April 18, 2025 • 15 mins
Couples Counseling with Chelsea has never been this blessed: A 20-something worries she’s in for heartbreak when she falls for a polyamorous, married Rabbi.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to couples Counseling with Chelsea hand job where we.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Do couples counseling on all sorts of variations of friends, lovers, families.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Welcome to my office. Hi Catherine, how are you? Hi Chelsea.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
I want to jump right in with our callers today,
which are Rachel and Leah. Rachel is the one writing
in and she says to dear Chelsea, I could really
use some advice. About two months ago, I met a
woman at a party and we fell hard for each other.
It turns out she is polyamorous and married with a child.
She's thirty six and I'm twenty eight. Traditionally I'd never
go for someone who was in a situation like this,
(00:37):
but I couldn't help myself. We have such a deep
connection and she makes me so happy. She's also a rabbi,
which is so meaningful to me because I'm Jewish. The
thing is, she isn't out as polyamorous to her congregation,
so we could never go public. Also, my boss happens
to be in her congregation. Super weird coincidence. Additionally, I'm
not one hundred percent on board with calling a woman
(00:57):
with a husband and child my girlfriend let's call her
Lee for these purposes. I was at her house earlier
this week and had to leave because her husband was
coming home and I couldn't fathom meeting him. I fear
that if I were to meet him, I would feel
really sad and ultimately freak out and break things off
with Leah or fall in love with him too. It
just seems potentially messy. Dating people who are unavailable is
typically my pattern, and I recognize that Leah falls into
(01:19):
the category of people who are unavailable. I'm at the
point where I want to date other people, but I
still want to date Leah. I'm scared of getting hurt,
but I don't want to let go of my connection
with her. How do I go about this without hurting
my heart and still having fun? Thank you so much?
Speaker 4 (01:33):
Rachel, Hi, Rachel and Leah, Hi, Chelsea and Catherine, Hi,
Hi you guys.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Okay, let's recap.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
Rachel, you're polyamorous, No, that would be cool.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Leah's polyamorous.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Leah, you're polyamorous and you're a rabbi.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
And your husband knows you're polyamorous, obviously he is too. Okay, wonderful, great,
But you're just not to your congregation, right, and then Rachel,
so you're not polyamorous, but now you're looking to be
polyamorous because you want to date Leah and other people, right.
Speaker 5 (02:09):
I mean, I yeah, yeah, I guess I am at
that point.
Speaker 4 (02:15):
I want I can't. I can't found them not dating Leah.
But I'm also.
Speaker 5 (02:22):
Trying to find my person as a monogamous person.
Speaker 4 (02:26):
So I guess I'm here trying to figure out where
I can go from here, and I'm really struggling with that.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Yeah, I can imagine. How How did you guys meet
at temple?
Speaker 6 (02:41):
That was crazy? Know, we met at the party. It
was a really cute party just for women.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Huh.
Speaker 6 (02:47):
Rachel rhinestoned my face and we smoked a joint together
and it was really cute.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Okay, Well, I need to go to your synagogue because
it sounds pretty modern.
Speaker 5 (02:58):
No, that wasn't a synagogue.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
I know, I know, I know.
Speaker 6 (03:01):
I'm at the synagogue, Paarl.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
Yeah, you're a polyamorous you're smoking pot like all of
these things are lining up.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
And Rachel, are you are you both bisexual or Rachel
are you a lesbian?
Speaker 5 (03:14):
I'm bisexual?
Speaker 2 (03:15):
You're bisexual? Okay, so you're looking for your partner, whether
that be a man or woman. Right, Okay, great, well
this is very interesting you guys.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
I like this. This is multi layered.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
I mean, Rachel, I would never say, like I think
with someone like Leah who's a rabbi and who do
you go to her congregation?
Speaker 5 (03:35):
No?
