Waitlisted on Raya with Brittany Broski

Brittany Broski is in the studio this week to chat about what it feels like to get surprised by Harry Styles, getting waitlisted by dating app Raya, and why she’s this generation’s Walter Cronkite.  Then: A girlfriend wonders if she should move in with a guy who has no time for her.  A sister single-handedly tries to fix a family squabble.  And a twentysomething has daddy issues - in that her boyfriend wants her to call him daddy.

*

Follow the Broski Report podcast here! 

*

Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail]

*

Executive Producer Catherine Law

Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert

*

*

*

*

*

The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hi, Hi, Hi Hi. I'm just going through my makeup.
I gotta put my makeup on for my podcast because
it's not recorded on.

Speaker 2 (00:08):
Vide everyone knows it's a visual medium.

Speaker 3 (00:10):
No.

Speaker 2 (00:10):
It is funny too because we have guests all the
time who are like, this is not going to be
on video, right, And then I'm like, except for Socials,
We're gonna put a clip on Socials, so then everybody
has to get looking good.

Speaker 4 (00:21):
Okay, guys.

Speaker 1 (00:22):
We have added more shows to my Little Big Bitch
tour because I'm coming all over. We added a second
show at the Pantagius in Los Angeles, so that's October
twelfth and Friday the thirteenth, which is my favorite day
of the year. We added a second show in Boston
at the Wiging Center September twenty ninth and thirtieth is
two shows in New York. I also have a show
in East Hampton, New York August twenty six.

Speaker 4 (00:45):
We added a.

Speaker 1 (00:45):
Second show in Portland, so Thursday, November tewod Friday November third,
and Portland November fourth and fifth in San Francisco, two
shows there. We added a second show in Seattle November
tenth and eleventh, two shows Boston are November sixteenth and
seventeenth at the Bach Center at Wang Theater. And I'm

(01:05):
also coming to Toronto and Montreal and Ottawa and so
many other cities Columbus, Cincinnati, Detroit, Louisville.

Speaker 4 (01:16):
So I will see everybody at all of these shows.
Thank you. Get your tickets at Chelseahandler dot com.

Speaker 2 (01:23):
So, Chelsea, we have a great guest today and she's
somebody who talks a lot about her mental health.

Speaker 5 (01:28):
And I got me wondering.

Speaker 2 (01:30):
You are somebody who's always talked a lot about your life,
but a few years ago you obviously made a very
conscious decision to start talking really candidly about your mental health.
And I wonder was making that decision scary?

Speaker 6 (01:44):
No?

Speaker 4 (01:44):
I mean it was so natural.

Speaker 1 (01:46):
You know, I'm always sharing what I'm going through, and
it was so natural, and I was learning so much,
and it was such a shift in my life. It
was a noticeable by everyone that matters to me, and
some friends, you know, in ways didn't like that which
I had heard could happen.

Speaker 4 (02:02):
And I was it was shocking interesting.

Speaker 1 (02:04):
I remember once I decided I didn't want that. I
don't want to spend my time talking shit, I don't.
I mean, you know, listen, we all talk shit. There's
a time and a place for that, and then there's
a way to do it that's not nasty, and there's
a way to do it that is, you know, that
is nasty. And so I changed a lot of those
habits that were giving me, like you know, that were
bringing me lower than I want to be. I want

(02:25):
to be high and I want to be upbeat. And
it wasn't hard to share because I always know that
when anybody shares anything, you're helping so many people. And
I know that how many people I'm helping because of
my honesty, because of my books and my stand up
and this podcast, because they reach out and they tell me,
and you know, some of the notes I get are

(02:45):
so profound and meaningful to me that anytime I feel
low or I'm feeling like insecure, I always just go
and look through my dms and to be reminded. And
usually whenever you're feeling like that, something happens to remind
you all so you know, you don't even have to
go look that far because somebody will reach out to
you and go I just want you to know, like yesterday,

(03:05):
I came home. There's all this fan mail on this thing,
and I rarely have time to go through that, sure,
but I remember walking by it yesterday and I was like, hey,
these people are taking their time to write you go
read some of them.

Speaker 4 (03:18):
And I did, and it was just so moving, just.

Speaker 1 (03:22):
People taking the time to write something that the impact
that you had on a certain event in their life.
And you know that your honesty helped me go to
therapy and all.

Speaker 4 (03:30):
I mean, you just never.

Speaker 1 (03:32):
Have any idea, even if you're someone like me with
a big platform, how many people you're affecting and impacting
with that domino effect, So you know, for people who
aren't famous, you're affecting people too.

Speaker 4 (03:44):
Yeah, you know the same way.

Speaker 1 (03:45):
It's like it's not just one person's responsibility, Like you
have to remember when you're a good person and you're
there for your friends and you're and you show up
for them and you're honest, or you're sharing your story,
you are helping therapies others.

Speaker 5 (04:00):
Yeah, I love that you say, like, whether you have
a platform or not.

Speaker 2 (04:02):
I got a text recently from a friend of mine
on Mother's Day.

Speaker 5 (04:06):
She's a mom, and she texted me she's someone who.

Speaker 2 (04:09):
She doesn't live in LA anymore, so we don't talk
as much, but we were really close for a long time.
And she's on me this gorgeous I'm like going to
cry thinking about it, this gorgeous text message saying like
no one in my life has ever mothered me the
way that you did.

Speaker 5 (04:21):
I just like lost it. And you know, you just
never know what like little things.

Speaker 2 (04:26):
You do on a day to day basis like really
get through to people or are moving and impactful for people.

Speaker 1 (04:32):
Yeah, And another thing that because I have experienced in death,
when someone in my life loses someone, I'm always there.
If someone's in crisis, I'm there, I check in, I'm
always on it. Because there's a period of grieving where
everyone shows up, and then there's a period where people disappear.
So that's the most difficult time for people because I
lived that and I know it that people feel, you know,

(04:52):
they want to reach out to you, and then everyone
kind of moves on with their lives, right, So the
people that do remember and are like consist and show
up beyond the point.

Speaker 5 (05:03):
The week, the month, after year, and even you know, a.

Speaker 1 (05:07):
Very common thing for people to say is like I
didn't want to bother. I don't want to burden her
she's going through so much. Or it's not my place.
It's like it's it's anyone's place. You can to reach out,
you don't have to. If they don't care or want
you to reach out, then fine, But it's everyone's place
to extend a branch and say hey, or not a branch,
extend love and say hey, hey, I'm here. If you

(05:29):
need me, call me any time. Consistently check in. I
think that makes a big difference in other people's lives.

Speaker 4 (05:36):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (05:37):
For example, I had a friend who lost someone a
couple of years ago, and it was a really sudden
and really traumatic death, and I knew she was just
like beside herself, not even able to like talk to people,
and I just I texted her just every day for
the longest time, or every few days for the longest time,
just being like I'm here, And I said, like, you
don't have to text me back, you don't need to

(05:59):
do anything, but I just want you to know I'm here,
I love you, and just like consistently did that. Do
you have a how do you get a sense of
like when someone's ready to talk versus like they just
need to know you're there.

Speaker 1 (06:12):
I think you reach out, you know, with texts and
like you can call whatever your dynamic is. If it's
not a close friend, then you know, I think you
you know, if someone dies, you.

Speaker 4 (06:20):
Call, Yeah, you call them immediately.

Speaker 1 (06:23):
And if it's somebody that's far away that you can text,
send a text, or you can wait until it dies
down and then really go in and say, hey, I've
been thinking about you this whole time. I just want
to let you know I'm here.

Speaker 4 (06:34):
I don't think there are any rules for that.

Speaker 1 (06:36):
You know, you don't want to harass somebody, but you
just want to make sure that they know that you're
thinking of them, and that you're in their thoughts and
you know, and that you're.

Speaker 4 (06:47):
Just thinking about them. I think that's a comfort.

Speaker 2 (06:50):
Yeah, It's like I think some people they want to
have someone show up at their door, and other people don't,
ye know, Like I.

Speaker 4 (06:55):
Don't want that. I'm not.

Speaker 1 (06:57):
I like to be alone when I'm dealing with something,
to occults mostly and get through it because it's just
such a mouthstrom of emotion, you know, it's up and
down and up and down and and and breaking up
is easier to be show up for someone because that's
not death, right, death is like people are like scared
to have to talk about that.

Speaker 5 (07:16):
Yeah you can with a breakup.

Speaker 2 (07:18):
You can show up with like a bottle of wine
and a bar of chocolate and like, you know, sit
on the couch and like be together.

