer, but it's it's hard to answer a
question that's like such a personal choice, you know.
Speaker 3 (53:01):
Yeah, and also sit with yourself, whether you meditate or not,
sit alone quietly. Like women, we have like a total
intuition and a total knowing when we actually allow ourselves
to like be very still, be very quiet and think
is this something that you're going to do? And your
body is going to tell you like you have to
you know, you really have to kind of get in
(53:22):
touch with yourself.
Speaker 2 (53:23):
But it's not that hard. We have such strong intuitions
within ourselves.
Speaker 4 (53:28):
I agree.
Speaker 3 (53:29):
I would say to like really try to listen to
yourself and really just like sit with yourself for like
fifteen minutes every morning, just with your eyes closed and
thinking about what this means to you and if you're
ready and if you're ready to take this on, and
I bet you that you are.
Speaker 5 (53:43):
Yeah, yeah, And you know, I think if you're not
ready to move forward right now, you know, like Rosebud said,
it's not a question that has to be answered today,
but part of what keeps us spinning is not having
made the decision. So maybe just like put a pin
in it, be like, you know what, I'm not gonna
make a decision on this. I'm giving letting myself off
the hook for the next six months and then like
(54:04):
literally put on your calendar six months from now or
three months or a year or whatever. You think, Okay,
let's dive into this again. Let's think about this again,
and you know, give yourself a little bit of a break.
Speaker 4 (54:13):
Yeah. I think with I was like torturing myself with
the question for so long about whether or not I
wanted to have a kid, and I think when I
finally did get pregnant, I thought, well, this is terrifying.
And while I'm very scared, I want this more than
I am scared of it, and I wanted there was
(54:34):
something even about the fear that intrigued me, So I
was like, I want to go into this just to
see what it does to me. I want to, like,
I want to be changed, and I want to experience
all of this, even if it's horrifying. And that kind
(54:55):
of makes the fear not something to be avoided, but
something that you can kind of dive in two and explode.
You know.
Speaker 2 (55:03):
Yeah, that's well said Rosebud.
Speaker 3 (55:06):
All right, well we're gonna take a break and we'll
come back to wrap things up. And we're back to
wrap things up with Rosebud Baker, Rosebud, what do you
have to say for yourself after the today's episode?
Speaker 4 (55:23):
Just that I love you and this was fun and
I can't wait to see you again. It's been way
too long.
Speaker 2 (55:30):
I know.
Speaker 4 (55:30):
I know.
Speaker 3 (55:31):
I'm gonna get an apartment in New York. I'm just
waiting for my wrap. Yeah, totally. I tried to get
one but then someone else got it, so but I'm trying.
I need to live in New York for sure, so
I will see you at some point. And I can't
wait to see you either.
Speaker 4 (55:44):
Yeah, you need to come to New York. It feels
like everyone in LA's brain is melting. It's so scary
it guys.
Speaker 2 (55:49):
Really yeah, I agree with that.
Speaker 3 (55:50):
There's a real no, there's a real lack of stimulation
in La.
Speaker 4 (55:54):
Something's going on over there. It's dark.
Speaker 2 (55:57):
It's like Rosebud.
Speaker 3 (55:58):
You are always a delight, Catherine. Thank you everyone who
called in. Thank you, and thank you to our listeners.
Good times, good times, everybody.
Speaker 4 (56:06):
Thanks for having you.
Speaker 2 (56:07):
Chilse okay, take care of Resbude. Okay.
Speaker 3 (56:11):
So, Chelsea Handler is my name, and comedy is my game.
Comedy and therapy. There are my games. I'm sorry I misspoke.
I have added more shows. I added a second show
in Vancouver, so I have two shows in Vancouver March
twenty ninth March thirtieth, I am coming to Calgary, Victoria, Colowna.
Then I've added another show in Sydney, Australia on July thirteenth.
(56:33):
So I have two shows in Sydney July twelfth and thirteenth.
For other shows in Australia and New Zealand, go to
Chelseahandler dot com.
Speaker 2 (56:40):
And I've added two.
Speaker 3 (56:41):
Shows in Oklahoma, Norman, Oklahoma on May third, and one
in Thackerville, Oklahoma, which is May fourth, and then I'll
be at the YouTube Theater May eleventh and Los Angeles
with Matteo Laine and Vanessa Gonzalez and Fortune Fimester and
Sam Jay.
Speaker 2 (56:58):
Those are my updates and no more shows are coming,
so pay attention.
Speaker 5 (57:02):
If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
and engineered by Brad Dickard executive producer Catherine Law and
be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
com
Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea, how are you.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
I'm good.
Speaker 3 (00:03):
I'm just here in Whistler, just whistling and whistler.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
Is it snowing or raining behind you? I can't quite tell.
Speaker 3 (00:09):
It was snowing and it turned to rain, which has
been the saga of this whole season. It's supposed to
be freezing temperature so that it's rain, that it's snow,
not rain. So when the freezing levels are higher and
higher and higher, that means anything beneath that is wetter
and wetter and wetter.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Then it just turns to ice.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
Yes, it just ruins the snow basically, and then it
gets cold and it freezes the snow and then it
turns into ice.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
So basically, a meteorologist snow.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
I mean, just added to your list of skills.
Speaker 3 (00:40):
Yeah, I'm adding that as well as dog training. I've
become very regimented in my dog training. Doug has an
entire situation going. He has a life coach, he has
a dog walker. He goes out three times a week.
She picks him up at nine and brings him back
at noon. And then, I mean, yeah, my neighbor was like, hey,
can Doug and his dog play have a playdate, and
(01:01):
I'm like, his schedule is packed during the day.
Speaker 4 (01:03):
I'm like, if you.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Want Doug, you have to come at night.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
And he's like, okay, I'm gonna come at six to
pick up Doug because they play so nicely on the
ski hill.
Speaker 4 (01:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
And I was like, okay, let me know any other
nights you want to come get them.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
And social calendar is so fall.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
He has a lot of social activities. I feel like
a soccer moll. Yeah, everyone wants playdates with him. I'm like,
we don't do one on ones, so we only do
group playing me.
Speaker 5 (01:23):
He doesn't have time for anything else. Well, you have
a birthday coming up.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
I do. I filmed my ski video yesterday. Oh, exciting
some special guests in that skip video.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Oh that'll be new and exciting for this year.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
I was actually going to be like fuck it because
the weather's been so shitty and the snow's been kind
of crappy.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
I was like, oh, fuck the video, and then my
friends are like, you can't do that.
Speaker 4 (01:44):
You have to do the video. It's tradition.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
It's tradition.
Speaker 5 (01:47):
But I also know that you're reading a fun new
book that I just finished.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
Yes you, guys, we have to tease Kristin Hannah, author
of The Great Alone, the book that I gave out
to everyone as my Christmas gift, along with Atomic Habits,
which is a book I actually read yet, but I
heard great things about and I've read the great things
about it. I've read everything about the book. But Kristin
Hannah wrote The Great Alone, and she wrote this new book.
She wrote The Nightingale. She wrote a bunch of books,
and the most recent book is called The Women, which
(02:12):
I am currently reading, and we are having her on
the podcast soon. So for all of our listeners who
read The Greade Alone and loved it, please read The
Women to prepare for our interview with Kristin Hannah.
Speaker 4 (02:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (02:22):
It's fantastic. It's like her books are very long, but
they're like you just consume them because her character is
super vivid. Yeah. Awesome.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
And we have a special guest today which is one
of my favorite people. She's a comedian, she has a
bunch of it. She has her own podcast too, and
she is a new mother. Please welcome Rosebud Baker. Rosebud
is back for her second well it's the second Coming
of Christ.
