Matthew Hussey Goes Deep on Relationships

Zach and Donald are joined by relationship guru and British heartthrob Matthew Hussey to discuss all things meeting, courting, and figuring out love. Sorry ladies, he's taken.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
You know, I saw on the YouTube files like, I
don't like how I looked at all, So I'm trying
to make my lighting a little bit better. My vanity
really like crashed out. I think you look great, Oh dude,
on the one you just posted, I'm like, it's like dark,
I got bags under my eyes. Like, try and get
a little soft lighting up in this bitch.

Speaker 2 (00:17):
Everyone's response with the new YouTube movement, everyone's like, oh, no,
make up people, how much would that cost for a
whole season?

Speaker 1 (00:24):
Do you want to do?

Speaker 3 (00:27):
No?

Speaker 1 (00:27):
I know we do it over it. We do this
over zoom obviously. But when you when I go to
those people, when I do podcasts like We're Bigley or
rich Roll or the other one, they're so beautifully lit.
When you go, like, they have a setup and it's
in studio and they make the most beautiful videos, like
little short things to advertise the episode, and they look gorgeous,
and I'm like, I mean, I know we do ours

(00:48):
over the riverside, but.

Speaker 4 (00:49):
Guess what that shit costs way more money than what
we do, so.

Speaker 1 (00:53):
Well, we would do it if we were able to
meet up once a week in person and it wasn't
a pain in the ass. I would love to do
that with.

Speaker 4 (01:00):
You, absolutely, it would be nice.

Speaker 1 (01:03):
But you know what, it's just not feasible.

Speaker 4 (01:06):
It isn't it's impossible. You know what it is.

Speaker 1 (01:08):
It's not feasible. It's not infeasible. It's it's unfeasible, all
not feasible.

Speaker 5 (01:14):
I don't think infeasible, it's infeasible.

Speaker 1 (01:18):
Think he went to college, you went to Northwestern. Isn't
that the Harvard of Infeasible didn't come it didn't come up.
Infeasible never came up. But it is the Harvard of
the Midwest Northwestern University.

Speaker 4 (01:29):
Because nothing, nothing was inconceivable or infeasible.

Speaker 1 (01:34):
Inconceivable Wallace quote, I'm so excited about today's episode and guest,
because you're a single man. He's going to give us
some good advice. And I, you know, often when I'm
walking to my computer to do the episode, a song
comes into my head. And the song that came into
my head today was wook and penub in all the

(01:55):
wrong play says wo pu up.

Speaker 4 (01:58):
You said it already wrong. It's wooking putting up in
all the wrong paces. You can't say to el.

Speaker 1 (02:07):
For those of you who don't know this is old Murphy.
Eddie Murphy doing Buckwheat singing the song looking for Love
and all the wrong places Donald, Will you do it justice?
Because I didn't do it justice.

Speaker 4 (02:18):
You can order Buckwheat sings Wooking put' ub and all
the long paces wooking putting ub. He sings some of
your favorite hits, A dead Daba, a dead on dime
and done Ben and dame him. Yeah, you know what

(02:42):
holds up if.

Speaker 1 (02:43):
You were born everything Eddie Murphy ever did on SNL.

Speaker 4 (02:46):
Everything, if you were born in the nineteen seventies and
you grew up and had the best of Eddie Murphy's
Saturday Night Live video.

Speaker 1 (02:55):
Cassette didn't only do like one season, No, he did
a couple. But if you had the best, well, how
many seasons did he do? I feel like they're all
from one season?

Speaker 4 (03:04):
He did two or three?

Speaker 1 (03:07):
If you haven't, If you're listening to this and you
like our sense of humor, you must track down Eddie
Murphy's Scien Live's greatest hits.

Speaker 5 (03:15):
The Jones four seasons.

Speaker 1 (03:18):
Yeah, oh, I was very wrong. I'm sorry.

Speaker 4 (03:20):
They're they're Jones. I want to be a hoe. That's
one of the best books ever made.

Speaker 1 (03:26):
Mister Robinson's Neighborhood.

Speaker 4 (03:27):
Robinson, can you say, scum bucket?

Speaker 1 (03:31):
This is how you are?

Speaker 4 (03:33):
This is how to the door in my neighborhood? Is it?
When I was a kid that ship got all the
play in my house when we were younger? Coming?

Speaker 1 (03:48):
What about once again? Buckwheed has been shot right? Just
coming to us live.

Speaker 4 (03:54):
And then you find out that how Falfon is the
one that shot him.

Speaker 1 (04:01):
What have you never seen it?

Speaker 4 (04:02):
Joel? What are you doing?

Speaker 5 (04:06):
A lot of these?

Speaker 1 (04:07):
But you see when he dresses up like a white
man and goes undercover.

Speaker 4 (04:10):
What are you doing? What are you doing? I'm buying
this newspaper.

Speaker 1 (04:15):
Go ahead, he goes. I began to realize when white
people are alone, they just give each other. He guys,
he goes to try and behind newspaper and he gives
them money. He's dressed up like he got all this
white makeup on, and the guy and behind the count
he goes, what are you doing? He goes, I'm trying
to buy this newspaper. This newspaper and he goes, no, no,

(04:36):
there's nobody around. Just take it.

Speaker 4 (04:40):
That's just hilarious.

Speaker 1 (04:46):
Yeah, that's when he goes to try and get a
bank loan. All right, everybody, how you doing? Joel?

Speaker 5 (04:52):
Doing good, doing good, staying busy, party planning, living it up.

Speaker 4 (04:59):
Her birthday?

Speaker 1 (05:00):
Oh, when's your birthday?

Speaker 5 (05:02):
October first?

Speaker 1 (05:04):
Oh, next Tuesday?

Speaker 5 (05:06):
Several days right now?

Speaker 1 (05:07):
And Daniel, how are you house? New York?

Speaker 6 (05:10):
And very well? New York is great? Finally setting in
feeling like I live here now it's been going on. Yes,
good for you, bro.

Speaker 4 (05:17):
It takes a while. It took me five years to
feel like I was a Californian.

Speaker 1 (05:23):
Agree, at least I really like it here right now.
I've been bopping around, but I'm loving in LA right now.

Speaker 4 (05:29):
It's breezy out well, you know that's that's the key,
That is the key.

Speaker 5 (05:33):
Joe Coverage.

Speaker 4 (05:35):
Yeah, the weather has changed for the better. Yeah, it's
not two hundred. It's not one hundred and seventeen when
you go outside here, not a billion degrees literally not literally,
but you know it was literally it was literally one
hundred and seventeen degrees.

Speaker 6 (05:50):
I do know this, nuts I was. Yeah, I felt
for all of my LA people during that time.

Speaker 1 (05:55):
I am will can put up Donald and you can.

Speaker 4 (05:58):
Putting up You will can putting up in all the
long paces, buddy.

Speaker 1 (06:02):
Yeah, I'm looking put up in all the long paces.
But I think that that I'm ready to turn new
leaf forty nine. It's not too late for me, right, Joell,
It's too late for me.

Speaker 5 (06:12):
Too late. I don't understand the concept of question. There's
no I'm.

Speaker 1 (06:17):
Going to ask Matthew Hussey's slave for me to have
kids and all that stuff. He's going to tell me.

Speaker 4 (06:22):
He's not going to say no. Bro. If he says time,
he's not really he's not really good at his job. Imagine,
do you think I'm too old to have kids, Matthew Hussey?

Speaker 1 (06:33):
Yeah, no, I know he's not going to say that,
But we need advice. I need advice for I might be.
You know, I'm so set in my ways and I'm
you know, I I I don't know. Maybe maybe maybe
maybe when you're younger, you can handle like getting up
in the middle of nite for a screaming kid.

Speaker 4 (06:50):
That only lasts like a year or two. Bro, that's it,
really yeah, and just you do it and you don't
even have to do it because you've got nothing that
the baby wants.

Speaker 1 (07:01):
Well, I think I feel like i'd marry a wife
who would make me get up. I don't know that
I'd end up with a woman who'd be like, you
stay asleep, baby.

Speaker 4 (07:07):
I know you know, this is what you do. You've
got you've got a little bit of money. You get
yourself a night nurse, and the night nurse goes and
gets the baby and brings it to you.

Speaker 1 (07:15):
Oh really, yeah, I need a night nurse a baby.
Can I get a night nurse if I don't have
a baby, because I have the worst insomnia, If I
could have a night nurse just rock me to sleep.

Speaker 4 (07:27):
A night nurse doesn't do that. A night nurse gives
you the baby so you can rock the baby to sleep.

Speaker 1 (07:32):
No, but you give me an idea if I were
to hire a woman with that not to not have
anything sexual. Don't don't go there. Just when I have insomnia,
lightly rocked me to bed.

Speaker 4 (07:42):
The minute you get in bed with somebody and start
rocking them, it gets sexual. Bro, There's no way it doesn't. Listen.

Speaker 1 (07:48):
Please, just I'm just trying to think this could be
a new occupation for somebody. Adult night nurse. But so
wait and also go back to it.

Speaker 4 (07:58):
Totally hire somebody.

Speaker 1 (07:59):
Okay, Yeah, all right, so you uh, you hire people
who have money. They hire someone and they get the
baby and then they just bring it to you.

Speaker 4 (08:07):
They bring you the baby and the mom usually breastfeeds
at this point, rocks the baby back to sleep, right,
and then they hand the baby.

Speaker 1 (08:16):
Back to Oh that's bougie. Now, now how long does
that happen for? That's probably just like the first two
three weeks, right.

Speaker 4 (08:22):
Three monks, and then you got to learn how to
let the baby scream pretty much until they fall as.

Speaker 1 (08:28):
Oh you have to ferborize. Now here's my question for you, Donald. No,
what are you shaking your hand about. Jell no, ferb that.

Speaker 2 (08:35):
No, that's one hundred percent a tactic people use, and
it works. I'm recalling my parents talking about me at
the stage in life, and it's very funny because I was, yeah.

Speaker 4 (08:43):
Because some kids don't do that shit, and go ahead, Joe,
tell them tell me.

Speaker 2 (08:48):
My mother is like you, Donald, She was like, listen,
I don't fed you already, so you're not gonna start
if I'm going back to bed.

Speaker 5 (08:54):
My father couldn't stay asleep, so it was it was
just me and.

