January 30, 2025 • 64 mins
A solo episode dedicated to, “humility’ with Devi Brown. Today we explore the themes of humility versus validation vs arrogance. Devi examines the nuances of humility and the impact of digital life on our real-life experiences. Emphasizing the need for authentic connections and the significance of taking time for joy amidst life's challenges. Oftentimes humility is mistaken for insecurities, Devi encourages listeners to embrace their unique paths and to recognize the power of their gifts.
Connect: @DeviBrown
Visit the Merch Shop: DeviBrown.com
Subscribe: Devi Brown’s YouTube Channel
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Take a deep breath in through your nose. Holds it.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Now, release slowly again, deep in, helle.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Hold release, repeating internally to yourself as you connect to
my voice. I am deeply deep well. I I am
(01:16):
deeply well. I am deeply.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
I'm Debbie Brown and this is the Deeply Well Podcast.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
Welcome to Deeply Well, a soft place to land in
your journey. A podcast for those that are curious, creative,
and ready to expand in higher consciousness and self care.
This is where we heal, this is where we transcend.
Speaker 4 (01:57):
I'm Debbie Brown.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
Thank you so much for joining for another episode of
the Deeply Well Podcast. And I so so, so, so
so deeply appreciate everyone that has reached out to me,
all the listeners of this show that have connected with
me since I put out the love Letter to La episode.
(02:19):
It meant so much to my heart. Reading some of
the feedback of that episode, it was very vulnerable. You know,
that episode was super vulnerable for me. I love vulnerability.
I'm fine with it, but you know it always leaves you.
Speaker 4 (02:32):
A little raw.
Speaker 3 (02:33):
So I shared a lot about just my emotional process
and my emotional experience going through that particular experience and
I appreciate the way those of you that did shared
your thoughts and feelings with me, so thank you so much.
Speaker 4 (02:52):
As of this moment.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
The two fires that were really ravaging the Greater La area,
and that's the Palisades Fire and the Eaten Fire, they
are both considered to be at this time, which it
is January twenty second, to be under control. So finally
(03:15):
in my area that evacuation orders have been lifted, and
they've been really lifted in a lot of other places,
so that has felt I felt grateful for that. I
felt that I can really kind of ground back into
life again. But there is a cautious nature right now,
and there's still just an immense amount of grief in
the air here for those that have been affected in
(03:37):
the areas that are affected. But then also today there
is several new fires that have started in outskirt areas
of Greater Los Angeles. So there's a new big fire
that started a few hours ago in Santa Clarita. So
just my heart, my spirit, I am deeply present with
(03:59):
everyone one currently be affected in those communities with those
new evacuation orders, and I am just in deep prayer
for all of us, for all of the things. For
all of the things, right, I'll leave it there. There's
a lot of movement on the planet right now, a
lot of movement in the USA, which is where I
(04:21):
live and I record this podcast, and there is clearly
so much unknown, so much to happen. So all of
that's present. I know. There's also in this moment snowstorms
happening in Houston and Atlanta, So if anyone is negatively
impacted by those, the extent of the coverage that we're
(04:42):
getting is that there's like some extreme snow days. But
at this moment, I haven't heard of any further hardship happening.
But if there is, and we're not aware of it
in this area due to the ways our news coverage
is set up in this state, I just hope everyone
is safe, and I hope that we are all not
just safe, but bearing witness to all of it and
(05:04):
asking ourselves a question that really helped me as I
navigated this fire, which is, God, what are.
Speaker 4 (05:11):
You saying to me? What are you saying to me?
Speaker 2 (05:14):
Right?
Speaker 3 (05:14):
Like? I know, whatever interpretations people have, and even though
no one is deserving of any disasters of any kind
or any tragedy, it also seems like even in the
hardest moments, there are opportunities for us to have a
more well trained ear to some of the ways that
God wants us to experience this moment. However it's happening
(05:36):
to or for us, And so if anyone is impacted
by life right now, or even if just with some
of the changes that have been happening in our government,
if there is any fears that are present, I found
that a powerful way to lean into the things that
we cannot accept or don't know how to accept. It's
(05:57):
really to simply say, God, I'm listening. God, I'm listening.
What do you want me to know? What do you
want me to see? How do you want me to
use this? How is my purpose designed for this? So
just have some of that dialogue for your consideration and
part of your personal processing and how you're exploring whatever
is happening wherever you are. I took a joy day
(06:19):
on Mlkday. Mlkday was this week for me, and it
was also the day of the inauguration, and so just
a very very high energy day for a multitude of reasons.
Even in the celebration of MLK and the.
Speaker 4 (06:34):
Profound effect the profound.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
Effect that he has had on so many of our
minds and hearts and on the world. He was also murdered,
right like Mlka was assassinated. He was taken from us
and really acknowledging it makes me emotional to think about
(06:56):
just acknowledging what it is to be someone who was
brought to this earth. Was such a such a huge
message and such a purpose of transforming, and to also
be hunted as you're giving the best of your heart
to the world and seeing some of the atrocities of
(07:17):
the world in that and you're being hunted, right like
his message of love, his message of nonviolence, his message
of also in permanence and self mastery, he was also
being hunted that entire time, and that duality. I think
(07:37):
it's always important to be present with that as we
think about that legacy, because I think it's something that
we all have to consider bearing for whatever reasons that
we're here. So on that day, I decided to take
a joy day with my son. Gratefully, we have been
very lucky that our home is safe and we were
(07:58):
able to come back home. I'm so grateful to say that.
I'm so grateful to say that I'm so grateful to
say that.
Speaker 4 (08:07):
And also, even though.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
We have the blessing of that experience, your nervous system
is your nervous system. Your reaction is your reaction, and
if you're an empathic person, you might pick up on
tragedy a little bit more physically.
Speaker 4 (08:27):
And a little more keenly.
Speaker 3 (08:28):
And so I think that was really present for me
and my son, just the up and down of our
nervous systems over that last two weeks, and the fears
that were present, the feelings, the sights, the sounds, And
so he had the day off from school and I
decided to treat us both to just this quick twenty
four hour trip to San Diego, which for me here
(08:49):
in LA with moderate traffic, it's about a two two
and a half hour drive, And so I booked us
this sweet little hotel for one night, and we drove
down and we listened to his favorite songs and his
playlist that's.
Speaker 4 (09:05):
Called Questi's Faves. It's a very eclectic playlist.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
It has some yacht rock on it and some minions
on it, and some Super Mario Brothers soundtrack.
Speaker 4 (09:18):
It is all the best soundtracks.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
Of all the movies and a little bit of yacht Rock.
We listened to that on the way down. We talked,
we got to catch up on life, we got to process,
and then we ate a beautiful dinner, played games in bed,
watched a movie, and then woke up and bright and
early were right at.
Speaker 4 (09:39):
The San Diego Zoo.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
And even though I live in California, it was my
first time actually going to the San Diego Zoo, and
especially in comparison to the La Zoo, which is a
tragedy and I don't know where my property tax dollars
are going and where all of our taxes are going
when I saw that thing, because it looks like stranger things,
it looks like an abandoned world.
Speaker 4 (09:59):
It's crazy.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
The San Diego Zoo is so inspiring, It is so phenomenal.
It is so connected to nature, like it just it's
just one of the beautiful places, most beautiful places I've
really been in California. So it's so special to experience
that with Quest and he was so excited, and we
(10:22):
only were able to spend a couple of hours. It
was a quick trip, but I was like, let's we
can't see everything, but we can see a couple things,
So what is it, you know, and we bought some
books there about animals and then hopped in.
Speaker 4 (10:33):
The car and had our trek back.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
But that joy day is something we both needed and
it really reset us at a deep level.
Speaker 4 (10:43):
It did a lot of things.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
It connected us with nature, it connected us with each other.
But it was very special. So, you know, it may
not be possible based on how your life and the
flow of your schedule is set up currently, but if
you can find a way right now, like now, to
take a joy day, to make a day of pleasure,
(11:05):
to take a joy hour, whatever that looks like for you,
for you and your partner, for you and a friend,
for you and a child or children, whatever the priorities
of people are in your life, try to do something
together that just lets you, like, giggle a little bit,
that lets you savor a little bit, that lets you
(11:26):
smile a little bit, getting a gourmet meal and eating
it in your bed and your pajamas. It's one of
my favorite things to do, taking a drive, going to
somewhere you don't get a chance to visit often, but
you know it makes you happy, and just setting aside
time to do that, knowing that it's not necessarily going
to be you accomplishing anything. It can really really help
(11:48):
in this moment. It can create some space when it
feels like things are restricting, or it can just be
a beautiful reset if you've just gone through a challenging
time or that in whatever.
Speaker 4 (12:01):
Way that looks like for you.
Speaker 3 (12:02):
All right, let's get to this episode because this is
one of my favorite topics. And some of what I've
been thinking a lot lately is I'm I'm definitely an
allowed self processor.
Speaker 4 (12:14):
So I love to process.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
I'm a Jemini through a lot of communication, through talking
out loud. They're talking with the people in my life,
and I have been trying to be very intentional about
bringing some of these conversations I've been having for a
long time with people in my life onto this show,
and so this is definitely one of them. And you know,
with every episode that I do hear on deeply, well,
(12:38):
my deeper intention is to really guide us through conversations
that dive beneath the surface, that dive into the heart
of what it means to live authentically, to heal deeply,
to evolve purposefully.
Speaker 4 (12:51):
This show is really.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
About having the space to get into the nuance of
some of these conversations that are happening about wellness, and
definitely the ones that I'm most passionate about because I
find that they lead to a more expanded sense of
(13:12):
self and sense of life.
Speaker 4 (13:14):
So today's topic.
Speaker 3 (13:16):
Is one that I found many of us wrestle with
often without even realizing it. Humility and validation. What does
it mean to be humble without being insecure? How do
we find self love in a way that empowers us
without tipping into pride or arrogance, And in the world
(13:37):
where validation seems to be currency, how do we step
into our power authentically? Let's unravel this twogether. So one
of the things that I was thinking about yesterday that
I actually tweeted about and I put on threads was
I think so many of us have an incorrect deafinie
(14:00):
of what humility is, and we're misattributing it. So something
I've seen kind of grace the social media zeitgeist in
the last few years is that it's this idea that
if you are not loud about who you are and
what you have or what you do, or what you're
connected to or what you're creating, that you must be insecure.
Speaker 4 (14:22):
Right, Like, that's the way that it keeps.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
Being positioned, and things that I've seen on social media
over the years that like, oh, you better celebrate yourself,
or you know, don't be humble, you can be forgotten.
And I think we're misunderstanding what it is to be humble,
because to be humble is incredibly powerful when used correctly
(14:46):
and used in service, you know. I think what many
are looking to motivate in others is a transcendence of
what could be an inferiority complex or a sense of
insecurity about oneself that can absolutely keep us quiet. Or
(15:06):
if we've been in environments where perhaps we were very
qualified or excellent, but the people in our lives, maybe
most notably family of origin early on, doesn't see that
or sees it and chooses to withhold. That's a big
one that can crush your spirit. That's a big one
that can crush the way that you feel about being
(15:27):
vocal or expressive about who you are, what you do,
what you've done right. That's not what the issue is.
