Are pajamas the killer when it comes to a good sex life? Thelma and Louise are talking with relationship expert Dr. Channa Bromley about problematic pajamas!
Plus, let’s talk about our bodies, and let’s get real! And it’s ok to want sex and make it a priority…we’ll tell you why!!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:15):
It's I Do Part two and we're your favorite beesties
Thelma and Louise. Today we're going to quote jump into
bed and talk about all the things that come with
sex and chapter two.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Dating. It can be.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Scary and intimidating, but oh so fun to get intimate
after being with one partner for so long. So today
we're joined by relationship coach doctor Shanna Bromley to talk.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
All about it.
Speaker 3 (00:40):
Hi, doctor Shanna, we are so excited to talk to
you today, like you have been anticipating this all afternoon,
So thank you for meeting with us.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
First of all, you're so pretty, like I would think
like everybody is like knocking down.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Your door to date you.
Speaker 4 (00:55):
I'd want to have sex with you.
Speaker 5 (00:57):
You guys are sweet, I think more just too.
Speaker 3 (01:00):
So, doctor Shanna, you recently contributed to an article titled
our Pajamas Ruining your Sex Life and absolutely phenomenal title,
by the way, and question for you, what did you
mean by that?
Speaker 6 (01:13):
So your bedtime routine is so much more than just
a habit. It is a reflection of how you see
yourself and if you stop treating yourself somebody worth desiring,
then that energy just seeps into everything. It's so much
more than just how your partner sees you. It's how
you feel when you look in the mirror when you're
going to bed. And let me ask you, guys, what
(01:34):
do you wear to bed these days?
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Louise?
Speaker 4 (01:36):
Why don't you start because you're well, very specific out.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Okay, So I thought.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
A lot about this when I read your article because
my experience with my husband first and then different guys
I've dated in the nine years that I've.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Been divorced, was.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
You know, I think because when I go out for
work or I go out to dinner, like I'm put
together right, like I have you know, the blow dryes,
the makeup.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Kind of like this, like glamorous affect.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Then I found that when I came home and put
on the more soft kind of felmb away that my
husband or my boyfriends would be like all over me.
For example, when I was married, I used to wear Now,
granted I hadn't yet had menopause, I was cold at night.
Now it's a whole different ballgame, and I would wear
(02:28):
these like thermal waffle pajamas that were like Cindi Luz,
like the gritch. Okay, I swear to God when I
had those on. He was ripping them off of me,
and I think he felt I was maybe more manageable,
more adorable. Maybe it was more of a dominant, subvissive thing.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
I don't know. He loved it.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
Another boyfriend I had loved like the little booty shorts
and like nothing on top whatever. Okay, fine, but I
was always worried about if there was like a fire
or an earthquake, and what would I do right the
most recently, I had a boyfriend, so I somehow stumbled
upon these like Thelmbo nos because we've shared many a
bed on trips together. These like very unshapely, loose, thin
(03:13):
cotton nighties that go to my knee in pastel colors.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
They're probably from Gapper the Navy. I think I bought
twenty hot.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
I just need to clarify, not hot, not hot, but
so comfortable, so adorable.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
I don't sleep with panties, so maybe they ride up
in the night. Don't know.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
But like Robbie loved them, you know what I'm saying.
He thought they were absolutely adorable. So I am not
sleeping in sexy, tight, constricting things. What about you, Louise?
Speaker 3 (03:41):
So well, it depends if I have a boyfriend, or
if I don't have a boyfriend. Although I actually really
agree with your article that you set the tone. I
always kind of joke around if you're not attracted yourself
or looking at yourself like you're attractive, why would you
think that somebody else.
Speaker 4 (03:57):
Would find you attractive?
Speaker 3 (03:58):
So I do subscribe that I can really speak to
My last long relationship post my husband, and it was
about four years and I I slept every time we
were together.
Speaker 4 (04:14):
I slept naked every night, which was very unique.
Speaker 3 (04:17):
For me because similar to Louise, I do worry like
if a burglar breaks in or you have to leave
in the middle of the night or something like it
really you're you don't you're really on the defensive. But
as soon as I got over that, he was super
comfortable with his body and I historically have not been,
but he made me feel so comfortable. And I also
(04:38):
think that when I got in bed and I was naked,
like I don't know it did It felt more like
we were both.
Speaker 4 (04:45):
Kind of coming to the sorry but that anything could happen.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
And I think especially in the morning, like I think
in the morning, waking up naked, it was like a
natural way to kind of greedy each other in the morning.
Speaker 6 (05:01):
Well, it also promotes oxytocin as well. Skin touching on
skin for women especially, it promotes bonding and that feeling
of closeness.
Speaker 4 (05:10):
I totally agree.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
But you know what's interesting to what you said, Thelma,
is I think it leads also to the point of,
like everybody at different points in their life have preferred
times of day that they like to be intimate. So
for example, mourning and me, we're not.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
That's not.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
I am that four o'clock afternoon person where I'm way
more relaxed. The day is done prior to going out,
prior to perhaps having a big meal, too many cocktails, whatever,
So that's my golden hour.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
Do you think timing has anything to do also with it?
Speaker 6 (05:48):
I think timing is important, but I think it's like
the biggest relationship killer. It's not conflict like most people think.
It's actually comfort, which leads to complacency. And I think
the difference with what you were sharing sharing how in
the daytime you'd have the blowout and you'd be all
done together, you are still putting a lot of intention
into yourself.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
If you are.
Speaker 6 (06:07):
Wearing that unflattering smurf outfit that you described all the time.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
Now she's gonna call me Smurf.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (06:15):
I don't know that that would have been appealing to
your partners in the evening, But I think because you
have the contrast and you have that period of time
where you know you are this put together version and
then they get to see this variety of you and
you are softer. So but I think it really just
comes down to your nightwear is an energy shift. It's
(06:37):
really not just an outfit, and it's what's making you
shift into the version of you that feels essensual and
that feels sexual and it feels really good about yourself.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
Well, I've said on a previous podcast that I always
wear matching broad and underwear, and it really, to me
is everything because I think that it just makes me
start my day and when I get dressed, I definitely
feel put together, even though the majority of the time
these days no one is seeing that. It definitely makes
me feel different and and I think gives me more
(07:11):
confidence and feel sexier, so to speak.
Speaker 6 (07:14):
Yeah, are you Are you both in relationships? Dating?
Speaker 5 (07:17):
What's what's your status is? Right now?
Speaker 4 (07:19):
We're with each other pretty much like a lot just kidding.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
Well, tell them, tell them what your ex husband, Tell
them what your ex husband said.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
This week, I had dinner with my ex husband and
he was laughing.
Speaker 4 (07:29):
He's like, so are you two dating? I feel like
you've been together like.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Four It was like our fourth dinner, our fourth dinner
together this week.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
But we're living.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Parallel lives and we're so aligned on so many things,
but we have such a difference of opinions on a
lot of things, which are you know, kind of relevant
to your question, that it's actually always very interesting and
it helps each other look through different lenses as we're
navigating kind of chapter two and what we're looking for,
which is I mean, we're actively dating, and you know,
(08:01):
I can say most recently, I had a very interesting
situation this past weekend where I'd gone on a couple
dates with this one guy to dinners, which felt really
safe for me. So I guess what I've learned about
myself is my mind moves fast, but my body moves slow.
(08:21):
So I'm the kind of I think the phrase is
safio sexual, like I need to feel an emotional connection
and safety before I can cross the line to the
physical part. Other people like I have a friend who
got divorced, and I think she was like on her
back and knees within twenty four hours, seven days a week.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
I mean, it's like everybody's different, zero judgment. I sometimes
wish I was a little bit easier and lucier, but
it takes me three.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
Quarters of a bottle of wine and you know, kind
of a different tool set. But what happened was was
we'd gone out a few times and he said to me,
I'd love to just you know, hang out and order in.
And I immediately started to panic immediately, and I called
up Thelma and we had a conversation and I was like,
I'm going to have a very direct conversation and basically
(09:10):
say I say, I know you didn't mean anything by it,
but this is who I am, right Like, it takes
me a minute to get to that party. I don't
even know if I'm getting to that party, but hope
that works for you and if it doesn't whatever. He
was so classy, he was like so cool about it.
And then after the conversation I felt comfortable. I was like, yeah,
you could totally come over.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
Came over. We had the best night. We ordered in,
we had cocktails, it was so great, so.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Fun, and I was comfortable because I had basically called
out the elephant in my room.
Speaker 4 (09:41):
Yeah, and he had accepted it.
Speaker 6 (09:43):
Did you think about what you were going to wear
that night when he was coming over?
Speaker 2 (09:46):
To great question? That's a great question.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
So it's very interesting when you're hosting at your house, Like,
for example, I'm wearing a sweater, but I have my
pajama bottoms and my slippers on underneath, which you can't
see because I'm home. The minute I get home with
the bra comes off, and full disclosure, I don't wear underwear.
So that's just me and her have a whole different thing.
Do not wear underwear.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
And so I was like, Okay, what am I going
to wear?
