April 10, 2025 • 53 mins
Back by popular demand, it’s Dylan Mulvaney! Dylan reveals how Chelsea helped her have her first kiss as a girl, who she’s looking for on Raya, and who in the room is a whore on the loose. Then: A crush on a friend turns into deeper soul-searching. A newly-married woman wonders how to support a single friend. And non-binary babe struggles to feel like themselves out in the world.
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Order a signed copy of Chelsea’s new book HERE!
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Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at DearChelseaPodcast@gmail.com
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Executive Producer Catherine Law
Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, Catherine, Hi, Chelsea, Hi, Hi, Hi. How's everybody doing good?
You know what?
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I actually saw our friends Allison and Darling in.
Speaker 3 (00:08):
New York last week. Oh did you, I said Darling. Yes,
they're taking the town by storm. Everyone who's listening, please,
this is a reminder that if you tag me when
you're watching my special, my new special, The Feeling on Netflix,
where I wear my gold one piece, which is my
golden anniversary year. I had no idea between Gold Bond
(00:29):
that I was wearing gold gold bathing suit and then
my special, which I taped way before I turned fifty.
I was wearing my gold jumpsuit and this is my
fiftieth year, so everything is gold and that's your golden anniversary.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
So it's my anniversary with myself.
Speaker 4 (00:43):
I love that, I know.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
So please tag me for the special because I get
so many tags about my books, but I'm not getting
as many about my special, and my special is the
newest thing out, so I want to make sure all
my ardent fans are watching it and tagging me, and
I'll repost you.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
And yes, it's called The Feeling.
Speaker 4 (00:57):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
And Chelsea, we also went to ask for more couples
and duos to call in or to write in for
many sods.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
Yes, if you're having a even if it's a friendship
like kind of disagreement or a relationship disagreement, we want
you guys to call in for couples advice. We're going
to do that on our minisodes as well too. And
also everyone can check out my European dates. I start
in Rekuvic mid May and I end in Lisbon, Portugal
at the beginning of June. So come see me in
Europe if you're one of our European fans. Also, if
(01:27):
you guys want another inspiring book to read, I am Maria.
But Maria Shreiver just came out and it is beautiful.
It's a book of poetry. I'm not really but it's
not your traditional poetry. It's like stream of consciousness poetry.
And there's a forward by her about everything she's experienced
in her life that is so moving and it just
blew me away. I read the entire book last night
(01:48):
on my sofa.
Speaker 4 (01:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
Well, I just finished Dilan Mulvaney's new memoir.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Yes, I've read that of course for our new guest,
I mean guest.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
It's so I mean obviously. You know, we read a
lot of celebrit memoirs on the show, and I think
it's one of my favorites that I've ever read. Like,
it's so beautiful, it's funny, it's light, it's refreshing, like
it's honest.
Speaker 4 (02:07):
It's great.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Yeah, it's a great read, just like Dylan herself. She's
a great read.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
And her brand new podcast, The Dylan Hour, just launched.
I actually worked on it. It was so much fun.
It has amazing episodes. It's so fun and kitchy. It's
really fun to watch on YouTube also because it's like
sixties themed and it has a whole pink set and
it's really sweet. I would start with either like the
Norri Read episode. It's really really fun. There's an episode
(02:32):
with her dad that's really.
Speaker 4 (02:33):
Touching and really fun.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
She's got an episode with Glennon Doyle. Go check it
out The Dylan Hour, which it.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Brings us to our guests. Please welcome Dylan mulvaney. Oh
look at you. Look at how you handled that microphone. Dylan.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
Wow, I'm a podcast throw Wow back by popular demand.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
Wow, by very popular demand, is our favorite.
Speaker 3 (02:53):
Our favorite transgender woman, our favorite transgender person.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
Dylan mulvaney is back.
Speaker 5 (03:00):
Oh.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
We have a lot of catching up to do, have
a lot to talk because you've been hanging around with
a lot of my friends. I saw Alan Cummings. You
posted a picture of you guys last night.
Speaker 5 (03:09):
I'm like, where well? I More importantly, the last time
was on this podcast. The last thing I asked you.
I hadn't been kissed as a girl yet, and I
was like, should I do it? And you were like, yeah,
hurry the fuck up. Yeah, And I did accomplish a
lot of that.
Speaker 4 (03:23):
So you last saw each other.
Speaker 5 (03:24):
But what I'm about to show you is very important
because I was in Paris and this was Alan Cumming
was included in this evening and I went clubbing with
a bunch of people from a conference and I left
the club looking like this. And I just wish that
for our audio listeners that they would really get to
(03:45):
see this.
Speaker 4 (03:45):
But can you describe what you see?
Speaker 6 (03:48):
Well?
Speaker 3 (03:48):
We can hold it up. Can I hold this up
to a camera? Can you see that this is Dylan.
Speaker 4 (03:52):
That's me leaving the club.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
Look, I'm like a whore on the loose. This is
what I would call summer whore. When you have a
hot pink lipstick. It's all around.
Speaker 4 (04:02):
Her once like maroon, and then it went, it's giving clown.
This is ridiculous. Basically I went into the club.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
And sucked face with everyone you saw.
Speaker 4 (04:12):
And just one, just one, and he really did a
number on my makeup.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
Your face looks like my head right now. I thought
I had a pimple on my forehead morning.
Speaker 4 (04:23):
Are you saying my face looks like a pimple.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
In that picture? It looks like a big pimple that
pops right now. That one.
Speaker 4 (04:29):
We got a big problem. What I'm walking around like
all the time.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
I thought I had a pimple on my forehead this
morning in my hotel room, and I went in after it,
and then as I was trying to squeeze it and
nothing was coming out, I realized it's a fucking mosquito bite.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Oh so I basically attacked myself.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
It adds character, and I went and it's like a
knot on my head right now.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
I got into my car this morning.
Speaker 5 (04:50):
We're a New York cartoon with like a fucking piano
dropped on your head, New York.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
And my driver's like, what's he goes, what's wrong with
your head? That's what he said to me.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
Rapa, he can say that thoughways been my driver for
a long time. Okay, So, Dylan mulvaney, the last time
we spoke, you were I mean, first of all, I
don't even know where to begin.
Speaker 5 (05:08):
You've been very busy, been all over. But I was
going through the ringer right when I saw you.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
That was because you were getting you were getting a
lot of.
Speaker 5 (05:16):
Back a lot of backlash. And now that's just seems
to be the trend of my life.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
And so let's revisit what was happening. It was the
beer commercial.
Speaker 5 (05:23):
There was a beer situation, and it felt like the
whole world was after me. And now I've really learned
how to not give a fuck, and I think I
learned that's kind of from you. And I also just
now know to roll with the punches, because if this
is going to be my life, then I think that's
kind of just comes with it.
Speaker 4 (05:41):
Yeah, we do our best.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
I think it's very important to build resiliency as soon
as you possibly can, because if you're going to be
in a public, if you're going to be in the public.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
There is no way that you're going to get out.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
Of this unscathed being a public personality, there's just no way.
So when people are really sensitive and they can't deal
with it, I mean, it's a natural reaction to have,
but eventually you have to toughen up a little.
Speaker 5 (06:04):
Were you ever fragile? I kind of the way I've
read your stuff, like, it doesn't seem like that.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
I don't know if fragile would be the word, but
I've been knocked down a lot. Yeah, I've been knocked
over and down and thought, oh fuck, maybe I should
just disappear. Maybe everyone's sick of me, or maybe this
or that and that. You know, you think that those
moments are temporary. They're not permanent. And I deal with
a lot of people that come to me who are
fragile and want to know what to do.
Speaker 4 (06:30):
I think we're attracted to you.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
Yeah, maybe a magnetism because it's like, oh you're okay.
But but that becomes a lot to handle too. Like
I remember this was just last week. I was like,
I had so much of my own shit to deal with,
and then I had like four or five people coming
to me about how to deal with their shit, and
I remember thinking, I don't have the fucking time for this,
I'm not a counselor. But then I'm like, no, you
(06:53):
are a counselor. That's actually what you like enjoy doing.
Oh yeah, you want to help people.
Speaker 4 (06:57):
So it's easier to look in rather than into yourself sometimes.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
Have you met anyone that you're interested in, like more
long term? Are you just having fun with strangers?
Speaker 4 (07:07):
You know in Paris bars that'll do it?
Speaker 5 (07:08):
Oh? Oh my god, You're gonna die. I can't believe
I'm telling you this on air. I did hook up
with my room service waiter in Paris also this weekend.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
I've always dreamt about.
Speaker 5 (07:18):
Actually I left that that picture moment, and I went
back to the hotel and then I got a charcoonery
board and the waiter was so hot chelse and and.
Speaker 4 (07:30):
He went Savah and I went Sava.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
And then does that mean suki? Suki? What is something?
Speaker 4 (07:35):
How are you? I think? And I said how are you?
Speaker 5 (07:40):
And somebody else is gonna quote me that was incorrect.
Then we started making out and it was amazing.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
I love that these things.
Speaker 3 (07:46):
You were making out with your room service attendant. Yeah,
I didn't even know that was legal.
Speaker 5 (07:51):
Well, I'm trying to kind of pivot because I went
on a date a few weeks ago where the person was, well,
I was on a date with a woman and she
was like She first asked me, She's like, are you
into me? And I was like, yeah, I'm into you.
And then I was like are you into me? And
she's like well, and I was like what does that mean.
She's like, You're kind of like the baby bird and
I'm the mama bird. And I don't know if I'm
allowed to fuck the baby bird. And I'm like, you
can fuck the baby bird. And I'm just sort of
(08:17):
now trying to figure out how to take myself out
of the cute to fuckable category, you know what I mean.
Speaker 4 (08:22):
So, dear Chelsea, how do you go from cute to fuckable?
Speaker 1 (08:24):
I think it's a natural progression and it's gonna happen
very naturally.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
And what I see with the room service waiter, and
it starts with sucking off the room service waiter. No,
I don't think you sucked out.
Speaker 4 (08:32):
I didn't do it.
Speaker 6 (08:33):
I don't.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
Okay, good good, because I just yeah, yeah, I mean
you can. There's nothing wrong with that. I mean, I
don't know what goes on in France, but it sounds wonderful.
This is like when messuses go.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Down on you.
Speaker 3 (08:42):
I'm like, I've had a lot of massages and that's
never come up.
Speaker 4 (08:45):
I was gonna say you did say it though, like
that was a frequent Like.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
I would like I would love a messuse to go
down on me, to get on grinder. I well, but
I want to just have a mesuse offer it, Like
why not. I'm relaxed, I'm not gonna fight you. You can
go down on me, finger blast me. That's the perfect
setting for me to get figure blasted is while I'm
lying down half hour for you too. I know so,
and I hear all these stories. I even went to
this hotel that I heard, Yeah, what's wrong with me?
(09:11):
And then I was like, oh, I guess. And my
friends like, you're just too intimidating. I go while I'm
getting a massage. To intimidate, you have to go.
Speaker 5 (09:17):
In full glam. You get full glamm done. We get
Jamie makeup in here just to really beat your face.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
Yeah, you've been hanging out with Jamie makeup.
Speaker 4 (09:24):
I love that woman vibe so fun.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
I know, she's so fun.
Speaker 4 (09:28):
Yeah, you got to keep the good ones around.
Speaker 3 (09:30):
I told her she's a personality higher. You need her personality.
I was like, forget about your makeup skills. Your personality
is where it's at.
Speaker 4 (09:37):
That's how I feel about myself too.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
Okay, so tell me about your life. I want to know.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
So you left here and you had a lot of
drama with the beer, and then that subsided.
Speaker 5 (09:47):
And then we started Marco polowing in you because we
found that I don't like to text, you don't like
to do facetimes or phone calls. So it's like this
walkie talkie app and I asked you about ayahuasca. Went
to do that down in by myself. Yes, And that
really made me willing to do life again. It was
like a lot of great things came up. And then
(10:08):
I came back to the States and finished up my book.
I've got my podcast.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
It's the podcast call.
Speaker 4 (10:15):
It's called the Dylan Hour.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
Oh I love it.
Speaker 5 (10:17):
And it's sort of like to serve a podcast thank you.
It's like sort of this nineteen sixties flare, you know.
I love to live in the eras. And what it
originally came from was that there was I was getting
so much hate from these like conservative extremist, like right
wingers all had all these podcasts, and I was like, well,
what the fuck, I want one? And and so it's
not targeting those people at all. It's just kind of
(10:38):
a celebration of femininity. And the important part is that
we get to drink alcohol on it. Which do you
ever do that on here?
Speaker 3 (10:45):
I don't, not on my podcast, but I did Burt
Kreischer's podcast, and it was around It was at noon,
and I had.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
Two vodka OJ's. Oh and it was a two hour podcast.
Speaker 3 (10:55):
And I think that's pretty much how all podcasts should
be conducted.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
It's just a very loose.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
Format, and people are more relaxed, and it's just easier
to drink and talk about yourself.
Speaker 4 (11:05):
And in they'll tell you more things.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
Yeah, I mean, I don't need alcohol to open me up,
you know. I mean I already have a problem with
my mouth. I gave away way too much information.
Speaker 4 (11:15):
If you were gonna come on my pod, what do
you think we would drink? Like, what's your go to?
Speaker 1 (11:19):
I was drinking gin for a while. I'm kind of
engine you'll get there, honey.
Speaker 3 (11:24):
I'm a little bit in gin. And then I'm kind
of pivoting back to vodka. Now, vodka was brushing me
out for a while because it tasted like it started
to taste like gasoline. But whenever you overdo anything, it
starts to taste disgusting.
Speaker 4 (11:36):
You ever tried to ever clear?
Speaker 1 (11:38):
Oh no, that's really gasoline.
Speaker 4 (11:40):
I like that.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
That's like rubbing alcohol.
Speaker 4 (11:42):
That'll get you.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
What are you drinking?
Speaker 4 (11:44):
I love vodka. I love an espresso Martina.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
Oh I had one of those yesterday.
Speaker 4 (11:48):
I will keep you up. And I love oh dirty
Shirley Temple. You've ever had one of those? What's surety
temple with vodka? Oh? Yeah?
