Finding Love in Your Second Act with Jennie Garth

Jennie Garth is in the studio with Chelsea to chat about getting married for a third-and-final time, how her daughters’ relationship with her has changed as they’ve grown, and the last time she and Chelsea cage-danced in Mexico.  Then: A new girlfriend thinks it’s fishy that her boyfriend meets up with his ex.  An actor worries his career may stall out.  And a sister is bereft when her brother gets back together with his ex… who cuts her out of their lives forever. 

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Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail]

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Executive Producer Catherine Law

Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert

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The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice. 

 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea, how are you?

Speaker 2 (00:03):
Greetings for my winter Wonderland. It's snowing, snowing, snowing. I'm happy, happy, happy.

Speaker 3 (00:07):
I love your background when you're there, it's just like
beautiful snowy trees.

Speaker 4 (00:11):
I know.

Speaker 2 (00:11):
I love coming into my house and seeing my whole
podcast set up at my dining room table. So if
you have to eat anything, which I never sit down
to really do anyway, I just stand at the kitchen
counter and eat and then. And I had a phone
call the other day and I didn't know how to
disentangle any I had a sorry, a zoom, and I
didn't know how to disentangle all of the podcast equipment.
So I just did it like I was doing a

(00:32):
podcast with my headphones on. And everyone's like, you don't
need headphones for this, and I'm like, I know, I.

Speaker 5 (00:39):
Know, I mean, you know what, go above and beyond
whenever you can, right, Chelsea, always Always.

Speaker 2 (00:43):
My new book is ready for pre order everyone. It's
called I'll Have What She's Having. You can pre order
it now on Amazon.

Speaker 3 (00:50):
And they can find live mean greets right on your website.

Speaker 2 (00:54):
Oh yes, I'm doing I'm doing some live events for
my book. It's very exciting. It comes out February twenty
on my fiftieth birthday. Everybody, so help me celebrate. And
I have two shows left this year. I have New
Orleans at the Mahalia Jackson Theater on December twenty eighth,
and then on December twenty ninth, I am in Atlanta,

(01:15):
So if you are in those areas, get your tickets
because I am wrapping up the year. Some good movies,
you guys. I've been watching lots of movies because that's good.
Conclave is awesome. That's Ray Fines.

Speaker 1 (01:27):
Oh, I cannot wait to see it.

Speaker 2 (01:28):
I'd like to have sex with him, and he is
so good in that. That's a great movie. Another one
is Baby Girl Nicole Kidman's movies really good.

Speaker 5 (01:37):
Yeah, that's really good. She just is so brave. She
does everything she does.

Speaker 2 (01:43):
Yeah, she's like basically dry humping herself on the floor.
What else did I see? I saw the substance would
do me more very disturbing.

Speaker 5 (01:50):
Did you.

Speaker 1 (01:51):
I loved the substance.

Speaker 5 (01:53):
I just like cracked up the entire time. It was
so like I was like giggling in the movie theater.
By the end, everyone was giggling with me, just like
it's so overwhelming. But I know two people who threw
up when they watched.

Speaker 2 (02:04):
Oh ah, no, I'm not a week like that. I
don't have a week's stomach like that. I should say
what else? Oh, but Doug, Doug has been I did
discovered bones. My friend brought him a bone, and now
he is so funny. He has three bones and he
puts them in a basket and then when people come over,
he goes and gets the bones to display his bone

(02:26):
collection to all the people that come over.

Speaker 5 (02:28):
I said, I go, what is he doing? And my
friend's like, I think he's showing off his bones. And
then he takes this big.

Speaker 2 (02:33):
Bone and circles the whole area and brings it and
shows everyone how big his bone is. Oh I'm my god,
Oh my god, Doug, you are so fucking adorable. I
would never have pieced together what he was doing had
someone not told me.

Speaker 5 (02:46):
Oh my god, what a cutie. I know, so funny.
I love he puts them in a basket. Yeah, he
has it like and he like hid one in the
couch the other day.

Speaker 2 (02:55):
I'm like, no, thank you, And I mean he goes,
he hides it and then he checks. He circles around.
It's like three or four times to make sure it's there.
He is such a dog.

Speaker 1 (03:03):
He's got a big personality.

Speaker 5 (03:05):
Yeah, he does. He goes.

Speaker 2 (03:06):
He does have a big personality. I have a great
dog walker here. It takes him out for like two
or three hours.

Speaker 3 (03:11):
I'm like, thank god, Well, and he needs that too, right,
because he's like he's a snow dog, like he's got
all that hair loves.

Speaker 2 (03:17):
So he just jumps into the snow, buries his face
in it, and then wiggles his body around it.

Speaker 5 (03:21):
He'll do that for two hours. I mean, he's so lovable. Well,
I'm so glad you're having so much fun.

Speaker 3 (03:29):
And we have a really exciting guest today that we
recorded with in.

Speaker 2 (03:32):
La Yes, our guest today is an actress, a designer,
and host of the podcast I Choose Me. Please welcome
Jenny Garth. Okay, Jenny Garth. Here you are, I'm here.

Speaker 5 (03:42):
I'm late. She's we're in her car still she just
pulled in. You're late, I'm late, we're all late.

Speaker 1 (03:47):
The four h five was four h fiving. It was
a lot.

Speaker 2 (03:51):
The traffic in Los Angeles is so not even worth
discussing because it's so disappointing on every level. I was
telling my friend, the only time that I don't hit
traffic is when I land at five pm to go home,
And five pm you would think is the worst hour.

Speaker 5 (04:04):
And for some reason, when you I.

Speaker 2 (04:05):
Land at five, I get home in thirty minutes, and
when I land at one in the afternoon on a Monday,
it takes me an hour.

Speaker 5 (04:11):
I'm like, this is so so stupid.

Speaker 2 (04:13):
First of all, they need to build like a double
decker highway somewhere or everywhere, or gytrail or like, I
don't know, some.

Speaker 5 (04:20):
Sort of public transportation public it's a little late for that.

Speaker 1 (04:23):
I think it's a i'ven off for a flying car.

Speaker 5 (04:26):
Okay, Jenny, you have a lot of things going on.

Speaker 2 (04:28):
You have I choose me, me, I choose me again,
and then I choose me. I love that you're choosing
yourself so much.

Speaker 1 (04:35):
It's a message we all need to hear.

Speaker 5 (04:37):
I know, well, tell me about it because Okay, so
you have you have a live.

Speaker 2 (04:41):
Event coming up to that I want to talk about
at the iHeart Theater, which is on January eleventh, and
it's all about women and women choosing themselves. It's about
female empowerment. It's about feeling good about yourself and feeling
strong about making decisions that benefit yourself.

Speaker 4 (04:56):
Right, So let's start with that. Okay, Yeah, I'm very
sad put this event together.

Speaker 1 (05:01):
It's my first.

Speaker 4 (05:01):
This is my inaugural event, and I hope to be
able to do it in other cities.

Speaker 1 (05:05):
That's my goal.

Speaker 4 (05:06):
And it's just about bringing a group of fabulous women
together to converge and share and inspire one another. I
found in going to events like this, or being in
groups of women that I don't know, so empowering and
so insightful and just like they fire me up and
it makes me want to be a better person and
do better for my own self and my own life.

Speaker 1 (05:28):
And I'm very excited about it.

Speaker 5 (05:29):
So what led you to?

Speaker 2 (05:31):
I mean, I feel like we probably have similar stories
and like awakening our desires to please ourself rather than
go around pleasing others. But you probably have a little
bit of a different background because you are a mother,
you've been married three times, right, or that you're on
your third marriage, hopefully this will be the last.

Speaker 1 (05:48):
I mean, that'd be nice.

Speaker 5 (05:49):
I'd be nice. Well, third times of char am I
thing I think if even if.

Speaker 1 (05:52):
It doesn't work out, it will be my.

