Learning the Hard Way with Meghan Trainor

Meghan Trainor joins Chelsea in-studio to talk about how her life changed when she started medication for her panic disorder, how many kids she wants to have, and why redheads are the most well-endowed men.  Then: A fiance worries her best friend’s boyfriend will ruin her wedding with his drunken buffoonery.  A newly single twenty-something yearns to leave her life behind and move somewhere new.  And a gay man wrestles with self-doubt after years of intense bullying. 

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Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail]

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Executive Producer Nick Stumpf

Produced by Catherine Law

Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert

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The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hi, Catherine. Oh hello Chelsea. How are you? I have
to tell you something? Actually, don't answer that. I have
had a lot of people come up to me on planes.
I'm not joking referencing my disgust for bare feet and
the hard boiled egg thing. There was a woman, a

(00:23):
flight attendant who was like, I can't believe that you
allow the woman that co hosts the podcast with you
to continue on after what she said about traveling with
hard boiled eggs in a ziplock bag. She thought I
should cut ties with you. That's how serious of an offense.
Somebody who flies through the air for a living takes

(00:44):
your hard boiled eggs. Just so you know, it's basically
what you've been doing, this assaulting people. I know you
know what I Actually someone wrote in to our email
and she basically said she was like, I was awoken
from a nap by the smell of hard boiled eggs
on a plane, and I thought, of you. I thought
there can't be someone else's bringing hard boiled eggs on

(01:06):
a plane, but sure enough, there she was. But she
like said it in a way that was like, but
I love you, I I can't even look at hard
boiled eggs the same. Like now, if I see there
was like a there's We were at some studio and
there was all these snacks and I was trying to
eat healthy and I was like, I don't want this.
I don't want that. And there's a hard boiled egg
and I was like, I'm like, if I were mad

(01:27):
at you, I would be eating you. But I am.
I'm still not over it. So well, you know what,
I have at least changed one part of my life.
I think I'm committed to using ricotta and my lasagna
from now on. Yeah. I think that was also a
major misfire to Thank god MATEO set you straight. Thank
god he said someone straight, you know what I mean,
because he's not setting a lot of people straight. He

(01:49):
would make if I were a guy, I would want
to have sex with him me too, you know what
I mean. There's a woman I want to have sex. Yeah,
it's you don't have atracted to him? Actually yeah he
had else. Well, I have a follow up, a very
important follow up from a recent caller. So we remember

(02:09):
Sandra who called in on our Caller Daddy episode just
last week, and she was going to Thailand with the
boyfriend who had been like hiring escorts. But it was
before they were together, so you know we talked to
her about right, but oh yeah, yeah, yeah, escorts, right,
I remember this, Yes, so Sandra says, Hi, Chelsea, I

(02:31):
just wanted to follow up after our call with some
updates or I guess just the one. I'm continuing to
work with my therapist on my trust issues and keep
all of your voices in my head that I cannot
look at his things if I want a real and
healthy relationship. And I expressed to him how his past
made me feel insecure. But I will work on that
and work on my trust. I went on the trip
to Thailand, and something felt off the entire time. He

(02:54):
had started smoking weed again, even though he was sober,
and the trip was hard because there was a major disconnect,
sinking feeling that he was not telling me something. It
turns out he was indeed cheating on me, going to
erotic massage parlors before I got there, and even while
I was there. Yeah, he did not tell me willingly. Yes,

(03:15):
it's because I found his Google map history going to
these locations. I believe he would never have told me
the truth if I had not found that history. So
she snooped again and found out. Yeah, well, if you're
snooping and you do find something, you can't argue with
that because that's exactly what you were looking for. So
I'm sorry that that happens to you. And I guess, so, snoop,

(03:36):
if you ever really strong, like, what's our what's our messaging? Here?
I dated a guy who looked through my ship and
I'm not up to anything, and sure enough, whatever he
found he made into something that was nothing. And anyone
who listens to this podcast knows that I'm not a
person that would even I would never do that. I
don't have the energy for one relationship, never mind fucking two.

(03:57):
So that's where I've come from on that philosophy of
phone checking. I've also been the girl that does that,
as we discussed it during that episode, and I didn't
like the way that felt either. But listen, I guess
I don't know what to say about it, because women
are just gonna fucking keep checking people's phones and men
who are paranoid, and we'll not just paranoid, but you

(04:17):
know they're going to do it too, I guess. And
you know she goes on to say like she knows
that she has some issues to work through with that.
But I would also argue that you're attracting people that
are like this, and that's the bigger issue. You knew
deep within that this was the wrong person before you
found that out. No, but I agree, you know, it's
like she continues to say, like she's got some stuff

(04:39):
to work on, She's going to keep working on that.
She's glad in this instance she did. But she hopes
to find somebody who like she doesn't have to feel
like and that's it with that guy, Like, no, no
more anything, sandals all done? What's gross? Pre Just don't cheat.
Just break up. Don't cheat, you're not married. Why are
you cheating? Exactly? Just break up and go be with

(05:01):
the other fucking go be with the tie massus is.
If that's what you want to be with, exactly, you
get married and then you cheap. That's everyone knows. That's
how it goes. Yeah. Okay, So our guest today is
a singer. She has a very big song out that
everyone is trying to dance too well. Most people are
doing it effectively. I'm pretty much the only one who
can't do this dance. Her song is called made You

(05:21):
Look This was her fourth studio album, and she just
launched the second season of her podcast, which is called
Working on It, which she co hosts with her brother
Ryan Trainer. So please welcome Megan Trainer. Hi, Megan Trainer.
Oh so exciting and in person meet and greet in Paris,
and look at I'm on the show. I know exist Guiding.
I mean, we've of course met before a couple of times. Yeah,

(05:44):
this is Catherine, our producer. Hi. How are you? Thanks
ting me? Oh my god, thanks. I love you, Megan Trainer.
I'm so happy for your success that you're having right now.
I mean, I think the last time we saw each
other we talked about the music industry a little bit,
and I remember you're telling me something like, even though
you can be really well known, you sometimes don't feel

