July 15, 2022 • 17 mins
The 24/7 nature of text messaging means it’s always on and always waiting for your response. And that can cause sweating, palpitations and real anxiety. Dr. Saltz advises a listener whose mini-panic attacks make her dread her phone.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Bees are challenging times, but you don't have to navigate
them alone. Welcome to how can I Help? I'm Dr GAYL. Salt.
I'm a clinical Associate Professor of Psychiatry at the New
York Presbyterian Hospital, a psychoanalyst, and best selling author, and
I'm here every week to answer your most pressing questions,
(00:26):
hopefully with understanding, insight and advice. Testing anxiety is exactly
what it sounds like. Anxiety associated with messaging on a
phone or another smart device. Sometimes it might even result
in physical symptoms like feeling panicky, sweating, being nauseous, heart pounding,
(00:51):
and feeling jittery. If you're someone who struggles with anxiety already,
it's easy to see why texting would exacerbate. Although texting
has been around for almost twenty five years, it's only
since blackberries originally, but other smartphones really burst onto the
(01:11):
stage that texting really took over. Suddenly one was being
constantly accessible to everyone they knew, friends, partners, colleagues, bosses,
and people are expected to answer quickly and even to
engage in full conversations via text. Many of us have
(01:33):
group texts with our friends, making it easy to get
what we'd be call major FOMO or fear of missing out,
and generally to keep checking on your phone just in case.
So today I'm answering the question from a listener who
is describing text anxiety. Constant text message conversations mean that
(01:58):
you have endless opportunit in these to feel left out.
You send something out into the world and until you
get feedback, it's easy to feel anxious. It's not actually
just in your head. In fact, the American Psychological Association
did a survey and found that of Americans admitted to
(02:20):
constantly checking their technology and that one fifth of Americans
associated their technology with significant stress. This was actually done
before the pandemic, and actually you can see how it's
probably at this point much worse. These were devices that
(02:41):
we thought were designed to make our lives easier, and
actually for many of us it does, but for others
it's been anything but easier. Combined text message anxiety with
the stress of being constantly available and plugged into the
world around you, many people even sleep been with their
phones near their head, and often an unhealthy relationship can
(03:05):
develop with social media at the end of the day.
For some people. This is a real recipe for disaster.
While social media and messaging apps claim to keep us
more connected to each other, many young users find themselves
exhausted from receiving constant notifications, balancing numerous exchanges at once,
(03:28):
and caring conversations that last all day long, sometimes even
over the course of an entire week. In delayed response
to these, someone might find that they really are forgetting
to pay attention to their mental health and the need
for phone breaks. Study explored the effects of information overload
(03:53):
and online conversation dynamics and found that overexposure to information
can suppress the likelihood of response by overloaded users, contrary
to analogies to biologically inspired viral spread. In other words,
some people become so beleaguered they're not answering, leaving the
(04:16):
person who texted feeling more anxious. And it makes sense
that millennials are already feeling extremely overloaded. While social media
use has increased, among older adults, they're less likely to
use multiple social media platforms or to highly engage in them,
making them less susceptible to technology burnout. In fact, studies
(04:39):
show that older generations use social media basically to keep
up with family and to compensate for mis in person
ar actions rather than using them to find new opportunities
to socialize, and so they have less time and less
engagement on these apps. Millennia. On the other hand, people
(05:01):
born between the early nine eighties and mid nineteen nineties
have been described as the burnout generation. It's a generation
that has matured in a technological world that allows for work, information,
and communication to follow them everywhere. So since the pandemic,
(05:22):
this has only increased, and for many people it's been
really overwhelming. From zoom meetings and FaceTime dates to slack
blurring the lines between when his work and when his
casual chat. That has continued to escalate anxiety around social
media use. There was a six increase in social media
(05:46):
engagement during the first wave of the pandemic, and that
of users have expressed a negative sentiment about social media
in this past year. Between Instagram, AM, Twitter, Facebook, which
encouraged social interaction through likes and shares, instant messaging apps
(06:07):
like What's App, Snapchack Messenger, they encouraged long threads of conversation,
and they encourage group chats and the traditional forms of
communication that we had been using more like email and
even just texting. Cause constant pinning of the phone or
interactions with the phone a huge amount of the time.
(06:28):
The resulting numbers of conversations can be unbelievable. The average
person checks their phone two hundred and sixty two times
a day, a major increase from the eight times a
day that was the average back in two thousand sixteen.
(06:50):
So with that, right after the break, we'll get to
my listeners question. Welcome back. Let's get to my listeners
question and see how can I help, Dear doctor Salts.
