319: My Choosiest Choice of All with Bill Lawrence

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, Yeah, I'm gonna tell you something right now. Dog,
what twenty twenty one? You're doing your thing already? Holy shit?
Yeah they not twenty twenty one. Ain't not Hey, not
messing around? Right up? Why what's this new camera angle?
I don't like it? Well, I'm closer up, I'm closer.
I'm closer to the outside of the area where my

(00:27):
closet is. And so now I got the WiFi is
a little bit better over. Oh, I see do you
have um the box? I do have the box? Do
you You didn't open it? Right? I forgot about it already. Okay, good.
I'm gonna invite Billing because he's here and he's gonna
be part of the live opening on the show. Ladies
and gentlemen, we have Bill Lawrence here. We always invite

(00:48):
Billin early because he's special. There thunderous applause? Damn do
you like your thunderous applause? On compliments? Hey, guys, Bill,
you're the only person we allow in early before before
we sing the theme song because you're so special. Well

(01:11):
also because he might sometimes count in and then we
go into the theme song, but also Bills so funny
that we're like, no, we want the whole show to
be extra funny, so let him do the whole thing.
That is a lot of pressure. I mean, it's a
lot of pressure. By the way, before we even start,
I gotta say this is a very funny episode. Yeah, Yeah,
I laughed a lot. I laughed out loud and had
to pause and write down laughing out loud because there's

(01:34):
a lot of funny shit in this episode. Quite quite
a few funny parts in this episode, quite a few.
Can I tell you what I make you guys laugh?
Is it because you know I was? You were nice
enough to invite me late? And so it's a good
challenge for me to try and remember an episode without
watching it like I usually do beforehand. And I went
to one of the websites on Scrubs and just looking
at the pictures of it, I remember how funny the episode.

(01:55):
One of the pictures of Scott folding in the jukebox.
Yeahara Reid was a cigarette buck. Yeah, this episode was insane. Yeah,
it's insane, Scottland's It's very stoner. It's a very stoner episode.
Scott Foley and Sam and and Elliott are playing hide
and seek in the bar, and and and no in

(02:18):
the world. In the world, yeah, in the world. They
run into they run into the bar, and because they
were you're you're highlighting how cute a couple they are together.
And he goes, guys, guys, we're playing hide and seek.
No one tell her where I am. And then I go.
She goes, where is he? And I go, I don't
know he's And then I see it. He's in the
jew box. He's he's managed to get inside the jew box.
But then and then and then I go, and then

(02:40):
I go, he's a dynamite hider. So dumb. It's so dumb.
But I laughed out loud. I laughed, dude. Come on,
there's so many funny parts in this. There's so much
funny ship. Um wait, before we start, we're gonna have
one special thing, Bill that you're a part of. Donald
is gonna lie opened his Christmas present that finally arrived. Alright,

(03:02):
let me go. I'm very excited about this. Okay now, Bill.
On the last episode, which you haven't heard yet because
it hasn't aired, um, we talked about how you probably
know about stock x because your kids are obsessed with sneakers. Um,
so I got these on stock X for Donald. Right,
they had to go get certified. The words of Matthew

(03:23):
mcconnaugh Hey, all right, listen, they've been certified their limited edition.
This is very exciting. He's opening everybody. He's opening. Oh.
I didn't take the time to wrap it because who
cares and it says it on the outside. I just
want to put you out there with it. Oh buddy, buddy, buddy,

(03:51):
I have these already. No you don't, No, I don't know.
It's fucked up, HOLI shit, holies ship there. M Lando
Calarissian sneakers their limited edition Lando A Calarissian Adidas, the

(04:13):
best Star Wars character ever in the history is star
Take him out. Take him out, dude. They say his
favorite they say his his lines on the side of
his most famous line on the side of the shoe. Yeah,
they've been opened already, so there's no because they had
to get him. They had to get approved, bro, So
they had to get they had to get verified. I
can't believe you said you had him. I I freaked out.

(04:34):
That's by the way, that's a well performed, most very
well real All these are good shoes. Oh shit, Oh
you got cities, dud. Dude, you got Lando. You got
Lando on the tongue. But Donald, look at the lines
on the on the inside of the shoe. On on
the side, it says, uh something about the ship, about
the falcon. You know, that ship saved my life quite

(04:56):
a few times because she's the fastest uncle junk in
the gap. Let's see. I love it. There you go, buddy, Wow,
he Donald, that's from That's from Zach and me. So
we hope no, Bill, Bill, thank you. Well. You see
how you see how that works. You see how that works, guys,

(05:17):
and you see what I did automatically. I immediately thanked Bill.
I just want to tell you that Joel and Daniel,
that's a proper response when someone says that's from Zach
and I. That's how you do. This is how Bill.
You know, Bill, I gave Joelle and Daniel presents, and
of course Donald didn't, and and Donald tried to be like,
that's from both of us, and I was like, no, no,
but you know what, because it's Bill, Donald, that is

(05:38):
from both of us. You know what, I'll make you
know what't make you guys happy. The only the only
shoe related gift I've ever been part of is this
is will circuit back around so and maybe Donald know
who this is. I'll have Henry come tell us. Henry
walked into my closet and he saw the Scrubs one
hundredth episode Nikes. You know, I had him unworn, untouched,

(06:00):
and uh, and then he was watching some whatever version
of Cribs or whatever. But as some hip hop artist
or rapper was showing his shoe collection and somebody in
our crew must have sold those, because he had the
one of the shoes he highlighted on TV. These are
the these are the scrubs. Yeah, these are the scrubs
one hundred Nikes, and they're priceless because they're ungettable. And

(06:21):
Henry processed that and then I went back to my
closet and my shoes were gone. Checked this on there.
Literally they're on a homemade display case in his closet.
Priceless next time. Oh, donalds still gone him? Well, Donald
war him minor on worn. Two nice scrubs. One they're

(06:43):
probably on eBay for some other crew members who were
like thugget before. We just about those shoes real quick.
When you were when you were coming up as an
actor and you got to do a lot of work
when you were like I got to do a lot
of work as a very very young actor, Like, uh,
when I was before I was twenty one. I you know,
I was paying for high school and all of that shit, right,

(07:06):
but through acting and when you would get the crew gift,
you know, the crew jacket, that always was something right,
and you know, when you're young, you wear that shit
because you know you're proud of it. And you want
everybody to see. My one mistake with those sneakers as
I wore them because I was Joel just posted that

(07:28):
their two thousand bucks online those shoes. Oh man, well
that's probably not worn. I wore those things, is it?
Is it tacky for me to have about two hundred
pairs of those made real quick and then we just
fly that stuff out there. I mean, we'll do things money. Well,
that's that's fly dude. It's it's still the scrub. It's
still the scrubs, dude. That would be dope anyway. Bill

(07:51):
bill Son, Henry he's talking about, was very into sneakers,
like a lot of teenage boys. And I was going
over their house and I took a moment to look
in my closet. I collect sneakers, and I was like,
I'm gonna put on like a pair that will really
impress Henry. And I literally thought about this and I
put on a pair and I was like, all right,
Henry's gonna notice, and he's gonna think I'm cool, Uncle Zach.
And I walk in the door, He's like, those are

(08:13):
the lamest version of those. Yes, yeah, you raised the dick. Yeah.
I didn't know if I could love him more, Like,

(08:34):
oh god, I want to just eat him up anyway, Donald,
you better wear those. Don't just put him on the closet. No,
these will be hell yeah, these will be put to
the test. I thought you might have Landell quotes on
the side. Yes, Bill, I have a good quick thing

(08:55):
to say before um as a way for one of
you to count yourselves in randomly. Uh. My wife and
I saw Charlie Pooth yesterday and h he started talking
about how much fun it was to work with you
two knuckleheads on this theme song. Yeah, and then said
He's like, I felt like it was all of them,
they're so talented. But he did say I do feel

(09:18):
like I was a huge champion of making sure that
they said the title of their podcast in their theme
song lyrics. He's like, dude, you gotta say what it
is and that that to me. It made me so happy.
Now when I hear the end of that song of
his Zack and Donald scrubs Fafa's literally word for word. Yeah,
the most awkward possible title to fit into a song. Well,

(09:42):
we have a new challenge for Charlie. We're gonna do
a dating segment for Joel Um and we're gonna have to.
We're gonna call up Charlie and have him write a
little segment segment song. That boy's voice is so silky. Bill,
you remember your birthday? Yeah, when he sang for your birthday,
perfect pitcher pitch you guys, he's got ago. Oh my gosh,

(10:03):
one year ago when we could all two years ago?
Two years ago, yeah, two years ago when year you're
I judged time by my daughter's boyfriends and he was
two years ago. Bill, count us in because we America
loves it when you count. All right, But you know
I can't. I'm not. We have to be told not to. Donald,
come on, tell him not to. Hey, he doesn't watch

(10:25):
you to, Billy doesn't want you to. All right, ready,
way is this the type of thing that I could
count us in or do you guys usually do that? No, Bill,
you cannot it's own. Can't counts and countective, don't you ever? Hey,
here's some stories about show we made about a bunch
of dots, and nurses said, he's the stories yet around

(10:54):
you here? Yeah, around here? Bill. On Twitter today, someone
said I had no idea you were involved with To me,
I had no idea you were involved with ted Lasso.
I love it so much. And I said, well, it
was mostly me and Jason, but we got some guidance
from Bill, and I thought you'd appreciate that. I'm spinning

