508: My Big Bird

On this week's episode, an ostrich wears a kango hat. Need I say more? In the real world, we're excited about the Camilla Cabello Cinderella story, we've got a new Cacee song, and for 2.5 seconds we discuss Star Wars.

Buy live tickets here - https://onlocationlive.com/product/fake-doctors-real-friends-1

Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi guys. Hi dude, this episode is bat shit hilarious.
This episode is batshit crazy. Casey could not understand. She
was like, wait a second, you're telling me you wore
that hat just for that ending, just for that one.
It's like yeah, yeah. She's like, what the hell are

(00:20):
you wearing? And I was like, it's just I think
this is one of the funniest episodes. I mean, if
you like the silly ones, this is one of the
best episodes, the silliest, funniest episodes in five seasons. This
is probably, first of all, I'm not gonna say it's
the silliest one up there. Yeah, yes, yes, it has Uh,

(00:48):
it has some really really really out there moments. I
was there's a robot, there's a robot. There's a Jewish robot. Yeah, right,
and then and then the joke, why did I make
him jewish? My parents to kill me? But dude, I laugh.
I had to pause to laugh because I was missing shit,
that's how funny. So if you're listening to this show guys,

(01:09):
and you're not always going back and watching them, or
you're not watching along, you have to go back and
watch this one because it is really, really, really funny.
For some reason, these last two episodes, I don't I
remember shooting these last two episodes, and I remembered watching
these last two episodes for some reason. These are two
episodes that I've seen quite a bit. It's My Big

(01:31):
Bird by the way, five oh eight, right, Joel. Yeah.
It's written by deb Fordham and Rob Greenberg, who's become
it was always a big showrunner and he was married
to Gabby Alan Greenberg, one of our main writers, and
now he's become a big filmmaker. But he did a
really good job. It's also really well directed. And I

(01:54):
don't know. I want to catch up with you, but
I couldn't. I couldn't be on the zoom and not
be like, how fucking college an episode I was? I
took like, we're not gonna get to everything I wrote down.
I'll fill the page of notes with just the cold open.
Oh shit, you went hard laughing. I was sitting here
like this, like with my head in my hands, laughing. Yeah,

(02:14):
I remember making this episode. There were so many great
moments in it. Anyway, how are you how great? Life
is good? You know I'm still a bit under the weather, right,
But you don't have the delta. I do not have
the delta. People are getting that delta left and right. Bro. Yeah,
but listen, it's not okay. So here's where the misinformation

(02:36):
is coming in. Yes, there are breakthroughs, but the number
of breakthroughs compared to the number of people not vaccinated
is fractional. Let's put it that way. The people that
are getting it that are not that are that are
not vaccinated is ginormous compared to Then they're gonna f

(03:00):
and re shut down. LA County was yeah, yeah, we
thought we you know, when they said one hundred million
people in America that wasn't enough to reach hard immunity.
Did we even make it to one hundred million? I
don't know. But listen here in New York City, we're
in much better shape. He pantomimes smoking a cigarette. I
know you guys are doing well. There. A lot of
people got well, not good. I mean, I mean I

(03:21):
know a few people that got it and their luck
and their double vaccinity got it and they said it's
it's not you know, the vax makes it not bad.
They have like a bad cold. But then I know
another guy who got it who had who had both
vaccinations and said it was bad. He said he had
a fever. I mean not hospital bad, but he said
he had a fever for eight days and he was
in bad shape. Right. The thing is, that's the crazy

(03:43):
thing is they're saying that, you know, it's a few breakthroughs,
but it's crazy how we seem to know people that
the breakthroughs are happening. Too well, I think everyone will
start to know people. It's just it's just, you know,
I mean to be blunt, Not enough of the count
Tree is willing to get vaccinated, so we just have
to do it the hard way. It's just gonna be

(04:04):
like people are gonna get the fucking delta now and
then we're just gonna wait till everyone's had it or
been vaccinated. Yeah, but even if you had it doesn't
mean you all of this doesn't mean you can't get
it again. That's the problem. So it's like, you know,
there was this movie and the band played on back
in the day and it's about you know, how aids,

(04:25):
how they almost they had AIDS contained, and there was
something like we could contain it if we just make
this move, and people didn't want to make the move,
and you know, for ten years twenty years HIV AIDS
wrecked HAVOC in a lot of communities, right, it would

(04:47):
be a damn shame if we were this close like
it seemed to getting rid of this virus. And because
a bunch of people, you know, I can't. I don't
want to go down this and freaking blame people. But
I will say I do want to say this. I
get you can't convince anybody to do this. Uh, but

(05:09):
this thing isn't gonna go away because back people didn't vaccine.
I'm just gonna put it on. I mean, yeah, that's
real talk. I want to if you want to say it,
if you want to say it in the most benign
way you just did, which is don't get don't I'm not.
You can't force anyone into it. But the reason this
is coming right back around is because I don't know
if people got vaccinated, and I belived if I had

(05:30):
kids too, man, because the kids are vulnerable, the kids
can get it. And and anyway, sorry, let's go off.
Let's change topics. I was in such a good mood
from watching this episode. I'm gonna all worked up. Okay,
I know how to change topics. What you're trying to
get into one day or shoon what you're trying to do?
Fried Chicken. Now listen. Casey's theme song we Have to

(05:53):
Say was written. I think it premiered in the previous
episode that it's good, but we didn't we didn't ever
explain it. It's lyrics and melody by Zach Braff, vocals
and harmonies by Donald Fazon and produced by Jessica Weiss.

(06:15):
Our friend who is blowing up. She's Carrie Brothers wife
right now, she's on how about that? Yes, Carrie Brothers
is her husband. Carrie Brothers played instruments on the hit
Casey jingle track. But we want to thank jess who
did it. She's she's really blowing up as a composer
right now. She did that new uh cama cabeo Cinderella,

(06:39):
which is uh, is that out yet? It's out right,
I'm checking the Amazon. But we're really proud of her
because she's she's blowing up and she's doing really really well. Um.
And when you see the camia cabeo Cinderella which looks
really really fun, um, that's her. And it wasn't like
it was that big, like full orchestra ship, not like

(07:01):
her and a guitar and a keyboard Like she did
it right anyway, So thank you Jess for producing the
Casey things on im. We're gonna make it a ring tone, right, Joel,
you're on that yeause a lot of you Casey Casey came.
Casey made sure to remind you guys when So when's
my shit gonna be a ring Yeah? First of all,
Casey Casey loves her theme song and she was very

(07:24):
excited about it, and then she quickly was like, when's
that ship gonna be a ring tone? And when can
I get it as my ring tone? Kase, come down here.
I don't know nothing about ray fos, tell me what
to do. I don't know nothing about range keys kids,
And that's what it is. Yeah. Um, Cinderella comes out

(07:46):
in a week, so check it out because it looks
really good and um, she can really act Kimmy a
kebeo and uh and the music is amazing. So there
you going plug in our friend. Let's get into the show.
Five six stories about show. We made a lot of stories,

(08:14):
so get around you here, yatoo around here. I just
can't believe how much is packed into this episode. Like
every every ten seconds there's a huge funny bit, dude.
First of all, I wanted just to say it opens

(08:35):
up with you pulling into the parking lot of this
Uh quickie, mart I guess they would be would right, Yeah?
And uh, look smooth on the scooter, Dude, You look
like you knew what you were doing. You jumped off.
Look kind of cool on this, You know what I mean?
Like I always, that's always something I know you, and
I know how much you ride motor You ride motorcycles,

(08:55):
you ride scooters. I ride my bikele around Manhattan, which
is advanced. Why is that advanced? I don't understand what
that means. Riding a bicycle around Manhattan is like a
double black diamond. Like you. Every everyone wants to kill you.
Everyone wants to kill you. And now, not to digress,
not to dike, bro, not to digress from your point.

