February 5, 2025 • 53 mins
Jennie is talking science and faith with Mayim Bialik of "Big Bang Theory" and "Blossom". The women are discussing grief, their thoughts on the afterlife, and how Mayim really feels about aging.
Plus, with a PhD in neuroscience, Mayim is giving great tips to regulate your nervous system when experiencing trauma.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth. Hi, everyone,
welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast, as we all know,
is about the choices we make and where they lead us.
This is a good day. My guest today has a
(00:21):
long list of accolades to her name and is truly
someone that has blazed her own non traditional trail in Hollywood.
She's an actor, a director, a writer, and impressively a
PhD holder, I mean, come on. Known for her roles
in the nineties eighteen show Blossom and her long run
(00:45):
on The Big Bang Theory that she received four Emmy
nominations for, she is the host of her podcast, Myam
Bioli's Breakdown. Please welcome Myam bolic to the I Choose
Me podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Hi.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Hi, so good to see you.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Good to see you.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Thanks for coming on the show.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Thanks for having me.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Okay, racking my brain?
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (01:10):
Where did we work together?
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Is this right? Hold on?
Speaker 1 (01:12):
Let me just as if this might be completely wrong,
so embarrassing. Did you walk the high wire?
Speaker 2 (01:20):
No?
Speaker 1 (01:20):
In Circus of the Stars.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
I can already say no. I did the double I
did the double cradle in Circus of the Stars. The
double Cradle is like a trapeze, but there's no trapeze
bar two people. Okay, I did that. It was like
the year that, like like Mario Lopez.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
Was, see I was on that year you did.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
I think regular trapeze.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Yes, I knew you did something that was nerve wracking,
and now I know.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
I mean I was. I don't even know. Gosh, I
don't even know if I was on Blossom yet. I
think that was after Beaches. And then we were at
a benefit together for an organization that is near and
dear to your heart. So I remember that, and then
I think we would like see each other randomly at
certain things. But there's that sort of like you know,
we're both young people on television.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
No right, sure, yeah, we go way back. But wait,
how about does this ring a bell? Cupcake wars?
Speaker 2 (02:17):
I did it? Were you there? We're the worst?
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Yes, this is the problem.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
My brain did not want to summon that.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Come on, I got voted out first, so you can
go ahead and summon it.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Maybe that's why I put it out of my I
put it out of my mind. It was too painful,
the thought of you being sent away.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Oh man, I think I think maybe Melby was on
our episode too.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Oh, how long time ago? And I feel like she
was in like a fancy coat.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
That's just all the time for mel So this.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Was a very long time ago.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
I am racking our brain. Good job though, Yeah, yeah,
you know, I have a feeling.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
You may have had help from researcher be Attle.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Okay, well, I just let me fill you in on
a little data about yourself in case you've forgotten that too. Okay,
you grew up in front of the camera. You started
acting when you were like eleven, right, and by the
time you were a teenager you had your own prime
time sell Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Yeah, wow, I was fourteen when Blossom started.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
That's young. We both know, you know, it can be
so hard to navigate figuring out who we are at
your age. Add you know entertainment industry into that, yep,
with somebody always telling us where to go, what to do,
like everything.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
I mean, look, I mean I think yes, And I remember,
you know, still feeling a lot like a kid when
I was on Blossom, meaning for those first years. You know,
the pressures then were different than they are now. First
of all, meaning as much as all of what you
(03:59):
said is true, we also weren't expected to sort of
look like adults at fifteen. We weren't expected to have
like the manicures, the filler. We didn't have publicists, we
didn't have social media. We weren't you know. It was
a different kind of presentation. And also I will say that,
(04:20):
you know, I mean I watched you like that was
my favorite show when I was on Blossom was your show.
And so I also remember, like, gosh, that's a show
with a whole different kind of pressure for the performers
because it was a show about like beautiful people. It
was like a soap opera level in terms of like
intensity and relationships, whereas like I was on a four camera,
(04:43):
you know, family kind of show. So it was a
different kind of pressure. But I looked up to you
and Shannon and Tori, like these are like the grown
up girls, you know. I was like still like I
still felt like a kid in a lot of ways.
I wasn't doing you know, kind of a high school drama.
It was very different.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
I mean, that makes perfect sense. Yeah, it was different.
But what age do you feel like you really came
into your own like.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
Skin still waiting, still waiting for me.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
It was like my late thirties, I started to like
really get a crass I'm.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Trying to think. I mean, I'm I'm forty nine now
and still in some ways feel fourteen. You know, still
would like to eat chocolate first thing in the morning,
like if there's no grown ups around, I still want
to live like that. You know. I had my first
child at twenty nine, and then I had my second
(05:44):
at you know, thirty two, thirty three somewhere in there,
so you know, my thirties felt like a different kind
of kind of stressful. You know, it felt like, Okay,
this is everything you're told is going to make life amazing,
Like be a mom, Like it's gonna be amazing, Like
get married and you'll be married forever, and then your
(06:04):
kids will be like so much fun. And meanwhile, like
they're much more cognitive, far earlier than I expected, like
a lot of effort.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
You know, yea, they are their own people. I don't
know how that.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Happen, correct, And like the sense of humor, but a
sense of agency that was kind of surprising. So yeah,
I don't know. I really feel like, like if you
had to ask me, I don't know that. I feel
like I've sort of become comfortable and I'm I'm an
early to menopause member of the party, you.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Know, like, that's that's you.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
You know, well, I guess. But I also was then
raised on this next level myth that we're told in
our thirties and forties, like you're gonna have the best
sex of your life in your forties and you're going
to finally feel like you're wise. And I'm like, no,
I just still feel kind of strange. And it's a
different kind of hormonal because now they're like, oh, guess
what menopause is forever and sometimes you'll get a period
(07:01):
after not having one. It's just weird.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
So all the hits, the hits keep on coming, hits.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
Age coming, the hits keep coming.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
Yeah, it's true. It's true. We talk a lot about
this on the podcast, that life is so interesting, how
like simple decisions or even what we may feel like
are meaningless choices, how they can lead us to spectacular
things that end up changing our lives. Do you believe
in fate or destiny or do you think things just
(07:30):
sort of happen by chance?
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Oh gosh, you know, I don't you know. I think
of those things like the way you like study them
in school. Right, like, oh, there was a group of
people who believe that God had ordained everything and that
nothing you did matter. So I'm definitely not in that camp.
And I also am not in the other camp. But
like everything just happened and blah blah blah. I do
(07:54):
think that there's you know, some sort of I guess
path or intention that every life has. But I also
do believe in free will, you know, I believe in
all of the choices that we make are still ours
to make. And I think that the mystical, spiritual part
of me believes that whatever happens is what was supposed
(08:15):
to happen, even if it's sad, painful, you know, devastating, astonishing.
And to me, what that means is, how do I
receive that with some sort of grace and dignity and not,
you know, kind of lose whatever center I'm trying to
hold on to every time something doesn't go my way.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
That makes sense, I've always been sort of faithless.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Way, how's that working for you?
Speaker 1 (08:45):
Well, it wasn't working for me at all. I Mean
there were times in my life where I'm like, I'm
an agnostic. I don't know, you know, I just don't know,
and I'm a visual like I need to see things
to believe them and learn them. And so for me,
it was a very like I couldn't come the terms
with just blindly having faith in something. I mean, how
(09:07):
do you feel about that?
Speaker 2 (09:11):
You know? I was raised in you know, I was
raised in a particular tradition that taught me that if
something is divine, it's so enormous that you can't even
understand it. And I'm grateful for that because I was
sort of spoon fed this notion of faith that goes
(09:31):
hand in hand with an inability to comprehend it. And
so that goes along with like the rules that I
want to use to observe it, they don't apply. And
that's not just a cheap way out, I promise. I'm
not just like God is. God is, and if you
don't feel it, like sucks for you. But as a scientist,
you know, I studied science. It's what I live for,
(09:54):
you know, decades of my life. And once once you're
trained as a scientist, that's sort of how my framework is.
You know. My kids say I'm cheating when I say
that I'm a person of faith because I don't have
like the old man in the sky. I don't have that,
like just trust in God and pray to God for
the best parking spot. That's not the kind of relationship
(10:16):
I have with something divine. But if you believe that
the sun will come up tomorrow, then you and I
have the exact same faith. Like that's it. It's that simple.
For me. I don't have to understand gravity for it
to keep me on the planet. I don't have to
believe that. You know, if I hold a ball from
(10:37):
the top of a building and I drop it, I
know like that ball's going to fall. Now, are there
places in the universe and the galaxy where that's not true.
I'm certain of that, and I believe that we'll either
grasp those equations or we won't. But for me, my
faith that the sun will come up tomorrow is that's
divine to me. That's you know, the I can't look
(11:01):
at that and not feel completely floored, completely floored by
the impossibility of how things work and I don't control them.
And you know that's also the thing is like, you know,
having for me, having belief is saying I don't have
to fix everything. I'm not that powerful, you know, even
over people places and things that I'd like to believe
(11:23):
that I'm powerful over. I'm really not that powerful.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
No, none of us are. We like to think we are.
I mean some of us.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
Do, yeah, for sure, while people make a career of it.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Yeah. Your podcast, my biolex Breakdown, really good title appropriate. Yeah,
breaking down all the time. It's about it's all about
mental health, which I love. Yeah, it's It's fascinating to
me and it always has been. And I always thought
(11:55):
if I wasn't an actress, I would have definitely gone
that route in college. I recently had Oliver Hudson on
the podcast, and we've talked about the fact that all
of my life I've been told I'm too emotional or
been called out for being emotional, and it's always been
such a negative thing for me. Like I've always it
(12:15):
didn't ever feel good. And it wasn't until you know,
my like thirties that I found my voice and I
started correcting people and saying, you know what, I'm not emotional,
I'm emotion full. Ooh you got a problem with that,
then you can go on. But for me, I just
was like I got to take that because I believe
(12:37):
that it's a it's a superpower of mine.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
Well, I think, yeah, it's definitely something that comes up
a lot on our podcast. This sort of like again,
I think, you know, I have a nineteen and a
sixteen year old and they've been raised in a completely
different culture where they don't have the same fears of
being let's say, too sensitive. I mean, of course it's
a awareness they have, but you know, when I was
(13:03):
sort of growing up, there was kind of like one
way to be There was one way to learn things.
If you couldn't learn it that way, you must be dumb.
And there was one way to react to things. And
if you didn't react that way, you were hyper sensitive. Right,
And now we have this like much broader understanding of oh,
there's all different kinds of people, and if you like
rewind the tape of the human experience five thousand years,
(13:25):
ten thousand years, one hundred thousand years, there were all
different kinds of people even back then, who served all
sorts of different purposes. So you may have been a seer, right,
you may have been a shaman, you may have been
someone who in other cultures could perceive things that other
people couldn't. The difference is we think that Western modern
(13:47):
culture is superior to all culture that has ever existed.