Speaker 5 (11:55):
Or an aperol sprits? Yeah, that's very my York of eyes. Yeah, my,
orca very my or so you'll.
Speaker 4 (12:01):
Come on my pod one day of course, okay, talking
about how to drink.
Speaker 5 (12:04):
Honored to be on your podcast, and yeah, it's sort
of just like a celebration of femininity in giving me
a chance to get off, you know, the internet so
much and kind of get in front of somebody else
because so much of what I was doing online was
just me in my bedroom, and I was like, I
haven't talked to someone in five days, so it's time
to sit down and shoot the shit.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
And are you still living in your same house.
Speaker 4 (12:24):
I live in the cute house.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
I didn't know if you had to move because we'll
worried about all the back That was scary.
Speaker 4 (12:31):
But we're okay now now.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
Everything's good, So that's great. I'm glad to hear that.
What other backlash have you been facing?
Speaker 4 (12:37):
I released a song called Days of Girlhood. Did you
hear about that one?
Speaker 1 (12:40):
Yeah? I heard about that, but I did not hear
about the backlash.
Speaker 5 (12:43):
So I put this song out sort of as like
you ever heard of Rebecca blacks Friday, Yeah, or like
Paris Hilton stars are Blind. You know. I wanted one
song to give the gaze, you know, if I was
going to go at any moment, just to remember me
and and so I basically put the most sort of
just like still tereotypical, silly feminine things into one song.
Speaker 4 (13:03):
I did not think I was singing fucking you know.
Speaker 5 (13:06):
I didn't think I was Chaikowski or anything when I
went into writing this. And wow, the Internet just roasted
me because it first started with the turfs, and it
started with you know, women who were so deeply offended
that I would be singing about.
Speaker 4 (13:21):
Womanhood or girlhood.
Speaker 5 (13:22):
Wait, what's the turf trans exclusionary radical feminists. So a
feminist that doesn't include trans people, okay, copy like as
jk Rowling, Yes, right, but this song gave them kind
of like this perfect sort of like, oh, I'm gonna
be sad on the internet to talk about how much
this song, you know, made them so upset. And then
(13:43):
my audience had already decided that it was a bad song.
Speaker 4 (13:46):
But the thing about gen Z is they.
Speaker 5 (13:47):
Will ride hard, and so when they found out it
was getting hate, they were like, well, now this is
my favorite fucking song I've ever heard. But yeah, I
don't think I meant for I don't think the music
industries for me. How about you?
Speaker 1 (13:58):
No, No, I don't have any I can't sing and
I have no rhythm.
Speaker 4 (14:01):
I can't go to karaoke.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
I don't do karaoke, Dylan, are you not hearing me?
I cannot you want to hear me saying I.
Speaker 3 (14:09):
Do Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you?
Speaker 4 (14:13):
Like that's it good?
Speaker 1 (14:15):
No, that's not good. I know that's not good. And
I'm not taking voice lessons. What you think I need
to add that to my repertoire.
Speaker 4 (14:21):
I don't know it sounds like, you've got two months
in my Orca to fucking.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
I find one month in my Orca and I'm not
fucking and I'm not recording an album.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
You want me to come out with a song so
I can get more hay than you got.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
So you can do you can be like, look you
you see this one.
Speaker 3 (14:40):
We should we actually I should record a song and
then we release it together called you thought I was
an asshole?
Speaker 4 (14:46):
Watch this feat. I'm gonna be pictured on it. Catherine,
do you sing?
Speaker 2 (14:51):
I do I do sing?
Speaker 6 (14:52):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (14:52):
Hell yeah?
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Okay, yeah, so you know I'll sing on the on
there with you as well.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
Catherine sings when she talks sometimes and I have to stop.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Chelsea's like fuck, I'm like, yeah, Catherine, that does not
go with this podcast.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
I can't help it.
Speaker 4 (15:07):
I have a song, and Mines is not a musical
theater podcast. Minus get Ready.
Speaker 3 (15:12):
I want to talk about some heartfelt moments that you've
had with like fans and people that have reached out
to you, because that must feel really good and meaningful,
and I.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
Know that you have them.
Speaker 4 (15:21):
Oh my god.
Speaker 5 (15:22):
Every day I think, like so often the internet feels
like the most toxic place. And then I'll open up
like a DM from like a girl that just went
to college that's getting her bottom surgery, or a parent
that like they watched my videos together and like that
to me is worth it. Like I think so often
I feel like social media and content creation, it's so
(15:47):
can feel really icky. Sometimes it can feel like it's
either selfish or that you don't know if it's actually
helping anyone, or that it's potentially hurting you know, Like
I'd never want to put something out there that's about
representation of the trans community. But then when you've got
the dolls surrounding you and rallying behind you. And that
was my big takeaway from the backlash at beer Gate
(16:09):
was like, oh I got so burned, and the trans
community and the queer community were the ones waiting to
pick me back up. And I think that just told
me like, Oh, that's who I want on my side,
That's who I want my audience to be. And because
I tried so hard to be palatable for so long, to.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
Be and feeling to all these people, right, Yeah, we
were talking about that with my book title. They were like, oh,
well this is going to exclude men, and I'm like,
but what straight men are reading my books. Like, let's
be honest, I'd rather home in on the people that
are my audience, all the people who feel like I do,
who don't want to have children, who are single, who
is you know? Who care about being a woman and
being a sister and all of those things. It's better
(16:49):
to focus and home in on your audience instead of
trying to appeal to everyone.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
Amen.
Speaker 5 (16:54):
In my show that I'm doing is called fag Hag,
and a lot of people go, oh my god, can
I say that.
Speaker 4 (17:00):
I'm like, I don't know, can you? I've seen have
a bag hag?
Speaker 1 (17:02):
I know, I know, like I do. I love ga.
I went out last night.
Speaker 3 (17:07):
I tried to set my two gay guy friends up
and my one gay friend got so fucking wasted he
was such a mess at dinner. And then I had
my other friend at dinner. She was got off a
plane from Paris, and so I'm with this guy that
I know, trying to set him up with this guy
and my other friend and they're not making any sense,
the two of them.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
It was like being out with three year olds.
Speaker 4 (17:28):
So did they like each other? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (17:29):
They ended up hucking up so great turn Well, I
don't know you know, because you like men and women,
so it's hard for me to focus on which one.
Speaker 4 (17:37):
Okay.
Speaker 5 (17:37):
It's funny though, because when I'm on Riah and I'm
looking for your men, it's a lot of these guys
that'll say like mutual, you know, mutual and common Chelsea Handler,
and it's usually you know, it's usually the men over
forty and and I'm like, do I want to be
do I want to be sisters with her on this one?
And then I sometimes I'm like should I text Hervey?
(17:59):
And I'm like, he's not hot enough to really go
to bat for this one? Yeah, right, but I will
start vetting through you.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
If yeah, just send me a screen.
Speaker 3 (18:05):
They always say no, you can't take a screenshot, but
I do it all the time.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
I do it. You're not spurt, They're not going to bandy.
If they haven't banned me by now, they're not gonna
ban me.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
And sometimes I need to take a screenshot because I'm like, wait,
I don't know if I've already met this person.
Speaker 5 (18:20):
Sometimes they'll be like really hot, and I'll be like,
good for Chelsea, and I can only assume, you know,
maybe it's like your fucking pool boy.
Speaker 3 (18:27):
I know, I know, I use RYA a lot when
I'm and yeah, in spurts are periods of my life
where I am all about ryacause it's just so fun
when you're in a different city and you're just wanting
to hook up and nothing more serious.
Speaker 5 (18:41):
It's perfect tool, oh the best, and you can like
I've seen guys from high school that like I had
a crush on, or I've seen like my favorite actors
and that it's it's good.
Speaker 3 (18:51):
On that note, we're gonna take a break, Dylan, and
we'll be right back with Dylan mulvaney.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
If you'd like advice from Chelsea, right into us at
Dear Chelsea Podcast gmail dot com. We'd love to hear
your questions for any juicy story you'd like advice on.
But this week we're especially looking for questions about parenting.
So if you are a parent and have problem children,
please write in and tell us your story at Dear
Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
And we're back with Dylan mulvaney. Catherine, are we ready
to rumble today?
Speaker 2 (19:21):
We are so ready to rumble. We've got our callers
hanging out, We've got questions, and our first question comes
from Audrey, I think this fits very much into what
you were talking about with dating and dating guys are girls, so,
Audrey says, Hi, Chelsea, I'm a twenty two year old
trans woman from the South.
Speaker 4 (19:42):
I have a doozy for you.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
I've been with a man for four years and we
got together a couple months into my transition. I love
him and he is my best friend, but I've recently
come to the realization that I'm attracted to women. I
think I just made myself believe I was attracted to
men because I liked how validated and feminine it made
me feel to dat man. But I've come to realize
my femininity is just as valid being with a man
(20:04):
or a woman. After thinking about all of this, my
attraction to men has gone way down. It's like once
I discovered the truth, my brain wouldn't let me see
men the same. My attraction for women is now greater
than it is to men. Should I tell him I
want to experiment with women. Should we break up? I
don't want to hurt my best friend that I love
so much, but I want to make some changes. Audrey
(20:25):
Dylan Well.
Speaker 5 (20:27):
I think it's very common for trans people to expand
their sexuality, you know, after a gender identity shift, because
I think once you unlock one part of yourself, you're like,
oh my gosh, there's this Why would I limit myself?
Speaker 2 (20:42):
You know?
Speaker 5 (20:42):
It's like I think we put sort of parameters on
ourselves and once you open one floodgate, you're like, fuck it.
And I think that's kind of what happened with me,
is like as far as like, oh, why am I
limiting myself? But I also think and it sounds like
it's more so just based on her attraction women in
less of like her disdain for men, because I more
so I'm like, Wow, this grass isn't greener because I
(21:05):
had never been with straight men before and now I
have and it's actually not the it's not amazing.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
Yes, gay men, I knows, it's not amazing, And that's
why so many women are becoming la.
Speaker 4 (21:16):
Life lesbian friends make that change.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
Yeah, it's totally normal.
Speaker 5 (21:20):
And then like in getting really serious really fast, which
they getting really serious with women, And I think for
Audrey it sounds like maybe if there's nothing going on
with the relationship that feels toxic or unsafe and she
still really does enjoy this person, it sounds like maybe
an open relationship might yeah, the option.
Speaker 3 (21:40):
If he's if he's going to be open for that,
But I really don't think you have a choice. Like,
when you love someone and you respect them, it is
really kind of imperative that you are honest with them. Oh,
absolutely so, Like either way, I mean, if he's not
open to it, you'll find out right away. But either way,
you need to be honest about your desires and see
how and give him the opportunity to say yay or
(22:01):
if he rejects it, and.
Speaker 5 (22:02):
Then you have a decision to make right Catherine, did
she write specifically that she's met another woman that's kind
of interesting to her yet? No?
Speaker 2 (22:10):
Huhuh, just I think in general.
Speaker 5 (22:12):
Well, that's a good timing situation. You know, it sounds
like a conversation with the boyfriend or you know, the
man friend that to see how he feels, you know,
about what this relationship could look like.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
Yeah, yeah, you should definitely address it.
Speaker 4 (22:23):
Though.
Speaker 3 (22:24):
It's good practice to address these uncomfortable conversations as early
as you can because life is filled with them, and
the better you are at being honest and upfront and
direct without it being acrimonious or screaming or yelling, like
the more evolved you become and the better skilled you
are to actually handle difficult situations.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
Yeah, and you know, Audrey is only twenty two, so
like very young, just starting to experience these things. And
she also mentioned best friend a couple of times, and
there's maybe some examination there of you know, our relationships
change over time, and maybe you do feel about this
guy more than he's a friends than a real partner, right,
you know, or maybe the romantic feelings of shit and
(23:05):
gen Z.
Speaker 5 (23:06):
Is so fluid with their with everything, And I think
that my advice to her would be, like, don't try
to put a label on what this attraction is for
you until you do a little experimenting and you put
your you know, like you might like being with women
more than you expected, or it might not. But I
think in the meantime, having this conversation with the guy
(23:27):
and going from there, because I don't think anyone in
that age group is going to be judgy.
Speaker 3 (23:34):
I also think it's a great time in your life
to be experimenting with your femininity. Like I liked what
you said in her letter about like she's realizing that
her femininity isn't reliant upon a male presence.
Speaker 4 (23:45):
I did get a little nervous.
Speaker 5 (23:47):
I thought about, you know, being with the woman, would
that make me feel like I had to like step
up and put on sort of these like masculine qualities.
But it's never been that way. And I think that
as long as it's giving you dysphoria, it can be
really beautiful because a woman honoring a trans woman's existence,
like in a romantic relationship, is really special.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
What ended up happening with you and this older woman
or this this woman, you were just the mama bird,
the mama bird.
Speaker 4 (24:17):
Sorry you did not we kissed, but then I think
it was then you were urgitated. Well, then I asked you.
Speaker 5 (24:22):
I asked her. I was like, well, how do we
go from cute to fuckable? And she was like, you
need to have more sex? And I was like, how
do you know I'm not having more sex? And she
was like, well are you? And I was like no.
And so I think it was kind of like doctor's
order situation. And then I'll circle back, you know.
Speaker 3 (24:38):
With like SOD two weeks after you've told me some
it sounds like your your pairing skills are great.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
Well, I mean I've been on a roll late. I
mean I've hoped up, I've made I've actually set three
people up in the last six months.
Speaker 4 (24:52):
Maybe find me. I could go with the man, Okay, but.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Like I gotta think, I gotta start thinking.
Speaker 4 (24:56):
Gety to sixty, thirty to sixty, yeah kind of range.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
Is that way older? Though I like older too.
Speaker 4 (25:03):
I want somebody very sure of themselves, successful tall.
Speaker 1 (25:07):
I could see you with an older man.
Speaker 4 (25:09):
Actually, first I'm the first wife. No, I'm third wife vibes,
and then he's my first.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
Husband, especially with like, what's the way you're vibing?
Speaker 7 (25:15):
Now?
