Friendship After 40

As we get older and our lives change, so do our relationships and the requirements we have for them. In this episode, the Ellises chat with the crew about what friendship looks like for them at their big big ages. #DeadAss

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
I ain't got no friends unless their last name is Ellis.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
That's a good one.

Speaker 3 (00:06):
He talking about me, y'all, dead Ass.

Speaker 4 (00:10):
I never seen him spend that much time with somebody
that he liked like that.

Speaker 2 (00:14):
So consider yourself an anomaly family baby.

Speaker 4 (00:18):
At this point, over forty, I have not no problem
letting anything go, and that is definitely friends included. Wow.

Speaker 5 (00:30):
It all started with real talk, unfiltered, honest and straight
from the heart. Since then, we've gone on to become
Webby Award winning podcasters in New York Times bestselling authors.

Speaker 4 (00:39):
Dead Ass was more than a podcast for us. It
was about our growth, a place where we could be vulnerable.

Speaker 1 (00:45):
Be raw, or but most apportly be us.

Speaker 4 (00:48):
But as we know, life keeps evolving and so do we,
and through it all, one thing has never changed. This
is ever after, because we got a lot to talk about.

Speaker 1 (01:02):
Story time.

Speaker 5 (01:03):
Oh my gosh, I'm gonna take this back to college.

Speaker 2 (01:10):
College. Okay, it's getting farther and farther away for us.
You know, they're right.

Speaker 5 (01:17):
I had a friend who he and I were able
to rekindle our friendship. But at the time I was
twenty two and I had just gotten into the NFL
and it was me and my friends.

Speaker 1 (01:32):
It was four of us.

Speaker 5 (01:33):
We all went to the NFL at the same time
Super Bowl was coming up. One of the guys, who
I considered the friend, decided to have a super Bowl
party and I wasn't invited. Didn't know why, but the
other friends like, yo, why don't you call him? And
that's why he wasn't invited. So I called him and
he was just like, yeah, I just really don't fuck
with you like that. And I was like, a word,

(01:56):
since when? Because I remember used to come to my
apartment your food. I remember when my wife used to cook.
You used to come by, Like when did this happen?
Like at what point did you stop.

Speaker 1 (02:05):
Fucking with me?

Speaker 5 (02:06):
And he was just like, well, over the time, you
used to say things and do things that I didn't
think was funny. So now that we're no longer in
the same vicinity, we're no longer friends like that, so
I don't have to invite you to my space.

Speaker 1 (02:23):
So I said, cool, like I get it.

Speaker 5 (02:27):
And we grew apart, and I realized in that moment,
like it is okay to grow from people, right, rather
than being upset about it and be like what's wrong
with me? I was like, oh, all right, well we're
not in the same space no more. We don't have
to be in the same space because we were on
the same team, but now we live in different states,

(02:48):
we're on different teams.

Speaker 1 (02:50):
It's okay for us to not be friends.

Speaker 5 (02:52):
And over the last fifteen years us not being friends
ended up with us actually getting closer and becoming friends
older and hates. So what it taught me was just
because you are friends with someone during that time, don't
mean you have to stay with them forever.

Speaker 2 (03:06):
I love that.

Speaker 4 (03:07):
And you never at any point questioned at what point
you became unfuck withable.

Speaker 5 (03:13):
To be honest, it wasn't. It wasn't like my decision.
He made that decision, and I personally didn't care.

Speaker 2 (03:18):
And you didn't take it personally.

Speaker 5 (03:19):
No, I didn't take a personal If you don't fuck
with me no more than then you don't fuck with me.

Speaker 1 (03:22):
I don't fuck with you.

Speaker 2 (03:22):
Hey, I can appreciate the honesty.

Speaker 1 (03:24):
Exactly, but I didn't.

Speaker 5 (03:26):
I didn't take it any personal, but kind of realized like, oh, shoot,
like you don't have to stay friends.

Speaker 4 (03:32):
With people, all right? Karaoke time. Karaoke time, So if
we're talking about letting go of friendships, you know, the
first thing that came.

Speaker 2 (03:38):
To mind was the Frozen song, which one let it.

Speaker 5 (03:40):
Go, Let it Go, Yeah, let me tell you how
stupid she is. I came up with a whole song
that I was going to sing, and and she jumping
here and singing that. But after hearing my song, I mean,
my story, I do like that song.

Speaker 4 (03:54):
I mean at this point, yeah, I mean, we haven't
listened to that song much. We don't have you that
want to listen to it. And our boys. I took
them to Disney on Ice one time, not knowing that
primarily it's around the Disney princesses, and they literally looked
at me. I had, like, at the time, three sets
of eyes piercing through the side of my head, like why.

Speaker 2 (04:14):
Are we here?

Speaker 1 (04:14):
Because you had your son's there?

Speaker 2 (04:17):
Yeah, and everybody, How.

Speaker 4 (04:18):
Did I miss the memo that Disney on Ice is
primarily about the princesses. But I mean that there's a
song that kind of resonates I think.

Speaker 2 (04:25):
Through life it does, and the song I was going
to choose, We'll go for it.

Speaker 1 (04:29):
Friends. How many of us have them?

Speaker 5 (04:34):
Friend period ones you can depend on many friends.

Speaker 1 (04:40):
That was my song and actually went well with this.

Speaker 4 (04:43):
It worked well together. It's a perfect marriage. I love
that who sings that song again?

Speaker 1 (04:46):
I forget which one?

Speaker 2 (04:47):
Friends?

Speaker 5 (04:48):
Oh, that song is from like the seventies to eighties.
You'll be knowing my dad used to sing that song
back in the day. Remember when rat was hit. It
was around that time. I don't know who?

Speaker 2 (04:59):
Say from driving?

Speaker 1 (05:01):
Is it Josh? What's the name of that ra who's
saying that?

Speaker 3 (05:07):
It's who? DEI?

Speaker 6 (05:08):
Who? There?

Speaker 1 (05:09):
You go?

Speaker 3 (05:10):
Okay?

Speaker 1 (05:11):
I should have asked trouble anyway, trouble be known.

Speaker 2 (05:13):
Random facts, how many of us have them?

Speaker 1 (05:17):
Tribs?

Speaker 3 (05:17):
Let it go.

Speaker 1 (05:20):
Can depend on tribs.

Speaker 4 (05:22):
I like the remix.

Speaker 1 (05:24):
From now on, I'm gonna say for your triple.

Speaker 2 (05:26):
And we're never letting go, never letting us.

Speaker 4 (05:31):
All Right, y'all, let's take a quick break, pay some bills,
and then we will get back into the meat of
the show.

Speaker 6 (05:39):
Pose.

Speaker 1 (05:44):
All right, we're back with what has become my favorite
segment of.

Speaker 5 (05:48):
The show, Opper, No Up, Trible, what.

Speaker 1 (05:52):
We got today for and Well?

Speaker 3 (05:55):
In the news. Recently, Jonathan Majors is back in the news.
He has a feature film coming out called magazine Dreams,
And it seems as though he had another little feature
come out, some audio leaked by Rolling Stone of him
seemingly allegedly admitting to strangling his ex girlfriend, and then

(06:15):
a day later, maybe less than twenty four hours later,
it was announced that he and Meghan Good are married.
And so I want to know if you have op
or no op about Megan's support of him. She got
some backlash on the internet about being with somebody who
has been accused of being.

Speaker 1 (06:33):
Abusive, about Meg or is about Jonathan Major? About him?

Speaker 3 (06:38):
Because I don't want to get into debating whether or
not he is an abuser.

Speaker 1 (06:43):
Yeah, we don't know that. We don't know agree. Well,
that's a reason to not have an op on that, Yeah,
because we don't know the facts.

Speaker 5 (06:49):
So I will be the first one saying I don't
have an op on that because I don't know the facts.
In this day and age, facts be changing and AI
is real and people be changing a fact. So until
I know for certain, I'm not gonna have an opinion
on Jonathan Major's But I do have an opinion on
Megan Good. I think people should just get over their
fucking selves, right, Like Megan Good, met this man.

Speaker 1 (07:11):
When she met this man.

Speaker 5 (07:13):
And if you look at some of our heroes, right,
you look at Maya Angelou, she was a prostitute.

Speaker 1 (07:19):
Malcolm X was a convicted feeling.

Speaker 5 (07:21):
And I'm not saying this to bash those two, but
I'm saying these are people who if they were defined
by their lowest moment, we wouldn't be celebrating them.

Speaker 1 (07:30):
So why do we do that to people? In this
day and age?

Speaker 6 (07:32):
Right?

Speaker 5 (07:32):
Social media era loves to find someone's lowest moment, pull
it up and keep them near at all times. And
I'm just not doing that. And if they love each other,
I love it for them.

Speaker 4 (07:43):
Yeah, I was gonna say no OP for me because
that's people business, because I don't know why they could
tell me not about me and the vow in our business.
You know what I'm saying. At some point you just
have to understand like it don't have nothing to do
with you, and that's okay, and we don't have to
address it.

Speaker 2 (07:58):
Next I'll pass torch to Matt.

Speaker 7 (08:01):
I got no op because I got a model in
my life. They are to marry people.

Speaker 2 (08:04):
Business period, especially being married.

Speaker 7 (08:06):
Now you understand that part. That's why I did it.
My whole life because when I get mind, stay out
of mind, like AKA, now, stay out of mind.

Speaker 1 (08:12):
I like that. Ysh, no op, no op.

Speaker 3 (08:17):
I guess my only opinion is that people need somebody
to love them.

Speaker 1 (08:24):
I think we all do.

Speaker 3 (08:25):
None of us were meant to be on earth by ourselves,
and I don't think any of us can say that
we've never caused harm to another human. So hopefully she is.
And I, you know, I would like. I don't know her,
so I don't. I can't say whether I can trust
her opinion or not, so it's kind of giving no op.
But I hope that she has a support system behind her,

(08:48):
so that, you know, if she ever were to find
herself in danger, she would have somewhere to go and
somebody to lean on.

Speaker 5 (08:54):
I feel you in that you don't have no appa
by her, But I respect that because we didn't have
respect that the absolutely congrats making.

Speaker 1 (09:03):
Next facts, Congrass, congratulats.

Speaker 2 (09:06):
I love the love, if that's what it is, all right?

Speaker 3 (09:10):
Next in politics, politics is kind of a ship show
these days. You know what's going on.

Speaker 4 (09:15):
Un your statement of the year.

Speaker 3 (09:18):
I think I'm gonna run for president next time.

Speaker 2 (09:20):
You probably, I mean you shaved your legs now, so
you got.

Speaker 5 (09:25):
You just need a lot of money to win the president,
like a couple of trillion dollars.