Speaker 2 (05:53):
Last A great answer, great answer. So what led you
to did you you start therapy? What happened to when
did you become more in touch with yourself and more
in touch with helping other women become in touch with them?

Speaker 6 (06:08):
So I think it.

Speaker 4 (06:09):
Started when I had my divorce from my second husband. Yeah, Peter,
we were together for seven times.

Speaker 5 (06:15):
It was her last time I think I saw you.

Speaker 2 (06:16):
It was with Peter Fetchinelli in at my birthday in Cabo,
like my thirty third birthday or something.

Speaker 1 (06:22):
I was trying to remember the last time I saw you.

Speaker 5 (06:24):
And it can't have been the last time I saw you.

Speaker 1 (06:26):
No, I don't think it was.

Speaker 4 (06:27):
But that was significant because I just remember dancing in
a cage.

Speaker 1 (06:32):
In Mexico.

Speaker 5 (06:33):
Yeah, there was a lot of cage dancing on that.

Speaker 2 (06:35):
It was like it was it was my early days
at Chelsea Lately, and we decided I decided to just
throw a fiesta in Mexico and everyone flew down and
we had like, I don't know, one hundred and fifty
people there and we got blotted all weekend.

Speaker 1 (06:47):
It was fun.

Speaker 5 (06:48):
It was very it was very fun.

Speaker 4 (06:50):
So anyway, I think after that that divorce sort of
turned into my awakening of like what, who, how?

Speaker 1 (06:56):
All the things?

Speaker 4 (06:57):
You know, because you're just sort of flattened, and I
to know which way was up for a while, and.

Speaker 1 (07:02):
It took me a great, a great period of time,
with a lot of therapy, a lot of just searching.

Speaker 4 (07:08):
I'm a very curious person by nature, so anytime, you know,
someone would say come to this you know, gathering and
we're going to learn about this, I'm there. I'm ready
with just an open mind.

Speaker 1 (07:20):
And so I think that was the.

Speaker 4 (07:21):
Beginning of like really trying to figure out who am
I if I'm not this wife, or if I'm not
the matrix of this family, or if I'm not I mean,
I was still the mother of my our three daughters,
but they would leave me every other week and so
then I would be left alone with just me, and
I had no idea who that person was because I
was always busy fitting or fulfilling someone else's needs.

Speaker 2 (07:44):
How did that Because I think for some people who
go through divorce and then they split their children up,
like for some people, it's a huge party.

Speaker 5 (07:50):
They're like, oh my.

Speaker 2 (07:51):
God, I have some free time, free time, and I
have an opportunity to have my own identity again. And
other people, I think feel more lost when they have
that they don't have their children all the time.

Speaker 5 (08:00):
So which was it for you?

Speaker 1 (08:02):
It was both?

Speaker 4 (08:02):
At first I felt lost, I remember just it was
agonizing when he would take them away from me, and
I think it was even more agonizing because there was
another woman that they were going to be with with him,
and it was just really not fun for a good minute.
And then it became like, hey, look at I have
free time. I can focus on my own needs, I

(08:23):
can do what I want. And it was just like
this experience that I had never had because I had
a kid when I was twenty.

Speaker 1 (08:28):
Three years old.

Speaker 4 (08:29):
That was when I first started, and I was working
all the time and always you know, being on schedule
and running the ship, and so I was like, wow,
a whole week of me time. And then it just
started to fall like what do I want to do?

Speaker 1 (08:43):
You know?

Speaker 2 (08:44):
So what was that period of time For people who
are listening, who are experiencing that are going through a
divorce that's traumatizing or upsetting, which most divorces are, right,
I mean, it's kind of unusual to go through a
divorce and be.

Speaker 5 (08:54):
Like that was a good that was great. I guess
that's a conscious uncoupling. But even a conscious couple, I.

Speaker 4 (09:01):
Don't think so. I don't think they a divorce of
any kind can be called fun. But yeah, I started
traveling on my own by myself. I went to Bali
on a women's excursion where I knew no one, and
I went to San Miguel, dan Though and did some
just soul searching and fell asleep in the back of
a cab in Mexico and woke up in San Miguel.

Speaker 1 (09:22):
I was like, Wow, thank you God for keeping me alive.

Speaker 2 (09:26):
But you're like, wow, am I going to another Chelsea
Handler birthday?

Speaker 4 (09:29):
It could have been, but just like really getting so
so quiet with myself and not partying and not being
around a lot of people from my past, but just
really being alone.

Speaker 1 (09:41):
And that was like eye opening for me.

Speaker 5 (09:44):
Yeah, I think that's true for everyone.

Speaker 2 (09:47):
I feel like the biggest telltale sign for people who
are are in need of that or the people who
are so scared to be alone.

Speaker 5 (09:53):
Right, you know your first reaction is like I don't
want to be alone.

Speaker 2 (09:55):
I don't want to be alone, And like I talk
about this in my book too, my new book, like
it is so important. That is where the truth is.
When you can be alone with yourself and find yourself
and find out who you really are and what you're
really interested in, when no one else is impacting your decisions.

Speaker 1 (10:12):
Yeah, like what do you like to do?

Speaker 5 (10:14):
What do you want to do?

Speaker 2 (10:15):
What brings you close to yourself and actually not doing
anything but being with yourself, which many people who haven't
done that don't even understand what that means. It's like,
what do you mean? And it's like actually sitting outside
and looking at the trees for an hour and a half,
not talking, not reading, not looking at your phone, but
actually just being with yourself and nature is where you

(10:37):
find out, Oh this is a different kind of vibration
that I'm tapping into.

Speaker 4 (10:41):
Yeah, it's the best feeling. I recommend it to anyone.
Just go be alone for a minute.

Speaker 5 (10:47):
So out of all of this and out of like
your self work.

Speaker 2 (10:50):
Every time you went, you would get more in touch
with yourself or become more more deeply aligned or attuned.

Speaker 1 (10:58):
To I would just be.

Speaker 4 (10:59):
I would feel myself settling into who I was because
also being an actress and being an actress so young,
you are thrown into other people's shoes. You know, you're
living other people's lives on the daily all day long
as you act. And then they're like, okay, bye, we're
wrapped and you leave, and you're like, wait, where do
I go?

Speaker 1 (11:19):
Who do I talk to? What do I do? Should
I go to the bathroom or should I eat dinner?
I don't know.

Speaker 4 (11:23):
So there was a lot of just me figuring out myself,
and I think it was the best work that I've
ever you know, the best time that I've ever had
is that growing. And then I started to like date.
Everyone was like, you got to start trying to just
date people, and I was so against it. I said,
I'd rather lick the bottom of my shoe than go
out on a date with somebody. But it ended up

(11:45):
I ended up dating just random people, all different types,
really trying things out that I had never tried, as
far as different types of guys, and just seeing what
I liked and what I didn't like. And I was
able to really determine, like this is what I want
in my life. My life is so good. I'm so
self sufficient, I can be on my own. I love myself,

(12:08):
but what kind of person do I want to allow
back into my life? And so I was able to
get clarity in just exploring, you know, and trying different things.

Speaker 2 (12:19):
And so that led you to your husband now that
you're with, Yes, and you guys also, you guys were
separated for a while, right, And what was that?

Speaker 5 (12:27):
Can you talk about that?

Speaker 1 (12:28):
My god? We got married in like five minutes?

Speaker 5 (12:31):
How long after you, Matt? Did you get three months?

Speaker 1 (12:33):
We got engaged?

Speaker 4 (12:34):
Six months we were married, okay, And it was like
a big wedding and all the girls and you know,
everybody was like.

Speaker 1 (12:40):
Okay, let's jump on board this train.

Speaker 4 (12:43):
They were used to I can make some quick decisions,
let's call them. And they were used to that. And
so everybody felt good about it, and everybody liked Dave
a lot, because nobody doesn't like a Dave.

Speaker 1 (12:54):
There's no Dave that people don't like. I don't think.