(06:06):
like you're in the mix. You said something along those lines, Well, yeah,
I never feel famous, and like I don't feel like
I keep I feel like I always have to keep
proving myself. And it's been almost like ten years and
I'm like, I don't know that. Yeah, it is hard.
I think a lot of people probably feel that way.
And I think, just like a hard critic on myself
to get my parents. Yeah, like in what way it's

(06:28):
Give me an example, Like when I was writing this
new album, every song I had, I would I would
approach it I gotta be better at my self talk
and self love, but I would play like made you
look this big hit. I sang it to my brother
and my older brother and was like is this trash?
Like is this terrible? Or is this good? You know,
instead of being like I've had this idea, you know,
I start right away with like I think I stuck

(06:50):
it writing. And if you don't have like a radio
hit for a long time, you can get in your
head of like, well it must be me. I think
I'm trash you know. Yeah, absolutely, I can totally relate
to that feel. You have to always make yourself relevant,
which is a lame way to describe its. Ever, and
you're only as good as like, you know, when you
have success, it's like it dims so quickly. You're like that.

(07:14):
So it's it's nice to be back in the spotlight.
I know, I know, as you could and you could
actually dance for a white woman like you have. I
mean this is coming from someone Listen. I tried to
fucking rehearse that song. On the road. I was on
a tour with my opener, my security guard and then
another one of us. I'm so uncoordinated and I don't

(07:34):
have any rhythm. It's I'm cursed with some Jewish disease
that I have. That's song. When I saw it, I
was like, that's what I could do. I could do that.
I could do that dance. And we tried several times
and then finally it became sad. No, that took me
three days to learn. Three days three d Yeah, but
when you do it, you can move things like I
now I got it, Like, yeah, you have Yeah. I

(07:55):
always wanted to dance, but I was a girl in
middle school, like at the school dances, that was like
sitting by myself in the corner, like I can't go
on dance and runt of people, you know, really, And
then in high school you could like drink a little bit,
and then you're like drinking. There's always somebody said drink.
But I took like three weeks off of drinking recently
because I was hosting the Critics Choice Awards and by

(08:16):
the way, oh, thank you, thank you, and then my
publicist goes, Chelsea, you should know alcoholics because maybe you
should just stick with it. I was like, go fund yourself.
I'm not. Alcohol is my support system. It is my buddy. Now, okay,
your life has changed a lot in the last couple
of years because you had a baby, the cutest little baby.
Oh my god, he's adorable. Tell me about that, that

(08:38):
kind of change in your life with your husband. Well,
how long have you been married now? What does he
say behind you? Four years? Four years? And when did
you have your baby? When do we have the baby?
He's almost two, he's almost two in Februarian. So you've
got a real handle on things that are happening. I'm
peeking and I'm diving. And tell me about how that's

(08:58):
changed your life. Becoming a white I'm becoming a mom
just the best. Yeah, it's so. It's I was one
of those like I've always wanted to. I had baby
dolls instead of Barbie dolls. I had babies when I
was young, and I was like, I will be a
mother of twelve, you know, that was my goal. And
my mom had three of us. I'm one of three,
so I know I want a bunch of kids. I
know I want like four. I'm gonna try for four.

(09:20):
But that sounds loud, you know, but it's it's been
the best. And I always thought that I would settle
for some loser and like fix him later. But I
got me a man's who like massages my feet and
takes care of me and like worships the ground I
step on. And I didn't know that existed, you know,
but it exists. He's still like opens every door I

(09:40):
walked through and like carries my gallon of water for
me and makes me breakfast. I got so lucky. That's awesome. One.
It feels like you win when you fall in love, right,
like like, oh my god, I get this too, on
top of everything else, right like, I get this lucky.
Something's going on, you know. That's where we're at in life. Now.
Where is that accent from? That's like underneath, No, we're

(10:04):
I don't know, I'm Massachusetts. Like my bros. They're like, oh, bro,
Like we talked like this. You know. It's like we
go to Long Island, but we don't. It's very much. Um,
nobody actually knows it. But it's Nick Kroll on his
TV show that he had back in the day, The
Croll Show. It was our favorite thing to watch and
he had a skit with They were like, these brawls

(10:25):
that sound like my brothers when they talk, and they're like,
let's bounce. These gals brawl. So we talk like that
a lot. I don't have sisters. Oh you don't. You
have two brothers and you're the are you the youngest
in the middle middle? So I was attacked by either side. Yeah,
but your one brother lives out here to do both.
They both live in my house. One just turned thirty

(10:48):
ones about turn and I'll never let them leave. That's
really funny. I had my brother lived in my house
and he did leave because I had to tell him
to get out. He lived with me for about he
was Roy. He lives with me for a while. Then
one morning I walked in my kitchen and this girl
was like, can we get can we take a picture?
Came out of his bedroom and I'm in my bathrobe
and I was like, hey, Roy, this is so inappropriate,

(11:10):
and he's like what, I go, if you're bringing people home,
like you have to make sure that, hey, they're not
coming home to meet me, I can't be the thing.
And he goes, well, whatever I have to do to
get him there, And then I was like Oh. I
was like, Roy, you got to get out of here.
I only had like a few of those where my
brother would bring home thoughts when he was drinking um
and he'd be like, who's this um? And they like

(11:32):
one girl took a video of the entire backyard and
then tagged me, and I was like, she's dead to us,
and he was like, yeah, she's dead to us. But
he's good at he only brings home girls now that
he knows will be cool kind of. And my younger
brother just learned that less in the hard way. He
started dating online and the girls would say, I'm a musician,
and I was like, uh, like, it's not gonna work.

(11:53):
And he was like, well, I told her I'd bring
her to the studio and this is my basement in
my house. I have a child. And he had to
understand why that was wrong. So I had to teach
them some stuff. But now my younger brother's dating a
great girl and my older brother is still single. As followed,
we can try and pimp him out a little later.
So and your mom were really tight. I remember meeting
her a couple of times when I've met you before.

