July 29, 2019 • 49 mins
The men attempt to solve multiple problems this week, including, how to handle a dinner companion that is rude and ill-mannered to a man who prefers sleeping on the sofa. And a last name conundrum...should it be Hough, do we like Hough-Laich, or do we like to just like Laich.
Ryan presents a situation that is puzzling, awkward, and quite a quandary that may be too difficult to solve.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is how men think? And Gavin and I heard
radio podcast. Welcome to the show, everybody. We appreciate you
guys tuning in. We're here for how men think. My
name is Brooks, like and I'm sitting here. He's already smiling.
I love it. I can't even get to you and
you're already laughing by my my gracious co host, Mr
(00:24):
Gavin de Gros. Good to be here. So we have
a new topic we want to discuss here. Uh Dmitri
is gonna tee it up for you guys listening. Okay,
so um, the other night over the weekend, I went
out with my family and another family. So it was
you know, my wife, myself and the kids, and then
another couple and their kids. And we went to this
restaurant and the guy, the other husband, when the waitress
(00:49):
came around, he ordered. First he just jumped. She's like, oh,
are you guys read already? Goes yeah, yeah, I'll take
uh and then he ordered. And then when the food
was placed on the time like to me that I was.
I was raised kind of old fashioned. My father was
a gentleman. It's like. And then when the food came
and they put it on the table, he reached over
and grabbed it. He ate before the kids, that he
ate before the like and then wait and so at
(01:09):
that point my senses were heightened. And then when we
left the restaurant, he walked out the door first, like,
didn't hold the door for the women or for the kid.
To me, as a guy, as a guy, as a dude,
that's a deal breaker. Man, Like I don't there's few
things that that men are supposed to that I think
they have to do, and I think they have to
be somewhat of a gentleman with with women and with kids.
(01:30):
And the fact that this guy just started doing everything first,
it's like, to me, I've lost all respect for you.
Have you? How long have you known this guy? A while?
But probably I don't know, close to ten years. Wow,
So it would he like be somewhat of a friend
that you would hang out with quite often. Is this
her first time out for supper with this guy? He's
done it before, but I feel like it's gotten worse.
And and to me, it's like, my schedule is so
(01:53):
busy and the kids and like, I don't have a
lot of time to hang out in general, so when
I do, I wanted to be people with I feel
comfortable it that are that are funny that I respect,
And now it's like I don't even want to hang
out with this dude because he don't. He's rude to
the waitress, Like the waitress comes over and goes, um, sir,
can I get you another? Can I get you another beer? No?
I'm driving? And it's like, okay, hey, you're not driving.
(02:14):
I know that your wife drove, and b It's like
she's just that's she's doing her job, Like why why
you like you're condemning her for asking you if you
that's her job is to ask you if you want
another drink? And if she didn't do that, then you'd
be like, I can't believe she didn't ask if I
want another drink? Like, what's the problem? So can I
ask you a question? So I I agree with you.
I don't find his behavior acceptable. What is it about
(02:36):
his behavior that really irritates you that it's a lack
of respect, it's a lack that he puts himself before
his family? What is it? Mainly that's that's like you're
not gonna hang Clearly you're not gonna hang out with
this guy again. Yeah. I mean I feel like, like
I said, my father raised me a certain way, and
I feel like it's it's you have as a as
a guy, you have a responsibility to be a gentleman.
(02:59):
And when you're doing that, I feel like you're taking
advantage of other people, and I feel like you're just
trying to put yourself first. And I think the world
is crazy enough. I think there's a lot of bad
people in the world. I think, what does it take
to put someone first? What is it? What is it? Like?
Why is that a big deal? Why? Like, he's gonna
get his food, You're gonna get your order in? Like,
why do you have to do it first? Why are
you only thinking about yourself for some reason? This is
(03:21):
a pet peeve of mine and it makes me. It
drives me nuts to see stuff like that happen. Can
I jump in? I got a devil's advocate for you. Okay.
I've done both, by the way of the things you're
talking about. Not every meal obviously, um, but I've done
the gentleman thing and I've done the non gentleman thing.
And sometimes when I order first, it's when everybody looks
(03:41):
confused about what to do. So I jump in. I go, hey,
I'll do it because I know what I want that
I'll give everybody a minute to think this and that.
And that was not that I have an outward very open.
I'm very like forward in general. I'm socially aggressive right
as you know. So so while other people are thinking
and wondering what I'm going to order, I'll go, hey,
(04:01):
I'll just you know, you guys cool, vible, you know
what I mean. But you at least preface that not
the case, though this is preface. This was hey, you guys,
right to order. Yeah, I'll take the burgers. So I
get that totally. But also that isn't learned. That is
a learned behavior, you know, if you're not brought up
with that sort of thing around you. Let's say you
didn't grow up going out to dinner where you're where
(04:23):
your father would or your mother would teach you that
there's a pecking order involved in that regard or there
is a certain thing, some form of chivalrous behavior at
the dinner table, you know what I mean. Like I didn't,
I didn't go out to a whole lot of dinners
growing up, you know what I'm saying. So, so some
people that's there for there the first generation of of
(04:43):
spending money. So they haven't even learned that behavior yet,
so it may seem archaic to people who grew up
with more money in their pocket. Right, I'm just, I'm just,
and I get what you're saying. But I think that
that makes that makes sense. But I I to me,
I don't think it's I guess I referenced how I
was brought up in the said to me, it's just
a matter of putting yourself first. I don't disagree with
(05:07):
you at all. And I think that whatever that behavior was,
obviously he certainly sees himself as the most important person
person in the room, probably everywhere he goes. Right, yeah,
so and so and and I mean that's a whole
another personality type. Rick, what you got on this one?
You have, you have a wife and kids. I think
he sounds like a dick. Do not hang out with
(05:31):
that guy again, the guy, not you, Dmitri or Gavin,
But yeah, completely disrespectful to his family, to his wife,
to his kids, and to his guests, or to you
and and the other people that are at the dinner table.
I think that's completely disrespectful and to the waitress and
the restaurant that you went to. I mean she's or
(05:53):
he is the waitress is they're working their ass off,
trying to make a living, you know. And I think
whether it's somebody that's at McDonald's or Wendy's or at
the finest restaurant in Paris, you treat that person in
the exact same way. And I agree with you. I
don't think there are I think there are a lot
of people out there that are putting themselves first now, um,
(06:14):
because they think they can for some reason. I don't know,
like I've always kind of uh, you know, experienced similar,
similar situation, but it's it's just it's wrong. Would you
like to come to are we? Are we going tonight?
Wait till you reach for a chicken wing before everybody else.
Demitri's gonna rip your hat off. Howey you get in
(06:40):
the car we're leaving. Yeah. I agree with what you
guys said. I agree exactly. I'm not gonna say much
more in it. I think as a as a husband
to my wife, I want her to feel safe and
protected at all times, and that I put her first.
Go ahead, you know, I was gonna say, I mean,
our responsibilities as parents or adults when there are children around,
to teach them the right way. And obviously it sounds
(07:02):
like your parents and your dad specifically taught you that
that way. And and if we're at a dinner table
and my kids are there or with other families and
and that kid's doing you know, the dad's grabbing the food,
you know, I definitely don't want my children to think
that that's normal. And I have three daughters and one son,
and I don't want him to think, yeah, you know,
I want him to to understand that. And it's not
just a chivalry thing. It's not just men and women.
(07:24):
It's not just adults and kids. How about just think
of someone else before you think yourself. I've been on
some vacations with some friends and family and and there
are times when my kids food comes and somebody in
the party goes and grabs the French fight or the
or the chicken wing or whatever off of their plate
before my kid can even like, go, it's my kids food.
(07:47):
And they're in there swooping up to grab the French
fries or swooping up to grab the It's like, absolutely not. No.
I also do think on this, if we Honestly, if
you see somebody doing something that's in a pro for it, um,
it's on us to also step in and change that.
Otherwise we're just enabling it. So I'm yeah, like if
(08:07):
sting with the four and clearly clearly here you were
an alpha when the check came, were you? You know
what I'm saying, So here you go. So true, he's driving,
so we should just drink. But I agree, I've I've
(08:31):
I've been on teams where I've played with some guys
that aren't that polite, and it's I can't just you know,
you can't enable that behavior and maybe it causes riff.
But hey, like you need wrestle, Yeah, this arm wrestle
right here under the games jump jump over the table.
But you can't say that time you didn't know? You
could say, you could say, now you know Mr Manners
(08:56):
last names? Would you say something? Would you say something?
If it's if it's really like if it's just a
small little thing that you notice and you just catch
wind of it once or something, Okay, maybe not, But
if it's if it's blatant and this guy is being
ignorant and you can see on the person that it's affecting,
you know, like then you have to step in or
you you say something to that the person that it's affecting, Like,
(09:17):
I apologize for him. That's not the way we are.
I have done that. So what's a hard scenario to
being You gotta get you to the dinner. You know,
you may have to see them again in the neighborhood.
You want to check them obviously verbally, but there's a
way to do it. I mean, the guy live in
your town, You're gonna bump in on him, he'll see
him again. What if you saw a husband being inappropriate
(09:40):
to his wife, would you say something that's a tough
one to Yeah, yeah, but I wouldn't be aggressive about
it because I think men someone aggressive towards the many
they're aggressive back. But I think it's like, hey, come on, man,
like that's it a little strong? Yeah. And also things
bothered me a lot. You're saying he's being obnoxious to
the server. That pisces me off to no end. You
(10:03):
know what I mean. I've worked, I have worked. I
have worked in restaurants before, and man, I mean you know,
I mean I remember I served a guy he was
being such a douche to me. I was twenty one
years old. I just moved to New York City. I'm
wearing my ridiculous, you know, waiting tables uniform that I
(10:24):
had to wear. And the guy was being such an
absolute douche to me. Right it was him and his girl,
and I just stopped. Finally, I just stopped because he
was being so disrespectful to me. And I said, hey, man,
is this your first date? And he said what I said,
is this your first date? And he was like, I
shall ask your date? Is this your first date? And
(10:47):
she said, yes, it is. I said, I just wanted
to let you know, and I looked at the guy.
I said that my uniform comes off. That's all I'm
gonna tell you. And it was just a soor rate
you or what I mean, because he was just he
was just stepping on the person that he thought he
could step on in that scenario, you know, And there's
(11:07):
nothing there's no smaller person than the person who takes
the opportunity to just step on the one person they
think that they can in the room. Now do you
think he's behavior? Do you think you thought you were
suggesting a three ways? Is this your first day? This
uniform comes totally. I started with my bill start kicking
off the boots by the way. Okay, okay, we're getting
(11:30):
out of this one. Okay, let's get into some questions. Here.