The issue isn't talking about oneself. That's powerful. You should
Your life is your life. Ultimately, life is between you
and God, and it's about your purpose and your service.
But when it becomes more about the deeper desire of
(15:49):
wanting to be seen. If you find yourself needing to
scream things from rooftops or make big announcements or kind
of activate this look at me, look at me, look at.
Speaker 4 (15:59):
What I'm doing.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
Because you are waiting for the response, that's where things
can get a little bit murky, because that's when you're
looking to fill this massive void about how you feel
about yourself, and the brain can be and the heart
can be really sophisticated, and the way it looks to
(16:21):
cope right, and the first layer of it usually does
feel like empowerment. That's why a lot of us stay
toxic relationships we shouldn't be in because we're self righteous
about it. We think we're the bigger person, or that
you're the one to help save and heal or be example.
It's a really sophisticated way of being afraid and scared
(16:42):
to have conflict or to have boundaries, or to remove
yourself right. It makes one feel good to say, oh,
I'm only keeping my mouth shut because I know or
I'm being the bigger person. It sounds good, but often
the real reason, especially when held with that kind of
a sense or attitude. Reason is you don't have a
lot of practice in your boundaries or in setting a boundary,
(17:05):
or in seeing how you truly feel, and you may
be used to people that don't honor that even when
you've tried, so you've turned that off in you. That
is something different entirely. So let's start with the word humility.
Humility is so often misunderstood for some Again, it feels
synonymous with insecurity, believing that to be humble we are
(17:27):
dimming our light or shrinking ourselves or denying our gifts.
That is really how I've seen it come forward in
a lot of the social media talk that's going on
right if you're not yelling it from the rooftops, or
if you're not kind of standing there letting people be
in all of you in whatever ways, or kind of
you know, overcompliment that it's because your light is dim
(17:51):
or you're scared to shine your light, or you want
to be shrinking or small or in denial about what
you're here to offer. And that's just not true. True
humility is not about disempowerment. It's really about grace. It's
about power. It's about you are, an acceptance of who
(18:11):
and what you are and so you're not necessarily overly
connected to praise or criticism. Something I've seen a lot
in this boss Babe era that we have lord been
in for too long in the last ten fifteen years.
It's that so many want to be celebrated for announcing
(18:32):
the idea and then making a lot of social media
posts about the idea or creating content about the idea,
or about empowerment or about whatever ways anyone wants to
be seen as above or as a role model. But
the celebration should be the work. I know some people
(18:55):
need that extra bit of motivation and deserve it, right,
Like if it's been hard for you to make the
choice to buy the URL or start the thing or
say the passions of your heart out loud, having that
first step of acknowledging that and expressing that it is
important and you should do that if that's what your
challenge is. But that isn't what everyone's challenge is, and
(19:19):
so utilizing that can actually be a hindrance. If that's
not what your challenge is, If your challenge isn't expressing
the idea or saying it, if your challenge is actually
doing it, maybe you shouldn't make the announcement when you
thought of it. Maybe the announcements should come once the
work gets started or the work is complete. We don't
(19:40):
need outside validation, especially at the onset. Sometimes it can
be incredibly disruptive to what you're making and what you're building.
Something that I've expressed on this show many times. It's
an ethos that I absolutely live by, and it's one
that I was really grateful to hear from Deepak Chopra.
(20:01):
It's something that he has said often that really meant
so much to me. But he has often said I
am above nor beneath anyone. I live by that so deeply.
I thought, finally, like there are words to express how
I live and how I wish to live, what my
(20:23):
ideal life is. And that doesn't mean I don't know
my power. I know what I am. I've always known
what I am. In my birth chart, it actually says
like I have an abundance of authentic confidence. Even when
I was a child and did nothing, I've always known
who I am, and I've always known that I have
a purpose. Part of how I'm wired, however, doesn't necessarily
(20:47):
include natural competition. I don't think about what other people
are doing, and I'm not saying that's a good or
a bad thing. What I'm saying is that's my unique
design in my life, and that's how I am meant
to operate. So I think when we investigate these conversations
of what is humility, what is insecurity? What is having
(21:12):
or needing validation to stay upright? What is having self
empowerment and self validation? What is seeing yourself or being
seen by the people that matter to you? And what
is just sometimes this gluttonous desire for everyone to look
at you. I think it's important to know how your
(21:33):
life is shaped up. What have you perceived yourself to
be lacking?
Speaker 2 (21:38):
You know?
Speaker 4 (21:38):
That says a lot of it.
Speaker 3 (21:39):
So it's important not to create these overarching narratives of
how everyone else's experience is, or project onto other people
how they behave and what that means or doesn't mean.
You know, some of us are here to learn confidence
in an authentic, empowered way. Some of us are here
to teach confidence and authentic empowered way.
Speaker 2 (22:04):
Deeply.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
Well.
Speaker 3 (22:09):
Something that's been interesting in the social media world is
I don't love social media. I accept that it's a
part of life. I don't dislike it because I necessarily
think anything's wrong with it, or because you know, yeah,
I'm not above nor beneath it. It's just I like
to live life with a different flow. I don't want
to be connected all the time. I don't want people
(22:30):
to know what I'm doing all the time. I don't
want people to look at me or see me all
the time, not because I don't think I am worthy
of being looked at, but because, like I don't know
everybody on social media, and I'm very focused on my
natural life. I'm very focused on the life that's in
front of me that I'm present with. I want to
be in my life more than I wish to be
(22:52):
on my phone for a multitude of reasons. It's not real,
and my work is my work. I'm not a content creator.
My work actually more so exists offline, and I just
found that it was way too exhausting and for me,
the way I'm designed in my life is set up
counterintuitive to spend more time creating graphics about my work
(23:17):
than I was actually spending on my work. It's not
what I'm designed to do. The gifts that God gave me,
and life are one of them, is deep communication. Another
is personal presence. I'm an in person person. I'm someone
that wants to be with people in the world and
(23:38):
not always thinking about how I craft the perception of
me for those consuming me. And that may not make
sense to everybody, and that definitely may not be everyone's path.
Some people absolutely are designed to create digitally and that
is a massive part of their gifts and a massive
part of their purpose, and they perhaps maybe don't have
(24:01):
those same gifts in person. And some people that have
those gifts in person, it may not be nor should
it have to be their gift to also convey that digitally.
We are all here to share who we are, what
our gifts are, and what our purpose is and ways
that are unique to each of us. And though right now,
in this moment it seems like digital life is king,
(24:24):
it hasn't always been and it won't always be.
Speaker 4 (24:27):
And so getting used to.
Speaker 3 (24:28):
And accepting the fact that all seasons aren't one aren't
necessarily seasons that you are meant to be deeply understood
or your work is meant to be deeply understood. I
think it's incredibly beautiful and honorable to have deep peace
with that. There is a world where I could fight
that right, and I could be trying to put out
(24:50):
so much content constantly, but that is a life that
I'd be really miserable in Personally, It's not how I'm designed.
I'm designed to slow down and be in the tiny joys.
I'm designed to contemplate the world in my life. I'm
designed to be present with my child, but not necessarily
turn it into.
Speaker 4 (25:10):
Content to be consumed. That's just me, and I.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
Think in this day and age, for those that are
also relating with what I'm saying, there's this false belief
from some of the mainstream world or the mainstream zeitgeist,
that that means you're somehow disempowered or not confident enough
or afraid to put yourself out there. And that is
the case for some people, and they do need that motivation,
(25:37):
and that's not the case for others. You know, I
think there are some of us that really understand why
we're here, or are looking to understand why we're here,
and we're meant to connect with our natural lives and
go deeper in intimacy with the people that are part
of those natural lives, perhaps more so than we are
(25:59):
with trying to predict or control or create narrative around
what people we don't necessarily have relationship with think about us.
And I think that that's important to dive into those
nuanced layers of how we're experiencing these two worlds we're
each living in. Talk about polarity, talk about duality. We're
(26:23):
living two full time lives at once, an internet life,
a digital life, and an in person life, and we're
getting different responses to each life. We're very often having
different experiences in each life.
Speaker 4 (26:38):
A way to.
Speaker 3 (26:39):
Highlight that further would be if you've ever done something
and you've been present in it, and then you've shared
it on social media, and maybe you've shared it on
social media in a way that is far more excited
than how you actually felt about it as the experience
was happening in person. Those are two different lives, and
(27:00):
there is something about that that is a little odd
when we think about the authenticity of what an experience
is right, not necessarily saying it's good or bad either,
but it's two very different and at odd experiences that
are happening. It's just something to notice. I think the
(27:22):
same can be said for experiences like if you've noticed
that you experienced the experience through the lens of a phone,
but you don't really remember what it was to feel
it in your body, but your memory of it is
how it looked as you digitally captured it. It's just
(27:45):
interesting to see what's the difference there. Am I missing something?
Is there opportunity to have both because you don't want
to miss your human experience?
Speaker 4 (27:56):
It is why we're here.
Speaker 3 (27:58):
And at the end of the day, if something like
TikTok disappears, if Instagram disappears, if one day all of
our digital identity is wiped and we're back to how
life was thirty years ago, which isn't a long time
ago forty years ago, right, Like, what does that look like?
Who are we if not that? So I think it's
(28:22):
just really important for all of us as humans to
check in on that relationship that we're having with our lives,
the perception we put forward and how we actually feel
about ourselves, or how we actually are experiencing the moments
that are in front of us in real time. So
I bring kind of all of that into this conversation
(28:42):
because it's important to know that we are all having
a shared experience, but we are also having vastly different
experiences inside depending on our innate gifts. The skill sets
we've amassed are car our complex challenges and how we
(29:03):
are intended to serve. And it is okay if that
looks different for each of us. Not only is it okay,
that's under selling it, it is intended.
Speaker 4 (29:16):
It is intended, So.
Speaker 3 (29:19):
Start looking at that next time you compete or you compare.
I think it's easy to do, especially if the comparison
is just aesthetic content or graphics. You know, anybody can
put up a graphic, are they living the experience that
they talked about? I think anybody can also get a
(29:39):
download of a thought and share it and it could
be powerful and change the lives of so many. But
that is different than someone that downloads a thought or
healing and in plants it and embodies it and then
shares it, even when it's just with one other person
that's in front of you. Neither are necessarily more valuable,
(30:02):
but they are different experiences. I remember a few years
ago I had this author on my show. I never
aired this episode, I never talked about this episode, but
this author had written a book that changed my life
(30:26):
that I found to be such an incredible body of work.
And this book sold millions and millions and millions of
copies worldwide. And when I had them come on my show, God,
I felt so synchronistic, so honored, so grateful to be
(30:51):
speaking with someone that their work really changed my life
to this day. It's been a core part of how
I've understood certain things right. And when this person came
on my show, I experienced them so differently than I
could have imagined. I experienced them personally through my lens
(31:16):
to be very inauthentic, very misogynistic. I was so uncomfortable
for the whole interview. They were very much And I
don't take offense easily, like I've heard and seen it all.