Speaker 1 (10:07):
Like, I'm not going to wear tight jeans that looks ridiculous.
I can't really wear shoes. I'm in my own house.
So I wore workout leggings and then I wore like
a cashmere big off the shoulder v NEX sweater and
then I had on like just cute socks. And it
was he walked in and he's like, oh my god,
that I love your off, that you look so adorable,
(10:28):
And I think again, it was so different than like
the leather. It just was a different side of me
and it was perfect, it was super comfortable.
Speaker 6 (10:35):
But you put a lot of intention into actually thinking
about what you were going to wear. You were basically discerning, No,
this doesn't work, this doesn't work.
Speaker 5 (10:43):
This works.
Speaker 6 (10:44):
So it was still an energy shift that you were
choosing in that moment.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
Yes, exactly, Shanna.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
What role do you think alcohol plays positively or negatively
when it comes to sex, initiated sex, the bedroom, all
of that.
Speaker 5 (11:02):
I think it depends on the person.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
Really.
Speaker 6 (11:05):
Some people are really happy drunks, and when their inhibitions
come down they let go in a very positive way
that maybe they're insecure or shy that they would take
them longer to get there, And.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
Then that's me, that's exactly me.
Speaker 6 (11:19):
And then other people it can set them into a
depression because it is a downer and they can have
things that are on their mind that maybe they haven't
spoken and it ends up being a negative situation. For me,
alcohol should always be a celebration, So if we are
celebrating some thing, if we are yay, let's have movie
night and have a good mine. It's the mindset I
(11:41):
think that goes into it. But I think it really
depends on the person if it's in positive.
Speaker 5 (11:45):
Or negative experience. And I think people can.
Speaker 6 (11:47):
Look at their reservoir of what their past experience has
been and decide if it's positive or negative for them.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
I think for me, because it takes a minute for
me to get comfortable and you're in that like kind
of new stage, and I think the drink or the
cocktail gives me a little bit more of.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
A comfort level. But then as you're involved with the person.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
Because I'm only sleeping with one person at one time,
and I've never had a one night stand, so for me,
it's like I'm in a relationship with that person if
I've started sleeping with them, and I like when they
have an STD test and you know, all these different things,
and then I feel safe.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
And I feel comfortable, and then you get to what's
that kind.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
Of comfort really deep, amazing sober sex, which is so
connecting and so real. But I definitely need the you know,
I can't go from A to Z. I need the A,
the B, the C, the D, the E. And especially
after being in a marriage, the first person that you
do actually each time, I mean when you're with somebody
(12:50):
new each time. It creates some anxiety for me.
Speaker 6 (12:54):
My rule of thumb is if you don't feel emotionally
naked with someone in comfortable, then it's not time to
take to clothes off and be physically naked with them.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
But what do you do when you think your own
body image is getting in the way, Because I think
historically that is a huge issue and it's nothing to
do with my partner. It's my issue, and what can
you speak to that.
Speaker 5 (13:23):
I think it's difficult for women.
Speaker 6 (13:25):
I mean, it's twenty twenty five and still if we
look at the marketing in the world, it says you're
not enough unless you buy this red lipstick you oh,
you're on ozempic. Yeah, it's constantly you're not enough unless
you're meeting this usually unrealistic standard of what beauty is.
And as smart as we are, as educated as we are,
(13:45):
as funny as we can be, there's still this value
that is placed in our beauty. And I think that
we can be our own worst critics, and as we age,
our metabolism changes and the image that we see in
the mirror is and what we used to do. I
do think it's difficult for women.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
You know what I know is sometimes there's certain girls
that will be at a restaurant or in a bar
and they're not the prettiest and they don't have the
best body, but they have such an inner confidence that
they literally light up the room and men and women
are looking at them and they control it and they
are something about them that is so sexual and so attractive,
(14:32):
and that person I think just has a really strong
sense of self. And to your initial point, which is,
if I think I'm hot, regardless I am, then everybody
else around me. It's going to start from my own
inner belief system. So I think the work is on
us accepting us for who we are, you know, warts
and all, weight gain and all because of our life experiences.
(14:54):
And somebody's going to appreciate it. And if they don't,
that's not the person for us.
Speaker 3 (15:00):
I hear you, But I the only thing I'll say.
And my sister, like Louise, you've met my sister and
she is so confident. I mean, she's attractive, but her
confidence just radiates and it's it is, it's so sexy.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
I want to have sex with her.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
I think for me though, back to the body image issues,
I think there you're right that I agree. It is
this standard that's unrealistic and crazy and it's so sad.
It's sad for us, but even sad more sad, I
think for our children, who you know, through social media
and all the rest are seeing it everywhere.
Speaker 4 (15:31):
But like it is.
Speaker 3 (15:33):
Real in the sense that I got out of a
marriage and looking at my chapter two had three children,
three children that I breastfed. You know, all of a sudden,
I was sitting there saying, Okay, I don't feel like
I need to explain my body to my husband, who
(15:53):
I've been with for twenty years, but to all of
a sudden sleep with somebody new who might be looking
at my and you know, maybe his maybe he had
a wife that had kids and all the rest.
Speaker 4 (16:05):
But it's just it's really uncomfortable, you know, to.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
Think about, Okay, well, what are they going to see
because they don't know everything that's gone into making this
body the body that it is positive or negative.
Speaker 6 (16:19):
Yeah, I think it comes back to really how you're feeling,
because I see the same people that are just exuding
all of this confidence all admit, I'm super insecure. I
live in Costa Rica and I'll be at the beach
on sunset, and I'm my own worst critic, thinking like
twenty years ago, like I wish I had that body
back and just my own self critic. And you see
(16:39):
these people that are just just radiating with that confidence,
and that is the thing that's sexy. It's their own
belief system that they have about themselves. And really what
it comes down to, if you're knowing that you have
this insecurity, it's about how you see you, not having
to justify how you think somebody else sees you. And
I think the secret is really trying to find the
(17:01):
gratitude for our bodies, looking at things that our bodies
do for us instead of just the reflection in the
mirror and the super first the surface level version of it.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
So what are other ways, for example, sleeping naked that
can give you a shift? What are other ways to
create that friction and excitement, whether it be for your
partner or even starting for yourself.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
You know, well, you can dress up. I mean, you
can wear like a kitty cat suit.
Speaker 4 (17:30):
I want to be a buddy Rabbit. No, I've done
that before. A kitty cat for your partner, No, like.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
A whole thing. I'll tell you when we get off
the phone.
Speaker 3 (17:38):
Oh I had I had for Valentine's Day one time
I got this get up and I mean it had
so many things going on, like think the lord I
had a partner, because I never would have gotten out
of it.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
I do think like when you do something unexpected, like
a crotchless cat suit for example, right like it's different,
or you know, a vibrator, or different toys or different
places to have.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Sex, that maybe you're you know, not what you know.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
I mean, that's I think what changes this long term
very you know, kind of formulaic sex that happens a
lot of times in these long term relationships where it's
easy to be like I'm tired or not in the mood.
And I think sometimes when you actually just get there
and you're doing it and they're like, oh my god,
this feels so good.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
Why don't I do this more often?
Speaker 6 (18:25):
It really is about intention and it's about looking at
what the ingredients of desire is, because the ingredients of
desire is essentially a paradox to love in a long
term relationship. If you have just togetherness, you lose the mystery.
And you have that mystery, you need to have that spontaneity.
You need to have that sense of novelty, You need
(18:47):
to have that excitement and what happens in long term relationships.
It's actually the law of thermodynamics that states all systems
toso organized over time unless you put the right energy
back into the system. This is why cars rust unless
you take care of them, Bodies decay unless you take
care of them, and all relationships the natural tendency is
(19:09):
that they're going to lose their passion, lose their zest,
lose the desire. Because people their lives become cannibalized by
the roles, the responsibilities, the labels, and we come home
and we're the lazy, tired, comfortable versions of ourselves and
so we lay down, we put the show on Netflix,
and we're not putting the right ingredients into the system.
(19:30):
So you do need to You do need to come
up with novelty and exciting things that not everything you
come up with is going to be a home run,
but putting the effort into it and trying to be creative.
If you don't have the creativity, the relationship and the
desire is going to die.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Do you remember My all time favorite movie was about
Last Night with Brablo and Demi Moore, and there was
out one line there like Monday night is Spahetty, Tuesday
night is Tago Bar, Wednesday night is Sandwich night, and
somebody goes sandwich night. Is that when you guys have
missionary sex once a week? Like it really stuck out
in my mind to your point is a intention. I
(20:08):
love that that's the phrase you've used throughout this podcast,
But I also.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
Think what's harder too, which we which we should talk about.
I think we're older than you, but our hormone.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
Levels, our sex drive, our desire. It changes for men
and women, right and whether they have a hard time,
you know or we You know, it's hard because you
want to come off.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
As like.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
Still ready to go and at your crime, but there
are times where you know. I had a situation with
a boyfriend where it had been a long time and
it really hurts and it was still a new relationship
and I was in my head like super embarrassed, and
I didn't really know how to say to him, like
I think I need to use some lubrication to make
(20:53):
it more comfortable. Like I felt like something was wrong
with me by having to say that. I was ashamed
and he was like, great, let's go get it right now.
