Camille Ucan - Judgement Day • Films To Be Buried With with Brett Goldstein #235 - Films To Be Buried With with Brett Goldstein

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Look, Hell is only films to be buried with Judgment Day. Hello,
and welcome to films to be buried with Judgment Day.

(00:20):
My name is Brett Goldstein. I'm a comedian and actor,
a writer, a director, a peccadillo, and I love films.
As Theodore Roosevelt once said, do what you can with
what you have where you are. Also, take my advice
and watch Megan. It's so bloody entertaining, you'll love it.
I swear yeah, I'd agree with that. Theodore Roosevelt World.
And every week I invite special guests over, I tell

(00:41):
them they've died. Then I get them to discuss their
life through the films that meant the most of them.
But not today. Today is Judgment Day. The world has ended,
and Camille u Chan stands before me. She has one
chance to prove why I should send her to Heaven
and not to Hell. What will happen, Well, you'll find
out quite soon, as soon as we've done this intro

(01:03):
and whatnot. Okay, enjoy it. Check out the Patreon at
patreon dot com forward slash Brett Goldstein, where you get
an extra twenty minutes of chat with Camille. We talk secrets,
We talk all kinds of things. You also get the
whole episode uncut and ad free and as a video.
Check it out over at patreon dot com. Forward Slash
Brett Goldstein, Camille ou Chan. This is her third time

(01:25):
on the show. She is one of my all time
favorite guests, some one of my all time favorite people.
She's a sketch, comedian, a writer, and actor. She's in
the brilliant the Horn section on Channel four. She is
just wonderful and I love her. You love her, and
that's why she's back on this to face Judgment Day.
We recorded this the other day on Zoom and I

(01:45):
think you will love it. So that is it for now.
I very much hope you enjoy episode two hundred and
thirty five of Films to be Buried with Judgment Day. Hello,

(02:06):
and welcome to Films to be Buried with Judgment Day.
It is I Brett Goldstein, and I am joined for
the third time by an actor, a writer, a producer,
a sketch, a stand up an award winner, a TV personality,

(02:27):
a real life personality, and a walking personality and everyone's
top two episodes of the podcast in all its history.
I can't believe we managed to get her back. Her
fee goes up every time she does it. She's getting
close to run affordable. She's finally here. She's your favorite,
she's my favorite, She's the people's favorite. Please welcome back

(02:50):
to the show. The wonderful, the brilliant came here, Dan,
thank you very much. I mean, I'm not a producer.
I'm not too v personality. I think there was a
couple of others in there that I'm not, but I'll
take it. Hello. Hello, You've feeled off every single job
you could think of. There, Hello you, Hello, I miss

(03:15):
you too. It feels like you've been gone for ages.
Get back to London. You'll miss it. You'll miss it soon,
You'll you'll miss it. Yeah. What do you miss the most?
You sket cos? I missed the birthday girls, miss Stetko.
Oh my god. Yeah, you've just reminded me. You know
James my husband, Yeah you do. Yeah, you know. You

(03:38):
know he had that he had He's done it three
times as well. He had that article written about him
about his sort of dual life of doing football and
sketch comedy. And I think the person that wrote it
heard the term sket coo on your on your podcast
when you were speaking to James, Birthday Girls came up
with Sketcho sketch comedy. For any lists that don't know

(04:00):
what we're talking about, I think he does. I think so.
I can't remember I have read it. You're quoted lovely
little quote. Yeah, I'm quoted in the B circle. For
those of you who don't do the Beast is if
you've not been paying attention, I don't know why you're
you're you're listening to this, But James McNicholas also one
of the best episodes two three of the best episodes

(04:22):
is Camille's Husband and Lover. I think you still let
it be? Yeah? Yeah, why not now? And then? Yeah? No,
good for you. Now, since we last did the podcast,
you've become an international TV star. What do you want
about the fucking horn section? Stop talking about yourself, Brett.

(04:47):
The horn section is huge, fucking smash, hilarious hit TV show. Yeah,
the horn section. I'm not a massive part of it,
don't you know I'm going to be. There are no
small parts. You're there stealing all the scenes. I love it, Yeah,
I do. I love it. It's a great show. It
was really fun to do. It was on Channel four.
Don't know if you can get it in the States.

(05:07):
You can get it on what's it called here again? Four?
Rod All four or four you can get it on
all four. We're hopefully doing more. So Yeah, that was
a really fun job, really exciting, so funny. Tell me
this since we last spoke. Yeah, you were resurrected. You
know when the things that initially drew the world to

(05:28):
you was your enormous death anxiety. How's that these days?
It's interesting? Mixed, it's mixed and do you know what,
I'll tell you more when we get onto your Patreon section. Okay,
little what about that little tantalizing I've done you some
good promo there. Yeah. I think first podcast we did

(05:52):
was it during Lockdown or no, we did it faced
we did Oh my god, we did it for a
Life pre pan Emi. Yeah you were the first. Yeah,
so sorry, I'm thinking of maybe the second one got
bad in Lockdown Resurrection. Yeah, I'm obviously I'm happy to
be back for a third time. Yea, But I need
you to know I have exhausted every single film I

(06:14):
have ever watched on your first two podcasts, I have
had to delve deep into my psyche to think of
films I watched years ago for this. But yeah, death anxiety.
Remember when, Yeah, when we first spoke, I think it
was quite bad. Second time we spoke, i'd started therapy.
Maybe second time we spoke your stytotherapy, because one of

(06:35):
your big things was fear of flaying, and you'd started
and doing a bit more of the old flaying. That
was it, and it got a lot better. And now
I would say it's sort of a bit more up
and down, but mostly good, mostly good. I think I
remember on a pod we did before, I talked a
lot about getting into that sort of spiral, that black

(06:57):
hole of death anxiety. I don't jump into that black
hole as often these days. That's good tools to get
out of it quickly, more tools. Still doing therapy, which
I think helps. My therapist did say the other day,
do you want to carry on with the sessions? I
think you should. I said, yeah, definitely. I think that

(07:21):
is mainly the main thing that has helped, to be honest.
So do you think, if I may ask, it is
I don't know what you do with the therapist. Is
it just being able to talk to someone about it
once a week is useful? Or do you like do
exercises with the therapists, the practical things that you have
gone down to every other week. Well done me, very huge. Hello. Yeah,

(07:42):
I think it's knowing I've got that space to talk
about it. But I think it's also I think it's
also being busier in my life generally, like busier with work,
busier with just keeping my mind focused on other things,
just trying to keep my mind. I have a I
think I have a very active mind. It's always thinking, always,

(08:05):
you know, bubbling a way. And if I can put
other things into my mind that are not just my
anxious thoughts, that has helped. So if I try try
and redirect my thinking a lot. I mean, that's literally
the secret of what I am. An absolute WORKERHOI people
and say when do you sleep? Why don't you ever
take a ring of that? Oh, because I'd be fucking

(08:26):
mad if I did. Because you don't want to have
to think. Yeah, I mean, in a way, that is
that avoidance. Yes, absolutely, it is. Keep it up. We
don't need to think about I'm not as much as
a work of a workaholic as you. I don't think.
I'm not trying to say that you're madder than me.
That you. But I do think you should keep having therapy.