Speaker 4 (02:47):
Really.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
She is back as a second time guest because we
loved her so much the first time.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
And there's a pretty major update that has happened in
Rosebud's life.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
If you don't follow Rosebud on so well, you should,
and you should also watch your comedy specials.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
You have two on YouTube, right.
Speaker 4 (03:06):
I have one on YouTube, two shorter sets on Netflix.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Yeah okay, and then you have one on Comedy Central.
Speaker 4 (03:12):
Right. Well, it's on Comedy Central's YouTube. It's called Whiskey Fish.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
Anyway, Rosebud, against my better judgment, decided to procreate. And
when I have known her now for a few years,
I've had the pleasure of knowing her for a few years.
She's also a writer on SNL, so that's actually very
much worth mentioning.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
She is a married woman.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
Who I met because she's a very talented writer, and
she was talking to me. I think she was opening
for me on a couple of stand updates, and we
were discussing freezing your eggs, and I was trying to
dissuade you from ever doing such a thing and that
it was not necessary to procreate because I assumed you
were like more like me in yeah, in really, because
(03:55):
I felt like you were on the fence, and I
always feel like if any one's on the fence, don't
do it with children, Like you should be one hundred
thousand percent excited. And you were on the fence, and
I was like, if you have any question, there's no question,
back it up.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
Yeah, And then.
Speaker 4 (04:11):
You and I are different in that way, and that
I feel like, if you're one hundred percent into having kids,
you haven't thought it through. Hmm, Like if you're one
hundred percent into it, stop and think for a second,
you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (04:25):
But I but valid.
Speaker 4 (04:26):
Yeah, And I remember you saying like, oh, you don't
have to and I and I felt I was. I
was kind of like, we'll see, we'll see. And then
I rosee embryos because I was like, I wasn't sure.
And then I got pregnant while I had COVID, like
right after freezing the amber.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Oh so interesting, got a little frisky while you were sick.
Speaker 4 (04:46):
It was against your better judgment and mine.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
Yeah, and doctor Frauci's.
Speaker 4 (04:51):
And doctor Frauci's so okay.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
So since then, she's had a baby and she has
fallen madly in love with her baby, and I want
to fucking hear all about it, Rosebud Okay fro, I
want to hear from everything because I know your pregnancy.
First of all, your pregnancy looked very uncomfortable for me
watching you expand like that she was on stage. I
think up until probably like a week before you gave birth,
(05:16):
right or was it even closer to your birthday?
Speaker 4 (05:18):
It was? It was not, No, it wasn't a week,
but it was. I think I was like thirty six
weeks was the last time I was on stage, and
then I went until thirty nine weeks, so it was
like three weeks I was down. But yeah, it sucked.
Speaker 3 (05:31):
Okay, So I look at what you did as something
that like if I were ever to do it, I
feel like I would have a similar experience that you
did because of your attitude towards pretty much everything. Yeah,
so take us through it, take us through the pregnancy,
take us through the news of becoming pregnant and all
of that stuff. I want to know, like what your
(05:52):
roller coaster of emotions or if it wasn't a roller
coaster of emotion.
Speaker 4 (05:56):
No, it was one hundred percent of roller coaster of emotion.
And it's an absolute I just to be clear, not
for everybody. But for me, pregnancy was a no less
than body torture that went on for nine months. It's
bad when it starts and then it gets a little better.
But by the end, I was like, Oh, this is
(06:18):
what makes it possible to give birth is that you're
so miserable that you're like, I'll do anything to get
them out. Like, that's what makes it possible is just
the amount of physical discomfort you're in. It kind of
like gives you this willingness to just go to do whatever.
(06:39):
You're like, I'll cut it out myself. If this is
where we're headed.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
You know, which is where you're headed?
Speaker 4 (06:45):
Which is where we're headed. Yeah, So when I found
out I was pregnant, I was like, oh, well, this
sort of messes up the plan, you.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Know, yeah, because Rostbud's career is really on the upswing.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
You're taking off, you're getting the credit you've deserveed, and
you only have your whole career ahead of you. So
also like not great timing for a lot of people's
mentality in this business, right, people don't want to have
kids until they're completely situated in their success exactly.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
A lot of people are scared to do yeah, but
not you.
Speaker 4 (07:16):
Well, I was scared.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
I was are you smoking right now?
Speaker 4 (07:20):
Yeah, I'm vaping. I'm back to BA.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
You also couldn't do that while pregnant.
Speaker 4 (07:25):
I decided not to breastfeed because it's not for me.
I wanted to debate, and I also wanted debate, that's
the truth. And I was like, I've done enough. You know,
I carried her.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
You're sober, you can don't have any alcohol or like addiction.
You can lean on except for vape.
Speaker 4 (07:42):
Except for this, and so I and the whole time
that I quit, I was like, people were like, so,
are you quit for good? And I said, from the
very beginning of my pregnancy until right now, I said,
I'm going to go back the second that I can.
And I was true to my word. Yeah good. So yeah.
I think here's one thing that my attitude has given
(08:03):
me is like an unwavering faith that whatever decision I
make is the right decision. And I don't care about
people's opinions about it. I don't. I'm going to do
what I want to do because a happy mom is
a better mom than a mom that is miserable and
a martyr. So I am just not I'm not into
(08:26):
that and that's not the kind of mom I'm going
to be.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
So what was the most uncomfortable part about the back
to the pregnancy? Was it the weight gain? Was it indigestion?
Speaker 4 (08:34):
Like?
Speaker 2 (08:34):
What was the part that was just so unbearable?
Speaker 4 (08:37):
It was that the weight of my baby caused my hips.
There's a joint that connects your pelvis in the front,
and the weight of my baby was such that and
because your ligaments loosen up in pregnancy, my hips actually
split and so it just felt like hit. My entire
(08:57):
pelvis felt like a barrel of loose bone. So by
the end of my pregnancy, I truly couldn't walk. And
the worst part about it was that they had no solution.
I went in and I was like, Hey, it feels
like my pussy's gonna fall out of my asshole and
I need something for this, and they were like support, Yeah.
(09:18):
They said, well, you could just tape your hips together
with this disgusting elastic underwear that's just medical underwear. So
not only did I feel less sexy than I'd ever
felt in my life, they also added medical underwear to
that equation, which made it not the most glowing I've
(09:39):
ever felt, you know, and you know there are women
that glow during pregnancy. I was not one of those women.
It doesn't look good on me, it doesn't feel good
on me. I fucking hated it from beginning to end.
But by the time it was over, I was like,
this was one hundred percent worth it. I love my baby.
(10:01):
It took some time. It wasn't a meeting.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Yes, okay, tell us about that.
Speaker 4 (10:06):
I mean I it didn't take some time to love her.
I loved her the second. It was weird, like I
would have died for her, but I couldn't tell you
why because she didn't do anything, like she was truly
like a blob. And it's like having a pet turtle.
For a while, you're just kind of staring at them
and they don't do anything, and you're like, did I
(10:27):
I ruined my life? I ruined my life and I
don't know what I'm doing and I liked my life before,
and what have I done? And then one day they
smile at you, and it's like the whole thing changes. Now.
It feels like I have Seltzer in my veins when
I think about her. That's how much I love her,
And I get excited to go home which was not
(10:51):
the case when it was just a husband. Okay, I
mean it's like, now I get excited. I'm so pumped
I get to talk to her. She smiles back at me,
like every day, it's a new thing. But for a while,
it was really rough. And I was nervous about that
time because I was like I knew it was coming,
(11:13):
Like I knew that when she was here, I was
going to have a real identity crisis that I wasn't
that nothing could have prepared me for. And so while
it was happening, even being aware of it didn't help.
Like I was just like, oh my god. And plus
I was so raw. You're just an open wound walking around.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
Did you have a natural childbirth or did you get
an epidural? I mean, I don't know, you're sober. I
don't know what the rules are. I'll assume you could
get the one time drugs are legally allowed to get
in your body.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
Yet that you would take that.
