July 8, 2024 • 30 mins
A lesbian has entered the mix, and no one is happy about it! But first, James and the guests must deal with something even gayer: ANOTHER murder!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Previously on does this murder make me look gay?
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Can someone help me turn tush over?
Speaker 3 (00:07):
These marks?
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Though? If they are from a knife, that's not one
I've ever seen before.
Speaker 4 (00:14):
Shock.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Why would you lie about sleeping with Kelly?
Speaker 5 (00:16):
He paid me for an alibi.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
I asked you all to tell me the truth so
I could find the killer. Then I stumble on YouTube
fucking who is fucking Reginald in Shock?
Speaker 5 (00:28):
Is that a lesbian?
Speaker 4 (00:35):
My dear queer listener, Thank Gaga, you're back. We left
our previous episode with my house guests gathered by the
front door of my exquisite Hudson Valley home. The storm
was storming more intensely than Amy klobashar behind closed doors allegedly,
and standing before them was a freezing cold lesbian on
(00:57):
the brink of death or at least hypothermia.
Speaker 6 (01:05):
Excuse me, didn't realize it was interrupting a gay reenactment
of Clue.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Oh we're not performers, Speak.
Speaker 7 (01:13):
For yourself, James on DJ Connelly.
Speaker 6 (01:16):
I was heading back to the city when my car
broke down, so I pulled over.
Speaker 8 (01:20):
To wait out the storm.
Speaker 7 (01:22):
But it never stopped.
Speaker 6 (01:25):
Oh after hour and the locks frozen. I was stuck
a sign, so I've been living off a single kombucha
two packets.
Speaker 7 (01:33):
Of oyster crackers.
Speaker 9 (01:35):
Had an old Melissa Third City.
Speaker 8 (01:38):
I've always been a fat of her raspy vocals and
confessional lyrics, O.
Speaker 5 (01:42):
You and me both.
Speaker 6 (01:43):
I tried calling nine one one, but had no signal,
so I played come to my window on loop, hoping
someone would hear it and find me alas.
Speaker 8 (01:52):
Who can blame you? It's a beautiful song way by
the lad of Some might say a queer anthem.
Speaker 7 (02:01):
There's only one person who would say that, and her
name rhymes with per kiss a methridge.
Speaker 6 (02:08):
Once I ran out of food, I sucked my journal dry.
Are you ware that leather is full of nutrients?
Speaker 10 (02:14):
I've always thought so, which is why I've been looking
for a leather daddy for years.
Speaker 5 (02:18):
Guess what still looking?
Speaker 6 (02:21):
I was finally able to escape by using my keys.
I took them off my oversized carabiner and placed one
on each finger, creating a makeshift version of brass knuckles.
Speaker 5 (02:36):
Damn, lesbians are crafty.
Speaker 6 (02:39):
Then I punched through the frozen window and clawed my
way out onto the street. Did I just here singing?
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Oh, we're playing the fun Home cast album. It's definitely
not lay us so longer trapped in the basement crying
out for help through song fun Home.
Speaker 7 (03:05):
I love that show.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Surpress, Surpress.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Of course you do, Reginald behave anyway.
Speaker 6 (03:13):
I made my way to the first house I saw
was this one. Can I say till the road's clear?
Speaker 1 (03:20):
I'm so very lesbian.
Speaker 7 (03:22):
Cold, I'm very very.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
Cold one moment. Okay, ladies, what do we do? Her
story is deeply moving, but.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
Let's see there are two dead bodies in the house
that she could discover. I think I'll go with no.
Let her freeze.
Speaker 8 (03:37):
That sort of attitude is what gives gay men a
bad name. I say, let the dyke in Henry.
Speaker 10 (03:43):
You're always homophobic this and homophobic that you can't throw around.
Speaker 5 (03:47):
The word dyke.
Speaker 10 (03:47):
Willy Nelly, I say, let tj into warm herself. This
isn't one of Ryan Murphy's houses. All are welcome here.
Speaker 7 (03:56):
I for one, don't want to frozen lesbian on my conscience.
But let's make sure she didn't stumble into Vandy's bedroom
where we're keeping his antush's meat sacks.
Speaker 5 (04:06):
I'm with Poli. Let the pull thing in Moon.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
You've been unusually quiet me.
Speaker 7 (04:13):
I think no for her own safety.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Well majority rules. Of course you're can come in, TJ.
Speaker 7 (04:23):
Thank you.
Speaker 6 (04:27):
Whoever said all gay men are horrible and only care
about how they look and what they eat and who
they fuck and Patty Lapone was wrong.
Speaker 8 (04:37):
Someone get this woman a coat to warm her up
and a butter beer.
Speaker 6 (04:42):
Yeah, a blanket would do just fine.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
The blankets are all spoken for.
Speaker 8 (04:45):
Reginald relaxed. I saw a cashmir throw on the Chesterfield.
I'll grab it.
Speaker 7 (04:51):
Just tell me where to go.
Speaker 5 (04:52):
I don't want to be a bother too late.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Don't mind him, TJ. We've had over rough twenty four hours.
Maybe not as rough though.
Speaker 8 (05:00):
Here a blanket, it's very soft. Wrap it around your.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Shoulders, Reginald. Is there a spare bedroom TJ can use
so she doesn't, you know, go poking around the house.
Speaker 9 (05:11):
I don't poke.
Speaker 7 (05:13):
I'm more of a fister.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
I suppose it can use the green bedroom if it
must it ignore him.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
We're happier with us. We just need you to go
up to the green bedroom, close the door and stay inside,
no matter what you hear.
Speaker 6 (05:28):
No problem me, I've stated at Elton, John and David
furnished his place a bunch of times. I know the drill.
I'm a stage manager. I can survive anything except Dance
of the Vampires. Ooh, and the inheritance man that was long.
Just point me in the right direction.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
I'll do one better. I'll escort you myself.
Speaker 6 (05:52):
Thank you, gaze, I mean, guys.
Speaker 4 (05:57):
And so, James took TJ by the arm and let
her up stairs. But what he and everyone else failed
to notice was the passing glance shared between TJ and
another guest, someone who knew her quite well and was
remaining quiet for the moment at least, someone who very
well may have wanted her dead.
Speaker 11 (06:21):
In a house on him lives okay, and his friends
want him dead to ride why someone wants to kill
him even though it's wrong, since the world is manner
wrong than be is born him very closely him with yourris.
Speaker 8 (06:45):
See if you can guess to which one of.
Speaker 11 (06:48):
These queens maybe is the killer?
Speaker 8 (06:53):
Who is the killer? Who did it?
Speaker 5 (06:59):
Who wanted inter.
Speaker 12 (07:01):
Who crept in his man?
Speaker 10 (07:06):
Who did.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
What?
Speaker 12 (07:09):
It?
Speaker 1 (07:10):
Was it mean?
Speaker 8 (07:11):
Who could it be?
Speaker 3 (07:14):
Who did it?
Speaker 5 (07:17):
They're drugging like flies?
Speaker 8 (07:19):
Who did it? These guys like guys? Who did it?
Speaker 13 (07:26):
Who was it?
Speaker 2 (07:28):
What?
Speaker 13 (07:28):
In me.