(08:48):
I do think you should keep them sessions. Yeah, you
do go for it. You you work in more than
loud night. I think the word avoidance has negative connotations,
and I think that might be. It's not avoidance, it's you.
It's your coping techniques. And again it sounds negative. Techniques.

(09:10):
To cope is to succeed, right, Oh, you've coped, You
coped through. That's how you stay positive. I mean, you
do always say that you started stand up to avoid
it dinner party, didn't you. Yes, and absolutely stand by that.
And I was talking to someone the other day and
they were like, oh god, I've got to go to
this thing and I've got to go to that thing.
And I was like, just to stand up and then

(09:32):
you never have to go to anything. Yeah, that it
is true. You do get out of a lot of stuff.
I've got out of so many hen parties and stuff
like that by doing comedy so many. I think you've
got two options in this life. Have a baby, because
that gets you out of a lot of things. Kind
of got a baby or kind of got a gig.

(09:52):
Having a baby seems more consistent. Work thin I've got
a good to me, and I think people more accepting
of it. If you say you can't go to a
wedding because you've got a gig that doesn't look good, Oh,
you think it's better to go. I can't go to
wedding because I've got a baby. I think people would
be more understanding of that, wouldn't they say, Oh, can't

(10:12):
you bring bring the baby? We really want you in
our wedding, whereas you can't bring the gig. I can't
bring the gig. Sorry. I think most people don't want
a baby at their wedding. They'd be like, yeah, I
don't worry. I understand because if it's a gig, they're like,
why can't you cancer? Why can't you just not do
your gig? Havn't said that? You did come to my
hen party and my wedding, so well done. You don't

(10:34):
tell the others that suggests that I only do things
I want to do. Of course I was going to
come to your emparty in your wedding. There were two
of the best notes of my life. Your headpot. It
was fucking wicked. Actually, one nice thing that needs to
be said in public is since we lasted this podcast.

(10:54):
You took up stand up and came into very That's
very loose, isn't it. I disagree. I'd say you were
an excellent born stand up I have a proof. I
saw it. You did ten minutes. You actually semessed it
three times I saw. Yeah. Well, i'd say I did
do it five times. Three of them were because you

(11:16):
made me come and do it with you. Yeah, I'll
keep doing it. I'll keep doing it until you get
out of enough dinner. If my entire stand up career
is just coming and doing ten minutes just before you
come on stage, that'd be quite nice. Actually, it's not
a bad life, is it. I wouldn't mind that. No,
you just stand up where I say. I do stand

(11:36):
up only if it's spreads gig and I just do
ten minutes before he comes on. Yeah, that's why I do.
I haven't done it since then, literally five gigs. Don't
get me wrong. I did enjoy it. You're very good.
I did enjoy it, but I'm from a sketcho background.
I did miss having other people on stage with me. Yeah,

(11:57):
you can't beat it. I don't think, of course, if
you get a laugh and you're on stage on your
own that feels good, that feels really, that really massages
the ego. But cunny, dare I say this? You could
have both. You could stand up. If sometimes beat you
and rows are busy, you could do stand up. And

(12:18):
if you can do sktco. No one I can really choose.
I'm not. I love your sketcho. Everyone used to stop skateko.
It's something to think about. I enjoy being at home
watching Telly in the evenings too much to do stand up.
I love watching Telly. I told you the thing that
I used to do. I mean, I hadn't really come up,

(12:39):
but I've realized that I don't have time to watch
a lot of Telly because well, you're watching all the films.
You're watching every film that comes out. You've got to
watch the films exactly. So anytime I have watching the films,
but I'm aware of stuff like as in, yeah, you
know what's you know what's Yeah, I know what people
are talking about. I get the gist of the thing
that like, I've never seen real housewaves, but I know

(13:01):
what it is. Yeah, yeah, I know what you mean.
If I've ever hosted a comedy show, don't I love
to try and slip in a reference to a thing
that I don't know what it is to see if
because I think I know, I think I get it. Yeah,
but like saying, oh, here we go the real housewaves
have turned up something like that something for it, and

(13:23):
being feeling very cheeky because I'm thinking, I, actually I
don't watch it. The problem is I have done that.
I don't watch what was the show? I tried to
reference Game of Thrones and I can't even remember now
what they're called. There's something a Game of Thrones are
they called the white Walkers, the Sleepwalkers something there something,

(13:46):
the white Walkers And I think I tried to do
a clever reference like that and I called them like
the Sleepwalkers or something like that, and BTA Rows were
on stage with me, and it was it was It
was mortifying it because like when you're trying to sort
of be cool and like, yeah, yeah, I know the
reference and you just get it wrong. The Sleepwalkers, oh yeah,

(14:12):
just like Sleepwalkers. They just they laughed and the audience
just slip bewildered. The giggle was already going badly, and
then that really tipped it over the edge. But that
this has just reminded me of a time I think
I posted it on Instagram. It was when Handmaid's Tail
had just gotten massive, and I posted a picture of

(14:34):
like a blacked out car that they like, one of
the cars that they have in Handmaid's Tail, and I
just put the caption under his eye, and I remember
you messaged me and you were like, what's that you've
just posted on your Instagram? And I replied and told
you the reference. You have to know, you have to
know what it is, but you won't watch the show.