(07:13):
I experience anxiety, shaking, palpitations, and sweating for short moments
when I get text messages and emails after experiencing a
high peak of personal problems related to my family and
economy in the past year, I go through a micropanic
attack when I see an email subject or the preview
(07:34):
of a text message that might imply something is wrong.
How can I avoid these micropanic attacks from previewing text
messages and emails? Do you have essentially become sensitized to
the idea that receiving a text means potential danger, potential disaster,
and along with the fear of danger comes to physical
(07:56):
response to danger and fear panic. These are due to
a response by the sympathetic nervous system and a release
of Nora benefferent. This response feels like jitteriness, breathing more quickly,
feeling nauseous, sweating, having a rapid heartbeat. Then you look
(08:19):
at the text and you see, oh hey, it isn't
dangerous or disastrous, and you feel relief. You feel better,
but feeling better reinforces the looking at the text, meaning
your brain is recording that looking quickly at your text
(08:39):
makes you feel better, and so you feel even more
tired to looking quickly at all texts, and you are
even more tied to your phone. This cycle creates compulsive
phone checking and obsessive negative thoughts of danger and panic
associated with news from your phone. In order to stop
(09:02):
the cycle, one must set some new parameters to decrease
how often you are reinforcing the looking. This means basically,
let people know that you are not going to check
texts during chunks of your day. If there is an emergency,
would they please call you. Then create a five hour
(09:25):
block during which you don't look at your phone, turn
off your alarms which pin you that you have a message.
Spend some days doing this. After a week you could
consider turning your notifications back on, but now you will
amend the plan to basically not look though you hear
(09:47):
the notification, ignoring them while maintaining the same five hour blocks.
You can look and respond after five hours and then
start new five hour block. You will at first get
nervous each time you get a notification. Do not relieve
(10:08):
this nervousness by checking by looking. Instead, take some deep breaths,
remind yourself that looking does not change the news, that
you can tolerate whatever it is, that life will still
go on. Let your anxiety slowly dissipate. In other words,
(10:30):
you're not telling yourself, oh, I'm sure the news is fine.
You're just saying, whatever it is, I will deal in
five hours or in four hours, and just let your
anxiety slowly go away. Go on with whatever you are doing,
not looking at your phone and not responding. Over time,
(10:52):
you will be able to shorten the windows of hours.
But I might suggest you not at any point have
the phone always on and available to be looked at,
because this can just send you right back to the
same agitated state as you were in before. By practicing
with five hour chunks and ultimately perhaps moving to two
(11:13):
hour chunks, you will desensitize yourself to this attachment that
you have in your mind between text and danger. The
goal is really to overall decrease your usage and to
be able to comfortably wait and not react to each text.
I hope that was helpful. There are various types of
(11:36):
anxiety that can be prompted by texting. Sometimes it's not
about distressing content. Sometimes it's about trying to read what
the content really means From a person. You might be
trying to decode the meaning behind the words, and without
body language and facial expression and context, that is more
(11:57):
difficult and therefore can make you anxious. For example, if
every text from the person you are dating or talking
to is vague or brief, noncommittal, or causes confusion, I
have to say this might not be the person for you,
because while dating and relationships both require effort and work,
(12:19):
communication and directness is really key. If you're already having
to decode every text, this may be a sign that
this person is going to be difficult for you to
deal with. With the right person, communications should be something
that works, not a source of constant anxiety. So I
(12:40):
would suggest if you are confused by a text, or
believe there could be some misunderstanding, ask clarifying questions from
the get go. For example, let's say you make plans
with somebody you are newly dating. You send a text
asking them if they're free Saturday night, and they respond
with some emoji. You might start feeling anxious because you
(13:03):
aren't sure if this is a confirmation emoji or an
ambivalent emoji or I don't even know what this means emoji.
So then you think, how do I respond to this?
Instead of going down the rabbit hole of all the
what ifs and trying to interpret the significance of this emoji,
it's really best to just ask. For some people, this
(13:25):
might seem kind of mind blowing because you might be thinking, really,
can I just ask? I mean, is that going to
seem too needy or strange on my part? The truth is,
if there is any room for misunderstanding, or you feel
that clarifying a text lessen your anxiety, I say you
should do it because, regardless of the response, seeking clarification
(13:50):
is a direct approach that will not only provide answers
so that you don't have to sit in limbo, but
it will start a precedent of the kind of conversations
you want to be able to have with this person.