Speaker 4 (07:23):
Yeah. Okay, So our guest today is a hot mess.
I love her.

Speaker 1 (07:27):
She made last year's Forbes thirty Under thirty list and
was named TikToker of the Year by Paper Magazine, and
of course is also known as Kombucha Girl. So she's
the host of the new podcast The Broski Report. Please
welcome Britney Broski.

Speaker 7 (07:41):
Is that a beer? Would you imagine if I just
walk in with like a Corse light? What is that?
Eleven am? So that's going to be a water good death.
That's the ship that Travis Burker uses for enemas.

Speaker 4 (07:52):
Britney Brosky just showed up with a beer.

Speaker 7 (07:54):
It's what time is it? It's al.

Speaker 4 (08:00):
That's how some people have to do podcasts. Brittany Broski
is here, everybody.

Speaker 1 (08:05):
Okay, And I hope you're familiar with her because she
is a real hot mess and I like her style
and she's got a lot of stuff going on.

Speaker 4 (08:14):
She has a new podcast.

Speaker 7 (08:15):
Actually, do have a new podcast about that.

Speaker 3 (08:18):
It's called The Broski Report with Brennany Broski in case
you couldn't, like, you know, put it together. And it's
very much stream of consciousness, just whatever comes out of
your mouth, my crazy.

Speaker 7 (08:30):
Beautiful mouth, uh huh.

Speaker 3 (08:31):
It's kind of what makes it onto air. So it's fun,
it's it's a lot of fun. We designed the set
kind of like if Walter Cronkite was a gay man, which.

Speaker 1 (08:39):
He may have been, which probably, I mean, it seems
like almost all men are gay, is what we're figuring out,
and that's why they're so pissed.

Speaker 3 (08:46):
Off exactly, And I think that's a beautiful thing. They
could just work through it. But it's very nineteen fifty
steemed for the set. But the whole idea was, my
fans are called Brosky Nation, and I am a tyrannical dictator,
like just for prostcadation, Like there are no laws last
change daily.

Speaker 7 (09:04):
So I was like, what's a fun way.

Speaker 3 (09:06):
To kind of deliver news to these people of like,
all right, guys, we're no longer listening to this we're
listening to death tones. Okay, let's let's get with it.
And so I was like, we need a news set,
and uh, it really came together really beautifully, and it's
in my spare bedroom at my house.

Speaker 1 (09:22):
So congratulations, I'm building my podcast you do at my
new house and may never be ready. I'm gonna be
using your podcast room actually from here on it it
is there a medieval times theme for this?

Speaker 7 (09:32):
No, that's just gonna be in my bedroom.

Speaker 4 (09:34):
Okay.

Speaker 7 (09:35):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (09:36):
Brittany has gained a lot of notoriety on TikTok because
you have a over ten. Did you just throw coffee
in your face?

Speaker 7 (09:41):
Vomit?

Speaker 1 (09:41):
Oh guys, I wish this was on video, and it
actually happens to be. So maybe this is the clipble
use she ejaculated coffee into her face when she went
to take a sip the other day.

Speaker 4 (09:51):
I was on a plane and I don't know.

Speaker 1 (09:54):
I guess it must have been high because I went
to go take a sip and assumed there was like
a sippy the top a lid. Oh no, yeah, And
I just poured the entire drink down on my shirt
and I was like, wait, what just happened?

Speaker 4 (10:08):
I had like a synapse loss and I just poured
it on me and I'm like, wait, what are you doing?

Speaker 1 (10:14):
No, I must have been on an edible that's edible behavior,
you know. But because of your popularity on TikTok, your
podcast now and all of social media, you have a
huge following. And because of that, you've gotten to meet
a lot of your heroes, which I loved when you
met Harry Styles that you are set.

Speaker 4 (10:31):
She's a huge Harry Styles fan.

Speaker 7 (10:34):
Like ridiculous, it's like really actually stupid.

Speaker 4 (10:36):
I mean I think a lot of people probably feel
that way.

Speaker 7 (10:39):
Absolutely.

Speaker 3 (10:40):
That's why when that happened, it was so like, because
I don't know about it.

Speaker 7 (10:43):
You're probably not terrified of the internet, but I am.

Speaker 4 (10:45):
And so terrified in which way just of.

Speaker 3 (10:47):
Like people's response to anything, how they can twist it
and all that.

Speaker 7 (10:51):
So that happened, and I was terrified at first.

Speaker 4 (10:53):
Let's tell us what happened. Break it down.

Speaker 3 (10:55):
Well, so they surprised me. So I HSHQ, which is
Harry's like headquarters. Oh my God, reached out to me
and they were like, hey, Brittany, what are you doing
on these days?

Speaker 7 (11:10):
And I was like, well, I'm actually kind of busy,
but what's up.

Speaker 3 (11:13):
And they were like, he's doing a one night only
in New York for you know, Harry's House coming out,
and we wanted to know if you would take over
the social media for it. And I was like, what
the fuck.

Speaker 7 (11:23):
Yeah, I'm free. I just cleared my schedule. I'm free.

Speaker 3 (11:25):
And so I didn't go into it with this expectation
I was going to meet him because I was like,
he's so busy. This is the first time he's ever
performing this new album. Like, I'm sure he's nervous. He
doesn't want to do like a fucking meet and greet,
and I don't want to meet him either, like he
scares me, Like I love him so much, he's so scary.
And so I went into it, like we interviewed fans,
we were giving out free tickets, we were giving out pizza.

Speaker 7 (11:44):
It was pouring rain, like it.

Speaker 4 (11:45):
Was just so fun, and you were taking over their
social media.

Speaker 3 (11:49):
Yeah, I took over the HSHQ like account and just
taking him around the stadium and interviewing fans and stuff. Well,
at the end of the night, it's like an hour
till showtime. We wrap giving people tickets and whatever, and
so I go back. I think we're going back to
my dressing room just to kind of like hang out.
And I'm walking back in and people start put like
bringing out their phones and I'm like, it's kind of weird.

(12:10):
And so we're walking in my dressing room and I
opened the door and he's right there. And they had
told me before, they were like maybe maybe it'll happen
another time, but like it's just there's so much going on,
like it's not gonna happen. I was like kind of
relieve it also like okay, okay, And so I opened.

Speaker 7 (12:24):
The door and they fucking surprised me with him. He's
right in my dressing room like this, I run the
other way.

Speaker 3 (12:30):
I run out of the fucking room screaming. I was
like I can't. It was just like sensory overload. I
like went blind for a second. So I ran back
in the room. And then that's what that clip is
is of me talking to him for like thirty seconds,
showed him my tattoo of a Harry Styles tattoo because
I'm mentally ill. So that's it was a beautiful, beautiful,
scary moment.

Speaker 4 (12:49):
That's so cute, though, who else have you gotten to
me like that.

Speaker 3 (12:52):
Are you like a nineteen seventy five fan, like the
nineteen seventy five.

Speaker 4 (12:56):
That's the year I was born.

Speaker 1 (12:57):
So I guess yeah, yeah, kind of a little bit,
oh I guess yeah.

Speaker 3 (13:03):
Well there's a band called nine seventy five and the
lead singer is another one of my like I pissed
a little.

Speaker 7 (13:08):
Bit in my pants. I had to go change.

Speaker 4 (13:10):
What's his name?

Speaker 7 (13:11):
His name is Maddie. I love him and.

Speaker 4 (13:13):
That's he only has a one day is he like share?

Speaker 7 (13:16):
Yeah, yeah, just Maddie.

Speaker 3 (13:17):
Oh no, it's Mattie Heally and he's very very British,
Like think of the most British man you can that's him.

Speaker 4 (13:22):
Oh yeah, I like Rits.

Speaker 1 (13:23):
I'm always attracted to British guys. It's there's something else happening.
It just feels like they know geography, you know what I.

Speaker 4 (13:29):
Mean, And that's what that's a turn on for me.
Education is a turn on for me.

Speaker 7 (13:34):
Yeah, they can like look at the map and kind
of know what's going on.

Speaker 1 (13:37):
Better well rounded or more well rounded. Not better well
rounded because apparently I can't speak.

Speaker 4 (13:41):
Eish person would never say that. As usual, I cannot
speaking this.

Speaker 5 (13:46):
Britty I have to tell you speaking of mental illness.

Speaker 7 (13:49):
Oh go ahead.

Speaker 2 (13:49):
It was just on vacation with a couple of my girlfriends,
and we very much loved your depression meal.

Speaker 5 (13:54):
It came up many times.

Speaker 2 (13:57):
Brittany did this little depression meal that was apples and
chocolate chip, just dry chocolate chips on a plate and
just laughing and crying at the same time.