Speaker 8 (07:29):
Who could it be?
Speaker 11 (07:32):
Does this word make me look?
Speaker 4 (07:49):
With TJ locked away, James addressed the remaining three HouseGuests
in the living room, Wilmer Moon, Polly, Henry, Reginald and Jacques.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Okay, folks, TJ's in the green room. I used this
to bolter in the master key. Is the only way
in and out of the locked rooms.
Speaker 8 (08:09):
Minus the hidden passageway in Vandy's.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Bedroom, Yes, Henry, minus that, Reginald. Any more secret rooms
the murderer might be able to access?
Speaker 1 (08:21):
How would I know they're secret?
Speaker 2 (08:23):
Yes? But you own the house.
Speaker 10 (08:25):
Actually, Daddy owns owned the house. Reginald isn't on the paperwork.
What I'm just dating facts.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
Vandy and I share everything. This place is just as
much mine as his. So if you think you're going
to move back in Wilmer, you've got another thing coming.
Yeah yeah, did you just slap me?
Speaker 7 (08:52):
Did you just slap me?
Speaker 1 (08:56):
You know it? Which bitch?
Speaker 13 (08:59):
Freak?
Speaker 1 (09:00):
Geek skank wank?
Speaker 2 (09:02):
Hey, hey, break it up. None of us work for
greg Orlanti. We can all be civilized. Let's steer clear
of TJ's room. As soon as the storm dies down,
we'll send her on her way. Never to be heard
from again, just like original Jersey Boys star John Lloyd Young.
Speaker 5 (09:18):
Well, I for.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
One, have far better things to do than cozy up
to a l la la la lisbian and remind me
to burn the sheets when this is over.
Speaker 7 (09:26):
Let's not forget that we cut the killer Kelly, which is.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
Why we locked him up.
Speaker 7 (09:32):
What do we plan on doing with him?
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Kelly might be guilty, but he also shared some information
I need to follow up on. If anyone leaves this
room without my permission, I'll assume you are the murderer. Now, shock,
come with me?
Speaker 13 (09:47):
Uh, I can't. Reginald really took it out me. Plus,
I just made a jackie in the bathroom.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
No uugh, I mean walk with me to Vandy's study.
You have some explaining to.
Speaker 4 (10:04):
James closed the door of my study, taking a seat
on top of my large, heavy, thick desk. Jacques sat
across from him, burrowed into one of my magnificent club chairs.
The porn star wasn't used to being interrogated with his
clothes on.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Tell me about yourself. Start at the beginning.
Speaker 5 (10:25):
Well, I had to be vacuumed out of me.
Speaker 13 (10:27):
Mum's vagen doctor said they'd never seen a d stuck
dog mom before, not that far.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Just when did you start blackmailing Bandy? Whah, I've never
cut the crap, Jacques Kelly said, you've been blackmailing him.
You can deny it, or you can finally be honest
with me.
Speaker 13 (10:47):
Fine, I'll tell you my story, but only to prove
my innocence. You may not know this, but I'm a
porn star.
Speaker 9 (10:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 13 (10:59):
I know it was fun at first having sex be
your job. Other people went to an office, me I
went to a bed. Other people chowed down cafeteria food
for lunch. Me our chowed down dick and But porn
is a young man's game.
Speaker 5 (11:14):
I'm not dummy, right.
Speaker 13 (11:16):
I know my time in front of the camera is limited.
Every ours eventually runs its race. Same goes for those
with a horse cock. But I've been on hundreds of
film sets and I know how the sausage gets made.
But a few years ago I decided.
Speaker 5 (11:33):
I want to be the one to make it.
Speaker 13 (11:35):
I want to stop starring and porn and I want
to stop directing it. So I studied up and I
became an expert in all things pornography. I can quote
every line in Space nuts name any article of leather
in the fashionistas even tell you how many palm trees
are in island fever Free.
Speaker 5 (11:56):
My goal is to have.
Speaker 13 (11:58):
Something as big as theirates, only were they ripped off
Pirates of the Caribbean. I'm thinking Middle.
Speaker 5 (12:05):
Earth the Lord of the cock.
Speaker 14 (12:10):
Rings working title, Maybe keep working anyhow. That's how I
came across Fandy. He started in porn. Did you know that?
Speaker 2 (12:23):
No? I didn't.
Speaker 13 (12:24):
He was clever. Used a pseudonym for his directing, Jizimeia
m a playoff his middle name, Jeremiah. How did I
figure out Mandy's secret?
Speaker 2 (12:36):
You ask? I didn't ask that.
Speaker 13 (12:38):
Only a film officionados such as myself noticed. Vandy used
a lot of the same shots in his porn nose
as he did in his mainstream movies. His breakthrough horror film,
which which there is an interesting angle that we watch
an accused woman burn from the same angle from which
we watch a mustachio twink get his asshole wrecked in
(12:59):
the porn of Twelve Angry Men, oh Ud, a horror
Vandy's farm movie.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
Yes, I've seen it. Part of it.
Speaker 13 (13:06):
There's a scene where two actors screw in a pic
trough and the exact same trough is used in the
porno star Wars.
Speaker 14 (13:14):
Now.
Speaker 13 (13:14):
Once I figured out that Jizimaier was actually Vandy, I
hunted him down and I made my request.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
How much money does you want to keep Vandy's past
a secret?
Speaker 5 (13:24):
None?
Speaker 13 (13:25):
At first I wanted Vandy to mentor me, show me
the ropes, teach a bloke to fish and all that.
Who better to learn about directing from right? But Vandy refused.
You wanted nothing to do with pawn anymore. And that's
when I demanded money to keep quiet. Otherwise I'd leak
his past to the press. I'm not proud of mind you,
(13:47):
but he gave me no choice.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
Is that why you started seeing Reginald to get back
at him?
Speaker 13 (13:53):
Maybe at first, but our relationship has its perks. Reginald
gives me gifts, lotions my skin. Plus he has loads
of obscure stories from history.
Speaker 5 (14:05):
Did you know that there was a Second World War?
Speaker 13 (14:08):
Also, he's into some wild role play, kinky stuff, like
like stand on over me at not with a medical scalpel,
you know.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
But it's just sex.
Speaker 13 (14:15):
It's nothing serious, at least not serious enough to kill over.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
But money is Vandy was paying you to keep quiet
if he decided to stop. That's a motive.
Speaker 13 (14:28):
It will be if I cared about cash, but I don't.
I took Vandy's money because I figured that eventually he'd
get tired and he'd take me under his wing.
Speaker 5 (14:37):
But now that he's dead, there goes that plan.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
It's hard to believe you don't care about money. Everyone
cares about money.
Speaker 5 (14:45):
Well, I'm not everyone.
Speaker 13 (14:47):
If it was all about money, I'd have done something
anything to get into his will. But even I'm not
stupid enough to think my name is in there.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Bandy's will, of course, do you know what's in it
or where it is?
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Nope?
Speaker 5 (15:01):
But Vandy talked about it all the time. One day
you'd be in, the next day you'd be out. He
changed it so much that I'm sure it's somewhere in
this house. He'd want easy access.
