516: My Bright Idea

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, baby girl, I have a bit of a dilemma.
Oh oh, I gotta go pee. Okay, well, we'll keep
the show going. That was Donald's entrance. Everybody, you would
think he would urinate in the all the other hours
that were not recording a podcast. I have so much

(00:22):
to talk to you guys about, but I don't want to.
I don't want to not include a day of shoon.
Oh my gosh, how does your urination? Did it come out? Okay,
came out wonderfully. First of all, First, how was your stream?
What did it flow like? Did it flow like a
forty seven year old or like a twenty two year old?
I wish it flowed like a twenty two year old.

(00:42):
I am envious when I escort my eight year old
son to the restroom to pee. Yes, yes, he could
stop it at a dime on a dime is yeah,
that's it. But but but listeners, I'm here to tell

(01:09):
our male listeners that you must savor the strength of
your urine stream. Savor it, Savor it now. I'm gonna
be honest with you. I do tag forty six, forty seven.
It doesn't it doesn't fire hose anymore. I'm gonna tell
you something right now, I do like to try and
control my stream. No, why because I hear it's good

(01:29):
for erection, really to stop your urination. Yeah, like it's
that is not that is a fake doctor fact. Everybody don't,
don't absolutely. But it's like kegel keg Yeah, well well man,
men don't have kegels do that, but they have a
Yeah you must. You have a muscle in your pens,
you know. I can. I'm tightening it right now. But

(01:51):
I don't think that's I don't think that's called doing kegels.
I think that's when whatever it's called, whatever it's called, Well,
what's it called when a man does keeg? Dude, let
me finish. If you can do it properly, Yeah, you
can gain some inches. According to the website, I was
on gain inches on your erection. Yes, according to the website,
I was on you can go in. I don't remember

(02:13):
what it was you're saying. If it was something to
do with if you tighten your whatever muscle, muscle, the
muscle that is attached. It's like your m it's like
your prostate muscle or something something like. No, that doesn't
make sense. No, it's like where it's your taint basically
your taint area. But no, no, you don't want your
sphinger to get tight. You don't want that area. I'm

(02:35):
trying trying more right now. You want to try right now? Yeah,
it's dan, I'll try it with us. I used to
walk around scrubs when we were doing the show. I
used to walk around scrubs. I told Deante about this too,
Deontay Gordon. I was like, dude, I was on this
site and I don't know what, but they say, if
you do this, and he and I were walking around
the set, you think I'm bullshitting. I don't think, but

(02:58):
I'm thinking that it's fucking ridiculous. A Mayo clinic says
that there are such thing as kegel exercises for men really,
and one of the benefits, Joel, of doing keegel exercise
strengthen your urinary tract. I guess this is what it's saying.
Jeeper Donald Donald Donald claims a male can gain length

(03:21):
on his erection. That doesn't feel accurate to me. I'm
just a muscle. It's a muscle, nobody, no organ, It's
spongey tissue. It just fills with spongey tissue that feels
about Okay, So why can't you make it so that
more blood can get there? Okay? So here let's here's
from the Mayo Clinic. Real doctors say Peogle exercises for

(03:41):
men can strengthen the pelvic floor muscle, which support the
bladder and bowels and affects sexual function. Practice Keegel exercises
for men can be done just about any time. Oh,
I'm doing it now the best. It feels good too.
I'm pretty sure that I saw that it. Do you
think so? Do you think so? Hu re exercise make

(04:05):
you last longer? Daniel? You know what you Daniel Donald?
You know what you saw? You look at Sherlock Holmes
over there, buddy Donald. Oh yeah, he did figure it out.
You saw like an ad during a porno that was like,
I want to increase your size. Listen, man, there's this

(04:29):
one porn ad that Joel found something else. Go on, Joel,
go on. I'm I was just learning about the technique.
I'm practicing it. I don't need to learn, Joel, I'm practicing.
They seen. The best time to do it is before
any activity that puts pressure on your ADMIN. So if
you're gonna sneeze, you want to do a keygel right
before that sneeze comes. And that's good. Apparently that in

(04:51):
everything up laughing, that's the perfect time to do all.
It's a little harder. It's hard. I'm gonna try to
keegles while I laugh. Yeah, my penis just got longer. Erection. Girl, Oh,
I didn't mention the erection. I'm gonna say the same thing.

(05:12):
He was just grew in girth at least a quarter
of an inch. There's this one porn ad that's like,
are you alone? It's like, yeah, obviously, I mean it's
it's captain obvious. If I'm looking at porn obvious most likely, No,
I'm not sitting here with all my friends watching this.

(05:34):
There's that great meme though. Have you seen that one? No,
It's it's that ad where it says, are you really
watching porn by yourself? And then it turns around and
it's this guy and he goes, no, I'm with my
boys I'm talking about just says are you alone? And
it always makes me feel so ashamed. It's like, well, yeah,
I mean that's why we're here, that's what's led us

(06:00):
to be together today. Oh man, you know it's it
really is true. Man, I want to thank all of
the I do, you know, And I'll probably get in
trouble for this, and we might even cut it. But
I do want to thank the porn industry for when

(06:21):
I'm on the road and away from my wife and
in a hotel room, I can see the New York
Post headline, Donaldson thanks the porn industry. We show sex
workers right here. Yeah, Joel of course phrased Joel of
course phrased it better. Thank you to sex workers? Daniel? Daniel,

(06:46):
did you gain? Tell us? I blew you up on
Twitter as it was so sweet of you. Did you get?
You know? I only I only lurk a little on
Twitter these days because I find it's such a hot mess.
But I happened to be lurking and I saw you,
and I thought I'm gonna blast this mofo up. I
don't even understand really what twitches? And then Bill Lawrence
got into it. He's like, what the fuck is twitch?

(07:07):
What the fuck is twitch? And anyway, so how did
it go? Did something? Did you gain some new um?
Did people throw money on you at the pole? People
throw money on the poll? I worked for them. I
tworked for all the news game did you play? Um,
what gay do we play? We played a little bit
of this game split Gate. We played a little bit,
you know, we just played a little bit of everything.

(07:29):
I'm I'm gonna beat you. Avoid eating this time. I
don't want to did avoid eating. I don't want to
send my loyal Twitter followers. I did avoid follow me
even though I don't post barely to to you. If
you're gonna muck no muck bang this time. But yes,
I appreciate that. It was a It was a bit
of a surprise stream. I usually stream on Wednesdays, but
there was a kind of a Twitch boycott happening yesterday.

(07:52):
So that's the twitchyot long story short, Yes, give us
the definites. We don't want to go down a Twitch wormhole.
A lot of people doing my kegels. There are a
lot of women, people of color, LGBTQ streamers who are
getting what are called hate raids, where people are just
coming into their channel and reporting them just because they
are who they are, and Twitch is not doing enough

(08:14):
about it. So everybody on Wednesday decided that we were
taking a day off Twitch to make them aware of
what's going on. They lost about a million Concurrent viewers
on Wednesday, so hopefully the message was received. Yeah, hopefully.
Excuse me break it down for the layman like me.
People come on to your Twitch if you're if you're
a target, and they sit and they report you for

(08:36):
doing something against the rules so that your site gets
shut down. Yeah. Basically, it's just like a mass reporting
sort of thing, and it's all baseless. It's really just
to be hateful and mean, and it is something that
Twitch does not take seriously enough. And whether or not
they're actually acting to fix this, they are not communicating
that to the community who uses their service. So until

(08:57):
we see some actual change, everybody took a day off
on Wednesday. Wow. There's a lot of drama in video gaming,
I think, right, there's a lot of like, I don't
this gamer Gate thing, and there's a lot of I mean,
I guess I don't know anything about it. I just
know that I whenever I talk to gamers like you,
I always hear these tidbits of all this Well hate,
actually that is what it is, right, I mean, it's

(09:19):
unfortunate that, you know, the world of video games is
still marred by people who are hateful, who want it
to be you know, strictly for cis white men, for
it to be you know, a space where it's like,
you know, well, we don't need all this s JW
shit in our games. And it's like video games are
supposed to be for everybody. They are supposed to reach

(09:39):
lots of people. They're supposed to tell the stories of everyone.
They're not just supposed to be for one narrow group
of people. And so unfortunately people on the internet decide
to get really aggressive about, you know, just being mean
to other creators and people. Are you amazed by the
anger and hate in people's hearts? Still? Like I just
I always I'm always so surprised when I see, like, well,

(10:01):
the level of anger and hatefulness in the world. Well,
what I will say on a positive note is that
everybody that you brought to my channel, who is a
huge fan of you and a huge fan of the show,
was very sweet. I got like one hundred followers and
everybody was so everybody was so kind, and it's you know,
it was it was You're adding to the community of positivity.
So I really appreciate that as very well. Good if

(10:21):
you're one of my friends. Fans from Twitter and you
or anyone listening, you know, don't go hate report Daniel
because because he's a very nice man. Well that's very
kind of you thinking that. Don't go well, that's a
that's true. Do not Yeah, don't do any of that.
Don't do any of that. Don't go write mean things.
So and if you if you follow fake doctor's real friends,

(10:45):
or you just follow Zach and I, it would be
really awesome. No, I'm wishing here, I'm dreaming here. I'm
a big dream I can't wait. I'm a big dreamer.
I can't wait here. What this is gonna be good?
Let's get Daniel's followers up over a thousand. How many
followers do you have? Well, I have five thousand right now.