Speaker 5 (14:06):
And it is truly made our ocasion much better.

Speaker 4 (14:09):
Good come, yeah, that sounds good.

Speaker 3 (14:11):
And the apples were like a little brown and old,
and I like put them in the bowl and dry
chocolate chips, and I in my head, I was like
dinner and then I ate it and I filmed that
video because I started it was so fucking ridiculous, Like
that is so stupid.

Speaker 5 (14:26):
But it's also like the thing that happens when you're
different stud I've had.

Speaker 7 (14:30):
Like a can of corn for dinner before. That's all
I can make.

Speaker 4 (14:33):
That man came out really nicely.

Speaker 1 (14:35):
Anytime I see corn, all I think about is go
into the bathroom and I keep having it. I can't
eat corn anymore. I'm so over corn. And then I
found out about Tito's corn Syrup. A few years ago,
I was such a big fan of Titos and that
they used so much corn syrup and I.

Speaker 5 (14:47):
Was so in their vodka.

Speaker 4 (14:49):
Yeah, well, because it's like a.

Speaker 1 (14:50):
Local Austin company, you know. So I was trying to
support that, but no longer. I'm back to Belvidere and
King Street for Kate Hudson.

Speaker 4 (14:56):
She she has good vacca with King Street.

Speaker 1 (14:59):
Also, I know you're very involved with the drag community,
and since there's so much nonsense going on right now
about the drag community, ridiculous banning drag which has turned
into just a total dog whistle and basically demonizing trans
children for a political point, Like the Republicans are so
nasty the way that they're treating drag queens and the arguments.

(15:21):
I mean, I posted something on my Instagram about drag
queens and you should see some of the comments saying
I'm all for people doing what they want, but they
need to stop dragging our kids to shows.

Speaker 4 (15:33):
And it's like, cutface.

Speaker 8 (15:38):
What child do you know that's five years old that
is going to drag shows without their parents. If they're
at a drag show, then their parents brought them there.
There are no seven year old children going to dragon shows.
On their own, just like there are no transgender children
getting surgery either.

Speaker 7 (15:57):
Right. Well, it's also like ask any fucking drag queen.
They don't want children there.

Speaker 4 (16:01):
I don't know. I don't want children at my shows.

Speaker 3 (16:06):
Like I feel like it's such a non issue that
they have made into this.

Speaker 7 (16:10):
It's so hyper politicized. It doesn't even.

Speaker 1 (16:12):
Exist the issue exactly, You're right, it doesn't exist. It's
such bullshit. It's such a non issue that they sit
there and they hammer home, and then these idiots that
believe that to be the truth are like, it's wrong
that these children, they haven't even thought about the actual
logistics of a child going to a drag show, Like
are they getting, you know, from nursery school straight to

(16:34):
their drag show because that's the field trip.

Speaker 4 (16:36):
No, it isn't. Yeah, so it's all just such bullshit.

Speaker 1 (16:39):
But I mean, I think it's just going to make
the drag community louder and prouder and all of its allies, allies.
I was sorry, Vanessa Gonzalez. My opener always says you're
such a good Alley as a joke because she always
mispronounces things. And so now I'm picking it up, and
now I'm I'm no, I.

Speaker 4 (16:56):
Don't know how to speak English.

Speaker 7 (16:57):
We'll get their eventually.

Speaker 4 (16:58):
What else is happening in your love life? Do you
have a love life?

Speaker 3 (17:00):
I hang out with speaking of drag queens, so many
gay people that no, if like that there are no
straatmen in my life because I am unfortunately very straight
and my type is just not not in or around
my immediate sphere. So especially fucking Hollywood, West Hollywood, it's
like not a single one to be found.

Speaker 1 (17:21):
Now, So what do you do? You make any effort
to date? Do you go on like sites or any
dating apps or anything like that?

Speaker 3 (17:28):
Because when I when everything kind of first happened for me,
I kind of had like a really upsetting experience where
like I realized my anonymity no longer existed, you know
what I mean, where like I can no longer just
be a woman on a dating app. It's like, oh,
you're from and it's like and men aren't respectful ever
in the way that they approach that you know of Like,

(17:49):
so what's it like? You know, we're asking me questions,
it's just like, oh, no fucking way, I matched with U.
And it's like, so I deleted all the apps, and
I kind of have resigned myself to this, like if
I'm going to meet him, it's going to be in
the club, or like it's going to be in a party,
and then I don't go to parties, so it's like, oh, right,
so maybe I won't ever meet a man.

Speaker 7 (18:10):
So that's fine.

Speaker 1 (18:11):
Well, let's hope at some point that you do. You're young,
you have time to not be worried about it, exactly.
I mean, you have all the time in the world
to not be worried about it, exactly. I need something
to spike my sex drive. I think I was saying,
are you I got nothing going on?

Speaker 5 (18:24):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (18:25):
I have something going on, but not sex. It's not
it's not it's a lead up. Yeah, it's a hearty outbreak.
It's a lead up to possibly sex. I'm talking to
some guy. I will meet him at some point and
then I'll decide I don't like to talk on the
phone before we meet because I don't know that I'm
gonna like you.

Speaker 4 (18:43):
So I like texting. And it's funny.

Speaker 1 (18:46):
Because Tinks in her new book was talking about texting
is not talking, and I'm like, no, No, texting is talking,
Like that's.

Speaker 4 (18:52):
The only talking.

Speaker 1 (18:53):
I want to until I see you face to face,
and then if we have great chemistry and great sex.

Speaker 4 (18:58):
Then we could talk on the phone.

Speaker 1 (18:59):
But not for that, Like, I'm not going to waste
my phone time with you in advance of the penetration.

Speaker 4 (19:04):
I never know what's happening.

Speaker 2 (19:06):
And if there's chemistry, yeah, I feel like if you're
on the phone with someone, you have to like be
close to being in love.

Speaker 5 (19:12):
It has to be like serious.

Speaker 7 (19:13):
We got a FaceTime called oh.

Speaker 5 (19:15):
No, that's married.

Speaker 7 (19:17):
Yeah, we're married. Only don't think about calling.

Speaker 4 (19:20):
No, that is an assault.

Speaker 7 (19:24):
How do you meet these men where it's only texting?

Speaker 4 (19:27):
This guy I met, I'm riot.

Speaker 7 (19:28):
Yeah you know, Ryle waitlisted me for two years. I'm like,
look at me, I'm the people's Are you serious?

Speaker 4 (19:35):
Yes, you can get into ryot and.

Speaker 7 (19:38):
You would think.

Speaker 3 (19:38):
I've had all my friends be like, yeahflisted.

Speaker 7 (19:42):
They hate to see a white woman happy.

Speaker 5 (19:44):
Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (19:46):
I would say to use me as a reference, but
maybe that's not going to work for you. Although no,
everyone I've referred is on it, so maybe you should
use me as a reference.

Speaker 4 (19:53):
You have to enlist me to refer you, Damn.

Speaker 1 (19:56):
When you sign up or apply. You have to say,
Chelsea handler picked the peace that you want. It doesn't
work the opposite way. I'm pretty sure, Okay, just do it.
I'm happy, of course.

Speaker 7 (20:06):
You know.

Speaker 4 (20:07):
You know what's so funny about my rider is I
was the other day.

Speaker 1 (20:09):
I was like my Vanessa, we were on the road,
my opener, and she was like, what's going on with Riot?
Do you have anything going on with guys? And I
said no, I never check it. She goes check it
and I was like, well, I just never one ever
hits me up. And then I go and I didn't
have my alerts on.

Speaker 4 (20:23):
So there were like.

Speaker 1 (20:24):
Fourteen messages from guys that I had missed, but they
were all from like six months before.

Speaker 7 (20:30):
I hadn't checked it.

Speaker 4 (20:31):
So I'm like responding to all these guys like six
months later. I'm like, hey, are you still there?

Speaker 5 (20:37):
I'm married and saying oh you still want me?

Speaker 1 (20:39):
Yeah, okay, let's take a quick break and we'll be
right back, and we're back.

Speaker 7 (20:47):
We are. I have a question.

Speaker 1 (20:50):
Oh that's not how this podcast works, just to talk
about it.

Speaker 7 (20:53):
Do you remember I interviewed you for the TikTok podcast?

Speaker 3 (20:56):
Yeah, sleay, bitch, that's all that conversation you like, I
have two things to say. First of all, that conversation
kind of changed my life because I was like, this
is a whole new way of thinking I've never even
like considered because I'm from like the Deep South, where
it's like you go to college, you get married, you
have a baby, all before you're twenty three. That conversation
with you changed my life in like one or two ways.