Speaker 4 (15:12):
As much as James didn't want to, he believed Jaques,
which meant that he'd hit another dead end. Besides, why
would Jacques want Tush dead. No, the best suspect was
still Kelly, who was thankfully tied up and locked away upstairs.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
I believe you, Jacques. Now do me a favor and
go back to the living room and send Henry to
see me.
Speaker 5 (15:37):
Before I go. Do you want me to fuck you?
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Excuse me?
Speaker 13 (15:40):
Pick you up, toss you around as a wait you
say thanks for listening?
Speaker 2 (15:44):
Can't you just say thanks for listening?
Speaker 15 (15:47):
Wow?
Speaker 2 (15:49):
I guess.
Speaker 5 (15:51):
Yeah, I Coulz never thought of it like that.
Speaker 4 (15:55):
Meanwhile, TJ was warming herself up while doing some girdling,
which is when a girl uses a journal. She still
couldn't feel her toes and her doc Martins were frozen
to her legs, but she was a bit better physically. Emotionally, though,
TJ was uneasy, and not just because she was in
(16:15):
a house full of gay men. Let's listen in and then.
Speaker 6 (16:20):
I ran out of food. Thankfully I had that Melissa
Ethard CD, but it hurt coming out just as much
as it did going down. Her song Somebody Bring Me
some Water has a whole new meaning.
Speaker 9 (16:40):
But that isn't the strangest thing, Dear Diary. See, I
know someone in this house, someone I recognize right away, only.
Speaker 6 (16:58):
There pretending not to know me. Do they blame me
for what happened? It wasn't my fault. They're the ones
sleep walking through life.
Speaker 7 (17:11):
And now.
Speaker 6 (17:13):
I've stumbled into a nightmare.
Speaker 4 (17:15):
TJ put her diary down and decided to take a
hot shower. Surely that would help calm her nerves and
unstick those pesky Doc Martin's TJ stepped in and let
the warm wetness rush all over her lovely lesbian body.
Speaker 9 (17:34):
Oh, I feel nice.
Speaker 4 (17:39):
She even sang a bit to herself.
Speaker 12 (17:41):
Come to my window, wave all light, all moon, between
the water and the singing.
Speaker 4 (17:52):
Well, she never heard the click of the bedroom door
as it opened and someone stepped inside. Back in my study,
James was interrogating Henry as if he were a cast
member on Amazon Freevie's breakout hit Jury Duty.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
All right, Henry, spill, I know you and Vandy were feuding.
I found a copy of the season desist letter that
Vandy's lawyer sent you.
Speaker 8 (18:17):
That old thing. Sure, and Vandy and I weren't feuding.
A feud implies love turned to hate. The drama between
me and Vandy had zero love present, like SJP and
Kim Katrol. Allegedly, Vandy and I were in an epic
(18:38):
battle between good and evil, just like in Harry Potter.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
And I assume what you were good and Vandy was evil.
Speaker 8 (18:49):
Absolutely, my whole life I've wanted one thing, love, respect,
a castle that resembles Hogwarts. That's why I became an
interior designer because of the world JK. Rowling invented. Look
me up online you'll see reviewers call my ascetic castle cheek.
(19:11):
To be clear, I stopped supporting JK once she started
espousing transphobia. But the world she created, Oh, the world,
the stone, the brick, the sconces, the magic, a place
where outsiders can be accepted. I wanted that for myself,
my very own Hogwarts. It took years to design, and
(19:35):
Vandy took that dream away from me. He was worried
about his views, his fucking views. He didn't care that
I was building my dream castle and that would be
his view. He had to complain to the town board
and get his lawyers involved. My architectural plans were denied
and it was all his fault.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
So you killed him.
Speaker 8 (19:57):
I wish i'd killed him. I would have, but I didn't,
and I certainly wouldn't have used arsenic. That's far too quick.
Where's the fanfare? No, I'd want him, need him to suffer.
(20:17):
Do you know the most painful way to die? People
think it's burning alive? But actually it's far more subtle dehydration.
I'd slip him so many diuretics. He'd be a revolving
door to the bathroom, kissing his life away. Literally, he'd
start to break down first, malaise in the absence of water.
(20:41):
The body will try to hydrate itself with anything it
can fined, like cerebral spinal fluid, the stuff around your brain.
Then the kidney stops secreting urine and swell and the
eyes dry, Fever and dizziness and hallucinations.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
Oh my.
Speaker 8 (20:57):
Finally he'd ra coma, then slip away into the beyond.
And if that didn't work, there's always a voto kadafra.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
Henry. That's absolutely evil.
Speaker 8 (21:19):
Well, I am a slytherin.
Speaker 4 (21:27):
James tried to process what Henry just told him. He
was so open about his hatred for me. He had
nothing to hide. If Henry had poisoned me, wouldn't he
be acting a bit more well.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
Guilty based off everything you've said. You should be my
number one suspect and under psychiatric evaluation. And yet I
think you're innocent, insane but innocent.
Speaker 8 (21:51):
Duh. Plus I have no reason to kill Tush. I
liked him he reminded me of Hagrid only gay.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
Well, well, mcgare you can leave, Henry. Good luck, James.
Speaker 8 (22:05):
You'll figure this out or die trying.
Speaker 4 (22:09):
As James watched Henry head back to the group, he
noticed something on the floor where Henry had been sitting,
something that fell out of the interior designer's pocket and
onto the carpet.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Is that a needle?
Speaker 4 (22:24):
Indeed it was. As James examined it, he recalled a
strange exchange between Henry and Reginald in the secret passageway
when they'd yet to discover my body, an exchange that
had seemed about drugs.
Speaker 5 (22:39):
Henry, are you thinking not here?
Speaker 1 (22:41):
Not now?
Speaker 5 (22:42):
I need it, Reginald.
Speaker 8 (22:44):
I need my fix.
Speaker 4 (22:46):
James held the needle up to his eye, empty. What
had been inside of it? He wondered, thinking to himself.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
What is this about?
Speaker 4 (22:58):
Exhausted from his entire negations, James returned to the living room,
where he'd instructed everyone to wait.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
Okay, folks, I've narrowed it down to Wilmer.
Speaker 3 (23:12):
Where is everyone?
Speaker 2 (23:13):
No idea?
Speaker 10 (23:13):
I'm just fathing my nails. I want to get them
sharp and pointy so I can use them like cat
claws to defend myself.
Speaker 3 (23:19):
I told you all to stay here.
Speaker 1 (23:21):
You were serious?
Speaker 4 (23:24):
Oh no, what was that?
Speaker 2 (23:26):
TJ?
Speaker 4 (23:30):
My house guests found themselves together in the hallway outside
the green bedroom where TJ was locked inside.
Speaker 3 (23:38):
Out of my way. Everyone moved alone, TJ. Are you okay?
Speaker 5 (23:46):
Another scream? But wait, it's coming from Kelly.
Speaker 3 (23:53):
Everyone stand back, Kelly, hold on, we're coming.
Speaker 5 (23:59):
What's going on?
Speaker 8 (24:00):
James opened the door. Kelly might be hurt.
Speaker 7 (24:02):
He's definitely hurt.
Speaker 5 (24:04):
Why else would he have screamed?