I've lived many lives in this life with all kinds
(31:39):
of people, so I don't really take anything personally. I
also lived through the first round of the Internet, where
you get people like literally saying they want to kill
you in comments when you put your workout, so I
don't get easily offended at all. But this person was
so trying to make me feel small, like literally the
way I would kind of describe. But it's like if
(32:01):
someone ever tried to make you feel patriarchally like a little.
Speaker 4 (32:05):
Woman like, oh, that's so cute, or oh, you don't
know much and.
Speaker 3 (32:11):
Yeah, yeah, and so they also kind of said inappropriate
comments to me. And one of the questions I asked them,
I said, you know, one of the early questions was like,
this was such a beautiful book, and when you channeled this,
(32:32):
when you came to understand this, like how did it
change your life? I was so excited to hear that answer,
because what's so important is that we ground these bigger
concepts about healing into our bodies and into the world
with the how and with the process. And I'll never
forget Their response to me was that they actually never
(32:56):
applied any of the things in the book, and after
writing the book, they really didn't sit and think too
much about it after that, And it was a huge
It was a really interesting thing for me to observe
because it did teach me that some people are here
to change the world, but not through their own behavior,
(33:19):
through their work, and that is okay, and that is enough.
But there is a difference. There is a difference. There
is a difference than when you get an understanding and
you take the time to embody it and let it
change you and live it and then you know you
have to share it because it's service versus You got
the download and you were told to share it, and
(33:42):
you did, and now you're done saying either as above
or beneath. But they're different experiences, and so we're all
here to share God's work, to share the intended path,
to share in service with one another, but we all
do it in different ways.
Speaker 4 (34:00):
And I think.
Speaker 3 (34:02):
It's important to look at that, and it's important to
know that also for your own self respect and for
your own sanity and your own ability to understand and
have reverence and gratitude for your gifts. And just because
they aren't showing up to the same fanfare as someone else's,
it doesn't matter. You are here to share it and
(34:24):
serve it. And it's only been in the last truly
fifteen or so years that it even mattered if millions
saw something that you did, or you know, if everybody
in every state saw something that you did. You know,
there is beauty and anchoring deeply in your own life
and being creative for the sake of it. Something my
(34:49):
astrology said that gave me a lot of freedom because
I used to work in an industry.
Speaker 4 (34:52):
That was all about look at me, look at me,
look at me, and.
Speaker 3 (34:56):
I just am not naturally designed for that. And it's
because I don't think I'm great, And it's not because
I'm not excellent at what I do I am. It's
because that's just not the archetype I'm meant to embody.
It's not what I want, and it's not what I
am meant to share.
Speaker 4 (35:15):
With other people.
Speaker 3 (35:17):
We are all here to share ourselves in a way
that is useful and helpful and evolutionary for others, even
in the tiniest moments of what you do and in
the biggest moments. And we are all here occupying different archetypes.
So some people are here to be the ones that
are loud and incredibly largely confident, and there's others that
(35:41):
are here to have quiet power and be an embodied confidence.
And we need both. We need more than those two examples.
We need all kinds of examples of doing that. I
remember someone shared something with me once where it was
kind of I was doing some really special things a
(36:01):
few years ago, and so I was getting a lot
of coverage in a lot of ways and had some
opportunities to be on a national commercial that was really
special and beautiful, beautiful things that I'm so grateful for.
And I remember a friend shared something that another person
that was a casual mutual friend.
Speaker 4 (36:22):
Said where they were like, God, I'm.
Speaker 3 (36:24):
Having a really tough time seeing Debbie rise. And the
friends shared that comment with me, and I remember when
I heard it, I was just like, huh, I could
understand that. I could understand that, depending on where you
are with your life, jealousy is a natural emotion that
(36:45):
we all feel at certain points. But the thing I said,
and I said this with true curiosity, not as above
or beneath, because also the person that said this comment
has a beautiful life and they're very successful and they
do very special work. But my response was, what is
it that we do the same? Why am I even
(37:06):
being compared? Why is she looking to measure? What is
it that we do the same. You know, the core
of our work is completely different, Our life experiences that
led us to this moment are completely different, and potentially
what we're here to do is completely different. But to
(37:28):
feel lower or less enthusiastic about your own work because
we have a similar follower count, and that's what's feeling
like you're inadequate, It.
Speaker 4 (37:39):
Makes no sense.
Speaker 3 (37:41):
That has nothing to do with anything. I don't know
why I went on this big tangent. My hope is
that this was useful to someone. The conversation kind of
took a direction I wasn't planning. But just really think,
what is the archetype you were meant to embody? And
you'll see the themes of it throughout your whole life.
(38:02):
And it's easy to check in with yourself if you're
holding back when you start asking yourself questions. If the
reason you're holding your self celebration back is because there
is fear of what people will think, or because there
is this idea or program of comparison or shame running
inside of you, it is important for you to really
(38:25):
embody confidence in who you are and maybe to be
in that special practice of saying things loudly and boldly
and in big ways and celebrating and letting others celebrate you.
That could be exactly what you need. And if that
is not necessarily what your challenges were, if the challenges
(38:48):
were different for you, that may not be the path
for you. But only each of us individually know that
where do you feel most confident? Me personally, I feel
most confident when I'm with people in person.
Speaker 4 (39:01):
I love it. I love it. I love it.
Speaker 3 (39:04):
So I love when i have this space to create
meaningful retreats and host them and do them. I love
it when I'm working with clients or when I'm able
to have workshops or be on a big stage in
front of a big audience for a specific reason. I
love those moments because I love that feeling. I love
to be immersed in my human experience with other humans,
(39:28):
and digitally, I like doing that through my stories. I
like sharing beautiful moments. But I'm not necessarily one to
craft the perfect caption that properly to other people's showcases
things in a certain kind of way. It's not what
I'm designed for. It's not what I like to do,
So I don't I lean into what I'm designed to
do deeply well, So, leaning back into the focus of
(39:58):
this episode, I want to go through a couple points
with you to really help anchor and sink in what
your recipe is for how you're meant to embody what
you're here to do, and the kind of power you're
meant to embody. Some people are meant to embody it
in the grand ways and the fully dressed up, show
out ways, and that makes it possible for other people
(40:19):
to dream like that too. Some people are meant to
embody in the quiet power and in the grace and
in the dignity and the humility, and that is a
path for those that most connect and resonate with that style,
And neither style really has to be compared. So let's
further deconstruct this so again with humility. I think some
(40:41):
of the misconception often stems from a misunderstanding of the
root word itself. Historically, humility doesn't mean to be small,
and means to have an accurate understanding of yourself, your gifts,
and your role in the bigger picture. Being humble doesn't
mean undervalue yourself. It means showing up in the truth
(41:02):
of who you are and what your experience is, and
not necessarily needing to be perceived as big or powerful
or receiving of external validation to affirm who you already are.
The way I see it, humility is really a special
path when one is connected to the path of non attachment,
(41:29):
when one is connected to the path of self mastery.
For me, humility represents a path of non attachment, not
to praise nor criticism. It's connected to a path of
self mastery, which is I am looking to be in
the mastery of the gifts and the skills God told
me to be with and to be in service with.
(41:53):
That's how I experience humility. So again, this brings me
to and we've explored this episodes, but to validation. You know,
in our digital age, validation is more accessible than ever.
It is all of those likes on something you shared.
It is the engagement, the comments, the shares, the views,
(42:13):
but it's also so much more fleeting. Social media has
created this culture where we're craving all of that really deeply,
and we're thinking that that equates being seen.
Speaker 4 (42:24):
But it's not.
Speaker 3 (42:24):
As permanent as one would think, right, you know, it's
like that age old quote. And forgive me if I
misattributed this, but I believe it's to Maya Angelou. But
people remember how you make them feel more than anything else,
more than what you say, more than what you do.
It's how they felt in their cells and their body,
(42:47):
what they registered their experience with you to be. That's
really what the truth of what someone's life is. That's
the truth of what someone's service is. Right, and it's
important to be in your life and really in connection
with what that is. Having a lot of social media
friends can be really beautiful, especially if you're someone that
(43:12):
perhaps has social anxiety or is more of an introvert,
or likes the way that distance feels. That is beautiful.
And I also think that we are meant to be
in community and meant to be in humanity, and nothing
takes the place, And for some of us it requires
a little more work or a little wider casting of
(43:35):
the net. But there's nothing that really equals what it
is to master presence with another human being, with your
life with animals. There's nothing that really can measure next
to what it is to regulate your body to the
(44:00):
missy and vulnerability of being in person with people and
growing friendship offline, growing friendship and difficult conversations, growing friendship
and reading each other's body language or feelings. You know
that that is what a human physical body, heart, brain,
(44:20):
spirit is designed to do. So on one end of
the spectrum, we are seeing, you know, those loud celebrations
of self as a kind of aggrandizing that can feel
disconnected from our inner knowing. You know when that doesn't
show up in our own life, we notice it's not congruent.
(44:40):
On the other end, there is this quiet, grounded confidence
that doesn't need to be shouted from the rooftops. When
you know you accept yourself, and when you know that
you are authentically grateful for your life now and that
your life is enough, you're not constantly grasping and seeking
in looking for the pivot that will garner more attention,
(45:03):
or looking for the experience that will get more celebration.
Neither as inherently right or wrong. They are just different
expressions of where all of us are on our unique journeys.
And that is the nuance that I think we need
to honor in one another's experience, especially before we go
projecting what we think is the right path on other people,
(45:26):
or judging someone as less or beneath because it's different,
or judging someone as you know, maybe not smart enough
or not knowing how to maximize enough. I remember someone
else share they said, why don't you do your podcast
in like this many minutes? I was like, I like
long form content and those that do too will ride
(45:47):
with it, and those that have the attention spans that
learn differently with maybe five minute content fifteen minute content.
There is a host of people that are able to
get what they need to do to them, even though
you know the audience size or scope may be different.
I want to honor what my gift is, which is
(46:09):
long form teaching and communication for the people that crave that,
and I'm always gonna do that. I'm never gonna change
who and what I am to present things in a
way that are more in line with what is popular.
I'm gonna do it how I want to do it,
and I think that's how we should all do it,
(46:31):
and continue to listen and honor if that is in
fact our correct path, and then listen to the opportunities
to change it whenever that is required or to grow.
Speaker 4 (46:40):
But listen. Is it fear or is it just different?
Speaker 2 (46:44):
Right like?
Speaker 3 (46:45):
Is it self repression or is it just different? Is
it lack of confidence or is it just different? It
could be either of those answers, And I pray that
you can adjust to remove whatever barrier is in front
of you that keeps you from authentic sharing yourself with
those in your life and with the greater world, if
(47:05):
that is how you are meant to interact. We're all
designed differently. Some people crave quiet natural life. Others find
deep passionate fulfillment in building their personal brands and being
in more of the greater world. I think the question
that we need to ask ourselves is am I being
true to my unique life? Am I being true to
(47:29):
my design? Am I seeking validation to fill avoid? Or
am I simply looking to share my light and my gifts.
