February 13, 2025 • 44 mins
Cheryl Burke is alone on Valentine’s Day and spilling the “lonely” tea.
She’s been open about remaining single and abstaining from sex but may be ready for motherhood.
Her producer pushes her to admit if she’s finally planning on expanding beyond a party of one.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Welcome to I do part two, the pod for people
who didn't get it right the first time when it
came to love and now find themselves picking up the
pieces and putting themselves back together. I'm Cheryl Burke, one
of your celebrity mentors, and I'm just like you guys.
I'm divorced. I've been through the ringer. I know how
hard it is, and today I just want to kind
(00:33):
of take over and talk about my experience and where
I'm at post divorce. Valentine's Day coming up. But we
can't do this without my producer, Heather, who is also
single and almost forty, but she still has a few
more years. She's gonna grill me. So this should be fun.
Hi Share, Welcome, Hi, Hey girl, Welcome.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Hi, Thank you. So I want to talk obviously about
your ex experience a little bit, so kind of like
run us through the highlights. I know you had the
big wedding, but like talk about how long were you
married for and how long has it been since you're divorce.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Okay, well I was married first of all, so this
was a relationship that you know, we started dating when
I first moved to LA But I'm not going to
talk too much about him, but I'll definitely talk more
about just my experience and I I love convert in
any way, shape and form, So like I just it
(01:34):
was really it's always been weird for me to like
date and just to meet people, especially in the business
that I am. But even before this business, it wasn't that.
It was just that I'm naturally introverted, right, So when
I feel comfortable around somebody, you know, the and if
let's say, we break up, which I did with my
ex at that time after dating for the like for
(01:55):
a year back in two thousand and six or seven,
and then we reuni, I did and it just felt comfortable,
you know, and it was just like, Okay, we don't
have to do the whole like it's a small talk
that just gets me anyway. Then yes, then we get
married and we were married for we started dating again
for another year I believe a year and a half
(02:15):
before we got married or engaged, and then we got
married very soon later.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
Can I jump in and ask you this, whose idea
was it to get married?
Speaker 1 (02:25):
Totally mine? I'll take full accountability. Yeah, I don't think
he was. I Mean, look, there was conversations, but every
time it was me starting the conversation, right, because I
also was like older, so it was ten years of
that gap between when we first dated and then started again.
But it was kind of like okay, but when you're older,
(02:47):
you know, you're kind of thinking like, well, if this
person's not serious, then like why waste time? Right? And
I get I'm like what is time now? Now I'm
a different woman, and I'm like, it's it's just so
interesting how we put so much pressure, especially women, because
we think that there's this schedule that we need to
follow as far as getting married and having kids. It's like,
(03:11):
it's the conventional way, right, It's what society expects from you.
But it doesn't have to be in any order or
at any time, amen, or does it ever have to
happen period?
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Did you ever consider not getting married and just being
in a long term partnership?
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Not then, not back then? No, that was my goal.
The goal was to get married, Like it was literally
to get married. I wasn't even thinking kids. I was
just to get married.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
It was just to get married. And so where where
did you feel like that came from? Was that about
the environment you were raised in or was it about
all of your friends were getting married, like pressure being
in the public eye and not being married yet, Like
where or was it just you just wanted that you
just grew up wanting to get married. Where do you
think it came from?
Speaker 1 (03:56):
It came from like all those movies, like you know,
those rom comps. But also honestly, if you really want
to get deep here in a quick SoundBite. But it
was for my feeling at that time. I definitely didn't
love myself. I didn't even start that work, nor was
I interested, even though I was in therapy and I
(04:18):
have been forever. You know, there's certain things that you know,
my therapist now brings to my attention that I'll just
change the subject if it's something that I don't want
to talk about, And that was one of them, you know.
And it was so much about what the person outside
sources what can fill my cup up? And one of
that and one of my goals was to see if
(04:39):
I can get married, and has nothing to do with
the person I married. It has everything to do with
how no matter what I did, it doesn't matter, Like
you can't fill No one is going to fill your
cup up. Shopping's not going to fill your cup up.
You are, you need to do the internal work, and
that did not make any sense to me until recently.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Yeah, I mean that makes a lot of sense, though.
I want to know now post divorce, what has kind
of or right after the divorce, let's say, let's go
back to that. Right after the divorce, what was the focus.