(09:17):
But what's happened since I've been here in Manhattan is
that there's so many delivery men on electric bikes, and
some of them are electric scooters. And obviously the police
don't have the manpower to like fucking regulate any of this.
So these dudes are on the sidewalks, They're going the
wrong direction. It's fucking Nahim, and you just gotta be like,

(09:39):
it's like Frogger but death, it's like Corson. I don't
know what Corressan is. Let's really do the racing speed
racing in Star Wars. No no, no, no no, no, no
no no. Corson is the capital of the universe in
Star Wars. That's what Joel. You just got Star Wars.

(10:00):
I'm sure I meant to hit the boost my boot
at the toilet. You can have a toilet too, Well,
that's not cooled. Respect the Queen, bro I respect the Queen,
but the Queen got Star Wars trivia wrong, and I'm
really upset about it. It happens to everyone. Dude, you
never get Star Wars trivia wrong. Absolutely, I do, really absolutely.

(10:22):
Who lives in the day of the System. Well there's Yoda,
but he exiled himself there. Thank you both for responding
to my text because sometimes you guys ignore me. But
when I saw there's a giant new Star Wars Lego ship,
I sent you out. It's huge, Donald beautiful, you know

(10:44):
it's huge. Donald. What wait? What was it, Joel? What
ship is it? I got respect the Queen, yo, all right,
cut that shit out. Just go on the Donald Joel,
we pulled Daniel off this one chat for Star Wars
related things. Ah, I was gonna say I missed this one. No, Daniel, Daniel, Daniel,

(11:09):
were used to We used to like to include you
and stuff. But then what happened was your interests. You
started saying, yeah, you can miss me on that I'm
not a big Star Wars fan, so we had to
cut you off. Then that's not true. I ever say that.
That's not true. You said you said I'm not a
big Star Wars fan. Didn't he say that I'm a
Star Wars there it is. Y'all know that you can't

(11:32):
be on it, then you can't be on a text bro.
That's not what happened. That's not what happened, Daniel, Daniel,
what happened. I'm the one who started the Joel Donald
text chain, which is solely Star Wars fan geek shit
because they have their own podcast that they're going to
do called The Black Side. So, Daniel, I didn't think
that you wanted to know about like some weird thing

(11:54):
unredded I find about Star Wars or there's some new
lego ship about Star Wars. Have all of the have
all of the group chats you want. I just thought
I wanted to make sure that I did miss something
in the jeez, no, no, behind the curtain. For everybody
who's watching, you may remember my first major appearance on

(12:18):
the podcast was complaining about Spectrum, and here I am
having my own internet issues and it gets me heated.
I'll tell you what, Okay, but that's that's all. That
that's all so I'm not I trust me. I'm thrilled
to know that there is a Star Wars exclusive group chat.
I'm just sitting here waiting for a text from AT
and T to tell me that the technicians come into

(12:40):
my house. Imagine she's out of nowhere. Imagine I was like,
I don't give a fuck about Star Wars. Yeah, okay,
star Wars. He's like, I don't give a shit. My
fucking cable is out. Yeah. I mean I can't listen.
I can't make the rain, he can't twitch, he can't

(13:03):
ride the pole. It's like a stripper having no pole,
his book, his pole. Oh my god, oh no, oh

(13:23):
my god. That's funny looking at the pole, being like,
I need to fucking pole up. Bro, what are you
doing the ship with the s Star Wars Republic gun
ship and there are thirty three hundred pieces to it. Yeah, John,
you're getting that ship. No, Yeah, I'm gonna get it. Yet.
I like to make I like to get Legos to procrastinate, right, Lego, Lego,

(13:46):
there's no S, there's no no one's fucking cares, bro, Nobody.
If I do this, it's trying to be at least
forty seven people that do. OK. Of the thousands or
hundreds of thousands of people that listen to this, there's
probably seven people that care about the S on the
end of the fucking Lego. Sorry, seven people, You're welcome.

(14:07):
Seven people. I like to get giant Lego projects for
when I'm supposed to be writing, and then I say
I'm gonna write once I've finished the spaceship. A little
procrastination that comes with a finished product, Like at least
time look at this, it's you should see the things
I've made in trying not to write to avoid writing.
I'm like, what's the best thing you've made in trying

(14:28):
to one of those you know, those like Lego like
for adults, like like the houses, it's like a hotel
or the restaurant or the Barber. I've made like a
fucking street of those. Yes. Yeah, my dream is have
a whole room that's nothing but legos. Just Donald had it.
I know, I said Legos. I'm so sorry. There's just

(14:49):
multiples of them and should be there. It's just not
grammatically correct. I like Donald Donald, you gotta find can
pick your battle. That's a dumb thing to hang your
hat on. I just hate it when people are like,
I am such a huge fan. If people don't know
this about me but me, it goes back deep. I
love me some Legos and it's like, wait a second,

(15:10):
you're not a huge fan. It doesn't go back deep.
It means jack shit to you because you know if
it did, you would know there's no ask Bush and
I'm a huge fan. It goes back deep. I remember
when I first got my first set. I love me
some Lego. That's how it is, Okay, I just want
to say to you, it goes back deep for me. Yeah,

(15:32):
it was my favorite toy throughout my childhood. At forty six,
I still build with Lego. Thank you. There you go,
respect the respecting them brand. Oh my god, ridiculous. Let's
talk about the show because okay, we're not gonna be
able to get to this and all right, so let's
get it all right, So you pull up on Sasha.
Sasha's freshly out of the shows. Now, if you recall,

(15:52):
Sasha was at the bottom of a pothole that was
very deep and so she they somehow resuscitated her and
brought her back to life. And she's finally out of
the shop and I rolled her up and uh and
and then the quickie mart is robbed and the cops
pull up and he has a choice. Do I jump

(16:15):
behind the wall, but do I jump behind the scooter?
And I'm like the wall behind the wall, and he
jumps behind the scooter. Yeah, and then he blast the
fucking scooter and I go, who's still shooting? She's down
that it's was that it's over, you saying cut No.

(16:36):
I was like, it's over. And it was just riffing
random shit. But I think that's the first time we've
had gunfire on on scrubs. Yea. Um, that was funny,
and um, that was just so silly, Sara, Sasha, that
was very funny. That was very very silly. You're very silly.
And then and then we go to uh to the

(16:58):
cat scan room or is it MRI, I don't know.
Don't yell at me, medical professionals. And then that joke
about the Sasha Forever bracelet is so funny, right, my
scooter Sasha was assassinated, and then you go he loves
or even wore a Sasha Forever bracelet, and I'm like,
I don't wear that anymore. And then my I only
work for one week and then the magnet goes on

(17:19):
and the bracelet clicks to the machine. That was funny, yeah,
And then I laugh at you, and then I get caught.
And then Turke gets caught with the with his watch.
Oh my watch. Yeah, you can't have that metal in
that room. No, I guess not. I didn't know, Carla, Yeah, yeah, yeah,
that's why they asked. They like, ask you nine times
when you have that done, like do you do you
have metal on you? And do you have metal implants?
Do you have metal in your mouth? Like? You can't