Speaker 6 (03:35):
No, okay, I would never date someone in my congregation.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
For the rest Okay, okay, copy that. Copy that. I
think you know what the rules are.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
So it's a very good experiment for you, and you
should look at it as such, like I understand there
are emotions involved and feelings involved, and you haven't necessarily
been in this kind of dynamic before.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Is that correct? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Right, So I think this is a huge opportunity for you,
Like it'stunity to learn and grow. You and Leah can
have this relationship that you have with the understanding. You
have all the information, so it's not like you're getting
you know, like all of a sudden you're finding out,
you know, you're six months in you're in love with
someone and you find out, oh my god, they're married
(04:16):
this and that. No, you have all the information here
to protect your emotions. So it's up to you to
kind of do that job and say, Okay, this is
never going to amount to a marriage or you know a.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Person like a primary partner.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
You're a primary partner, right, this is going to amount
to It could be a huge growing and learning experience
for you, which I think it will be. And no
one's being dishonest. So that's the biggest advantage so far,
is that all the honesty's out on the table, and
you're also person looking for your person, and while you
have Leah in your life, like, that's not going to
(04:51):
prevent you from looking that person. If you do, you
feel like you have fallen in love with Leah already.
Speaker 4 (04:58):
I really love her, and I definitely think that we're
on that track. Yeah, I guess I'm finding it difficult
to be emotionally available to other people while I have
all of this love and time and energy that I'm
spilling into someone who ultimately could never be my primary partner.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Okay, So does that make you think maybe you shouldn't
be involved with Lee at all?
Speaker 1 (05:26):
Like you can't handle both of those things?
Speaker 4 (05:29):
No, No, I want to figure out and work on
ways where I can't handle both of those things, because
I do love her so much. And I don't ever
want to not be romantically involved with her.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
I feel like this is sort of a follow your
bliss moment, Like I know you want to find your
primary partner. I know you want to find like the one,
but right now, maybe it's okay to just let this
be what it is and not try to put all
your energy into places. Right we can't serve two masters.
I think there's something about that, maybe somewhere in the
(06:04):
oh uh, that's New Testament, never mind, But maybe right
now you're just like having this really wonderful experience and
let it be what it is and when and if
you feel like that needs to change and you need
to find another partner, then like then you move toward that.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
Yeah, what are your major concerns? You're concerned about? Protecting
your emotions? Is that your number one? Like yeah, fear? Yeah, okay, Well,
when you have the truth right before you, it's your decision. Like,
there's nothing here that's not protecting your emotions, is what
(06:42):
I'm saying. Everything is set up to protect your emotions
because you know what the situation is, so like you
have such a huge advantage. It's not like you're finding
out it's not like, you know you're being blindsided. You
know what you're getting into, And it's okay to fall
in love with someone that's on able in a polyamorous situation,
(07:02):
that's okay because you're also going to fall in love
with other people in your life. And just because you're
in love with this person doesn't prevent you from falling
in love. That's like an idea that we put in
our minds.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
You know, you're not.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
Living together and also seeking someone out, you know that
would be something else. It's not like, oh, I have
a whole life with but I'm still trying to meet
someone else. You She has a whole life separate from you.
She has a husband, she and I'm assuming she has
a family too. Do you have children, Leah?
Speaker 1 (07:28):
I have a Kaid.
Speaker 5 (07:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Yeah, okay, So there you have it. How integrated is
she allowed to?
Speaker 6 (07:34):
Like?
Speaker 2 (07:35):
How do you and your husband have your relationship set
up with like your other partners and your other lovers? Like,
how integrated can Rachel become in your life?
Speaker 5 (07:44):
He is down to meet her.
Speaker 6 (07:46):
I think my best case scenario one day, if I
could get my wildest fantasy would be that she becomes like,
you know, a close family friend, like, that's how it
feels for everyone in my family except for for me,
obviously it's beyond that, but as she does not want
(08:06):
to meet him yet, or a slash maybe at all,
which I totally understand and respect. Honestly like it when
you identify as polyamorous, it is sometimes like an initial
challenge or like emotionally slightly complicated to meet a partner's
other partner. And then if you like don't even identify
(08:27):
as Polly, like, oh my gosh, that must be I
don't even know.