(11:20):
your podcast joke for ted Lasso. Unacceptable. Um tell us
about hold on, Billy please, we're doing a very famous
podcast right now. UM tell us going to be awkward
that your dog and I have the same name. And
I'm gonna answer Billy from now on whatever you say,
hold on, let me let my dog out. She's crying.
Come on, Billy, please, while we're on a brief While

(11:41):
we're on a brief break, Donald, have you ever worn
a pair of nmd's The style of shoe that those
Landos are now, they're some of the most comfortable shoes
I've ever worn. I don't really, I've never really worn Adidas,
to be honest with you. The only pair of Adidas
I've ever owned with a Patrick Ewings back in the day,
okay cool before he had the ewings. Yeah, I had

(12:02):
the Patrick Ewings. They would have orange. They were like
the orange, white and blue. Yeah, Pat Ewings back. I
remember standing in a little tiny in my in my
mom's bathroom because she had the mirror with some raggedy
ass clothes on but some clean ass pat and Ewings
looking at the shoes like that shit made me look good.
And I got a haircut that day too. I know

(12:23):
I looked fly. I was like side love, Um, very
very funny show. And um I still have the striped
sweater that I'm walking up to the security guard named IRV. Bill,
you didn't get a chance to watch, But I don't
know if you recall I. I do. I remember IRV
because he I think he tried to some other or

(12:44):
kill someone. Yes, do so. IRV is. IRV is the
security guard which we've never seen before. We've only seen
Leonard Randall Winston with a hook hand in an afro,
and we are we not going to do America's favorite
Sorry show, Sorry my favorite dog out and I got
distracted Donald, Yes, please let me get my counter. I'm sorry,
America and Earth Now I'm you know this is all

(13:11):
your fault. This is all your fault. Ready, Mark, getst go.
Turk and Calla are joined at the hip. The Janitor's
got a new job, Doctor Cox might have a crush.
Elliott and Sean have reunited, and JD makes out with
a cigarette. Breaking up so so hard to do, and
no one ever really wants to waste someone's time, But

(13:34):
we also hate confrontation. To overcome this fear is debilitating
at times, and when it finally comes to a head,
if not taken care of early, it can cause an
awful mess. What's crazy is how fast the pressure is
relieved once you step up and face the situation. I've
learned bravery is way more rewarding than cowardice. Yes, Queen

(14:00):
seconds for a graph guy. Yes, Well, the janitor is
in a real sticky position here because he's got a
nerve's job and he's um his main goal as the
security guartist to guard these one doors that that that
that Kelso keeps breaking through to go to his call yeah,
someone right, Yeah, he doesn't even know it. He doesn't
know it's a fire hazard in the hospital, right, that's
it's so important to say that too, or the joke

(14:21):
doesn't or the or the joke doesn't land like. He's
a tough guy with uh Turk and Carla about the situation.
He's telling them, how you know, he can't wait to
catch this bro. He's even asked security to handle it,
but they're more worried about the people that are stealing
and harvesting organs. Yeah, I love the herbs in charge

(14:43):
of finding out who's stealing organs from the hospital. But anyway, Um,
so the janitor gets a has a friend who's a
bank teller or something, and he puts the one of
the die packs in the in the in the alarm somehow.
But this is after the janitor gets the job, right,
So the janitor de Janifer gets Irv's job because IRV
is now fired for smothering a patient attempted murder. Yeah

(15:05):
right who who you and you and Judy, You and
Carla tackle IRV and Judy stinks a need in his neck?
Just you and Judy, You and Judy tackling herb and
putting a needle in his neck was hilarious because the
guy called him The guy called him pudgy or something right, right, Well,

(15:27):
first of all, I'm jumping ahead. There's a really funny
moment Bill when Um when JD IRV. Jady passes IRV
and says more than nerve and JD's just walking and
someone parks in a red zone and that's what the party.
And even though JD's walking, Earth starts to run, but
because he's a heavy, heavy and old, he can't really
run that vest. But JD's just walking. And then you
see Jady arrived and then the IRV even though he

(15:50):
was running a rod. And second, but wait, hold up,
it's a very funny. It's a very funny joke because
you see IRV run out D. Hey you guys, I'll
tell you some trivia that even um scrumbs wicky guy
won't know. I was excited when Zach, when you said

(16:12):
which episode it was, you said, my choosiest choice of
all because there's certain titles and certain keys that I
can tell you, even without remembering it right off the bat,
that it was going to be a goofy joke filled
episode because we would never you know, title one of
the serious episodes like that, And my choosiest choice of
all was because this is season three and we've been

(16:32):
doing this for a long time, and this is right
when and you guys know I bitch and moan, and
this is right when. In the writer's room, I started
to get mad that all the voiceovers at the end
of the shows were like, at the end of the day,
you make decisions, and these decisions lead to choices, and
those choices affect the things that you do right, and
so this exists because then I would riff and those

(16:53):
choices are the hardest things you'll ever do. Because sometimes
the choosiest choice. So when I see a title like this,
I know it's one of our silly episodes. Well, that's
funny that you say that, because it is. You know,

(17:13):
as the fans all know, some episodes, you know that
you spam on the spectrum in tone, and some are
just packed with silliness and jokes, and this is one
of them. I mean, there's not a moment when Turk
and Carla aren't arm in arm for the whole episode,
except when the moment No, when you tackle urban but
a needle in this net and then even then you're together,
but you don't have your arms around each other. But

(17:34):
even it all starts when you say when you ask
for when you ask, do you ask them for advice
or do they just decide to give it? Yeah, there's
some commentary like you don't want to ask a couple
who are about to get married because they think they
have advice on romance for everyone. And then Turk latches
on and then all of a sudden they connect and
speak it at the same time, and from that moment

(17:56):
on they're together. That's really funny, and it's a little
it's a little precursor for We're a Little Become. Was
it Tarla or what was your name? And Princess Bride? Right,
I don't know the Fairytale episode? Yeah connected Tarla? Right?
Um so yo. I didn't remember this episode at all,

(18:18):
like I sincerely did not. I didn't remember one joke
from you have a big part in this episode, dude.
I didn't like a lot of scenes I didn't remember.
I got to tell you something. There's something something was
wrong with me this year because at the rap party,
Bellamy comes up to me and it's like, Hey, what
a great year, and I'm and I didn't recognize her,
and I was like, yeah, dude, And I didn't say

(18:39):
for not having too much weed, for not smoking weed. Yeah, Turla, sorry,
it was Turla. I you know what I remembered, by
the way, because I remember things in terms of arguments
that we had in the writer's room and stuff, and
I remembered one moment because there was a contingency of
people in the writer's room that thought that Turk was

(19:00):
too mean to say Carlo, I would never sleep with
your sister, she's hideous. Well, Danny's back and it's a funny,
so Jad just to remind him, not because I'm a
faithful if she was, different story, different story. And by
the way, they were correct, because remember the argument the

(19:22):
writers room of the time was aren't we eventually gonna
have Carla's sisters on? And we did? You know, you
guys got married eventually and we had those you know,
you know what I mean. So, but none of them
were hideous though now they were. They were babes yea. Um. So,
just to remind the audience, if you haven't watched the
episode recently, that Jad's just had a one night stand
with Elliott and Sean has arrived at their door, and

(19:43):
so Elliott and has walked into their apartment. Yeah, he
walked in, and so JD, to try and make Elliot jealous,
gets back together with Danny. Now there's a funny line.
I thought, I I early on when j D says
or voice over, when you run into someone used to date,
you either find them annoy or enough time has passed
that you've idealized everything about them. I thought that was

(20:05):
a really good line, Bill because I think everyone can
relate to that, Like when you run true, when you
run into an X, it's it's a there's a fork
in the road. It's like, are you still like or
are you like, Oh, maybe they weren't so bad after all,
and maybe this maybe I made a huge mistake. And
then sometimes then and that's what we were doing. Here
you go, I made a huge mistake. It was a

(20:26):
different time, and you go, let's go out for drinks
and you have one nice night, and then almost immediately
you're like, oh no, no, this is the worst person
I've ever met. He quickly doesn't like her. I mean,
he's just solely using her to try and make Elliott jealous,
and not even to make Elliot jealous. Elliott doesn't remember her.
He says that he's back with her after he gets upstairs,

(20:48):
and she's like, oh, Danny, Danny, Danny, Danny, what's your
last name again? And I should know that I should know?
And then been JD goes blonde hair. Oh, and then
blonde hair, like they're both trying to figure out who
Danny is. Like, dude, I was so dude, this is

(21:09):
like this is like perfect stoner humor. Yeah, like if
you are, if you are listen, if you have the
humor of someone who giggles or gets confused, and then
it's like, what the fuck just happen? This is the
show for you at this point, man, because we are
off the rails man, and there's a there's a twenty
person band in it. The end of the show. I

(21:32):
don't know. You know, Bill, I know you got the
AMA certification for most realistic medical show, but I don't
know that Cox would live in this one. By the way,
worked backwards from the song, because you know, we always
went search for songs. We all loved that Polyophonic band
was so cool and so kind of just such a vibe,
and everybody was like, screw it. Let's figure out a

(21:53):
way that all bazilion of them are in here like
they were like they were like there were like platforms
like consider I mean Cox had arranged for like a
PA system that were there's balloons dropped. Adam Bernstein directed us,
by the way, and Mike Schwartz is the name on
the script. There's a very funny scene where Jad has

