You’ve Got a Tone with Lake Bell

Chelsea is joined this week by director and actress Lake Bell to discuss using her on-set voice with her kids, the assumptions we make about others based on the way they sound, and the perils of the Sexy Baby voice.  Then: A girl with a *tone* is desperate to be taken seriously.  A law student suffers from imposter syndrome.  And a burlesque dancer is feeling lost in life and wants to take the next step in her career.  

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Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail]

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Executive Producer Nick Stumpf

Produced by Catherine Law

Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hi Katherine, Hello Chelsea. Excuse me. I took some chocolate
mushrooms last night and they were very strong. I actually
I took them the other night to my friend gave
it to We were going to someone's birthday party and
we walk into the party. We get out of the car.
I was with Billy, my driver. We get out of

(00:22):
the car, walk into the party. I was like four
people and somehow I got separated from them, and then
the mushrooms completely hit me so hard, and I was like,
where am i? And who am I with? I was like, who, who?
Who did I come here with? And I'm looking around, going,
oh god. And I was like, you're with someone. Just
look around for a familiar face. You did not come alone.

(00:45):
You are definitely with other people. And then I saw
my friend Alison. I'm like, say, isn't you And she's
like yeah. I go, oh my god, I just lost you.
She goes, we just walked in. How could you lose me?
I go, I don't know, but I don't know. I'm
fucked up. Let's go sit down. Were you also the
only one on mushrooms? Who knows? But somebody? Somebody's mother
the birthday boys mother cornered me for about twenty minutes,

(01:07):
and she had three heads while she was talking to me,
and I was just like, these are because she gave
me a little chocolate square, my friend, which are the
best mushrooms ever. I'll give them to you if you want,
but you have to take half of that. Last night
I took half and I had a good time too.
So wow, and you can still just like relate to
people and you're fine. Yeah. You know what I love
about mushrooms. They just make you laugh. You know, they're

(01:28):
up and they make you laugh. And yeah, we went
last night, we said, we hung out for like four hours,
just sitting around, laughing talking. Yeah. I love the dreams
the dream Oh you guys, I'm performing this weekend. Tickets
are still available for both shows, So bye some okay
by our guest Today, she wrote and directed In a World,

(01:50):
which is all about voice acting. Her fascination with voice
goes way back, and so now she has an audiobook
out called Inside Voice, which dissects your voice, how you
come across, how people change their voices, and the title
of the book is called Inside Voice. It's published by
Malcolm Godwell's company which is called Pushkin and then she

(02:13):
has a lot of famous people on it, Drew Barrymore,
Susie Yesman, Pam Career, Jeff Goldbloom, and Malcolm Gladwell. So
please welcome Lake Bell Hi, Lake, Hi, Chelsea. How are you?
I'm great. I'm better now now that I'm here with
you a long time. No see are you in New York?
I know I am. You look beautiful, Chelsea? Oh thanks,

(02:34):
I just had Wendy's. Maybe that's it. I'm glowing. I
think it's the Wendy's grease glow. I came. I was like,
you know what I need today? Once I found out
we were recording at this studio, I'm like, I need
some chicken nuggets from Wendy's. Did you really? I did?
I did. I allowed myself to do that about once
every three or four months. Okay, so it's Wendy's okay

(02:54):
for me. My my guilty one is Subway. I want
a Subway sandwich in a pinch. Yeah, I do. I
like get I like the combo meal. I like to
get a drink and you get a chip. I like
anything with like a combo. You know. I'm into combos
as well. I like a combo platter. I like to
think that. I don't like I want to opt out
of the fries because that's just like putting gasoline inside

(03:14):
your body. But then I'm like, you know what funkin,
I'm here, and I'm I'm going to enjoy myself and
your privilege, my white privilege. Actually, Okay, and there we started. Okay,
like I was listening to your book. Lake has a
new book out, an audio book in fact, called Inside Voice,
which is a great examination of all the different voices

(03:37):
that we use in different situations. Talk to us a
little bit about you. You've been fascinated by the subject
for quite some time, right, Yeah, I'm pretty openly vocally obsessed.
I love voices because I think they imbue so many
different characteristics, but also kind of it's a roadmap of
everything we've ever endured. So it's it's like your voice

(03:59):
is in headibly recognizable, and it is. I'd be so
curious to hear you at like fourteen or sixteen, you know,
because you as you are right now. Chelsea's voice. I
love where it's come because it has this intremendous evolution
and all these tapestry markers of like, Okay, you fucking

(04:20):
any traumas or delights or whatever. It's really kind of
this thing we don't pay attention to. Sure, we look
in the mirror, We're like, what kind of fucking crew
neck am I gonna wear? What? You know it? Where's
my part? Do I have a good lip? Is it mad?
Is it glossy? Okay? But the point is our voice
is the thing that connects to humans in some kind

(04:43):
of communication. So the second you open your mouth and
you're learning about somebody, sure you're gonna look at what
they're wearing and how they're You're gonna make some snap
judgments perhaps, But when they open their voice, that's when
you really start to get to know someone, and you
are going to profile, whether you want to or not,
You're gonna have some preconc you notions just based off
their pitch, their regional dialect perhaps, you know, do they

(05:06):
come from a certain burrow? Are they putting on an
affectation that feels inauthentic. There's a multitude of different things
and cocktails that we add on, whether we're aware of
it or not. Some people are so vocally self aware,
like myself, that they are obsessing over it, and then
other ones are like, don't play that back for me.
I can't. I can't, I can't. Is that me? You
know there's this real self loathing and I love this disconnect.

(05:30):
It's so interesting to me from a sociological point of view. Yeah,
I think people get really freaked out by their own voices,
especially because everybody has a variety of different voices that
they use, like you know, your phone voice versus your
angry voice versus your when you're trying to be for me,
when I'm trying to be soft, I always have to
modulate my voice like okay, because I know I can

(05:51):
come up across as much harsher than I mean to
just by just by my you know, physicality, just because
people know that I'm a bit so I But when
I was a little girl, I remember doing stand up
and watching hearing my voice made me cringe because it
was so high and it was so unmodulated. I guess
would be the the term that comes to mind quickly,

(06:14):
and I remember always going, no, don't talk in that
high voice, like you don't sound serious, you know, lower
your register, lower it. And it is. It is an
evolution and a lot of people aren't even aware of
the sound of their voice or think about it, because
I can think of a couple of people when you
were just talking offhand, whose voices just made me disqualify

(06:34):
them as people like I can't listen. There's somebody in
my life that I can't listen to talk because I
can't take her seriously because she talks like this and
this kind of voice. Okay, so this is what this
is the next step, which is like our own vocal profiling.
I mean, you hit the nail on the head there,
because I also have, you know, really conflicted feelings about

(06:55):
some female voices, which it sounds you know, we talked
about the sex baby voice, which is you know, like
why do we have to go so high and like
so much fry and up talk and it's like Jesus Christ.
And yes, I have had things where I'm like, I
can't hire you, you know, and that can like I
can't hang out. I don't even know if I can

(07:16):
be in the same room with you, you know what
I mean. And that for me is that's where I
am in conflict because as a woman who you know
loves women. I love women, I mean fucking love women.
I have sisters, I have daughter, you know, I just
I'm a girlfriend kind of gal and I don't want
to I don't want to isolate anyone. I don't want
to be that person. However, it is problematic for me

