Ep. 416: The Ups And Downs Of A 20 Year Marriage (Ft. DJ Envy & Gia Casey)

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Speaks to the planet.

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I'll go by the name of Charlamagne of God and
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Speaker 3 (00:45):
Welcome to Decisions Decisions. I don't think you should say
the decisions.

Speaker 1 (00:49):
It sounded like you.

Speaker 4 (00:50):
Was talking to person you definitely say to Welcome, Welcome
to the new podcast. How are you want to say together,
the decisions decisions us.

Speaker 3 (01:00):
What y'all, We are back on the road. That's right,
No Holds Barred.

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The Live tour is coming to you live and we
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It's not gonna be some boring book club where you're
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hit that Patreon app and get your code for early access.
Hey guys, welcome to another episode of Disizy Oons Disisy Owns.

Speaker 4 (01:42):
I'm your ger Mandy b I'm weazy, and you know
it's crazy to have a couple that aren't known for sex,
clothes and shit like ceting normal people today. It's just
we are normal subjective. Oh that's right, I'm sorry.

Speaker 5 (01:53):
Normal in this economy is not having more than two children,
and they have six.

Speaker 3 (01:56):
So I was looking at the club like one.

Speaker 4 (02:00):
By the way, I have to give you all your
props for being celebrities.

Speaker 3 (02:04):
Eight minutes late on time. That's great. That is crazy.
She calling him out for being late.

Speaker 1 (02:09):
And you know what, it wasn't that bad, you know
when I actually I will say it. I have a
cyber truck right and coming through Brooklyn and the Cyba truck.
I got every middle finger here, I got some whole
cursing me out standing in front of me.

Speaker 3 (02:22):
Put a dick on his car? What a swastika on it?

Speaker 1 (02:24):
Nobody put a dick on my car. Books, but like
they really upset. They act like like I bought it
from Eline himself, like you know, but so that's coming
to Brooklyn.

Speaker 5 (02:33):
You know what's crazy though, having that conversation with how
much I mean also, Brooklyn's like one of the most
like progressive burrows. Now, so like niggas ain't what's crazy
is everyone who's suck up your middle finger.

Speaker 3 (02:44):
Guess what. I bet they check every morning their ex account.
I'm sure because I have.

Speaker 4 (02:49):
A Tessela in La and I was like, damn, this
isn't happening to me and my homegirls, like brocause we
all got teslas in La. Everything's electric. You get the
extra tax credit from it. She's like, so we hate him,
but there's too many of it here to see. A
cyber truck is like, you know, you staring that.

Speaker 1 (03:04):
He gave me middle fingers when one guy standing in
front of me the whole time like I'm not gonna move.
I'm like Jesus, I'm like, you know, like I.

Speaker 3 (03:11):
Would have rolled down the window. Do you know where
I am?

Speaker 1 (03:13):
This is my mind is so you can't even see
the side. This is old school Brooklyn. Like if this
would have been old school Brooklyn, I could have got out,
We could have got to a fight and I would
have made it on time.

Speaker 5 (03:22):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (03:22):
Now and now we get sees my wife got on heel.

Speaker 4 (03:25):
So we just real life, real family. So this is
your second book introduced them.

Speaker 6 (03:32):
This girl, I'm just so he got dj Envy and
Ga in the building.

Speaker 5 (03:44):
Now she said, uh, dj imvy like how they stayed
on the breakfast Gay and dj.

Speaker 3 (03:50):
Youn't even never forgot messed up?

Speaker 1 (03:52):
And that did it?

Speaker 3 (03:52):
Yeah? I did? What did they?

Speaker 1 (03:54):
He said? My girl dj MV? He said, my girl
a lot, my girl dj MV. She dj MV, Like
you mess it up with us?

Speaker 3 (04:03):
But didn't you know who y'all was at that point?

Speaker 1 (04:05):
And you know the funny thing. He wasn't playing like,
he was just really reading it. And I guess maybe
he was drunk, or maybe it's just just webby, but
he did it for at least twenty minutes. It said
the wrong names for twenty.

Speaker 4 (04:14):
Minutes, the grass like Loves of Sloopers like I played
that probably every few years just for fun.

Speaker 1 (04:20):
I love it well and.

Speaker 3 (04:21):
I love that we have y'all here. You guys have
a book coming out this week.

Speaker 1 (04:25):
Guys, I love it.

Speaker 5 (04:26):
It's your second book, so the first one Real Life,
Real Love.

Speaker 3 (04:30):
And we'll talk about that because real love?

Speaker 1 (04:32):
What is that? Okay?

Speaker 3 (04:33):
What are you dead? And now you have real life,
real family family? What is that?

Speaker 7 (04:39):
Hone?

Speaker 5 (04:43):
And what made you guys decide to do a second
one after the first one? Y'all just loved the process
of it. Didn't make y'all closer after the first one, Like.

Speaker 1 (04:51):
All of the BUP, I think real Life, Real Love.
We actually should have came here for that one because
it was all about our relationship. It was it was
all about our relationship. If you don't know, Gi and
I've been together thirty one years, we've been married twenty four,
so you know we've had everything, ups, downs, left rights, like,
we deal with everything when it came to love, And

(05:13):
people always ask, you know, why were you guys so vulnerable?
Why did y'all tell so much? But I tell people
all the time. So many people are going through it,
and kind of like this podcast, people are scared to
talk about it.

Speaker 4 (05:23):
Oh, I thought he was saying, we're going through a girl.
We alreat every damn about.

Speaker 5 (05:28):
I'm curious. You're a mom and a wife. You wrote
about both of those roles. Which one was harder.

Speaker 8 (05:37):
Oh, that's a good question and a unique question. No
one's ever try journal.

Speaker 3 (05:43):
Yes, being a wife. Being a wife is harder than
my wife.

Speaker 8 (05:46):
Is more difficult than being a mom. As a mother,
things come to you naturally, and not that you always
get it right. But there's this inherent feeling, this inherent
inclination to nurture, to care, to love individuals that inherently
love you back. Right, So you're not dealing with a

(06:08):
full fledged adult who may have their own issues or
their own problems that they're bringing into a relationship where
the two of you have to become one and then
create a family. So one is a lot more pure
and untainted than the other.

Speaker 5 (06:24):
She is saving the kids, not the husband, if she
said she But okay, I love that answer.

Speaker 4 (06:39):
That's got me curious because we hear so much when
moms are saying like, once you get past.

Speaker 3 (06:44):
Two or three, like it gets easier.

Speaker 4 (06:46):
Once you get past two or three, it gets harder
to be a wife, but to be a mom of
six still, a mom of six is easier.

Speaker 8 (06:55):
Yes, yes, well it's difficulty at this point. Neither are
difficult because we've weathered those storms, We've done all of
the grunt work, and we've got it figured out.

Speaker 4 (07:12):
How many years, on average does it take to get
to that point. My parents have been together thirty five years,
and I felt like when I was a kid and
I'm thirty four. When I was a kid, they stopped
arguing right around thirteen fourteen. Oh wow, it wasn't bad argument.
They just would bicker a lot. But I just remember
after that, I've never seen them argue.

Speaker 3 (07:30):
There's no time. There's no time.

Speaker 8 (07:33):
It's when that brick falls out of the sky and
hits you on the head and lets you know the
things that you need to know to be a conducive
part of a lifelong relationship. And some people it takes
longer than others. For us, I think that we got it.
I think we got it, got it with no facades,

(07:55):
with no pretense, with no smoke and mirrors, like really
really really got it about thirteen or fourteen years ago,
and go go.

Speaker 3 (08:05):
But you met in high school though, right exactly a
little bit.

Speaker 8 (08:11):
Our situation is very, very unique. We've been together since
I was fifteen and he was sixteen. Jesus, so we
were babies. We were babies, and we've never broken up.

Speaker 3 (08:22):
We've never had no real playgroup day. You don't any
family can ask anything.

Speaker 1 (08:34):
No, I haven't.

Speaker 8 (08:37):
Oh wow, he's the only one that I've seen three
daring that.

Speaker 3 (08:45):
He's the only one saying that they didn't believe you.
And honestly, people said that they didn't believe like it
was in the reddit, like there's no not.

Speaker 4 (08:53):
I really love it because I like to like deep
dive shows, white Lotus whatever. But I remember when I
saw that, and I was like, that's kind of surprising
to me because if if in true you're getting famous
as you know, early twenties, how the fuck am I
gonna be out here as floor and like everybody knows
my man, And I think it's as normal for like.

Speaker 3 (09:13):
I think, not exploring like she and would you be
everyone knows.

Speaker 4 (09:16):
The man, Like I'm saying, if you've been together that
long and people are saying, there's no way he's the
only person. If you're with someone who's in the spotlight,
how can you do that? Maybe a normal relationship, shit
like that could go on, but like, no, because it
really makes both parties look crazy.

Speaker 8 (09:32):
You know what.

Speaker 3 (09:33):
You can't just sneak around.

Speaker 1 (09:34):
They're gonna be like, but.