(22:16):
sex with Danny and you're contrasting the episode before there's
been this like you know, clearly like making love like
JD and Elliott or like it's like beautifully done, like
they're so into each other. Then in this episode, she
she tells him that she likes it rough and he's like,
I don't really, and she's like she screams at him,
and he slaps her across the face because she and

(22:38):
he screams back. It looks like he punches her. It
doesn't look like he smacks her and goes god. He goes,
oh my god, Danny, I'm so sorry. I thought that's
what you wanted, and she's like it is harder, squeezes
his nibbles. It's like a pro wrestling match in bed.
And then he comes out later and he's got raised

(22:58):
hills are all puffy red, and he's cut scratch marks across,
just like he's in a horror movie. And she's by
the way. She's smoking, and he goes, um, you didn't
use the smoke. She goes, I like smoking after sex,
and he goes and during and and then she shrugs

(23:18):
it off and she nods it off, like oh yeah,
so Danny's smoking wall. But anyway, I have a question, Bill,
I think Tara Reid must have been a smoker. That
must have been the was that the information for all
this Tara Reid was a smoker. She must she I
think she. I think she did sarcastic. Well, yeah, so

(23:42):
I think you wrote that in because I must have said, like,
you know, Tara's great and everything, but cigarettes and the
cigarette breast and everything, like I'm sew not into that,
and you guys must have been like, okay, we're running
by the way, let's you know, some props to Terry
or being a young lady that embraced I'm like, hey,
let's do this ship. You're just unapologetically this character. And

(24:02):
she just went with it. Man. It was really she
loved it, by the way. She when we first had
her on the show. She was like, oh, is this
the one Rorem dresses a cigarette? That was hilarious, and
so she was totally gaming, so funny. She had a
lot of fun. You could tell she was having a
lot of By the way, when I make out with
her as a cigarette in the fantasy um and then
I exhale, smoke comes out just the worst. Man. It's

(24:26):
so funny. But that's what it feels like to make
out with a smoker. Did you guys, did you guys
have conversations in the because I I this, This tripped
me out. Also, the janitor is now a security guard,
but are we still calling him the janitor in the show? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I don't even think it's the janitor. It's just Janitor Janitor.

(24:48):
The best, you know, the best version of that for
all time is it's still and you guys now have
to look for it. Sarah Chalk's funniest line reading whenever
she's in a one on one scene with him, she's
Janitor Janitor. Every season it got higher. It was by
by CD. It was like, so, so I have to know, wait,
I have to know, Daniel Joe, were either of you smokers?

(25:11):
I feel like a little bit in early college, the
exact same when I thought it would be reached to marijuana,
like sophomore here, it never looked bad. Did you ever
smoke cigarettes? Bill? No? No, I was cool on my own,

(25:31):
didn't need to pay money for my coolness. But you
have smoked a cigarette before? Yeah, I've done most everything before. Donald.
I mean, let's be honest. I'm an old man. I
won't go down that road. I'm so sick of sigrets
of my life is that I never met single partying Manhattan. Bill.

(25:54):
I know if I had a time machine, if I
had a time machine and I could, Like, we're watching
the show called Dark on Netflix now. It's all about
time too, and it's it's really interesting and I recommend
its theory. Is it theory? What does that mean? Theory? Like?
Does it make you have to think about theory or
its or or or it's very Yeah, I'm sure if
you're smarter than I am, you can you It's very

(26:16):
deep and I can't keep track it. I have to
pause and be like to go to Florence and be like, wait,
who is he now? Because it's all jumping, it's jumping
lots of years. No, but I mean, are they are
they using are they using time travel? As a like?
Are they can you the theoretically explain how it's happening,
you know what I mean? Like and yeah and back
to the future. They gave you an excuse and it's

(26:39):
easy to follow it because it's about wormholes. It's about wormholes.
But it's it's one of those shows. It's a German show,
and it's clearly written by very very bright people and
um and it's one of those shows where I think,
if you're super smart scientist, time travel person, you can
appreciate it on a different level than I am. I'm
the one pausing going asking my girlfriend, wait, what just happened?

(26:59):
Because but anyway, I'm not. It's still really good. It's
like it's like Lost in a way, the show Lost
in a way in that it's very mysterious and good.
But I digress. My sentence was, if I could time travel,
I would like to visit with single partying uh twenty
something bill in New York City. That you look, that's
a lot like running in to an ex girlfriend though

(27:20):
to bring it all back, which is now in retrospect,
their fun memories. But there's a there's also the reality
of like, oh my god, this guy's relentlessly annoying. Why
are you talking so fast? Why is that bleached blonde
hair guy talking so fast? So it's I don't want
to go to your party's I mean, he's not saying

(27:43):
anything funny, but he thinks he's really funny. It's pretty bad,
pretty bad, I've heard. I've heard wonderful anecdotes. So the
janitor says that he has his own night stick, and um,
he has it because his father, Donald, You're the best
set up here was the most classic alley alop. So
you guys like it. I'm using the term eli. Janitor goes,
I you know, it's my fight, got this nice dick

(28:05):
my father and Donald goes. Was he a police officer?
He goes, No, he was a cat trainer. By the way,
no one was ever that happy, but Neil Finn embraced
it about we had a weird thing with the janitor
of there's a real intense dislike of animals in there.

(28:29):
And I don't know if you guys noticed that he
has a dead squirrel army. He made a rabbit into
a salt and pepper shaker. Yeah, he was crazy. I
think the rabbit was a pepper grinder, Bill, because he
would you would spin the rabbit's head. I don't think
you could make this joke in twenty twenty one, Bill,
but you think so. Prop Master took a taxi dermy
bunny and I didn't put it on a pepper grinder,

(28:54):
and just took off the head so that the head
would spin to grind. That's one prop I'd really like
to have. But also, I don't know if you remember,
because I could have. This is a show I still
feel like I would watch today, even if I didn't
sell it myself. Once we established that Neil the Janitor
had a squirrel army, we would have taxidermied squirrels in

(29:15):
his garage. We would occasionally just have him see a
squirrel in a different episode and he would make eye
contact with it. He's wrong day, wrong time, my friend,
and he would thrill like a blanket over it, and
then you would always cut to him in his garage
having meetings with hundreds of taxi dermied squirrels. I would

(29:37):
watch that all day. Oh my god, I remember that
episode where it cuts to him lecturing the taxidermied squirrels.
So many of them, yeah, and a lot of them
had different points. He would say, I understand that, Keith,
but that's not what we're doing right now. They were
all we got to have Neil back on Joel, Joel,
will you remind me and let's let's let's find an

(29:57):
episode that's that he has a lot to do. This
would have been a a funny one, but uh we
gotta remember it, he says. He says, you know my my,
uh my dead raised cats, trained cats. And then after
that he's walking away and I go right, and he
comes running back in with this stick ready, and then

(30:20):
he says something like you guys stay, you guys, stay here,
as though it's dangerous, and he walks off. All right,
So I wanted to say, so I have sex with
Danny and then I come in living room and you
guys are being all judgmental, and you go, we know
you're Danny's in there, and I'm like, no, no, no,
it's my buddy, my buddy from the gym, Danny, and
you go, I heard you say take it all, Danny,

(30:42):
And there's a long baus and I go, he's a
really good buddy. Hey. Awkward thing that I always have
to do on my podcast. We gotta go to break
real quick. My god, Bill, you're not supposed to read that.
That's for the hosts of the show. We will be right.
You know what I was. I was trying to beat
him to it, but he beat me to it. Listen,

(31:06):
you guys, we don't have many rules. The chat is
for the host. Bill. All right, Bill, send us the break.
We'll be right back after this break. Dude, I saw
that coming. I was like, Yo, we should go to

(31:26):
I was about to say we should go to break,
and Bill beat me to it. And then right away
you hide the producer notes from the guest. Joy because
occasionally we will have a guest with the audacity to
read the producer. Because listen, this is how it was.
I was gonna punctuate your joke with and with that.

(31:46):
We'll be right back. But so then Danny, Wait, Danny
comes in the living room and she goes some skank
just called and I told her to back off. Her
name is Deborah or whatever, and I'm like, biagraph, yeah,
that's my mom. So Bill, I have to ask you.

(32:08):
You have it's a tricky thing for you because you
have your wife on the show, and Cox is telling
there's like a thing where doctor Miller. Cox has a
crush on doctor Miller, but like that would mean that
his eye is straying from the glory that is your
beautiful wife. Was that was that weird to write? Like
do you have to tell Krystal, like, oh, just see

(32:28):
you know this week m Cox is gonna have a
crush on someone other than you? No, Like, there's two things.
One was I'll tell you the funny one at the end.
But the one thing was we wanted to do like
the mature female version of where your relationships at was
just acknowledging that like people find other people attractive people,

(32:49):
you know, and so I really like to remember there's
a joke in this with like doctor coxes like people
ask me if we're married. I say no, what do
you say? Oh? I say, we were married for a
long time and then we split up, but now we
have a child to get there and we're in a
committed relationship and it's great and amazing, you know. And
he's like, oh yeah, I mean sometimes I say that.
But the other joke, no joke is christ and I

(33:10):
used to joke around how work is the only place
I can tell her what to dress and what to
say and how to look and stuff, and so part
of this was me going, it might be sexy for
Krista bond hair. So the end of this episode, if
you remember, was as a wink to him. She kind
of changed. She didn't do it all the way and
we had to help it with a lighting effect. But

(33:31):
she changes her hair at the end of this, and
I remember, just from a total you know, in love
husband thing, going, what a cool, corny excuse to have
my wife mix her look up? And that was really
fun for me. That's cool. I was just thinking of
Christa being like, no, Cox is not going to have
a crush on someone. Yeah, no one, No one would
think of anything. Yeah, she z actually can't play that way.

