January 10, 2024 • 11 mins
These folks are in a pickle. Did I steer them in the right direction? ~ Delilah
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey it's Delilah. Thank you for stopping by. I have
put together some of my favorite radio moments here to
share with you on our daily podcast, Hey it's Delilah.
Every night on my radio show, we share something called
(00:24):
a Delilah dilemma, where you write to me or you
call me with yours situation and I try to help
you come up with the right solution. Today, we're going
to listen to some of those on this podcast. Blake writes, Hello, Delilah.
I'm not sure if this would be considered as a
Delilah dilemma, but here it goes. I'm a senior in
(00:45):
high school, which means it's time to plan my future
after graduation. My girlfriend, also a senior, is planning to
take a gap year and work to save up money
for college. She's planning to go to and become a veterinarian. Now,
I'm not too interested in going to college, but I
(01:06):
am considering it. If I do or don't go to college,
I still want to help pay my girlfriend's tuition and
get an apartment near the campus so she can visit
me in her free time. But there's no way I'll
be able to afford to help her with her tuition
and afford an apartment and afford tuition for myself if
(01:27):
I decided to actually attend college, which I don't know
if I'm going to do. I don't make a lot
of money as a busser where I work. Even if
I work every day after school and every day during
the gap year, I'm still not making enough. Plus working
every day would mean I wouldn't have any social life.
I just don't know what to do. I love her,
(01:48):
I want to help her pay for her tuition. I
don't see myself being able to afford to do so.
Please advice. I'm also considering trade school, but even then
it would still be a very, very similar situation. I
don't know what to do. Any help from Blake? Ah, Blake,
slow down, buddy, sit down. Mama Delilah is going to
(02:08):
have a talk with you. Coming up next. Tonight's Delilah's
dilemma is from a senior in high school named Blake,
who is trying to figure out the next four or
five years of his life. Blake, one day at a time, buddy,
(02:29):
you got to take this one day at a time,
and it is not your responsibility in any way, shape
or form to take on your girlfriend's plans. You have
not even graduated high school yet. So all this mumbo
jumbo about paying her tuition and getting an apartment so
(02:51):
you can be close to her, eh No, not just no,
but heck no. You need to take things one day
at a time, and you need to figure out what
it is that you are meant to do, and you
can change your mind. You don't have to know today,
you don't have to know tomorrow. But if you want
(03:14):
to go to trade school, then go to trade school.
I don't have a college degree. We believe in trade
schools in our family. We believe in working hard. We
believe in finding something that you love, and if it
requires a college degree, go get it. If it doesn't,
then get the hours and the experience. You need to
(03:37):
become an electrician, to become a plumber, to become a mechanic,
to go into the military, to do whatever it is
you're supposed to do. But you are not supposed to
be taking on somebody else's responsibilities. You should not be
concerning yourself with your girlfriend's future tuition in the least bit,
(04:00):
that's her responsibility. Worry about what you're going to wear
to prom worry about what you're going to do this summer.
Are you going to work? Are you going to get
a job that pays more? Are you going to go
into a school, a trade school, a program, maybe go
into job corps. There's so many options, but taking on
(04:20):
other people's responsibility should not be an option. Tonight's Delilah's
dilemma is from Gene, who says, Hi, Tolilah, I've listened
to you for years, and I think you give great advice.
I have a bit of a dilemma. Maybe you can
(04:40):
help me with. I went through what's now called a
great divorce after being a homemaker for forty years. Unfortunately,
I'm struggling financially and I don't have the safety net
many of my still married friends have. I'm making it,
but those friends can't seem to comprehend when I say
(05:03):
I can't participate in girls' days or girls' trips because
it's not financially responsible. Some will even question my choices
if I buy my grandchildren a gift or make other expenditures.
It's like they think I'm lying or exaggerating my situation.
(05:24):
I am frugal, but I have to be I'm feeling
left out and judged and as a result, very lonely.
What to do? What to do? From Gene, Gene, I
will have my words of advice coming up for you.
Next Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is from Gene, a homemaker of
(05:53):
forty years, recently divorced and had the rug literally ripped
out from under her. It sounds like you number one
did not have a good lawyer, Jane, and that is unfortunate.
But it sounds also like your girlfriends have never been
in your shoes and can't relate to your situation. What
to do? What to do? Spend time with women who understand.
(06:18):
Spend time with women who are single who are also
being frugal, so that they don't have to worry in
twenty or thirty years that they're going to have a
roof over their head. You may have to build a
new network of friends. You may have to sit down
with your married friends and say, listen, I'm glad that
(06:40):
you're in good relationships. I'm glad that you don't have
to worry about finances. But this is my reality and
I don't want to worry about what my future is
going to look like. So I'm going to be practical
right now and say no to girls' weekends away and
(07:01):
yes to saving up for a rainy day. You can
do girls' weekends away at your own house, have your
girlfriends come over or go to their homes. You don't
have to go to hotels or resorts, unless, of course,
that is the lifestyle they're used to, and they don't
want to sacrifice or change to make you more comfortable.