Speaker 8 (09:36):
If I'm being honest with you, I never wanted to.
I'm not that type of person. I'm a very, very
loyal person in all forms of life, to my husband,
to my children, to my friends. I'm a loyal person.
If there's a moment that I intend on stepping out
or being with someone else, or doing something that I

(09:58):
want to do, I feel that as a human being,
I have the right and the power to say so
and to let you know up front I would never
go behind his back and do anything, and I never have,
which is why with the success of real life, real love,
no one's ever come out period.

Speaker 3 (10:14):
Nothing.

Speaker 5 (10:16):
You already know as soon as you start doing the
holier than that, or God or so people like to
come out like of course, especially.

Speaker 9 (10:24):
Like friends with next friends, your sister, uncle, somebody would
have come like.

Speaker 3 (10:32):
Hey, nobody came out. I know Aquarius, Okay, I'm what
yours Virgo? Aquarius and Virgo like it?

Speaker 4 (10:40):
You know something, I don't know anything that's completely clueless.
I don't even know what I'm supposed to be like
doing we one sex question, but this is my first one.
So what's the longest spurt that you guys didn't have sex?

Speaker 2 (10:55):
Like?

Speaker 3 (10:55):
Was it related to baby, hard time? Whatever?

Speaker 1 (11:00):
It was having a baby, having a child.

Speaker 8 (11:03):
I think yeah, the longest time that we went without
having sex was told to me by my doctor. So
I think it's after you have a baby. You think
i'd have this would be ingrained by now.

Speaker 5 (11:14):
Yeah, they say six weeks, six six weeks.

Speaker 3 (11:19):
I think six weeks week, give birth every every night
the night halfway cheated that way. Yeah, everyone with all
sex for six weeks.

Speaker 1 (11:31):
Why would we go long them?

Speaker 8 (11:32):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (11:32):
Do you know how many people are together and married
and have kids and say, like the the amount of
times that they have sex drastically decreases after babies are
born after being together for so long.

Speaker 1 (11:44):
That's what I'm saying I would say this pregnancy you
can curse. I'm about to say pregnancy pussy is the best, right.

Speaker 5 (11:50):
That's great, okay, But everything that is because am I
never gonna have that's pussy, It's wetter, is juicy, or
it's everything that you can imagine it is when it comes.

Speaker 3 (12:01):
To that, our baby, pregnancy body body is so sexy.

Speaker 1 (12:04):
So it's like when people say that sex has declined, right,
and no disrespect to anybody, I'm not bragging, but look
at my wife right here. She looks like this all
the time. So I want to knock off all the
time when I wake up, when I see uh, when
she's eating, when she's taking the kids. Everything is sexy
to me. So it's like the only the biggest problem
we have now is all our kids want to sleep

(12:25):
in our bed. That is the biggest problem we have now.
So it's like we can't get it in. So it's like,
you know, well, we'll go to a dance competition and
we got to bring our kids downstairs for dance. We'll
go upstairs and get it in for like thirty quick
minutes day, come right down like that. That's what it is.
But you got to You also got to think. We
went to high school together right the college we went.
I went to Hampton, she went to Old Dominion, which

(12:46):
is fifteen minutes away go from Virginia. And when we graduated,
we got married at like twenty two. We bought our
first house at twenty three.

Speaker 3 (12:54):
Wow, it's amazing.

Speaker 1 (12:55):
So we've been together that long until where we are now.
But so we've never said paraded. There's never been a break.
And the only breaks we've had is if I'm on
tour when I DJ for FAB back in the day
and I might have left for whatever it may be,
but I still came back on the weekend. So we're
always on top of each other, like we we are.
I mean, six kids, that's it.

Speaker 9 (13:13):
You know.

Speaker 3 (13:13):
I recently saw something.

Speaker 4 (13:15):
I've been dating somebody for the last two years, and
someone said we were code dependent, like we hang out
a lot. I was supposed to be in LA for
a week. After three days, He's like, I'm coming. Other
than that, I want to see you. And I realized
we spend so much time together, and I'm like, okay,
is this bad? Should I be given in space? And
I saw a video I can't remember. I think they
were on Shan Boody's podcast, and he was like, our

(13:35):
codependency works for us, Like this isn't considered needy because
we enjoy.

Speaker 3 (13:39):
This type of space.

Speaker 4 (13:40):
Do you think that's what keeps you fucking all the
time because people been missing each other, it makes you crazier.

Speaker 1 (13:46):
But you know what, our relationship is different, like even
from our friends or people that talk about it, Like
we are on top of each other all the time.
Like when I get off of work, when I get
off the breakfast club and I'm driving home, I'm talking
her on the way home in the morning. When she's
up at five in the morning, I'm talking on the
way home. Like we are constantly talking to each other.
But it's to the point and I know people say it,
but it's she's my best friend. So it's like, if

(14:09):
you tell me something that's not supposed to be told,
she's gonna know. That's that's how our relationship is. Like
I tell everybody all the time, if you tell me,
he is gonna know, even if it's one of my fellas,
one of my partners that's doing something. Wow, she knows
the same thing with her, like she would have conversations
and it'd be wild, and she'll tell me it's just what.

Speaker 3 (14:25):
My friends know.

Speaker 8 (14:26):
Like, if you tell me, you know, there's gonna be
some pillow talk. There's gonna be a power with your friend.
He's gonna know your business.

Speaker 5 (14:32):
A time where because you over shared your friend's business,
either of you didn't want your partner hanging with that
person anymore.

Speaker 8 (14:40):
No, you know how they say, like if you're in
a bad part of town and you get robbed, it's
like respect the joke.

Speaker 3 (14:45):
It's like I never heard it.

Speaker 8 (14:46):
No, it's like it's like it's some it's it's some
mess up stuff, but you gotta respect it because you
should know what comes with the territory.

Speaker 3 (14:57):
Oh, that's pretty much what she said. You have some
how ask friends what it is?

Speaker 2 (15:01):
What it is?

Speaker 8 (15:02):
Yeah, So if I tell you something that you really
have no business knowing, you have to respect it because
it should have been kept from you in the first place.
So if you feel some type of way that I'm
not gonna appreciate.

Speaker 3 (15:13):
Keep it to yourself.

Speaker 8 (15:15):
Don't have met me any residual energy, because if you do,
then I'm never going to tell you anything again.

Speaker 3 (15:20):
You got to respect it.

Speaker 1 (15:21):
I'm not mad at that and my single friends fuck
with you like they when we go to the club
and I'm dj in, she'd be like, yo, that one
right there, because she's fine, you need to get that
one right there.

Speaker 3 (15:32):
Fun girls, you're turning into the wife. Yeah, So we debate.

Speaker 4 (15:36):
I'm curious to know what y'all think, and like great
points on both sides, because Mandy's like a lot of
these men look for a woman that is well to do,
not leaving the house, and then they be in the
clubs having fun with everybody else. Right on the contrary,
which that is true, I kind of feel like a
lot of the fun girls that were out turned into wives.

(15:56):
Do you think there needs to be a blend, like
if she wasn't this cool?

Speaker 1 (16:00):
Like absolutely, you know, yeah, my wife has to come
out with me, like we have fun, Like we go
to the clubs. We you know, we'll go to the
Jamaica back. Yeah, we go to ship clubs and like
we have fun. Like it's not one of them things
that like, oh we have six kids with boogie, you know,
we go and we party and my kids are twenty
one of my oldest twenty three and twenty one. They
come with us.

Speaker 3 (16:18):
I didn't saw you DJing in Netflix event when your
daughter was there.

Speaker 1 (16:21):
Yes, And I was like, my daughter, my dad only
likes to go out with me because she's like, no,
I have more time fun with my dad, Like my dad, Yeah,
giving a lot, I'm giving a line. Even my son,
my son FaceTime of the other day, he's at Club
Live with fifty and he's in the section with fifty
next to fifty. Fifty gives them a thousand singles to
throw out the strippers. They went to the club eleven after.
I got to say at let because there ain't no

(16:42):
strippers that live. Said yeah, I said, look how many?
How many singles you left with? He was like, well,
I left with like four hundred because you know I
only threw six hundred and fifty left. I'm like, I
put these four.

Speaker 8 (16:52):
Hundred and.

Speaker 3 (16:55):
Not keeping the money.

Speaker 5 (16:56):
Yeah, throws allowing you to take money from fifteen.

Speaker 4 (17:00):
Is there any part where it's like, oh my god,
this is so embarrassing because my dad's teaching.

Speaker 1 (17:04):
Oh yeah, he's always embarrassed. Oh yeah, the breakfast club
embarrassing is out of him. Like like you know, when
charlomonne plays those games, he'd being batted all the time.

Speaker 3 (17:13):
You gotta get it way worse.

Speaker 1 (17:15):
Than you what it is. My Madison doesn't give, she
doesn't care, but Logan, he'll send me a meme that
he'll see the meme online. When Charlemagne gave me the
butt cake, he'll send me a picture of butt kill.

Speaker 3 (17:29):
You know you have a son, kid in college, kid
in high school. You got to talk about asses all
the time, crazy.