(12:15):
Is she really involved in your career. Yeah, she would
have come today. She packed my lunch and she's my assistant.
She would have come today, but it's a tight room.
So she was like, I'll stay back, and I was like,
thanks for your sacrifice. She's just so lovely and so
selfless and is the best person. And I don't I
never liked having an assistant that was like a different
person or I would like fall in love with them
and make them my best friend forever. And for my mom,

(12:37):
it's just she did all that stuff anyways, you know,
she always took care of me. Anyways. I was like,
it's kind of like an assistant is your mother in anyways,
my housekeepers like my mom or nanny. She's my name. Yeah,
it's nice that you have your family so close by,
because so how old were you when you moved out here,

(12:57):
like eighteen nineteen and was just so intimidating and scary.
I lived in Nashville for a year and I wrote
all about that base there, and then at exactly a year,
they were like, hey, you have to move out of
Nashville and go to l A. And and I would
come out here like when I was eighteen for a
little weeks at a time for songwriting trips and I'd

(13:17):
stay at a hotel. That stuff was scary for sure,
which there's like a community like I wish I was there.
I was in the motails, I was in the spooky
places are like Airbnb is that I shouldn't have been in.
But I had like an older friend who could drink
and I was under age, so we would walk to

(13:37):
a liquor store and she would get it and there's
like a guy just as the joker. And I was like,
this is where I'm gonna die, Like this is having
to die in l A And nineteen years old, I
called my mom. I was like, this is it. I'm
about to get married. But I lived. And how was
your entree into the music industry, Like what was your
first big First of all, are you still with the
same label that you were when you are? Oh that's

(14:00):
a success story. Well you're trapped, you know what I mean?
Love them though they're great, They're so great. I love them,
but I'm on my have five albums, so I'm like
about to start my fifth one eventually, you know. So
I got one mower with them, and Christmas don't count.
It doesn't count. But yeah, they're they're great. And I

(14:21):
when I wrote Base, like l a Read was at
the I was at Epic Records at the time, and
he signed me and was like this is gonna be huge,
and I was like and I was like a baby songwriter.
And when people signed me as a songwriter, I took
that as like I was insecure about my looks and
I was like, okay, that confirmed it. They think I
should be behind the scenes, like writing songs for the
pop stars. And then when l a Read saw me

(14:42):
and was like, well, I need whoever singing this song
to just sing the song. And I was like hello,
and he was like that face he said that to me.
I was like this face was like yeah. I was
like okay, and then I just like held on type
for dear life and was like I've always wanted to
be a pop star, but I didn't know anyone would
believe in me, and I just held on and faked
it till I made it. You know, Wow, how great

(15:04):
of a story is that? Every day I'm like, well,
funk am I doing here? Everybody feels that way too.
I'm like, who's confident? People are always going to be
You're so confident. I'm like if I'm so confident. I
don't feel that confident. I just you know. They're like, yeah,
they're like, you write these anthems, you're so calm, like
they're for me, is like my therapy, like a girl.

(15:25):
And how do you know when a song is going
to hit? Like, like when do you find out that
a song is? How long does it take before you
know that it's gonna skyrocket the way it has? For
this last song, your most recent I always asked because
I was signed to a company that had big country writers,
and I always asked them like, how do you know
it's a hit, And they're like, oh, you never know.
Like I thought Bass was my least best song out

(15:45):
of everything. I was like, the all of the base one,
that's the one they like. My parents were like this
song out of all the other pop songs you have,
but that one. I remember the music video came out
and I was so embarrassed in my high school friends
would see me like in address because I wear all
black and I'm like in hoodies, and I was like,
oh my god, they're gonna make fun of me. And
then when it hit twenty thousand views, I was like,

(16:06):
well that was fast and then it's started to get
up to a million and I was like, oh, like
a million people have seen this, and then Justin Bieber
did a remix of it, and I called my brother
who was in Florida and college, and I was like,
you gotta drop out, bro, Like it's over. We gotta
move to l A like we're so famous now, Bro,
it's done. But like nowadays, with TikTok, this song made

(16:30):
you look. We were looking at the numbers of how
many people made a video to that song, and once
it got to like a hundred thousand remakes, were like, oh,
we got something. And then now it's at like millions.
What is it? Pepe? He'll tell you behind if you
ask three point four three people people have made a
video to that song, Oh my god. And so we're

(16:52):
like you, that's when you're good, when you're peeking on TikTok. Yeah, yeah,
that's good. Well, con aratulations on that success fun for you, right,
and you so deserve it because you're so normal. I
like that about you. Everyone says that about you. I mean, well,
not everybody, but the people we have in common. Whenever
I say something about you, know how much I like you.

(17:13):
Everyone's like she's just so normal and down to earth,
and you know you are. You're a good girl. So
on this podcast. Okay, get ready, Megan, this is where
your life skills are going to come into play. Okay.
People are calling and they're some people are fucked up
and then help and we need to give it to them, right,
and this is the way we give back charity. I
love this. Yes, yes, I actually did pick some especially

(17:38):
funked up ones for you, Megan, because I know you're
like honest and real and so I'm honest and really
I'll tell you about my anal fishes. I'll do anything
fisher an fisher currently yeah, yeah, I didn't know if
you said fish. I didn't know if that was something.
I didn't know about an anal fish. It's a slice

(17:59):
of myne. I recently had somebody telling me about their
anal fissure. It's a thing. Yeah, And I didn't know
the thing until I have a lot of game managers
and they were like, girl, let me tell you. And
I was like, right, this thing is crazy. From having
a baby, I guess so, but I didn't push out mine.
I got c section. No, I think it's my hard
poops and I asked a doctor and she was like,

(18:19):
I was like, I eat really clean, Like I'm healthier
than ever. I drank a gown of water. She's like,
I wish it was as simple as change your diet.
She's like, some people just have hard poops and have
to live off a mirror lax and so I'm a
mirror lax bitch. Now really, yeah, nothing works for you
to go to the bathroom. It makes it soft unless
I have like burning Indian hot food. You know, have
you ever tried magnesium? Oh? Three? Do you know what?