(21:18):
And then I just want to thank you for your
service with that interview that you did with Harry Styles
where it was one word answers because the world changed
that day, like you shifted culture, like like the Hairy
fans went fucking firal over that.

Speaker 4 (21:32):
Because he was giggling.

Speaker 7 (21:34):
I was giggling. I just wanted to thank you for
your service.

Speaker 4 (21:37):
Oh that's funny. What happened with the conversation. How did
the conversation we had changed your life?

Speaker 3 (21:41):
Where you were it was just so like everything that
you kind of stand for of like, I'm not going
to play by your playbook. I don't want to fucking
get married. I don't want to have children like you
talked about skiing naked and all those things, where I
was just like, this is so like, I've never met
a woman like you.

Speaker 4 (21:58):
Oh, well, there's so many of them.

Speaker 7 (22:00):
Well I would like to where's the Chelsea other clone factor?

Speaker 4 (22:02):
Well you're just like that.

Speaker 1 (22:04):
I mean, there are a lot of women are out
here feeling the same way. So I'm just a loud
one about it because I feel like there's a lack
of representation. I don't feel there is, but now women
are getting their voices in a big way. Hey, there
window Catherine's husband a very incestuous podcast.

Speaker 2 (22:22):
Yeah, yeah, it's Christian podcast.

Speaker 4 (22:30):
So what is that water?

Speaker 7 (22:31):
It's just water?

Speaker 4 (22:32):
Why why does it look like a beer?

Speaker 7 (22:34):
Because if that's kind of the branding, just to make
you feel like you're it's.

Speaker 5 (22:37):
Just so tiny to me. I can't do the water
in a cane.

Speaker 4 (22:41):
I don't like water in a can either.

Speaker 5 (22:42):
You don't like any water though.

Speaker 1 (22:44):
I don't like water, but I don't want to get
you know, I just found out I have this like
spinal impingement on my neck from probably from wiping out
during skiing. But the guy, my doctor, was like, are
you hydrated, And I'm like, no, I'm definitely not hydrated.

Speaker 7 (22:58):
This is brown. I'm the opposite of fun.

Speaker 1 (23:01):
I have to get an IV once a week because
I fucking hate water so much. Yeah, well, now I
drink it, but I have to doctor it up with electrolytes,
which is good. But he was like, you have to
be hydrated for this to heal because there's inflammation.

Speaker 4 (23:13):
And I'm like, oh, can't you just put the water
in me anyway?

Speaker 1 (23:20):
Okay, we take callers and live people calling in for advice,
so you better get your parental hat on.

Speaker 3 (23:25):
Okay, I'm feeling very maternal in this moment.

Speaker 1 (23:28):
Big Sister, which is a far cry from the idea
of big Brother.

Speaker 2 (23:31):
Yes, well, our first question is just an email, j
C says jay z J.

Speaker 4 (23:37):
He says, husband. I think it's actually Jesus Christ.

Speaker 5 (23:39):
Oh, she says, let's sing it wrong.

Speaker 4 (23:42):
First of all, it's Heyesu's Cristy.

Speaker 3 (23:44):
Oh.

Speaker 2 (23:45):
J C says, I love the podcast and I've been
listening for a while now. You're both so hilarious and insightful.

Speaker 5 (23:54):
I've been dating this wonderful man for.

Speaker 2 (23:56):
Almost a year now, and he's the best boyfriend I've
ever had. He treats me like a princess. He's hilarious, smart,
and so so kind. Our sex life is great, except
one thing. He calls himself daddy sometimes and has a
script during sex about how he's my daddy and I'm
his little girl. It's just a long, uncomfortable commentary that

(24:17):
I'm not turned on by. Most of the time there's
no daddy talk, but sometimes he gets really into it.
I usually don't say anything because I've had my fun
and I just keep quiet until he's finished.

Speaker 5 (24:28):
He does have some.

Speaker 2 (24:29):
Edy issues at times, and I think the daddy talk
helps him get there. My question is do I say
anything about how it doesn't turn me on? If I do,
how the heck do I bring it up? Or do
I just keep my mouth shut and enjoy the sex
when it's about me and let him finish with his
daddy talk?

Speaker 5 (24:44):
Please help JC.

Speaker 7 (24:46):
Oh, that's rough.

Speaker 4 (24:48):
First of all, Yes, you tell him that you don't
like that.

Speaker 1 (24:51):
Yeah, you have autonomy, and you have to in the
name of every woman, you.

Speaker 4 (24:57):
Have to say, I don't like this. It doesn't turn
me on.

Speaker 1 (25:00):
His erectile dysfunction is not your problem, and he's gonna
have I'm sure something else in his arsenal that will.

Speaker 4 (25:07):
Turn him on. He cannot. You can't.

Speaker 1 (25:10):
Just that's like him fucking you in the ass and
you're not liking it, but allowing him to do it.
I mean, it's not the same thing as that, but
it you know, there's no reason to do anything in.

Speaker 4 (25:18):
Sex that you're not comfortable with. You don't have to
do that.

Speaker 1 (25:21):
So I'm sure if everything else is so great about him,
which you say it is, tell him that you're not
turned on by that.

Speaker 4 (25:26):
In fact, it kind of icks you out right right
turn on. And I don't know how to say it.

Speaker 7 (25:31):
Just say it.

Speaker 4 (25:31):
You owe that to yourself.

Speaker 5 (25:33):
But maybe say it not during sex.

Speaker 3 (25:35):
Also, Yeah, that's like an over coffee kind of conversation maybe.

Speaker 1 (25:40):
Or maybe like an intimate honey, I know that turns
you on. Just I would love another storyline to go
with I'm tired of the story.

Speaker 3 (25:47):
Yeah, maybe mommy like to be called call himself mommy.

Speaker 4 (25:52):
Daddy and little girl is pretty specific.

Speaker 3 (25:55):
Yeah, And there's such a tether to like, what's deeply
wrong with you when in your sexual kinks, So I
feel like maybe maybe they need to talk through it.

Speaker 1 (26:03):
But listen, some people are into funky shit, like I
like some dirty talk about weird shit, but not that.
But you know, like with the right person, like I
like to get like, I like a dynamic, But you
just have to find out what you're I'm sure there's
another option out there.

Speaker 5 (26:17):
Yeah, what if the other option is worse? That's my
only fear.

Speaker 4 (26:20):
Well, that's then, I mean, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (26:23):
That's kind of I'm not going to sit and have
sex with somebody who's calling themselves daddy. First of all,
he should only pick that roll up if you call
him daddy, Right, You don't just annoint yourself daddy.

Speaker 7 (26:35):
Igniting yourself daddy. Yeah, you didn't earn that, brother.

Speaker 4 (26:38):
No, Okay, what do we got next?

Speaker 2 (26:40):
Well, our next question comes from Jen. She'll be on
the line with us here. Perfect, Dear Chelsea. First of all,
I love your advice. It's direct and straightforward. I love
my boyfriend so much. He's the sweetest, nicest man ever.
To be honest, I'm hyper independent, but he just makes
my little heart so happy. He's twenty one years my senior.
I'm thirty seven and.

Speaker 5 (27:01):
He's fifty eight.

Speaker 2 (27:02):
Yes, I love old ass men, and no, I don't
have daddy issues. The issue is he's a consultant and
works all the time during the week. I get a
good morning and a good night text and during the week.
Other than that, it's like I don't exist. He does
text back if I text, but it feels like I
have to always reach out. I have gently let him
know that i'd really like to hear from him more.

(27:22):
I don't feel like we're dating unless it's the weekend.
When I come over, he was a little frustrated, saying
he has to talk all day on the phone, and
he doesn't have the energy to talk on the phone
at night. He said he's just depleted by the end
of the day. Am I overreacting by thinking this is
total bullshit? Before I sound like too much of a brat.
I know he speaks to his sister once per week
about a show they always watched together, and my love

(27:43):
language also happens to be words of affirmation, but I
find it very hard to feel loved and I don't
get any words from him, much less words of affirmation.
I'm supposed to move in with him soon, hopefully two
months from now, but I'm wondering if that's the right
move on my part. Are we just going to not
talk during the week even though we live together. I
can take any constructive criticisms you all can give.

Speaker 5 (28:04):
Thanks so much.

Speaker 7 (28:05):
Jen Hi, jud Jen Hi.

Speaker 5 (28:09):
Hi.

Speaker 4 (28:10):
This is our special guest Brittany for today Brusky Hi Gorge,
Hi Hi.