(17:40):
have metal in that room. So this is where all
of the silliness really circles around. If you had money,
Carla asks, because she wants to win the lottery's up
and it's up to one hundred million dollars Carla gets
a lot of fever and starts convincing people in the
hospital to buy a lot of tickets so that they

(18:00):
can all draw it, so that when they draw together,
if the hospital wins one hundred million dollars, everybody's rich, right, right.
She then proposes the question, asks the question, or somebody
asks her the question, if you had one hundred million dollars,
what would you do? Carla would make it so Turk
has a baby. Yeah, has the baby. Carla clearly doesn't

(18:22):
want to be pregnant, because her fantasy what she would
spend her one hundred million on is making her husband pregnant. Right,
this is good with that belly though, totally. Man, it's
not an image you could tell. You could tell the
baby it turned by that point too, you know, ye
were you were probably dilated most likely seven or eight

(18:43):
centimeters and I don't know how many centimeters. Well, I
guess it's your asshole, right, it's going to be an
ass you we're just gonna come out of It's not no,
it has to be an asked baby. If they ever
they made this movie right with Schwarzenegger and in the movie,
how did is it a C section? How did they
discuss in the movie. I don't know, but there's a
labor scene and he's pushing, so I don't know that
it's a season. Oh so it must be an anist

(19:04):
baby baby, Joel, can you google how Arnold Schwarzeninger delivered
the baby in that movie? What was that movie called?
Pregnant Kindergarten Cop. Arnold Schwartzener has had a very very
very varied film career. Yes, it's true. I mean, look

(19:25):
at the look at the look at the cannon. It
goes from from all those crazy action movies to Kindergarten Cop. Right,
you know what's it called, Joel Junior, I'm trying to
figure out how the baby was Yes, can you I'm
sure there's a Reddit thread called how did he possibly
give birth? My guess that's my proo. I mean, there

(19:49):
is is only there's only one option. It's not through
the urethraus. So it's an ass baby. The baby's definitely
a sec. But Donald said he pushed. I'm watching the
scene on YouTube. They're definitely slicing a movie when they
slice them open. No, they say Mary specifically, you're gonna
be awake for this. Oh, Donald, you might remember that

(20:09):
he probably had contractions, got it. I would have been
funnier if they made it an ass baby. I don't
like that they chose. I love the idea of the
baby having to travel to the small and lower intestines.
To no, I think they would just connect whatever they
implanted in him, they somehow connect to the lower rectum
plush like he literally yeah, you know that. These people

(20:34):
who wrote this fucking movies must have sat there around
the table being like, so do we do ass baby?
Or do you see what was happening in ninety four?
I wish I was in that writer's room. I would
have been like, guys, I'm very honored to be on
this project, very grateful. I will I will leave if

(20:55):
it's not ass baby. I will walk. If we as
a team chicken out and it's c section, I'm off
the broad Guys, this is the craziest thing I've ever
uted my entire locking. Oh no, boy, all right, So
Turk's pregnant. Um, that's what she would do with the money.

(21:17):
Oh my god, this part's so funny. So um, Elliot's
made out with a patient's father and she comes running
into the nurses station, and you and I are standing there,
and then Carlos says, I can't believe you do that
to to and then they stop and then we turn
and simultaneously what did you do? Was it money? Like

(21:37):
we say that at the same time, right, And then
they use their secret technique. They start talking about shoe shopping,
which apparently makes all men uh and totally zone out
and and go, you know, going almost like a trance.
It's a hypnotic trance. They're just not there anymore. And
then she pops us back with the words lace bra

(22:00):
huh and then you go be specific and I go
with the DS. Dude, this episode had me rolling. It
is so fucking silly, lace Bra, be specific. We were

(22:21):
in a trance, all right. So then just because literally
every scene has something huge and broad. So Johnny Castle
Doug as a body that's the briga mortis is set
in and he needs Ted, Ted the Lawyer's help right
to help straighten him out because he's not going to
fit in the body bags sitting up right to get
to hold the legs down, to hold the legs down.

(22:43):
So ten ten, why is Ted watching the little TV?
Is that for the lottery? Yeah, because he's the one
that he has. He's the one that told that's exactly it.
Ted's the one that told Carla that the lottery's up
to one hundred million. He's the one that asks Carla
what would she do for the money. He puts the
idea in her mind. So he's holding it because all right,

(23:03):
but why is he I don't understand the idea that
he he like the lot of he's not gonna be
announced for like like at least twenty four hours, right,
why is he holding the TV? I have no idea.
It's just passing time. He's passing time in the hospital hospital,
holding of tiny TV. Yes, okay, so he's got a
tiny TV. We think he's waiting for the lottery announcement.

(23:25):
He lies on the legs ny PUSH's dead body down
and Ted goes flying. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah.
There's one of that's one of three giant window gags
in this episode alone. Okay, so that's Ted and Johnny Castle.
Mister Foster dies um, right, and then and then we

(23:45):
then we enter the world of them because when a
patient dies um and unexpectedly, I'm assuming there's a morbidity
and mortality conference, which is what we get called to do.
And then the whole structure of this episode becomes really unique.
That it's that it's flashing back to and from the
Morbidity and Mortality conference. Um, and do you remember the

(24:08):
song we made up at this conference, turn Around in Urgin? Yeah,
turned around in Urgin Care tar. All right, so this
is so random that no one will get unless we explain.
But the urgent care section of the hospital was was
what we of the old hospitals we used to build sets,
so like, yeah, we call them swing sets, sets that
weren't necessarily in every episode. It could be the bar

(24:30):
some weeks, it could be Jason Bateman's apartment in this week.
It just you know, they would they would swing, they
would swing around different sets. And this conference we were
shooting at a real auditorium like that, and it was
so late, and the turnaround, which would be facing that
dais with Cox and and Kelso on it with just

(24:51):
a blue curtain. We were all like, couldn't it's so late,
couldn't you guys just set this blue curtain up in
this dais in urgent care? And remember Randall, theroducer, was like,
maybe maybe, maybe we'll talk about that later, but come on,
we're gonna keep shooting. And we were all so tired,
and we all started chanting turn around and urging care,
turn around. Care. We got in trouble for that. Yeah,

(25:12):
they didn't like that, but I bet but uh but
it was so fucking funny that we remember that this
many years later, that that night yelling turn around, and
you don't care because the crew got into it too.
They were tired too. They were like, turn it around late.
It was late. Oh my god, I laughed out loud.

(25:33):
Dude at me crawling to Carlo's microphone at the at
the at the conference, I can't find a hot mic,
so I just keep crawling and then I just go
back and sit down and he goes asked me another question,
and I started crawling out, and he goes, doctor Dorian,
I'm eight feet from you. I can hear you. Well,
I don't know, okay, So we'll get to it at
the end of the show. Also, but Cox is the

(25:53):
one that blames everybody for this person's death. He's like, yeah,
I'm betting it's one of you guys as fault. Yeah,
he thinks we fucked up, right, And we'll get to
what happens at the end. Okay, But we also learned
that JD has a hug schedule okay for Turk and others. No,
is it just I think it's others. Two. All I
know is he gives Turka hug in the morning, and well,

(26:15):
you were scheduled for two, and you know, you piss
me off. I cross you off. Then you expressed that
you're upset about it, and you hear the voice that
we're going he's hurting hugging now, and then you go
to hug me, and obviously I was hurting because I
go to hug you too, and then we get interrupted.
Was that the waffle foot thing or is that a
different section? I think it's waffle foot thing. Yeah, that's

(26:36):
the waffle foot thing. Dude, did you laugh at waffle foot?
I cracked up at waffle foot. I laughed so hard
at waffle How could that's Do you remember doing? Do
you remember having to put on the gag for waffle foot? No?
I don't remember it, but I'm sure it was difficult
because I'm very ticklish on the bottom of my feet,
Like if I get a massage, they can't like they can't.
I don't like my feet touched, like I get so ticklish.