Often people don't ask if your rejection or they think,
you know, will I come off as too pushy or
(14:10):
too needy, And in women in particular, they often want
to come off as you know, easy going or low
maintenance to a prospective partner, but no relationship can work
or frankly come of it at the end. If you
set a precedent of accepting no real communication and to
be made anxious much of the time, you are allowed
(14:33):
to be assertive and ask clarifying questions to avoid misunderstandings,
and frankly, to avoid wasting each other's time. I would
also suggest that you take a break from your phone.
If you are constantly checking your phone for new texts,
for messages, or activity on social media, put it down.
(14:56):
Checking the phone and rereading texts has become pretty comp
pulsa for many people in general, particularly for many singles
who are trying to date, especially in new relationships, and
as a result, singles will often put their entire life
on pause as they await the response of the person
of interest or try to make meaning from a single
text instead of being present in what actually is happening
(15:20):
in their lives and having balance. They become fixated on
their phones, which really does create more anxiety. So try
to take space or even create physical distance between you
and your phone. Put the phone in another room, or
turn it on, do not disturb if you are out
(15:40):
doing errands or with friends, keep it out of sight
to be present with the people you're actually with. And
by taking this break, you increase your ability to be
more mindful and more present. It will help you to
become more present conversations, real conversations and appreciate all the
good things you have outside of dating, for example, and
(16:03):
shift your focus and attention away from your thoughts to
the environment and the events around you. And very important
is to think about communication in person. Some people this
seems old school. They'll really talk about text conversations like
they were actual conversations that happen. But more often than not,
(16:25):
texting is going to make a situation messier than it
needs to be. It is better to communicate on the
phone or in person. Telephone communications allow you to hear
the other person's tone of voice and have a conversation
in real time with real in person conversations. You have
(16:47):
access to all the cues of nonverbal communication, which is
really helpful in having a more nuanced and a more
understood and empathetic communication. I'm talking about eye contact, facial expression,
and even posture so that you can tell, hey, is
(17:07):
this sarcasm? Is this person being genuine? It really reduces
the likelihood of a misunderstanding. You could argue that not
everyone likes talking on the phone, and you don't want
to call someone without warning. And while you could make
these arguments, I would really say that texting continues to
(17:28):
cause much more confusion and anxiety than there needs to be,
and we would avoid a whole lot of misunderstanding and
have more peace of mind if we communicated with others
in a real and authentic way. Do you have a
problem I can help with? If so, email me yet?
How can I help? At Seneca women dot Com, all
(17:50):
centers remain anonymous and listen every Friday too. How can
I help with me? Doctor Gale's Salts
Bees are challenging times, but you don't have to navigate
them alone. Welcome to how can I Help? I'm Dr GAYL. Salt.
I'm a clinical Associate Professor of Psychiatry at the New
York Presbyterian Hospital, a psychoanalyst, and best selling author, and
I'm here every week to answer your most pressing questions,
(00:26):
hopefully with understanding, insight and advice. Testing anxiety is exactly
what it sounds like. Anxiety associated with messaging on a
phone or another smart device. Sometimes it might even result
in physical symptoms like feeling panicky, sweating, being nauseous, heart pounding,
(00:51):
and feeling jittery. If you're someone who struggles with anxiety already,
it's easy to see why texting would exacerbate. Although texting
has been around for almost twenty five years, it's only
since blackberries originally, but other smartphones really burst onto the
(01:11):
stage that texting really took over. Suddenly one was being
constantly accessible to everyone they knew, friends, partners, colleagues, bosses,
and people are expected to answer quickly and even to
engage in full conversations via text. Many of us have
(01:33):
group texts with our friends, making it easy to get
what we'd be call major FOMO or fear of missing out,
and generally to keep checking on your phone just in case.
So today I'm answering the question from a listener who
is describing text anxiety. Constant text message conversations mean that
(01:58):
you have endless opportunit in these to feel left out.
You send something out into the world and until you
get feedback, it's easy to feel anxious. It's not actually
just in your head. In fact, the American Psychological Association
did a survey and found that of Americans admitted to
(02:20):
constantly checking their technology and that one fifth of Americans
associated their technology with significant stress. This was actually done
before the pandemic, and actually you can see how it's
probably at this point much worse. These were devices that
(02:41):
we thought were designed to make our lives easier, and
actually for many of us it does, but for others
it's been anything but easier. Combined text message anxiety with
the stress of being constantly available and plugged into the
world around you, many people even sleep been with their
phones near their head, and often an unhealthy relationship can
(03:05):
develop with social media at the end of the day.
For some people. This is a real recipe for disaster.