Speaker 4 (12:56):
And he's really special. He's a good guy. He was
very young, He's nine years younger than me. And I
remember telling him I see so much potential in You
don't say that to a guy. They don't want to
hear that. But I didn't mean it, like in a
condescending way. I minted in, like, I see what you're

(13:17):
going to grow into, and I love that, Like I
love who you are right now. But what I see
for your future and how that connects with my future,
I think it's going to be great. So I was
really investing in that relationship, just emotionally and with you know,
with my time. And a year into it, he realized,
oh shit, I'm into deep. I have three step daughters,

(13:40):
all of a sudden, I have four female dogs, all
of a sudden. I live in the hills all of
a sudden. He lived in an apartment in Silver Lake
and was a bartender, and he just stepped into this
life that he thought looked really great, and yeah, it
was really fun and exciting, but it was a lot,
and it was too much for him. And he you
know that flow the flight, flight freeze, fly, fight, flight freeze.

(14:07):
He flew, I froze, he flew, and he flew for
a year and we proceeded with divorce. Every all the paperwork.
He had the paperwork in the back of his truck.
I think he might still have it. Honestly, It's like
a big Manila envelope full of paperwork. And we were
ready to sign. It was like two days before we

(14:27):
were signing, and we got together one last time just
to talk it out and realized, like I think he
had a lot of time to realize, like a relationship
isn't just fun and sparkly and rainbows. It is work,
and it takes commitment, and you have to not only
work on the relationship, you have to be willing to
work on yourself. And for me, I need a person

(14:49):
that is always wanting to grow and evolve and move forward,
like that's how I am, and I get really bored
if I'm stagnant. I like to move I like to
shake things up all the time. And so he just
had to really kind of accept those terms and realize
if they were going to work for him or not.
And I think he ultimately was like, you're my person,

(15:09):
and I know this isn't going to be easy, but
let's try. And so we did and we're still together.

Speaker 5 (15:16):
That's amazing.

Speaker 4 (15:17):
It really is, Like I don't know how that happened,
but we worked. We went and started, you know, going
to therapy individually, figuring out our shit on our own
so that we could come together and share it and
grow together in that way, And.

Speaker 2 (15:31):
When you guys met, like the two days before you
were going to file for divorce, what were your intentions
going into that meeting with him?

Speaker 5 (15:38):
Were you ready to.

Speaker 2 (15:39):
Call it or were you still hopeful that you guys
could remedy the or rectify the relationship For situation.

Speaker 4 (15:47):
Most in most instances, I'm usually not a good breakup,
Like I hold on tight, I attach, and I get like,
I feel like, what can I do?

Speaker 1 (15:58):
How can I fix this?

Speaker 4 (15:59):
I don't want to be a failure, And I certainly
didn't want to be a failure in this my third marriage.
Like I was like, that was one of the big
things that I had to get past, letting go out
of my girls. You know, there were so many things
that I had to get past. So in the beginning,
I was very just trying so hard to make it
work all the time, and I kept getting met with

(16:20):
just like a wall. He was not there. And the
more I tried, the taller that wall got. And so
there came a time when I just stopped trying and
I realized I have to let go. He's not an
option for me anymore. And I would repeatedly tell myself,
like when I would start to think of him every
five minutes, or you know, be emotional or feel the feelings.
At some point I had to say, he is not

(16:40):
an option for you, so move forward. And I had
a just kind of tough love myself, and in doing that,
I got so strong and happy with my life. And
of course that's when it happens. Then knock knock, knock, Hey,
let's meet up.

Speaker 5 (16:56):
Yeah, But that's the art of letting go.

Speaker 2 (16:57):
Like that's another great example of not holding on so
tightly to things when you do release it and back
into quote unquote the universe. I don't know why I'm
saying quote unquote, because we are in a universe, but
things will come back to you if they are meant
for you, like once you really like let it go,
because we all have we attached to ideas all the

(17:18):
time that we think are right for ourselves, you know,
whether it's a relationship, whether it's a job, whether it's
an experience. And as soon as you realize something isn't
going to go the way you envisioned it going, is
when you can let go of it, which is the
only way to really you know, which is hard to practice,
but it's proven, Like it's proven scientifically even that when
you let go and release of something and you're emotionally,

(17:41):
that's when it does come back to you.

Speaker 1 (17:42):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (17:42):
I had that horse poster up in my room. It
was like, let it go. If it comes back to you,
it was meant to be you, don't you know, Yeah.

Speaker 5 (17:49):
And if it doesn't, it was never yours to begin with.

Speaker 4 (17:51):
Right, Yeah, So I think that And that's weird too
because now there's so much discussion about not manifesting, but
it's a little bit more than manifestent, like thinking about
what you want in your life and visualizing it and
then they say it happens, like if you have just
a clear definition in your mind of what you want,

(18:13):
it happens.

Speaker 1 (18:14):
And I think that's really.

Speaker 4 (18:15):
True when it's just you, like you like setting yourself
up for something. But I think when you put those
expectations on a relationship, it's different because there are two
energies involved, and so maybe you want different things, maybe
you both have different visions. You guys have to get
really clear on is the vision that you see for
your future mutual.

Speaker 2 (18:36):
And also but when you get your energy flowing in
the right state, when it's like in sync with the universe,
you are going to attract other energy that is like that, right,
And so then that takes out the kind of equation
of making sure you're on the same page because you
kind of what you put out is.

Speaker 5 (18:51):
What you get back.

Speaker 2 (18:53):
Yeah, so did your girls notice a big transformation in you,
like when you started doing the work once you guys
broke up when you used broke up with Peter, And
how long was it in between the two husbands?

Speaker 1 (19:05):
Oh?

Speaker 4 (19:05):
God, eight years maybe, Okay, that's fine, fun, that's a
long time.

Speaker 1 (19:08):
I can't remember.

Speaker 4 (19:09):
But yeah, my girls have seen me, I think because
I was so young as a mom, they've seen me
go through that divorce and they've seen me just at
the bottom of my barrel and they've seen the worst.
So they knew that, Okay, this is going to be
hard going through another breakup. They were very helpful, but
also at the same time, like, let me do my thing.

(19:31):
They would go to their dads and not worry about me,
and I tried to keep it really like compartmentalized for them.

Speaker 2 (19:37):
It's just such a fascinating thing to me to think
of being a mother and dealing with all of that stuff, right,
Like mothers don't get enough credit for the fact that
they're living through their own personal life. Human you're also
having to be a parent and be the person with
all of the answers to your children.

Speaker 4 (19:52):
Yeah, that's the thing, and we talk about My youngest
actually said to me one time she was being an asshole,
and I said, we separated from while, and she came
back to me She's like, Mom, I'm really sorry. I
just kind of realized that you're living your life for
the first time too. You have no idea what you're doing.
I was like, exactly, I have no idea what I'm doing.
I'm making this shit up as I go and I'm

(20:13):
hoping it works out. And anytime they come to me
for advice, you know, I really do take a minute
and think about it because I don't know. Sometimes I
don't have the answer and sometimes I don't know, and
that's how humans are. And so it's about like getting
quiet again, going back to that and just letting the
messages come to you, and if you're willing to listen

(20:35):
and receive them, then you have some sort of guidance
going forward. Once you get through things, they're never just
gone forever. It's always just sort of one of the
fibers of who you are. And I think that because
I've had so many crazy experiences and so many fibers
that make me who I am, I can really relate

(20:56):
to a lot of different scenarios. And I think my
girls feel comfortable learning to me, to talk to me
about things that maybe they wouldn't normally. I certainly didn't
feel comfortable talking to my mom about certain things. So
that's what I just keep trying to make sure that
I'm a person that they can go to whether it's
good or bad or ugly.

Speaker 1 (21:14):
We're in it together, yeah.