Slip and slide, baby, you know what I'm saying it Yeah,
but it doesn't matter because that falls into the category
of our own being our own worst critic, and we
need to like seize ourselves and be authentic to who
(21:14):
we are and and kind of say like this, I
guess what we need to do at our age where
we're at, or as anyone who's in a sexual relationship
is kind of like stand up and say I have
needs too, and this is what I like and this
is what turns me on, and this is what I need,
instead of coming from that place of I think I
used to operate a little bit more out of fear
(21:36):
until I was super super comfortable, and by the time
I was super super comfortable to the person, I was
over it and I didn't want to sleep with them
anymore anyways.
Speaker 3 (21:43):
Well, or you were prioritizing their needs over yours, right,
is like wanting to make sure that it was good
for them, because that was like you had done a
good job, right, as opposed to am I enjoying this?
Speaker 4 (21:55):
Do I want to do this?
Speaker 6 (21:56):
I think that that is an outdated mindset that us
as women, haven't released stand that we are only sexual
beings when we are in partnership and having sex with
our partner, where I believe that we should have our
own sensuality practice And it doesn't even sensuality doesn't even
have to be sexual. It can mean we take a
(22:17):
bubble bath and we enjoy all the essential oils that
we put in, or we get a nice cream and
we just rub it onto our body. We stretch and
we enjoy how it feels good, like we would just
tune into our senses.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
And celebrate our feminine energy.
Speaker 6 (22:32):
Yeah, I don't think we do that enough. I think
we wait until he's good to go, and then we're
trying to please him instead of having our own practice
in addition to our partnerships.
Speaker 3 (22:43):
Or if there isn't a partnership, because I feel like
I always say to Louise, it's like for me, it's
like working out, Like if you never work out, you
don't miss working out, right, But if you work out
every day and all of a sudden you don't work out,
it's really frustrating and you really see what's missing. And
that is kind of how sex is with me, Like
(23:03):
when I'm having sex I want a lot of sex.
I mean, I enjoy it and I want more sex.
But when I am not having sex or engaged with
a partner and I am the same I only sleep
with one person in a committed way, then it's kind
of like out of sight, out of mind. And so
for me, my question to you, and I think you
kind of alluded to it with just you know, taking
(23:25):
more time for yourself, whether it be bath or whatnot,
is how do I feel in the mood when I
don't have another person, Because I then think I give
off a very different energy and I'm probably again oxytocin
I'm not getting that anymore.
Speaker 6 (23:42):
I think choice is the most potent energy on the planet,
and I think it's about choosing that you're going to
honor your sensuality. So it's not about being in the
mood right now. It's about investing into yourself to create
that shift and create that energy. So it's about choosing
I'm going to listen to you know, in erotic audio book,
(24:04):
or I'm going to choose to just go enjoy a
nice bath. It's about just choosing to invest into you
desire and sensuality. It's not just like this it's literally
the most important component is your imagination and for women
also anticipation. You know, there's a saying how men watch
(24:24):
porn and women read harlequinn novel Yah fifty Shades of
Great That was all yeah, exactly.
Speaker 5 (24:32):
So I think it's about choosing.
Speaker 6 (24:33):
If you want to maintain your sensuality, it's the same
if you want to maintain your body, you have to
choose to go to the gym. You have to choose
to invest into yourself in that way. It's the same
with your sensuality. It's about making habits that are going
to create the outcome that you're trying to desire.
Speaker 3 (24:49):
So you have kind of a set practice or habit
so to speak.
Speaker 6 (24:53):
Yeah, I have a self care practice.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Can you publish it?
Speaker 4 (24:57):
We buy it?
Speaker 1 (25:00):
So do you have any special as the expert that
you are and the doctor, like any like suggestions to
people navigating chapter two that are older that are maybely
a little hormonally changed, like any magic vitamin we could
take or something.
Speaker 6 (25:19):
I think it is really it's the same as meditation.
It's the same with your workouts. There's a million different
ways and methodologies. I think it's about experimenting and explore.
Speaker 5 (25:31):
A lot of women when.
Speaker 6 (25:31):
They come out of relationships, especially long term relationships, they
really have no idea what it is that they like anymore,
because they've just been conditioned to have a certain role
in people pleasing tendencies. And so I think having the
mindset of like this is an excellent time for self
discovery and just really exploring a lot of different things.
(25:53):
Explore looking at graphic art, Explore looking at erotic novels.
Explore were just feeling your own body? Explore vibrators, explore
loop There's so many things to explore. But I think
it's a very personal practice that each person needs to
create for themselves. It's a self ritual.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
You guys, you want to know what's really funny?
Speaker 7 (26:26):
So I texted my ex husband before this podcast because
he used to call my sexy pajamas that weren't sexy,
like a certain name, and he'd be like, where are
the all Stars tonight?
Speaker 2 (26:37):
He couldn't remember, and he just texted me He's like,
the all Stars? How did I remember? He is so
proud of himself they were called the All Stars.
Speaker 3 (26:44):
But I really do think that Shanna is right, Louise,
that you are always so on that. I think the
reason people are turned on by that look is it
just shows that that it's almost like they're getting to
see the real, true you and at complete leisure and comfort.
(27:06):
And I think that that's why it's like flattering for
them to be able to see you in your kind
of raw natural state.
Speaker 1 (27:13):
Yes, exactly, And I think that that's why I haven't
had pushback except for one person on what I wore
at night, and he was a whole other ball of
wax like his like he used to do really very
kinky stuff, and I think for him he had that
(27:35):
was just going to be a non starter for him.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
But pretty much almost every other person I've been with.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
Has found that comfortable, softer look, which included you know,
the cotton nite shirts, as almost sexier than if I
were to come out.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
In actually the catsuit was with that guy. Is that interesting?
Speaker 4 (27:59):
That is interesting.
Speaker 6 (28:00):
Do you find that men initiated more with you when
you would come home and you'd be all put together
or do you feel that they initiated more with you
when you were the toned down, comfy version of yourself.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
That's a great question.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
I think it's interesting because I work full.
Speaker 2 (28:18):
Time in.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
A field where you're like making deals and you know,
I'm pretty on and pretty like done up, right, And.
Speaker 2 (28:32):
Then when I come home.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
And I'm more in a relaxed, kind of softer, more
almost approachable state. Maybe, And I love chivalry because I
think so much during the day I'm pretty alpha.
Speaker 2 (28:47):
You know the field I.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
Operate in, you know, whatever it is, you know the
role I have in a lot of my relationships that
when it comes to my relationships with men emotionally and physically,
I like a trigger poller.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
I like chivalry.
Speaker 1 (29:01):
I like a person who is takes aggressive and sexy
and takes charge in the bedroom and all of that stuff.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
So maybe I.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
Get I actually subconsciously enter into that role of being
a little more softer and approachable. So I think you're right,
Like when I come home or it's that four o'clock
before going out and putting on the look and I'm
just sitting around after like a chill day reading and
that they really that's when they really come at me.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
And I'm more receptive. You know, in the morning, I.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
Have too much in my mind, too much to do,
Like I'm just it's just not where my body in
my mind is and I find that when I get
home after dinner and I've eaten dinner, and I've had
a few drinks, and I'm kind of tired because.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
It's tough for me.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
Also, that is a very tough window for me to
become in the mood quite frankly, to have sex well.
Speaker 3 (29:56):
And it's interesting you say that because I also we've
talked about this, Luiz, but I feel like vacation. What
is it about when you're on vacation, you're so much
more in the mood right to be intimate. And how
do you shift and have that vacation mindset when you're
at home.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
Stop, don't work, Sit by a pool and play remy Cuban,
drink rose, take.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
It in bed, sit naked in bed, have a heeplate,
no alarms.
Speaker 4 (30:24):
No.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
I think you're right, like we need to have a
vacation sex mentality twenty four to seven because I think
would eliminate stress. I think would eliminate health issues, like
I think it would actually eliminate a lot of stuff,
Like I don't know, Shanna, do you have any suggestions
on that? Because you've seen your energy is very calming,
your aura.
Speaker 2 (30:43):
Is very soothing, like you've got this Mother Earth way
about you. So there is something that you're doing that
I don't think I'm doing it. I don't know. Actually,
if Filma you're doing it either.
Speaker 6 (30:56):
Well, for me, it actually took a lot for me
to get to this place. I used to be very
go go, go, go go go, and I had to
force myself to have work life balance, force myself to play.
I'm very strict with my work hours now. First of all,
I moved to Costa Rica from where from Canada?
Speaker 2 (31:19):
I moved to Costa Rica.
Speaker 6 (31:21):
So my work hours are seven to twelve and I
will not work past that. And then I have my workout,
and then I have the day where I go to
the beach, I watch sunset every day and I just
encompass the pura vida. But it was so difficult for
like that little voice in my head to be like,
what are you doing watching a sunset on the beach
(31:42):
right now? You could be doing this, and you should
be taking more clients and you need to do this.