Another area where humility and validation really intersect a lot
is in self love. So there's this growing narrative that
self love is about being quote unquote proud of yourself
in a loud way. But I've found that true, sustainable
(47:52):
self love is often quiet. It's the inner knowing that
you are enough, even without everyone else acknowledging it. Sometimes
we celebrate ourselves again before that work is even done,
seeking validation instead of seeing rooted in the process itself.
That is okay, it's part of the learning curve. But
(48:14):
what would it look like to let your work speak
for itself? As long as you are receiving, you know,
whatever it is you're meant to receive for what you're
giving for all of this, that's different. There's so much
power in that. Think of Picasso, think of ven go
(48:36):
think of the masters. They weren't pandering for attention, they
weren't pandering for favor. His work was enough. Their work
was enough because they believed in it, and they really
didn't have any other choice but to create.
Speaker 4 (48:54):
That belief grounded.
Speaker 3 (48:56):
Steady, and self sufficient was the power that carried them.
There's so many figures in history who really embody graceful power,
people that held their brilliance with humility, even when they
were misunderstood and even when what they created was not
in line with what people could accept in the time. Again,
(49:19):
you have your van goes. The people that you may
have what they would have referred to as the time
has gone mad or felt completely unseen and weren't seen
until after they passed, didn't make their work less valuable.
It just meant that part of their karma and life
experiences were that they were visionaries or pioneers and a
(49:42):
time that couldn't understand them, but their souls work and
their mission eventually was still honored and was still of
high service to the world. And that is what I
believe God requires. So it's less about our own ego
and it's more about the deep connection that you're doing
knowing what you're supposed to do. Sometimes there is agony
(50:06):
and being in your gifts. There's agony and being a genius.
There is agony and being first. There's agony and being misunderstood.
It's part of our karma if that's the case of
our unique path. The work is all that matters, and
when you trust your work and your process, you do
not require the external noise to affirm you. Are you
(50:31):
deserving of it? Would it feel good, certainly, but it's
not necessarily required. And it doesn't mean that you can't
find and live other ways of being deeply seen and known.
Though it's not saying that you're signing up for a
life of being bleak or on being an outlier, or
(50:53):
being you know, out in the void on the edges.
Find the ways that you are meant to be seen
and received, and usually that comes from the community that
really gets your work or from the peer group that
is creating in the similar ways. They can see your art,
they can speak to it, they can appreciate it. This
(51:13):
is where humility becomes a superpower. It allows you to
stand in your truth, to be fully aware of your gifts,
but without the need to prove or to compare. Authentic
empowerment looks different for everyone. It is not about being
louder or softer. It's about what is an alignment for you.
(51:35):
For some, it is that quiet inner knowing. For others
it is bold, visible expression.
Speaker 4 (51:40):
Both are valid. The key is to honor.
Speaker 3 (51:42):
Where you are and to resist the urge to compare
your path to someone else's. One thing I don't long
for is the kind of fame that takes away your
human experience. And I think for some that is something
they do long for, and that is part of their
unique karma. You know, the people that are some of
(52:05):
our biggest figures and archetypes and celebrities. I really recognize
the sacrifice of that. I consider that to be high service,
you know. And yeah, in some ways, they might be
gifted a lot of opportunity through the masses knowing them,
or through the wealth that they're able to amass, and
that is a part of their journey and a part
(52:28):
of what they are rewarded with if they find it
beautiful and useful because of their sacrifice. But all of
that attention is a sacrifice. It does disconnect you from you.
It means you move differently, It means people have all
the notions about you without knowing you. It's hard to
(52:49):
be truly intimately known by anyone because you're so overly
perceived and quote unquote known to so many others.
Speaker 4 (53:00):
So what is the trade off? What does the give
and take?
Speaker 3 (53:02):
Neither is right or wrong, but some.
Speaker 4 (53:06):
Would prefer one over the other.
Speaker 3 (53:09):
Right, we are all here to have unique experiences, and
ultimately it's all enough. So a couple I'm going to
end with a couple definitions, and then I'm going to
have a little bit of soul work. But I want
to share with you some people that are my personal
muses that I think embody high levels of gifts and
(53:32):
mastery that also embodied humility and nothing was taken from
them when you look back at the end of their
lives and their work.
Speaker 4 (53:42):
They did what they were here to do.
Speaker 3 (53:44):
And they are celebrated for the way they made people
feel and for the consciousness that they grew for the collective,
for the world. So some of those figures to me
that represent like true power and humility, and some also
(54:04):
include a lot of levels of fame and attention, either
when they were alive or after they've passed, are Mahatma Gandhi,
known for his unwavering commitment to nonviolence. He used his
influence not for personal gain, but to advance justice and freedom.
Maya Angelou a poet and activist, a storyteller who was
(54:27):
mostly so high regarded for her work after forty and
into the sunset of her life and beyond, Her powerful
words resonated globally. Yet she carried herself with deep humility,
and it was never about look at me. Who's looking
about me? Is my work being seen and supported?
Speaker 4 (54:47):
Who appreciates it? See me as great right?
Speaker 3 (54:50):
Her life's work reflected a commitment to empowering others through wisdom,
through presence with self, through kindness, through grace. Albert Einstein
huge historical figure. Despite being one of the greatest minds
in history, Einstein was known for his modesty. He's often
(55:11):
credited with his discoveries to his curiosity and his collaboration
rather than his own genius. Nelson Mandela, my son's name
after him. Humility and resilience were evident in his leadership
during and after his imprisonment. His approach to reconciliation in
(55:32):
post apartheid South Africa. It reflected grace and an ability
to prioritize the greater good over personal vindication. One of
my favorites, Fred Rogers, mister Rogers hashtag goals for Me,
known for his very gentle demeanor and dedication to children's
(55:55):
education and children's self love, carried himself with humility and
a deep sense of purpose. His legacy is a testament
to quiet, impactful leadership that changes generations from the inside out.
And I offer these really to share. It could be
(56:15):
very important as part of your process of being fully expressed,
especially now when the planet needs your gifts more than ever,
to really sit and create. Who are your muses, Who
are the people that you feel embody something that really
feels like how you experience yourself on the inside, and
(56:38):
then look to them as the continued guides and inspiration
to do the work that you do in the way
that you are meant to do it. So a clear
cut definition as we end this episode of humility is
freedom from pride or arrogance, the quality or state of
(56:58):
being humble. Some of the confusion I think may be
around the origin of the Latin word humanlis which means low,
but from the Latin Church humis means earth, which is grounding.
So low to the ground doesn't necessarily mean small. It
(57:22):
means rooted, anchored. In old French word ummelite pronunciation way
off is humility is synonymous with a modesty, with the
sweetness in other ways that it shared. It also represents
a quiet sense of knowing and an inner power.
Speaker 4 (57:46):
Validation.
Speaker 3 (57:47):
Let's get into the definition of that is an act
or a process or an instance of validating to support
or corroborate on a sound or authoritative basis. So it's
to be receiving in a way that it's giving you
a feeling of something higher or bigger, gave you attention,
(58:12):
gave you validation, gave you a sense of being known.
To recognize, establish or illustrate the worthiness or the legitimacy
of It's really important to think about that, right, Like,
if that is the core of the meaning of validation,
to recognize, to establish or illustrate the worthiness or legitimacy
(58:36):
of it would be to say that without it, one
could be experiencing themselves as unworthy or not legitimate. So
if that's the case, investigate why and investigate what kind
of validation you're seeking, right Are you seeking for a
theory or an idea to be validated by those in
(58:59):
your arena who are worthy of quantifying what it is
that you have, or is it just desirous that you
receive that from any and everything, any and everyone. Arrogance
is defined as an attitude of superiority, manifested in an
overbearing manner or in a presumptuous claim or assumption. People
(59:24):
are very presumptuous online, especially if you live the majority
of your interactions with others as digital experiences. You don't
really know, right because there's not space to ask questions
and there's not space to actually observe someone. You are
observing how they interact with their digital world. It is
(59:46):
not the same as observing someone in their natural life
and seeing how they flow in their unique life with
the people that are in it. So we are being
very presumptuous and the way that we're perceiving people, and
often times we're thinking our own inner feeling, which is
rooted around our life experiences on what someone shares is
(01:00:09):
the truth of who and what they are, and that
can go on both ends of the spectrum. We are
seeing and I bring this up a lot for a reason,
but we're seeing that so many influencers are being arrested
for heinous things. You have these family influencers being arrested
for abusing children or rehoming adopted children. We have people
(01:00:32):
that are big TikTok influencers that.
Speaker 4 (01:00:35):
Are murdering people.
Speaker 3 (01:00:37):
Right And so it's like, really sit and think about
what and why and how you perceive another and what
you think that means about them, and investigate what it
actually means about you. And now into one of the
final and most important definitions, which is insecurity, the quality
(01:01:00):
state of being insecure, such as a feeling being in
the state of anxiety, fear, or self doubt, lacking dependability,
lacking certainty, safety or protection. And the medieval Latin word
insecure us from the meaning not or without and free
(01:01:23):
from care. That's what it is to feel insecure about
who and what you are. Just important and as with everything,
is a feeling that if you resonate with that can
be changed, can be changed, can be changed.
Speaker 4 (01:01:39):
So as we get into the soul work of this episode.
Speaker 3 (01:01:41):
And thank you for another long form episode of talking
because that's what I do and that's how God designed me,
I want you to think about what all of this
is meant to you, and I want you to take
a moment to journal, take some breaths and do a meditation,
which is just some silent ill presence with yourself around
(01:02:02):
how you relate to those words, the words humility, validation, insecurity.
How do you relate to the word personal power or empowerment?
And again, the definitions can be so different for each
of us, but it is important to recognize that we
each have different definitions and then think about what is
(01:02:25):
the archetype that you embody. Is it more so quiet,
graceful present power or is it passionate, big, bold power.
Speaker 4 (01:02:40):
Neither is better than the other. We're all just to a.
Speaker 3 (01:02:44):
Design to experience those things differently. As always, thank you
for joining me on the show. Now mistay, the content
presented only Wells serves solely for educational and informational purposes.
It should not be considered a replacement for personalized medical
(01:03:08):
or mental health guidance and does not constitute a provider
patient relationship. As always, it is advisable to consult with
your healthcare provider or health team for any specific concerns
or questions.
Speaker 4 (01:03:21):
That you may have.
Speaker 3 (01:03:23):
Connect with me on social at Debbie Brown that's Twitter,
and Instagram, or you can go to my website Debbie
Brown dot com. And if you're listening to the show
on Apple Podcasts, don't forget, Please rate, review, and subscribe
and send this episode to a friend. Deeply Well is
a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect Network. It's
(01:03:43):
produced by Jacqueis Thomas, Samantha Timmins, and me Debbie Brown.