Speaker 3 (09:30):
Yeah, for sure. But since the inauguration, uh, the current
administration has done a lot to try to roll back
DEI programs and race based programs and colleges, universities, schools,
corporations are rolling back their de I programs. And I
saw this video on one of my favorite Instagram accounts.

(09:51):
It's called a Subway Takes comedian joy l Nicole Johnson.

Speaker 1 (09:58):
The take. Yeah, she's freaking.

Speaker 3 (10:00):
I've seen other comedy of hers. I would have to
I would have to look back, but I want to know.
I wonder if this is the same woman who is
like in a relationship with somebody that's not black. So
it's funny that if it was her, it's funny that
she made this take for her take right, Her take
was to bring segregation back. She said that she wants

(10:23):
to know where she's not welcome. Don't be covert about it,
be overt about it. Let's have white's only badthrooms neighborhoods.
So what's your opinion on that, because it seems like
what's happening right now, we're living in Project twenty twenty
five apparently, and it seems as though that is kind
of where we're getting back to. So what's your opinion.

Speaker 5 (10:44):
I do have an opinion on this because history, I
understand what she's coming from with talking about bringing segregation back.
Her overarching idea is the fact that black people did
the best when black people lived amongst black people. Right So,
for example, during reconstruction, before redlining and everything happened, black
people had their own towns, you know, like to Pahoma, Rosewood,

(11:07):
Seneca Falls. There was also right under where we live
in New York City, in Central Park, there was a
black community that lived on that land and what ended
up path forgot the name of the community, God forgive me,
but they that is Seneate Village, right there is Senate Village.

Speaker 1 (11:27):
Yes, it is Seneca Village.

Speaker 5 (11:28):
They decided that they were going to take that land
from the black people who had lived on it, had churches, office, everything,
and they were going to make themselves a park.

Speaker 1 (11:39):
So what they did was they changed.

Speaker 5 (11:40):
The laws and said, hey, the deeds that you have
to this land no longer matter. Even though you had
deans on the way, don't longer matter, We're going to
run you off, rape your women, kill you drowned pretty much,
they drowned the whole Seneca village just like Laate Lanaiir
and then created what we know now as Central Park.

Speaker 7 (11:59):
Wait, is that the same history of Lakelander?

Speaker 1 (12:02):
Pretty much the same?

Speaker 5 (12:05):
And to me, that's why I think her take is
so important because people have been saying so far, well,
if black people don't like it here, why don't they leave?
Or if other immigrants came, how come black people can't
grow from here? And it's like, wait a minute, we
did grow, and during reconstruction, every time we did grow,
you burned down and killed everything we had, which proved

(12:26):
that segregation was the best thing for black people because
integration just allowed black kids to go to white schools,
get treated poorly, but then learn history whitewashed. So now
black students don't even know their own history. They can't
circulate their own dollar within their own community because there
were systems put in place that allowed other people to

(12:48):
capitalize off of the genius of being black.

Speaker 1 (12:51):
So I understand where she's coming from.

Speaker 5 (12:52):
The only issue that she's going to have is people
gonna say, well, segregation was never separate but equal. So
if it's not equal, you want to have suppering to
have less. So I would say, no, I don't want
to have supper to have less. I just want to
have my own. I want ownership. So my opinion is
I agree with her. Black people need to focus on
having ownership and circulating everything we have amongst each other.

Speaker 1 (13:12):
So that's my opinion on that.

Speaker 4 (13:13):
Yeah, speaking of the circulation of the dollar, here's my
opinion on it. Her saying that she prefers to know, oh, yeah,
who welcomes her. Yeah, so that way she can then
support those businesses by choice. Is when you're not going
to be supporting a business that you don't really know
if they really fuck with you or not, and you're

(13:34):
taking that chance, it's like, let me know who to
support because they accept me. And that's the way initially
we've been trying to back in the day keep the
black dollar within the community. So that for me would
be the important factor. Because I am proud to say
that since this whole DEI situation you know, started what
was at the end of January or whatever, I have

(13:56):
not step foot in Target.

Speaker 1 (13:57):
And I can vouch for that because y'all know how
you know it was a field trip.

Speaker 4 (14:04):
I haven't been to Target. I haven't been to Target,
I haven't been to public. So I think they rolled
it back to Kroger, like where I feel like I
can make an impact. I've been trying to do that,
So I prefer to know. I'm the committee of people
who say, you know what, let me know where I'm
welcome or not, so that way I can support accordingly.

Speaker 5 (14:22):
And let's be clear, we are definitely understanding that DEI
programs didn't overtly.

Speaker 1 (14:27):
Help black people.

Speaker 3 (14:28):
I get that to right.

Speaker 2 (14:30):
We know that we know who's crying.

Speaker 5 (14:32):
I think it was of the DEI programs, only seven
percent of the people who got got opportunities because the
di were black black people, right, So we're not doing
this because we're only representing black people, also representing women
because a large part of the DEI programs were women.

Speaker 1 (14:47):
And my wife's a woman.

Speaker 5 (14:48):
So if you're saying that there was another there was
a a Christian evangelist. I got his name, but he
said whenever he walks into his office and he sees
a black female doctor, the first thing he thinks is, oh,
she must have had it easy to get here, because
of DEI programs, and people started blacking on him, saying, like,

(15:10):
it's actually the opposite. If you think about what the
world is, that woman probably had.

Speaker 2 (15:15):
To go through ten it was that much harder.

Speaker 5 (15:17):
The standard for her to even get there is probably
ten times harder than what you ever could imagine.

Speaker 1 (15:22):
Absolutely, And the fact that they don't.

Speaker 5 (15:24):
Even see it that way is another reason why I
agree with segregation, because I'm tired of having this conversation
with white men.

Speaker 4 (15:28):
Right because you know, essentially it was probably just a quota,
phil like, you got to have somebody in there at
some point this you know that, so some kind of
diversity I just But I also realized how much of
a crocket was too when we were applying for independent
schools for jacks like that. So when Jackson, you know,
being the first child, we were trying to do our
due diligence when it came time for school education, what

(15:49):
are the possibilities? Knowing that the New York public City
school system was just not it, we went through every
avenue to get Jackson into some sort of program where
you can get a good education. And we realized in
this program called Early Steps, which was supposed to it.

Speaker 1 (16:07):
Was supposed to be the diversity program, yes.

Speaker 4 (16:10):
For people who you know, you're trying to get a
diverse population of people into these independent schools, which is
maybe one to two seats lass and.

Speaker 5 (16:18):
The person who did run Early Steps was looking for
black and brown families and black and brown kids.

Speaker 1 (16:25):
But it wasn't.

Speaker 5 (16:26):
It wasn't until we went to the meetings for diversity
that didn't only have Early Steps people with other people
that we realized.

Speaker 1 (16:33):
What was happening.

Speaker 2 (16:34):
Right, So the diversity was not just black and brown individuals.
Diversity was economic diversity, so geographic diversity.

Speaker 5 (16:41):
If you're a white person and you make a certain
amount of money, you were considered diverse, so you could
take up that spot right, or a minority right, Or
if you're a white person and lived in the Bronx
as opposed to Brooklyn, you could still have that spot
in a school in Brooklyn because it was called geographic diversity.
So pretty much what they did was they kept change
what diverse was to not include people who like.

Speaker 4 (17:03):
Us, or to include us, but make the stakes that
much lower for us to get the spot because we're
now contending with people who have all of these other
diversities or our minorities and whatever, you know, demographic they
fell in and it went from that to you know,
same sex households.

Speaker 2 (17:18):
There were so many different things. So it just made me.

Speaker 4 (17:21):
Realize too that a lot of these DEI things and
a lot of these diversity programs, they're really not for
us anyway.

Speaker 2 (17:28):
But I want to know where to spend my money.

Speaker 4 (17:30):
I've been trying to at least go to find and
support more black owned businesses, ordering directly from their websites,
things like that, you know, I think at least makes
me feel like I'm putting my dollar back into my
fellow person's pocket.

Speaker 1 (17:43):
I agree, Matt.

Speaker 7 (17:46):
I get where she was coming from, h with the thought,
but implementation of this would be crazy in twenty twenty five,
so I don't know how this would really work.

Speaker 1 (17:55):
I agree with that.

Speaker 2 (17:56):
Yeah, it would look kind of crazy to see a
colored on me.

Speaker 1 (17:59):
Could you imagine a color is only bathroom? Yeah?

Speaker 5 (18:03):
Could you imagine a white only restaurant? What you're gonna
have mayonnaise? That's what she said, Oh she did.

Speaker 1 (18:13):
I'm just being honest. Like when you go.

Speaker 2 (18:15):
To get food, raisins in your potato.

Speaker 5 (18:17):
When you go to get food, where do you typically
go think about anybody ethnic places. Right, you're gonna eat Black,
You're gonna eat Mexican, you're gonna eat Asian. Do you
ever Italian? But do you see anybody I'm gonna get
that good old American cuisine.

Speaker 8 (18:32):
Nobody says that, let's go to I don't want a
burger unless I'm feeling for burger fries.

Speaker 6 (18:37):
That's it.

Speaker 5 (18:38):
And that's the only thing I think White American cuisine
consists of. That in an apple pie and chicken sela chick.

Speaker 1 (18:45):
I love chichicken.

Speaker 7 (18:47):
You walk in you.

Speaker 3 (18:48):
That's not's a white woman on the logo.

Speaker 1 (18:51):
I like that. Yeah, chicken salad chick.

Speaker 4 (18:53):
Yeah, it has like the smell when you're walking there,
and I'm like, yeah, this is not.

Speaker 5 (18:58):
It tastes good, but because it's healthy, because a lot
of ethnic food have too much salt sugar in it.

Speaker 1 (19:04):
If we being honest, true, you said the adobo.

Speaker 5 (19:09):
But I hope people understand why ethnic food is often
too flavorful.

Speaker 1 (19:15):
Do they know why?

Speaker 7 (19:16):
Yes, they don't know why.

Speaker 2 (19:18):
They had to work with scraps to make it taste good.

Speaker 4 (19:21):
But a lot of salt and a lot of sugar
and butter and things like that tossed it up a
little hot so.

Speaker 6 (19:27):
And the cuts of meat aren't the best.

Speaker 4 (19:30):
Exactly, it's the feet and the tail and the tongue
in the head.

Speaker 1 (19:37):
Is how much oxtail is like a delicate delicacy. Oxtail's delicacy.
Chitlings is a delicacy.

Speaker 5 (19:44):
These were two things that black people pretty much was
just like, I have to eat this because there's nothing
else I could eat.

Speaker 6 (19:49):
When become a delicacy, Oh.

Speaker 5 (19:51):
It's not chitlins neither, it's chitterlings and chitterlings. Yes, it's
not chipling's. We called the chitlings. They renamed it, called
the chitterlings. And now it's the delicacy. And if you
go to the supermarket and ask, it's a premium, you
have to pay for it. I didn't know that because
I don't eat ChIL lings or chitlings, but my dad
told me same thing with oxtail.