And it was really difficult for me to get to
the point where I was like, no, I am not
living my life to work.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
I'm work working to live.
Speaker 6 (31:55):
And so it was a mindset that I really had
to force myself into and still have that voice chirping
at me a lot of the time, like do more,
be more, and I have to be like no, my
priority this year, like my New Year's resolution has worked less,
play more, and I'm making sure that I do that.
I take adventures every weekend, but twelve o'clock.
Speaker 5 (32:14):
I'm done. I'm done, no matter what.
Speaker 4 (32:17):
That's my boundary.
Speaker 6 (32:18):
And it's really worked for me because before my life
was literally just being cannibalized with all of the roles
and the responsibilities and everything. I thought that I had
to be doing instead of just being.
Speaker 4 (32:32):
And did that?
Speaker 3 (32:32):
And do you feel like your sex life and intimacy
and all the rest is vastly different now that you
live your life very differently?
Speaker 2 (32:41):
Huge?
Speaker 5 (32:42):
Huge? I feel that definitely.
Speaker 6 (32:45):
You know, in the mornings before I'm working, it's never
the time to initiate.
Speaker 5 (32:50):
Because I'm like, I got to get at it, I
got to get dressed.
Speaker 2 (32:52):
So you and I are aligned on that very much.
Speaker 6 (32:55):
And then I need to have my hour right after
work where I release and I work out. Then I
have my shower and then I'm relaxed. I'm in the
mood I probably put on more of my sexy attire
though when I relax, because here I can wear like
the little spaghetti dresses but climb at mostly Whereas Yeah,
(33:18):
during the day, I'm more you know, put together and professional.
So when I just decided to let loose, Yeah, It's
made me feel so much more desire than I used
to because I'm actually connecting to myself now. I never
had time to connect to myself previously.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
Are there are certain like sexual you know, flirting techniques
or or something that we as women can be doing
that will help get us to the bedroom, like other
than pajamas.
Speaker 6 (33:49):
I think there's lots of techniques that work, But it's
really also about being authentic to yourself as well. Right,
It's not about putting on a facade in order to
get to the bedroom. Both of you are gorgeous. I
don't think you have any problem getting to the bedroom.
If you want to get to the bedroom. It's more
about putting yourself into the mood where you want to
(34:09):
get to the bedroom. And I think it's really just
again about finding your own sensuality practice and finding ways
to connect to yourself. If you're not connected to yourself,
you're not going to be able to connect to somebody
else sexually.
Speaker 1 (34:20):
And that falls under what we were saying earlier about bookcare,
the girl that everybody notices who just has that she's
like in love with herself.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
She basically wants to have sex with herself.
Speaker 3 (34:31):
But Shanna, like, do you believe strongly in a masturbation practice, Like,
let's really get down to it, because I think we
talk about these girls that are really confident and whether
I don't want to dismiss that they haven't worked really
hard on that confidence, but I think it comes innately
for some and it comes less and nately for others,
And especially you know, the topic of our podcast is
(34:53):
second chapters often coming back after divorce. Even if you're confident,
it's definitely a new experience for you.
Speaker 4 (35:00):
And so I know you.
Speaker 3 (35:03):
You know you have given examples, but like, talk to
us about masturbation.
Speaker 6 (35:09):
Yeah, I mean, I do strongly believe in having a
masturbation practice. I do think though it should be with
your own curated fantasies and your imagination. I don't think
it should be with pornography. I think if we're using
external stimulus, then it makes it harder to orgasm with
a partner.
Speaker 5 (35:28):
I think it's about.
Speaker 6 (35:29):
Again taking time to feel your own body, feel the sensations,
think about what your fantasies are, and enjoy that as
a process. I think in sex with a partner, a
lot of us are in our heads a lot thinking,
oh is he liking it? Am I taking too long?
(35:50):
And we have all of these thoughts going on. So
I think the ability to just get really comfortable and
taking your time thinking about your own fantasies, feeling your
own body, and allowing yourself to reach orgasm is essential
because if you don't have that confidence getting yourself off again,
you're not going to be able to get to that
place when you're in a partnership. Or are you going
(36:12):
to be able to help people and guide people to
get you there in partnership either.
Speaker 3 (36:18):
I think your point about slut, I mean again, am
I getting there?
Speaker 2 (36:22):
You know?
Speaker 3 (36:22):
Is it taking too long? I think that that resonates
with me. And it's interesting because my last partner was
the most attentive, amazing lover so to speak, and I
mean it made such a difference in terms of my enjoyment.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
He also made you feel from day one really good
about yourself physically.
Speaker 4 (36:46):
It's crazy.
Speaker 3 (36:47):
I attribute one hundred percent of my body confidence to him,
which I will never be able to repay him. And
I'm so incredibly grateful. And I often think, you know,
you can't somebody else can't make you feel a different way.
But I would argue that, like he spent so much
time and was so attentive and complimentary and all of
(37:08):
these things that I mean, I believed it. Like I
was cruising around naked where I never used to do that,
feeling like I was God's gift. And I mean, I
hope there weren't a lot of mirrors around, but let
me tell you, I felt amazing. And as a result,
I've never had sex like that, and I am worried
I'm never going to have it again.
Speaker 2 (37:28):
It was like, so sad, Well he still have sex
with you.
Speaker 3 (37:30):
He's dying to still have sex with you anyway, And
I get tempted often, I do. Part of the vacation
mentality is this slowing down, right, And I think for
so long in our chapter ones, we were spending so
much time.
Speaker 4 (37:42):
Whether people have.
Speaker 3 (37:43):
Young children or jobs or this, Like the best thing
about getting older is that, hopefully, if we're lucky enough,
we don't have such pressing schedules in an ideal world, right,
but like the children, the nine to five jobs, everything.
So as a result, we should be finding more gratitude
and the ability to slow down, especially when it comes
(38:05):
to sex, because if you slow down and there's no
like tapping out for who got the first orgasm and
how quickly it came like.
Speaker 4 (38:12):
It can be really enjoyable.
Speaker 6 (38:14):
And a partner also when we are talking about sex
with partnerships, a partner who also respects a woman's pleasure.
You know, Unfortunately men, a lot of men learn about
sex through porn, so they have the mentality that it's
very performance based and very just wham bam, thank you, ma'am.
(38:37):
It's that they're not prioritizing our pleasure. So again, you
need to prioritize your own pleasure so that you have
the confidence that that is a standard.
Speaker 3 (38:46):
That needs to be set with your partner, and communicate
with them, right, communicate.
Speaker 6 (38:51):
But also if it's not as important to him your pleasure,
I mean, that's a big red flag.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
I think that I I think what my experience has
been as we've gotten older, that and the men have
gotten older, is I actually have felt that the men
that I've been with, they do care about my pleasure. Now,
it could be more a function of their ego of like,
oh my god, like did I not make you have
an orgasm, and maybe less about me having orgasm, But
(39:19):
I think that either I have noticed that most men
that I have been with and granted their age appropriate,
they are able.
Speaker 2 (39:28):
To have conversations.
Speaker 1 (39:29):
They want to know what makes me feel good, and
there's definitely more open communication.
Speaker 3 (39:36):
I totally agree with you, Louise I one hundred percent
think that at this stage in life, most men, if
they're generally good guys, I do think it's an age
and a maturity thing and that they are really into
wanting to make sure that it's pleasurable.
Speaker 1 (39:50):
And they have their own insecurities as well. Right Like,
we sit there and think that it's just us to
feel about our bodies or feel potentially about you know,
our dryness or whatever, but they maybe worry about like
can they get it up, or how long will it
take them to come or not come.
Speaker 2 (40:08):
Or you know, all these different things.
Speaker 1 (40:09):
So I think open communication kind of creates the ability
to even have more intense sex because it's almost more
raw and vulnerable I don't know, it's a lot of
it's a lot of It's definitely a lot of food
for thought.
Speaker 2 (40:23):
I think it's such an interesting conversation, Shannon.
Speaker 1 (40:27):
You must love what you do and helping people and
talking about it because at the end of the day,
you know, people are physical beings and they want to
love and they want to touch and be touched, and
I mean, that's that's what you do.
Speaker 6 (40:39):
Yeah, it's very rewarding. It's also very stimulating. It's people
are very complex, so it also keeps me on my
toes to I mean, I learn, I learn about people
every day. People surprise me every day with something I
haven't heard before. But it's very rewarding to be able
to help people find their find they're happy and find
(41:01):
their pleasure.
Speaker 2 (41:02):
Well, you have been amazing to talk to.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
Honestly, we were really excited to have this conversation with
you today.
Speaker 6 (41:09):
Definitely, Well, thank you very much for having me. It's
been awesome talking with the two of you.
Speaker 2 (41:15):
Thanks take care.
Speaker 3 (41:18):
There is definitely so much to consider when it comes
to our intersexyness that I know I will definitely be
thinking about for weeks. For all of you out there,
are you navigating sex for the first time post divorce,
finding dating hard now that you are single again. We
would love to hear from you. Call us or email us,
follow us on socials. All the information will be in
the show notes, and make sure to rate and review
(41:39):
this podcast. I Do Part two, an iHeartRadio podcast where
falling in love is the main objective.