We have our producer, Danielle is going to ask us
our first question, what you got? The first question is
from Hope and she needs some advice. She has been
together with her now husband for nine years. Two of
those years they've been married, and for those past two
years her husband has been sleeping on the couch. What
(11:52):
should she do? So we're assuming this guy sleeps on
overnight on the couch, and she said he didn't before
they got married. He didn't do that. Well, so she
says they've been gathered for nine years, almost two of
them married, but for the past two years. So it
sounds like so as soon as they got married, he
started sleeping on the couch. Yeah, that that doesn't sound
(12:13):
like a healthy relationship. Ever heard of the BB King
song the Thrill Is Gone? Do tell elaborate for us? Buddy?
That's the only line you need to know. I mean,
I guess the obvious question for me other than if
he've heard that song, uh, is how big is the
TV in the bedroom? Or is there no TV in
(12:35):
the bedroom? What what are you going tobe like to
watch TV? Maybe he's watching maybe he needs a little
bit light on or something. Maybe here's my thought. Is
it possible so many people put pressure on marriage? They
were they were together for seven years, no problem, And
(12:55):
when you get married, the first thing everyone says is
how's it different? How's everything different? So maybe he got
nervous that things were going to change when they got married,
and so he's felt all this pressure. Now he's like,
and now he feels like things have changed and it's
not fun anymore. And I it's too bad she's not
a caller if you're listening, calling, because I'd be curious
to know if has she gone out there and like
(13:17):
lay it on the couch with him? Have before this
were they were they being intimate and now they're not,
Like she could and I'm not saying this is on her,
but she could go out there and they could mix
it up a little bit. Maybe he's like, if I
just go in the bedroom, we're gonna get into bed,
we're gonna have sex and then and then and it's
gonna feel a very repetitive. And this is this what
married life is like, so maybe if they mix it up.
(13:37):
Maybe if she went out there and they you know,
they cuddled, had sex whatever, on the couch and mix
things up a little bit. I'm not a couch in
the bedroom in the living room. What are those pollouts
that college kids have? Um, are you guys just avoiding
(13:57):
that something is not right? That's what I was going to.
There's definitely something not right there. I mean, if you
marry somebody, if you were somebody for nine years and
you're married for two, there should you should have an
attraction to want to go to bed with that person,
to fall asleep with that person. Um, certainly to be
intimate with that person, to fall asleep with that person
and wake up next to that person. And if there,
if he's resisting that and fighting for let me sleep
(14:21):
on the couch. I mean, that's a pretty cold relationship
in my opinion. But it's weird that it started almost
to the tea of when they got married, Like, I mean,
what really, nothing changes besides paperwork when you get married
if you've been together that long. So something triggered that
that it's almost to the tea, almost to the day
of when they got married. So I don't know. Is
(14:42):
he is he? Is he having an affair and he
doesn't want to be he doesn't want it sex with
her anymore. I don't know. But there's something that's strange
to me that had happened as soon as they got married.
So what does she do? Well, see that you can
answer that one way, But I also don't think it's
just on her. So the the thing to say would be, well,
she can try and entice him. She can be and
(15:04):
both partners need to do that. So she can try that.
She could try and entice him with some lingerie or
some candles, or not allowing him even to turn a
TV on, like put some music on and connect do something.
She could try that. I believe it's on both partners
to try things when partners aren't connecting. But also from
his from the dude standpoint, I mean, he's got to
(15:24):
put in some effort. Let's be real, like you, that's
that's disrespectful to your partner. Imagine if she was sleeping
on the couch and you were in bed, Like, how
would that make you feel? He wouldn't be happy with that.
So that's a good point. This This can't make her
obviously she's reached out. This can't make her feel good
just in general, like that will affect her. Next day
she gets up, she's like, my husband doesn't want to
get into bed with me like that, that's that's feeling. Yeah,
(15:46):
I have a question, what about the old school relationships
you here about or some of the husbands and the
wives they sleep in different rooms. Even maybe she smells
good once again, but he listened to her first couple podcast,
I love of your hypotheticals. Like I basically I got
into the brush your teeth before bid and he doesn't
want to her mouth beating on him. Uh this idea. See,
(16:11):
I got stretched. I got into up doing like I
signed up to do these podcasts, to join the show,
to like impact and serve people and have some laughs
and and grow and like learn myself. But now it's
changed to just hearing hypotheticals come out of yours are important.
If you've displayed that, thank you very much. I don't
I don't know what the answer to this is, but
(16:32):
I think he needs to make an effort otherwise that
that marriage is not hidden in the right direction. And
I think the question is has she like has she
said listen what's wrong, what's happening here? But yeah, it
sounds she has I agree. I mean, I think it
all starts with a conversation. You need to find out
what where they are in their marriage, you know, and
where they are in life. Like maybe he's bummed out
and he's sitting on the couch and he doesn't want
(16:53):
to interact because if he opens up to her, then
maybe he has to tell her how how bad work
is or how bad his you know, his childhood was
or whatever that is. And he's trying to figure this
out right now. And maybe he feels stuck in a
situation where he got married and maybe he wants to
get out of it, but he doesn't know what to do,
and so he's trying to show it in another way
without having a conversation. So he's basically sitting on the
(17:15):
couch blowing her off, which is not the right thing
to do, and avoiding it at all costs, not saying
that's the right thing, but that is some ways that
people do interact and want to try to get their
point across. I have a follow up question to this question, Um,
do you guys have a TV in the bedroom and
do you believe it's right or proper or okay to
(17:37):
have a TV in your bedroom. Mann's got one in
every room in the house. You probably have one in
the bathroom. No, I mean bedroom bedroom TV. Uh yeah, man,
I mean it depends. I mean, but I I have
stayed places extended periods of time where there was no
(17:58):
TV in the bedroom, and I would sleep on the
couch just because I you know, I was having a
hard time fall asleep and leave the TV on. He
kind of wake up and you know, don't wake up.
I have a very very uncomfortable sleep schedule, so I wouldn't.
It's hard for me to weigh in and have anybody
understand my sleep schedule because I'm in different time zones
every other day. Um, sometimes I'm working late at night.
(18:23):
You do a show, you won't be sleeping for another
eight hours just because you're wired. You know, if you've
done that. I actually I listened to the ice hockey thing,
but I was different. I actually had a way because
that was that's an issue, right if you big time,
big time issue? So how I dealt with that, Like
if you're a performer, you're performing in the evening and
it finished, game finishes at ten thirty at night or whatever.
(18:43):
I would continue. I would work out after games because
you're so ramped up, like you're saying, you do a show,
You're ramped up, crowds, fired up, your intensity is going,
your adrenaline is going, and then the show ends or
the game ends like that? What do you do with
all of that energy? Still if you don't do anything,
I would, so I learned in my career I'd go
work out for thirty forty hour, hour and a half
(19:04):
sometimes after a game to get the rest of that
out so I could go home and just pass right out. Yeah,
that's an issue for me. The other thing is, I
have another question about the guy because since since the job,
the type of job that I that I've got, you
have um has to do with being around people all
the time. When I get that opportunity to be alone,
(19:25):
even if I'm dating somebody, I'll just want to be
by myself for hours, you know what I mean? I
need some alone time. I made a decompressed because throughout
the day, you had a great day, but you're you're
mingling with people, you're working, you're seeing your team, You're
spending your day with your band, your crew, your fans, right,
and you need that sort of at least I do.
(19:46):
I need that hermit time. So if I was to say,
not even a plan, like I want to sleep on
the couch just because I kind of just I need
to be just watch the TV and zone out, you
know what I mean, that wouldn't be a reflection on
the person I'm with. It would have to do more
like I need some alone time. But after two years
of doing it. Yeah, that's tough. That's that's a real problem.
(20:06):
That's an issue. Yeah, that's the thrill is going. So
let's let's go. I do uh, I do have a
comment on the TV. I do have a comment on
the TV in the in the bedroom. So I used
to have a TV in the bedroom. We recently did
some stuff to our house and we do not have
a TV in the bedroom. We did put the plugs
in area to have a TV in the bedroom, but
(20:27):
we decided not to put a TV in the bedroom
because it Hey, we have our phones or our devices
and iPad, iPhone or whatever, but we it actually brings
or gives that opportunity to be intimate or to have
a conversation. So if you walk in and your wife
or I'm watching Sports Center and my wife's watching news
or whatever. It like it immediately like takes away from
(20:49):
any sort of that, oh, hey, how is your day?
What's going on? You know, how is work? Or how
was in Los Angeles? Or how was wherever? And so
to me. And we've sort of decided recently that hey,
we get the TV and it's like, you know what,
we kind of like how it is right now? You know,
it's it's it's good. You know. We actually have more conversations.
I mean, don't get me wrong, Like on a Sunday
when the kids are downstairs watching you know, cartoons or whatever,
(21:12):
a movie, I definitely want to come up and catch
The Masters or whatever. But you know I can watch
that on my phone. Um. But in terms of relating
to my wife or as significant other or whatnot, I
feel like not having a TV in the bedroom actually
does a lot of good. Have you never been intimate
to an old episode of Everybody Loves Raymond? I'm I'm
(21:33):
a TV. I have TVs in a lot of rooms.
I definitely have a TV in the bedroom. Um, and
we will more times than that we will put it on,
and um, it's usually I can't fall asleep if I'm
watching something new. So I can't put on like you know,
something new that I'm following, a new a movie that
I haven't seen. It has to be like an old
episode or something, and I can mindless that I can
hear it and fall asleep. Um. And and my wife
(21:56):
likes that too, she watched We don't always have it on,
but we will often it on. Um And there are
times well where where we won't and we'll talk and whatever.
But it become it became a habit where we would
turn it on and just leave it on for a while.
And sometimes I would wake up in the middle of
the night and realize it's still on and turn it off.
And that kind of bugged me a little bit. But
I don't know. It's a comfort for us all we
don't have one. I have never had a TV in
(22:18):
my bedroom my entire life. UM, So for me, that's
a hard no. My my thought on a bedroom, it's
for two things. It's one where it's going to go on.
Look at me, like I got three heads described on
where we're gonna have some fun as a couple. Buddy TV.
(22:44):
I've never done that with an old episode of something.
No recommended. Um, So it's it's for it's for being intimate,
or it's for sleeping, you know. And I even have personally,
we even like my wife and I even said a
rule that there's no emails or in agram or social media.
When you walk in the bedroom door, your phone is off.
You're not doing work. Um, and that's kind of our
(23:07):
sacred no work, no whatever. That's a connection, a place
for connection, because it's very easy for it to go
us to go to our devices or to a TV
and to have that that connection or that intimacy fizzle
even just a little bit, year after year after year,
until you're just very separate people sleeping in the same
room or as Amy you said, sleeping in different rooms.
(23:27):
I sleep very little. I go to sleep at like eleven.
Between eleven and twelve is when I fall asleep, and
I'll wake up around five. When I first met my wife,
I was, I'm like you, Rick, I'm early to bed,
early to rise, fish like hell and makeup lies, right,
you know what I'm talking about? Total Yeah, Um, but
I'm an early to bad guy. We'd have to get
up early and practice workout, perform So for me and
(23:50):
we should do a whole episode on this because people
struggle mightily with sleep. For me, rest is a weapon.