Speaker 1 (20:10):
Ox still now was like what you said.

Speaker 4 (20:11):
Fourteen dollars seventeen sixteen outrageous, ridiculous.

Speaker 1 (20:17):
Which is nuts.

Speaker 6 (20:19):
Stop put it on we gotta go cook it.

Speaker 2 (20:21):
Stop putting it on pizza.

Speaker 7 (20:23):
Please, it's not enough.

Speaker 4 (20:25):
You could barely get enough. That's gonna be a fifty
dollars pizza.

Speaker 1 (20:27):
Your mom made an oxtail all the day. She did
pretty good.

Speaker 5 (20:31):
And if it was because we was having this debate,
it's another debate. If you can make a Philly cheese
steak right where it's like beef gravy, which cheese, why
can't you put ox tail on pizza because it's it's
beef and gravy and cheese.

Speaker 1 (20:43):
Whatis I think you got opinion on that? Can you
put your eyebrows were up like this?

Speaker 6 (20:53):
Anything, man, you can do it.

Speaker 7 (20:55):
Yeah, if you know how to cook, you can make it.

Speaker 6 (20:57):
It's too expensive.

Speaker 7 (20:58):
Yeah, I'm saying about.

Speaker 4 (21:02):
Put it on.

Speaker 2 (21:04):
And I need the bone I need.

Speaker 7 (21:07):
I can't say that, but you know what.

Speaker 1 (21:10):
Where you need it.

Speaker 4 (21:14):
Ever after after dark, where you need it.

Speaker 3 (21:24):
And don't and don't thank you so much? Do I
have an opinion.

Speaker 1 (21:34):
One that I.

Speaker 3 (21:36):
I think that as black people, we do a great
job of like segregating ourselves, but it often comes at
our own like safety. Like at college, if you went
to a p w I we had. I went to
Ohio State, one of the biggest p w i's in
the country, and we have a small black community at
Ohio State and you know, we had a community. It

(22:00):
was us And that's because I can't tell you how
many times I got called a nigger at Ohio State.
These white people come from small towns in Ohio. They've
never seen a black person. My first month at Ohio State,
some white dude said, you're really pretty for a colored girl.
And I said, is it nineteen six?

Speaker 1 (22:17):
Did I get in?

Speaker 3 (22:18):
The fucking shit?

Speaker 1 (22:21):
Said he was giving you a complimentary to it.

Speaker 3 (22:23):
And this was after I was watching him. I was
at a party and I'm watching him talk to this
girl and he's saying some of the most vile racist
shit I've ever heard in my life. And so when
he sat down next to me, I was like, let
me move. But before I could get up, he said
this thing to me, and I was like, this is insane.
And so we often segregate ourselves out of safety because

(22:46):
we don't want to be subject to that type of
like violent behavior. Like I don't want somebody thinking and
feeling like it's okay for them to tell me that
they don't think that I belong in a place because
they've assumed that because I'm black, I've had some type
of thing that they didn't have. DEI programs benefit and
just like affirmative action benefit of white women.

Speaker 1 (23:07):
The most, the most, the most.

Speaker 3 (23:09):
But the same people that don't want DEI programs for
black people and people of color are the same people
that don't want.

Speaker 1 (23:15):
White women white women.

Speaker 5 (23:16):
I've learned that to recently listening to a lot of
people talk, like when I thought that they were upset
because it was black people, and they're hearing a lot
more white men talk about even their own white women.
And even Elon Musk remember the whole thing with the planes,
and they were saying that all the planes are going down.

Speaker 1 (23:33):
Because of the DEI hires.

Speaker 5 (23:34):
He was talking about a white woman. Yeah, And I
was just like, dang, so y'all really much blame. Everything
that happens in the world has nothing to do with
white men. It's either colored people or white women. Like
that's crazy, bro.

Speaker 8 (23:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (23:48):
And I do think that when segregation was a thing,
when it was just the norm, I think that black
people we took more responsibility for our progress in the world.
Of course, we couldn't do everything because we're just a
small population, but we created universities, we had our own businesses,
we had our own banks, we kept our dollars. We

(24:08):
cared for our neighbors a lot more than we do now.
And I think now because of integration and black people
being moved to ghettos and black people being separated from
each other, we have now even segregated ourselves within the
black community where we feel like that there's those niggas
and then there's us.

Speaker 4 (24:27):
You know, like I didn't even think about the community
aspect of how that would have impacted Black people, Like
it was way more community and looking after each other
and supporting each other.

Speaker 2 (24:38):
Well, think when things were segregated.

Speaker 1 (24:40):
Think about mentally what it does to a group of people.

Speaker 5 (24:42):
If you over years had to watch that anytime a
group of people did something on their own and they
built it up, it was burned down and bombed and
killed it.

Speaker 1 (24:50):
Start to tell people like, you know what, I'm not
even doing that no more.

Speaker 5 (24:52):
I'm going to focus on just myself or I'll just
do whatever they say we need to do, because I
don't want to be a part of being a martyr
or being murdered, you know what I'm saying. Like the Tosa,
Oklahoma thing was happening all over the country. You know,
it wasn't like it was a one time thing. Synical falls.
It wasn't a one time thing. So I understand how
over the course of generations black people during that time

(25:14):
it was just like, you know what, I'd rather just
form my safety do whatever it is they say I
need to do.

Speaker 1 (25:20):
I understand them.

Speaker 3 (25:21):
Yeah, I think too. A really good example of this
is the book The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lax. Have
you ever heard of it?

Speaker 1 (25:29):
I have heard of it.

Speaker 3 (25:30):
So Henrietta Lax was a black woman who was from Virginia,
and she got cancer in her early thirties and ended
up passing away, and they used her her genes to
create vaccines, vaccines because her sales kept multiplying in a

(25:50):
way that they had never seen before, and so they
were able to keep her cells and create like massive medicines, vaccines,
all types of things. And they never knowledge her or
her family or told them that this was even happening.
But the way that this happened was that she grew
up on a tobacco farm. Her family were all tobacco
farmers in Virginia, and at some point they wanted to

(26:12):
I guess, uh, make more money or become part of
modern society, so they moved to Baltimore into some housing
projects that were for people who worked at a factory
in Baltimore, and probably working at the factory and living
near the factory is probably how she contracted cancer in
the first place. And her body, her literal body, was

(26:33):
basically used to progress society, while her family was never acknowledged.
She gave her life pretty much for the progress of society,
and it took years and years, decades for people to
even acknowledge. Yeah, Oper did the movie.

Speaker 2 (26:48):
Bo Yeah, that's why it sounds familiar.

Speaker 1 (26:49):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (26:49):
Yeah, So I feel like that's a really good example
of like sometimes we don't recognize it, but you're good
where you're at. You know what I'm saying, Like, if
we put our resources into what we have and who
we have, into our families, our communities, we don't we
don't have to ask for anything.

Speaker 5 (27:05):
I would say, we when we at, when we're not
fucked with, Yeah, because we be good where we at
until they come in and do some wild shit and
change post.

Speaker 1 (27:14):
Right, because I mean, if we're being honest.

Speaker 5 (27:17):
Tosa, Oklahoma and events like that led to redlining, where
it's like, let's put all of these black people in
one area. We're gonna redline that it's a place that
no one wants to live. It's where the insurance rates
are higher and the insurance and property values they get
for those properties or lower. It's another way to take
from our community of people. So I do agree with that,

(27:37):
as long as they're not fucking with us. We find
by ourselves. But also, you got a nation build with
people who are like minded, because not all skinfolk are kinfolk,
you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (27:46):
That's a fact.

Speaker 3 (27:48):
I was also gonna say, I really love looking at
babies on Instagram. And sometimes it'd be like a white
baby that does something real cute, and I'll be like
in the comments, like oh so adorable. And then I'll
be like, I wonder if they're racist, you know what
I'm saying. So I would want them to put in
their Instagram bio like we hate. So I don't comment
on the Yeah, yo.

Speaker 1 (28:08):
Truple is wild. But but I ain't gonna lie to
you though I do.

Speaker 5 (28:13):
Maybe maybe I'm wrong for this, But I pull up
at a light and I see a homeless dude, and
if he's white, sometimes I'll be like, I wonder if
he racist, Like if I help this dude out, you
know what I'm saying, or even if I go to
help him and he I don't want no money from you, nigga,
Like now I got to get out and fuck you out,
you know what I'm saying. Like sometimes I do be

(28:34):
thinking that because I'd be concerned, like I don't want to.
I don't want to try to do something for you
then find out later you don't like my people.

Speaker 1 (28:41):
Nah, let me know what. Let's let's get it out there.
You don't like black people.

Speaker 5 (28:44):
Cool because this black man doing got to help you,
So I agree with you and that let me know
where I'm not welcome.

Speaker 3 (28:51):
The last opera, no app we have recently. Keiki Palmer,
who I love, is a legend. I feel like if
I met Key Pop, we would be best friends.

Speaker 2 (29:00):
Like I can see it. I can see it than Yeah, she.

Speaker 1 (29:05):
Had us dying second we watched the movie. We watched
the movie, and she had us.

Speaker 4 (29:09):
She had a line where she was just like one
of those days with her and sister we watched the
other one of these days.

Speaker 1 (29:14):
She had the line where she was just like, she said,
you like you live in Beverly Hills. We both live
in the hood.

Speaker 6 (29:21):
I was like, that.

Speaker 1 (29:25):
Does that's not.

Speaker 3 (29:28):
In the hood.

Speaker 4 (29:31):
It was the office.

Speaker 2 (29:32):
They were trying to get a job with home girl.

Speaker 1 (29:34):
She said, Hills, not Beverly.

Speaker 3 (29:37):
She had me dying, so she did like a quick
draw question game about what her bff green and red flags.
And I thought that was interesting.

Speaker 9 (29:49):
Let's careful, bitch.

Speaker 2 (29:52):
You could be honest but say it's sweet.

Speaker 3 (29:55):
So I'm sensitive.

Speaker 9 (29:56):
You need a private life. You ain't got to tell
me everything. I wouldn't never pressure a friend to tell
me everything. If I gave you money, it wasn't alone.
I didn't expect to get it back, you know what
I mean. I don't really give out money much, but
if I did, I expected you to keep it. So
you don't even need to pay me back, so.

Speaker 4 (30:13):
Can keep Palma video talking about friendships, red flags, green flags.

Speaker 5 (30:16):
Personally, I don't have an opinion on this. This is
all her perspective. It's subjective, and that's what she considers
red green flag.

Speaker 2 (30:22):
I don't have another people I'll say that.

Speaker 4 (30:24):
I mean, I guess my maybe opinion on it is
that I agree with a lot of the ones. She said, like,
there's certain ones that I'm like, Okay, that's definitely green.