Speaker 7 (28:16):
Okay, what a situation.

Speaker 1 (28:18):
Yeah, so tell us more. We read your letter, so
you don't text with him even during the week.

Speaker 6 (28:24):
So I basically get like a gift in the morning,
so it'll say good morning, and it's a gift. He's
just a gift person. And then at night it's good night.
I love you with a gift. That has been for
like the past three four months. And sometimes we do talk,
but it's rare. For instance, three weeks ago, he called

(28:47):
me and he talked to me for about thirty seconds
and then said, oh, I gotta go, my boss is
calling me and I said okay, and then we didn't
talk for the rest of the day and then I
got my good night gifts. So I know, I know,
it is kind of like a funny situation, but it's
also like I don't know what to do.

Speaker 4 (29:05):
Well, okay I was.

Speaker 1 (29:06):
I mean, when you said you're going to move in
with him, I just figured problem solved because obviously you're
going to talk when you live together.

Speaker 6 (29:13):
Right, That's what I think too. But here's the thing,
so I brought this up six months ago, and that's
when he had and I call it his little temper tantrum,
but really it wasn't. He was just frustrated.

Speaker 4 (29:25):
I get that.

Speaker 6 (29:26):
But that was six months ago, and I thought that
we were going to move in within the next couple
of months because this house would be done. Well I
don't know when his house is going to be done now.
I mean, they keep pushing things back, and so could
it be another six months? And am I supposed to
live like this for six months? And I know that
there's like an end goal, but still it's very frustrating.

Speaker 4 (29:47):
And remind me again how long you guys have been together.

Speaker 6 (29:50):
So we've been together since November.

Speaker 4 (29:53):
Twenty twenty one, so a couple of years.

Speaker 6 (29:55):
Yeah, almost a couple of years.

Speaker 4 (29:56):
Yes, And it.

Speaker 6 (29:58):
Hasn't always been like this, But I can understand he
you know, he has a lot on his mind and
a lot on his plate. But when I brought it
up a while ago, I said, look, I'm sure the
president of the United States still calls and texts his
wife and he's got a lot more shit going on
than you. Trust me, oh am, I allowed to say shit,

(30:19):
Yeah what, yes, yes, you are the show right.

Speaker 7 (30:22):
Are you? Yes?

Speaker 5 (30:24):
But I'm nervous.

Speaker 1 (30:25):
Sorry, Oh no, don't It's okay. Yes, you could say
whatever you want, thank you, KND pussy fuck twist, I
mean titty twist or whatever, just twist twist. So okay,
a couple of things, Brittany, do you want to jump
in or do you want me to start?

Speaker 3 (30:42):
My question is well, I guess more of a statement
is if he wanted to, he would like. I think
that that's the overarching thing here is he's kind of
making it evident that communicating with his partner is not
really top of his priority list, agreed, even after like
bringing the issue up to him. So that's kind of this, like,
is he just willfully ignoring me on purpose?

Speaker 7 (31:04):
Does he really care about me? Am?

Speaker 3 (31:06):
I just an afterthought? Like that's that's where my spiral
would start.

Speaker 6 (31:09):
Absolutely, I even wrote all my bullet points down. That's
just the person that I am. That's weird, I know,
but I just want to get it all out and
I want to make sure like I'm hitting every single
bullet point because I want him to know how I feel.
And this isn't like a I'm blaming you. This is
more like a I feel this way, so please take
care of it because if you don't, And I hate ultimatums,

(31:32):
and this is kind of an ultimatum. But I feel
like I'm such a strong person and I've been married
and divorced and I just know what I want in life.
And if you're not it, that's okay, that's totally fine.
And if you can't meet me here, which I don't
think it's a lot to ask to call me once
a week.

Speaker 7 (31:52):
No, that's bare minimum.

Speaker 6 (31:53):
Yeah, that's literal bare minimum.

Speaker 1 (31:55):
So and the idea of you want more interaction, he
wants zero pretty much interaction except against during the week, right,
So in a relationship there is compromise, like he's got
to meet you in the middle. He's just doing what
he wants without regard for your desires, without making any effort,

(32:15):
especially when I know how that feels when somebody's like, oh,
i'll call you right back and then or I have
to get off the phone. You expect a call back
when they are done with their boss. So that's neglectful.
And it's just it's not a compromise. It's not fifty
to fifty what you're describing. You have needs, He doesn't
have to meet every single one of your needs. That's
also an unfair demand. But he has to be able

(32:37):
to come to meet you where you are and say,
this is what I can do, even though I hate
talking on the phone. You know, let's make sure we
connect midweek or a couple of times a week, whatever
would make you happy. That would be, you know, a
move in the right direction. And it doesn't have to
be an ultimatum. You can just declare that and then
see how he responds to it, and then you're going

(32:59):
to gather all the information you need. He'll either be
able to do it or he won't. Right, And you
shouldn't have to move in with someone to get to
see them exactly.

Speaker 6 (33:09):
You know, we do spend weekends together. And I don't
tell him this, but this is how I feel when
I see him on Friday night, like the whole week
is just dumped on me, and it's like, oh, I
did this, and this happened, and then we did this,
and I'm like, can we break it up during the
week and tell me these things because right now I've
had a full week and I'm just exhausted and I

(33:31):
just want to chill and smoke some weed and hang
out and you know, do my thing. And so it's
it's a little bit hard, and I'm not afraid to
talk to him about it. I'm going to talk to
him about it because I feel like I.

Speaker 4 (33:44):
Deserve more and good.

Speaker 6 (33:47):
I am a strong woman. I can do it all alone.
I can be by myself, no big deal. The thing
is that he is just such an amazing person. And
maybe you know, I didn't make it super clear. Maybe
I just need to be like, hey, this isn't going
to work for me.

Speaker 2 (34:01):
Or maybe it's hey, Wednesday nights, let's either go grab
a drink or let's have like a half hour phone
call just being like, you know what, let's throw in
a midweek thing. But also, is there a way that
you guys can move in together before his house is done?

Speaker 5 (34:14):
Is that possible?

Speaker 6 (34:15):
I wish? I mean honestly, so right now he has
kind of like a luxury trailer on his property because
he has like a full like kind of farm with
the animals, so he has to be there. But I
mean it's such a small thing, and me moving in
my stuff.

Speaker 4 (34:31):
Got it?

Speaker 6 (34:32):
Yeah, And I actually really like this time myself alone
because I was in fifteen year marriage before this, and
it ended in twenty twenty. And I am totally fine
living on my own. You know, I like it.

Speaker 1 (34:47):
You see, you seem very together and very grounded and competent.
So like, I'm not worried about your situation at all.
I think you're going to handle everything the way that
it needs to be handled, and you have absolutely every
right to say what you want, and then he can
show you that he's moving towards that direction.

Speaker 4 (35:03):
You know, he doesn't have to bend over backwards for
you all the time.

Speaker 1 (35:06):
But it's just a consideration that you deserve and when
you put it and frame it like I just feel
like I deserve better or not better, say I deserve
more from somebody who's I'm in a committed relationship with,
and for that to be too much to ask from
you doesn't make me feel good about us.

Speaker 6 (35:22):
Yeah, and that's exactly what I've written down. You know.
All my bullet points are just like, if you wanted to,
you definitely would, And to me, you're showing me you
don't want to, and that's okay, that's okay you don't
want to. I don't want to force you. However, that
doesn't mean that I have to be in this relationship
as well. I mean it would break my heart, of course,

(35:44):
but I mean it is what it is. You can't
force someone to do something.

Speaker 1 (35:48):
But I think that's also stating it like that, saying
you know, if you can do this, that would be
great and that would be significant in us remaining together.
But I have to be honest, I'm starting to feel
like you're not willing to compromise and that's making me
question things and that would be heartbreaking for me. But
I also need a certain amount of respect or consideration about,

(36:08):
you know, what you desire rather than what's he desires,
which is not talking on the phone at all.

Speaker 7 (36:14):
Right, I was gonna say, also there's like this.

Speaker 4 (36:15):
Maybe I should date him. Actually, I also don't want
to talk on the phone.

Speaker 6 (36:20):
I would love to just you know.

Speaker 3 (36:22):
There's also this weird dynamic of it seems like it's
all about him all the time.

Speaker 6 (36:25):
And you know, I think maybe he is a little
bit that way. I wouldn't say that he's a selfish person.
I think that sometimes he can become self centered. I've
never held that against him. However, the man when I'm.

Speaker 4 (36:43):
With him, he just adores me.