Rest is a weapon. It's the number one thinging that
I prioritize in my life, more than fitness, more than nutrition.
I prioritize sleep. So if I don't get proper sleep
the night before the next night, it's high priority I
(24:12):
have to have. And I try and get nine hours
a night. I don't have kids. We don't have kids,
so I can do that. I'm in control of my sleep.
But nine hours a night, um, and then the next
day I don't miss if I get nine hours. If
I get anything less than seven, it starts to shift.
And they've actually done studies on I think m I
T did a study. UM. They had a group of
(24:32):
people they deprived sleep deprived. They had a group of
people that they fed fast food too, and they had
a group of people that they could not exercise, and
they tested these people over a duration of time and
I think it was after one week of being sleep
deprived that group became pre diabetic. It's incredible what sleep
does to your body, how it helps you perform, and
(24:53):
how it limits your performance. Sleep. Like I said, rest
is a weapon, and I will tell you I'm saying,
and I sleep, and maybe it sounded like I was
giving a hard time. I don't sleep well. I don't
necessarily get five hours sleep because I want to. I
don't sleep well. And if I go away and I'm
in a hotel room, if I'm out of town for
work and I have a hotel room myself, you think, oh,
this is it, I'm gonna sleep in. I don't. I
(25:15):
just for some reason, I wake up a lot and
I and so I would that would be very interested
in figuring out how to get better sleep. But I
know the first thing everything can say, get the TV
out of your bedroom. Cash for sure. Um, But I
think we should dive into especially to you, buddy, if
you have trouble sleeping time, If sleep is in line,
(25:38):
you are rested, you will make better nutrition choices you
will make, You're more likely to be active and work out.
And also your cognition level, your thought process at work
is going to be a lot better, and you're probably
a lot better around your family. Well. The funny thing
is I always slept great in school, just great in
school in school, man, I went not it was amazing.
(26:02):
I don't see well at all. I see I I
have my mind right, it has a hard time relaxing,
um and so I it's not anxiety. I just have
like a ton of ideas at all times, um and
so and so I I have it's hard to shut off,
(26:22):
you know, um and um, I don't know. Actually no,
that's what I'm like, Like I when I get to bed,
and it's just just constantly constant ideas. But when you
get to bed, is is do you not focus any
like attention on? I need to shut this system down,
power this system down so it can perform again tomorrow.
It's really hard for me because I I basically go
(26:45):
until I can't. Essentially, I'll go until I can't stay
awake anymore. And that's just kind of how I how
I I live. And UM like, I'll stay awake until
my eyes are just watering, you know what I mean,
and then I go, okay, I'll probably be able to
fall asleep. Now have you ever tried reading? That's a
terrible idea. I mean, you can do picture books because
(27:09):
it doesn't have to be actually you have anything with crayons.
You can see what Yogi bear is doing before before
we get down the rabbit hole, there we got the
welcome back to how man think. My name is Brooks,
and I've got Gavin eating Gavin's eating an organic nutrition
bar slash. We got Dmitri and Rick, and we have
(27:33):
Amy and Danielle. Here are producers. We have East and
our engineer, and they're going to tee us up for
something that we do not know what's coming. This is
off the cuff. This happens quite often. I'll put on
an outfit and I'll say, how does this look fantastic?
Standard good? Or does it look good? Good? It looks good,
and I'm like, okay, sod over top of it. So
(28:00):
let me go with this because this is something for
dudes listening. This is something that I learned because I
was that guy. I was that guys like, yeah, it
looks good. Like I never thought, how's my hair great?
That's awesome. I never gave a lot of that stuff.
Thought that it matters to my wife what my input is,
because to me, it doesn't. If I put on a
(28:22):
suit or something or sure or something like how does
this look? She says that it's good, I'm like, great,
let's rock and roll. Um. But I have learned and
been educated on that it does matter, that our words
do matter, and also how we say them, how the
intonation and the emotion behind it matters. So if she
puts something on she says, how does this look? Love it? Baby,
you look dynamite, she feels an immense sense of confidence
(28:45):
and appreciation and like she is seen and that the
effort she has put in has been noticed. And that's
something I've had to learn. I was not naturally that way,
but I have learned that. And I'm probably the married
guys here can attest to that. The single guy he
has not learned. I haven't. I have not gotten to
that point where I'm like a dynamite and this and that.
But I have noticed, and this may be a selfish
(29:06):
point of view, but I have noticed. If we need
to get out of the house, and and I'm honest
with my answers, but if we need to get out
of the house, and she asked me how do I look?
And I say you look good? I realized that she's
going to go back in and change. If I say
that looks really good, I like that, then I know
we can leave. So if I, obviously I don't want
to go out and have her be uncomfortable, or being
something that doesn't look good. But if I I realized
(29:27):
that there's a difference in how you say and if
I say that looks really good, I like that, then
I know she's gonna be comfortable, and then she'll be
she won't think about it the rest of the night.
And I think that's to your point. I think that's
a nice thing to do, is to give a little
bit more than just that that one canned answer of
it looks good, let's go. I also feel like it's
some sometimes a set up, you know, like if they're saying, hey,
you look good or how do I look? And then
(29:48):
you say, uh, you know, I really like that other jest,
then it's like you're all like then it comes back
to you to bite you no matter what's going on
the whole entire night, like you are screwed. I don't
know if you're if you hold on. I want to
touch on this because I actually just had this conversation
with my brother in law about this thing. So he said,
(30:08):
and our female listeners are the women listening, you can
weigh in on this. But he said that, um, his wife,
So my sister loves to be told what to wear,
so he'll like lay out a red dress. He's like, Babe,
can you put that red dress on tonight for this day?
Because you look sexy as hell in that dress. And
she'll put that thing on, put some pumps on, like
(30:29):
she's looking good. When they go out, it's gonna be
a great night. So I think for guys, you can
instill confidence into him, like when my wife will put
something on Rick. She'll put something on him, like, Babe,
put that other green one back on that was sexiest,
Like throw that on. But if you do that and
then she goes, I don't really feel like that wearing that,
and she doesn't wear it, then okay, But then it's like,
(30:52):
well I gave it, and now I tried and it
didn't work, and now she wants and then and then
the energy is off after well. And I think the
other thing to add also to what makes them feel good? Right,
what dress makes them feel good? If it's the red
dress or the green dress. You know, like you may
want the green dress, but when she puts that green
dress on and she's like, oh god, you know the
green dre it's just not vibing, you know, And then
(31:15):
right there she's going to make a decision herself. But
you can also offer reassurance right there, like no like
because my wife does it to me. I'd put on
like a suit or something, go to hockey game and
she's like, I don't think that one looks put and
then I'll put on different ties like boom gold Babe,
that is dynamite. I'm like, all right, let's rock and roll.
So like, the significant other can offer a lot of
reassurance and don't be afraid to say no, I like
(31:36):
this one better or that one better. Um, it helps direction,
I believe help alright, Jen, it's got another question from Athena.
Athena wants to know one day I want to get married,
but I don't want to change my last name. Most
men would never change their last name after marriage, but
expect their wife to change hers. I've heard guys say
it's disrespectful not to take your husband's name. I don't
(31:58):
believe that's true at all. How do you guys feel
about this subject? You guys are both married, Yeah, Um,
to be honest, when we got married, I left it
up to my wife. I deep down I really wanted
her to take my name. Um, but I left it
up to her I didn't put any presure on around.
I said listen. Actually I didn't even say listen. I
just let it go and see and decided to see
(32:18):
what she would think. Um. She did bring up at
one point, you know, you could take my name, and
you know that I was not on board when she
wasn't expecting it. But she I mean she was semi serious,
but she wasn't so um, And I was like, well,
here's the thing I said to me, being a guy,
(32:39):
I feel like I have I had a close relationship
with my dad, and I feel like I would kind
of be turning my back on the family and the
legacy that we have. So I was not up for that.
But I did not put pressure on her to take
my name, even though that's what I really wanted. And
she ended up doing that. She come back and say, well,
I had a powerful, strong relationship with my father, so
(32:59):
why can I not on her his last name? By No,
she didn't. No, she didn't. Um, But I mean if
she did, then I would have been I guess I
would have been understanding of that. Um. You know what, Okay,
go ahead, you know what some people do. Some people
nowadays have been taking parts of both names. Oh, yeah,
I have friends have done I have friends have done that. Yeah,
(33:21):
that's I mean. I have a trouble coming up with
screen names for Twitter and stuff. I don't need to
be concocting last name. Carlos and Alexa Pena Vega do
you know them? They're very cool. Yeah. So Carlos Penya
was in Big Time Rush and Alexa Vega is an
actress and was from Spike Kids. And they're fantastic and
I'm super used to their last name being Penia Vega.
Now would you ever do like Dash Huff? I would
(33:44):
probably not. No. Um. So the question was do we
find it disrespectful not to take your husband's last name.
So right now, my wife, Julianne Huff does not have
my last name, So all her legal documents, her passport,
her driver's license, everything just say Huff and everybody still
refers to her as Julie Anne Huff. Um. I initially
(34:08):
to be honest, fully transparent. When we first mad and
we're got engaged and stuff, we had this conversation and
I was like, I want you to take my last name.
I said that, like I it was important to me. Um,
And just over time of talking about it and what
and what have you. I don't think we ever before
we got married, we resolved the issue was was she
(34:29):
gonna take my last name or not? And then we
got married and to me right now, it's not that
big of an issue. So my wife does not have
my last name. We don't have any kids right now,
but she doesn't have my last name, and to me,
it's not that big of an issue. UM, I will
say I didn't think that initially. I figured it would
be an issue, but I'm surprised for myself now that
(34:51):
it's not an issue. Um, but it'll be interesting to
see when we have kids. When we have children, UM,
I would want them to have my I last name,
our last name. Do you think that she would want
them to have huff? I don't know, maybe hyphen. I'm
not sure. You know what's fun about that? Huff? Like
it sounds like like eight is h it's kind of tough,
(35:12):
like huh, Mike is like, uh, it's kind of a
I don't know. We I don't like one syllable last
names either. I don't know why I don't like one syllable.
My last name is a one syllable last name. But
this could be the this could be the stars of
a line. Do you get help? Like, I don't know
what else is fun about you guys, both of you
(35:33):
this time, I knew you were meant to be. Both
of you have names that are pronounced differently than they're spelled.
Huff and like if you just read them, you're prenout.
You're saying how or whatever? And what about rough like
like to r O U g h h h mind
blown there it is, I just blew your mind so
well we did. But we took my wife's maiden name
(35:53):
and gave it to my oldest daughter as a middle name,
so that kind of okay. Yeah, I don't know. I
would to be To be fully honest, I would like
my wife to have my last name, whether it's now
or sometime in the near future or far future. But
like I would I refer to the house is like
the like household. Welcome to the like household is what
(36:15):
I would say to somebody that comes in or something.