It's I Do Part two and we're your favorite beesties
Thelma and Louise. Today we're going to quote jump into
bed and talk about all the things that come with
sex and chapter two.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Dating. It can be.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Scary and intimidating, but oh so fun to get intimate
after being with one partner for so long. So today
we're joined by relationship coach doctor Shanna Bromley to talk.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
All about it.
Speaker 3 (00:40):
Hi, doctor Shanna, we are so excited to talk to
you today, like you have been anticipating this all afternoon,
So thank you for meeting with us.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
First of all, you're so pretty, like I would think
like everybody is like knocking down.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Your door to date you.
Speaker 4 (00:55):
I'd want to have sex with you.
Speaker 5 (00:57):
You guys are sweet, I think more just too.
Speaker 3 (01:00):
So, doctor Shanna, you recently contributed to an article titled
our Pajamas Ruining your Sex Life and absolutely phenomenal title,
by the way, and question for you, what did you
mean by that?
Speaker 6 (01:13):
So your bedtime routine is so much more than just
a habit. It is a reflection of how you see
yourself and if you stop treating yourself somebody worth desiring,
then that energy just seeps into everything. It's so much
more than just how your partner sees you. It's how
you feel when you look in the mirror when you're
going to bed. And let me ask you, guys, what
(01:34):
do you wear to bed these days?
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Louise?
Speaker 4 (01:36):
Why don't you start because you're well, very specific out.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Okay, So I thought.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
A lot about this when I read your article because
my experience with my husband first and then different guys
I've dated in the nine years that I've.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Been divorced, was.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
You know, I think because when I go out for
work or I go out to dinner, like I'm put
together right, like I have you know, the blow dryes,
the makeup.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Kind of like this, like glamorous affect.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Then I found that when I came home and put
on the more soft kind of felmb away that my
husband or my boyfriends would be like all over me.
For example, when I was married, I used to wear Now,
granted I hadn't yet had menopause, I was cold at night.
Now it's a whole different ballgame, and I would wear
(02:28):
these like thermal waffle pajamas that were like Cindi Luz,
like the gritch. Okay, I swear to God when I
had those on. He was ripping them off of me,
and I think he felt I was maybe more manageable,
more adorable. Maybe it was more of a dominant, subvissive thing.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
I don't know. He loved it.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
Another boyfriend I had loved like the little booty shorts
and like nothing on top whatever. Okay, fine, but I
was always worried about if there was like a fire
or an earthquake, and what would I do right the
most recently, I had a boyfriend, so I somehow stumbled
upon these like Thelmbo nos because we've shared many a
bed on trips together. These like very unshapely, loose, thin
(03:13):
cotton nighties that go to my knee in pastel colors.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
They're probably from Gapper the Navy. I think I bought
twenty hot.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
I just need to clarify, not hot, not hot, but
so comfortable, so adorable.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
I don't sleep with panties, so maybe they ride up
in the night. Don't know.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
But like Robbie loved them, you know what I'm saying.
He thought they were absolutely adorable. So I am not
sleeping in sexy, tight, constricting things. What about you, Louise?
Speaker 3 (03:41):
So well, it depends if I have a boyfriend, or
if I don't have a boyfriend. Although I actually really
agree with your article that you set the tone. I
always kind of joke around if you're not attracted yourself
or looking at yourself like you're attractive, why would you
think that somebody else.
Speaker 4 (03:57):
Would find you attractive?
Speaker 3 (03:58):
So I do subscribe that I can really speak to
My last long relationship post my husband, and it was
about four years and I I slept every time we
were together.
Speaker 4 (04:14):
I slept naked every night, which was very unique.
Speaker 3 (04:17):
For me because similar to Louise, I do worry like
if a burglar breaks in or you have to leave
in the middle of the night or something like it
really you're you don't you're really on the defensive. But
as soon as I got over that, he was super
comfortable with his body and I historically have not been,
but he made me feel so comfortable. And I also
(04:38):
think that when I got in bed and I was naked,
like I don't know it did It felt more like
we were both.
Speaker 4 (04:45):
Kind of coming to the sorry but that anything could happen.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
And I think especially in the morning, like I think
in the morning, waking up naked, it was like a
natural way to kind of greedy each other in the morning.
Speaker 6 (05:01):
Well, it also promotes oxytocin as well. Skin touching on
skin for women especially, it promotes bonding and that feeling
of closeness.
Speaker 4 (05:10):
I totally agree.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
But you know what's interesting to what you said, Thelma,
is I think it leads also to the point of,
like everybody at different points in their life have preferred
times of day that they like to be intimate. So
for example, mourning and me, we're not.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
That's not.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
I am that four o'clock afternoon person where I'm way
more relaxed. The day is done prior to going out,
prior to perhaps having a big meal, too many cocktails, whatever,
So that's my golden hour.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
Do you think timing has anything to do also with it?
Speaker 6 (05:48):
I think timing is important, but I think it's like
the biggest relationship killer. It's not conflict like most people think.
It's actually comfort, which leads to complacency. And I think
the difference with what you were sharing sharing how in
the daytime you'd have the blowout and you'd be all
done together, you are still putting a lot of intention
into yourself.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
If you are.
Speaker 6 (06:07):
Wearing that unflattering smurf outfit that you described all the time.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
Now she's gonna call me Smurf.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (06:15):
I don't know that that would have been appealing to
your partners in the evening, But I think because you
have the contrast and you have that period of time
where you know you are this put together version and
then they get to see this variety of you and
you are softer. So but I think it really just
comes down to your nightwear is an energy shift. It's
(06:37):
really not just an outfit, and it's what's making you
shift into the version of you that feels essensual and
that feels sexual and it feels really good about yourself.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
Well, I've said on a previous podcast that I always
wear matching broad and underwear, and it really, to me
is everything because I think that it just makes me
start my day and when I get dressed, I definitely
feel put together, even though the majority of the time
these days no one is seeing that. It definitely makes
me feel different and and I think gives me more
(07:11):
confidence and feel sexier, so to speak.
Speaker 6 (07:14):
Yeah, are you Are you both in relationships? Dating?
Speaker 5 (07:17):
What's what's your status is? Right now?
Speaker 4 (07:19):
We're with each other pretty much like a lot just kidding.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
Well, tell them, tell them what your ex husband, Tell
them what your ex husband said.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
This week, I had dinner with my ex husband and
he was laughing.
Speaker 4 (07:29):
He's like, so are you two dating? I feel like
you've been together like.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Four It was like our fourth dinner, our fourth dinner
together this week.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
But we're living.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Parallel lives and we're so aligned on so many things,
but we have such a difference of opinions on a
lot of things, which are you know, kind of relevant
to your question, that it's actually always very interesting and
it helps each other look through different lenses as we're
navigating kind of chapter two and what we're looking for,
which is I mean, we're actively dating, and you know,
(08:01):
I can say most recently, I had a very interesting
situation this past weekend where I'd gone on a couple
dates with this one guy to dinners, which felt really
safe for me. So I guess what I've learned about
myself is my mind moves fast, but my body moves slow.
(08:21):
So I'm the kind of I think the phrase is
safio sexual, like I need to feel an emotional connection
and safety before I can cross the line to the
physical part. Other people like I have a friend who
got divorced, and I think she was like on her
back and knees within twenty four hours, seven days a week.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
I mean, it's like everybody's different, zero judgment. I sometimes
wish I was a little bit easier and lucier, but
it takes me three.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
Quarters of a bottle of wine and you know, kind
of a different tool set. But what happened was was
we'd gone out a few times and he said to me,
I'd love to just you know, hang out and order in.
And I immediately started to panic immediately, and I called
up Thelma and we had a conversation and I was like,
I'm going to have a very direct conversation and basically
(09:10):
say I say, I know you didn't mean anything by it,
but this is who I am, right Like, it takes
me a minute to get to that party. I don't
even know if I'm getting to that party, but hope
that works for you and if it doesn't whatever. He
was so classy, he was like so cool about it.
And then after the conversation I felt comfortable. I was like, yeah,
you could totally come over.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
Came over. We had the best night. We ordered in,
we had cocktails, it was so great, so.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Fun, and I was comfortable because I had basically called
out the elephant in my room.
Speaker 4 (09:41):
Yeah, and he had accepted it.
Speaker 6 (09:43):
Did you think about what you were going to wear
that night when he was coming over?
Speaker 2 (09:46):
To great question? That's a great question.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
So it's very interesting when you're hosting at your house, Like,
for example, I'm wearing a sweater, but I have my
pajama bottoms and my slippers on underneath, which you can't
see because I'm home. The minute I get home with
the bra comes off, and full disclosure, I don't wear underwear.
So that's just me and her have a whole different thing.
Do not wear underwear.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
And so I was like, Okay, what am I going
to wear?
Speaker 1 (10:07):
Like, I'm not going to wear tight jeans that looks ridiculous.
I can't really wear shoes. I'm in my own house.