(11:07):
Let's get it over. Let's get it over. Let's get
it over ten ten thousand. Yeah, that would be very
that would be very sweet. I mean, you're very kind
about Let's take a break from wanting to follow me.
Donald Faison, who has the followers of Zach Braff? Maybe, man,
I think Zach doubles me. I think he has a

(11:29):
million point five whatever it is, he's got way more
than me. But my fans are loyal and we're gonna
go fucking watch Daniel twerk on Twitch. Yeah all right,
So if you like Twitch, if you like, follow Donald
Faison and then follow Daniel Breath. And if you feel
like it, you can follow Zach Braf. Have a sip

(11:51):
of water down, also go follow Dwell Money. Yes, but
listen and follow Joel Money. I didn't mean to give
you another Twitter, yet another twitch plug, but this is
your This is it for now. IF's if you watch
people on switch, if you're one of these people who
enjoys watching people play video games and occasionally muckbang, follow

(12:13):
Daniel's Twitch us what is it, Dane tell him? Uh,
it is twitch dot tv, slash dj Underscore Daniel. Same
as my Twitter, same as Instagram, is same as all that.
All right, there we go, Joel Joel. Since you're looking
a little glum over there, what's your uh Instagram handle?
Follow Joel Monique, our goddess, our Queen's just Joel underscore Monique.

(12:35):
It's Joe l E MLN. I qu listen how she
says it. But that's the voice, the rhythm of those letters.
That woman has a voice. I bet you can sing, Joel,
Can you sing a little bit? She's like to speaking,

(12:55):
which I'm very excited. I'm going to see Broadways back,
and I am with Amanda Kluts to the opening night
of Waitress on Broadway tonight. Amanda is staying with me.
She's in the in the other room getting makeup and
hair done because she is. They're doing a tribute to Nick.

(13:16):
After the curtain call, Amanda is gonna come out on
stage and Sarabarellas and the entire cast and the orchestra
are gonna sing Nick's song Live Your Life. Oh my god,
I'm like already crying. I think I'm gonna cry when
I see the marquee of the theater. But I'm gonna
escort our buddy, Amanda and uh and we're gonna we're

(13:39):
gonna have a special memorial night. And Nick was in
the original cast for those you don't know of Waitress,
and Waitress is an amazing show and I've seen it
a few times, but never had the chance to see
Sarabarellas play the lead in the very show. She wrote, um,
so I'm very very thrilled, and I just love Broadway
so much. And you have to be vaccinated, of course,

(13:59):
and you have to wear a mask but I don't care.
I'll wear a full bodysuit to go see some some theater.
Are you gonna wear n ninety five? Are you gonna
wear a cloth mask? Are you gonna ninety five? Baby?
And ninety five? All the way double vaxed. I'm ready.
I'm ready to hear some people sing. Yeah. Man, that
sounds like a wonderful night. I wish you with me, Donald,

(14:21):
I wish you were emotional night. Yeah, I wish you
were next to me. You know, we went to play
together and you were very fun. We saw Mulan Rouge
together with still Yes. To this day, that is still
one of my favorite musicals because you know, I have
issues with musicals that jump into musicals and it comes
out of nowhere, you know what I mean? And yeah,

(14:47):
where the singing starts out of nowhere. It's like, if
you can be clever and make a musical and the
musical is and the music comes in with great timing
and everything, I'm really into it. Or if the whole
thing is a musical, I'm really into it. Mulan Rouge
is one of those shows where they met where they're
very They were very very very very slick about how

(15:10):
they put in all of these pop hits, you know
what I mean. And I thought that was really cool.
And they all could sing too, you know. Yeah, Well,
Donald's fun to go to musical with because he's like
in church, he's like he wants to like stand up. Well,
if you could say, well, you know, I mean a
lot of these artists, a lot of these artists are
you know, don't necessarily want to be on the stage

(15:30):
doing plays. They want to be in the studio making
music that way, you know what I mean. A lot
of these artists are straight up singers. And and I
think if you're doing Broadway, you're doing it because you
love it. It's not much money in it, You're doing
it because it's your passion. Yeah. But you know, I'm
not saying they don't want to record of every rhythmeness
the singer wants to record. But I'm just saying that

(15:53):
Faz you know, it's Joell's dog doesn't work. Yeah, we
gotta send Fozzi back, No you don't. All right on
that note, Let's get into the show Donald about show
we made about a bunch of doctor nurses and stories

(16:19):
never so gather around here, a YadA around here, hilarious show.
We're back. Season five is back. I laugh my asshof
it's back, and and it's it was very funny. I
remember this episode obviously because it was Carla uh finding

(16:43):
out some wonderful news. I won't spoil it for all
of you. Listeners will get into it. Well. I think
if they're listening, they they've they've had it spoiled already.
We're pregnant, y'all. Baby. It's so moving. It's funny, this
many years later. At the end, I still get emotional
because the show is about friendship and ultimately and love

(17:04):
of friends. And at the end when we're all just
hugging each other at the bar celebrating this couple, I'm
just so invested. I understand why fans, you know, we're
so invested themselves. And I was just so moving. I
was like getting goosebumps because we just love these people
and we love them. We love their group, we love

(17:25):
their friendship, we love their love of each other. Yeah.
You know, at this point, if you ride in with us,
you put it. It's a ride of dia mentality at
this point. Yeah, season five, we're in the middle of
the season five, you know, gearing towards the end. Actually,
we're you know, almost there, and we've invested in these
characters for five years. Carla is finally pregnant, something that

(17:49):
she's really wanted. And if you watched the show, you
definitely wanted that for her. Yeah, you know, Judy's so good.
I mean, you're you're both so good in this episode.
You're exceptional though, but has like the Judy at the end. Man,
if Judy, if if if Judy, Judy shouldn't even have
to audition for parts that she should just send her

(18:09):
performance at the end of this episode to people and
be like, that's my audition, right. She's amazing, dude. Sometimes
there's there there are some really great moments in this
episode that I you know, I laughed really hard. But
you know, the fact that a group of people are
willing to do this. This is before the whole you
know reveal you know, gender reveal party right too, you

(18:30):
know what I mean. And so the fact that this
whole hospital was willing to shut the fuck up and
not tell her, even though even though it turns into
something else, the fact that they were willing to do
that for her is amazing. And and the fact that
then that they were willing to break up the small
party right away to so that she would have a

(18:53):
opportunity to tell each in, every one of them individually,
because that was her dream that. You know, you really
understand how tight, how a tight knit group this hospital is.
Like Cox even agrees to do it. Yeah, everyone everyone,
well everyone, no one, no one. Judy doesn't have a nemesis.
Carla doesn't have a nemesis, right right, Like everyone in

(19:14):
the hospital like has people that like them and don't
like them. But I don't think anybody doesn't like Carla, right.
We haven't run into that yet. I don't think we
do run with that. I don't think we ever do
run into that. The hide and Seek thing, first of all,
is this hide and seek gadget? I wish it was
a real thing because I would buy it. It's so fun. Yes,
especially if it could, especially if it could, Like it's
it's the Mandalorian. It fucking is the Mandalorian. We were

(19:36):
playing the Mandalorian before, we were playing bounty Hunter, before
they even thought of it. You have a you have
a tracker. Yeah, yeah, that's your chain code. Your chain
code is attached to your freaking it's whatever the tracker
is and I'm following you around trying to find you.
I knew the Mandalorian came from Scrubs Chalk another one

(19:58):
up from Fason Well and Bill Lawrence. Yeah, well Donald
Fason Black Stormtrooper. Yes, check it out on YouTube. Yes,
please watch Donald. Um. I knew at the beginning that
when you're like, I'm not I'm doing this hide and
seek with one of my sick patients, I didn't remember,
but of course I knew it was gonna be me.
But I still left my ass off when that cabinet opened.