(07:39):
because it is it is harkening back that sexy baby
sand is harkening back to a time when we are
little girls and it's a submissive voice. It's taking that
little girls submissiveness and marrying it with bedroom talk. I'm like,
say what you know? And that for me is like
woes or you know what I'm saying. So yeah, I mean,

(08:02):
I'm with you. It sucks that we do profile, but
we do. I mean, even with regionalism, Okay, we're all
guilty of. You know, if someone talks like this and
the coming from you know, you're gonna have what you
might think, Okay what some people I've talked to, they're like, yeah,
well that person is from deep South, right, Like if
you have a really beautiful deep South farmland accent, Okay,

(08:24):
that accent is unforcable? Is it depends where you're sitting.
But no, I mean you might say that's unfussable and
then you know, it's it's interesting. It's like do you
do you not want to hire that person. Are you
making assumptions about that person socioeconomic or education status? You know, basically,
I'm just making the assumption that I don't want to
suck them, but I wouldn't. But I I hear what

(08:45):
you're saying, and I think that it's interesting as you
go through life. I mean, I don't know, does everybody
have enough introspection to actually think about how they're coming
across It's almost like a rarefied topic that you would
you need the luxury to even discuss. But here's the
deal is, like it goes across the board. So we
all enjoy. We have a couple of drinks. Everyone wants

(09:05):
to do an impression right there, like, oh, I have
a great Just last night there was someone who was
like I got a great Christopher walking. You know, you're
just like, okay, drunk person, like go for it. And
people have these like oh I've got a good Drew Barrymore,
I've got it, like a great Jeff Goldblum, who are
both in the book. You know, these are iconic voices.
We enjoy voices, we we relish in them, we we
enjoy playing with them. You know, people are they enjoy

(09:29):
doing accents. Even if you are not a professional, you
are using your voice to find love, to find connection,
to work, to interact with the person down at the
fucking gas station. You're always using your vocal tool, like
you right now revealing that your voice is going through
evolution from the younger girl who is perhaps just getting

(09:49):
up on stage and finding her voice as a comedian.
And then you made a conscious decision to try to
lower it. And I bet you've now arrived at a
place where this is your voice. I mean, it sounds
so deeply authentic to you. It doesn't sound like you're
pushing it down though we could. You know you can
do vocal warm ups to kind of find it, because

(10:09):
I used to push it down also, I did like, hey,
I want you to take me seriously and take me
as an authority. And now I find this is me,
this is just who I am off the truck. I
have a lower register than I did, and in the
book I reveal where I was vocally. But I really
love that pliability. I love that that has the ability

(10:29):
to kind of like we we vocally change. You know,
you you move to a certain burrow, you move out
of a certain burrow, you have a partner that speaks
a certain way. You smoke, you start smoking in your twenties,
and you do it throughout and then all of a
sudden you've got you know some I mean, you have
a beautiful kind of text or to your voice do,
but that's your history. It's also interesting to dissect how

(10:52):
one person how we say things right, because something can
come across as argumentative in a certain tone, and the
same exact sentence can come cross as inviting. Or you know,
if you take a sentence and you experiment with five
to ten different ways of saying something, they all have
a kind of different out impact and outcome. I have
a very specific issue with that in my own life,

(11:14):
where like some people have resting bitch face, I and
my sister has the same problem. We have what we
call resting bitch voice, where especially with like the people
we love the most, like my husband or whatever, I
can be just telling him a piece of information like
what time is it, and my voice will go it's
ten thirty, And I'm not pissed, but I sound so rude,

(11:35):
and sometimes I have to be like, I didn't mean
it like that. I just meant it's ten thirty. Yeah,
I mean that's intonation, right, So that's I mean, it
is interesting when we start to think about performance versus voice,
right so style because in the book it's very kinetic.
It's not it's active, you know. It's like I want
your participation as well as just like sitting on your butts.

(11:56):
It's it's it's an active participatory experience. And trust or
bust is this game we play. And I have anonymous
readers of all different socio economics and from different continents
read with all of their accents because even I have
an accent, right, we all have accents. We have strong
American accents, generalized or what have you. And then I

(12:17):
have anonymous judges be brutally honest about whether they trust
that voice or bust it. And that's not based on performance, right, tonality,
curtness or whatnot. It's it's about just voice. Do you
trust that voice or not? You know, it was really
extraordinary because people, boy, I mean, it's all over the

(12:38):
place and people have such strong, profiled opinions about you know,
if you hear a deep South accent, or if you
see if you hear a British you know, kind of
like an estuary British accent, you know, and it for me,
it was just like, God, this just goes on. It's
like we're we're walking through life and you're going, Okay,
I'm gonna go get a fucking Starbucks or whatever like macciato,

(12:59):
and and the person who hands it to you, if
they're like you want milk with that, you know, it's
like you're immediately like, okay, where they're from. I know
that they have a big family. You know, you're just
making some assumptions. You could be totally wrong, but you
are gaining a lot from just the voice alone. And
so how do you apply this to your work because

(13:19):
you were talking about directing specifically, right, giving people notes
versus Yeah, I think I think in work, like you said,
I do lower my register a bit to just wield
kind of pure attention and respect. Right, I'm not trying to.
It's like instead of being bitchy or whatever, you know,
it's like I'm just like I'm gonna wield a very

(13:40):
direct authority. Sound right, and that sound you know if
I was up here even without doing Sexy Baby, but
I just was a bit higher, you know, if I'm
up here that really, you know, would be a harder sound,
I think to wield power. And so if I said, okay,
everyone back to one, thank you so much, you know,
versus okay, thank you, everyone back to one. Let's let's

(14:03):
go one more time. Very different experience. And so how
do you apply that with your parenting and your little
girl especially? I mean both my kids. No Van Nazi,
no when I'm using directing voice when I'm missed, you know.
And so sometimes you know, with my kids, when I
read them a book and when I talk about, hey,
how was your day? That really that must have really hard. Okay,

(14:26):
so let's go back to sleep, and let's just really
take some deep breaths. And then it's like, you know,
we do not bite in this house, you know. You know,
so it's like there's a there's a big flip. My
voice is utilized. And then my kids they don't like
it when I put on like accents and stuff. They
you know, because I love doing that and I thought
they would think that's so fun, but they're very they're

(14:48):
very specific about it, and they don't like it because
it sounds like someone else. And I realized the beauty
of you know, our voices as as family members and
dear loved ones is we really count on those sounds.
Those sounds are more important than we realize, you know,
like the voice of my my mom. Even I'm forty three,
I still ah the voice of my mom. She's alive.