Speaker 3 (24:06):
I can't find the master key. It should be in
my pocket.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
But did you check your butthole? Sometimes I stash things
in there.
Speaker 3 (24:12):
It's not in my butthole. It's lost. Someone must have
stolen it.
Speaker 8 (24:17):
Quick. We need to break down the door. Jacques, you
have muscles, ram yourself into it.
Speaker 5 (24:23):
I am known for my women.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
What about that statue, the one of Vandy posing like
some Greek god.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
His name is Zeus, and that statue happens to be
a gift from Ellen degenerous and we support her, yes,
no matter what anyone says. And I don't think you
should be putting your grammy.
Speaker 5 (24:37):
No, it's perfect, Henry, but your ends there Wima? Oh
that end. Nope, that's my dick wops and those are
my balls.
Speaker 10 (24:46):
Sorry, I'm nervous on the.
Speaker 13 (24:48):
Carter free one two.
Speaker 4 (24:54):
The door to Kelly's bedroom split open, wider than Richard
gear After that alleged Gurbil incident. My house guests poured
in to see what baby and Jay.
Speaker 3 (25:06):
Look. The screaming isn't coming from Kelly. It's Angela Lance Fairy.
Weby love Jay?
Speaker 13 (25:11):
We loved?
Speaker 8 (25:12):
Oh man?
Speaker 9 (25:14):
Oh?
Speaker 8 (25:14):
No, Rock maybe loves Jay?
Speaker 3 (25:19):
Why is the window open?
Speaker 2 (25:23):
Angela Lance Fairy? Colm down? It's okay, call mere berdie,
come down?
Speaker 1 (25:31):
Punkin Roman yamaga, No, no, get away, get whay, don't
do it?
Speaker 11 (25:38):
Look, don't do it?
Speaker 4 (25:42):
Laugh so much, loop so.
Speaker 3 (25:43):
Much loop Loo Jesus, that bird is.
Speaker 5 (25:47):
Demented Kentucky, dreader bull.
Speaker 13 (25:50):
Oh, that's when you're sucking a girl and she tries
to run away while your dick is still inside her
in Kentucky.
Speaker 3 (25:55):
Hold on a second, is that Kelly murder on the floor?
What's all over him?
Speaker 1 (26:02):
I'd know that color and substance anywhere. It's strawberry loob jesus,
he's not moving.
Speaker 5 (26:11):
What happened to his neck?
Speaker 2 (26:12):
Is that a ruby necklace? Oh? No, his eyes are bloodshot,
his skin is blue, and that isn't a necklace. He's
been garrotted by some kind of wire.
Speaker 5 (26:22):
Oh thank god. I was so worried he'd been murdered too.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
He he was Jacques Kelly was strangled.
Speaker 5 (26:31):
Oh my bad, that's my bad.
Speaker 12 (26:35):
Rock Ramayanica pot, you're killing me, Kentucky dractor.
Speaker 3 (26:41):
Pull a carra Oh my god, bird shot up.
Speaker 2 (26:45):
Look on the bright side.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
At least we know Kelly wasn't the killer.
Speaker 5 (26:49):
Yeah, but he's dead, right, But he wasn't guilty.
Speaker 8 (26:52):
But he's dead.
Speaker 5 (26:55):
The birds are only witnessed.
Speaker 10 (26:57):
Maybe we can get Angela Land's Fairy to tell us
who the killer is.
Speaker 5 (27:01):
And j Brock of Skittles Haervice w a unicorn?
Speaker 8 (27:05):
What's that one?
Speaker 5 (27:06):
Oh? A unicorn is when you I don't want to know.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
Come here, Angela Lance Fairy, Come on, come on, come on.
Speaker 5 (27:18):
Approach her slowly and steady, otherwise she'll freak out.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
Who pushed me?
Speaker 7 (27:26):
Sorry, there's so much lube on the floor.
Speaker 3 (27:29):
I slipped song cocks. Well, now Angela Lance Ferry is gone.
Speaker 8 (27:34):
Idiot.
Speaker 3 (27:35):
She flew out the window and into the storm. She
was a perfect witness.
Speaker 5 (27:38):
Fuck you know James.
Speaker 10 (27:40):
Not to be a downer, but you're sort of a
shitty detective.
Speaker 5 (27:50):
Next time on Does This Murder Make Me Look Gay?
Speaker 2 (27:55):
I have to say, Moon, your absence is a little suspicious.
Speaker 7 (27:58):
Back off, James, Moon wouldn't hurt a fly?
Speaker 8 (28:02):
No, I would.
Speaker 5 (28:03):
I hate flies.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
I've never really seen a woman's nude body live and
in person. Where where would you grab it? There's not
a handle, right, Somebody, please help everyone.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
Go to your rooms, barricade your doors. We just have
to last another night.
Speaker 15 (28:27):
Does This Murder Make Me Look Gay? Stars Michael Yuri
as James Wilson, Douglas Sills as Reginald Divine, Robin de
Jesus as Wilmer Munroe, Seyenne Jackson as Jacques Saint Cox,
Sean Patrick Doyle as Madam Moon, Brad Oscar as Tush
von Munch, Nathan Lee Graham as Henry Jacobs, Frankie Grande
(28:49):
as Kelly Raymore, and Flanagan, Seth Radetsky as Polly Barker,
Leah Delaria as TJ featuring Kate McKinnon as Angela LANs Ferry,
with Leah Salanga as Her and Jonathan Freeman as Vandy
Jeremiah Munroe The Third. Additional performances by Ryan Steele, Mallory Portnoy,
Emily Lynn Nacho, Tam Bunting. Written and directed by Ted Mallower.
(29:13):
Executive producer Ted Mallower. Executive producers for Ninth Planet Audio
Elizabeth Baquitt and Jimmy Miller. Hank Woodard served as story editor.
Original score composed by Peter Lherman. Original score produced and
mixed by Alex Banoff. Theme song performed by Ted mallowar
written by Ted Mallower and Peter Lherman. Piano accompaniment for
(29:35):
Madam Moon by Jacob Yates. Casting by Adam Caldwell, Karen
Cassel and Rachel Hoffman at Telsey and Company. Audio post
production by One Thousand Birds principal recording, dialogue, editing, sound
design and mixing by Torren Geller, Andrew Tracy and Haley Livingston.
Audio post executive producers Gwen Frailing and Kiera mcnight. Production
(29:58):
coordinators Hannah Dickinson, j Lillian Langanelli, Isabella Danzy and Rose
kelso Key. Art by Ben Wiseman, Production accounting by dil
pret singh Special thanks to Jordan Serf, Daniella Fetterman, Morgan Gould,
Eric Harper, Aaron Jenkin, Chelsea Krepps, Will O'Donnell, Don Saltzman,
(30:19):
Michael Stearns, and Josh Pultz. Does This Murder Make Me
Look Gay? Is a production of Ninth Planet Audio in
association with iHeart Podcasts. This podcast was recorded under a
SAG after a collective bargaining agreement.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
Dona golverlanding Rentro, I don't know, I know no Ninth
Planet Audio Capcom.
Speaker 15 (30:43):
We're overlanding.