Because she always did she yell from the back room huff, no, no, no, no,
it's it's oddly. I'm actually kind of surprised that it
hasn't become an issue in our relationship. Because I do
as a man, I take pride in the last name
and being having that last name as the family name. UM,
(36:35):
and especially when we have kids, I think that will amplify.
I don't know for a fact, but I'm assuming it
might amplify for me. But I think it will always
being ongoing discussion. And listen, I'm not going to make
my wife change her last name if she doesn't feel comfortable.
But I don't think that creates a division within our relationship.
So to Athena's question, I don't find it disrespectful. I'm
(36:56):
obviously open to it, but at the start, yeah, it
was a little jarring for me. So I said that,
UM that I didn't put any pressure on and I didn't,
you know, ask had she decided not to, I think
I would not have felt disrespected, but I would have
been probably severely disappointed, not in her, but in the
fact that was because I'm like you, I would have
I liked that to be You're a unit, you know
(37:17):
what I mean, family unit, And when people have different
last names to me, that just something feels a little off.
It's not disrespect, but it's off to me. Yeah, I said,
it was always just understood. There was never a conversation.
It just was this is what you do. Ye drives
me insane though. I have an apostrophe in my last name,
and whenever my wife is on the phone with the
(37:37):
cable company or any telemarketer or anyone, anyone, she doesn't
say when she spells the last name, the apostrophe. And
I'm always in the background yelling there's an apost like
that would drives and it would probably drive me and
say too, because it's your name. You want your name honored.
And then and when they see with that the apostrophe,
they think it's the most bizarre name. But the apostrophe
(37:59):
separate the letters. It's easier to read. Just use the apostrophe.
I have one thing I do want to say, and
it's something that came to me just while I was
traveling looking at the success of the last couple of episodes,
the Intimacy X episode with my wife, these kinds I
want to acknowledge, just the fact that we have female
producers running our show. So that's you, Amy Tori, that's Danielle,
(38:26):
that's Hanna um And and Easton is the only male
aside from the panel that's involved with this show, and
our show would not even be remotely as successful without
the female producers that we have. Would we, gentlemen, have
ever picked intimacy as a topic to discuss. No, never, never.
(38:48):
And then the amount of like feedback and emails and
comments and insight we've received from the listeners has been
incredible with how that's touched their lives and shape their lives.
And that is a testament to you, Amy, and to
you Danielle and Tori and Hannah. So thank you guys
for making this show better because we wouldn't even be
close to this without female producers. And you know, it's
(39:10):
that old saying that behind every successful man is a
you know, a strong woman or successful woman, And I
think that's gone away because there's so many successful women
that people don't use that phrase anymore. But if you
were to look at it, I think women can do
way better on their own and be successful and strong,
and men still do this. This is a prime example
we still do need, you know, women behind us kind
(39:31):
of you know, giving us that that ability. I mean,
like you said, would we be sitting here doing this
talking about these things and be headed in the direction
that we're headed, which I think is this is doing well? Right? Yeah? Okay,
so I mean without them, so I mean it's You're
exactly right. Yeah, I'm I'm blown away. I would have
never got there. I have no idea what we'd be
(39:53):
talking about, but I would have never got to something
like that could be that, that could be that powerful
without um amy you propos is that? So it's your
The kudos goes to you, so um But yeah, I
just want to say thank you. That was really an
insightful thing that came to me while I was traveling,
and I just wanted to say thank you to the
to the ladies that are involved in the making of
this show. That means a lot. Thank you. Can I
(40:14):
tell you something I've been thinking about the test that
you and Julianne took a lot since the podcast, and
I can't get over how when you are intimate, you're
not going through a checklist. When you know these are
like the seven things that get out of your head,
you gotta be going through it. Well, technically, when you're
(40:35):
are you talking about getting intimate, like sexually intimate, Technically
all that blood flow shouldn't be going to your head.
It should be going to somewhere you know, these are
the seven things that the results have yielded. I'm thinking,
like George Costanza, here is like counterclockwise the swirl motion
like this, that she's going to come on with us,
(40:56):
and I think we make Ryan our guinea pig and
you have to do the test. Would Mrs Ryan come
on with us? Maybe? Will you ask her? Sure? I'm
concerned that Ryan can't get Brooks and Julianne's checklist out
of his head. Now are you a were you a
coachable kid? I don't know when you played sports. Did
(41:18):
if a coach said I just want you to do this?
Did you just like I'm kind of like, are you
just a soldier? If somebody just says just do this?
You will just follow? So this up that applies here.
If you read something, do you have to strictly apply it? No,
you still have the choice to decide does this work
for me? Do I agree with this? And do I
choose to apply this? Yeah? But but we're to me.
(41:41):
The conversation that we had when Julianne was here was
that you admitted that one of the things you want
most is to please You want her to feel satisfied.
So when you know the seven things that satisfy her most.
Then it's not that you're some like soldier who's who's
(42:03):
a robot? You you get pleasure out of her pleasure,
and therefore you are presumably gonna do the things that
she loves most. So that's what I'm asking is are
you not thinking about those things that you've found from
the test throughout the time of your being intimate. But
it's fine if your wife, Ryan, if your wife has
this dish that she really loves to eat, and you
(42:23):
have the recipe of how she likes it best, will
you only follow that recipe or will you just cook
it up? Sometimes that's a various student analogy. That's actually
I was going food with this too. Yeah, and when
I get the word of stute out of you, I
feel like I wanted. No, it's it's gonna it's gonna
contain the main ingredients, but maybe I might throw some
(42:44):
human in there. But are you thinking, oh my gosh,
I'm oh my gosh, I'm going off the recipe. This
is so crazy. No, that's an interesting because I don't
like to follow a recipe because then I'm like, then
it's just the recipe. This is what everyone else does like,
I'm gonna put my signal just answered your own question
instead of checklist, Let's call it a sexual recipe. How
robotic is your sex life? Are you like just tell
(43:05):
us like, are you like thinking or are you just know?
Not at all? But I've never done that test, Like,
I don't know what what the specific things that you
found out from the test st are. So maybe it's
more ambiguous things tuned everybody, let's put can we put
Ryan through the test? And can we see that test?
Because I want to see what's on his checklist? Sorry, recipe?
(43:28):
All right, I know we're running at a time. I
have one last thing. I want to just quickly get
your guys thoughts on UM really because so many people
have reached out to us on Instagram and to our
email h with respect to Brooks and and myself telling
our own IVF stories. And I have a friend, UM,
(43:48):
a good friend who just went through something that I
think was really really complex and dynamic and interesting that
I'm curious what you guys think about this. So basically,
he's recently married his current wife uh is is divorced,
and uh the two of them desperately want to have children.
Now they have gone through two rounds of IVF together
(44:09):
my buddy and his his now wife UM and have
been unsuccessful in all of the pregnancies up until today.
So just recently she said to him, Look, we've gone
through two more rounds of IVF. I'm getting older. I
don't know that biologically and physiologically the car it's in
the cards for us. But I really want to have
(44:31):
a kid. And I want to know if you're okay
with the following. My ex husband and I went through
IVF as well. We have four embryos on ice that
are fertilized, very strong embryos. Are you okay with me
implanting one of those viable, strong embryos, coming to term
(44:53):
and us raising this baby together. I really want to
do that and this currently is the only way for us.
We've we've given it a good try. We've failed two times.
What do you think now? My buddy is just his
head is spinning because he despises her ex and there
(45:15):
are reasons for despising the accent And is he going
to be um? Is he he going to feel as
if every time he sees this child he sees her
ex husband and on the on the flip side, it's
he really wants to have a kid himself, and he
wants to do right by his wife who really wants
to have her own child, biological child. But what do
(45:37):
you do? I mean, I think it that's the point.
I think at that point you consider adopting and finding
a child that needs a good home. If he has
resentment towards the x um, I don't know that, Like,
I don't know, can he can he shake that? Can?
What about you? Could I if I had sentiment towards
(46:00):
my wife's ex and then we I mean, here's the thing.
I guess maybe not because I was gonna say yes,
probably I would have a problem with that. But here's
the thing. If you were a stepfather, if this wasn't
from birth right, if you married someone that had a
child with somebody else and that husband or her ex
was a jerk, would I have a problem with a
(46:21):
step child or you know? Or I probably wouldn't call it.
I wouldn't contential you know what I mean? Um No,
I would not. So, but you didn't have a choice
in that, you know this one, I wouldn't. I don't
know that I would be able to open up that
kind of worms. I think there's so many babies out
there that need a home, but could you argue that
they have four babies and embryos on ice? Right? We
(46:43):
need a lawyer because isn't the child technically the ex
husband's child. Unless you sign before you go through I
v F, you sign away, you basically have to. They
lay out to you, these are all the areas. Whether
it's divorce, this is what's going to happen with the embros.
(47:03):
If it's one of the two parties is uh dies tragically?
You are you allowing the other half to have that child?
Are you discarding them all? Completely destroying? We had to
do that. And the third option is or do you
donate it to science? Like everything? I mean, it's a
(47:23):
twenty page document that you have to go through. And
the other thing that that I'm you know, and I
said that the other thing that I'm missing here is
that this the wife, your buddy's wife, could feel very
strongly about well why not that she wouldn't want to
adopt the child in need. But she's saying, I have
I can have a biological connection to this child. You
won't but I can't. So then you're telling her that
(47:43):
you don't want that to That's a tough one, man.
That's what I was going to talk about too. So
because how you guys both have children. I don't how
rewarding is it to see a reflection of the love
of your life in a child, like elements of your
wife in your child must be just UNRENDI I hope,
like I can't wait to see that someday with my wife. Um.
(48:07):
But then also the thought of the X who you
said he has resentment and a problem with to see
that too. That's honestly, man, that's a super heavy one. Like,
that's a heavy, heavy life decision that I don't know
if I I don't know if I could get there.
And I agree with you, Dmitri. I think there's many
(48:28):
kids in the world, so many kids in the world
that could be adopted. I don't know if I could
personally get there to say yes, use one of those
other embryos. Um. But this is I love this topic.
This is heavy, and I think it needs more time.
I'd love to, like, I mean, we pick this up
on another episode next week, We're going to keep this going. Yeah,
(48:49):
this is this is heavy. So, um, if what are
your thoughts on it? Please give. We're gonna touch based
on this again coming up, so send us your thoughts
Men at I Heart radio dot com. This is How
Men Think Podcast. We want to get into topics like these.
We want to help you guys, and and in the
in the process ourselves learn and share things. So men
(49:09):
at I Heart radio dot com do you believe that?
Or if it was your relationship, could you go ahead
with now the embryo from an X or would you not? Um? Also,
you can hit us up on Instagram at how Men
Think Podcasts send us your comments there as well. Uh,
that's it for today. We'll pick this topic up again
until next week. Take care of one another, Love one another.