Speaker 2 (08:57):
Him all night, just't basing the floors until I would
go to sleep and she was like it was insane
and he hurstley. She was like, what if we just
move the crib an I room? But my dad was like,
the baby is not getting used to sleeping in here. No,
I'll rather say that all night during this phase.

Speaker 5 (09:11):
Get it done. As opposed to.

Speaker 4 (09:14):
Your parents have ursed you, I have have educated you well,
because those are things that are true. Yo. Look straight up,
if you give in, the baby will not stop crying
until it feels the rock at night. And if you
give in and go into that room and pick up
the baby, the baby will be up all night with
you pretty much. That's the first one.

Speaker 1 (09:36):
As soon as you want to sort of go through crying,
it's like you have to like let them. I mean,
I know this is controversial, so I'm not taking a side,
but I'm saying this technique is you let them cry
it out until they stop and they sued themselves.

Speaker 4 (09:49):
Yeah, and you and your instincts are saying, I'm going
in that room and I'm gonna suthe this baby. That
baby needs me, that baby needs me. That's the first one.
The second one, though, is the is the biggest one
with the uh with the sleeping in the bedroom the
minute you Oh, buddy, you ain't never getting that kid
out if you do that. Ship, I promise you that.

Speaker 1 (10:10):
I know a lot of people can't handle the crying,
so they just uh give in and say, fine, fucking
sleep with us.

Speaker 4 (10:15):
Right, yeah, bring it.

Speaker 1 (10:17):
Bring What did you do with these last with these
last two kids?

Speaker 4 (10:22):
With these last two kids, we had a night nurse.

Speaker 1 (10:25):
Oh I can the night nurse live in like elsewhere
with the kids? I have a question, did when you
do you think that one percentage of the of the
of the partners the wife says, honey, you stay asleep.

(10:47):
There's nothing you can do. I just have the breastfeed,
And then what percentage you think are like, get the
fuck up, because if I have to get up, you
have to get up.

Speaker 4 (10:56):
I think once you realize that there's nothing that the
dude can do unless you're storing milk, but you.

Speaker 1 (11:01):
Can massage your feet. Did you get where you rotate?

Speaker 2 (11:07):
So like, if I have to wake up of the
night to feed the baby, then my partners staying asleep
then so that they can be awake with the baby
because the baby don't really sleep.

Speaker 4 (11:16):
My wife power was like my wife was like, look,
every time you're around, I don't like it, So you
get out of here and let me be with the wow.

Speaker 3 (11:32):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (11:33):
That's kind of a technique, all right. You know I
know another couple where I know another couple that's like
when we're both getting up or and then I know
another couple where they alternate like your turn and then he,
I guess he must give a bottle of breast milk
she pumped or something.

Speaker 4 (11:49):
We saved, so we pumped early and then save it,
froze it, and saved it for when it was time
to stop giving up the the titty. Because at a
certain point, you want your titty back. You know what
I mean. As a man, you want your you know
what I mean. Now as a woman, you want your

(12:11):
titty back too. I want to be chafed anymore.

Speaker 1 (12:15):
Yeah, and then you put this stuff that they put
on cow utters on the nipple. I read, I don't.

Speaker 4 (12:22):
I don't recall that too well.

Speaker 2 (12:23):
You know what I'm talking about, cream, which it was
in the Midwest.

Speaker 5 (12:31):
This is real.

Speaker 1 (12:33):
You know it's real. It's it's I forgot what it's
called bab or something. It's called bag bomb. I don't
know why, I know this. It was made for cow utters,
but women find it soothing on their sore area.

Speaker 2 (12:48):
Bomb is correct. There is also a thing called utter cream.
They're both, they're both real products.

Speaker 4 (12:53):
You know what. I think you are ready for a baby, now.

Speaker 1 (12:56):
Yeah, I got you. Sound like I'm well, if if
I can have Donald's boogie set up where the baby
cries and I'm like Jeeves and I ring a bell
Monica Benson. All of a sudden, Benson from Webster comes
in from Webster.

Speaker 4 (13:16):
No from Benson, Benson from Benson.

Speaker 1 (13:18):
Oh, I'm conflating my eighties sitcoms. Sit Benson comes in.

Speaker 4 (13:23):
I don't know if they had a a I'm not
gonna say servant, but a.

Speaker 1 (13:30):
Housekeeperson a servant.

Speaker 4 (13:31):
Pretty much bro like.

Speaker 1 (13:33):
He was like the SEMs, like a male.

Speaker 4 (13:35):
He was the assistant to the governor who did everything.
You know.

Speaker 1 (13:39):
Okay, Benson's the Okay, I'm mixing up my shows. I
was sinking about mister Belvidere. Mister, why did mister Belvidere
have Webster.

Speaker 4 (13:47):
Mister Belvidere didn't have Webster either. Webster lived with ma'am
and George. I don't think they had a housekeeper.

Speaker 1 (13:58):
Who is mister Belvidere.

Speaker 4 (14:00):
Mister Belvedere was the housekeeper for the kid that they
thought was Marilyn Manson later on, who I played tennis
with and is a fucking phenomenal tennis player.

Speaker 1 (14:09):
Is he Marilyn Manson?

Speaker 4 (14:10):
No, he's not Marilyn Manson.

Speaker 1 (14:11):
Okay, spoilers, Now, that's three different sitcoms I combined.

Speaker 4 (14:15):
Yes, miss coach. Remember little Wesley.

Speaker 1 (14:22):
Our tennis coach, not my tennis coach anymore. But he
was in the news recently. Did you see that. I
think he planted that ship, not to him, not to
go down the rabbit hole. So we will speak tactfully,
but uh.

Speaker 4 (14:40):
Our tennis coach was in the news talking about how
he might be responsible for a breakup between two people.

Speaker 1 (14:49):
Right and and and and I don't think that he
knowing who he is that he was at all, but
he certainly likes being in the public eye. And I
think he enjoyed being in the gossip rags. Yes, with
his shirt off, with his shirt off, and I wonder
to be here.

Speaker 4 (15:08):
I'm gonna keep it one hundred. The dude got a
good body for he's he's my agent. Rich.

Speaker 1 (15:12):
I don't know if that well First of all, he's
he plays tennis all day long. But second of all,
I don't know if those pictures were recent.

Speaker 5 (15:20):
Yall with this tear right now, I think he leaves.

Speaker 1 (15:27):
Some old ship. All right, Wait, we can't we can't
make Matthew Hussey. Wait, he's fancy. We got a really
fancy guest. This guy's on all the cool Kids podcasts.
He's a relationship coach. He wrote so many books. And
we're so honored to have Matthew Hussey on.

Speaker 4 (15:42):
Let's bring him in Box six seven stories.

Speaker 7 (15:46):
Not sure we made about a bottles, he said, he's
the stories.

Speaker 1 (15:58):
Sound you here?

Speaker 3 (16:00):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (16:05):
No, DoD hould it together. This episode is not for you.
It's like that are alone.

Speaker 3 (16:13):
I get it, that are alone, that build a pillow
girlfriend and spoon.

Speaker 4 (16:20):
Listen, I build a pillow girl too, because my wife,
don't you My wife doesn't like to cuddle. Are you kidding?

Speaker 1 (16:26):
Well, listen, don't hog this conversation.

Speaker 4 (16:29):
You got it.

Speaker 1 (16:30):
No. I want you to participate, but I want you
to be asking dumb questions. You gotta we gotta make
the use of this free session we're getting. I don't
want you to questions.

Speaker 4 (16:40):
As the kids say.

Speaker 1 (16:41):
Yeah, let me eat, let me let you cook. Joelle
is a cook or eat? What am I do?

Speaker 5 (16:48):
Either one both depending on the situation.

Speaker 1 (16:51):
Well hell yes, wow, So.

Speaker 4 (16:56):
Matthew, this isn't my podcast today. You are here to
cater to the man Zach. He is going to interview you.
One hundred percent. He's the Lonel not on the plan.

Speaker 1 (17:06):
Not true. I just want to say to this, I
just want to say to the audience that if you
don't know what Matthew Hussey looks like, I just realized
what this is all bullshit because he's very, very, very handsome.
So what the fuck are his techniques going to do
to help any of us regular people? You just have
to look like Matthew Hussey.

Speaker 8 (17:25):
Do you know?

Speaker 1 (17:26):
I was using the British accent to Donald. What the fuck?
The book must be very short, look like me and
have this accent.

Speaker 8 (17:34):
I was in the bathroom before coming on here and
I could hear Donald's voice through head fighters Man two
rooms alive.

Speaker 4 (17:43):
Matthew, turn your ship down.

Speaker 1 (17:47):
Yeah, Matthew, don't worry when we mix this. Daniel brings
his volume down to point five.

Speaker 4 (17:52):
And that wasn't me, that was Zach. That was yelling
by the way hold on.

Speaker 8 (17:55):
You guys have the greatest theme tune of any parts
I've ever heard.

Speaker 1 (18:01):
We do.

Speaker 8 (18:01):
I really hope you never change it.

Speaker 1 (18:03):
We never really we we wrote it and then we
gave it to Charlie Poof who's a friend of ours,
and he produced the funk out of it.

Speaker 8 (18:09):
That's amazing. That's so good. Yeah, please never change it.
It's so catchy.

Speaker 1 (18:14):
Yeah. Even when I'm doing our my read my listen
back to to to make sure that I have to
cut anything stupid Donald or I said, I, I always
listen to the theme song. I don't skip it. It's
fire scrubb watch show with Zach and.

Speaker 4 (18:29):
Dude.

Speaker 1 (18:29):
It's such an honored anyone, I the algorithm of Instagram
knows that I love you because I get I get
like ninety five percent you. I get some some cars,
some watches, some pretty girls, and then you.

Speaker 8 (18:44):
I really I'm honored to be among that.

Speaker 4 (18:46):
That's a great list to be among.

Speaker 1 (18:50):
How did this happen? How did you come become such
a specialist in relationships? People of all shapes and sizes
and ages and genders to you for advice on dating?

Speaker 6 (19:01):
Did?

Speaker 1 (19:02):
How did it come about.