Speaker 4 (11:45):
Opportunity obvious, Okay, I said to the doctor's I don't
want to push for one fucking second. I said, I
I'm calling to schedule acy section. I was twenty weeks
when I called scheduleacy section and they were like, well,
you could give birth naturally, and I said, I have
no interest. I want to know when I'm giving birth.
I want there to be a deadline and I want
(12:07):
to go in there and I want a full spinal tap.
I just want you to present my baby like a
bottle of wine and just say here she is. And
it was really lovely. I mean, I really really loved
my labor. It was like I went in, I laid down,
(12:28):
they gave me a baby, and then I was paralyzed
for three days and it was fantastic.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
That's perfect.
Speaker 3 (12:34):
That sounds like a procedure I would want without the
end result being a baby.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
Though.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Yes, you know, like I want to get a spinal tap,
I want to be in bed in a hospital for
three days getting drugs and yeah, like all the way
all of that sounds I wouldn't even mind, like a
cician scar. Yeah, if I had to get that in
exchange for all of the supplies that they were giving me,
it was worth it.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
Well, we're going to take a break. We'll be right back,
and we're back.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
So Andy is her husband, and I always find it
very interesting how everyone spouses are surprised by each other's
reactions behavior and parenting.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
When a baby comes on the scene.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
Yeah, so are you surprised by Andy? Tell me about
his reaction and everything.
Speaker 4 (13:23):
I'm not surprised, but I mean because it's so it's
so what you would kind of expect from with our dynamic.
Like I was so nervous about getting like postpartum depression,
postpartum anxiety, and then he, being so supportive, decided to
get it for me. And he got the postpartum anxiety
(13:46):
and was fully checking to see if she was breathing
every five seconds, was scared to like zip up her
onesie all the way because he thought it was gonna
choke her. I'm like, it's this is how they're designed,
and all of that sounds like totally fine until you're
putting the baby in the car seat and he's like, well,
leave it a little loose because it could kill her.
(14:07):
I'm like, you don't want to like invalidate how he's feeling,
but at the same time, how he's feeling is insane,
not valid, is not valid, So you're like, what do
I do here? And plus I felt a little jealous
because I was like, this is kind of like my
time to be crazy, Like I have like full carte
blanche to be insane right now, and you're like taking
(14:29):
that from me. So I had my own feelings about
that as well, you know where I had to work through,
Like it's like this asshole.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
Is so synthrobbing my postpart of experience.
Speaker 3 (14:43):
Yes, and how quickly did you go back to work
after you had the baby?
Speaker 2 (14:48):
What's your baby's name again, Mino Minno?
Speaker 3 (14:50):
I was gonna say Willow, but that's my other friend's baby, okay, Mino, Yeah,
Oh that's cute.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
What's her middle name?
Speaker 4 (14:55):
Baker? Because I was like, if I she's named after
my favorite aunt. And I was like, if I give
her the name Minno, I can't give her like a
anything after that is like a Wes Anderson movie, you
know what I mean. Like I was like, you can't
do like Minno Penelope. It's got to be something hard
after Minno. So solid, I was like, Minno Baker haynes
(15:19):
Is that's her full name.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
That's a cool name.
Speaker 4 (15:22):
It's yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
So what have you discovered about yourself as a mother.
Speaker 4 (15:27):
I guess I'm still kind of discovering it, Like I
don't really know yet. I'm still figuring that out, I'll
say what I think I'm doing right, which is that
when I'm with her, I'm one hundred percent with her,
Like I don't look at my phone, I don't mess
with work. I'm just like with her one hundred percent.
(15:48):
And I love watching her grow up. Like I'm not
someone who like I don't feel sad when she grows
out of something. I'm like excited to see her because
who she is, and like I don't have this kind
of nervousness that I feel like a lot of parents
have about her growing up. I'm excited. I'm genuinely excited
(16:10):
for it, and I'm excited to see her become who
she is. On the other hand, I went back to
work after six weeks, and some people say, like, that's
not a lot of time. To me, it's a lot
of time. I wanted to start using my brain again
for other things besides like changing her diaper. And so
(16:32):
the result of that is, like I do worry all
the time that she's gonna think Andy is her mom.
I am constantly worried, Like I look in her eyes
to see if she thinks I'm like her dad's girlfriend.
Do you know what I mean? Like it's I feel
genuine anxiety about the time that I spend away from
(16:54):
her and how that is affecting her, and I worry
about that all the time, Like I keep trying to remember,
like how I felt about this stuff before I had
a kid, which is like, she's a baby. It's gonna
be fine. You're her mom, There's nothing that's going to
break that, like bond. You're good. I just try not
to overthink things.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
And has anything about your behavior since you had a
child surprised you.
Speaker 4 (17:17):
No, I mean I am surprised by how much I
love her, Like I was prepared for the stuff that
is bad, I'm prepared for. I've been sleep deprived, I've
done things that I thought were impossible. Honestly, I've had
a puppy, and that is harder, Like having a puppy
is harder than having a baby. Puppies can run, they
(17:40):
are born knowing how to run, and babies can't. So
the sleep deprivation is tough. But out of the two,
I'm like, that was probably tougher for us. So it's
just been like amazing to me how much I love her.
I'm like, I wasn't prepared for the good stuff I
really wasn't.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
And so when you have questions already saying like do
you have people to go to? Like who do you
go to? Do you go to your mom or any friends?
Speaker 4 (18:04):
I mean, I talked to Rachel Fine seeing a lot
because Rachel's a comic with a kid. And it's weird
because I feel outside of comics in a way now
that I didn't before. But I also feel outside of
moms in a way that I didn't expect to because
I'm like, you know, I don't get excited about decorations
(18:25):
for Halloween. It's not something that I'm like excited about.
So there's things about like being a mom that I
feel distant from. So I just go to people who
are comics with kids, you know, that I feel close to,
and there's not a lot of them. So yeah, it's
that there's not a ton of questions that I have.
(18:46):
The only things that I'm like really concerned about are
like I'm like, hey, I'm crying more than I used to.
What's that about? And people are like, yeah, that's pretty normal, Rosebud.
It's not like you don't need to be concerned about that.
But I wasn't a big crier before. So that's kind
of odd.
Speaker 3 (19:05):
And what about your relationship with Andy? Has that brought
you guys closer together?
Speaker 2 (19:09):
Because you've produced this thing.
Speaker 4 (19:11):
It's brought us closer in a major way. It's challenged
our relationship in a huge way. It's it's very difficult
at this stage that we're in not to constantly be
fighting about who's doing more. You know. That's like a
thing where you're just like why did this? And then
why did this? And I found myself being like, you're
(19:32):
keeping score, but so was I. You know, I had
like a score I had, I had a tallly of
all the times he'd kept score. So I was like,
I'm telling him not to keep score while keeping a
tallly of all the times that he's done it, Which
is we're both doing more than we thought we were
capable of. And you definitely start to feel resentful about it.
(19:55):
But you have to you literally have to fight that
urge to like be like it wasn't like this before,
and it's like, yeah, no shit, dumbass, it's never going
to be the same, you know. So that's been tough.
But it also is like I look at him and
I'm like, holy shit, everything that I've made fun of
him for for years, like being so sensitive and so
(20:20):
like caring. I'm like, there's no one in the world
that if I was going to have a kid, I
chose absolutely the right person advocate with. And also if
I weren't with him, this wouldn't be possible, Like this
would not be possible. So yeah, there's that. I mean,
that's not funny, but it's that's the story, you know
(20:41):
what I mean.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
No, I love it.
Speaker 3 (20:43):
I think it's always Yeah, I think it's always so
fascinating how people react to it.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
People always describe.