(07:24):
But it's about communicating. It's about setting those healthy boundaries,
which it sounds like you are doing, and I'm proud
of you for that. And it's about maybe spending time
with other women who are in your shoes or in
the same boat, and realize that that boat is not
a cruise ship, a bit more like a canoe or
(07:44):
a kayak. Jeane, good luck. I'm proud of you. God
bless you. Thank you for listening. Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is
from Emily, who says, I've been listening to you for
over twenty five years, and I've often found comfort in
(08:06):
your thoughts. I have a dilemma I hope you can
help me with. I was married for over twenty five
years to a man I love, but the relationship was
always rocky. We were eighteen and twenty two when we
got married, young and inexperienced. We had three boys, and
once they were grown, I left the marriage. That was
(08:29):
four years ago. We no longer are married or lived together,
but we still date because when it's good, it's good.
The dilemma is that he wants us to try again
because neither of us has gone on with someone else.
My gut tells me this is a bad idea and
I'd just be repeating an old pattern. But I do
(08:52):
love him and I miss the good times. What do
you think? From Emily? Emily, I will share my words
with you coming up next. Tonight's Delilah's dilemma is from Emily,
who married young, was married twenty five years, kids are grown,
(09:14):
and she left, but she still loves him. Here's here's
the problem, Emily. I don't know why you divorced him.
You never gave a reason. You said, we had three boys,
and once they were grown, I left the marriage. That
was four years ago. Why why did you leave the marriage?
I need to know why you left the marriage before
(09:38):
I can give my advice on whether you should try again.
If there was a darn good reason you left the
marriage and that has not been addressed or resolved, then
why would you try again? You would just be repeating
an old pattern. But if you left the marriage bridge
(10:01):
because of something that he did that hurts you, and
he's apologized and made amends, or if you left the
marriage because you were going through something personally and your
body was changing and your chemistry was changing, and the
kids were gone and you were tired of doing laundry
and taking care of somebody and you just wanted some freedom.
(10:23):
I don't know. Before I can tell you whether you
should try again, I would need to know why you
left in the first place. But if your gut is
telling you don't go back, you should probably listen to that.
You should also talk to your best friends, because best
friends see things more clearly than we do. But I
(10:46):
think it's awesome that you still date your ex and
that you guys are great friends, and when it's good,
it's great. That's a good thing. Maybe you should not remarry,
Maybe you should just continue to date and love one another.
I don't know, but I know with talking it through
with your besties, with yourself, maybe with a good counselor
(11:07):
you'll be able to figure out what is right for you.
I so hope you have enjoyed these radio moments as
much as I enjoyed bringing them to you. I'll share
more with you each weekday on Hey It's Delilah
Hey it's Delilah. Thank you for stopping by. I have
put together some of my favorite radio moments here to
share with you on our daily podcast, Hey it's Delilah.
Every night on my radio show, we share something called
(00:24):
a Delilah dilemma, where you write to me or you
call me with yours situation and I try to help
you come up with the right solution. Today, we're going
to listen to some of those on this podcast. Blake writes, Hello, Delilah.
I'm not sure if this would be considered as a
Delilah dilemma, but here it goes. I'm a senior in
(00:45):
high school, which means it's time to plan my future
after graduation. My girlfriend, also a senior, is planning to
take a gap year and work to save up money
for college. She's planning to go to and become a veterinarian. Now,
I'm not too interested in going to college, but I
(01:06):
am considering it. If I do or don't go to college,
I still want to help pay my girlfriend's tuition and
get an apartment near the campus so she can visit
me in her free time. But there's no way I'll
be able to afford to help her with her tuition
and afford an apartment and afford tuition for myself if
(01:27):
I decided to actually attend college, which I don't know
if I'm going to do. I don't make a lot
of money as a busser where I work. Even if
I work every day after school and every day during
the gap year, I'm still not making enough. Plus working
every day would mean I wouldn't have any social life.
I just don't know what to do. I love her,
(01:48):
I want to help her pay for her tuition. I
don't see myself being able to afford to do so.
Please advice. I'm also considering trade school, but even then
it would still be a very, very similar situation. I
don't know what to do. Any help from Blake? Ah, Blake,
slow down, buddy, sit down. Mama Delilah is going to
(02:08):
have a talk with you. Coming up next. Tonight's Delilah's
dilemma is from a senior in high school named Blake,
who is trying to figure out the next four or
five years of his life. Blake, one day at a time, buddy,
(02:29):
you got to take this one day at a time,
and it is not your responsibility in any way, shape
or form to take on your girlfriend's plans. You have
not even graduated high school yet. So all this mumbo
jumbo about paying her tuition and getting an apartment so
(02:51):
you can be close to her, eh No, not just no,
but heck no. You need to take things one day
at a time, and you need to figure out what
it is that you are meant to do, and you
can change your mind. You don't have to know today,
you don't have to know tomorrow. But if you want
(03:14):
to go to trade school, then go to trade school.