Speaker 5 (08:30):
I don't know how you're doing it, Rachel.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
So yeah, yeah, right, it would be. But I wouldn't
put a never on anything. You know, like, you don't
want to meet him now, fine that you don't have to,
But down the road you might change your mind.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
You probably will, and you probably will.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Depending on your own situation and what happens with your
situation and who you end up seeing and dating. And
I wouldn't put a pin in any of that either.
But I wouldn't be so aggressively in any direction. I
would say to Rachel, just like, let enjoy what's happening.
Enjoy relationship with Leah. It's not a secret that's a
lifestyle that she's chosen and might be a lifestyle that
(09:05):
you choose also. Or you might meet someone and then decide, oh,
this isn't the way that or they might not be
okay with it, they don't want you to have another lover,
and then maybe that time will come in you'll have
to make that decision. But I wouldn't put so much
pressure on protecting your emotions. You have all the information
that is your protection, and you should look at it
as like a power, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (09:26):
Like, think of that, like no one's lying to you.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
So right there, you're in a powerful position to choose
what you're willing, what you want. You know, do you
want this? Can you handle her being with a husband?
Can you handle that?
Speaker 6 (09:40):
Like?
Speaker 2 (09:40):
What do you think when you think about that in
the long term of things, Say, you guys, do fall
madly in love and she is still married? How does that?
How do you see that playing out? What do you
think of that? Do you think that's something that you
can handle right now?
Speaker 5 (09:53):
Absolutely? Not in the future, potentially.
Speaker 4 (09:57):
I just I think of her and her husband, and
I like, I freak out. I get so sad, I
get so sad and I think in my head, Wow,
Leah is giving her.
Speaker 5 (10:10):
Love to someone who is not me, and that fucking sucks.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
Right Well, that makes that makes it sound like, yeah,
you might not be able to handle that situation because
you are going to be too jealous and and and
you know, and that means you're probably not polyamorous.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
What thoughts have you given to being polyamorous.
Speaker 4 (10:30):
I've never thought about being polyamorous until I started dating
Lea two months ago, so or I guess three months
ago now. And I've been on a few dates with
people since and a defining factor now And I haven't
really talked to you about this before, Leah, but it's
you know, is someone would someone be down with me
(10:53):
having a girlfriend or dating someone else, or you know,
would that person be open to polyamory with this specific person.
Speaker 5 (11:03):
Who I really love.
Speaker 4 (11:04):
I'm not closing off any options, And like you said, Chelsea,
I'm focusing on staying.
Speaker 5 (11:11):
In the moment and staying present and being present.
Speaker 4 (11:14):
Because anytime I go and I spiral and my emotions
get the most of me, I have to check back
in with myself, take a few breaths, and remind myself
this is it's practicing being in the moment.
Speaker 5 (11:27):
It's practicing being here.
Speaker 4 (11:29):
Now, because when I'm here now and I check in
with myself, I'm like, everything's great, I am really happy,
and I'm with someone who makes me really happy, and
everything's gonna be fine.
Speaker 5 (11:42):
So I think that if I continue to check back in.
Speaker 4 (11:45):
With myself and remind myself that I'm okay, then it's
going to be okay down the line, because I've come
to terms in many ways that we will never, you know,
get married or have children together, and Leo will never
be my primary partner.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
I think one of the things you should take from
this call is that it's okay to let yourself enjoy
this for what it is right now, and checking in
with yourself is the best way to do that, and
like making sure that that's still the loudest voice. And
then when there is a louder voice about like it's
time to move on or it's time to find like
a monogamous relationship, when and if that time comes, once
(12:26):
that is louder, then you know it's time to make
a change. But I think you're okay to like let
yourself enjoy this for a while because you both seem
really happy and glowy and you're in the throes of things,
and I think you'll know when and if it's time
to move on.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
Yeah, I think I think you answered everything I was asking, Rachel.
I think you really are enjoying yourself, being present, being
in the moment when it becomes if, if it becomes
emotionally tumultuous for you, then yes, then that's a time
where you have to go, Okay, maybe I need a
time out, or maybe I need to break this off,
but I would say just go for it right now.