And in many ways, there's so many incredible things. And look,
we make computers and I can talk to you on
this like box, right, But when it comes down to
sort of what the human experience is, we're about interacting
with other humans, cooperating with other humans, in some cases
struggling with other humans. But what are the skills needed
(14:08):
for that for like a dynamic human interaction. It's lost
when we're emphasizing money, property, you know, same like those
things get lost.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
Yeah, where would you say on the spectrum of emotions
you fall like? Are you like are you emotionful? Are
you non emotional?
Speaker 2 (14:28):
I'm very emotionful. I'm I mean I I always cried,
like when I would see homeless people on the street.
This was like a thing, like just like a place
in me. Couldn't stand that even as a kid. And
you know a lot of women also when you have
(14:49):
a hormonal shift, they'll be like, oh, I cry at everything.
It's not that for me. It's that I really feel
deeply kind of tapped in all the time. You know,
I've been accused by more than one ex boyfriend knowing
what they were feeling before they knew.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
Well, because you probably did.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
But it's like a part of it is it's like
that emotional you know, I have a very fine tuner
that I use, you know, for other people's emotions as well,
and I do I feel very deeply. I love passionately,
I fight passionately. So yeah, there's a lot of that
in there. And I think I do have a rational
(15:30):
part of me. I have a science part of me.
I have a very binary kind of part of me,
which you know, I sort of need to temper, you know,
you have to kind of temper both. Right, we're given
two sides of the brain or even.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
We need to find a happy medium.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
Wait, go back to the boyfriend's accusing you knowing how
they felt before you felt it. I'm interested. Okay, So
was that said in like a negative connotation?
Speaker 2 (15:55):
Like yeah, I was like get out of my head,
and I'd like, you don't know something that And I
wasn't trying to like start something, but just sometimes it
would feel very clear to me like, oh, this is
triggering a thing about like his mother, and I can
feel that he thinks that, you know, I'm reenacting and
I'm probably thinking too much in other people's heads. But yeah,
(16:16):
it would often lead to like, I don't know if
that's what I've to stop, you.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Know, yeah, I can see how that would get a
little weird. And I'm sure I've done it because yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
Yeah, And I also don't think it makes me like intuitive,
you know, like I don't. I sometimes have intuitive I've
had very few sort of like distinctive intuitive moments. I
don't think about being intuitive. But maybe there's something about
perceiving other people's emotions that that maybe some of us
are more fine tuned to. Like I can tell by
your eyebrow, you know, Like if I'm talking to someone,
(16:47):
I can tell by that left eyebrow that you are
pretending you're okay with what I've said, but I'm gonna
hear about it in four days.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
What about projecting your feelings onto others?
Speaker 2 (16:58):
It's my favorite game.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
You love that so fun, you know, I.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Think that's interesting. I've been in therapy all my life,
pretty much, I've been in therapy since I'm a teenager,
and so this one, I think I'm aware when other
people do that to me, and I've been accused of projecting,
but then I'm almost always told that, no, just kidding,
(17:25):
you were right?
Speaker 1 (17:26):
Yeah, see, I mean you are intuitive that I'm just
gonna call it what it is, Okay, not projecting, how
about absorbing or taking on other people's feelings like an impath.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
Yeah, so this is something I didn't learn about until
much later in life. My younger son, who's now sixteen,
I don't think he'll be listening to this, but I try,
and you know, be respectful of his existence and his privacy.
But he often feel what other people were feeling. And
(18:05):
when he was quite little, the story I like to
tell I worked with Leslie Jordan and I was working
with him when he passed away. He was on his
way to work that day, and there was a memorial
that was held, and my kids were, you know, in
their earlier teens. And when I said to my younger son,
you know, was that sad? Did it feels sad? He
said no, but I felt everyone else is sad. And
(18:28):
I don't even know that he understood what he was saying.
I definitely can pick up on other people's positive or
negative emotions, and you know, it often happens for children
who grow up in homes with fighting or contentiousness. That
(18:49):
we learn very well how to regulate, you know, like
which emotional side do I need to be on? So
I think that's actually probably where it came from. But
I'd like to think that it can be also some
sort of superpower into you know, being empathic. I I'm
an introvert, and I wonder if the reason is because
(19:09):
I am picking up on other people's energy and it
feels too much. And then I have, you know, people
in my life like Jonathan who I do the podcast with,
and Jonathan is very clear that like he feels that
other people's feelings can get on him and bring him down.
That's a whole Yeah, Like it feels it feels like
(19:30):
a wait, like it feels like that I don't. I don't.
I'm not in touch with that. If that's happening for me,
that's a lot. Yeah, Apparently people walk around like this,
and they're those people who are like, I'm sensitive to
EMFs and I'm like really, But then it seems like
maybe they are. There are people who have a lot
of sensitivity to other people's emotions. And you know, who
(19:53):
am I to say that? Like we're all energetic bodies,
that's science, right, Who am I? To say that some
people are not more fine tuned. If you've interacted with
anyone on the spectrum who has a different way of interacting,
they often consents things that other people don't. So I
don't know why that would only be saved, you know,
for that portion of the population. We're a whole spectrum
(20:16):
of everything in sensitivity.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
That's so true talking about science outside of being an
accomplished actor, director, writer, podcast hosts. Mom, you've got a
little thing called a PhD in neuroscience, which when I
learned that, I was like, what, so I want to
(20:42):
come to you for some science backed info here, Okay, okay, yeah,
get ready. Let's say someone's going through like a breakup
or like you know, a divorce, and they're going through that,
you know, emotional trauma that is associated with that. We've
all been there. People can feel as if their nervous
systems are just like out of control, like they can't
(21:05):
get control of their nervous systems. Why is that?
Speaker 2 (21:11):
So? You know, we are wired for survival is sort
of the simplest explanation. We're wired for survival and the
nervous system not just in humans, I mean in mammals,
in particular, you're going to see, you know, similar things.
But you know, in most animals that you can think of,
(21:36):
there is a response that is you know, we call
it redundant, meaning the brain and the nervous system they
don't have a different reaction for this is a minor
love affair that didn't work out, or this is a
thirty year marriage, or this is I just watched you know,
my baby get eaten by a hyena. Right, the nervous
(21:58):
system kind of conserved, you know, conserves a set of reactions,
and so heartbreak, you know, in particular, it's going to
feel like loss and grief, and our nervous system is
going to go through the same dance that it does
for other kinds of loss and grief. It's the cognitive
part of us. It's the left hemisphere part of us
(22:20):
that allows us to say, everything happens for a reason,
God's in charge. It wasn't a healthy relationship anyway, right.
But the fact is the other, like the right side
of the brain, that feeling part, has to feel those
feelings and that's all regulated by a nervous system that
is primed, you know, to help us experience those emotions.
(22:45):
You know, when when my father died. My dad died
ten years ago. You know, many people instantly said, are
you going to go on medication? And that is the
way the Western world often treats, for example, grief, right, right,
let's not experience it. And it is not for me
to say you shouldn't go on medication if someone dies, like,
(23:06):
that's not what I'm here to say. But what I'm
here to say is for me, my understanding was grief
is a process that my body and my nervous system
are going to go through so that I can move
to the other side of this event. Right. And when
people talk about their nervous systems not kind of regulating,
(23:28):
that's also evidence of what we know is true, which
is that grief it compounds. Trauma compounds, loss compounds, so
one loss will trigger the emotional memory sometimes the literal
memory of other losses. Right. So you know, if I
still feel grief, let's say about my divorce, which was
(23:50):
twelve thirteen years ago, chances are it's tapping into some
other loss, right. So all of this kind of compounds,
and it's just sort of the way that we're wired. Now.
Other animals besides humans, have ways that they shake it off.
Shaking is one of them, which is why a lot
of people for vegus nerve vegas like nerve toning, Like
I'll say, you have to like shake it. Animals do
have an ability to regulate in ways that humans, you know,
(24:14):
kind of have adapted out of. And you know, again,
we also have this sort of cognitive part that allows
us to sort of be actively processing our traumas as
they're happening in a way that's different, you know, from
other animals.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
Do you have any tips on how to regulate your
nervous system? I'm asking for a friend.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
Yeah, you know, I've been exploring the vagel toning, which
is you know, it's coming up on my Instagram now.
I think that's how much it hears me talking about it.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
If you think about it, it'll come up on your
feed right exactly.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
So, the vagus nerve is a cranial nerve. It's the
tenth cranial nerve, and it regulates many aspects of your physiology.
Because I think it's also important when you talk about
like your nervous system feeling disregulated, we're not just talking
about like I'm upset, right, We're talking about a physiological
(25:10):
set of things that happen. Yes, like shaky are constriction correct,
so the vagus nerve. The ways that you know we
can kind of calm down are with you know, even
learning diaframatic breathing. Most people breathe from their shoulders like right,
but learning to breathe so that basically your chest and
(25:30):
shoulders do not move at all. Breathing into your belly
as if you're filling up your lower belly with a
baby or a basketball. That kind of breathing stimulates the
vegus nerve for trying to literally calm you down. A
lot of people also will do busying activities when they're
not feeling well because they think that it will distract
(25:52):
them from what's happening. Sometimes you need to lean in
to your nervous system being dysregulated. It often means you
need to cry or you need to move your body.
That's why there are yoga practices for thousands of years
that have put you in uncomfortable situations where you have
to sit so that you can literally have release. To me,
(26:15):
when the nervous system is shaking like that, it's because
you're trying to hold it all together, and sometimes we
need to fall apart so that we can be put
back together.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
I love that. That's so true. You have to feel
your feelings, you have to sit in them correct.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
And I think a lot of people feel like, oh,
that's new age, you know, mumbo jumbo, that's you know,
just lip service. But when we say feel your feelings,
it means when you're happy, are you present when you're happy?
Do you have an idea of what that feels like
to feel joy? When you see the person you love
across the room and you get that elevator drop feeling
in your body? Those are positive chemicals, right. And when
(26:54):
you're sad, can you do more than just say like
I'm sad or that really sucks? Can you and say
what does it feel like in my body? What does
it remind me of? Where is it in my body?
Does it need to move? Do I need to stretch?
Speaker 1 (27:08):
Like?
Speaker 2 (27:08):
Do I need to take a walk? Do I need
to stop interacting with my kids for five minutes? Right?
Speaker 1 (27:13):
Oh? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (27:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
It's so important to ask your body what it needs
and to listen correct. It's really hard to do though
for some.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
People it's very hard to do, and it's free. No
one's trying to sell you a pill. You don't have
to deal with side effects. Right. It is completely free
to learn to breathe. It's something that is every human's birthright.