Speaker 2 (30:30):
Flag.

Speaker 4 (30:30):
One that stood out to me, I think now at
my old age is being slow to answer text messages.

Speaker 2 (30:36):
Like my solid core group of friends. They know my
heart being the.

Speaker 4 (30:41):
Right place, y'all, but the way my attention span, the
tabs opening my brain, all the things I have going
on are set up. I don't need no harm, no foul,
love you to death, but you're probably not gonna get
an answer back from me for a minute, and then
I'll send you a long ass voice note to catch
up on all the things that we haven't caught up on.

Speaker 1 (30:59):
That's why I don't have any pain, yes, because mine
is completely different.

Speaker 5 (31:02):
And it's like, I'm not gonna argue with you or
her about what because for me, if we close and
I text you, nigga text me the funk back, I
could be, y'all know, I'd be like, y'all could be
hanging from a cliff right now when I text.

Speaker 4 (31:14):
That's your favorite thing to say.

Speaker 1 (31:16):
And I text you and you don't.

Speaker 5 (31:16):
Get back to me. Now I'm dead, and so you
call my friends. So but I get it you and
I see you. I'm like, She'll send a four minute
voice note to her friend and She's like, I ain't
get back to Christina in three weeks, so I gotta
I said, So why.

Speaker 1 (31:28):
Do you call her? And I ain't calling her?

Speaker 4 (31:31):
I'm like, because the requires me to be held up
to do a back and forth for an extended period
of time. So it's listen to my voice mode at
your leisure, reply at your leisure, and then that's how
we go. And it's the understanding that me and my
little circle dot group of friends have that we all
understand why.

Speaker 6 (31:48):
I'm thinking about what she got to say? Why she's
saying this.

Speaker 4 (31:51):
You don't know what she gotta Literally, it's like you
have to bank what you're listening to and then go
back and you have to answer. That's why I got
no pain, especially y'all to understand it.

Speaker 7 (32:00):
I don't don't worry. I'm the same page. I got
no opinion here.

Speaker 6 (32:02):
I ain't got nothing either, Like why you even said this?
That video?

Speaker 4 (32:09):
Round it out?

Speaker 3 (32:10):
I feel like Josh is judging me, but whatever, what's new?
I feel like her her ran and green flags were
pretty mature. I feel like a lot of people need
to see that. Like the val if you're hanging from
a cliff and your friend don't take you back. You
better call nine one one.

Speaker 1 (32:27):
No, I'm a black man. I'm not calling nine one one.

Speaker 3 (32:31):
That's true.

Speaker 1 (32:31):
See what I'm saying. That's why I called Matt. And
if Matt don't answer, then what you called you?

Speaker 4 (32:37):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (32:37):
Right, the wrong spot. He's gonna be late.

Speaker 4 (32:42):
Do you do?

Speaker 7 (32:43):
Hold on?

Speaker 1 (32:44):
I'll be right back. What you mean, I'm hanging from a.

Speaker 2 (32:47):
Play the wrong person?

Speaker 1 (32:48):
I would not it, don't you know?

Speaker 5 (32:51):
Y'all know the first person I'm calling you, You nigga,
you better answer the phone. You better not send me
a voice thirty minutes later.

Speaker 4 (33:00):
They're ready, because i'd be tracking you on Life through
sixty anyhow, So I noticed you were there.

Speaker 5 (33:04):
My wife's nuts, guys. She made me get Life through sixty.
She made me put my phone number and stuff in there.
Now everywhere I go, she'd be like, I see you.

Speaker 4 (33:12):
That's wild because you between him and Jackson. Yo, I
promise you. So I was coming home from set one
day and I was too busy running my mouth on
the phone with my sister that I passed the exit
for the house. I literally got a phone call as
I was exiting the next exit, which was two minutes
in like where are you going?

Speaker 2 (33:33):
Why are you going away from the house.

Speaker 4 (33:34):
I was like, wow, these guys are following me in
my defense and it's literally Jackson and about at the
same time, like where are you going? And my god,
that just missed my exit.

Speaker 1 (33:45):
Jackson pointed it out to me. I know he did,
and he seemed worried.

Speaker 2 (33:49):
Oh like he was just like he was like was
he yeah?

Speaker 7 (33:53):
Was my mom just passed? Where she's going?

Speaker 1 (33:57):
And where's she going? And I was just like, I
don't know. He's just like no, it's like she's really passing.

Speaker 5 (34:00):
So let me call because you know, sometimes people be
doing stuff you know they got right. And then once
I called you and I told you you was headed
back here, I told him, but I will tell the truth.
I made her get life three sixty, not the other
way around. For that very reason, I'm a very protective
person and I never want to not know where my

(34:21):
wife is. And people be asking me like yo, where's Kadeen,
And I'm just be like, oh, ship, where is Kadeen?
And then I'm trying to get you and I can't,
And then something happens to you and then they just like, devou,
how did you not know, and I'm like, fuck, well
it goes.

Speaker 2 (34:32):
The same way. I mean both ways.

Speaker 4 (34:34):
You and about Jackson Jackson on it too, his grandparents
or his coach or whatever. So I to know where
you're at, how fast you're driving, if your phone is charged,
I'm gonna send the thing to say, charge your phone.

Speaker 1 (34:45):
That is her favorite thing to do. Charge your phone. Devour,
slow down, devo, Look watch his speed. I'll be driving
in my push.

Speaker 7 (34:52):
Life gives you the.

Speaker 4 (34:55):
I get on the same if you're driving it's your bicycle, like.

Speaker 1 (35:02):
Privacy, man, Yeah, but when it's your when it's your spouse,
it's not no.

Speaker 8 (35:07):
No, it's just in general, like how fast I was,
how fast year, how slow I was going?

Speaker 1 (35:11):
Nigga, hurry up get home.

Speaker 5 (35:15):
That is true though if I was trying to like
creep my way into the crib and I was doing
twenty five, it took you four hours to get home. Yeah, man,
I just needed a break, decompressed, decompressing. But is we
give each other that though, Like she'll be she'll be
like she be like where you at? Like I just
need a minute. And she was like all right, well
I'll let the kids know because it dud be Jackson.
Jackson be like, Dad, where are you said you're gonna

(35:36):
be home five thirty it's five thirty six.

Speaker 6 (35:38):
Your junior parent.

Speaker 1 (35:39):
That is he a parent in training?

Speaker 5 (35:40):
Bro?

Speaker 1 (35:41):
He ready to go.

Speaker 2 (35:41):
Everybody.

Speaker 4 (35:42):
We just sent them away for overnight trip with my parents.
And I'm like, Jackson, you're in charge. He's like, I know,
I got that, and I was like, not just your
Still He's like, I know grandma and grandpa to I'm like, yep,
me and I'm.

Speaker 7 (35:51):
Popping too, Like I love you asked me and you
got the address. She's like, yeah, Jackson, cat.

Speaker 5 (35:56):
Oh, ask Jackson what I tell him? By his grandmama.
That's how I get him to practice. I'm like, you
going with your grandmother? Yeah, you better walk outside, better
pull out this, you better do this. So he's learning
how to be with a woman as a grown up
because now he's toilet in his mom and his grandmother.

Speaker 1 (36:09):
Now, so I could be like, yo, anything happened when
you did? You gotta and you gotta see how he
takes it.

Speaker 3 (36:14):
Bro.

Speaker 1 (36:15):
He does jiu jitsu. Now, he'd be doing grappling like
he takes pride in it. And I love that for him.
You know what I'm saying I love it for him.

Speaker 5 (36:21):
You know, he's gonna be a good boyfriend and then
fiance and husband for somebody because he's used to taking
care of his grandmother and his mom and his brothers
and checking in on me, like we have some really
good kids.

Speaker 2 (36:34):
What he wants he could live with us forever too.

Speaker 5 (36:36):
He cannot do that. He cannot do that. Jackson, You're
probably gonna watch this. Look at me, Look at me
right now, Look at your dad. You cannot live here forever.
You don't want to trust me?

Speaker 1 (36:45):
Trust me. I lived with my mom for a little
bit as an adult. It's not good.

Speaker 5 (36:49):
I lived with my dad. It's even worse. Imagine you
come in the house at twenty plus and I ask
you where you are?

Speaker 1 (36:54):
What were you doing? How you going to deal with that?
Think about it.

Speaker 4 (36:58):
It's right, We'll we'll be tracking you on life through sixty. Okay, Well,
onto the topic for today, guys.

Speaker 5 (37:04):
Were speaking of topics we can go back. I'm not
gonna out the person who me and him had to
back and forth.

Speaker 1 (37:11):
With as friendships.

Speaker 5 (37:12):
Okay, but I do also think it is a good
example to show that, hey, you guys might have been
friends in that moment. Then some years went by, y'all separated,
y'all grow, things happen. But now you guys are both
family men, both have wives, both have careers. Now we're
starting to rekindle that friendship and it's just different phases
of life. We weren't we didn't have synergies at that moment,

(37:33):
so we weren't friends, and now we do have synergies,
so we be come closer.

Speaker 4 (37:36):
Yeah. No, I think that was super mature of you.
And that's that's the grown up Deval that I'm seeing
now now, because the Devo maybe like ten fifteen years ago,
would have been like, oh, we're not friends no more.

Speaker 2 (37:48):
We'll fuck you nigga, and I won't be your friend
ever getting in life.

Speaker 1 (37:51):
Oh you mean that when it happened.

Speaker 2 (37:52):
When it happened.

Speaker 4 (37:53):
Yeah, But I'm like, if that, if I were holding
you to who you were, then you would have never
even entertained potentially even engaging with him ever again in life.

Speaker 5 (38:01):
In full transparency, That's exactly what I said, right, He
told me that, he said I wish you well, and
I said, fuck you, nigga, you gotta wish me nothing, nigga,
like who you are telling me that, nah, get out
of there.

Speaker 1 (38:11):
We don't got to be friends over that nigga, right,
And that's how it was, right.

Speaker 5 (38:14):
And now being from New York too, was like cool
that nigga and we wasn't friends, and we both had
friends mutual friends that we would hang out with, and
he and I just wouldn't be yeah.

Speaker 4 (38:26):
Like literally go to the same events together and everything
and just be like all right, well it is it
is what it is, yeah, cordial, but you keep it moving.

Speaker 1 (38:32):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (38:32):
So with my particular group of friends, this is funny
because you know the whole no new friends thing that
Drake had put out when the phone came out, and
people were like, oh, it's like a thing like no
new friends in my forties. I'm actually welcoming the idea
of new friendships gelling with people who I feel like, Wow,

(38:53):
the synergy is just kind of naturally aligned and match.

Speaker 2 (38:56):
And I'm like, oh, I meet a woman at.