(15:11):
I could cry right now. I love it so much,
you know. And she's soft spoken and she you know,
it's like there's just something about it. And when I
asked my daughter in the book, I say, trying to
get a good sound bite, I was like, nova, honey,
what is my voice sound like? And you know, She's like,
I don't know. It just sounds like you mom, you know.
And I was like, oh God, that's sweet. I'm gonna

(15:32):
cry now. But it's true. It's it's like the voice
of my brother. It's terrific. It's just him, and it's
indelible more so than sometimes these senses, you know, like
a smell or something. You walk by a Wendy's and
you and you smell whatever you smell, something you go
that reminds me of an exact time. And I think

(15:52):
voices for me have that same that same powerful poll. Yeah.
It's like when you think about people who have passed on,
you know, my mom, I always can remember her voice,
and it was quiet. She was German, but she was
not your stereotypical German women woman. She was very demure
and shy and quiet, and so when I came on
the scene, I remember her always going, where did you

(16:12):
get this voice from? Where did you get this voice from?
But she meant it literally and metaphorically, like where did
you get your attitude? Where did you get all of it?
Because it feels like a package. And when you remember
people who have passed on my mom, you know, I
don't remember my brother's voice, really, but I do remember
my mom's voice. And when you remember, that's one of
the things that never goes away in terms of your memory,

(16:33):
your senses of smell. The other day, I was talking
to somebody like and we were talking about the smell
of smurfs, right, like I remember the way the smurf smelled,
and I remember the way Cabbage Patch kids smelled, and
I remember the way the school bus smelled and the
first you know, like going to school and all those smells.
And it's like voices are similar to that. You hear
a voice and you're like taken. And sometimes when people

(16:54):
sound like each other, you're like, whoa I already know
this person. Yes, it does. That's a really beautiful thing
you brought up, because, yeah, you you feel all of
a sudden like, wow, I feel kindred with you. I
just met you. But you sound just like my sister.
I mean, I don't know what to tell you or
whatever it is. Do you have any recordings of your mother?
Do you have any of her voice? Yeah? We have

(17:15):
some videos from Yeah, but she was you know, whenever
there was a camera on or anything, is when she
just kind of disappeared. So it was very hard too. Yeah,
I have to ask my sisters about that, actually talk
to me about, Like so, Drew Barrymore, Susie Aspen, some
of the people that you talk about in the book.
Malcolm Gladwell, who actually published the book right with Pushkin Industries. Right,
are you guys friends? You and Malcolm Gladwell. Yeah. Malcolm

(17:36):
and I have known each other for many, many years,
and he is acutely aware of my obsession, and so
I would kind of talk to him a lot about
you know, from coming at it from a sociological point
of view, and I think that that I come at
it as an academic, you know, It's like I want
to learn you know. So it's like I ostensibly created
a post grad course in linguistics, you know, and the

(17:58):
sociology behind it is even a cultural conversation, like let's
talk about it, Let's talk about all the like pop
kind of fun stuff, and then also delve deeper into
things that I don't know as much about. And with Pushkin,
obviously I had access to just a tremendous amount of
professors and linguists and doctors to kind of even just
peel back the kind of architecture of how sounds are made,

(18:22):
you know, and then roll into kind of people's case
study stories, you know, stories that that are just moving.
For instance, Pam Greers in the book, and she talks
about losing her voice, actually physically losing her voice, going
ostensibly mute. It's called psychogenetic dysphonia in response to trauma
in her body, and that she's very moving and revealing.

(18:44):
I'm very close with Pam, and she was very giving
to kind of go there and talk about it. But
it's extraordinary that the voice can imbued with so much
emotion and also history, you know, yeah, and becoming self
aware of it, Like Drew has had the same voice
since the beginning of time, Like, she's not trying to
develop any sort of differentiation. And even though she gets

(19:07):
so many people do so many impersonations of her, she's
kind of stuck with her real voice and never put
on an affectation. And that's not an affectation either, that
is her real voice in real life. Yeah, it was
really fun to talk to her because Drew she has
a sense of she's quildly unaware of self aware of
her voice. She she sort of is a little shocked

(19:29):
that people are so interested in in mimicking it, and
now she's in on the joke and so generous with
her Her spirit is so fucking great. And she was
talking about even the kind of architecture of her face
and mouth and how it's framed. She speaks from one
side of the mouth and that affects the sound and

(19:51):
she said that. Actually Adam Sandler called her out on
that one time, like as an improvised line in a movie.
He's a I love it with that, you talk on
one side of your mouth or something. She was like,
I do you know? And like and it was one
of those things where in the book she goes on
a ride with me and we kind of like dissect
and talk about all the delights that are in her
very very specific, iconic sound at this point, and why

(20:14):
people who are related sounds so much like each other.
You know, sisters always sound alike, like I always can.
People always fay like, oh my god, you and your
sisters sound exactly alike. And you're like, well, how's that happen? Well,
my mom and her best friend. Frankly, my mom's best
friend can call me on the phone and I'm like,
hey Mom, and she's like, no, it's Linda, And I'm
like what, oh god, sorry. You know, like they sound

(20:35):
so alike, they're like voice matches because they just spend
so much damn time together. And your voice starts to
it just attaches onto certain it's sponges qualities, and you
do you start sounding like your sister, You start sounding
like you're chosen sisters. You know. Yeah, that's interesting. It
is wild. Yeah. I mean it's like, you know when
somebody has a really sonorous, booming voice too, Like my

(20:57):
dad's voice is just very uh come ending, you know,
just like I could hear I mean that that's one
of those voices where you're like, that's probably where I
got mine too, just as a mixture. Because I looked
at my mom and I looked at my dad. I
think I was like, Okay, I'm gonna go with you.
I'm going to take the traidle over the Mormon bush. Chelsea,
where were you born? Like were you raised? Bored? Because

(21:18):
I'm hearing I mean both of you. I mean, let's
just do it. Where's everyone born and raised? Because what
are you hearing? Tell us what you think? Well, I
hear from you, I hear I've known you for a
long time, but now we're really dissecting it. I just
hear some hard d s and tease in a way
that I'd never noticed before, which makes me feel like
it's like New York Borough, Try State. And that was

(21:38):
just interesting to me in this moment where you know,
it's like you've got a little bit of that kind
of try State area. Yeah, I'm from New Jersey. Okay,
there it is, Okay, beautiful, Okay, so try State now, Catherine,
your turn. Catherine would have got well. A friend of
mine who was doing voice over for a while, she
was like, I couldn't nail a Midwestern accent. And then
she heard me say, like, I think I'm gonna have

(21:59):
an ball, and she was like Apple, she couldn't get
the ale. Yeah, but I'm from outside Chicago, Okay, Okay,
So that's really interesting because, yeah, so you're closer to
like that quintessential generalized American accent, which it does have
kind of Midwestern notes in it. But I would say

(22:21):
I lived there for four years and I was at
drama school, so it was definitely like everyone's listening to
other fucking voices, and you know, when I got there,
was the only American in my college, and they were like,
oh my god, you've got to get rid of your
accents so strong, you know, And I was just like,
oh no, no, I was like, I'm American, so like
you guys have accs at and they're like, no, we're
fucking English. You've got the accent. We were here first,

(22:43):
you know. So the whole thing was me trying they
were trying to iron out my strong American accent. So
that was an interesting kind of reframe, right because as
Americans were like, well, we're the baseline, right, We're America
and we're not. It's like there is no baseline. We
all have accents, every single one of us, and they
can change it any time asked Madonna. Just asked Madonna,

(23:06):
Chase somebody who went to England and you know, had
a British accent in six weeks. So there you go.
But that's great. Look there it is again. Right, I'm
like very pro vocal evolution. I'm also pro regionalism. I
want people to lean into their like Burrows and their
fucking regions and they're like real deal authentic voice. Because
the authentic voice, if it is who you are. If

(23:28):
if Madonna feels authentic in that sound, then you know, hallelujah.
Albeit you know. But this is what I find so interesting.
It's like, as we there are more ways to listen
to different voices. Right, everyone's got a platform, they can
find access to it, and that is opening our ears,
thankfully to different sounds. And we're not even talking about