While social media and messaging apps claim to keep us
more connected to each other, many young users find themselves
exhausted from receiving constant notifications, balancing numerous exchanges at once,
(03:28):
and caring conversations that last all day long, sometimes even
over the course of an entire week. In delayed response
to these, someone might find that they really are forgetting
to pay attention to their mental health and the need
for phone breaks. Study explored the effects of information overload
(03:53):
and online conversation dynamics and found that overexposure to information
can suppress the likelihood of response by overloaded users, contrary
to analogies to biologically inspired viral spread. In other words,
some people become so beleaguered they're not answering, leaving the
(04:16):
person who texted feeling more anxious. And it makes sense
that millennials are already feeling extremely overloaded. While social media
use has increased, among older adults, they're less likely to
use multiple social media platforms or to highly engage in them,
making them less susceptible to technology burnout. In fact, studies
(04:39):
show that older generations use social media basically to keep
up with family and to compensate for mis in person
ar actions rather than using them to find new opportunities
to socialize, and so they have less time and less
engagement on these apps. Millennia. On the other hand, people
(05:01):
born between the early nine eighties and mid nineteen nineties
have been described as the burnout generation. It's a generation
that has matured in a technological world that allows for work, information,
and communication to follow them everywhere. So since the pandemic,
(05:22):
this has only increased, and for many people it's been
really overwhelming. From zoom meetings and FaceTime dates to slack
blurring the lines between when his work and when his
casual chat. That has continued to escalate anxiety around social
media use. There was a six increase in social media
(05:46):
engagement during the first wave of the pandemic, and that
of users have expressed a negative sentiment about social media
in this past year. Between Instagram, AM, Twitter, Facebook, which
encouraged social interaction through likes and shares, instant messaging apps
(06:07):
like What's App, Snapchack Messenger, they encouraged long threads of conversation,
and they encourage group chats and the traditional forms of
communication that we had been using more like email and
even just texting. Cause constant pinning of the phone or
interactions with the phone a huge amount of the time.
(06:28):
The resulting numbers of conversations can be unbelievable. The average
person checks their phone two hundred and sixty two times
a day, a major increase from the eight times a
day that was the average back in two thousand sixteen.
(06:50):
So with that, right after the break, we'll get to
my listeners question. Welcome back. Let's get to my listeners
question and see how can I help, Dear doctor Salts.
(07:13):
I experience anxiety, shaking, palpitations, and sweating for short moments
when I get text messages and emails after experiencing a
high peak of personal problems related to my family and
economy in the past year, I go through a micropanic
attack when I see an email subject or the preview
(07:34):
of a text message that might imply something is wrong.
How can I avoid these micropanic attacks from previewing text
messages and emails? Do you have essentially become sensitized to
the idea that receiving a text means potential danger, potential disaster,
and along with the fear of danger comes to physical
(07:56):
response to danger and fear panic. These are due to
a response by the sympathetic nervous system and a release
of Nora benefferent. This response feels like jitteriness, breathing more quickly,
feeling nauseous, sweating, having a rapid heartbeat. Then you look
(08:19):
at the text and you see, oh hey, it isn't
dangerous or disastrous, and you feel relief. You feel better,
but feeling better reinforces the looking at the text, meaning
your brain is recording that looking quickly at your text
(08:39):
makes you feel better, and so you feel even more
tired to looking quickly at all texts, and you are
even more tied to your phone. This cycle creates compulsive
phone checking and obsessive negative thoughts of danger and panic
associated with news from your phone. In order to stop
(09:02):
the cycle, one must set some new parameters to decrease
how often you are reinforcing the looking. This means basically,
let people know that you are not going to check
texts during chunks of your day. If there is an emergency,
would they please call you. Then create a five hour
(09:25):
block during which you don't look at your phone, turn
off your alarms which pin you that you have a message.
Spend some days doing this. After a week you could
consider turning your notifications back on, but now you will
amend the plan to basically not look though you hear
(09:47):
the notification, ignoring them while maintaining the same five hour blocks.
You can look and respond after five hours and then
start new five hour block. You will at first get
nervous each time you get a notification. Do not relieve
(10:08):
this nervousness by checking by looking. Instead, take some deep breaths,
remind yourself that looking does not change the news, that
you can tolerate whatever it is, that life will still
go on. Let your anxiety slowly dissipate. In other words,
(10:30):
you're not telling yourself, oh, I'm sure the news is fine.
You're just saying, whatever it is, I will deal in
five hours or in four hours, and just let your
anxiety slowly go away. Go on with whatever you are doing,
not looking at your phone and not responding. Over time,
(10:52):
you will be able to shorten the windows of hours.