The Beautiful Soundbath You heard That's by Jarrelen Glass from
Crystal Cadence. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio
app or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Take a deep breath in through your nose. Holds it.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
Now, release slowly again, deep in, helle.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Hold release, repeating internally to yourself as you connect to
my voice. I am deeply deep well. I I am
(01:16):
deeply well. I am deeply.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
I'm Debbie Brown and this is the Deeply Well Podcast.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
Welcome to Deeply Well, a soft place to land in
your journey. A podcast for those that are curious, creative,
and ready to expand in higher consciousness and self care.
This is where we heal, this is where we transcend.
Speaker 4 (01:57):
I'm Debbie Brown.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
Thank you so much for joining for another episode of
the Deeply Well Podcast. And I so so, so, so
so deeply appreciate everyone that has reached out to me,
all the listeners of this show that have connected with
me since I put out the love Letter to La episode.
(02:19):
It meant so much to my heart. Reading some of
the feedback of that episode, it was very vulnerable. You know,
that episode was super vulnerable for me. I love vulnerability.
I'm fine with it, but you know it always leaves you.
Speaker 4 (02:32):
A little raw.
Speaker 3 (02:33):
So I shared a lot about just my emotional process
and my emotional experience going through that particular experience and
I appreciate the way those of you that did shared
your thoughts and feelings with me, so thank you so much.
Speaker 4 (02:52):
As of this moment.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
The two fires that were really ravaging the Greater La area,
and that's the Palisades Fire and the Eaten Fire, they
are both considered to be at this time, which it
is January twenty second, to be under control. So finally
(03:15):
in my area that evacuation orders have been lifted, and
they've been really lifted in a lot of other places,
so that has felt I felt grateful for that. I
felt that I can really kind of ground back into
life again. But there is a cautious nature right now,
and there's still just an immense amount of grief in
the air here for those that have been affected in
(03:37):
the areas that are affected. But then also today there
is several new fires that have started in outskirt areas
of Greater Los Angeles. So there's a new big fire
that started a few hours ago in Santa Clarita. So
just my heart, my spirit, I am deeply present with
(03:59):
everyone one currently be affected in those communities with those
new evacuation orders, and I am just in deep prayer
for all of us, for all of the things. For
all of the things, right, I'll leave it there. There's
a lot of movement on the planet right now, a
lot of movement in the USA, which is where I
(04:21):
live and I record this podcast, and there is clearly
so much unknown, so much to happen. So all of
that's present. I know. There's also in this moment snowstorms
happening in Houston and Atlanta, So if anyone is negatively
impacted by those, the extent of the coverage that we're
(04:42):
getting is that there's like some extreme snow days. But
at this moment, I haven't heard of any further hardship happening.
But if there is, and we're not aware of it
in this area due to the ways our news coverage
is set up in this state, I just hope everyone
is safe, and I hope that we are all not
just safe, but bearing witness to all of it and
(05:04):
asking ourselves a question that really helped me as I
navigated this fire, which is, God, what are.
Speaker 4 (05:11):
You saying to me? What are you saying to me?
Speaker 2 (05:14):
Right?
Speaker 3 (05:14):
Like? I know, whatever interpretations people have, and even though
no one is deserving of any disasters of any kind
or any tragedy, it also seems like even in the
hardest moments, there are opportunities for us to have a
more well trained ear to some of the ways that
God wants us to experience this moment. However it's happening
(05:36):
to or for us, And so if anyone is impacted
by life right now, or even if just with some
of the changes that have been happening in our government,
if there is any fears that are present, I found
that a powerful way to lean into the things that
we cannot accept or don't know how to accept. It's
(05:57):
really to simply say, God, I'm listening. God, I'm listening.
What do you want me to know? What do you
want me to see? How do you want me to
use this? How is my purpose designed for this? So
just have some of that dialogue for your consideration and
part of your personal processing and how you're exploring whatever
is happening wherever you are. I took a joy day
(06:19):
on Mlkday. Mlkday was this week for me, and it
was also the day of the inauguration, and so just
a very very high energy day for a multitude of reasons.
Even in the celebration of MLK and the.
Speaker 4 (06:34):
Profound effect the profound.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
Effect that he has had on so many of our
minds and hearts and on the world. He was also murdered,
right like Mlka was assassinated. He was taken from us
and really acknowledging it makes me emotional to think about
(06:56):
just acknowledging what it is to be someone who was
brought to this earth. Was such a such a huge
message and such a purpose of transforming, and to also
be hunted as you're giving the best of your heart
to the world and seeing some of the atrocities of
(07:17):
the world in that and you're being hunted, right like
his message of love, his message of nonviolence, his message
of also in permanence and self mastery, he was also
being hunted that entire time, and that duality. I think
(07:37):
it's always important to be present with that as we
think about that legacy, because I think it's something that
we all have to consider bearing for whatever reasons that
we're here. So on that day, I decided to take
a joy day with my son. Gratefully, we have been
very lucky that our home is safe and we were
(07:58):
able to come back home. I'm so grateful to say that.
I'm so grateful to say that I'm so grateful to
say that.
Speaker 4 (08:07):
And also, even though.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
We have the blessing of that experience, your nervous system
is your nervous system. Your reaction is your reaction, and
if you're an empathic person, you might pick up on
tragedy a little bit more physically.
Speaker 4 (08:27):
And a little more keenly.
Speaker 3 (08:28):
And so I think that was really present for me
and my son, just the up and down of our
nervous systems over that last two weeks, and the fears
that were present, the feelings, the sights, the sounds, And
so he had the day off from school and I
decided to treat us both to just this quick twenty
four hour trip to San Diego, which for me here
(08:49):
in LA with moderate traffic, it's about a two two
and a half hour drive, And so I booked us
this sweet little hotel for one night, and we drove
down and we listened to his favorite songs and his
playlist that's.
Speaker 4 (09:05):
Called Questi's Faves. It's a very eclectic playlist.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
It has some yacht rock on it and some minions
on it, and some Super Mario Brothers soundtrack.
Speaker 4 (09:18):
It is all the best soundtracks.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
Of all the movies and a little bit of yacht Rock.
We listened to that on the way down. We talked,
we got to catch up on life, we got to process,
and then we ate a beautiful dinner, played games in bed,
watched a movie, and then woke up and bright and
early were right at.
Speaker 4 (09:39):
The San Diego Zoo.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
And even though I live in California, it was my
first time actually going to the San Diego Zoo, and
especially in comparison to the La Zoo, which is a
tragedy and I don't know where my property tax dollars
are going and where all of our taxes are going
when I saw that thing, because it looks like stranger things,
it looks like an abandoned world.
Speaker 4 (09:59):
It's crazy.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
The San Diego Zoo is so inspiring, It is so phenomenal.
It is so connected to nature, like it just it's
just one of the beautiful places, most beautiful places I've
really been in California. So it's so special to experience
that with Quest and he was so excited, and we
(10:22):
only were able to spend a couple of hours. It
was a quick trip, but I was like, let's we
can't see everything, but we can see a couple things,
So what is it, you know, and we bought some
books there about animals and then hopped in.
Speaker 4 (10:33):
The car and had our trek back.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
But that joy day is something we both needed and
it really reset us at a deep level.
Speaker 4 (10:43):
It did a lot of things.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
It connected us with nature, it connected us with each other.
But it was very special. So, you know, it may
not be possible based on how your life and the
flow of your schedule is set up currently, but if
you can find a way right now, like now, to
take a joy day, to make a day of pleasure,
(11:05):
to take a joy hour, whatever that looks like for you,
for you and your partner, for you and a friend,
for you and a child or children, whatever the priorities
of people are in your life, try to do something
together that just lets you, like, giggle a little bit,
that lets you savor a little bit, that lets you
(11:26):
smile a little bit, getting a gourmet meal and eating
it in your bed and your pajamas. It's one of
my favorite things to do, taking a drive, going to
somewhere you don't get a chance to visit often, but
you know it makes you happy, and just setting aside
time to do that, knowing that it's not necessarily going
to be you accomplishing anything. It can really really help
(11:48):
in this moment. It can create some space when it
feels like things are restricting, or it can just be
a beautiful reset if you've just gone through a challenging
time or that in whatever.
Speaker 4 (12:01):
Way that looks like for you.
Speaker 3 (12:02):
All right, let's get to this episode because this is
one of my favorite topics. And some of what I've
been thinking a lot lately is I'm I'm definitely an
allowed self processor.
Speaker 4 (12:14):
So I love to process.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
I'm a Jemini through a lot of communication, through talking
out loud. They're talking with the people in my life,
and I have been trying to be very intentional about
bringing some of these conversations I've been having for a
long time with people in my life onto this show,
and so this is definitely one of them. And you know,
with every episode that I do hear on deeply, well,
(12:38):
my deeper intention is to really guide us through conversations
that dive beneath the surface, that dive into the heart
of what it means to live authentically, to heal deeply,
to evolve purposefully.
Speaker 4 (12:51):
This show is really.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
About having the space to get into the nuance of
some of these conversations that are happening about wellness, and
definitely the ones that I'm most passionate about because I
find that they lead to a more expanded sense of
(13:12):
self and sense of life.
Speaker 4 (13:14):
So today's topic.
Speaker 3 (13:16):
Is one that I found many of us wrestle with
often without even realizing it. Humility and validation. What does
it mean to be humble without being insecure? How do
we find self love in a way that empowers us
without tipping into pride or arrogance, And in the world
(13:37):
where validation seems to be currency, how do we step
into our power authentically? Let's unravel this twogether. So one
of the things that I was thinking about yesterday that
I actually tweeted about and I put on threads was
I think so many of us have an incorrect deafinie
(14:00):
of what humility is, and we're misattributing it. So something
I've seen kind of grace the social media zeitgeist in
the last few years is that it's this idea that
if you are not loud about who you are and
what you have or what you do, or what you're
connected to or what you're creating, that you must be insecure.
Speaker 4 (14:22):
Right, Like, that's the way that it keeps.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
Being positioned, and things that I've seen on social media
over the years that like, oh, you better celebrate yourself,
or you know, don't be humble, you can be forgotten.
And I think we're misunderstanding what it is to be humble,
because to be humble is incredibly powerful when used correctly
(14:46):
and used in service, you know. I think what many
are looking to motivate in others is a transcendence of
what could be an inferiority complex or a sense of
insecurity about oneself that can absolutely keep us quiet. Or
(15:06):
if we've been in environments where perhaps we were very
qualified or excellent, but the people in our lives, maybe
most notably family of origin early on, doesn't see that
or sees it and chooses to withhold. That's a big
one that can crush your spirit. That's a big one
that can crush the way that you feel about being
(15:27):
vocal or expressive about who you are, what you do,
what you've done right. That's not what the issue is.
The issue isn't talking about oneself. That's powerful. You should
Your life is your life. Ultimately, life is between you
and God, and it's about your purpose and your service.