Speaker 3 (20:49):
It as like your heart expanding to this degree of
you don't even know you have this capacity to love.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
I have a new puppy and I'm like, wow, I
didn't know I had the capacity to actually take to.
Speaker 3 (21:00):
Walks because my dogs don't fucking walk stand there. I've
never I always have rescues so they're always old quick,
And now I have a nine month old puppy and
I'm like seeing myself. I'm like, I'm taking him to
the doggie park, Like I would never take them to
the doggy park because.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
They don't do anything at the doggy park.
Speaker 3 (21:18):
And I'm like, oh, Mike and I'm talking about a
dog and I'm like, oh my god.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
I'm like, I'm my bandwidth.
Speaker 3 (21:23):
Is greater now because if he has such high energy
and I want to support that. Yeah, I'm like, look
at you cruising in a motherhood for this seventh time
as a dog owner. But I can only imagine, you know,
that's on a obviously different level. But like I can
only imagine when people talk about your heart expanding and
your capacity to like love someone so much, that's got
(21:43):
to be the best feeling in the world.
Speaker 4 (21:45):
It is. It's funny because I used to hear that
all the time, Like before I had kids, I used
to hear, oh, yeah, loving a dog is different than
loving it, And I'm like, it's not, though, I feel
like love is love is love is love, you know
what I mean. Like when I think about my pitbull Alabama,
and there's certain dogs you know that you have like
(22:05):
that like real strong connection with and this was like
my soul dog, and I think about her, and I'm like, yeah,
it was the same level. It was the same level
of love that I feel now that I felt then.
I truly like love them both the same. So I
don't really think it's like a different thing, you know.
Speaker 3 (22:26):
Right, you would you could jump in front of a
car for both of them too. I would like your
degree of commitment is the same, right.
Speaker 4 (22:32):
Yeah, exactly. To be honest, it's funny. I was like
thinking about it. It was like a few days after
Minna was born, and I was like walking her across
the street, and I thought, if a car came and
hit us right now, what would what would I do?
And literally my first thought was, well, my body would
turn into metal and the car would flip over. Like
I literally was like, I just that was what I thought.
(22:56):
It like took me a second to be like, oh,
that's not physically possible.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
But and what's your SNL schedule these days? Like do
you did you have to adjust that? Because I know
you work crazy hours there you all do?
Speaker 4 (23:08):
Yeah, I haven't. I haven't really adjusted the schedule. I don't.
I mean I took those six weeks off, but I
I work the same hours that I did before. You know,
and I have a nanny. So it's that makes me lucky,
you know.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
Is Mateo your nanny?
Speaker 4 (23:25):
Yeah? No, Mateo won't hold the baby. Mateo has come
over so many times and and and just sits next
to the baby, and I'm like, he's like, well, when
she can hold up her head, then I'll then I'll
then I'll hold her. But he's like, it scares the
shit out of me.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
Then I'll engauge.
Speaker 4 (23:42):
Right.
Speaker 5 (23:43):
My dad always says that he's like when they're out
of the slug stage, like six months, like past six months,
he's interested.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
But before that he's like no, no, no, no thanks.
Speaker 4 (23:50):
Yeah. Yeah, Honestly, I'm kind of the same. I was not.
I'm not really like a newborn gal. They don't do
it for me until their eyes are open and they're laughing.
That's when it gets interesting.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (24:03):
I mean it's almost pathetic how useless they are in
the beginning. It is defenseless and useless, like it's just
like a blood like they have to be kept alive.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
Yeah, you're like, wow, they're like a slug.
Speaker 4 (24:18):
I know, it's crazy. They're not even supposed to be
out of the womb for like another It's like human
beings just can't physically carry a baby for as long
as we're supposed to, which is why they call that
the fourth trimester is like those three months after they're
born that they're just they're not fully cooked like they
they have to finish cooking outside of the womb basically,
(24:40):
and it shows.
Speaker 3 (24:41):
Was your mom there with you and helping you in
the beginning, Yes, my mom, My mom was there.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
Yeah, and that was that very helpful to you.
Speaker 4 (24:48):
It was so helpful. And at the same time, it's like,
your mom is there, so it's so helpful and it's
so hard, and then they leave and you're like who
But then you watch them walk away and you're like sobbing.
It's just very complicated, you know.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Ye, Yeah, your mom is present on my Instagram page
a lot.
Speaker 3 (25:07):
I noticed her comments a lot, so we've cultivated an
online friendship.
Speaker 4 (25:11):
How does she what does she say?
Speaker 3 (25:13):
That's none of your business, Rosebudden, It's really none of
your business.
Speaker 4 (25:17):
Is she? Is she so supportive? Is she like, oh.
Speaker 3 (25:20):
She's a sweetheart? Yeah, she seems I she's somebody. I'm
interested in her. I love parents. I'm always interested in parents,
and she seems like she's off in the right kind
of way.
Speaker 4 (25:29):
Yeah, she really is. She's the most earnest person. It's
crazy that I came from her. I'm always just like,
how am I your daughter? She's like a golden retriever
and I'm like the angel of Death and I.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
Know, I know, it's very funny. Isn't that so interesting?
Speaker 4 (25:45):
It's so odd to me?
Speaker 3 (25:47):
My mother was so shy. My mother was so demure,
she was like ladylike, and she was horrified by me
in my presence.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
She was like, what are you are you? Are you
a man?
Speaker 4 (25:58):
Like? What? What is that? Like?
Speaker 3 (26:00):
She had never seen a girl talk like me, or
act like me, or be so like a loud mouth.
And my mom was always just in like, not disgusted
or repelled, more like shocked than I was of her.
Speaker 4 (26:12):
Yes, Like She's like.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
How did you come out of me?
Speaker 3 (26:15):
And I'm like, I don't know, bitch, but I'm here
and let's get down to business. And she was just
I remember she once found something like I guess it
was a hair, I mean, something gross in her salad.
We were at the Olive Garden in New Jersey and
that was already you know, traumatizing growing up by an
olive garden. And when she found the hair in her salad,
(26:37):
I remember calling the waitress over to get rid of
the salad and my mom was like, no, no, and
I was like, nine, I'm excuse me she found a
hair and my mom was like, no, no, it's okay,
don't say anything, don't say anything. I was like, I
was like advocating for her. And I realized then I
was like.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
Oh god, we are not on the same page at all.
Speaker 3 (26:55):
But it's so interesting to see that, Like, I wonder
how that will be with minnow.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
You know, she's gonna be a reflection of you and
or the complete opposite of you.
Speaker 4 (27:03):
I know, I wonder about that too. I'm really curious
to find out. My mom and I we went on
you know, I took her to Italy on a trip
while I was pregnant.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
Yes, how was that?
Speaker 4 (27:11):
It was so funny because here I am, I'm like,
I'm in my second trimester. I'm walking around Italy with
my mother, and my mom is she's a painter. So
she stops at every painting and reads the museum placard
and sort of takes it in and breaks it down
and cries softly cries, and then comes to me while
(27:32):
she's crying and explains the meaning of the painting, right,
And each time I can't summon the feeling each time,
you know, I mean, it's like the Duomo. There's like,
we spent all day in there, and I at the
end of the day, we went out to dinner and
I was kind of like fed up, right, and she
she she was like, what's the matter, and I said,
(27:53):
I was like, it's just, you know, there's not enough
hours in the day for the amount of crying that
you got to do. I can't. And of course she
starts to tear up, and she's like, well, do you
just want me to pretend like I don't care? And
I was like, yes, yes, I want you to pretend
like you don't care, just for a just for an hour, please,
(28:16):
And so it became like a joke. Each time we
walked by a painting, she'd be like, I mean, who
gives a shit?
Speaker 2 (28:22):
Right, yeah, but now look at you.