(23:49):
singing and people who use their voice in that way
and how they're able to change that. And yeah, I
mean that's a whole other set, that's a whole another book. Yeah, yeah, speak.
I think I think that people do, honestly, Jose, like,
I think you're right, but I do. Singing is often
talked about. You know, nobody talks about their voice because
they're just like, yeah, but like a freaking boy who

(24:10):
gives a ship, and you're like, well, the truth is
is that it is the thing that you're wielding to
broker love, to broker deals. It's on you at all times,
and yet you're more concerned about do I like the
high Rise kick pant or not, you know which I
do really like. And it's also you know, when you're

(24:31):
dating somebody and you here like, this is why I
don't like FaceTime. I like talking on the phone when
you're getting to know somebody. I find that to be
much sexier than holding up a phone and looking at
their face until you get to know each other better.
I think it's nice too, because I think there's something
very sexy about before you meet someone, which I don't
usually make a practice of talking on the phone very

(24:51):
much before I meet somebody if I'm being set up
or whatever, But I like, I find that much more intimate. Yeah, yeah, like, yeah,
it is like there's something very old fashioned about that,
and I like that you get to know a lot
about somebody when you're like just learning about them and
learning their voice for the first time. I agree completely, Yeah,
I mean I would just piggyback that, which is like

(25:12):
the voice. It's kind of broadcasting how you want to
be heard. And so in that intimate setting when you're
meeting someone and you're able to not just like be
distracted by the visual right you're even looking at yourself
on the FaceTime, you're like, how do I look in them?
You know? Howes he look? And yes, I agree with you.
It becomes a more authentic exchange. Okay, Well, today, like,

(25:36):
we're going to use our voices to help callers who
are calling in with problems, giving them life advice. And
some of the questions are specifically about voice. Some of
them are about you know, how we move and operate
in the world and confidence and that sort of thing.
But we'll take a quick break and we'll be right
back with like and Chelsea, and we're back, and we're

(26:02):
back while our first email comes from Kenny, and Kenny
is a woman just off why I dear Chelsea. For
as long as I can remember, I've used humor as
a defense mechanism. I've always been the quote funny friend,
and I've pretty much accepted that this is my role
in life and generally have leaned in and been Okay,
with it. Now that I'm in my thirties, however, I

(26:25):
feel like I've come to a realization that no one
actually takes me seriously. I've allowed myself to be the
class clown for so long that I question if I
even take myself seriously. In general, it feels like when
I speak, people will glaze over my words and just
laugh at whatever I say, even when I'm not at
all joking or trying to be funny. I've also been
told in past relationships that I have a quote tone,

(26:48):
but I'm still bewildered about what the tone is how
I can turn it off. In my current relationship, my
partner has had to quote explain me to her family
because they can't tell when I'm joking or seria us.
I guess my question to you, Chelsea is how do
I retain the best thing about myself without it also
being the thing that I start to resent. I've tried

(27:09):
talking about it in therapy, but my unfunny therapist doesn't
seem to get it either. Kenny huh question? How old
is Kenny? Kenny? The thirties? Okay, well, Chelsea, how would
you start with this one? Because I have a couple
of things that are you go ahead like and I'll
piggyback on you alreat copy that I mean first and foremost.

(27:30):
It feels like this is like an authenticity believing in
yourself thing. The problem isn't being too funny. I think
the problem is believing in yourself and owning it and
and feeling secure and safe in a relationship and in
a room when you agree. Yeah, I would say the
more that you allow other people's opinions to sink into

(27:52):
your psyche, the less grounded that you will become. So
it's a slippery slope when you start taking it like
there's one thing to be like, we don't know when
you're kidding or not. Like I mean, I've I've experienced
that of course myself too. But I think that what
Lake is saying is true. There has to be a
sense of ownership over who you are. And I think
what's getting in your ways allowing other people's opinions to

(28:15):
kind of sway your own opinion about yourself. You have
to stick to your guns and understand that this is
your personality. Maybe if you take things too far, you're
constantly offending people. There's something to reevaluate. But if people
are just not getting whether or not it's a joke
and it's not offensive, and that is kind of a
an other people's problem. Like your personality is your own

(28:35):
and you should embrace it and you should celebrate yourself
and kind of really just reject anyone's opinions about the
tone of your voice, you know, unless you're screaming at
people every day. Yeah, I mean, where this is a
nuanced thing. We were not there, but I do you know,
I want to piggy aboun you just said, which is
you can only be responsible for what's on your fucking

(28:57):
side of the street, you know what I mean, So
you can only be you and and then also be
kind to yourself that you're participating in your relationship with
all of the people around you in the way that
feels authentic to you. If you feel like that, you're
kind of your plan apart or something that's on your

(29:17):
side of the street, and you gotta fix that. Yeah,
you definitely don't want to be playing a role in
your own life, Like, don't do that. You want to
be authentic to who you are, and the people that
really love you are going to get it anyway, you know.
And it's really annoying to have to explain things to
people all the time. I mean, a quirky personality is
a quirky personality. And from what I can tell, I
mean by your letter alone, which isn't much because you're
not she's not on a zoom right. It's just sounds

(29:40):
like that's your thing. Like you know what I said
about yelling, Like I used to yell when I was
doing stand up a lot. I was used to yell
to get my point across, and I would watch That's
what would make me cringe the most because it's like
sometimes yelling the nudes your point, you know what I mean,
It kind of diminishes the whole point. Here would be
I would just pop in here and say, okay, so
here's a perfect like you could try this, Kenny, which

(30:02):
is slow down because the hardest thing, especially when you're
like a funny person or you have funny bones, or
you feel like you have to kind of entertain a
little bit in a situation where you've been you've had
the propensity to do that people please e you know,
like hey I'm funny girl, Kenny. You know, like if
you have that thing, slow the fun down, you know,

(30:22):
like respect yourself enough to like read the room, listen
to the people around you, and then participate when ready.
You don't have to fill the space, fill the space
with the I don't want it to be silent, so
I'm gonna say something Blacky. You know, that's a good exercise.
If you are one of those people that likes to
just insert yourself all the time, it's a good exercise
to hang back and like if there's a lull of silence,

(30:44):
let someone else feel that. Anyway, good luck with your voice,
and thinks Kenny, good luck with your voice, Kenny, and
you're a new relationship. Well. Our next question comes from Toro.
She's here with us, she's twenty seven. Especially because you
have had sort of a lot of different careers and
you continue to have a lot of different careers, I

(31:04):
thought this would be a good question for you and
sort of like fighting your inspiration again, Toro says, Dear Chelsea,
I'm writing as a longtime fan who has always admired
your passion and drive for what you do. I'm a
twenty seven year old woman living at n y C,
and I'm feeling completely lost in life. Growing up, I
always thought I wanted to be a cosmetologist. I grew
up neglected in poor but put myself through beauty school.

(31:25):
Immediately after high school, I quickly realized I was in
a deadbeat job in a deadbeat town and moved here.
I can't practice hair in New York because my license
is in a different state, however, so I became a
bartender up until just before the pandemic, when I left
to become a burlesque dancer. Since the pandemic, I've tried
a multitude of different jobs to attempt to make ends meet.