(33:52):
How many times has Krista told you in front of
me who she is flat out in love with and
believes that she should have, you know, a free pass
for Yeah? Unacceptable? I remember, I don't know, did you
tell the Clooney story? How how yet that was one
of our first big fights story. Cloy was her hall

(34:13):
pass quote unquote. Chris and I when we were dating
joked around about like who's your free pass? You know,
like if you run into them, you're allowed to hook
up with them without the other person complaining. And I said,
whoever mine was? I even remember? And then Christa said
George Quinney, which a typical answer. So I didn't care,
but I didn't put it together that the Drew Carey
Show and ER were both Warner Brothers shows. And literally,

(34:35):
like a week later, I came to work and she
was sitting on her trailer stairs with George Clooney having
a coffee, and I'm like, I'm like, you can't pick
somebody that you see every day. I feel like I
feel like that's not part of the game. And She's like, no,
we were just doing free passes. I'm like, no, that
was so insane. No, no, it would hit know your

(34:57):
free pass. It has to be like, that's unachievable. Bowl. Yeah,
you can't just have come with a conversation from your
free pass and say, you know who my free pass is.
It's pass Who brought up the free pass? I don't know.
It might have been me, so fun, Hey, Bill, this
is my free pass. George Clooney, Yeah, he speaking George Clooney. Bill.

(35:21):
Do you think Richard Kine would come on the show?
I do, And I think it would be super duper
fun You know, he's all right, Joel, let's get Richard
Kine because he's in UM three twenty coming up. And uh,
he's so funny and I and I think audience would
love him. And it is a bit of funny tribute
that of all people in the world, he's George Clooney's

(35:42):
best friend. I would have gotten that wrong on every
quiz that But by the way, never, you know, on
a show that we do so much with just the
people that live in our worlds, never has a guest
start come in and been somebody that we've all quoted
so much. Still, I've got Yaba, I have been to
the zoo, I have been to the two go on,
continue continue. That would make me, That would make me

(36:05):
super happy. I just love that guy. He's one of
those people that I see and I just start laughing. Um,
he was on a show. I don't know if you
guys ever watched the show that's very funny. There's only
one season because I think they stopped because of COVID,
but it was called the Other the other two? Is
that what it's called you I'll double check for me.
It's kind of a thirty rock tone silliness. But it's

(36:26):
about a kid that becomes like a Justin Bieber superstar
and his two fuck up siblings, and Richard Kind plays
one of their agents. And you know he just has
a small part, but every time he's on screen, you
just start hysterically laughing. That guy is money, as is
instant laughs and he can really act. And he's about
to say and he's a really good actor too. Yeah

(36:49):
rock star love that dude. I was a little caught
off guard that Kelso was trying to sabotage the hospital
until he explained why he was sabotage in the hospital.
That was something that kind of threw me, like when
that was a dunt dunt du moment, and it like
I was confused and then what do you mean he's
still trying to stab his hospital but he was was
taking the emergency thing off the door because he gets

(37:12):
to his car quicker. Yeah, well it wasn't remember his reason.
His reason is one of the most disturbing jokes we
ever made. Ken say, you guys to get home before
enid So because if he if he if he if
he doesn't, he has to peel her something. Peeling he
has it's leotard. Its home before she's done dance class

(37:36):
or something like that, she has a spin class or something,
and if he doesn't get home before her, he has
to help peel off or leotard. Yeah, and I think
it was upset. It's really it's really an upsetting joke
because you know why, because he loves Enid. Man, we
did that joke too many times. I think he loves
his wife. I don't. I don't think whether he loves Enid.
He has so much mean things to say about Enid. Yeah, yeah,

(37:59):
like I don't think. By the way, the worst one
ever was when the Baxter and Enid had divided the
house into equal size and Enid had ventured into Baxter's
side of the house and he just said, he just said,
You're all you gotta do to scare him away is
make a real aggressive, sudden move. He says, go, and
then you just hear a dog growling and biting and

(38:19):
he hangs up laughing. So he had his Yah had
his dog attacker horrible hole. But does he love Enid? Bill,
I just don't know. I mean, I don't know what
where you you know, it's weird. We we talked a
lot about it. I think we never would have been
able to do any of this stuff. It's so interesting

(38:40):
in television shows. If Enid existed, and if you ever
saw a person a sweet woman, a character or whatever,
I don't think I think we would immediately gone, he
loves her, They're okay um, and he's all full of shit.
But with a second, in any type of creative narrative
that you don't ever meet the person in question, it
gives you such license to be horrific or funny or

(39:03):
bizarre and stuff. So it's not unlike Look, you guys
know the show that started it. I mean it's it's
a Norman Vera and Cheers. Yeah, yeah, exactly. The only
one I remember after Norm and Vera from Cheers was
I remember the guy on Home Improvement, which I didn't
watch a lot. They did such great effort to always
block his face. Yeah, I forget what his name was.

(39:25):
What was it? What was his name? Daniel Wilson. Wilson
was Oh, yes, Wilson was the guy behind the fence,
Yes Wilson. Anyway, it is called the Other two Guys.
I found it nail that my friend Helena York is
on it. I highly recommend you guys watch. I laughed
my ass off and I thought, I wish there was
more episodes, but they're I guess they're on pause because
of Jordan and Cox married at this point they are not,

(39:48):
but I have to be careful about that because we
do an episode at some point they find out that
their divorce wasn't official, so they get redivorced, and if
you guys haven't done that episode yet, then they are
technically still married. Do you guys remember doing a podcast
on that episode, that episode yet? No? I actually, you know,
when when Bellamy came in, I went, ohay, is it's
going to be a love interest for Cox and Donald

(40:10):
was like, no, he's not. He's in a relationship with
with Jordan. And then and then this episode started to
be like, oh, but they start to have a thing.
I didn't remember what happened between Yeah, you know, what
it was is just that we enjoyed for him doing
a you know, as he gets closer to Jordan, that
very traditional, lots of fears and lots of pulling away

(40:30):
so much so it's the precursor to the episode. This
episode helped us for the episode that they're doing great
as a couple, but when they find out that they
aren't actually divorced, that it was screwed up and they're
still technically married, they start to fall apart again. And
that's coming up later. Is that why this is a question.
Is that what the purpose of Bellamy's character was on
the show. It just seems like that character was there

(40:53):
and then all of a sudden she was gone. Like really,
now you know what it was? Is? Uh? I think,
and I can go back. I think Bellamy, you know,
started much like gift Shop Girl, I remember her name,
that got a bunch of work on Chuck and stuff,
Sarah Lancaster is just was somebody that immediately started to
get work and get other shows. I think she joined
us because Charles was unavailable and we liked you having

(41:17):
a superior Charles Chung. You know, we played doctor Wen.
We didn't have him for one year section at one
point due to health issue that he had an accident
and broken in one point due to him doing a
movie or something, and then he came back to our world.
So it was at least initially a product of being
nice for um Turk to have a boss, you know,

(41:39):
and then um you know, we weren't really going to
do the romance thing because Cox was with Jordan just
wanted to have that kind of be an episode real quick.
And also she was a good foil for Cox because
even if there wasn't going to be a romance or
a very mild one, she was like a tough cookie
and a woman and someone who who had you know,
some big ask titties. Wait what you know? That's what

(42:03):
That's what Turk says when he's freaking in the things
he goes in, some big ass boobies. That's exactly what
he says. I don't think I think you could say
boobies on NBC, but not titties and joke if you
I was about to say, and it should come hand
in hand with the disapproving headshake you got from Joel.

(42:24):
Either way, it was fantastic, but that's what it was from.
You guys are thinking, I'm trying to freaking make a
sexist joke, but it's from the show. It's from the show.
You're in your face. You know what I love, by
the way, and Bellamy is a great example of it.
I always love when I because of you guys, and
I am so grateful and it's your podcast, which is annoying.

(42:44):
It's Daniel, Joel's and Donald's podcast. Um, but not no,
it's zactly Zach and Zachs and Zach's. I'm so grateful
to get to occasionally come on it and see it
and talk to you, talk to you guys about and
listen to it. I go to sleep list into it.
One of my favorite things that my favorite thing about
watching these old episodes are we and you see actors

(43:06):
and actresses that we caught at a certain point in
their lives or careers, not like Richard Kind who had
already done a bunch of stuff, like Bellamy who had
gone to become you know the Scandal yea, yeah, you
know what I mean, and so or Sarah Lancaster who
was suddenly you know, or Massi you know who was
on in Heroes, or dam Franco or yeah. Yeah. To me,

(43:27):
that's so fun, you know, to see the people that
can you know, crossed our world and then went on
to not necessarily bigger and better things which is kind
of more fun for themselves career. No, And to see
him get his foot in the door like that and
then to do what he did with it. Yeah, but
it was fun, man, is that's why that's why they

(43:47):
like seeing Bella. Yeah, it's fun, it's fun. It really
is interesting the people that were on Scrubs. Like you
guys probably don't remember this, but what's the gentleman's name
that's married to Sophia Bogara? Oh? Yeah, yeah. He was
a football playing dude that tortured Zach. He was on Scrubs.
He had he was on Scrubs before he was in
True Blood. Yeah, yeah, he was in True Blood. He