Speaker 4 (38:58):
An event, for example, or through another mutual friend, and
I'm just like, yo, I really like you. Like one
of my friends since I was thirteen years old, chares
she Reese don't like nobody and I know that about her.
So I'm like the fact that we're even still friends
is like.

Speaker 1 (39:11):
Are very very strang You don't like nobody.

Speaker 2 (39:13):
I think that's the thing we have in common. We
both don't really like people like that, but we like
each other and we've grown.

Speaker 1 (39:18):
If y'all didn't know that, you know that now.

Speaker 5 (39:20):
Kadeen is not the most like, outspopoken, no friendly person
when you meet her, she's not.

Speaker 2 (39:27):
Yeah, I just am an introvert and I like to
kind of be the observant.

Speaker 4 (39:30):
I realize that's where Kaz gets it from, too, because
Kaz is not immediate to like like people. He kind
of sits back, kind of observes people from a distance. Yeah,
And then it's just like I gotta feel alive. And
if I don't feel a vibe, Yeah I don't feel
the vibe, I'm like, eh, And I'm not going to
force it, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (39:47):
At least you can count on me to not be fake.
I don't fuck with you. I don't fuck with you.
And that's just what it is. But she Resa and
I have been friends for years, so when she met
this young lady that she's like, I really like her.

Speaker 4 (39:57):
Like I have a new friend.

Speaker 2 (39:58):
I was like, you got a new friend that thirty
eight like what she's like?

Speaker 4 (40:01):
I think you actually would like her, And then now
I'm hanging out with her and her friend, which sometimes
is a faux pas within a friend group. It's like
you cannot be friends outside of the direct contact of friends.
So it's like for a mutual friend to now be
hanging with the other friend or the new friend. That's
like something that you don't do. But I've just been
welcoming that in my forties because I do think that

(40:23):
there's things to be learned.

Speaker 2 (40:24):
There's great energies and synergies that.

Speaker 4 (40:26):
Align that you kind of just organically let happen simultaneously.
Though you have to understand when there's friendships that no
longer serve you. Yeah, some friendships are seasonal, and I'm
okay with moving on in that way, not because there
has to be any animosity or malice or.

Speaker 2 (40:42):
There has to be a blow up or a big breakup.

Speaker 4 (40:44):
But you realize after a while, maybe sometimes this person
is in this compartment of friends where if I see
you in passing, it's cool, but we're not necessarily as
close as we used to be because the interests may
be different.

Speaker 5 (40:55):
I just think friendships go with whatever the movement of
the moment. Right in college, we partied all the time.
We was going to clubs, doing all stuff, playing ball.
As I got older, I didn't party no more. I
don't play ball no more. So the people I had
synergies with that did that, they're no longer My friends
like that because there's nothing for us to do right now.

Speaker 1 (41:16):
My friends are more in the creative space. My friends
are either.

Speaker 5 (41:19):
Actors or directors, writers, producers, or they're into businesses.

Speaker 1 (41:23):
Like my friends are not just athletes anymore or just students.

Speaker 5 (41:26):
And also my friends are not only from Brooklyn anymore,
which also happens. You know, you move to a different
city or stay and you realize that your lifestyle change
is because the community has changed. So I'm not against
meeting new people. I honestly think that everyone should try
to find a new friend or two every year, only
because that change in perspective gives you growth as a person.

(41:48):
When you sit back and say, I am who I am,
I'm forty, I don't need no new friends. This is
the way I am now, you've limited your ability to
see the world from so many different angles. You know
what I'm saying, like me and Matt got closed in
the past three years, Matt moved here. We spend a
lot of time down here coming up with plans that
we want to do for the podcast and stuff, but
also just different things that we work out every day now.

Speaker 1 (42:11):
Right, I have friends who are my age.

Speaker 5 (42:13):
She was like, I'm not working out with you your nuts,
So of course my friendship with that person isn't as
strong as it is with Matt because there's something that
he and I have in alignment that we do consistently.
And I think that's what people need to find with
their friendships. If you're trying to grow and go to
a different level, find a friend who's already doing that
or doing something like that and do it together.

Speaker 4 (42:32):
Yeah, and you like consistency in generalize. I love consistency,
So I feel like if you have somebody that's locked
into something that you are doing consistently, then that's going
to actually.

Speaker 2 (42:40):
Work for you.

Speaker 5 (42:41):
That was the topic triple that I wanted to talk
to you about about doing. I found a correlation between
men who loved patterns and consistency they also love monogamy.
And I want to do some research to figure out
if that is a direct correlation or if it's a byproduct,
you know what I'm saying. But most of my friends
who love patterns, who love the consistency of doing something

(43:04):
the same way every day, most of them are married
and happy being married.

Speaker 1 (43:08):
My friends who hate patterns, hate structure, hate anything.

Speaker 5 (43:11):
They're all over the place with their lives. But they're
also over the place with women. So I want to
do a podcast and I don't forget. Yeah, but what
are your thoughts?

Speaker 4 (43:19):
Well, first off, before we move on, I'm curious to
know where we are now in life. Sometimes you go
back home to Brooklyn. Yes, there's groups of friends even
family that you're like, you know what, I don't know
if it's the distance, I don't know, if it's my mindset.
I don't know if it's where I am in life.
But we just don't have the same things in common anymore. Right,

(43:40):
Is it difficult now for you to like look at
those friendships and those family ties and be like, damn,
I'm on what I believe to be a betterment of life,
trying to better myself, trying to elevate, trying to do more.
And then you have people who are just okay, with
being comfortable, which is fine with where they are. So
how different has it been for you to navigate those

(44:02):
kind of relationships, because I feel like I've seen some
of that, yeah, where you struggle, whereas me, I'm cool
being a loner because I like my solitude, right, But
you crave social doors relationships like that.

Speaker 1 (44:14):
So I crave companionship and I crave a team environment
because as an athlete, that's all I've been brought up in.

Speaker 4 (44:20):
Right.

Speaker 5 (44:20):
Yeah, When I started playing football, it was like everybody
on a football team, we got a goal to make
it to college. Then you get to college and you
meet everybody's goals to make it to the NFL. Then
you make it to the NFL, and everybody's goal there
changes because some people like I want to be a
Hall of Famer, some people like I want to win
a championship.

Speaker 1 (44:37):
Some people like I just want money.

Speaker 5 (44:39):
Then you had people at me it was just like, man,
I just want this opportunity to make money so I
could do what I really want to do. And it
was when I got to the NFL that I started
to realize that my ideas of what life is looks
very different than my people back home in Brooklyn, which
doesn't only mean I have to give them grace. I
have to give myself grace for wanting something different.

Speaker 1 (44:59):
You know what I'm say.

Speaker 5 (45:00):
Everybody don't want the same things. Take my brother for example,
I'm like, Yo, do you want a Lambo.

Speaker 1 (45:05):
You don't want to Lambo? You don't want to do it.
She was like, no, I don't. He's like, I want
to take care of my family. I want to be comfortable.

Speaker 5 (45:11):
I want to help my community, But I don't aspire
to have a Lamborghini. Like that's just not something that
I aspire to. And I'm like, well, that's something I
aspire to. So when it's four hours left at the
end of the day, I'm focused on how I can
get something else to make that money. Whereas my brother's like,
I'm comfortable, my kids are good, my wife is good.
And I learned to not judge him for that, but

(45:31):
also ask him, don't judge me.

Speaker 4 (45:32):
For that because your fulfillment is directly tied to working
for my purpose.

Speaker 5 (45:37):
Yeah, my fulfillment definitely comes to my purpose, which is working.

Speaker 1 (45:41):
Like what else as a man? What else am I
supposed to do? Right?

Speaker 5 (45:46):
Like, I can't give life, I can't give birth, Like,
my only purpose as a man is to protect, provide, build,
curate for the people around me who are doing that.
Because if I don't have that purpose, what I'm gonna do.
I can't play video games all day. That's just not
my thing. So I enjoy teams. I enjoy family environment
where I can find out too, like what do you

(46:07):
want to do? I help you with that, You help
me what I want to do.

Speaker 4 (46:10):
Yeah, I just realized that too when you mentioned the
team aspect of things. I wasn't into sports. Everything I did,
extrahurcility was an individual thing.

Speaker 2 (46:18):
It was solo.

Speaker 4 (46:18):
It was whether it was the piano, whether it was pageants.
The performance was based off of me solely.

Speaker 1 (46:23):
That is true.

Speaker 4 (46:23):
The most that I got was two years of cheerleading,
which was not really like a team sport in my opinion,
at least at the level I did it in high school.
So that probably makes sense as to why I'm cool
with being a loner.

Speaker 2 (46:35):
I'm cool with not.

Speaker 4 (46:35):
Having friends that are too close or too needy, or
need too much of my time and attention.

Speaker 1 (46:39):
You know what that is to you. It was brought
up that way, but even with your siblings, like you
have a oh man.

Speaker 5 (46:44):
Well, well, myn is five years younger than you and
Socari's ten years so you never had a moment in
my life. I don't remember life without my brother, who's
two years younger than me. So my whole life has
always been about a teammate.

Speaker 4 (46:56):
Yeah, yes, Now, I guess my brother's just kind of
would kind of fall into that category.

Speaker 2 (47:00):
But our relationship is so young.

Speaker 1 (47:02):
Girl, he's a boy.

Speaker 5 (47:03):
He's five years younger than you. It's not the same
as me and Brian are boys who played the same sport.

Speaker 2 (47:08):
Who's true.

Speaker 4 (47:11):
As as a sibling group, we love our time together,
but we also like our alone time. Yeah, yeah, so
I just realized that correlation there. Yeah, it's just interesting
because I realized how friendships in that capacity have affected
you over the course of our time together.

Speaker 1 (47:25):
But y'all play sports, Josh, Matt.

Speaker 5 (47:27):
Y'all play sports, right, you think you're professionally, they're not professionally,
But you played sports, Josh.

Speaker 4 (47:33):
But we know.

Speaker 5 (47:35):
But I mean, like, do y'all feel like the sport
aspect made y'all more like I'm with camaraderie or you
more like Nah, my personality is just like Matt's a looner.

Speaker 7 (47:43):
I was just gonna let him go first because I
was going to say that I am absolutely a loner.
I have probably maybe I have friends. I'm not gonna
sit here and say I don't have friends, but I
have selective friends. I don't sit down and I don't
mingle with everybody.

Speaker 5 (47:57):
I feel you, Josh is in an eternity. So that's
similar to sports, Like there was a camaraderie, y'all. You
and your line had to do something together that no
one knows went through, and that built something for you all.

Speaker 1 (48:08):
I see that.

Speaker 5 (48:09):
I see that because it makes sense because Josh is
good with Remember you talked about people being fake. I
don't think it's fake. Josh was a part of a
line the same way I was a part of a team.
And when you're a part of a line or part
of a team, there's a job you have to do
that you may not want to do.