Speaker 6 (30:44):
You're no blandy nor
Previously on does this murder make me look gay?
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Can someone help me turn tush over?
Speaker 3 (00:07):
These marks?
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Though? If they are from a knife, that's not one
I've ever seen before.
Speaker 4 (00:14):
Shock.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Why would you lie about sleeping with Kelly?
Speaker 5 (00:16):
He paid me for an alibi.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
I asked you all to tell me the truth so
I could find the killer. Then I stumble on YouTube
fucking who is fucking Reginald in Shock?
Speaker 5 (00:28):
Is that a lesbian?
Speaker 4 (00:35):
My dear queer listener, Thank Gaga, you're back. We left
our previous episode with my house guests gathered by the
front door of my exquisite Hudson Valley home. The storm
was storming more intensely than Amy klobashar behind closed doors allegedly,
and standing before them was a freezing cold lesbian on
(00:57):
the brink of death or at least hypothermia.
Speaker 6 (01:05):
Excuse me, didn't realize it was interrupting a gay reenactment
of Clue.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Oh we're not performers, Speak.
Speaker 7 (01:13):
For yourself, James on DJ Connelly.
Speaker 6 (01:16):
I was heading back to the city when my car
broke down, so I pulled over.
Speaker 8 (01:20):
To wait out the storm.
Speaker 7 (01:22):
But it never stopped.
Speaker 6 (01:25):
Oh after hour and the locks frozen. I was stuck
a sign, so I've been living off a single kombucha
two packets.
Speaker 7 (01:33):
Of oyster crackers.
Speaker 9 (01:35):
Had an old Melissa Third City.
Speaker 8 (01:38):
I've always been a fat of her raspy vocals and
confessional lyrics, O.
Speaker 5 (01:42):
You and me both.
Speaker 6 (01:43):
I tried calling nine one one, but had no signal,
so I played come to my window on loop, hoping
someone would hear it and find me alas.
Speaker 8 (01:52):
Who can blame you? It's a beautiful song way by
the lad of Some might say a queer anthem.
Speaker 7 (02:01):
There's only one person who would say that, and her
name rhymes with per kiss a methridge.
Speaker 6 (02:08):
Once I ran out of food, I sucked my journal dry.
Are you ware that leather is full of nutrients?
Speaker 10 (02:14):
I've always thought so, which is why I've been looking
for a leather daddy for years.
Speaker 5 (02:18):
Guess what still looking?
Speaker 6 (02:21):
I was finally able to escape by using my keys.
I took them off my oversized carabiner and placed one
on each finger, creating a makeshift version of brass knuckles.
Speaker 5 (02:36):
Damn, lesbians are crafty.
Speaker 6 (02:39):
Then I punched through the frozen window and clawed my
way out onto the street. Did I just here singing?
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Oh, we're playing the fun Home cast album. It's definitely
not lay us so longer trapped in the basement crying
out for help through song fun Home.
Speaker 7 (03:05):
I love that show.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Surpress, Surpress.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Of course you do, Reginald behave anyway.
Speaker 6 (03:13):
I made my way to the first house I saw
was this one. Can I say till the road's clear?
Speaker 1 (03:20):
I'm so very lesbian.
Speaker 7 (03:22):
Cold, I'm very very.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
Cold one moment. Okay, ladies, what do we do? Her
story is deeply moving, but.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
Let's see there are two dead bodies in the house
that she could discover. I think I'll go with no.
Let her freeze.
Speaker 8 (03:37):
That sort of attitude is what gives gay men a
bad name. I say, let the dyke in Henry.
Speaker 10 (03:43):
You're always homophobic this and homophobic that you can't throw around.
Speaker 5 (03:47):
The word dyke.
Speaker 10 (03:47):
Willy Nelly, I say, let tj into warm herself. This
isn't one of Ryan Murphy's houses. All are welcome here.
Speaker 7 (03:56):
I for one, don't want to frozen lesbian on my conscience.
But let's make sure she didn't stumble into Vandy's bedroom
where we're keeping his antush's meat sacks.
Speaker 5 (04:06):
I'm with Poli. Let the pull thing in Moon.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
You've been unusually quiet me.
Speaker 7 (04:13):
I think no for her own safety.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Well majority rules. Of course you're can come in, TJ.
Speaker 7 (04:23):
Thank you.
Speaker 6 (04:27):
Whoever said all gay men are horrible and only care
about how they look and what they eat and who
they fuck and Patty Lapone was wrong.
Speaker 8 (04:37):
Someone get this woman a coat to warm her up
and a butter beer.
Speaker 6 (04:42):
Yeah, a blanket would do just fine.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
The blankets are all spoken for.
Speaker 8 (04:45):
Reginald relaxed. I saw a cashmir throw on the Chesterfield.
I'll grab it.
Speaker 7 (04:51):
Just tell me where to go.
Speaker 5 (04:52):
I don't want to be a bother too late.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Don't mind him, TJ. We've had over rough twenty four hours.
Maybe not as rough though.
Speaker 8 (05:00):
Here a blanket, it's very soft. Wrap it around your.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Shoulders, Reginald. Is there a spare bedroom TJ can use
so she doesn't, you know, go poking around the house.
Speaker 9 (05:11):
I don't poke.
Speaker 7 (05:13):
I'm more of a fister.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
I suppose it can use the green bedroom if it
must it ignore him.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
We're happier with us. We just need you to go
up to the green bedroom, close the door and stay inside,
no matter what you hear.
Speaker 6 (05:28):
No problem me, I've stated at Elton, John and David
furnished his place a bunch of times. I know the drill.
I'm a stage manager. I can survive anything except Dance
of the Vampires. Ooh, and the inheritance man that was long.
Just point me in the right direction.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
I'll do one better. I'll escort you myself.
Speaker 6 (05:52):
Thank you, gaze, I mean, guys.
Speaker 4 (05:57):
And so, James took TJ by the arm and let
her up stairs. But what he and everyone else failed
to notice was the passing glance shared between TJ and
another guest, someone who knew her quite well and was
remaining quiet for the moment at least, someone who very
well may have wanted her dead.
Speaker 11 (06:21):
In a house on him lives okay, and his friends
want him dead to ride why someone wants to kill
him even though it's wrong, since the world is manner
wrong than be is born him very closely him with yourris.
Speaker 8 (06:45):
See if you can guess to which one of.
Speaker 11 (06:48):
These queens maybe is the killer?
Speaker 8 (06:53):
Who is the killer? Who did it?
Speaker 5 (06:59):
Who wanted inter.
Speaker 12 (07:01):
Who crept in his man?
Speaker 10 (07:06):
Who did.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
What?
Speaker 12 (07:09):
It?
Speaker 1 (07:10):
Was it mean?
Speaker 8 (07:11):
Who could it be?
Speaker 3 (07:14):
Who did it?
Speaker 5 (07:17):
They're drugging like flies?
Speaker 8 (07:19):
Who did it? These guys like guys? Who did it?
Speaker 13 (07:26):
Who was it?
Speaker 2 (07:28):
What?
Speaker 13 (07:28):
In me.
Speaker 8 (07:29):
Who could it be?
Speaker 11 (07:32):
Does this word make me look?