Speaker 3 (28:26):
You're like, karma just landed on your doorstep, because now
you're crying all the time.
Speaker 4 (28:29):
I know. I'm like, God, damn it, I've.
Speaker 3 (28:31):
Been seeing that happen a lot lately, like karma working
in real time. Like even if I think like a
nasty thought about someone, something will bite me right away
or I trip right away, and I'm like, oh, I go,
I might I must be so close to the surface
of like especially when it happens to other people too.
I was skiing the other day with this elderly woman
and she was a cunt, and she was like, I
think she was trying to rap. I didn't even want
(28:53):
to go skiing with her, but a friend of a friend.
And then and then she blamed me, like she was
so unpleasant anyway, I was like, why am I spending
my day with her? And then she started she was
kind of racing me. And this is a woman in
her older sixties, and I'm like, she is she.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
Racing to me right now?
Speaker 3 (29:07):
And I'm like, am I Am I racing an elderly
And I started to step it up and I was
like going to race her back. And then I stopped
myself and said, no, no, this is so silly, stop it.
Speaker 2 (29:18):
What are you doing? And then she wiped out.
Speaker 3 (29:21):
She wiped out so badly, and I couldn't help but laugh.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
I was like that you had that coming. That is karma.
In a second.
Speaker 3 (29:29):
You're sitting here trying to race someone on a mountain.
We're not racing, we're not fucking in the Olympics. We're
just on a regular day. So I kind of I've
been noticing that a lot lately, karma in real time,
and I'm enjoying it even when it happens to myself,
because it's a reminder, like, you know, you don't have
to like even if you have a negative thought about someone,
like you don't have to say it every single time.
(29:52):
You don't have to emote it, and sometimes it's better
to leave it inside. So I like it as a
reminder personally, and I like seeing it happen to others.
Speaker 4 (29:59):
Yeah, although I do like when I have a negative
thought just texting it to someone immediately. I love. I
do love to.
Speaker 2 (30:05):
That's what Matteo is. That's what Matteo is for.
Speaker 3 (30:08):
Yeah, he's my receptacle for negative thoughts, I know, or
if I'm if I'm having a moment of shade and froud,
you know.
Speaker 2 (30:16):
Yeah, I like to share that. He's a good audience
for that.
Speaker 4 (30:19):
He's perfect for it.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
I know, he's ridiculous.
Speaker 4 (30:22):
Sometimes Matteo will just text me a name and I'll
just write pass.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
Okay, we're gonna take a break and we'll be right back.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
Okay, we're back. All right, Catherine, what the fuck is happening?
Speaker 4 (30:40):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 5 (30:41):
We have some parenting questions well, some having babies questions
because I figured they'd be perfect for you.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
Perfect. That's my wheelhouse.
Speaker 5 (30:48):
We've got some DNA questions. We've got a whole bunch
of crazy questions. Dating, also dating. Her first question comes
from Janine. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm struggling with a
decision right now. I cannot decide whether or not to
find the identity of my biological grandfather. My father has
wanted to know who he is ever since he was
(31:09):
a boy and found out that my Grandpa was not
his biological dad. My grandmother refuses to tell him. In
a recent twist, we found out via DNA test that
his quote cousin is actually his complete biological sister. He
confronted my grandmother about it and now they aren't speaking.
The problem is my grandmother is obsessed with her image
(31:30):
and her social standing, not to mention, she's a total
bitch to my dad every chance she gets. My father's
half siblings have no idea about any of this. This
has left a huge hole in my dad's life. He's
always been so good to me, especially when I came
out being a lesbian when I was a teenager.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
I really want to find out.
Speaker 5 (31:46):
For him, but I don't want to overstep his boundaries
or risk any more fighting than we already have on
that side of the family.
Speaker 1 (31:52):
What do you think I should do, Jinine.
Speaker 3 (31:54):
I think you should just go for it. Don't worry
about all the drama. If you don't participate in drama,
you're not part of the drama. Your dad wants to
know where he's from, go help him, and forget about
your grandmother, like that's her own problem. Let her deal
with her own emotions, and you do the right thing
for your dad, which sounds like he wants that too,
So I don't think that's a I think.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
That's a no brainer.
Speaker 3 (32:15):
I think everyone gets caught up in all the drama.
You don't have to participate in drama. You can just
do your thing and then extricate yourself from the situation
and let everything. Let the chips fall where they may,
as they say, Rosebud your thoughts.
Speaker 4 (32:26):
I agree. I feel like people's opinions about you are
none of your business, and if you want to help
out your dad, go for it and let the chips
fall where they may. Like you said, like, it's just
just see what happens. You know, you could just sit
back and watch. You could enjoy it.
Speaker 3 (32:44):
Yeah, sit back exactly, Sit back, get some popcorn, and
just enjoy enjoy other people floundering.
Speaker 4 (32:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:50):
But also the other thing is like your grandmother's saying,
your grandmother's really protective over her image.
Speaker 2 (32:55):
That's no one's problem but hers.
Speaker 1 (32:57):
Yeah, it's her right.
Speaker 2 (32:57):
So don't ever.
Speaker 3 (32:58):
Feed into other people's pretend lives, pretentiousness, or their image,
you know, like that's that is their deal, and they
need to deal with that because the truth is what
the truth is, and that's going to affect them.
Speaker 2 (33:11):
However, it's gonna affect them.
Speaker 4 (33:12):
Worst case scenario, what she has to accept who she
actually is at the end of her life. That sounds
like a pretty good payoff to me.
Speaker 2 (33:21):
I agree with you, actually.
Speaker 4 (33:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (33:24):
The other thing is like I don't think you have
to advertise it, Like, just because you and your dad
are going to find this out, there's already plenty of
secrets that everybody else doesn't know about.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
Like, if you don't want to advertise, they don't have to.
Speaker 4 (33:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (33:34):
Yeah, when you're not in the argument, there's nothing to
argue about. Like, as long as you don't subscribe to it,
it's it diffuses, like if someone's yelling at you and
you're not saying anything back, eventually they're going to walk
away because there's nothing to argue about.
Speaker 4 (33:48):
Right agreed?
Speaker 3 (33:50):
Anyway, Wise words from the sagacious Chelsea joy Handler.
Speaker 2 (33:53):
Let's move on to the next question.
Speaker 5 (33:55):
Moving on, Lauren says, Dear Chelsea, modern dating is hard
between the apps and meeting in person. It's all fun
and games until it's just the games. I'd love your
advice on when it's time to bring up what someone's
intentions are.
Speaker 1 (34:09):
I know it may seem.
Speaker 5 (34:10):
Silly, like I could just be honest and ask someone,
But what I really mean is when you're dating someone
and you see potential but also don't want it to
be just another hookup or friends with benefit situation, how
do you casually bring this up without sounding crazy or
that you're trying to tie them down? And I don't
know if there's an answer to this, but how many
days before you sleep with someone that you see potential
(34:30):
with I'm no prude, but I don't want to be
just another notch in someone's bed.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
Post.
Speaker 5 (34:35):
This back and forth with men walking in and out
of my life makes me wonder if I will ever
find someone that will stick around. One guy told me
he's ready to settle down, and then days later I
see him back on the dating apps looking for a
long term relationship and monogamy. The one after him, I
found out was a former cop that's sexually assaulted a
girl and has to register it as a sex offender.
Speaker 1 (34:52):
So, as you can tell, dating is quite.
Speaker 5 (34:54):
The learning experience, which is why I'd like your advice.
Any advice would be amazing.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
Lauren.
Speaker 4 (35:00):
Hi Lauren, Hi Lauren, Hi, good morning.
Speaker 6 (35:03):
How are you.
Speaker 2 (35:04):
We're good? Thank you. This is Rose about our special
guest today.
Speaker 4 (35:07):
Hi Lauren.