(14:57):
It in Camille. Oh done, you have died again. Because
it is now judgment day. You stand on the edge
of heaven and hell. You must tell me the best
and worst thing that you did in this life and

(15:18):
maybe answer some questions a bad film. In the end,
I will decide whether you get to go to heaven
or Hell. Understood, Condie understood? Is that are you doing
the voice of God? That's for you, that's for you
to go? Okay, Okay, tell me the best and worst
thing you did in this life, and I'll decide whether
where you're going. Hello, just jumping in here because I've

(15:40):
had cold feet about the best thing I ever did,
going out into the podcast universe. When chatting to Brett,
because we're good friends, we do chat about personal things,
and I've realized that the best thing I ever did
is maybe a bit too personal, or the film's to

(16:01):
be buried with audience. I do apologize. I know that
probably makes it sound even more tantalizing. It's not. Don't worry.
It's just that the best thing I ever did, I
did it anonymously, and I think it's probably best for
it to remain anonymous. So Brett said, I could just
rerecord a different answer to the best thing I ever did,

(16:24):
So I'm going to give you a couple to make
up for it. One of them is stopping using fabric conditioner.
Don't use It makes you close bobbily, apparently, in some
instances makes them flammable. I read that online. Don't know
if it's true, but you don't need to use fabric conditioner.
Pop a little teaspoon of vinegar in that draw does

(16:45):
the same job. Doesn't smell of vinegar. Number two, Start
your day by drinking lemon water. This is something that
Brett actually introduced me too many years ago. I maybe
I've mentioned it on the pod before. I don't know.
If he still does it, I'm still doing it religiously.
A lovely way to start the day, really cleanses you.
And it's probably the only habit slash ritual that I

(17:09):
actually stick with. I say that I journal, but maybe
it's once a week. If that that's a lie. I
don't journal that often, but do do journal. That is
a good thing to do. Thank you, sorry for breaking
up the pod. Bye. The worst thing I've did when
I was younger, So my sister has a disability called CMT,

(17:30):
and it affects all the muscles. Where someone has CMT,
it affects all the muscles in their body. And when
I was younger, we went on this sort of organized trip.
It was for kids and their siblings, kids that had
CMT and their siblings, so the sibling could go whether
they had CMT or not, and the kids that it

(17:53):
was like a kind of adventure weekend in the late
district where kids that maybe normally don't get to do
sort of like more physical, adventurous stuff, they had a
lot of more support so they could do it. And
if you had CMT, I don't. I mean, it's a
bit sort of a bit odd that they did this anyway,
But if you had CMT, you wore this little badge

(18:16):
that had like wonky feet on it to sort of
show the people in the group that you were someone
that had had this condition, that you might need a
bit of extra help or support. And I didn't realize
I accidentally had the CMT badge on rather than the
other one and my sister. I was with my sister

(18:36):
and something happened. I dropped something on the floor, and
someone else, I think someone who actually did have CMT,
saw that I dropped something, looked at my badge, assumed
I had CMT, and they picked this thing up for
me and went out of their way to pick up
all this stuff that I dropped off the floor. And
instead of saying, oh, no, I can do that myself,

(18:59):
I just sort of let them do it and pick
it all up for me. And I didn't say I'm
I've got the badge by accident. I don't I don't
know how I've got this badge on. And my sister
always brings it up as like, I can't believe you
let everyone think you had CMT and they had to
pick everything up for you. I don't know why I

(19:20):
didn't say I don't know why I felt I felt awkward.
I felt like, I think, once the CMT person is
doing is already bending down, you can't. I gotta let
it go. I got You've got to go all in.
You have to. I'm not even sure what you did
was a crime. I think it's just something that plays
on my mind, just like, oh, that was a bit bad,

(19:42):
that was a bit but wait, I've revisited the CMT
crime and the camera footage does look pretty bad, particularly
because you were laughing and pointing as the person picked
up your staff. I can't decide whether to send you
to heaven or hell. So where don't we talk about
films and see if that will help? Please? Please, thank you?

(20:06):
What is the film that you saw when you were
too young to see it that affected you the most?
So I think, if my memory serves me right, that
I watched this particular film at like a girly sleepover,
and I think I think we thought it was kind
of like a bit of a pawn film and it
was like a bit naughty of us to watch it,

(20:27):
and that's why we wanted to watch it. And the
film was Lolita. Jeremy Ions went the Jeremy Irons one
the late nineties one Jeremy Ions, and I think we
didn't fully no sort of what it properly was. We
just sort of heard of this film and I don't

(20:49):
even remember the whole film that well. I haven't watched
it since then, but I just remember the scene, you know,
with the money on the bed and her like saying
that she earned the money, and I think I think
it was just like the first time i'd seen sex
in like a transactional way, in that way, and it

(21:09):
felt I remember feeling like this feels a bit icky,
or like this feels this feels I can't quite I
couldn't quite work out what was going on. It made
me feel uncomfortable the film. It made me feel uncomfortable,
and I was definitely too young to be watching it.

(21:30):
I did, I didn't really. On the plus side, seemed
like you interpreted it correctly at a young age. It wasn't.
It's a different story if you go I think I
was too young because I was like fo, it wasn't
like I watched it, I went, oh this is great, Yeah, yeah, No,
I know. I distinctly remember feeling uncomfortable watched it and
thinking this isn't what I thought it was going to be.

(21:53):
This isn't It wasn't like a fun girly sleepover watch.
It's a really funny film to watch for a girly
sleepy I think that followed, like, you know, an Anne
Summer's DVD one of us had bought, or something that
had like a plumber in it. You know, it was
just I really tame, you know, poor no um. But yeah,
definitely Lolita. It's never come up. If you could play

(22:17):
one character in a film, which one would it be?
Angelina Jolie in two Radar? Oh what a show? Of course?
Of course. I feel like I feel like, surely the
answer to most of this is like the answer I'm
sure a lot of people say something where they have

(22:38):
to get really sort of buff and like skilled at something.
You know, I feel like, you know, anything like that
Angelina Jolie. I used to be I. I remember I
went through a phase where I really wanted to be
what's her name? Demi Moore and g I Jane. I've
not seen Woman King yet, but I imagine when I
watched that, I'll want to be Viola Davis. Yeah. Anything

(22:59):
I want to get I want to get ripped and
pumped and do backflips off a motorbike holding a gun like, yeah,
I want to get really I want to get really
good and I want to Yeah, I want to be
in training for six months. Yeah, I think you could
do all of this. I absolutely can see you as teammate.
I think you've got all the characteristics you need for you.