So I wore workout leggings and then I wore like
a cashmere big off the shoulder v NEX sweater and
then I had on like just cute socks. And it
was he walked in and he's like, oh my god,
that I love your off, that you look so adorable,
(10:28):
And I think again, it was so different than like
the leather. It just was a different side of me
and it was perfect, it was super comfortable.
Speaker 6 (10:35):
But you put a lot of intention into actually thinking
about what you were going to wear. You were basically discerning, No,
this doesn't work, this doesn't work.
Speaker 5 (10:43):
This works.
Speaker 6 (10:44):
So it was still an energy shift that you were
choosing in that moment.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
Yes, exactly, Shanna.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
What role do you think alcohol plays positively or negatively
when it comes to sex, initiated sex, the bedroom, all
of that.
Speaker 5 (11:02):
I think it depends on the person.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
Really.
Speaker 6 (11:05):
Some people are really happy drunks, and when their inhibitions
come down they let go in a very positive way
that maybe they're insecure or shy that they would take
them longer to get there, And.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
Then that's me, that's exactly me.
Speaker 6 (11:19):
And then other people it can set them into a
depression because it is a downer and they can have
things that are on their mind that maybe they haven't
spoken and it ends up being a negative situation. For me,
alcohol should always be a celebration, So if we are
celebrating some thing, if we are yay, let's have movie
night and have a good mine. It's the mindset I
(11:41):
think that goes into it. But I think it really
depends on the person if it's in positive.
Speaker 5 (11:45):
Or negative experience. And I think people can.
Speaker 6 (11:47):
Look at their reservoir of what their past experience has
been and decide if it's positive or negative for them.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
I think for me, because it takes a minute for
me to get comfortable and you're in that like kind
of new stage, and I think the drink or the
cocktail gives me a little bit more of.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
A comfort level. But then as you're involved with the person.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
Because I'm only sleeping with one person at one time,
and I've never had a one night stand, so for me,
it's like I'm in a relationship with that person if
I've started sleeping with them, and I like when they
have an STD test and you know, all these different things,
and then I feel safe.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
And I feel comfortable, and then you get to what's
that kind.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
Of comfort really deep, amazing sober sex, which is so
connecting and so real. But I definitely need the you know,
I can't go from A to Z. I need the A,
the B, the C, the D, the E. And especially
after being in a marriage, the first person that you
do actually each time, I mean when you're with somebody
(12:50):
new each time. It creates some anxiety for me.
Speaker 6 (12:54):
My rule of thumb is if you don't feel emotionally
naked with someone in comfortable, then it's not time to
take to clothes off and be physically naked with them.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
But what do you do when you think your own
body image is getting in the way, Because I think
historically that is a huge issue and it's nothing to
do with my partner. It's my issue, and what can
you speak to that.
Speaker 5 (13:23):
I think it's difficult for women.
Speaker 6 (13:25):
I mean, it's twenty twenty five and still if we
look at the marketing in the world, it says you're
not enough unless you buy this red lipstick you oh,
you're on ozempic. Yeah, it's constantly you're not enough unless
you're meeting this usually unrealistic standard of what beauty is.
And as smart as we are, as educated as we are,
(13:45):
as funny as we can be, there's still this value
that is placed in our beauty. And I think that
we can be our own worst critics, and as we age,
our metabolism changes and the image that we see in
the mirror is and what we used to do. I
do think it's difficult for women.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
You know what I know is sometimes there's certain girls
that will be at a restaurant or in a bar
and they're not the prettiest and they don't have the
best body, but they have such an inner confidence that
they literally light up the room and men and women
are looking at them and they control it and they
are something about them that is so sexual and so attractive,
(14:32):
and that person I think just has a really strong
sense of self. And to your initial point, which is,
if I think I'm hot, regardless I am, then everybody
else around me. It's going to start from my own
inner belief system. So I think the work is on
us accepting us for who we are, you know, warts
and all, weight gain and all because of our life experiences.
(14:54):
And somebody's going to appreciate it. And if they don't,
that's not the person for us.
Speaker 3 (15:00):
I hear you, But I the only thing I'll say.
And my sister, like Louise, you've met my sister and
she is so confident. I mean, she's attractive, but her
confidence just radiates and it's it is, it's so sexy.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
I want to have sex with her.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
I think for me though, back to the body image issues,
I think there you're right that I agree. It is
this standard that's unrealistic and crazy and it's so sad.
It's sad for us, but even sad more sad, I
think for our children, who you know, through social media
and all the rest are seeing it everywhere.
Speaker 4 (15:31):
But like it is.
Speaker 3 (15:33):
Real in the sense that I got out of a
marriage and looking at my chapter two had three children,
three children that I breastfed. You know, all of a sudden,
I was sitting there saying, Okay, I don't feel like
I need to explain my body to my husband, who
(15:53):
I've been with for twenty years, but to all of
a sudden sleep with somebody new who might be looking
at my and you know, maybe his maybe he had
a wife that had kids and all the rest.
Speaker 4 (16:05):
But it's just it's really uncomfortable, you know, to.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
Think about, Okay, well, what are they going to see
because they don't know everything that's gone into making this
body the body that it is positive or negative.
Speaker 6 (16:19):
Yeah, I think it comes back to really how you're feeling,
because I see the same people that are just exuding
all of this confidence all admit, I'm super insecure. I
live in Costa Rica and I'll be at the beach
on sunset, and I'm my own worst critic, thinking like
twenty years ago, like I wish I had that body
back and just my own self critic. And you see
(16:39):
these people that are just just radiating with that confidence,
and that is the thing that's sexy. It's their own
belief system that they have about themselves. And really what
it comes down to, if you're knowing that you have
this insecurity, it's about how you see you, not having
to justify how you think somebody else sees you. And
I think the secret is really trying to find the
(17:01):
gratitude for our bodies, looking at things that our bodies
do for us instead of just the reflection in the
mirror and the super first the surface level version of it.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
So what are other ways, for example, sleeping naked that
can give you a shift? What are other ways to
create that friction and excitement, whether it be for your
partner or even starting for yourself.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
You know, well, you can dress up. I mean, you
can wear like a kitty cat suit.
Speaker 4 (17:30):
I want to be a buddy Rabbit. No, I've done
that before. A kitty cat for your partner, No, like.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
A whole thing. I'll tell you when we get off
the phone.
Speaker 3 (17:38):
Oh I had I had for Valentine's Day one time
I got this get up and I mean it had
so many things going on, like think the lord I
had a partner, because I never would have gotten out
of it.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
I do think like when you do something unexpected, like
a crotchless cat suit for example, right like it's different,
or you know, a vibrator, or different toys or different
places to have.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Sex, that maybe you're you know, not what you know.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
I mean, that's I think what changes this long term
very you know, kind of formulaic sex that happens a
lot of times in these long term relationships where it's
easy to be like I'm tired or not in the mood.
And I think sometimes when you actually just get there
and you're doing it and they're like, oh my god,
this feels so good.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
Why don't I do this more often?
Speaker 6 (18:25):
It really is about intention and it's about looking at
what the ingredients of desire is, because the ingredients of
desire is essentially a paradox to love in a long
term relationship. If you have just togetherness, you lose the mystery.
And you have that mystery, you need to have that spontaneity.
You need to have that sense of novelty, You need
(18:47):
to have that excitement and what happens in long term relationships.
It's actually the law of thermodynamics that states all systems
toso organized over time unless you put the right energy
back into the system. This is why cars rust unless
you take care of them, Bodies decay unless you take
care of them, and all relationships the natural tendency is
(19:09):
that they're going to lose their passion, lose their zest,
lose the desire. Because people their lives become cannibalized by
the roles, the responsibilities, the labels, and we come home
and we're the lazy, tired, comfortable versions of ourselves and
so we lay down, we put the show on Netflix,
and we're not putting the right ingredients into the system.
(19:30):
So you do need to You do need to come
up with novelty and exciting things that not everything you
come up with is going to be a home run,
but putting the effort into it and trying to be creative.
If you don't have the creativity, the relationship and the
desire is going to die.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Do you remember My all time favorite movie was about
Last Night with Brablo and Demi Moore, and there was
out one line there like Monday night is Spahetty, Tuesday
night is Tago Bar, Wednesday night is Sandwich night, and
somebody goes sandwich night. Is that when you guys have
missionary sex once a week? Like it really stuck out
in my mind to your point is a intention. I
(20:08):
love that that's the phrase you've used throughout this podcast,
But I also.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
Think what's harder too, which we which we should talk about.
I think we're older than you, but our hormone.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
Levels, our sex drive, our desire. It changes for men
and women, right and whether they have a hard time,
you know or we You know, it's hard because you
want to come off.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
As like.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
Still ready to go and at your crime, but there
are times where you know. I had a situation with
a boyfriend where it had been a long time and
it really hurts and it was still a new relationship
and I was in my head like super embarrassed, and
I didn't really know how to say to him, like
I think I need to use some lubrication to make
(20:53):
it more comfortable. Like I felt like something was wrong
with me by having to say that. I was ashamed
and he was like, great, let's go get it right now.