Speaker 2 (21:15):
And also we're alive during a time where that is
the norm rather than the you know exception. People are
always like God, everyone's too open. It's like, you can't
be too open. There's no such thing.

Speaker 1 (21:26):
Yeah, I mean that's how we're all learning and growing.
That's how we're all becoming more aware and open.

Speaker 4 (21:30):
Like, I think it's a great thing that everybody's talking
about everything now.

Speaker 2 (21:34):
So your clothing line is me and it's available on QVC. Oh,
I hope you make a fortune on QVC. I was
just some I just was with some woman who sold
her makeup brand that launched on QVC and she sold
it for one point two billion dollars.

Speaker 5 (21:49):
Oh my god, so yeah, that happens to you.

Speaker 4 (21:52):
Amazing. I'm just really having a great time. I never
saw this coming. I didn't I never wanted to be
a fashion designer, and actually, when the opportunity came to me,
I was like, why me? I don't think I can
do this, and everybody else does this?

Speaker 1 (22:05):
Not me?

Speaker 4 (22:06):
All those thoughts came pouring in, and then I had
to really just set those aside and say, why not you.
You've been wearing clothes since you were born, You've been
fitted all your life in different you know, by different
stylists and wardrobe people. So I just sort of said,
I just I always say why not me? Let's keep going,
keep going, pushing myself forward to whatever the next challenge is.

(22:27):
And I learned I learned that very recently that why
not me? Like that's the force that keeps me going.
And I'm doing it with my middle daughter, Lola. She's
designing with me. She wants to be in the fashion
industry and she's in college for that. So it is
an amazing gift to be able to work with her
develop a brand from the ground up.

Speaker 1 (22:49):
With her and run it with her.

Speaker 4 (22:51):
So it's just like it's the gift that keeps on giving.
And when I see women wearing our clothes, I feel
so just proud and they feel good about themselves in them,
and that's that's the ultimate goal.

Speaker 5 (23:04):
And so what kind of clothing is it?

Speaker 2 (23:05):
Like?

Speaker 5 (23:05):
Is it for It's for everybody?

Speaker 4 (23:07):
Yeah, it's it's everyday, very wearable streetwear that it's not
too high fashion, it's always comfortable, and I really work
to work with sustainable materials and so we know we
have big goals within our company and things that we're
working on, and it's just really exciting to be at
a at a place where there's that kind of future.

Speaker 1 (23:28):
You know.

Speaker 5 (23:29):
Yeah, that is exciting. Sounds like everything's going great.

Speaker 4 (23:32):
Yeah, the clothes are really comfortable and people are loving them,
and I feel confident about talking about them and encouraging people,
you know, to look and feel their best every day.

Speaker 5 (23:43):
And so where can people find them?

Speaker 2 (23:44):
They I'm obviously easy.

Speaker 1 (23:48):
And we have yeah me by Jenny Garth or Jennygarth
dot com.

Speaker 2 (23:50):
It's all okay, it's all great, great, and I know
we're going to take a break and we'll be right
back with Jenny Garth.

Speaker 5 (23:58):
And we're back. We are back.

Speaker 3 (24:01):
We are going to start with some callers today.

Speaker 5 (24:04):
My favorite, we have live people. Jenny, did you pull
up in a pickup truck today?

Speaker 3 (24:09):
I did?

Speaker 2 (24:09):
Oh.

Speaker 5 (24:09):
I love that. I don't have a car, very unexpected.
You don't have a car. I don't have a car.

Speaker 4 (24:14):
I gave my car back because it was a Tesla
and I don't like him anymore, so I gave my
He just creeps me out.

Speaker 5 (24:22):
Did what you mean? He just creeps you out? He's
so creepy.

Speaker 1 (24:26):
I gave back to it was like, get it away
from me.

Speaker 2 (24:28):
I mean, I can't imagine how many people have returned
their Teslas.

Speaker 1 (24:31):
Yeah, so I don't even have a car.

Speaker 7 (24:32):
Now.

Speaker 4 (24:33):
That's my husband's car and he had to get a
ride to work with his business partner. But I love
driving a pack. I feel like a badass.

Speaker 3 (24:40):
We saw a like tan brown, like the worst color
brown you can imagine, cyber truck today.

Speaker 5 (24:47):
It was like diarrhea. One of those cyber truck.

Speaker 1 (24:51):
You know what I got say?

Speaker 4 (24:53):
I am fascinated by those and I secretly want one.
I'm just like I secretly wanted a Hummer when it
came out. But it's just because I like big things
that protect you.

Speaker 5 (25:02):
That car, though, doesn't even seem like you could see
out of it.

Speaker 3 (25:05):
You can't. You can't see out the bag.

Speaker 1 (25:07):
There's like a camera. Oh spaceship.

Speaker 3 (25:09):
Yes, well, Benji is our first caller, and he says,
dear Chelsea. I've been a performer since the age of five,
when I did my first church skit, and haven't been
able to get rid of that itch ever since. But
I did get rid of the church part. I went
to college for a BFA in musical theater and spent
the majority of my twenties performing at Universal, Disney and

(25:29):
regional theaters in Florida. I got to work on some
incredible projects, but after some time, I found myself regretting
not ever shooting my shot in NYC, so I took
the leap and moved there. In twenty seventeen. I felt
like I was starting to make headway with opportunities and
casting directors after a few years of diligent auditioning, but
then the pandemic hit and everything came to a grinding halt.

(25:50):
I guess my question is how do you handle working
through life when you feel your career might be growing stagnant.
I was in a serious relationship that ended, and it
seemed best to move back to Florida, where I felt well,
I had more success. But now I'm currently working an
office job and feel unfulfilled. Is it shameful for me
to give up on my dreams of performing to work
a job with some consistency?

Speaker 5 (26:08):
Adore you always at Benji? Hi, Benji, Hi, Hi, you
look like a performer.

Speaker 1 (26:14):
Oh that's me. Yeah.

Speaker 5 (26:16):
This is our special guest Jenny Garth is here today.

Speaker 1 (26:19):
Hi. Oh my god, Hi, it's so nice to meet you. Guys.
Nice to meet you. Where are you, Benji. I'm at
Daytona Beach, Florida, but Orlando, Florida as well. Hope I'll
come back and forth.

Speaker 2 (26:30):
Okay, So you've been working a desk job most recently. Yeah, yeah,
and you feel unfulfilled. Is there any way you can
do some performing or some stage stuff on the side
while you're working at desk job.

Speaker 1 (26:43):
I don't know why.

Speaker 6 (26:43):
My boy work at Universal and I recently got back
working there from being away for a few years. But
unfortunately i'm union actor equity, so it's hard to do
like fun side projects because I have to do it union,
and so in order to do performing, I have to

(27:05):
basically do a union gig versus you know, like ever
I want to do a fun right, no communator show
or just something fun for that just to fulfill that need.

Speaker 4 (27:14):
Yeah, and union jobs are a little more time consuming, right,
a little bit more commitment.

Speaker 1 (27:18):
Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Speaker 6 (27:19):
And now that I'm doing a full time office job,
it's hard to take time off to try to do
a full show because the show requires so much commitment.

Speaker 2 (27:30):
So you're not going to be able to do both
things at the same time, basically, And are you and
what about financially are you able to? I mean it
sounds like you have to work, right, Yeah, so you.

Speaker 6 (27:39):
Have to work forty hours a week doing the day
job and then you know, a lot of people do
like side fun projects and that kind of thing. But
because I'm a union either I have to drop the
union and kind of commit to working full time with
the office job and then doing performing for fun or
performing full time as a union worker.

Speaker 1 (28:00):
It's different.

Speaker 5 (28:02):
Yeah, I mean it sounds to me.