Speaker 1 (17:36):
All the time.

Speaker 5 (17:43):
I want to have some fun with y'all with our
hypothetical sections. I picked out a question.

Speaker 3 (17:47):
For each of you.

Speaker 5 (17:47):
Okay, so Ivy, yes, one of your kids is actually
a genius time traveler from the future said to fix
your parenting?

Speaker 3 (17:56):
Which kid is it?

Speaker 1 (17:57):
And what do they want to change? No, got you
as the kid that's going to fix my parents, and
I would say has to be Jackson. Okay, Jackson.

Speaker 3 (18:07):
Jackson.

Speaker 1 (18:07):
Jackson is ten years old. He is my second boy.
I only have two boys and four girls. But the
reason I say that is I don't have patience. Okay, right,
I tell everybody all the time. My dad is retired
police officer, he's ex military, so it was always his
way or the highway, okay, and I don't have patience
and I'm the one that be like, go do it now,
go do that. And he is the one that it

(18:29):
doesn't matter if I yelled at him or not, if
I'm angry or not. He's the one to be like, Dad,
are you okay? Dad? Would you like something? Would you
like a beverage right now? To cool you down?

Speaker 3 (18:39):
Cold? Dad? Would you like to take a nap right now?

Speaker 2 (18:42):
Like?

Speaker 1 (18:42):
He is that kid and he talks to me like that, Well,
you can't get mad. He's like, you just gotta start laughing.
So I think that would be the kid.

Speaker 3 (18:49):
You look like you kind of had a different answer
or what. I definitely thought that he was going to say,
my oldest son Logan. Okay, I did too.

Speaker 8 (18:56):
I'm yeah yeah, because him and Logan beef all the time,
all the time, all the time.

Speaker 3 (19:03):
So that y'all are a lot of like like it.

Speaker 5 (19:06):
Like most kids too, beef with their parents is because
a lot of times they just see each other in
their in themselves and this sometimes the worst characteristics of
each other, Like fuck, I got this from you.

Speaker 1 (19:16):
Damn you are me right?

Speaker 3 (19:17):
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (19:18):
Now we're not we're like where he he's a hustler,
like he goes out. He knows what he wants to do.
He doesn't stop. He likes to grind. But he's like
his mom. When I say his mom, like, if you
ever argue with somebody and somebody's an attorney, like they
have every fact. That was like they were waiting for
that argument. Oh right, So it was like, we're you
getta argument. She start hitting. In fact, remember what you

(19:38):
did in nineteen thirty two when you was like when
he was a slave, Like that's Gid, that is good.
That is crazy Loagan. So ever, since I can't beat yeah,
I know I could be Logan. So that that's why
I would say, Okay.

Speaker 3 (19:52):
Gia, yours is in another universe. You and Envy are
both eighteen again.

Speaker 5 (19:57):
Okay, but you live through all of the chaos of
young adulthood again, so bad apartments, terrible jobs, the.

Speaker 3 (20:03):
Ram and dinners.

Speaker 5 (20:04):
Would you relive those years again in order to make changes?
If so, what changes would you make? And if not,
which chaotic moments do you believe were necessary to get
y'all where you are now?

Speaker 8 (20:17):
So my answer to your question is that I wouldn't
change anything because I'm not a big believer in regret. Okay,
because I'm one of those people and my son Logan,
if you were here, like, I know what she's about
to say. I'm one of those people that believe that
everything truly does happen for a reason, okay, And I
believe that there's so much wisdom and so much lessons

(20:41):
in the mistakes and in the bad things that happen
to us that you can't learn unless you go through them.
There's so much to be said about understanding someone else
because you know someone will be going through something terrible
and you say, oh, no, I understand. You really don't, right,
you really don't. You under stand as much as you
can possibly understand, how going through it right yourself. Yeah,

(21:05):
but you never really understand. So for me it might
sound a little crazy, but I like to collect bad experiences.
Because you said that before out loud.

Speaker 3 (21:15):
Yeah, no, wow, I'm just thinking that's such a sentence.
I like to collect bad experience.

Speaker 8 (21:21):
No, that's the first time I think I've ever said it.
I've never been asked that question. Feel that in a
sense in a sense because it gives me a certain
level of compassion and empathy for others. Because the more
bad things that I experience, the more I understand people,
the more I understand the world. So all of the
bad things that we've gone through in our relationship, I

(21:42):
don't regret them. I think that God saw us through,
and I love where we are today, so I have
no regret.

Speaker 3 (21:50):
I wouldn't know.

Speaker 5 (21:50):
I don't know if you're a therapy, but literally, like so,
I've been trying to remove my s from a lot
of the decisions or the person that I thought I
was in the past, Like I view my past selves
as like different people almost, And because I'm so proud
and standing where I am today, my therapist is getting

(22:12):
me through, Like you might not be here or have
the stories to tell on this podcast, or have the
true experiences are people in your life.

Speaker 3 (22:20):
Without those things?

Speaker 5 (22:21):
Yes, And I said it on this pod too, and
I think people have been able to see it. I
got in my first relationship at thirty, but your worst
relationship ever stayed stayed after many times I should have left.
And then in breaking up, the healing journey was it
did allow me then to see, Oh, I see why
people say I see why I see why it hurts.

Speaker 3 (22:42):
And I'm not gonna lie.

Speaker 5 (22:43):
We've been giving fucking advice on this pod for the
last eight years, and it wasn't until I went through
that relationship that I was like, Ooh, I get it now,
and I apologize even for however, yes.

Speaker 8 (22:54):
Because I was like, damn, because you only understood as
much as you could understand without going through stuff yourself.

Speaker 5 (23:01):
Why would you say, how how do you find forgiveness
in what you just experienced? Then all of those things
that I hadn't had any real experience in came only
through that experience.

Speaker 3 (23:11):
Yeah. So I love that you said that.

Speaker 5 (23:13):
Because sometimes we regret or feel like we wasted our time,
and there's so many elements of learning from it or
or healing from it after you're like, oh, there was
a lesson here.

Speaker 8 (23:26):
And every experience is a domino, like when you think
about domino's falling and it ends up in a particular place.
If one domino doesn't fall or falls in a different direction,
then you're often a different trajectory.

Speaker 3 (23:37):
Right.

Speaker 8 (23:37):
So maybe had you had the wonderful relationship that you
probably desired at thirty, and you might not have this podcast.

Speaker 3 (23:44):
You might not be changing people. He ate the reason
for this podcast.

Speaker 1 (23:49):
No, you me for the content.

Speaker 3 (23:51):
I'll know what I mean. Jose and you have run.

Speaker 8 (23:55):
Little thing can change your trajectory and it can take
you off in a completely different You might not a
had an idea that inspired this. For instance, it could
be anything, but you could be somewhere completely different without
that one domino falling.

Speaker 3 (24:07):
So it's funny.

Speaker 5 (24:07):
We talked about it with tempest shout out if you
guys have it yet our book No Holds Barred. When
Weezy and I first got into the process of writing
our book, there were chapters that were she was single,
I was in a relationship. During the process of writing it,
she got into a relationship, I became single, and so
it changed literally chapters in our book.

Speaker 3 (24:26):
I'm sure you guys explored. Did you guys have too
it's your book?

Speaker 4 (24:30):
Yes, yes, yes, the final chapters of the book we tossed.
I wrote when it wasn't that great if now final
chapter of the book is about suicide.

Speaker 3 (24:39):
And it started off with me like party in New York,
I haven't fun like a last night, and then boom,
I'm lonely.

Speaker 4 (24:44):
And it was crazy because we were on a call
where we asked her favorite chapters and she said that
one And it's interesting to me how the forefront of
what you think things will be about.

Speaker 3 (24:54):
It's not really what happens.

Speaker 4 (24:55):
It's not where the grip comes from for you guys,
What's something you told in either book that you were like,
I can't believe we just gave us up.

Speaker 3 (25:04):
You know they answer to this question, not the first one.

Speaker 1 (25:07):
Give the first one. I don't care. But the first
one is the orgasm thing, right, you.

Speaker 4 (25:12):
Know that you never made her orgasm was just crazy
because not never up until a certain point.

Speaker 1 (25:18):
She's crazy that she said you stay because girls, my
mouth game was good.

Speaker 8 (25:22):
It's just my pen game wasn't wait for clarification. Game
was good for clarification up to a certain point. I
wasn't regularly having orgasms through intercourse that I was having
orgasms in other ways, which.

Speaker 3 (25:36):
Is that's not what I thought.

Speaker 9 (25:38):
That's not what I because that's not how the.

Speaker 3 (25:40):
Media spun it.

Speaker 8 (25:41):
I mean, had anyone read the book, they would understand
and they not clear.

Speaker 3 (25:46):
No, it's not that I was this long suffering wife.

Speaker 1 (25:52):
It wasn't that hashtag poor Giara the whole time.

Speaker 3 (25:57):
For Gia.

Speaker 1 (25:59):
They were sitting.

Speaker 3 (26:02):
Yeah, No, that wasn't it. Most women, unless you're touching
your culturus.