Speaker 4 (07:49):
With TJ locked away, James addressed the remaining three HouseGuests
in the living room, Wilmer Moon, Polly, Henry, Reginald and Jacques.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Okay, folks, TJ's in the green room. I used this
to bolter in the master key. Is the only way
in and out of the locked rooms.
Speaker 8 (08:09):
Minus the hidden passageway in Vandy's.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Bedroom, Yes, Henry, minus that, Reginald. Any more secret rooms
the murderer might be able to access?
Speaker 1 (08:21):
How would I know they're secret?
Speaker 2 (08:23):
Yes? But you own the house.
Speaker 10 (08:25):
Actually, Daddy owns owned the house. Reginald isn't on the paperwork.
What I'm just dating facts.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
Vandy and I share everything. This place is just as
much mine as his. So if you think you're going
to move back in Wilmer, you've got another thing coming.
Yeah yeah, did you just slap me?
Speaker 7 (08:52):
Did you just slap me?
Speaker 1 (08:56):
You know it? Which bitch?
Speaker 13 (08:59):
Freak?
Speaker 1 (09:00):
Geek skank wank?
Speaker 2 (09:02):
Hey, hey, break it up. None of us work for
greg Orlanti. We can all be civilized. Let's steer clear
of TJ's room. As soon as the storm dies down,
we'll send her on her way. Never to be heard
from again, just like original Jersey Boys star John Lloyd Young.
Speaker 5 (09:18):
Well, I for.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
One, have far better things to do than cozy up
to a l la la la lisbian and remind me
to burn the sheets when this is over.
Speaker 7 (09:26):
Let's not forget that we cut the killer Kelly, which is.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
Why we locked him up.
Speaker 7 (09:32):
What do we plan on doing with him?
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Kelly might be guilty, but he also shared some information
I need to follow up on. If anyone leaves this
room without my permission, I'll assume you are the murderer. Now, shock,
come with me?
Speaker 13 (09:47):
Uh, I can't. Reginald really took it out me. Plus,
I just made a jackie in the bathroom.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
No uugh, I mean walk with me to Vandy's study.
You have some explaining to.
Speaker 4 (10:04):
James closed the door of my study, taking a seat
on top of my large, heavy, thick desk. Jacques sat
across from him, burrowed into one of my magnificent club chairs.
The porn star wasn't used to being interrogated with his
clothes on.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Tell me about yourself. Start at the beginning.
Speaker 5 (10:25):
Well, I had to be vacuumed out of me.
Speaker 13 (10:27):
Mum's vagen doctor said they'd never seen a d stuck
dog mom before, not that far.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Just when did you start blackmailing Bandy? Whah, I've never
cut the crap, Jacques Kelly said, you've been blackmailing him.
You can deny it, or you can finally be honest
with me.
Speaker 13 (10:47):
Fine, I'll tell you my story, but only to prove
my innocence. You may not know this, but I'm a
porn star.
Speaker 9 (10:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 13 (10:59):
I know it was fun at first having sex be
your job. Other people went to an office, me I
went to a bed. Other people chowed down cafeteria food
for lunch. Me our chowed down dick and But porn
is a young man's game.
Speaker 5 (11:14):
I'm not dummy, right.
Speaker 13 (11:16):
I know my time in front of the camera is limited.
Every ours eventually runs its race. Same goes for those
with a horse cock. But I've been on hundreds of
film sets and I know how the sausage gets made.
But a few years ago I decided.
Speaker 5 (11:33):
I want to be the one to make it.
Speaker 13 (11:35):
I want to stop starring and porn and I want
to stop directing it. So I studied up and I
became an expert in all things pornography. I can quote
every line in Space nuts name any article of leather
in the fashionistas even tell you how many palm trees
are in island fever Free.
Speaker 5 (11:56):
My goal is to have.
Speaker 13 (11:58):
Something as big as theirates, only were they ripped off
Pirates of the Caribbean. I'm thinking Middle.
Speaker 5 (12:05):
Earth the Lord of the cock.
Speaker 14 (12:10):
Rings working title, Maybe keep working anyhow. That's how I
came across Fandy. He started in porn. Did you know that?
Speaker 2 (12:23):
No? I didn't.
Speaker 13 (12:24):
He was clever. Used a pseudonym for his directing, Jizimeia
m a playoff his middle name, Jeremiah. How did I
figure out Mandy's secret?
Speaker 2 (12:36):
You ask? I didn't ask that.
Speaker 13 (12:38):
Only a film officionados such as myself noticed. Vandy used
a lot of the same shots in his porn nose
as he did in his mainstream movies. His breakthrough horror film,
which which there is an interesting angle that we watch
an accused woman burn from the same angle from which
we watch a mustachio twink get his asshole wrecked in
(12:59):
the porn of Twelve Angry Men, oh Ud, a horror
Vandy's farm movie.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
Yes, I've seen it. Part of it.
Speaker 13 (13:06):
There's a scene where two actors screw in a pic
trough and the exact same trough is used in the
porno star Wars.
Speaker 14 (13:14):
Now.
Speaker 13 (13:14):
Once I figured out that Jizimaier was actually Vandy, I
hunted him down and I made my request.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
How much money does you want to keep Vandy's past
a secret?
Speaker 5 (13:24):
None?
Speaker 13 (13:25):
At first I wanted Vandy to mentor me, show me
the ropes, teach a bloke to fish and all that.
Who better to learn about directing from right? But Vandy refused.
You wanted nothing to do with pawn anymore. And that's
when I demanded money to keep quiet. Otherwise I'd leak
his past to the press. I'm not proud of mind you,
(13:47):
but he gave me no choice.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
Is that why you started seeing Reginald to get back
at him?
Speaker 13 (13:53):
Maybe at first, but our relationship has its perks. Reginald
gives me gifts, lotions my skin. Plus he has loads
of obscure stories from history.
Speaker 5 (14:05):
Did you know that there was a Second World War?
Speaker 13 (14:08):
Also, he's into some wild role play, kinky stuff, like
like stand on over me at not with a medical scalpel,
you know.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
But it's just sex.
Speaker 13 (14:15):
It's nothing serious, at least not serious enough to kill over.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
But money is Vandy was paying you to keep quiet
if he decided to stop. That's a motive.
Speaker 13 (14:28):
It will be if I cared about cash, but I don't.
I took Vandy's money because I figured that eventually he'd
get tired and he'd take me under his wing.
Speaker 5 (14:37):
But now that he's dead, there goes that plan.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
It's hard to believe you don't care about money. Everyone
cares about money.
Speaker 5 (14:45):
Well, I'm not everyone.
Speaker 13 (14:47):
If it was all about money, I'd have done something
anything to get into his will. But even I'm not
stupid enough to think my name is in there.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Bandy's will, of course, do you know what's in it
or where it is?
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Nope?
Speaker 5 (15:01):
But Vandy talked about it all the time. One day
you'd be in, the next day you'd be out. He
changed it so much that I'm sure it's somewhere in
this house. He'd want easy access.
Speaker 4 (15:12):
As much as James didn't want to, he believed Jaques,
which meant that he'd hit another dead end. Besides, why
would Jacques want Tush dead. No, the best suspect was
still Kelly, who was thankfully tied up and locked away upstairs.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
I believe you, Jacques. Now do me a favor and
go back to the living room and send Henry to
see me.