Speaker 1 (48:26):
It's just part of the job.

Speaker 2 (48:28):
Or you have to tolerate people that you may not
you know what I'm saying, have to tolerate in a
personal setting.

Speaker 5 (48:33):
Right, but even not even in a personal setting, but
even in a in a professional setting like you work
for somebody.

Speaker 1 (48:41):
You work for somebody. I may not like my boss.
I mean I like my co worker, you know what
I'm saying.

Speaker 5 (48:45):
But I think being in a team environment, being in
a fraternity made it so that I've watched Josh being
on people he don't like. He don't like me A
lot of the times, me and Josh be ready to
fight like a lot, But you know what, We're gonna
get this money to get You're gonna get this work.

Speaker 1 (48:57):
You'd be ready ready to fight you.

Speaker 6 (49:00):
This is new to me.

Speaker 5 (49:01):
You first, what's the first thing I said? I said,
Josh wanna come in here and start moving it around?

Speaker 7 (49:10):
Yo, Josh gonna come in here and start moving stuff.
First thing you do is you don't think we need
this table.

Speaker 2 (49:14):
That's your friends, right.

Speaker 1 (49:16):
But it also is knowing like teammates.

Speaker 5 (49:20):
I said to Matt too, I said, y'all in the
creative space where y'all see things I don't see, I
gotta trust that they know what they're talking about.

Speaker 1 (49:27):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 5 (49:27):
If I have a vision and I want to suit
something that's different, it's different because it's like, let trust
me on this. But there's certain things that I'll be like, nah,
them two got it because I have no especially with
lights and stuff.

Speaker 4 (49:36):
To be honest, you wouldn't be in a friendship and
a partnership with anybody here if you didn't believe in
what they could do.

Speaker 1 (49:42):
Facts. Oh, that is a point though. Friendships based on
can you gain something from this friendship? You know what
I'm saying, And.

Speaker 2 (49:55):
Then what is the term friend can be so loose?

Speaker 4 (49:59):
Right?

Speaker 7 (49:59):
Is that my.

Speaker 2 (50:01):
Fendant, business friend and friends I don't.

Speaker 6 (50:05):
Know they have an ability to do something and tolerate
them for that moment.

Speaker 2 (50:10):
That's where the associate component because done transaction.

Speaker 5 (50:17):
That's how people get issues though, because you feel like
it's associate and you can do something, I'll tolerate you
with that person may be like I really like it
not knowing that Josh is like.

Speaker 4 (50:30):
That.

Speaker 8 (50:30):
It's not even that bad. It's just that there's just
no equals. There's no commonality there besides the work.

Speaker 6 (50:36):
The task.

Speaker 5 (50:37):
For me, there's some people I can't stand and I
gotta work with like serious and I work on a
bunch of different sets.

Speaker 1 (50:43):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 5 (50:45):
And what helps me is I know I'm only gonna
be there for a finite period of time. You know
what I'm saying, but that but you bringing that up
does bring up the point of how do we define friends?

Speaker 4 (50:58):
I think friendship at the core of it has to
make you feel something inside, like it has to be
some sort of emotional tie or some sort of like
spiritual tie, or like you have a tie without having
something in the game, exactly like a feel good.

Speaker 7 (51:15):
I don't call everybody friend, I feel just because we
we can hang out, we can chill. We don't do
that that often.

Speaker 1 (51:22):
That's true.

Speaker 7 (51:23):
And even when I do share, there's certain stuff I
would never share with you because.

Speaker 2 (51:27):
I know there's your one friend that I know that
you like this with Coda, that's your big friend.

Speaker 7 (51:38):
Tell me I know, I know he will tell me me.

Speaker 1 (51:41):
Colde is definitely He's definitely gonna tell me me.

Speaker 5 (51:45):
Colda's best friend is me Me, Like Colda don't love
nobody as much as he loved me Me.

Speaker 1 (51:50):
I notice it's his father, it's you.

Speaker 5 (51:53):
It's me me you because those that know its me me,
Papa your because he goes to the We're.

Speaker 1 (52:00):
Going to give him exactly what he wants trans.

Speaker 3 (52:06):
With me.

Speaker 5 (52:08):
On everything because he know Daddy, I swear it's the
minute I walk in the room.

Speaker 7 (52:12):
His eyes be like this, he's not joking.

Speaker 5 (52:16):
I'm serious because and I know why I always try
to teach him lessons. He three, he don't want to
hear no lessons. He's like, I want to watch Paul Patrol.
He's trying to explain to me how this is not
good for my behavior, and I don't care.

Speaker 1 (52:28):
I'll be trying to explain stuff to him.

Speaker 5 (52:29):
His eyes be welling up and I'd be like, you
all right, He's like, yeah, you just want to watch
Paul Patrol.

Speaker 1 (52:34):
He's like, I'm like, just go ahead. And that's why
he don't fuck with me exactly.

Speaker 5 (52:39):
And I don't mind that though, he can fuck with y'all,
because I'm gonna have to make sure that he's.

Speaker 4 (52:43):
I mean, he really fucked me when I came back
from filming. I was going for like two weeks, and
he was just like, oh, mom, so now he's like
my shadow until I said he couldn't have chips for breakfast,
and oh he was pissed about that exactly.

Speaker 1 (52:54):
Close his eyes to the deep breath, then turned around
and walk the way. I was like, Wow, you got sah.

Speaker 4 (53:04):
I think I haven't seen in my life. You really
just be like inhaling and exhaling. I aspire to be
like that.

Speaker 1 (53:09):
Well, he aspires to me like you, because he don't
like people unless it's transaction. Here is that from me?
Trouble trible.

Speaker 3 (53:18):
I love friends so much. I love friends so much.
Friends are my favorite thing ever. And I've been uh,
you know, I'm from Cincinnati. I left Cincinnati to go
to college in Columbus, which is also in Ohio. For
those of you who don't know geography, there's a lot
of y'all out there. But so I went to school

(53:40):
in Columbus and then I left Ohio when I graduated,
and I haven't been back. But my closest friends are
still in Ohio. I have friends that I've been friends
with since I was twelve thirteen that I just was
on the phone for four hours with my friend that
we've been friends for what twenty years now, on the

(54:00):
phone for four hours talking about whatever came up. I
also have moved to let's see, Chicago, La, Rhode Island,
now Atlanta, four different cities. I have friends here that
I went to college with who made friends who now
I hang out with them. I make friends in every
city that I live in because I freaking love friends

(54:21):
so much.

Speaker 5 (54:21):
For you making me feel so I've never spoken on
the phone with for four hours with anybody.

Speaker 1 (54:26):
In my life for this woman right here. Yeah, I
feel like a bad friend.

Speaker 6 (54:30):
Bro, who don't do that? Bro, don't feel bad.

Speaker 2 (54:34):
I know my girlfriends don't feel no kind of way
because we all be on the same page.

Speaker 1 (54:37):
Like you seem like a friend that check up on people. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (54:41):
I like to send cards in the mail. Never got
one of those. I love friends, got something for you.
When I was living in Rhode Island, I made some friends. Uh.
One of another friend that I've known since seventh grade.
She went to college in New York and so she

(55:02):
has friends that live in New York. I met some
of them at her wedding, and then while I was
living in Rhode Island, we all went to see Beyonce
and Boston together. And this group of friends has been
like the best thing that has ever happened to me
in the last They've been so supportive, so close, We
support each other. They know how to get people together.

(55:24):
They really care about friendship and community and caring and
supporting each other. So that's I think that like friendship
to me, like means all of that. Like my friends
are low key like a part of my family, like
my extended family. I like to see my friends. I
will go see my like I have friends that some
of my best friends have not been to visit me

(55:44):
in several cities that I've lived in. I don't care
about that, Like I'm not I'm not basing our friendship
on visits.

Speaker 2 (55:52):
Yeah right, or who did what last?

Speaker 1 (55:53):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (55:54):
Who did what last? It's not transactional for me. It's
the bond that we share. It's how I know that
I can depend on you. Like my best friend from college,
she might not come visit me in every city or
very like often. But if I call her and I say, hey,
I need you to update my resume tonight, She'll be like,
all right, I got you. And then we'll spend four

(56:14):
hours on the phone talking about what our ambitions are,
what we want to do with our lives. Yeah, what
kind of And she believes in me more than anybody
in the world.

Speaker 1 (56:24):
She don't believe you more than I do. I know
that for a fact.

Speaker 2 (56:27):
I know that for a fact she do not believe
like I wonder if triple could do us.

Speaker 1 (56:32):
And no freaking notes from trible. She don't call and
chuck up.

Speaker 3 (56:37):
Boy, you know what, you know, I'll be thinking about it.
But you know, some one thing that I do get
hung up on, and this I guess this is relative
because we're talking about friends in your forties. I'm not forty.
Let's just make that clear.

Speaker 7 (56:50):
I don't worry.

Speaker 3 (56:53):
I'm ain't forty, but I've got damn I'm not.

Speaker 7 (56:58):
Close, y'all.

Speaker 6 (56:59):
I'm thirty three for but young too.

Speaker 3 (57:02):
Like something that I do kind of struggle with when
it comes to friendships is that I'm single and childless,
and so I really don't know a lot of my
friends are married. A lot of my friends have kids,
and I don't know what married people with kids be doing.
So I'll be like, I don't want to call. You
probably got your kids, right, you probably picking the kids
from school.

Speaker 2 (57:20):
But I'm like, trouble won't even come by to say hot, Yeah,
I don't.

Speaker 3 (57:24):
I don't be wanting to just I want to stop by.
But I'm like, they got autum damn kids. Man, I
don't know what they're not annoying, But y'all feel like
y'all could be busy or you know, y'all got a
lot of stuff going on.

Speaker 2 (57:36):
So I get it.

Speaker 3 (57:37):
I'm open to the invitation, though, y'all.

Speaker 5 (57:39):
I mean, we've always said it's open for anybody. But
I do understand your perspective, Like you don't want to
show up to somebody house. It's like could he not
even hear? Then you feel dumb?

Speaker 2 (57:47):
Yeah, and be here, and he always asks where's Tribby?

Speaker 4 (57:51):
Is she okay? Always you'll come by, he'll have a drink.

Speaker 5 (57:55):
But I got a question, though, Have y'all ever realized
something about yourself is why friendships don't work? I know,
I realized I realized why my friendships don't work is
because I always intermingle friendships with production, right, Like I
want all my friends to do well. So I noticed

(58:16):
that when I don't see my friends doing what I
think they need to do to be productive, I turn
into coach mentor and I start doing it.

Speaker 1 (58:23):
And I noticed a lot of my friends don't like that.

Speaker 6 (58:25):
Don't we know it?