(26:58):
So I can't imagine how I survived them putting a
waffle presstead, I cut my foot, but it looked great.
They did a good job. Okay, do you even call?
Do you even called? The reason why he got waffle footed? Um? Yeah,
I think I pissed off the cafeteria staff, I wrote
this time. Yeah, the calf workers. I accused them of
giving me smaller waffles than others. Yes, yes, yes, and

(27:23):
they I'm assuming this was Troy had something to do
with this, and crazy eyes and crazy eyes of Margo. Right,
they got together and they waffled my foot. They waffled
your foot, which is like really, like, that's brutal. That's
brut that's brutal. That's brutal. That's brutal. You gotta complained
about the wall. Then this is what happened. This is

(27:45):
this is what this means. One of them was like,
complain about a waffle one more time to me, yea,
just do it one more time. I'm a waffle your foot,
ye And j D with pride and with all of
his pride, like I'm just saying, yep, his waffle seems
a little bit bigger than if you look at the scale.

(28:05):
If you look at the scale, my waffles do appear smaller.
And at that moment they grabbed you, took you in back,
and then waffled your foot. I like to think that
crazy eyes. Margo tackled me and held me down until
Troy could come get me, right, until Troy, until Troy subdued.
I mean, it's so bizarre. God, this episode has so much.
We introduced first of all, Oh my god, the fucking

(28:29):
janitor's fantasy of what he would do with one hundred million. Yeah,
would train a shark, right, Casey was like, what the
fuck is this? Well, this is at least a fantasy.
I mean, at least this is a fantasy. The ostrages
are in the real world. That's the real world. That's
the real world. So the janitor in his fantasy has
trained a shark, and long as he trained the shark.

(28:51):
But the shark is able to communicate through walkie talkies. Yeah,
that's how that's he spent all of that money. That's
what he spent the money on. Right, But the shark
isn't is trained to kill. The shark can will respond
to wakie talkie communication. Yeah, not only respond to walkie
talkie communication can understand it, and and and there's a

(29:11):
bunch of commands. There was at least two. Yeah, what
was the first one? Stand down? He goes wait for him,
wait for him, and then he goes the lobsters in
the pool. So he trained the lobsters in the pot,
the lobster pot. So he trained the shark to understand
code words. Also, yes, the shark is very smart, very smart,
one hundred million dollars smart. Yeah, but also like, does

(29:34):
the shark wear a headset or is he's Yeah, because
when I when I saw it, I pictured the shark
head like a walkie talkie headset. The sharks Jabba jar
Do you remember Jabba Jaw? They call him Jabba Jabba
Jaba jab Jabba Jaba Jabba Jaw. No, but this is

(29:55):
the most students shock you. Who ever saw he's a
shark that could talk? I would walk on land named
Jabba Jaw. I never saw that, but this was It
was very reminiscent of Jaws. I think the stuntman had
lines tied to my waist. You had to be on
some type of No. Yeah, it wasn't, it wasn't without help,

(30:17):
you couldn't have done that, but I think, as I recall,
the stuntman had like they were like one on either
side of the pool, and they had lines tied to
my waist. I probably had like a stunt waist belty
thing on, and then they were just ripping me around
the pool crazy. I remember thinking like this is probably
gonna hurt tomorrow. Yeah, okay. Then we also introduced the

(30:37):
legendary floating head doctor in this episode. What a fuck
listen what was going on in the writer's room. But
they're like, we're got to shoot the whole thing. I
want we gotta redo this episode with Bill because this
is like this is like such a tipping point, like

(30:57):
crescendo of silliness in the spl Where did who was like,
we should do a bit where a floating head has
to freaking uh? I know, I always think they were
They weren't really stoner's. Yeah they had to be. Come on, bro,
think think of them, we know them all. They weren't
big pot heads. It's like some of this is such

(31:18):
silly stoner humor. That's what I said to my wife.
I was like, Babe, this is like the epitome of
what it means. In fact, deb who's the main writer
on it. It was probably the most straight laced writer
of them all from it right, she was, she was,
she was, and I'm sure it is religious, and she
was very funny obviously, but she was like the least
stonery silly. Yeah. Anyway, we'll be right back with more

(31:39):
floating head doctor after these words, and we are bad Kczy.
It's a bob, right, it's good, Joel. Don't you think
it's a bob? No, I really start. I'm just signing

(32:00):
my head and not giving vocal confirmation that it is
fun as hell. It's really fun. Daniel the DJ says
it's a bob. It's a bob and a half. And
the new version is like really clean. Yeah, justin phone
it in. She really produced the funk out of it.
It's like to sing it when I'm cooking hooky. It's hooky.
I walk around my apartment singing it. Yeah, totally earworm.

(32:23):
Do you think I should write jingles as my side career? Guys, man,
we got we got two hit songs because we got
three hit songs. I know what you're trying to get into.
What you're trying to get into one day, that's what
you're trying to do, trying to get into. I feel
like I could be the new John tesh Oh. I

(32:47):
will be at your red Rock. That's an old reference
that um, young people that listen won't get. We've spoken
about on the podcast. He was Entertainment Tonight hosts who
wrote Jingles. All right, so floating head doctor, I yell, body,
come now. My body is down in the gym working

(33:08):
out next to Richard Wells. Did you notice Richard well Yes,
I did notice, very handsome African American man next to
my body working out is our best first assistant director
of the whole run, Yes, and our and he became
the upm. He became the UNI production manager and he's
a really really amazing guy. Um and so he had
a little cameo there. I think he has like a

(33:28):
few cameos throughout this. Also, he's directed a few episodes.
He'll soon direct a few episodes. Yes, he did direct some.
We love Richard and um, body wipes out into a
post wall. So I have to do cupr just by
slamming what's your head? Yeah, that's weed, man, that's gotta

(33:50):
be wead, It's gotta be wed. I know dev, I
know listen, it's gotta be some type of narcato that
has It's not it's you know what it is. It's
just a lucinogen. It's something that only happens really fun
comedy writers rooms, where everybody gets so batty and silly
and they just start pitching the silliest stuff and everyone's
cracking up and they just you know, it's probably late

(34:11):
night and you just come up with some silly ass shit.
It's crazy. The ostriches that we've stumbled across. Now, okay,
hold on, let's go back. Let's talk about Jason Bateman
being Yeah Bateman, the Jason Bateman. I know why we
skipped over it, because what the fuck is Jason Bateman
doing on the show? Anybody? Anybody? I know the story? UM,

(34:35):
Jason and I were friends and UM arrested development and
Scrubs were both doing really, really well, and we were
at some cocktail party. We as the head of Fox
and the head of NBC and I had a buzz
and UM and Jason and I were chatting and I

(34:57):
was like, I want to be on your show, and
He's like, I want to be on your show. Like, hey,
the heads and the different networks are here. Let's go
ask him if if if they'll be okay with us
being on. You know, it was a party. Everyone was
having fun and I was and I was like, hey,
so and so can I be on a Fox show
just as a guest spot? And he was like sure?
And then hey, so and so can can I? Jason
was like can I be on the NBC show? And