(31:45):
I've failed at everything I have attempted and dug myself
a deeper hole than before. I'm currently trying to continue
dancing and performing, but without any formal training and without
any money to take classes, and once again stuck. I
now have no self confidence, no dreams, no goals, nothing
inspires me, and on top of it all, I'm still unemployed.

(32:06):
I refuse to go back to the restaurant industry because
after seven years, I'm fed up. Everything I've tried that
has interested me or inspired me at one point no
longer does. But after months to years of putting my
call into something new, I've never been able to make
ends meet or come even close to being able to
support myself. Because of this, I've convinced myself that I'm
mediocre at everything I do and my sense of self

(32:27):
worth is completely destroyed. So I'm looking to you for
some help regaining inspiration and self worth. How do I
find my passion? How do I find inspiration? And how
do I find self worth and confidence after being beaten
down my entire life? Thanks for your time, Toro, Toro, Hi,
Hi to meet you. Toro. That's fatty Tuna, Toro, that's me.

(32:55):
Are you poor thing? This is like Bell or special
guests today And you know, of course have open to Catherine. Hi, yes, Hi, Hi?
How are you? Oh honey? How you say you've got
to pick yourself up? First of all, you are giving
yourself a lot of negative feedback that is going to
keep you in a negative like spin cycle. So first
and foremost, I'm gonna give you one thing to do.

(33:16):
And this has proven I've had I don't know, I
take on a lot of patients, even though I'm not
a medical doctor, a lot of people. There is a
thing that you can do every morning. It takes twenty
one days. You write down every morning, you get up
and you spend one minute writing down all the things
that you are grateful for, and you know you will
find things that you're grateful for. You have to write
down everything that comes to your mind. It could be

(33:38):
your sweater, it could be your apartment, it could be materialistic,
or it could be a family member or your hair.
It doesn't matter. Just do that every single day for
twenty one days and you will have an energy shift.
This has proven it's like data driven. I read it
in a book years ago. I've employed it on myself,
my sisters, my friends, and people change and they feel it.
You feel an energy shift because your energy right now

(33:59):
is is going around in a negative circle. Secondly, let's
figure out what you want to do and do it.
You know, can you get your license to do hair
in New York City? I would have to retake the tests,
but it's also been so long and because it's a
different state, I have to pretty much go back to
school for it. So it's something that I'm like not

(34:22):
sure I'm interested in. When I lo have cosmetology school
to go to the hair salon, it was a lot
of forty hour work weeks with zero dollar paychecks because
it was all strictly commission so that made it really
hard on me. So when I moved to New York,
I didn't even really want to go back to that.
Of course, I've jruggled the thought, like in the past

(34:43):
couple of years since I've been so like confused. But um,
I don't know. It's such a big step to take
because I'm still paying off school loans from cosmetology school.
Like if I really want to add to that or
I really want to like put my passion into dancing,
it's just really difficult. Classes are very expensive and it
takes a lot of time and training. So is dancing

(35:06):
is dancing? The passion is that the North Star Apparrently,
it's been like every like six to eight months, I
feel like I'm on something new. But I've been trying
to do dancing that was initially where I left the
restaurant industry back in twenty nine. I mean, I just
I feel like, yeah, you are being really hard on yourself,

(35:28):
and there's it sounds like an extraordinary path of like
you're looking at it from a negative lens, but I'm like, oh,
look at all those amazing experiences she has. I'm like,
as a writer, I'm like sucking write that ship down,
Like I hope you're journaling, and like every person you
meet is an opportunity to just like, oh my god,
this is wild. Like I have the privilege of living.

(35:51):
I have the privilege of like getting to be here
and experience. I mean, you're a young, beautiful woman and
you have you know what I mean, Like you have
the act that you're dancing. I mean, dancing is one
of my favorite things in the world. And it's so
in body and so like that's such a privilege to
move your body. And I get that, girl, Like I

(36:11):
love that. And so if that is, even if it changes,
just remember I mean, I always have to remember this too.
The terms can always change. It's okay to change your
mind and to try to try new things, right, I mean,
who says you have to do one thing for the
rest of your goddamn life. Like that's ridiculous. It's not
the human experience. Yeah, it's like the you're young girl.

(36:31):
What are you in your twenties? Yeah, okay, well listen,
you have the whole world ahead of you. I wasn't
I was still waitressing when I was twenty seven years old.
I didn't you know, get on my feet financially until
I was like twenty nine or thirty. So, like, I
honestly feel like we attract great things when our vibration
is high. Like when your vibration is low and you're
like funck, nothing works, nothing works, then then you're just

(36:53):
attracting negativity. Like you have to really focus on the
energy that you're putting out there because then you're gonna
draw things into you and people into you that are
going to help you achieve what you want to achieve. Now,
are you getting paid to dance at all? Yeah? So
I do burlesque and like go go, and it's pretty
much wherever I can book if they have an opening spot.

(37:15):
But it's not a lot of money. It's you know,
mostly tip based, so it's hit or miss on the crowds.
But I want to say, like usually an average gig
is like anywhere from seventy five to a hundred and
twenty five dollars. And can I just ask a question
about the waitressing thing, because I heard you were like
I'm burnt down on that. I'm just curious because I
actually I didn't like I loved it because a smile

(37:37):
can get you a great trip. You know, I just
be curious why it couldn't be concurrent. I know you're like,
funk this. You don't have to do it exclusively, but
it is like kind of a good gig if you
can get it to supplement so that you can continue
to dance. Yeah. So I had a really great bartending
job that it took a lot out of me to

(37:59):
actually leave because I had like benefits and everything from it,
and I was taking like a decent income. I had
a savings and everything. But when I got the dancing opportunity,
I said to myself, like, I have lost so many
opportunities because of my bartending job because you have to
work every night every weekend. So all of the dancing
opportunities or the classes I wanted to take, I was
not available to take those opportunities. I've thought about going

(38:23):
back because like of how financially strapped I am, but
it really was really bad for me mentally. I was
like crying every day on the way home from work
because it was just so stressful. I worked at a
really high end like high energy lower East Side cocktail bar,
and the people and the massive amount of tickets that

(38:44):
would come in for two bartenders, and it just became
too much over the years. And on top of it,
I was drinking every day and just being behind the bar,
being around it. I couldn't control myself not to because
of the stress. It's like not a healthy decision for me.
Back wasn't a healthy Okay, But I think that's one like,
that's one experience like you can have you create a

(39:05):
complete Listen, everybody is strapped for servers right now. You
can easily find a part time gig. I have no
doubt about that. In New York City there's understaffed and hotels,
like a hotel hotels are really dying right now. That's
where my last job was at hotel. And you don't
have to be behind a bar. You can be a server.
You don't have to put yourself in that situation. I
know you probably make more money behind the bar, but

(39:26):
there are plenty of serving opportunities. Even if you supplement
what you're doing two or three times a week, you
can easily get in a part time and just make
that your mandate, like I'm only available three nights a
week or three shifts a week or whatever it is
that's going to help you financially. Sustain yourself until you
can get more classes and until you can cast a
wider net for the places where you can perform, find

(39:47):
more places and actually do the legwork so you can
have more shifts at different places and possibly places where
you're gonna make more than seventy five dollars, you know, dancing.
So I think you want to put your best foot
forward and just kind of suck it up for the
time being, Like, you don't have to look at serving wait,
you're singer bartending as a permanent ending to your life,

(40:07):
or like this is going to be a permanent thing.
This is to help you get a leg up to
get you where you need to go so that you
can become a professional dancer and make plenty of money
doing it. And I have no doubt you will. You
kind of have to make a couple of sacrifices right now,
which is totally normal for being in your twenties. That's
what we always have to do. We have to do
ship we don't want to do because we want to
set ourselves up. Yeah, and also, like you're very clearly smart.