(23:22):
I think the only thing that we get I'm so
small and weak. No, you're you're good at physical stuff.
You're very good at like your physic You're good at physicality.
Being a physical performer is different to punching. Yeah, yeah,
go on. Sorry. The only down side is your and
I don't know if it's a clinical condition that you
have no understanding of space, spacial awareness, spatial awareness. You know.

(23:46):
What I think of you is like, you know, this
is my theory about you. I don't ever told you
those You don't know if you're with Camille when you're working,
so you will just sort of walk into you because
just sort of constantly veer into you, like you're going
in a straight lane. She saw it, goes daggon and
pushes you across the road sort of thing. And you know,

(24:08):
cats have whiskers to judge distances around them, and if
you trim their whiskers, they don't know where the edges
of anything is trim. I've lost my whisky. I've lost
my rod and whiskey. See you doing everything like swinging
on a rope, but I'm worried that you'd swing on
a rope to go through a window and you just
hit the wall a lot. Yeah, yeah, that's yea yeah,

(24:30):
well definitely. But in an ideal world, if I could
play whiskers on me, and I suddenly maybe I should
try that in real life. I remember, I think the
last time I saw you, we were walking in Soho
and I ended up almost walking us into the middle
of the road. It's really charming. I do love it,

(24:50):
and I do think of all the ways i'd like
to day when them is being walked into the road
by you just slowly trying kill me. Great answer, Yeah,
that would be a downside. But if I can work
on that, that's the part I want to Well, I
just think they'd have to make all the doorways windows,
whatever you're swinging into caves, They're just gonna have to

(25:12):
double the width of them huge. Yeah. Yeah, if sailing that,
if I really can't master my spatial awareness, so it
would be something that was still a kind of physical
challenge like Castaway, you know Tom hank or like Leonardo
DiCaprio and the Revenant. But you know what I mean,

(25:33):
something like challenging no fact, no thanks old for a
year eating, fucking living in a horse skin? What you're doing? Yeah,
you're right? Actually, yeah, I like a hotel. I'm not.
I've never been a camper. Actually, never been a camper camping.

(25:53):
Not good at camping. What is the worst date or
time you've ever had a film? I remember the occasion.
I can't remember what film it was, but I know
that I'd gone to Showcase Cinemas in Winners Triangle, Ah showcase.
When Showcase Cinemas came to Winna's Triangle, everyone was happy

(26:16):
and I had gone to see a film with a guy.
I must have been about fourteen. Maybe is this pretty
or postal Alita? This was? I think this was post
and yeah fourteen? Actually was it? Hang on? Was it
postal Alita? Uh? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah, so yeah, sorry, I've

(26:39):
got fixated on that being an important Yeah, so I'm
still at school. I've gone to Showcase Cinemas with a guy,
and I remember after the film, they're being a kind
of awkward kiss outside, and I remember him touching my
boobs and saying that they weren't as big as other

(27:00):
booms he'd felt. Oh no, And I mean, why would
you say that? Is he saying that whilst kissing you?
Or you do kiss touch and he gives you think
it was I think it was kiss touch comment. Now
part of me thinks maybe I asked a question that
was leading that made him response like I must have

(27:21):
asked something or said something, but I can't remember what
that was. I can't quite believe that he just said it.
You know, I preper of nothing, but maybe he did.
If he did, what on earth do you think he
was thinking. Do you think he was thinking, I'll be
I'll show you. Maybe he was insecure and he was

(27:43):
inexperienced and he was training to sort of pretend like
I want you to know I've done loads of it, yeah,
or in some way of light or you're lucky that
I'm still touching these because I've had I've had I
could be touching something else. I don't know, I don't know.
It seems weird thing to report to you. It really does,
doesn't it. It's something you text later. It's not something

(28:05):
you say. You know, even a little sound would have
been laugh like, oh you know, even that's that's ambiguous.
You could have just been like, oh yeah, can I'd
be like, oh, what does that all mean? Does that
mean he's surprised at what he feel? Like? What does he?
But no, if if Filon told me, can you re

(28:26):
enact how he said it? And I want to see
what his face was doing. Okay, hang in a minute,
don't you trying so? Kids? Kids? It was a very
blank face. It was very black. It was more like
it was it was like this, they're not as they're
not as big as other ones I've touched, but very blank. Okay, okay,
having seen this re enacting it was like, we're not

(28:46):
as big as other ones I've touched. Blank blank. Eye
contact or looking at the boots. No, I think he
did give me some eye contact. Didn't seem to phase him.
See now you've reenacted it, I'd say that there's an
element of curiosity to him. He doesn't seem it doesn't
seem like it's meanness. It seems like he's like he's realizing. Yeah,

(29:11):
different types of boobs. These are smaller than he's realizing
that for the first time. This is like the way
I was thinking it was like a nag. But he's going, oh, interesting,
there are different size there are different size boobs. This
is smaller than the last way. How interesting. I think
he's saying, you're interesting. I think he's the word. That's

(29:32):
a that's a lovely reading. That is a lovely read. Well,
it's a wonderful performance. Thank you. You really brought something
to the character that wasn't there on the page. On
the page, this was a villain. And now I'm like,
oh no, he's a sort of sweet scientist. He's kind
of like he's learning about boobs for everybody. Yeah, they

(29:53):
all feel different. They're all different to each other. Every
one of them is different. You remember I was telling
you about that the girl last week. They were like this,
but then as with not all the same. Yeah, and
I think I love her and I think the date
went well. He's saying to them, she seemed impressed by
my findings. If I remember rightly, the same guy when
I think I just started seeing him did kiss another

(30:17):
girl and say it's because he promised her he would
kiss her. So let's not give him too much slack.
Well again, as a scientist, he's working out, he's made
a promise. Promise, is a promise? Made a promise? I'm
going to have to put it. Sounds like the best guy.
Where is he now? Also, do you remember what you
said when he gave you his scientific findings? Not really No,

(30:41):
I think I was sort of silent. I think I
didn't say anything. I think, but quite but quite Sadly,
I think I did start wearing padded bras after that.
Oh not now can't stand the padded bra now as
I'm at work as an adult. As an adult, I'm

(31:02):
very grateful for small boobs, like in the summer, quite nice,
not having massive boobs. I can see a lot of
my friends that have really big boobs. They find it
hard to get really nice fitting bras. They get backache. Yeah,
you know, I just think, you know, now I've sort
of now, if you could live in the world of

