July 4, 2024 • 22 mins
Greg literally sells out Mark to get signed by CAA. Meanwhile, the guys seek legal advice from their lawyer.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
Welcome to get it to Dutch a screenwriter's podcast. I'm
Mark now, I'm Brendan.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Gregg's not here again, but unlike last week, we know
why and we're going to get to that a little
bit later.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
We are usually three aspiring Hollywood screenwriters who meet every
week and read from a script that one of us
has written. We give notes and we rate the scripts,
and at the end of the season we are going
to pitch the best one to big time Hollywood producer
Duck Huxley, son of even bigger time producer Dutch Huxley,
who is unfortunately dead Rip King. This week, we're dealing
(00:38):
with a little bit of a tricky situation. As you know.
Last week Greg set us up with a general meeting
at Tyson Chicken Studios, and to say the least, it
didn't go as planned and we walked out with our
names attached to an extremely problematic script about January sixth
that is already heading into production. So now we're waiting
(00:58):
to have a call with our lawyer, Albinga to see
if we can get out of this.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
And you should say have to have because all always
keeps us on the phone way longer than we want
to be and he.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Charges us for Yeah. Yeah, it's true. And in any event,
the call will come through any minute from Al and
we will record it and play it for you on
the podcast.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
We really need to keep this call as short as
possible because I.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Have no money. Yeah, totally agree. Okay. In the meantime,
I have to catch you up on the week that
we've had. Yes, and it softens the blow to Gregg's
blundering a little bit. It has been life changing. There's
no other way to put it. Be honest, I'm I'm
on top of the world, from blunder to wonder.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
Hey, well, I didn't really blunder anything in the Tyson
edstra You are a saint. I wouldn't call myself.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
Please you should?
Speaker 4 (01:46):
You gave life only God.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Himself CONDI yeah, well, I mean I wouldn't call myself God,
and I would I guess if those are the choices,
I would call myself a saint though, oh maybe a
little bit godly.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Hey well, Almighty God, please tell the story to the listeners. Story.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Well, all right, let me take you back to three
days ago. I got an urgent text from Greg. He
was helpless as a little puppy dog, and I read
and I quote, I need a kidney. The operating room
is prepped. Get yourself to Cedar Sinai. This next part
is in all caps as soon as humanly possible. So
(02:22):
of course I jumped into an uber cost me seventy
eight bucks. Didn't get paid back. That's fine, it was
for the greater good. I get there and I find
the room. Long story short, I donated my kidney so
that Greg could have life hero and then of course
do the podcast, which is all of our first log.
And well, where is Greg right now?
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Do you know?
Speaker 1 (02:44):
I don't know. I assume that he's resting. This is
not a procedure that you want to start climbing up
hills and running a marathon afterwards. So yeah, he's probably
counting his blessings, maybe journaling his gratitude. Oh ho ho
wo whoa, this is a surprise, look amazing, speak of
the devil. Thanks, how are you, man?
Speaker 3 (03:05):
Buddy?
Speaker 1 (03:05):
Come here, Come in here, brother. I've never said it's
time for a deep and meaningful hug man. We have
been through an ordeal. Toget truly, Mark, We're bonded. It's
hard to look at you right now. Mark what why? Hey,
this man is inside you right now?
Speaker 4 (03:20):
Wow?
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Just saying that made me hard?
Speaker 3 (03:22):
What?
Speaker 1 (03:22):
Yeah? What's wrong? Man? This is our this is our
first chance to talk after the the op, the appy. Yeah, buddy,
please catch us up on what happened. How are you feeling?
How's your recovery going?
Speaker 3 (03:32):
Man?
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Did you like what I mean? Are you feeling any
sort of like deeper life purpose after all this? I
know I am.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
Now let's see where to start. Friday night, I met
Glenn Parsley's with Duck and Jeandaloorian and a bunch of
the other guys. And we're having a few laughs, way
too many drinks, and lo and behold Chris Barraboot walks in.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Who is Chris Baraboo?
Speaker 3 (03:57):
Chris Baraboo lit Agent to the stars if you can
call writers' stars, which no one does.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
Yeah, Baraboo the Cariboo. He's a big time CIA lid agent.
He's got billboards, he's got that. I never met him,
and I'm with CIA people. That was tattoo like, he's
like a icon. Now we've heard of the guy.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
You're with CIA.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
Yeah, Crisis Acting Academy.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
It's usually called Brian Molinsky's Crisis Acting Academy.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
But we just called.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
Thea Oh yeah, it seems like it would be called
b W CIA, but that's an entirely different.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
CIA, not the same. I hate to ask and derail
this even more. Crisis actors are a real thing. Oh yeah,
yeah yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
When I first got to town, I just plopped down
as a corpse or any false flag operation to make
some scratch.
Speaker 3 (04:41):
Really is there money in that?
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Yeah? I got my SAG.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Card Crisis acting the gigs, you know, we're all right,
they paid low.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
Three figures low. So what's that like? One hundred buck
one hundred salons?
Speaker 2 (04:53):
And I'm not going to talk to you guys about money.
I just let my agent deal with it.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
Who's your agent? You're not talking about an agent?
Speaker 2 (04:58):
No, no, no, no, Nan is my manager and the manager.
But my agent is Brian Wallinsky, CPA.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
He makes us say that, oh, the head of the
academy is your agent, which is that that's what's double dipping.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
Yeah, well, actually he's triple dipping, you know, because he
also did my head shot. Oh and he teaches a
really great hip hop dancing class, so I guess he's
quadrupled dipping. But he also is my accountant. How do
you say five dipping?
Speaker 3 (05:26):
Pent penta dipping?
Speaker 1 (05:28):
You're paying him for the dance class?
Speaker 2 (05:29):
Oh yeah, hip hop is very big in this down.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
So okay, enough about this. This is goofy and insane.
No offense, Greg, What happened with Chris Baraboo led Agent
to the Stars?
Speaker 3 (05:41):
Okay? So he sits down. Baraboo looks awful. He said,
six buckets of martinis, And I said, Baraboo, God, why
don't you just sit down and have one more bucket
and let's talk this out before you jump behind the
wheel of that camaro.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
So you were having drinks at Glenn Parsley. Yeah, it's
not even a drinks place in the Delhi.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
It's awful.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
And martini is there? Two terrible. They serve them in buckets,
which should tell you everything. I know.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
Duck and I brought our own martinis too, because we
like the salami, but we hate the drinks. So we
were drinking them under the table, and the waiter told
us he was really mad at us for that, for.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Drinking them under the table and not having them over
the table.