(18:41):
I used? The pop magnesium. I'll try that when three
is like a game changer for me. Magnesium And everyone's
like I've heard that lately. It's like if you do
four of those a night. I did this once on
Instagram and I can't tell you how many people are like,
you don't understand. You changed my poop game. And actually
I only used it for a period of time and
I don't you it anymore and it's still working. Okay,

(19:03):
I'm going to send it to you. Okay, so should
we take a quick break and we'll be right back.
Let's do it. Okay, we're taking a quick break and
we're back amazing, Megan, you're living for that life. We
just look so good now. It looks like Powder from

(19:23):
the movie Powder. It's like we try to get you
almost blown out, and then you're just like you can't
see any flows. It's great. It's almost like when I
try to explain it to straight men for music videos.
I'm like Kardashian, like Mariah Carry like I want you
to be like, is she there? Is she not there?
Like a clear Okay, that's what I want. Well, we're

(19:43):
gonna start with a collar today, ladies. Are you ready
for this? Okay, I'm ready. We're ready a stop most
Alista's my first collar is Anne, she says. Dear Chelsea,
I'm twenty seven years old and at that exciting time
of my life where it seems like all my friends
are getting married. I'm planning a pretty big sing myself,
and I've already invited all my college friends and their
significant others. The problem is, I met my friend's boyfriend

(20:07):
for the first time at a wedding recently, and to
say he left a bad impression on me would be
an understatement. He got drunk to the point of being
cut off from the bar and was yelling profanities to
our friend and several bridesmaids, calling them bitches, among other things.
At all. I also learned that this is not the
first time he's behaved like this during a night out.

(20:29):
My friend ended the night in tears, embarrassed over her
boyfriend's behavior and swears he is the nicest guy until
he drinks too much. She sees it as an innocent mistake,
but I see it as a consistent pattern of abuse
when he drinks. My fiance and mom have both told
me that I should uninvite him to our wedding if
there's a risk of him becoming angry over drinking or

(20:49):
picking fights with other guests. I do agree with them,
but I also think it could be possible for him
to clean up his act before our wedding next summer.
How do I bring up my concerns about his behavior
to my friend with damaging our years long friendship? Sincerely, Anne, Hi, Hi, Anne, Hi?
How are you guys? This is our special guest, Megan

(21:09):
Trainers here today. Oh my gosh, Hi Megan. Okay, So
is that the first time you've seen him act like that?
That's actually the first time I've ever met him, So Yeah,
that's the first time I've seen him act like that,
and according to my other friends who actually live in
the same city as her, this is like common, so

(21:30):
that made me super uncomfortable. And are you going to
see him at all before the wedding? Are do you? Guys?
The only trip that I will is if I visit
my hometown, or maybe he'll come to like another friend's
wedding that's before mine. There's like a ton of us
getting married all within the next year, so it's possible,
but I don't usually like see this group of friends

(21:52):
unless we all get together in a big group, so
most likely not. I feel like you can't judge somebody
on one interaction, of matter what anyone else is telling you.
If it happens twice, you absolutely have carte blanche to
be like, No, I've seen him twice and he's a
hot mess two times, but on one interaction. I just
really don't think it's fair to judge somebody because anybody

(22:12):
could be having the worst situation. I know you've heard
that he acted like that, but you didn't witness it yourself. Yeah, totally.
You've heard that he's done that multiple times. Yeah, Like
there was one of my friends who was also at
the wedding. She said, oh, yeah, there was another time
where we were out and unprovoked, he just called me ugly,
like out of the blue. He was like, you're really
effing ugly. So it's just like things like that that.

(22:35):
I'm like, I don't want any negative energy. I want
to be called ugly at your wedding. Why why not?
I don't want my friends to be called ugly at
my wedding. I don't care. I don't care what he
thinks about me. Well, I mean, you can always have
him removed from the wedding if he acts like an asshole,
I mean calling women bitches? Is I have more of
a problem with that than him being drunk, you know

(22:55):
what I mean? Like that's kind of the grossest s
part because there were other like a lot of the boyfriends,
to be unfair, like a lot of them were drinking heavily.
So but I can forgive stupid behavior. It's when you're
being an absolute asshole to women and like being disrespectful
that made me really uncomfortable. And then my friend was

(23:17):
in tears on the shuttle ride home because she was like,
he always does this, and then he says he's gonna stop,
and then it happens again like months later. So it
was like coming from her first hand, that's what made
me like, really sad, Okay, I think dude's got a problem. Yeah,
when you can't control your booze like that multiple times,
there's an issue. Also, I just want you to know

(23:39):
I got married, I did all that, and it was like,
who do I invite? Who do I'm not I'm gonna
make I'm gonna hurt people, funk all that. This is
your wedding. If you hear another incident happens, you're allowed
the day before to be like that's okay, I would
I don't want him to come because I heard of that.
You know you can keep him invited this whole time,
and if you hear one more thing, I say, buck it,

(24:00):
your wedding, your rules. Who cares? Why any wants to bailings? Yeah,
I know. That's one of the hardest things I've had
with planning a wedding is making sure that I don't
kiss other people, not kiss other people off. But I'm
a people blazer. I want my parents to be happy,
friends to be happy. I want to have a good time,
so that's been a challenge to navigate with such a

(24:22):
big guest list, and I wish we could just nukea
and alope, it'll make you crazy. I had like a
hundred people because it was my backyard and I couldn't
fit that many people. So I had to say no
to a lot of people. And I'll tell you what,
nobody was mad or they didn't tell me to my face.
So in my head, I'm like, we slayd that. But
I let you know, I cut so many people off. Yeah,

(24:43):
you can't really say to anyone, well, I mean if
it's your friend, but you can't really say why didn't
you invite me to your wedding? Yeah, someone someone didn't
say that to me, and I was like, I've said that.
I got over it, So what are you thinking now?
After talk you to ask what do you think? I mean?
When this first happened, I was very in the mind

(25:04):
of like because my fiance actually couldn't come to this wedding.
So I was telling him all about it the next day.
And he has a problematic friend who we actually who's
like a way closer friend that we decided not to
invite because of his behavior. So he was like, well,
you know, we've decided to nix this person. This guy
was being really rude to like all your friends. I

(25:24):
think we should cut him off. So at first I'm like, Okay,
I think I agree with you. After letting the dust settle,
I'm like, I don't know. Maybe I just want to
let it ride and just hope for the best. So
that's kind of where I was at even before this call.
I think that's maybe where I'm at. Just letting him come, Yeah,
I need have till summer, right, And you can also