But when it becomes more about the deeper desire of
(15:49):
wanting to be seen. If you find yourself needing to
scream things from rooftops or make big announcements or kind
of activate this look at me, look at me, look at.
Speaker 4 (15:59):
What I'm doing.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
Because you are waiting for the response, that's where things
can get a little bit murky, because that's when you're
looking to fill this massive void about how you feel
about yourself, and the brain can be and the heart
can be really sophisticated, and the way it looks to
(16:21):
cope right, and the first layer of it usually does
feel like empowerment. That's why a lot of us stay
toxic relationships we shouldn't be in because we're self righteous
about it. We think we're the bigger person, or that
you're the one to help save and heal or be example.
It's a really sophisticated way of being afraid and scared
(16:42):
to have conflict or to have boundaries, or to remove
yourself right. It makes one feel good to say, oh,
I'm only keeping my mouth shut because I know or
I'm being the bigger person. It sounds good, but often
the real reason, especially when held with that kind of
a sense or attitude. Reason is you don't have a
lot of practice in your boundaries or in setting a boundary,
(17:05):
or in seeing how you truly feel, and you may
be used to people that don't honor that even when
you've tried, so you've turned that off in you. That
is something different entirely. So let's start with the word humility.
Humility is so often misunderstood for some Again, it feels
synonymous with insecurity, believing that to be humble we are
(17:27):
dimming our light or shrinking ourselves or denying our gifts.
That is really how I've seen it come forward in
a lot of the social media talk that's going on
right if you're not yelling it from the rooftops, or
if you're not kind of standing there letting people be
in all of you in whatever ways, or kind of
you know, overcompliment that it's because your light is dim
(17:51):
or you're scared to shine your light, or you want
to be shrinking or small or in denial about what
you're here to offer. And that's just not true. True
humility is not about disempowerment. It's really about grace. It's
about power. It's about you are, an acceptance of who
(18:11):
and what you are and so you're not necessarily overly
connected to praise or criticism. Something I've seen a lot
in this boss Babe era that we have lord been
in for too long in the last ten fifteen years.
It's that so many want to be celebrated for announcing
(18:32):
the idea and then making a lot of social media
posts about the idea or creating content about the idea,
or about empowerment or about whatever ways anyone wants to
be seen as above or as a role model. But
the celebration should be the work. I know some people
(18:55):
need that extra bit of motivation and deserve it, right,
Like if it's been hard for you to make the
choice to buy the URL or start the thing or
say the passions of your heart out loud, having that
first step of acknowledging that and expressing that it is
important and you should do that if that's what your
challenge is. But that isn't what everyone's challenge is, and
(19:19):
so utilizing that can actually be a hindrance. If that's
not what your challenge is, If your challenge isn't expressing
the idea or saying it, if your challenge is actually
doing it, maybe you shouldn't make the announcement when you
thought of it. Maybe the announcements should come once the
work gets started or the work is complete. We don't
(19:40):
need outside validation, especially at the onset. Sometimes it can
be incredibly disruptive to what you're making and what you're building.
Something that I've expressed on this show many times. It's
an ethos that I absolutely live by, and it's one
that I was really grateful to hear from Deepak Chopra.
(20:01):
It's something that he has said often that really meant
so much to me. But he has often said I
am above nor beneath anyone. I live by that so deeply.
I thought, finally, like there are words to express how
I live and how I wish to live, what my
(20:23):
ideal life is. And that doesn't mean I don't know
my power. I know what I am. I've always known
what I am. In my birth chart, it actually says
like I have an abundance of authentic confidence. Even when
I was a child and did nothing, I've always known
who I am, and I've always known that I have
a purpose. Part of how I'm wired, however, doesn't necessarily
(20:47):
include natural competition. I don't think about what other people
are doing, and I'm not saying that's a good or
a bad thing. What I'm saying is that's my unique
design in my life, and that's how I am meant
to operate. So I think when we investigate these conversations
of what is humility, what is insecurity? What is having
(21:12):
or needing validation to stay upright? What is having self
empowerment and self validation? What is seeing yourself or being
seen by the people that matter to you? And what
is just sometimes this gluttonous desire for everyone to look
at you. I think it's important to know how your
(21:33):
life is shaped up. What have you perceived yourself to
be lacking?
Speaker 2 (21:38):
You know?
Speaker 4 (21:38):
That says a lot of it.
Speaker 3 (21:39):
So it's important not to create these overarching narratives of
how everyone else's experience is, or project onto other people
how they behave and what that means or doesn't mean.
You know, some of us are here to learn confidence
in an authentic, empowered way. Some of us are here
to teach confidence and authentic empowered way.
Speaker 2 (22:04):
Deeply.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
Well.
Speaker 3 (22:09):
Something that's been interesting in the social media world is
I don't love social media. I accept that it's a
part of life. I don't dislike it because I necessarily
think anything's wrong with it, or because you know, yeah,
I'm not above nor beneath it. It's just I like
to live life with a different flow. I don't want
to be connected all the time. I don't want people
(22:30):
to know what I'm doing all the time. I don't
want people to look at me or see me all
the time, not because I don't think I am worthy
of being looked at, but because, like I don't know
everybody on social media, and I'm very focused on my
natural life. I'm very focused on the life that's in
front of me that I'm present with. I want to
be in my life more than I wish to be
(22:52):
on my phone for a multitude of reasons. It's not real,
and my work is my work. I'm not a content creator.
My work actually more so exists offline, and I just
found that it was way too exhausting and for me,
the way I'm designed in my life is set up
counterintuitive to spend more time creating graphics about my work
(23:17):
than I was actually spending on my work. It's not
what I'm designed to do. The gifts that God gave me,
and life are one of them, is deep communication. Another
is personal presence. I'm an in person person. I'm someone
that wants to be with people in the world and
(23:38):
not always thinking about how I craft the perception of
me for those consuming me. And that may not make
sense to everybody, and that definitely may not be everyone's path.
Some people absolutely are designed to create digitally and that
is a massive part of their gifts and a massive
part of their purpose, and they perhaps maybe don't have
(24:01):
those same gifts in person. And some people that have
those gifts in person, it may not be nor should
it have to be their gift to also convey that digitally.
We are all here to share who we are, what
our gifts are, and what our purpose is and ways
that are unique to each of us. And though right now,
in this moment it seems like digital life is king,
(24:24):
it hasn't always been and it won't always be.
Speaker 4 (24:27):
And so getting used to.
Speaker 3 (24:28):
And accepting the fact that all seasons aren't one aren't
necessarily seasons that you are meant to be deeply understood
or your work is meant to be deeply understood. I
think it's incredibly beautiful and honorable to have deep peace
with that. There is a world where I could fight
that right, and I could be trying to put out
(24:50):
so much content constantly, but that is a life that
I'd be really miserable in Personally, It's not how I'm designed.
I'm designed to slow down and be in the tiny joys.
I'm designed to contemplate the world in my life. I'm
designed to be present with my child, but not necessarily
turn it into.
Speaker 4 (25:10):
Content to be consumed. That's just me, and I.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
Think in this day and age, for those that are
also relating with what I'm saying, there's this false belief
from some of the mainstream world or the mainstream zeitgeist,
that that means you're somehow disempowered or not confident enough
or afraid to put yourself out there. And that is
the case for some people, and they do need that motivation,
(25:37):
and that's not the case for others. You know, I
think there are some of us that really understand why
we're here, or are looking to understand why we're here,
and we're meant to connect with our natural lives and
go deeper in intimacy with the people that are part
of those natural lives, perhaps more so than we are
(25:59):
with trying to predict or control or create narrative around
what people we don't necessarily have relationship with think about us.
And I think that that's important to dive into those
nuanced layers of how we're experiencing these two worlds we're
each living in. Talk about polarity, talk about duality. We're
(26:23):
living two full time lives at once, an internet life,
a digital life, and an in person life, and we're
getting different responses to each life. We're very often having
different experiences in each life.
Speaker 4 (26:38):
A way to.
Speaker 3 (26:39):
Highlight that further would be if you've ever done something
and you've been present in it, and then you've shared
it on social media, and maybe you've shared it on
social media in a way that is far more excited
than how you actually felt about it as the experience
was happening in person. Those are two different lives, and
(27:00):
there is something about that that is a little odd
when we think about the authenticity of what an experience
is right, not necessarily saying it's good or bad either,
but it's two very different and at odd experiences that
are happening. It's just something to notice. I think the
(27:22):
same can be said for experiences like if you've noticed
that you experienced the experience through the lens of a phone,
but you don't really remember what it was to feel
it in your body, but your memory of it is
how it looked as you digitally captured it. It's just
(27:45):
interesting to see what's the difference there. Am I missing something?
Is there opportunity to have both because you don't want
to miss your human experience?
Speaker 4 (27:56):
It is why we're here.
Speaker 3 (27:58):
And at the end of the day, if something like
TikTok disappears, if Instagram disappears, if one day all of
our digital identity is wiped and we're back to how
life was thirty years ago, which isn't a long time
ago forty years ago, right, Like, what does that look like?
Who are we if not that? So I think it's
(28:22):
just really important for all of us as humans to
check in on that relationship that we're having with our lives,
the perception we put forward and how we actually feel
about ourselves, or how we actually are experiencing the moments
that are in front of us in real time. So
I bring kind of all of that into this conversation
(28:42):
because it's important to know that we are all having
a shared experience, but we are also having vastly different
experiences inside depending on our innate gifts. The skill sets
we've amassed are car our complex challenges and how we
(29:03):
are intended to serve. And it is okay if that
looks different for each of us. Not only is it okay,
that's under selling it, it is intended.
Speaker 4 (29:16):
It is intended, So.
Speaker 3 (29:19):
Start looking at that next time you compete or you compare.
I think it's easy to do, especially if the comparison
is just aesthetic content or graphics. You know, anybody can
put up a graphic, are they living the experience that
they talked about? I think anybody can also get a
(29:39):
download of a thought and share it and it could
be powerful and change the lives of so many. But
that is different than someone that downloads a thought or
healing and in plants it and embodies it and then
shares it, even when it's just with one other person
that's in front of you. Neither are necessarily more valuable,
(30:02):
but they are different experiences. I remember a few years
ago I had this author on my show. I never
aired this episode, I never talked about this episode, but
this author had written a book that changed my life
(30:26):
that I found to be such an incredible body of work.
And this book sold millions and millions and millions of
copies worldwide. And when I had them come on my show, God,
I felt so synchronistic, so honored, so grateful to be
(30:51):
speaking with someone that their work really changed my life
to this day. It's been a core part of how
I've understood certain things right. And when this person came
on my show, I experienced them so differently than I
could have imagined. I experienced them personally through my lens
(31:16):
to be very inauthentic, very misogynistic. I was so uncomfortable
for the whole interview. They were very much And I
don't take offense easily, like I've heard and seen it all.
I've lived many lives in this life with all kinds
(31:39):
of people, so I don't really take anything personally. I
also lived through the first round of the Internet, where
you get people like literally saying they want to kill
you in comments when you put your workout, so I
don't get easily offended at all. But this person was
so trying to make me feel small, like literally the
way I would kind of describe. But it's like if
(32:01):
someone ever tried to make you feel patriarchally like a little.