Speaker 2 (28:03):
I don't know, Jenny, You'll tell me what you think
or tell us what you think, but it sounds to me, like,
I don't know if the union aspect is as important
as your creative outlet, Like if you really want to
need your creative outlet and you can't afford to be
a full time performer in the moment, you can either
you have two choices. You can either focus on work,
save up as much money as you can to like

(28:24):
focus on taking a break and really going after jobs
that are within the union and really auditioning and like
setting aside I don't know, six weeks, two months, three months,
whatever you can afford, if you've saved enough money to
really just audition or continue your job and then do
some non union stuff on the side, which is it
sounds and I think is more easily attainable.

Speaker 6 (28:47):
That's kind of where I'm leaning towards you. There's like
a badge of honor to get union, to fight for it,
to get to the projects where you've grown enough credits
so you can get union. But you know now that
I'm not performing full time and committing to that full time,
like it's I feel like I'm unfulfilled.

Speaker 2 (29:05):
Right, I hear you, do you have any at all
opportunities that you where you could quit your best job
and do a union job full time, and.

Speaker 6 (29:12):
When I move back to Florida, no, like there's only
like a couple theaters that have union work.

Speaker 1 (29:17):
I see.

Speaker 4 (29:18):
Yeah, it's hard, it's so hard. But I have to say, Benji,
you are exactly where you're supposed to be. Even if
you're not performing in this very moment, You're doing what
you're supposed to do. And I think if you just
know that you are exactly where you are supposed to be,
doors will open before you and then you'll be like,
it'll turn into this magical experience that you didn't even

(29:39):
see coming, and you know, who knows what will come next.

Speaker 1 (29:42):
If you are just open.

Speaker 4 (29:44):
If you try your best to stay in a really
grateful place. You're so grateful for the job that you
have now because it's paying your bills, and you're really
open to whatever is out there. I mean, that's all
you can do. Because we all have these situations where
we have to pay the bills and we have to
and there are things out there we'd rather be doing
or things that we love do to do more. But

(30:05):
you are doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing
right now.

Speaker 3 (30:09):
I also wonder if there are some other creative outlets
that you could take advantage of, you know, and expand
your horizons with that. Like maybe it's joining the Gay
Men's Chorus if you're a singer, or joining a club and.

Speaker 5 (30:22):
I want to join the game me too.

Speaker 1 (30:24):
It's fun, it's the most lovely.

Speaker 6 (30:27):
There are other things that you can do outside the
union that are not, like I said, like at the
theme parks. Sure that's union or non union. You can
do that if you're a union or non union. So
that's what I'm trying to do right now, and I'm
working my way back into it. But I just, yeah,
I wanted to know what you guys have your thoughts
on that.

Speaker 3 (30:46):
Are you committed to staying in Florida or is there
any thought about going back to New York.

Speaker 6 (30:50):
No, not necessarily. It was just the path that seemed
the best forward. You know. I've got older parents, grandparents
that kind of help the time, and so I wanted
to come back to be with family for a little bit.
And I've been here for like a year or so,
and so I want to maybe pursue going somewhere else
after this.

Speaker 5 (31:11):
Well that sounds good. I mean, it sounds like you
have a lot of options there.

Speaker 2 (31:14):
Like I agree with Jenny, and like you know, being
very grateful for the position that you're in. You're making
money or you know, earning enough of a living to
support yourself, you are close to your family.

Speaker 5 (31:25):
Make sure you're taking all those things into account.

Speaker 2 (31:28):
You don't have to constantly be living out your fantasy
dream in order to live out your fantasy life.

Speaker 5 (31:35):
This is what you need to do for the time being.

Speaker 2 (31:37):
And and take our advice about whether to do some
stuff on the side that's non union, I wouldn't really
worry about that. I mean, people do that in this
industry all the time, people who are union work and
non union jobs.

Speaker 5 (31:48):
You know, it's frowned upon, but you can people do it.

Speaker 2 (31:51):
So And if it's a matter of just getting your
juices flowing and getting a having a creative outlet, then
absolutely do little things on the side. Do some stand
up comedy, do some writing, do some singing, do whatever
it is that gets you going and makes it feel
a little bit like. This job isn't the end all
be all. It's kind of a temporary thing. And when
you're ready to leave Florida or you are, you're ready

(32:13):
to look for a more permanent opportunity.

Speaker 5 (32:15):
Then then I think that will also reveal itself.

Speaker 6 (32:18):
I really appreciate you guys, Thank you so much.

Speaker 2 (32:20):
Yeah, Benji, have fun in Florida while it's still on
top of the on top of land.

Speaker 1 (32:26):
It's still not that yet, so don't worry.

Speaker 2 (32:29):
It's not going to get cold again, so don't worry.
Global global warming is here and we're living it.

Speaker 6 (32:34):
You guys are amazing.

Speaker 1 (32:35):
Thank you so much.

Speaker 6 (32:36):
Were taking the time and talk to me. I really
appreciate you guys. Thank you. Bye.

Speaker 2 (32:42):
Happy And he's not even fulfilling his dreams and he's
in such a good.

Speaker 1 (32:47):
That's good.

Speaker 2 (32:47):
I'm fulfilling my dreams and I'm ready to fucking kill myself.

Speaker 5 (32:50):
I asked my sister she could euthanize me the other day.
I'm like, you can do that.

Speaker 1 (32:56):
You can do you careend it when you're ready where
I don't know that my you're creating a plan.

Speaker 2 (33:01):
Well, you can do it in Oregon, but you have
to go through this whole testing situation where you I
believe I haven't researched it because I'm not. I am
sort of serious, but not quietly. Yeah, but what I
am like, if you have to be diagnosed with some
sort of fatal disease in order to get approved. Oh,
you don't go through the suffering, you can't.

Speaker 4 (33:17):
Just thought.

Speaker 5 (33:18):
It was just like, I don't think you can just make.

Speaker 2 (33:19):
A plantively opt out, even though I mean, you have
a cousin who's a doctor.

Speaker 5 (33:23):
And he said, if I really feel that way, he
will help youthanize me.

Speaker 1 (33:26):
Exall, excellent.

Speaker 3 (33:28):
Well, our next caller is Adam Dear Chelsea. I'm a
thirty four year old male living in Orlando who's recently
out of a situationship and who knows what the hell
it was at this point. My therapist lately has taught
me the concept of attachment styles and relationships and helped
me realize that I have an anxious attachment style. The
guy I was seeing has a dismissive, avoidant attachment style.

(33:49):
To make a long story short, since twenty twenty, he
and I would ebb and flow, however, mostly because he
would disappear and be very isolated and not make any contact.
He would always say it's because he is tied down
with work and he just appreciates his space. At first,
I thought he was just being a typical Orlando gay
and had ulterior motives, but nope, he was just too busy,
putting in long hours at work and taking some me time. However,

(34:11):
at random times, he would just kind of show up
again and hang around longer and longer each time before
repeating the process, mostly saying he needed some time. It
didn't have the capacity for anything serious. All behaviors. I
eventually learned of being a dismissive avoidant. Earlier this year,
the process repeated itself, and this was the longest he
had been around. I don't know what it is about him,
but I'd always fall for him again and fall victim

(34:32):
to the illusion that maybe this time it would be different,
while things seemed a bit more serious. This time, history did,
unfortunately repeat itself and we have not talked since July.
Learning about attachment styles has helped me accept this, that
this will never work and I am moving on. How
do I see the signs in the future and not
repeat my mistakes with the next guy? Thanks so much, Adam, Hi, Adam, Adam.

Speaker 5 (34:53):
Oh good, this is our special guest Jenny Guard today.

Speaker 4 (34:56):
Hello, oh hello, how are you? I want to be
best for with them already I can tell you. Look,
you might probably have the same attachment style. Maybe I
don't even know what mine is, Adam.

Speaker 2 (35:07):
I think there's avoidant, and there's avoidant, then there's anxious,
and then there's secure.

Speaker 5 (35:13):
Right, Yeah, those are the three.