Speaker 4 (26:07):
There is something said like eighty eight percent of women
are experiencing vaginal penetration.

Speaker 3 (26:11):
Right, Yeah, that's the thing, of course it is.

Speaker 8 (26:14):
And that's why we thought that there was value in
telling the story, Yeah, sharing our experience, because we figured
that so many women would relate, they would get it,
they would understand, and then they would find their dues.
Now you can come through vaginal penetration every single timew No,
hold on.

Speaker 9 (26:34):
It's not that you didn't get busy.

Speaker 3 (26:36):
And that was the value in the chapter that we
told the story. It had nothing to do with him.

Speaker 5 (26:40):
So I'm gonna blend horrible decisions in just a little bit.
And I don't know which one to ask this tip for.
But if you went from only orgasming from head and
then now you're able to do it through penetration, this
what well? What what happened differently? Did you then be able?
Did you incorporate something different? Did you tell him what

(27:00):
he had to do?

Speaker 3 (27:01):
Like? What how did you get there?

Speaker 1 (27:04):
Let me start? Okay, so which is the fu shit about?
You know, men entering the sexual space, right, there's nobody
to talk to, right, you never sat down to your
boy and like, yo, bro, how you have sex. You
look at it. So what do most guys do, right,
even the guys in the back, they watch porn, right,
And when you watch porn, all you see is bang

(27:24):
bang bang bang bang, Right, And he'd be like, wow,
I need to do that. So you start trying to
do that, okay, and bang bank and you know, you
realize there was no sensuality. He realized there was no touch.
You realize it's a movie, it's a porn movie. But
I didn't realize that because she never told me.

Speaker 3 (27:41):
She was like, I'm a poor start and me too.

Speaker 8 (27:46):
Okay, okay, that's part of it. That's a very very
small part of it. That's a very very small part
of it. It wasn't okay, okay, you kicked it off.
The problem that it wasn't him.

Speaker 3 (28:04):
The problem was me.

Speaker 8 (28:05):
Oh, the problem was me. And I was too young
to understand your body, my body, ah, and that the
problem was me. I lost my virginity on our one
year anniversary, so I was sixteen years old and thinking
that it was the way that most young people envision it.
I wasn't even sure that I was supposed to have

(28:28):
an orgasm every single time. And I think The problem
was that when you look at society, it's as though
women are playthings for men, like we look good, we
put on we do all of these things for the
pleasure of men. You look at billboards, it's sexy women
draped over cars.

Speaker 3 (28:48):
Everything is about the sexualization of women.

Speaker 8 (28:51):
So when I was in that role, it was about
me performing for my boyfriend, me performing for my husband.
So I was in so much of a pleasure mode
that I neglected myself. I don't even know if I
saw the importance in myself being pleasured, And to be honest,
I was pleased knowing that he was so pleased and.

Speaker 4 (29:14):
Vast thing you said you're a giver to talk about
how much you love to nurture and not saying that
a lot of women don't carry this innately. But I
feel the same, and I think a lot of times
being that you can have pleasure at the service of
giving and being someone's subservice at whatever it is.

Speaker 3 (29:31):
Yes, I think we really.

Speaker 4 (29:33):
Don't prioritize self because we are so used to being
satisfied from that one thing. And I hope a lot
of people that maybe do have trouble orgasming during in
her course, Mandy and I have said this for years,
like visimoone, actually you're going on there soon. She hadn't
had an orgasm when she first came off horrible, and
we're like girl master.

Speaker 5 (29:48):
Ate and she hadn't really knew much to do. I
don't think she had even used toys at that time.
But I think that's the biggest thing. Also title chapter,
you can't No one can please you unless you could
please yourself.

Speaker 3 (30:02):
I know how to please myself, but yeah, but learning
your body and being able also to communicate that to
a partner like you doing it. Does he know the motion?
Does he know the pressure? Does he like? And that
has to be communicated.

Speaker 5 (30:15):
And sometimes when we go into the bedroom just wanting
to please our partners, it's hard to communicate that he
might be doing something wrong.

Speaker 3 (30:22):
You're just going to send me. You know, vagina is
way more difficult.

Speaker 8 (30:24):
It is.

Speaker 3 (30:25):
I'm not a cool girl. I'm not this girl. I'm
not a this girl. I need a slower one. Yeah,
I'm just too The vagina's way harder than the pain.
But I'll tell you, you know, I'll.

Speaker 8 (30:33):
Tell you what. In my experience, it didn't even take
all of that for me. It's once I let go
of being a performer and making sure that I looked
good and I sounded good and my body looked good
in this position, and I was doing all of those things.
Once I let that go and concentrated on myself, it
wasn't even about how he touched me, how in love

(30:54):
I was with him, did the trick, but it.

Speaker 5 (30:57):
Really love a little dog in the baby, make a
little man, All of that a little bit, all that
I don't need, all that look a little bit shovel.

Speaker 4 (31:07):
Yeah, my hot friends, you say the same ship. Oh
my god, I'm thinking about how I look, and they
like you.

Speaker 3 (31:13):
To look ugly actually.

Speaker 8 (31:16):
Times, yes, yes, yeah, I like to start out pretty
and I don't care if I get ugly in the interim,
you know, but I like to start out.

Speaker 3 (31:23):
A certain way. But it didn't.

Speaker 8 (31:26):
It wasn't even about how he's the fact that he
was touching me was enough. I mean, every single time,
he doesn't have to do it. Sometimes I'd like, baby,
damn it, you don't even really have to move, like,
like do I not say that to you all? It's
like you don't even really have to do much, like
you're tired.

Speaker 3 (31:41):
It's okay, Like.

Speaker 5 (31:44):
Yeah, So for the reactionary for this, I'm gonna blend
both books here.

Speaker 3 (31:49):
Okay, So.

Speaker 5 (31:51):
I'm gonna throw in some pop culture reasons and then
I want y'all takes on them.

Speaker 1 (31:55):
Okay.

Speaker 5 (31:56):
So we know what happened with Matt Barnes in January
with all of the affairs he had and his partner
leaving Cardi being offset have been public about the infidelity
happening within their relationship and now going through a divorce.
And then, just because I love housewives, Real Housewives, Beverly Hills,
Derry and PK are getting a divorce and they've vividly
talked about not sharing that they're going through a divorce.

Speaker 3 (32:19):
To their kids.

Speaker 5 (32:20):
So a few questions here, does keeping kids in a
kid's place work in today's era of social media? And
so with your relationship being public, with there being a book, now,
do you guys have to talk about the things that
happen in your relationship that's adult shit, whether it be infidelity,
whether it be an argument, whether it be real life shit.

Speaker 3 (32:41):
How do you have those conversations with your kids or
do you keep them.

Speaker 1 (32:44):
Out of it? I think for our older kids twenty
three and twenty one, yes, absolutely, they know everything.

Speaker 3 (32:50):
So at what age though our kids?

Speaker 5 (32:53):
Is it? Because, to be honest, when I was growing up,
I knew my daddy had multiple girlfriends.

Speaker 3 (32:57):
I was like nine, and I knew it. Of course
we didn't there was for one, two and three of
these are his friends.

Speaker 5 (33:03):
When I look back in my childhood, I'm like, bro,
there was so much I knew what the folk was
going on, and y'all wasn't being honest or being real
with me. Or I could tell when my mom was
hurting or crying in the room and she come out
and everything's okay. It's not like a part of me
resents not being put onto the things that was actually happening.
So I want to know what age do y'all feel
comfortable or do you suggest parents start actually being honest

(33:26):
with their kids.

Speaker 8 (33:27):
I think it's I don't necessarily think it's about age.
I think it's about a how does it affect the children?
So in your securitation, okay, you knew, yeah, you knew,
so you knew, So I think that it would have
been beneficial to explain things to you in a way
that you were able to digest, because if not, you're
carrying that burden and it's affecting you psychologically, while at

(33:50):
nine years old, you don't realize that it's affecting you psychologically.

Speaker 3 (33:54):
So there does need to.

Speaker 8 (33:55):
Be some type of explanation or clarity provided were you
even though you're nine, because if you're old enough to
hurt from it or be affected by it, then you're
old enough to be spoken to about it. So I
don't think that there's a particular age. I think it
depends on the reality of the situation aside from Aside
from that things that don't affect children, I think that

(34:17):
a child needs to stay in a child's place. I
believe in the innocence of children so wholeheartedly, and I
think that parents should do as much as they can
to allow their children to hold on to that for
as long as possible. I didn't tell you, but yesterday
I finally told Jackson, who's ten, that the Easter Bunny

(34:37):
and that the Leprechaun and the tooth Fairy don't exist.

Speaker 9 (34:41):
Oh I'm sorry, I can fault with you, because but
he asked me straight.

Speaker 8 (34:52):
We were in the car coming back and he was
having a conversation with his friends. Man he was feeling
like the dunt the nutt in the group, and I
didn't want him to suffer that humiliation. But we kept
it as long as we possibly could until it affects him.

Speaker 3 (35:08):
In a negative way. Still exists. I don't care what
this think.