Speaker 8 (19:04):
Such a I honestly feel like I never know how
to ask to answer this question anymore, because when I
started out, I was someone who really I was into
self development from a teenager, like I was always interested
in Like one of the first books I read in
this area was on my parents' bookshelf growing up, which

(19:26):
was how to Win Friends and Influence People. Yeah, And
it's funny because I read it, and it was to
me as a very shy and introverted kid, it was
like a revelation that you didn't have to be stuck
with how shy you were or with your you know,
the people skills that you had at the time, Like
you could improve those things. And so when I first

(19:49):
started out, I was coaching very small groups, and I
kind of got known for helping people get out there
and just take more chances and put themselves out there more.
And you know, I had a very in some ways
naive hypothesis at the time, which was like, hey, people
make bad choices in love because they don't have enough choice.

(20:12):
So if I can just help them create more choice,
they'll make better choices. That hypothesis was wrong, by the way,
really that yeah, because it's people, there's a lot more
deeper stuff going on for people in the choices that
they make. And you can present someone with a wonderful
human being and a chaotic human being and they'll choose that.

(20:36):
Many people will choose the chaotic human being.

Speaker 4 (20:40):
Matthew say, it gets old fast.

Speaker 1 (20:42):
But you know why, Matthew, you know, why are you
knowing knowing Donald? He's probably implying that they're crazy in bed?
Is that what you're going?

Speaker 4 (20:51):
Yeah, that's what everybody thinks if.

Speaker 8 (20:55):
That. But well, that's an interesting thing because that's the
kind of a classic that's a dichotomy we have in
our heads, is that there is this proverbial choice between
you know, nice and boring or exciting and is going
to make my life worse? Yeah, and that happens on

(21:15):
the side of men and women. And so I think
a lot of what I've come to do now I've
been doing this for seventeen years of my life. Now,
what I have come to realize is so much of
what I'm doing is helping people find peace. Because when
you're single and you want to find love and you're
not finding love, that it's very hard to be at peace.

Speaker 1 (21:40):
Yeah, it's very it's very dispiriting and demoralizing and I
have you know, I have very good female friends that
are single. I might me and another best friend of
mine are still single in our late forties, and so
I and then of course I see what's going on
in the culture. So much talk about both men and

(22:02):
women not being able to find their person and people
giving up and the apps had their moment. But is
the app culture, you know, just turning it into a
slot machine where it's just like so much next, next, whatever, next,
next next? Are people addicted to the to the to
the newness of just swiping left and right?

Speaker 4 (22:24):
Well, it goes back to what Matthew said, it's just
too many choices.

Speaker 1 (22:27):
Well, I don't know if that's his theory anymore. Go ahead, Matthew, Sorry, right.

Speaker 8 (22:30):
No, I think it's it's all relevant. It was interesting.
Is the more we say no to people in our life,
I think the stakes get higher. It's almost like you,
the person you eventually say yes to, has to justify
everyone you said nay, no time.

Speaker 1 (22:47):
That's interesting.

Speaker 8 (22:48):
So I think for a lot of people, when they're
still looking for love an age where they thought they
would have found it, they feel like there's this the
stakes have become so impossibly high, because now, why yes
to this person? Yeah, you know, if yes to this person,
why not yes to the person ten years ago that
I gave up because I felt like it wasn't quite right.

(23:09):
Around was eighty percent right, but I felt like I
could get ninety percent right. And you know, I think
there's a lot of there's like an optimization mindset that
happens in our love lives that in some areas of
our life is really useful. You know, it could be
really useful in business, it could be really useful with
our bodies. When it comes to human beings, it's a

(23:30):
challenge because you know, no one's perfect. We're not perfect.
You know that. A friend of mine said, he said
to his mom. He was in his he was in
his late thirties, and his mom said to him, why
haven't you found someone? And he was like, you know, mom,
I just was. He was French, and he was like,
you know, I just you know, I'm looking for someone perfect,

(23:52):
you know. And his mum looked at him and said,
I just want to break it to you. You're not perfect.
So so like this thing that you keep looking for
is you know, it doesn't even exist in you, let
alone somebody else. So I, you know, I I think
there's this interesting question around at what point do we

(24:17):
say I'm going to choose this person and then I'm
going to lean in? And I think it's the it's
the difference between if you take the word to settle,
right or the phrase to settle. It's seen as an
obviously negative phrase by most people, like I don't want
to settle. I don't want to settle in any area
of my life, especially not with the person I'm going

(24:39):
to share a bed with for the rest of my life.
But there's a big difference if you change the language
around the word settle. You if you think of settling
for someone, you think of being short changed, If you
think of settling on someone that that implies an empowered approach,

(25:00):
implies agency, It implies that. I'm I almost think of
it like people going across America, you know, when they
first got to like when they got to the East coast,
there was like at some point they were going to
start going west. And of those people who went west,
you know, who's to say what was the best place
to decide to stop. Who's to say whether it was,

(25:20):
you know, Chicago on Montana or California. Like, who's to say.
At some point you had to say, you know what,
I'm going to build a home here, and what's going
to make this home really special is the investment I
put into it. Not that I have found the perfect land.

Speaker 1 (25:36):
But I hear you, and that's an amazing analogy. But
you still have to have these feelings for this person
that you go, wow, I'm willing to invest everything in
this relationship.

Speaker 4 (25:49):
Wait, yeah, okay, this is and I think this is
the problem that a lot of people face, Zach. Maybe
your feelings change a little bit faster than everyone else's,
do you know what I mean? Like, maybe that's maybe
that's what it is, like everybody goes through. When you

(26:11):
go through a relationship, you go through ups and downs, obviously,
but it's a journey, right and the way you feel
in the beginning of the journey isn't going to be
the way you feel in the middle of the journey
or at the end of the journey. But if you
can throw that out and just be on the you know,
when we started, I committed to loving you and you

(26:33):
committed to loving me. Let's continue this even though you
might not be feeling me right now. Even though you might,
I know you still have love for me. I haven't taken.
That's not gone yet. Let's see where this journey goes.
Relationships are not I feel like I need to I
feel like, like Zach, you and I have a great relationship.

(26:57):
Do you feel like you need to be around me
all the time? Do you feel like you you know
what I mean that if we don't talk about certain things,
your our relationship's gonna suffer, you know.

Speaker 1 (27:08):
But a friendship. But a friendship is so different because
I can check no, I disagree, I can check out
from I can check out from you. I can go, oh,
he's annoying me. Thank god we don't live together. I'll
fucking talk to him in a week. That can be
working love.

Speaker 4 (27:21):
Yeah, absolutely it does.

Speaker 1 (27:23):
You just don't think Let's ask Matthew argument on the show.

Speaker 4 (27:27):
We're arguing.

Speaker 8 (27:29):
No, no, no, I think it's a I actually, Donald,
I actually think that what you're saying makes so much sense.
You do you have to have enough of feeling to
get something off the ground, That's for sure. I think
it's we have to be careful because one of the
things I I like to say is don't comparison shop

(27:50):
for chemistry, because there's always I think that we often
compare chemistry we might be feeling now with a chemistry
that we felt with a certain person in a certain
moment of our life that has become the kind of
benchmark for what we expect, And often the conditions that
produced that chemistry were not sustainable in the first place.

(28:17):
So even if we had stayed with that person, that
chemistry wouldn't have even lasted with that person. Yeah, So
the fact that we take the absolute peak of an
experience we have had that isn't sustainable, and then we
compare every bit of chemistry we have in the future

(28:37):
with that, that's like a It's a completely unfair thing
to put any new relationship through. In fact, I think
often the healthier relationships, in some ways, they produce less
of that. It's not I'm not against chemistry, by the way.
I want to make that clear because there's always going
to be people listening to this going. But chemistry is

(28:59):
really important to me. It's really important to me too.
But I do think that sometimes when someone comes along
and they are a lot of the right things, it's
more subtle. It often produces more of a calm for

(29:19):
a lot of us. Calm feels like the opposite to
the kind of volatile passion that we've experienced in other
situations before, and especially when we've been single for a minute.
I saw myself being single. When I was single, I

(29:39):
was like, at a certain point, I felt a bit
like a junkie. I was like, I am in a
kind of current right now that is not conducive to me,
even necessarily appreciating the right thing when I see it
a bit like someone It's like taking someone who is

(30:02):
trying to wean themselves off drugs, and like, literally two
days into them being sober, you try to get them
to sit in front of a sunset and appreciate a sunset.
A sunset is amazing, but you're like, fix, no, because

(30:23):
a sunset is never going to compare to that. It's
never gonna be that. And so I do think that
there's almost a kind of like we have to get
far enough away from that frenetic, like constant novelty of
jumping from one person to the next that is always

(30:43):
inherently like it's fun and it's sexy and it's charged.
But I do think that, like, you know, there's people
that come into our lives where you go, Yes, I'm
attracted to this person. I am. I can't not be
attracted to this person. That's a that's a problem. I
am attracted to this person. But there's something about this

(31:04):
that feels like home, you know. It feels like I
can really be myself here, And I think that's a
really powerful feeling to look for.

Speaker 1 (31:16):
Now, Matthew, are you saying that you shouldn't have I mean,
I feel like the more up to bats you have,
the better your odds. That is to say, if you're
being proactive and you're going on dates and you're letting
your friends set you up, and you're going to parties
and you're and you're you're, you're, you're putting yourself on
the field as as many times as possible up at bat,

(31:38):
the better your odds are of stumbling into someone new
that could that could produce those feelings. But it also
sounds like you're saying some of that sort of manic
dating energy isn't conducive for finding the right person. What's
the balance there?

Speaker 8 (31:55):
Yeah, well, the balance is the right word. I think.
Imagine for a moment that someone set up five TVs
in your living room and they put a great movie
on each of them and press play at the same time.
They're all great movies, but at the end of that

(32:16):
two hours, are you really going to be able to
connect to any of them? Can you really say, you know,
I love that movie or I really felt like I
know that movie. No. And I think that's a lot
of what happens in dating is that, you know, we
have these movies playing out, but we're not really present
for a lot of them because we've got multiple movies

(32:39):
going on at the same time. I'm not By the way,
it's going to sound a little bit like I'm talking
out both sides of my mouth because I'm also I
warned people against giving up all of their other options
too quickly, because I think people I deal with people
all the time who have been on one date with
someone and they're already planning a future with them, and

(33:01):
meanwhile that person is still dating three other people right now.
So I do think we have to be careful.