Speaker 7 (35:15):
I think there might be more. I think there's for me,
you know, dismissive awaiting kind of stands out because one
thing I learned from my therapist is that being in
an anxious attachment style I attract DA's and so I'm like,
this is so interesting, Like I've never really learned about
this concept.

Speaker 5 (35:29):
But he d dismissive avoidant.

Speaker 1 (35:31):
So there's a lot of hybrid I thought Eve meant
like a lawyer.

Speaker 5 (35:34):
You could be.

Speaker 2 (35:36):
You could yeah, you could be anxious avoidant, you could
be just avoidant, you could be yeah. But I think listen,
First of all, the identification of it is your first step.
Once you understand what you are, then you understand what
you're attracting, and you can change your course at the
pattern that you within which you meet men like this
guy doesn't sound like your guy, but it does sound

(35:57):
like it was a great learning tool for you to
understan and this kind of relationship so that if you
find yourself talking and getting close to someone like this again,
you're going to understand, Oh, this is not my type
of person. At the same time, you can also work
on your attachment style. Certain people bring out the anxiousness
in other people. I'm not an anxious attachment person, but

(36:19):
I've had I've been in a relationship where I was
anxious and I was insecure about the relationship.

Speaker 5 (36:24):
But that was the combination of the two of us together,
you know.

Speaker 2 (36:28):
So you just have to be like alerted in your
thinking and aware, which it sounds like you are, and
that you've worked through this with your therapist about what
your kind of pitfalls are, and then you're more easily
able to identify other people's kinds of styles. And I
think just by knowing it, you're going to make better choices.
Like you're gonna go, oh, this guy is not the

(36:48):
kind of guy for me. I have this one guy
who hits on me all the time, right, He's constantly
blowing up my dms.

Speaker 5 (36:55):
He'll show up whenever I'm doing shows and he's cute.

Speaker 2 (36:59):
I'm not really interested, but like, even if I were interested,
I understand what.

Speaker 5 (37:03):
His style is and it's not my style.

Speaker 2 (37:05):
I'm like you, he comes in and out every couple months,
and then it's like full court pressing me. And then
you know, in between those months, I'm sure he's got
a girlfriend.

Speaker 5 (37:14):
I'm sure he's got other things going on. I'm not
at the top of his list.

Speaker 2 (37:18):
But then when he sees me or he's reminded of me,
he's always like trying to say, Chelsea, we got to
get together, we got to go out. I'm like, I'm
not interested in you. I can already smell your number,
you know what I mean. And so I think you
just have to understand who you are before you can
understand who anyone else is.

Speaker 5 (37:32):
And it sounds like you've done that work. Yeah you think, Jenny,
I think that.

Speaker 1 (37:36):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (37:37):
Acknowledging what where you are and what you want is
so so important. What you want for your future, and
because of your experience in your past, you know what
you don't want, and so being able to be very
straightforward with yourself in those moments of whether it's temptation
or you're at a crossroads with choice, you can tell
yourself that's not the life that I want, that's not

(37:59):
serving me the most important person. So I think you're
really doing the right thing by going to therapy and
you know, getting this sort of awareness and it's really
going to serve you moving forward.

Speaker 2 (38:11):
And also, you know, when you meet people, every opportunity,
every person you meet romantically is an opportunity to break
a pattern. You have an opportunity here to never make
this kind of mistake again. No sorry, it's not a mistake,
but to never date a person like that again. You
want to break your own cycles. And I'm really big
into that. I like to not make mistakes multiple times

(38:32):
because then you just start to feel like, what's wrong
with me? You know, So make that the last type
of guy like that that you date. The next time,
when you see the writing on the wall, you could
be like, no, no, no, this is not for me, and
you're going to find someone who's a little bit more
where you are, someone who expects what you expect, and
someone who's as communicative and as consistent as you are.

Speaker 4 (38:52):
Yeah.

Speaker 7 (38:52):
Absolutely, you know. I think there's a good learning experience
in the sense that, like you know, these types of
people are very independent, and so it's a good learning
experience in terms of like learned me to kind of
you know, take the moments for me. You know, when
we were kind of chatting in this situationship or whatever
you want to call it, but just take some self
care time and just making me appreciate that independent time.

(39:14):
And I think for me, something I'm struggling with right
now is that we kind of bonded recently he kind
of slid into the DMS again. Yeah, cycle of communication.
I'm like, you know, I really don't want to go
down this repeated pattern here, But it's hard.

Speaker 2 (39:29):
I know it's hard, but like, seriously, is it that hard.
It's not that hard when someone's not right for you.
There are billions of people on this planet. There are
over three hundred million people in this country. You will
find another person that you were interested in. It's really
not that hard to set a boundary and keep.

Speaker 4 (39:47):
Yeah, you need to be tough love, You need to
be tough with yourself, you know, and just remember that
you are the only one that's taking care of you.
He's not taking care of you. So whatever is in
your best interest is what you have to keep in mind.
That you got to keep your eye on the prize
and you are, yes, exactly, well.

Speaker 1 (40:05):
Thank you.

Speaker 7 (40:05):
I appreciate that.

Speaker 5 (40:07):
Okay, Well, good back with everything.

Speaker 1 (40:09):
Bye, thank you, bye bye.

Speaker 5 (40:13):
I like good luck with everything. Bye, goodbye.

Speaker 4 (40:18):
Listen.

Speaker 1 (40:19):
We're trying, We're trying out.

Speaker 5 (40:20):
We are we are. You're giving great advice, Jenny. Yeah,
and your voice is so soothing.

Speaker 1 (40:24):
Oh I try, Well, that's my voice. I can't.

Speaker 2 (40:26):
Yeah no, but it is soothing. It's probably very soothing
to your girls.

Speaker 1 (40:30):
I would imagine they like it.

Speaker 5 (40:31):
Yeah, that's good voice for podcasting. Jenny also has a podcast,
Well I Choose me too too. I found out a
different podcast.

Speaker 1 (40:39):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (40:39):
Well, and I'm producing a third one call I Do
Part two, which is about finding love and your second act. Oh,
we do that one and I did it with Amy
Roeback and d J.

Speaker 1 (40:50):
Holmes.

Speaker 5 (40:51):
Amy Roback the oh Amy road Back.

Speaker 2 (40:53):
Yeah, I know you're talking about. Okay, great, oh part two.
That's perfect for our listeners too. I'm sure there's a
lot of women who are looking for their Part two.

Speaker 1 (41:00):
Yeah. Well.

Speaker 3 (41:01):
Our next question comes from Isabelle, and this is a
co parenting sort of question.

Speaker 5 (41:05):
Okay, ah too.

Speaker 7 (41:07):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (41:09):
On Isabelle says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a thirty six year
old woman and have been dating a great guy for
six months now. We're super compatible in many ways, and
although we've only known each other for a relatively short time.
I feel like this could be a longer lasting thing.
There's only one thing that bothers me, and that's his ex.
They were together for seven years, and then they had
an on again, off again thing for about a year

(41:30):
after breaking up, which pretty much only ended when I
entered the picture, so they never had an actual clean break.

Speaker 5 (41:36):
I normally wouldn't care if a partner keeps touch with
an ex.

Speaker 3 (41:38):
I sporatically text with my ex husband, who is part
of my life for fifteen years, but we also had
a no contact phase for two years after separating, so
clean break and we both moved on and can be
happy for each other now. My boyfriend, on the other hand,
has kept in touch with his ex this whole time,
and his main reason is that she wants to see
their dogs. Sometimes he drops them off at her place,
but they've also walked the dogs together, and I always

(42:00):
hear about these things after the fact. Don't get me wrong,
I understand the immense love you can have for an animal.
I love my cat more than most or maybe all people.
But I also think that breakups come with losses and
we can't always get what we want. I have a
feeling she's trying to keep a foot in the door
by requesting to see the dogs, and it's just a
reason for her to communicate with him. I'm not normally
a jealous person, but this bothers me. He's also never

(42:21):
offered for me to meet her, and I don't think
he'd want me to. I've brought this up with him
and we ended up having our first fight over this.