(20:22):
And then the reveal though, because the cabinet opened and
you still don't really see your face until all of
the stuff, there's still that small like we we give you,
like an even a split second more of hope that
he was telling the truth, and no, he's he's lying it.
That was hilarious, and I'm so excited, and I go,
I go, okay, okay, I'll count hide a brother up

(20:45):
to close a brother up. Then I go and we're
so yeah. But but by the way, I'm laughing at us.
But at the same time, I'm sitting there going this
would be so fun. If this was a real invention, yeah, man,
it is a real invention in the Mandalorian. I don't
think you can buy an electronic hide and seek game, Joe, Okay,

(21:05):
there what is well? First of all, Jenny, think it
was interesting that the that the thing, the tracker thing
is is look the shape of a penny, and then
it's about the janitor like because of the penny in
the door thing and the pilot. I didn't understand, like
was that supposed to be? Like they could have made
that as long as it was digestible. They could have
made that thing anything, and yet they chose to make

(21:27):
it look like a penny. Yeah. I mean, I don't know.
I wonder what they thinking behind that was, but I
don't know. Maybe easy to swallow. Yeah what an idiot, dude,
Like that's the dumbest thing does No, it's a little thicker.
Five dollars too for five dollars and it's magnetic. Yeah yeah,
five dollars for five dollars. Neil is fucking hilarious in

(21:49):
this episode. Yes, yes he is. Wait, Joel just sent
us a link. Let's see what this is, joeell oh,
it's a hide and seek monkey toy. Have a whole
bunch of different ones like there's a monkey, there's one
that looks like a kind of nondescript oh monster, there's
a pig one And basically, I guess we're lonely kids

(22:10):
who have no friends. You can hide this lonely. I
don't think that's a don't well, I don't think that's
the ad campaign for the lonely kid, got no friends loser. Well,
by the way, if I had a kid, I would
buy this in a second. You guys should get this
if you have kids. It's a It is a hide

(22:31):
and seek thing. You hide the stuffed animal. Don't feel
like playing with your kids? Yes, yes, let's say you
want your kid to go distract themselves. You're gonna hide
the stuffed animal and then go find. We had to
get shit done around the house, but your kids keep
fucking it up for you. Yeah. Well, Donald, you're lucky
because you have two kids. But they can they can

(22:52):
play with each other when they're no, no, they don't happen.
They that doesn't happen. What Joel, what they also have? Okay,
so apparently in nineteen eighty nine, I'm trying to find
a good link. There is a Ghostbusters them hiding ghost
sequel and where they have like the little rays, they
use a bust the ghosts and your friends take the
little like tracker thing and then the point shoot hold on,

(23:14):
maybe you won't get to play Do you get to
play like Ghostbusters? Let's see, it's like a Ghostbusters themes.
But imagine, you know that would be kind of cool,
is if if you could put a device in the
middle of the room. Even if I would, I would
hope Oculus would think about coming out with something like this,

(23:36):
and you could play Ghostbusters and from your point of
view and you're walking the halls of haunted houses and
or you know, subway stations whatever it is, and you
roll around with egon bankman, oh here it is. It's
nineteen eighty nine. This is kind of exactly what is
kind of what the janitor has, except it's a lot

(23:58):
of shapes. It's not penny size. Yeah, all right, let's
refocus um So okay, so we're playing hide and seek
and we learn that elliott um it has a device

(24:19):
to remember bones in the hand and it's an anagram, right,
Is that what you call those things? Some lovers try
positions they can't handle. Is that? Is that what it's
called you guys when it's like the first letter of
everywhere anagram. So some lovers try positions they can't handle.

(24:40):
And then Keith takes it very personally and she says,
you should stretch before we do the worly bird? What
is the whirly bird? I don't know. What do you
think the whirlybird is? I don't know, but well, it
involves Keith needing to stretch, so you have to be flexible,
I'm getting I would have thought. I would have thought
it's a man lies on his back and the woman

(25:03):
then on top and he spins her. But I don't
know why that would involve him. And then it's like
a helicopter. Oh yeah, he helicopters. She's like the propeller.
Because you have to imagine that would be the how
much loube? Do you think you need to be able

(25:25):
to freaking clean the bucket? Yeah, and then have somebody
and then you would actually need somebody to grab one
leg and the other leg and then just the probably
could probably need a help her. Yeah, for you to
do that, I imagine it's a good ten seconds of
I don't know if it would feel good, especially for

(25:48):
the man are you kidding me a whirly bird. So
you're saying, if you didn't, if you what do you
call this yoga position where you like it's put you
put your growing up and you're legs and feet are
on the ground. You know that tabletop or some shit
whatever it is, all right, you make like a tabletop yes,

(26:08):
and then table yes yes. And now you're a woman
or your partner who climbs on top of a partner
who can receive yes, climbs on top of the table yes.
And then you need a third person to then spin
them like like like I look up to whomever is
whomever is receiving, must be flexible as fuck because you

(26:31):
don't want the legs to touch tables. People have to
be very strong. This is like some circus sex, but
I imagine really fun. Yeah. Well, Elliot's gotten quite adventurous
with Keith. I mean she you know, in an earlier seasons,
Elliott was a bit prude about sex. Now she's announcing

(26:52):
to the the whole ICU that she likes the whirly bird.
And I appreciate that. I wish more women would. Do
you think Casey would be open to trying the whirly
bird hold on, let's find out. Yeah, the theme song
hatame theme song, danel Casey come down here, tell me

(27:18):
what to do? And that's what are you playing my
theme song? Yeah, your theme song was play. Now listen,
Donald's going to explain to you, um, a sexual position
that I'm tired, No, listen to Donald came Donald here,

(27:39):
Donald is going to time to come close to we
can here. Listen. Donald's going to explain to you a
position that is that is that's that Elliott Sarah Chalk's
character does in the show. And we want to know
if you would be open to it at some point
in your guy's sexual relationship. Oh god, you ready? Yeah?
So I I can already say no split on top

(28:15):
of and then I then a helper, and then a helper,
somebody split table, you know what I mean? Zach, I
love you, Zach, I love you, Kazy. We just want

(28:38):
to know if you'd be open to that. Donald said
maybe after some drinks. Well, we would need about three
or four helpers, and it's gonna take a lot more
than a help. I'm going to help, but I won't look.
I'll wear like I'll wear a mask. Are you trying

(28:58):
to get dabbled into some ruana. I'm saying that you
can't even hear the conversation, all right, put him back
on case We love you, we love you, I love you.
That sounds like a no, Guys, that sounds like a no. Zach,
I love you, good, Zach. Other things, guys, oh, Zach.

(29:23):
The other thing is guys like, I'm not down to
try this ship in my mid forties. I'm tired, I'm old,
and I'm damaged good that you're not damaged goods. First
of all, I really not damaged goods. Never looks so beautiful.
You never been. But what do you down? What are
you down to try? All right? Donald, come on, don
all no, never, no, no, no, we have not done

(29:50):
at all. We have scratched the surface surface. We haven't
even surched the surface, Donald, we haven't even scratched the surface.
She's so fine. I know, she's so fine. I love
that you didn't even get into the tabletop position before
she was like no, yeah, all right, we should take
a break. When we come back, we'll talk about more

(30:11):
sexual positions that Donald Casey might try. And we're back.
Johnny c McGinley is doing a Donni Hue impression. A
lot of you young folks probably have no idea who
filled Donnie Hue is. I was an once you were, yeah,
way back in a day with Marlo Thomas. I did

(30:32):
a special when I was in junior high school called
Free to Be a Family, and it was a follow
up to Free to Be You and Me. Yes, And
I got to meet like the Fat Boys, Prince Marquie
d rest in Peace and the rest of the guys,
you know what I mean. I got to meet uh
Don Mattingley when he was playing with the Yankees, UM,
you know, Robin Williams. All these people showed up for

(30:55):
Marlo Thomas and this show, and it was really interesting
because what we got to do was build us Basebridge,
which is pretty much doing a FaceTime but back in
the eighties, you know, with kids from Russia. And this
was back when you know, the Star Wars systems were
you know, you know, we were at threat of nuclear war.
I got to meet I sang with Carly I remember

(31:16):
I sang with Carly Simon. I got to meet Bobby mcfarren,
who I'm a huge fan of. UM anyway, so you
guys were on Donna Hue and so anyway because of
doing the show. Marlo Thomas and Donna Hue are a
married couple or are a couple, and he had us
on the show, well Donna Hue for you young folks,

(31:37):
you can YouTube. And he was a very popular daytime
talk show. Um, when Oprah first started, I believe it
was the two of them. Yeah, they were. They were
when Oprah was starting, he was he was right, he was.
Was he like right before her or something like that,
or yeah, he was before her. I think because he
was older. I believe. No, I mean as when they
came on. I know, they didn't come on at the

(31:57):
same time. They didn't come on, oh they were Yeah,
did they come on at the same time. I don't know.
But when everyone started to go like towards the Maury
Povic you know, crazy not more. What was his name,
Morton Downey Jr. Yeah, when everyone started to go way
more like you know, like the like the talk shows
became everyone you know. Obviously Oprah didn't go that way.

(32:19):
But Donnie he was like I'm out. Yeah, he was like,
I'm not doing this shit right. But anyway, he used
to be very dramatic and he was very funny and
he'd go and he'd walk around with his microphone and
he'd go, do you remember he'd go and call her.
There'd be a caller, and he go call her. You
say what, And he'd pointed his microphone dramatically up at
the skies that he was he was miking the speaker, okay,

(32:39):
and we have a collar caller, you say what. And
when he was get in front of somebody, Phil Hartman
did a great yeah. Just just YouTube YouTube Phil Hartman,
donn But anyway, he was he was a character um anyway.

(33:00):
So that's what Johnny Ce is doing. He's doing a
Donnie human impression here, going around the room asking everyone.
And Gloria the elderly turn she was good. She says,
sometimes when they arrive in the morning, they smell like sex.
Have you ever smelled sex in the air before? It's
hard to smell your own I don't know what se smells.