(35:17):
They're like sure, and like literally, that's how it happened.
And then we told Bill and I did a cameo
as a never nude on Arrested Development. Fucking never knew. Yeah,
I was a never nude on Arrested Development. And then this,
so this was Jason's cameo. I think he I'm assuming
the only was available for like a day because dude,
I think he maybe had like four lines in the whole. Yeah,

(35:37):
he didn't have much to do. We should have given
him more, but he's you know, he's Jason Bateman. He's
funny doing anything and yeah, and um, but that that's
how it came about. Um. So we stumble on the ostriches. Okay,
we come across the ostrich come across the sign first yes,
and the sign says beware of and we have to
wipe it and it says birds and we laugh and

(35:59):
I've got on this silly red kango. By the way,
I was with Brett Goldstein and Bill. Brett Goldstein plays
Roy Kent m Ted Lasso, and I was telling him that.
I was telling Bill, We're about to get to the
Ostrich episode and it's so funny. And I watched something hilarious,
which was Bill with the giggles pitch to Brett the

(36:22):
micro plot of of you and I, and it was hilarious.
Why because Bill, Bill has an incredible memory, and without
watching the episode, he was recounting the shots. He's like,
and then and then Brett, and then Brett. You see
one of the Ostridge's legs slowly closed the gate. They're organized,

(36:45):
they're organized. And then I go and then I go
the century. There's there goes the century every three minutes
like clockwork. So in the world of Scrubs, everybody not
in a fantasy. The Ostriches astri Ridges can be trained,
can be traded. Yes, go ahead, they were trained. First
of all, they they purposefully trapped us by closing the gate. Yes,

(37:09):
they treat us, They treat us, yes, which I think
is a verb and um, and then they I fall
down because I'm I want to give you a hug.
Of course you had to find a reason why JD
fill out of the tree because thought it was a
good time to hug that ostriches that. It's funny to
me because I remember how they shot that shit. But

(37:30):
the Ostrich peeking from behind the tree, Yeah, that was
the That was the fake Ostrich. That that made me
laugh harder than anything because I remember how to shot
that shit. I remember this whole thing. Oh my god.
And so yeah, so then the Ostrich kicks me through

(37:51):
Jason Bateman's with the right because we find out that
because you're you've you you've googled it on your phone.
They're usually docile creatures, but their kick can kill someone. Yes,
And then you hear you go flying through right, and
I get kicked into mister Sutton's living room, where um,

(38:12):
Jason says, um, aren't they so majestic? I make belts
with their necks, right, and he pulls out off his
belt right, and then I get kicked in through the window.
Oh my god. The funniest dude is when you go
he go, I go, why didn't you escape? And you
go I did escape. They were waiting in the car.
So the Ostriches have gotten into the car, you guys, Yeah, yeah, okay.

(38:38):
And then Jason says, that's Leon loves a car ride.
And then I go that ostri stole my hat, right,
my cano? Now, now, I took a picture of it
because I had to. I just wanted to send it
to Bill to just let them know where we're at.
But look at this, it's an Ostrich wearing a can though,

(39:00):
don Donald, I don't know if Peter would be down
with however they strapped that kango to that Ostriche's head.
I'm sure it was. I'm sure it was done the
right way. Yeah, well, I'm kidding. There's always an animal
safety person on set. But that's the Ostrich was indeed
wearing a cano. It might be the first. Do you
think it's the only Ostrich who's ever worn a kango?

(39:22):
Hidden History of Earth? I doubt that. Why? Why why
can't we be so bold? Because you thought of it,
and so therefore it's a possibility that it's happened before.
I you know that thing I do in Garden State
where my characters like, um, you know, I'd like to
do something I've never thought of it before. And I
make Natalie make like random noises because I used to

(39:42):
really do that as a kid. I would be like,
I had this little weird game I made up as
as a young kid where I would be like, I
want to be original. No one has ever stood on
this spot, put their head like this, put their hand
like this, and be like yeah, like I'd make like
some weird long noise, and I'm like, no one's ever
done that in the history of our no one has
ever done that, right, And that's why I be wrong,
and that's why I put in the garden state. Right.

(40:04):
So I'm just sitting here thinking, I think in the
history of mankind, no one has ever strapped to an
ostra set. You're absolutely Joel your thoughts. Uh. I believe
that because it looks so cute and sweet when he
walked in. I don't even like birds. Terrify me. This
is honestly my worst nightmare. But if you look book,

(40:25):
I don't like birds. They're either like rats with wings
and disgusting or horrifying birds of prey that will keep
me up at night. Uh, they're very ravens outside my
window calling all morning. I don't like it. I close.
I like birds singing. Sure, that's pretty as long as
it's very far away from me. I don't like the

(40:45):
flapping and in my face. They like beaks of death.
I have a weird thing with birds and cages. I
always feel so bad for them because you're supposed to
be how they're flying in the sky far aways. Sorry,
I'm sorry you listeners who love birds, including my mom,
who has little parakeets in cages. I's just I always
feel like, oh, let them fly. I agree, but it's cute.

(41:07):
So yes, probably other ostriches have worn kangos before. I
don't know if any of them have had red k
I don't agree, Joe, I think that, Daniel, what are
your thoughts? Has an ostrich ever worn a kango in
the history of mankind? Yes? I don't think so. I
think you're original on this one. You honor me, you
thank you, thank you? All right, all right, So there's

(41:30):
the ostriches. Somebody out there's like, fuck y'all, man, I
came up with that shit, right. It's like Eddie Murphy
when he was a black member of the Beatles. She
loves you, she loves you, man, She's got a ticket
to Rod. But she's got a ticket to Rod. But
the bitch don't care. Man, I forgot that sketch. That's

(41:50):
so funny. He was a whole bit about him being
the fifth Beatle and being kicked out. Yeah, yeah, I
suggest you take that. That's a casting tone out your boys,
all right. So we learned that, uh Cox, it would

(42:11):
spend his one hundred million putting Jordan in a glass box. Right,
So Christa takes her booby out and it puts on
the glass. It's glorious. It was sexy, glorious. I don't
I don't mean any disrespect to Bill Lawrence, but his
wife's booby in that bra on the glass was glorious.

(42:33):
It was glorious. And she's licking the glass too. Yep,
I don't yep, you shifted. I'm not going to say that, man.
I don't want I don't want to listen. Man, I
think Krista, who doesn't listen to the show, I'm sure
would be honored that you shifted. Well, then if that's
the case, yes, I did have a wait. Oh, Sarah's

(42:55):
would spend one hundred million dollars building a husband robot, Yeah,
a robot husband but and then the husband goes miles
all the time, and she goes, oh, why did I
make him Jewish? My parents killing? Yeah, I didn't realize that,
you know, marrying a Jewish man was still considered. I

(43:16):
guess back in there, you don't. Of course, there's people
that don't want. They didn't know the Semitic they don't want.
I didn't know that. My point is I didn't think.
I didn't know that Elliott's parents were one of those
people as well. They're you know, if you remember them,
they're like cartoonishly waspy Connecticut. You know, they're not They're

(43:36):
probably not down with the well made, but they probably
they would probably would prefer a Protestant robot or Episcopalian robot.
Where's loafers? And it was really good at squash. Squash
is the whitest sport ever. Squash. Yeah, you'd probably be

(43:59):
great at donald I do love hit. I want to
play pickleball with you. That's squash, dude, pretty much, isn't it. No,
squash is like racquetball vibes, whereas pickle ball is Um,
I don't I can't see how squash could be considered
I mean, like handball hitting the ball against the wall
can't be considered like white sports because white sports it

(44:23):
seems like what the expensive sports. And I feel like
all you need is a wall to play. No, it's
just like I mean, it's just a synonymous. I mean
I could be wrong, but I I equated with like
the country club and like, do you want like those
guys in trading places? Should we play squash? You know
it's like rich guy racquetball. Yep, got it, White danel, Yeah,

(44:44):
I agree with that. If you see a squash court,
it's always like a really like fancy thing and everybody's
got there, you know, they're nice white song. It's like croquet.
It's kind of like croquet. I always should we play croquet?
After squash? Poll? And then stoked on the ball? Best
part of another Eddie Murphy movie. And she stepped on

(45:06):
the ball. Elliot is duct taped to the wall with
the with the phrase I'm horror yes, which was another
funny little side piece side story she gets. She gets
tricked by a man. He convinces her that he's not
married by just telling her his wife's not around, so
she automatically thinks what his wife has passed away? They kiss.