It's not just for rich ladies in Los Angeles, right, Yes,
deep breathing, deep breathing, learning to breathe, learning what it
(27:42):
means to localize feelings in your body. Some school systems
are starting to teach this to kids. This is not
going to make it's not going to make weak children,
I promise, it's going to make strong children who can
know what's happening in their body so that they can
also hopefully deal with challenges with more resilience.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
Absolutely, it's so important. Why they didn't never teach me
that in school or even as a young adult, those
conversations were never being had. Right as a mom, I
feel so fortunate to have so much more information than
my mom did or my teachers did, as far as
like mental health and how to take care of yourself. Sure,
(28:23):
those kinds of levels, because that's a lot more important
to me than algebra or you know, all the things
that I didn't do grade and in school.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
Well, I'm a fan of algebraic for different reasons. But
you're right, this was the part, you know, this was
the part we didn't have this vocabulary, And of course
we were told like, you know, it's silly that boys
can't cry, But we didn't have a whole language around
why we've created a culture where vulnerability is denigrated, you know,
like we didn't have those words, Like we knew it
(28:54):
was weird to be sexualized as young girls, but we
didn't have the vocabulary to be like, you can't treat
me like that, and I'm uncomfortable with this conversation. I'd
like you to leave my dressing room. No one told
us those things.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
Oh my god, can you imagine where we would be
if we had those words to use then, I mean, we.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
Would have been fired because nobody was ready for that.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
But now seeing my daughters have those systems in place
and the ability and even though people still don't want
to hear it, yeah, sometimes it's so important that we
know we can't we have that at any moment in
our too.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
Next, one of the things that I love about interacting with,
in particular young women in our industry is they have
such a sense of strength, They're so they feel so
entitled to be respected, And I love it because you
can't imagine that, Like I knew that I wanted that.
Never in a million years did I think that I'd
(29:56):
see a twenty year old woman say to a forty
five year old man, I don't like the way you're
speaking to me. I'm going to ask you to stop
or I'm gonna have to leave this conversation. Like wow,
that's right.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
That would have been like, oh God, everybody's gonna think
I'm such a bitch. I can't say that, right, And yeah,
and anybody around me, specifically my co star Shannon, was
very outspoken and she had those tools at a young age,
and I always admired that so much about her.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
Yeah, but she was ahead of her time though.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
Yes, And I learned from her at an early age
that I could do that too, So she was always
like my hero in that respect.
Speaker 2 (30:34):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (30:34):
And I hope to be able to serve as that
for my daughters now.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
Yeah, for sure, for sure.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
You talked about this before. You and I are both
in a club that nobody wants to be a part of.
We both lost our fathers. Ugh. Grief is such an
ongoing process and it changes and it all over time,
but it never leaves us. No and I think you
talked about before, when you experience new grief, it just
(31:10):
seems to tap right back into that same dark deep well, yeah,
the first time we experienced grief. Yeah, significant grief.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
I mean, look, I see a lot of alternative healers who,
you know, believe that our grief goes way back, and
the grief that we're aware of is just building on
all the grief that we're not consciously aware of. Right,
And this can get like very you know. So I
see a traditional Chinese medicine practitioner, and you know, they
(31:41):
call the umbilical hoard like the first trauma. They call
it the first wound. Yes, because you are it's when
you're taken right from everything that's like safe, it's well,
I mean, look, it has to happen.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
I get it, I guess.
Speaker 2 (31:54):
But the notion of like you know, we do, we
hold a lot of stress and anxiety in that region. Right.
If you have a nervous stomach, right, that's your proof
that the mind and body are connected. If you're the
person who's like, oh, I need to go to the
bathroom before this date this interview, that's your gut. It's
your gut telling you something right, And the notion is
(32:14):
not to make us feel like we'reth these you know,
delicate like oh, I'm just a bottle of trauma, but
the notion of acknowledging like my body holds memory, my
body's keeping the score of kind of everything that has happened.
So when we have a parent die, right, or when
we have any significant loss like that, yeah, it's tapping
(32:35):
into a chemistry that's already kind of crimed for that.
And I remember that, and I did a lot of writing.
I was writing for for Keller, and then I have
Feller dot com and then I have my own website,
and I did a lot of writing in the first
year of grief. Even joy made me feel grief, and
I thought, well, what are these wires that are crossing?
(32:55):
Good things are happening, And it's like grief won't even
let me at it, you know. It's it's a very
very humbling experience to walk through literally through grief that way.
But I think the biggest thing that shocked me was
before my dad died. I always thought that a parent
(33:16):
dying was a thing. It was an event, like my
dad died on this day, and exactly what you said,
it's a process and you get through it. You move
through that, and it continues to change, but it is
always there. It's always there. You are now a person
who's living without your parent. You're functioning in a world
(33:39):
and they're not on this physical plane with you anymore.
My dad died ten years ago, I still be like, oh,
I go see if he's watching the next game, Like,
oh my god, he's not going to believe this trade
Like that's my brain kind of still goes there. And
the idea is not that I'm sitting in that same
kind of grief one hundred percent. I'm not. But there
are still things that happened that will tap into all
(34:02):
of it. And that's the brain just doing what it does.
Speaker 1 (34:06):
I think, especially when we love someone so deeply and completely.
You know, I was very close with my dad. I
just I'm not I can't really get into it right now,
but I just had a member of my family pass away. Sorry,
and it's it goes right back to that same feeling.
(34:27):
And it's like this was a dog that I'm referring to,
and the connection that I have with that dog feels
like the same kind of grief in my body as
when my dad passed away. And yeah, I don't know
that people really believe that understand that, but it's true
for me.
Speaker 2 (34:48):
Yeah, it's true for me. And I think that's also
something that's important is like that gets to be your experience, right,
other people don't get to write. And that's the other
thing that I've sort of learned from doing my podcast.
You never know. You never know what people are going through.
You never know if their dog dying was because they
had unresolved issues, right or god forbid, they had a
(35:11):
contentious relationship with someone that they lost, and it's bringing
up all those things. I don't know, you know. And
that's why, like I really do, I try to come
from a place of like compassion and holding space for
whatever anybody else is dealing with, you know, seeing that
T shirt, Like you never know what someone else is
going through. What if we all operated like that? You know?
Speaker 1 (35:33):
Yeah, I do that a lot. I drive around or
I'll look out the airplane window or whatever and see
all the people and all the houses and think, like
what is going on in there? Like I want to
know what they're going through.
Speaker 2 (35:48):
I think everybody's got a story.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
Pretty much, it's all going to connect and relate back
to the same thing, and we're all feeling it in
just different situations, different ways.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
Let me ask you about this. We are viewing and
absorbing information in such a different way than we have
ever before. It's coming at us so fast and so
hard and so short, such short lengths. What impact do
you think that is having on our nervous system and
on our mental health.
Speaker 2 (36:25):
I can speak to this as a scientist, and I
can speak to you too.
Speaker 1 (36:28):
This is it's so hot when you talk like a scientist.
Speaker 2 (36:32):
I appreciate that, no, but it's also just I can
speak to it as a human and I don't mean
to sound like this lady, but yeah, we're not primed
for short bits of information that are trying to communicate
things that are incredibly complicated. And that's one of the
reasons I do not get news from social media. It's
(36:56):
one of the reasons I don't have debates with people
about deep philosophical issues. Our brains are not wired to
understand nuance in a ten second clip. We are meant
for compassion, for exchange of information. You know a lot
of people like to point out, like, oh, our brains
(37:16):
are adapting, they're changing they're really not changing. We are
the same brains that we were ten thousand years ago,
one hundred thousand, Like, it's the same brain as if
we're in a state of nature, hunting and gathering. Everything
has happened very very quickly, but the brain does not
change in one generation, I promise.
Speaker 1 (37:33):
So my wires aren't fried from all the no.
Speaker 2 (37:37):
I mean, we're living in a constant state of overstimulation.
We're living in a state of neurochemical overstimulation, tactile overstimulation,
visual overstimulation. All those things are true. But we can
still return. And that's what vagel toning exercises are for.
That's what nature is for. That's what having a spiritual
(37:59):
pus is for. It's reminding you of that quiet place
that has always existed in the human brain. In the
mammalian brain, we are primed for interaction with other creatures.
We're not supposed to be attached to something that we're
staring down out all day. So when people say, like, oh,
the only way I can go out to dinner with
(38:20):
a child is to put them in front of a tablet. A,
that's not true, and now B.
Speaker 1 (38:26):
We do that.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
You make correct correct, so and I feel that way
about kind of a lot of these things, like how
am I going to make rules about this with my kids?
Because you know, that's a huge challenge. Jonathan Hype talks
about this in Anxious Generation. He talks about the changes
in the brain and our culture and ways that we
can kind of turn it around, but you know, to
(38:48):
speak to some of the science of it. The rise
in autoimmune diagnoses, the rise in people struggling with attention,
the rise in a need for a categorization of what
many can see, shifts in when they change their screen time.
(39:09):
Dare I say, when they make even small changes to
their diet. You know a lot of the things that
that we have been told are good for us are
in many cases not good for us. And you should
be very skeptical. You know of companies that give you
toys with your food, right, it's trying to get you
to buy more of something.
Speaker 1 (39:28):
That's the best. When the ceial number, when we.
Speaker 2 (39:31):
Get write cereal the little that's right, We've got the
little ties. But you know, we we do. We we
live in a country that is in you know. Johann
Harry talks about this his book on Ozembic talks about
this and tremendous, beautiful detail in a compassionate and loving way.
You know, we've been taught to eat a certain way
and to behave a certain way that clearly is not
(39:51):
agreeing with our cardiovascular health, our mental health. There's many indications,
you know, when people are like, but I turned out okay.
Look at the health of our country, not just the
physical health, look at the mental health of our country.
Look at what we're living in. Did we really turn
out okay?
Speaker 1 (40:13):
Are we supposed to be able to answer that question?
Speaker 2 (40:16):
I mean, you know, and I also, I'm not a
doomsday person. I believe there's a lot of good. I
think there's a lot of I am a very hopeful person.
Speaker 1 (40:24):
That's great.
Speaker 2 (40:24):
But when it comes to certain things like again, the
way the brain and nervous system we're taught to adapt,
the way the body is taught to process food and information, Yeah,
we're not really living in concordance with that or in
many cases overstimulating it and being allowing ourselves kind of
(40:45):
to be lied to about what's good for us. Right, Like,
I know it feels good in my body, I do.
Speaker 1 (40:49):
I promise you're a vegan, I am it happened to
be as well. Nay, it's it's something people don't really understand.