(49:33):
This is How Men Think. Hey guys, it's Brooks and
one last thing before you take off. We want to
know your thoughts, feedback, insights, and questions for us on
this show. Send us an email at men at I
heart radio dot com and follow along with us on
Instagram at how Men Think podcast and we'll see you
back right here next week for the next episode.
This is how men think? And Gavin and I heard
radio podcast. Welcome to the show, everybody. We appreciate you
guys tuning in. We're here for how men think. My
name is Brooks, like and I'm sitting here. He's already smiling.
I love it. I can't even get to you and
you're already laughing by my my gracious co host, Mr
(00:24):
Gavin de Gros. Good to be here. So we have
a new topic we want to discuss here. Uh Dmitri
is gonna tee it up for you guys listening. Okay,
so um, the other night over the weekend, I went
out with my family and another family. So it was
you know, my wife, myself and the kids, and then
another couple and their kids. And we went to this
restaurant and the guy, the other husband, when the waitress
(00:49):
came around, he ordered. First he just jumped. She's like, oh,
are you guys read already? Goes yeah, yeah, I'll take
uh and then he ordered. And then when the food
was placed on the time like to me that I was.
I was raised kind of old fashioned. My father was
a gentleman. It's like. And then when the food came
and they put it on the table, he reached over
and grabbed it. He ate before the kids, that he
ate before the like and then wait and so at
(01:09):
that point my senses were heightened. And then when we
left the restaurant, he walked out the door first, like,
didn't hold the door for the women or for the kid.
To me, as a guy, as a guy, as a dude,
that's a deal breaker. Man, Like I don't there's few
things that that men are supposed to that I think
they have to do, and I think they have to
be somewhat of a gentleman with with women and with kids.
(01:30):
And the fact that this guy just started doing everything first,
it's like, to me, I've lost all respect for you.
Have you? How long have you known this guy? A while?
But probably I don't know, close to ten years. Wow,
So it would he like be somewhat of a friend
that you would hang out with quite often. Is this
her first time out for supper with this guy? He's
done it before, but I feel like it's gotten worse.
And and to me, it's like, my schedule is so
(01:53):
busy and the kids and like, I don't have a
lot of time to hang out in general, so when
I do, I wanted to be people with I feel
comfortable it that are that are funny that I respect,
And now it's like I don't even want to hang
out with this dude because he don't. He's rude to
the waitress, Like the waitress comes over and goes, um, sir,
can I get you another? Can I get you another beer? No?
I'm driving? And it's like, okay, hey, you're not driving.
(02:14):
I know that your wife drove, and b It's like
she's just that's she's doing her job, Like why why
you like you're condemning her for asking you if you
that's her job is to ask you if you want
another drink? And if she didn't do that, then you'd
be like, I can't believe she didn't ask if I
want another drink? Like, what's the problem? So can I
ask you a question? So I I agree with you.
I don't find his behavior acceptable. What is it about
(02:36):
his behavior that really irritates you that it's a lack
of respect, it's a lack that he puts himself before
his family? What is it? Mainly that's that's like you're
not gonna hang Clearly you're not gonna hang out with
this guy again. Yeah. I mean I feel like, like
I said, my father raised me a certain way, and
I feel like it's it's you have as a as
a guy, you have a responsibility to be a gentleman.
(02:59):
And when you're doing that, I feel like you're taking
advantage of other people, and I feel like you're just
trying to put yourself first. And I think the world
is crazy enough. I think there's a lot of bad
people in the world. I think, what does it take
to put someone first? What is it? What is it? Like?
Why is that a big deal? Why? Like, he's gonna
get his food, You're gonna get your order in? Like,
why do you have to do it first? Why are
you only thinking about yourself for some reason? This is
(03:21):
a pet peeve of mine and it makes me. It
drives me nuts to see stuff like that happen. Can
I jump in? I got a devil's advocate for you. Okay.
I've done both, by the way of the things you're
talking about. Not every meal obviously, um, but I've done
the gentleman thing and I've done the non gentleman thing.
And sometimes when I order first, it's when everybody looks
(03:41):
confused about what to do. So I jump in. I go, hey,
I'll do it because I know what I want that
I'll give everybody a minute to think this and that.
And that was not that I have an outward very open.
I'm very like forward in general. I'm socially aggressive right
as you know. So so while other people are thinking
and wondering what I'm going to order, I'll go, hey,
(04:01):
I'll just you know, you guys cool, vible, you know
what I mean. But you at least preface that not
the case, though this is preface. This was hey, you guys,
right to order. Yeah, I'll take the burgers. So I
get that totally. But also that isn't learned. That is
a learned behavior, you know, if you're not brought up
with that sort of thing around you. Let's say you
didn't grow up going out to dinner where you're where
(04:23):
your father would or your mother would teach you that
there's a pecking order involved in that regard or there
is a certain thing, some form of chivalrous behavior at
the dinner table, you know what I mean. Like I didn't,
I didn't go out to a whole lot of dinners
growing up, you know what I'm saying. So, so some
people that's there for there the first generation of of
(04:43):
spending money. So they haven't even learned that behavior yet,
so it may seem archaic to people who grew up
with more money in their pocket. Right, I'm just, I'm just,
and I get what you're saying. But I think that
that makes that makes sense. But I I to me,
I don't think it's I guess I referenced how I
was brought up in the said to me, it's just
a matter of putting yourself first. I don't disagree with
(05:07):
you at all. And I think that whatever that behavior was,
obviously he certainly sees himself as the most important person
person in the room, probably everywhere he goes. Right, yeah,
so and so and and I mean that's a whole
another personality type. Rick, what you got on this one?
You have, you have a wife and kids. I think
he sounds like a dick. Do not hang out with
(05:31):
that guy again, the guy, not you, Dmitri or Gavin,
But yeah, completely disrespectful to his family, to his wife,
to his kids, and to his guests, or to you
and and the other people that are at the dinner table.
I think that's completely disrespectful and to the waitress and
the restaurant that you went to. I mean she's or
(05:53):
he is the waitress is they're working their ass off,
trying to make a living, you know. And I think
whether it's somebody that's at McDonald's or Wendy's or at
the finest restaurant in Paris, you treat that person in
the exact same way. And I agree with you. I
don't think there are I think there are a lot
of people out there that are putting themselves first now, um,
(06:14):
because they think they can for some reason. I don't know,
like I've always kind of uh, you know, experienced similar,
similar situation, but it's it's just it's wrong. Would you
like to come to are we? Are we going tonight?
Wait till you reach for a chicken wing before everybody else.
Demitri's gonna rip your hat off. Howey you get in
(06:40):
the car we're leaving. Yeah. I agree with what you
guys said. I agree exactly. I'm not gonna say much
more in it. I think as a as a husband
to my wife, I want her to feel safe and
protected at all times, and that I put her first.
Go ahead, you know, I was gonna say, I mean,
our responsibilities as parents or adults when there are children around,
to teach them the right way. And obviously it sounds
(07:02):
like your parents and your dad specifically taught you that
that way. And and if we're at a dinner table
and my kids are there or with other families and
and that kid's doing you know, the dad's grabbing the food,
you know, I definitely don't want my children to think
that that's normal. And I have three daughters and one son,
and I don't want him to think, yeah, you know,
I want him to to understand that. And it's not
just a chivalry thing. It's not just men and women.
(07:24):
It's not just adults and kids. How about just think
of someone else before you think yourself. I've been on
some vacations with some friends and family and and there
are times when my kids food comes and somebody in
the party goes and grabs the French fight or the
or the chicken wing or whatever off of their plate
before my kid can even like, go, it's my kids food.
(07:47):
And they're in there swooping up to grab the French
fries or swooping up to grab the It's like, absolutely not. No.
I also do think on this, if we Honestly, if
you see somebody doing something that's in a pro for it, um,
it's on us to also step in and change that.
Otherwise we're just enabling it. So I'm yeah, like if
(08:07):
sting with the four and clearly clearly here you were
an alpha when the check came, were you? You know
what I'm saying, So here you go. So true, he's driving,
so we should just drink. But I agree, I've I've
(08:31):
I've been on teams where I've played with some guys
that aren't that polite, and it's I can't just you know,
you can't enable that behavior and maybe it causes riff.
But hey, like you need wrestle, Yeah, this arm wrestle
right here under the games jump jump over the table.
But you can't say that time you didn't know? You
could say, you could say, now you know Mr Manners
(08:56):
last names? Would you say something? Would you say something?
If it's if it's really like if it's just a
small little thing that you notice and you just catch
wind of it once or something, Okay, maybe not, But
if it's if it's blatant and this guy is being
ignorant and you can see on the person that it's affecting,
you know, like then you have to step in or
you you say something to that the person that it's affecting, Like,
(09:17):
I apologize for him. That's not the way we are.
I have done that. So what's a hard scenario to
being You gotta get you to the dinner. You know,
you may have to see them again in the neighborhood.
You want to check them obviously verbally, but there's a
way to do it. I mean, the guy live in
your town, You're gonna bump in on him, he'll see
him again. What if you saw a husband being inappropriate
(09:40):
to his wife, would you say something that's a tough
one to Yeah, yeah, but I wouldn't be aggressive about
it because I think men someone aggressive towards the many
they're aggressive back. But I think it's like, hey, come on, man,
like that's it a little strong? Yeah. And also things
bothered me a lot. You're saying he's being obnoxious to
the server. That pisces me off to no end. You
(10:03):
know what I mean. I've worked, I have worked. I
have worked in restaurants before, and man, I mean you know,
I mean I remember I served a guy he was
being such a douche to me. I was twenty one
years old. I just moved to New York City. I'm
wearing my ridiculous, you know, waiting tables uniform that I
(10:24):
had to wear. And the guy was being such an
absolute douche to me. Right it was him and his girl,
and I just stopped. Finally, I just stopped because he
was being so disrespectful to me. And I said, hey, man,
is this your first date? And he said what I said,
is this your first date? And he was like, I
shall ask your date? Is this your first date? And
(10:47):
she said, yes, it is. I said, I just wanted
to let you know, and I looked at the guy.
I said that my uniform comes off. That's all I'm
gonna tell you. And it was just a soor rate
you or what I mean, because he was just he
was just stepping on the person that he thought he
could step on in that scenario, you know, And there's
(11:07):
nothing there's no smaller person than the person who takes
the opportunity to just step on the one person they
think that they can in the room. Now do you
think he's behavior? Do you think you thought you were
suggesting a three ways? Is this your first day? This
uniform comes totally. I started with my bill start kicking
off the boots by the way. Okay, okay, we're getting
(11:30):
out of this one. Okay, let's get into some questions. Here.
We have our producer, Danielle is going to ask us
our first question, what you got? The first question is
from Hope and she needs some advice. She has been
together with her now husband for nine years. Two of
those years they've been married, and for those past two
years her husband has been sleeping on the couch. What
(11:52):
should she do? So we're assuming this guy sleeps on
overnight on the couch, and she said he didn't before
they got married. He didn't do that. Well, so she
says they've been gathered for nine years, almost two of
them married, but for the past two years. So it
sounds like so as soon as they got married, he
started sleeping on the couch. Yeah, that that doesn't sound
(12:13):
like a healthy relationship. Ever heard of the BB King
song the Thrill Is Gone? Do tell elaborate for us? Buddy?