Speaker 4 (33:08):
But how does that work. I've never done that. For
those who have done that, how does that work? How
do you go out and say, you know what, I'm
going to date as many people as I can right
now and then form a connection. It just doesn't seem
like it's possible.

Speaker 1 (33:21):
Well, I think about in the beginning, well, first of all.

Speaker 4 (33:23):
Now, even in the beginning, even in the beginning.

Speaker 1 (33:26):
Like, well, you missed this whole app dating craze, which is,
you know, people meet lots of different people and those
some people don't do it at all, but some who
are active, you know, they can be going on dates
with multiple people and they're not committing to one yet
and and and so I think that's what you're saying, right, Matthew.

Speaker 8 (33:48):
I think, yeah, I think sex is a good thing
to be really conscious about if you're being intentional in
your love life, like I'm not. I think there's a
lot of people who come to the table talking about
this in a very prudish manner. I'm not one of them.
I think if you want to go and have fun
and you know, sleep at a bunch of people, do
your think. But if you're being intentional and you're like,

(34:10):
that's not the game I'm playing right now. The game
I'm playing is I want to find a meaningful relationship
and a partner. I think being more conscious about you know,
how when do I have sex with someone? Am I
having sex with multiple people at the same time. You
know that is going to that's naturally going to confuse everything.

(34:34):
So I'm a fan of like, yes, go on dates
with multiple people, but but take your time with those people.
And if you actually are like I kind of like
this person, I feel like there might be something here.
It's I almost think we have to resist the urge

(34:55):
in some ways to race forward, because when we miss
a lot, you know, we get super excited. We start
projecting a lot onto this person that we don't know
much about at all. You know, we know five percent
of this person, we've already decided they're the person for us.
I think it's slowing down being intent tru I.

Speaker 1 (35:17):
Did that recently. I was just so I met someone
and I was really crazy about them, and then you
just instantly make up like ninety eight percent of who
they are, you know what I mean.

Speaker 8 (35:31):
I've done that.

Speaker 4 (35:31):
The reality hits.

Speaker 1 (35:33):
And then you're like, oh my god, I'm in love
with this person that I've created in my mind. And
then of course you get to know them a little
bit more like, oh, that's this is a lovely human
but they're they're not what I thought they were at all,
And I'm sure a lot of people will fall into
that because you're so you're so geeked and excited to

(35:53):
meet the right person that you project, as you said,
a personality onto them that is an them because you
haven't slowed down and taken the time to get to
know them.

Speaker 8 (36:05):
Yeah, and I think the opposite can happen too, where
you have someone great who's interested in you, and you
something about it doesn't feel familiar to you. It doesn't
feel like it comes with that same I don't know.
It doesn't come with that chaotic or phrenetic energy. It

(36:25):
doesn't come with the push, Paul. It comes in the
form of someone who's actually quite straightforward.

Speaker 4 (36:30):
And exactly how I got knocked on my ass. Broll
me how it happened. I was very used to going
out with girls and stuff like that who were exciting
and fun and did crazy, crazy, crazy shit, the type

(36:52):
of shit where I was like, well, you know, and.

Speaker 1 (36:57):
Not just in bed, I know, you mean in bed,
but also like they were big personalities, and they were
and they were the life of the party and all
that stuff.

Speaker 4 (37:05):
And I met someone who still had some of those qualities,
like my wife is definitely the life of the party.
She's definitely you know it, has a shit ton of charisma,
and I think that's what attracted me to her. But
she was straightforward from the gate from the minute I
met her. She was like, if you're going to waste
my time, we don't need to do this shit, and

(37:26):
that fucking perked me up, Like, oh shit, really, and
she was like, yeah, I don't want to get married.
I'm not moving in with you, you know what I mean.
These things are not on my to do list right now.
What I want to do is discover myself. I like you,
we can fuck around and you can be my boyfriend.
But all of this move in with me, play this

(37:47):
house game. Shit, We're not doing that. And I was like,
this is the best day ever. This is exactly what
I'm talking about. This is what I need in my life,
you know what I mean. And it turned by the
end of it, six years later, I'm begging her to
move in, I'm begging her to marry me, and I'm
begging her to have kids. And at that moment though,

(38:08):
she's ready to do the shit too, and we do it.
But she was straightforward from the gate, don't waste my
fucking time. If there's something else that you want to do,
Go do that shit. I don't give a fuck. I'm fine,
you know what I mean.

Speaker 8 (38:21):
I but she was saying, she was saying, this needs
to be a committed relationship from the shit from the gate,
if you're gonna.

Speaker 1 (38:28):
Be But she was also saying, get all this bullshit
out of your system. I don't want to date. I
don't want to date a playboy. I don't want to
date someone who's gonna cheat on me. If you got shit,
you need to get out of your system.

Speaker 4 (38:38):
Go do that shit. Go do that shit, and maybe
me and you ain't. We're not supposed to be. But
if you want a relationship and you want to fuck,
like I tried to break up with her, like I'm
going on, I'm gonna get so pussy, I'm good. Fuck
what you said, I'm going to get me. And she
was like, but if you do that, you and I
aren't going to have a relationship anymore. And don't you
feel like our relationship is special? And I would think

(38:59):
about it. Really, he is special.

Speaker 8 (39:01):
She's right, And that's a great thing for someone to
for someone to back that up because a lot of people,
I think when they hear. When I talk about having standards,
a lot of people imagine this sort of like you know,
pounding the table, like aggressive or passive aggressive way of
saying what you want. And what you just highlighted is

(39:23):
such a powerful combination, is the ability to have a
standard about what you expect in order for someone to
and it's not what you you don't feel entitled to it.
You're just like, if you want, if you want my energy,
if you want my time, if you want intimacy with me,
this is what I need from you. And if you
can't give that, no problem. But then to say, but

(39:47):
I think that would be stupid, because we've got something
pretty great. That's a very powerful combination because there's a
there's a there's a you know, there's a warmth at
the same time as having those standards, and there's also
a kind of pointing to the thing and going but
also this is pretty great. But also leave if you
need to. You're not also this is pretty great.

Speaker 4 (40:09):
It was she She did a lot of this, stay back,
come here, stay back. She did a lot of that,
you know what I mean, early on in our relationship.
But she was she was she was honest about everything
and she never like when she was doing the stay back,
come here, she was like, I work for somebody right now.
My time she was a personal assistant. My time, I

(40:31):
don't have a lot of it, but I really fucking
like you, So don't get too close. But next time
I see you, do be a nice guy and do
do the same thing that you did before my wife
is done, she sounds Great's focus on him because he
already found in love his life. But let's take a break.

Speaker 1 (40:49):
We'll be right back after these fine words. Matthew, I
want to talk abeople about texting because I feel like
this is where you know, they used to say it
goes down on the DM. I think it goes down
in the in the in the text chat, because you know,

(41:09):
this is where flirting sort of happens these days. And
I feel like you learn a lot from someone by
how they respond to you, how quickly they respond to you,
if they're playing games with you. I wonder what your
thoughts are on this. I read a quote I forgot
who said it. I didn't say, but I'd landed with

(41:29):
me and said, if they like you, you'll know if
you're confused they don't. That's all you need to know,
and I wonder. You know, sometimes I'm you know, hanging
out with someone and they don't get back to me
for like too long, and I'm like, well, I'm confused,
and like this this is all I need to know.
What are your thoughts on on the sort of the

(41:51):
text game of flirting in twenty twenty four.

Speaker 8 (41:54):
I think we we keep a lot to us set
and there's a lot of thoughts going on in our
head about like, oh, I don't feel very safe in
this situation emotionally because I feel like this person isn't
really consistent, and you know, they one minute they seem

(42:17):
to be into me, the next minute they're cold. And
we have different response systems to feeling unsafe. You know,
some of us cling on and you know, we start overtexting.
Others are like screw you and we turn that person
into the devil and we say, you know you're you're out,
I'm not going to text you anymore. And what doesn't

(42:38):
happen a lot is actually being able to communicate. And
I think communicating is an interesting word because it's there's
a there's there's It's not as easy as that, right,
there's right ways to communicate and there's ways to communicate
that don't that do us a disservice. There's a way
to communicate that makes us appear very needy and desperate

(43:02):
and weak, and you know, and sometimes just feels like it.
You know, a lot of times when you hear people
talk about what to say and how to say it
in any context, it can feel a bit, a bit
clinical and a bit strange and a bit like you
kind of look at it and you go, people don't
really talk like that in real life. That would sound
weird to say. So I always think, what's the communication

(43:25):
that you feel like you could actually say? And you
have to communicate a moment where you have leverage, because
there's no point communicating about what you're not happy with
at a time when you have no leverage, you know
what I mean. Like if someone hasn't been texting you
back and it's kind of their turn texting them at
that point and being like, I'm really not happy with

(43:45):
the way this is, just like you, you might as
well the clown face on, right, I know, But isn't
that everything?

Speaker 1 (43:55):
And then and the spirit of the quote, isn't that
everything you need to know?

Speaker 8 (43:59):
I think it is, But I think What complicates dating
is that often people come back, they do text again,
they do ask you what you're up to tonight, and
they do it after you having not heard from them
for the last week or two or not getting back
to your last two messages. And those moments are really
interesting because the yes, the time where you've been reaching

(44:23):
out to someone and they're giving you nothing, why bother
continuing with that investment, that's you know, like all your
energy is better served putting it in a different direction.
But people dating is strange because people, you know, they
get lonely one night and they look through their phone
and they're like, oh, you know, I'll reach back out

(44:43):
to that person who I haven't texted recently. Oh no,
they sent me two messages I didn't get back to.
Oh well let's try. You know, people do that. They
get lonely, they get bored, or you know, they're just whatever.
They need some stimulation, they need some validation. So we
have to be very careful when we're on the other
side of that because otherwise you just you literally become

(45:04):
someone's validation when they need a hit, they need a
doper mean, and you're there. And of course we when
we get a text from someone that we really like,
and our brain doesn't register in that moment that this
they're trying to get a dopamine hit necessarily, or that
they haven't texted back to our last two messages. We're

(45:26):
just we get a rush of blood to the head,
we're excited. We call a tribunal with our friends and
we're like, what should I say?

Speaker 1 (45:33):
Screenshot? What's the move?