Speaker 1 (25:16):
I know you're dressed to go to the theater, right.
Speaker 4 (25:17):
No, I wear this all the time.
Speaker 5 (25:21):
You never know what's sixty year old man you're gonna
meet on the streets of New York on his way
home from Wall Street.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
On his way home from his podcast, think about.
Speaker 4 (25:27):
What Wall Street was? Oh God, that's my one condition.
Speaker 5 (25:30):
No men podcast unless it's something really boring talking about
money management.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
Okay, Catherine, money man.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
Our next color is Jerry Jerry?
Speaker 1 (25:44):
Is is it Jerry Seinfeldt?
Speaker 2 (25:46):
It's not Jerry Seigne.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
He's always calling in.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
I can't keep him off the long No Jerry is
calling in from Chicago, and Jerry uses pronouns fave M.
You're Chelsea. I'm a forty two year old non binary
gender queer person and assigned mail at birth. But if
you knew me in my day today, you would only
know this from my stand up. That's because certain open
mics are the only place I feel safe dressing or
(26:09):
acting feminine, probably because I can claim that I'm just joking.
I don't enforce my pronouns at work because after numerous attempts,
I've lost hope. When I see a cute blouse, I
will always talk myself out of buying it, and when
I do muster the courage to wear quote women's clothes
out of the house, part of me still feels a
little strange. My stand up hobby has been a great
(26:30):
way to cope. I joke that I've always looked like
a daddy but talk like a mommy, and how it
unnecessarily confuses people. But I know this is just a
band aid on the real problem. I hate to admit it,
but I'm so ready to give up and conform again.
Ever since I had to I don't know, ever since
I had to stop being a lawyer for my health.
Confronting anyone about any issue, big or small has triggered
(26:50):
my fight or flight response, and mine is usually freeze.
And I feel so lonely because the only people my
age coming out as non binary are celebrities like JVN
or Sam Smith. If when you wore a jumpsuit in
one of your specials, Chelsea, I bought a jumpsuit tour
to my open mics. Everyone who went up after me
made fun of it, and I didn't even care because
I kind of felt like I was channeling your confidence.
(27:11):
Maybe I'm hoping you can work your magic on this problem.
I honestly don't see a solution to You're devoted, but
not in a creepy way. Fan Jerry Vevam hi je
Jerry will join us here perfect.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
Oh what a conundrum it is really just it's just
brutal hew in these streets, I know.
Speaker 3 (27:31):
I mean, it's just so hard to even be what
people expect of you, and then you want to be
something that people don't expect, and then you have to
con You're consumed with what other people think, and I
hate that. I hate that everyone is so consumed with
what other people think and how they're going to view
them and how you get rid of that. People are
always like, how are you so confident? I'm like, I
don't feel like I'm that confident, but I just I'm
(27:53):
not interested in negative opinions about me.
Speaker 4 (27:56):
Do you ever feel like you might have a sheathe
in your bio?
Speaker 1 (28:00):
Something like that is happening? Wow, something like that.
Speaker 4 (28:03):
Coming out episode? Hi, Jerry, Oh, I love you already.
I'm Dylan, by the way.
Speaker 1 (28:07):
Dylan Mulvaney's our special guest.
Speaker 8 (28:09):
Yeah, yeah, no, I'm familiar. I've seen your your videos
on TikTok and really moving.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Okay, talk to us.
Speaker 3 (28:16):
So you're feeling pretty like low and not able to
express yourself.
Speaker 8 (28:21):
I can't enjoy being feminine because there's just always like
a fear attached to it.
Speaker 5 (28:27):
And you did say, you know, you wore that jumpsuit,
which I'm so obsessed with already, But you said that
other people commented negatively about it.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
Oh yeah, But I.
Speaker 8 (28:37):
Mean that wasn't so much generated so much as like,
oh yeah, or you off to like construction work or something.
Speaker 4 (28:44):
I think it's iconic.
Speaker 5 (28:46):
My worry for you is that I don't want you
to use stand up as a way to self deprecate
about yourself, because I think a lot of comedy can
go in that direction, and especially if the crowds you're
performing for are more of the straight or taurus crowd.
What I really want you to try to focus on
is finding those like specifically queer or trans or non
(29:08):
binary open mics, because that's where you can make, you know,
light of a situation without having to be the butt
of every single joke. And I got back in a
stand up recently since I had, you know, transitioned, and
I found myself in these rooms where they were only
laughing when I was putting myself really down or you know,
referring back to myself as a gay man or what
(29:30):
like it. And I think, as much as it might
feel good to get that laugh, I just don't want you,
especially in such a sensitive time where you are truly
finding your true self, and I don't want it to
hinder that in any way. I want you to protect yourself.
And I also I went by day then Pronounce for
about a year and three months before I fully transitioned,
(29:52):
and I just wanted to confirm with you, like it
can be so lonely because people some people just don't
get it.
Speaker 4 (29:59):
What do you think.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
I think that you have to I understand and I can't.
Speaker 3 (30:04):
You know, I haven't been through this myself, but I
think it's really important to have strong conversations with yourself
every single day about who you are and what you're
putting out there, you know what I mean, so that
you have confidence in your decision making and that other
people aren't having such an impact on the way that
you feel about yourself. You're not looking for their validation.
(30:27):
You have the desire to express your feminine side that
has nothing really to do with any of them, and
if they don't like it, that's also not your problem.
You need to go where the light is, you know
what I mean, like the people that love you, the
people that understand you, and when you're on stage. I
agree with what Dylan said, Listen, a lot of comedy
is self deprecating. I'm self deprecating, but I think it's
(30:47):
important to recognize the difference between making fun of yourself
to fit in versus making fun of yourself because.
Speaker 5 (30:55):
You already love that part of yourself and it's safe
territory to make light of.
Speaker 3 (31:00):
Yeah, it seems like you're missing a chunk of self love,
and if I were going to give you any advice,
I would say to fill yourself up every single day
before you leave the house, whether that's with like affirmations,
a gratitude journal, or looking in the mirror and telling
yourself that you're a fucking rock star, that you're beautiful,
that you're kind, that you're capable, and that you're intelligent.
(31:21):
And keep having these ongoing conversations with yourself because I know, Dylan,
you had to do that for a very long time too.
Speaker 5 (31:28):
Oh, it can be so lonely and still, you know,
Like I think what was sad was when I did
transition back onto the binary. In some ways, it was
like a little bit of relief because people at least
knew where to put me or what you know, where
to slot me. And just don't give into that pressure
right now, because I want you to put yourself in spaces,
(31:50):
whether that's queer bars or open mics or meetup groups,
activities that like you know one hundred percent that the
people there are going to honor your puns, They're going
to complement your fun, feminine outfits. Find someone to go
shopping with that you feel really safe and is going
to like make you feel euphoric. I know dating can
(32:11):
also be really tricky, but you've got to oh my gosh, honey,
I don't I fucking know it. And you have to
right now prioritize your identity and not your comedy career,
not relationships, not And this is your time to really explore,
because if you don't go all the way into whatever
(32:32):
it is you're interested in or what you are looking
to find, you might shut yourself off from a lot
of beautiful things.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
Do you have a small community there in Chicago that's
separate from your work?
Speaker 4 (32:43):
Not really, I need to look harder.
Speaker 5 (32:45):
Right I think it can be expensive, but I know
Second City and the Groundlings, and you know, there's a
bunch of comedy theaters there that have a bunch of classes,
and I imagine that they attract some queer folks. And
although that's not, you know, necessarily a queer meetup by
any means, I do think that there might be some
really cool, safe people there to get to know, and
(33:07):
especially like you might not need group therapy, but I
think a group laugh can be a great thing.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
I would like to ask one piece of advice on
behalf of Jerry, so as far as like the outfit
goes right, Jerry is you know, channeling Chelsea and while
wearing like a Chelsea type outbit with the jumpsuit. But
is there a way that Jerry can preempt those sorts
of jokes when they do come up and sort of
like talk about how they look fabulous, like before anybody
(33:34):
else comes up and makes a big deal about it.
Speaker 3 (33:36):
I have a friend, a comedian friend named Michael Folk
who dresses like he likes to dress like a woman,
and he goes by they them he's non binary, and
he sometimes wears dresses sometimes.
Speaker 4 (33:46):
They like to wear dresses.
Speaker 3 (33:48):
They like to wear dresses, Thank you. They like to
wear dresses, and they have a great attitude about it
because it's just part of who they are. They're not
ever explaining themselves, and if anyone does probe or lean in,
they're just like there's no question, Like there's such a
confidence about what they're doing that there's no question And
(34:10):
it doesn't matter because you can't be doing this looking
for everybody's approval. It's outside of a lot of people's
comfort zones. Again, that is not your problem. That is
their problem. That is their issue. Let people figure out
how they're going to talk to you, you know, and
you can't expect everybody to like fall in place with
what you know how you want to identify, because it's
(34:31):
so out of touch with them.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
But you have every right to identify however you want.
Speaker 3 (34:35):
So you've got to like really instill in yourself whatever
confidence you were able to come up with, to say,
this is who I am, this is what I'm gonna do,
and you're gonna either love.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
Me or you're gonna hate me, and neither one of
those things are my problem.
Speaker 4 (34:49):
Amen.
Speaker 3 (34:51):
And I think when you really do lean into who
you are and what your desires are, there is a
magnetic field that you kind of create around you that
attracts like minded people because you're living out loud in
a brave way.
Speaker 5 (35:07):
Yes, And when you start vetting some of those people out,
I think that makes room for the good ones to
come in because what I did early on were I
could you can sometimes just tell when people you know
are if they're not catching up with your pronouns after
you know, months of years of knowing you, or if
they're making snide comments about your outfits or whatever that
(35:27):
might be. That's when you start hitting the sort of
do not disturb button on that friendship because that then
expands for more people to come in.
Speaker 3 (35:37):
Absolutely, I believe that to be true for sure. It's
about creating your own magnetic field. And the more you
are true to yourself, the more you shine, the more
abuiliant you can be. I know I had to throw
that in there because it's really the right descriptor. You know,
you want to be a ball all of light, like.
Speaker 4 (35:53):
Teach people how to treat you right.
Speaker 5 (35:56):
Even I remember with my family, you know, we took
a little bit of time. I'm a part and I
had to have some real tough conversations, but they got
it when they realized how important these things were.
Speaker 3 (36:05):
To huh and again, and this is repetitive, which I'm
very good at. You can't rely on other people's reactions
to you to fill your cup up. That is not
how you get your cup filled. That is an inside job.
You have to fulfill yourself. You have to fill yourself up.
I mean sometimes you can have somebody fill you up.
Hopefully one day's time that will happen for you. And
(36:27):
I love to get filled up. But on this notion,
it is it is a you know, it's your self employed.
You have to take care of your own happiness, and
once you have that, then nobody can take that from you,
no matter what their reactions. Do you are and no
matter what their judgment is. And the more comfortable you
are with yourself, the more uncomfortable people become around you.
(36:49):
What she said, Okay, problem solved. Problem solved.
Speaker 2 (36:53):
Well, we have another color joining us shortly, and we
had a bit of a curveball. This coller is l K?
Speaker 1 (37:00):
Is that el King? Is she calling in again from
her last episode?
Speaker 2 (37:03):
I mean, I wouldn't put it past her.
Speaker 3 (37:05):
I love el King. She and I have been texting,
have you? Oh yeah, yeah, I'd like her attitude. She's
a country so she was on the podcast last year.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
Elk says, I'm a thirty seven year old divorce This
takes a turn, so stick with me here. I'm a
thirty seven year old divorce lesbian living in Alabama. I've
managed Mede, a lovely woman by Happenstance, who is in
all regards a ten. We've become fast friends and I'm
digging the friendship. But damn am I into her? I
find myself stumbling over my words and acting like a
child with a crush. This is not normal territory for me.
(37:36):
I'm usually much more confident and direct, but this woman
is special. I know she had a tough breakup and
maybe the last year, and I also know when we
met in February she mentioned she hasn't been interested in
dating since the breakup. What do I do continue building
the friendship or make my intentions known while I ruin
the friendship? If I tell her my feelings and she's
not feeling it, I just don't know what to do.
(37:56):
And then so el K reached out today and said
she's had a bun stuff kind of come up in
therapy and this is like still sort of a part
of her story, but is taking a bit of a
back seat. So I thought we could talk a little
bit about multiple things kind of going on in our
lives at once. But Elk says, I wrote in about
having a crush and I looked forward to talking to
you about that. However, since first writing in, I've had
(38:18):
some major developments in therapy, one of them being a
slow uncovering of childhood trauma. I've lost both my parents
since twenty twenty, and my last grandparent passed last month.
I'm unsure if part of me was protecting the elders
in my life. But it seems something in my brain
unlocked after my grandmother passed. How do I maintain my job,
myself and my sanity as I work through these muddy waters.
(38:38):
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, Elka, so a
lot to unpack.
Speaker 1 (38:43):
Hi father, Hi ay, Hi cutie?
Speaker 4 (38:47):
How are you fucking handler?
Speaker 1 (38:49):
And good are you.
Speaker 4 (38:52):
Fucking lover?
Speaker 1 (38:53):
This is Dylan mulvaney, our special guest today.
Speaker 4 (38:56):
Ah Hi Lka nas, nice to meet you.
Speaker 3 (39:01):
Nice to meet you too. What a beautiful big smile
you have on your face. I love it.
Speaker 1 (39:06):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (39:07):
First of all, what's going on with the girl? Are
you still just totally took a back seat.
Speaker 6 (39:12):
I mean she's a friend and I was looking forward
to talking to you about that. I was kind of
in that like giddy, like you know, I felt like
a little kid, like just kind of tickled. And then
it was like I'm in therapy, like working on some
stuff and just like out of nowhere, therapy just like
hit me like a truck and was like, no, you
got more important things to think about.
Speaker 3 (39:34):
Okay, Well this is all good, okay, because this is
all good.
Speaker 1 (39:37):
It's better that therapy took a front seat.
Speaker 3 (39:39):
That's a good sign because it is it needs to
take a front seat before any real, normal, healthy relationships happen.
