DELILAH DILEMMAS: Let's get candid.

Take stock. Make a decision. Move forward. ~ Delilah

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey it's Delilah. Thank you for stopping by. I have
put together some of my favorite radio moments here to
share with you on our daily podcast. Hey it's Delilah.
Come on in and make yourself at home as we

(00:22):
share some of the most interesting dilemmas. Delilah's dilemmas when
people get themselves into a bind, into a mess, and
need a little wisdom to find their way out. Stay
tuned for that coming up next. I got this letter
uh from Greg who says, recently, right after my birthday

(00:46):
and my third wedding anniversary, I found out from my
wife's boyfriend that they have been having a relationship. I
suspected something was going on between them from the time
it started, but no, she assured me they only kissed
accidentally and it never went beyond that. She even denied

(01:09):
that anything had ever happened until I confronted her. Since
her boyfriend came clean and shared everything. I am big
on trust and respect. I want to save my marriage.
I don't want to split my daughter from her two brothers,
my two step sons. But is she a person worth

(01:31):
staying with? Can I ever trust her again? I loved
her dearly once, but now it's hard to even say
those words, greg, I will have my mother Delilah response
for your Delilah dilemma coming up next. Tonight's Delilah's dilemma

(01:57):
is heartbreaking. A man named greg found out after his
third anniversary that his wife had been unfaithful with a
good friend of theirs. The friend came clean, and when
he put the facts out there, the wife had to confess,
and now the husband is trying to decide. He says,
I loved her dearly once, but now it's hard to
even say the words, Gregory. The only way your marriage

(02:21):
can be saved is if your wife wants to save
it and is willing to do the hard work to
fix what she broke. Number One, First and foremost, she
needs to come clean, and you don't need the disgusting
details that will only further break your heart. But you
do need to know the truth, and you shouldn't be

(02:42):
the one prying it out of her. She should be
the one offering up the truth. Number two, she needs
to go speak to somebody and figure out why, when
she is the mother of three young children and married
to someone who loves her, why she betrayed you. She
got into this mess in the first place. She'll say

(03:03):
it's because you didn't give her enough attention. She'll say,
blah blah blah. But that's not the truth. Probably, I
mean it could be maybe maybe you weren't emotionally available
to her, but it doesn't sound like that. You sound
like you were very much into your family. So I
don't know that. I don't know the truth. But if
she strayed because of something in her past, because she

(03:27):
was abused as a child, because her parents were split
up and her mother was not faithful, or whatever. If
there is a pattern of behavior, she will repeat it again.
If she doesn't get help for it, Simply saying I'm
sorry doesn't change anything. If she's not willing to change
her behavior, to change her thought patterns, to change the

(03:47):
way she acts, then nothing is going to change. And
know you won't be able to trust her again. But
if she wants to save this marriage, if she wants
to work with you, if she wants to come clean,
change her behavior, get help. Of course your marriage can
be saved. Many many, many people have been able to
rebuild after their marriage was smashed to bits by infidelity.

(04:11):
But it takes hard work on her part. To own
her behavior, and it's going to take hard work on
your part to forgive. Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is from Stephen.
He says, Hi, Delilah, my name is Stephen, and I

(04:32):
have a Delilah dilemma. I am in love. I am
in love so bad with the woman I cannot have.
We both met a few years ago. We became close friends.
We fell head over heels in love with each other.
We see each other often, We talk daily, We meet
for lunches, we kiss like we're dating, but we're not.

(04:54):
You see, we are both married. We have a huge
age difference as well. We are twenty four years apart.
I'm fifty eight, she's thirty four. What do I do?
Do I fight for this beautiful woman that I can't
go a day without thinking about, or do I let
her go and destroy my heart forever? Stephen, I will

(05:17):
have my words of advice for you and your lady
love coming up next. Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is from Stephen.
Stephen who is head over heels in love with a

(05:38):
woman who is beautiful and delightful, and they can't go
a day without talking, and they're both married. To other people.
And Stephen, you asked me what you do, and I'm
going to tell you my best advice based on my
own life experience. Okay, you cannot You cannot walk down

(06:02):
this path until you close the other door. You must
close the other door. If there is no way to
save your marriage, if there is no way to save
her marriage, then you need to both get honest with
your spouses. You owe them that, and go through the