(33:21):
It's hard. It's hard to smell your own exactly. It's
hard to smell your own sex in the air. But
have you ever walked in the room and smelled somebody
sex in the air. I've heard people say this, like
it smells like sex in here, But I don't think
I've ever smelled that. Smelt it several times growing up
with brothers, freaking having my cousins. Doesn't smell like sweat
and bodio or like people were grinding around. Yeah, yeah,

(33:42):
I mean it smells like it smells like some type
of activity had happened in that room, had happened. All right, Well,
Donnie C asked Sarah for some help with a German
patient and to sabotage him. She says, Now, how she wrong? Yeah?
How did she? How did she know that the can

(34:04):
that Boobs was going to be involved? Did he say
that in the lead up to it? That's very good? Uh,
that's very very astute of you, Donald. I don't think
that he revealed that his that the man's wife was
in the room. Mhm. Interesting. She guessed, she guessed that
there might be a woman there. Took it she she
took a guess. Um. Anyway, the man was very angry

(34:27):
at this, and he throws Johnny C out of the room. Now,
I gonna say I had to rewind and look at
this a few times because that stunt double is such
a good double for Johnny C. I was like, there's
no ay, Johnny seed took that fall. We should ask Johnny. No,
it's not him. I've been framed by frame Okay, I
framed by framed it. I frame by framed it. But

(34:49):
when a sun is that good, when the stunt man
is that good of a match, uh, you can show
like a piece of their face, you know, because it's
like it's blurred. It's blurred by little bit, right, but
like he wasn't hiding his face like a stuntman or
a woman usually has to do. He literally you see
like half of his face. And I wish they would

(35:09):
have done that back in the day though, because in
Beverly Hills cop it is obviously not Eddie Murphy throwing
that dude over the buffet at the hotel. It is
not at the Harrold Club. Yeah, it's just the man.
It's the man. No, he goes, he goes, is this
the man who you know? He takes he takes a

(35:31):
long pause, he goes, Is this the man who wrecked
the buffet? Is this a man who ruined him? Unmarked
police car disabled? An unmarked police car with a banana
with a banana? That guy's amazing, that actor. I love

(35:55):
that guy all right. So okay, pregnancy time. Yeah, oh
my god. First of all, wait, before I get to pregnancy,
How fucking funny was me on the scooter going I'm
seeking you, Tike? That was crazy? You know what's crazy
about that? Also, Turk looks away and has it's a fantasy.
It wasn't real. You had a fit. Well, it was real.

(36:15):
You had a premonition. I guess what do you call that?
You didn't know? It wasn't Actually it was happening in
the world of the show. Right, it's not a flashback
because you didn't experience it. Right, what is that called?
What do you call that? Joel? He had a mint?
I don't know. Let's mamunition. Let's call it a premonition.

(36:37):
I think I'm a man of many wishes. Hope my premonition? Missus?
What I really you? My eyes won't let me hide
because they are ways stop too cy Okay, anyway, who's that?

(37:01):
Who is that? Stevie wonder? Oh beautiful? Because this time? Okay,
all right, listen, So we're cheaper. Cheaper pregnancy tests have
slower results. I guess no, she said he bought a

(37:23):
generic one. There's no such thing as a cheap pregnancy test.
They got a pregnancy test that was not the quote
unquote well, no, the name brand, but that would imply
that it was cheaper. Yeah, he makes some comment about like,
when you give me more money from my allowance, I'll
get the name brand. Right, But I don't think it

(37:43):
makes any difference. Well, no, but in the plot point
of the show it did. I'm just saying it's funny
that I think she just was using it as a
So things happened with me and my kid sometimes, and
he is very disappointed when he doesn't get his way
or if like a perfect example, it was when we
were watching the Hawks play and they lost, and he

(38:05):
got mad at my wife and I. He said it
was our fault because they did. We didn't root hard
enough for the Hawks to win, right, Yeah, And this
is the same. And I totally was like, you know what,
maybe I didn't look, maybe I didn't maybe I didn't
root hard. I should have rooted. But anyway, um, and
it's the same thing. I think she's I don't think

(38:27):
I don't think she thinks it's the test's fault at all.
I think she's looking at something some she's looking at
Turk to blame for it, though. She's looking to try
to find a way to blame Turk for this moment
in the show. They assume it's a minute long you're
cooking the pizza rolls, but that doesn't necessarily Oh you're saying,

(38:47):
you're saying that it makes it take longer. Yeah, I'm
saying a show that's probably not accurate. I imagine in
real life is that this cheaper off brand thing takes
three minutes, not one minute. That's the whole that's how
the whole plot of the episode works. Well, I think
every pregnancy test take is different. Time, it's time different.

(39:09):
I don't think they I don't know. I put the
story of the show. Yeah, but then they put it
in the microwave? Am I tripping? Did they put the
test into what was in the microwave? The pizza? Microwaves? Dirt? Dirt?
I was a little confused. Man, it's hard to write
the ship and do it at to say, look up

(39:30):
and write, and I'm sure I'm listening to you. Don't pause,
No man, I pause. I don't have time to pause.
You don't have time to pause. No bro, no bro.
How funny was the janitor the janitor's smoking in the
flashback run hilarious and doing the hurdles, and then Neil's
doing the hurdles. Look. Yeah, the callback, By the way,

(39:54):
I do have to say, I always know it's Spiller
and and I want to see Jenne Bachan wrote this episode.
She's a talented out but I always know it's But
whenever I as a director and watching this show and
go this one's really directed, Well it's Spiller, I gotta
say it. Sorry, guys, He's good. Um, this cinematography in
this episode was really good. And yeah, the way they

(40:15):
shot Neil fake hurdling was perfect. Yeah. Um, there was
some really clever photography with regards to that and uh
and uh yeah. So the jd JD then calls the
janitor out on all of his lies, goes on a
long gives us a short list of some of the
janitor's lies. But it's but it looks like the whole

(40:35):
hospital nobody believes the janitor. Everybody's over his lies. Yeah,
and then you come in and I say, not now,
I'm I'm I'm glow basking. I go now, I'm gonna
bask in the basking in the glow of being right,
or whatever, and then you and then you come in.
I go not now, I'm glow basking. I laughed so

(40:57):
hard at this. Where do the doves go? I don't know,
but one but I remember I remember shooting this. Do
you remember shooting this? No, but I must have been
we must have been dying laughing. Do I remember this?
You know when we were laughing? Do you know what
part we're laughing at? No? Tell me one thing. Harlan
knows that in her stomach there's a tiny little and

(41:19):
you went through like a bunch of I remember you
going through a bunch of different uh. And one thing
I know is that in her uterus it's a little
soft baby turn. Yeah, you went through several different things,
a little tiny gerkin like you said, so many different things, dude, dude,
so many things. I remember. I remember this day. I
remember laughing. That's the perfect setup for to riff on. Yeah,

(41:43):
that whole thing about the doves where the doves go?
I don't know. I don't One thing I do know?
How about the Grandfather Kennel fantasy? That should have me rolling?
So there's two there's two fantasies that are one very long,
but and and and out of nowhere. This dude comes

(42:03):
in to tell everyone about his being our hurdle racer one.
And then where did the kintel come from? It was
a grandfather kintel? But and I know you were imagining it,
but and you're being and you're being given a tour,
But how did it happen? The setup was something like
what was this setup? Joel? It was something like they
were grandmother someone Carla, and the grandmother someone's grandfather, someone's

(42:26):
grandfather was going to die or something. Carlos. It's not
like a dog, you can't replace him. Derek didn't want
to do a hip surgery on like a ninety eight
year old man. That's what it was. That's what it was.
This This was very funnily finally done. And the set.
I love how this set is like that old grandparent
like like wall wall boarding, you know, the wood boards.
And then like they've all got there like barka lounger,

(42:47):
recliner chair and some bite yeah, and then I lure
mine over with a Worther's candy and I'm like, here
you go unwrap this. You want to win wrapped this
in a movie theater. We don't want to separate these two.
I already have a grandma. I already have a grandmother.

(43:13):
By the way, I love telling me this show pair
as well would get jazz cabbage. It really does. Did
you have jazz cabbage when you absolutely when watching this
When watching this show, I thought you were off jazz cabbage.
I didn't know. No, we had this conversation. Bro okay,
just done it. Left the jazz cabbage. I'm just don't
yell at me. I don't do it when I'm doing
the podcast. By the way, I love um where there's candies.

(43:36):
I know that it's like a jokey, like old person
treat you like butterscotch. I love a worthers. They slap.
I never see them, I never. They're very tasty. You
very never had a worth Well do you not know
any seniors, Joel? You know how some you know how
some hard candies make your saliva kind of thick and everything.

(43:58):
It's like literally like your swallowing. It feels like you're
swallow scot. I'm gonna drive you a lot later. I'm
coming to bring it away. The way this is like
the best for words right now. But worthers are great.
I don't know why they got stereotypically known for being
an old person favorite. But they are Do you like salt?