Speaker 3 (06:13):
Well, we were drinking. We were drinking everybody under the table,
but we were sipping our little martinis with long straws
under the table, and the waiter came in and he
was like, I'm mad at you for that.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
Yeah. Well sure, so long story longer, what's wrong with Baraboo?
Speaker 3 (06:25):
So Baraboo sits down and he says kidney, and I
was like, whatt and so what did he say? I
have to he was so drunk at that point.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
He has to have a kidden.
Speaker 3 (06:38):
He has to have a kidney, is what it came
out at.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
What a week man?
Speaker 3 (06:42):
I know, wild? And so that's what I took from it.
It was kind of a you know, when someone's so
drunk that they're just breath talking. That's kind of what
I got. So I, of course I see this as
the perfect opportunity. I give Baraboo a kidney. He signs
me at CIA, because who wouldn't sign you if you
save their life? Or I mean, at least back.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
Pocket you hold on, Sorry, wait a second, So.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
Mark, before you try to poke holes in the story
and question every last detail, can I just finish the story.
It's actually a really great.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
Story on Mark.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
I'm really liking.
Speaker 4 (07:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
So anyway, I sent Marchitects and I gave you my
kidney when I know you did. Okay, so I'm just
trying to get to the bottom. Bear a Boo needs
a kidney also, yes, okay? And did bear a boot
(07:34):
need my kidney? He needed anybody's kidney? Did you need
my kidney? Do you have my kidney inside of you? No? Great?
Speaker 3 (07:45):
What?
Speaker 1 (07:46):
What? Where is my kidney? I did this because I
thought I was saving your life. You said you were dying.
Speaker 3 (07:51):
I said I was dying to have a kidney. You
told me I saved your life. I said, you're a
life saver. You can never actually saved my life. If anything,
you've shortened it because you really haven't provided proper accommodation.
Speaker 4 (08:01):
Here.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
Does CIA's Chris Barraboo lit Agent to the Stars have
my kidney?
Speaker 3 (08:08):
If anybody has it, it is probably Bearaboo. Probably, as
far as I know, it's still in a Yetti cooler
in his office. What, yes, it does?
Speaker 4 (08:16):
It's not even in his body. No?
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Is it a cooler? Yeah, it's a Yetti cooler. That's
a nice cool The hell is he gonna How do
I get my kidney back? Oh?
Speaker 2 (08:23):
Shit, shit, shit else calling Okay, guys, enough of this crap. Okay,
we got to focus up and get out of this
chicken movie. Cannot afford a long call with him.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
So let's focus up. Here we go, my god? Greg?
All right, okay, fine, we'll deal with the money situation
and the script for now. But this is not over.
Speaker 4 (08:41):
Greg.
Speaker 3 (08:42):
Why don't you take a little sip off a bucket
of martini yourself. He's just so lay.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
It's out.
Speaker 4 (08:48):
Hey, hell guys?
Speaker 3 (08:51):
What all right?
Speaker 4 (08:53):
Hey?
Speaker 1 (08:54):
Thanks for calling. How's it going?
Speaker 2 (08:56):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (08:56):
Not so good.
Speaker 5 (08:57):
I'm trying to get to the Jollibe and Kate and
I don't know which way's east. Can you guys jump
on your maps and figure me out?
Speaker 1 (09:04):
No, no, no, Al, we have a really important legal
question for you, so we need to get into it.
Speaker 5 (09:09):
Absolutely, guys, that's what I'm here for. Oh shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot,
Now what happened? Al? I'm driving past my bus bench
ad and there's a guy drying a mustache on it.
Speaker 4 (09:23):
Dang it.
Speaker 5 (09:24):
Now I'm gonna have to grow a mustache. No one
will recognize me.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Okay, we just want to stay on topic.
Speaker 4 (09:31):
It's one of those curly Cue seven or Dolly ones,
you know, those hard to grow.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
I'm really sorry, Al, but we need to talk about
our general meeting that happened.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
I think you read that in the email.
Speaker 4 (09:41):
Get it out.
Speaker 5 (09:42):
Wow, he drew a soul patch on there. Now I'm
gonna look like the Pringles guy.
Speaker 4 (09:50):
I gotta stop this, dude.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
You cannot bill us for this. Al did I tell you?
Speaker 4 (09:54):
Guys? I bill by the quarter hour? Yes, you always do. Yeah,
how do I get to jallaby?
Speaker 1 (10:00):
We need legal advice?
Speaker 4 (10:02):
Legal? Oh? Well, I know a guy. You're our guy? Wow?
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Oh, now what happened?
Speaker 4 (10:08):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (10:09):
Oh, you guys hear about this Megan Markle thing. The
Royal family hates her guts?
Speaker 3 (10:14):
Yeah, why are you bringing that up now?
Speaker 1 (10:16):
Cares al? That's two years old.
Speaker 4 (10:18):
This is front page news.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
That is a really old paper.
Speaker 5 (10:21):
Owl. Hey, you should write a movie about Megan Markle.
You know who's looking for a new franchise. Gas station
TV those little tiny screens where you fill up your tank.
They want their Game of Thrones is very entertaining.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
Yeah, but can we just we want to ask a question, Al, Shoot,
what happened? What is the distance?
Speaker 3 (10:44):
No?
Speaker 4 (10:44):
I'm just saying, shoot, I can you know ask your question?
Speaker 1 (10:46):
Oh? Okay, sorry, it's so hard to tell you.
Speaker 4 (10:49):
Guys really need to learn your Hollywood lingo.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
Yeah, we'll work on that out. Here's the issue. We
had a general meeting and they put our names on
a script that we didn't write.
Speaker 4 (10:58):
Ah, that's great, easy money boys.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
Okay, we don't want to be on the script.
Speaker 4 (11:04):
Oh okay, where did you take the meeting?
Speaker 2 (11:08):
Well, we went to Tyson Chicken Studiostra one.
Speaker 5 (11:12):
They're technically a five O one C three religious institution.
Speaker 4 (11:17):
Did you eat anything in the lobby?
Speaker 3 (11:20):
Brendan partook of a dino nugget.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
I partook of a single nugget.