(40:32):
You have a great voice. PS. I love this episode
is brought to you by Lake's voice. You do this
woman is beautiful and strong and has a great voice.
You you, you come off very You're terrific. You know,
so fun this so like you turn it around right
fucking now, You're gonna write in that thing that Chelsea

(40:53):
told you to do that every day and then it's
just this is just happening to you right now, and
this is the turn it just is it just I
know it's weird, right, but this is what it is.
I agree with that. I agree with that you need
a little kick in the ass, and you know, just
you have to turn your whole attitude around and just
move towards the goal. Don't resist everything that it takes
to get towards your goal. Just move towards it. Yeah,

(41:16):
And I think having some sort of supplementary income will help.
Like there's when you're at that age, like not to
put everything back to your age, but like when you're
twenty seven, you have this dichotomy of like, Okay, I
need to have enough money that I'm like kind of
comfortable and can afford to feed myself, but also enough
time and energy to pursue these creative pursuits. And I

(41:36):
very much identify with where you are. I you know
felt the same way until a few years ago when
I found podcasting. You just kind of have to like
keep throwing ship at the wall and see what inspires
your passion. Like I did acting, I did voice over,
I did improv, I did writing. I did all these
different things, and at the end of the day, it

(41:56):
was the conglomeration of all those experiences that I had
that led me to where I am now and really
gave me this fabulous career that I love. Where she
throws around where it's like supplementary, what the fund is
that supplementary? What? No? I love it though, fucking yeah,
creates some words, she hears stories, hard boiled eggs around,
and a step blocked bag on planes. Okay, so let's

(42:19):
just be clear with right now. Toro, Toro do not.
I don't think, I won't think I'm not to. Is
that is that short for something? Toro? Is that your
full name or is that a nickname? Nope? So that's um,
it's actually my stage name. But nobody in New York
calls me by my legal name unless they're like blood

(42:40):
related to me. So I don't tell people my legal
name because I don't even respond to it anymore. But no,
it's actually because I was a cheerleader growing up. So
the mascot in the movies, the Mighty Toros, that's how
I choose my name back when I was a teenager Anazing.
I feel like you gotta write the stories. This is

(43:01):
just cool, Like you have a lot of really, I
don't know, I feel like you might. You you talk
like a writer. I think that you should be journaling
and allowing yourself to own your stories and feel even
if they go nowhere. It's a beautiful exercise to just
be like you know you you say, you dance one
night and there's just like some crazy you know, a

(43:22):
couple that came in and they're just hilarious and they're
from you know. You just start to catalog your experiences.
They're yours, they're personal. That's special. Yeah. And additionally, have
kind your conversations with yourself. You know, like you you
cannot be so rough on yourself. If you feel that
way about yourself, that's what you're projecting to everybody, you

(43:43):
know what I mean. So you have to start with
that inner dialogue and change the conversation that you're having
with yourself into a loving, positive one. It makes a
huge difference. Yeah, thank you, Like it really all in
my brain. I guess coincides with the obviously as we
all have the pandemic. I think because like that's I
started doing this right before the pandemic and then nightlife

(44:06):
and everything just succeeded, and that was kind of it
for me until last year. And I think it's just
really hard getting back up into the industry. So I
just needed a push to like get that kickstart going again.
And I needed the inspiration because I was telling Katherine
the other day, I've tried like a bunch of different therapists.
I'm having trouble finding a really good one right now,

(44:27):
and it's just been like really bad advice. And I
just needed to hear somebody tell me you'll just do
it it, just do it. It's not an advertisement for Nike, No,
you got this, though. I think you should also, like
you could dance and commercials and stuff, you know, Like
I think you should try and also put on your
list of things to attain in the next couple of years,

(44:48):
like finding a commercial agent and like going out and
using your talent to for cure money for commercials for
films for whatever, you know, that's a great idea. I
have a question about commercials. How do they don't they
care a lot about tattoos because I do have a
lot of tattoos. They love it because my hands and like, no, no, no,
it's it's all that's like, you're gonna get booked tomorrow

(45:09):
because in my head it's always old. And now people
are into tattoos. Okay, you should be going to like
open call, you know, getting backstage West, you know, back
backstage East, just like just say, you know, just try
to throw some ship to the wall. And she said,
you're like, oh, what's this. Okay, they're like auditioning people
for a fucking taco bell whatever. It doesn't matter. Just

(45:31):
you're just you're just trying some ship. You're trying to
like gain experiences, and that is a fucking privilege, you know.
I was a waitress too, just f y. I loved
I mean I thought it was because I love human
beings and I loved voices and all this stuff. And
it was just like a constant rotation of different people.
I did cotail waitressing, I did hostessing. I then went
back to coutail waitressing and then just classic waitress. And

(45:53):
I also waited tables for probably seven eight years. I
hated every single minute of it, and I was fired
from every job that I ever had, but they were
some of the best times and best friends I ever made,
you know. So, like I don't love the act of serving,
like I I don't like how rude people can be,
but you also develop all these other relationships and I
have friends that are you know, I've known now for
twenty five years from waitressing. So it's not the worst

(46:16):
thing in the world. You just have to find an
environment that suits you and just start looking at everything
in it, like try to just look at everything with
it just a little bit more of a positivity, and
I promise you it will become infectious and then opportunities
will present themselves that you didn't know that we're there before. Yeah, great,
thank you. And I'm definitely gonna try writing down gratitude lists.
I've had people tell me to like talk to myself

(46:38):
in the mirror doing it, but I feel like stupid
doing that. So I think writing is the way to go,
which I will try make sure you keep tracking of it.
Twenty one days. It takes to change your energy. Okay, great,
that's good. Yeah, And I think there's something very powerful
that both of these women told you to start writing,
you know, so there's something there. I used to journal
a lot actually when I was younger, so great like us,

(47:00):
it's a sign. Sighing girl, wonderful. Well, thank you so
much for calling in Toro, Toro, thank you, thank you
so much for taking the time. I really appreciate. Yeah,
good luck with everything tomorrow. Keep in touch and let
us know how things go. Okay, great, I will do
Thank you, Bye, bye bye. I've definitely felt like that
in my twenties, felt hopeless, like nothing was going to

(47:21):
work out fucking I mean, it's it's like she's right
on target, Like that's exactly at your twenties, especially when
you're in your you're in the late twenties whatever, you're
just like, oh my god. Yeah, you're like, what if
I hit thirty and I'm still working at this like
a place. Yeah, and I feel like twenties seven specifically,
like you have so much stress age like that you

(47:41):
don't even have in your thirties, but you have it
in your twenties. Like if I don't get this by
this certain time, everything figured out, Yeah, laur next color
is Emily, She says, Dear Chelsea, my name is Emily.
I'm a twenty three year old currently living in Ohio.
I jumped right into law school after graduating with my