(12:59):
It's a huge, like expansive experience that you're having with someone.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
It's been a couple months. Have fun, enjoy it.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
You know what the rules are, play the game and
enjoy yourself and just take it one step at a
time and be mindful of where your head is at,
you know, and if it becomes too overwhelming for you,
make sure that you're checking in with that too, and
then that's fine, and I'm sure Lea will be respectful
of that if and when that does happen.
Speaker 5 (13:24):
Yeah, yeah, thank you.
Speaker 4 (13:26):
That is the way to go about it, because this
is so special and I don't want to give up
on this or leave this. I would like to continue
to check in with myself and see where this can go.
Speaker 6 (13:38):
My dream is to be her bridesmaid one day.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
Okay, well, I'm very excited about the possibilities and the
outcome of this and where this goes. I mean, in
a perfect world, you'll find a partner, they'll be polyamorous,
you'll all be polyamorous, and you can live a happily
ever after life with just like two partners each of you,
and then like great, then we're really evolving.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
Yeah, thank you, Okay, all right, keep us posted. Okay,
take care of you too.
Speaker 5 (14:03):
Thank you, Catherine, Thank you.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
Bye, do do do do drum roll, Catherine, please, Chelsea
Handler Abroad. Abroad is my European tour. So I'm coming
to obviously find a husband abroad. I need to get
the health out of this fucking country. And it's not
as easy as you think. So I'm coming to Rekkuvik,
(14:29):
I'm coming to Dublin. I'm coming to the UK. I'm
coming to Brussels, Paris, Belfast.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
In May and June.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
I'm coming to Oslo, Stockholm, to Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow,
New Zurich, Vienna. I've never ever been to Vienna, Berlin,
Barcelona and Lisbon. I'm coming abroad is abroad.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
That sounds like fun. I'm going to go see you abroad.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
I know I want to go see me abroad and
there all be They're all.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Do you want advice from Chelsea? Write into Dear Chelsea
Podcast at gmail dot com. Find full video episodes of
Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea Pod.
Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive
producer Katherine law And be sure to check out our
merch at Chelseahandler dot com
Welcome to couples Counseling with Chelsea hand job where we.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Do couples counseling on all sorts of variations of friends, lovers, families.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Welcome to my office. Hi Catherine, how are you? Hi Chelsea.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
I want to jump right in with our callers today,
which are Rachel and Leah. Rachel is the one writing
in and she says to dear Chelsea, I could really
use some advice. About two months ago, I met a
woman at a party and we fell hard for each other.
It turns out she is polyamorous and married with a child.
She's thirty six and I'm twenty eight. Traditionally I'd never
go for someone who was in a situation like this,
(00:37):
but I couldn't help myself. We have such a deep
connection and she makes me so happy. She's also a rabbi,
which is so meaningful to me because I'm Jewish. The
thing is, she isn't out as polyamorous to her congregation,
so we could never go public. Also, my boss happens
to be in her congregation. Super weird coincidence. Additionally, I'm
not one hundred percent on board with calling a woman
(00:57):
with a husband and child my girlfriend let's call her
Lee for these purposes. I was at her house earlier
this week and had to leave because her husband was
coming home and I couldn't fathom meeting him. I fear
that if I were to meet him, I would feel
really sad and ultimately freak out and break things off
with Leah or fall in love with him too. It
just seems potentially messy. Dating people who are unavailable is
typically my pattern, and I recognize that Leah falls into
(01:19):
the category of people who are unavailable. I'm at the
point where I want to date other people, but I
still want to date Leah. I'm scared of getting hurt,
but I don't want to let go of my connection
with her. How do I go about this without hurting
my heart and still having fun? Thank you so much?
Speaker 4 (01:33):
Rachel, Hi, Rachel and Leah, Hi, Chelsea and Catherine, Hi,
Hi you guys.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Okay, let's recap.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
Rachel, you're polyamorous, No, that would be cool.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Leah's polyamorous.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Leah, you're polyamorous and you're a rabbi.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
And your husband knows you're polyamorous, obviously he is too. Okay, wonderful, great,
But you're just not to your congregation, right, and then Rachel,
so you're not polyamorous, but now you're looking to be
polyamorous because you want to date Leah and other people, right.