(45:30):
Turns out he still has a wife. She just wasn't
around in the room at the time. Then Elliot convinces
him to be because she thinks he's scum to go
in there. Yeah, and that's up to his wife what
he's done. Yeah. And then after she's done it, she realizes, wait,
this could backfire against me. And it's so funny. Sarah

(45:54):
is so funny in that, in that in that scene
where he's headed in there to look like wait, wait
wait wait no no no no no no no no
no no no, no no no no. That woman was
good too, She did a good job. Yeah, she screamed
that she's a horror. And then Elliott runs into Elliott
runs into the room where we're all in and she
goes She's like, where is that horror she's hiding? And

(46:17):
then Elliott finally, you know, gets the cohonas to step
up and say, look, we've both been wronged here. It's
not my fault, it's not your fault, it's his fault.
But she doesn't want to hear it. The wife doesn't
one here, and a woman, I mean, do you know
what I do to horse? Yeah? But how did that woman?
How did that woman do that. I mean she had

(46:39):
to incapacitate Elliott, yes, and then maybe Troy, maybe Troy
and crazy Eyes Margot helped, but someone had to help
her duct tape Elliott to the wall. Yeah. Never never
really explained. Yeah. And then one of the last most
bizarre things in this fucking episode is that I Jason
Bateman's character makes me feel bad for not appreciating garbage man.

(47:03):
So I wait by the garbage for my garbage man,
whose name is Jabari Jabari. Yeah. I definitely made that
up because there was a Jabari in my high school
and Jabari grabs my ass. Yeah, yes, no, yes, yes,
Jar you go to hug Jabari and then he grabbed
your ass. Yes, I can't imagine how awkward it is.

(47:24):
That was definitely made up on the day. But Bill
or someone was like, wouldn't it be funny if he
grabbed your ass and like saying to that guy like, hey, sir,
how are you nice to meet you? So we're gonna
hug and then if you wouldn't mind, would you squeeze
my ass? Okay? So I have one beef about this
whole thing, this whole episode. So Cox is there the

(47:49):
whole time the whole time. Cox is there in the hospital,
in the hospital, right, he's there talking about the lotto stuff.
He talks to uh, he talks to Sarah's character, he
talks to you and I. I see you're saying there's
a plot hole. Yeah, how can he sit here and

(48:09):
talk about there being uh, you know, nobody did nothing
being covered when he's there the whole time. Well that's
a good point, um, but he can't. You know, he's
no superman Donald. He can't cover the entire hospital. Totally
understand that. Um, he can't cover the entire point. And
I think in honesty, in all honesty, someone died who

(48:31):
shouldn't have died, and Cox is pissed. He's like, you
guys fucked up, like you but you left it to
the interns. No, but that's not what happened. He died
from a pulmonary right. We learned that reveal in the
end from from Johnny Castle running in. But I don't
I think at the time Cox, you know, he's kind
of bringing down the hammer. He's like, it's you know,
fuck ups are going to happen, but you guys fucked up,

(48:53):
and now we need to talk about accountability. I can't
fucking I can't be the only doctor in this hospital.
Where the fuck were you guys? You you told because
of all your fucking michigas, you left this to the interns.
And he's dead. You know, I understand that he was
genuinely pissed off and wanted wanted them to be held accountable.
But then once they're once they're off the hook, he's

(49:13):
still upset. Yeah, well they're off the hook because they
got lucky that it was that it was actually something
they had no control over. But they shouldn't be out
chasing ostriches and fucking hooking up with patients parents and
we're obsessing about the lottery, like there's lives to be saved.
They can't be fucking around. The whole hospital was obsessing
about the lottery too. So and then that was really

(49:34):
beautiful that you know, of course classic Bill Lawrence. Uh,
you know, this is the silliest fucking episode so far.
And then it ends with that the ghost following us
all around. That was beautiful, Casey said, started crying. She's like,
that's oh my god. I mean, that's the magic of scrubs, man.
And we can say that because we didn't write it.
But the fact that this dude and his posse Bill

(49:56):
and his entourage can can have you looking at an
Ostrich with the canggo hat and then the next scene
of tears in your eyes because because something is so beautiful?
Is that that was? That was really good? Yeah? Great episode. Laugh, great,
great episode. I'm telling you, if you just listen to
this show and you don't go watch them, watch that
one again. It is. It is so funny. And if

(50:17):
you do enjoy jazz cabbage um, you should enjoy jazz great.
It will pair nicely with jazz cabbage um. Do well,
do we have a guest? We do, all right, So
we're gonna take a break, We're gonna empty our bladders. Yes,
and we will be right back with a really fun guest.

(50:44):
And where forever do or do not? There is no trying,
all right, We are trying, Yoda, I am trying. How's
your no weed thing going? It's good, you know, it's
not no weed. It's just a lot less weed, a
lot lot less weed, Dude, like a lot lot less weed.

(51:07):
I went from it's good smoking a crap ton of
weed a day to smoking very little weed a day.
And it's actually it actually feels better than smoking a
crap ton of weed. I think when you get to
the crap ton of weed, you get that addicted shit,
and when you smoke just a lot. I don't know.
I know if too many people that are addicted to weeds,

(51:28):
Like anyone who says weed is an addictive is bullshit
out of their mind. They're lying. I know people that
are like a different person now because it's all they
do is smoke weed. Yeah, and I think that's a
damn shame, damn shame. Listen, Joel, who do you have
for us today? You know, like a bottle? Maybe talk

(51:55):
about the episode? So come on, give it up. No
I Knowell, don't act so surprised you noll are you?
Noel has a shocked face on it is you knew

(52:17):
you were gonna be. You knew you were gonna be.
But when you see when he's fanning herself like they
do in the movies, like they do in church, fanning
her eyes to stop him from crying. Noel, nice to
meet you. Welcome, Thank you for having me. Oh yeah,
you're very welcome. Where are you calling us from? Oh

(52:38):
I'm calling from a pedunk town Ralla, Missouri. Though, really
from Saint Louis, Rolla, Missouri. Even though you're from Saint Louis.
What do you do in Rolla, Missouri? Noel? Oh, I'm
working from home. Yeah, like a lot of people are. Yeah,
you've done a lot of decorating in your in your

(53:00):
in your beautiful home there, Noel. You audience would get
that joke if you saw that. Noel has just a
blank white wall behind her and a lamp. What do
you do, Noel? What is your work that you do
from home? Oh? I processed payroll for an international company

(53:20):
called Premium Retail Services. Okay, are you able to skim
a little something something off the top without them knowing? Okay?
Because there was that movie what what movie was that Donald?
Where they where they realized that the percentage of tiny
scents they steal the little space office space, Oh, office space,
that masterpiece of a movie. Yeah, you could pull an

(53:43):
office space Noel and um and just see what happens.
Caught at the end of it. Caught at the end.
I'm gonna recommend you don't do that. Don't do that.
But Noel, I'm just saying, since you know this and
you're in charge of payroll, you should look at Office
Space and just see if it's viable for you. I
recommend watching Office Space because it's very funny. I do

(54:04):
not think you should watch it for research on how
you should pull a high stick. I'm just saying I've
never spoken to someone who's actually in payroll, and I
just wanted to know if she's considered embezzling like they
did an Office Space. Right. I don't think that's the
movie to watch, right. We don't promote an inbrezzlement on
this show, Noel, I don't know why you brought it up. Um, Noel, welcome.