(25:45):
if he is an asshole at the wedding. I mean,
obviously this isn't an ideal situation, but you can have
him removed. Then you don't have to have the conversation
with her ever, because that happened. Yeah, And I think
if you do decide to let him come and like
not disinvite him, I think you need to make this
someone else's assignment so it doesn't become your problem. So
maybe there's a couple of really good guy friends who

(26:06):
are like, look, we all know how he acted at
SO and So's wedding. I need you two guys. If
he's getting belligerent, tell whoever needs to be told to
kick him out of the wedding, but don't let it
be like people are coming to you being like, hey,
somebody's being an asshole. Pre empt it. But I also
feel like there's a lot of emotion coming up for
you with this, and you might be sort of peeking

(26:27):
out of the corner of your eye at what's going
to happen. If you feel like you want to disinvite him,
you can. These girls are right, it is your wedding,
and then just send this to that friend. I was
like having my fingers crossed that my friends aren't listening
to this because I don't want to put two and
two together. Well, somebody that you know will hear this

(26:47):
and put two and two together. So there's no right. Okay,
we're using a pseudony, but so you have all conflicting advice. Sorry,
we suck. No, that's good. We have different perspectives. I
don't think it's going to be a big deal, but
I do think if he does something again before you know,
if you hear that, you I think you have to

(27:09):
witness it yourself. Everyone telling you information it's never accurate,
and I'm sure your friends aren't lying to you. But
I'm just like it's not fair to based on hearsay
say that. I would say it's fair based on him
calling women bitches for you to go, uh, sorry, but
your boyfriend was calling women bitches. If you want to
have the conversation, that's the opener. Yeah, And is there

(27:30):
a way you could talk to your friend and be like, hey,
maybe you guys have an agreement for my wedding that
he just doesn't drink. Maybe he can have an edible
beforehand or whatever, but maybe this isn't so. The day after,
he actually did text me and a bunch of our
other friends, and you could tell that. It was like

(27:51):
my friend told him the next day, like, you did this,
you need to apologize. So I never responded because I
was gonna like, actually wait to see what you guys
said and like think on it some more. But I
think maybe responding to that might be a good way
to open the conversation and engage how they're feeling. A
couple of months after the fact, what was the text
that he sent. It was basically like, Oh, I'm I

(28:13):
just wanted to let you know I'm really sorry for
the way I acted last night. I know that was
like not a good impression, just stuff like that, and
then saying that he loves my friend more than anything
in the world, and like he didn't mean to hurt
our feelings, but it wasn't owning what he did. It
was just more it came off for as like my
girlfriend told me to apologize, but he was honestly so

(28:36):
drunk that I don't think he remembers doing. Yeah, maybe
there's a conversation there, even directly with him and also
maybe separately with your friend of like, hey, you know
how much I love her. I'm so excited to have
her at my wedding. And I know you guys are
a couple of we want you to be there too.
Maybe this is the time that you, like, don't drink
if you want to do me a solid. I would

(28:57):
really appreciate that. Yeah, I think that's a good a
good point. And then you know, I still have your
friends keep an eye on him. Yeah. I like that
idea too. I thought a lot. And then I don't.
Hopefully I don't have to hear about it exactly exactly.
All right, Well, let us know what happens, and good luck. Okay,
thank you guys, it was great to chat with you. Okay,

(29:19):
take care bye. Okay, Well that was a confusing well
mostly for yeah, sorry, I came in hot. He's a
definitely that was good, but we just saw how different
videos somehow You're like let him in. I was like,
fucking well. Our next question comes from Shantal and this

(29:42):
is just an email, so she won't be joining us.
Dear Chelsea, I'm a twenty six year old registered nurse.
My depression started in my late teens, and I've been
on antidepressants for three years now. Medication has completely changed
my life in the last few years. I graduated from
two universities with degrees, started my dream career during a pandemic,
and met my fiancee. We're getting married in September and

(30:05):
planned to start having children immediately after. My worry is
that I will develop postpartum depression. I don't have much
family history of mental illness, and my depression started when
I started birth control pills, so I'm hoping it'll go
away when I stop those. Although I'll have my baby
to live for and to protect and love, I'm scared
of being a failure. What should I do to prepare myself?

(30:26):
Thank you? Shantal? WHOA wow? Did you think that for me,
I sure did. Oh yes I did. Okay. What was
she worried about, though, like being on her medication at
the end. I think she's mostly worried about like continuing
to have depression afterward postpartum depression, and yeah, I got

(30:49):
it ready for it, okay. So I was never on
antidepressants my whole life, and like, and my family is
very uneducated about that stuff. So they were like a
shame part for sure, in their Massachusetts old ways. And
when I was like twenty two, when I started having
a terrible chemical dip in my brain and had panic disorder,

(31:11):
and it started with like my vocal surgeries and having
to be silent for so long with your thoughts. And
I had my boyfriend who's my husband now, so everything
was great. I was like, I'm really happy, but I
have a migraine and running diarrhea. What's wrong with my body?
My chemicals are so flopped that I would go to
the emergency room a couple of times thinking like, oh,
I'm allergic to something because I can't fucking breathe. And

(31:32):
finally was educated and learned like, oh, this is panic attacks,
this is what everyone's been talking about, and this is
my early twenties mount to breakdown. And it was wonderful
because I figured it out. And I saw a psychiatrist
who said, like, we can give you anti depressants and
I was like, ah, man, no one in my family
is on those. I don't know anything about those. I've

(31:52):
just heard so much shame growing up of like you're
on a pill. So I was like, please, I'm desperate
for anything. And he told me how there's four different
types and one might work for you and one might not.
And I the first one I did worked and I like,
it was like all the scary noise stopped and I
was like yes, and it was the best. I'm on
like the lowest. I'm on twenty milligrams of site tele abram.