That's the only line you need to know. I mean,
I guess the obvious question for me other than if
he've heard that song, uh, is how big is the
TV in the bedroom? Or is there no TV in
(12:35):
the bedroom? What what are you going tobe like to
watch TV? Maybe he's watching maybe he needs a little
bit light on or something. Maybe here's my thought. Is
it possible so many people put pressure on marriage? They
were they were together for seven years, no problem, And
(12:55):
when you get married, the first thing everyone says is
how's it different? How's everything different? So maybe he got
nervous that things were going to change when they got married,
and so he's felt all this pressure. Now he's like,
and now he feels like things have changed and it's
not fun anymore. And I it's too bad she's not
a caller if you're listening, calling, because I'd be curious
to know if has she gone out there and like
(13:17):
lay it on the couch with him? Have before this
were they were they being intimate and now they're not,
Like she could and I'm not saying this is on her,
but she could go out there and they could mix
it up a little bit. Maybe he's like, if I
just go in the bedroom, we're gonna get into bed,
we're gonna have sex and then and then and it's
gonna feel a very repetitive. And this is this what
married life is like, so maybe if they mix it up.
(13:37):
Maybe if she went out there and they you know,
they cuddled, had sex whatever, on the couch and mix
things up a little bit. I'm not a couch in
the bedroom in the living room. What are those pollouts
that college kids have? Um, are you guys just avoiding
(13:57):
that something is not right? That's what I was going to.
There's definitely something not right there. I mean, if you
marry somebody, if you were somebody for nine years and
you're married for two, there should you should have an
attraction to want to go to bed with that person,
to fall asleep with that person. Um, certainly to be
intimate with that person, to fall asleep with that person
and wake up next to that person. And if there,
if he's resisting that and fighting for let me sleep
(14:21):
on the couch. I mean, that's a pretty cold relationship
in my opinion. But it's weird that it started almost
to the tea of when they got married, Like, I mean,
what really, nothing changes besides paperwork when you get married
if you've been together that long. So something triggered that
that it's almost to the tea, almost to the day
of when they got married. So I don't know. Is
(14:42):
he is he? Is he having an affair and he
doesn't want to be he doesn't want it sex with
her anymore. I don't know. But there's something that's strange
to me that had happened as soon as they got married.
So what does she do? Well, see that you can
answer that one way, But I also don't think it's
just on her. So the the thing to say would be, well,
she can try and entice him. She can be and
(15:04):
both partners need to do that. So she can try that.
She could try and entice him with some lingerie or
some candles, or not allowing him even to turn a
TV on, like put some music on and connect do something.
She could try that. I believe it's on both partners
to try things when partners aren't connecting. But also from
his from the dude standpoint, I mean, he's got to
(15:24):
put in some effort. Let's be real, like you, that's
that's disrespectful to your partner. Imagine if she was sleeping
on the couch and you were in bed, Like, how
would that make you feel? He wouldn't be happy with that.
So that's a good point. This This can't make her
obviously she's reached out. This can't make her feel good
just in general, like that will affect her. Next day
she gets up, she's like, my husband doesn't want to
get into bed with me like that, that's that's feeling. Yeah,
(15:46):
I have a question, what about the old school relationships
you here about or some of the husbands and the
wives they sleep in different rooms. Even maybe she smells
good once again, but he listened to her first couple podcast,
I love of your hypotheticals. Like I basically I got
into the brush your teeth before bid and he doesn't
want to her mouth beating on him. Uh this idea. See,
(16:11):
I got stretched. I got into up doing like I
signed up to do these podcasts, to join the show,
to like impact and serve people and have some laughs
and and grow and like learn myself. But now it's
changed to just hearing hypotheticals come out of yours are important.
If you've displayed that, thank you very much. I don't
I don't know what the answer to this is, but
(16:32):
I think he needs to make an effort otherwise that
that marriage is not hidden in the right direction. And
I think the question is has she like has she
said listen what's wrong, what's happening here? But yeah, it
sounds she has I agree. I mean, I think it
all starts with a conversation. You need to find out
what where they are in their marriage, you know, and
where they are in life. Like maybe he's bummed out
and he's sitting on the couch and he doesn't want
(16:53):
to interact because if he opens up to her, then
maybe he has to tell her how how bad work
is or how bad his you know, his childhood was
or whatever that is. And he's trying to figure this
out right now. And maybe he feels stuck in a
situation where he got married and maybe he wants to
get out of it, but he doesn't know what to do,
and so he's trying to show it in another way
without having a conversation. So he's basically sitting on the
(17:15):
couch blowing her off, which is not the right thing
to do, and avoiding it at all costs, not saying
that's the right thing, but that is some ways that
people do interact and want to try to get their
point across. I have a follow up question to this question, Um,
do you guys have a TV in the bedroom and
do you believe it's right or proper or okay to
(17:37):
have a TV in your bedroom. Mann's got one in
every room in the house. You probably have one in
the bathroom. No, I mean bedroom bedroom TV. Uh yeah, man,
I mean it depends. I mean, but I I have
stayed places extended periods of time where there was no
(17:58):
TV in the bedroom, and I would sleep on the
couch just because I you know, I was having a
hard time fall asleep and leave the TV on. He
kind of wake up and you know, don't wake up.
I have a very very uncomfortable sleep schedule, so I wouldn't.
It's hard for me to weigh in and have anybody
understand my sleep schedule because I'm in different time zones
every other day. Um, sometimes I'm working late at night.
(18:23):
You do a show, you won't be sleeping for another
eight hours just because you're wired. You know, if you've
done that. I actually I listened to the ice hockey thing,
but I was different. I actually had a way because
that was that's an issue, right if you big time,
big time issue? So how I dealt with that, Like
if you're a performer, you're performing in the evening and
it finished, game finishes at ten thirty at night or whatever.
(18:43):
I would continue. I would work out after games because
you're so ramped up, like you're saying, you do a show,
You're ramped up, crowds, fired up, your intensity is going,
your adrenaline is going, and then the show ends or
the game ends like that? What do you do with
all of that energy? Still if you don't do anything,
I would, so I learned in my career I'd go
work out for thirty forty hour, hour and a half
(19:04):
sometimes after a game to get the rest of that
out so I could go home and just pass right out. Yeah,
that's an issue for me. The other thing is, I
have another question about the guy because since since the job,
the type of job that I that I've got, you
have um has to do with being around people all
the time. When I get that opportunity to be alone,
(19:25):
even if I'm dating somebody, I'll just want to be
by myself for hours, you know what I mean? I
need some alone time. I made a decompressed because throughout
the day, you had a great day, but you're you're
mingling with people, you're working, you're seeing your team, You're
spending your day with your band, your crew, your fans, right,
and you need that sort of at least I do.
(19:46):
I need that hermit time. So if I was to say,
not even a plan, like I want to sleep on
the couch just because I kind of just I need
to be just watch the TV and zone out, you
know what I mean, that wouldn't be a reflection on
the person I'm with. It would have to do more
like I need some alone time. But after two years
of doing it. Yeah, that's tough. That's that's a real problem.
(20:06):
That's an issue. Yeah, that's the thrill is going. So
let's let's go. I do uh, I do have a
comment on the TV. I do have a comment on
the TV in the in the bedroom. So I used
to have a TV in the bedroom. We recently did
some stuff to our house and we do not have
a TV in the bedroom. We did put the plugs
in area to have a TV in the bedroom, but
(20:27):
we decided not to put a TV in the bedroom
because it Hey, we have our phones or our devices
and iPad, iPhone or whatever, but we it actually brings
or gives that opportunity to be intimate or to have
a conversation. So if you walk in and your wife
or I'm watching Sports Center and my wife's watching news
or whatever. It like it immediately like takes away from
(20:49):
any sort of that, oh, hey, how is your day?
What's going on? You know, how is work? Or how
was in Los Angeles? Or how was wherever? And so
to me. And we've sort of decided recently that hey,
we get the TV and it's like, you know what,
we kind of like how it is right now? You know,
it's it's it's good. You know. We actually have more conversations.
I mean, don't get me wrong, Like on a Sunday
when the kids are downstairs watching you know, cartoons or whatever,
(21:12):
a movie, I definitely want to come up and catch
The Masters or whatever. But you know I can watch
that on my phone. Um. But in terms of relating
to my wife or as significant other or whatnot, I
feel like not having a TV in the bedroom actually
does a lot of good. Have you never been intimate
to an old episode of Everybody Loves Raymond? I'm I'm
(21:33):
a TV. I have TVs in a lot of rooms.
I definitely have a TV in the bedroom. Um, and
we will more times than that we will put it on,
and um, it's usually I can't fall asleep if I'm
watching something new. So I can't put on like you know,
something new that I'm following, a new a movie that
I haven't seen. It has to be like an old
episode or something, and I can mindless that I can
hear it and fall asleep. Um. And and my wife
(21:56):
likes that too, she watched We don't always have it on,
but we will often it on. Um And there are
times well where where we won't and we'll talk and whatever.
But it become it became a habit where we would
turn it on and just leave it on for a while.
And sometimes I would wake up in the middle of
the night and realize it's still on and turn it off.
And that kind of bugged me a little bit. But
I don't know. It's a comfort for us all we
don't have one. I have never had a TV in
(22:18):
my bedroom my entire life. UM, So for me, that's
a hard no. My my thought on a bedroom, it's
for two things. It's one where it's going to go on.
Look at me, like I got three heads described on
where we're gonna have some fun as a couple. Buddy TV.
(22:44):
I've never done that with an old episode of something.
No recommended. Um, So it's it's for it's for being intimate,
or it's for sleeping, you know. And I even have personally,
we even like my wife and I even said a
rule that there's no emails or in agram or social media.
When you walk in the bedroom door, your phone is off.
You're not doing work. Um, and that's kind of our
(23:07):
sacred no work, no whatever. That's a connection, a place
for connection, because it's very easy for it to go
us to go to our devices or to a TV
and to have that that connection or that intimacy fizzle
even just a little bit, year after year after year,
until you're just very separate people sleeping in the same
room or as Amy you said, sleeping in different rooms.
(23:27):
I sleep very little. I go to sleep at like eleven.
Between eleven and twelve is when I fall asleep, and
I'll wake up around five. When I first met my wife,
I was, I'm like you, Rick, I'm early to bed,
early to rise, fish like hell and makeup lies, right,
you know what I'm talking about? Total Yeah, Um, but
I'm an early to bad guy. We'd have to get
up early and practice workout, perform So for me and
(23:50):
we should do a whole episode on this because people
struggle mightily with sleep. For me, rest is a weapon.
Rest is a weapon. It's the number one thinging that
I prioritize in my life, more than fitness, more than nutrition.