Speaker 2 (35:08):
She's a dating expert, so you're in good hands.
Speaker 6 (35:10):
That's perfect. Nice to meet you. Good to see Catherine.
Speaker 4 (35:14):
Hi.
Speaker 3 (35:15):
Listen, there's a bunch of fucking assholes out there, but
that goes for women and men. And like, the dating
scene is so up and down and you shouldn't follow
any set of rules, is my personal opinion. You need
to listen to your gut and you need to listen
to like what you're interested in. Also, I feel like
so many times as young women, we are so programmed
(35:35):
to try to discern if the guy likes us, if
the guy wants to be with us. When's the right
time to sleep with him so that he'll speak to
us again and.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
We'll still and he won't he'll still respect us. It's like,
what do you want? What do you like? What are
you attracted to?
Speaker 3 (35:49):
That we kind of marginalize our own feelings in exchange
for what we want to do to please men. And
I think you have to take it always back to yourself.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
Who do you like? You know, when do you want
to sleep with someone?
Speaker 3 (36:00):
There is no prescription of when it's a perfect timing,
because if you meet a guy who's great and you
have chemistry and you both like each other, you could
slip together right away and then spend the rest of
your life together.
Speaker 2 (36:11):
Possibly.
Speaker 3 (36:11):
There's no like, oh if I wait ten days and
he's gonna respect me more. I mean, I don't buy
into any of that. I think there you know, you know,
when you have chemistry with somebody, and I think setting
your intention as early as you want is fine, then
you're weeding out anybody who's going to waste your time.
You know why you don't have to wait five days
so because you're gonna scare them off. There's a way
(36:32):
to say what you're looking for without being desperate about it.
Speaker 2 (36:35):
There's a way to say, hey, how old are you?
Speaker 6 (36:38):
I'm twenty eight.
Speaker 3 (36:39):
Okay, there's a way to say, hey, I'm twenty eight.
I've dated a lot. I'm ready for whatever your history is.
I'm ready for something a little bit more substantial. So
I just want to make sure we're on the same
page even before you go out on a date. You know,
it may change after you go out on a date
and they'll say, you know, what they say may not
be true afterward. But all you can do is be honest,
outbound with your and your feelings, and then you're clean,
(37:02):
you know what I mean. Like, you're not playing games,
you're not doing anything wrong. Even if the first five
guys you might be interested in aren't reciprocating that or
don't end up being in your life. You have a
clear conscience because you're being very, very direct and kind
of self actualized about what you want, so to speak.
And I always think that reaps more dividends than anything else,
(37:25):
because then nobody can get confused.
Speaker 2 (37:27):
You're clear, then they're clear.
Speaker 6 (37:30):
Yeah, definitely, No. I think that's really good advice. And
I think I mean, I have been dating a lot
and I like to be very upfront and direct, but
sometimes I feel like, you know, I may get one
response and then their true color show later on. I
just feel like I keep running into these like situationships.
It seems like it's like this modern dating, whether it's
the apps or in person, and it's like it's exhausting,
(37:54):
you know, and that's part of dating. And I get
all of that, but I think it's hard to kind
of find that sometimes.
Speaker 4 (38:01):
I think when you are like if you just do
what if you do what Chelsea does or what she's
promoting you do, which I think she also does in
her personal life. Is like if you just say this
is where I'm at, this is what I want. It
might not you might not be the right person for this,
but this is what I want. And if you're not
(38:22):
the right person for this, maybe we should go separate
ways now. And they say no, no, no, I am
this is what I want. This is you know, because men,
they're a lot of times I've noticed in my own
dating history that they'll lie and say something that they
think I want to hear the same way that I've
bent myself into different shapes hoping that I don't scare
(38:43):
them off. So I think we're all kind of like
programmed to do this to one another. But once you
get that information of like, oh he was lying because
he thought this is what I wanted to hear, and
you you just go, Okay, that's all the information I need.
I can move on to the next one. And you
don't get discouraged by that. I think that's a really
helpful attitude to have, of like, you have time, you
(39:07):
know what I mean, you have all the time in
the world. So to just say, like, all right, Like
when I met my now husband, I was we had
slept together on the first.
Speaker 2 (39:17):
Night, I ainal they did ANAL.
Speaker 4 (39:20):
We did ANAL on the first night. Yeah, when I
say slept together, it was hardcore anal. And and then
and I said to him like, look, I don't know
if you're the right person for me, but I do
know that I want to get married. So if you
aren't into that idea, we should start dating other people.
(39:40):
And he was like, well, I don't want to date
other people. And I said, okay, well, then you know
where I stand and you know where I'm at, and
if this gets serious, I just want you to know
I want to get married. So that's where I'm at,
and we can just keep going on as if this
conversation never even happened. But just know that's where I stand,
(40:02):
you know.
Speaker 2 (40:03):
And know that the conversation did happen.
Speaker 4 (40:05):
Yeah. Yeah, and then it ended up working out. But
like I wasn't even sure that he was the guy
for me when I told him that. I just knew
that that was what I wanted. So yeah, it was
like I had to put my own shame and feelings
about how he would feel about it totally aside. Like
I had to be like, I don't care what your
(40:26):
reaction is to this. In fact, the more honest your reaction,
the more information for me I can move forward just
by watching you react to this.
Speaker 6 (40:36):
So I think that's a good way being true to
yourself and where you stand with things and how they
react is going to determine you know how or whether
you move forward with them. And it's almost better knowing
it that way than finding out maybe later on when
it fizzles out.
Speaker 3 (40:52):
But they also the other thing is is like women,
especially in your twenties and your thirties, before you really
are like fortified in your self worth. I mean, you
seem like you have some self worth, so I like
to see that. But I also would like to say,
like that is a practice. You have to practice your
self worth, and by announcing to these guys or having
real adult conversations is a constant cementing of your self worth,
(41:13):
saying this is what I'm interested in, and if you're not,
that's fine too, but like, let's just be on the
same page.
Speaker 2 (41:18):
And conversely, if the opposite.
Speaker 3 (41:20):
Were true, I just had a conversation with a guy
where I'm like, listen, there's nothing serious happening here.
Speaker 2 (41:24):
This is wintertime.
Speaker 3 (41:26):
I like having sex when I'm skiing and a lot
of fun, and it's over when.
Speaker 2 (41:31):
I leave in March.
Speaker 3 (41:32):
And he was like, wow, that's pretty harsh. I go, well,
you can take it as harsh, but that's where I am.
If it's not going to be you, it's going to
be another guy. I didn't say that part to him,
but that's what I was thinking, Like, yeah, you can
sign up for this program or but I'm never going
to be deceptive.
Speaker 2 (41:48):
I'm never going to pretend.
Speaker 3 (41:49):
I mean, you know, like if it does get serious, great,
but that's not my intention.
Speaker 2 (41:53):
I'm not trying to get serious.
Speaker 3 (41:54):
So and I think that works in all ways because
it's just a good reminder to yourself to always say
your truth, especially when dating, when guys can be you know,
these dating sites are filled with tons of assholes, so
you just have to know that going in. So it's like,
you know, if you get one good guy out of
ten dates, then that's what's out there. You know, every
ten dates you're gonna find somebody. Oh that's actually a potential,
(42:16):
but you know, if that's what you're after, that's kind
of what you have to do these days.
Speaker 2 (42:20):
And just know that nothing is.
Speaker 3 (42:21):
Personal, Like who cares if someone doesn't like you move
on to the next guy. There are millions, billions of
men out there. Yeah, so just keep that and practice
the art of like self respect.
Speaker 5 (42:34):
I think also there's an element of separating like could
this be something in the future and do you eventually
want a long term relationship slash marriage whatever? And being exclusive,
like I think you can find out if that's where
someone's end goal is that they want, you know, a
long term relationship and not necessarily be like we're a
boyfriend and girlfriend. We don't see anybody else right now,
(42:55):
until like you actually feel like you want that with
that person, right.