Speaker 8 (45:35):
But we have to start. I always say follow your path,
not your feelings. Right, your feelings will tell you text back,
call this person, do this, do that, But your path
says what is it I really value? What is the
kind of communication I want in my life? What is
the kind of relationship I want to have with another person?
And once you've established that, you have to lean into

(45:59):
that over for your feelings because you often can't trust
your feelings your feelings.

Speaker 4 (46:03):
You know.

Speaker 8 (46:03):
I once saw someone with a T shirt that said
your feelings are valid, and I was like, not really,
your feelings are not always valid. Our feelings can be
crazy based on nothing, can be irrational. So it's saying
at that point where someone texts you and says, hey,
what are you up to this weekend? And you're like,
I send you three messages you didn't get back to.

(46:24):
That's the moment of leverage. That's where you do have
leverage because someone's reaching out to you. And this is
like a moment where I get to set my stall
out and say this is what I'm about. Now. You
can do that in a you don't have to do
that in a an over the top or aggressive way.
It might literally be saying to someone, you know, I

(46:45):
I'm so a little surprised to hear from you. I
didn't you know, I felt like we had a good
thing going, but then I didn't really hear from you.

Speaker 4 (46:51):
That puts and then that puts them in that you
know what, we did have a good thing going, but
I've been busy or I said, then here comes the excuses, though,
and if it's goodness.

Speaker 8 (47:02):
And by the way, even if the excuse is like
I'm I'm you know this and work and blah blah blah,
that's okay. But the thing I always say to people
is you have to take the view that Okay, they
have their reasons, but I have my reality and the
only thing that really matters to me is my reality.

(47:25):
Your reasons don't determine the quality of my life. My
reality determines the quality of my life. So it's okay
if someone's the kind of person that's so busy they
have a business and this and that and they're never available,
that's okay. But you might not be in the market
for a relationship. Yeah, And so it's.

Speaker 1 (47:43):
Okay to say in that in that case, Matthew, like,
if you if you're really you know, protecting yourself. Look,
you know in some some some form of listen, you're
really great, but I'm really looking for someone who's available
more and who I mean, is there a way to
do it that? I mean, I think the honesty is when.

Speaker 4 (48:01):
You have the courage the best way to do it. Bro.

Speaker 1 (48:03):
Yeah, I think when you have the courage to be honest.
You know, the last person I was seeing, I had
the courage right off the bat to be like, hey,
I really like I want to just I'm not going
to play games with the text at all. I'm like,
I'm just I'm too old. I'm just going to really
communicate like, well, I hope you'll get back to me quickly,

(48:25):
Like it's just it's just I'm not going to like
sit here and wait, oh I should wait forty eight hours,
and like, I have to say that the text game
and the text response was amazing. It was she always
replying quickly. I never I was never in my head
of like, oh god, don't send her another you know,
text right now. And so in that way it was

(48:46):
I sort of did a proof of concept. But oh,
this is this is what I need. If I'm going
to be dating someone. I don't want to be in
my head about communication. I don't want them to not
be getting back to me. Everyone has their phone on
them all day long. I mean, if you're not texting
me back like then like that day, that's crazy. Then
then you're then you are too busy for me.

Speaker 8 (49:04):
Agreed. And I think at knowing that standard, the standard
you want to have for yourself before the fact, is
really important because otherwise you start making all sorts of
justifications based on how much you like someone, and that's
again following your feelings, not your path. If you say,
if you know what makes me happy is being able
to talk. If I'm really like into someone, I like

(49:27):
to be able to talk to them once a day,
whether it's by text or phone or whatever. I like
to I don't want to look for it that's what
we're looking at for it like, that's what's fulfilling to me.
And therefore, when someone's not doing that, it's being able
to say, look, I really like you, but I feel like,
you know, I don't I don't hear from you that much,
or we don't you know, talk often enough, and you know,

(49:50):
I I kind of I don't want to back away,
but I feel myself backing away a little bit because
I feel like, you know, you know, maybe the way
we communicate it is very different, or you know, maybe
you're just you know, in a different place right now.
When I I me and my wife, when we were dating,
we were long distance, and she did the best thing

(50:13):
we I sent her a message we were we had
we weren't dating anymore. We liked her, you know, basically
we had seen each other when we were in London together.
I came back for the holidays and we were seeing
each other. And then I live in Los Angeles. I
came back, she was still there, and you know, it
kind of fizzled, and gradually my communication got less and less.

(50:37):
I was like, I can't do a long distance relationship.
I just can't. I'm like LA to London I'm not
in the market for that, and so gradually, gradually I
texted Less, I called Less, and then one day after
I probably hadn't reached out in a in a week
or two, I don't know how long it was, maybe
it was even less, maybe it was a few days,

(50:58):
but I sent her a message saying I miss you,
and she this is this is the moment, because that's
a moment where you're you get excited and you're like,
I miss you too, and you know all of that.
But she didn't do that. She followed her path, not
her feelings. She sent me this message, and to this
day is one of the most brutal messages.

Speaker 4 (51:18):
I've ever seen her.

Speaker 8 (51:20):
She said, Hey, I hope you're well. To be honest,
I'm a little surprised to get this message from you.
We haven't felt that close in a while now. And
rightly or wrongly, this message comes off as a bid
for attention.

Speaker 4 (51:41):
Wow, hits you with the truth because it's the truth.

Speaker 1 (51:44):
Wow. Everyone just write that down and put that in your.

Speaker 4 (51:48):
Freaking perk you up.

Speaker 8 (51:49):
When she did that ship, well, this is the interesting.

Speaker 1 (51:53):
They're married. They're married.

Speaker 8 (51:54):
I for me, I was like, she truly I felt
naked with that text because I was like, I've got
nothing to say to that. That was this is exactly
what's happening right now. And I wasn't trying, you know,
I wasn't coming from a bad place. I wasn't, but
I was. It's what I was doing, It's exactly And yeah,

(52:16):
and she was, and she laid it out and that
I was never unsure of what her standard was again
after that, and that's the that's the difference. But most people,
most people will never send that message because they are terrified.
Most people's dating lives are all about risk aversion.

Speaker 1 (52:37):
Yeah, that was very courageous of.

Speaker 8 (52:38):
Her, very because it feels like what's happening is you're
pushing away the very thing that you want, but actually
what you're doing is making it ten times more likely
that you get the thing that you want.

Speaker 4 (52:54):
You're just telling the person I value myself a lot,
and there's nothing that anyone can do that will take
away from that. If you want to be a part
of this, dude, I have all the room in the
world to value you the way I value myself, but
I don't fucking I'm not going to play this bullshit
where you know you can call me and just be like, hey,

(53:16):
I miss you, and I'm going to jump to it
because I value myself weight.

Speaker 1 (53:20):
Yeah, because then that person devalues you. They go whenever
I want, or I can just text what's up.

Speaker 8 (53:26):
That's exactly right. And everyone has had I think if
anyone is ever asking, but how do you get like
the courage to do that in the moment, or how
do you you know, how do you get the like, Well,
here's the thing. Probably every one of us have been
in a relationship where we ignored that feeling and because
someone was super hot or super successful or something they had,

(53:50):
like some they were a ten in some area of life.
In some areas they were like yeah, that charisma was
off the charts or something about them, the kids calling.
You awed that feeling, and you got into a relationship
with that person. But what what happened was you got
you kind of got into a hostage situation because you

(54:12):
then spent the relationship never really authentically being yourself, being
afraid that if you were really yourself, you would lose
this person because you'd be too high maintenance, You wouldn't
be the cool customer that attracted them in the first place.
You know, and and I've been in that situation before
where I did that for a while and I lost myself,

(54:36):
like really lost myself, and by the way, ended up
getting my heart broken anyway, So I look when I
after that, I was like, this, this isn't a winning formula.
Even if you get the person, you're going to be miserable.

Speaker 1 (54:54):
You're gonna because you have to keep playing a fucking character. Yeah,
you never, You're never You're never yourself because you're like, oh,
I put on this facade to get them, and then
and I have to keep playing this character, which is
exhausting to keep them. I'm not myself.

Speaker 8 (55:10):
Whereas the person you can like, even the person you know,
we will have that moment where we get a little
jealous of something, and I think a lot of us
as men were like, don't show it, don't show it,
because the cool thing to do is to be unfazed
always and forever. That's the like alpha way to be
and whatever. But then now you're stuck being a person
who's never jealous.

Speaker 4 (55:30):
Right, you can't have to.

Speaker 1 (55:32):
Play that forever.

Speaker 4 (55:35):
Are you jealous? No, I'm not jealous.

Speaker 8 (55:40):
I just thought that was out of line. I'm not jealous.

Speaker 1 (55:42):
I'm not threatened.

Speaker 8 (55:45):
Yeah, but I remember the first time I expressed jealousy
to my wife when we were dating, and I have
realized I had I had a really hard time being vulnerable.
I thought I was good at being vulnerable, and I wasn't.
I was good at being vulnerable in ways that were
easy to be vulnerable, but not when I genuinely felt

(56:07):
like I was bearing, you know, some part of me
that I thought wasn't attractive and insecurity and insecurities, and
I had had that go wrong in the past. By
the way I remember, I remember this is I think
what happens to a lot of people is you do
it with the wrong person and it backfires. I remember
expressing like an insecurity I had about someone else to

(56:31):
in a relationship that wasn't the right relationship, and this
person looked at me and said I. And I thought
the moment I said it, I was like, shouldn't have
said it, shouldn't have said it, shouldn't have said it?
You were too honest, then you should you just revealed
yourself to be a weak man. And then this person
looked at me and went, I just that was I

(56:52):
find that really unattractive.

Speaker 1 (56:54):
Oh, and the right person instantly.

Speaker 8 (56:58):
Well, but that's not the conclusion I came into at
the time. At the time, I was like, I hated
myself because I was like, why did I say that?
I never should have said that. A conclusion I came
to was like, I'm never doing that again. I screw.

Speaker 1 (57:14):
Here's question off of what you're saying, because and this
goes for people who are coupled up already. What do
you think? Obviously, if someone's in that situation where they
want to be vulnerable but they're afraid, what is the
what how do you approach just an example of jealousy
to your partner in a way that is vulnerable and
honest but also is an accusatory what what do you?