Speaker 5 (02:09):
I mean, I yeah, yeah, I guess I am at
that point.
Speaker 4 (02:15):
I want I can't. I can't found them not dating Leah.
But I'm also.
Speaker 5 (02:22):
Trying to find my person as a monogamous person.
Speaker 4 (02:26):
So I guess I'm here trying to figure out where
I can go from here, and I'm really struggling with that.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Yeah, I can imagine. How How did you guys meet
at temple?
Speaker 6 (02:41):
That was crazy? Know, we met at the party. It
was a really cute party just for women.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Huh.
Speaker 6 (02:47):
Rachel rhinestoned my face and we smoked a joint together
and it was really cute.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Okay, Well, I need to go to your synagogue because
it sounds pretty modern.
Speaker 5 (02:58):
No, that wasn't a synagogue.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
I know, I know, I know.
Speaker 6 (03:01):
I'm at the synagogue, Paarl.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
Yeah, you're a polyamorous you're smoking pot like all of
these things are lining up.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
And Rachel, are you are you both bisexual or Rachel
are you a lesbian?
Speaker 5 (03:14):
I'm bisexual?
Speaker 2 (03:15):
You're bisexual? Okay, so you're looking for your partner, whether
that be a man or woman. Right, Okay, great, well
this is very interesting you guys.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
I like this. This is multi layered.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
I mean, Rachel, I would never say, like I think
with someone like Leah who's a rabbi and who do
you go to her congregation?
Speaker 5 (03:35):
No?
Speaker 6 (03:35):
No, okay, I would never date someone in my congregation.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
For the rest Okay, okay, copy that. Copy that. I
think you know what the rules are.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
So it's a very good experiment for you, and you
should look at it as such, like I understand there
are emotions involved and feelings involved, and you haven't necessarily
been in this kind of dynamic before.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
Is that correct? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Right, So I think this is a huge opportunity for you,
Like it'stunity to learn and grow. You and Leah can
have this relationship that you have with the understanding. You
have all the information, so it's not like you're getting
you know, like all of a sudden you're finding out,
you know, you're six months in you're in love with
someone and you find out, oh my god, they're married
(04:16):
this and that. No, you have all the information here
to protect your emotions. So it's up to you to
kind of do that job and say, Okay, this is
never going to amount to a marriage or you know a.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Person like a primary partner.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
You're a primary partner, right, this is going to amount
to It could be a huge growing and learning experience
for you, which I think it will be. And no
one's being dishonest. So that's the biggest advantage so far,
is that all the honesty's out on the table, and
you're also person looking for your person, and while you
have Leah in your life, like, that's not going to
(04:51):
prevent you from looking that person. If you do, you
feel like you have fallen in love with Leah already.
Speaker 4 (04:58):
I really love her, and I definitely think that we're
on that track. Yeah, I guess I'm finding it difficult
to be emotionally available to other people while I have
all of this love and time and energy that I'm
spilling into someone who ultimately could never be my primary partner.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Okay, So does that make you think maybe you shouldn't
be involved with Lee at all?
Speaker 1 (05:26):
Like you can't handle both of those things?
Speaker 4 (05:29):
No, No, I want to figure out and work on
ways where I can't handle both of those things, because
I do love her so much. And I don't ever
want to not be romantically involved with her.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
I feel like this is sort of a follow your
bliss moment, Like I know you want to find your
primary partner. I know you want to find like the one,
but right now, maybe it's okay to just let this
be what it is and not try to put all
your energy into places. Right we can't serve two masters.