Therapy is the is what you do to have normal, healthy,
happy relationships. Especially well, let me say this, I think
that when you're with the second question you asked, which is,
how do you remain connected to your work and be
productive and and be engaged in all the things that
(40:02):
life requires from you while you're going through therapy. And
the answer to that is easily, because you are doing
the work that that is going to make you an
even more whole person and an even more healthy person.
So all of these things that you have going on
while you're going to therapy actually complement your therapy because
(40:22):
you're doing it while you're facing all of your responsibilities.
And while so all of it is good, you can
do all of it at the same time. Therapy is
not meant to like you're supposed to take two years
off from life. I mean only people can do that,
you know, like I did that because you know why.
Speaker 1 (40:37):
But you know what I mean, that's not really nice.
Speaker 3 (40:40):
That's awesome, but yeah, not relatable, not relatable at all.
But really, but but the other great thing about going
to therapy while you're living your life is that you
can integrate your therapy and what you learn into your
life in real time. Whereas I took two years off
(41:02):
just to go to therapy and travel.
Speaker 1 (41:04):
So when I was.
Speaker 3 (41:04):
Done with therapy, I'm like, how do I match all
of this stuff into my life when I'm working? So
you actually have an advantage that you don't even really see, sure,
because you're going to be incorporating the things you learn
as you're living your life in a real way.
Speaker 1 (41:19):
Sure, sure going to therapy weekly? Like yeah, do miss right? Well,
no don't you shouldn't.
Speaker 3 (41:26):
I mean hopefully you know you'll go and then at
a certain point you'll be like, Okay, you know, I
can take a break or I'm ready for a relationship.
It also sounds very healthy that you recognized that this
crush you had is not as important as you dealing
with your childhood issues.
Speaker 1 (41:43):
Yeah that's healthy.
Speaker 3 (41:45):
Yeah, because if you were more still focused on that
while you were doing this, it would mean that you
had your priorities a little bit out of whack.
Speaker 1 (41:51):
Yeah, I was.
Speaker 6 (41:52):
I was focused on the kind of the stuff that
was coming up, and I was like, oh, ships talked
with Chelsea Handler about a crush. I don't want to
come out to Chelsea, but it doesn't feel as important
to talk about.
Speaker 3 (42:05):
I think sometimes people make up problems to call in.
They're like, uh, what color should I paint my I'm
like what?
Speaker 4 (42:12):
And did you do? You just lost some loved ones too.
Speaker 6 (42:15):
Yeah, I lost my mom in twenty twenty and my
dad in twenty twenty two.
Speaker 4 (42:20):
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Speaker 5 (42:21):
I think that thank you know, while you're navigating the
grief and the new sort of therapy of it all,
I still want you to be able to find the joy,
because sometimes we go zero to one hundred, especially in
something that's so intense as mental health can be, and
we go in that direction, we forget to be silly,
we forget to be in love, we forget to treat
(42:43):
ourselves to the frivolous things. So I actually am kind
of pro you still, you know, maybe not as heavily
engaging a crush, but sometimes having a crush is really
fun and can kind of help you take your mind
off serious things and not to disassociate and put all
your eggs in that basket. But I like to think
of dating kind of as like an iPhone game, well
(43:05):
because so much of it is, you know, swiping, but
you know, just that thing that I'm like, oh, I
don't have that much. You know, i already did my
therapy for the day, I've already had a good cry.
What can we do next? Let's try to fuck someone.
But I actually wanted to ask you. I wanted to
ask you about this friendship thing because I've been in
that situation too, where you know you're you're friends with
someone and you think, oh, maybe this could be more,
(43:27):
but it can be a little awkward about trying to
get there. Do you think there's are you the kind
of person that would be willing to, you know, say something,
or do you think you would need a really clear sign?
Speaker 1 (43:39):
I think I would need.
Speaker 6 (43:40):
I mean, I don't have any problems being direcked. But
at the same time, it was the first time, like
in my adulthood, where I got kind of like like
that giddy just like kind of stupid.
Speaker 3 (43:51):
You know, the best, the best feeling in the world
is that is really truly just like.
Speaker 6 (43:56):
I am now, I'm just bumbling over my words, just
like I.
Speaker 4 (43:59):
Don't know you don't want to. You don't want to
ruin the friendship. So what do you what do you
say to somebody who like, well, what is the what
is the vibe?
Speaker 3 (44:07):
Break it down a little bit more specifically, what has
been been the vibe of late?
Speaker 6 (44:11):
We don't live in the same town, so I haven't
hung out with her in person, and so I mean
it's a newer friend. I don't think she doesn't strike
me as really interested in anything right now, not just
with me, but like in general.
Speaker 1 (44:25):
But I don't know if I'm reading that wrong or not.
Speaker 3 (44:28):
Well, I think that I think the important takeaway from
this is you're getting yourself healthy and you're creating like
a better version of you that that will be like
the a net result after this therapy. It's gonna make
you sexier, it's gonna make you everything better, and you're
gonna and then you're gonna be in a better place
and maybe she'll be in a different place and you
can pursue that down the road. But I think your
focal point should just be you right now. And it
(44:51):
sounds like you're doing that and that's that's only good.
That is only good. Nothing bad is going to come
out of that you're gonna get through your therapy sessions.
Some are going to be true and some are gonna
be less tricky, but you're gonna go through the gamut
of emotions and when you come out on the other side,
you're gonna be a better person. You're gonna be a better,
fuller version of yourself. And and I love that you
said you're direct. Most people can't fucking be direct, so
(45:13):
great you have that advantage too.
Speaker 1 (45:14):
I'm an m eatee too, so you could just.
Speaker 3 (45:17):
Go up to her and be like, I like pussy?
Do you like mine? You know, it's simple when the
time is right.
Speaker 4 (45:23):
You ever said that to someone?
Speaker 1 (45:24):
Do I like pussy? Do I? Do you like pussy?
Speaker 4 (45:27):
Do you like mine? Said very I said it like
it wasn't the first time.
Speaker 5 (45:35):
It's all I'm saying, Okay, you want pussy, go get it.
Speaker 4 (45:42):
Oh fuck, my mom can't listen to this one.
Speaker 1 (45:45):
I was just thinking about my sisters. I was like,
they're gonna be anyway.
Speaker 3 (45:50):
You're a You're a love, You're a joyful and happy
and I'm happy for you and you're gonna be fine.
Speaker 1 (45:55):
And yeah, keep doing what you're doing.
Speaker 6 (45:58):
Thanks Chelsea, Love you Okay, love you, thanks so much.
Speaker 1 (46:03):
Oh cute. Her accent reminds me a fortune themestir.
Speaker 4 (46:08):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (46:10):
Well, let's take a quick break and we can wrap
up with a quickie.
Speaker 3 (46:14):
Okay, Well, take a break and we'll be right back
to wrap up with Dylan mulvaney.
Speaker 2 (46:22):
And we're back, are back, So one last little question
to wrap up. Kara is in her thirties and she
writes in and says, Dear Chelsea, A situation I've been
dealing with lately is one of my best friends is
single and longing for someone special. I'm newly married, so
it's difficult for me to give dating advice without sounding
(46:42):
lame and tone deaf. I remember being the only one
of my single friends before I met my now husband,
surrounded by married friends constantly hearing don't worry, you'll find someone. Honestly,
it got annoying after a while, and it didn't help.
I do not want to come off that way to
my friend and want to support her in any way
while she looks for quote the one my friend is
one of the coolest people I have ever met. We're
(47:04):
both out doorsy and she does pottery and other art
and is incredibly talented. Most importantly, she has a huge
heart that I know would be appreciated by the right person.
She's been going on dates that seem promising at first,
and then after a couple dates, they end up acting weird,
and I think it's discouraged her quite a bit. She
always asks what's wrong with her when it isn't her
at all. It's just men being men. It takes everything
(47:25):
in me to stop myself from finding these men and
beating the shit out of them for being so stupid
and hurting one of the best people I know. I
don't want her to give up when I know she
wants a partner for life and a family. If any
of your listeners happen to be a straight man who
loves art, the outdoors, and who isn't an asshole, then
do I have the woman for you? Until then? What
advice would you give my friend if you were me, Kara.
Speaker 3 (47:46):
It doesn't have to be that kind of pat that's
so meaningless to be like, you're going to find your person,
You're going to find someone.
Speaker 1 (47:52):
There's so nothing in that.
Speaker 3 (47:54):
What I think is is just to keep motivating your
friend to keep trying to keep going out there. To
meet men that you might think are appropriate for her,
or if you do meet a guy that you're like,
oh wait, actually do it and encourage your other friends,
if you have other friends in your friend group, to
do the same for her in supporting her to meet
that guy. I know, whenever my friends try to set
me up, I find I'm I well, actually, let me
(48:17):
take that back. Some of my friends when they want
to set me up my good, close friends, then that's
okay because they know me well enough and they are
close friends, and you have every right just to be
as encouraging and as uppy as possible about it.
Speaker 5 (48:31):
And I loved that she even pitched her friends, you know,
her friend to people. She's like, if anybody's looking, now,
that's a cool friend, right, that's so.
Speaker 4 (48:37):
That right there is the energy.
Speaker 5 (48:39):
My favorite thing when like a friend of mine, I
don't love the whole you're gonna find someone.
Speaker 4 (48:44):
I love the how the fuck are you still single?
Like that's fucking crazy.
Speaker 5 (48:48):
I like when there's sort of this energy of like, well,
that's just fucking why, Like because I do that a
lot with them, my other single friends, where.
Speaker 4 (48:55):
It's like how is this possible?
Speaker 5 (48:56):
Like we're so hot and fun and so maybe kind
of like leaning into that a little bit, you know,
build her confidence up in herself, in her personality and
her looks, and make her feel like the fullest version
of herself as a friend, rather than putting so much
emphasis on the what she's.
Speaker 4 (49:16):
Going to be like when she has a relationship.
Speaker 3 (49:18):
Yeah, and and making it dating fun and being an
energetic Like when you look at the subject matter of dating,
it can be depleting if you have that attitude, it
can be exhausting, right, or it could be fun and
hopeful and happy. And I think as a friend, you
sound like you really care about your friend. So you're
the person to keep her bolstered up, you know what
(49:38):
I mean, keep her going and and be energized when
she's on a date. And if it's disappointing, okay, that's okay,
Well that's out of the way.
Speaker 1 (49:45):
Let's get to the next one.
Speaker 3 (49:47):
The more people she says no to or that say
no to her, the closer she is to finding the
person that she is going to want to spend more
time with. So I think she's very very lucky to
have a friend like you, and you can just be
an even better friend by helping her through this and
not looking at her being single as some sort of
losing a game. There's benefits to being single and being
in this phase looking for your love too. This is
(50:09):
an exciting part while you're looking. It's like, you know,
enjoy the journey, not the result of the journey. That's
kind of hard to do when you don't understand or
you haven't been through it and understand. Oh yes, it
is about the way that you're getting there. It's not
always about the end result.
Speaker 5 (50:24):
So or give them, you know, a constructive piece of
advice of like how you found someone or what worked
for you, or you know, like back in the day,
however long ago that was.
Speaker 4 (50:33):
I think that can be.
Speaker 5 (50:34):
Like my my best friend Lily will often you know,
give me Like we'll go out and you know, I'll
start talking someone's ear off that I think is hot,
and she's like, pull back, pull back, and like.
Speaker 4 (50:44):
That kind of stuff. I think that's fun. I think
that's what I'd like to hear.
Speaker 1 (50:49):
I'm gonna I want to watch you on a date
and see what happens.
Speaker 4 (50:52):
The car and it goes it gets in a wreck
real fast, right into a base. Oh I do have
a place though I like to go dance to get
Davey Wayne's Hollywood.
Speaker 1 (51:00):
Oh Davy Wade' I haven't been there, And I point.
Speaker 5 (51:02):
To the hottest person the dance floor. We just make
out to Abbits. You're gonna love it.
Speaker 4 (51:07):
Watch out.
Speaker 2 (51:08):
Yeah, Chelsea. I love what you said about, like not
the person you're gonna wind up with, but the person
you want to spend more time with. Like I love
looking at it that way. It's just about finding somebody
you like being around. And I think also like, don't
forget for caraa like, don't forget to like go out
and be girlfriends together, Like did your husband go do
some fun things together? And also like maybe read her
this beautiful letter that you wrote about her and how
(51:30):
much you love her. That will be a shot in
the arm.
Speaker 1 (51:33):
Yeah, okay, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (51:34):
That Dad wraps up our episode of Dear Chelsea. Next
up is Dylan's podcast called One Hour with Dylan An
Hour with Down.
Speaker 1 (51:42):
Dylan Darwin Darwin or Dylan Darwin The Dylan Hour.
Speaker 4 (51:47):
Chelsea Handler will be singing.
Speaker 1 (51:49):
On it, and I'll be there performing live music.
Speaker 4 (51:51):
I can't wait to ask you your favorite Broadways show.
Speaker 1 (51:54):
Oh, I can't wait to tell you I love you,
Dylan mulvaney, I love we love you. Thank you everyone.
Speaker 3 (52:03):
Do do do do drum roll, Catherine please, Chelsea Handler abroad.
Speaker 1 (52:10):
Abroad is my European tour.
Speaker 3 (52:13):
So I'm coming to obviously find a husband abroad.
Speaker 1 (52:17):
I need to get.
Speaker 3 (52:18):
The help out of this fucking country and it's not
as easy as you think. So I'm coming to Rekuvic,
I'm coming to Dublin. I'm coming to the UK. I'm
coming to Brussels, Paris, Belfast in May and June. I'm
coming to Oslo, Stockholm, to Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow, New Zurich, Vienna.
(52:41):
I've never ever been to Vienna, Berlin, Barcelona and Lisbon.
Speaker 1 (52:46):
I'm coming abroad is abroad.
Speaker 2 (52:49):
That sounds like fun. I'm going to go see you abroad.
Speaker 7 (52:51):
I know I want to go see me abroad and
there all be, there all be upcoming Vegas States, April eighteenth,
July fifth, August thirtieth, November one and twenty nine at
the Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas.