(44:18):
Do you like salt and butter? Scotch over ice cream?
Who doesn't? Creams? So delicious? Sponsor? You should hit that
button right now? Which one the bong ripper? You're well?
Please try and get worse. I imagine the Worther's head

(44:39):
office is run by senior citizens, so they might not know.
They don't know how to use computer. No, they might
not know the podcasts are a thing. But they're still
they're still. There's still they still have rotary down telephone.
They have they have this time, they have the time
you hold up to your phone like too far? Yes? Right,

(45:00):
give me connetic at two flus even where is? What
do you like to advertise on a podcast? Coming to live? Um?
All right? So then I say I low jack the janitor. Yes,
we have successfully low jacked the janitor. Elliot can't not
cry at the thought of a baby, right, so she

(45:24):
lies and says to Keith dumpter dump yes. And this
makes for sorry Cox seeing this and knowing what's happened,
and wants to get back at Elliott for what he
what she did earlier with the with the German guy

(45:47):
convinces Keith to wink at every girl that walks by,
and then shows Carla, who's kind of sad for Elliott, Uh,
what Keith is doing? And she Uh, they had to
plan to have Yeah, they had to plan to have
Carla tell Keith subtly all of the Is it sub

(46:10):
sub how would you say it? Is it subtly? Is
that the right way to say it? Yeah, she's not
being Yeah when I subtly? Yeah, I guess so subtly? Uh,
all of his faults in the bedroom? Right, and what
are his faults? I forgot what the ends up being
other than he doesn't stretch for the wirly bird. They

(46:31):
don't tell us any else. That was like a weird
little side plot that didn't really go anywhere. Yeah, I
know what it is. We learned that Keith made out
with his sister, right right, that's really weird. I mean,
and then and but then Elliott doesn't really have a
problem with it because she's banging. That's so twisted, twisted.

(47:00):
It's a bit like what what they so I'm doing?
Sixth grade is pretty old to be making out with
your sister. Yeah, you know about definitely I'm doing a
writer's room right now. What And I realized what it
takes to have to get to that moment and then
and for those things to have to get through, Bill

(47:21):
has to sign off on Yeah, I fuck it. Yeah.
The brother and sisters they're making out. Yeah, you know
what I mean. But to get there you have to
be that's like one of those late night all right,
So how about this? What if the secret? Like they're like,
they tried to go through several secrets, they couldn't really
think of anything, and then finally was like, yo, what
if he makes out with his sister in like the

(47:42):
sixth grade? Yeah? And Bill's finally and Bill's like, yeah,
fuck with it. Yeah, I want to go home. That's fine, Yeah,
because that's just the babies. That was a long way
around the block for yelling aboard the babies. Yeah, and
then to say that the father sorry, yeah, and the
priest says, I'm yeah. We were really trying to be edgy.

(48:03):
This was this is edgy at any time, but definitely edgy,
even edgy. You're back when we were doing it. Yeah, Um,
I say, there's no fetus. Nobody makes fetus balloons. Jade

(48:23):
actually went to a balloon set, probably several balloons stores.
But this before the internet, So where do you keep
the fetus balloons at? This was before the internet was
what the internet was, so he couldn't google search fetus bones. Joel,
will you see if there's any fetus balloons? Now I'm interested.
Do you remember the Thomas guy we spoke about this.

(48:45):
That's how you got around La. You had to look
shit up in a book. The show was a mess.
I laughed so hard Donald when I go when you
were like, do that whole thing? I'm really, do you
have a good ideas? I'm tired of your ideas? And
I go, it's a good head. I'm listening. I think
I was. That's after Richard Kind, So I do believe
we were all trying. I know, you know there's something

(49:07):
about I never heard it anywhere else, but in this show.
I go, JD goes, it's a good like spelled g
O O D apostrophe N Like like when I said,
like when in the in the it's a big it's
a biggin Yeah. There's nothing I love more than driving
my my scooter Sasha through potholes and here comes a

(49:29):
big in I just realized what that suit of armor
is behind you. Oh, it's from which I was here.
I thought it was a suit of armor for the
I'm like, what the fuck guy, it is m But
it's the the film which I was here that you
should now rent tonight because it's on Netflix. Everybody. You
don't need to rent it. It's free. It's on Netflix. Absolutely.
I hear the wave is playing on. I just looked down.

(49:52):
I just looked down in the chat and it says
no fetus balloons thing, No fetus balloons. Um, yeah that
arm McDonald after the film wish I was here. Um,
I put on a I put on a mannequin so
it could stand in my apartment. Yeah. You know, you're
very lucky because as a professional actor, I have very

(50:12):
few things from movies that I was a part of.
At one point I did have the jersey from Remember
the Titans, Pete Jones's number. I don't know where it was.
I used to wear it too because it fit. And
then I started getting bigger back when I was one
hundred and seventy five pounds, and then I had a
bunch of Scrubs memorabilia also, But now I don't really

(50:32):
have I don't I don't have much. I don't know
much either. Like I found some old school Kobe Bryant
socks that I still have, which I you know which
Kobe wore, Know that I wore because I was a
fan of Kobe. You know what I mean? That I
bought a billion? Why does that memorabilia? Because you can't
find those socks anywhere. Now. I thought that the story
was going to be a bit better than that. I mean, shit, man,

(50:57):
you want me to say, are you gonna be like
Kobe Bryant gave me these socks? You know I'm not
gonna do what I thought or do not? There is
no I thought, let's move on, all right, Um, when
we when we get the speech in the cafeteria and

(51:19):
then we try to make a dramatic exit and then
Google left. No, that was right, right, I need to
come with you. That made me laugh? Uh I did?
Who was throwing win in JD's face? What was that?
The wine? A wine? There? Yeah? There it is. Yes,

(51:41):
don't laugh at me, Joel when you threw win in
my things your face? Um, that should made me laugh. Also, yeah,
I laughed at that. And then when he spills the wine. Yeah,
because we can't tell Carlo what I mean. Aren't you
supposed to wait to tell people you're pregnant, like like
three months or something. Yeah, usually you want to wait

(52:02):
until it's for sure, for sure, and that's usually around
imagine miscarriage is in the first trimester, in the first year.
You guys are announcing it like after the test came up. Yeah,
well yeah, yeah, you know, we're speaking to tell people.
We told everybody right away. We're speaking of really yeah,

(52:25):
we told right as soon as we found out, and
people were like, you know, you're not supposed to do that.
You're like, okay, let's take a break. We'll be right
back after these fine words, and we're bad. I brought
you guys a penis doctor. Wow, I have questions. I

(52:50):
have question you can ask them about the whole spongey.
It's a spongey please. You know, let's hear right now
if that's accurate or not to comow you can talk
show dudes, you know, like a bottomoke jets maybe talking

(53:11):
about the episode. So come on, Joanne, let's get the show.
Ladies and gentlemen. Give it up for penis doctor Darren. Yeah,
there he is there, Karen Darren, what's up? You got.

(53:37):
Are you the penis doctor? He the penis doctor, but
he has the jets gear on. I don't know about
all that. Wait, no, wit before you get into sports
dissing because Darren is wearing a jets but Darren, um,
I don't take it off, leave it on, Darren. Are
you a a penis doctor? And what is that called arology? Yes,

(53:57):
by a neurologists, that is um what people call penis doctor.
But we also take care of other eurologic organs like kidney, bladder,
prostate um, any areas adjacent to that. But then the
genitals are what we're you know, most And do you
deal dude, A guy inacologist obviously handles women, so you
deal mostly with men. I take it no, but women

(54:20):
have kidney stones, kidney cancer, any issues with the bladder,
any issues with avoiding like your anatition issues. So I
would say the actually decent amount of women that we
take care of the well, I got a real question.
I'm gonna I'm gonna ask. First Donald, let's just say
let's just say that. Let's just say yeah, yeah, let's
just go there. We're not gonna say it's true, but

(54:40):
let's just imagine that I'm proud of my size. Doctor,
He's gonna get my ruler. Right. Here's here's the question.
So sorry, is there a pill? Is there a pill
that extends? For real? For real? Donald has been watching
some advertisements that say if he takes certain okay, guy,
he's got kind of writes the Chase doc tell us

(55:03):
there are no pills that can make your penis bigger?
What about what about investing so much money? There there
meds there, meds that can help you if you have
issues with erections. And we know when you have, like,
you know, a half Chubb kind of thing and it's
not fully is that it's not the actual doctor diagnosis
half Chubb? Probably not what I will say, Um, I

(55:27):
diagnose you with a half Chubb coup. A couple episodes ago,
you were talking about how bigger penises maybe more fertile,
and that's not true. Yeah, Donald Donald's yeah, Donald Donald.
I think I just think you can get closer to
the freaking Donald. I asked it because Donald Donald Donald

(55:48):
implied that if his giant cock was closer to where
the egg is birth watched, it would help. But that's
not true. Doctor isn't correct. That is not true. But
don't they when Okay, well doctor, what this came up
before you came on the air. We have so many questions.
What is the penis made of? Donald said it's a muscle,

(56:09):
which I know to be not true. Daniel said, it's
a sponge tissue that blood flows to. What is a penis? Doctor?
And do penis pumps really work? And by the way,
that was no calm down given one question though, there
are there are like compartments of in the penis, the
urethrow which has the penis as um you know, like

(56:31):
cells essentially that are that allow the urine to drain,
and so there is it's kind of and what what
Daniel was saying that erectile bodies, you have um, there
is muscle, there is um, vessels, there is um kind
of fibrous tissue that allows the penis to be to
be firm. So it's made of of all of those things.