Speaker 2 (41:00):
Yeah, and so there's a hot topic. Yeah. I mean, look,
I'm sure I don't know how long you've been vegan.
But when I started being a vegetarian when I was nineteen,
and I transitioned to veganism about ten years later. You know,
even being a vegetarian, my own parents were like, you're what, No,
we eat everything on our plate. What like, we didn't
(41:21):
survive Eastern Europe for you to not eat certain things
on your plate. The fact that the conversation is so
much broader, so much bigger, The fact that you know,
vegetarians are vegan, don't have to just eat pasta in
French fries and iceberg lettuce, which was pretty much when
many of us ate. That's incredible. And also I left
home you know when I when I went to college,
(41:43):
was when I became a vegetarian. It just it really
wasn't an option. My parents were not mean people. My
parents were you know, my mom was a very healthy eater,
Like we weren't allowed sugar, cereal, and like snack before
dinner was like a rock herrot, Like take a carrot
from the fridge, like we weren't you know, didn't eat fast,
you know, but still there was a standard American diet
that you know, many of us were sort of taught
(42:05):
to live by. And so yeah, it was when I
was nineteen and I moved out and I started going
to college. It was after Blossom ended that I became
a vegetarian. But there's so many more choices, so much
information now, and also, as you know, an entire industry
built around making vegans eat things that in many cases
are not very healthy and you might as well kind
of eat the package. And I used to sort of
(42:26):
turn my nose up at people, you know who would
say that. But now we see, like now we're kind
of getting it, Like, oh, like I don't allow palm
oil in my house anymore. In products, you know, a
lot of those like fun soy products, they're filled with
things that I just can know, I just don't want
to do it anymore. And my kids kind of like
stomp their foot at me, and like we want the
fun cream cheese.
Speaker 1 (42:45):
You know, Oh, that's so hard to give up. Like
the delicacies of veganism, the cream cheeses and the chicken
you know, chicken.
Speaker 2 (42:56):
Right, there's alternatives. There's a lot of fun like the
dairy alternative. I think have really they've really turned a corner.
You know, people are culturing, but it's very expensive and
I you know, feel badly that it has to be.
But you know, there's there's definitely been improvements there. But yeah,
mostly God bless all the process meets. Like if it's
highly processed, whether it's vegan, vegetarian or not, don't eat
(43:19):
highly processed things if you can avoid it on any
given day. Like its point, it needs to be short
correct rule of thumb, just like as big as your thumb.
Speaker 1 (43:29):
That's a good idea. Okay, wait, this is a big question.
Do you believe in afterlife or what do you think
happens when we die?
Speaker 2 (43:39):
This is a big question. You know, we've done a
couple episodes on our podcast where people have reported things
that I can't explain or understand. Near death experiences in
particular are very you know, very well documented in the
scientific literature, you know, kind of example. You know, for
me my you know, religious tradition, I'm Jewish, and you
(44:03):
know we're taught that there's a lot of rules about
how to live with a much less of an emphasis
on what happens when you die, and that means a
lot of rules, a lot of restrictions, a lot of regulation,
rules about what to eat and how to dress and
how to talk, and you know that can be overwhelming.
But for me, you know, I'd like to believe that
(44:26):
there is a place where there is no suffering, you know,
where there's no emotional suffering and there's no physical suffering.
I don't really have a concept of heaven and hell
per se. I think it's sort of an extension of
you know, consciousness that sort of exists. And again, it's
not something you can grasp because it's part of, you know,
(44:49):
something divine. So I don't spend a lot of time
sort of worrying about it. But you know, I really
I love stories when people say like, oh, like your
love are all around you, and when I love to
watch mediums work because like, I don't know what's going
on there, but yeah, I'd love to believe that. I
just I think that there's a oneness, you know, there's
(45:11):
a oneness that we will get to experience that sort
of I guess where I frame my concept of an afterlife,
that there's some sense of oneness unity that leaves behind
all of the fights of this world, which in many
cases I hope one day will feel petty. You know,
which religion is right? You know, are men better than women?
(45:34):
Are women? But like all these kind of things, you know,
like cats versus dogs, it's like, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (45:42):
It taps back into that feeling of the faith thing
for me, And if I can't see it, how do
I know it? Yeah, And then at some point in
my life, I just had to decide to have faith
in it, you know, like you said that there is
a And I really do feel the presence of angels, spirits,
(46:07):
and I want to call them energies, and I pray
to them and I talk to them, and I send them,
I send them places, I send them to protect people
I love. Like I feel so supported, whereas before I
never did. And I feel like I'm not quite there
yet with having that feeling of like peace with what
(46:30):
happens when people die, Yeah, because I just don't know.
But I'm just going to go with the feelings because
I have nothing else.
Speaker 2 (46:40):
To Yeah, And I think a lot of people I've
heard say, like, my life is better when I believe, yeah,
meaning you get to lean into spirits, guides, angels, You
get to lean into a lot of possibility and feeling
protected even when you're scared. And if you choose not
(47:01):
to believe, which is fine, it may just be you
know what, some people works for them. But yeah, am
I living a life of sort of like faith or
of fear? And for me, without faith, I go right
into fear.
Speaker 1 (47:15):
Yeah, me too, And that's not a fun place to be. No,
it's a big it's a big topic. Yeah, it's exciting.
You're turning fifty? When is this happening?
Speaker 2 (47:30):
December?
Speaker 1 (47:31):
December?
Speaker 2 (47:32):
What I'm twelve? Twelve? Oh that's so easy to remember.
Speaker 1 (47:38):
Wow, how are you feeling about this this next chapter?
Speaker 2 (47:42):
Like?
Speaker 1 (47:42):
What do you want this next chapter to be filled
with for you? Or do you not know?
Speaker 2 (47:49):
I don't know. I mean I think I don't love aging.
I really don't. I'm not a fan. Yeah, not a fan.
And some people do it gracefully and like, I don't
know what that's like. But every time my prescription changes,
every time, I'm like, I really think I can't hear
(48:09):
like I used to?
Speaker 1 (48:10):
Oh why am I can't rend here? When you let
hold on? When you go into like a restaurant. Yeah,
and there's noise, people talking, talking, talking all around, and
then there's someone right in front of you.
Speaker 2 (48:22):
Yep, I cannot hear the person right now. So that's
your brain not being able to filter the way it
did when it was young. When our brains are young,
they're filtering all sorts of things, and like, I can
hang on to this, and I can listen to that.
People with add experience and inability to filter. That has
nothing to do with age, right, But for those of
us at a certain age, that's exactly what it is.
(48:44):
Your brain is like everything is so important all the time.
Speaker 1 (48:48):
Wait, so it's not my hearing, well.
Speaker 2 (48:51):
You're hearing is your brain? I mean it's all connected
in there. Sorry yeah, gosh. So yeah. Every time that happens,
it feels like there's a level of like why what?
And I'm told that that's creating more strife, you know,
than it needs to, and I should be an acceptance.
We had Justine Bateman on our podcast, and you know,
I love her. She literally, I mean she's amazing, but
(49:12):
she literally like wants me to embrace every wrinkle and
I'm like, I don't think I want to. I haven't
had work done. Just being honest, I don't want to
embrace the rink. I don't like it, Like what is
my neck? What's happening? You know, I'm like examining every
single part. So what I'm you know, I'm hoping that
maybe there'll be some like magic moment of like you're fine,
(49:34):
like you're okay. This is why I don't know if
it's going to happen, but I might be hopeful.
Speaker 1 (49:40):
It's going to happen. That is what the fifties. It's magic,
like there's and but but at the same time, you
still do look at that creepy skin on your lower
legs and be like, yeah, why is my skin so dry? Yep,
those all all those things can happen.
Speaker 2 (49:54):
My enter size are convinced they need to be on
the floor, like no matter, no matter if I lose weight,
like if I'm thinner, Like the thighs don't care. It's
like not about a number on the scale for the thighs.
They're just like we live. We want to be on
the ground, and we're going to keep showing you that
we want to be. And I'm like, I'm gonna live
in tights forever. I'm just gonna wear tights forever.
Speaker 1 (50:14):
I'm wearing tights right now under my pants. It's so true, though,
we're supposed to embrace it and age gracefully and yeah,
but it's it takes time to get there, yeah, fifty two,
but it does gradually. You do gradually reach the point
(50:35):
where you're like, this is me, this is it, this
is I'm I'm not going to be something that I'm
thinking I'm supposed to be or people are thinking I'm
supposed to be.
Speaker 2 (50:45):
And I just live in my bathroom all the time.
Speaker 1 (50:47):
Oh, the bathroom's the best I think we are. We
are we are connected, soul connected. We have a lot
of the same likes and dislikes. Oh, I just love
our chat. I really have enjoyed spending time with you
and getting better, not just on Cupcake Wars.
Speaker 2 (51:07):
We needed an update to our connections. So this is it.
Speaker 1 (51:10):
I'll remember this one.
Speaker 2 (51:12):
Yeah, I hope I will too.
Speaker 1 (51:15):
Wait before I let you go, Mayan Beelic, what was
your last I Choose me moment?
Speaker 2 (51:20):
Wow? What was my last I choose me moment? You know?
I was supposed to go to a screening Friday night
to support a friend of mine, and I really wasn't
feeling well. I was listening to my body, and it
(51:41):
was so hard because everything in me was like, go,
you'll be fine, it's okay, blah blah blah, like all
the things like what will they think of me? What
will I this? And I built it up so much
and I finally said to this friend, I was honest.
I said I'm not feeling well and I'm very sorry.
(52:03):
I'm not going to be able to come. And his
response was like, I know how much you love and
support me. It's totally fine. What I'm most excited about
is that you're taking care of yourself. Oh, and it
doesn't always work like that. A lot of times you'll
stand up for yourself and people will be like you
let me down? Why not this? But it was like
a great It was a message from the universe giving
(52:24):
me permission to literally listen to my body. And it
was like, there's just yeah. And it didn't just make
me feel better that I didn't have to like go
out late at night to this thing. It was that
I got that elevator lift feeling for myself, like oh,
you're allowed to advocate for yourself and if you don't
feel good, it's okay. That was a really big one.
(52:47):
You know. I watched Family Feud and went to bed.
Speaker 1 (52:50):
Oh, good night. That's a good night. And that's the
whole point of this podcast. And what I talk about
is that letting people know that it is okay to
choose themselves. And you choose yourself, and you also realized
in that moment, oh, choosing myself feels really good. Yeah,
and it's not selfish.
Speaker 2 (53:12):
No, it's the opposite of people pleasing feels really good.
Speaker 1 (53:16):
Yeah, it feels really good. Well, you feel really good,
and I just love you, so thank you.