I don't have a college degree. We believe in trade
schools in our family. We believe in working hard. We
believe in finding something that you love, and if it
requires a college degree, go get it. If it doesn't,
then get the hours and the experience. You need to
(03:37):
become an electrician, to become a plumber, to become a mechanic,
to go into the military, to do whatever it is
you're supposed to do. But you are not supposed to
be taking on somebody else's responsibilities. You should not be
concerning yourself with your girlfriend's future tuition in the least bit,
(04:00):
that's her responsibility. Worry about what you're going to wear
to prom worry about what you're going to do this summer.
Are you going to work? Are you going to get
a job that pays more? Are you going to go
into a school, a trade school, a program, maybe go
into job corps. There's so many options, but taking on
(04:20):
other people's responsibility should not be an option. Tonight's Delilah's
dilemma is from Gene, who says, Hi, Tolilah, I've listened
to you for years, and I think you give great advice.
I have a bit of a dilemma. Maybe you can
(04:40):
help me with. I went through what's now called a
great divorce after being a homemaker for forty years. Unfortunately,
I'm struggling financially and I don't have the safety net
many of my still married friends have. I'm making it,
but those friends can't seem to comprehend when I say
(05:03):
I can't participate in girls' days or girls' trips because
it's not financially responsible. Some will even question my choices
if I buy my grandchildren a gift or make other expenditures.
It's like they think I'm lying or exaggerating my situation.
(05:24):
I am frugal, but I have to be I'm feeling
left out and judged and as a result, very lonely.
What to do? What to do? From Gene, Gene, I
will have my words of advice coming up for you.
Next Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is from Gene, a homemaker of
(05:53):
forty years, recently divorced and had the rug literally ripped
out from under her. It sounds like you number one
did not have a good lawyer, Jane, and that is unfortunate.
But it sounds also like your girlfriends have never been
in your shoes and can't relate to your situation. What
to do? What to do? Spend time with women who understand.
(06:18):
Spend time with women who are single who are also
being frugal, so that they don't have to worry in
twenty or thirty years that they're going to have a
roof over their head. You may have to build a
new network of friends. You may have to sit down
with your married friends and say, listen, I'm glad that
(06:40):
you're in good relationships. I'm glad that you don't have
to worry about finances. But this is my reality and
I don't want to worry about what my future is
going to look like. So I'm going to be practical
right now and say no to girls' weekends away and
(07:01):
yes to saving up for a rainy day. You can
do girls' weekends away at your own house, have your
girlfriends come over or go to their homes. You don't
have to go to hotels or resorts, unless, of course,
that is the lifestyle they're used to, and they don't
want to sacrifice or change to make you more comfortable.
(07:24):
But it's about communicating. It's about setting those healthy boundaries,
which it sounds like you are doing, and I'm proud
of you for that. And it's about maybe spending time
with other women who are in your shoes or in
the same boat, and realize that that boat is not
a cruise ship, a bit more like a canoe or
(07:44):
a kayak. Jeane, good luck. I'm proud of you. God
bless you. Thank you for listening. Tonight's Delilah's Dilemma is
from Emily, who says, I've been listening to you for
over twenty five years, and I've often found comfort in
(08:06):
your thoughts. I have a dilemma I hope you can
help me with. I was married for over twenty five
years to a man I love, but the relationship was
always rocky. We were eighteen and twenty two when we
got married, young and inexperienced. We had three boys, and
once they were grown, I left the marriage. That was
(08:29):
four years ago. We no longer are married or lived together,
but we still date because when it's good, it's good.
The dilemma is that he wants us to try again
because neither of us has gone on with someone else.
My gut tells me this is a bad idea and
I'd just be repeating an old pattern. But I do
(08:52):
love him and I miss the good times. What do
you think? From Emily? Emily, I will share my words
with you coming up next. Tonight's Delilah's dilemma is from Emily,
who married young, was married twenty five years, kids are grown,
(09:14):
and she left, but she still loves him. Here's here's
the problem, Emily. I don't know why you divorced him.
You never gave a reason. You said, we had three boys,
and once they were grown, I left the marriage. That
was four years ago. Why why did you leave the marriage?
I need to know why you left the marriage before
(09:38):
I can give my advice on whether you should try again.
If there was a darn good reason you left the
marriage and that has not been addressed or resolved, then
why would you try again? You would just be repeating
an old pattern. But if you left the marriage bridge
(10:01):
because of something that he did that hurts you, and
he's apologized and made amends, or if you left the
marriage because you were going through something personally and your
body was changing and your chemistry was changing, and the
kids were gone and you were tired of doing laundry
and taking care of somebody and you just wanted some freedom.
(10:23):
I don't know. Before I can tell you whether you
should try again, I would need to know why you
left in the first place. But if your gut is
telling you don't go back, you should probably listen to that.
You should also talk to your best friends, because best
friends see things more clearly than we do. But I
(10:46):
think it's awesome that you still date your ex and
that you guys are great friends, and when it's good,
it's great. That's a good thing. Maybe you should not remarry,
Maybe you should just continue to date and love one another.
I don't know, but I know with talking it through
with your besties, with yourself, maybe with a good counselor
(11:07):
you'll be able to figure out what is right for you.
I so hope you have enjoyed these radio moments as
much as I enjoyed bringing them to you. I'll share
more with you each weekday on Hey It's Delilah
Host
Delilah
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