(54:24):
Do you have a question for you? So? What is
the most obscure life advice you've been given to date?
The most obscure life life advice I've been given to
what's the advice that the mom gives Steve Martin in
the Jerk? Or is the dad? It's the dad? I'm sure.

(54:48):
Don't trust Whitey is one of them? You laugh, because true,
the Lord loves the working man. Yet why Lord loves
the working man? Don't trust Whitey? And what else? See
a doctor and get rid of it. That might be

(55:21):
the best advice ever. See a doctor and get rid
of it. Oh my God, if you haven't seen the jerk,
you can't be our friend. It's just a masterpiece. I
don't know obscure life advice to any of you guys,
have any good, obscure, weird life advice someone's giving you.
I don't know if it's how obscure it is, but like,

(55:42):
get a morning routine is something that's absolutely changing my
professional life. You know. I used to just get up
and hop on my computer and start working because I
have a lot to do and I have my brain
is clearer in the morning than it is at the
end of the day, so it's like I just gotta
rush it and get as much done as possible. But
then my therapist was like, what if you just, you know,

(56:04):
took a minute to like really get yourself together and
grounded and see if that would work for you? You know,
try doing the same thing every morning, um, and see
if you're not as stressed out by the time you
actually approach you work and it's working and I really
enjoy it, So get a morning routine. That's good? Does
yoda count as obscure life advice? Do not or do not?

(56:25):
There is no try? Yeah? I mean I love it. Yeah,
there you go write that down. Um. I don't know
how obscurre it is, but I think that one of
the most beneficial thing my father told me was just
to not be intimidated by asking bold questions and bold
making bold requests of people. Um. That's something that throughout

(56:45):
my life has really paid off because ninety eight percent
of the time people go sure you know, and you know,
and you're like nervous to do it. You're like, oh
my god, I'm not going to ask. Like there's this
filmmaker I really really look up to and I admire
and I and my agent represents him, and I was
this is just a recent example, and I was like,

(57:07):
I'm gonna ask my agent to ask him if he'll
read the script, my lead of script, because like, I
really love this guy. I'd love his thoughts on it.
And I was like, oh my god, I'm kind of nervous,
Like what if he's like, I'm not gonna read something.
And then he's like, sure, I'll read it. He read it,
gave me amazing notes. And that's just a recent example,
but it goes back my whole life, Like I like
just having there's like a Jewish Yiddish expression chutzpah, which

(57:29):
basically means having balls, but like having the chutzpah to
just ask bold questions and people ask big requests of
people not getting your head about oh they're gonna think this,
they're gonna think that, and like no, step up to
the mic and go, hey, person that I admire or
look up to anyway, that's my pep talk. That's a
piece of advice my lad father gave me that I

(57:50):
always think about. It works for you too, because sometimes
you do it and you don't even know that you're
doing it. Like you remember when Dick Van Dyke was
on this show, it was you that asked him to
sing while I played and it was something that I
was having a hard time doing and you did it.
It was so I want to say, cavalier or how
you did it was like off the cup like and
then he was like he's like he plays Jolly Holiday.

(58:13):
And Dick was like, oh does he? And and and
Zach goes, yeah, he's got to play it for you later.
And when he plays it, you should sing along with him.
Why don't you sing along with him? That's how you
asked him, and he was like, hey, okay, sure, all right,
that's how it came about, of course. But in that example, Donald,
I was totally fucking nervous to do that, but I
but I stepped up. What I'm saying is the advice

(58:36):
I'm passing forward to Noel and anyone who cares, is
you step up to the fearful moment and then cross it.
I'm I'm nervous to ask Dick Vandyke if you'll sing
with my best friend. But I think of my father
and I summoned my chitzpah, and I go, Dick, you
should sing with Donald. And then and then, you know
what's what's the worst that's gonna happen. He's gonna be like,

(58:56):
oh no, I don't sing anymore. But I'd love to
hear Donald sing. And that's the best that could happen.
One of the fucking greatest moments of your life. Do
or do not? There is no try same thing. You
know what? My favorite expression is that I've been thinking
about a lot lately. I don't know who said this.
Y'all can google it. If you care, your life begins
at the edge of your comfort zone. Yes, yoda Joel's

(59:21):
preach Joel, Yeah, your life begins at the edge of
your comfort zone. Uh No, Tom from Fast and the
Furious said that. Shit, No he didn't. That's exactly he
says a version of it in the movie. He didn't
write that. It's a famous quote. I don't know, but

(59:43):
I think about that a lot. When when you when
you have Yeah, when it comes to family, your life begins. Right, Noel, Um,
what's your next question? If you don't have a second question,
it's fine, Donald can beat box. I mean, I will

(01:00:07):
punch you right in your dick. Do your little dick
in front of Noel asked, fuck ass fuck, I'm an ass. Fuck. Really,
you're the fucking ass baby that Schwarzenegger tried to have
in that movie. Oh no, okay, sorry, no little Oh
meet lamar. Noel, go ahead. Well, I really liked the

(01:00:30):
advice one because someone had told me, you know, if
you start dating in a bar, you break up. You
break up in a bar, and I was like, that's
not true, and like, legit it happened to me. Oh no,
that's really interesting. But let me oh, well, let's go
to that. Well, Marge, marriage could end because no, you're

(01:00:51):
starting at the club. Donald, that means your marriage you're
gonna end. At the club. I don't think in case
you're going to the club to break up. No, I
think we do. But no, well we can you go
right to fix your life, which is what we do.
It's time for Missouri's Robins favorite segment. It's time too
fix your lie. Okay. No, well you got broken up

(01:01:16):
within a bar. We are here to help you. How
can we help? I'm currently looking for a house in
a new car. So well, Joelle, Joelle, do we have
one of those free houses to give away? I really
wish we did. Know, we won't just give the houses?
So wait, what's going on? What's going on? No? Well, okay,

(01:01:37):
well I'm gonna put the drama aside. But I'm just
looking for um. I just got out of a contract
for a house, and so I'm looking for another house. Okay.
I would love a house with my dreams. Okay, but
I'm just trying to look for enough space for me. Okay.
How long were you in this relationship for the house

(01:01:59):
with the man or the woman whoever it was? Oh no, no,
it was it. It was just I got out of
a relationship for in a contract for the house and
it just fell through. I see. Okay, we thought it
was romantic relationship. You you were you were gonna have
a house, and it all fell through, and now your
dream is, Hey, I have a good job, I'm not

(01:02:20):
skimming off the top, and I would like a home.
So I will say this right now is the best
time to buy a home because the interest rates are
very very very very low. And that doesn't mean buy
and get an interest mortgage, but interest rates are really low,
so your mortgage will be low for however long you
want to. We don't know about what's happening in Missouri.