(56:54):
So it's kind of you know, when when when when
when when When a man is aroused, blood rushes to
the penis, and then what keeps the blood in the penis?
I don't understand. Oh my god, Zac, I can we
have lectures on this? Okay? But can you say it
in a listen speaking to people that know nothing. So
in very layman's terms, there's a thing. Explain it like
I'm five, Explain it like I'm ten. Okay, Yeah, so

(57:16):
there are two There are two areas, two compartments in
the penis that fill with blood and the way that
they fill with blood um relax The muscle relaxes, and
it actually then compresses the um veins and prevents the
blood from flowing out. So the arterial flow flows in
like the blood flow flows in. But then there's it's

(57:39):
they're unable to be flow out, and that is how
you have a rigid penis. True or anything or any
other kind of sexual Okay, doc, is it true that
witten masturbation, I can train my penis to grow longer. No,
I don't think of this. There are all are surgeries

(58:00):
that like Donald, what are you saying? There's surgeries. There
are cosmetic surgeries that some urologists do that can increase
the length every penis. But they are because some people
like people. I hear that important that people put like
freaking prosthetics in to Yeah, that's to make to make

(58:24):
a penis bigger. Yeah, those things are crazy. You don't
do that work. Now, Listen, there are some people that
are that are that do I mean they're born with
a micro penis, which is which is yeah, which is horrible,
I would imagine, And so there must be something that
there must be some surgery that those men can have. Yeah,
I mean there are some surgeries that you can do. Chaniel,
did it hurt? What was the surgery? Like child? Did you?

(58:48):
There are people who are there are people who are
born you know with other general believes that that there
are ways to fix it. But there's also I mean,
what about for with female male transgender patients or you know,
transvender running get make a penis? Got it right? I
have another question? Wait, Donald's not it's my turn, go ahead?

(59:08):
Is it you got to ask about the half the half?
The half the half? What was it that where it
was like the half? No, not the hell where you
have where you where you make up a giant and
keep the balls and keep the balls. Yes, we're not
asking about that. He's a real doctor. Shut the fuck up, Darren. True.

(59:29):
By the way, it's our dream to talk to a
real penis doctor. Darren. Is true that there is no
seamen in pre come. I've heard this. Um, I think becoming,
from what I understand, is really just like lubricant. But
if there are still I think, you know, like I'm interested,
making me think of a like an happy end and

(59:49):
master of none. There was a scene like this, Um,
and if there's still sperm in your ureth from a
prior ejaculation, right, but let's say there's not a darn right, Darren.
I'm not saying people should use this as birth control,
but I was amazed to find out. And this is
very dangerous. Don't don't please wear protection? Wear protection please,

(01:00:12):
right Darren? Yeah, definitely where you know, no, of course,
but I'm saying I didn't know until a few years
ago that pre come is really the lubricant for the
urethra and there's technically no seamen in that material. Okay,

(01:00:32):
so here's a real deal. Holy Field question, If you
so was mine? That was a good question. Yeah, no doubt.
If you know your partner both get both get tested
and you neither one of you have STDs or that
can be passed, and you decide to have sex without

(01:00:54):
a condom, okay, okay, right, Um, So my wife and
why and this is what I want to understand. Why
wasn't like this. My wife and I it took us
a bit of time for her to get pregnant, you
know what I mean. And we were trying to get pregnant,
and then you hear stories of other people and it
happened right away. If it's as simple, why is it

(01:01:17):
that it should be as simple as if you're both
fertile and you do the deed at the right time
of the month, obviously at the right time of the month. Obviously,
how come sometimes like what what what are the odds
that we're going up against that it doesn't work all
the time? I know you're not a I know you're
not a I know you you don't deliver babies and
everything like that, but this is but he knows, Yeah, no,

(01:01:38):
but I and I'm actually next year I'm going to
do a fellowship sail and fertility, which is honestly half
half the part of that um. So that's like an
unbelievable question because but think about like the process from
the ferm being made in your festicles getting to out
of the penis, and then at the same time, the
female partner with the kind of ovulate out of the

(01:02:01):
ovary and through the sloping through into the uterus and
then you have to have you know, sexual intercourse or
how would have you to get the sperm there. The
moral is there are so many steps where that where
it can just not work UM or maybe you know,
whatever sperm gets to the egg because you know, usually
women only ovulate one egg. UM isn't just isn't able

(01:02:25):
to really strong enough for the genetic material enough. And
similarly maybe the egg was not ready either. So it's
and I think there's also a lots that they don't
know about. By they, I mean us doctors and researchers
who deal with infertility and and you know the flying
around on Mars doctor, why can't you tell us it's crazy?

(01:02:48):
There's there's no it's crazy like why And you know
that's why we know we usually advise the patient, you know,
a couple not to see not to speak of futility
specialist less they know they have an issue for for
you know, six to twelve months, because there's just so
much that can kind of go aw eye or randomness

(01:03:09):
to it UM that we usually want a couple to
have tried for significant period of time without birth control
with the proper timing methods. UM it's just hard to
do studies with those kind of things. Also clinically on
humans like r they like, all right, you you you know,
your certain amount of couples are going to have sex
and this and this day and you are going to

(01:03:30):
do it in this day and we want to and
testing everything like it's hard to do it. Yeah, nobody,
Nobody probably follows. You're really weird, man, because like the
first time, it took a really long time for us
to get pregnant, and I was, you know, I was
really excited about that, you know what I mean, even
though she was like, I'm not pregnant. In my mind,
I was like, yeah, you know, you know, you know
what I mean. And then and then if we have

(01:03:52):
the baby and everything, and she says I want to
have another one, and in my mind, I'm like, oh,
here we go another year of fucking. And it happened
like right away, dude, like right away. And I'm just wondering, like,
what is what is the science behind it? Because you know,
you can't ever really you know, even if you do
everything right, even if you're both fertile, even you know, yeah,
it's still it's still it has to happen at the

(01:04:15):
right time or it doesn't or it doesn't work. Yeah, Unfortunately,
I don't have like a great answer to you. You know,
it's more about UM in that year, you know, maybe
something didn't mesh up, and then and then you got
lucky and then the first the second one, like that's
kind of why we you know, you want to have
that multiple times around ovulation and then I mean I

(01:04:38):
similar stories with UM, you know, my conception kind of thing.
And even if you do get pregnant, then there's issues.
You know, you can have miscarriage and most kind of things.
Do some men ejaculate more than other men? And why
are there pills that or things that can make it
so that you ejaculate more? Oh here's another question. Wait,
if you ejaculate longer and more, does that mean orgasm

(01:05:01):
is better? Question? Questions my question first doctor, doctor Pet,
doctor Peter, Peter, doctor Darren. Um. Sometimes in certain films, UM,
you will see the male ejaculate and it's it's like

(01:05:25):
like a goose is pooing. It's just everywhere. And I wondered, um,
why that's happening. Oh my god, here's my real question,
My real question, the non silly version is do different
men have a different amount of ejaculate as their new norm.

(01:05:47):
There's a there's a kind of like a percentile of
like having more than two or three milli leaders. It's
kind of a low level of normal. So you can
have anywhere else, you know, a couple of milliaders. It's
still it's still not a lot. I think that in
these films that you're probably referring to what are you
talking about? Films? I talk about him, talk, don't interrupt him.
Um that it's you know, I mean probably if you

(01:06:09):
wait longer, there's often you know, you know that probably
gets you to uh, but it goes quicker with volume
builds up. You're saying, but it's but it's quicker when
when you wait longer, it's quicker. That's the thing. It's
like you kind of want to throw a couple of
exhibitions in that before you but before you go play. Yeah,

(01:06:31):
I mean it's in the air, like it seems like
more than there. It seems like more more than there is,
like you know, if you example, all right, I haven't
had to give it or we had a funny episode
of that and scrumpt Do you have any questions questions?
Doctor Yeah, let's do it. Sometimes I have to pee

(01:06:55):
all the time. Yeah, and I was told that can
be prostatitis. I mean, that's like a big jump. There's
so many other things you drink. You talk about how
much water you guys drink all the times. Yeah, that
would very well be it, right, I'm saying. Sometimes I
sometimes I will evacuate my bladder and then a short

(01:07:16):
time after I'll be like, I gotta pee again. And
it wasn't because I'm drinking like an insane amount of water.
I don't have prosttitus, probably though right, probably not. Prosty
is more like other painful celtic symptoms are other like
more irritated avoiding symptoms, other than just having to pee
occasionally on certain days. It could be. I mean, as
you get into your forties and fifties, your prossly gets

(01:07:37):
bigger and there can be issues with like obstruction from
enlarged prostates. Yeah. So I mean, if I were you know,
your urologists, there are certain evaluations we can do. And
I live in Cleveland. I'm in Cleveland. I'll come. I'm
gonna come to Cleveland's going to mention fucking two restaurants,

(01:07:59):
you know, Yeah, I have wait, hold up, wait, wait,
wait wait wait guys, so when well, he's the best. Guess,
let's have doctor Penis on every day every day? Oh dude,
I mean if you guys have other questions, like you
know I do, you're going to think of more questions.
I do what you guys will, let me ask you guys.
Don't do a dumb one, do a serious one. I