Speaker 6 (36:44):
He loves on me. He buys me anything I want.
If I literally go into any store and say, okay,
I want this, he's like cool and he just buys it.
And I know for some people that's like, oh, well, that's.

Speaker 7 (36:55):
Not a big deal.

Speaker 6 (36:56):
For me, it's so nice because I'm like, really extra,
I'm gonna I'm gonna be honest, and I'm like, oh wow,
a man wants to buy me stuff in dote on me.
But it's like the weirdest thing. Even my friends think
it's so weird. And I've even asked him, like, do
you have another family that you're entering.

Speaker 5 (37:14):
It crossed my mind.

Speaker 6 (37:15):
Are they all living in this trailer with you? No?
But but you know, like I've asked him and he's like, no,
absolutely not. And I do see how focused he is
and he enjoys his job. He's very much focused. But
you know, me being younger and also maybe just kind
of a little bit brattier than he's normally used to

(37:36):
and not I'm really not a brat, but when I
want something, it's like, can we just do this, Let's
just do this. You know. I think I'm a little
bit of a challenge for him, but sort of in
a good way. And I'm really hoping this all ends up. Yeah,
I want it, Tom.

Speaker 1 (37:51):
Yeah, And don't be a brat when you have this conversation,
because there's nothing bratty about it, right, you know, there's
nothing whiny or complaining. It's I think it's much more
effective to just say this is what I need in
a non emotional way, so that it helps a little
bit more, has a little bit more heft than just
being like I need you to call me. You know,
it's yeah, it's not a needy thing, it's a respect thing.

Speaker 5 (38:13):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (38:13):
And putting a date on it of like, hey, let's
talk for twenty or thirty minutes on Wednesdays gives an
actionable goal that like either meeting or not meeting, rather
than like let's just talk more, which is more vague. Right,
But Jen, let us know how it goes. Okay, I'm
interested to hear.

Speaker 4 (38:30):
I want to hear how the conversation goes. To follow
back up.

Speaker 6 (38:33):
Okay, okay, we'll do Thanks everyone.

Speaker 1 (38:36):
Okay, thanks honey, goodbye, Okay, thank you, bye bye bye.

Speaker 4 (38:41):
Catherine was done with that call. She's like, Okay, we
gotta move on. That goes She's like, I want to
get a kidney transplant. Catherine's like okay, well.

Speaker 5 (38:49):
Good like goodbye.

Speaker 7 (38:55):
Well.

Speaker 5 (38:56):
Our next color is Hallie. She is dear Chelsea.

Speaker 2 (39:02):
I'm the youngest of three girls, and my oldest sister
has a very tense relationship with our mom. She immediately
goes on the defensive around her, and every time they're
together they get into at least one little snippy conversation.
I'll admit our mom can be difficult, but I think
my middle sister and I are more able to see
that the things she says and does are often coming
from a place of insecurity. Even if we get into

(39:23):
an argument with her, we're more able to move on
and give her some grace.

Speaker 5 (39:27):
Our oldest sister just.

Speaker 2 (39:28):
Seems to assume the worst and hang on to every
little thing. Then she'll complain to us about it, and
we're not sure what to say. I think she wants
her kids to continue to have a relationship with our mom,
but it feels like she's at a crossroads and needs
to decide how she's going to move forward with her
own relationship with her, as the current state of it
makes it unpleasant for everyone. The irony is that my
oldest sister and our mom are more similar than they

(39:50):
care to admit. How can my middle sister and I
help our older sister figure out how to improve her
relationship with our mom, what boundaries to set and what
conversations to have? Thanks for any advice you can give.

Speaker 4 (40:02):
Hallie Hi, Halle Hi, Hi.

Speaker 1 (40:05):
This is Brittany Broski. She's our special guest today.

Speaker 7 (40:08):
Hallie, Hey, nice to meet.

Speaker 1 (40:10):
It's funny I had a conversation with a girlfriend this
morning on the phone because to her sister just was
visiting her and she's like, everything my sister does annoys
the shit out of me, and my friend is just
the most, in my opinion, is the sweetest, most easy
going person in the world. So to hear her even
talk like that about her sister is it's always just

(40:31):
a test, right, Like it's basically the universe testing you,
because if you keep failing the test that it keeps
triggering you and triggering you. And you have to basically
talk to your sister about treating your mom with kid
gloves and actually treating your mom like she's.

Speaker 4 (40:45):
A kid, think of her like a kid.

Speaker 1 (40:47):
And even though that's fucked up, because you're the kids,
you and your youngest sister.

Speaker 9 (40:52):
I'm the youngest, so it's me and my middle sister.

Speaker 1 (40:55):
Yeah, you and your middle sister are obviously okay with
it and you're not taking it to task and it's
not disrupting your life. Right.

Speaker 4 (41:02):
I think you're right.

Speaker 1 (41:02):
I think that makes sense, and they're probably the similarity
between the two is why they are clashing, which is
very obvious. Also, so it's a very easy like psychology lesson,
but on a spiritual level, like in terms of energetic
being and your vibration and being cool and attracting goodness,
it is that you are lifting yourself up out of

(41:26):
kind of a low vibe when you have room and
space for people that you don't necessarily want to have
room and space for, or that annoy you, or that
trigger you, or all of the history that's involved. So
for her, if there's any way for you to engage
her in a conversation where you're talking like this about it, like, hey,

(41:46):
treat mom like she's a little kid. Let go of
the anger, Like try to just use it as a practice,
Like even when I am annoyed with someone, I make
it a note to send a text out to them
and say, hey, just thinking about you love you just
be because I want to flip the switch on my
own script in my head, you know, put out love
and when you're feeling negative, like it'll change her whole

(42:07):
entire life if she's able to let go of the tension,
And it won't happen overnight. But it is a practice,
just like anything you do to be a better person
or be a more mindful person and practice loving kindness.
She needs love your mother. She's obviously damaged. Your sister's
obviously damaged from your mother, so she's holding on to it.
But what a great victory lap would it be for

(42:27):
your sister if she could release that and look at
her with pity and treat her like a little girl
instead of like she's expecting her to be your mom. Right?

Speaker 9 (42:35):
And what do you think about the fact that she
our oldest sister kind of puts me and our middle
sister in the middle a little bit and kind of
will express her grievances about our mom to us. And again,
I mean, I think we have challenges with her too,
so I can on the one hand, I can see it,
and I want her to feel supported in that, but
I also don't think it's healthy for her then to

(42:58):
be coming to us with those difficulties that she's having.

Speaker 4 (43:02):
I agree with that wholeheartedly.

Speaker 1 (43:04):
She shouldn't And you can say that in a very
loving way as well, like, hey, I love both of you.
It's upsets me every time you come to me talking
about Mom. It's upsetting, Like, I just want you guys
to get along. And I know it's not as easy
for you, clearly, but I think that there might be
a reason why it's not easier for you. That might
be your challenge. Like that's a test, and if you

(43:24):
can get past that, and you can ace that test,
then there's a whole bunch of other.

Speaker 4 (43:29):
New stuff in the world that you're not going to.
You know, you minimize the irritation of that person by
just showering them with love, acceptance, and understanding and not
looking for them to deliver something they've never shown you
in the first place.

Speaker 2 (43:42):
There is a book called The Dance of Anger that
you might recommend to your sister.

Speaker 5 (43:48):
It helps sort of unlatch.

Speaker 2 (43:50):
Some of that repetitive behavior of like going straight into anger.
I know I had a pretty strained relationship with my
dad maybe ten years ago, and it's got a lot better,
and I think you know there is room for us
to learn and change and grow, but your sister does
have to be, as Chelsea said, like making that effort
to do that. I think it can just stay stagnant
or get worse if someone's not actively trying to improve

(44:13):
the situation.

Speaker 9 (44:13):
Right, Yeah, I think I think she's kind of in
like a constant state of fight or flight, you know,
with our mom, So that makes retal sense trying to
help her lovingly, help her get to that place of
having that dialogue with herself and figuring out what she
can do to take steps to move forward.

Speaker 1 (44:29):
Because usually when you're acting like that, it's because you're
seeing a part.

Speaker 4 (44:33):
Of you that you do not like.

Speaker 1 (44:34):
Like the similarities in you, we give the best advice
of what we need to seek the most. When you
see somebody that drives you crazy, it's because they're representing
something in you yourself that you don't like.

Speaker 4 (44:44):
Brittany, were you going to say something, I was just
gonna say, Yeah, it's an active choice.