But I might suggest you not at any point have
the phone always on and available to be looked at,
because this can just send you right back to the
same agitated state as you were in before. By practicing
with five hour chunks and ultimately perhaps moving to two
(11:13):
hour chunks, you will desensitize yourself to this attachment that
you have in your mind between text and danger. The
goal is really to overall decrease your usage and to
be able to comfortably wait and not react to each text.
I hope that was helpful. There are various types of
(11:36):
anxiety that can be prompted by texting. Sometimes it's not
about distressing content. Sometimes it's about trying to read what
the content really means From a person. You might be
trying to decode the meaning behind the words, and without
body language and facial expression and context, that is more
(11:57):
difficult and therefore can make you anxious. For example, if
every text from the person you are dating or talking
to is vague or brief, noncommittal, or causes confusion, I
have to say this might not be the person for you,
because while dating and relationships both require effort and work,
(12:19):
communication and directness is really key. If you're already having
to decode every text, this may be a sign that
this person is going to be difficult for you to
deal with. With the right person, communications should be something
that works, not a source of constant anxiety. So I
(12:40):
would suggest if you are confused by a text, or
believe there could be some misunderstanding, ask clarifying questions from
the get go. For example, let's say you make plans
with somebody you are newly dating. You send a text
asking them if they're free Saturday night, and they respond
with some emoji. You might start feeling anxious because you
(13:03):
aren't sure if this is a confirmation emoji or an
ambivalent emoji or I don't even know what this means emoji.
So then you think, how do I respond to this?
Instead of going down the rabbit hole of all the
what ifs and trying to interpret the significance of this emoji,
it's really best to just ask. For some people, this
(13:25):
might seem kind of mind blowing because you might be thinking, really,
can I just ask? I mean, is that going to
seem too needy or strange on my part? The truth is,
if there is any room for misunderstanding, or you feel
that clarifying a text lessen your anxiety, I say you
should do it because, regardless of the response, seeking clarification
(13:50):
is a direct approach that will not only provide answers
so that you don't have to sit in limbo, but
it will start a precedent of the kind of conversations
you want to be able to have with this person.
Often people don't ask if your rejection or they think,
you know, will I come off as too pushy or
(14:10):
too needy, And in women in particular, they often want
to come off as you know, easy going or low
maintenance to a prospective partner, but no relationship can work
or frankly come of it at the end. If you
set a precedent of accepting no real communication and to
be made anxious much of the time, you are allowed
(14:33):
to be assertive and ask clarifying questions to avoid misunderstandings,
and frankly, to avoid wasting each other's time. I would
also suggest that you take a break from your phone.
If you are constantly checking your phone for new texts,
for messages, or activity on social media, put it down.
(14:56):
Checking the phone and rereading texts has become pretty comp
pulsa for many people in general, particularly for many singles
who are trying to date, especially in new relationships, and
as a result, singles will often put their entire life
on pause as they await the response of the person
of interest or try to make meaning from a single
text instead of being present in what actually is happening
(15:20):
in their lives and having balance. They become fixated on
their phones, which really does create more anxiety. So try
to take space or even create physical distance between you
and your phone. Put the phone in another room, or
turn it on, do not disturb if you are out
(15:40):
doing errands or with friends, keep it out of sight
to be present with the people you're actually with. And
by taking this break, you increase your ability to be
more mindful and more present. It will help you to
become more present conversations, real conversations and appreciate all the
good things you have outside of dating, for example, and
(16:03):
shift your focus and attention away from your thoughts to
the environment and the events around you. And very important
is to think about communication in person. Some people this
seems old school. They'll really talk about text conversations like
they were actual conversations that happen. But more often than not,
(16:25):
texting is going to make a situation messier than it
needs to be. It is better to communicate on the
phone or in person. Telephone communications allow you to hear
the other person's tone of voice and have a conversation
in real time with real in person conversations. You have
(16:47):
access to all the cues of nonverbal communication, which is
really helpful in having a more nuanced and a more
understood and empathetic communication. I'm talking about eye contact, facial expression,
and even posture so that you can tell, hey, is
(17:07):
this sarcasm? Is this person being genuine? It really reduces
the likelihood of a misunderstanding. You could argue that not
everyone likes talking on the phone, and you don't want
to call someone without warning. And while you could make
these arguments, I would really say that texting continues to
(17:28):
cause much more confusion and anxiety than there needs to be,
and we would avoid a whole lot of misunderstanding and
have more peace of mind if we communicated with others
in a real and authentic way. Do you have a
problem I can help with? If so, email me yet?
How can I help? At Seneca women dot Com, all
(17:50):
centers remain anonymous and listen every Friday too. How can
I help with me? Doctor Gale's Salts
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