Speaker 5 (42:28):
Ever since then, he.

Speaker 3 (42:30):
Hasn't brought her up at all, so I'm assuming he's
just avoiding conflict by not telling me about their dog
parenting meetups anymore. I'm not worried he's sleeping with her,
but I am jealous that he won't let go of
that relationship because, on top of everything, they're trauma bonded,
and I feel like he will never reach this level
of vulnerability with me that he has with her. My
question is, how can I open this conversation again without

(42:50):
it ending in a fight. I just want him to
be honest, and I do want to be informed about
their level of contact.

Speaker 1 (42:55):
Isabelle, Isabelle, Oh, isabel the Flag.

Speaker 5 (43:00):
I know, I know, I hate to be like you know.

Speaker 2 (43:04):
I don't ever want women to act in jealousy or
out of jealousy. But there is something that's so codependent.
I guess we learned interdependent. It's the opposite of codndent,
but codependent that is.

Speaker 5 (43:18):
A red flag.

Speaker 2 (43:19):
Like that is like, okay, he's he has to go
be with her and and you're not exposed to her
at all.

Speaker 5 (43:26):
That means there is something Is.

Speaker 4 (43:28):
He doing it for the dogs or is he doing
it for drop off?

Speaker 5 (43:32):
I don't think the.

Speaker 1 (43:33):
Dogs really care.

Speaker 5 (43:35):
I don't think dogs care either. That dog he never
saw me again. I think he'd.

Speaker 4 (43:38):
Exactly he finds somebody else to write, right. I think
that that is the biggest thing here. I feel like
he's got to put his money where his mouth is.
And if that means that he needs to end a
relationship that is not serving your new his new relationship,
well then that's a choice that he has to make.

Speaker 1 (43:58):
And it's not an easy choice, you know.

Speaker 4 (44:00):
But if I mean, you seem to be kind of
okay with them being friends, but you just want.

Speaker 1 (44:05):
To be in the loop.

Speaker 5 (44:06):
Yeah, but be in the loop.

Speaker 2 (44:08):
You were in the loop and you didn't like it,
and now you're out of the loop and you don't
like that.

Speaker 5 (44:11):
So you're not going to like either one.

Speaker 2 (44:14):
And it's like he's got one foot in his old
relationship and one foot in his new relationship, is what
it sounds like, So I would I wouldn't be worried
about his reaction to you stating what your boundaries are.
Either you have boundaries or you don't, and if you
have them, you have to be confident in stating what
they are, which is, I don't feel comfortable with this

(44:34):
relationship anymore.

Speaker 5 (44:35):
If you do feel.

Speaker 2 (44:36):
Comfortable with the relationship, then you just have to accept
it and stop asking questions about it.

Speaker 1 (44:40):
Yeah, it's kind of like it's one or the other.
It's black and white, really.

Speaker 2 (44:43):
Right, And I wouldn't I think if you say to yourself, Okay,
I'm fine with them being in a relationship, he knows
how you feel now, so he's going to avoid telling
you anything about it, and that then it works.

Speaker 5 (44:54):
That's going to.

Speaker 2 (44:55):
Create more tension and more of a chasm between the
two of you. And I think it's important to say, like,
this doesn't feel right to me, Like I don't think
you want me to feel this way, And if you
don't care that I feel this way, then that's a
bigger issue.

Speaker 1 (45:07):
Right.

Speaker 3 (45:07):
The fact that it caused the argument, that's the biggest or.

Speaker 2 (45:10):
Because listen, if I went to someone that I was
in a relationship with and I said, hey, this this
bothers me.

Speaker 5 (45:16):
This isn't a man.

Speaker 2 (45:17):
It's not like we're talking about your relative that you
have to go see. This is an old flame that
you're sharing a dog with that you never officially ended
a relationship with.

Speaker 5 (45:26):
That doesn't make me feel good. That makes me feel
very like.

Speaker 2 (45:29):
I question that, and I question your motives for seeing
her because is the dog telling you that he needs
to see her?

Speaker 5 (45:35):
What's going on exact?

Speaker 3 (45:37):
Or like drop the dog off and then you know
what I mean, it's it's important to you walk kid.

Speaker 4 (45:42):
Yeah, my ex husband would drop the kids off and
then leave. It's not like we hung out. I got
anything out.

Speaker 1 (45:48):
Of seeing walks together.

Speaker 4 (45:50):
No, no, no, this is You've got to definitely speak
up and fight for your right because this doesn't sound
like it's it's beneficial to you in the long.

Speaker 2 (46:00):
Run, especially if you have not been exposed to this woman,
then that's a secret.

Speaker 5 (46:06):
If you're not in.

Speaker 2 (46:06):
The relationship, then there's no open dialogue about the fact
that you are in a relationship and that she's aware
of what the status of your relationship is. So, yeah,
how you would bring it up again without it resulting
in that. I think it's probably going to result in
an argument as it did the first time. But I
think you do need to be honest and just say
everything we said and be like, listen, this doesn't make

(46:27):
me feel good.

Speaker 5 (46:28):
I don't feel secure.

Speaker 2 (46:29):
This isn't what I'm looking for in terms of being
in a trusting relationship.

Speaker 4 (46:34):
You just need to put it on the table and
you need to define what you want and if he
can't give that to you, then you need to figure
out what your next move is.

Speaker 5 (46:43):
Hit us back when you come up with that.

Speaker 1 (46:45):
Let's hear.

Speaker 3 (46:46):
Yeah, well, let's take a break and we'll come back
with one more question and my.

Speaker 2 (46:49):
Pub Okay, great, we'll be right back and we're back
with Jennie Garth. Jennie Garth, who chooses, She chooses her?
I choose me, Catherine, you choose you?

Speaker 3 (47:04):
I sure do, I sure do.

Speaker 1 (47:05):
It's all about choices.

Speaker 5 (47:06):
Yeah, it's all about us and choices.

Speaker 1 (47:09):
That's right.

Speaker 3 (47:10):
And I do love that you're having, like a women's group.
Some of the most important decisions in my life have
been made after going to a women's group like that,
like a meetup sort of thing. And I remember there
was one that I went to where I was like
sort of toying with moving to California, and it was
like a big sort of deal.

Speaker 5 (47:25):
But I was like, maybe this is what I'm on
fire about and excited about.

Speaker 3 (47:28):
And then the rest of the weekend, all the women
were like, you're the one who's moving to California, and
it became a truth while we were together. There's so
much power in getting women to oh that's interesting.

Speaker 2 (47:37):
What's like a crazy story that you've heard or or
an inspiring story that you've heard from a woman.

Speaker 1 (47:43):
A common theme is not.

Speaker 4 (47:46):
Knowing how to choose yourself, having been taking care of
other people all your life, or taught to be a
people pleaser, or put in this position that you aren't
be able to breathe in or shine in. And I
think it's it's very very scary to break out of
a mold or a box that you've been put in,
especially if you're doing it alone.

Speaker 2 (48:06):
Well, even just our last the person that wrote in
about her boyfriend and the dog and the ex that's
just like, how do I bring up this conversation again
without it turning cantankerous or it's like, but that's not
your problem, Like you're stating what you want. If he
gets mad, then that's your answer right there. Like it's
such a theme with women not being able to state
what you want or stand up for yourself, whether it's

(48:28):
on this level or on a like in a level
where you're coming out of a marriage and having to
like reidentify who you are.