(31:26):
one film, which would it be now? This? I found
this one of the hardest questions, you know, And I
think my answer, after much consideration is Moana. I love
that not once we're not when it's all bad, but
once you know, once she's restored the heart of Taffiti
and everything's all nice again. I think I just sort
of I like that idea of living on an island,

(31:48):
things being simpler. Maybe of just like we're a community,
we're working together, we're farming, growing out vegetables. It's just
a beautiful place to be in. It a beautiful place
to be. I'm a water baby. I love swimming in
the sea. I've always kind of been into the idea

(32:09):
of like communal living. I think I probably would live
in a commune. If James was up for it, I'd
live in a commune. He's not a pretty though easy
I did for it. Yeah, yeah, one hundred percent not
his vibe. But I like that. I like that idea
partly why I was a property guardian living in mad

(32:30):
empty buildings for ages. I like I like that. I mean,
don't don't get me wrong, I now do like having
a normal bath and a working cooker. But in your
early twenties, when you're living in a massive office with
all your mates, fun and if it was the right
group of people, yeah, if you said to me, come on,
let's live in a commune. Yeah, select we nearly lived

(32:52):
in a commune. With those people. I'd like, that's a
perfect I would have done that very happily. I would have.
But you've got to be care for that way. Creating
a cult lies. It is the beginnings of a cult,
isn't it. But you know what, I think the word
cult is banded around in a negative way, much like
avoidance and cope and they go, they always say all

(33:19):
they all start out nicely, don't know, they'll start out
with good intentions they do. What is your favorite children's film.
It's a nice one. It's a nice, simple one. If
it's a modern one. Obviously I've mentioned Moana. I do
love it, But I think my favorite modern children's film
is maybe in Canto. Oh, I do listen. I do

(33:42):
listen to the soundtrack a lot, great soundtrack, great film.
Love Stephanie Beatrix, is it Beatrix R? I saw her?
I saw her in two twenty two ghost Story. You
know that was that everyone does. Yeah, I really enjoyed it.
She was very good in it. Cheryl Cole's in it now.

(34:05):
Yeah it was it was scary. Oh yeah, I did
find it scary. I thought it was really good. Yeah,
I want to see that. Yeah, I love her. I
just think it's a it's a film that brings so
many amazing characters. It's Sketcho. It's Sketcho. It's a great ensemble,
so many brilliant characters. Those are funny moments, but very heartwarming.

(34:28):
I love Lin Manuel with Miranda and everything he does. Obviously,
so I think of modern times that is my faith.
Well is Sketcho if not a commune? Well there you go. Yes,
Sketcho is one huge commune. When I think about my
favorite kids film from when I was a kid, though,
I think it might be Babe. I think it was

(34:49):
on one of these pods that you told me the
fact about the director of Babe because I mentioned it.
The same director remind me of the guy who juiced Baby.
He made Babe is the same guy who made Mad Max,
mad Max, Fury Road, A Thousand Years of Lunging, and
he also made Happy Feet. I mean he's yes. I

(35:10):
remember I mentioned loads of his films on your pots
and you were like, he must be your favorite director,
favorite George Miller. Good choice. Baby is incredible. I think
I became Veggie around the time of Babe. A lot
of people did. Apparently there was a big rise of vegetarianism.
I did it for a couple of years, and then
my dad, who had a kebab fan when I was

(35:33):
growing up, I got home one night and had a
had a kebab next morning, had a bacon sandwich, kebab
at midnight, bacon sandwich at nine am. Stop being a veggie.
I heard that some of the crew on Babe was
so frustrated because it was very difficult working with the

(35:53):
pigs because they, you know, they've nity or whatever. Sometimes
they used to eat ribs like in front of them. YEA,
look at what I could do to you? What is
the film you didn't think you would like that you
ended up loving? Now this film is I mentioned it

(36:15):
to you before, not on one of these pods, But
remember what was it that you did? Was it in
the pandemic when you got people to recommend the film
every day in the pany d fighting with my family?
That was the film I chose for your thing. Such
a good film, Such a good film, And I don't

(36:38):
know why I was a bit resistant to watching it.
Like James really wanted me to watch it. He was like,
I think I think you'll love it. You got to
watch it, and you know it's got the ingredients for
a great film. Stephen Merchant, funny, why wouldn't I like it?
The Rocks in it, Florence Pew, everyone, the whole cast
is great. But I don't know. I just thought, oh,

(37:00):
I thought, I think, I thought it was just going
to be a bit mare, And then I watched it
and loved it. Yeah, absolutely loved it. If you haven't
watched it, I completely recommend it. Based on a true
story wrestler Parents, James is bigg into wrestling, and yeah,
we only found out on the last part, having never
mentioned it the entire time I've known him. Really, just

(37:23):
before Bird he's getting me to watch all sorts just
before I go to sleep. And some of these characters
are scary. I've had nightmares about the Fiend. The Fiend
is the scariest character. And also I think you'd love
wrestling very sketcho using sport, and the Fiend has one
of the scariest masks I've ever seen in my life.

(37:45):
And he comes on in like pitch black and suddenly
the lights are on. He's there. There's like there's like
weird twinkly kids music. It's all a sort of like
in his mind, and like it's all like playing on
his psyche and what's real and what's not and let
me look at this. I think it'd be a really

(38:07):
fun job writing stories for wrestlers. Look up the Fiend's
he's scary, scary. Imagine seeing that just before bed, just
as you're trying to go to sleep. That's classic. That's
classic Beast days. That's classic Beast. He either gets me
to watch really shit sketches or the Fiend just before bed,

(38:33):
I think, and I should have been more receptive, Like
my dad's a karate coach. He's into you know, that
kind of thing as well. And I just thought, but
I get it. I think that the way it was
perhaps marketed, it looked like it was kind of silly.
It looks sort of broad and silly, and in fact,
it's very deep and it's beautiful and it's heartbreak, it's

(38:55):
very moving. It's incredible. Great Phil, Yeah, it's incredible. And
Florence Pierre is brilliant in it, and one of my
favorite ever comic actors, Julia Davis is in it. Yeah,
every other mom who plays the mom Lena Lena Heady.
Nick Frost I saw him recently at the Eurostar shut out, Yeah,