Speaker 2 (53:21):
Well, thank you. I really appreciate that. Thank you. This
is awesome.
You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth. Hi, everyone,
welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast, as we all know,
is about the choices we make and where they lead us.
This is a good day. My guest today has a
(00:21):
long list of accolades to her name and is truly
someone that has blazed her own non traditional trail in Hollywood.
She's an actor, a director, a writer, and impressively a
PhD holder, I mean, come on. Known for her roles
in the nineties eighteen show Blossom and her long run
(00:45):
on The Big Bang Theory that she received four Emmy
nominations for, she is the host of her podcast, Myam
Bioli's Breakdown. Please welcome Myam bolic to the I Choose
Me podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Hi.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Hi, so good to see you.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Good to see you.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Thanks for coming on the show.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Thanks for having me.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Okay, racking my brain?
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (01:10):
Where did we work together?
Speaker 2 (01:11):
Is this right? Hold on?
Speaker 1 (01:12):
Let me just as if this might be completely wrong,
so embarrassing. Did you walk the high wire?
Speaker 2 (01:20):
No?
Speaker 1 (01:20):
In Circus of the Stars.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
I can already say no. I did the double I
did the double cradle in Circus of the Stars. The
double Cradle is like a trapeze, but there's no trapeze
bar two people. Okay, I did that. It was like
the year that, like like Mario Lopez.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
Was, see I was on that year you did.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
I think regular trapeze.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Yes, I knew you did something that was nerve wracking,
and now I know.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
I mean I was. I don't even know. Gosh, I
don't even know if I was on Blossom yet. I
think that was after Beaches. And then we were at
a benefit together for an organization that is near and
dear to your heart. So I remember that, and then
I think we would like see each other randomly at
certain things. But there's that sort of like you know,
we're both young people on television.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
No right, sure, yeah, we go way back. But wait,
how about does this ring a bell? Cupcake wars?
Speaker 2 (02:17):
I did it? Were you there? We're the worst?
Speaker 1 (02:21):
Yes, this is the problem.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
My brain did not want to summon that.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Come on, I got voted out first, so you can
go ahead and summon it.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Maybe that's why I put it out of my I
put it out of my mind. It was too painful,
the thought of you being sent away.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Oh man, I think I think maybe Melby was on
our episode too.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Oh, how long time ago? And I feel like she
was in like a fancy coat.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
That's just all the time for mel So this.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Was a very long time ago.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
I am racking our brain. Good job though, Yeah, yeah,
you know, I have a feeling.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
You may have had help from researcher be Attle.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
Okay, well, I just let me fill you in on
a little data about yourself in case you've forgotten that too. Okay,
you grew up in front of the camera. You started
acting when you were like eleven, right, and by the
time you were a teenager you had your own prime
time sell Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Yeah, wow, I was fourteen when Blossom started.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
That's young. We both know, you know, it can be
so hard to navigate figuring out who we are at
your age. Add you know entertainment industry into that, yep,
with somebody always telling us where to go, what to do,
like everything.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
I mean, look, I mean I think yes, And I remember,
you know, still feeling a lot like a kid when
I was on Blossom, meaning for those first years. You know,
the pressures then were different than they are now. First
of all, meaning as much as all of what you
(03:59):
said is true, we also weren't expected to sort of
look like adults at fifteen. We weren't expected to have
like the manicures, the filler. We didn't have publicists, we
didn't have social media. We weren't you know. It was
a different kind of presentation. And also I will say that,
(04:20):
you know, I mean I watched you like that was
my favorite show when I was on Blossom was your show.
And so I also remember, like, gosh, that's a show
with a whole different kind of pressure for the performers
because it was a show about like beautiful people. It
was like a soap opera level in terms of like
intensity and relationships, whereas like I was on a four camera,
(04:43):
you know, family kind of show. So it was a
different kind of pressure. But I looked up to you
and Shannon and Tori, like these are like the grown
up girls, you know. I was like still like I
still felt like a kid in a lot of ways.
I wasn't doing you know, kind of a high school drama.
It was very different.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
I mean, that makes perfect sense. Yeah, it was different.
But what age do you feel like you really came
into your own like.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
Skin still waiting, still waiting for me.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
It was like my late thirties, I started to like
really get a crass I'm.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Trying to think. I mean, I'm I'm forty nine now
and still in some ways feel fourteen. You know, still
would like to eat chocolate first thing in the morning,
like if there's no grown ups around, I still want
to live like that. You know. I had my first
child at twenty nine, and then I had my second
(05:44):
at you know, thirty two, thirty three somewhere in there,
so you know, my thirties felt like a different kind
of kind of stressful. You know, it felt like, Okay,
this is everything you're told is going to make life amazing,
Like be a mom, Like it's gonna be amazing, Like
get married and you'll be married forever, and then your
(06:04):
kids will be like so much fun. And meanwhile, like
they're much more cognitive, far earlier than I expected, like
a lot of effort.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
You know, yea, they are their own people. I don't
know how that.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Happen, correct, And like the sense of humor, but a
sense of agency that was kind of surprising. So yeah,
I don't know. I really feel like, like if you
had to ask me, I don't know that. I feel
like I've sort of become comfortable and I'm I'm an
early to menopause member of the party, you.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Know, like, that's that's you.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
You know, well, I guess. But I also was then
raised on this next level myth that we're told in
our thirties and forties, like you're gonna have the best
sex of your life in your forties and you're going
to finally feel like you're wise. And I'm like, no,
I just still feel kind of strange. And it's a
different kind of hormonal because now they're like, oh, guess
what menopause is forever and sometimes you'll get a period
(07:01):
after not having one. It's just weird.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
So all the hits, the hits keep on coming, hits.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
Age coming, the hits keep coming.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
Yeah, it's true. It's true. We talk a lot about
this on the podcast, that life is so interesting, how
like simple decisions or even what we may feel like
are meaningless choices, how they can lead us to spectacular
things that end up changing our lives. Do you believe
in fate or destiny or do you think things just
(07:30):
sort of happen by chance?
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Oh gosh, you know, I don't you know. I think
of those things like the way you like study them
in school. Right, like, oh, there was a group of
people who believe that God had ordained everything and that
nothing you did matter. So I'm definitely not in that camp.
And I also am not in the other camp. But
like everything just happened and blah blah blah. I do
(07:54):
think that there's you know, some sort of I guess
path or intention that every life has. But I also
do believe in free will, you know, I believe in
all of the choices that we make are still ours
to make. And I think that the mystical, spiritual part
of me believes that whatever happens is what was supposed
(08:15):
to happen, even if it's sad, painful, you know, devastating, astonishing.
And to me, what that means is, how do I
receive that with some sort of grace and dignity and not,
you know, kind of lose whatever center I'm trying to
hold on to every time something doesn't go my way.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
That makes sense, I've always been sort of faithless.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Way, how's that working for you?
Speaker 1 (08:45):
Well, it wasn't working for me at all. I Mean
there were times in my life where I'm like, I'm
an agnostic. I don't know, you know, I just don't know,
and I'm a visual like I need to see things
to believe them and learn them. And so for me,
it was a very like I couldn't come the terms
with just blindly having faith in something. I mean, how
(09:07):
do you feel about that?
Speaker 2 (09:11):
You know? I was raised in you know, I was
raised in a particular tradition that taught me that if
something is divine, it's so enormous that you can't even
understand it. And I'm grateful for that because I was
sort of spoon fed this notion of faith that goes
(09:31):
hand in hand with an inability to comprehend it. And
so that goes along with like the rules that I
want to use to observe it, they don't apply. And
that's not just a cheap way out, I promise. I'm
not just like God is. God is, and if you
don't feel it, like sucks for you. But as a scientist,
you know, I studied science. It's what I live for,
(09:54):
you know, decades of my life. And once once you're
trained as a scientist, that's sort of how my framework is.
You know. My kids say I'm cheating when I say
that I'm a person of faith because I don't have
like the old man in the sky. I don't have that,
like just trust in God and pray to God for
the best parking spot. That's not the kind of relationship
(10:16):
I have with something divine. But if you believe that
the sun will come up tomorrow, then you and I
have the exact same faith. Like that's it. It's that simple.
For me. I don't have to understand gravity for it
to keep me on the planet. I don't have to
believe that. You know, if I hold a ball from
(10:37):
the top of a building and I drop it, I
know like that ball's going to fall. Now, are there
places in the universe and the galaxy where that's not true.
I'm certain of that, and I believe that we'll either
grasp those equations or we won't. But for me, my
faith that the sun will come up tomorrow is that's
divine to me. That's you know, the I can't look
(11:01):
at that and not feel completely floored, completely floored by
the impossibility of how things work and I don't control them.
And you know that's also the thing is like, you know,
having for me, having belief is saying I don't have
to fix everything. I'm not that powerful, you know, even
over people places and things that I'd like to believe
(11:23):
that I'm powerful over. I'm really not that powerful.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
No, none of us are. We like to think we are.
I mean some of us.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
Do, yeah, for sure, while people make a career of it.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Yeah. Your podcast, my biolex Breakdown, really good title appropriate. Yeah,
breaking down all the time. It's about it's all about
mental health, which I love. Yeah, it's It's fascinating to
me and it always has been. And I always thought
(11:55):
if I wasn't an actress, I would have definitely gone
that route in college. I recently had Oliver Hudson on
the podcast, and we've talked about the fact that all
of my life I've been told I'm too emotional or
been called out for being emotional, and it's always been
such a negative thing for me. Like I've always it
(12:15):
didn't ever feel good. And it wasn't until you know,
my like thirties that I found my voice and I
started correcting people and saying, you know what, I'm not emotional,
I'm emotion full. Ooh you got a problem with that,
then you can go on. But for me, I just
was like I got to take that because I believe
(12:37):
that it's a it's a superpower of mine.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
Well, I think, yeah, it's definitely something that comes up
a lot on our podcast. This sort of like again,
I think, you know, I have a nineteen and a
sixteen year old and they've been raised in a completely
different culture where they don't have the same fears of
being let's say, too sensitive. I mean, of course it's
a awareness they have, but you know, when I was
(13:03):
sort of growing up, there was kind of like one
way to be There was one way to learn things.
If you couldn't learn it that way, you must be dumb.
And there was one way to react to things. And
if you didn't react that way, you were hyper sensitive. Right,
And now we have this like much broader understanding of oh,
there's all different kinds of people, and if you like
rewind the tape of the human experience five thousand years,
(13:25):
ten thousand years, one hundred thousand years, there were all
different kinds of people even back then, who served all
sorts of different purposes. So you may have been a seer, right,
you may have been a shaman, you may have been
someone who in other cultures could perceive things that other
people couldn't. The difference is we think that Western modern
(13:47):
culture is superior to all culture that has ever existed.