(48:02):
BA from George Washington University in Washington, d C. I
loved living on the East Coast, but the school I
attend in Ohio gave me such a big scholarship that
it was almost impossible to turn down. I grew up
in Ohio and the majority of my family still lives here,
but I have a constant worry in the back of
my mind that I'm going to get stuck here. I've
had it in my head that I'll move back to

(48:24):
the East Coast once I graduate, and I'm determined to
make it happen. But there's also a nagging voice in
my head, keeping me up at night at least twice
a week, telling me that I'll never get a job
as an attorney in New York City or d C.
When I go to send internship applications, oftentimes I don't
even send them or apply because I don't think I'm
going to get it, and I don't want to feel

(48:44):
the rejection when it inevitably happens. I know a lot
of female law students and lawyers also suffer from this
sense of impostor syndrome, like I'm not intelligent enough to
be a lawyer or won't be able to succeed. And
I think a lot of my intrusive thoughts boiled down
to that. Latically. I know I'm a very intelligent young woman.
I'm a well rounded candidate, and I'm only twenty three

(49:05):
years old with my entire career ahead of me, But
right now, it's incredibly difficult for me to see all
of the possibilities that will be available to me. Any
advice on how to combat these feelings of imposter syndrome,
or does any advice in general that you would give
yourself in your twenties trying to figure out life and career.
All the best, Emily, Emily, Hi, Emily, Hi, Chelsea, how

(49:26):
are you? I'm good. This is Lake Bel she's our
special guest today, and you've spoken to Catherine. We all
have that voice in our head, Emily that tells us
that we are not good enough, that we're not smart enough,
that we're not capable enough. And that's not the real voice.
You're the real voice. You got a full scholarship. You

(49:47):
graduated or you're graduating, I have a A and then
I'm almost halfway through law. Okay, yeah, you you just
need to flip the script with yourself. You're just you're
giving yourself an incredibly difficult time and you're not even
done with a school and don't you can't not send
in applications because you're scared of rejection. Then you're gonna
end up exactly where you are. You have to take

(50:08):
leaps of faith and you have to be prepared to
be rejected. It's okay. The more times you get rejected,
the closer you are to getting your real job. Hey man,
you know what rejection is one hundred thousand percent about
the human experience, Like you have to If you didn't
have rejection, you wouldn't appreciate anything you I mean, you

(50:28):
know this. Even being in school, you're like, Okay, I'm
gonna try really hard on this and then you're gonna
you know, they're gonna give you criticism, and then you're
gonna learn from that fucking criticism, right, So that that
is that's it. You're doing it, But you gotta apply
like the idea that you're putting up roadblocks, for yourself
and like creating your own like you're you're creating a

(50:51):
false store, like a false narrative about yourself, Like you're
basically out to get yourself, is what you're doing. So
you need to get on your own team. You have
to be your best ambassador because unless you believe in you, like,
how are other people going to believe in you. You've
got the skills, you're getting the education, you've got the tools.
You're good looking, that's a bonus. Thank you, You're gorgeous,

(51:17):
you're smart at hell, listen, what are can I just
ask you personally, what is it about that, that idea
of staying in Ohio. I'm just curious, why is that
negative for you? I wouldn't say it's so much a
negative obviously, because I don't want you to get like
Midwest slander here. I love the mid West. I loved
growing up in the Midwest. But I think after I

(51:39):
left and went to underground in DC, I loved d C.
D C was home. I think I just realized that
I don't picture myself living here or working here long term,
and so I guess I just kind of had it
in my head that when I came back I was like,
oh gosh, like I cannot, I can't get stuck here.
So it's not so much a negative. And it's wonderful

(52:00):
being close to family since I was away for four years.
Sometimes when I get stressed about this, I'm like, this
is such a Champagne problem, Like you poor thing, You're
in law school, Like, so what if you don't get
a job right away where you want, You're still going
to have a job and these degrees, um, So it's
not so much a negative. It's just I think I'm

(52:21):
so very type A focus and so I just I
have to have a plan of where I'm going to go,
and I think that uncertainty of not in undergrad I
was going to law school, so that was the plan
I was. I was always a plan, and so I
think now it's it's just uncomfortable to kind of sit
with it. I am Type A two. So I just
want to speak to this really quickly. I really freaking

(52:44):
know what you're talking about. And all I can say
is you don't know where you're going to end up.
And I know that's a hard pill to swallow, but
you could have opportunity in San Francisco. You don't know
You could be in Chicago for two years. You're in
school right now. All your only concentration is be great today.

(53:05):
Do things that make you proud for the hard work
that you're doing, like pat yourself on the goddamn back
and apply everywhere. It might be New York, it might
be d C. You know, it might be sand for
I don't know if I keep saying sand Fran for you,
I don't know why. But the point is you just
don't know. And that's a delight. God. I mean, that's
the thing. Another thing like you young people do not

(53:27):
understand how nice it is to not have your life
mapped out for you. You're on the precipice of the
beginning of the rest of your life. This is exciting,
and being uncertain about where that's gonna be is also exciting.
I understand your type A, and that's not exciting to you.
It doesn't feel exciting. But when you look at it
from like a thirty thousand foot perspective, everything is about

(53:49):
to begin for you. You don't know who you're going
to fall in love with, how many times you're gonna
fall in love, what kind of cities you're gonna get
to experience, what kind of work life you're gonna get
to experience. And I mean being present like in the moment.
It is a very hard skill to develop as a
young person. I'm sure because I didn't develop it until
a few years ago. But like, if you can just
be present in the uncertainty, that's a huge gift and

(54:12):
it will be a huge life lesson for you to understand, Like, Okay,
this is a process. While you're applying to all these things,
it's okay to just give it up and give it away,
you know what I mean, And let it happen the
way it's supposed to happen, and things will come your way,
and then you'll make decisions about where you're gonna go
and where you're gonna live. I don't think you're gonna
stay in Ohio. I don't think you have to worry
about that. Yeah, people, you're fine. People who stay in

(54:36):
Ohio really want to stay in Ohio. Yeah, you you'll
just go out of You're not going to be in Ohio.
We're both sitting here going like, she's not gonna even
be in it. You don't want to be You're not
gonna So just apply everywhere else, you know, and let
it and let the surf take you, let the currents
take you to wherever that's gonna be. And then additionally,
you did say something which was, you know, it just

(54:56):
feels so uncomfortable and that I really relate to. Guess what, Yeah,
it's uncomfortable. There are times in life where it will
just be uncomfortable, and that is harder as a young person.
You're like, wait, what, Like, how do I fix it?
There's no, it's just that ambiguity I know is torture.
But you gotta reframe and see it as promise for

(55:18):
the unknown. It's a wonder. God damn, it's cool. You know,
we're you know once again, San Francisco could be SANFC.
You could live in San Francisco for San Francisco. I
don't know what really selling Sanford's you should apply you
should apply to. It's like you're looking down instead of
looking up, you know, look up. Yeah. My best friend Liza,

(55:42):
we always talk about it, and she's like, you know,
you would never tell me don't apply to that, You're
not good enough. She's like, so why would you say
that to yourself. She's like, that's not fair. She's like,
you're kind of short. Changing yourself, which is true. Liza
is correct. Where's Liza? Goddamn she's lovely. You don't even
call her if you have a line in your life.
Listen to Liza. A new podcast coming soon. She's like,