Speaker 5 (15:37):
Before I go. Do you want me to fuck you?
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Excuse me?
Speaker 13 (15:40):
Pick you up, toss you around as a wait you
say thanks for listening?
Speaker 2 (15:44):
Can't you just say thanks for listening?
Speaker 15 (15:47):
Wow?
Speaker 2 (15:49):
I guess.
Speaker 5 (15:51):
Yeah, I Coulz never thought of it like that.
Speaker 4 (15:55):
Meanwhile, TJ was warming herself up while doing some girdling,
which is when a girl uses a journal. She still
couldn't feel her toes and her doc Martins were frozen
to her legs, but she was a bit better physically. Emotionally, though,
TJ was uneasy, and not just because she was in
(16:15):
a house full of gay men. Let's listen in and then.
Speaker 6 (16:20):
I ran out of food. Thankfully I had that Melissa
Ethard CD, but it hurt coming out just as much
as it did going down. Her song Somebody Bring Me
some Water has a whole new meaning.
Speaker 9 (16:40):
But that isn't the strangest thing, Dear Diary. See, I
know someone in this house, someone I recognize right away, only.
Speaker 6 (16:58):
There pretending not to know me. Do they blame me
for what happened? It wasn't my fault. They're the ones
sleep walking through life.
Speaker 7 (17:11):
And now.
Speaker 6 (17:13):
I've stumbled into a nightmare.
Speaker 4 (17:15):
TJ put her diary down and decided to take a
hot shower. Surely that would help calm her nerves and
unstick those pesky Doc Martin's TJ stepped in and let
the warm wetness rush all over her lovely lesbian body.
Speaker 9 (17:34):
Oh, I feel nice.
Speaker 4 (17:39):
She even sang a bit to herself.
Speaker 12 (17:41):
Come to my window, wave all light, all moon, between
the water and the singing.
Speaker 4 (17:52):
Well, she never heard the click of the bedroom door
as it opened and someone stepped inside. Back in my study,
James was interrogating Henry as if he were a cast
member on Amazon Freevie's breakout hit Jury Duty.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
All right, Henry, spill, I know you and Vandy were feuding.
I found a copy of the season desist letter that
Vandy's lawyer sent you.
Speaker 8 (18:17):
That old thing. Sure, and Vandy and I weren't feuding.
A feud implies love turned to hate. The drama between
me and Vandy had zero love present, like SJP and
Kim Katrol. Allegedly, Vandy and I were in an epic
(18:38):
battle between good and evil, just like in Harry Potter.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
And I assume what you were good and Vandy was evil.
Speaker 8 (18:49):
Absolutely, my whole life I've wanted one thing, love, respect,
a castle that resembles Hogwarts. That's why I became an
interior designer because of the world JK. Rowling invented. Look
me up online you'll see reviewers call my ascetic castle cheek.
(19:11):
To be clear, I stopped supporting JK once she started
espousing transphobia. But the world she created, Oh, the world,
the stone, the brick, the sconces, the magic, a place
where outsiders can be accepted. I wanted that for myself,
my very own Hogwarts. It took years to design, and
(19:35):
Vandy took that dream away from me. He was worried
about his views, his fucking views. He didn't care that
I was building my dream castle and that would be
his view. He had to complain to the town board
and get his lawyers involved. My architectural plans were denied
and it was all his fault.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
So you killed him.
Speaker 8 (19:57):
I wish i'd killed him. I would have, but I didn't,
and I certainly wouldn't have used arsenic. That's far too quick.
Where's the fanfare? No, I'd want him, need him to suffer.
(20:17):
Do you know the most painful way to die? People
think it's burning alive? But actually it's far more subtle dehydration.
I'd slip him so many diuretics. He'd be a revolving
door to the bathroom, kissing his life away. Literally, he'd
start to break down first, malaise in the absence of water.
(20:41):
The body will try to hydrate itself with anything it
can fined, like cerebral spinal fluid, the stuff around your brain.
Then the kidney stops secreting urine and swell and the
eyes dry, Fever and dizziness and hallucinations.
Speaker 1 (20:56):
Oh my.
Speaker 8 (20:57):
Finally he'd ra coma, then slip away into the beyond.
And if that didn't work, there's always a voto kadafra.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
Henry. That's absolutely evil.
Speaker 8 (21:19):
Well, I am a slytherin.
Speaker 4 (21:27):
James tried to process what Henry just told him. He
was so open about his hatred for me. He had
nothing to hide. If Henry had poisoned me, wouldn't he
be acting a bit more well.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
Guilty based off everything you've said. You should be my
number one suspect and under psychiatric evaluation. And yet I
think you're innocent, insane but innocent.
Speaker 8 (21:51):
Duh. Plus I have no reason to kill Tush. I
liked him he reminded me of Hagrid only gay.
Speaker 2 (21:59):
Well, well, mcgare you can leave, Henry. Good luck, James.
Speaker 8 (22:05):
You'll figure this out or die trying.
Speaker 4 (22:09):
As James watched Henry head back to the group, he
noticed something on the floor where Henry had been sitting,
something that fell out of the interior designer's pocket and
onto the carpet.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Is that a needle?
Speaker 4 (22:24):
Indeed it was. As James examined it, he recalled a
strange exchange between Henry and Reginald in the secret passageway
when they'd yet to discover my body, an exchange that
had seemed about drugs.
Speaker 5 (22:39):
Henry, are you thinking not here?
Speaker 1 (22:41):
Not now?
Speaker 5 (22:42):
I need it, Reginald.
Speaker 8 (22:44):
I need my fix.
Speaker 4 (22:46):
James held the needle up to his eye, empty. What
had been inside of it? He wondered, thinking to himself.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
What is this about?
Speaker 4 (22:58):
Exhausted from his entire negations, James returned to the living room,
where he'd instructed everyone to wait.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
Okay, folks, I've narrowed it down to Wilmer.
Speaker 3 (23:12):
Where is everyone?
Speaker 2 (23:13):
No idea?
Speaker 10 (23:13):
I'm just fathing my nails. I want to get them
sharp and pointy so I can use them like cat
claws to defend myself.
Speaker 3 (23:19):
I told you all to stay here.
Speaker 1 (23:21):
You were serious?
Speaker 4 (23:24):
Oh no, what was that?
Speaker 2 (23:26):
TJ?
Speaker 4 (23:30):
My house guests found themselves together in the hallway outside
the green bedroom where TJ was locked inside.
Speaker 3 (23:38):
Out of my way. Everyone moved alone, TJ. Are you okay?
Speaker 5 (23:46):
Another scream? But wait, it's coming from Kelly.
Speaker 3 (23:53):
Everyone stand back, Kelly, hold on, we're coming.
Speaker 5 (23:59):
What's going on?
Speaker 8 (24:00):
James opened the door. Kelly might be hurt.
Speaker 7 (24:02):
He's definitely hurt.
Speaker 5 (24:04):
Why else would he have screamed?
Speaker 3 (24:06):
I can't find the master key. It should be in
my pocket.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
But did you check your butthole? Sometimes I stash things
in there.