Speaker 3 (44:48):
Yeah, Relationships like this are little moments of active choices
where either you or your sisters are choosing whether or
not to engage. And, like Chelsea said, how you're approaching it,
to flip the switch and be like, in this moment,
I'm recognizing this feeling of you know, the fighting is starting,
or that pissed me off, or here we go back

(45:08):
to the same shit, where making an active choice to
just take a breath and respond differently because it is
a choice, you know, Like that is to keep that
in mind, that you have the power over how you
react to a situation. All your siblings do, and your
mom does too. But it's I deal with this with
my mom where I am the parent and my mother
is the child, and I have to gentle parent my

(45:30):
own mom and it's fucking infuriating, and I have to
take a breath and I have to like do breathing
exercises in the bathroom. But like it's made all the difference,
and it's a hard, hard thing. Family shit is so
hard feeling you, feeling you sis, dang.

Speaker 1 (45:46):
Thank you.

Speaker 9 (45:46):
To your point, I think, of course, then I can
decide how I react to them having their own reactions,
you know exactly, So I can decide that I'm not
going to have an inflammatory reaction to that circumstance. However,
I think, like there are kids involved who are hearing them,
you know, disagree. So I feel like, you know, I
do want to be able to help them if I can.

Speaker 1 (46:10):
Yeah, And I think it's just it's all love based,
it's all expression of love.

Speaker 4 (46:16):
For instance, my sister in law is.

Speaker 1 (46:18):
Annoying to me, and I really argue a lot about
politics and stuff, but I realize how pointless it is
to engage, right, So, and this has been a work
in progress for many years. And so now when I
see her, I just like shower her with love and affection,
just shower her.

Speaker 4 (46:35):
With love and affection.

Speaker 1 (46:36):
And it kind of like my feelings towards her have diminished.
My anger towards her has diminished, and I am feeling like, oh,
she's just not open to our accessible, like she's she's
been indoctrinated. She's Russian, you know, like she doesn't she's
never going to believe.

Speaker 4 (46:53):
That food is a bad guy. That's sad. Actually, that's
she's been brainwashed and indoctrinated.

Speaker 1 (46:58):
So instead of going at her with anger, now I'm
just trying. And this is I'm trying. I haven't, you know,
been completely successful thus far, but I'm working hard to
make sure that my interactions with her are just love
based and there isn't any acrimony.

Speaker 5 (47:12):
If all else fails.

Speaker 2 (47:14):
You know, sometimes a little ant anxiety, a little out
of anne or something like that before you have a
family get together doesn't hurt.

Speaker 4 (47:22):
That's a great idea.

Speaker 5 (47:22):
Actually, yeah, totally edibles.

Speaker 4 (47:25):
Does she take edibles?

Speaker 1 (47:26):
Your sister doesn't sound she sounds like she might need
an edible though, right, you might want to slip a
wanting to situations. It's not a bad idea, Yeah, And
then you could bring that up too, go like, let's
figure this out together, Like how can we make it
easier for you?

Speaker 9 (47:40):
Yeah, that's it too, Like I she's not having a
good time exactly, and I think she wants to be
able to have a good time with our mom and
with our family, and you know, so I can see
that she wants that, but I think she just doesn't
know how to get there.

Speaker 4 (47:55):
Right.

Speaker 1 (47:56):
Well, she's lucky, first of all to have a sister
like you that cares so much about your family dynamic.
That's so sweet and that's exactly what sisters are good for.

Speaker 4 (48:02):
Brittany, do you have any sisters?

Speaker 7 (48:04):
I do.

Speaker 3 (48:04):
I have a sister and a brother, and there's a
big age difference between us, Like I'm six and seven
years older than them, but it's just so funny how
we were all raised in the same.

Speaker 7 (48:13):
House and we're so so different. And I'm seeing that
you too.

Speaker 3 (48:16):
Where it's like, yeah, yeah, that oldest child gets the
brunt of it, Like I definitely got the brunt of it.
And it's funny how it affects you so differently than
like you being the youngest, Like it's just you know,
you're in the same house, but you're such different people.

Speaker 7 (48:29):
That's such a Families are so funny.

Speaker 9 (48:33):
They are they are well, thank you, thank you all.
I really appreciate it.

Speaker 4 (48:37):
Oh well, you're cute. I like your sweater, I like
your how much?

Speaker 9 (48:40):
Good luck with everything, God speed, Yeah, thanks everybody.

Speaker 5 (48:44):
Ye bye.

Speaker 1 (48:46):
It's funny because when we talk about siblings, like when
there is an age difference as I have in my
family and you do too. You know, there are two
different kind of ways to look at it, because I
always think every your sisters and brothers.

Speaker 4 (48:59):
Are the only ones who knew what happened. They are
the only ones who know exactly what went down in
your household.

Speaker 1 (49:05):
So my connection to my brothers and sisters is very
strong because we were so disfrunct. Our parents were pretty dysfunctional.
I mean we you know, never went hungry or anything.

Speaker 4 (49:14):
But it was just a hot mess.

Speaker 1 (49:16):
And then you hear from other people that are like,
oh no, we had totally different childhoods, even though they're
from the same set of parents. They had because of
the age gap, had different childhoods. So I guess at
least my parents were dysfunctionally consistent.

Speaker 7 (49:32):
Yeah, yeah, everyone got it fairly. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (49:35):
My older brother and my younger brother are fourteen years apart. Wow,
and there's like a boy and a girl and then
I'm girl and then boy. But we're so far in
distance from each other as far as age goes. My
older brother likes to say, like, I'm glad I got
out of the house before my parents got bored with parenting.

Speaker 5 (49:52):
Like, but I loved it. I mean it was great.

Speaker 2 (49:54):
They still parented, but it was like we had sugary
cereal and they had Raisin brand, you know that sort
of you.

Speaker 7 (50:00):
Know, a little lax When you get to that fourth kid,
it's just like, yeah, I ever did.

Speaker 4 (50:05):
Yeah, Like they write you a note saying good luck.

Speaker 7 (50:07):
Oh truly.

Speaker 2 (50:08):
My parents traveled all the time when we were growing up,
people are be like, where are your parents now?

Speaker 5 (50:11):
I'm like, I don't know, They're just gone. Someone's saying
with us somewhere. Yeah, we had fun.

Speaker 7 (50:16):
We had a good time.

Speaker 3 (50:18):
My siblings, they're my half siblings. So, like my parents
got divorced when I was one or two, and then
my dad remarried when I was four, and then from
then on, I've had half siblings. And it was It's
so funny because I was always thought one out obviously
because I was older, and I was going back and
forth because of custody battles and all that.

Speaker 4 (50:36):
And oh were their custody battles.

Speaker 3 (50:38):
Constantly growing up until like high school. But it was
like my siblings just kind of watched that, you know,
and they were like, who is.

Speaker 7 (50:45):
What do you mean?

Speaker 3 (50:45):
Brittany has a mom like another mom, Like they just
didn't understand, but kind of understood, and it didn't really
affect like all through that, it didn't really affect our relationship,
which is cool, like you said, you know, like we
all grew up in the same house. Like I was
still being parented by my dad and my stepmom the
same way that they were, and my dad really made
an effort to like, if one of y'all's punished this way,

(51:06):
the other one will be too, you know, like there's
no special treatment, there's no whatever. And I think that
really really paid off because I feel like some parents,
you know, you have to do different parenting techniques for
different kids, and that shows up in their adult life
of like I was never told no or I was
never this that. So I'm very fortunate that I had
parents with level heads, especially in the midst of a divorce,

(51:27):
like a nasty divorce too, where some people aren't so lucky.
So it's an interesting dynamic with half siblings too, because
it's like we're kind of blood related but also kind of.

Speaker 5 (51:37):
Not yeah, not at all.

Speaker 4 (51:38):
Yeah, that is interesting. And also just to be a.

Speaker 1 (51:41):
Child of divorce and all of that that comes with that,
because it can be one experience for one person a
quite different one for another person. So when they were
having custody battle over you, how did they drag you
into that?

Speaker 4 (51:54):
Did your mom or dad?

Speaker 7 (51:55):
Not? Really?

Speaker 3 (51:56):
They never argued in front of me, which I'm very
very thankful for, but I did like every other weekend,
I was back and forth from probably like the ages
of six to about six sixth grade, and that was hard,
you know, like I don't know where I'm gonna be
and I have homework that's due, but I left this
at my mom's house and I need.

Speaker 7 (52:12):
It's just a mess. And it was like.

Speaker 3 (52:15):
Resuing for custody over and over and it was just messy.

Speaker 4 (52:20):
But well, at least you were wanted, period.

Speaker 7 (52:23):
Yeah, what a what a good problem to have.

Speaker 4 (52:26):
They want me to look that both parents wanted action. Yeah,
that's nice.