I prioritize sleep. So if I don't get proper sleep
the night before the next night, it's high priority I
(24:12):
have to have. And I try and get nine hours
a night. I don't have kids. We don't have kids,
so I can do that. I'm in control of my sleep.
But nine hours a night, um, and then the next
day I don't miss if I get nine hours. If
I get anything less than seven, it starts to shift.
And they've actually done studies on I think m I
T did a study. UM. They had a group of
(24:32):
people they deprived sleep deprived. They had a group of
people that they fed fast food too, and they had
a group of people that they could not exercise, and
they tested these people over a duration of time and
I think it was after one week of being sleep
deprived that group became pre diabetic. It's incredible what sleep
does to your body, how it helps you perform, and
(24:53):
how it limits your performance. Sleep. Like I said, rest
is a weapon, and I will tell you I'm saying,
and I sleep, and maybe it sounded like I was
giving a hard time. I don't sleep well. I don't
necessarily get five hours sleep because I want to. I
don't sleep well. And if I go away and I'm
in a hotel room, if I'm out of town for
work and I have a hotel room myself, you think, oh,
this is it, I'm gonna sleep in. I don't. I
(25:15):
just for some reason, I wake up a lot and
I and so I would that would be very interested
in figuring out how to get better sleep. But I
know the first thing everything can say, get the TV
out of your bedroom. Cash for sure. Um, But I
think we should dive into especially to you, buddy, if
you have trouble sleeping time, If sleep is in line,
(25:38):
you are rested, you will make better nutrition choices you
will make, You're more likely to be active and work out.
And also your cognition level, your thought process at work
is going to be a lot better, and you're probably
a lot better around your family. Well. The funny thing
is I always slept great in school, just great in
school in school, man, I went not it was amazing.
(26:02):
I don't see well at all. I see I I
have my mind right, it has a hard time relaxing,
um and so I it's not anxiety. I just have
like a ton of ideas at all times, um and
so and so I I have it's hard to shut off,
(26:22):
you know, um and um, I don't know. Actually no,
that's what I'm like, Like I when I get to bed,
and it's just just constantly constant ideas. But when you
get to bed, is is do you not focus any
like attention on? I need to shut this system down,
power this system down so it can perform again tomorrow.
It's really hard for me because I I basically go
(26:45):
until I can't. Essentially, I'll go until I can't stay
awake anymore. And that's just kind of how I how
I I live. And UM like, I'll stay awake until
my eyes are just watering, you know what I mean,
and then I go, okay, I'll probably be able to
fall asleep. Now have you ever tried reading? That's a
terrible idea. I mean, you can do picture books because
(27:09):
it doesn't have to be actually you have anything with crayons.
You can see what Yogi bear is doing before before
we get down the rabbit hole, there we got the
welcome back to how man think. My name is Brooks,
and I've got Gavin eating Gavin's eating an organic nutrition
bar slash. We got Dmitri and Rick, and we have
(27:33):
Amy and Danielle. Here are producers. We have East and
our engineer, and they're going to tee us up for
something that we do not know what's coming. This is
off the cuff. This happens quite often. I'll put on
an outfit and I'll say, how does this look fantastic?
Standard good? Or does it look good? Good? It looks good,
and I'm like, okay, sod over top of it. So
(28:00):
let me go with this because this is something for
dudes listening. This is something that I learned because I
was that guy. I was that guys like, yeah, it
looks good. Like I never thought, how's my hair great?
That's awesome. I never gave a lot of that stuff.
Thought that it matters to my wife what my input is,
because to me, it doesn't. If I put on a
(28:22):
suit or something or sure or something like how does
this look? She says that it's good, I'm like, great,
let's rock and roll. Um. But I have learned and
been educated on that it does matter, that our words
do matter, and also how we say them, how the
intonation and the emotion behind it matters. So if she
puts something on she says, how does this look? Love it? Baby,
you look dynamite, she feels an immense sense of confidence
(28:45):
and appreciation and like she is seen and that the
effort she has put in has been noticed. And that's
something I've had to learn. I was not naturally that way,
but I have learned that. And I'm probably the married
guys here can attest to that. The single guy he
has not learned. I haven't. I have not gotten to
that point where I'm like a dynamite and this and that.
But I have noticed, and this may be a selfish
(29:06):
point of view, but I have noticed. If we need
to get out of the house, and and I'm honest
with my answers, but if we need to get out
of the house, and she asked me how do I look?
And I say you look good? I realized that she's
going to go back in and change. If I say
that looks really good, I like that, then I know
we can leave. So if I, obviously I don't want
to go out and have her be uncomfortable, or being
something that doesn't look good. But if I I realized
(29:27):
that there's a difference in how you say and if
I say that looks really good, I like that, then
I know she's gonna be comfortable, and then she'll be
she won't think about it the rest of the night.
And I think that's to your point. I think that's
a nice thing to do, is to give a little
bit more than just that that one canned answer of
it looks good, let's go. I also feel like it's
some sometimes a set up, you know, like if they're saying, hey,
you look good or how do I look? And then
(29:48):
you say, uh, you know, I really like that other jest,
then it's like you're all like then it comes back
to you to bite you no matter what's going on
the whole entire night, like you are screwed. I don't
know if you're if you hold on. I want to
touch on this because I actually just had this conversation
with my brother in law about this thing. So he said,
(30:08):
and our female listeners are the women listening, you can
weigh in on this. But he said that, um, his wife,
So my sister loves to be told what to wear,
so he'll like lay out a red dress. He's like, Babe,
can you put that red dress on tonight for this day?
Because you look sexy as hell in that dress. And
she'll put that thing on, put some pumps on, like
(30:29):
she's looking good. When they go out, it's gonna be
a great night. So I think for guys, you can
instill confidence into him, like when my wife will put
something on Rick. She'll put something on him, like, Babe,
put that other green one back on that was sexiest,
Like throw that on. But if you do that and
then she goes, I don't really feel like that wearing that,
and she doesn't wear it, then okay, But then it's like,
(30:52):
well I gave it, and now I tried and it
didn't work, and now she wants and then and then
the energy is off after well. And I think the
other thing to add also to what makes them feel good? Right,
what dress makes them feel good? If it's the red
dress or the green dress. You know, like you may
want the green dress, but when she puts that green
dress on and she's like, oh god, you know the
green dre it's just not vibing, you know, And then
(31:15):
right there she's going to make a decision herself. But
you can also offer reassurance right there, like no like
because my wife does it to me. I'd put on
like a suit or something, go to hockey game and
she's like, I don't think that one looks put and
then I'll put on different ties like boom gold Babe,
that is dynamite. I'm like, all right, let's rock and roll.
So like, the significant other can offer a lot of
reassurance and don't be afraid to say no, I like
(31:36):
this one better or that one better. Um, it helps direction,
I believe help alright, Jen, it's got another question from Athena.
Athena wants to know one day I want to get married,
but I don't want to change my last name. Most
men would never change their last name after marriage, but
expect their wife to change hers. I've heard guys say
it's disrespectful not to take your husband's name. I don't
(31:58):
believe that's true at all. How do you guys feel
about this subject? You guys are both married, Yeah, Um,
to be honest, when we got married, I left it
up to my wife. I deep down I really wanted
her to take my name. Um, but I left it
up to her I didn't put any presure on around.
I said listen. Actually I didn't even say listen. I
just let it go and see and decided to see
(32:18):
what she would think. Um. She did bring up at
one point, you know, you could take my name, and
you know that I was not on board when she
wasn't expecting it. But she I mean she was semi serious,
but she wasn't so um, And I was like, well,
here's the thing I said to me, being a guy,
(32:39):
I feel like I have I had a close relationship
with my dad, and I feel like I would kind
of be turning my back on the family and the
legacy that we have. So I was not up for that.
But I did not put pressure on her to take
my name, even though that's what I really wanted. And
she ended up doing that. She come back and say, well,
I had a powerful, strong relationship with my father, so
(32:59):
why can I not on her his last name? By No,
she didn't. No, she didn't. Um, But I mean if
she did, then I would have been I guess I
would have been understanding of that. Um. You know what, Okay,
go ahead, you know what some people do. Some people
nowadays have been taking parts of both names. Oh, yeah,
I have friends have done I have friends have done that. Yeah,
(33:21):
that's I mean. I have a trouble coming up with
screen names for Twitter and stuff. I don't need to
be concocting last name. Carlos and Alexa Pena Vega do
you know them? They're very cool. Yeah. So Carlos Penya
was in Big Time Rush and Alexa Vega is an
actress and was from Spike Kids. And they're fantastic and
I'm super used to their last name being Penia Vega.
Now would you ever do like Dash Huff? I would
(33:44):
probably not. No. Um. So the question was do we
find it disrespectful not to take your husband's last name.
So right now, my wife, Julianne Huff does not have
my last name, So all her legal documents, her passport,
her driver's license, everything just say Huff and everybody still
refers to her as Julie Anne Huff. Um. I initially
(34:08):
to be honest, fully transparent. When we first mad and
we're got engaged and stuff, we had this conversation and
I was like, I want you to take my last name.
I said that, like I it was important to me. Um,
And just over time of talking about it and what
and what have you. I don't think we ever before
we got married, we resolved the issue was was she
(34:29):
gonna take my last name or not? And then we
got married and to me right now, it's not that
big of an issue. So my wife does not have
my last name. We don't have any kids right now,
but she doesn't have my last name, and to me,
it's not that big of an issue. UM, I will
say I didn't think that initially. I figured it would
be an issue, but I'm surprised for myself now that
(34:51):
it's not an issue. Um, but it'll be interesting to
see when we have kids. When we have children, UM,
I would want them to have my I last name,
our last name. Do you think that she would want
them to have huff? I don't know, maybe hyphen. I'm
not sure. You know what's fun about that? Huff? Like
it sounds like like eight is h it's kind of tough,
(35:12):
like huh, Mike is like, uh, it's kind of a
I don't know. We I don't like one syllable last
names either. I don't know why I don't like one syllable.
My last name is a one syllable last name. But
this could be the this could be the stars of
a line. Do you get help? Like, I don't know
what else is fun about you guys, both of you
(35:33):
this time, I knew you were meant to be. Both
of you have names that are pronounced differently than they're spelled.
Huff and like if you just read them, you're prenout.
You're saying how or whatever? And what about rough like
like to r O U g h h h mind
blown there it is, I just blew your mind so
well we did. But we took my wife's maiden name
(35:53):
and gave it to my oldest daughter as a middle name,
so that kind of okay. Yeah, I don't know. I
would to be To be fully honest, I would like
my wife to have my last name, whether it's now
or sometime in the near future or far future. But
like I would I refer to the house is like
the like household. Welcome to the like household is what
(36:15):
I would say to somebody that comes in or something.
Because she always did she yell from the back room huff, no, no, no, no,
it's it's oddly. I'm actually kind of surprised that it
hasn't become an issue in our relationship. Because I do
as a man, I take pride in the last name
and being having that last name as the family name. UM,
(36:35):
and especially when we have kids, I think that will amplify.