Speaker 5 (11:25):
Well, then you took a sacrament. You're all taystars now.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Christmas please? How do we get out of it?
Speaker 4 (11:35):
Almost impossible? I think like a sovereign nation. I mean,
you could go back there and sue.
Speaker 5 (11:40):
Them where they're magistrate judge, but you'd have to live
there for sixty days and claim residents. You also have
to spend like two hundred dollars in chicks bucks.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
What are chicks bucks?
Speaker 5 (11:51):
It's their currency, but the conversion rate is terrible. One
chicks bucks is worth yeah, around eight emerabucks. I went
there for lunch and a sandwich cost thirty five amerabucks.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Sorry, real quick do you call us dollars? Amera Bucks?
Speaker 4 (12:09):
Well, congrats on the deal, guys, I got a run.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
No, no, no, we're trying to get out of the deal.
Speaker 5 (12:13):
Wait, you're trying to get out of a go picture. Yes, yeah,
it seems like bad business.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Guys.
Speaker 4 (12:21):
But before I go, I'm trying out a new catchphrase.
Speaker 5 (12:24):
It's gravy baby, right, what do you think of it?
Speaker 4 (12:30):
Shoot?
Speaker 3 (12:31):
Are you asking for our opinion on your catchphrase?
Speaker 1 (12:34):
Out?
Speaker 4 (12:34):
I'm not talking to you. I p out.
Speaker 5 (12:36):
Somebody clearly stole my catalytic converter because the fumes in
this car could kill a mule. In related news, I'm
driving around with my neighbor's mule.
Speaker 4 (12:45):
Did I tell you I bought a farm?
Speaker 1 (12:47):
Oh? America Bucks? Congrats?
Speaker 4 (12:49):
Al You know it was a couple of weeks after
my super Bowl party. You guys were there, right.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
Oh yeah, yeah we got a bill for that.
Speaker 4 (12:55):
Oh yeah. Did we talk business?
Speaker 3 (12:57):
Well yeah, you cornered us by the nachos and said podcasts,
we're a waste of time.
Speaker 4 (13:01):
There you go, that's industry talk.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
So we paid for your farm, Brendon.
Speaker 4 (13:07):
I heard you crushed it in your Big Wonder on
this show.
Speaker 3 (13:09):
Really, who told you that do not get into that.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
They were a little news focus up.
Speaker 5 (13:15):
I heard it from Tiber l you know, the guy
from the show Modern Times with Al Bundy. Tiber is
the captain of my Laser Tag team.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
I think Modern Times is a beer al Are you
talking about ty Burrell tie Charlie Chaplin movie?
Speaker 4 (13:32):
Pretty sure his name is Tiber.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
It's not it's not Tiber. Nobody's name is Tyer noway?
Speaker 4 (13:37):
Yeah, well I don't know it. And maybe it's a
space name. If you play laser Tag, you gotta have
a space name.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
I'll keep that in mind.
Speaker 4 (13:44):
You guys want to know my space name?
Speaker 1 (13:45):
No, thank you, wild al Zappa.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
No relation though, no relation to who.
Speaker 4 (13:52):
It's gravy babies.
Speaker 3 (13:54):
I just don't like it.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
What are we talking about?
Speaker 4 (13:57):
Shoot?
Speaker 5 (13:57):
Shoot, shoot shoot, I got a Oh, guys, I'll send
you a bill for this one.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
Don't bill it, please, He's gone.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
Well it's gravy baby.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
Hey, it works when you say it. Yeah, don't say that. Please?
Why did we engage him at every turn? That cost
us so much money? We are stuck in this Tyson picture?
Can we please get back to Greg stealing my kidney?
(14:28):
I cannot believe that you would do this to me.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
I thought I could get assigned. You're not the only
one who has lost a kidney in the steal, Mark,
What what are you talking about? Because Baraboo rejected yours.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
That's not possible. I'm a universal donor.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
No, he personally rejected it. He said, your kidney just
didn't move the needle.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
What does that even mean. It's a super healthy kidney.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
It doesn't have that it factor the Hollywood thing.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
But he needs a kidney.
Speaker 3 (14:53):
No, he wants a kidney.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
What the fuck?
Speaker 3 (14:56):
Greg, I'm telling you Mark, these agents they're bloodsucking vampires.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
What does he want with it?
Speaker 3 (15:01):
I don't know. I think it was just a power move.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Sometimes what a character wants and what he needs are
two different things.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
Oh, that's good for the listeners. So let me get
this straight. You got me to take out my kidney,
and you gave it to CIA power agent Chris Barraboo
because he wanted it for a trophy, and in return
you thought you were gonna get signed.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
At least back pocketed.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
This is the single worst thing you have ever done
to me.
Speaker 3 (15:25):
Mark. I could be saying the same thing about you.
I went through all this trouble to get your kidney,
and you embarrassed me. I mean, I put my reputation
on the line. You fucked me.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
Ah, I thought I was saving your life.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
I know you've made it a living hell.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
The hell are you talking of?
Speaker 4 (15:38):
Mark?
Speaker 3 (15:38):
I don't have a kidney either. What if you could
just stop yelling at me for one second and let
me finish this incredible story?
Speaker 2 (15:45):
Should let him finish the incredible story. Every time he's
on a roll, you're blocking the flow, which is another
good lesson for our listener.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
Yes it is, thank you, Brenda, and get out. Okay. So, anyway,
I get a call on Saturday from Baraboo's girl lunch Baraboo, No,
not his daughter, his assistant. I don't know why had
don draper that, but anyway, she tells me that Baraboo
is at Chateau Marma and wants to hang out.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
Oh, Chattau Marmont is a very famous Hollywood I hanger.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
So I get there and he's back in one of
the bungalows and I walk in and it is the
who's who of CIA LIT agents back there. You got
Barry but Likowitz, you got Kwame Titus Jones, Chaz Daxler
fits Olivio, Riley O'Hara, triple Oh. I mean she's there,
and that's what I'm thinking. I'm like, Wow, this is
it the signing ritual. I'm sure I'm gonna have to
do some untoward things that I can never tell you
(16:30):
guys about, but I'm I'm about to be brought into
the biggest agency in the world.