(01:02:42):
We don't at least in California. In California, um, do
you do what I do and obsessively look on all
the apps for what you're looking for? Because I love
real estate. I'm always even when I I just I'm
always like looking. Whenever I visit a place, I get
like so into it and then I go look obsessively
and look at real estate in that area. Zillo. I
like Realtor dot Com. By the way, they should be
our sponsor. That's a really good one. Okay, you know

(01:03:04):
why they have this thing. And Joel, you need to
tell Realtor dot Com to be our advertiser. Become about
to get that. I'm about to give them a big
plug right now. They have this thing that I like.
It's a feature where you can draw on the screen
the area that you're looking for, and it'll just bring
up right. You know what I'm saying. This is the
best free out I've ever given these mofos. Now. But

(01:03:26):
you can draw on the screen, like let's say you're like, oh,
I know, I want to be in rolla somewhere, and
then you can go, yeah, but I want to be
in this neighborhood Ralla. You can just draw on the
map with your finger and then it only brings up
houses in that neighborhood. Come on, so what now? What's
your next plan? So what's the move? What's the move? While?
Why did the last one fall apart? What can we

(01:03:48):
do to rectify it? Honestly, there were a lot of
issues going on with that house. Okay, good, Well, then
you dodged a bullet. You don't want to be in
a You ever watch a money pit? You don't want
to money pit? After you watch the jerk watch money pit? Okay,
you don't want to be in a money pit. You know. Sometimes, um,
the best thing that can happen is that a door

(01:04:10):
closes and a door closed for you. And it sounds
like you're really bummed out about it, and I get it,
but I guarantee you, Um, if there were problems and
there were red flags, it was a blessing in disguise,
right Donald? Oh no, I totally agree. You know. Well,
then can you say mm hmmm or something? Not the fuck? Listen, man,

(01:04:33):
I don't know which button for fuck's sake to stop
talking about your WILLI is Daniel. I need this labeled.
I hate that pad. Now, No, you don't you know
why you hate the pad because the pad. First of all,
the pad is amazing. Um, you hate the pad because

(01:04:53):
Daniel refuses to update my sound effects and you're you're
tired of the old one. That's exactly what it is.
That's exactly what little only la mom class. Uh. Noel, Um,
I don't know how to I don't know how to
fix this, but I'm gonna be honest with you. I can't.

(01:05:15):
She needs to find another house that that's not a disaster.
My specialty is not real estate, Well mine is. Noel.
You have a good job and you have a paycheck,
and that's what a bank wants to see that you
have that you have a good job, and then you
have money coming in and that you're reliable and you
pay your bills on time, and it seems to me

(01:05:35):
you'd be a great candidate for to get a mortgage. Um,
you just got to find a place that's not going
to be a frigging disaster. And I think that if
this place fell through for whatever reason, it wasn't meant
to be. Thank you, You're welcome. You're welcome, Donald, Yeah,
you know you're welcome. Girl. I'd wish you the best
of luck. Everybody's looking right now for a home. It

(01:05:56):
seems like it seems like everybody's either buying or selling nowadays. Yeah,
lots of lots happen. Well, people, I think after COVID
are moving, they're going you know what COVID made me
realize this town. I'm getting outbid a lot um. Folks
are bidding, you know, fifty thousand above asking. Right, Yeah,
that happens good, That's well, that just means you got
to adjust you're you're what you're looking for a bit

(01:06:19):
no while, because you're right, people when it gets competitive,
they just they you'll get out bid. But that just
means you got to you gotta go a little lower
than what you got to calculate that into your into
your process. Yeah right, Donald, No, yeah, no, you're right
about no, because in certain areas is crazy. It's like
it's like there's bidding wars. Yeah, they're well, like I said,

(01:06:39):
this is the best time. If you're selling a home
in California, this is the best time for you. Right now.
Everybody wants something. Even if you're selling homes in Texas,
people are buying homes for a hundred to two hundred
thousand dollars more than asking price. And that's ridiculous. But hey,
well it's supplying to man, my friend, if everybody wants

(01:06:59):
that house, they're gonna fucking drive it up. But you
don't want to get in a situation where you where
you push yourself. No, well, and you really stretched and
and you paid too much, and then you're like, oh
now I'm fucked. I I have to like eat Ramen
because I bought this house. You know, don't over extend
yourself so that you don't have room to enjoy life

(01:07:21):
and eat really nice food food. Well, I was thinking,
like the college Ramen in the styrofoam cup top. Rob
got it. Isn't that a stereotypical thing that like poor
college kids eat. Do you know what I used to
do in college? I would I would take frozen peas,
I put them in the microwave, and then I'd pour

(01:07:43):
ranch dressing and I'd mix it all up and have
like a ranch dressing pea soup. Wow. Oh no, I
respect that you knock it, but it's fucking delicious. At
least I haven't imagine it. I don't like peas or ranch,
which is really the problem. Oh, then it's not the
meal for you. Um, all right, Noel, You're welcome. You're welcome.

(01:08:06):
Good luck. Please email Joelle, give us, give us some
some update dates when you find the home. Well, I'm
really excited. I'd love to, you know, ask questions when
you go over six h six that means my musical episode.
I love it. Okay, Well, thank you so much. Yeah,
we gotta we have we have some time before we

(01:08:27):
get to six h six, but we're a season away
from that. Yes, But in the meantime, I think by
the time we get to six h six, you're gonna
have the house your dreams, Noel, So please, please please,
That's what I fives are going out there all right. Well,
that was great. That was fun. That's the show, everybody.
This was a lot of fun. And um, Daniel, I

(01:08:49):
hope you get your internet fixed. God I do too.
And uh, is there a wait? Let me just ask
a question, Daniel, Is there another choice? Is there something
you can do? Is there in contract? Like in his monopoly?
Spectrum's got a monopoly? Um, I mean I could, I
could switch Espens, but it's more going to be if
this is a consistent problem. But this is the first
time it's happened in the four months we've lived here.

(01:09:10):
It's intermittently coming in and out right now, and um,
you know, I think it'll be okay by the end
of the day. So Daniel, don't don't punch a hole
in your wall. Oh never, never going okay. That was
the day Daniel burnt down his house. Yeah, Daniel, you
don't want to fuck this. That's that's That's the curse

(01:09:33):
of being nice all the time, is that anytime I
get upset, people are like, WHOA, Daniel's upset. Daniel's Daniel's
big man. You were giving me, you were giving me
Bruce Banner vibes. I seriously saw your neck, your next
started to turn your green. I you look like Louf Rigno.

(01:09:54):
You know what's funny about whatever his name was, it
turned into Loufrigno. Like he looked nothing like least at
least in the Marvel universe. He looks a little like
Mark Ruffalo. Yeah, whatever the actor's name was who turned
into Lou for Rigno. It's like he didn't look anything
like Louf Rigno, wasn't it, Bill Bixby? Is that what
it was? Joel? All right, were supposed to end the show,

(01:10:17):
but give me a quick I don't want to get
this thespian's name wrong. If Donald's right with Bill Bixby, Yes,
Bill Bixby on the Hulk, right, yeah, yeah TV show?
Yeah grew up? Yeah, yeah, yes, Bill Bixby. If you
look at Bill Bixby, um next to Louf Rigno, there's
not a lot of resemblance. No, so he doesn't just

(01:10:38):
turn into the Hulk. He turns into a different human being. Yes, yes,
all right, anybody, we love you stay safe out there,

(01:11:00):
and he's a story nephew should know. So gather around you.
Here are gather around you, Here are scretch me while
your WISA mm hmmmm