I think there's something about that, maybe somewhere in the
(06:04):
oh uh, that's New Testament, never mind, But maybe right
now you're just like having this really wonderful experience and
let it be what it is and when and if
you feel like that needs to change and you need
to find another partner, then like then you move toward that.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
Yeah, what are your major concerns? You're concerned about? Protecting
your emotions? Is that your number one? Like yeah, fear? Yeah, okay, Well,
when you have the truth right before you, it's your decision. Like,
there's nothing here that's not protecting your emotions, is what
(06:42):
I'm saying. Everything is set up to protect your emotions
because you know what the situation is, so like you
have such a huge advantage. It's not like you're finding
out it's not like, you know you're being blindsided. You
know what you're getting into, And it's okay to fall
in love with someone that's on able in a polyamorous situation,
(07:02):
that's okay because you're also going to fall in love
with other people in your life. And just because you're
in love with this person doesn't prevent you from falling
in love. That's like an idea that we put in
our minds.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
You know, you're not.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
Living together and also seeking someone out, you know that
would be something else. It's not like, oh, I have
a whole life with but I'm still trying to meet
someone else. You She has a whole life separate from you.
She has a husband, she and I'm assuming she has
a family too. Do you have children, Leah?
Speaker 1 (07:28):
I have a Kaid.
Speaker 5 (07:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Yeah, okay, So there you have it. How integrated is
she allowed to?
Speaker 6 (07:34):
Like?
Speaker 2 (07:35):
How do you and your husband have your relationship set
up with like your other partners and your other lovers? Like,
how integrated can Rachel become in your life?
Speaker 5 (07:44):
He is down to meet her.
Speaker 6 (07:46):
I think my best case scenario one day, if I
could get my wildest fantasy would be that she becomes like,
you know, a close family friend, like, that's how it
feels for everyone in my family except for for me,
obviously it's beyond that, but as she does not want
(08:06):
to meet him yet, or a slash maybe at all,
which I totally understand and respect. Honestly like it when
you identify as polyamorous, it is sometimes like an initial
challenge or like emotionally slightly complicated to meet a partner's
other partner. And then if you like don't even identify
(08:27):
as Polly, like, oh my gosh, that must be I
don't even know.
Speaker 5 (08:30):
I don't know how you're doing it, Rachel.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
So yeah, yeah, right, it would be. But I wouldn't
put a never on anything. You know, like, you don't
want to meet him now, fine that you don't have to,
But down the road you might change your mind.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
You probably will, and you probably will.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Depending on your own situation and what happens with your
situation and who you end up seeing and dating. And
I wouldn't put a pin in any of that either.
But I wouldn't be so aggressively in any direction. I
would say to Rachel, just like, let enjoy what's happening.
Enjoy relationship with Leah. It's not a secret that's a
lifestyle that she's chosen and might be a lifestyle that
(09:05):
you choose also. Or you might meet someone and then decide, oh,
this isn't the way that or they might not be
okay with it, they don't want you to have another lover,
and then maybe that time will come in you'll have
to make that decision. But I wouldn't put so much
pressure on protecting your emotions. You have all the information
that is your protection, and you should look at it
as like a power, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (09:26):
Like, think of that, like no one's lying to you.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
So right there, you're in a powerful position to choose
what you're willing, what you want. You know, do you
want this? Can you handle her being with a husband?
Can you handle that?
Speaker 6 (09:40):
Like?
Speaker 2 (09:40):
What do you think when you think about that in
the long term of things, Say, you guys, do fall
madly in love and she is still married? How does that?
How do you see that playing out? What do you
think of that? Do you think that's something that you
can handle right now?
Speaker 5 (09:53):
Absolutely? Not in the future, potentially.
Speaker 4 (09:57):
I just I think of her and her husband, and
I like, I freak out. I get so sad, I
get so sad and I think in my head, Wow,
Leah is giving her.
Speaker 5 (10:10):
Love to someone who is not me, and that fucking sucks.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
Right Well, that makes that makes it sound like, yeah,
you might not be able to handle that situation because
you are going to be too jealous and and and
you know, and that means you're probably not polyamorous.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
What thoughts have you given to being polyamorous.
Speaker 4 (10:30):
I've never thought about being polyamorous until I started dating
Lea two months ago, so or I guess three months
ago now. And I've been on a few dates with
people since and a defining factor now And I haven't
really talked to you about this before, Leah, but it's
you know, is someone would someone be down with me
(10:53):
having a girlfriend or dating someone else, or you know,
would that person be open to polyamory with this specific person.