Speaker 1 (16:35):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
Congrat Oh. I wish I could jerk off some agents
just to get a superagent.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
Yeah, But of course that's not what happened, because cut
to I wake up Monday morning in a bathtub of
lukewarm water with a half melted swan sculpture staring at me,
and I have no kidney. So now I have a
four thousand dollars bill for the room, which, incidentally, Mark,
I put your card down and it didn't run. So
now I'm feeling all these calls from Terry at the
sh and you got to sort that out.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
I gotta sort it out. Yeah, hold on, they already
have my kidney. Why do they want your kidney?
Speaker 3 (17:08):
Because Mark, I have very special parts. I've told you
about this. Doctors have been trying to get at my
blood and organs for years because they say they've never
seen anything like them. My blood and organs are some
of the best on the market.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
The fuck are you talking about?
Speaker 3 (17:21):
I've told you guys about this.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
Oh shoot, Al's calling me now, Oh God, pick it up,
pick it up. Come. This is all your fault, Greg.
And if he can't get us off this Tyson picture,
you are off my couch and out of my life.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
I really ever take offense at you calling this a couch.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
Guys, please, okay, we've got to nail this call. We're
in and out Seal Team six.
Speaker 3 (17:42):
Let's roll.
Speaker 4 (17:43):
Hey, Al, all right, guys, I'm all yours.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
Okay, great, Al again, how do we get off the
Tyson script? Ah?
Speaker 4 (17:51):
Heck, I'm getting pulled over. You know you know what.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
I'm gonna gun it now.
Speaker 3 (17:59):
That is not a good idea.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Yeah, Bud, go ahead with your question right real quick?
Can we can we get out of this in some way?
Can we send out a press release? Can we go
to the Hollywood Reporter? What? What can we do?
Speaker 5 (18:09):
And now I'm getting followed by a news chopper. Oh
you know this is great advertising. Yeah, turn on Channel nine.
I'll thumbs up you guys.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
Please keep really quick before you get arrested and tell
us what to do.
Speaker 4 (18:23):
I just want to give your heads up. I'm coming
to you.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
No, no, no, please stay where you are.
Speaker 4 (18:29):
Okay, here's the deal.
Speaker 5 (18:30):
I'm gonna need one of you to hop on the
driver's seat and YO, take the heat for me.
Speaker 4 (18:35):
What. I'm way more important than you, guys.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
You can't quantify that. No one's taking the heat for you.
Speaker 5 (18:41):
Al O, Holy smokes, there's another chopper after me.
Speaker 4 (18:45):
It's a cop chopper. Yeah, please, chopper cops stink.
Speaker 5 (18:51):
Oh I hope it's not a canine unitopter.
Speaker 4 (18:54):
Oh yeah, they'll drop a dog right in your car.
Chopper cop. Oh that's a good movie idea that.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
It's not a good idea.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
I'd have to hear man.
Speaker 5 (19:05):
Okay, the best shopper caught when the station is in
a lightning storm.
Speaker 4 (19:09):
Now he's part man, part shopper.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Are you doing a promo for a show slash movie
that doesn't exist?
Speaker 5 (19:17):
Out, that's the plot of Chopper. Come, that's a freebie,
you guys. Now, somebody jumping my driver's seat.
Speaker 4 (19:24):
I'm pulling out.
Speaker 3 (19:25):
You're here, go away out.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
No, maybe we just run down and you can answer
our question or just tell us over the phone.
Speaker 5 (19:33):
You know what, guys, I'm just gonna put the mule
on the driver's seed.
Speaker 4 (19:36):
Okay, problem solved.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
Just tell us what what about our problem?
Speaker 3 (19:41):
How do we get out of the script?
Speaker 4 (19:43):
You know what? That that didn't clear it up at all? Yeah,
they're piping man oh man?
Speaker 1 (19:47):
All right, okay, do you need help? What are you
gonna do?
Speaker 5 (19:50):
Al oh, they stopped.
Speaker 4 (19:55):
I made it over the.
Speaker 5 (19:56):
La County line. Looks like I'm somebody else's problem.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
Now we'll see you do live outside La County?
Speaker 1 (20:05):
Probably not here. I live in North Hollywood.
Speaker 5 (20:08):
All right, I'm gonna take this mule for a walk.
Tani will send you, guys an invoice. It'll be around
one hundred and twenty seven chicks bucks.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
Doculator, What in the what are we buying from him?
How many chicks bucks?
Speaker 4 (20:24):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (20:25):
Look, you can see him. There is a mule.
Speaker 4 (20:30):
Mule.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
It's chasing him.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
Okay, well, maybe we just need to accept our fate. Okay, guys,
we all ate that nugget.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
And now we have to take our licks. You ate
the nugget, you fat fuck. I'm sorry, I couldn't think
of another word.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Oh well, I ate it because all Mark had it
is goddamn house. Before the meeting was this little pack
of sunflower seeds. I mean, when am I a chicken?
Speaker 1 (20:55):
It's oh, it's my fault. You ate all my other food,
and so that's the only thing that was left, and
you lost us our kidneys, Mark.
Speaker 3 (21:03):
Would you look on the bright side for once. Our
kidneys are at CIA and they say, you know you
need your foot in the door. Brother, We have internal
organs in the door. We are in the office.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess there's nothing we can do
about it now.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
No, this does make a great idea for a great
movie script. Huh. Think about this desperate Hollywood writer has
to break in the CAAA to get his organ back
from a psychotic agent.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
Oh. I'm going to text Wolensky to see if he
thinks it's a good sell. Yeah, like a heist movie.
Speaker 3 (21:32):
Yeah, that could be good.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
It's worth a shot. We got nothing else.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
Oh kind of national organ says it's a great idea,
but he already came up with it. He's going to
pitch it to Sony next week.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
Damn it.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
Really that was a fast reply. He's a screenwriter.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
Oh yeah, it's amazing. You know, every time I tell
him about a great idea that I have. He's already
had the exact same idea, and he's sold like a
dozen scripts to Sony. Well, we resolve nothing this week.
I'm not the hero I thought I was, although I'm
still kind of a hero. Greg just bunked it, and
our names are attached to a nightmare picture. We owe
(22:07):
an exorbitant amount of chicks bucks, whatever the hell those are,
to our worthless lawyer, and we're down two kidneys. We've
got four kidneys between three people. I actually had like
one super kidney. Oh I was born weird. Well, we've
got a kidney each. Then that's what we're working with.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
And the nail on the coffin is that it's very
clear Brendan's agent, slash dance coach slash accountant has stolen
a dozen movie ideas from him. What so until next time?