Speaker 1 (58:26):
They don't like it.

Speaker 5 (58:27):
They just be like they'd be like, y'all, don't need
you to tell me that, and I'll just be like, yeah,
but you're not where you need to be in life,
and I realize that everybody doesn't have the same drive.
So I've learned to kind of, like in the past couple,
I've learned to kind of just let people do what
they want to do.

Speaker 1 (58:42):
But you know what happens.

Speaker 5 (58:42):
It frustrates me because then I'll be like, you ain't
doing your nigga, you lazy, And then I don't want
to be friends with you no more like you on
a video game every night, Like that's not mine.

Speaker 1 (58:51):
And that's why I lose friends a lot.

Speaker 5 (58:53):
Like my motivation and my drive often I can't compartmentalize,
and I feel like I'm always telling people what to
do and I don't want to be that person. But
then I also feel like I can't be around you
if you only want to just play video games.

Speaker 1 (59:07):
All day, you know what I'm saying. That's what I've
realized about myself.

Speaker 4 (59:09):
It's hard for me to compe I lost a good
friend a couple of years back, and I'm still kind
of unsure of as to why we're no longer friends
because I don't think anything from my perspective, catastrophic happened
where I was like, oh, I can understand why things
fell apart. The only thing that I can deduce, and
this is only based off of what other friends and
people who know me family members has told me, is

(59:32):
that maybe my life was on the direction that hers
wasn't on, and or maybe she aspired to have that
and because it wasn't aligning, she made have felt away
and just tried to remove herself.

Speaker 6 (59:44):
Hip.

Speaker 5 (59:44):
Yeah, we've had somebody tell us like, I had to
remove myself from being around y'all because I wasn't happy
in my life you're talking about. Yeah, I didn't want
to bring the unhappiness to y'all. So she literally removed herself.
This ain't the friend, this is somebody else. Removed herself
from us completely, stop texting talking.

Speaker 1 (01:00:02):
We had adventures stuf together. She just didn't show up right,
and we was like what happened?

Speaker 5 (01:00:05):
And she was just like, I wasn't happy what my
life was and I found myself not being able to
be happy for y'all, So I just removed myself.

Speaker 2 (01:00:11):
Right, which we kind of respected. But then you know
what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (01:00:16):
But yeah, so this other friendship of mine, like for
a long time, I struggled with it because I was like, man,
like we were such good friends for so long, and
then all of a sudden, it's just like you're just
you just remove yourself.

Speaker 2 (01:00:25):
And then I came to realize that it's not it
wasn't just me.

Speaker 4 (01:00:28):
It was like other friends and other family members that
she withheld herself from or started to draw back from.

Speaker 2 (01:00:33):
That's when I felt like, Okay, at least I know
it wasn't me.

Speaker 1 (01:00:36):
People go through things.

Speaker 4 (01:00:37):
Yeah, people go through stuff, and that's okay, And I
kind of rather you. I know that you have you
feel some kind of way versus being like that wolf
and she closed around.

Speaker 1 (01:00:45):
Let me know who the ops are, let me know. Yeah, yeah,
I feel it.

Speaker 2 (01:00:49):
For that for sure.

Speaker 6 (01:00:51):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:00:51):
I think for me, I lose friends because they're punks.
You know what I'm saying. You can't say nothing to them,
you know, and they'd be like, you're a bully man.
I'm not honest exactly. And I am the youngest child,
so I did have to learn how to like buck

(01:01:11):
up on people. I'm very naturally just very sensitive, and
so sometimes I be bucking on people that I'm close to,
you know, like my friend, my best friend from college
has lived in Columbus her whole life and She used
to get lost when we were driving places. She used
to get lost, and I used to dull off on her.

(01:01:33):
I don't think she's dumb at all, but I used
to be like, what why are you lost? Like this
makes no sense? Now we be late and I would
just be going off, and she's one of the people
that just be like, were so dumb? Like shut up? Yeah,
that's her favorite. That's her favorite thing to say, dumb ass.
She calls everybody she'd be lost to call you a
dumb exactly exactly, But that's what it is for me,

(01:01:53):
Like yeah, so, but I don't know, I haven't had
that many friendship fall all else because I'm amazing, like
so clearly.

Speaker 1 (01:02:04):
Because you hear the triple.

Speaker 2 (01:02:06):
No more, no more.

Speaker 5 (01:02:09):
Matter of fact, Yes, as of earlier today, she's fully shaved,
ball smooth everywhere.

Speaker 4 (01:02:15):
We're talking about he legs, y'all, her legs.

Speaker 1 (01:02:18):
Everywhere. Down me down, let me see Josh.

Speaker 8 (01:02:23):
I know Josh has lost some friends, not that many
he knows of, Yeah, probably they don't. They don't matter though.
The ones that tell me that I lost there the
ones that matter. The only friends that I've lost, our
friends that I don't do nothing for you know, And

(01:02:44):
the answer they weren't friends anyway. If you got to
do something for them, You're like, Yo, why are you
taking somebody else pics? Why you ain't take mine?

Speaker 6 (01:02:52):
Like seriously, are you serious? That serious your job?

Speaker 3 (01:02:55):
Like or like or like the friends in my city?

Speaker 6 (01:02:59):
And you wouldn't hit me. Yeah, but knowing I only
come to your city if I'm going.

Speaker 1 (01:03:03):
To go to work.

Speaker 4 (01:03:05):
You know what they should You should tell them, Josh,
my name is Abraham because I'm not Lincoln. That's what
I tell people when they say in Atlanta, well call
me Abraham baby.

Speaker 6 (01:03:18):
I hope that's an over forty joke.

Speaker 1 (01:03:21):
That is an over forty joke.

Speaker 3 (01:03:22):
I can love that.

Speaker 1 (01:03:24):
Abraham because I'm not a Lincoln. That's not on the
get it.

Speaker 6 (01:03:28):
At first, I was like, where's the punch one? Everybody?

Speaker 3 (01:03:32):
It was a it was a thinker.

Speaker 4 (01:03:34):
It was a thinker.

Speaker 9 (01:03:35):
I got it.

Speaker 1 (01:03:35):
I got it. It was terrible.

Speaker 4 (01:03:38):
All right, let's look up with these bills, y'all. Well,
take a quick break, and we're gonna come back after
these messages. All right, we're back for listening letters. I'm

(01:04:00):
gonna go ahead and dive in. I guess i'll write
it okay cool? Hello Davalan Kadein. First off, let me
just say, y'all are goals. Your content is fire. I'm
out here taking notes every time.

Speaker 1 (01:04:10):
Thank you.

Speaker 4 (01:04:11):
Now, let me get into this because my love life
feels like an episode of love and hip hop mixed
with cops. Let me put on my seatbelt. Here's the tea.
I'm thirty, and the stunning woman I've been talking to,
also thirty for three years has me on cloud nine.
What started as friends with benefit situation has blossomed into
a full on butterflies, hard eyes and dreams of matching

(01:04:35):
pajamas during the holidays. She sets my soul on fire.
I'm talking milk like butter in the sun type levels.
But of course life won't let me be create great
because there's one problem. Her ex, this man refuses to
move on like a bad Netflix series that keeps getting renewed.
He calls her NonStop, shows up unannounced like he's delivering

(01:04:58):
Amazon packages, and thanks, living four blocks away gives him
VIP access to her life.

Speaker 2 (01:05:05):
Yeah, that's crazy.

Speaker 4 (01:05:07):
I've even answered her phone a couple of times, and
let's just say his energy screams I peaked in high
school the funniest part. Every time he sees me, he
turns into road runner and sprints off. I'm over here, like, bro,
what are we doing? Let me be clear.

Speaker 2 (01:05:22):
I love this woman.

Speaker 4 (01:05:23):
She got me writing poetry in my head and considering
singing Usher songs in the rain. But this ex is
testing my patience and my ability to stay out of jail.
So here's where I need your wisdom. One, do I
respectfully tell this man to let go and ride off
into the sunset. Two go full wwe SmackDown and handle
quote unquote it the hard way. Three keep calm, let

(01:05:47):
love do its thing, and just trust that this mess
will blow over. I don't want to lose her, but
also don't want to be the dude who lets an
ex derail something special. Y'all are the real MVPs when
it comes to love advice. Some I'm all ears, help
a brother out before I turn into the next style
of Perry movie. Respectfully but barely holding it together. It's

(01:06:07):
given number two babies, this is my thing.

Speaker 5 (01:06:10):
You remember when dudes was damn and it wasn't even
damn at the it was, And what I kind of
I say, Yo, this is not kadeen, No more.

Speaker 1 (01:06:20):
This is the vow I live here, pull up, we
can handle this. Remember that.

Speaker 5 (01:06:24):
Remember that, Remember that there was no more conversation that
I said, pull up, pull up, and we can handle that.

Speaker 1 (01:06:30):
And that was the end all of those messages. And
I will say this, right, most.

Speaker 5 (01:06:35):
People will be like, no, Deval is her responsibility as
a woman to tell that man, no, it's not. Once
she's told him that she's moved on. She said her
last thing she needed to say. I say this all
the time, right, it's a man's man's responsibility to protect
and provide. If this dude is showing up to her
place of residence or their place of residence, that is
a fear factor.

Speaker 1 (01:06:56):
That's something that's not appropriate. That's weird. So dude, show us.

Speaker 5 (01:07:00):
To this doorstep again, and it's going to have to
be dealt with in a way that's going to make
my girl and myself feel safe. If you can't allow
us a chance to feel safety, then I got to
deal with it my way. That's that's how I would
deal with it. And it's not about threatening, but it's
letting him understand, like, it's not acceptable to show up
to somebody's doorstep.

Speaker 4 (01:07:17):
Bro, that's not cool, and he said every time he
sees him, he like runs away, like what are you
playing some kind of game?

Speaker 1 (01:07:22):
You see what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (01:07:24):
You guys are grown what it is like.

Speaker 1 (01:07:28):
And the thing is with with our situation.

Speaker 5 (01:07:30):
We was in our twenties, and I didn't even try
to do that to be a tough guy, but it
was to let them know, like I'm serious about this woman.
And the minute I let them know that I was serious,
that's when they stopped.

Speaker 4 (01:07:40):
Because you're right, because I did say things were very serious,
that it wasn't gonna go anywhere or whatever, and you know,
people want to try.

Speaker 5 (01:07:48):
Sometimes it takes to like, yo, you know where she lived, Well,
I'm here, pull up. We can have a conversation if
you want, right and then it was no more back
and forth. But sometimes it's like then she got somebody
who was serious, not even like I want to fight him,
but it's like, damn, she really do got somebody serious.

Speaker 1 (01:08:04):
Because I'm not gonna lie.