(44:09):
wasn't in True Blood yet either. I ran into him before,
you know, I mean after that after yeah he went
yeah yeah. Um, he was in a segment where I
he was like a jock, right, and he was said
something like let's all go bang or something like like
they turned out they were gay right with the joke clothes. Yeah,

(44:29):
and uh I remember seeing him on that show as
a young dude. Uh. You know, it's just it's just fun.
All these people that kind of cross passed that way.
Eliza Coop, who went on to star in nine Thousand
Different Things. I think we were one of our first gigs,
you know, m she was awesome. Um just makes me happy.
So JD just really you know, there's just one little

(44:50):
subplot we could talk about about how JD and Danny
are staying together solely because they don't want to be alone.
And I think that there's probably a lot of people
can relate to that, maybe now more than every during
a pandemic, when they're just like, all right, I'm so
over you, but you're just you're my pandemic buddy. I
can't date anybody else my life. Danil give him adoms,

(45:15):
but you're You're totally right, though, Zach, And look at
this episode was supposed to be jokey, but because you
asked about the doctor Cox, I distinctly remember, especially since
we had Donald and Judy being the couple attached to
the hip to one everybody why they suck is we
were trying to parallel all those things of one universal
being alone, you'll almost rather be with somebody horrific than

(45:38):
be alone with two. If you aren't alone, you're able
to also defeat yourself by going, oh my god, I'm
getting more and more dependent on this person. I need
to sabotage it immediately, doctor Cox. I mean, and it's
it's and then and then the thing which is like, oh,
we're long distance, so we barely ever see each other,
so we can be we can be exciting and and

(46:00):
and and into it in in two week intervals, because
who can't be their best self for two week intervals?
You know they were, they were like all these different examples.
But I feel like a lot of people m can
relate to being in something and feeling stuck and and
I bet now more than ever, where they're just like, oh,
I don't want to be alone. So even though you

(46:21):
think it's do you think it's that or do you
think it's because people A lot of people fear confrontation,
and that's something that you just don't want to deal with. Confrontation,
I'm sure, and and and the drama of a of
a breakup, which is always horrible, especially if it's a
long relationship. Um, but I just think that there's a
lot of people who and now, like I said, now

(46:43):
more than ever because of the pandemic, are kind of like,
all right, this has to end, but like this is
fine for now, and I'm just going to endure it.
And yeah, I don't want to be alone. I don't
want to be alone. And I think that J and
I think JD in the situation is like the love
of my life, I've realized, is making out with a
guy that looks like Scott Foley and she seems so happy,
and here I am and I've got Danny and oh,

(47:05):
she's just so not for me. But I don't want
to be alone, so she's fine. You know, it would
be bad for Donald and I to agree with this
in any way as too happily married. I don't think
that's what I honestly don't think that's what it is.
I think, yeah, sure, he doesn't want to be alone,
but he keeps telling her to go away, you know

(47:25):
what I mean. And so it's not really he doesn't
want to be alone. It's just that I don't. I don't.
I it's it's it's hard to explain, like why I don't.
I don't know, but that's I think the pressure of
her being around. I don't. I'm gonna be honest with you,
I don't. I don't know the answer to that, but

(47:46):
I do know that it's really weird for him to
say I don't want to be alone and then tell
her to go away, well, because he finally has enough.
I mean, she's no, no, no, I mean why I mean,
why before that? Before Like, they're at the bar and
he's like, and this is how the whole conversation comes up.
They're at the bar and he goes, hey, you want
to play darts and she's like yeah. He's like, all right,

(48:06):
go over there, there's the boarder there darts. Yeah, all right,
it's over there. She turns around and she's like and
she's like, do you really have that? Are you really
that miserable when you're around me? And he's like, I
don't know. Whatever she says something like that. He's like,
I don't know. And that's how the conversation starts. So

(48:27):
I don't know if it's that he's alone, he's scared
to be alone because he keeps telling her to get
the funk out of here. Get The one thing I
like about Danny is she says something that I that
I liked, which is um, when she's smoking in bed,
he goes, well, you never used to smoke? Like, what's
going on? She goes, well, if me dated, I was
trying to be like my best self and I'm putting
on like this character for you, But this time I

(48:47):
think I'm just gonna be like unabashedly myself, and and
and JD's like sees who this incarnation of a person is.
He wants nothing to do with it. But you know,
I think it's just fueled by by feeling insecure. Were
looking over at Elliott and and want and trying to
make Elliot jealous, not wanting to go home and be
sad and lonesome. Yeah, and by the way, let's be honest,

(49:08):
it's I think there's a line. It's easy to be
with somebody that you with if you're not mistreating them
or they're not mistreating you. It's easy to be with
someone you don't like. You know, there's nothing really at stake,
you know. And I guarantee you between the five us,
we were all at some point in our lives with
a relationship with somebody that we didn't you know, if

(49:30):
some point of the get gun to our head and
said do you care if this ends, that we'd be
like no, no. But it's just think, do you think
when the pandemic's over, like truly over, there's just going
to be a slew of divorces and breakups. Absolutely, I'm
surprised you haven't happened yet. No, I'm sure, I'm sure
it is happening. I bet if you saw a graph
of like separation divorce rates, so it's climbing. But I

(49:51):
just think, like, it's obviously not going to happen on
a day. But if it happened, they were like, October first,
we have officially conquered COVID. It's over. October second, people
were like peace, by the way, there should someone should
do like in New Yorker cartoon of a married couple
getting their vaccines together and she's like he is like
finally the vaccine and she's like, I want to divorce.

(50:17):
All right, Joel, we probably need to go to break.
I know, I know it's Bill's job to tell everyone
and build you. We got a couple more seconds we
got we got a couple more second before break to go.
I do I do have to go to go, guys,
I have to go make television happen. I'm about to say,
how many shows you got coming this year? A bunch
of shows coming. Eadline if everyone not in the business.

(50:40):
Deadline is is sort of the most popular trade website
and uh and it announces things that have happened to
people and if if a day goes by without Bill
Lawrence getting another show. I think Deadline's broken crap. I'll
do that some other time with you guys. I'm enjoying
this vibe too much. And the holidays and Zach. That
was a very nice present. You got Donald and donald
a love of the joke version of it. Um hate.

(51:03):
But I only think I'm proud of you Donald that
in front of Bill. You sold the shit out of
that joke and fooled me. That's a great moment, but
it was mean. You don't know how much fucking work
I put into getting those shoes. Can I tell you?
And I tell you this is why my wife and
Bill are like soul mates from another universe and it'll
never happen in this universe. Bill, I'm just put it
out there. But there's so it's from another universe. Why

(51:24):
she would do that shit, She's the one that told
me to do it. I was like this, yeah, I mean,
she was like, I mean, and I know. And when
she said that, I was like, that's something Bill would
have told me to do. That's so mean, you know. Bill.
I always say to Bill and Christa that they met
at mean camp because they love a mean they love
a mean joke. But if you have a backboard of love.

(51:45):
If you know it comes from a place of love,
It's okay. Look, I also want to say, not only
am I grateful for this podcast, but I do want
to tell Donald and Joel that my son Henry, who
is you know, as much of a Star Wars psychotic
as as as you all did, take the time as
he was building his lego Baby Yoda to say, even

(52:06):
though he's not super down with this podcast, he would
definitely make the Star Wars podcast a weekly thing in
his life. Thank you so much. Him. Oh my goodness,
but I am. I'm mad by the way. It hurt
my heart. Zach. He I like him though, because he

(52:29):
watched Scrubs beginning to end, and my eldest son will
not only will he not watch it, but it's a
position of pride he's now because he's already gone through
the Office and Parks and Wreck and now he's just
finding like other series at the time to watch. I'm like, dude,
watch Scrubs. He does. But they both love but they
both are are our jocks, and they both love Ted Lasso.

(52:51):
I assume they got sucked in by Ted Lasso because
it's sports. But anyways, happy holiday, Happy New Year. Thank
you guys. I love you back, I love you Bill
and gonna go to break in. We'll be back and
we're bad bad. By the way, I Peloton today and

(53:14):
I got to say Cody had me laughing my ass off,
which I did one it's pretty recent. Um, if you're
on Peloton, it's within a couple of weeks or it's
definitely it might even be this year. I don't know.
But it was a it was a you know pop ride,
you know pop music ride, thirty minutes and he just
had me laughing and more Florence Iron than Jim. And

(53:37):
She's looking over me and I'm spinning. She's like, why
are you laughing. I'm like, this guy's hilarious. He's funny.
He makes me laugh. I think you should have Mode.
I would think should him on the podcast. I would
love to have Cody on the podact because you know what,
I wouldn't normally like just think of a random health
you know, fitness instructor. But because I think he was
a stand up. Um is that his thing? Is that
what he did? I think he was a stand up.