Speaker 2 (53:05):
Do you want advice from Chelsea? Write into Dear Chelsea
podcast at gmail dot com. Find full video episodes of
Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea pod.
Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive
producer Catherine Law and be sure to check out our
merch at Chelseahandler dot com
Hi, Catherine, Hi, Chelsea, Hi, Hi, Hi. How's everybody doing good?
You know what?
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I actually saw our friends Allison and Darling in.
Speaker 3 (00:08):
New York last week. Oh did you, I said Darling. Yes,
they're taking the town by storm. Everyone who's listening, please,
this is a reminder that if you tag me when
you're watching my special, my new special, The Feeling on Netflix,
where I wear my gold one piece, which is my
golden anniversary year. I had no idea between Gold Bond
(00:29):
that I was wearing gold gold bathing suit and then
my special, which I taped way before I turned fifty.
I was wearing my gold jumpsuit and this is my
fiftieth year, so everything is gold and that's your golden anniversary.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
So it's my anniversary with myself.
Speaker 4 (00:43):
I love that, I know.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
So please tag me for the special because I get
so many tags about my books, but I'm not getting
as many about my special, and my special is the
newest thing out, so I want to make sure all
my ardent fans are watching it and tagging me, and
I'll repost you.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
And yes, it's called The Feeling.
Speaker 4 (00:57):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
And Chelsea, we also went to ask for more couples
and duos to call in or to write in for
many sods.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
Yes, if you're having a even if it's a friendship
like kind of disagreement or a relationship disagreement, we want
you guys to call in for couples advice. We're going
to do that on our minisodes as well too. And
also everyone can check out my European dates. I start
in Rekuvic mid May and I end in Lisbon, Portugal
at the beginning of June. So come see me in
Europe if you're one of our European fans. Also, if
(01:27):
you guys want another inspiring book to read, I am Maria.
But Maria Shreiver just came out and it is beautiful.
It's a book of poetry. I'm not really but it's
not your traditional poetry. It's like stream of consciousness poetry.
And there's a forward by her about everything she's experienced
in her life that is so moving and it just
blew me away. I read the entire book last night
(01:48):
on my sofa.
Speaker 4 (01:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
Well, I just finished Dilan Mulvaney's new memoir.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Yes, I've read that of course for our new guest,
I mean guest.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
It's so I mean obviously. You know, we read a
lot of celebrit memoirs on the show, and I think
it's one of my favorites that I've ever read. Like,
it's so beautiful, it's funny, it's light, it's refreshing, like
it's honest.
Speaker 4 (02:07):
It's great.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Yeah, it's a great read, just like Dylan herself. She's
a great read.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
And her brand new podcast, The Dylan Hour, just launched.
I actually worked on it. It was so much fun.
It has amazing episodes. It's so fun and kitchy. It's
really fun to watch on YouTube also because it's like
sixties themed and it has a whole pink set and
it's really sweet. I would start with either like the
Norri Read episode. It's really really fun. There's an episode
(02:32):
with her dad that's really.
Speaker 4 (02:33):
Touching and really fun.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
She's got an episode with Glennon Doyle. Go check it
out The Dylan Hour, which it.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Brings us to our guests. Please welcome Dylan mulvaney. Oh
look at you. Look at how you handled that microphone. Dylan.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
Wow, I'm a podcast throw Wow back by popular demand.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
Wow, by very popular demand, is our favorite.
Speaker 3 (02:53):
Our favorite transgender woman, our favorite transgender person.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
Dylan mulvaney is back.
Speaker 5 (03:00):
Oh.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
We have a lot of catching up to do, have
a lot to talk because you've been hanging around with
a lot of my friends. I saw Alan Cummings. You
posted a picture of you guys last night.
Speaker 5 (03:09):
I'm like, where well? I More importantly, the last time
was on this podcast. The last thing I asked you.
I hadn't been kissed as a girl yet, and I
was like, should I do it? And you were like, yeah,
hurry the fuck up. Yeah, And I did accomplish a
lot of that.
Speaker 4 (03:23):
So you last saw each other.
Speaker 5 (03:24):
But what I'm about to show you is very important
because I was in Paris and this was Alan Cumming
was included in this evening and I went clubbing with
a bunch of people from a conference and I left
the club looking like this. And I just wish that
for our audio listeners that they would really get to
(03:45):
see this.
Speaker 4 (03:45):
But can you describe what you see?
Speaker 6 (03:48):
Well?
Speaker 3 (03:48):
We can hold it up. Can I hold this up
to a camera? Can you see that this is Dylan.
Speaker 4 (03:52):
That's me leaving the club.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
Look, I'm like a whore on the loose. This is
what I would call summer whore. When you have a
hot pink lipstick. It's all around.
Speaker 4 (04:02):
Her once like maroon, and then it went, it's giving clown.
This is ridiculous. Basically I went into the club.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
And sucked face with everyone you saw.
Speaker 4 (04:12):
And just one, just one, and he really did a
number on my makeup.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
Your face looks like my head right now. I thought
I had a pimple on my forehead morning.
Speaker 4 (04:23):
Are you saying my face looks like a pimple.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
In that picture? It looks like a big pimple that
pops right now. That one.
Speaker 4 (04:29):
We got a big problem. What I'm walking around like
all the time.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
I thought I had a pimple on my forehead this
morning in my hotel room, and I went in after it,
and then as I was trying to squeeze it and
nothing was coming out, I realized it's a fucking mosquito bite.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Oh so I basically attacked myself.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
It adds character, and I went and it's like a
knot on my head right now.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
I got into my car this morning.
Speaker 5 (04:50):
We're a New York cartoon with like a fucking piano
dropped on your head, New York.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
And my driver's like, what's he goes, what's wrong with
your head? That's what he said to me.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
Rapa, he can say that thoughways been my driver for
a long time. Okay, So, Dylan mulvaney, the last time
we spoke, you were I mean, first of all, I
don't even know where to begin.
Speaker 5 (05:08):
You've been very busy, been all over. But I was
going through the ringer right when I saw you.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
That was because you were getting you were getting a
lot of.
Speaker 5 (05:16):
Back a lot of backlash. And now that's just seems
to be the trend of my life.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
And so let's revisit what was happening. It was the
beer commercial.
Speaker 5 (05:23):
There was a beer situation, and it felt like the
whole world was after me. And now I've really learned
how to not give a fuck, and I think I
learned that's kind of from you. And I also just
now know to roll with the punches, because if this
is going to be my life, then I think that's
kind of just comes with it.
Speaker 4 (05:41):
Yeah, we do our best.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
I think it's very important to build resiliency as soon
as you possibly can, because if you're going to be
in a public, if you're going to be in the public.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
There is no way that you're going to get out.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
Of this unscathed being a public personality, there's just no way.
So when people are really sensitive and they can't deal
with it, I mean, it's a natural reaction to have,
but eventually you have to toughen up a little.
Speaker 5 (06:04):
Were you ever fragile? I kind of the way I've
read your stuff, like, it doesn't seem like that.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
I don't know if fragile would be the word, but
I've been knocked down a lot. Yeah, I've been knocked
over and down and thought, oh fuck, maybe I should
just disappear. Maybe everyone's sick of me, or maybe this
or that and that. You know, you think that those
moments are temporary. They're not permanent. And I deal with
a lot of people that come to me who are
fragile and want to know what to do.
Speaker 4 (06:30):
I think we're attracted to you.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
Yeah, maybe a magnetism because it's like, oh you're okay.
But but that becomes a lot to handle too. Like
I remember this was just last week. I was like,
I had so much of my own shit to deal with,
and then I had like four or five people coming
to me about how to deal with their shit, and
I remember thinking, I don't have the fucking time for this,
I'm not a counselor. But then I'm like, no, you
(06:53):
are a counselor. That's actually what you like enjoy doing.
Oh yeah, you want to help people.
Speaker 4 (06:57):
So it's easier to look in rather than into yourself sometimes.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
Have you met anyone that you're interested in, like more
long term? Are you just having fun with strangers?
Speaker 4 (07:07):
You know in Paris bars that'll do it?
Speaker 5 (07:08):
Oh? Oh my god, You're gonna die. I can't believe
I'm telling you this on air. I did hook up
with my room service waiter in Paris also this weekend.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
I've always dreamt about.
Speaker 5 (07:18):
Actually I left that that picture moment, and I went
back to the hotel and then I got a charcoonery
board and the waiter was so hot chelse and and.
Speaker 4 (07:30):
He went Savah and I went Sava.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
And then does that mean suki? Suki? What is something?
Speaker 4 (07:35):
How are you? I think? And I said how are you?
Speaker 5 (07:40):
And somebody else is gonna quote me that was incorrect.
Then we started making out and it was amazing.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
I love that these things.
Speaker 3 (07:46):
You were making out with your room service attendant. Yeah,
I didn't even know that was legal.
Speaker 5 (07:51):
Well, I'm trying to kind of pivot because I went
on a date a few weeks ago where the person was, well,
I was on a date with a woman and she
was like She first asked me, She's like, are you
into me? And I was like, yeah, I'm into you.
And then I was like are you into me? And
she's like well, and I was like what does that mean.
She's like, You're kind of like the baby bird and
I'm the mama bird. And I don't know if I'm
allowed to fuck the baby bird. And I'm like, you
can fuck the baby bird. And I'm just sort of
(08:17):
now trying to figure out how to take myself out
of the cute to fuckable category, you know what I mean.
Speaker 4 (08:22):
So, dear Chelsea, how do you go from cute to fuckable?
Speaker 1 (08:24):
I think it's a natural progression and it's gonna happen
very naturally.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
And what I see with the room service waiter, and
it starts with sucking off the room service waiter. No,
I don't think you sucked out.
Speaker 4 (08:32):
I didn't do it.
Speaker 6 (08:33):
I don't.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
Okay, good good, because I just yeah, yeah, I mean
you can. There's nothing wrong with that. I mean, I
don't know what goes on in France, but it sounds wonderful.
This is like when messuses go.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
Down on you.
Speaker 3 (08:42):
I'm like, I've had a lot of massages and that's
never come up.
Speaker 4 (08:45):
I was gonna say you did say it though, like
that was a frequent Like.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
I would like I would love a messuse to go
down on me, to get on grinder. I well, but
I want to just have a mesuse offer it, Like
why not. I'm relaxed, I'm not gonna fight you. You can
go down on me, finger blast me. That's the perfect
setting for me to get figure blasted is while I'm
lying down half hour for you too. I know so,
and I hear all these stories. I even went to
this hotel that I heard, Yeah, what's wrong with me?
(09:11):
And then I was like, oh, I guess. And my
friends like, you're just too intimidating. I go while I'm
getting a massage. To intimidate, you have to go.
Speaker 5 (09:17):
In full glam. You get full glamm done. We get
Jamie makeup in here just to really beat your face.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
Yeah, you've been hanging out with Jamie makeup.
Speaker 4 (09:24):
I love that woman vibe so fun.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
I know, she's so fun.
Speaker 4 (09:28):
Yeah, you got to keep the good ones around.
Speaker 3 (09:30):
I told her she's a personality higher. You need her personality.
I was like, forget about your makeup skills. Your personality
is where it's at.
Speaker 4 (09:37):
That's how I feel about myself too.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
Okay, so tell me about your life. I want to know.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
So you left here and you had a lot of
drama with the beer, and then that subsided.
Speaker 5 (09:47):
And then we started Marco polowing in you because we
found that I don't like to text, you don't like
to do facetimes or phone calls. So it's like this
walkie talkie app and I asked you about ayahuasca. Went
to do that down in by myself. Yes, And that
really made me willing to do life again. It was
like a lot of great things came up. And then
(10:08):
I came back to the States and finished up my book.
I've got my podcast.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
It's the podcast call.
Speaker 4 (10:15):
It's called the Dylan Hour.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
Oh I love it.
Speaker 5 (10:17):
And it's sort of like to serve a podcast thank you.
It's like sort of this nineteen sixties flare, you know.
I love to live in the eras. And what it
originally came from was that there was I was getting
so much hate from these like conservative extremist, like right
wingers all had all these podcasts, and I was like, well,
what the fuck, I want one? And and so it's
not targeting those people at all. It's just kind of
(10:38):
a celebration of femininity. And the important part is that
we get to drink alcohol on it. Which do you
ever do that on here?
Speaker 3 (10:45):
I don't, not on my podcast, but I did Burt
Kreischer's podcast, and it was around It was at noon,
and I had.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
Two vodka OJ's. Oh and it was a two hour podcast.
Speaker 3 (10:55):
And I think that's pretty much how all podcasts should
be conducted.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
It's just a very loose.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
Format, and people are more relaxed, and it's just easier
to drink and talk about yourself.
Speaker 4 (11:05):
And in they'll tell you more things.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
Yeah, I mean, I don't need alcohol to open me up,
you know. I mean I already have a problem with
my mouth. I gave away way too much information.
Speaker 4 (11:15):
If you were gonna come on my pod, what do
you think we would drink? Like, what's your go to?
Speaker 1 (11:19):
I was drinking gin for a while. I'm kind of
engine you'll get there, honey.
Speaker 3 (11:24):
I'm a little bit in gin. And then I'm kind
of pivoting back to vodka. Now, vodka was brushing me
out for a while because it tasted like it started
to taste like gasoline. But whenever you overdo anything, it
starts to taste disgusting.
Speaker 4 (11:36):
You ever tried to ever clear?
Speaker 1 (11:38):
Oh no, that's really gasoline.
Speaker 4 (11:40):
I like that.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
That's like rubbing alcohol.
Speaker 4 (11:42):
That'll get you.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
What are you drinking?
Speaker 4 (11:44):
I love vodka. I love an espresso Martina.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
Oh I had one of those yesterday.
Speaker 4 (11:48):
I will keep you up. And I love oh dirty
Shirley Temple. You've ever had one of those? What's surety
temple with vodka? Oh? Yeah?
Speaker 5 (11:55):
Or an aperol sprits? Yeah, that's very my York of eyes. Yeah, my,
orca very my or so you'll.
Speaker 4 (12:01):
Come on my pod one day of course, okay, talking
about how to drink.