Speaker 9 (35:13):
So and he asked me about three times.

Speaker 8 (35:15):
So he said, can I help you put the eggs
out then on Easter for the other kids? And I said,
I said, yeah you can. I was like, you'll get
up with dad.

Speaker 1 (35:23):
So yeah, that's part of something that we do. And
we're gonna have an argument about this later.

Speaker 9 (35:27):
That's place he asked me on the spot. He asked
me on the spot, you.

Speaker 1 (35:32):
Don't understand I'm saying we don't really shore about the liquor,
she said, But the rest of the niggas, that's me.

Speaker 5 (35:42):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (35:43):
But I'm the one that you don't understand that. I
get a joy out of putting the toys together and
you know, and getting their toys. I get a joy
out of waking up five in the morning, four in
the morning, putting the eggs all over the yard.

Speaker 3 (35:53):
Let so much fun.

Speaker 1 (35:54):
I get a joy out of that sort.

Speaker 8 (35:55):
Of messing up the room on Saint Patrick's Day because
the Leprechaun is supposed to come and mess up the house.

Speaker 9 (36:00):
So we mess up the house and mess up my
birthday and.

Speaker 4 (36:04):
I'm not yeah, yeh yeh new age parents and yeah
yeah yeah, I get a joy at it comes and
messes up the house.

Speaker 8 (36:12):
Oh yeah, he comes and messes up the room. Sometimes
he steals things from your room.

Speaker 3 (36:15):
Yeah, he's naughty.

Speaker 1 (36:17):
He had.

Speaker 5 (36:17):
The more kids you get, the more ship did sorry,
that's yeah, make green eggs and hamp I think no,
I celebrated, No, no, no, no, the lecra.

Speaker 8 (36:31):
Sometimes he'll take something. He's naughty, So he comes to
your house and he does naughty things. We don't worry Santa, Santa,
but he and I'm like, wow, now I'm telling a
bold face. Before you know, Sanda is just a power
of suggestion, right, but now I'm telling a bold face.

Speaker 1 (36:48):
Lie.

Speaker 3 (36:48):
And we pride ourselves on that, like.

Speaker 4 (36:50):
His cookies, on the twenty four faith that kids have, Like,
I don't like seeing kids remove from kids things to.

Speaker 3 (36:57):
Exactly, And that's the thing TikTok and Instagram.

Speaker 4 (37:00):
My friends kind of laugh at me a lot because
for number one, right, I am obviously all for sexuality.
If kids being gay I get it, you know, like
I was the gay kid, but TikTok, Instagram, all of
these things that are just going to make my kid
go from six to fifteen.

Speaker 3 (37:19):
No, I'm not with it.

Speaker 4 (37:20):
Like I don't even know if I want to do
iPads out of side of a plane like we just
or I just interviewed Brook Devard for Horrible Decisions on Patreon.

Speaker 3 (37:28):
I love this girl.

Speaker 4 (37:29):
She's a mom, she's got a great brand. And she said,
I let my kids be bored. She said, if we
go to a restaurant, people are asking me what do
they do if they don't have an iPad?

Speaker 3 (37:39):
And I say, they play with the salt and pepper shakers.
We get in the car, Oh, what colors do you see?

Speaker 4 (37:45):
And I think that was probably the greatest parenting advice
I'd heard in a while, because I want to make
sure that I do that, and I'm terrified of my
kids being too grown because I was too grown.

Speaker 3 (37:55):
Wait a second, and but you said that's crazy, you disagree.
I mean, here we go learn how to be when
you take a ship. Don't you need the phone?

Speaker 8 (38:03):
We have to learn?

Speaker 1 (38:06):
Yeah, I know I don't, but but you know, you
know what it is. And that sounds so crazy sometimes. Well,
first of all, when I go out to eat, it's
different than most people go out to eat, right, And
the reason I say that is dea was raised that
you have to eat slow and you count your shoes.

Speaker 3 (38:21):
I don't count my chees.

Speaker 9 (38:22):
Can you stop perpetuating this line, girl, I never counted.

Speaker 8 (38:26):
I said that it's most healthy and productive for your
body to break down your food so that your digestive
system can digest it, and that usually takes about one
hundred shoes per mouthful.

Speaker 1 (38:39):
It is you don't understand, we don't have to eat
is a four hour thing?

Speaker 3 (38:42):
But I don't. I don't count.

Speaker 1 (38:45):
My kids playing with the salt and peppersheak of a
four hours they get to I'll be playing with the
play that's not happening. Let me get to the point
where we all we all coloring like.

Speaker 3 (38:56):
A piece of state. It's in your head. I know,
I do not, I not will count my chewes.

Speaker 8 (39:02):
I eat slowly, but I am not cognizant at all
of how many choes it takes to break down what.

Speaker 1 (39:09):
You say you have one fry, poor ketchup on the
whole five five minutes.

Speaker 7 (39:14):
At least I feel like I could see it and
I understand it's it's crazy, but she's she's very disrespectful
food like I'm talking cheese cake and showberries in the morning,
leftovers for breakfast like it's it's it's.

Speaker 1 (39:28):
Really her jeans, the way she looks like this, No surgeries.
She doesn't work out, does not work out.

Speaker 3 (39:33):
You don't work out the plates that we do well.

Speaker 1 (39:36):
That we did.

Speaker 3 (39:36):
We did it for like four weeks.

Speaker 1 (39:39):
No, you did it for four weeks.

Speaker 3 (39:40):
I did it for four weeks.

Speaker 1 (39:42):
It is when she eats, I gained weight.

Speaker 3 (39:45):
That is like, I'm yes, I have a question that
I actually asked Brooks.

Speaker 4 (39:55):
So her and her husband, you know, they have a
beautiful home in the hills, and you know, live a
beautiful lifestyle. And I said, what, at what point, what's
the thing you kind of keep from your kid? Because
your kids obviously have money, they grow up, they know it.
How do you keep them humble?

Speaker 1 (40:14):
Like they have.

Speaker 3 (40:14):
Jobs, Like, how does that work out once they get
to that age?

Speaker 1 (40:17):
But we don't. We don't. We're different with our kids, right.
Our kids are very humble. They all have chores, they
all respect money. But we're the type of parents we
want to see our kids enjoy it while we I like,
there's some parents that the struggle. I don't like that
that I want my kids so you know, I love
cause my twenty three year old to take the ferrari,

(40:37):
like my twenty one year old to take the lambo,
like I want them to enjoy it. I want to
see them when we work home.

Speaker 3 (40:43):
I'm not gonna lie.

Speaker 5 (40:43):
I wasn't born into nepotism like I wish I was, Like,
I would not keep like I never understood the making
your child struggle because you struggled.

Speaker 8 (40:55):
I can't stand that ideology like that is that ideology
sucks like.

Speaker 3 (40:59):
It does like all the billionaires that leave their money
to others. I don't like foundations. But I feel like
it's only in like the black community that we do that.

Speaker 8 (41:08):
Yes, yes, because you know, I feel as though we're
the only ones that want to see each other like
struggle or want you.

Speaker 3 (41:16):
Know, like why like white people don't do that. People
don't do that generally speaking, general generally, they don't do that.

Speaker 8 (41:28):
They nepotize, they pass things on to their children, they
donte on their children, they give their children. And I
don't see it as potent in our community.

Speaker 3 (41:39):
And I've always wondered why.

Speaker 5 (41:41):
Even even just to speak about even the iPad or
Brooks choice of parenting in mind you me speaking also
in parenting you're going me to comments with you and
got kids.

Speaker 3 (41:50):
Fuck you.

Speaker 5 (41:51):
It's funny though that we still we have people that
are also trying to remove technology from children today. Specifically,
I see it being a thing that Americans do, knowing
that they just passed the thing in China where from
six years old they're going to teach the children all
these areas of AI And so this is why we
never go the terrorists don't forget continue like China is

(42:14):
so advanced in teaching their children how society is changing,
and we especially our community does want to stay dated.

Speaker 3 (42:24):
But these kids aren't social.

Speaker 4 (42:26):
Like I don't know if you guys have interacted with
a COVID kid yet, but my partner and I were
talking about this, and he's like, I hate when people
act like you gotta let the.

Speaker 3 (42:34):
Kids come to you. He's like, they don't know to talk.
You gotta be like, what are you playing with?

Speaker 4 (42:37):
What do you like?

Speaker 3 (42:38):
Get on your level? Kids these days, four or five
years old.

Speaker 1 (42:41):
They are weird.

Speaker 3 (42:42):
I have so much to say right now, I say,
I have so much to say.

Speaker 8 (42:46):
I want to speak on that, but I don't want
to lose my thought about the spoiling of children because
we ended it and we moved on. But I don't
want to leave it on that note, because for me,
it's not just about giving your children because you have
in our household, our children don't receive anything unless they
deserve it. I believe on bestowing upon my children if

(43:08):
they deserve it. I do not believe in spoiling my children.
We have six children, and five of them are not spoiled.

Speaker 3 (43:15):
I have a three year olds.

Speaker 1 (43:15):
We're working on it.