(32:15):
That's what I popped every night, and then um, it
was amazing and I never never had a panic attack
ever since. And I was like, I am cured. I
take I've been on it for like over five years.
A little bit cannot recommended enough. Then I was like,
I want a baby. And I talked to my doctors
and was like, what's the deal? Am I good? And
all of my doctor said this one is safe. Don't

(32:35):
take any of the heavy stuff, which I wasn't taking anyway,
So it was fine. I was on like the lowest
thing of ad Evan and I that was for emergencies.
That was the same one you were already on. They
said it was safe. Yeah my side, Tyler Bram was safe.
My first O b g y N doctor said, oh,
give her of those candies, and I wanted to stab

(32:55):
him in the eye. I was like, you don't know
what I went through all this, Like what do you
mean throw them in the track? You? Like, I need
a plan too if I have to get off them,
to wean off them and figure out what's going on.
When all my other doctor said it's safe, stay on
it because a happy mama is happy baby, and I
was so scared of like, dude, with my panic attacks

(33:15):
come back, Like I got to get off these pills.
But if they come back and I have postpartum depression
like everyone else has, it's going to be extra worse
for me, I feel like. And I stayed on my
meds because all of my doctors cleared it and said
it's fine. I got a new O b g y
N because fun, that old guy, and she was so
nice to me and was like, this is great. I
stayed on it through my whole pregnancy and had an amazing,

(33:36):
healthy pregnancy and gave birth to a perfect, beautiful boy,
and stayed all my medicine after I had zero depression
in my pregnancy. I had zero postpartum depression. And I
couldn't recommend staying on it more if you're in a routine,
in a system. It was everything for me. And I
want to have another baby and I'm on the same
exact dose. And I talked to my doctor like, yo,

(33:59):
I'm trying to have an other baby. Are we good?
He's like, we good. If you like you want to
switch it up, we can. But I just love my
little pills every night. I hear your sister, I mean
I do. That's so great. Is this woman on antidepressants
right now though she's on them? Yeah, And she said
it was everything was great. Yeah. And also but also

(34:20):
worrying about something that may not happen. It's like it's
also suffering twice. Yes, there's no reason to suffer. There's
no reason to worry or stress out all your doctors
if everyone's clear, as are you good or exactly? And
I think also if you do have any concerns about
that or things getting bad, just being really consistent conversation
with your doctor and be talking through it, get in therapy,

(34:44):
whatever you need to do to sort of like smooth
over that bump. If if in in fact you do
get some postpartment right now too is they don't do it.
I wish they did it at all your appointments when
you're pregnant, but after you're pregnant and you have your baby,
go to pediatrician's office. Every single appointment is a piece
of paper for how's your kid doing? How do you
feel about it? And there's a piece of paper just
for mama, Mama, how you feeling? Like, oh my god,

(35:07):
I was like when did this come out? A week ago?
Literally this week? And I was like, this is so
helpful and great, thank you for making me answer these questions. Well,
so there you go, ask for help and also, don't
worry about something before it happens. That is just so.
I know. It's easier said than done, but you have
to practice flipping your switch and flipping those thoughts into

(35:29):
a positive thing. You know. Knocked up, Yeah, yeah, well
she is knocked up, isn't she? Or she get trying
to get try. She's gonna try soon. I thought she
was very pregnant. Okay, yeah, well first get pregnant, way
far down the road worrying about this, so yeah, yeah,
he'll be a okay, I promise Yeah. Our next caller

(35:51):
is Teresa. Teresa says, Dear Chelsea, I'm twenty eight. I
went to your show in Kansas City and cried laughing.
I wanted to thank you for of vulnerability and strength
you gave when you spoke about your breakup on the
We Can Do Hard Things podcast. I listened to it
once when it came out and cried with you, and
once again to get the confidence and encouragement to break
up with my boyfriend of four years. Something I've struggled

(36:14):
with the last few years has been knowing the difference
between anxiety and intuition in my body. As I learned
to differentiate the two, I finally came to understand what
you meant when you said I wasn't going to abandon
myself as a recovering people pleaser. I realized how often
I was abandoning myself in my relationship. So thank you
for planting this seed. My question has to do with

(36:35):
moving on. I moved out of my excess home and
now I am living in my parents basement, which feels
like a total step backwards after being so independent. My
impulse and tendency after a major loss is to sell everything,
move to a new city, new job, new apartment, cut
off my hair, and start over. So naturally, that's what
I'm considering. I'm currently a nanny for a very stable

(36:56):
and supportive family, but they live forty five minutes from
my parents house. I feel confident I can get a
job anywhere, and I have a brother in extended family
in Georgia and friends in Florida who have both offered
a place to stay so I can get on my feet.
It feels like the perfect getaway. But am I too
old to be running away and starting over? I have
a stable support system here where I am, but I
finally feel free, like this world is my oyster. I

(37:19):
just don't want to make an impulsive decision. Please help, Teresa. Hi, Teresa, Teresa, dude,
I forgot that they come in here and I'm like,
and I'm like, oh my god, it's her Hill. This
is Megan and Trainer. She's our guest today. So Hi,

(37:39):
You're so cute. Look, are you too old that that
that right there is? If you're saying that, the answer
is no, No, it doesn't matter at all. Like, it's
whatever you're feeling. When you have a good attitude towards
it and you have excitement, that begets more excitement and
more good vibes and more good attitude. So if you're

(37:59):
already feel in that way, everything's gonna work out. It
doesn't matter which decision you make, as long as your
attitude is in the right place and you're optimistic and energized,
you're hot, you're gorgeous. Yet Oh my god, those are
I'm dying. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I think that's kind of

(38:21):
my main thing. It's like I have I'm just at
this work in a road where I know that it
will be okay either way, but I just I don't
want the fear of choosing the wrong thing to limit me.
And I think that's what I keep doing, and I
keep getting anxious about it, and then like prolonging it.
I need to make a decision and do it, or
else I am going to be stuck here in my

(38:43):
baran space net forever. And that thought is really what's
driving me crazy. Whatever decision you make is going to
be the right one. It'll work out. I remember going
on stage once and I was reading a chapter from
one of my books. It was like for my book launch,
and I was like, I just I can't starte which
chapter two read? Which chapter to read? And one of
my girlfriends goes, it doesn't matter, choose one and then
that's the right one, and I'm like, oh, okay. But

(39:06):
it was true because you just have to make a
decision and then stick to it. So your choices are
between what Florida and Georgia. You said, Well, if I
keep nannying, then I could really go anywhere. There's this
agency that I've been talking to and they have families
from all over California and Georgia. Like, so I'd love
to go somewhere where I already have family or friends established,
just because it would be nice to have some sort