(53:57):
By the way, I loved that. I before I took
a lot of Cody Cloud his question that he might
be gay or not, because in this class he's the
gayest gay ever. It's so funny. He's talking about Vegas
and he's like, because he was playing that song Waking
Up in Vegas, Miley Cyrus, is that the song? And
and he's talking about how as as a gay guy,
He's like, Vegas is not made for me, because you

(54:18):
know it's all about they give all the hot chicks
free entrance into the club, and they're trying to make
me pay forty bucks and I ain't trying to pay
forty bucks to get in the club. And he went
on this, he went in this whole rant. It was
so funny. Anyway, there were different things. There were multiple
times was like, you're you guys, you're working out and
you're sweating your ass off, but you're also laughing because
the guy's like a former stand up comedian. Well, a

(54:40):
lot of people listening to fake doctors when they work out,
so we don't want them to necessarily switch over to
Cody when they're working out. I wonder if Cody is
I wonder if Cody is the most u used teacher. Probably,
I think the only way to probably I think the
only way to make this work is if we can

(55:00):
get him on the show. Yeah, we can get him. Well,
I want to try and get Cody. I think his
last name is Rigsby. Yeah. Oh, and then he did
this whole bit about he had Selene Diona is one
of the songs. And then he had this whole bit
about how like I can see myself listen to this,
I'm back in high school. I'm back in high school.
Tell mom to pull the cassette out of the glove box. Anyway,
it was I mean, I'm not I'm not doing it justice,

(55:20):
but it was funny. The only thing that annoys me?
Does this annoy you? All the shout outs to people,
like while you're spinning, they're like so and so, congrats
on your Hunter ride, so and so. You got this
Like but it's like we do here time. But it's
like we do here, man, you know what I mean.
We shout out, you know, to people like you know
Period and Sergeant and you know Romney, and you just

(55:47):
get Mitt Romney a shout out ramone. Um, yeah, I know,
I we stink. By the way, As I was spinning
and thinking this was annoying me, thought Romney yeah, no Romney, MA, dude, no,
I want okay, but I wanted to say that, um no,
it just annoys me, like sometimes like it's okay to
be quiet. You know, you don't have to give all

(56:07):
the shout outs. But I'm gonna tell that when we
have Cody on the show, I'm gonna give him notes.
Don't even though even though he's probably the most popular peloton,
Please do not do that. Don't give Cody notes toty
constructive criticism. You don't have to give all these people's
shout outs. My senses, they must have data that's that.
People say they like the shout outs, but it's annoying.
I think it's annoying. Like you if you if you

(56:29):
reached your ten thousandth ride, right, these people must be
in such shape because it's like years. You can look
on the leaderboard and it'll show you, like I I
you can make it go away because I don't. I
don't like looking at it. But if you're if you're
someone who's probably like Casey, who's like up there, she
tries to get to the top of the leader Yeah,
these people, I can't believe how fast and how hard

(56:52):
they must be spinning to be at the top of
that leaderboard because I'm like in the fucking nether regions.
I'm like an outer space, like whoever's number one or
number two? Yeah, it's like it's probably what's his name
with the professional cyclist on a Lance Armstrong with all
his fucking steroids in him. Yeah, yeah, Lance can't compete anymore.

(57:14):
But he's just fucking voided up on the pellotie beating
his chest, eating his chest. All right, let's let the
guests in, Daniel Goodman, all right, let's give it up
for to crap. All right, there she is. Oprah, Okay, Opra.

(57:55):
Come on, Daniel, you're gonna cut that out. That was
so annoying. People are gonna turn off the podcast. Daniel,
I'm not turning my key. Don't cut that dash that
shit out makes it way low. Tosh Grants, don't turn
your key, Tash, don't turn your kish, turn your key,
don't turn Here's the problem. Here's the problem, Daniel, is
that I'm worried that Tash is not going to get

(58:17):
hurt by as many people because at that moment they're
all gonna go fuck this loud ass podcast. Oh I
think I could actually give Donald the run for his money.
I'm pretty loud. Okay, well we'll just mix it low.
Then you're welcome. You're welcome toosh. Welcome to the show.
Where are you Where are you joining us from. I'm
from Australia, Oh down Under? Yeah, well good day mate.

(58:39):
What time is it tomorrow? That's correct, Yeah, it's Saturday
morning here, it's ten past nine in the morning. Yeah,
welcome to the show. Scrubs was very popular down under. Donald,
I don't know if you know that it was, Yes,
very popular. I've been to Sydney and I feel very,
very very important in Sydney. I went and hung out

(58:59):
in Australia way before I got Scrubs. It was for
remember the Titans. We went and did press in Australia.
I found out that Clueless was pretty popular in Australia too. Yes,
they have a good sense of humor down down there. Yeah. Yeah,
I love Australia. I swam into Sydney Harbor, which is

(59:20):
crazy because I hear that it's loaded with sharks. I
don't think you're supposed to swim in Sydney Harbor. Its
for boats. Why are you swimming? Well, we were going
to you know, that little island that's you know, that
little island that's like right outside of the Sydney Harbor.
We took a boat ride and anchored like off the
shore of that and I jumped into the water and
swam to the island and hung out on the island

(59:40):
and by the island. It was okay. But I don't
know if you want to like jump in Sydney Harbor,
I don't know. I learned that that. I learned that
that water is infested with sharks like that if like
it's like shark heaven, like you know, when if if
if if, if, if it were to happened, if my
fear of dying by shark were to happen, that was
that was it right there. That was the closest ants
I got to it. Like I remember swimming through the

(01:00:02):
waves and back to the boat from the beach and
thinking all I was going to see was a big
mouth coming from one of the waves to eat me. Man.
It was like I was so afraid. We did was
that in the Bahamas when we did the Bahamas episode,
we went we went swimming at night like skinny getting drunk,
and the people were like, oh my god, you guys
that is the prime shark feeding time, like where you

(01:00:24):
don't know, Rob. Rob said that there's two black tip
sharks that swim in the in the in the at
the beach area during that time. The reason why people
were clowning us was because it was a thunder and
lightning storm outside and we were in the water acting.
We were so freaking drunk and shark infested waters with

(01:00:47):
a lightning storm happening, and we're laughing and everything, and
that's how that also, that's what happened with Randall. Just
say no to alcohol. Kid. All right, Tush, what's your
question for any of us? Welcome, welcome, welcome, Hello, hello, um, well,

(01:01:07):
thank you. How are you guys going? Um? We we're okay,
We're okay, We're glad to be here. Yeah. Good. How
is it over there? Are you guys? You guys are
out and about all right? You're not on lockdown, are you? Ah? Well,
some of our some states are so Queensland, which is
actually my home state. Um, the south part of Queensland
is in lockdown this this weekend. I don't get the

(01:01:30):
whole three day lockdown as opposed to like a longer,
a little bit longer period. We did have a lockdown
last year, like my city, but that was like so minimal.
Victoria got hit pretty hard. They were lockdown for quite
a while. But all in all, we're we can we
can't go about there. Pretty yeah, life is pretty normal.

(01:01:51):
We still have we still have the hotspots and stuff
that we need to be careful about, but definitely not
like other countries like you, like the United States of America.
You mean like Angeles, where like the trees have COVID,
everything has COVID. That's insane, It's it's yeah, it's scary.
I think this is any normal, that's all. Like we
just were under LA is so underwater. I mean, it's uh,

(01:02:13):
it's it's such a shame because you'd think I would
I would have hoped that um that that that that
Los Angeles could have done a better job could have been.
I mean, I don't know. I live here. I root
for the city. You know, it has a lot of problems,
but I but I but I root for it, and
I just I think it's embarrassing how how horribly this

(01:02:35):
has been handled here. Yeah, and it's just been going
off so long now, like and honestly, I it just
feels like there's no end inside. This can't be any
normal like we just it's everything just comes to us
absolutely grinding helps. I think that I think that the
obvious thing is that the vaccine is going to be
the only thing that that unburies us. At least that's

(01:02:55):
the vaccine. Vaccine that Daniel said it himself. I think
maybe Daniel Danson, maybe I heard Fauci saying, I'm confusing
one of those. Both they're both as wise on the top,
they're both wise. Daniel, why didn't you say I honored you?
What the fuck? You know? You never? That's like will
Is saying something crazy and Arnold not saying what you

(01:03:16):
talking about? Willis? I teed you up for your catchphrase. Truly, Um,
there's never been ever in the history of herd immunity
natural herd immunity, never in the history of herd immunity. Right,
and so where we are right, the only time to
spent the reason why the Spanish flu UH became non

(01:03:39):
existent is because of UH vaccine, You know what I mean?
And that's the that's the only true I don't know.
This is this is the honest of goodness truth. It
just sounds like like you and so now we're at
a point where everybody and and this is this, this
is to each their own you know what I mean,
you know, do what you do, what you want. It's

(01:04:02):
I feel like, and I don't want to conspiracy this situation,
but I feel like there are too many people that
aren't willing to take the vaccine, and then there are
a bunch of people that are willing to take the vaccine,
so and they're there so to make it so that
essential workers, when essential workers are saying I don't want
to take it, or to make it so that uh,

(01:04:24):
you know, even older people are saying I don't want
to take it, there should be a pool. Then if
that's the case my opinion, everybody else's opinion, but my opinion,
there should be a pool where if you don't want
to take it, it goes to the people that do.
I think, um Biden just is saying that he's going
to change it. They've been holding the second dose so

(01:04:45):
like if one hundred doses come in, they hold fifty
so that those first fifty that got it can have
the second fifty second. That was the that was the
Trump policy, and Biden, I believe, is just announced that
they're they're not doing that. They're gonna fucking give out
the hundred dos and and and and expect that the
other ones are going to come in on time to
give everyone their second dose. I have no idea if

(01:05:09):
that's a good idea bad. But anyway, let's let's let's
let's refocus on our friend from down under. What is
your question? I just wanted to actually just show you
my shirt as well. Oh that's nice. That's a fole
Eagle shirt. That's a nice shirt. But that's not a fake,
doctor's real. You're like the gallon. You're like the gall

(01:05:29):
in the parking lot that buys the off off brand
concert shirts. I'm just Kidding's cute. I'm just kidding. Wonderful fan. Yeah,
go ahead. Okay, So, um my questions and I'm was
trying really hard not to be lame and actually read them,
but you know, the nerves do kicking a little bit.