(39:18):
popping on the ear of same Eurostar as me after France,
There you go? How did I know it was him?
All of the rings he wears, all those rings on
his fingers, and his face. It was him by his face,

(39:38):
his very well known face. What is the single most
erotic moment in a film? It is Here We Go.
I don't know if you're going to be I think
you might be surprised by this because I think it's
maybe quite an obvious answer, because I think you're expecting
me to say something odd. It is when Baby finds

(40:03):
the room in Dirty Dancing where they're all doing the
day dancing, and she's carrying the watermelons. Yeah, which I
mean this bit that that doesn't make me feel sexy
because I remember being in Turkey as a kid and
my nana would carry watermelons under her arm, and I
remember us going to a family friend's house and my

(40:24):
nana had these huge watermelons and I really wanted to
carry them under my arm like she did, and my
dad was like, mill, no, they're too heavy. I don't
think you should. Don't do it, don't do it, don't
do it. I was like, please, I want to carry
the watermelons under my arms like my nana. They put
the watermelons under my arms. They both slipped out immediately
smashed on the floor, completely smashed. Couldn't use So, yeah,

(40:50):
that bit's not a rotic. That just reminds me of that.
But did them at Nana? Wasn't my dad's livid? Yeah,
because he tried to tell me over and over again.
I wasn't allowed to do it. Um. But yeah, once
she's in and then when once you know, old Patrick
comes in and he's doing his hips and they start,

(41:15):
it's a perfect get just build up, build up. I
can just give me the warmelon, please, and they splat
in such a comical way. They splat hard, it goes everywhere. Sorry,
got warmelon? Turns she's got a warmelon, she gets rid

(41:39):
of them. She's watching everyone grinding up against each other
and it's just so sexy. I there's nothing sexier than
watching people dance like that with each other. There's nothing
sexier than a good dancer. And this is why James
always says, if I'm ever offered strictly, I'm not allowed
to go on my absolute dream. He thinks I'd be

(42:01):
struck by the strictly curse. Yeah, I can see that happening.
So your favorite thing is watching people fright at each other.
That's great. I think you're also a very good dancer, Kenny, So,
oh thank you. You're very good dancer. I think you
you'd be so good you'd win it. Oh, come on,
if I'm ever asked to go on it, James will

(42:23):
have to deal with it. I'm going on, I've got well,
he can also dance. Why can't he be your partner.
I've said that to him. Well, that's his caveat if
they let us go on apair, neither of us being
professional dancers. I think you could pin it off. If
you're listening BBC one, I'll give it a good bloody guy.

(42:44):
But yeah, I do think that is that. Whenever I
watch that, I'm like, that is so yeah, there's something
sexy about it. They're not having sex, but it's like
it's the suggestion of and they are being very sexual. Yeah.
I don't like I don't like that word. I don't
like that none zon, but it exists. I don't like it. Again,

(43:06):
you're you're seeing with negative connotations, you know. I think
you've got to rethink language a bit. Which film that
you don't care about as a whole has a single
sequence that you absolutely love to death. Okay, I actually
feel a bit bad saying that I don't care about

(43:28):
this film as a whole, but I don't mind not
watching the film as a whole again, but I do
sometimes just pop this sequence on YouTube if I want
a little giggle. And it is from the film Girls Trip,
Great Great, which I have got on DVD. And it's

(43:50):
the bit where they're in New Orleans. And I have
been to New Orleans before, so I think I like
seeing New Orleans, loved it, loved it. You know the
bit where you've seen it? Yeah, yeah, so you're gonna
it's obvious what I've picked. It's the bit where they're
swinging across the street, across you know, the main street
in New Orleans, Bourbon Street, and Jada Pinkett Smith does

(44:14):
a wee on everybody, and then it's like a comedy
wi It's like a waterfall wei. And then I'm embarrassed
to say this is my fit that I love. And
then I think it's who swings up? Who is it?
Tiffany Haddiche. I think swings and then like, yeah, in solidarity,

(44:34):
she doesn't we as well, and I just I mean,
you've seen my sketch comedy. Of course I love that
sequence of course I do. It just makes me laugh. Yeah,
it's fucking funny, to be fair. I can't argue it funny.
And I know it's like, oh, okay, that's a bit base,
but like it's slapstick to me. That's slapstick. It's good

(44:57):
stuff to me. Pissing on a crowd, Yeah, pissing on
the crowd. Come on, did you live in the house
with us at mac Comedy? First? When I was going
out with James and we got back to the house
and I was really drunk and he had to carry
me out the taxi and I weed on him. Were
you there? I can't remember. Yeah, it was like it

(45:21):
was bad. That was bad. That was very train a
sort of dog, wasn't it like trying to get you
into the street before you the outside? I was really
I was told off that night by by Rose, I
believe really. Yeah, she was like, that's unacceptable, Camill. It

(45:43):
wasn't unacceptable to be fair. Oh, it's fine when Jada
and Tiffany do it fair, it's all fan of games
mainstream cinema, but in a cabin back. What is the
film that stayed with you the longest after seeing it? Now,
I actually only watched this film last year. I think

(46:06):
it was the end of last year, so one month. Okay,
thank you for understanding the question. I feel like it's
going to stay with me for a long time. I've
thought about it based I think, I would say I
probably have thought about it. It's popped into my mind
every day since I watched it. Okay, I think. And

(46:28):
it is a film called the Imitation of Life, maybe
not the maybe just imitate Imitation of life? Yes, big
melodrama from the fifties. Yes, yeah, and before that that's
what it was. A remake before that, there was there
was a even earlier. The first one was from the thirties.
Watched okay, no, I watched the fifties one. Go on,

(46:51):
tell me, hang on, who's this Douglas you're talking of
the director? Oh that's the director? Oh right? Okay? By
by by by right? Who's Douglas you speak of? Who's
this Douglas you talk of? Yeah? And so have you
seen it? Yes? I have it? Yeah, And I think
it's stayed with me, and it will stay with me

(47:11):
because i've When I was watching it, it sort of
made me think about certain things from being young from
when I was younger that I sort of only as
I get older really unpick and think about basically the
daughter in it, the daughter of the black woman. She yeah,

(47:32):
she kind of protects. She pretends that she's white because
she does look white, and it's really sad, and she
sort of she sort of like disregards her mom. She
moves away, she doesn't want her mum to have anything
to do with her. She doesn't want no people to
know she's got a black mom. And it made me
think about being white passing, and like I'm half Guyanese