Speaker 1 (52:30):
I'm always so touched when a man is so determined
to get custody. And then I'm like, listen to what
you're saying. Parents, Why do we give that so much
credit for behaving like a fucking father.

Speaker 7 (52:41):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (52:42):
Well, let's take a quick break and we'll be back
to finish up with Chelsea and Brittany.

Speaker 5 (52:52):
And we're back, and we're back, and I have one
more question.

Speaker 2 (52:56):
It's it's a little long winded, but I think it's
an interesting one.

Speaker 1 (53:00):
To excuse me, Brittany just had to go to the
bathroom in studios.

Speaker 4 (53:03):
Are you okay?

Speaker 5 (53:04):
Hey there in the corner?

Speaker 4 (53:05):
Okay, sorry about that, Sorry about that. Listeners, my fault.
She's just wrapping up some COVID.

Speaker 7 (53:12):
Yeah, it's just a finishing up here really quick.

Speaker 4 (53:15):
Just top it off for COVID with her beer.

Speaker 7 (53:19):
Well.

Speaker 2 (53:20):
In the vein of Jen getting bought things from her boyfriend,
Ashley says, Dear Chelsea, I'm twenty eight and I've been
dating my boyfriend, who's twenty nine, for a year and
a half. He's an amazing and loving man and surpasses
all of the other men I've been with. The problem
I keep coming back to, though, is our differing views
on money. I was raised in a very broke, conservative

(53:40):
household until I left home in my early twenties, but
that really set me back in my education and career.
I'm an extremely hard worker and have been even before
I graduated high school, but that's mostly been out of necessity.
In truth, I've always dreamed of going to art school
and finding a creative career I enjoy. His life is
the complete opposite. He owned a business and now has

(54:01):
a great job, which he loves. He's not extremely wealthy,
but he's very secure and the important things are paid
for in full, including his home. I've moved in with
him and things are good, but I'm constantly struggling, whereas
he's comfortable financially. He used to pay for a lot
when it came to dates and other little things, but
as we became more serious, he made it very clear
that he wants to share expenses. He's even asking me

(54:23):
to pay rent. I understand splitting the utilities we both use,
but he wants me to pay him for rent even
though his house is paid off. Currently, I work a
full time nine to five job that I don't like,
and also waitress in the evenings and weekends to supplement
my income and pay off the data I accumulated by
moving out of my home before I was financially able.
I'm also taking some courses online so I can continue

(54:44):
my education. I've noticed some resentment building up as he
sees me constantly struggling and tired, but doesn't seem inclined
to alleviate the burden.

Speaker 5 (54:53):
There's no bigger.

Speaker 2 (54:53):
Turn off than when a guy asks you to split
dinner when you're just thinking of all the bills waiting
for you. I'm plagued with guilt for even thinking this,
when women are encouraged to be independent and successful and
not rely on a man. But I'd love nothing more
than to go back to school and find a career
I enjoy, but it's practically impossible for me to do
that on my own if I still want to cover
my bills and debt before adding on to it. I

(55:15):
don't expect him to fund my lifestyle or put me
through college, but help with our shared expenses and activities
will go a long way, as I have to think
about every dollar I spent. At the same time, I
know I could find someone who's willing to do that
for me, and I've had plenty of opportunities to pursue
other relationships where I'm supported financially. Even with my waitressing job,
I constantly get offers by men who want to whisk

(55:36):
me off my feet and fund my lifestyle, but that's
not for me. I have no desire to leave, as
I'm very happy with the love he provides, but my
life can be exhausting. He sees how happy I am
when I'm working on my art and knows what I
want to do with my life. But he's so practical
and approaches relationships as two separate people improving themselves on
their own. Should I stick it out even though I'm struggling, Ashley.

Speaker 1 (55:58):
I would first of all say, who cares if men
at restaurants are offering to whisk you away. You don't
want that. That's not even part of the conversation. Because
of course you can find somebody else to pay your
bills if that's what you're looking for. But if you're
looking for mutual respect within a relationship, I don't think
it's crazy to ask for a little bit of help,

(56:19):
especially when he owns his house. I mean paying rent
for somebody who bought their house. That when you're in
a loving relationship, is a little strange.

Speaker 7 (56:27):
That's what you do.

Speaker 4 (56:30):
Like that doesn't sound kosher. And you're working multiple jobs.

Speaker 5 (56:35):
Yeah, it's not like she's not her death. She's hustling
one thing.

Speaker 1 (56:38):
If you're sitting around lazy and you're like I don't
want to work, you're gonna pay for everything?

Speaker 4 (56:42):
No, you're not doing that.

Speaker 1 (56:43):
I don't think he should be funding your lifestyle either,
but he can definitely be helping if he's in a
more advantageous position than you are, which clearly he is.
So yes, it's worth a conversation about support. And it's
not a demand or a ultimatum.

Speaker 4 (56:58):
Or anything like that.

Speaker 1 (56:59):
It's like, hey, I'm really having a hard time here,
me paying you rent feels weird. I'm totally down to
split utilities, but every time you want to split the bill, like,
it makes me feel like we're in a business relationship
and I'm going through this time and you want to
get your degree and move towards that art passion that
you have and go back to school at all of
those things. And this is exactly the time where you

(57:20):
need support from your partner and in pursuit of that.
And it won't last forever, but you need it during
this time. And that's a very reasonable thing to talk about.

Speaker 2 (57:29):
Yeah, and it's also to improve not just your situation,
but your situation together. You know, his help during this
time will give you, guys a better life ostensibly in
the future.

Speaker 7 (57:39):
Right. I think there's also I mean, be sensitive, you
know what I mean.

Speaker 3 (57:44):
Like this guy sounds like, all right, well, everything's fifty
to fifty, Like life doesn't really work like that. Sometimes
sometimes ideally it should be fifty to fifty, but in
a situation like this. My best friend's kind of in
a similar situation where she makes significantly less than her
husband and they split bills fifty to fifty and recently,
I mean, in the last six months. She kind of

(58:06):
was like, I am struggling and I am in a committed,
loving marriage, and this just doesn't feel fair. And she
approached it with her husband and they worked it out
where of course, because he makes more money and they
live together, they share everything, he'll pay for more, you know,
like it's like seventy thirty now, And that is totally

(58:27):
because y'all are literally married. It's the same legally in
front of the Lord and all his witnesses. I just
think that there's logic and then there's functional relationships. So
in that situation, it feels like cut her some slack, dude,
you know, if you really love her and you see
how she's struggling, and you see how she wants to

(58:48):
dedicate She doesn't want to fucking work seven jobs. She
wants to dedicate time to her art whatever. Help her
do that because you love her, and it's not you know,
sacrificing her autonomy or her independence or her whatever. You
can still be in visuals in a relationship, but I
think that, yeah, just be fucking for real, be.

Speaker 7 (59:06):
So for real.

Speaker 2 (59:07):
Yeah, I think working one job should be plenty in
this situation. You know, if you have a conversation with
him about like I want to quit my waitressing job.
I want to keep this job, and like you said,
maybe not splitting things fifty to fifty as far as
the bill goes. But there's also a way to do
it where you're each paying the same percentage of the
bill according to your income. You feel it the same amount.

Speaker 7 (59:29):
And please don't.

Speaker 1 (59:30):
Introduce the idea when you're having this conversation of other
men or other opportunities.

Speaker 4 (59:35):
That's not important. Yes, it's not good to dangle that
stuff in front of people. You know.

Speaker 1 (59:40):
I had a boyfriend who's like, do you know how
many people are hitting me up on Instagram? I'm like, go, then,
no thought about who's dming you on Instagram?

Speaker 7 (59:51):
Uh huh.

Speaker 1 (59:51):
Anyway, so that's good advice, Brittany. You have been giving
very good advice. Y.

Speaker 4 (59:56):
Yeah, I'm sorry I sound surprised. I're like, you're actually
pretty competente. Confident and Confident two of my favorite series.

Speaker 1 (01:00:05):
Yes, so thank you for joining us today.

Speaker 4 (01:00:09):
I can't wait to see you again.

Speaker 3 (01:00:10):
Yeah. When you help me get on Riya and when
I introduce you to my husband.

Speaker 1 (01:00:14):
Well, I'm not gonna have to see you to get
you on Riah, but I like that's how you think
it works and the zoom zoom. And that's our episode
for today. Everybody, Thank you, we'll see you next week.

Speaker 7 (01:00:28):
Thanks team.

Speaker 2 (01:00:30):
If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
and engineered by Brad Dickard executive producer Catherine Law and
be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
com