Speaker 3 (43:16):
Well, we have a three year old.

Speaker 9 (43:17):
We're working on her right now, but they're working on her.

Speaker 8 (43:20):
I want to make sure and listen, we have a
routine and we have a way that we parent her
to see to it that she is not going to
be spoiled. But the other five, I can wholeheartedly say
they are not.

Speaker 3 (43:31):
Spoiled at all.

Speaker 8 (43:32):
Everything that they get and they get it a lot,
and they live a lifestyle, but they deserve it. Be
says they are wonderful, beautiful, appreciative, grateful, helpful, and demonstrative children.

Speaker 1 (43:45):
All of them and.

Speaker 8 (43:47):
They can have something amazing. I'll tell you a little story.
I went to brunch with a girlfriend of mine. She
has two kids, and I'm there with my three kids
and my baby was you bringing to kiss the brunch?

Speaker 5 (43:57):
Oh?

Speaker 8 (43:57):
Yeah? It was like a oh, we brought our kids
to brench And we were talking and at the time,
I drove a very nice vehicle. I drove a very
nice vehicle. And this mom is very bufula she she like, okay,
she's a bougie mom, you know. And she was making
some comments about the car, and then her daughter, who
was ten at the time, was making comments about the car, like, oh,

(44:20):
you guys have this, and she's talking about it and
some of the features. It doesn't matter what car it
was in this car, it's a nice car, okay.

Speaker 3 (44:29):
And what does she do it anyway? Anyway?

Speaker 8 (44:33):
So she okay, So it was and she was talking
about the star headliner and all this stuff, and I'm
sitting there laughing, and the mom said to me, like,
why are you laughing? I said, my kids have no
idubt you're talking about.

Speaker 3 (44:43):
And she was like, what do you mean.

Speaker 8 (44:45):
I said, my kids don't even know what kind of
car we drove in today? She said, how could they
not know? I said, because we don't talk about material
things at my house and she said, Giah, Like I said,
ask London, and London at the time was ten, say Maye,
just her daughter. That's how we met through our artists.
I said, ask Linda what kind of car we drove
in today? She was like, London, what car did you
guys drive in?

Speaker 3 (45:05):
Drove in today? She's like, I don't know a Ford.
And it's because we all we have like our family
car that I throw the kids in. It's a Ford Explorer.

Speaker 8 (45:14):
And she would hear us say that all the time,
like throw the stroller in the Ford, throw the car
seats in the forward, take it out of the board
and put it together.

Speaker 3 (45:21):
So she would hear the word forward for a Ford.
But aside from that, she.

Speaker 8 (45:24):
Would never hear a Rolls Royce. She would never hear
a Lamborghini. It'll be like the purple car, the blue car.
Purposely because I didn't want her to start materializing in
her mind or thinking that things are of value.

Speaker 3 (45:37):
Don't have money, it doesn't matter, no.

Speaker 5 (45:44):
No, no starts like we can do things like and
for for me growing up it was name brand Cereal,
like we know Texas hit when we got the public
subs and the neighbor.

Speaker 3 (45:56):
Going to Olive Garden and can order. Yes, yes, so
old were things like not growing up in materialism.

Speaker 5 (46:02):
It's weird because, like Weezy said, I love that you
say that because it could apply to even Yeah, I don't.

Speaker 3 (46:07):
Think that's what it rings that are necessarily Actually.

Speaker 4 (46:09):
No, I mean when you're bringing up so no think
about brand and you've got a regular Oh yeah, you're
still working away up. I want my Louis back, I
want my this, I want my mad You're almost talking
about it more. But I think it's just it's really
nice to hear that because the more I'm meeting wealthy
people with children, it's the first question I have. I
don't know if you've heard of Ursula Burns, but she
was the first black woman CEO in America and it

(46:32):
was Xerox and I was producing a show she was on,
and she was like, everybody's asking me what to do
with my kids, and like, my kids know they're rich.
I just have to raise good kids. And I think
when you're hearing about wealth, you're thinking about kids. TV Kardashians,
shitty kids, Osborne, all that stuff I was.

Speaker 3 (46:51):
Born with seeing what do they have? My sweet sixteen like, yah,
it's not necessarily normal life.

Speaker 8 (46:56):
Yeah, but the thing and there's a thing to that, right.
Some of the most miserable people that I know are
the people that are the most wealthy and have the
most So I never want to align happiness with money
because I'm not here to raise wealthy kids. I'm here
to raise good kids.

Speaker 3 (47:15):
Money.

Speaker 8 (47:16):
That turned into no, it doesn't, and and speak no,
it doesn't. No money, no, no, no, and guess what
and guess what? Money No, it's like a bonus to
your happiness. Yes, in real life, real love, in real life,
real love. We talked about one of the worst things

(47:36):
that either of us went through in our lives, and
it was the infidelity. And I tell you, and I
remember this like it was yesterday. I sat there in
my bed or about a week after I found out,
and I'm looking around at all of this shit that
live in a mansion. I got garages full of cars,
I got every bag, every label, every everything, and I'm

(47:59):
fucking well, I believe that I'm miserable right now. I'm
so unhappy. None of this means anything. And I remember
thinking to myself, like, damn, women will go through this
for like a freaking piece of leather. Yeah, And I
had this mental like dialogue with myself like its fucking leather,
Like leather, you're gonna throw away your dignity, your pride,

(48:19):
your happiness or freaking leather, Like that's crazy.

Speaker 3 (48:23):
Yeah. So, no, material things don't bring you happiness.

Speaker 8 (48:27):
If you're happy and then you are able to live
a life where you have quality things and there's abundance.
Of course that's a beautiful thing. But buying a bag
does not make me happy. And I sometimes I think
that for some people it takes going through some of
those bad experiences that I was talking about before, where
you learn, you understand, there's lessons, there's wisdom in it,

(48:47):
and I've lived a life.

Speaker 3 (48:49):
Can I ask you then? Some people.

Speaker 5 (48:52):
Stay for the kids quote unquote hm, some people stay
for the afforded lifestyle. If you were this miserable and hurt,
what what pushed you to do the work to stay?

Speaker 8 (49:04):
You got time? Because that's an answer. It's an answer
that I can't wrap up in two minutes.

Speaker 3 (49:10):
I really can't.

Speaker 9 (49:10):
I mean, if you can, I can I'll do.

Speaker 5 (49:13):
I'll do my best only because I mean, we're we
talk about beous, you know what I mean. And there's
so many women that get into monogamous relationships that feel
betrayed and everyone tells them to leave or that they're
stupid for staying, and then it becomes a well why,
and it could be sometimes for the kid lifestyle. Those
are things that we accept as reasons. But if those

(49:36):
weren't your reasons, what innateately made you want to stay?

Speaker 3 (49:39):
And work through that?

Speaker 8 (49:41):
For anyone that wants the full blown answer, it really
is in real life, real love. But I'll do my
best to wrap it up. It certainly was not for
the children. I was ready, I had an attorney, I
was getting a divorce. It was not something I was contemplating.
It was something that was done, signed and sealed. Not
quite deliber but signed and sealed. I don't believe in

(50:02):
staying for the children. Okay, that's my personal belief. I
would never because having an unhappy union, unhappy children. Children
are not oblivious, they're not dumb. They very well know
what's going on and you know firsthand. So staying for
the kids, I think is more so to their detriment
than for their benefit, to be honest. So definitely not

(50:24):
for the kids. Certainly not for the lifestyle. And it's
not lost on me that people probably perceive me as
someone that has a lot, because I do have a lot,
and that's just true. So you may be inclined to
think that I'm materialistic, but I'm not. I don't really
care about car, shoes, bags. I love my house. I

(50:45):
like to have a nice house, that's the truth. But
aside from that, I don't really care about the other things.
So it definitely wasn't the lifestyle. I stayed because a
series of events happened and it was revealed to me,
and I fought it and I cried. And I'm not
a big crier, but I fought it and I cried,
and I had to learn a lot in a very

(51:06):
short time. But I was forced to believe that God
wanted me to stay in my marriage.

Speaker 3 (51:14):
How did I know you were going to talk about God?
It was the only thing.

Speaker 8 (51:20):
That could have done that, And at the time, before
I learned more about God and spirituality, I wouldn't have
even thought that God could have made me stay in
my relationship. But there was a series of things that
happened there was in our lifetime together, and this was
a whole life died. There was only one person in
our lives that didn't champion my relationship.

Speaker 3 (51:40):
One person.

Speaker 8 (51:41):
Everybody else at the sun rose and shined on us
because even though we had a tough time, for Shawn
always he never faltered in our home. He was always amazing.
I never had the red flags that my husband was cheating.
I never had a red flag.

Speaker 3 (51:55):
He was. He showed up, He was there for me,
he was there for.

Speaker 8 (51:57):
The kids, affectionate, demonsia, loving everything, generous everything.

Speaker 3 (52:03):
I had no idea, idea. I found out then he
wasn't lacking. Oh yes, no, no, yes, how yes, no,
he was not lacking. I had no idea.

Speaker 1 (52:12):
I was blind.