I guess it's lights camera action, but for writing,
Welcome to get it to Dutch a screenwriter's podcast. I'm
Mark now, I'm Brendan.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Gregg's not here again, but unlike last week, we know
why and we're going to get to that a little
bit later.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
We are usually three aspiring Hollywood screenwriters who meet every
week and read from a script that one of us
has written. We give notes and we rate the scripts,
and at the end of the season we are going
to pitch the best one to big time Hollywood producer
Duck Huxley, son of even bigger time producer Dutch Huxley,
who is unfortunately dead Rip King. This week, we're dealing
(00:38):
with a little bit of a tricky situation. As you know.
Last week Greg set us up with a general meeting
at Tyson Chicken Studios, and to say the least, it
didn't go as planned and we walked out with our
names attached to an extremely problematic script about January sixth
that is already heading into production. So now we're waiting
(00:58):
to have a call with our lawyer, Albinga to see
if we can get out of this.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
And you should say have to have because all always
keeps us on the phone way longer than we want
to be and he.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Charges us for Yeah. Yeah, it's true. And in any event,
the call will come through any minute from Al and
we will record it and play it for you on
the podcast.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
We really need to keep this call as short as
possible because I.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Have no money. Yeah, totally agree. Okay. In the meantime,
I have to catch you up on the week that
we've had. Yes, and it softens the blow to Gregg's
blundering a little bit. It has been life changing. There's
no other way to put it. Be honest, I'm I'm
on top of the world, from blunder to wonder.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
Hey, well, I didn't really blunder anything in the Tyson
edstra You are a saint. I wouldn't call myself.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
Please you should?
Speaker 4 (01:46):
You gave life only God.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Himself CONDI yeah, well, I mean I wouldn't call myself God,
and I would I guess if those are the choices,
I would call myself a saint though, oh maybe a
little bit godly.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Hey well, Almighty God, please tell the story to the listeners. Story.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Well, all right, let me take you back to three
days ago. I got an urgent text from Greg. He
was helpless as a little puppy dog, and I read
and I quote, I need a kidney. The operating room
is prepped. Get yourself to Cedar Sinai. This next part
is in all caps as soon as humanly possible. So
(02:22):
of course I jumped into an uber cost me seventy
eight bucks. Didn't get paid back. That's fine, it was
for the greater good. I get there and I find
the room. Long story short, I donated my kidney so
that Greg could have life hero and then of course
do the podcast, which is all of our first log.
And well, where is Greg right now?
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Do you know?
Speaker 1 (02:44):
I don't know. I assume that he's resting. This is
not a procedure that you want to start climbing up
hills and running a marathon afterwards. So yeah, he's probably
counting his blessings, maybe journaling his gratitude. Oh ho ho
wo whoa, this is a surprise, look amazing, speak of
the devil. Thanks, how are you, man?
Speaker 3 (03:05):
Buddy?
Speaker 1 (03:05):
Come here, Come in here, brother. I've never said it's
time for a deep and meaningful hug man. We have
been through an ordeal. Toget truly, Mark, We're bonded. It's
hard to look at you right now. Mark what why? Hey,
this man is inside you right now?
Speaker 4 (03:20):
Wow?
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Just saying that made me hard?
Speaker 3 (03:22):
What?
Speaker 1 (03:22):
Yeah? What's wrong? Man? This is our this is our
first chance to talk after the the op, the appy. Yeah, buddy,
please catch us up on what happened. How are you feeling?
How's your recovery going?
Speaker 3 (03:32):
Man?
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Did you like what I mean? Are you feeling any
sort of like deeper life purpose after all this? I
know I am.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
Now let's see where to start. Friday night, I met
Glenn Parsley's with Duck and Jeandaloorian and a bunch of
the other guys. And we're having a few laughs, way
too many drinks, and lo and behold Chris Barraboot walks in.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Who is Chris Baraboo?
Speaker 3 (03:57):
Chris Baraboo lit Agent to the stars if you can
call writers' stars, which no one does.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
Yeah, Baraboo the Cariboo. He's a big time CIA lid agent.
He's got billboards, he's got that. I never met him,
and I'm with CIA people. That was tattoo like, he's
like a icon. Now we've heard of the guy.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
You're with CIA.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
Yeah, Crisis Acting Academy.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
It's usually called Brian Molinsky's Crisis Acting Academy.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
But we just called.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
Thea Oh yeah, it seems like it would be called
b W CIA, but that's an entirely different.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
CIA, not the same. I hate to ask and derail
this even more. Crisis actors are a real thing. Oh yeah,
yeah yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
When I first got to town, I just plopped down
as a corpse or any false flag operation to make
some scratch.
Speaker 3 (04:41):
Really is there money in that?
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Yeah? I got my SAG.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Card Crisis acting the gigs, you know, we're all right,
they paid low.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
Three figures low. So what's that like? One hundred buck
one hundred salons?
Speaker 2 (04:53):
And I'm not going to talk to you guys about money.
I just let my agent deal with it.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
Who's your agent? You're not talking about an agent?
Speaker 2 (04:58):
No, no, no, no, Nan is my manager and the manager.
But my agent is Brian Wallinsky, CPA.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
He makes us say that, oh, the head of the
academy is your agent, which is that that's what's double dipping.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
Yeah, well, actually he's triple dipping, you know, because he
also did my head shot. Oh and he teaches a
really great hip hop dancing class, so I guess he's
quadrupled dipping. But he also is my accountant. How do
you say five dipping?
Speaker 3 (05:26):
Pent penta dipping?
Speaker 1 (05:28):
You're paying him for the dance class?
Speaker 2 (05:29):
Oh yeah, hip hop is very big in this down.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
So okay, enough about this. This is goofy and insane.
No offense, Greg, What happened with Chris Baraboo led Agent
to the Stars?
Speaker 3 (05:41):
Okay? So he sits down. Baraboo looks awful. He said,
six buckets of martinis, And I said, Baraboo, God, why
don't you just sit down and have one more bucket
and let's talk this out before you jump behind the
wheel of that camaro.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
So you were having drinks at Glenn Parsley. Yeah, it's
not even a drinks place in the Delhi.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
It's awful.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
And martini is there? Two terrible. They serve them in buckets,
which should tell you everything. I know.