Speaker 5 (12:04):
Honored to be on your podcast, and yeah, it's sort
of just like a celebration of femininity in giving me
a chance to get off, you know, the internet so
much and kind of get in front of somebody else
because so much of what I was doing online was
just me in my bedroom, and I was like, I
haven't talked to someone in five days, so it's time
to sit down and shoot the shit.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
And are you still living in your same house.
Speaker 4 (12:24):
I live in the cute house.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
I didn't know if you had to move because we'll
worried about all the back That was scary.
Speaker 4 (12:31):
But we're okay now now.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
Everything's good, So that's great. I'm glad to hear that.
What other backlash have you been facing?
Speaker 4 (12:37):
I released a song called Days of Girlhood. Did you
hear about that one?
Speaker 1 (12:40):
Yeah? I heard about that, but I did not hear
about the backlash.
Speaker 5 (12:43):
So I put this song out sort of as like
you ever heard of Rebecca blacks Friday, Yeah, or like
Paris Hilton stars are Blind. You know. I wanted one
song to give the gaze, you know, if I was
going to go at any moment, just to remember me
and and so I basically put the most sort of
just like still tereotypical, silly feminine things into one song.
Speaker 4 (13:03):
I did not think I was singing fucking you know.
Speaker 5 (13:06):
I didn't think I was Chaikowski or anything when I
went into writing this. And wow, the Internet just roasted
me because it first started with the turfs, and it
started with you know, women who were so deeply offended
that I would be singing about.
Speaker 4 (13:21):
Womanhood or girlhood.
Speaker 5 (13:22):
Wait, what's the turf trans exclusionary radical feminists. So a
feminist that doesn't include trans people, okay, copy like as
jk Rowling, Yes, right, but this song gave them kind
of like this perfect sort of like, oh, I'm gonna
be sad on the internet to talk about how much
this song, you know, made them so upset. And then
(13:43):
my audience had already decided that it was a bad song.
Speaker 4 (13:46):
But the thing about gen Z is they.
Speaker 5 (13:47):
Will ride hard, and so when they found out it
was getting hate, they were like, well, now this is
my favorite fucking song I've ever heard. But yeah, I
don't think I meant for I don't think the music
industries for me. How about you?
Speaker 1 (13:58):
No, No, I don't have any I can't sing and
I have no rhythm.
Speaker 4 (14:01):
I can't go to karaoke.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
I don't do karaoke, Dylan, are you not hearing me?
I cannot you want to hear me saying I.
Speaker 3 (14:09):
Do Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you?
Speaker 4 (14:13):
Like that's it good?
Speaker 1 (14:15):
No, that's not good. I know that's not good. And
I'm not taking voice lessons. What you think I need
to add that to my repertoire.
Speaker 4 (14:21):
I don't know it sounds like, you've got two months
in my Orca to fucking.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
I find one month in my Orca and I'm not
fucking and I'm not recording an album.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
You want me to come out with a song so
I can get more hay than you got.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
So you can do you can be like, look you
you see this one.
Speaker 3 (14:40):
We should we actually I should record a song and
then we release it together called you thought I was
an asshole?
Speaker 4 (14:46):
Watch this feat. I'm gonna be pictured on it. Catherine,
do you sing?
Speaker 2 (14:51):
I do I do sing?
Speaker 6 (14:52):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (14:52):
Hell yeah?
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Okay, yeah, so you know I'll sing on the on
there with you as well.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
Catherine sings when she talks sometimes and I have to stop.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Chelsea's like fuck, I'm like, yeah, Catherine, that does not
go with this podcast.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
I can't help it.
Speaker 4 (15:07):
I have a song, and Mines is not a musical
theater podcast. Minus get Ready.
Speaker 3 (15:12):
I want to talk about some heartfelt moments that you've
had with like fans and people that have reached out
to you, because that must feel really good and meaningful,
and I.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
Know that you have them.
Speaker 4 (15:21):
Oh my god.
Speaker 5 (15:22):
Every day I think, like so often the internet feels
like the most toxic place. And then I'll open up
like a DM from like a girl that just went
to college that's getting her bottom surgery, or a parent
that like they watched my videos together and like that
to me is worth it. Like I think so often
I feel like social media and content creation, it's so
(15:47):
can feel really icky. Sometimes it can feel like it's
either selfish or that you don't know if it's actually
helping anyone, or that it's potentially hurting you know, Like
I'd never want to put something out there that's about
representation of the trans community. But then when you've got
the dolls surrounding you and rallying behind you. And that
was my big takeaway from the backlash at beer Gate
(16:09):
was like, oh I got so burned, and the trans
community and the queer community were the ones waiting to
pick me back up. And I think that just told
me like, Oh, that's who I want on my side,
That's who I want my audience to be. And because
I tried so hard to be palatable for so long, to.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
Be and feeling to all these people, right, Yeah, we
were talking about that with my book title. They were like, oh,
well this is going to exclude men, and I'm like,
but what straight men are reading my books. Like, let's
be honest, I'd rather home in on the people that
are my audience, all the people who feel like I do,
who don't want to have children, who are single, who
is you know? Who care about being a woman and
being a sister and all of those things. It's better
(16:49):
to focus and home in on your audience instead of
trying to appeal to everyone.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
Amen.
Speaker 5 (16:54):
In my show that I'm doing is called fag Hag,
and a lot of people go, oh my god, can
I say that.
Speaker 4 (17:00):
I'm like, I don't know, can you? I've seen have
a bag hag?
Speaker 1 (17:02):
I know, I know, like I do. I love ga.
I went out last night.
Speaker 3 (17:07):
I tried to set my two gay guy friends up
and my one gay friend got so fucking wasted he
was such a mess at dinner. And then I had
my other friend at dinner. She was got off a
plane from Paris, and so I'm with this guy that
I know, trying to set him up with this guy
and my other friend and they're not making any sense,
the two of them.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
It was like being out with three year olds.
Speaker 4 (17:28):
So did they like each other? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (17:29):
They ended up hucking up so great turn Well, I
don't know you know, because you like men and women,
so it's hard for me to focus on which one.
Speaker 4 (17:37):
Okay.
Speaker 5 (17:37):
It's funny though, because when I'm on Riah and I'm
looking for your men, it's a lot of these guys
that'll say like mutual, you know, mutual and common Chelsea Handler,
and it's usually you know, it's usually the men over
forty and and I'm like, do I want to be
do I want to be sisters with her on this one?
And then I sometimes I'm like should I text Hervey?
(17:59):
And I'm like, he's not hot enough to really go
to bat for this one? Yeah, right, but I will
start vetting through you.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
If yeah, just send me a screen.
Speaker 3 (18:05):
They always say no, you can't take a screenshot, but
I do it all the time.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
I do it. You're not spurt, They're not going to bandy.
If they haven't banned me by now, they're not gonna
ban me.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
And sometimes I need to take a screenshot because I'm like, wait,
I don't know if I've already met this person.
Speaker 5 (18:20):
Sometimes they'll be like really hot, and I'll be like,
good for Chelsea, and I can only assume, you know,
maybe it's like your fucking pool boy.
Speaker 3 (18:27):
I know, I know, I use RYA a lot when
I'm and yeah, in spurts are periods of my life
where I am all about ryacause it's just so fun
when you're in a different city and you're just wanting
to hook up and nothing more serious.
Speaker 5 (18:41):
It's perfect tool, oh the best, and you can like
I've seen guys from high school that like I had
a crush on, or I've seen like my favorite actors
and that it's it's good.
Speaker 3 (18:51):
On that note, we're gonna take a break, Dylan, and
we'll be right back with Dylan mulvaney.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
If you'd like advice from Chelsea, right into us at
Dear Chelsea Podcast gmail dot com. We'd love to hear
your questions for any juicy story you'd like advice on.
But this week we're especially looking for questions about parenting.
So if you are a parent and have problem children,
please write in and tell us your story at Dear
Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
And we're back with Dylan mulvaney. Catherine, are we ready
to rumble today?
Speaker 2 (19:21):
We are so ready to rumble. We've got our callers
hanging out, We've got questions, and our first question comes
from Audrey, I think this fits very much into what
you were talking about with dating and dating guys are girls, so,
Audrey says, Hi, Chelsea, I'm a twenty two year old
trans woman from the South.
Speaker 4 (19:42):
I have a doozy for you.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
I've been with a man for four years and we
got together a couple months into my transition. I love
him and he is my best friend, but I've recently
come to the realization that I'm attracted to women. I
think I just made myself believe I was attracted to
men because I liked how validated and feminine it made
me feel to dat man. But I've come to realize
my femininity is just as valid being with a man
(20:04):
or a woman. After thinking about all of this, my
attraction to men has gone way down. It's like once
I discovered the truth, my brain wouldn't let me see
men the same. My attraction for women is now greater
than it is to men. Should I tell him I
want to experiment with women. Should we break up? I
don't want to hurt my best friend that I love
so much, but I want to make some changes. Audrey
(20:25):
Dylan Well.
Speaker 5 (20:27):
I think it's very common for trans people to expand
their sexuality, you know, after a gender identity shift, because
I think once you unlock one part of yourself, you're like,
oh my gosh, there's this Why would I limit myself?
Speaker 2 (20:42):
You know?
Speaker 5 (20:42):
It's like I think we put sort of parameters on
ourselves and once you open one floodgate, you're like, fuck it.
And I think that's kind of what happened with me,
is like as far as like, oh, why am I
limiting myself? But I also think and it sounds like
it's more so just based on her attraction women in
less of like her disdain for men, because I more
so I'm like, Wow, this grass isn't greener because I
(21:05):
had never been with straight men before and now I
have and it's actually not the it's not amazing.
Speaker 3 (21:10):
Yes, gay men, I knows, it's not amazing, And that's
why so many women are becoming la.
Speaker 4 (21:16):
Life lesbian friends make that change.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
Yeah, it's totally normal.
Speaker 5 (21:20):
And then like in getting really serious really fast, which
they getting really serious with women, And I think for
Audrey it sounds like maybe if there's nothing going on
with the relationship that feels toxic or unsafe and she
still really does enjoy this person, it sounds like maybe
an open relationship might yeah, the option.
Speaker 3 (21:40):
If he's if he's going to be open for that,
But I really don't think you have a choice. Like,
when you love someone and you respect them, it is
really kind of imperative that you are honest with them. Oh,
absolutely so, Like either way, I mean, if he's not
open to it, you'll find out right away. But either way,
you need to be honest about your desires and see
how and give him the opportunity to say yay or
(22:01):
if he rejects it, and.
Speaker 5 (22:02):
Then you have a decision to make right Catherine, did
she write specifically that she's met another woman that's kind
of interesting to her yet? No?
Speaker 2 (22:10):
Huhuh, just I think in general.
Speaker 5 (22:12):
Well, that's a good timing situation. You know, it sounds
like a conversation with the boyfriend or you know, the
man friend that to see how he feels, you know,
about what this relationship could look like.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
Yeah, yeah, you should definitely address it.
Speaker 4 (22:23):
Though.
Speaker 3 (22:24):
It's good practice to address these uncomfortable conversations as early
as you can because life is filled with them, and
the better you are at being honest and upfront and
direct without it being acrimonious or screaming or yelling, like
the more evolved you become and the better skilled you
are to actually handle difficult situations.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
Yeah, and you know, Audrey is only twenty two, so
like very young, just starting to experience these things. And
she also mentioned best friend a couple of times, and
there's maybe some examination there of you know, our relationships
change over time, and maybe you do feel about this
guy more than he's a friends than a real partner, right,
you know, or maybe the romantic feelings of shit and
(23:05):
gen Z.
Speaker 5 (23:06):
Is so fluid with their with everything, And I think
that my advice to her would be, like, don't try
to put a label on what this attraction is for
you until you do a little experimenting and you put
your you know, like you might like being with women
more than you expected, or it might not. But I
think in the meantime, having this conversation with the guy
(23:27):
and going from there, because I don't think anyone in
that age group is going to be judgy.
Speaker 3 (23:34):
I also think it's a great time in your life
to be experimenting with your femininity. Like I liked what
you said in her letter about like she's realizing that
her femininity isn't reliant upon a male presence.
Speaker 4 (23:45):
I did get a little nervous.
Speaker 5 (23:47):
I thought about, you know, being with the woman, would
that make me feel like I had to like step
up and put on sort of these like masculine qualities.
But it's never been that way. And I think that
as long as it's giving you dysphoria, it can be
really beautiful because a woman honoring a trans woman's existence,
like in a romantic relationship, is really special.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
What ended up happening with you and this older woman
or this this woman, you were just the mama bird,
the mama bird.
Speaker 4 (24:17):
Sorry you did not we kissed, but then I think
it was then you were urgitated. Well, then I asked you.
Speaker 5 (24:22):
I asked her. I was like, well, how do we
go from cute to fuckable? And she was like, you
need to have more sex? And I was like, how
do you know I'm not having more sex? And she
was like, well are you? And I was like no.
And so I think it was kind of like doctor's
order situation. And then I'll circle back, you know.
Speaker 3 (24:38):
With like SOD two weeks after you've told me some
it sounds like your your pairing skills are great.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
Well, I mean I've been on a roll late. I
mean I've hoped up, I've made I've actually set three
people up in the last six months.
Speaker 4 (24:52):
Maybe find me. I could go with the man, Okay, but.
Speaker 1 (24:54):
Like I gotta think, I gotta start thinking.
Speaker 4 (24:56):
Gety to sixty, thirty to sixty, yeah kind of range.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
Is that way older? Though I like older too.
Speaker 4 (25:03):
I want somebody very sure of themselves, successful tall.
Speaker 1 (25:07):
I could see you with an older man.
Speaker 4 (25:09):
Actually, first I'm the first wife. No, I'm third wife vibes,
and then he's my first.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
Husband, especially with like, what's the way you're vibing?
Speaker 7 (25:15):
Now?
Speaker 1 (25:16):
I know you're dressed to go to the theater, right.
Speaker 4 (25:17):
No, I wear this all the time.
Speaker 5 (25:21):
You never know what's sixty year old man you're gonna
meet on the streets of New York on his way
home from Wall Street.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
On his way home from his podcast, think about.