And in many ways, there's so many incredible things. And look,
we make computers and I can talk to you on
this like box, right, But when it comes down to
sort of what the human experience is, we're about interacting
with other humans, cooperating with other humans, in some cases
struggling with other humans. But what are the skills needed
(14:08):
for that for like a dynamic human interaction. It's lost
when we're emphasizing money, property, you know, same like those
things get lost.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
Yeah, where would you say on the spectrum of emotions
you fall like? Are you like are you emotionful? Are
you non emotional?
Speaker 2 (14:28):
I'm very emotionful. I'm I mean I I always cried,
like when I would see homeless people on the street.
This was like a thing, like just like a place
in me. Couldn't stand that even as a kid. And
you know a lot of women also when you have
(14:49):
a hormonal shift, they'll be like, oh, I cry at everything.
It's not that for me. It's that I really feel
deeply kind of tapped in all the time. You know,
I've been accused by more than one ex boyfriend knowing
what they were feeling before they knew.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
Well, because you probably did.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
But it's like a part of it is it's like
that emotional you know, I have a very fine tuner
that I use, you know, for other people's emotions as well,
and I do I feel very deeply. I love passionately,
I fight passionately. So yeah, there's a lot of that
in there. And I think I do have a rational
(15:30):
part of me. I have a science part of me.
I have a very binary kind of part of me,
which you know, I sort of need to temper, you know,
you have to kind of temper both. Right, we're given
two sides of the brain or even.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
We need to find a happy medium.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
Wait, go back to the boyfriend's accusing you knowing how
they felt before you felt it. I'm interested. Okay, So
was that said in like a negative connotation?
Speaker 2 (15:55):
Like yeah, I was like get out of my head,
and I'd like, you don't know something that And I
wasn't trying to like start something, but just sometimes it
would feel very clear to me like, oh, this is
triggering a thing about like his mother, and I can
feel that he thinks that, you know, I'm reenacting and
I'm probably thinking too much in other people's heads. But yeah,
(16:16):
it would often lead to like, I don't know if
that's what I've to stop, you.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Know, yeah, I can see how that would get a
little weird. And I'm sure I've done it because yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
Yeah, And I also don't think it makes me like intuitive,
you know, like I don't. I sometimes have intuitive I've
had very few sort of like distinctive intuitive moments. I
don't think about being intuitive. But maybe there's something about
perceiving other people's emotions that that maybe some of us
are more fine tuned to. Like I can tell by
your eyebrow, you know, Like if I'm talking to someone,
(16:47):
I can tell by that left eyebrow that you are
pretending you're okay with what I've said, but I'm gonna
hear about it in four days.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
What about projecting your feelings onto others?
Speaker 2 (16:58):
It's my favorite game.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
You love that so fun, you know, I.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Think that's interesting. I've been in therapy all my life,
pretty much, I've been in therapy since I'm a teenager,
and so this one, I think I'm aware when other
people do that to me, and I've been accused of projecting,
but then I'm almost always told that, no, just kidding,
(17:25):
you were right?
Speaker 1 (17:26):
Yeah, see, I mean you are intuitive that I'm just
gonna call it what it is, Okay, not projecting, how
about absorbing or taking on other people's feelings like an impath.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
Yeah, so this is something I didn't learn about until
much later in life. My younger son, who's now sixteen,
I don't think he'll be listening to this, but I try,
and you know, be respectful of his existence and his privacy.
But he often feel what other people were feeling. And
(18:05):
when he was quite little, the story I like to
tell I worked with Leslie Jordan and I was working
with him when he passed away. He was on his
way to work that day, and there was a memorial
that was held, and my kids were, you know, in
their earlier teens. And when I said to my younger son,
you know, was that sad? Did it feels sad? He
said no, but I felt everyone else is sad. And
(18:28):
I don't even know that he understood what he was saying.
I definitely can pick up on other people's positive or
negative emotions, and you know, it often happens for children
who grow up in homes with fighting or contentiousness. That
(18:49):
we learn very well how to regulate, you know, like
which emotional side do I need to be on? So
I think that's actually probably where it came from. But
I'd like to think that it can be also some
sort of superpower into you know, being empathic. I I'm
an introvert, and I wonder if the reason is because
(19:09):
I am picking up on other people's energy and it
feels too much. And then I have, you know, people
in my life like Jonathan who I do the podcast with,
and Jonathan is very clear that like he feels that
other people's feelings can get on him and bring him down.
That's a whole Yeah, Like it feels it feels like
(19:30):
a wait, like it feels like that I don't. I don't.
I'm not in touch with that. If that's happening for me,
that's a lot. Yeah, Apparently people walk around like this,
and they're those people who are like, I'm sensitive to
EMFs and I'm like really, But then it seems like
maybe they are. There are people who have a lot
of sensitivity to other people's emotions. And you know, who
(19:53):
am I to say that? Like we're all energetic bodies,
that's science, right, Who am I? To say that some
people are not more fine tuned. If you've interacted with
anyone on the spectrum who has a different way of interacting,
they often consents things that other people don't. So I
don't know why that would only be saved, you know,
for that portion of the population. We're a whole spectrum
(20:16):
of everything in sensitivity.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
That's so true talking about science outside of being an
accomplished actor, director, writer, podcast hosts. Mom, you've got a
little thing called a PhD in neuroscience, which when I
learned that, I was like, what, so I want to
(20:42):
come to you for some science backed info here, Okay, okay, yeah,
get ready. Let's say someone's going through like a breakup
or like you know, a divorce, and they're going through that,
you know, emotional trauma that is associated with that. We've
all been there. People can feel as if their nervous
systems are just like out of control, like they can't
(21:05):
get control of their nervous systems. Why is that?
Speaker 2 (21:11):
So? You know, we are wired for survival is sort
of the simplest explanation. We're wired for survival and the
nervous system not just in humans, I mean in mammals,
in particular, you're going to see, you know, similar things.
But you know, in most animals that you can think of,
(21:36):
there is a response that is you know, we call
it redundant, meaning the brain and the nervous system they
don't have a different reaction for this is a minor
love affair that didn't work out, or this is a
thirty year marriage, or this is I just watched you know,
my baby get eaten by a hyena. Right, the nervous
(21:58):
system kind of conserved, you know, conserves a set of reactions,
and so heartbreak, you know, in particular, it's going to
feel like loss and grief, and our nervous system is
going to go through the same dance that it does
for other kinds of loss and grief. It's the cognitive
part of us. It's the left hemisphere part of us
(22:20):
that allows us to say, everything happens for a reason,
God's in charge. It wasn't a healthy relationship anyway, right.
But the fact is the other, like the right side
of the brain, that feeling part, has to feel those
feelings and that's all regulated by a nervous system that
is primed, you know, to help us experience those emotions.
(22:45):
You know, when when my father died. My dad died
ten years ago. You know, many people instantly said, are
you going to go on medication? And that is the
way the Western world often treats, for example, grief, right, right,
let's not experience it. And it is not for me
to say you shouldn't go on medication if someone dies, like,
(23:06):
that's not what I'm here to say. But what I'm
here to say is for me, my understanding was grief
is a process that my body and my nervous system
are going to go through so that I can move
to the other side of this event. Right. And when
people talk about their nervous systems not kind of regulating,
(23:28):
that's also evidence of what we know is true, which
is that grief it compounds. Trauma compounds, loss compounds, so
one loss will trigger the emotional memory sometimes the literal
memory of other losses. Right. So you know, if I
still feel grief, let's say about my divorce, which was
(23:50):
twelve thirteen years ago, chances are it's tapping into some
other loss, right. So all of this kind of compounds,
and it's just sort of the way that we're wired. Now.
Other animals besides humans, have ways that they shake it off.
Shaking is one of them, which is why a lot
of people for vegus nerve vegas like nerve toning, Like
I'll say, you have to like shake it. Animals do
have an ability to regulate in ways that humans, you know,
(24:14):
kind of have adapted out of. And you know, again,
we also have this sort of cognitive part that allows
us to sort of be actively processing our traumas as
they're happening in a way that's different, you know, from
other animals.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
Do you have any tips on how to regulate your
nervous system? I'm asking for a friend.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
Yeah, you know, I've been exploring the vagel toning, which
is you know, it's coming up on my Instagram now.
I think that's how much it hears me talking about it.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
If you think about it, it'll come up on your
feed right exactly.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
So, the vagus nerve is a cranial nerve. It's the
tenth cranial nerve, and it regulates many aspects of your physiology.
Because I think it's also important when you talk about
like your nervous system feeling disregulated, we're not just talking
about like I'm upset, right, We're talking about a physiological
(25:10):
set of things that happen. Yes, like shaky are constriction correct,
so the vagus nerve. The ways that you know we
can kind of calm down are with you know, even
learning diaframatic breathing. Most people breathe from their shoulders like right,
but learning to breathe so that basically your chest and
(25:30):
shoulders do not move at all. Breathing into your belly
as if you're filling up your lower belly with a
baby or a basketball. That kind of breathing stimulates the
vegus nerve for trying to literally calm you down. A
lot of people also will do busying activities when they're
not feeling well because they think that it will distract
(25:52):
them from what's happening. Sometimes you need to lean in
to your nervous system being dysregulated. It often means you
need to cry or you need to move your body.
That's why there are yoga practices for thousands of years
that have put you in uncomfortable situations where you have
to sit so that you can literally have release. To me,
(26:15):
when the nervous system is shaking like that, it's because
you're trying to hold it all together, and sometimes we
need to fall apart so that we can be put
back together.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
I love that. That's so true. You have to feel
your feelings, you have to sit in them correct.
Speaker 2 (26:32):
And I think a lot of people feel like, oh,
that's new age, you know, mumbo jumbo, that's you know,
just lip service. But when we say feel your feelings,
it means when you're happy, are you present when you're happy?
Do you have an idea of what that feels like
to feel joy? When you see the person you love
across the room and you get that elevator drop feeling
in your body? Those are positive chemicals, right. And when
(26:54):
you're sad, can you do more than just say like
I'm sad or that really sucks? Can you and say
what does it feel like in my body? What does
it remind me of? Where is it in my body?
Does it need to move? Do I need to stretch?
Speaker 1 (27:08):
Like?
Speaker 2 (27:08):
Do I need to take a walk? Do I need
to stop interacting with my kids for five minutes? Right?
Speaker 1 (27:13):
Oh? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (27:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
It's so important to ask your body what it needs
and to listen correct. It's really hard to do though
for some.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
People it's very hard to do, and it's free. No
one's trying to sell you a pill. You don't have
to deal with side effects. Right. It is completely free
to learn to breathe. It's something that is every human's birthright.