(01:08:20):
throw my penis. If I throw my seamen at the wall,
will it stick? You just want to hear it? Okay,
so check us out when people fall, he said, probably
when I see people fall and stuff like that. Like yeah,
in in videos like this, they had the Great Box
Challenge and all these people when I go, oh, I

(01:08:43):
kind of feel it in my dick area, Like what
is that about? What is that? That's a great question.
It's because it's like you're squeezing your whole like abdominal
and pelvic musculature, and the pelvic and pelvi must are
connected to the to the generals. That's how you ejaculate
for instance, or holding your fee for instance, but also
the testicles. You know, sometimes the opposite. Sometimes you get

(01:09:06):
hit in the balls and then your belliard. Yeah, because
the testicles when you're in utero being made actually starting
your agument and they go down through the adment into
the scrotum, so the nerves kind of still travel up
that way. So there's like that back that connection. So
here's the thing though, I like watching these videos because

(01:09:26):
I like that feeling. Dude, that shit. Yeah, I get
gautious when I see a man on a video really
really nail his groin, like fall on a skateboarder, land
on a banister, for example. I hate it. I have
to hold my my my balls and wins. I do
the same. I literally do the same thing, Zack. I

(01:09:47):
like it. It's like one of those things. But all right,
doctor Brick. And if you live in Cleveland and you
need a penis doctor, you're gonna go to doctor Brick
at the Cleveland Clinic. Yeah, okay, doctor Brick. Do you
have any questions for us? Uh? Yeah, yes, um, not
really eurology related, but yeah, um. I'm also you know,

(01:10:12):
I know, you guys like talk about movies and stuff,
and I'm a huge movie lover myself, and some two
of my favorite movies aren't necessarily like the best movies
of all time, but there are movies that I watched
as a kid, and then as I can grow up,
you kind of see new things because you watch them
million times, um and like see new things, like as
you're maturing, there just new things from watching so many times.

(01:10:33):
Are there any movies like that that you guys have?
Like for me, it's Forrest Dump and Dumb and Dumber,
just like I remember watching it as a kid, and
like there's just humor that guy pass with you. And
then as you get older, you kind of you grow
into that. You guys have any films? Yeah, I don't say.
You don't give a non Star Wars answer. Please, it's
not Star Wars at all. I have two films that
I watch. You kind of have to. Well, one of

(01:10:55):
them you kind of have to watch every year just
because it's the classic around Thanksgiving. Plans, Trains and Automobiles.
I think to this day has so many jokes in it.
I have yet to see them all, you know, from
music queues to you know, to inside or punchlines that

(01:11:17):
I didn't understand when I was younger, and as I
get older, I start to understand. I think it's that's
one of those movies planes, Trains and Automobiles and then
Rushmore also is one of those movies where it's like,
holy shit, like you, it's just joke after joke after
joke after joke, and and if you're not paying attention,
you miss a lot of it. And so those two movies.

(01:11:40):
Rushmore is a great answer. I'm so happy you answered
something that wasn't Star Wars related. It doesn't run my life, Zack,
It's just a part of it. My honest answer is
a movie called Annie Hall. We're not supposed to talk
about with the Allen anymore, understandably, but I was raised
on that movie. It was my father's favorite movie, Rest
in Peace, and uh, it was a movie we watched

(01:12:02):
every year. And then the other answer the Keenoe Mind,
because Donald referenced the movie that you watch every year
is a Christmas story. Um, that's a movie that we
end up watching every single year. And yeah, I think
you always find new things from a kid to adulthood
in that film too. Um, do you mean another question

(01:12:29):
or anything about our penises? You want to know? Oh,
do cock rings work? Yeah, they hold the blood in right. Yeah,
you're asking about you're asking about vacuum devices. All the
vacuum devices are actually more used for people with rectile
function because you can kind of you you kind of

(01:12:51):
bring that blood in and then you put a rubber
band around it and that can kind of help with that. Um. So,
like you know, like an Austin powers like the penis
bump that's not really really it's not my bag baby,
Yeah yeah. Um And cock ring people use them for
like sexual pleasure or those kind of things. Though, I
you know, I being in the hospital, I've seen the

(01:13:13):
bed ends. Oh they get stuck on there? Yeah, something
gets stuck or Donald, you should get an extra large
one if you do order one, because I'm worried it's
gonna get stuck on there exactly. I think he gets
stuck in the hair, not necessarily or no, he's working.
It's like you have a kind of kind of cockering
at these people. He's giving you an analogy. A wedding

(01:13:34):
ring that gets stuck. I know, I get it. But
what kind of cock ring to keep any for too long?
If you keep it on for too long, who's walking
around with cock ring? Oh? Is really? Is that? Hold on?
Let me get knowledge me real quick? Am I supposed
to wear my cockerring? Twenty four seven. Love definitely nob,

(01:13:54):
this is a public service announcement. Dane'll put. The more put,
the more, you know, do not wear your offering around
for too long. Another question was if you have any
other crazy fan interactions or fan interactions from back in
the day that you specifically like kind of remember, yeah,

(01:14:18):
you know in London, somebody jumped on my back and
yelled eagle without permission, without permission. Don't do that, guys.
Then um, well, you know there are a lot of
negative comments on Instagram or something like that or on
Twitter when we say he's asking about a fan interactions.

(01:14:39):
If you've ever those are fans, whether they hate, those
are fans. Those are interactions where it's like, Wow, it's
really weird that you felt, you got so angry that
you decided to spend however many minutes or seconds of
your day, you know, your precious day, to write how
much you hate me. And I find that really interesting
that people do that, and so yeah, and and and

(01:15:04):
to do that you kind of have to be a
fan or aware of my existence in some way or
listen to the things I say. So when I see that,
it's like, wow, dude, like that, that's just bizarre to
me that you were willing to take all this time
because of something I said on a podcast, or maybe
I was in I'm sure doctor Burke has had a

(01:15:25):
patient that doesn't didn't didn't like something that was angry
because it's I watch said to the left that shit's
going right now, Doc, it's going right now, I said, Left,
I told you to have it curved to the right.
All right, it's time for Cleveland's favorite segment. It's time
too fix your life. So you know, I'm a urology

(01:15:52):
residence and residency is um and hours or long, and
I have a wife and two kids, and UM, I
think the thing that we're all trying to do, you
know these days, is find that work life and balance. Um.
And you know, I know you guys are busy obviously
different professions, but everyone has their own kind of thing.

(01:16:14):
What do you do you have any hips for are
you guys? Well? I understand where because I have two
very young children also and I try to hustle as
much as I can, so I can, you know, provide
for them like you do for your your family. Um,

(01:16:37):
when's the last time you guys went on a vacation,
like a real vacation, like just me and my wife
are the four of us, the four of you guys. Yeah, um,
not for a while. Yeah, I'm moving and that's crazy. Yeah,
I would say the next family outing, next big family outing,

(01:16:59):
plan like, plan it to a t and enjoy the
process of planning it because that's a lot of fun.
Uh we've found here. Yeah, and you know, and and
it also opens up your your ability to improvise when
things uh don't necessarily go as planned. But you know,

(01:17:22):
you're saying they're saying now, you're saying that you and
your wife find fun and the family find fun in
not just a vacation, but the looking forward, in the
plan forward and the planning of the trip. Yes, you know, um,
because you're right, you don't have a lot of time,
but there is that little bit of time where you guys,
can you know, even if it's a fantasy, even if
it's something that's not real, there's a time where you're

(01:17:44):
all together and you have that moment to you know,
just be happy, enjoy those moments. And you know, and
then and and when you do go on those when
you do have the opportunity to vacation, uh, if it's
planned properly, you know, you have so many things that
you can do together. There's so many great things that
you can do together. I would imagine you're surprising your
kids because your kids, your kids probably want more of

(01:18:05):
your time and you're so darn busy. Um, so I
would I would imagine that if there's ways that you
can surprise your kids with an adventure. It doesn't need
to be a trip somewhere fancy, but it could be like,
you know, we're doing something that you had no idea. Yeah,
even if you want to get ice cream, we're going
to the zoo. We're doing something that you had no
idea was happening. And you thought dad was working to day,

(01:18:28):
Well he's not, and we're going on this mini adventure.
I just imagine, like I remember stuff like that with
my dad, which I thought was so meaningful, Like anything
that was a surprise, it could be. It could be
as small as like, guess or we're going where we're
going to get ice cream? Or could you guess what
we're going? You know we're gonna go, Um, we're gonna
go to the toy store and you can pick out
anything you want under this amount of money. You know,

(01:18:48):
that kind of thing, like just something that's a for
a kid, a surprise adventure with dad. I remember being
really special. Now, as far as you and your wife go,
go ahead, you guys went ahead. I have kids. You
guys went ahead and had kids. So, uh, that stuff's
out the way. Oh that's over. So you've made that choice.
You took a fork in the road. In the road,

(01:19:13):
you had a choice. That's not true. They go to bed.
What time they go to bed? Right, they go to
bed A good when they go to bed. Guess what time?
Guess what time it is though to go to bed
for the adults too, Like I put my kids down
within a half an hour. I'm like, yeah, and that's
when I text Casey that's where she kills anything. I

(01:19:35):
kill you. No, no, not, I didn't mean. I didn't
mean to imply a sexually joke even. I just mean that,
like we'll like literally be talking about the same trash too.
Are watching because are you watching Bachelor and Paradise guys?
And no, I don't go, oh god, it's so Daniel,
you're watching so good? Hell yeah, me and Stephane you
love bat Bachelor in Paradise. Yeah, really, I tried like
thirty seconds of it. I was like, I feel dirty.