Speaker 6 (42:59):
Yeah, and that's that's where I think, like what's hard
and you know, whether it's on the apps or just
in person, you know, when you start consistently seeing someone,
like when do you kind of define the relationship and
whin do you Whether it's not that I'm trying to
get married tomorrow, but you know, when you finally meet
someone you would like to, you know, see where things go,
it turns into this when do you have that conversation
(43:23):
and still staying true to yourself. But at that point that's.
Speaker 4 (43:27):
I don't think you have to know that they're the guy.
You can also be clear like I'm not even sure
if this is you. You can say like I don't
know if it's you that I'm talking about, but I
know that this is what I'm looking for.
Speaker 5 (43:42):
You know.
Speaker 2 (43:43):
Yes, I like that a lot.
Speaker 4 (43:44):
Yeah, if you're not it, that's okay, I'm not I'm
just having this conversation for me because i want to
be clear about my intentions.
Speaker 1 (43:51):
Yeah, I like that.
Speaker 2 (43:53):
That's good.
Speaker 4 (43:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (43:54):
And also you know, like everyone is always looking for
a timeline, Like it's different for every relationship. When you're
post to you know, sometimes it's mutual. Sometimes it's them,
sometimes it's you, and not trying to control the outcome
of something before it begins is a nicer, easier way
to go through everything, you know, not trying to say, okay,
by six months, I have to be engaged. But this
(44:14):
is like that kind of hard line thinking doesn't allow
for fun and spur of the moment, like a jouis
de vie that you kind of want to implement into
your dating life. Because you are only twenty eight, you
could have like three or four loves before you meet
the guy you know you could have, and like, wouldn't
you want that?
Speaker 2 (44:32):
I want that for you.
Speaker 3 (44:33):
I want you to have a lot of different guys
to like experience, so that when you're ready to really
ready to settle down, you settle down. And that could
be your intention the whole time, but it's nice to have,
you know, the more experience you get, the better.
Speaker 2 (44:45):
In my opinion, Yeah.
Speaker 6 (44:47):
Yeah, definitely. I think through dating it's like I'm figuring
out more of the things that I don't want and
honestly more about myself and what I do. So I
think that's a good way to look at it, not
rushing things and just kind of you know, going with
the flow a little bit and having some fun.
Speaker 3 (45:03):
Yeah, and having fun right, Like, some people aren't going
to be your boyfriends. They're just going to be like
a casual guy for two months, and that's fun as
long as you're not you know, it has to end
with this result, Like you can have fun with all
sorts of different people in different ways.
Speaker 2 (45:18):
I mean, men do it, and you know, I feel
like not enough women do that.
Speaker 4 (45:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (45:23):
No, it's not the same standard.
Speaker 4 (45:24):
It needs to be about our pleasure. If they're not
going to make it their number one priority, then we
have to, you know what I mean. And I feel
like we have to anyway, regardless of what they do.
Speaker 3 (45:35):
Yeah, I mean, I spent so many times in my
twenties and thirties, a little bit in my thirties faking orgasms,
faking like just pleasing men. I mean, and now I'm like,
I don't even give a shit if you come, just
go down on me and we'll talk about it if
this leads to something else, Like I.
Speaker 2 (45:51):
Am so selfish now I don't even.
Speaker 3 (45:53):
Fucking care, you know, Like that it's a complete role
reversal of the way I was in my twenties. So yeah,
just from remember that when you sit down with a man,
do you like him?
Speaker 4 (46:03):
Not?
Speaker 2 (46:03):
Does he like you?
Speaker 1 (46:04):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (46:04):
On that first second third date, like you know, ask
yourself like is he even worth having? The sort of
like DTR defining the relationship dog with and the answer map.
Speaker 1 (46:12):
You know, on the first second third date and then
you're on the next year.
Speaker 2 (46:15):
Wow, DTR. That was quick, Catherine. Is that some lingo
that I don't know about? DTR?
Speaker 1 (46:19):
The DTR?
Speaker 2 (46:20):
Have the DTR sounds like d M e T D
five d M e O T which is frog venom.
I've been haled have the DTR. Okay, well, we're gonna
send you off.
Speaker 3 (46:29):
Good luck with everything, and remember self worth, self value,
self respect, start there.
Speaker 2 (46:34):
And then move on out. Thank you.
Speaker 6 (46:37):
Well, I'm excited you're coming to LA I'm going to
try to make it out to your show.
Speaker 2 (46:40):
Oh yes, the YouTube theater May eleventh. That's going to
be a fun show. Yes come.
Speaker 6 (46:45):
Thank you so much for all of your guys' advice.
I'll definitely keep it in mind as I continue the process.
Speaker 2 (46:51):
Okay, well, good luck and I'm sure you'll be very successful.
Speaker 4 (46:55):
Thank you, Bye, bye, Laurence, Bye, give me your Doug.
Speaker 3 (46:58):
I want to show you Doug. But he's so fucking
big I can't even lift him up. I threw my
back out yesterday taking him to the dog park. And
then I get to the dog park and there was
this guy who's like, there's a massive dog.
Speaker 2 (47:08):
And he's like, hey, is it okay to take my
dog off leash? And I'm like, well, it's an awfu
leash dog park?
Speaker 3 (47:13):
So why are you asking? He goes, do you have
any snacks on you? I go, why what would happen
if I do?
Speaker 2 (47:17):
I need that full? What's?
Speaker 3 (47:19):
And I said what kind of dog is that? He goes, Oh,
he's half wolf. I'm like, we're leaving half wolf?
Speaker 2 (47:24):
Fuck off?
Speaker 4 (47:25):
That's so La.
Speaker 2 (47:27):
I'm in Whistler, so oh.
Speaker 4 (47:29):
They have they have half wolves in Whistler and I.
Speaker 2 (47:31):
Don't see wolves in La. Do you Is that allowed?
Speaker 4 (47:35):
I feel like people would find find a loophole out there.
Speaker 5 (47:39):
Yeah, it's actor dogs. You can have I think up
to a half wolf.
Speaker 1 (47:43):
I had a neighbor. I'd one neighbor. If you're an actor,
well the dog is an actor.
Speaker 3 (47:48):
Oh wait, actors got to have wolves, but civilians don't.
Speaker 4 (47:55):
I wouldn't even blink an eye if that was the rule.
I'd be like that, I does that make sense? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (48:00):
Yeah, it is illegal to own a coyote.
Speaker 5 (48:02):
And I also had a neighbor that owned a coyote
and I was like, wow, looks like they're like, yeah, yeah,
don't tell anyone.
Speaker 1 (48:08):
I'm like, oh my god.
Speaker 2 (48:09):
You should have reported them right away. I have no
problem telling on people all the time.
Speaker 4 (48:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (48:14):
Well, our last question today comes from r That's it
r just our, just our.
Speaker 1 (48:21):
We could give her a name.
Speaker 2 (48:21):
It's Rachel, It's me Remedial, It's me Rose, It's.
Speaker 1 (48:26):
From rosebud Hi, Chelsea. I actually could be for you.
Speaker 2 (48:31):
Giving yourself advice. You wrote into yourself so you could
give your self advice.
Speaker 5 (48:37):
I'm listening to your episode with Elise Loanan and she
just asked you about pushing through your fears. I love
this idea under most circumstances, but my fear about having
a second child seems like one that I'm not sure
is worth pursuing. A little backstory. I got pregnant with
my daughter in March twenty twenty. Whoops, being a mom
is all I ever wanted. With all of what twenty
(48:57):
twenty took from literally everyone, it really cast an insane
toll on my mental health while being pregnant. After my
daughter was born, my postpartum depression and anxiety skyrocketed. I
resisted medication at first and was talking to a therapist. Finally,
after the darkest year of my life, I got on
medication and really came into my own I still struggle
here and there, but my daughter is now two and
(49:17):
a half and I'm having the time of my life.