Speaker 3 (48:36):
Lindsey says, dear Chelsea, thank you for your unapologetic, intelligent,
bravery and unwavering support you show to women everywhere. You're
welcome as a female physician in Texas. I needed some
levity and light after the recent election, and I was
thrilled to discover you had a podcast. I've been devouring
all the episodes now for the advice. In short, my
brother filed for divorce a year and a half ago,

(48:59):
and I advocated for him. He and my sister in
law have since reconciled, and therefore they've cut me off.
There is severe asymmetry in their relationship. He's devoted, loyal
and golden retriever in human form, and she has had
multiple affairs checks the boxes in the DSM for narcissist
and has slandered my brother's reputation to friends as a
reason for her cheating. It's hard to capture the events succinctly,

(49:22):
but here we go. My brother's wife cheated for years,
denied it. He found evidence, he confided in me plans
to divorce her. For one month, we spent many hours
texting and on the phone, where I learned.

Speaker 1 (49:33):
The details of her behavior.

Speaker 3 (49:34):
I gave him advice STD council and also educated him
on personality disorders, of which she has I think at
least one. The month he filed for divorce, we went
on a family trip, and while we were away, she
got into his iPad and read every single text exchanged
between us. She did a one to eighty and went
from telling him she was miserable in the marriage to
begging for him back. It was the first time she

(49:55):
admitted to cheating, because she'd read in our text that
we already had proof prior to that, he'd endured nearly
a decade of gaslighting about it. Once there was evidence
and she knew lying wasn't an option, she made grand
gestures and begged her entire family to emotionally manipulate him
into staying with her, so they reconciled. When my brother
told me about their reconciliation, my advice was to give
it some time, spend some time apart before getting back together.

(50:18):
I advised that if she had the capacity to change,
that some time apart could give her the opportunity to
show with her actions that changes.

Speaker 1 (50:24):
Have been made.

Speaker 3 (50:25):
But my sister in law never showed signs of shame, regret, embarrassment,
or remorse. She instead has been on a war path
to cut us out of their lives. They've decided to
seal the deal with a pregnancy, of course, and two
of us siblings have been excluded from their lives because
of the advice we gave him a year and a
half ago. We dropped it and have only sent loving texts,
but those texts are met with long, angry texts back,

(50:46):
demanding we recant our prior advice and make a grand
gesture saying we approve and celebrate the reconciliation. We've been
the bigger people throughout the entire scenario. The most heartbreaking
thing is that my brother has learned to use the
tools of her aggressive communitytion and gaslighting now. So I
guess when you live with the narcissist for ten years,
you adopt their methods.

Speaker 1 (51:05):
So what is my ask?

Speaker 3 (51:06):
I'm not sure I know. But during the holiday season,
this rift has become a huge problem. As you can imagine,
they tried to make me unwelcome at my parents' holiday
table last year, and this year the sentiment is more
of the same. I've been told by my brother and
his wife that the only way we can move forward
in our relationship is for me to meet with her
so she can rate me for the sentiments I shared
privately over text with my brother. I've told them I

(51:29):
won't sit down for that meeting because it's toxic and
our conversations were never meant for her.

Speaker 5 (51:33):
What would Chelsea do?

Speaker 2 (51:35):
Lindsey, Okay, I'm going to use mel Robin's advice right here.
She has a new book called Let Them, and that's
what you need to do.

Speaker 5 (51:43):
Let them.

Speaker 2 (51:44):
Let them go have their family and their toxic relationship,
and let them have their babies who will most likely
will hopefully not be toxic.

Speaker 5 (51:52):
But let them.

Speaker 2 (51:53):
There's nothing you can do. There is absolutely nothing you
can do besides go on with your life. And it's
so sad that you don't have a brother really right now.
Hopefully that won't be permanent. But there is no point
in getting involved with them in any way. It is
so toxic and now that you have to kind of

(52:14):
say goodbye to your brother in the relationship that you
had with him. And while that sounds harsh, it's true,
Like there's no point you're going to torture yourself.

Speaker 1 (52:22):
Yeah, she just needs to step back.

Speaker 5 (52:24):
Step back.

Speaker 2 (52:26):
They can't take away your parents. You have your own
relationship with them, and if you have to suffer through
them on the holidays, then so be it. But don't
get involved in their drama. Don't try to negotiate anything
with them.

Speaker 5 (52:38):
Just back out because your.

Speaker 2 (52:40):
Brother needs to understand also that he has been isolated
by his wife, like she is making sure that everyone
in his life is not there for you to sit
down for an appointment to get berated as one of
the most ludicrous things I've ever heard, Like, fuck off.
You were his counselor and you were his helper and
now you're getting punished.

Speaker 1 (52:59):
Why don't you understand how he's allowing this to happen.

Speaker 2 (53:01):
Well, he's brainwashed too, He's like, you know how you
know how women and men alike can do that to women,
to other people, like if you're an easy going, really
easygo and she said he was kind of like a
Labrador retreat or something like that. Like you can easily
be manipulated by another person and then kind of get
brainwashed by them.

Speaker 5 (53:19):
It's not dissimilar from being in a cult.

Speaker 2 (53:21):
It's just one person that's controlling you, and it's all
very controlling. Anyone who does that and tries to isolate
you from your family is that's abuse.

Speaker 5 (53:30):
By the way, this.

Speaker 3 (53:31):
Specific type of behavior in the UK, they call it
coercive control and they've actually just made it illegal. It's
not illegal here in the US, but like you actually
can get in trouble legally for controlling your partner in
the UK.

Speaker 5 (53:44):
That's great.

Speaker 1 (53:44):
How do they define it? Like the gaping point, I.

Speaker 3 (53:48):
Mean, it's it's these elements of like cutting someone off
from their family, and there's a whole lot of things
that go into it. But these like toxic boyfriends, are
toxic you know, girlfriends or wives, these sorts of things.

Speaker 5 (53:58):
There are consequences for it now at.

Speaker 4 (53:59):
Least well he's there are consequences to what he's experiencing too.
When she's experiencing, he's going to lose a sister, somebody
that's looking in right, looking out for his best interest,
and he's losing more than you're losing, probably because he's
caught up in this cycle of listening to the wrong
person instead of listening to himself.

Speaker 2 (54:22):
Yeah, so that's I mean, that sucks and I'm sorry,
but yeah, I would get yourself extricate yourself from that dynamic.

Speaker 3 (54:28):
Is there like an emotion or a mantra that you
would send her in with when she does see them
at holidays and has to sort of be a sivolt
just it's mel Robbins.

Speaker 2 (54:38):
Let them, let them do their thing, let them be toxic,
let them have a dysfunctional relationship, let them be angry,
let them be abusive to each other.

Speaker 5 (54:46):
It's none of your business anymore.

Speaker 1 (54:48):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (54:49):
And on that note, we're gonna thank Jenny Garth for
being here today.

Speaker 1 (54:53):
I'm so happy to be here. Thank you.

Speaker 5 (54:54):
I know, it's so nice to see you.

Speaker 2 (54:55):
Her podcasts Choose Me podcast and there's part two podcasts,
then there's an another one.

Speaker 5 (55:00):
What's the name of the third one you're producing.

Speaker 1 (55:02):
That is a it's called Nino two one og.

Speaker 2 (55:04):
It's a oh we even talk about nine or two
one oh, but we had too much other stuff to
talk about. You can also find her clothing line on QVC.
It's called Me by Jenny Garth, or you can go
to Jennygarth dot com and find it.

Speaker 1 (55:15):
And then what day is your Women's group? January eleventh?

Speaker 2 (55:18):
January eleventh at iHeart Theater in Los Angeles.

Speaker 1 (55:22):
Okay, that sounds fun, It'll be fun.

Speaker 5 (55:24):
Well, was nice to see you, Thanks to goodbye everybody.

Speaker 2 (55:27):
Okay, guys, stand up shows that I have coming up
December twenty eighth, I'm coming in New Orleans right before
New Year's and then I'll be in Atlanta, Georgia on
December twenty ninth. And those are the rest of my
stand up dates for this year. It's over New Tour
New Year. If you'd like.

Speaker 3 (55:43):
Advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at Dear Chelsea
podcast at gmail dot com and be sure to include
your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by
Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine law and be sure to
check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com