Slip and slide, baby, you know what I'm saying it Yeah,
but it doesn't matter because that falls into the category
of our own being our own worst critic, and we
need to like seize ourselves and be authentic to who
(21:14):
we are and and kind of say like this, I
guess what we need to do at our age where
we're at, or as anyone who's in a sexual relationship
is kind of like stand up and say I have
needs too, and this is what I like and this
is what turns me on, and this is what I need,
instead of coming from that place of I think I
used to operate a little bit more out of fear
(21:36):
until I was super super comfortable, and by the time
I was super super comfortable to the person, I was
over it and I didn't want to sleep with them
anymore anyways.
Speaker 3 (21:43):
Well, or you were prioritizing their needs over yours, right,
is like wanting to make sure that it was good
for them, because that was like you had done a
good job, right, as opposed to am I enjoying this?
Speaker 4 (21:55):
Do I want to do this?
Speaker 6 (21:56):
I think that that is an outdated mindset that us
as women, haven't released stand that we are only sexual
beings when we are in partnership and having sex with
our partner, where I believe that we should have our
own sensuality practice And it doesn't even sensuality doesn't even
have to be sexual. It can mean we take a
(22:17):
bubble bath and we enjoy all the essential oils that
we put in, or we get a nice cream and
we just rub it onto our body. We stretch and
we enjoy how it feels good, like we would just
tune into our senses.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
And celebrate our feminine energy.
Speaker 6 (22:32):
Yeah, I don't think we do that enough. I think
we wait until he's good to go, and then we're
trying to please him instead of having our own practice
in addition to our partnerships.
Speaker 3 (22:43):
Or if there isn't a partnership, because I feel like
I always say to Louise, it's like for me, it's
like working out, Like if you never work out, you
don't miss working out, right, But if you work out
every day and all of a sudden you don't work out,
it's really frustrating and you really see what's missing. And
that is kind of how sex is with me, Like
(23:03):
when I'm having sex I want a lot of sex.
I mean, I enjoy it and I want more sex.
But when I am not having sex or engaged with
a partner and I am the same I only sleep
with one person in a committed way, then it's kind
of like out of sight, out of mind. And so
for me, my question to you, and I think you
kind of alluded to it with just you know, taking
(23:25):
more time for yourself, whether it be bath or whatnot,
is how do I feel in the mood when I
don't have another person, Because I then think I give
off a very different energy and I'm probably again oxytocin
I'm not getting that anymore.
Speaker 6 (23:42):
I think choice is the most potent energy on the planet,
and I think it's about choosing that you're going to
honor your sensuality. So it's not about being in the
mood right now. It's about investing into yourself to create
that shift and create that energy. So it's about choosing
I'm going to listen to you know, in erotic audio book,
(24:04):
or I'm going to choose to just go enjoy a
nice bath. It's about just choosing to invest into you
desire and sensuality. It's not just like this it's literally
the most important component is your imagination and for women
also anticipation. You know, there's a saying how men watch
(24:24):
porn and women read harlequinn novel Yah fifty Shades of
Great That was all yeah, exactly.
Speaker 5 (24:32):
So I think it's about choosing.
Speaker 6 (24:33):
If you want to maintain your sensuality, it's the same
if you want to maintain your body, you have to
choose to go to the gym. You have to choose
to invest into yourself in that way. It's the same
with your sensuality. It's about making habits that are going
to create the outcome that you're trying to desire.
Speaker 3 (24:49):
So you have kind of a set practice or habit
so to speak.
Speaker 6 (24:53):
Yeah, I have a self care practice.
Speaker 2 (24:56):
Can you publish it?
Speaker 4 (24:57):
We buy it?
Speaker 1 (25:00):
So do you have any special as the expert that
you are and the doctor, like any like suggestions to
people navigating chapter two that are older that are maybely
a little hormonally changed, like any magic vitamin we could
take or something.
Speaker 6 (25:19):
I think it is really it's the same as meditation.
It's the same with your workouts. There's a million different
ways and methodologies. I think it's about experimenting and explore.
Speaker 5 (25:31):
A lot of women when.
Speaker 6 (25:31):
They come out of relationships, especially long term relationships, they
really have no idea what it is that they like anymore,
because they've just been conditioned to have a certain role
in people pleasing tendencies. And so I think having the
mindset of like this is an excellent time for self
discovery and just really exploring a lot of different things.
(25:53):
Explore looking at graphic art, Explore looking at erotic novels.
Explore were just feeling your own body? Explore vibrators, explore
loop There's so many things to explore. But I think
it's a very personal practice that each person needs to
create for themselves. It's a self ritual.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
You guys, you want to know what's really funny?
Speaker 7 (26:26):
So I texted my ex husband before this podcast because
he used to call my sexy pajamas that weren't sexy,
like a certain name, and he'd be like, where are
the all Stars tonight?
Speaker 2 (26:37):
He couldn't remember, and he just texted me He's like,
the all Stars? How did I remember? He is so
proud of himself they were called the All Stars.
Speaker 3 (26:44):
But I really do think that Shanna is right, Louise,
that you are always so on that. I think the
reason people are turned on by that look is it
just shows that that it's almost like they're getting to
see the real, true you and at complete leisure and comfort.
(27:06):
And I think that that's why it's like flattering for
them to be able to see you in your kind
of raw natural state.
Speaker 1 (27:13):
Yes, exactly, And I think that that's why I haven't
had pushback except for one person on what I wore
at night, and he was a whole other ball of
wax like his like he used to do really very
kinky stuff, and I think for him he had that
(27:35):
was just going to be a non starter for him.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
But pretty much almost every other person I've been with.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
Has found that comfortable, softer look, which included you know,
the cotton nite shirts, as almost sexier than if I
were to come out.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
In actually the catsuit was with that guy. Is that interesting?
Speaker 4 (27:59):
That is interesting.
Speaker 6 (28:00):
Do you find that men initiated more with you when
you would come home and you'd be all put together
or do you feel that they initiated more with you
when you were the toned down, comfy version of yourself.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
That's a great question.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
I think it's interesting because I work full.
Speaker 2 (28:18):
Time in.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
A field where you're like making deals and you know,
I'm pretty on and pretty like done up, right, And.
Speaker 2 (28:32):
Then when I come home.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
And I'm more in a relaxed, kind of softer, more
almost approachable state. Maybe, And I love chivalry because I
think so much during the day I'm pretty alpha.
Speaker 2 (28:47):
You know the field I.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
Operate in, you know, whatever it is, you know the
role I have in a lot of my relationships that
when it comes to my relationships with men emotionally and physically,
I like a trigger poller.
Speaker 2 (29:00):
I like chivalry.
Speaker 1 (29:01):
I like a person who is takes aggressive and sexy
and takes charge in the bedroom and all of that stuff.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
So maybe I.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
Get I actually subconsciously enter into that role of being
a little more softer and approachable. So I think you're right,
Like when I come home or it's that four o'clock
before going out and putting on the look and I'm
just sitting around after like a chill day reading and
that they really that's when they really come at me.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
And I'm more receptive. You know, in the morning, I.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
Have too much in my mind, too much to do,
Like I'm just it's just not where my body in
my mind is and I find that when I get
home after dinner and I've eaten dinner, and I've had
a few drinks, and I'm kind of tired because.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
It's tough for me.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
Also, that is a very tough window for me to
become in the mood quite frankly, to have sex well.
Speaker 3 (29:56):
And it's interesting you say that because I also we've
talked about this, Luiz, but I feel like vacation. What
is it about when you're on vacation, you're so much
more in the mood right to be intimate. And how
do you shift and have that vacation mindset when you're
at home.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
Stop, don't work, Sit by a pool and play remy Cuban,
drink rose, take.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
It in bed, sit naked in bed, have a heeplate,
no alarms.
Speaker 4 (30:24):
No.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
I think you're right, like we need to have a
vacation sex mentality twenty four to seven because I think
would eliminate stress. I think would eliminate health issues, like
I think it would actually eliminate a lot of stuff,
Like I don't know, Shanna, do you have any suggestions
on that? Because you've seen your energy is very calming,
your aura.
Speaker 2 (30:43):
Is very soothing, like you've got this Mother Earth way
about you. So there is something that you're doing that
I don't think I'm doing it. I don't know. Actually,
if Filma you're doing it either.
Speaker 6 (30:56):
Well, for me, it actually took a lot for me
to get to this place. I used to be very
go go, go, go go go, and I had to
force myself to have work life balance, force myself to play.
I'm very strict with my work hours now. First of all,
I moved to Costa Rica from where from Canada?
Speaker 2 (31:19):
I moved to Costa Rica.
Speaker 6 (31:21):
So my work hours are seven to twelve and I
will not work past that. And then I have my workout,
and then I have the day where I go to
the beach, I watch sunset every day and I just
encompass the pura vida. But it was so difficult for
like that little voice in my head to be like,
what are you doing watching a sunset on the beach
(31:42):
right now? You could be doing this, and you should
be taking more clients and you need to do this.
And it was really difficult for me to get to
the point where I was like, no, I am not
living my life to work.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
I'm work working to live.