Speaker 1 (49:20):
Here's the thing.
Speaker 5 (49:21):
I'm terrified of the idea of having a second child.
I'd always wanted multiple kids before, no less than three,
no more than five. What when I read that now,
I can't believe I ever said that and really thought
that's what I wanted with all my heart. I feel
like a completely different person after what I went through.
Do I accept the realities of my first experience and
(49:42):
move forward with a new perspective on my future, or
do I push through my fears of having a second
child because I can trust that I can get through
the hardship I might endure for longer term. Joy I
hear your voice saying, don't have a child unless you're
one hundred percent positive. But I'm struggling with knowing which
of my voices to listen to. Thanks for reading are.
Speaker 3 (50:02):
I don't think having a second child is pushing through fear.
When I talk about pushing through fear, I'm talking about
like daring yourself to like do stuff that you're not
comfortable with. This fear is actually like based in what
your experience was, like you had a reaction after having
a child. But I do think that having been through
(50:23):
it and surviving it, which I know nothing about, I
want to be very clear, I don't I think once
you survive something, then it seems a lot more reasonable
to expect that you will survive it again. So if
having a child is so important to you, I would
say go for it.
Speaker 2 (50:40):
But I wouldn't frame it as pushing through your fears.
Speaker 3 (50:43):
I would frame it as getting to the end goal
of like long term happiness and having the family that
you even desired many years ago when you wrote down
how many kids you wanted to have. I think that
you should go for it because you know what it is,
and while it might not be, it may not even
happen the second time, and what happened to you the
first time, and even if it does, you survived it.
(51:04):
So there's really like if you really want the kid.
That's the question, do you want a second child? And
if the answer is yes, I would say, go for it.
Speaker 1 (51:12):
She survived it, and she's got the tools now too.
Speaker 4 (51:15):
You know.
Speaker 1 (51:15):
It's just that evolution and the therapy.
Speaker 2 (51:17):
Rosebud, what about you, God.
Speaker 4 (51:19):
I'm like, that's just like a hard question for someone
else to answer. I feel like that's such a personal
choice that I don't know, I truly, because I'm in
the same position where it's like, I mean, I would
be I don't want a second kid, but it would
be terrifying to me if I did want one, it
(51:44):
would be terrifying to choose to do it. And I
know what she means by I don't know which voice
to listen to, because that's how I felt before I
had my first kid, was I was like, I don't
it's it scared the shit out of me having a kid,
and for good reason, it is terrify and life changing,
and you do feel like a totally different person. And
(52:04):
I think if there's anything that I could say, it's like,
just take a minute to yourself to really work through
how much you want this, you know, because if you
really want this and you're just scared. I agree with Chelsea,
like you have the tools, you've done it before, you
(52:28):
can do it again, and if you don't, you'll find
that out. But I think it's going to take to me.
It sounds like a little bit like you're still unsure
just from the question. So I would say it's okay
to let to give time time and to just figure
out how badly you want this, you know, because I
(52:49):
think that's really what it comes down to, is like
how badly you want it. So I don't know if
that's an answer, but it's it's hard to answer a
question that's like such a personal choice, you know.
Speaker 3 (53:01):
Yeah, and also sit with yourself, whether you meditate or not,
sit alone quietly. Like women, we have like a total
intuition and a total knowing when we actually allow ourselves
to like be very still, be very quiet and think
is this something that you're going to do? And your
body is going to tell you like you have to
you know, you really have to kind of get in
(53:22):
touch with yourself.
Speaker 2 (53:23):
But it's not that hard. We have such strong intuitions
within ourselves.
Speaker 4 (53:28):
I agree.
Speaker 3 (53:29):
I would say to like really try to listen to
yourself and really just like sit with yourself for like
fifteen minutes every morning, just with your eyes closed and
thinking about what this means to you and if you're
ready and if you're ready to take this on, and
I bet you that you are.
Speaker 5 (53:43):
Yeah, yeah, And you know, I think if you're not
ready to move forward right now, you know, like Rosebud said,
it's not a question that has to be answered today,
but part of what keeps us spinning is not having
made the decision. So maybe just like put a pin
in it, be like, you know what, I'm not gonna
make a decision on this. I'm giving letting myself off
the hook for the next six months and then like
(54:04):
literally put on your calendar six months from now or
three months or a year or whatever. You think, Okay,
let's dive into this again. Let's think about this again,
and you know, give yourself a little bit of a break.
Speaker 4 (54:13):
Yeah. I think with I was like torturing myself with
the question for so long about whether or not I
wanted to have a kid, and I think when I
finally did get pregnant, I thought, well, this is terrifying.
And while I'm very scared, I want this more than
I am scared of it, and I wanted there was
(54:34):
something even about the fear that intrigued me, So I
was like, I want to go into this just to
see what it does to me. I want to, like,
I want to be changed, and I want to experience
all of this, even if it's horrifying. And that kind
(54:55):
of makes the fear not something to be avoided, but
something that you can kind of dive in two and explode.
You know.
Speaker 2 (55:03):
Yeah, that's well said Rosebud.
Speaker 3 (55:06):
All right, well we're gonna take a break and we'll
come back to wrap things up. And we're back to
wrap things up with Rosebud Baker, Rosebud, what do you
have to say for yourself after the today's episode?
Speaker 4 (55:23):
Just that I love you and this was fun and
I can't wait to see you again. It's been way
too long.
Speaker 2 (55:30):
I know.
Speaker 4 (55:30):
I know.
Speaker 3 (55:31):
I'm gonna get an apartment in New York. I'm just
waiting for my wrap. Yeah, totally. I tried to get
one but then someone else got it, so but I'm trying.
I need to live in New York for sure, so
I will see you at some point. And I can't
wait to see you either.
Speaker 4 (55:44):
Yeah, you need to come to New York. It feels
like everyone in LA's brain is melting. It's so scary
it guys.
Speaker 2 (55:49):
Really yeah, I agree with that.
Speaker 3 (55:50):
There's a real no, there's a real lack of stimulation
in La.
Speaker 4 (55:54):
Something's going on over there. It's dark.
Speaker 2 (55:57):
It's like Rosebud.
Speaker 3 (55:58):
You are always a delight, Catherine. Thank you everyone who
called in. Thank you, and thank you to our listeners.
Good times, good times, everybody.
Speaker 4 (56:06):
Thanks for having you.
Speaker 2 (56:07):
Chilse okay, take care of Resbude. Okay.
Speaker 3 (56:11):
So, Chelsea Handler is my name, and comedy is my game.
Comedy and therapy. There are my games. I'm sorry I misspoke.
I have added more shows. I added a second show
in Vancouver, so I have two shows in Vancouver March
twenty ninth March thirtieth, I am coming to Calgary, Victoria, Colowna.
Then I've added another show in Sydney, Australia on July thirteenth.
(56:33):
So I have two shows in Sydney July twelfth and thirteenth.
For other shows in Australia and New Zealand, go to
Chelseahandler dot com.
Speaker 2 (56:40):
And I've added two.
Speaker 3 (56:41):
Shows in Oklahoma, Norman, Oklahoma on May third, and one
in Thackerville, Oklahoma, which is May fourth, and then I'll
be at the YouTube Theater May eleventh and Los Angeles
with Matteo Laine and Vanessa Gonzalez and Fortune Fimester and
Sam Jay.
Speaker 2 (56:58):
Those are my updates and no more shows are coming,
so pay attention.
Speaker 5 (57:02):
If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
and engineered by Brad Dickard executive producer Catherine Law and
be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
com
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