Speaker 3 (52:13):
I was blind.

Speaker 8 (52:14):
I had no idea. But the one thing that I
have to say was that he was very jealous, very controlling,
very wanting to make sure that we always stayed together.

Speaker 1 (52:26):
I was heavily insecure.

Speaker 3 (52:28):
Yes, So that was the thing. That's what drove.

Speaker 8 (52:31):
I came to learn that that's what drove the cheating.
That's what drove you know, certain situations that he had
to contend with.

Speaker 4 (52:38):
Did that moment kind of show you just as someone
who seems very monogamous, that sex.

Speaker 3 (52:43):
Can just be sex.

Speaker 4 (52:44):
And I say that because for someone not to switch up,
I mean, as Mandy and I are ethically non monogamous,
it's not new to us, It's true to us. Right
since the start of our show, I find that a
lot of my friends that have been married a long time.
One of my friends recently, and I've talked about it
on Horror, her husband of like ten or thirteen years
kissed someone and she wants to leave them.

Speaker 3 (53:04):
And I'm like, wow, it was a kiss.

Speaker 4 (53:05):
She's like, you don't understand our rules, how we live,
And I was like, I pushed my shit on her.

Speaker 3 (53:11):
I'm thinking, so, what is Vegas? But did it.

Speaker 1 (53:16):
Not?

Speaker 2 (53:16):
So told you?

Speaker 3 (53:18):
Did that show you?

Speaker 4 (53:21):
Oh this can be this isolated thing. This isn't This
isn't about me, This isn't how you feels about me.

Speaker 3 (53:27):
In that moment.

Speaker 8 (53:27):
No, it took a lot for me to learn and
understand that because I was very much the person that
you're referring to, and I was raised by a very
strong mother, and for me, my feelings didn't matter. It
didn't matter if I loved him. Still, it didn't matter
if I wanted to stay. It didn't matter if I
had this attachment that was just going to disintegrate.

Speaker 3 (53:49):
None of that mattered.

Speaker 8 (53:50):
What mattered was that I always said that if you
so much as kiss another person, I'm gone, and I'm
a person of my word, even if it's to myself,
and I have the the ability to break it. That
was done as soon as I found out, in the
moment that he came clean, I said, Okay, it's over.
And it was a few days before Christmas, and his

(54:10):
mother was at my house helping me decorate for Christmas,
and I left him where he was and I went
home and walked into the house and I said, yeah,
there's no need to finish decorating. And I said, she
said why, I said, Christmas is canceled because Sean and
I are getting a divorce. And it was instant. I
didn't have to think about it. It was just a

(54:30):
very robotic move for me. It didn't matter how I felt.

Speaker 3 (54:34):
What did you have something? I'm sorry? Is that pride that?

Speaker 8 (54:38):
Yes, it's pride in me being true to who I
always said that I would be, that she would be exactly.

Speaker 3 (54:44):
And that's another thing. And what you want for yourself,
which I think.

Speaker 8 (54:48):
And the feeling of seeing myself as a strong person
and me identifying staying as a weakness.

Speaker 5 (54:54):
We create these boundaries that we say like, and we
go in to relationships, and when it happens, it actually
isn't a boundary. The fact that you stayed. We say
that if you do this, I'm gone. Once you say that,
no longer becomes a boundary. But has there been a
conversation if that were to happen again or if it

(55:15):
was supposed to. I mean, I only say that because
I mean I stayed after and knew and I was like, okay.
But also, I'm not a monogamous but I have friends
who have cheated or have been cheated on, who are like, yeah,
this is a deal breaker for me, but they stay
after multiple times.

Speaker 4 (55:31):
It's that Cardi like, no, no, sorry now Cardi, Young
Miami he got four times. Oh yeah, Young Miami just
said yeah, yeah, how.

Speaker 8 (55:39):
Do you That's wild and that's wild to me, Like,
that's why, that's that's why.

Speaker 3 (55:44):
Listen, your face just made.

Speaker 4 (55:45):
So many expressions in one and y'all watching this on YouTube,
Gil went like she was trying to take this all
in like y'ad No, she wanted to punch invY right.

Speaker 3 (55:55):
Now, like nigga, No, God isn't going to come in
and fix it again. Okay.

Speaker 8 (56:02):
You know, like I was saying, there was one person
in our entire life that didn't didn't chap, that didn't
champion our relationship. And he is one of my best friends.
So I have a best friend that's the best friends
at our couple. So it's a husband and a wife.
I met the wife in college and I became very
close to her husband, and he is like, like my
best friend. Why did he not champion because he saw

(56:25):
Raseean as controlling and jealous and insecure and he wanted
better for me.

Speaker 3 (56:31):
Okay, So he's the only person. So long story short.

Speaker 8 (56:34):
When I told him, when I told him that it
was over, and he called me and confirmed that we
were getting a divorce. Long story short, again, he is
he's the only one. He's the one that said you'd
have to read the book. But he said you can't
divorce him, and I said why, And he flew to

(56:56):
New York. He flew to New York and he stayed with.

Speaker 3 (56:59):
Us for nine days.

Speaker 8 (57:00):
Is to convince me to stay. And when I asked
him why he did that. He said, because God sent
him there to do it.

Speaker 3 (57:08):
Wow. Wow, yes, And I said, what does that even mean?

Speaker 8 (57:13):
Because I always believed in God, but I was never
particularly spiritual. I didn't go to church, nothing like that.
But it was an opportunity for me to learn and
to understand what being spoken to by God meant. And
then many other people that.

Speaker 3 (57:30):
That I did not know. That was one of them.

Speaker 8 (57:37):
And when I asked him, he told me God sent
me and I said I don't And I said.

Speaker 3 (57:45):
He didn't.

Speaker 1 (57:46):
I didn't walk with I didn't know like that in
New York and listening on radio.

Speaker 4 (57:53):
Already being so irritated because I was like, I just
feel like people really love to see happiness crumble. And
you know, as a Twitter girl, right, I'm want to
laugh at something for a second, you're like, oh shit,
When you really sit and think about it, it's like, damn,
you know, when seeing strong family dynamics, it's just something

(58:14):
that's not so common. You know, I can't imagine how
much people can't wait to see lebron decks the two
white ladies on the court side. Yeah, you know, you know,
something that just hit me and I'm a big Jesus.

Speaker 3 (58:25):
And maryol fan. And when that moment happened, I was like,
why is he tripping?

Speaker 4 (58:29):
Like it seems like a joke to hear you just
say money doesn't mean anything to me, and you to
know Gia that, well, I kind of.

Speaker 3 (58:36):
Now see why you bugg the fuck out.

Speaker 1 (58:38):
But well, if anybody follows the Breakfast Club and knows me,
I bug out. When it comes to my family. I
know you could tell you could take shots to me
when so when you say something about my wife or
my kids, I don't want to say it on there.
I want to say it to your face, right, And
that's why I've waited for them to come on there,
because I don't like the shots, because I don't do
it for ratings. I'm doing that to go back and forth.

(59:00):
I'm gonna say it to your face directly and we
can have it. We can look at each other eye
to eye like that moment. And when I said it
to them and what happened, they apologize but said he was.

Speaker 4 (59:08):
Just playing though, right, But no, no, no no. After
that comment, I remember he was like, oh the checks,
I'm just playing.

Speaker 3 (59:14):
I don't know.

Speaker 4 (59:14):
But when I saw it, I was like that's such
an intense reaction for a comedian. But hearing you say
this so strongly about money and what matters to you,
now I kind of get it.

Speaker 1 (59:27):
Yeah, but you know, we've been together since sixteen fifteen,
so before money, and one time Gia had the money
and I didn't. So when you say that, it's I
feel like you're pushing a narrative, even if it's a
joke or not. And what bothered me with them even
more is they were friends to the room. They've been
on the show many of times. I just didn't like
that stab. So that's why I confronted them in person,
and then you know, they apologized on person on air,

(59:48):
and then when you know, social media took it off,
they went another route. But my whole thing is I
just don't play certain games.

Speaker 8 (59:54):
You know.

Speaker 1 (59:54):
It's like certain things like if we all family and
we all cool, and you know, there's things that happen
and we could fix it here, Like you know, we've
had conversations before and it's not, you know, not something
that goes public. It's like, yo, this is a small industry.
And like you said, yeah, it's cool we could twitter
joke and it's cool to see. But we don't want
to see every somebody lose their family. We don't want

(01:00:15):
to see somebody lose their job. We don't want to
see somebody lose everything over something.

Speaker 3 (01:00:18):
That we hear other people feel that way. I actually
don't don't think so. No, I don't.

Speaker 4 (01:00:23):
I think most people are innately good decent. If I
fall down on the street, I think somebody will help me.
But if that person maybe follows me on ig and
they're not doing well in life and they see something
crumble for me, I think it feels a little good.

Speaker 3 (01:00:37):
Yeah, I think people are inherently I don't. I don't
think that loves company.