(06:24):
pain and the process of tearing your families apart. And
then and only then can you commit to one another.
If you cannot do that, if you still have a marriage,
if you still are connected to your wife, if she
is still connected to her husband, and you have marriages

(06:47):
that can be salvaged, then the first thing you should
do is try to save your marriage. And I know
in some situations that's just not possible. And I am
not the kind of person to tell you to live
a lie and stay in a dead relationship a dead marriage.
But you've got to start with getting honest. Stephen. You

(07:07):
got to start with getting honest. You got to get
honest with yourself with this woman that you love and
with the woman that you have been committed to for
however many years and then figure out what you're going
to do, because what you're doing is going to break
the hearts of other people, and you don't want to

(07:27):
do that. You don't want to shatter the lives of
other people. The guilt that you will feel for a
very long time. Trust me, you don't want to live
with that shame and that guilt and that sadness and
sorrow that you keeped pain into someone's life. So before
you move forward with this young lady, you need to

(07:51):
end the situations. You both need to end the situations
that you are in. If you can save your marriages,
then do that, And if you can save your friendship
with this young woman without the romantic aspect, then do that.
But what you're doing is going to hurt a whole
lot of folks. Good luck and God bless you. Tonight's

(08:20):
Delilah's Dilemma is from Anita, who says, I have a
dilemma and I need guidance. A year after by divorce,
I found an old friend from high school. We started
meeting and going out. Everything was wonderful. We did so
much together. We bought a home and had a lot
of fun. About five years ago, I noticed a difference

(08:42):
in the way he was acting. So this has been
going on for five years. He started receiving phone calls
in the middle of the night and disappeared for hours.
He was meeting up with an old friend but said
nothing was going on. I have been sleeping in the
spare bedroom ever since. He works second shifts, so we
don't see each other very much, only on weekends. I've

(09:05):
told him several times that it is over between us,
but he just won't leave. I really feel that I
need to separate from him in order to get on
with my life. I can't leave because I live next
door to my parents. My father just passed, so I'm
caring for my mother. Now. What can I do to

(09:25):
get this weight off my shoulders and the tension out
of this home? I feel the tension as soon as
he comes home. There is nothing to our relationship anymore,
and I would like to move on and enjoy my life.
I hope to hear from you soon from Anita. Anita,
I will have my words for you coming up next.

(09:51):
Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is from a listener named Anita, who,
many years ago, after a divorce, hooked up with an
old boyfriend, a friend from high school, bought a house,
moved in together, and then five years ago he started
cheating on her, and yet he still lives there. Anita,
the first thing you need to do is call a lawyer.
Did you buy the house together? Is it your house?

(10:14):
Is it his house? Or did you buy it as
a couple. You need to figure out the legalities of it.
Once you figure that out, then you can know how
to proceed. If it is your house and he did
not buy it with you, then all you have to
do is put his stuff out of the house and
change the locks. Tell him I've asked you to leave.

(10:37):
I'm telling you to leave. This is my house. Go
and then follow through with it. If it is his house,
then even though it's convenient that you live next door
to your folks, you're the one that's going to have
to go. You're going to have to find a new
place to live. And if you bought it together, then
you are either going to have to sell the house

(10:58):
together or you are going to have to buy out
his share of the house. But a lawyer, I'm not
a lawyer. I'm just telling you from my own experience
and from friends experience. This is a legal issue, but
it sounds to me like if for you, Anita, it's
a heart issue because you don't want to hurt him
or you don't want to inconvenience him, and so you

(11:21):
are staying stuck after five years of knowing he's hooking
up with somebody else. You need to put your foot
down and say, this is my house, this is my home,
and we're not a couple anymore. So hit the road,
jack and then, like I said, get legal advice so
you'll know what to do about the actual physical structure
of the home. But the physical structure of the relationship

(11:44):
has been gone for a long time. And it's crazy
to live under the same roof with somebody that you
are not connected to and have had your heart broken by.
So good luck and God bless you, Anita, good luck
finding your joy in life. I so hope you have

(12:05):
enjoyed these radio moments as much as I enjoy bringing
them to you. I'll share more with you each weekend
on Hey It's delilaud l