(39:27):
of support there. But yeah, I could be anywhere, so
because I could live in within any family. If I
find a family that I could live with, get out
of the Midwest for a little bit. Yeah, and don't
go to Florida. Don't not go to Florida, Georgia. Yeah,
go to Atlanta, or if you mentioned California. I mean everything.
Moving to California is just a dream for anyone who's

(39:48):
not from here. You just can't believe it when you
get here. Yeah, and I have family there and one
of my best friends lives there, so like, honestly, California
would be ideal. But it's just I have to find
the right fit it. And the timing is kind of
important as well, just because the family that I work
for now once ninety days and so like the timing
of looking for something and then making the jump, it

(40:11):
just it feels like it has to be perfect. But
I think I just need to go for it and
get it started. I guess, yeah, I think you need
to take the plunge and just figure it out. Go
to Atlanta or go to California. Just flip you literally
flip a coindly. It's gonna be right, It's gonna be great. Yeah. Nowadays,
when I'm deciding, like what job to take, like as

(40:33):
a singer, I'm like, should I take this opportunity to
be on this TV show? Like is that what I'm
supposed to do with my career? Where am I going?
I just, um, I think it was an Oprah or
someone that was like, douche it that scares you. It
probably wasn't, Oprah, but yeah, but I've been doing stuff
that scares me, and it's been like my career is
just going up up, like the scarier the thing is,
I'm like, okay, let's go. It's like the better for me. Okay,

(40:56):
Well that's basically what this is. So and also it's
it's also impressive that you got out of a relationship
which forced you to move into your parents base. Met
that's badass because you said you're sending to the universe
that is not acceptable and you're elevating what's coming your way.
So you're already winning. Yes, and you know, if you
believe in all this stuff, that's your Saturn return. It's

(41:18):
a time of change and upheaval and renewal in your life.
So like, go have a fucking adventure. Yes, that's what
it feels exciting for me, is the adventure. Like it
is terrifying. I have my home base, which I'm really
thankful for to be able to come home, but now
I have like a place to keep all my stuff
and I'm just gonna peace out and see where life

(41:40):
takes me because I don't have I mean like, I
have good people that will support me through whatever. I
always have a place to come back to. So yeah,
I think I just needed that encouragement. So good, good, Well,
I'm glad you got it. Yeah, thank you so much.
You're so pretty doing the show. So they sent us

(42:00):
a picture of your new boyfriend when you meet him
under a palm tree somewhere put your days. Well that
was easy, guys, we were all on that one with this. Well,

(42:21):
so your Saturn return if you believe in all that,
like astrology study, I love it. Are you witch? No?
Oh my gosh, I wish I want to be a witch.
I don't want to read all the books. I know
it's a lot of study. It's a lot of study.
So your Saturn return is a time in your life
when Saturn is in the same astrological position as the
moment you were born. So right around that time is

(42:43):
when there's a lot of upheaval. There's a lot of change, renewal,
a lot of times you have big life shifts like
this break up, baby, you go came out. And thirty
seven is also a year not Saturn returns, because how
can Saturn return for your day? Every twenty seven years
doesn't have to do its own thing. I think it's

(43:04):
like wherever it was when you were born. You might
not know this, but I'm an astrological wizard. Really yeah,
I know pretty much everything about the solar system. I know, Megan,
you and I need to do a little reading. No,
I know you're talking about now the same. I am
a very confused person. Okay, well, great mission accomplished. Good, Well,

(43:29):
we have one more question. This question is from Mitchell.
Mitchell is nineteen. That's kind of a harder one, he says. Hi, Chelsea,
I'm a nineteen year old Gauge Ginger male, and I'm
asking for your thoughts and advice on how to move
forward from dealing with emotional abuse from kindergarten to sixth
grade and sometime after that to start. I was born
with anxiety, a learning disability, and Asperger syndrome. The earliest

(43:52):
memories I have are from when I was six years
old and in kindergarten. I remember my face being red
hot and feeling scared and overwhelmed with embarrassment because my
female teacher was pointing and talking out loud to me
about how I didn't understand how to do whatever we
were working on as much as the other kids did.
After that, I remember sitting in a corner of a
parent teacher conference and feeling very sad, not smart or

(44:15):
normal at all, because my kindergarten teacher was talking about
how I was not as smart as the other kids.
From there on, things only got worse. Since I was
a quiet, not smart, ginger kid, I got bullied and
made fun of by my classmates. In particular, two girls
bullied me from kindergarten till sixth grade. Today I still
think about people joking about how gross it was I
had ginger hair all over me and that nobody would

(44:37):
ever love me. I was not as smart as the
other kids, lonely, a loser, ugly, sad, had no friends,
and of course there was name calling. I want to
love myself, but I feel so scarred. So what are
your thoughts on advice on how to love myself? Mitchell Mitchell?
I already loved Mitchell. That breaks my heart because I'm
going to have four ginger babies and like the ginger

(44:59):
is a b Yeah, I do, and like redheads nowadays.
I don't know what it is, but they are the
most popular. I agree with that redheads have had a
redheads are in vogue, so you're lucky because your timing
couldn't be more perfect. And I will also say I've
read a lot of emails that come into this show,

(45:20):
and you're a very smart Mitchell, because it's one of
the better written emails that I have seen. And I
also believe Mitchell listen, I had a very tough time
in elementary school and continue to have a tough time.
And I mean, we've all been in a situation where
we have been judged by others and it feels like shit,
But that's not the situation you're in anymore. And if

(45:42):
that does happen to you, it is so character building.
So all you have to take away from that situation
is strength, because A you survived it and b it's over,
so you have like a whole opportunity for your new
story to begin, and it should start today. You know
that is the past. You can never affect the past.
It's over. The more you focus on it, the bigger

(46:03):
it gets. You have to move into the present moment
and realize that you're not that little kid anymore. You're
not defenseless, and no one's calling your names, and it's cool.
To be a redhead now, agreed. And you know what,
just because some people are not into redheads, other people
are very into redheads, like very specifically. Yeah, I dated
a redhead who had an incredible, incredible penis and I