Speaker 8 (01:00:40):
I don't think that it's about whether people are inherently
good or bad. I think people are inherently selfish. I
think that most people do what benefits them and don't
do things that make them feel uncomfortable. And I think
that that's what leads most people's decisions. I agree most
and then some people, maybe if they sit with it
a little while, they'll come out on the better side
of that and say, Okay, well, you know I should

(01:01:02):
do this because it's the right thing.

Speaker 3 (01:01:04):
But I think most.

Speaker 8 (01:01:04):
People's knee jerk reaction comes from more of a selfish place,
and that's something that life has taught me. I agree,
And it's a sad thing about our society.

Speaker 3 (01:01:12):
I agree.

Speaker 4 (01:01:13):
And it's also doubled and tripled with the level of influencers,
you know what I mean, Like I'm constantly looking. I
don't think I had body image issues for a long
time until Instagram really became a part of my daily routine.

Speaker 3 (01:01:27):
And then I was kind of like, damn.

Speaker 4 (01:01:29):
I kind of thought I liked myself, but I don't
look like this, or oh I thought my apartment was
designed right, but now there's wav savvy desile, like it's
just something else that I don't have, and I'm someone
that can get what I want, right.

Speaker 3 (01:01:41):
So I think when it comes to following someone seeing.

Speaker 4 (01:01:47):
Someone rise up that moment for you guys, I don't
know with children, and I love happiness, like I see people.

Speaker 3 (01:01:54):
Being like told you, no one really happy.

Speaker 1 (01:01:57):
Yeah, I mean, but you know, anybody that comes in
our house or sees together with our kids, they all
say the same thing. I thought I was just fati.
I thought it was just for the Instagram, Like we
all like that, and as people like we genuinely try
to help, Like when you opened up your your Plotti shop,
what's the first thing I'll tell you? Yo, if you
need me to come down and do a show or whatever,
I'll gladly do it.

Speaker 4 (01:02:16):
It was so crazy that you said that too, because
I think I mentioned on air the fitness director I
hired literally said and he likes this. Before the doors
were open, he goes, you know, he does this, He
likes this.

Speaker 3 (01:02:27):
He always talks about how you would want this. And
I can tell you. Guys are bad people. You in
sharp You know, you guys really are.

Speaker 1 (01:02:33):
That's why we work so well together, and we've been
working some because we are the same picture of course.

Speaker 3 (01:02:44):
Oh sorry, yeah, I want to know that now I know.

Speaker 4 (01:02:49):
Okay, Okay, watching the just thing happen, my whole thing
was like, okay, this is partly postpartum feeling. When you
were watching it happen, a lot of people were mad
at you. Did you feel like, oh, he doesn't get it.
This is new mom syndrome, Like did you think anything
about what was happening.

Speaker 3 (01:03:04):
Was related part that he didn't get about. People were
saying that you.

Speaker 4 (01:03:07):
Were too hard on Jess and that you weren't understanding like, oh,
maternity leave whatever. As a mom, did you have a
moment where you thought this is about kids?

Speaker 3 (01:03:17):
No? No, no, I didn't.

Speaker 8 (01:03:20):
You know, listen, I I believe that self control is
very important. However, I never went through postpartum, so I
can and that's another I cannot speak to it. I
never experienced postpartum, so I can't presume to imagine how

(01:03:41):
she felt if any of it did in fact have
to do with postpartum.

Speaker 3 (01:03:45):
But I don't think just in my estimation, I don't.
I didn't. I didn't. That didn't occur to is I
related it a little bit?

Speaker 8 (01:03:54):
I just thought maybe maybe the emotional aspect of it,
because postpartum can affect your hormone and whatnot.

Speaker 3 (01:04:01):
That's possible. But I cried. When I'm not being messing,
I have the attitude of movies.

Speaker 8 (01:04:07):
Like yes. So my point is I didn't make a
direct correlation to it.

Speaker 1 (01:04:11):
And I look at it like this, you both have.

Speaker 3 (01:04:15):
I'm the oldest, she's the only child, so I'm very tough.

Speaker 1 (01:04:19):
I show tough love, right, And the reason I show
tough love and I tell everybody all the time, and
even with my kids, I show tough love because I
feel like the world is unforgiven, right, so I can't
baby you. You get out in the world, you get
smack and you cry. So I'm gonna be tough. And
that's how I look at Jess. Yes, as I look
at her, we're in a breakfast club, that's my sister.
I'm going to protect her. I'm going to fight for her.
If you're in my clique, we are together. So I

(01:04:40):
want her to know at that moment, like fuck them niggas,
like you good, you're great, You're great at what you do.
Falck them niggas, because that's what I would tell my daughter.

Speaker 3 (01:04:48):
I was gonna say that that is children. That is
how he talks to our kids.

Speaker 8 (01:04:55):
Like when when that When I was watching, that's what
it didn't occur to me, Like like when I was watching,
I'm like, that's how you would talk to mad Yeah,
that's why.

Speaker 4 (01:05:05):
It wasn't the comments. But I was feeling a lot
for her. There were so many thoughts in my head
because you know, I was one of those like, oh,
I hope that gets to be on the breakfast club too,
and I know y'all love her. I remember talking about
like oh, it's I think, yeah, but Yeah, that was
such an interesting moments and it's crazy to relate it
to your kids.

Speaker 3 (01:05:22):
It felt uncle envious.

Speaker 1 (01:05:25):
Yeah yeah, Big Broye. Absolutely, but I would do the
same with y'all. You know that, like, yeah, we have
we had a hard talking the strip the middle, dancing
around hall, drinking handy.

Speaker 3 (01:05:38):
He's like trying to.

Speaker 1 (01:05:39):
Give you love, but that's who I am. If I
feel for you or I feel I have love for
you and I feel like.

Speaker 3 (01:05:45):
You think that's why the passion? Yeah yeah, but you
got are you the tough dad in here?

Speaker 1 (01:05:51):
Absolutely? Absolutely is.

Speaker 3 (01:05:52):
It's almost too much? Do you think when are you? Like, okay,
were now ra Sean doing too much? Yes, Joey, you
know it to Real Life, Real Family, y'all out this week.

Speaker 5 (01:06:03):
If you're listening to this on Monday, it is out tomorrow,
so you can still pre order, but make sure you
get Real Life, Real Family, A guide to raising empowered
children not serial killers.

Speaker 3 (01:06:15):
And there's still workbook stuff in here. Tell us I
love it.

Speaker 8 (01:06:17):
Yeah, yeah, so through the book, we kind of did
it like workbook style an events where you receive a
plethora of information in one chapter and it's relatable information.
This book is for everyone.

Speaker 1 (01:06:29):
You don't need to have.

Speaker 8 (01:06:30):
Parenting is not a one size fits all endeavor. This
book we wrote it intentionally for everyone. Whether you have children,
you aspire to have children, you're a single parent, you're
a parent of a child with add ADHD anxiety, this
book is for you. But we would give you a
plethora of information in the chapters, and then at the

(01:06:51):
end of every chapter there's a real life moment at
the end of it where you can ask. We ask
you questions, We probe you to ask yourself questions so
that you can help yourself come up with answers that
we may not have provided in the chapter for you.
It's it's like a conducive It's a conducive way of
trying to communicate how our parenting can relate to you

(01:07:12):
as a mother or a father or a potential one.

Speaker 4 (01:07:15):
By the way, if you love how Gea speaks that
I do. You guys also have a podcast? Oh yes, Casey,
Crew and I want to leave off because I just read.

Speaker 1 (01:07:22):
The back of the Youth want to come on the podcasts?
You want to come with your your mate mate?

Speaker 4 (01:07:29):
Oh, I had something that's on my mind with my mate.
He swears of en down postpartum is not as common
in women that have a big support system or a
loving marriage, and I think it's such a toxic thought.

Speaker 3 (01:07:40):
But when you just said that, I'm like, huh, there
might be something to that.

Speaker 5 (01:07:44):
I better come, not with my partner. You don't even
want to do podcasts. I'll come with body.

Speaker 3 (01:07:50):
I'll come on my cat.

Speaker 5 (01:07:52):
By the way, I do want to leave off with this,
not only telling you guys to pre order and purchase.
This book is out this week April, fifth teeth. I
love the mission statement, so leaving y'all with something. If
you are in a family, dynamic, friendship, dynamic, work, dynamic,
we are a unit. We respect each other, we always
have each other's backs. We always uplift each other and

(01:08:14):
point out the good in one another. We represent each
other at all times. Our overarching purpose is rooted in family,
fun and faith, and last but not least, we are
each other's soft place to land.

Speaker 3 (01:08:25):
Real life, real family.

Speaker 5 (01:08:27):
Also, if you want to double up, bundle get real life,
real love. Thank you guys, So thank you guys for
finding me motherfucker.

Speaker 3 (01:08:36):
Time for us. Thank you, appreciate all y'all. Make sure
you have a get that and y'all flee you on
our book No Holds.

Speaker 5 (01:08:43):
Bard also become patrons Patreon dot com, back Slash Horror Decisions.

Speaker 3 (01:08:47):
This has been yet another episode of This is This
is Peace,

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WeezyWTF

Mandii B

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