(47:53):
and my mum and dad broke up when I was
very little, and then I took on my other dad's
son Turkish Turkish surname because my mum when mom married
him when I was really young and had my name changed,
so I only ever knew my surname to be my
Turkish surname. And and I remember when I was younger,
it wasn't like I sort of pretended to be well,

(48:16):
I kind of did. It was kind of for a
period of time it felt like almost like we sort
of pretended I was half Turkish even though I wasn't.
And if people said to me, because I sort of
I don't look necessarily mixed race, people normally think people
are normally like, oh, what are you again? You know,
they're like, there's a summit, there's summit going on. Ye,

(48:37):
racially ambiguous, but I am white passing, so people don't
often think that I'm mixed race. And yeah, I remember
when I was younger, it was sort of it was
sort of like if someone said to me, oh, right,
what's your surname Turkish? Oh you're half Turkish? I'd say yeah.
It was only when I became a teenager that I
started to feel sort of uncomfortable saying that. And it's

(49:01):
not the same as the film, but it's just a
lot of things in the film maybe think about maybe
think about that stuff. And yeah, I remember being a
teenager and like noticing the fact that my sister, who's
our Turkish dad is her biological dad, and that's that's
the other thing. I think he'd be very upset to
even hear me refer to him as my stepdad. So

(49:23):
it was sort of like unculturally I was brought up
in that way, went to Turkey every year, and brought
up in a Turkish like household. But I know that
I don't have that same almost like connection to Turkey
that I feel my sister does have. Yeah, do you
feel that? Do you feel that, given that ninety five

(49:45):
percent of your life was experiencing that, do you not
feel that connection to Turkey? I do? I definitely do.
I definitely feel I definitely feel a cultural connection to it,
and I love it and I loved going there. I
still love going there. I feel like that part, you know,

(50:07):
it was it was still a mixed heritage household. I
feel like that part, you know, I never grew up
feeling like that wasn't a part of who I am.
But as I get older, I definitely sort of get
more and more interested in what my actual heritage is
and wanting to know more about it. And I've always

(50:29):
been in touch with my Guyanese family, but naturally it
just wasn't as close and easy, and so I think
as well, I was a bit nervous about, you know,
upsetting my mom and my Turkish dad by wanting to
explore that more and wanting to understand that more because
you don't want to feel like, you know, I don't
want to feel like I'm saying I don't want to

(50:52):
be this, I want to be that. But it's more
of a thing of like you want to know where
you're from and what your heritage is and understand it.
Can I ask you a question, Yeah, all of this
is really fascinating to me. In your like dream version,
what's the result of it? You know what I mean?
If you could have best case, best case, know you

(51:13):
find all this stuff, does it make you feel? What
does it change in your life? So it's not necessarily
about thinking I'm going to find It's not like I
don't know what my heritage at all. But I think
it is that, you know, with my Guyanese grandparents, there
is a bit of mystery sort of around it, Like
none of them, the older members of my Guyanese family

(51:35):
don't want to go back to Guyana. There's like lots
of things they don't sort of seem to want to
talk about. And I think it is that sort of
mystery around it that makes you want to know even more, like, well,
why don't you want to go back? What happened? You hear?
Like little snippets of things that happened, but there's something

(51:57):
in me that just as like what wants to understand
it more or no more? I think as well being like,
I don't know, I think being an actor is a
bit there's that thing of like it's often all about
what you look like, and what you look like is discussed,
like recently, I'm going to do your part for something,

(52:18):
and then they came back and they were like, actually,
we're not sure if you're going to play this part
because we need to make sure that it's someone diverse.
So we're just we're just talk We're just we're just
talking about it. And I said to my agent, they're
having this conversation of like does she look diverse enough?
Like what? And you know, I have had other people
offer me auditions that are for like diverse parts and

(52:39):
they're like, what are you again? You have to sort
of say, and it's that odd it's that odd thing
when you're when you're white passing that you it doesn't
really matter what you are, it's sort of what you
look like. And yeah, so it's just something that I
sometimes find complex to get my own head around. And

(53:00):
I think I remember in that instance, I said like
I don't think I should play this part if you're
you know, you're having that conversation, and I don't feel
like I should play that part. So I'm just going
to not do that. Yeah, I just think it's a
very with all kinds of acting in terms of like, well, actually,
in the film in the fifties, in the nineteen fifty

(53:24):
fifties film of Imitation of Life, the daughter is I
believe played by a Mexican. I think she's half Mexican,
half check. And I feel like if that film was
made now, she would be played by a black actor
who was white passing rather than an actress who was

(53:45):
not black at all. But then it's like, well is
that a is that? What do you think? Is that? Okay?
Because she does it matter that she wasn't because it
sort of you know, her argument in the film is
like she doesn't want to be that because she does,
and she doesn't look like she is, so she can.
It's very really complex. I think, Yeah, have you seen

(54:07):
the great film of last year passing the films? Oh
you must, oh you must, absolutely mustn't. Okay, I'll watch it.
Fucking brilliant, and it's about all of this I'll watch it. Yeah,
very good answer, Connie. Thank you for being so open
and wonderful. What is the film that made you feel

(54:30):
better about the world. The film that made me feel
better about the world is Brian and Charles. That's a
nice answer, your old friend Brian and Charles. Brian getting
is one of my first ever proper jobs that get
in this pilot. That's how we met. I met you

(54:52):
in an audition room. I remember, I vividly remember it, Brett.
I remember, do you know what as well? On the
way to that audition, I think I'd had an argument
with my then with my then partner, and I think
I'd had a little cry on the way to the
audition and was feeling really shit. And then I remember
getting into the room and you were sat in the

(55:13):
corner because you had a bad cold. You were almost silent,
but you were feeling really rough. I didn't want to
make anyone else. Yeah, that was one of my first
ever jobs. Yeah, how long ago, that long long time ago.
We made it a long time ago. It was so fun.
It was such a fun job. Yeah, and I think

(55:36):
I think it was my first, yeah, one of my
first filming jobs. And I was also like, oh wow,
they've written a script, but they're also letting us improvise
a bit. And I remember thinking that was like incredible.
I sort of didn't quite realize, Oh, that's what you
can do when you're filming as well, you can still
improve a bit. How cool is that. I've still got

(55:57):
the I've still got the Doc Martins from that job. Yeah. Yeah.
If anyone's wondering about Bryan dot Martins, they last, they
do last. But yeah, I loved that and I loved
I loved that film. It did make me feel sad,
but it makes me feel better about the world too.
It's a lovely just a lovely, lovely, funny film if

(56:19):
you want cheering up. I love that it's been so
successful and yeah, Bryan Guittons has been doing various versions
of Brian Guittons for so long, so long, he's so good,
not quite breakfu. It was all doing well but never massive,
and then finally made this film and it's like there
you go, now everyone's did I love it? Well, it's brilliant.