Speaker 5 (01:08:06):
Say we get divorced. Who's gonna stop me from popping
up at the house. I'm just being honest. Nobody start
like you nobo, you here still, And it's what's today Thursday,
I'll be there six o'clock. What you make it for dinner? Okay,
I got a new boyfriend, and I know that I
asked what you make it for dinner?

Speaker 4 (01:08:26):
Well, as you saw on the clip, we not never
gonna be together, right because y'all saw the clip, we
had to run back from that live show, so that
speaking about that is just like whatever. But if we're talking.

Speaker 1 (01:08:37):
Hypothetically, nobody stopping me.

Speaker 5 (01:08:39):
Now, if the dude says, listen, bro, like you want
Gadeena no longer together and I'm looking to get married
and this is where i want to take my future
of my life, I will respect that because if we're
not together, there has to be a reason why we're
not together. So if we agree to not be together
and someone else is taking on that responsibility as a
mature man, an emotionally her man, I'm gonna be like,

(01:09:01):
you know what you got it?

Speaker 1 (01:09:02):
Touch my kids and you fucking die. That's what I would.

Speaker 2 (01:09:06):
You'd be happy to hand over the American Express?

Speaker 5 (01:09:08):
Oh yeah, I would definitely give him the bill. Oh
you said you got k you got all the KYD?

Speaker 1 (01:09:13):
He take this too. That's that's my perspective on it.

Speaker 2 (01:09:16):
So I love it all right, Well hope you'll hope
y'all figure it out.

Speaker 4 (01:09:19):
Bro circle back with us and let us know. If
you had to press Homie, you know what I'm saying,
if you had to tell Homie pull up so we
can have a man to man conversation. I would love
to know.

Speaker 1 (01:09:27):
If you need back up. Josh said. He willing to
go wherever you live if you need back up. He goes.
Josh said, let him know you got matter of fact,
his number is three. I ain't helping you.

Speaker 6 (01:09:43):
I don't know you. Good luck though, good luck though.

Speaker 4 (01:09:48):
Come on, because he's talking about melt melt, a light
butter on a baked potato and whatnot.

Speaker 1 (01:09:52):
Put something on him. She puts something on him. That's
why that man is still outside that whatever you.

Speaker 4 (01:10:00):
Congratulations, that means like the poo Nani is ninety Okay,
clearly I love that you need help, So you want
to be featured as a listener, y'all.

Speaker 2 (01:10:11):
We have a new email address. Okay, it's the ls
advice at gmail dot com.

Speaker 1 (01:10:17):
That's t h E E L L I S A
d V I c E at Gmail.

Speaker 4 (01:10:23):
He was smooth with that for the first time.

Speaker 5 (01:10:27):
Smooth because the movie is that dress you got on,
you like, it's a little Maxi looking we got buttons.
I never seen a Maxi dress buttons.

Speaker 2 (01:10:34):
And doing a little something, doing doing a little something.

Speaker 5 (01:10:38):
You know, we're still here, you know, my bad Matt,
Matt here, Matt be here all the time.

Speaker 1 (01:10:43):
I walked close to her and I'd be like, I'm
all like, bro, I'm just gonna touch a little booty.
I guess there's a little body man Like, now I'm
gonna touch my white body.

Speaker 2 (01:10:54):
Now that part, Hey, when you got one, you get
it all right, y'all.

Speaker 4 (01:10:59):
Moment of truth time. So we were talking about friendships,
which I think initially started as friendships over forty but
seen as though you guys aren't technically in your forties
zone you're approaching or whatever, you can talk about friendships
over time. Yeah, So what would be your moment of
truth when it comes to those friendships?

Speaker 1 (01:11:15):
Give people grace? Friendships aren't lifelong sentences.

Speaker 5 (01:11:20):
If you've outgrown someone or someone else has outgrown you,
it's okay to be like, you know what, We're not
in the same alignment right now, So let me get
focused on myself and if I meet someone else along
the way. That's in alignment. That can be a friend
in this part of my life.

Speaker 1 (01:11:31):
That's cool.

Speaker 5 (01:11:32):
But holding on to friends and being upset because friends
have changed and stuff, and that's just middle school stuff.
You see that in time between eleven and thirteen, people
be real protective over friends. But nah, man, let people grow,
grow yourself and then try to be better every day.

Speaker 3 (01:11:47):
I like that.

Speaker 4 (01:11:49):
I think for me, I'm taking an introspective look at
being a friend, right, And I guess my moment of
truth would be kind of understand where you may be
of value as a friend but also have shortcomings, right.
I think a lot of times when friendships fall apart
or people move on, you're very quick to say, well,
this person didn't do that, and that friend didn't do that,
and because you didn't call me last and because I

(01:12:11):
planned the last you know, friend outing or whatever it is.
We tend to look at why the other person might
have faltered in the relationship and not realize like, maybe
I played a part in this friendship no longer being
what it used to be, and then realizing okay, maybe
that's okay, or maybe I do owe this person some
sort of apology or explanation or at least some kind

(01:12:33):
of closure, because I think closure doesn't always manifest itself
as a need within romantic relationships, but it can also
be within friendship. Sometimes you want to say, you know what,
this friendship is no longer serving me in this capacity.
I'm in a different place in life. I have different goals,
my interests are different, and that's okay. I wish you well,
you know, and you can move on. Agree with that

(01:12:53):
woman of truth, guys.

Speaker 3 (01:12:56):
Yeah, my moment of truth is everybody needs friends, and
except me, I don't need no more friends.

Speaker 2 (01:13:03):
You patience, I need.

Speaker 7 (01:13:05):
A wife, friends want everybody.

Speaker 3 (01:13:10):
I'm so so tired, I'm so so I'm tired of
my own company.

Speaker 6 (01:13:19):
This is not a dating pot, Yes it is.

Speaker 3 (01:13:23):
That's the only reason I agreed to get on camera.
I'm like, hey, this is a good this is better
than tender right here.

Speaker 4 (01:13:31):
Keep histro and you guys just know that we did
a couple of episodes in one day. That's why Triple
is wearing the same outfit. She doesn't love this outfit
so much. Again, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 8 (01:13:46):
Yeah, she has some real friends told her to change
your clothes, but she ain't got no friends.

Speaker 3 (01:13:51):
I don't have a wife at home. I gotta do
everything myself.

Speaker 4 (01:13:54):
Wife would have remembered, you're shooting three athletes today.

Speaker 3 (01:13:58):
Exactly, she said. She would have said, hey, why you
got these other three shirts hanging up? Do you need
to take them with you? And I would have been like, yeah, thanks.

Speaker 1 (01:14:06):
I need you guys to stop reducing wifehood to pack
in your laundry. Okay, enough is enough? All right, women
have done way more to be reduced to pack and laundry.
I'm not accepting.

Speaker 3 (01:14:17):
I've been with enough you organized women to know that's
not true. You know a lot of these women, they
out here living foul. I don't want, y'all.

Speaker 4 (01:14:28):
I don't want.

Speaker 3 (01:14:29):
I don't want.

Speaker 1 (01:14:31):
Anyway.

Speaker 3 (01:14:32):
That's my moment in truth.

Speaker 8 (01:14:33):
It my moment of truth is friendships are like flowers.
Some blossom in season and some don't. Well, you find
a good friendship, make sure you nurture it. Come on,
I have some really good friends. Matt is a really
good friend, and I try it. I see in Brooklyn anyway.

Speaker 1 (01:15:00):
That is a fact you're not going to see.

Speaker 8 (01:15:03):
But if you need, if you need to call Matt.
And you were standing island and you blew to your
tires out and you got to tow your card. Say
at one o'clock in the morning, he got in the morning,
two o'clock in the morning, he got drift from Brooklyn
to damned New Jersey is going to do it. So
once you have a good friend, please don't take advantage
of that friendship and nurture that friendship.

Speaker 2 (01:15:24):
Oh, you guys are having a moment over there.

Speaker 1 (01:15:26):
I love that we're not having a moment.

Speaker 6 (01:15:27):
I'm talking to the people.

Speaker 7 (01:15:29):
Was his moment of truth?

Speaker 6 (01:15:30):
Is the moment of truth, But it ain't a moment
between us.

Speaker 5 (01:15:33):
I'm glad Josh knows that because if Josh ever called
me to in the morning, it'd be like this, And
I'll be honest with you.

Speaker 6 (01:15:43):
If I called you and I said, Bro, I need you,
I know you'll be there.

Speaker 1 (01:15:45):
So you already know that. Bro, if you called me
to in the morning, I would know that this emergency
and I'd be like, you're with the the second.

Speaker 7 (01:15:53):
Second call, second ring or the first.

Speaker 5 (01:15:55):
This is my honest truth, Bro, When people in the morning,
I always know it must be something and that I'm always.

Speaker 7 (01:16:00):
Picking especially at that time of night.

Speaker 3 (01:16:02):
Yes, I want to be like, who did.

Speaker 1 (01:16:06):
That's exactly how I feel that.

Speaker 2 (01:16:09):
I understand. I understand.

Speaker 7 (01:16:11):
Oh my gosh, mine was CHURCHI your friendships that you
do have the ones you value, charge them, put put
you all into them, value, value those people.

Speaker 1 (01:16:21):
I like.

Speaker 7 (01:16:22):
Also like what you said give people grace, like friendships
are not forever. People grow apart. Some friendships are for
a season, some some or not.

Speaker 2 (01:16:32):
It'll end yea and life be life and sometimes y'all.

Speaker 4 (01:16:58):
The exhil.

Speaker 6 (01:17:02):
Oh, my god.

Speaker 4 (01:17:20):
Be sure to find us, y'all on Patreon because we
cut up even more patre okay, you can see exclusive
after show footage as well as more exclusive Ellis ever
After content, and you can find us on social media
our new social media page.

Speaker 2 (01:17:35):
On Instagram Ellis ever After. You can find me at Kadeen.

Speaker 5 (01:17:38):
I am and I Am deval And if you're listening
on Apple Podcast, be sure to rate reviews subscribe all right.

Speaker 7 (01:17:46):
You can follow me Underscore Matt Ellis I thought he
was gonna follow.

Speaker 6 (01:17:53):
You can follow me at Joshua Dwayne as j O
s h u A Underscore d w A I.

Speaker 3 (01:17:58):
N and I'm at Trips The Cool on Everything t
ri ibb Z The Cool Cool baby, And.

Speaker 1 (01:18:06):
As we always do with the we love y'all dead ass.

Speaker 2 (01:18:09):
We're gonna keep the dead ass if you still keep
a new real baby. Ellis ever a.

Speaker 3 (01:18:15):
God. Ellis ever After is an iHeartMedia podcast. It's hosted
by Kadeen and Deval Ellis. It's produced by Triple Video,
Production by Joshua Duane and Matthew Ellis, video editing by
Lashawan Rothe

Speaker 7 (01:20:01):
Talks Bad to Gospa Talk