Speaker 4 (25:27):
What Wall Street was? Oh God, that's my one condition.
Speaker 5 (25:30):
No men podcast unless it's something really boring talking about
money management.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
Okay, Catherine, money man.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
Our next color is Jerry Jerry?
Speaker 1 (25:44):
Is is it Jerry Seinfeldt?
Speaker 2 (25:46):
It's not Jerry Seigne.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
He's always calling in.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
I can't keep him off the long No Jerry is
calling in from Chicago, and Jerry uses pronouns fave M.
You're Chelsea. I'm a forty two year old non binary
gender queer person and assigned mail at birth. But if
you knew me in my day today, you would only
know this from my stand up. That's because certain open
mics are the only place I feel safe dressing or
(26:09):
acting feminine, probably because I can claim that I'm just joking.
I don't enforce my pronouns at work because after numerous attempts,
I've lost hope. When I see a cute blouse, I
will always talk myself out of buying it, and when
I do muster the courage to wear quote women's clothes
out of the house, part of me still feels a
little strange. My stand up hobby has been a great
(26:30):
way to cope. I joke that I've always looked like
a daddy but talk like a mommy, and how it
unnecessarily confuses people. But I know this is just a
band aid on the real problem. I hate to admit it,
but I'm so ready to give up and conform again.
Ever since I had to I don't know, ever since
I had to stop being a lawyer for my health.
Confronting anyone about any issue, big or small has triggered
(26:50):
my fight or flight response, and mine is usually freeze.
And I feel so lonely because the only people my
age coming out as non binary are celebrities like JVN
or Sam Smith. If when you wore a jumpsuit in
one of your specials, Chelsea, I bought a jumpsuit tour
to my open mics. Everyone who went up after me
made fun of it, and I didn't even care because
I kind of felt like I was channeling your confidence.
(27:11):
Maybe I'm hoping you can work your magic on this problem.
I honestly don't see a solution to You're devoted, but
not in a creepy way. Fan Jerry Vevam hi je
Jerry will join us here perfect.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
Oh what a conundrum it is really just it's just
brutal hew in these streets, I know.
Speaker 3 (27:31):
I mean, it's just so hard to even be what
people expect of you, and then you want to be
something that people don't expect, and then you have to
con You're consumed with what other people think, and I
hate that. I hate that everyone is so consumed with
what other people think and how they're going to view
them and how you get rid of that. People are
always like, how are you so confident? I'm like, I
don't feel like I'm that confident, but I just I'm
(27:53):
not interested in negative opinions about me.
Speaker 4 (27:56):
Do you ever feel like you might have a sheathe
in your bio?
Speaker 1 (28:00):
Something like that is happening? Wow, something like that.
Speaker 4 (28:03):
Coming out episode? Hi, Jerry, Oh, I love you already.
I'm Dylan, by the way.
Speaker 1 (28:07):
Dylan Mulvaney's our special guest.
Speaker 8 (28:09):
Yeah, yeah, no, I'm familiar. I've seen your your videos
on TikTok and really moving.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Okay, talk to us.
Speaker 3 (28:16):
So you're feeling pretty like low and not able to
express yourself.
Speaker 8 (28:21):
I can't enjoy being feminine because there's just always like
a fear attached to it.
Speaker 5 (28:27):
And you did say, you know, you wore that jumpsuit,
which I'm so obsessed with already, But you said that
other people commented negatively about it.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
Oh yeah, But I.
Speaker 8 (28:37):
Mean that wasn't so much generated so much as like,
oh yeah, or you off to like construction work or something.
Speaker 4 (28:44):
I think it's iconic.
Speaker 5 (28:46):
My worry for you is that I don't want you
to use stand up as a way to self deprecate
about yourself, because I think a lot of comedy can
go in that direction, and especially if the crowds you're
performing for are more of the straight or taurus crowd.
What I really want you to try to focus on
is finding those like specifically queer or trans or non
(29:08):
binary open mics, because that's where you can make, you know,
light of a situation without having to be the butt
of every single joke. And I got back in a
stand up recently since I had, you know, transitioned, and
I found myself in these rooms where they were only
laughing when I was putting myself really down or you know,
referring back to myself as a gay man or what
(29:30):
like it. And I think, as much as it might
feel good to get that laugh, I just don't want you,
especially in such a sensitive time where you are truly
finding your true self, and I don't want it to
hinder that in any way. I want you to protect yourself.
And I also I went by day then Pronounce for
about a year and three months before I fully transitioned,
(29:52):
and I just wanted to confirm with you, like it
can be so lonely because people some people just don't
get it.
Speaker 4 (29:59):
What do you think.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
I think that you have to I understand and I can't.
Speaker 3 (30:04):
You know, I haven't been through this myself, but I
think it's really important to have strong conversations with yourself
every single day about who you are and what you're
putting out there, you know what I mean, so that
you have confidence in your decision making and that other
people aren't having such an impact on the way that
you feel about yourself. You're not looking for their validation.
(30:27):
You have the desire to express your feminine side that
has nothing really to do with any of them, and
if they don't like it, that's also not your problem.
You need to go where the light is, you know
what I mean, like the people that love you, the
people that understand you, and when you're on stage. I
agree with what Dylan said, Listen, a lot of comedy
is self deprecating. I'm self deprecating, but I think it's
(30:47):
important to recognize the difference between making fun of yourself
to fit in versus making fun of yourself because.
Speaker 5 (30:55):
You already love that part of yourself and it's safe
territory to make light of.
Speaker 3 (31:00):
Yeah, it seems like you're missing a chunk of self love,
and if I were going to give you any advice,
I would say to fill yourself up every single day
before you leave the house, whether that's with like affirmations,
a gratitude journal, or looking in the mirror and telling
yourself that you're a fucking rock star, that you're beautiful,
that you're kind, that you're capable, and that you're intelligent.
(31:21):
And keep having these ongoing conversations with yourself because I know, Dylan,
you had to do that for a very long time too.
Speaker 5 (31:28):
Oh, it can be so lonely and still, you know,
Like I think what was sad was when I did
transition back onto the binary. In some ways, it was
like a little bit of relief because people at least
knew where to put me or what you know, where
to slot me. And just don't give into that pressure
right now, because I want you to put yourself in spaces,
(31:50):
whether that's queer bars or open mics or meetup groups,
activities that like you know one hundred percent that the
people there are going to honor your puns, They're going
to complement your fun, feminine outfits. Find someone to go
shopping with that you feel really safe and is going
to like make you feel euphoric. I know dating can
(32:11):
also be really tricky, but you've got to oh my gosh, honey,
I don't I fucking know it. And you have to
right now prioritize your identity and not your comedy career,
not relationships, not And this is your time to really explore,
because if you don't go all the way into whatever
(32:32):
it is you're interested in or what you are looking
to find, you might shut yourself off from a lot
of beautiful things.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
Do you have a small community there in Chicago that's
separate from your work?
Speaker 4 (32:43):
Not really, I need to look harder.
Speaker 5 (32:45):
Right I think it can be expensive, but I know
Second City and the Groundlings, and you know, there's a
bunch of comedy theaters there that have a bunch of classes,
and I imagine that they attract some queer folks. And
although that's not, you know, necessarily a queer meetup by
any means, I do think that there might be some
really cool, safe people there to get to know, and
(33:07):
especially like you might not need group therapy, but I
think a group laugh can be a great thing.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
I would like to ask one piece of advice on
behalf of Jerry, so as far as like the outfit
goes right, Jerry is you know, channeling Chelsea and while
wearing like a Chelsea type outbit with the jumpsuit. But
is there a way that Jerry can preempt those sorts
of jokes when they do come up and sort of
like talk about how they look fabulous, like before anybody
(33:34):
else comes up and makes a big deal about it.
Speaker 3 (33:36):
I have a friend, a comedian friend named Michael Folk
who dresses like he likes to dress like a woman,
and he goes by they them he's non binary, and
he sometimes wears dresses sometimes.
Speaker 4 (33:46):
They like to wear dresses.
Speaker 3 (33:48):
They like to wear dresses, Thank you. They like to
wear dresses, and they have a great attitude about it
because it's just part of who they are. They're not
ever explaining themselves, and if anyone does probe or lean in,
they're just like there's no question, Like there's such a
confidence about what they're doing that there's no question And
(34:10):
it doesn't matter because you can't be doing this looking
for everybody's approval. It's outside of a lot of people's
comfort zones. Again, that is not your problem. That is
their problem. That is their issue. Let people figure out
how they're going to talk to you, you know, and
you can't expect everybody to like fall in place with
what you know how you want to identify, because it's
(34:31):
so out of touch with them.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
But you have every right to identify however you want.
Speaker 3 (34:35):
So you've got to like really instill in yourself whatever
confidence you were able to come up with, to say,
this is who I am, this is what I'm gonna do,
and you're gonna either love.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
Me or you're gonna hate me, and neither one of
those things are my problem.
Speaker 4 (34:49):
Amen.
Speaker 3 (34:51):
And I think when you really do lean into who
you are and what your desires are, there is a
magnetic field that you kind of create around you that
attracts like minded people because you're living out loud in
a brave way.
Speaker 5 (35:07):
Yes, And when you start vetting some of those people out,
I think that makes room for the good ones to
come in because what I did early on were I
could you can sometimes just tell when people you know
are if they're not catching up with your pronouns after
you know, months of years of knowing you, or if
they're making snide comments about your outfits or whatever that
(35:27):
might be. That's when you start hitting the sort of
do not disturb button on that friendship because that then
expands for more people to come in.
Speaker 3 (35:37):
Absolutely, I believe that to be true for sure. It's
about creating your own magnetic field. And the more you
are true to yourself, the more you shine, the more
abuiliant you can be. I know I had to throw
that in there because it's really the right descriptor. You know,
you want to be a ball all of light, like.
Speaker 4 (35:53):
Teach people how to treat you right.
Speaker 5 (35:56):
Even I remember with my family, you know, we took
a little bit of time. I'm a part and I
had to have some real tough conversations, but they got
it when they realized how important these things were.
Speaker 3 (36:05):
To huh and again, and this is repetitive, which I'm
very good at. You can't rely on other people's reactions
to you to fill your cup up. That is not
how you get your cup filled. That is an inside job.
You have to fulfill yourself. You have to fill yourself up.
I mean sometimes you can have somebody fill you up.
Hopefully one day's time that will happen for you. And
(36:27):
I love to get filled up. But on this notion,
it is it is a you know, it's your self employed.
You have to take care of your own happiness, and
once you have that, then nobody can take that from you,
no matter what their reactions. Do you are and no
matter what their judgment is. And the more comfortable you
are with yourself, the more uncomfortable people become around you.
(36:49):
What she said, Okay, problem solved. Problem solved.
Speaker 2 (36:53):
Well, we have another color joining us shortly, and we
had a bit of a curveball. This coller is l K?
Speaker 1 (37:00):
Is that el King? Is she calling in again from
her last episode?
Speaker 2 (37:03):
I mean, I wouldn't put it past her.
Speaker 3 (37:05):
I love el King. She and I have been texting,
have you? Oh yeah, yeah, I'd like her attitude. She's
a country so she was on the podcast last year.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
Elk says, I'm a thirty seven year old divorce This
takes a turn, so stick with me here. I'm a
thirty seven year old divorce lesbian living in Alabama. I've
managed Mede, a lovely woman by Happenstance, who is in
all regards a ten. We've become fast friends and I'm
digging the friendship. But damn am I into her? I
find myself stumbling over my words and acting like a
child with a crush. This is not normal territory for me.
(37:36):
I'm usually much more confident and direct, but this woman
is special. I know she had a tough breakup and
maybe the last year, and I also know when we
met in February she mentioned she hasn't been interested in
dating since the breakup. What do I do continue building
the friendship or make my intentions known while I ruin
the friendship? If I tell her my feelings and she's
not feeling it, I just don't know what to do.
(37:56):
And then so el K reached out today and said
she's had a bun stuff kind of come up in
therapy and this is like still sort of a part
of her story, but is taking a bit of a
back seat. So I thought we could talk a little
bit about multiple things kind of going on in our
lives at once. But Elk says, I wrote in about
having a crush and I looked forward to talking to
you about that. However, since first writing in, I've had
(38:18):
some major developments in therapy, one of them being a
slow uncovering of childhood trauma. I've lost both my parents
since twenty twenty, and my last grandparent passed last month.
I'm unsure if part of me was protecting the elders
in my life. But it seems something in my brain
unlocked after my grandmother passed. How do I maintain my job,
myself and my sanity as I work through these muddy waters.
(38:38):
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, Elka, so a
lot to unpack.
Speaker 1 (38:43):
Hi father, Hi ay, Hi cutie?
Speaker 4 (38:47):
How are you fucking handler?
Speaker 1 (38:49):
And good are you.
Speaker 4 (38:52):
Fucking lover?
Speaker 1 (38:53):
This is Dylan mulvaney, our special guest today.
Speaker 4 (38:56):
Ah Hi Lka nas, nice to meet you.
Speaker 3 (39:01):
Nice to meet you too. What a beautiful big smile
you have on your face. I love it.
Speaker 1 (39:06):
Thank you.
Speaker 3 (39:07):
First of all, what's going on with the girl? Are
you still just totally took a back seat.
Speaker 6 (39:12):
I mean she's a friend and I was looking forward
to talking to you about that. I was kind of
in that like giddy, like you know, I felt like
a little kid, like just kind of tickled. And then
it was like I'm in therapy, like working on some
stuff and just like out of nowhere, therapy just like
hit me like a truck and was like, no, you
got more important things to think about.
Speaker 3 (39:34):
Okay, Well this is all good, okay, because this is
all good.
Speaker 1 (39:37):
It's better that therapy took a front seat.
Speaker 3 (39:39):
That's a good sign because it is it needs to
take a front seat before any real, normal, healthy relationships happen.
Therapy is the is what you do to have normal, healthy,
happy relationships. Especially well, let me say this, I think
that when you're with the second question you asked, which is,
how do you remain connected to your work and be
productive and and be engaged in all the things that
(40:02):
life requires from you while you're going through therapy. And
the answer to that is easily, because you are doing
the work that that is going to make you an
even more whole person and an even more healthy person.