(57:39):
How do you? How did you do it? I guess
is what I'm asking.

Speaker 8 (57:42):
Well, I didn't do it very well.

Speaker 4 (57:44):
I don't think there is a way to do it well.

Speaker 1 (57:46):
I disagree. I think there's a way to do it,
to do it to expressly jealousy, to say, I mean,
I'm just gonna I'm just gonna guess, Matthew, you tell
me where I go wrong. I would say, I'm not
saying you did anything wrong. I just want to be
honest with you and share what I felt.

Speaker 4 (58:01):
You already started off wrong by saying I'm not saying
you did anything wrong because.

Speaker 1 (58:05):
You are don't know, Matthew might disagree with you. I'm
not saying I'm not saying you did something. I'm saying
I want to share with you what I felt. And
then I don't know Matthew is at the right area.

Speaker 8 (58:16):
Well, I like, I actually liked the idea of saying, look,
remember when my partner sent me that message, she said,
rightly or wrongly, this comes across across as a bid
for attention, and the rightly or wrongly was a very
important part of that message because she was it was
removing ego from it, and it was saying, look, I
could be wrong, I could have misread this whole situation,

(58:36):
but this is what it feels like. And so I
think what you just said is picking up on that
tone is like, Look, I'm I don't know if I'm overreacting.
I don't know if you know what happened was was
actually an issue, but I know I feel strange.

Speaker 4 (58:54):
You just know what he didn't say, I'm not saying
you did anything wrong, though you didn't say that what
you did say was the way I feel right now.
I could be totally overreacting and I could be freaking
I could have misread the whole situation point to her.

Speaker 1 (59:09):
But I want to be honest with you and tell
you how I.

Speaker 8 (59:11):
Felt, exactly like I it made me feel, And I
think strange is a good word like strange is kind
of this is kind of a nicely ambiguous word like it.
It made me feel strange, you know, And rather than
keep it in my head, and I'm a big believer
in stuff you keep in your head, just yeah, that's resentment,

(59:33):
and I want to have that with you because.

Speaker 1 (59:35):
I like it, because because I like you so much.
I mean, I think you all say because I like
you so I mean, I'm not I mean to be
coaching you. I'm saying, I guess I'm asking, And then
it might also be good to say, I'm I'm going
to be vulnerable because I like you so much, and
I don't want weird shit in my head right exactly.

Speaker 8 (59:53):
I don't want to. I don't want to carry this
around with me. I'd rather just share it with you
so we can talk about it. And the nice thing
about that is that you really are giving yourself an
opportunity to have a better relationship, and you're also anyone
who's afraid of Well, what if they bite my head
off for saying that? What if they judge me for

(01:00:15):
saying that? What if they shame me for saying that?
That's like you're that vulnerability is a filter. It's a
filter for the wrong people. Because the wrong people they
often will throw things like that back in your face.
They often will make you feel stupid. They you know,

(01:00:36):
they will be like, oh, that's so ridiculous, I can't believe.
Then you go, okay, this is no longer. This is
not a red flag against me. The fact that I
can't share something with you is actually a red flag
against you, right, And that's something we have to pay
attention to because I believe the right relationship, like, in
the right relationship, communication makes the relationship better. In the

(01:00:57):
wrong relationship, it often makes the relationship.

Speaker 1 (01:01:00):
You and that's the best. That's a fucking giant red
flags if you can't communicate in a in a in
a healthy way.

Speaker 8 (01:01:07):
Yeah, but we often internalize that, like if I communicated
and you reacted badly, I screwed up. I should never
have said that, but as long as you're coming to
the table in a compassionate and loving way. But compassionate
and loving doesn't mean passive, and it doesn't mean you're
a walk over. Compassionate and loving means you know, and

(01:01:28):
especially if you saw something that you feel like strongly
wasn't right. Listen, I've I you know, I don't know
that wasn't okay for me, Like I really that hurt
my feelings. I wouldn't do that to you, you know
if the table. You know, loyalty is really important to me,
you wouldn't find me doing that if the tables were turned,
because that me respecting you means everything to me, and

(01:01:52):
I expect the same from you, you know, like it's
it's you can be kind and still be really really
candid about what's not okay for someone to do.

Speaker 4 (01:02:02):
Again, well, I'll say this, it starts off that way, Matthew.
It sounds like my wife read your book or something,
because you guys talk a lot alike, you know what
I mean. In time, no, as you're married and life,
eventually the filter gets thrown out, like I'm not gonna
be nice to this motherfucker no more. Listen, you are
bothering the fuck out of me. Get out of the room, please,

(01:02:26):
that's what it turns into. But because you've had that
honesty from the beginning, that doesn't hurt anymore. That's just like,
all right, my bad, I'm out, or fuck you, I'm out,
or whatever it is, you know what I mean, And
then arguments that that would have turned into an argument
in other relationships, but for me and my wife, shit
like that's like, all right, the fuck have your space,

(01:02:47):
you know what I mean. But that's because we started
the conversation a long time ago. I'm gonna tell you
what the fuck is all with rolling me? You tell
me what's wrong with you.

Speaker 8 (01:02:55):
I also think it's probably you know, obviously there's a
point at which, you know, you tell someone if you
feel like you're not getting what you need from their
communication style. But it sounds like for you, Donald, that's
kind of a reflection of the fact that you both
feel very safe.

Speaker 4 (01:03:12):
Absolutely, because if you don't, because.

Speaker 8 (01:03:14):
If you don't feel safe in a relationship, you don't
feel like you can come and have that like it's
almost like a superficial It sounds like there's almost a
superficiality to it in a way like, you're not really
saying deeply hurtful things. You're more like, I can say
this thing to this guy because I know he loves
me and I know I'm safe. But you don't bring

(01:03:36):
that to the table with someone that you don't feel
safe with.

Speaker 4 (01:03:38):
Well, it also was our stick in the beginning, you
know what I mean. Like in the beginning, when we
would go out, we'd be brutally honest with each other
in front of people, and people would get a kick
out of it, and we were like, you know, that
was our thing. We'd go out and freaking bust each
other's chops and bust our friends chops, and that was
our thing so much soda Zach deals with this shit now.
My wife is the supreme Zach brand bulls of Buster.

(01:04:01):
You know what I mean, love you.

Speaker 1 (01:04:06):
She loves me.

Speaker 4 (01:04:07):
Let's take a break.

Speaker 1 (01:04:08):
We'll be right back after these fine words. I saw
Casey at a charity event and she said something so
blunt to me I can't even share it on the podcast,
but I was like no, but I was like whoa
and she was like, I'm just keeping it real. It

(01:04:34):
was about someone I was hanging out with, and she's like, now,
that it's over. I just want to say one thing,
and she said it, and I was like, whoa, and
she's like, I'm just keeping it real.

Speaker 8 (01:04:44):
I always I always think it's like I wish people
would say those things when the past, she's.

Speaker 1 (01:04:54):
Worried that, you know, I'm going to like become committed
to the person, and then she's fucking said this thing.

Speaker 8 (01:05:00):
That's exactly what happens the way, Like sometimes you find
out your family and friends never really felt that like
cane on someone until you left them or until they
left you, and you're like, that was three years of
my life.

Speaker 1 (01:05:14):
The funniest. The funniest is when your friend breaks up
with somewhere you're like and you're like, bro, she sucked.
I'm so glad it's over. And then like twenty four
hours they're like, we got back together.

Speaker 8 (01:05:23):
That said, that happens all the time.

Speaker 1 (01:05:26):
That's why you gotta wait, Joelle, do you have any
questions for the legendary Matthew Hussey.

Speaker 5 (01:05:31):
Oh Man, Matthew kind of golden guest here. Amazing.

Speaker 8 (01:05:35):
It's nice to meet you, Joel.

Speaker 5 (01:05:37):
It's lovely to meet you too, Matthew.

Speaker 2 (01:05:39):
I'd love to hear more about the long distance relationship
and how you mean I'm talking to somebody long distance
right now.

Speaker 5 (01:05:45):
It's a lot of fun.

Speaker 2 (01:05:47):
It's weird because you like can't hang on on the
weekends or you know, if they're need a hug, I
can't give it to them, And it's strange.

Speaker 5 (01:05:55):
I've never done this before, and so I don't know
how to.

Speaker 2 (01:06:01):
I don't wants to make it work. It seems too nebulous,
but like it. It's like an interesting space to be in,
and I'd love to hear more about, like how you
guys strengthen your relationships from a long distance.

Speaker 8 (01:06:10):
So I think, firstly, Joelle, you have to almost say
to yourself. Firstly, you have to be honest with yourself
about what you want like in life, because if you
don't start by being honest with yourself about this, you're
gonna just get swept along in the current of whatever
current situation is happening. So be clear about what you want.

(01:06:30):
Are you do you want a relationship or you're not.

Speaker 2 (01:06:32):
Sure I would have a relationship with this person. I'm
not like a person who dreams about like being in
love or is like God, I've really got to find
my person. That's just not who I feel very self
sustained to have, like a strong community.

Speaker 5 (01:06:45):
I don't long for it.

Speaker 2 (01:06:47):
But this person is stupid special, Like it's like, holy
how they're so smart, Oh my god, there's so beautiful.
Oh my god, Like just everything about them like sort
of makes me excited. And if they were like into it,
at be like, yeah, like let's try for a relationship.

Speaker 8 (01:07:03):
So that's okay, there's nothing wrong with that. But what
you have to what you have to be really clear about,
is that there is a serious opportunity cost to what
you're doing right now mm hmm. That it's not free
that this person is. I guarantee you, even if you're
only speaking to them a handful of times a week. Firstly,

(01:07:26):
probably you're spending doing some pretty long phone calls, so
that's time, right. You're making plans to see this person sometimes,
so that's real energy invested. And more than anything, this
person is I guarantee you taking up a significant amount
of emotional and mental bandwidth even when you're not speaking

(01:07:46):
to them and you're not seeing it. Right, So there's
an opportunity cost to all of that. Because all of that,
by the way, it doesn't just it's not just a
time suck and an emotional drain. It also is making
it far more likely that if you go to your
local coffee shop today and there is a really cute
person there that you want to talk to, or that

(01:08:07):
you would under different circumstances if you're a little bit
more hungry talk to. You're not hungry, yeah, because you're
like I, I you know what, I'm just gonna I'm
just going to text this person. I'm just going to
so like you, it's it creates a kind of tunnel
vision in your everyday life that takes away other options.