(01:05:51):
So like your friendship, both you Zack and Donald, like
everyone who knows you and listens to you, and what
she's just showing? What have you? Just see it? There
incredible bond that you both have. Um and you know,
when you spend so much time with people that you
start easily mirroring their behaviors. Do you recognize any of
your own personal traits in each other? We have a

(01:06:13):
lot of the same. We have a lot of the
same catchphrases like, we have a lot of the same.
What you're talking about Willis's like, come my own buddy,
and we jack and we jack. Come on buddy. From
a Dave Chappelle Dave Chappelle uh stand up where he's
talking about smoking weed with his best friend Chip No
No No, where he's talking about no instead, where he's

(01:06:36):
talking about chicken, right fried chicken, and how he goes
to a restaurant and the guys like and he says,
he sits down, and the white waiter comes up to
him and he goes, I think I'll have and a
white waiter cuts him off and goes to the chicken.
He goes, what how did you know I wanted the chicken?
And the waiter goes, my own buddy, come my own buddy.

(01:07:00):
Sokmon buddy came from that I forgot That's where Kamon
Buddy was taken from. We stole it from Dave Chappelle's
stand up, but it it became it became something that
we said, like for every time somebody was bullshit and
we said it. And so that's where so we have
catch phrases that we but as far as like, uh,
we're two different people, you know, we have the same

(01:07:21):
sense of humor, I would say that we do share
in common, but which that's two different point people. Well,
I would say that's the most interesting thing about our friendship,
had even had it not um been on display for
for nine years, is that we couldn't come from more
different backgrounds and the exact same stuff makes us laugh.
We don't have all the same interests obviously, but but

(01:07:44):
but we if we're at if we're at an event,
or we're at a party, or we're in an environment
together and something happens whatever, the exact same thing will
make us laugh. We have the same the same thing
makes us laugh. And we also have like a decade
of inside with each other because you know, how often
are you how often are you spending this much time

(01:08:05):
with your best friend? I mean most people never will,
but we spend so many hours being silly together. That
was our job. It's like our job for a decade
was to like be together and be funny as be
as funny as we possibly could. Um. So, I think
that we just have like I could make a noise
and it'll make him laugh because we he'll know, he'll
know that inside joke. You know. It's it's it's it's

(01:08:28):
really interesting. It's like you know. Uh. I think that
that's also what makes our friendship so strong, is that
it comes from a very happy place and a very
uh you know, it comes from laughter. I think that
was the first time we were both. I think our
first time laughing together was like, Yo, this feels good.
Let's you know, uh, let's keep the ball, let's keep

(01:08:52):
it going, and been together. No sense, all right, Next question,
m I Hey, And actually I didn't realize this because
I'm an actor and I don't I you know, know
nothing about Yes, not yet. I really can't see that
ever happening. Um But like even just listening to the

(01:09:13):
podcast and certain things that you Zach especially you've done that,
I go, oh, wow, that's actually not him acting in
the show. That's actually him your laugh both your laughs
is so infectious, craps me out. Um. So, with your
actual characters on this show, do you think any of
your characters rubbed off on you? Or did you did
you put more of yourself into the character, into your

(01:09:35):
own characters. I think that they were the reason. I
would say, the reason Daland and I got the Pirates
was that we saw what was so funny about each
of the characters and then and embodied them. And then
once Bill saw us and the pilot was picked up.
Keep in mind, you don't write any of the scripts
past the pilot until it gets chosen. And you make

(01:09:56):
the pilot, and then you wait, and then it gets
chosen and then the show Bill hires a writing staff,
and then you go off and make two through whatever.
And I think when they made started making two through whatever,
they were able to use the real friendship that had
already started between Donald and I and just start, you know,
shaping it around who we who we were. I think,

(01:10:18):
you know, good writers, um, when they have the opportunity,
will go, let me write to who that person is.
And I think that little by little, you know, you know,
lots of traits of who we are became who the
characters were. Right Donald, I totally agree with that. Yeah,
I ship that I ship that ship that I thought

(01:10:41):
ship is when you root for a celebrity relationship A
ship is when you put any couple together. A lot's
often used when describing fandoms, particularly couples that didn't make
it to screen but you wanted them to. Oh, the
relationship is Donald. I don't think I've ever said this
to you, but I think you may have used this
um this term incorrectly. This this I think I did.

(01:11:02):
I think You've always been my You've always been my
sense here when it came to pop culture slang, and
I think you I'm sorry, sir, I'm sorry. A Jedi master,
I think he used ship wrong. No, because there's a
relationship between the writers and the actors that you're talking about.
So I shipped that, Joel Joel Buzzer, Oh my god.

(01:11:24):
I don't like being in the middle, Jane Danel. Would
you put one of those you know in the family feud,
you know, in the family feud when you get three
x one of those there? Please? All right? I don't
get an X. Yeah, say you don't have a fucking
survey going right now. There can't be a committee. This
is not a committee. There's not enough of us to
discuss this as a committee. We asked one hundred people

(01:11:48):
if Donald's definition of ship was right or wrong? Surybody
says what I would like to host? One one person
said that ship Joel, not one person, No one person
the grade that I disagree. I disagree. Survey says, shut
the fuck up, Zach, and let's move on, all right?
Shut up? Does Steve Harvey still host Family Feud? Yeah?

(01:12:10):
He's great at it too. By the way, Steve Harvey
is very funny, but every time he makes me laugh,
it's the same fucking thing, which is the deadpan face, right,
the dead pant Steve Harvey look away. They ship where
like someone says something out rady send, he just dead
pants looks away. That will make me laugh every single time.
It's incredible. And he obviously knows it because he puts

(01:12:32):
it in every Family Feud episode I've ever seen. Anyway,
I don't know if there's ever like a guest celebrity
family Feud host? Do you ever see? Do you ever
would like to do it? Do you ever watch right?
I'm not going to Richard Dawson and make out with everyone,
but let's put it out there, y'all. So let's let's
put it into the eat the Family Feud. If you're
ever looking for a celebrity guest host. Yes, Zach Braff

(01:12:56):
is willing. I've never had a desire to host a
game show, but it just came to me that I
would be a great family feud host because I would
do this Steve. I would do this Steve Harvey dead.
I would just kind of do the dead pan. Yeah,
I would just I mean, like, Steve, thank you for
letting me guest host. You go off on a yacht somewhere.
I'm gonna do that your dead pant, Steve Harvey. Look, yeah,
you know what, when it comes to family feud, that
always is the term that is associated with the host

(01:13:19):
go off on a yacht somewhere because you've got that
crazy ass money. You know. I think Steve Harvey has
like eleven jobs, and he must. Don't you think Richard
Dawson did too, And don't you think like Louie Anderson
when he was hosting. I don't know. I don't know
that either of those gentlemen were ever as rich as
I imagine Steve Harvey is. I imagine Steve Harvey like
must be so loaded because the man I think he like,

(01:13:40):
he like leaves one very high paying job to go
do another high paying job, right, Steve is Yeah, I
imagine he's very I don't know. I don't know. I
don't know his bank account, but I imagine he's very
very Yeah, I think Steve's probably been on a yacht
or two. All right, Internet estimates two hundred million dollars. Yeah,
there you go. The internet's never wrong, Donald, never You

(01:14:02):
get a lot of information from the Internet. Yeah, all right,
let's do America. Sorry, let's do Australia's favorite segment. Donald,
it's time to fix your life. Hey, Daniel, maybe you
can add a little disery do and in this particular segment,
no problem, it's just after it's like, yeah, yeah, after

(01:14:28):
the drill, after the drill sounding effect, Daniel put the
you look like you're chugging cock. So did you you
said that because you look like you chugging cock. I
don't look like you're doing like this. Your audience. He's
got two hands up as though he's giving a blow
jug an enormous hand. He's like, I had a little

(01:14:50):
tiny hole. No, no, your your fake disgerd was like,
oh no, you're disgery do. It was like when you
saw you saw you there's two ladies present, Donald, come on, present, Daniel,
I don't want to hear this ship, don't You don't
one who started it? Yeah, Oh, if you're a disrey

(01:15:31):
du player, your family definitely thinks it looks like you're
chugging a big talk. God fuck sake, stop talking about
your women. Sorry, sorry, all right, all right, it's time
to fix your life, darling. How can we help you?
Oh man, Well, in the same vein of friendships and stuff,

(01:15:55):
I have two boys, young boys, um, a fourteen and
a ten year old, and they fight all the freaking time.
It's just it's to the stage that enough fisticuffs type fights.
They just at each other all the time. Give give
me my husband's advice, like, how do we how do
we get them to get along? It's even to the

(01:16:15):
stage that it's like nearly you're breathing my air type
of fight, Like, just crap, it's not well, it's good
to answer this because he obviously has many children. Donald,
how do you get your kids to get along? You're
young ones right now? What what do you do? Well?
I really can't answer that because they're out in the
back yelling at each other. I'm all I hear is

(01:16:37):
my son screaming? They go at it. Man, that's I
think that's normal. I think that's all kids. I remember
when I was a kid and my brother and I
we used to we used to go at it like
for real, for real. I have scars on my body
and then my like I have a hole. I had