Speaker 4 (32:05):
Woman like, oh, that's so cute, or oh, you don't
know much and.
Speaker 3 (32:11):
Yeah, yeah, and so they also kind of said inappropriate
comments to me. And one of the questions I asked them,
I said, you know, one of the early questions was like,
this was such a beautiful book, and when you channeled this,
(32:32):
when you came to understand this, like how did it
change your life? I was so excited to hear that answer,
because what's so important is that we ground these bigger
concepts about healing into our bodies and into the world
with the how and with the process. And I'll never
forget Their response to me was that they actually never
(32:56):
applied any of the things in the book, and after
writing the book, they really didn't sit and think too
much about it after that, And it was a huge
It was a really interesting thing for me to observe
because it did teach me that some people are here
to change the world, but not through their own behavior,
(33:19):
through their work, and that is okay, and that is enough.
But there is a difference. There is a difference. There
is a difference than when you get an understanding and
you take the time to embody it and let it
change you and live it and then you know you
have to share it because it's service versus You got
the download and you were told to share it, and
(33:42):
you did, and now you're done saying either as above
or beneath. But they're different experiences, and so we're all
here to share God's work, to share the intended path,
to share in service with one another, but we all
do it in different ways.
Speaker 4 (34:00):
And I think.
Speaker 3 (34:02):
It's important to look at that, and it's important to
know that also for your own self respect and for
your own sanity and your own ability to understand and
have reverence and gratitude for your gifts. And just because
they aren't showing up to the same fanfare as someone else's,
it doesn't matter. You are here to share it and
(34:24):
serve it. And it's only been in the last truly
fifteen or so years that it even mattered if millions
saw something that you did, or you know, if everybody
in every state saw something that you did. You know,
there is beauty and anchoring deeply in your own life
and being creative for the sake of it. Something my
(34:49):
astrology said that gave me a lot of freedom because
I used to work in an industry.
Speaker 4 (34:52):
That was all about look at me, look at me,
look at me, and.
Speaker 3 (34:56):
I just am not naturally designed for that. And it's
because I don't think I'm great, And it's not because
I'm not excellent at what I do I am. It's
because that's just not the archetype I'm meant to embody.
It's not what I want, and it's not what I
am meant to share.
Speaker 4 (35:15):
With other people.
Speaker 3 (35:17):
We are all here to share ourselves in a way
that is useful and helpful and evolutionary for others, even
in the tiniest moments of what you do and in
the biggest moments. And we are all here occupying different archetypes.
So some people are here to be the ones that
are loud and incredibly largely confident, and there's others that
(35:41):
are here to have quiet power and be an embodied confidence.
And we need both. We need more than those two examples.
We need all kinds of examples of doing that. I
remember someone shared something with me once where it was
kind of I was doing some really special things a
(36:01):
few years ago, and so I was getting a lot
of coverage in a lot of ways and had some
opportunities to be on a national commercial that was really
special and beautiful, beautiful things that I'm so grateful for.
And I remember a friend shared something that another person
that was a casual mutual friend.
Speaker 4 (36:22):
Said where they were like, God, I'm.
Speaker 3 (36:24):
Having a really tough time seeing Debbie rise. And the
friends shared that comment with me, and I remember when
I heard it, I was just like, huh, I could
understand that. I could understand that, depending on where you
are with your life, jealousy is a natural emotion that
(36:45):
we all feel at certain points. But the thing I said,
and I said this with true curiosity, not as above
or beneath, because also the person that said this comment
has a beautiful life and they're very successful and they
do very special work. But my response was, what is
it that we do the same? Why am I even
(37:06):
being compared? Why is she looking to measure? What is
it that we do the same. You know, the core
of our work is completely different, Our life experiences that
led us to this moment are completely different, and potentially
what we're here to do is completely different. But to
(37:28):
feel lower or less enthusiastic about your own work because
we have a similar follower count, and that's what's feeling
like you're inadequate, It.
Speaker 4 (37:39):
Makes no sense.
Speaker 3 (37:41):
That has nothing to do with anything. I don't know
why I went on this big tangent. My hope is
that this was useful to someone. The conversation kind of
took a direction I wasn't planning. But just really think,
what is the archetype you were meant to embody? And
you'll see the themes of it throughout your whole life.
(38:02):
And it's easy to check in with yourself if you're
holding back when you start asking yourself questions. If the
reason you're holding your self celebration back is because there
is fear of what people will think, or because there
is this idea or program of comparison or shame running
inside of you, it is important for you to really
(38:25):
embody confidence in who you are and maybe to be
in that special practice of saying things loudly and boldly
and in big ways and celebrating and letting others celebrate you.
That could be exactly what you need. And if that
is not necessarily what your challenges were, if the challenges
(38:48):
were different for you, that may not be the path
for you. But only each of us individually know that
where do you feel most confident? Me personally, I feel
most confident when I'm with people in person.
Speaker 4 (39:01):
I love it. I love it. I love it.
Speaker 3 (39:04):
So I love when i have this space to create
meaningful retreats and host them and do them. I love
it when I'm working with clients or when I'm able
to have workshops or be on a big stage in
front of a big audience for a specific reason. I
love those moments because I love that feeling. I love
to be immersed in my human experience with other humans,
(39:28):
and digitally, I like doing that through my stories. I
like sharing beautiful moments. But I'm not necessarily one to
craft the perfect caption that properly to other people's showcases
things in a certain kind of way. It's not what
I'm designed for. It's not what I like to do,
So I don't I lean into what I'm designed to
do deeply well, So, leaning back into the focus of
(39:58):
this episode, I want to go through a couple points
with you to really help anchor and sink in what
your recipe is for how you're meant to embody what
you're here to do, and the kind of power you're
meant to embody. Some people are meant to embody it
in the grand ways and the fully dressed up, show
out ways, and that makes it possible for other people
(40:19):
to dream like that too. Some people are meant to
embody in the quiet power and in the grace and
in the dignity and the humility, and that is a
path for those that most connect and resonate with that style,
And neither style really has to be compared. So let's
further deconstruct this so again with humility. I think some
(40:41):
of the misconception often stems from a misunderstanding of the
root word itself. Historically, humility doesn't mean to be small,
and means to have an accurate understanding of yourself, your gifts,
and your role in the bigger picture. Being humble doesn't
mean undervalue yourself. It means showing up in the truth
(41:02):
of who you are and what your experience is, and
not necessarily needing to be perceived as big or powerful
or receiving of external validation to affirm who you already are.
The way I see it, humility is really a special
path when one is connected to the path of non attachment,
(41:29):
when one is connected to the path of self mastery.
For me, humility represents a path of non attachment, not
to praise nor criticism. It's connected to a path of
self mastery, which is I am looking to be in
the mastery of the gifts and the skills God told
me to be with and to be in service with.
(41:53):
That's how I experience humility. So again, this brings me
to and we've explored this episodes, but to validation. You know,
in our digital age, validation is more accessible than ever.
It is all of those likes on something you shared.
It is the engagement, the comments, the shares, the views,
(42:13):
but it's also so much more fleeting. Social media has
created this culture where we're craving all of that really deeply,
and we're thinking that that equates being seen.
Speaker 4 (42:24):
But it's not.
Speaker 3 (42:24):
As permanent as one would think, right, you know, it's
like that age old quote. And forgive me if I
misattributed this, but I believe it's to Maya Angelou. But
people remember how you make them feel more than anything else,
more than what you say, more than what you do.
It's how they felt in their cells and their body,
(42:47):
what they registered their experience with you to be. That's
really what the truth of what someone's life is. That's
the truth of what someone's service is. Right, and it's
important to be in your life and really in connection
with what that is. Having a lot of social media
friends can be really beautiful, especially if you're someone that
(43:12):
perhaps has social anxiety or is more of an introvert,
or likes the way that distance feels. That is beautiful.
And I also think that we are meant to be
in community and meant to be in humanity, and nothing
takes the place, And for some of us it requires
a little more work or a little wider casting of
(43:35):
the net. But there's nothing that really equals what it
is to master presence with another human being, with your
life with animals. There's nothing that really can measure next
to what it is to regulate your body to the
(44:00):
missy and vulnerability of being in person with people and
growing friendship offline, growing friendship and difficult conversations, growing friendship
and reading each other's body language or feelings. You know
that that is what a human physical body, heart, brain,
(44:20):
spirit is designed to do. So on one end of
the spectrum, we are seeing, you know, those loud celebrations
of self as a kind of aggrandizing that can feel
disconnected from our inner knowing. You know when that doesn't
show up in our own life, we notice it's not congruent.
(44:40):
On the other end, there is this quiet, grounded confidence
that doesn't need to be shouted from the rooftops. When
you know you accept yourself, and when you know that
you are authentically grateful for your life now and that
your life is enough, you're not constantly grasping and seeking
in looking for the pivot that will garner more attention,
(45:03):
or looking for the experience that will get more celebration.
Neither as inherently right or wrong. They are just different
expressions of where all of us are on our unique journeys.
And that is the nuance that I think we need
to honor in one another's experience, especially before we go
projecting what we think is the right path on other people,
(45:26):
or judging someone as less or beneath because it's different,
or judging someone as you know, maybe not smart enough
or not knowing how to maximize enough. I remember someone
else share they said, why don't you do your podcast
in like this many minutes? I was like, I like
long form content and those that do too will ride
(45:47):
with it, and those that have the attention spans that
learn differently with maybe five minute content fifteen minute content.
There is a host of people that are able to
get what they need to do to them, even though
you know the audience size or scope may be different.
I want to honor what my gift is, which is
(46:09):
long form teaching and communication for the people that crave that,
and I'm always gonna do that. I'm never gonna change
who and what I am to present things in a
way that are more in line with what is popular.
I'm gonna do it how I want to do it,
and I think that's how we should all do it,
(46:31):
and continue to listen and honor if that is in
fact our correct path, and then listen to the opportunities
to change it whenever that is required or to grow.
Speaker 4 (46:40):
But listen. Is it fear or is it just different?
Speaker 2 (46:44):
Right like?
Speaker 3 (46:45):
Is it self repression or is it just different? Is
it lack of confidence or is it just different? It
could be either of those answers, And I pray that
you can adjust to remove whatever barrier is in front
of you that keeps you from authentic sharing yourself with
those in your life and with the greater world, if
(47:05):
that is how you are meant to interact. We're all
designed differently. Some people crave quiet natural life. Others find
deep passionate fulfillment in building their personal brands and being
in more of the greater world. I think the question
that we need to ask ourselves is am I being
true to my unique life? Am I being true to
(47:29):
my design? Am I seeking validation to fill avoid? Or
am I simply looking to share my light and my gifts.
Another area where humility and validation really intersect a lot
is in self love. So there's this growing narrative that
self love is about being quote unquote proud of yourself
in a loud way. But I've found that true, sustainable
(47:52):
self love is often quiet. It's the inner knowing that
you are enough, even without everyone else acknowledging it. Sometimes
we celebrate ourselves again before that work is even done,
seeking validation instead of seeing rooted in the process itself.