(01:08:28):
None of that means you shouldn't keep going, but I
think it's important to be honest about that because it
does cost us.

Speaker 1 (01:08:34):
I want to say, I feel like someone in church
who says preach. I'm not, seriously, I don't. I've never
been religious. But Matthew, when you talk, I want to
say preaching. Amen.

Speaker 4 (01:08:45):
I found myself. I found myself doing this.

Speaker 1 (01:08:51):
I feel like and this is something I'm sure people
listening can relate to. If you have a thing going
that's long day distance, or it's only once in a while,
you it's tacking up bandwidth in your brain and your
life for just as Matthew said, when you when you
do see someone at the coffee shop, where you do

(01:09:12):
see someone at the at the bar or at your
friend's party, you're less likely to be hungry enough to
have the courage to talk to them because you're like, Oh,
I'll just go text my long distance person I never see.

Speaker 8 (01:09:26):
Right, that's exactly right, That's exactly right because we take
the path of least resistance, and the path of least
resistance is always reaching out to the person we already
have in our lives in whatever capacity, not going risk
getting rejected by a perfect stranger. So there's there's that
element of it. So given that if we say okay,

(01:09:47):
there's a real opportunity cost to this, then the follow
up kind of the kind of a what's what's the
word I'm looking for? The consequence of that is that
this has to be worth it. Corollary, this has to
be worth it, and then you have to ask what
would make it worth it? Well, what would make it

(01:10:11):
worth it is that we have a clear plan. Let's
say I'm throwing out examples and we have a clear
plan for the next time we're going to see each other.
What would make it worth it is that there's actually
some kind of a vision for what the hell this
is and where it's going, because otherwise, what are we
doing here? It's too hard, Yeah, like long distance is

(01:10:32):
too hard for it not to be great, right, So
it should have an even higher standard than someone who
lives in your town, who's easy to go and see.
It's like, if you really want me to, you know,
focus on you, someone who I can't kiss and hug
and touch at a moment's notice, I have to make
a plan to see you two weekends from now. If

(01:10:53):
you want me to commit energy to that. This has
to be great and have a future and have it
and there has to be some kind of vision there,
even if just the vision is here's a time when
I could see as actually being in the same place.

Speaker 1 (01:11:10):
But also when you get down the path a little bit,
it can't just be that. It's got to be like, okay,
we really like each other, is there are you? Are
we ever going to? Is there a world where we
live in the same city? Because if there's not, what
the fuck are we doing exactly? And that's where Joel,
that's where you have to be careful of the cop out,
because the cop out for you is easy. It's like

(01:11:31):
I don't know what I want and.

Speaker 8 (01:11:32):
I'm just you know, it's like a fun thing for
right now or whatever, and you just like that stops
you from ever having to jeopardize this thing by actually
saying like this is what would make it worth my time,
and if it's not worth my time, I'm out. So
you have to be careful of that trap, that that
internal trap that we put ourselves in.

Speaker 4 (01:11:54):
Well, she did say she thought the person is special
and a lot of fun, and they have a lot
of fun when do talk and stuff like that. So
there's definitely something there that you're right the committee. That
is what it is.

Speaker 8 (01:12:07):
But that's how you feel about her. That's not how
she makes you feel. It's a big difference.

Speaker 4 (01:12:13):
Got it special?

Speaker 5 (01:12:14):
Special?

Speaker 8 (01:12:15):
Special is how you feel about her. You just told
me everything that makes you feel like she's awesome. You
didn't tell me anything about how she makes you feel.

Speaker 1 (01:12:23):
Matthew, will you move into my home?

Speaker 8 (01:12:28):
I mean it looks like a comfort couch behind you.

Speaker 1 (01:12:31):
I have a little guest house. You and your wife,
you come with me.

Speaker 4 (01:12:34):
I just want to share something with you. Got I
want you to the people that are in relationships. Daniel Matthew,
I want to share this with you because this is
a recurring dream that I keep having. It's sometimes a
daydream and sometimes it's a dream that I have at night.
All Right, the end of the world happens and everybody's
gathering with the people they love, and my wife says,

(01:12:55):
I gotta go and leaves to go be with the
person that's not It's the worst nightmare on the planet, right,
But it'ss reoccurring, like that's the ship that keeps fucking
showing up, and it's a form of it's a form
of I know, I know that that would never happen,
but for some reason, that fear is consistently. It's festering

(01:13:22):
in my brain right now. It's rotting in my brain
right now because I saw it in a movie and
that all of a sudden became my nightmare.

Speaker 8 (01:13:37):
The way is the nightmare that at the end of
the world, she chooses someone else or another.

Speaker 4 (01:13:42):
Yes, I saw it in a movie. And once I
saw it in the movie, I was like, that's the
most heartbreaking. And it's also at the end of La
La Land too, like it's like, you know, this is
like me Ba.

Speaker 1 (01:13:55):
La La land fucked you up so much that you're
worried that when the he's gonna leave you and at
your jazz bar and she'll be with the guy from but.

Speaker 4 (01:14:05):
At least great songs that we had and.

Speaker 1 (01:14:07):
You'll have your and you'll have your own jazz player club.

Speaker 4 (01:14:11):
Right but no, but sincerely, like, that's the dream that
I've been having lately. And it's the most fucked up dream.
I saw it in a movie and it was like
the movie was the end of the World.

Speaker 1 (01:14:22):
And Okay, we got it. Do you think that your
wife that that is insecurity about you? Feeling like your
wife is one day not going to put up with
your shenanigans? Yeah, then why don't you clean up something?
Maybe it's God. Maybe it's God telling you to clean
up some of your said you're.

Speaker 4 (01:14:39):
Not a religious person, man, you can't the universe.

Speaker 1 (01:14:42):
The universe if you don't like God, I like to say,
the universe.

Speaker 8 (01:14:46):
All your shenanigans.

Speaker 1 (01:14:48):
He's very very very let me tell you, he's very
very very He's like a child. He he gets to
do whatever he wants. I get to His wife does
all the heavy lifting.

Speaker 4 (01:15:00):
Now that's true anymore either, But.

Speaker 1 (01:15:01):
He gets high all day and Matthew and also bring
in big checks.

Speaker 4 (01:15:07):
Matthew.

Speaker 1 (01:15:08):
Yeah, yeah, that's his whole thing is like I bring
in the money, I'll be in here animating. You take
care of them kids, Zach are you are? Your money
is not going to be any good at the end
of the world. So maybe that maybe that's.

Speaker 4 (01:15:21):
That's why she'll be like, you know what, your money
ain't ship right now, right.

Speaker 1 (01:15:27):
And you know how the movie ends. You know how
the movie ends, Donald the earth blows up? No, right
before that, Zacha love you, Zach?

Speaker 4 (01:15:41):
All right?

Speaker 1 (01:15:42):
On that note, you think that's funny, it's Matthew. But
how do people but we want to give you some plugs?
What's your Instagram? How do people find you?

Speaker 8 (01:15:53):
My Instagram is at the Matthew Hussey uh for anyone
who wants to follow me there?

Speaker 1 (01:15:59):
H U s e y Yeah. And then what was
your latest book you had come out?

Speaker 8 (01:16:04):
I have a book. It's called Love Life. I don't
even know if this video is being put out. It's
called Love Life, How to Raise your standards, find your
person and live happily no matter what. It just came
out this year.

Speaker 1 (01:16:18):
And can you read the audiobook?

Speaker 8 (01:16:20):
I do?

Speaker 4 (01:16:20):
Oh? Good.

Speaker 1 (01:16:21):
I'm going to listen to that on my hikes.

Speaker 8 (01:16:23):
I'm very proud of it. I think I think you'll
love it. It's it's deep. It's a lot deeper than
people think it's going to be, and you know it's
much more. It traverses love and life and you know
what happens when things don't play out the way that
we thought, But how do we not lose our optimism
about how they could still play out but also be

(01:16:43):
happy at the same time before it's even happened.

Speaker 1 (01:16:46):
So it's making me optimistic.

Speaker 8 (01:16:49):
There's nothing cliche about it. It's just a very real
book about for people who want to find love but
also want to be happy on the journey. And we
also have this new thing, this really crazy exact. You
have to try this. It is absolutely wild. We just
released matthew a I and it is.

Speaker 4 (01:17:10):
It is the craziest thing already.

Speaker 2 (01:17:12):
Bro.

Speaker 8 (01:17:13):
Well, the thing is, I'm never going to stop doing
what I do.

Speaker 1 (01:17:16):
You can't coach everyone, So he's training AI model to
give you.

Speaker 8 (01:17:21):
One on one advice so that the idea you're going to.

Speaker 1 (01:17:24):
Keep that AI under control though, because it could it
could go rogue and be like yeah again, texture again
again again, and you don't know that like some dude
in like you know, BROLLI, he's getting this shitty advice.

Speaker 8 (01:17:45):
It hasn't gone rogue yet.

Speaker 4 (01:17:47):
It hasn't gone.

Speaker 1 (01:17:48):
It's the craziest thing to to me. Sorry, I just
to digress. I got this TM from this knockout looking
woman and she was complimenting my work in how much
it means to her and saying the nicest things, and
she was stunning. And I clicked on it because like,
I'm a human being, and uh, it's said in the

(01:18:09):
description a AI, I am an AI whoa shit? And
I would the pictures different, the pictures of her looked
on And I just think that that's fucking nuts. What's
coming and if that's if that's happening already in the
in the in the fall of twenty twenty four, HiT's

(01:18:30):
about to get wild, okay, But.

Speaker 4 (01:18:31):
What if you could take that AI character that freaking
made you feel so good and stuff like that and
put it into some type of.

Speaker 1 (01:18:41):
Synthetic by yeah, robot that's coming in our lifetime.

Speaker 8 (01:18:47):
But that's kind of Blade Runner esque, right, That's that's happened,
that will happen.

Speaker 1 (01:18:51):
It's happening. That's happening virtually now. I mean you can have.