(56:40):
If you haven't watched it, you've got to watch it.
And yeah, it has it is lovely. Brian Bloody Guttons
dandy guts. Who is your favorite couple in a film? Now,
I'm sure that this answer may change in the future,
but this is just what came up. Or Thrapple twenty

(57:02):
twenty three. Well, actually I'm not choosing a heteronormative couple.
I've chosen the couple in Bros. I fucking loved Bros.
I loved it too. Now maybe we did. We saw it,
just I can't remember how long ago we saw it.

(57:24):
A few months ago, long ago, that long ago December,
And so maybe they're sort of in my mind because
I've seen it, Brett. I told you at the start
of the pot, I've exhausted every film I've ever watched
in your previous pods. Yeah, so it's in my mind,

(57:46):
I really But I did really love that film. It
made us laugh a lot. I wasn't expecting for it
to make me laugh as much as it did. It
was really funny, and I do think that they are
a great couple. It's like, you know, how they get together.
It's a bit mucky, it's a bit you know, tricky,
they're a bit horrible to each other, but it's because

(58:07):
they actually like each other and they're dealing with who
they are themselves and by the end what I was
saying was normally and filed with films like that where
it's like a rocky start, not normally by the end
it's like, oh and now it's our wedding day and
happily ever after, whereas this was a more realistic ending

(58:30):
and like but still but still like happy and like
just real. I just thought they played like they played
two complicated people falling in love really really well agreed
love it. Yeah, it was kind of how me and
James got together. It wasn't just like yeah, I was

(58:51):
thinking that you didn't want to say I didn't want
to say yeah, But like it was not that it
was bad when we got together. It was like it
was not just like easy easy, and all the blocks,
all the sort of blocks you had along the way.
We're all working out who each other were and also
making assumpsence about each other that we're wrong and yeah,

(59:13):
I think very natural and very and partly maybe because
we were friends for ages, so we actually knew each
You know, when you start seeing someone and you didn't
know them as a friend before that, you can just
give them a version of yourselves that you want to
give them. Whereas when your friends with someone first, they
actually know what you're actually like, and so you have

(59:35):
to sort of acknowledge that a cab you knew what
you were saying. But yeah, I loved it. I loved
that film so great. What film inspired you, Camille? Who
done to do something? Don't look up? It inspired me

(01:00:02):
to buy some glass tupperware. Oh okay, I bought some
glass tupperware guys instead of plastic. And I think maybe
I changed energy providers. Maybe was I going to do
that anyway? Not sure, but I did. You know, at
the end of the film, it's like, you can go

(01:00:24):
on this website and see what you can do to help,
you know, climate change. I did go on the website
and it did make me do some stuff. That film
has a similar vibe for me as a film I
think I've mentioned on here before Melancholia, very depressing, you know,

(01:00:45):
sort of the end of the world, Oh my god,
not good for death anxiety. But it did instead of
me jumping into the black hole and getting really upset,
it did make me go on the website and do
do something actionable. Very impressed Coney, What did you do
after watching that? Hey, don't look up? Just plastic bags.

(01:01:10):
Plastic bags directly from jumped in your car, Camille, who done?
That's it? You stand between heaven and hell. And based
on your various answers, I want to make one last thought.
Can you offer one film that is meaningful in the
hope that I will spare your life from gates of Hell?

(01:01:33):
M Yes, again, watched it fairly recently, of course, and
the film I've chosen is bunchees of in a Sharin
or in a Sharon in a Sharones in Sharon. That
film very meaningful. Yeah, an incredible, incredible film. I mean,

(01:01:58):
I know I'm not the first to say it's been
widely critics critics love it. Um fuck the haters. That's all. Yeah,
it is. It's that I love it. It was. It
was absolutely amazing. I will talk about that film in
a lot of detail when I finally do Films of
the Year with nis Kuma. Okay, that's kind of obvious.

(01:02:19):
A wonderful film and I love it. Yeah, look forward
to it. Camille Chan, well done. You have been so
good and frankly, we're good sort of five minutes in
and this has all been a waste of time because
you're going to heaven. Yeah. Yeah, you're a good girl

(01:02:40):
and a lovely sketch and a fantastic stand up. Very good,
very good. Oh it's been a pleasure. It's been a pleasure.
Thank you for killing me a third time. I love you.
Tell me this? Is there anything we should be listening

(01:03:00):
to to look out for, to watch? Oh, if you
haven't already seen it, please watch the Horn Section TV
show on All four. You can listen to my podcast
Bertha Girls House Party wherever you get your pods, and
I'm I'm on online at Camille Utcha. Nothing else to
say really is that. Thanks Knie. I love hanging out

(01:03:22):
with you. Thank you very much for your time. Thank you.
Lovely to see you as always. Please send love to
the beast. I will do okay, I will. I'm fun
in heaven. So that was episode two hundred and thirty five.
Head over to Patreon at patreon dot com forwards. Last

(01:03:43):
Brett Goldstein for the extra chat, secrets and video with Camille.
Remember to watch Shrinking, which is on Apple TV plus.
Episode five should be out by now. You will love it.
If you haven't started watching it, now's a good time
to do it. Thank you for those who have watched
it and send lovely messages. I'm very grateful for them.
Thank you so much to Camille for giving me or
her time. Thanks to Scrubious Pipping the Distraction Pieces Network,

(01:04:04):
Thanks to Buddy Piece for producing it, Thanks to a
Guards for hosting it. Thanks to Adam Richardson for the
graphics at least light them for the photography. Come and
join me next week for another Smashing guest. So that
ZIP for now. In the meantime, have a lovely week.
Please be excellent to each other.

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Camille Ucan - Judgement Day • Films To Be Buried With with Brett Goldstein #235

Episode Transcript

Host

Brett Goldstein

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