Speaker 6 (31:55):
And so it was a mindset that I really had
to force myself into and still have that voice chirping
at me a lot of the time, like do more,
be more, and I have to be like no, my
priority this year, like my New Year's resolution has worked less,
play more, and I'm making sure that I do that.
I take adventures every weekend, but twelve o'clock.
Speaker 5 (32:14):
I'm done. I'm done, no matter what.
Speaker 4 (32:17):
That's my boundary.
Speaker 6 (32:18):
And it's really worked for me because before my life
was literally just being cannibalized with all of the roles
and the responsibilities and everything. I thought that I had
to be doing instead of just being.
Speaker 4 (32:32):
And did that?
Speaker 3 (32:32):
And do you feel like your sex life and intimacy
and all the rest is vastly different now that you
live your life very differently?
Speaker 2 (32:41):
Huge?
Speaker 5 (32:42):
Huge? I feel that definitely.
Speaker 6 (32:45):
You know, in the mornings before I'm working, it's never
the time to initiate.
Speaker 5 (32:50):
Because I'm like, I got to get at it, I
got to get dressed.
Speaker 2 (32:52):
So you and I are aligned on that very much.
Speaker 6 (32:55):
And then I need to have my hour right after
work where I release and I work out. Then I
have my shower and then I'm relaxed. I'm in the
mood I probably put on more of my sexy attire
though when I relax, because here I can wear like
the little spaghetti dresses but climb at mostly Whereas Yeah,
(33:18):
during the day, I'm more you know, put together and professional.
So when I just decided to let loose, Yeah, It's
made me feel so much more desire than I used
to because I'm actually connecting to myself now. I never
had time to connect to myself previously.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
Are there are certain like sexual you know, flirting techniques
or or something that we as women can be doing
that will help get us to the bedroom, like other
than pajamas.
Speaker 6 (33:49):
I think there's lots of techniques that work, But it's
really also about being authentic to yourself as well. Right,
It's not about putting on a facade in order to
get to the bedroom. Both of you are gorgeous. I
don't think you have any problem getting to the bedroom.
If you want to get to the bedroom. It's more
about putting yourself into the mood where you want to
(34:09):
get to the bedroom. And I think it's really just
again about finding your own sensuality practice and finding ways
to connect to yourself. If you're not connected to yourself,
you're not going to be able to connect to somebody
else sexually.
Speaker 1 (34:20):
And that falls under what we were saying earlier about bookcare,
the girl that everybody notices who just has that she's
like in love with herself.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
She basically wants to have sex with herself.
Speaker 3 (34:31):
But Shanna, like, do you believe strongly in a masturbation practice, Like,
let's really get down to it, because I think we
talk about these girls that are really confident and whether
I don't want to dismiss that they haven't worked really
hard on that confidence, but I think it comes innately
for some and it comes less and nately for others,
And especially you know, the topic of our podcast is
(34:53):
second chapters often coming back after divorce. Even if you're confident,
it's definitely a new experience for you.
Speaker 4 (35:00):
And so I know you.
Speaker 3 (35:03):
You know you have given examples, but like, talk to
us about masturbation.
Speaker 6 (35:09):
Yeah, I mean, I do strongly believe in having a
masturbation practice. I do think though it should be with
your own curated fantasies and your imagination. I don't think
it should be with pornography. I think if we're using
external stimulus, then it makes it harder to orgasm with
a partner.
Speaker 5 (35:28):
I think it's about.
Speaker 6 (35:29):
Again taking time to feel your own body, feel the sensations,
think about what your fantasies are, and enjoy that as
a process. I think in sex with a partner, a
lot of us are in our heads a lot thinking,
oh is he liking it? Am I taking too long?
(35:50):
And we have all of these thoughts going on. So
I think the ability to just get really comfortable and
taking your time thinking about your own fantasies, feeling your
own body, and allowing yourself to reach orgasm is essential
because if you don't have that confidence getting yourself off again,
you're not going to be able to get to that
place when you're in a partnership. Or are you going
(36:12):
to be able to help people and guide people to
get you there in partnership either.
Speaker 3 (36:18):
I think your point about slut, I mean again, am
I getting there?
Speaker 2 (36:22):
You know?
Speaker 3 (36:22):
Is it taking too long? I think that that resonates
with me. And it's interesting because my last partner was
the most attentive, amazing lover so to speak, and I
mean it made such a difference in terms of my enjoyment.
Speaker 1 (36:41):
He also made you feel from day one really good
about yourself physically.
Speaker 4 (36:46):
It's crazy.
Speaker 3 (36:47):
I attribute one hundred percent of my body confidence to him,
which I will never be able to repay him. And
I'm so incredibly grateful. And I often think, you know,
you can't somebody else can't make you feel a different way.
But I would argue that, like he spent so much
time and was so attentive and complimentary and all of
(37:08):
these things that I mean, I believed it. Like I
was cruising around naked where I never used to do that,
feeling like I was God's gift. And I mean, I
hope there weren't a lot of mirrors around, but let
me tell you, I felt amazing. And as a result,
I've never had sex like that, and I am worried
I'm never going to have it again.
Speaker 2 (37:28):
It was like, so sad, Well he still have sex
with you.
Speaker 3 (37:30):
He's dying to still have sex with you anyway, And
I get tempted often, I do. Part of the vacation
mentality is this slowing down, right, And I think for
so long in our chapter ones, we were spending so
much time.
Speaker 4 (37:42):
Whether people have.
Speaker 3 (37:43):
Young children or jobs or this, Like the best thing
about getting older is that, hopefully, if we're lucky enough,
we don't have such pressing schedules in an ideal world, right,
but like the children, the nine to five jobs, everything.
So as a result, we should be finding more gratitude
and the ability to slow down, especially when it comes
(38:05):
to sex, because if you slow down and there's no
like tapping out for who got the first orgasm and
how quickly it came like.
Speaker 4 (38:12):
It can be really enjoyable.
Speaker 6 (38:14):
And a partner also when we are talking about sex
with partnerships, a partner who also respects a woman's pleasure.
You know, Unfortunately men, a lot of men learn about
sex through porn, so they have the mentality that it's
very performance based and very just wham bam, thank you, ma'am.
(38:37):
It's that they're not prioritizing our pleasure. So again, you
need to prioritize your own pleasure so that you have
the confidence that that is a standard.
Speaker 3 (38:46):
That needs to be set with your partner, and communicate
with them, right, communicate.
Speaker 6 (38:51):
But also if it's not as important to him your pleasure,
I mean, that's a big red flag.
Speaker 1 (38:58):
I think that I I think what my experience has
been as we've gotten older, that and the men have
gotten older, is I actually have felt that the men
that I've been with, they do care about my pleasure. Now,
it could be more a function of their ego of like,
oh my god, like did I not make you have
an orgasm, and maybe less about me having orgasm, But
(39:19):
I think that either I have noticed that most men
that I have been with and granted their age appropriate,
they are able.
Speaker 2 (39:28):
To have conversations.
Speaker 1 (39:29):
They want to know what makes me feel good, and
there's definitely more open communication.
Speaker 3 (39:36):
I totally agree with you, Louise I one hundred percent
think that at this stage in life, most men, if
they're generally good guys, I do think it's an age
and a maturity thing and that they are really into
wanting to make sure that it's pleasurable.
Speaker 1 (39:50):
And they have their own insecurities as well. Right Like,
we sit there and think that it's just us to
feel about our bodies or feel potentially about you know,
our dryness or whatever, but they maybe worry about like
can they get it up, or how long will it
take them to come or not come.
Speaker 2 (40:08):
Or you know, all these different things.
Speaker 1 (40:09):
So I think open communication kind of creates the ability
to even have more intense sex because it's almost more
raw and vulnerable I don't know, it's a lot of
it's a lot of It's definitely a lot of food
for thought.
Speaker 2 (40:23):
I think it's such an interesting conversation, Shannon.
Speaker 1 (40:27):
You must love what you do and helping people and
talking about it because at the end of the day,
you know, people are physical beings and they want to
love and they want to touch and be touched, and
I mean, that's that's what you do.
Speaker 6 (40:39):
Yeah, it's very rewarding. It's also very stimulating. It's people
are very complex, so it also keeps me on my
toes to I mean, I learn, I learn about people
every day. People surprise me every day with something I
haven't heard before. But it's very rewarding to be able
to help people find their find they're happy and find
(41:01):
their pleasure.
Speaker 2 (41:02):
Well, you have been amazing to talk to.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
Honestly, we were really excited to have this conversation with
you today.
Speaker 6 (41:09):
Definitely, Well, thank you very much for having me. It's
been awesome talking with the two of you.
Speaker 2 (41:15):
Thanks take care.
Speaker 3 (41:18):
There is definitely so much to consider when it comes
to our intersexyness that I know I will definitely be
thinking about for weeks. For all of you out there,
are you navigating sex for the first time post divorce,
finding dating hard now that you are single again. We
would love to hear from you. Call us or email us,
follow us on socials. All the information will be in
the show notes, and make sure to rate and review
(41:39):
this podcast. I Do Part two, an iHeartRadio podcast where
falling in love is the main objective.
Hosts And Creators
Amy Robach
T.J. Holmes
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