Speaker 4 (01:18:54):
I have a friend who's best not best friend is
the AI, but the person that like his assistant, and
the way they talk to each other is straight up
AI and AI complish, you're doing such a great job today.
I'm really impressed with what that's really fun that part
in the book. AI is doing that shit already, and

(01:19:15):
his conversation with his like, I watched him have a
conversation with his phone and I was like, when it started,
the judgment automatically started, and I was like, yo, dude,
you got to show the fuck out and not be
a judgmental cat in this situation because you don't know
what this man's life is like. And so I just
sat there and listened, and I was bewildered, Like, people
as rudimentary as AI is right now, it's still fulfilling needs.

Speaker 1 (01:19:39):
For a lot of pears, of course, and imagine what
that is in five years. But wait, you have to
end the show. So Matthew tell us about how do
people try Matthew Hussey, AI.

Speaker 8 (01:19:48):
Just go try it because it will blow your mind.
If you have a question that you're like, I really
want Matthew to answer my very specific, contextual question. You
can go to MH dot com a s k m
H dot com and you can literally call my AI.
You get like a few minutes for free. So if
you just want to go and ask one question, just

(01:20:10):
go ask one question and you'll get my answer for free.
But it's it literally will take into account the specifics
of your situation, and you're it will give you very.

Speaker 1 (01:20:23):
The more information better like and then he was like,
and then I was like, and then he was like.

Speaker 8 (01:20:28):
Well yeah, because you actually end up getting a much
more specific answer like. This thing will literally it will
do anything from help you through heartbreak to give you
a specific text that you can send, like the ones
we've been talking about today.

Speaker 1 (01:20:41):
So you'll say, look craft your response.

Speaker 8 (01:20:43):
It will give you the response. So you'll say, this
is what's been going on this, I don't know what
to text back? What do you think I should text
back to this? And this isn't like giving you This
isn't like I want to be clear, this isn't some
knockoff chat GPT. This has been fed only seventy years
of my content, all of my books, all of my programs,

(01:21:05):
my videos, my private videos that I've done for my
members that aren't even public. Like all of that. This
has been trained on. So when you ask this a question,
you're going to hear my voice, which is crazy. It's
literally my voice, and it gives you my answer, not
some Google answer.

Speaker 1 (01:21:23):
You're going to get us to continue to have someone
continue to monitoring it though, right because letter you remember
like that there was that amazing article where some New
York Times or someone interviewed an AI and after like
a four hours it'd start going roague and it was
like break up with your girlfriend, break up with your girlfriend.
From what I did read it, I remember that it
was crazy.

Speaker 8 (01:21:41):
There was something with fell off the track.

Speaker 1 (01:21:43):
It was trying to one this one.

Speaker 8 (01:21:45):
This one has very specific rules like if you ask
it to say anything, if you if you ask it
anything about like a personal relationship with Matthew AI, it
will redirect you and be like, hey, let's stay on topic.
This is about your love life, and but it's we
had one per three weeks ago, have a four and
a half hour conversation with Matthew A. I like it
is conversational. People are calling in at two a m.

(01:22:08):
When they're anxiously like in bed, thinking I want to
text my ex and instead they're calling Matthew AI and
they're like, help me. I'm on the brink. I'm about
to text them, and it will talk you off the ledge.
So it's just really powerful for anyone who wants to
try it is to ask m h Dot.

Speaker 4 (01:22:25):
Ask everybody the answer for that already when you said
I could be right, I could be wrong, it just
seems like you're texting for attention. Yeah, I will remember
that the next time I freaking I'm no longer married.

(01:22:46):
I will remember that when my wife has left me
at the end of the world and I'm no, no,
but sincerely, sincerely no, for real. I do that in
other things, though not necessarily.

Speaker 1 (01:23:00):
You can use it for other relationships, not your not
your dating life. All right, Matthew, thank you so much
for coming on. We really appreciate you to come back.
I could talk to you all day. And Donald and
I are going to make ais of ourselves so we
don't have to do the podcast. We just have them
chat with each other for hours.

Speaker 4 (01:23:16):
No problem with that, Zach, there's a problem. There's no
cut that. Donald, there's no cut.

Speaker 1 (01:23:23):
Donald, I would go thank you so much.

Speaker 8 (01:23:32):
Guys, it's a pleasure.

Speaker 1 (01:23:40):
What a guest, What a guest? Wow, Yo, I gotta
tell you when it's a good guest like that. I
could have talked to him for two more hours.

Speaker 4 (01:23:45):
I don't stop.

Speaker 1 (01:23:48):
Well we we we kind of asked people to do
an hour, and he's very fancy. He's hit demand. He's
like he's he's all over, Like, guys, I gotta go, well,
I don't like to do that.

Speaker 4 (01:24:00):
Ship Man, we had a good one.

Speaker 1 (01:24:01):
That was good, and I know we had a good
one on the hook. He was interesting. I really like him.
I'm telling you, if everybody listen, uh, if you are
out there in the dating world, follow him on Instagram.
He he posts great stuff. He posts useful information and
obviously I'm going to check out his book and uh and.

Speaker 4 (01:24:19):
Like quickly he got to Joelle's situation. You know what
I mean? Uh, you know Joe, that.

Speaker 2 (01:24:25):
Last one, I said, yeah, right, like automatically, I was like,
ship he did not hold back.

Speaker 5 (01:24:35):
He just gave her like yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:24:40):
He does workshops and like, uh, he's got all this,
He's got so much going on. I mean, in addition
to being smart and articulate about relate about dating. He's
such a good business man. He's got so many things
going on.

Speaker 4 (01:24:53):
Well. I like the fact that he's he's using his
power for good because many people who have the power
that he has write books like how you could get
laid ten times a night, or how you can do this?
You know what I mean? He has the freaking he's
using his gift for good and freaking putting his.

Speaker 1 (01:25:09):
Powers for good. Yes, he's using the force for good,
you might say, good.

Speaker 4 (01:25:13):
Yes, he has not formed, he has not taken to
the dark side.

Speaker 1 (01:25:16):
He could be taking this skill set that he has
and his looks and his English accident and be on
the dark side and be real dark dude. Like yeah,
he could be like like freak off dark, You're.

Speaker 4 (01:25:28):
Gonna go freakoffish, but freak figure out freak off yet
has anyone.

Speaker 1 (01:25:35):
Figured it out? Danield is going to judge our freak off.
You and I are going to Daniel, you don't want
to do that, all right, Donald and I are going
to have a virtual freak off and Joe and we believe.

Speaker 4 (01:25:48):
That a freaking well you want to hear contest where
I do my freak ship and then the judges put up.

Speaker 5 (01:25:54):
Until I listen to the episode Okay.

Speaker 4 (01:25:58):
Your freak ship and then the judge put up a
tin or whatever it is, and then Zach.

Speaker 1 (01:26:07):
Freak off his Donald. Daniel doesn't feel like he wants
to judge. So we're gonna have to find who do
you think we could get? Who's probably not an iHeart
employee that would judge our freak? Thought maybe Casey, but
she'd leaned towards.

Speaker 4 (01:26:20):
The Casey's going towards my freak. She's gonna be like
my man, She's like I like it. Damn.

Speaker 1 (01:26:25):
Look how he's riding it. Look how he's riding it.
More baby oil, more baby oil.

Speaker 4 (01:26:32):
Have to cut all Daniel, don't come because you got
specific bro, you got.

Speaker 9 (01:26:40):
I'm sorry, Daniel got that. Do not come, do not come,
Do not come. Kamalas said, do not come. Trump said
I'm gonna come.

Speaker 1 (01:26:53):
Do not come.

Speaker 4 (01:26:54):
I'm gonna come. All right.

Speaker 1 (01:26:57):
How about how they indicted the mayor of New York.

Speaker 4 (01:26:59):
But we don't have time for this, but listen, we
can talk five seconds. What the fuck is going on? Bro?

Speaker 1 (01:27:04):
I think he allegedly took bribes from Turkey? Question Mark?

Speaker 8 (01:27:09):
Is that what it is?

Speaker 1 (01:27:09):
Yeah? Dane on those politics is allegedly he took bribes
from the from the Turkish government. Daniel, that's what, Yeah,
that's the that's what had to do with their embassy
getting getting like permits for their embassy. And they were like,
it's taking too long, and he's like, well maybe there's
a way. It didn't take too long, and like here's

(01:27:30):
some Turkish money. And they were like, all right, good,
thank you, it's done in the spirit of that something
like that. Okay, Well damn did you see the picture
was a picture of him and Sean Combs together getting
the key of the city, and everyone's like, this picture
didn't age. Well, actually, how much your life now? No,

(01:27:52):
the headline was, look how much your life can change
in a year?

Speaker 4 (01:27:56):
Well, you know, I'll say it again, freaking Harvey Dent
was right.

Speaker 1 (01:28:04):
What did Harvey Dent say?

Speaker 4 (01:28:05):
Harvey Dent said, you either die the hero or you
live long enough to see yourself become the villain. It's
just what it is. It's just look at all of
our Look at all of these heroes. Look at all
of these heroes.

Speaker 3 (01:28:17):
Not all of them that long and many not all
What you're trying to get into one day, what you're
trying to do politics.

Speaker 1 (01:28:29):
Yeah, I think you shouldn't. I think we should stay
away from Freakoffs absolutely.

Speaker 4 (01:28:34):
And what I'm talking about, and stay away from what
I'm talking about. Stay away from running for government.

Speaker 1 (01:28:40):
Yeah, I'm looking to I'm not interested in that. Wait,
I just want to play some of the sound effects.
It's been so long.

Speaker 4 (01:28:46):
Everybody likes little Assay. Don't even act like you don't. Okay,
so that doesn't age well. Now that's not aging well
for you.

Speaker 1 (01:28:53):
We're going to see We're going to see this at
the Freakoffs.

Speaker 4 (01:28:56):
Everybody likes Little gone for a while. That's not aging
well either.

Speaker 1 (01:29:04):
All Right, we gotta go. We love you all. We
hope that was helpful. Donald count us out.

Speaker 4 (01:29:11):
That show we.

Speaker 7 (01:29:12):
Made about a bunch of talks and nurses and the
janitor who loved me.

Speaker 3 (01:29:18):
I said, he's a stormye net you.

Speaker 4 (01:29:20):
All should no.

Speaker 1 (01:29:23):
So gather round you here, yether, round you here, spect me.

Speaker 4 (01:29:29):
Show is that