So all of these things that you have going on
while you're going to therapy actually complement your therapy because
(40:22):
you're doing it while you're facing all of your responsibilities.
And while so all of it is good, you can
do all of it at the same time. Therapy is
not meant to like you're supposed to take two years
off from life. I mean only people can do that,
you know, like I did that because you know why.
Speaker 1 (40:37):
But you know what I mean, that's not really nice.
Speaker 3 (40:40):
That's awesome, but yeah, not relatable, not relatable at all.
But really, but but the other great thing about going
to therapy while you're living your life is that you
can integrate your therapy and what you learn into your
life in real time. Whereas I took two years off
(41:02):
just to go to therapy and travel.
Speaker 1 (41:04):
So when I was.
Speaker 3 (41:04):
Done with therapy, I'm like, how do I match all
of this stuff into my life when I'm working? So
you actually have an advantage that you don't even really see, sure,
because you're going to be incorporating the things you learn
as you're living your life in a real way.
Speaker 1 (41:19):
Sure, sure going to therapy weekly? Like yeah, do miss right? Well,
no don't you shouldn't.
Speaker 3 (41:26):
I mean hopefully you know you'll go and then at
a certain point you'll be like, Okay, you know, I
can take a break or I'm ready for a relationship.
It also sounds very healthy that you recognized that this
crush you had is not as important as you dealing
with your childhood issues.
Speaker 1 (41:43):
Yeah that's healthy.
Speaker 3 (41:45):
Yeah, because if you were more still focused on that
while you were doing this, it would mean that you
had your priorities a little bit out of whack.
Speaker 1 (41:51):
Yeah, I was.
Speaker 6 (41:52):
I was focused on the kind of the stuff that
was coming up, and I was like, oh, ships talked
with Chelsea Handler about a crush. I don't want to
come out to Chelsea, but it doesn't feel as important
to talk about.
Speaker 3 (42:05):
I think sometimes people make up problems to call in.
They're like, uh, what color should I paint my I'm
like what?
Speaker 4 (42:12):
And did you do? You just lost some loved ones too.
Speaker 6 (42:15):
Yeah, I lost my mom in twenty twenty and my
dad in twenty twenty two.
Speaker 4 (42:20):
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Speaker 5 (42:21):
I think that thank you know, while you're navigating the
grief and the new sort of therapy of it all,
I still want you to be able to find the joy,
because sometimes we go zero to one hundred, especially in
something that's so intense as mental health can be, and
we go in that direction, we forget to be silly,
we forget to be in love, we forget to treat
(42:43):
ourselves to the frivolous things. So I actually am kind
of pro you still, you know, maybe not as heavily
engaging a crush, but sometimes having a crush is really
fun and can kind of help you take your mind
off serious things and not to disassociate and put all
your eggs in that basket. But I like to think
of dating kind of as like an iPhone game, well
(43:05):
because so much of it is, you know, swiping, but
you know, just that thing that I'm like, oh, I
don't have that much. You know, i already did my
therapy for the day, I've already had a good cry.
What can we do next? Let's try to fuck someone.
But I actually wanted to ask you. I wanted to
ask you about this friendship thing because I've been in
that situation too, where you know you're you're friends with
someone and you think, oh, maybe this could be more,
(43:27):
but it can be a little awkward about trying to
get there. Do you think there's are you the kind
of person that would be willing to, you know, say something,
or do you think you would need a really clear sign?
Speaker 1 (43:39):
I think I would need.
Speaker 6 (43:40):
I mean, I don't have any problems being direcked. But
at the same time, it was the first time, like
in my adulthood, where I got kind of like like
that giddy just like kind of stupid.
Speaker 3 (43:51):
You know, the best, the best feeling in the world
is that is really truly just like.
Speaker 6 (43:56):
I am now, I'm just bumbling over my words, just
like I.
Speaker 4 (43:59):
Don't know you don't want to. You don't want to
ruin the friendship. So what do you what do you
say to somebody who like, well, what is the what
is the vibe?
Speaker 3 (44:07):
Break it down a little bit more specifically, what has
been been the vibe of late?
Speaker 6 (44:11):
We don't live in the same town, so I haven't
hung out with her in person, and so I mean
it's a newer friend. I don't think she doesn't strike
me as really interested in anything right now, not just
with me, but like in general.
Speaker 1 (44:25):
But I don't know if I'm reading that wrong or not.
Speaker 3 (44:28):
Well, I think that I think the important takeaway from
this is you're getting yourself healthy and you're creating like
a better version of you that that will be like
the a net result after this therapy. It's gonna make
you sexier, it's gonna make you everything better, and you're
gonna and then you're gonna be in a better place
and maybe she'll be in a different place and you
can pursue that down the road. But I think your
focal point should just be you right now. And it
(44:51):
sounds like you're doing that and that's that's only good.
That is only good. Nothing bad is going to come
out of that you're gonna get through your therapy sessions.
Some are going to be true and some are gonna
be less tricky, but you're gonna go through the gamut
of emotions and when you come out on the other side,
you're gonna be a better person. You're gonna be a better,
fuller version of yourself. And and I love that you
said you're direct. Most people can't fucking be direct, so
(45:13):
great you have that advantage too.
Speaker 1 (45:14):
I'm an m eatee too, so you could just.
Speaker 3 (45:17):
Go up to her and be like, I like pussy?
Do you like mine? You know, it's simple when the
time is right.
Speaker 4 (45:23):
You ever said that to someone?
Speaker 1 (45:24):
Do I like pussy? Do I? Do you like pussy?
Speaker 4 (45:27):
Do you like mine? Said very I said it like
it wasn't the first time.
Speaker 5 (45:35):
It's all I'm saying, Okay, you want pussy, go get it.
Speaker 4 (45:42):
Oh fuck, my mom can't listen to this one.
Speaker 1 (45:45):
I was just thinking about my sisters. I was like,
they're gonna be anyway.
Speaker 3 (45:50):
You're a You're a love, You're a joyful and happy
and I'm happy for you and you're gonna be fine.
Speaker 1 (45:55):
And yeah, keep doing what you're doing.
Speaker 6 (45:58):
Thanks Chelsea, Love you Okay, love you, thanks so much.
Speaker 1 (46:03):
Oh cute. Her accent reminds me a fortune themestir.
Speaker 4 (46:08):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (46:10):
Well, let's take a quick break and we can wrap
up with a quickie.
Speaker 3 (46:14):
Okay, Well, take a break and we'll be right back
to wrap up with Dylan mulvaney.
Speaker 2 (46:22):
And we're back, are back, So one last little question
to wrap up. Kara is in her thirties and she
writes in and says, Dear Chelsea, A situation I've been
dealing with lately is one of my best friends is
single and longing for someone special. I'm newly married, so
it's difficult for me to give dating advice without sounding
(46:42):
lame and tone deaf. I remember being the only one
of my single friends before I met my now husband,
surrounded by married friends constantly hearing don't worry, you'll find someone. Honestly,
it got annoying after a while, and it didn't help.
I do not want to come off that way to
my friend and want to support her in any way
while she looks for quote the one my friend is
one of the coolest people I have ever met. We're
(47:04):
both out doorsy and she does pottery and other art
and is incredibly talented. Most importantly, she has a huge
heart that I know would be appreciated by the right person.
She's been going on dates that seem promising at first,
and then after a couple dates, they end up acting weird,
and I think it's discouraged her quite a bit. She
always asks what's wrong with her when it isn't her
at all. It's just men being men. It takes everything
(47:25):
in me to stop myself from finding these men and
beating the shit out of them for being so stupid
and hurting one of the best people I know. I
don't want her to give up when I know she
wants a partner for life and a family. If any
of your listeners happen to be a straight man who
loves art, the outdoors, and who isn't an asshole, then
do I have the woman for you? Until then? What
advice would you give my friend if you were me, Kara.
Speaker 3 (47:46):
It doesn't have to be that kind of pat that's
so meaningless to be like, you're going to find your person,
You're going to find someone.
Speaker 1 (47:52):
There's so nothing in that.
Speaker 3 (47:54):
What I think is is just to keep motivating your
friend to keep trying to keep going out there. To
meet men that you might think are appropriate for her,
or if you do meet a guy that you're like,
oh wait, actually do it and encourage your other friends,
if you have other friends in your friend group, to
do the same for her in supporting her to meet
that guy. I know, whenever my friends try to set
me up, I find I'm I well, actually, let me
(48:17):
take that back. Some of my friends when they want
to set me up my good, close friends, then that's
okay because they know me well enough and they are
close friends, and you have every right just to be
as encouraging and as uppy as possible about it.
Speaker 5 (48:31):
And I loved that she even pitched her friends, you know,
her friend to people. She's like, if anybody's looking, now,
that's a cool friend, right, that's so.
Speaker 4 (48:37):
That right there is the energy.
Speaker 5 (48:39):
My favorite thing when like a friend of mine, I
don't love the whole you're gonna find someone.
Speaker 4 (48:44):
I love the how the fuck are you still single?
Like that's fucking crazy.
Speaker 5 (48:48):
I like when there's sort of this energy of like, well,
that's just fucking why, Like because I do that a
lot with them, my other single friends, where.
Speaker 4 (48:55):
It's like how is this possible?
Speaker 5 (48:56):
Like we're so hot and fun and so maybe kind
of like leaning into that a little bit, you know,
build her confidence up in herself, in her personality and
her looks, and make her feel like the fullest version
of herself as a friend, rather than putting so much
emphasis on the what she's.
Speaker 4 (49:16):
Going to be like when she has a relationship.
Speaker 3 (49:18):
Yeah, and and making it dating fun and being an
energetic Like when you look at the subject matter of dating,
it can be depleting if you have that attitude, it
can be exhausting, right, or it could be fun and
hopeful and happy. And I think as a friend, you
sound like you really care about your friend. So you're
the person to keep her bolstered up, you know what
(49:38):
I mean, keep her going and and be energized when
she's on a date. And if it's disappointing, okay, that's okay,
Well that's out of the way.
Speaker 1 (49:45):
Let's get to the next one.
Speaker 3 (49:47):
The more people she says no to or that say
no to her, the closer she is to finding the
person that she is going to want to spend more
time with. So I think she's very very lucky to
have a friend like you, and you can just be
an even better friend by helping her through this and
not looking at her being single as some sort of
losing a game. There's benefits to being single and being
in this phase looking for your love too. This is
(50:09):
an exciting part while you're looking. It's like, you know,
enjoy the journey, not the result of the journey. That's
kind of hard to do when you don't understand or
you haven't been through it and understand. Oh yes, it
is about the way that you're getting there. It's not
always about the end result.
Speaker 5 (50:24):
So or give them, you know, a constructive piece of
advice of like how you found someone or what worked
for you, or you know, like back in the day,
however long ago that was.
Speaker 4 (50:33):
I think that can be.
Speaker 5 (50:34):
Like my my best friend Lily will often you know,
give me Like we'll go out and you know, I'll
start talking someone's ear off that I think is hot,
and she's like, pull back, pull back, and like.
Speaker 4 (50:44):
That kind of stuff. I think that's fun. I think
that's what I'd like to hear.
Speaker 1 (50:49):
I'm gonna I want to watch you on a date
and see what happens.
Speaker 4 (50:52):
The car and it goes it gets in a wreck
real fast, right into a base. Oh I do have
a place though I like to go dance to get
Davey Wayne's Hollywood.
Speaker 1 (51:00):
Oh Davy Wade' I haven't been there, And I point.
Speaker 5 (51:02):
To the hottest person the dance floor. We just make
out to Abbits. You're gonna love it.
Speaker 4 (51:07):
Watch out.
Speaker 2 (51:08):
Yeah, Chelsea. I love what you said about, like not
the person you're gonna wind up with, but the person
you want to spend more time with. Like I love
looking at it that way. It's just about finding somebody
you like being around. And I think also like, don't
forget for caraa like, don't forget to like go out
and be girlfriends together, Like did your husband go do
some fun things together? And also like maybe read her
this beautiful letter that you wrote about her and how
(51:30):
much you love her. That will be a shot in
the arm.
Speaker 1 (51:33):
Yeah, okay, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (51:34):
That Dad wraps up our episode of Dear Chelsea. Next
up is Dylan's podcast called One Hour with Dylan An
Hour with Down.
Speaker 1 (51:42):
Dylan Darwin Darwin or Dylan Darwin The Dylan Hour.
Speaker 4 (51:47):
Chelsea Handler will be singing.
Speaker 1 (51:49):
On it, and I'll be there performing live music.
Speaker 4 (51:51):
I can't wait to ask you your favorite Broadways show.
Speaker 1 (51:54):
Oh, I can't wait to tell you I love you,
Dylan mulvaney, I love we love you. Thank you everyone.
Speaker 3 (52:03):
Do do do do drum roll, Catherine please, Chelsea Handler abroad.
Speaker 1 (52:10):
Abroad is my European tour.
Speaker 3 (52:13):
So I'm coming to obviously find a husband abroad.
Speaker 1 (52:17):
I need to get.
Speaker 3 (52:18):
The help out of this fucking country and it's not
as easy as you think. So I'm coming to Rekuvic,
I'm coming to Dublin. I'm coming to the UK. I'm
coming to Brussels, Paris, Belfast in May and June. I'm
coming to Oslo, Stockholm, to Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow, New Zurich, Vienna.
(52:41):
I've never ever been to Vienna, Berlin, Barcelona and Lisbon.
Speaker 1 (52:46):
I'm coming abroad is abroad.
Speaker 2 (52:49):
That sounds like fun. I'm going to go see you abroad.
Speaker 7 (52:51):
I know I want to go see me abroad and
there all be, there all be upcoming Vegas States, April eighteenth,
July fifth, August thirtieth, November one and twenty nine at
the Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas.
Speaker 2 (53:05):
Do you want advice from Chelsea? Write into Dear Chelsea
podcast at gmail dot com. Find full video episodes of
Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea pod.
Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive
producer Catherine Law and be sure to check out our
merch at Chelseahandler dot com
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Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.