That is okay, it's part of the learning curve. But
(48:14):
what would it look like to let your work speak
for itself? As long as you are receiving, you know,
whatever it is you're meant to receive for what you're
giving for all of this, that's different. There's so much
power in that. Think of Picasso, think of ven go
(48:36):
think of the masters. They weren't pandering for attention, they
weren't pandering for favor. His work was enough. Their work
was enough because they believed in it, and they really
didn't have any other choice but to create.
Speaker 4 (48:54):
That belief grounded.
Speaker 3 (48:56):
Steady, and self sufficient was the power that carried them.
There's so many figures in history who really embody graceful power,
people that held their brilliance with humility, even when they
were misunderstood and even when what they created was not
in line with what people could accept in the time. Again,
(49:19):
you have your van goes. The people that you may
have what they would have referred to as the time
has gone mad or felt completely unseen and weren't seen
until after they passed, didn't make their work less valuable.
It just meant that part of their karma and life
experiences were that they were visionaries or pioneers and a
(49:42):
time that couldn't understand them, but their souls work and
their mission eventually was still honored and was still of
high service to the world. And that is what I
believe God requires. So it's less about our own ego
and it's more about the deep connection that you're doing
knowing what you're supposed to do. Sometimes there is agony
(50:06):
and being in your gifts. There's agony and being a genius.
There is agony and being first. There's agony and being misunderstood.
It's part of our karma if that's the case of
our unique path. The work is all that matters, and
when you trust your work and your process, you do
not require the external noise to affirm you. Are you
(50:31):
deserving of it? Would it feel good, certainly, but it's
not necessarily required. And it doesn't mean that you can't
find and live other ways of being deeply seen and known.
Though it's not saying that you're signing up for a
life of being bleak or on being an outlier, or
(50:53):
being you know, out in the void on the edges.
Find the ways that you are meant to be seen
and received, and usually that comes from the community that
really gets your work or from the peer group that
is creating in the similar ways. They can see your art,
they can speak to it, they can appreciate it. This
(51:13):
is where humility becomes a superpower. It allows you to
stand in your truth, to be fully aware of your gifts,
but without the need to prove or to compare. Authentic
empowerment looks different for everyone. It is not about being
louder or softer. It's about what is an alignment for you.
(51:35):
For some, it is that quiet inner knowing. For others
it is bold, visible expression.
Speaker 4 (51:40):
Both are valid. The key is to honor.
Speaker 3 (51:42):
Where you are and to resist the urge to compare
your path to someone else's. One thing I don't long
for is the kind of fame that takes away your
human experience. And I think for some that is something
they do long for, and that is part of their
unique karma. You know, the people that are some of
(52:05):
our biggest figures and archetypes and celebrities. I really recognize
the sacrifice of that. I consider that to be high service,
you know. And yeah, in some ways, they might be
gifted a lot of opportunity through the masses knowing them,
or through the wealth that they're able to amass, and
that is a part of their journey and a part
(52:28):
of what they are rewarded with if they find it
beautiful and useful because of their sacrifice. But all of
that attention is a sacrifice. It does disconnect you from you.
It means you move differently, It means people have all
the notions about you without knowing you. It's hard to
(52:49):
be truly intimately known by anyone because you're so overly
perceived and quote unquote known to so many others.
Speaker 4 (53:00):
So what is the trade off? What does the give
and take?
Speaker 3 (53:02):
Neither is right or wrong, but some.
Speaker 4 (53:06):
Would prefer one over the other.
Speaker 3 (53:09):
Right, we are all here to have unique experiences, and
ultimately it's all enough. So a couple I'm going to
end with a couple definitions, and then I'm going to
have a little bit of soul work. But I want
to share with you some people that are my personal
muses that I think embody high levels of gifts and
(53:32):
mastery that also embodied humility and nothing was taken from
them when you look back at the end of their
lives and their work.
Speaker 4 (53:42):
They did what they were here to do.
Speaker 3 (53:44):
And they are celebrated for the way they made people
feel and for the consciousness that they grew for the collective,
for the world. So some of those figures to me
that represent like true power and humility, and some also
(54:04):
include a lot of levels of fame and attention, either
when they were alive or after they've passed, are Mahatma Gandhi,
known for his unwavering commitment to nonviolence. He used his
influence not for personal gain, but to advance justice and freedom.
Maya Angelou a poet and activist, a storyteller who was
(54:27):
mostly so high regarded for her work after forty and
into the sunset of her life and beyond, Her powerful
words resonated globally. Yet she carried herself with deep humility,
and it was never about look at me. Who's looking
about me? Is my work being seen and supported?
Speaker 4 (54:47):
Who appreciates it? See me as great right?
Speaker 3 (54:50):
Her life's work reflected a commitment to empowering others through wisdom,
through presence with self, through kindness, through grace. Albert Einstein
huge historical figure. Despite being one of the greatest minds
in history, Einstein was known for his modesty. He's often
(55:11):
credited with his discoveries to his curiosity and his collaboration
rather than his own genius. Nelson Mandela, my son's name
after him. Humility and resilience were evident in his leadership
during and after his imprisonment. His approach to reconciliation in
(55:32):
post apartheid South Africa. It reflected grace and an ability
to prioritize the greater good over personal vindication. One of
my favorites, Fred Rogers, mister Rogers hashtag goals for Me,
known for his very gentle demeanor and dedication to children's
(55:55):
education and children's self love, carried himself with humility and
a deep sense of purpose. His legacy is a testament
to quiet, impactful leadership that changes generations from the inside out.
And I offer these really to share. It could be
(56:15):
very important as part of your process of being fully expressed,
especially now when the planet needs your gifts more than ever,
to really sit and create. Who are your muses, Who
are the people that you feel embody something that really
feels like how you experience yourself on the inside, and
(56:38):
then look to them as the continued guides and inspiration
to do the work that you do in the way
that you are meant to do it. So a clear
cut definition as we end this episode of humility is
freedom from pride or arrogance, the quality or state of
(56:58):
being humble. Some of the confusion I think may be
around the origin of the Latin word humanlis which means low,
but from the Latin Church humis means earth, which is grounding.
So low to the ground doesn't necessarily mean small. It
(57:22):
means rooted, anchored. In old French word ummelite pronunciation way
off is humility is synonymous with a modesty, with the
sweetness in other ways that it shared. It also represents
a quiet sense of knowing and an inner power.
Speaker 4 (57:46):
Validation.
Speaker 3 (57:47):
Let's get into the definition of that is an act
or a process or an instance of validating to support
or corroborate on a sound or authoritative basis. So it's
to be receiving in a way that it's giving you
a feeling of something higher or bigger, gave you attention,
(58:12):
gave you validation, gave you a sense of being known.
To recognize, establish or illustrate the worthiness or the legitimacy
of It's really important to think about that, right, Like,
if that is the core of the meaning of validation,
to recognize, to establish or illustrate the worthiness or legitimacy
(58:36):
of it would be to say that without it, one
could be experiencing themselves as unworthy or not legitimate. So
if that's the case, investigate why and investigate what kind
of validation you're seeking, right Are you seeking for a
theory or an idea to be validated by those in
(58:59):
your arena who are worthy of quantifying what it is
that you have, or is it just desirous that you
receive that from any and everything, any and everyone. Arrogance
is defined as an attitude of superiority, manifested in an
overbearing manner or in a presumptuous claim or assumption. People
(59:24):
are very presumptuous online, especially if you live the majority
of your interactions with others as digital experiences. You don't
really know, right because there's not space to ask questions
and there's not space to actually observe someone. You are
observing how they interact with their digital world. It is
(59:46):
not the same as observing someone in their natural life
and seeing how they flow in their unique life with
the people that are in it. So we are being
very presumptuous and the way that we're perceiving people, and
often times we're thinking our own inner feeling, which is
rooted around our life experiences on what someone shares is
(01:00:09):
the truth of who and what they are, and that
can go on both ends of the spectrum. We are
seeing and I bring this up a lot for a reason,
but we're seeing that so many influencers are being arrested
for heinous things. You have these family influencers being arrested
for abusing children or rehoming adopted children. We have people
(01:00:32):
that are big TikTok influencers that.
Speaker 4 (01:00:35):
Are murdering people.
Speaker 3 (01:00:37):
Right And so it's like, really sit and think about
what and why and how you perceive another and what
you think that means about them, and investigate what it
actually means about you. And now into one of the
final and most important definitions, which is insecurity, the quality
(01:01:00):
state of being insecure, such as a feeling being in
the state of anxiety, fear, or self doubt, lacking dependability,
lacking certainty, safety or protection. And the medieval Latin word
insecure us from the meaning not or without and free
(01:01:23):
from care. That's what it is to feel insecure about
who and what you are. Just important and as with everything,
is a feeling that if you resonate with that can
be changed, can be changed, can be changed.
Speaker 4 (01:01:39):
So as we get into the soul work of this episode.
Speaker 3 (01:01:41):
And thank you for another long form episode of talking
because that's what I do and that's how God designed me,
I want you to think about what all of this
is meant to you, and I want you to take
a moment to journal, take some breaths and do a meditation,
which is just some silent ill presence with yourself around
(01:02:02):
how you relate to those words, the words humility, validation, insecurity.
How do you relate to the word personal power or empowerment?
And again, the definitions can be so different for each
of us, but it is important to recognize that we
each have different definitions and then think about what is
(01:02:25):
the archetype that you embody. Is it more so quiet,
graceful present power or is it passionate, big, bold power.
Speaker 4 (01:02:40):
Neither is better than the other. We're all just to a.
Speaker 3 (01:02:44):
Design to experience those things differently. As always, thank you
for joining me on the show. Now mistay, the content
presented only Wells serves solely for educational and informational purposes.
It should not be considered a replacement for personalized medical
(01:03:08):
or mental health guidance and does not constitute a provider
patient relationship. As always, it is advisable to consult with
your healthcare provider or health team for any specific concerns
or questions.
Speaker 4 (01:03:21):
That you may have.
Speaker 3 (01:03:23):
Connect with me on social at Debbie Brown that's Twitter,
and Instagram, or you can go to my website Debbie
Brown dot com. And if you're listening to the show
on Apple Podcasts, don't forget, Please rate, review, and subscribe
and send this episode to a friend. Deeply Well is
a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect Network. It's
(01:03:43):
produced by Jacqueis Thomas, Samantha Timmins, and me Debbie Brown.
The Beautiful Soundbath You heard That's by Jarrelen Glass from
Crystal Cadence. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio
app or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Host
Devi Brown
Popular Podcasts
40s and Free Agents: NFL Draft Season
Daniel Jeremiah of Move the Sticks and Gregg Rosenthal of NFL Daily join forces to break down every team's needs this offseason.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Bobby Bones Show
Listen to 'The Bobby Bones Show' by downloading the daily full replay.