(01:19:57):
It's so bad, but it's you and your wife watch it,
my wife watching. I'm just I'm in the room and
I'm oh, this is abs. This is as far as
ABC will go when it comes to porn. Dude, this
is It's like phenomenal. Man. Like, I want to recommend
a good show. There's a show I watched on Hulu
with Martin Short and Selena Gomez and Steve Martin, The

(01:20:19):
Only Murder and Only Murder in the Building, Very funny,
Martin Short. Martin Short can literally just stand there and
I start giggling. He's so fucking funny. He steals the
whole show. Yeah. And then the other one is that
new Nicole Kidman show. What's that called? I don't know that.
I just started that. That's good. Yeah, Casey's watching that.

(01:20:41):
That's good, very good. I recommend Bachelor in Paradise. Oh
my god, recommend wait hold on, wait up, I recommend
what If? Have You? Have you guys been watching what If?
Marvel's okay, so you're still on lode when you get
to what If? Who Now, look, it's cartoon, but they
dive deep into this ship. It's so dope. Yes, anyway,

(01:21:03):
all right, listen you want doctor Brooke. You were so helpful.
I'm sorry about our immature questions, but we really needed
to know the answers. No, this is literally what I
went into specifically for those immages. By the way I joke,
and by the way we we joke. But there's so
much stuff that. Man, I'm forty six years old and
I played a doctor for ten years. There's so much

(01:21:24):
stuff men don't know about their penis. I didn't really know.
I have a question. I have a question. Sorry, it's
getting dark. True. Is it true? Because I saw it
in uh an American pie? Where is the button in
my butt hole that makes me come? No, I don't
think that specific Like there are like a static massages

(01:21:45):
you can kind of yeah, you gotta get a little
deep in there to get to do a prosthetic massage.
But even the musculature is all kind of very close
to each other. So that's why there are You don't
just like put a finger in your button and come
like that. You know, it just made me. By the way,

(01:22:08):
we just saw this thing on one of our last episodes.
We found the thing that they use for rams to
make them ejaculate. Yeah, it's an electro thing. Would that
work on a human? Doctor? They they, they actually we
can use that on certain men who can't ejaculate because
they have a neurogenic issue and want to have kids.

(01:22:29):
And this is safer than a surgical Does it hurt?
It painful? I've never done it, and usually these people,
why are you even in the field if you can't
play with the toys on your self? Don't you feel
don't you feel, doctor Burke, that you should, um try

(01:22:50):
it out to know if it's especially especially if it's ejaculation.
If this doesn't hurt in fact? All right, yeah, all right,
Oh my god, all right, Donald, I'm sorry doctor Brick
I'm apologizing. Um listen, you've been a wonderful guest, Joel.

(01:23:12):
Can we please have him on to answer more questions? Absolutely? God,
and maybe questions maybe Joel, maybe you could find a
guest that has a penis problem, oh boy, and we
could have doctor Brick on and live help the person
with their penis problem. Okay, interesting, That is a tough

(01:23:33):
job if you have a penis problem. Oh bye, guys,
I happen to have some people in the house. If
you have a penis problem. Um, I want you to
contact Joel people. Amanda just Amanda just came over from
her came out from her glam session, and all she
hears is if you have a penis problem, UM, contact

(01:23:57):
Joel at what is it? Joel? No, don't contact Yeah,
you're gonna reach out to scrubs I hire at gmail
dot com. Put it in the subject mine so I
know what you're talking about. Subject line penis problem for doctors.
No pictures necessary. Yeah, don't send pictures if it's weird.
Likes will disqualify you. Yes, absolutely, the pictures will disqualify you.

(01:24:20):
Did you hear that? But if you have we're only
looking at pictures on the actual show, right maybe maybe? Sure, maybe,
But if you have a penis problem and you want
live help, we will keep you anonymous obviously. Um. It
will be an interesting thing for us all to learn,
doctor Brick. Is there anything that you would tell our listeners,

(01:24:43):
um about their penises like inpact just as we say goodbye,
or just about their about that area in general? Like
I don't have a foreskin, but I know that if
you do, you gotta get under there and clean it, right, Doctor,
Oh that was I was gonna say very if you're
uncircumcised your force and definitely got to keep it, keep
it clean. What's the best way to clean hloth? What

(01:25:07):
about down and you and your clan clensit, damplet you know,
Clinton cleans it, soap all that stuff every time you
take a shower. But the one thing that I would
say is that if you do haven't usually to say,
you have an erection longer than four hours, go to
the emergency room. Like I would say, you should probably
probably shouldn't have a direction longer than two hours. So
if we haven't directed long in two hours, and it's
probably already too long, and because you see some people

(01:25:30):
who are like embarrassed and you don't get there until
twenty four hours, but it's really bad. So that's really bad.
So if you have if your erection isn't going away
after two hours, go go to the emergency room. But
if how about this, if your erection isn't going away
after sex, you should probably very probably young young guns
who can you know, have your refractory period can do it. Oh,

(01:25:52):
they can call it a refractory period. That's how quickly
you can reset doc. Yeah, how long is your refractory period?
Let me think. I'm I don't really want to know.
I don't really want to want Yeah that's what it's called. Um,
I just wanted to say it's all right, not not

(01:26:13):
medical related, but you know it's interesting. I listened to
you guys on like one and a half speed, so
it's really nice to hear your voice in regular because
I'm listening to my community work. Um and my my
my best friend Danny, who we watch We watch a
show and we like will randomly text each other like comments.
We always talk about that. But he um, I love
you guys. Watched you guys since I was a kid

(01:26:35):
and watch with My dad was also a doctor, and
he and I always say that, you know, Scrubs is
um like definitely, you know, the most realistic quote unquote
realistic uh doctor show. UM. And really this podcast came
at like the perfect time, and you guys couldn't have
time to any better. I know it sucks that you
couldn't be together, but I remember hearing about it and

(01:26:57):
then COVID happened and it just was literally the podcast
will think to It was the thing that like put
a smile on my face, like every time I thank
I appreciate you guys. That means a lot to us,
coming from a real doctor and um, and thank you
for taking the time and for enduring our silly questions. Amanda,
do you want to come say hi briefly to everyone? Man?

(01:27:19):
Are we're gonna end our show? But um, Amanda can
quickly say hi. She has her glam makeup on for
our special evening, Doctor Brick. Is there anyone you want
to say hi to? Or anyone you want to shout out?
My wife? My wife, Amanda? Actually, oh, don't miss it.
Sorry that this like they do in the We Are

(01:27:40):
the World video ahead. Yeah, this is a doctor Brett.
He's a real urologist specialist. Hi. Why are we talking
about his wife's name? His wife's name, because he's he's
a penis doctor. Well because Amanda, we sometimes penis talk
comes up on the show, and Joel was nice enough
to bring on someone who could ass to the questions

(01:28:00):
about penises. And you know, Florence. I disagree with Florence's
mom about enough talking about the willies. I I really
hold on. I love that's right, do or do not
talk about them willies? He is a fox sake. Just
stop talking about your willie. No, Doctor Bricks said, we're allowed.

(01:28:22):
See we talked about our willies so much, Amanda that
m Florence's mom gave me a note on the show.
She said, just please stop talking about your willies. And
then you recorded, and then yeah, and then we were
laid we laid it down on track. That's that's the audio.
Is how many takes? She she was very good actors.
She did like four solid takes. I give her some notes. Donald,

(01:28:43):
you look cute. Yeah, the beard is cute on you.
You look happy, You're not in a closet. Thank you
very much. You look good. I take it. Do you
like the fourth person to say that to me today?
Doctor Bricks the only one who didn't. Oh no, I
love that. I'm also of doctor Brick. Shut the fuck

(01:29:06):
up with that losing my hair. Okay, we gotta go,
we gotta go. Um, we're going, We're going, all right. Okay, guys,
I love you. We gotta go, audience, Thank you for listening,
Thank you for tuning in each week. I don't know
about you wanting to get off real quick. I understand

(01:29:27):
the we're going to we're going to show. I get it,
I get it. I just want to say this, then, oh,
have fun tonight. Thank you, enjoy yourselves. Yeah, send us,
send us strength, and send Nick some love as we're
going to see Waitress and Broadway reopen tonight. The tissues
we had to bring, yeah, we're tsues. Yeah, but uh,

(01:29:49):
it's a celebration. Yes, it is a celebration. All right.
We love you all. We made about a bunch of
docs and nurses in the Canada who loved him. I said,
he's the stories netballs should go. So gather around you.

(01:30:11):
Here are gather around you, Here are scotch Rewatch your
wits and that I know. Mm hmmmm

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Donald Faison

Zach Braff

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