(46:25):
don't throwat the around they're humongous. Is it? Is it
a redhead thing? It's a redhead? Oh my god? Well
there you go. You redheads have the biggest penis is
problem solved. It's a weird thing, but that's a thing.
It's that see, yes, that's like I don't think they're pretty,
but his is like god, but like the big one. Right,

(46:46):
So you see, you get different gifts. Everybody gets different gifts.
And know you're hung Oh my god, yeah you big yeah,
basic red and big red dick energy. I love how
Chelsea's like, move on to the presence now. But if
there's something that was really traumatic, My brother just did
trauma therapy. It's different than like regular therapy. He met

(47:07):
with a trauma specialized therapist that went back. He had
a slumber party when he was like in elementary school
that bucked him up for a year. It was one night,
but that one night really destroyed him and he I
tried to be like, go to therapy, go to therapy,
and he refused, and finally Dr Drew came on our
podcast working on a PUD and told him like, oh,

(47:29):
why don't you try trauma therapy? And he did that
and he came home and was like, you're right. I
really needed that. Like that changed, and he's been like
so much happier ever since. Yeah, yeah, should I come back?
I mean I lived down the street like you. Oh
my god, I'm here and mom can come next time.

(47:53):
Mama should be so happy herself. She needs her screen time.
What are you talking about? Yes? Yeah, no, I agree,
grab some therapy, some e M d R. I don't
know if that's what your brother did, but I know
that's been really helpful. He did specific experiences. Yeah, well, Chelsea,
anything you want to add to that, Yeah, I would

(48:15):
just say what I said earlier, like if it was bullying,
which is what I experienced. I mean, I once had
a girl called me on the phone and she's like,
don't come go to school tomorrow because we're gonna fucking
kick your ass. And I was like, oh fuck. And
they were older girls and they tormented me. I mean
I kind of deserved it because I was also a tormentor,
so it was a reciprocal situation. But if it was

(48:36):
like that what I've experienced, which was name calling, Like
they used to call me a dog because I looked
up with a senior boy. So the senior girls hated me.
And then and I walked down this hall and they
would bark at me and call me a dog. They're like,
you're so ugly. Woof, woof, woof, And they would follow
me from class to class, to the point where my
my girlfriend wouldn't even walk down the hall with me

(48:57):
because they didn't want to get the abuse either. So,
like that stuff was tortuous, but I am so strong
because of it, Like no one fucks with me anymore.
I know exactly what to do and that won't ever happen.
And again, so also take that attitude with you. You know,
people who go through stuff like that, it's to build character.
You know, you have to make a good thing out
of a bad thing, can't fo me? Now? Oh, well,

(49:21):
let's take a quick break and we'll be right back
to wrap up with Megan and Chelsea. Hey, we're back,
We're back it. Well, Megan, is there any advice you
would like to request Meg. Yes, I thought about this
long and hard. I just want you to help me

(49:42):
with your secrets on how you refuse to age like.
I want to do everything. I want to put everything
in my body that you put in your body. I
will get well. My babies sore, they're real. I'm positive.
Do you want to touch them? They're real? Don't know?
There's no oh, there's so I know. I know I

(50:02):
nothing fake in now. I don't have fake boobs. I
don't have anything fake really what I do. But but
I I know, I know, But I do like everything
I can possibly do to keep my face and skin
smooth and soft. And I'll give you I know you
we know what. I don't even drink that much water.

(50:23):
I mean, can you imagine how great it would be
if I did drink water. I have to put like
electrolyte flavors in my water to drink it, because water
to be so fucking boring. But I'll give you a
whole list. I do tens of stuff. And you know
who I go to the who the best facialist is doctor.
I've never been to a facialist. Really, to wait till
you go to this woman. I go to this facialist,

(50:43):
Dr Nigma, and she literally you get a facial and
your face is lifted for like a week. And so
I just go to her. Whatever I'll get. I'll give
you a comprehensive list. You're young, so you don't have
to start up doing I want to freeze here this
forever this. Yeah right, we'll just make sure you don't
get don't ever get a fun tan. That is the
you know that, No, I don't you need like hats

(51:05):
that go around the sun is your son and the
devil I know start there. And because I didn't realize,
I didn't learn learn about taking care of my skin
until I was probably thirty five years old. That's bullshit.
So there's a lot you can do. And literally, like
basically what you want to do is rip your skin
off once a year so that it has to recover. Yeah,

(51:26):
you do a peel or some crazy where you have
to like literally can't be seen for like, you know,
a week, but it makes your skin come in baby baby,
baby soft. It looks so good. Thank you, thanks for
noticing God, Like, what one thing you want to ask
you and n A d you guys, that's the new thing.
I inject myself every day with N A D and

(51:47):
that's a youth molecule and it's been proven it's no,
I'm not joking. I have a peptide and I injected
every day every morning. You can get drips or you injected,
and it's the youth molecule which reverses or stops the
aging process of yourselves and has been proven to also
reverse the aging. Also text me that. Yeah, absolutely, I'll
text you all of it. I have no secrets. I

(52:08):
want to share it with the I want everyone to
look have beautiful skin. Yeah, Chelsea, this is what I
appreciate about you, because you're not like I just need
a really good cream. Like No, I know everyone's so
full of ship. I want the truth. I knew you
would tell me. Okay, well, i'll make that list when
I get home. Megan, you've been a delightful guess as usual.
Congrats on everything. I just love you and I'm just

(52:29):
happy for you. Take you. I love you so much. Day.
Thanks for having me. I hope I helped anybody you did.
And for those of you who haven't seen my special
on Netflix, it's out. Revolution is out and it's streaming
and I am announcing a new tour called the Little
Big Bitch Tour. I am starting again in April. I

(52:51):
announced a bunch of cities, so it's on my Instagram
and my website and whatever. But yes, I'm going back
on the road and form us. I have a whole
new show and a whole new thing, and I'm gonna
go to our again. So if you'd like advice from Chelsea,
just send us an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at
gmail dot com. Dere Chelsea is a production of I

(53:13):
Heart Radio. Executive produced by Nick Stuff, produced by Catherine Law,
and edited and engineered by Brad Dickert.