(56:06):
it's Liza Menela. Actually, so two things. I think the
sending out applications is this thing that feels kind of
like weird and uncomfortable and squishy and weirdly embarrassing. So
you think somebody's gonna be reading it, and like, uh,
you know, making a numbers game. You know, the person

(56:26):
who's reading this is going through a lot of different stuff,
and so they're not gonna unless it's totally egregious. They're
not going to be looking at your resume or whatever
and be like, oh my gosh, what a joke. So,
you know, give yourself a number, make it kind of
low and achievable, whether it's like two or three a week.
Just be like, I'm sending out two or three a week.
That's all I'm gonna do. And like just making a

(56:46):
numbers game, and after you get a certain amount of reps,
it just feels like, Okay, here's another one, here's another one,
and that stuff goes away. The other thing, I will say,
I grew up around lawyers. I know a lot of lawyers.
My early career was in marketing specifically for lawyers, and
I know a lot of very dumb lawyers. You are

(57:07):
smart enough to be a lawyer. What kind of law
are you practicing? So you know? The ultimate dream I
think would be I made her in history and undergrad
and focus on Holocaust studies, war crimes, all of that.
So I think the ultimate dream would be international human
rights law. Wow, even if that's something that I have
to I have to work another job just to do

(57:28):
that pro bono. That's kind of ultimately where I want
to end up. Now, that's cool, that's interesting. I mean,
you could do that anywhere in the world. Year Turriffic.
You're fucking great. I can't wait for your career. You
have to get in touch with a law Clooney and
and go do it with her in London. She said,
she's a human rights lawyer d C. I think you've
got to get to d C. Yeah, yeah, and she

(57:48):
was in DC and loved it. Right, let's get you
to d C. Rights taken away soon anyway, So you
get just go straight and work within this own country,
you don't know? Yeah, perfect, But anyway, do you feel better?
Do you feel like you have a better outlook on
this or can start to cultivate one? Yes, for sure.
And I think that's why I love your podcast so much.
It's just everyone's questions are valid, and so I think,

(58:10):
of course I think worrying about that. I was again
like I feel like it's a champagne problem, Like how
dare I worry about that when I'm in like this now?
But don't even say that stuff to yourself, you know
what I mean? You keep a rating yourself. Why am
I worrying I'm not good enough? And now I'm mad
at myself for saying I'm not good enough? Just go, Yeah,
you just have to. I know I'm saying you just
have to. It's it's a process, but you have to

(58:31):
believe in yourself. You have to know that all of
these steps are going to lead to something. There's no
way that they won't, right, And just every time you
have that negative thought, just go uh no and say
the opposite thing to yourself. You know, you are going
to New York, pretend you're talking to lies, you know, like,
like you wouldn't say that to fucking Liza, you know,
so just be a friend to yourself. Yeah, yeah, good, Okay,

(58:57):
I'm gonna get bumper stickers for that and send it
to other think like a man. Well, thank you for
calling in. Yeah, thank you. I take care and keep
us posted. Okay. I will thank you so much again
by such a female support. Yes, okay, Well we'll take

(59:21):
a quick break and we'll be right back to wrap
up with Chelsea and like, and we're back with lake Bell.
We are concluding our episode today. Yes, Like, do you
have any advice you'd like to ask for from Chelsea? Oh?
My god, gosh, Chelsea, to be honest with you, I

(59:44):
was sitting there looking at you, and I was like,
some of your realizations sometimes I think come from plant
medicine and your kind of openness in and around that,
and I really am curious about it. And I wonder
what are the prerequisites that you think one needs. I've
never done and like ayahuasca, and I would be curious
if you could give me some advice. Do you take

(01:00:06):
mushrooms ever? I micro dose? Yeah, micro dose mushrooms. Mushrooms
I think are connected. You know, all those psychedelics I
think are connected. I think plant based medicine is a
way to open up all sorts of things, right. I mean,
I'm I'm about to do a five gram sit with
my friend who's going to guide me of mushrooms. Because

(01:00:26):
the ayahuasca is a special situation and it gives you
this you kind of look at your life outside of
your life. Mushrooms, I think gives you a philosophy and
you're able to open up and like, get rid of judgment,
get rid of ego. I'm always trying to get rid
of my ego, which is very difficult to do in
this industry and business. It's almost like futile, it feels.

(01:00:49):
But I think ayahuasca for anyone who's open minded, as
long as you're not on you know, a bunch of antidepressants.
You can't do it on that stuff. I think most
people have a pretty eye opening awakening experience and you
walk away from it definitely different. I mean, iowaska change
my relationship with my sister forever and it's never gone

(01:01:10):
back to what it was. So I would always be
an ambassador for anyone who thinks that they are open
minded enough if you don't mind possibly vomiting, and some
people ship their pants. So that's not a plus, that's
a minus. But you know, I always have an advocate
for anything that's going to expand your thinking. Right, Yeah,
me too. I just I am somewhat in all of

(01:01:31):
it and excited by it and curious about it. But
I'm a little scared and so I was just that
was genuine. Yeah, I think scared is good. Also, you know,
it's good for us to do things that scare us.
It's good for us to go through that screen of
fear that we all fear. Like, I don't want to
be safe all the time. There's a lot in our
lives that are safe, and then there's a lot that
are unknown, and it is good to walk through fear.

(01:01:52):
I think when, especially when you are feelful of something,
you get through it, you have a great experience. It
makes you want to do more things, you know, it
makes you want to under standing on a deeper level.
So yeah, I'm always I would say, yes, go for it.
The only person I've told not to do it is
Juliana Marketles because I think she's just good as as
good as she is, Like, she's just set, she doesn't
need anything, Okay, all right, Well, alright, guys, I will

(01:02:15):
take that glass of Ayouaska. Thank you so much. I
just turned to the wall. Report back. You in the wall,
report back and let us know how your journey was.
Thank you though. That was very that was that was encouraging.
Al Right, guys, this has been so fun. I just
feel like this is like sisterhood. I know that was nice.
We gave a lot of girls pep talks today. Thank you,
Lake Bell. I'll see you soon, see you soon. Bye.

(01:02:38):
So I'm winding up my stand up tour. Vaccinated and
Horning is coming to a screeching halt at the end
of the year. I have my last dates coming up,
and these are the last opportunities. You have to also
buy merch from the website Chelsea Hamler dot com if
you want vaccinating Horny Captain's hats that's say We're the
Captain's now for women only. Our t shirts for men

(01:02:59):
and your family that say I'm sorry because they should be.
I only have a few dates left Wooster, Mass wilkes Berry, Pennsylvania.
Wilkes Berry, Pennsylvania. There I said it, and then San
Diego and Riverside, California, and then Baltimore, Maryland, and then
my very last date is December in Reading, Pennsylvania. If

(01:03:22):
you are enjoying what you're hearing, you can subscribe to
Dear Chelsea. That is our podcast, and you can rate
us if you want. Yeah, that's a great idea. It
actually makes a huge difference for this podcast, for any
podcast that you like, subscribing giving it a rating actually
make a huge difference in who all we gets served
to and helping spread the word. Okay, yeah, yeah, subscribe

(01:03:44):
and and and and comment, yeah, and follow. So if
you'd like advice from Chelsea, just send us an email
at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea
is a production of I Heart Radio. Executive produced by
Nick Stuff, produced by Catherine Law, and edited and engineered
by Brad Dickert. H