Speaker 3 (06:03):
Duck and I brought our own martinis too, because we
like the salami, but we hate the drinks. So we
were drinking them under the table, and the waiter told
us he was really mad at us for that, for.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Drinking them under the table and not having them over
the table.
Speaker 3 (06:13):
Well, we were drinking. We were drinking everybody under the table,
but we were sipping our little martinis with long straws
under the table, and the waiter came in and he
was like, I'm mad at you for that.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
Yeah. Well sure, so long story longer, what's wrong with Baraboo?
Speaker 3 (06:25):
So Baraboo sits down and he says kidney, and I
was like, whatt and so what did he say? I
have to he was so drunk at that point.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
He has to have a kidden.
Speaker 3 (06:38):
He has to have a kidney, is what it came
out at.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
What a week man?
Speaker 3 (06:42):
I know, wild? And so that's what I took from it.
It was kind of a you know, when someone's so
drunk that they're just breath talking. That's kind of what
I got. So I, of course I see this as
the perfect opportunity. I give Baraboo a kidney. He signs
me at CIA, because who wouldn't sign you if you
save their life? Or I mean, at least back.
Speaker 1 (06:59):
Pocket you hold on, Sorry, wait a second, So.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
Mark, before you try to poke holes in the story
and question every last detail, can I just finish the story.
It's actually a really great.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
Story on Mark.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
I'm really liking.
Speaker 4 (07:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
So anyway, I sent Marchitects and I gave you my
kidney when I know you did. Okay, so I'm just
trying to get to the bottom. Bear a Boo needs
a kidney also, yes, okay? And did bear a boot
(07:34):
need my kidney? He needed anybody's kidney? Did you need
my kidney? Do you have my kidney inside of you? No? Great?
Speaker 3 (07:45):
What?
Speaker 1 (07:46):
What? Where is my kidney? I did this because I
thought I was saving your life. You said you were dying.
Speaker 3 (07:51):
I said I was dying to have a kidney. You
told me I saved your life. I said, you're a
life saver. You can never actually saved my life. If anything,
you've shortened it because you really haven't provided proper accommodation.
Speaker 4 (08:01):
Here.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
Does CIA's Chris Barraboo lit Agent to the Stars have
my kidney?
Speaker 3 (08:08):
If anybody has it, it is probably Bearaboo. Probably, as
far as I know, it's still in a Yetti cooler
in his office. What, yes, it does?
Speaker 4 (08:16):
It's not even in his body. No?
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Is it a cooler? Yeah, it's a Yetti cooler. That's
a nice cool The hell is he gonna How do
I get my kidney back? Oh?
Speaker 2 (08:23):
Shit, shit, shit else calling Okay, guys, enough of this crap. Okay,
we got to focus up and get out of this
chicken movie. Cannot afford a long call with him.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
So let's focus up. Here we go, my god? Greg?
All right, okay, fine, we'll deal with the money situation
and the script for now. But this is not over.
Speaker 4 (08:41):
Greg.
Speaker 3 (08:42):
Why don't you take a little sip off a bucket
of martini yourself. He's just so lay.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
It's out.
Speaker 4 (08:48):
Hey, hell guys?
Speaker 3 (08:51):
What all right?
Speaker 4 (08:53):
Hey?
Speaker 1 (08:54):
Thanks for calling. How's it going?
Speaker 2 (08:56):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (08:56):
Not so good.
Speaker 5 (08:57):
I'm trying to get to the Jollibe and Kate and
I don't know which way's east. Can you guys jump
on your maps and figure me out?
Speaker 1 (09:04):
No, no, no, Al, we have a really important legal
question for you, so we need to get into it.
Speaker 5 (09:09):
Absolutely, guys, that's what I'm here for. Oh shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot,
Now what happened? Al? I'm driving past my bus bench
ad and there's a guy drying a mustache on it.
Speaker 4 (09:23):
Dang it.
Speaker 5 (09:24):
Now I'm gonna have to grow a mustache. No one
will recognize me.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Okay, we just want to stay on topic.
Speaker 4 (09:31):
It's one of those curly Cue seven or Dolly ones,
you know, those hard to grow.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
I'm really sorry, Al, but we need to talk about
our general meeting that happened.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
I think you read that in the email.
Speaker 4 (09:41):
Get it out.
Speaker 5 (09:42):
Wow, he drew a soul patch on there. Now I'm
gonna look like the Pringles guy.
Speaker 4 (09:50):
I gotta stop this, dude.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
You cannot bill us for this. Al did I tell you?
Speaker 4 (09:54):
Guys? I bill by the quarter hour? Yes, you always do. Yeah,
how do I get to jallaby?
Speaker 1 (10:00):
We need legal advice?
Speaker 4 (10:02):
Legal? Oh? Well, I know a guy. You're our guy? Wow?
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Oh, now what happened?
Speaker 4 (10:08):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (10:09):
Oh, you guys hear about this Megan Markle thing. The
Royal family hates her guts?
Speaker 3 (10:14):
Yeah, why are you bringing that up now?
Speaker 1 (10:16):
Cares al? That's two years old.
Speaker 4 (10:18):
This is front page news.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
That is a really old paper.
Speaker 5 (10:21):
Owl. Hey, you should write a movie about Megan Markle.
You know who's looking for a new franchise. Gas station
TV those little tiny screens where you fill up your tank.
They want their Game of Thrones is very entertaining.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
Yeah, but can we just we want to ask a question, Al, Shoot,
what happened? What is the distance?
Speaker 3 (10:44):
No?
Speaker 4 (10:44):
I'm just saying, shoot, I can you know ask your question?
Speaker 1 (10:46):
Oh? Okay, sorry, it's so hard to tell you.
Speaker 4 (10:49):
Guys really need to learn your Hollywood lingo.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
Yeah, we'll work on that out. Here's the issue. We
had a general meeting and they put our names on
a script that we didn't write.
Speaker 4 (10:58):
Ah, that's great, easy money boys.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
Okay, we don't want to be on the script.
Speaker 4 (11:04):
Oh okay, where did you take the meeting?
Speaker 2 (11:08):
Well, we went to Tyson Chicken Studiostra one.
Speaker 5 (11:12):
They're technically a five O one C three religious institution.
Speaker 4 (11:17):
Did you eat anything in the lobby?
Speaker 3 (11:20):
Brendan partook of a dino nugget.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
I partook of a single nugget.
Speaker 5 (11:25):
Well, then you took a sacrament. You're all taystars now.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Christmas please? How do we get out of it?