Speaker 5 (11:03):
Who I really love.
Speaker 4 (11:04):
I'm not closing off any options, And like you said, Chelsea,
I'm focusing on staying.
Speaker 5 (11:11):
In the moment and staying present and being present.
Speaker 4 (11:14):
Because anytime I go and I spiral and my emotions
get the most of me, I have to check back
in with myself, take a few breaths, and remind myself
this is it's practicing being in the moment.
Speaker 5 (11:27):
It's practicing being here.
Speaker 4 (11:29):
Now, because when I'm here now and I check in
with myself, I'm like, everything's great, I am really happy,
and I'm with someone who makes me really happy, and
everything's gonna be fine.
Speaker 5 (11:42):
So I think that if I continue to check back in.
Speaker 4 (11:45):
With myself and remind myself that I'm okay, then it's
going to be okay down the line, because I've come
to terms in many ways that we will never, you know,
get married or have children together, and Leo will never
be my primary partner.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
I think one of the things you should take from
this call is that it's okay to let yourself enjoy
this for what it is right now, and checking in
with yourself is the best way to do that, and
like making sure that that's still the loudest voice. And
then when there is a louder voice about like it's
time to move on or it's time to find like
a monogamous relationship, when and if that time comes, once
(12:26):
that is louder, then you know it's time to make
a change. But I think you're okay to like let
yourself enjoy this for a while because you both seem
really happy and glowy and you're in the throes of things,
and I think you'll know when and if it's time
to move on.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
Yeah, I think I think you answered everything I was asking, Rachel.
I think you really are enjoying yourself, being present, being
in the moment when it becomes if, if it becomes
emotionally tumultuous for you, then yes, then that's a time
where you have to go, Okay, maybe I need a
time out, or maybe I need to break this off,
but I would say just go for it right now.
(12:59):
It's a huge, like expansive experience that you're having with someone.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
It's been a couple months. Have fun, enjoy it.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
You know what the rules are, play the game and
enjoy yourself and just take it one step at a
time and be mindful of where your head is at,
you know, and if it becomes too overwhelming for you,
make sure that you're checking in with that too, and
then that's fine, and I'm sure Lea will be respectful
of that if and when that does happen.
Speaker 5 (13:24):
Yeah, yeah, thank you.
Speaker 4 (13:26):
That is the way to go about it, because this
is so special and I don't want to give up
on this or leave this. I would like to continue
to check in with myself and see where this can go.
Speaker 6 (13:38):
My dream is to be her bridesmaid one day.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
Okay, well, I'm very excited about the possibilities and the
outcome of this and where this goes. I mean, in
a perfect world, you'll find a partner, they'll be polyamorous,
you'll all be polyamorous, and you can live a happily
ever after life with just like two partners each of you,
and then like great, then we're really evolving.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
Yeah, thank you, Okay, all right, keep us posted. Okay,
take care of you too.
Speaker 5 (14:03):
Thank you, Catherine, Thank you.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
Bye, do do do do drum roll, Catherine, please, Chelsea
Handler Abroad. Abroad is my European tour. So I'm coming
to obviously find a husband abroad. I need to get
the health out of this fucking country. And it's not
as easy as you think. So I'm coming to Rekkuvik,
(14:29):
I'm coming to Dublin. I'm coming to the UK. I'm
coming to Brussels, Paris, Belfast.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
In May and June.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
I'm coming to Oslo, Stockholm, to Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow,
New Zurich, Vienna. I've never ever been to Vienna, Berlin,
Barcelona and Lisbon. I'm coming abroad is abroad.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
That sounds like fun. I'm going to go see you abroad.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
I know I want to go see me abroad and
there all be They're all.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Do you want advice from Chelsea? Write into Dear Chelsea
Podcast at gmail dot com. Find full video episodes of
Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea Pod.
Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive
producer Katherine law And be sure to check out our
merch at Chelseahandler dot com
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