It's not just for rich ladies in Los Angeles, right, Yes,
deep breathing, deep breathing, learning to breathe, learning what it
(27:42):
means to localize feelings in your body. Some school systems
are starting to teach this to kids. This is not
going to make it's not going to make weak children,
I promise, it's going to make strong children who can
know what's happening in their body so that they can
also hopefully deal with challenges with more resilience.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
Absolutely, it's so important. Why they didn't never teach me
that in school or even as a young adult, those
conversations were never being had. Right as a mom, I
feel so fortunate to have so much more information than
my mom did or my teachers did, as far as
like mental health and how to take care of yourself. Sure,
(28:23):
those kinds of levels, because that's a lot more important
to me than algebra or you know, all the things
that I didn't do grade and in school.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
Well, I'm a fan of algebraic for different reasons. But
you're right, this was the part, you know, this was
the part we didn't have this vocabulary, And of course
we were told like, you know, it's silly that boys
can't cry, But we didn't have a whole language around
why we've created a culture where vulnerability is denigrated, you know,
like we didn't have those words, Like we knew it
(28:54):
was weird to be sexualized as young girls, but we
didn't have the vocabulary to be like, you can't treat
me like that, and I'm uncomfortable with this conversation. I'd
like you to leave my dressing room. No one told
us those things.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
Oh my god, can you imagine where we would be
if we had those words to use then, I mean, we.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
Would have been fired because nobody was ready for that.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
But now seeing my daughters have those systems in place
and the ability and even though people still don't want
to hear it, yeah, sometimes it's so important that we
know we can't we have that at any moment in
our too.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
Next, one of the things that I love about interacting with,
in particular young women in our industry is they have
such a sense of strength, They're so they feel so
entitled to be respected, And I love it because you
can't imagine that, Like I knew that I wanted that.
Never in a million years did I think that I'd
(29:56):
see a twenty year old woman say to a forty
five year old man, I don't like the way you're
speaking to me. I'm going to ask you to stop
or I'm gonna have to leave this conversation. Like wow,
that's right.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
That would have been like, oh God, everybody's gonna think
I'm such a bitch. I can't say that, right, And yeah,
and anybody around me, specifically my co star Shannon, was
very outspoken and she had those tools at a young age,
and I always admired that so much about her.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
Yeah, but she was ahead of her time though.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
Yes, And I learned from her at an early age
that I could do that too, So she was always
like my hero in that respect.
Speaker 2 (30:34):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (30:34):
And I hope to be able to serve as that
for my daughters now.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
Yeah, for sure, for sure.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
You talked about this before. You and I are both
in a club that nobody wants to be a part of.
We both lost our fathers. Ugh. Grief is such an
ongoing process and it changes and it all over time,
but it never leaves us. No and I think you
talked about before, when you experience new grief, it just
(31:10):
seems to tap right back into that same dark deep well, yeah,
the first time we experienced grief. Yeah, significant grief.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
I mean, look, I see a lot of alternative healers who,
you know, believe that our grief goes way back, and
the grief that we're aware of is just building on
all the grief that we're not consciously aware of. Right,
And this can get like very you know. So I
see a traditional Chinese medicine practitioner, and you know, they
(31:41):
call the umbilical hoard like the first trauma. They call
it the first wound. Yes, because you are it's when
you're taken right from everything that's like safe, it's well,
I mean, look, it has to happen.
Speaker 1 (31:53):
I get it, I guess.
Speaker 2 (31:54):
But the notion of like you know, we do, we
hold a lot of stress and anxiety in that region. Right.
If you have a nervous stomach, right, that's your proof
that the mind and body are connected. If you're the
person who's like, oh, I need to go to the
bathroom before this date this interview, that's your gut. It's
your gut telling you something right, And the notion is
(32:14):
not to make us feel like we'reth these you know,
delicate like oh, I'm just a bottle of trauma, but
the notion of acknowledging like my body holds memory, my
body's keeping the score of kind of everything that has happened.
So when we have a parent die, right, or when
we have any significant loss like that, yeah, it's tapping
(32:35):
into a chemistry that's already kind of crimed for that.
And I remember that, and I did a lot of writing.
I was writing for for Keller, and then I have
Feller dot com and then I have my own website,
and I did a lot of writing in the first
year of grief. Even joy made me feel grief, and
I thought, well, what are these wires that are crossing?
(32:55):
Good things are happening, And it's like grief won't even
let me at it, you know. It's it's a very
very humbling experience to walk through literally through grief that way.
But I think the biggest thing that shocked me was
before my dad died. I always thought that a parent
(33:16):
dying was a thing. It was an event, like my
dad died on this day, and exactly what you said,
it's a process and you get through it. You move
through that, and it continues to change, but it is
always there. It's always there. You are now a person
who's living without your parent. You're functioning in a world
(33:39):
and they're not on this physical plane with you anymore.
My dad died ten years ago, I still be like, oh,
I go see if he's watching the next game, Like,
oh my god, he's not going to believe this trade
Like that's my brain kind of still goes there. And
the idea is not that I'm sitting in that same
kind of grief one hundred percent. I'm not. But there
are still things that happened that will tap into all
(34:02):
of it. And that's the brain just doing what it does.
Speaker 1 (34:06):
I think, especially when we love someone so deeply and completely.
You know, I was very close with my dad. I
just I'm not I can't really get into it right now,
but I just had a member of my family pass away. Sorry,
and it's it goes right back to that same feeling.
(34:27):
And it's like this was a dog that I'm referring to,
and the connection that I have with that dog feels
like the same kind of grief in my body as
when my dad passed away. And yeah, I don't know
that people really believe that understand that, but it's true
for me.
Speaker 2 (34:48):
Yeah, it's true for me. And I think that's also
something that's important is like that gets to be your experience, right,
other people don't get to write. And that's the other
thing that I've sort of learned from doing my podcast.
You never know. You never know what people are going through.
You never know if their dog dying was because they
had unresolved issues, right or god forbid, they had a
(35:11):
contentious relationship with someone that they lost, and it's bringing
up all those things. I don't know, you know. And
that's why, like I really do, I try to come
from a place of like compassion and holding space for
whatever anybody else is dealing with, you know, seeing that
T shirt, Like you never know what someone else is
going through. What if we all operated like that? You know?
Speaker 1 (35:33):
Yeah, I do that a lot. I drive around or
I'll look out the airplane window or whatever and see
all the people and all the houses and think, like
what is going on in there? Like I want to
know what they're going through.
Speaker 2 (35:48):
I think everybody's got a story.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
Pretty much, it's all going to connect and relate back
to the same thing, and we're all feeling it in
just different situations, different ways.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
Let me ask you about this. We are viewing and
absorbing information in such a different way than we have
ever before. It's coming at us so fast and so
hard and so short, such short lengths. What impact do
you think that is having on our nervous system and
on our mental health.
Speaker 2 (36:25):
I can speak to this as a scientist, and I
can speak to you too.
Speaker 1 (36:28):
This is it's so hot when you talk like a scientist.
Speaker 2 (36:32):
I appreciate that, no, but it's also just I can
speak to it as a human and I don't mean
to sound like this lady, but yeah, we're not primed
for short bits of information that are trying to communicate
things that are incredibly complicated. And that's one of the
reasons I do not get news from social media. It's
(36:56):
one of the reasons I don't have debates with people
about deep philosophical issues. Our brains are not wired to
understand nuance in a ten second clip. We are meant
for compassion, for exchange of information. You know a lot
of people like to point out, like, oh, our brains
(37:16):
are adapting, they're changing they're really not changing. We are
the same brains that we were ten thousand years ago,
one hundred thousand, Like, it's the same brain as if
we're in a state of nature, hunting and gathering. Everything
has happened very very quickly, but the brain does not
change in one generation, I promise.
Speaker 1 (37:33):
So my wires aren't fried from all the no.
Speaker 2 (37:37):
I mean, we're living in a constant state of overstimulation.
We're living in a state of neurochemical overstimulation, tactile overstimulation,
visual overstimulation. All those things are true. But we can
still return. And that's what vagel toning exercises are for.
That's what nature is for. That's what having a spiritual
(37:59):
pus is for. It's reminding you of that quiet place
that has always existed in the human brain. In the
mammalian brain, we are primed for interaction with other creatures.
We're not supposed to be attached to something that we're
staring down out all day. So when people say, like, oh,
the only way I can go out to dinner with
(38:20):
a child is to put them in front of a tablet. A,
that's not true, and now B.
Speaker 1 (38:26):
We do that.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
You make correct correct, so and I feel that way
about kind of a lot of these things, like how
am I going to make rules about this with my kids?
Because you know, that's a huge challenge. Jonathan Hype talks
about this in Anxious Generation. He talks about the changes
in the brain and our culture and ways that we
can kind of turn it around, but you know, to
(38:48):
speak to some of the science of it. The rise
in autoimmune diagnoses, the rise in people struggling with attention,
the rise in a need for a categorization of what
many can see, shifts in when they change their screen time.
(39:09):
Dare I say, when they make even small changes to
their diet. You know a lot of the things that
that we have been told are good for us are
in many cases not good for us. And you should
be very skeptical. You know of companies that give you
toys with your food, right, it's trying to get you
to buy more of something.
Speaker 1 (39:28):
That's the best. When the ceial number, when we.
Speaker 2 (39:31):
Get write cereal the little that's right, We've got the
little ties. But you know, we we do. We we
live in a country that is in you know. Johann
Harry talks about this his book on Ozembic talks about
this and tremendous, beautiful detail in a compassionate and loving way.
You know, we've been taught to eat a certain way
and to behave a certain way that clearly is not
(39:51):
agreeing with our cardiovascular health, our mental health. There's many indications,
you know, when people are like, but I turned out okay.
Look at the health of our country, not just the
physical health, look at the mental health of our country.
Look at what we're living in. Did we really turn
out okay?
Speaker 1 (40:13):
Are we supposed to be able to answer that question?
Speaker 2 (40:16):
I mean, you know, and I also, I'm not a
doomsday person. I believe there's a lot of good. I
think there's a lot of I am a very hopeful person.
Speaker 1 (40:24):
That's great.
Speaker 2 (40:24):
But when it comes to certain things like again, the
way the brain and nervous system we're taught to adapt,
the way the body is taught to process food and information, Yeah,
we're not really living in concordance with that or in
many cases overstimulating it and being allowing ourselves kind of
(40:45):
to be lied to about what's good for us. Right, Like,
I know it feels good in my body, I do.
Speaker 1 (40:49):
I promise you're a vegan, I am it happened to
be as well. Nay, it's it's something people don't really understand.
Speaker 2 (41:00):
Yeah, and so there's a hot topic. Yeah. I mean, look,
I'm sure I don't know how long you've been vegan.