Speaker 4 (11:35):
Almost impossible? I think like a sovereign nation. I mean,
you could go back there and sue.
Speaker 5 (11:40):
Them where they're magistrate judge, but you'd have to live
there for sixty days and claim residents. You also have
to spend like two hundred dollars in chicks bucks.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
What are chicks bucks?
Speaker 5 (11:51):
It's their currency, but the conversion rate is terrible. One
chicks bucks is worth yeah, around eight emerabucks. I went
there for lunch and a sandwich cost thirty five amerabucks.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Sorry, real quick do you call us dollars? Amera Bucks?
Speaker 4 (12:09):
Well, congrats on the deal, guys, I got a run.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
No, no, no, we're trying to get out of the deal.
Speaker 5 (12:13):
Wait, you're trying to get out of a go picture. Yes, yeah,
it seems like bad business.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Guys.
Speaker 4 (12:21):
But before I go, I'm trying out a new catchphrase.
Speaker 5 (12:24):
It's gravy baby, right, what do you think of it?
Speaker 4 (12:30):
Shoot?
Speaker 3 (12:31):
Are you asking for our opinion on your catchphrase?
Speaker 1 (12:34):
Out?
Speaker 4 (12:34):
I'm not talking to you. I p out.
Speaker 5 (12:36):
Somebody clearly stole my catalytic converter because the fumes in
this car could kill a mule. In related news, I'm
driving around with my neighbor's mule.
Speaker 4 (12:45):
Did I tell you I bought a farm?
Speaker 1 (12:47):
Oh? America Bucks? Congrats?
Speaker 4 (12:49):
Al You know it was a couple of weeks after
my super Bowl party. You guys were there, right.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
Oh yeah, yeah we got a bill for that.
Speaker 4 (12:55):
Oh yeah. Did we talk business?
Speaker 3 (12:57):
Well yeah, you cornered us by the nachos and said podcasts,
we're a waste of time.
Speaker 4 (13:01):
There you go, that's industry talk.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
So we paid for your farm, Brendon.
Speaker 4 (13:07):
I heard you crushed it in your Big Wonder on
this show.
Speaker 3 (13:09):
Really, who told you that do not get into that.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
They were a little news focus up.
Speaker 5 (13:15):
I heard it from Tiber l you know, the guy
from the show Modern Times with Al Bundy. Tiber is
the captain of my Laser Tag team.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
I think Modern Times is a beer al Are you
talking about ty Burrell tie Charlie Chaplin movie?
Speaker 4 (13:32):
Pretty sure his name is Tiber.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
It's not it's not Tiber. Nobody's name is Tyer noway?
Speaker 4 (13:37):
Yeah, well I don't know it. And maybe it's a
space name. If you play laser Tag, you gotta have
a space name.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
I'll keep that in mind.
Speaker 4 (13:44):
You guys want to know my space name?
Speaker 1 (13:45):
No, thank you, wild al Zappa.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
No relation though, no relation to who.
Speaker 4 (13:52):
It's gravy babies.
Speaker 3 (13:54):
I just don't like it.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
What are we talking about?
Speaker 4 (13:57):
Shoot?
Speaker 5 (13:57):
Shoot, shoot shoot, I got a Oh, guys, I'll send
you a bill for this one.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
Don't bill it, please, He's gone.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
Well it's gravy baby.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
Hey, it works when you say it. Yeah, don't say that. Please?
Why did we engage him at every turn? That cost
us so much money? We are stuck in this Tyson picture?
Can we please get back to Greg stealing my kidney?
(14:28):
I cannot believe that you would do this to me.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
I thought I could get assigned. You're not the only
one who has lost a kidney in the steal, Mark,
What what are you talking about? Because Baraboo rejected yours.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
That's not possible. I'm a universal donor.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
No, he personally rejected it. He said, your kidney just
didn't move the needle.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
What does that even mean. It's a super healthy kidney.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
It doesn't have that it factor the Hollywood thing.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
But he needs a kidney.
Speaker 3 (14:53):
No, he wants a kidney.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
What the fuck?
Speaker 3 (14:56):
Greg, I'm telling you Mark, these agents they're bloodsucking vampires.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
What does he want with it?
Speaker 3 (15:01):
I don't know. I think it was just a power move.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Sometimes what a character wants and what he needs are
two different things.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
Oh, that's good for the listeners. So let me get
this straight. You got me to take out my kidney,
and you gave it to CIA power agent Chris Barraboo
because he wanted it for a trophy, and in return
you thought you were gonna get signed.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
At least back pocketed.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
This is the single worst thing you have ever done
to me.
Speaker 3 (15:25):
Mark. I could be saying the same thing about you.
I went through all this trouble to get your kidney,
and you embarrassed me. I mean, I put my reputation
on the line. You fucked me.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
Ah, I thought I was saving your life.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
I know you've made it a living hell.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
The hell are you talking of?
Speaker 4 (15:38):
Mark?
Speaker 3 (15:38):
I don't have a kidney either. What if you could
just stop yelling at me for one second and let
me finish this incredible story?
Speaker 2 (15:45):
Should let him finish the incredible story. Every time he's
on a roll, you're blocking the flow, which is another
good lesson for our listener.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
Yes it is, thank you, Brenda, and get out. Okay. So, anyway,
I get a call on Saturday from Baraboo's girl lunch Baraboo, No,
not his daughter, his assistant. I don't know why had
don draper that, but anyway, she tells me that Baraboo
is at Chateau Marma and wants to hang out.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
Oh, Chattau Marmont is a very famous Hollywood I hanger.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
So I get there and he's back in one of
the bungalows and I walk in and it is the
who's who of CIA LIT agents back there. You got
Barry but Likowitz, you got Kwame Titus Jones, Chaz Daxler
fits Olivio, Riley O'Hara, triple Oh. I mean she's there,
and that's what I'm thinking. I'm like, Wow, this is
it the signing ritual. I'm sure I'm gonna have to
do some untoward things that I can never tell you
(16:30):
guys about, but I'm I'm about to be brought into
the biggest agency in the world.