(01:16:58):
a hole in my head at one point from fighting
my brother, who's three years younger than me, but he
was he's bigger than me. Like, I can't call him
my kid brother or my little brother because he's bigger
than me, you know what I mean. Like, people meet
my brother Dade, they meet my brother, and they'll be
and I'll be like, yeah, I'm his younger I'm his
older brother. And they'll be like, I thought you were
his younger brother. Like yeah, see, like I'm the older

(01:17:21):
I'm the older one. But Dad is the one that
grew up a little bit harder than I did, you
know what I mean. He's tough, he's scary, he's tough. No,
you don't want to ditte. That is true in my life.
I've experienced that. I prefer when my brother's not upset
and in that mode of aggression. Anyway, we fought like
crazy when we were kids, like crazy, Uh, and it

(01:17:46):
did come to fist the cuffs and we would we
know we would. We went at it, and I don't know.
Now he's my best friend, you know, when he's in town.
We play golf every day together. You know, I named
my son after him. You know. Like so it's like,
I know they're at it. I know they're going at
it right now, but look at look at it as
they're bonding. I'm not saying let it go and keep

(01:18:07):
and let them fight each other, but there's a lot
of love in there, and it's it's and even though
there's like my son says, I wish I didn't have
a sister, and inside he doesn't wish that shit. I see,
how is there any is there anything tash that they
like to do in common? Regardless even if they do,
it'll last for like two or three minutes and then

(01:18:27):
it's on like one of them will do something and
oh and it's really it's actually usually blessing. I mean,
I love my children that but the older one just
pushes the younger one's buttons a little bit and it's, um, yeah,
and my younger one's pretty chilled. He's not like impatient
and you I mean I'm assuming you do the obvious things,
like you know, if you do that again, we're taking

(01:18:50):
away your phone or something like that. Right, Yeah, yeah,
I don't know. I think it's a tall order, as
Donald can attest to. I mean, again, I don't have kids,
but it's seem from from having siblings. Kids in that age,
you know, especially boys, they're just they're they're just wound up.
You know, that's very hard. It's just it's kids period.
It's kids period. Like I'm sure Joel remembers, you know,

(01:19:13):
fighting with her brothers, you know what I mean, Like
it's it's it's just how it is, whether it's a
boy or a girl, a girl and a girl, a
boy and a boy, it doesn't matter. They're gonna go
at it. That's just my brothers. There's not enough space.
There's not enough space. I have a memory of my
two older brothers and my sister and I were closer
in age, and they were older than us, and they
would be like the wrestling managers, and they'd get us all,

(01:19:34):
me and my sister all riled up, and they'd be
like our coaches in the corner, like oh WWF old school,
old school managers and they're like, you get in there,
and my sister would I would go in the middle
of the room and wrestle and pull hair, and and
then when we would scream and get everything we got,
and then we'd get too hairy and they'd separated. Ita
ing ing ing ing, Okay, okay, okay, good, you did good.
Maybe he'll pull some much hair, but okay, get in there. Yeah,

(01:19:58):
so your brothers were doing. Your brothers will like, remember
when we had all of that aggression, let's look at
let's take shows and freaking zach and make them do
that too. And they thought it was hilarious. I remember
them being like sitting back and laughing, being like, this
is hilarious watching it. Do your kids have their own
like space? Oh yeah? We actually, Funnily enough, we moved

(01:20:20):
twelve months ago because seriously, twenty twenty, I even forget
about that year. So I forget that that was twelve
months ago. We moved because we're in a really small house,
and I said to my husband, I can't do it anymore.
We can't live in a small house and kids are
on top of each other. It's seriously, one would walk
into the room and you could go three two one,
and then it start and you're like, oh, for God's sake,
like seriously, so we went okay, we moved into this

(01:20:41):
big house and it is a big house. It's two stories.
They got their own space, but they find each other
and well, stop seeking each other out. It's not enough.
It's not enough room. No matter how much space you have,
it's never enough room. They find each other, Like, my
son has a room dedicated just to hisself. My daughter

(01:21:05):
goes to that room just too fun with him, just
too fun. Well, literally stick, he'll be like, get the
fucking I'll hear it. I'll hear her go to the room,
and I'll hear please get out, please leave wilder please
starts it too. Oh absolutely, He'll start off calm because

(01:21:27):
he knows that, you know, we don't like I have
an issue if he goes if something happens and he
goes to one hundred, then there's no real discussion there.
You've already gone to one hundred. See you later, right,
So he tries to freaking maintain his composure because he
knows one hundred means that's what are we discussing. You're right,

(01:21:50):
one hundred. I can't talk to you like this. You
know what I mean, Please get out. He's practicing at
least he's trying. Wilder Wilder, Please get out of my broom,
I said, get out. I can feel the coming Wilder.

(01:22:13):
If you don't get out right now, I'm going to
kill you. Yeah. And you hear it, and you hear
it start and you've got to get up there before
get You know what I mean, It's like it's they

(01:22:36):
can't help it. You know what you need? You need
the nanny from that show what's it called missus Doubtfire. No,
there is like these shows like Nanny nine one one
where she comes in. Yeah, you need one of those.
They probably have one of those down in Australia. Yeah,
you know Rus Poppins, I need Mary Poppins. Is that

(01:22:56):
what you're telling me? There? There was a show, a
reality show where like a woman who was like a
British nanny would go and like set set when parents
were like I'm out of ideas, help me, and that
she would be like set down stern rules. I mean,
in all seriousness, if it does escalate to the point
where it's just your life is being affected, you might
consider a counselor getting advice from a professional counselor, because

(01:23:18):
I mean, I'm sure that some parents, you know, it's normal,
kids are gonna fight. But if it reaches a point
where you and your husband are like, what the fuck
do we do? This is out of control, you might
you might get, you know, get some counseling from someone
who's a kid specialist who says, you know, here's some tools,
because I certainly don't know what those are, but I
imagine someone can have some Jedi mind tricks for your kids. Well, yeah, tools,

(01:23:41):
tools are They do work. They do work. They work
for a little bit until you forget that you have
these tools that have been given to you, right right,
I mean, I'm sure that they do love each other.
They do. They do like you know, when anything ever
happens with friends or at school and stuff like the
other in it, I'll come to school and I'll help
you sort that out. And it's like, now, won't you
actually we'll just pumpy breaks. But um, it's just it's

(01:24:03):
just that they that antagonistic behavior and it just does
our head in. It's like just some days there's just
no harmony. Some days are fine. Podcast doesn't really have
a lot of positive inspiration to having children, if I may,
I don't have I obviously don't have children, but I
just want to pair it something that Casey said before
and just start with a question, do you allow your

(01:24:24):
kids to play video games? Oh? Good, of course, yes,
my three games in the house, husband, the kids. That's
where it starts. Man, My kid gets the most aggressive
right after he plays that video game. After the video game,
that's when I get to should I'm not having it,
I said. Daniel was probably about to say, is there

(01:24:44):
a game they like in common? Right? Yeah? That is
where I was going them again? Does stay keep them
off the games? Man? Keep him off to games? As
Daniel's gonna cry, Dane's gonna swipe you away. No, Daniel's
a grown man. Daniel knows what. I'm sure he knows
what video games can do to a grown man, and
how grown men can zoe being stuck in a game
like I'm staring at the microphone and I can't get

(01:25:05):
off the game, and my whole life is surrounded. To
buy a game, imagine being six years old or seven
years old or twelve years old, and your life now
surround it's involved with all it is is a game, Dude,
that's just get him off the game. That's real talks
as a parent. I see my son's best behavior when
he's not playing video games. Oh look, you don't have

(01:25:28):
to tell me towards that. I don't think we're I
don't think we're helping today, Tash. We tried, but I
don't know if we can say you're welcome. Donald. I
think this might be the first time we've been stumped.
I can say you're welcome, I can tell how are
you welcome? You know why? You know why because everybody's everybody.
You're not alone in this. This is what that is,
how kids are. This is how the siblings are. And
I promise you, I promise you. If they don't kill

(01:25:49):
each other now when they're older, they're gonna love each other.
They're gonna love each other more than anything, and and
and the way you and you nailed it when you
said it. If somebody would have beat up on the
little one, the older one would be there so quick
because all he's allowed to beat up on a little one.
You know what idea would be like, you know, take

(01:26:09):
their favorite thing away. I mean, like I said, I mean,
take their like you know, if you if you raise
your voice like that again, your phone's gonna get taken away,
take their video game away. I mean, I'm sure you've
tried all the obvious things. What don't I know? Do
you want me to get no? No? No no, We've won.
We run way long and I'll get no no no. Okay,
that's your that's your other side. Also you in case

(01:26:31):
you're gonna do a parenting podcast. All right, listen, Tash.
You can stay on for the end because we finished
the show. It was a very good one, and um,
what can we tell you? We love you guys, right,
don't we do? We do? Uh, thank you for listening.
We love you from Los Angeles all the way to Australia.

(01:26:55):
Shows the show. The way we're recording the show now, um,
we're like a week will be a week behind all
of your major events and stuff like that. So for
those of you who were worried that this podcast is
getting too political, we'll be so far behind on policy
now that it won't be relevant when we talk about politics.

(01:27:18):
So guess what your prayers have been answered? Yeah, you're welcome.
There you go. You're welcome. You're welcome, world, You're welcome.
You pivoted to You're welcome earthcome all right. We love
you everybody. I'll see you next week. Five six, Seven
Stories about shore we made about a bunch of docs

(01:27:41):
and nurses said, he's a story. Never so Yeado around here,
Yato around here. M h.

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Donald Faison

Zach Braff

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