I don't know for a fact, but I'm assuming it
might amplify for me. But I think it will always
being ongoing discussion. And listen, I'm not going to make
my wife change her last name if she doesn't feel comfortable.
But I don't think that creates a division within our relationship.
So to Athena's question, I don't find it disrespectful. I'm
(36:56):
obviously open to it, but at the start, yeah, it
was a little jarring for me. So I said that,
UM that I didn't put any pressure on and I didn't,
you know, ask had she decided not to, I think
I would not have felt disrespected, but I would have
been probably severely disappointed, not in her, but in the
fact that was because I'm like you, I would have
I liked that to be You're a unit, you know
(37:17):
what I mean, family unit, And when people have different
last names to me, that just something feels a little off.
It's not disrespect, but it's off to me. Yeah, I said,
it was always just understood. There was never a conversation.
It just was this is what you do. Ye drives
me insane though. I have an apostrophe in my last name,
and whenever my wife is on the phone with the
(37:37):
cable company or any telemarketer or anyone, anyone, she doesn't
say when she spells the last name, the apostrophe. And
I'm always in the background yelling there's an apost like
that would drives and it would probably drive me and
say too, because it's your name. You want your name honored.
And then and when they see with that the apostrophe,
they think it's the most bizarre name. But the apostrophe
(37:59):
separate the letters. It's easier to read. Just use the apostrophe.
I have one thing I do want to say, and
it's something that came to me just while I was
traveling looking at the success of the last couple of episodes,
the Intimacy X episode with my wife, these kinds I
want to acknowledge, just the fact that we have female
producers running our show. So that's you, Amy Tori, that's Danielle,
(38:26):
that's Hanna um And and Easton is the only male
aside from the panel that's involved with this show, and
our show would not even be remotely as successful without
the female producers that we have. Would we, gentlemen, have
ever picked intimacy as a topic to discuss. No, never, never.
(38:48):
And then the amount of like feedback and emails and
comments and insight we've received from the listeners has been
incredible with how that's touched their lives and shape their lives.
And that is a testament to you, Amy, and to
you Danielle and Tori and Hannah. So thank you guys
for making this show better because we wouldn't even be
close to this without female producers. And you know, it's
(39:10):
that old saying that behind every successful man is a
you know, a strong woman or successful woman, And I
think that's gone away because there's so many successful women
that people don't use that phrase anymore. But if you
were to look at it, I think women can do
way better on their own and be successful and strong,
and men still do this. This is a prime example
we still do need, you know, women behind us kind
(39:31):
of you know, giving us that that ability. I mean,
like you said, would we be sitting here doing this
talking about these things and be headed in the direction
that we're headed, which I think is this is doing well? Right? Yeah? Okay,
so I mean without them, so I mean it's You're
exactly right. Yeah, I'm I'm blown away. I would have
never got there. I have no idea what we'd be
(39:53):
talking about, but I would have never got to something
like that could be that, that could be that powerful
without um amy you propos is that? So it's your
The kudos goes to you, so um But yeah, I
just want to say thank you. That was really an
insightful thing that came to me while I was traveling,
and I just wanted to say thank you to the
to the ladies that are involved in the making of
this show. That means a lot. Thank you. Can I
(40:14):
tell you something I've been thinking about the test that
you and Julianne took a lot since the podcast, and
I can't get over how when you are intimate, you're
not going through a checklist. When you know these are
like the seven things that get out of your head,
you gotta be going through it. Well, technically, when you're
(40:35):
are you talking about getting intimate, like sexually intimate, Technically
all that blood flow shouldn't be going to your head.
It should be going to somewhere you know, these are
the seven things that the results have yielded. I'm thinking,
like George Costanza, here is like counterclockwise the swirl motion
like this, that she's going to come on with us,
(40:56):
and I think we make Ryan our guinea pig and
you have to do the test. Would Mrs Ryan come
on with us? Maybe? Will you ask her? Sure? I'm
concerned that Ryan can't get Brooks and Julianne's checklist out
of his head. Now are you a were you a
coachable kid? I don't know when you played sports. Did
(41:18):
if a coach said I just want you to do this?
Did you just like I'm kind of like, are you
just a soldier? If somebody just says just do this?
You will just follow? So this up that applies here.
If you read something, do you have to strictly apply it? No,
you still have the choice to decide does this work
for me? Do I agree with this? And do I
choose to apply this? Yeah? But but we're to me.
(41:41):
The conversation that we had when Julianne was here was
that you admitted that one of the things you want
most is to please You want her to feel satisfied.
So when you know the seven things that satisfy her most.
Then it's not that you're some like soldier who's who's
(42:03):
a robot? You you get pleasure out of her pleasure,
and therefore you are presumably gonna do the things that
she loves most. So that's what I'm asking is are
you not thinking about those things that you've found from
the test throughout the time of your being intimate. But
it's fine if your wife, Ryan, if your wife has
this dish that she really loves to eat, and you
(42:23):
have the recipe of how she likes it best, will
you only follow that recipe or will you just cook
it up? Sometimes that's a various student analogy. That's actually
I was going food with this too. Yeah, and when
I get the word of stute out of you, I
feel like I wanted. No, it's it's gonna it's gonna
contain the main ingredients, but maybe I might throw some
(42:44):
human in there. But are you thinking, oh my gosh,
I'm oh my gosh, I'm going off the recipe. This
is so crazy. No, that's an interesting because I don't
like to follow a recipe because then I'm like, then
it's just the recipe. This is what everyone else does like,
I'm gonna put my signal just answered your own question
instead of checklist, Let's call it a sexual recipe. How
robotic is your sex life? Are you like just tell
(43:05):
us like, are you like thinking or are you just know?
Not at all? But I've never done that test, Like,
I don't know what what the specific things that you
found out from the test st are. So maybe it's
more ambiguous things tuned everybody, let's put can we put
Ryan through the test? And can we see that test?
Because I want to see what's on his checklist? Sorry, recipe?
(43:28):
All right, I know we're running at a time. I
have one last thing. I want to just quickly get
your guys thoughts on UM really because so many people
have reached out to us on Instagram and to our
email h with respect to Brooks and and myself telling
our own IVF stories. And I have a friend, UM,
(43:48):
a good friend who just went through something that I
think was really really complex and dynamic and interesting that
I'm curious what you guys think about this. So basically,
he's recently married his current wife uh is is divorced,
and uh the two of them desperately want to have children.
Now they have gone through two rounds of IVF together
(44:09):
my buddy and his his now wife UM and have
been unsuccessful in all of the pregnancies up until today.
So just recently she said to him, Look, we've gone
through two more rounds of IVF. I'm getting older. I
don't know that biologically and physiologically the car it's in
the cards for us. But I really want to have
(44:31):
a kid. And I want to know if you're okay
with the following. My ex husband and I went through
IVF as well. We have four embryos on ice that
are fertilized, very strong embryos. Are you okay with me
implanting one of those viable, strong embryos, coming to term
(44:53):
and us raising this baby together. I really want to
do that and this currently is the only way for us.
We've we've given it a good try. We've failed two times.
What do you think now? My buddy is just his
head is spinning because he despises her ex and there
(45:15):
are reasons for despising the accent And is he going
to be um? Is he he going to feel as
if every time he sees this child he sees her
ex husband and on the on the flip side, it's
he really wants to have a kid himself, and he
wants to do right by his wife who really wants
to have her own child, biological child. But what do
(45:37):
you do? I mean, I think it that's the point.
I think at that point you consider adopting and finding
a child that needs a good home. If he has
resentment towards the x um, I don't know that, Like,
I don't know, can he can he shake that? Can?
What about you? Could I if I had sentiment towards
(46:00):
my wife's ex and then we I mean, here's the thing.
I guess maybe not because I was gonna say yes,
probably I would have a problem with that. But here's
the thing. If you were a stepfather, if this wasn't
from birth right, if you married someone that had a
child with somebody else and that husband or her ex
was a jerk, would I have a problem with a
(46:21):
step child or you know? Or I probably wouldn't call it.
I wouldn't contential you know what I mean? Um No,
I would not. So, but you didn't have a choice
in that, you know this one, I wouldn't. I don't
know that I would be able to open up that
kind of worms. I think there's so many babies out
there that need a home, but could you argue that
they have four babies and embryos on ice? Right? We
(46:43):
need a lawyer because isn't the child technically the ex
husband's child. Unless you sign before you go through I
v F, you sign away, you basically have to. They
lay out to you, these are all the areas. Whether
it's divorce, this is what's going to happen with the embros.
(47:03):
If it's one of the two parties is uh dies tragically?
You are you allowing the other half to have that child?
Are you discarding them all? Completely destroying? We had to
do that. And the third option is or do you
donate it to science? Like everything? I mean, it's a
(47:23):
twenty page document that you have to go through. And
the other thing that that I'm you know, and I
said that the other thing that I'm missing here is
that this the wife, your buddy's wife, could feel very
strongly about well why not that she wouldn't want to
adopt the child in need. But she's saying, I have
I can have a biological connection to this child. You
won't but I can't. So then you're telling her that
(47:43):
you don't want that to That's a tough one, man.
That's what I was going to talk about too. So
because how you guys both have children. I don't how
rewarding is it to see a reflection of the love
of your life in a child, like elements of your
wife in your child must be just UNRENDI I hope,
like I can't wait to see that someday with my wife. Um.
(48:07):
But then also the thought of the X who you
said he has resentment and a problem with to see
that too. That's honestly, man, that's a super heavy one. Like,
that's a heavy, heavy life decision that I don't know
if I I don't know if I could get there.
And I agree with you, Dmitri. I think there's many
(48:28):
kids in the world, so many kids in the world
that could be adopted. I don't know if I could
personally get there to say yes, use one of those
other embryos. Um. But this is I love this topic.
This is heavy, and I think it needs more time.
I'd love to, like, I mean, we pick this up
on another episode next week, We're going to keep this going. Yeah,
(48:49):
this is this is heavy. So, um, if what are
your thoughts on it? Please give. We're gonna touch based
on this again coming up, so send us your thoughts
Men at I Heart radio dot com. This is How
Men Think Podcast. We want to get into topics like these.
We want to help you guys, and and in the
in the process ourselves learn and share things. So men
(49:09):
at I Heart radio dot com do you believe that?
Or if it was your relationship, could you go ahead
with now the embryo from an X or would you not? Um? Also,
you can hit us up on Instagram at how Men
Think Podcasts send us your comments there as well. Uh,
that's it for today. We'll pick this topic up again
until next week. Take care of one another, Love one another.
(49:33):
This is How Men Think. Hey guys, it's Brooks and
one last thing before you take off. We want to
know your thoughts, feedback, insights, and questions for us on
this show. Send us an email at men at I
heart radio dot com and follow along with us on
Instagram at how Men Think podcast and we'll see you
back right here next week for the next episode.
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