Speaker 1 (16:35):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
Congrat Oh. I wish I could jerk off some agents
just to get a superagent.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
Yeah, But of course that's not what happened, because cut
to I wake up Monday morning in a bathtub of
lukewarm water with a half melted swan sculpture staring at me,
and I have no kidney. So now I have a
four thousand dollars bill for the room, which, incidentally, Mark,
I put your card down and it didn't run. So
now I'm feeling all these calls from Terry at the
sh and you got to sort that out.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
I gotta sort it out. Yeah, hold on, they already
have my kidney. Why do they want your kidney?
Speaker 3 (17:08):
Because Mark, I have very special parts. I've told you
about this. Doctors have been trying to get at my
blood and organs for years because they say they've never
seen anything like them. My blood and organs are some
of the best on the market.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
The fuck are you talking about?
Speaker 3 (17:21):
I've told you guys about this.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
Oh shoot, Al's calling me now, Oh God, pick it up,
pick it up. Come. This is all your fault, Greg.
And if he can't get us off this Tyson picture,
you are off my couch and out of my life.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
I really ever take offense at you calling this a couch.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
Guys, please, okay, we've got to nail this call. We're
in and out Seal Team six.
Speaker 3 (17:42):
Let's roll.
Speaker 4 (17:43):
Hey, Al, all right, guys, I'm all yours.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
Okay, great, Al again, how do we get off the
Tyson script? Ah?
Speaker 4 (17:51):
Heck, I'm getting pulled over. You know you know what.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
I'm gonna gun it now.
Speaker 3 (17:59):
That is not a good idea.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Yeah, Bud, go ahead with your question right real quick?
Can we can we get out of this in some way?
Can we send out a press release? Can we go
to the Hollywood Reporter? What? What can we do?
Speaker 5 (18:09):
And now I'm getting followed by a news chopper. Oh
you know this is great advertising. Yeah, turn on Channel nine.
I'll thumbs up you guys.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
Please keep really quick before you get arrested and tell
us what to do.
Speaker 4 (18:23):
I just want to give your heads up. I'm coming
to you.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
No, no, no, please stay where you are.
Speaker 4 (18:29):
Okay, here's the deal.
Speaker 5 (18:30):
I'm gonna need one of you to hop on the
driver's seat and YO, take the heat for me.
Speaker 4 (18:35):
What. I'm way more important than you, guys.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
You can't quantify that. No one's taking the heat for you.
Speaker 5 (18:41):
Al O, Holy smokes, there's another chopper after me.
Speaker 4 (18:45):
It's a cop chopper. Yeah, please, chopper cops stink.
Speaker 5 (18:51):
Oh I hope it's not a canine unitopter.
Speaker 4 (18:54):
Oh yeah, they'll drop a dog right in your car.
Chopper cop. Oh that's a good movie idea that.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
It's not a good idea.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
I'd have to hear man.
Speaker 5 (19:05):
Okay, the best shopper caught when the station is in
a lightning storm.
Speaker 4 (19:09):
Now he's part man, part shopper.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Are you doing a promo for a show slash movie
that doesn't exist?
Speaker 5 (19:17):
Out, that's the plot of Chopper. Come, that's a freebie,
you guys. Now, somebody jumping my driver's seat.
Speaker 4 (19:24):
I'm pulling out.
Speaker 3 (19:25):
You're here, go away out.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
No, maybe we just run down and you can answer
our question or just tell us over the phone.
Speaker 5 (19:33):
You know what, guys, I'm just gonna put the mule
on the driver's seed.
Speaker 4 (19:36):
Okay, problem solved.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
Just tell us what what about our problem?
Speaker 3 (19:41):
How do we get out of the script?
Speaker 4 (19:43):
You know what? That that didn't clear it up at all? Yeah,
they're piping man oh man?
Speaker 1 (19:47):
All right, okay, do you need help? What are you
gonna do?
Speaker 5 (19:50):
Al oh, they stopped.
Speaker 4 (19:55):
I made it over the.
Speaker 5 (19:56):
La County line. Looks like I'm somebody else's problem.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
Now we'll see you do live outside La County?
Speaker 1 (20:05):
Probably not here. I live in North Hollywood.
Speaker 5 (20:08):
All right, I'm gonna take this mule for a walk.
Tani will send you, guys an invoice. It'll be around
one hundred and twenty seven chicks bucks.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
Doculator, What in the what are we buying from him?
How many chicks bucks?
Speaker 4 (20:24):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (20:25):
Look, you can see him. There is a mule.
Speaker 4 (20:30):
Mule.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
It's chasing him.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
Okay, well, maybe we just need to accept our fate. Okay, guys,
we all ate that nugget.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
And now we have to take our licks. You ate
the nugget, you fat fuck. I'm sorry, I couldn't think
of another word.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Oh well, I ate it because all Mark had it
is goddamn house. Before the meeting was this little pack
of sunflower seeds. I mean, when am I a chicken?
Speaker 1 (20:55):
It's oh, it's my fault. You ate all my other food,
and so that's the only thing that was left, and
you lost us our kidneys, Mark.
Speaker 3 (21:03):
Would you look on the bright side for once. Our
kidneys are at CIA and they say, you know you
need your foot in the door. Brother, We have internal
organs in the door. We are in the office.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess there's nothing we can do
about it now.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
No, this does make a great idea for a great
movie script. Huh. Think about this desperate Hollywood writer has
to break in the CAAA to get his organ back
from a psychotic agent.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
Oh. I'm going to text Wolensky to see if he
thinks it's a good sell. Yeah, like a heist movie.
Speaker 3 (21:32):
Yeah, that could be good.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
It's worth a shot. We got nothing else.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
Oh kind of national organ says it's a great idea,
but he already came up with it. He's going to
pitch it to Sony next week.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
Damn it.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
Really that was a fast reply. He's a screenwriter.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
Oh yeah, it's amazing. You know, every time I tell
him about a great idea that I have. He's already
had the exact same idea, and he's sold like a
dozen scripts to Sony. Well, we resolve nothing this week.
I'm not the hero I thought I was, although I'm
still kind of a hero. Greg just bunked it, and
our names are attached to a nightmare picture. We owe
(22:07):
an exorbitant amount of chicks bucks, whatever the hell those are,
to our worthless lawyer, and we're down two kidneys. We've
got four kidneys between three people. I actually had like
one super kidney. Oh I was born weird. Well, we've
got a kidney each. Then that's what we're working with.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
And the nail on the coffin is that it's very
clear Brendan's agent, slash dance coach slash accountant has stolen
a dozen movie ideas from him. What so until next time?
I guess it's lights camera action, but for writing,
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