Speaker 3 (24:12):
It's not in my butthole. It's lost. Someone must have
stolen it.
Speaker 8 (24:17):
Quick. We need to break down the door. Jacques, you
have muscles, ram yourself into it.
Speaker 5 (24:23):
I am known for my women.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
What about that statue, the one of Vandy posing like
some Greek god.
Speaker 1 (24:27):
His name is Zeus, and that statue happens to be
a gift from Ellen degenerous and we support her, yes,
no matter what anyone says. And I don't think you
should be putting your grammy.
Speaker 5 (24:37):
No, it's perfect, Henry, but your ends there Wima? Oh
that end. Nope, that's my dick wops and those are
my balls.
Speaker 10 (24:46):
Sorry, I'm nervous on the.
Speaker 13 (24:48):
Carter free one two.
Speaker 4 (24:54):
The door to Kelly's bedroom split open, wider than Richard
gear After that alleged Gurbil incident. My house guests poured
in to see what baby and Jay.
Speaker 3 (25:06):
Look. The screaming isn't coming from Kelly. It's Angela Lance Fairy.
Weby love Jay?
Speaker 13 (25:11):
We loved?
Speaker 8 (25:12):
Oh man?
Speaker 9 (25:14):
Oh?
Speaker 8 (25:14):
No, Rock maybe loves Jay?
Speaker 3 (25:19):
Why is the window open?
Speaker 2 (25:23):
Angela Lance Fairy? Colm down? It's okay, call mere berdie,
come down?
Speaker 1 (25:31):
Punkin Roman yamaga, No, no, get away, get whay, don't
do it?
Speaker 11 (25:38):
Look, don't do it?
Speaker 4 (25:42):
Laugh so much, loop so.
Speaker 3 (25:43):
Much loop Loo Jesus, that bird is.
Speaker 5 (25:47):
Demented Kentucky, dreader bull.
Speaker 13 (25:50):
Oh, that's when you're sucking a girl and she tries
to run away while your dick is still inside her
in Kentucky.
Speaker 3 (25:55):
Hold on a second, is that Kelly murder on the floor?
What's all over him?
Speaker 1 (26:02):
I'd know that color and substance anywhere. It's strawberry loob jesus,
he's not moving.
Speaker 5 (26:11):
What happened to his neck?
Speaker 2 (26:12):
Is that a ruby necklace? Oh? No, his eyes are bloodshot,
his skin is blue, and that isn't a necklace. He's
been garrotted by some kind of wire.
Speaker 5 (26:22):
Oh thank god. I was so worried he'd been murdered too.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
He he was Jacques Kelly was strangled.
Speaker 5 (26:31):
Oh my bad, that's my bad.
Speaker 12 (26:35):
Rock Ramayanica pot, you're killing me, Kentucky dractor.
Speaker 3 (26:41):
Pull a carra Oh my god, bird shot up.
Speaker 2 (26:45):
Look on the bright side.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
At least we know Kelly wasn't the killer.
Speaker 5 (26:49):
Yeah, but he's dead, right, But he wasn't guilty.
Speaker 8 (26:52):
But he's dead.
Speaker 5 (26:55):
The birds are only witnessed.
Speaker 10 (26:57):
Maybe we can get Angela Land's Fairy to tell us
who the killer is.
Speaker 5 (27:01):
And j Brock of Skittles Haervice w a unicorn?
Speaker 8 (27:05):
What's that one?
Speaker 5 (27:06):
Oh? A unicorn is when you I don't want to know.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
Come here, Angela Lance Fairy, Come on, come on, come on.
Speaker 5 (27:18):
Approach her slowly and steady, otherwise she'll freak out.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
Who pushed me?
Speaker 7 (27:26):
Sorry, there's so much lube on the floor.
Speaker 3 (27:29):
I slipped song cocks. Well, now Angela Lance Ferry is gone.
Speaker 8 (27:34):
Idiot.
Speaker 3 (27:35):
She flew out the window and into the storm. She
was a perfect witness.
Speaker 5 (27:38):
Fuck you know James.
Speaker 10 (27:40):
Not to be a downer, but you're sort of a
shitty detective.
Speaker 5 (27:50):
Next time on Does This Murder Make Me Look Gay?
Speaker 2 (27:55):
I have to say, Moon, your absence is a little suspicious.
Speaker 7 (27:58):
Back off, James, Moon wouldn't hurt a fly?
Speaker 8 (28:02):
No, I would.
Speaker 5 (28:03):
I hate flies.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
I've never really seen a woman's nude body live and
in person. Where where would you grab it? There's not
a handle, right, Somebody, please help everyone.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
Go to your rooms, barricade your doors. We just have
to last another night.
Speaker 15 (28:27):
Does This Murder Make Me Look Gay? Stars Michael Yuri
as James Wilson, Douglas Sills as Reginald Divine, Robin de
Jesus as Wilmer Munroe, Seyenne Jackson as Jacques Saint Cox,
Sean Patrick Doyle as Madam Moon, Brad Oscar as Tush
von Munch, Nathan Lee Graham as Henry Jacobs, Frankie Grande
(28:49):
as Kelly Raymore, and Flanagan, Seth Radetsky as Polly Barker,
Leah Delaria as TJ featuring Kate McKinnon as Angela LANs Ferry,
with Leah Salanga as Her and Jonathan Freeman as Vandy
Jeremiah Munroe The Third. Additional performances by Ryan Steele, Mallory Portnoy,
Emily Lynn Nacho, Tam Bunting. Written and directed by Ted Mallower.
(29:13):
Executive producer Ted Mallower. Executive producers for Ninth Planet Audio
Elizabeth Baquitt and Jimmy Miller. Hank Woodard served as story editor.
Original score composed by Peter Lherman. Original score produced and
mixed by Alex Banoff. Theme song performed by Ted mallowar
written by Ted Mallower and Peter Lherman. Piano accompaniment for
(29:35):
Madam Moon by Jacob Yates. Casting by Adam Caldwell, Karen
Cassel and Rachel Hoffman at Telsey and Company. Audio post
production by One Thousand Birds principal recording, dialogue, editing, sound
design and mixing by Torren Geller, Andrew Tracy and Haley Livingston.
Audio post executive producers Gwen Frailing and Kiera mcnight. Production
(29:58):
coordinators Hannah Dickinson, j Lillian Langanelli, Isabella Danzy and Rose
kelso Key. Art by Ben Wiseman, Production accounting by dil
pret singh Special thanks to Jordan Serf, Daniella Fetterman, Morgan Gould,
Eric Harper, Aaron Jenkin, Chelsea Krepps, Will O'Donnell, Don Saltzman,
(30:19):
Michael Stearns, and Josh Pultz. Does This Murder Make Me
Look Gay? Is a production of Ninth Planet Audio in
association with iHeart Podcasts. This podcast was recorded under a
SAG after a collective bargaining agreement.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
Dona golverlanding Rentro, I don't know, I know no Ninth
Planet Audio Capcom.
Speaker 15 (30:43):
We're overlanding.
Speaker 6 (30:44):
You're no blandy nor
Host
Ted Malawer
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