But when I started being a vegetarian when I was nineteen,
and I transitioned to veganism about ten years later. You know,
even being a vegetarian, my own parents were like, you're what, No,
we eat everything on our plate. What like, we didn't
(41:21):
survive Eastern Europe for you to not eat certain things
on your plate. The fact that the conversation is so
much broader, so much bigger, The fact that you know,
vegetarians are vegan, don't have to just eat pasta in
French fries and iceberg lettuce, which was pretty much when
many of us ate. That's incredible. And also I left
home you know when I when I went to college,
(41:43):
was when I became a vegetarian. It just it really
wasn't an option. My parents were not mean people. My
parents were you know, my mom was a very healthy eater,
Like we weren't allowed sugar, cereal, and like snack before
dinner was like a rock herrot, Like take a carrot
from the fridge, like we weren't you know, didn't eat fast,
you know, but still there was a standard American diet
that you know, many of us were sort of taught
(42:05):
to live by. And so yeah, it was when I
was nineteen and I moved out and I started going
to college. It was after Blossom ended that I became
a vegetarian. But there's so many more choices, so much
information now, and also, as you know, an entire industry
built around making vegans eat things that in many cases
are not very healthy and you might as well kind
of eat the package. And I used to sort of
(42:26):
turn my nose up at people, you know who would
say that. But now we see, like now we're kind
of getting it, Like, oh, like I don't allow palm
oil in my house anymore. In products, you know, a
lot of those like fun soy products, they're filled with
things that I just can know, I just don't want
to do it anymore. And my kids kind of like
stomp their foot at me, and like we want the
fun cream cheese.
Speaker 1 (42:45):
You know, Oh, that's so hard to give up. Like
the delicacies of veganism, the cream cheeses and the chicken
you know, chicken.
Speaker 2 (42:56):
Right, there's alternatives. There's a lot of fun like the
dairy alternative. I think have really they've really turned a corner.
You know, people are culturing, but it's very expensive and
I you know, feel badly that it has to be.
But you know, there's there's definitely been improvements there. But yeah,
mostly God bless all the process meets. Like if it's
highly processed, whether it's vegan, vegetarian or not, don't eat
(43:19):
highly processed things if you can avoid it on any
given day. Like its point, it needs to be short
correct rule of thumb, just like as big as your thumb.
Speaker 1 (43:29):
That's a good idea. Okay, wait, this is a big question.
Do you believe in afterlife or what do you think
happens when we die?
Speaker 2 (43:39):
This is a big question. You know, we've done a
couple episodes on our podcast where people have reported things
that I can't explain or understand. Near death experiences in
particular are very you know, very well documented in the
scientific literature, you know, kind of example. You know, for
me my you know, religious tradition, I'm Jewish, and you
(44:03):
know we're taught that there's a lot of rules about
how to live with a much less of an emphasis
on what happens when you die, and that means a
lot of rules, a lot of restrictions, a lot of regulation,
rules about what to eat and how to dress and
how to talk, and you know that can be overwhelming.
But for me, you know, I'd like to believe that
(44:26):
there is a place where there is no suffering, you know,
where there's no emotional suffering and there's no physical suffering.
I don't really have a concept of heaven and hell
per se. I think it's sort of an extension of
you know, consciousness that sort of exists. And again, it's
not something you can grasp because it's part of, you know,
(44:49):
something divine. So I don't spend a lot of time
sort of worrying about it. But you know, I really
I love stories when people say like, oh, like your
love are all around you, and when I love to
watch mediums work because like, I don't know what's going
on there, but yeah, I'd love to believe that. I
just I think that there's a oneness, you know, there's
(45:11):
a oneness that we will get to experience that sort
of I guess where I frame my concept of an afterlife,
that there's some sense of oneness unity that leaves behind
all of the fights of this world, which in many
cases I hope one day will feel petty. You know,
which religion is right? You know, are men better than women?
(45:34):
Are women? But like all these kind of things, you know,
like cats versus dogs, it's like, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (45:42):
It taps back into that feeling of the faith thing
for me, And if I can't see it, how do
I know it? Yeah, And then at some point in
my life, I just had to decide to have faith
in it, you know, like you said that there is
a And I really do feel the presence of angels, spirits,
(46:07):
and I want to call them energies, and I pray
to them and I talk to them, and I send them,
I send them places, I send them to protect people
I love. Like I feel so supported, whereas before I
never did. And I feel like I'm not quite there
yet with having that feeling of like peace with what
(46:30):
happens when people die, Yeah, because I just don't know.
But I'm just going to go with the feelings because
I have nothing else.
Speaker 2 (46:40):
To Yeah, And I think a lot of people I've
heard say, like, my life is better when I believe, yeah,
meaning you get to lean into spirits, guides, angels, You
get to lean into a lot of possibility and feeling
protected even when you're scared. And if you choose not
(47:01):
to believe, which is fine, it may just be you
know what, some people works for them. But yeah, am
I living a life of sort of like faith or
of fear? And for me, without faith, I go right
into fear.
Speaker 1 (47:15):
Yeah, me too, And that's not a fun place to be. No,
it's a big it's a big topic. Yeah, it's exciting.
You're turning fifty? When is this happening?
Speaker 2 (47:30):
December?
Speaker 1 (47:31):
December?
Speaker 2 (47:32):
What I'm twelve? Twelve? Oh that's so easy to remember.
Speaker 1 (47:38):
Wow, how are you feeling about this this next chapter?
Speaker 2 (47:42):
Like?
Speaker 1 (47:42):
What do you want this next chapter to be filled
with for you? Or do you not know?
Speaker 2 (47:49):
I don't know. I mean I think I don't love aging.
I really don't. I'm not a fan. Yeah, not a fan.
And some people do it gracefully and like, I don't
know what that's like. But every time my prescription changes,
every time, I'm like, I really think I can't hear
(48:09):
like I used to?
Speaker 1 (48:10):
Oh why am I can't rend here? When you let
hold on? When you go into like a restaurant. Yeah,
and there's noise, people talking, talking, talking all around, and
then there's someone right in front of you.
Speaker 2 (48:22):
Yep, I cannot hear the person right now. So that's
your brain not being able to filter the way it
did when it was young. When our brains are young,
they're filtering all sorts of things, and like, I can
hang on to this, and I can listen to that.
People with add experience and inability to filter. That has
nothing to do with age, right, But for those of
us at a certain age, that's exactly what it is.
(48:44):
Your brain is like everything is so important all the time.
Speaker 1 (48:48):
Wait, so it's not my hearing, well.
Speaker 2 (48:51):
You're hearing is your brain? I mean it's all connected
in there. Sorry yeah, gosh. So yeah. Every time that happens,
it feels like there's a level of like why what?
And I'm told that that's creating more strife, you know,
than it needs to, and I should be an acceptance.
We had Justine Bateman on our podcast, and you know,
I love her. She literally, I mean she's amazing, but
(49:12):
she literally like wants me to embrace every wrinkle and
I'm like, I don't think I want to. I haven't
had work done. Just being honest, I don't want to
embrace the rink. I don't like it, Like what is
my neck? What's happening? You know, I'm like examining every
single part. So what I'm you know, I'm hoping that
maybe there'll be some like magic moment of like you're fine,
(49:34):
like you're okay. This is why I don't know if
it's going to happen, but I might be hopeful.
Speaker 1 (49:40):
It's going to happen. That is what the fifties. It's magic,
like there's and but but at the same time, you
still do look at that creepy skin on your lower
legs and be like, yeah, why is my skin so dry? Yep,
those all all those things can happen.
Speaker 2 (49:54):
My enter size are convinced they need to be on
the floor, like no matter, no matter if I lose weight,
like if I'm thinner, Like the thighs don't care. It's
like not about a number on the scale for the thighs.
They're just like we live. We want to be on
the ground, and we're going to keep showing you that
we want to be. And I'm like, I'm gonna live
in tights forever. I'm just gonna wear tights forever.
Speaker 1 (50:14):
I'm wearing tights right now under my pants. It's so true, though,
we're supposed to embrace it and age gracefully and yeah,
but it's it takes time to get there, yeah, fifty two,
but it does gradually. You do gradually reach the point
(50:35):
where you're like, this is me, this is it, this
is I'm I'm not going to be something that I'm
thinking I'm supposed to be or people are thinking I'm
supposed to be.
Speaker 2 (50:45):
And I just live in my bathroom all the time.
Speaker 1 (50:47):
Oh, the bathroom's the best I think we are. We
are we are connected, soul connected. We have a lot
of the same likes and dislikes. Oh, I just love
our chat. I really have enjoyed spending time with you
and getting better, not just on Cupcake Wars.
Speaker 2 (51:07):
We needed an update to our connections. So this is it.
Speaker 1 (51:10):
I'll remember this one.
Speaker 2 (51:12):
Yeah, I hope I will too.
Speaker 1 (51:15):
Wait before I let you go, Mayan Beelic, what was
your last I Choose me moment?
Speaker 2 (51:20):
Wow? What was my last I choose me moment? You know?
I was supposed to go to a screening Friday night
to support a friend of mine, and I really wasn't
feeling well. I was listening to my body, and it
(51:41):
was so hard because everything in me was like, go,
you'll be fine, it's okay, blah blah blah, like all
the things like what will they think of me? What
will I this? And I built it up so much
and I finally said to this friend, I was honest.
I said I'm not feeling well and I'm very sorry.
(52:03):
I'm not going to be able to come. And his
response was like, I know how much you love and
support me. It's totally fine. What I'm most excited about
is that you're taking care of yourself. Oh, and it
doesn't always work like that. A lot of times you'll
stand up for yourself and people will be like you
let me down? Why not this? But it was like
a great It was a message from the universe giving
(52:24):
me permission to literally listen to my body. And it
was like, there's just yeah. And it didn't just make
me feel better that I didn't have to like go
out late at night to this thing. It was that
I got that elevator lift feeling for myself, like oh,
you're allowed to advocate for yourself and if you don't
feel good, it's okay. That was a really big one.
(52:47):
You know. I watched Family Feud and went to bed.
Speaker 1 (52:50):
Oh, good night. That's a good night. And that's the
whole point of this podcast. And what I talk about
is that letting people know that it is okay to
choose themselves. And you choose yourself, and you also realized
in that moment, oh, choosing myself feels really good. Yeah,
and it's not selfish.
Speaker 2 (53:12):
No, it's the opposite of people pleasing feels really good.
Speaker 1 (53:16):
Yeah, it feels really good. Well, you feel really good,
and I just love you, so thank you.
Speaker 2 (53:21):
Well, thank you. I really appreciate that. Thank you. This
is awesome.
Host
Jennie Garth
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