Was it to get into therapy?
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Was it to build I was already in therapy, okay.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
Was it to build a new circle of friends. Was
it to focus more on yourself? Was it to start
a new life or what was kind of like that
when you first got divorced? What was the focus right
then and there?
Speaker 1 (05:33):
I didn't have any type of goal, like to be
quite like just transparent with you. It was really about
surviving day after day, and it was one day at
a time, sometimes one hour at a time, sometimes one
minute at a time. And I'm very goal oriented, right,
But it naturally, honestly, it naturally became about me ghosting
(05:57):
everybody around me and doing the work myself. Because what
I realized naturally, and I don't think I was able
to put it into words at that time, but I
can't be vulnerable with other people sometimes like that vulnerable
like when it comes to like really feeling grief. I
even have trouble doing that, but when I'm by myself,
you know, so it's like, because it's so painful that
(06:20):
like I am a professional disassociator, and I definitely numb,
and though it's not through alcohol anymore, there's so many
other things I can do, right, So the list goes on,
and I am in order for me to really make
progress and to really feel okay in my own skin
and to feel alone, not lonely, like I sound like
(06:41):
a broken record, but like it's it really does start within.
And first my first priority, to be quite honest, was
staying sober, so that was definitely something that I was
aware of at that time.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Yeah, that's an important thing that you channeled a lot
of energy into. And I do want to commend you
for being so open about that because I do think
that that's a huge step for anybody in life. Choosing
to be sober, and you choosing to share that on
a large platform I think is really incredible. I want
to talk about the fact that you are a childless.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
Woman, my friend. You accounts those well.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
Babies always count, but I want to talk about this
because I think it's something that sometimes gets overlooked when
it comes to divorce. I think a lot of people
focus on divorce single parent aspect and what that kind
of entails. But you know, just because you don't have
children doesn't make this experience that you went through any
(07:44):
less painful or meaningful. But I kind of want to know,
from your perspective and what you've gone through, did it
feel different because you didn't have children and you didn't
have somebody. I mean, you had a fur baby to
take care of, right, but you didn't have have a
human being to take care of. You didn't have somebody
to put on a brave face for. Sometimes we hear
(08:07):
a lot about single parents having to do that.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
I guess I don't know, because I've never had kids,
right Like, I don't know what that is.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Did you feel supported? I guess I want to know.
I think a lot of times we hear about stories
of people being rallied around because they need that extra support,
and sometimes us single girls that don't have kids, I
feel like we're viewed as you got this, you're strong.
What was your perspective like, did you have that?
Speaker 1 (08:34):
I don't I have never never crossed my mind and
I've never felt that, but I, like, you know, I
mentioned earlier if I needed the support, absolutely, and I did.
And I and though she is on someone I pay
my therapist for me because I am so sensitive to bias, right,
Like I don't want At that time in my life,
(08:57):
I needed just to hear the truth, right, and I
really need it, just to hear it, and not because
of any type of politics being played, like I and
for me, that person was my therapist. I really leaned
on her a lot. And you know, I've been with
her for fifteen years. And I have to say the
reason I have been with her because I'm sensitive, as
I said, to bias, I is because she's not biased
(09:18):
like by any means. And I have to say that
she definitely you know, it was difficult. It was hard.
It was hard, truth because like she also is very
much all about taking accountability, and that is a thing
that you know, and sometimes that's the last thing you
want to do, right when you have all this anger
and rage. But I leaned on her a lot, and
(09:41):
I also lean and then with that, you know, it
was my choice to leave Los Angeles and move and
I don't believe a lot of people would choose that
after a divorce not just with their partner, but also
leaving a job that they've done for seventeen years of
their life, and the same year choose to move right.
(10:03):
So those are three huge changes that I think it's
my addict brain that's like, okay, I have to if
I'm going to just change my whole life, then I'm
changing my whole life. That house I was in for
sixteen years just reminded me of everything, right, So it
was like it was very important for me to do this,
And I don't know if I were to, like if
(10:24):
I'm like thinking about those decisions now and I'm like, WHOA,
that was bold. That was like three life changes. Like
they say, if you go up to five in one year,
you need to like go to the nearest mental and
like it will make you mental, right, like because it's
just so much change. But then also with that, you know,
my friends have changed right too and naturally. But like
(10:45):
I've never felt so grounded, and so look, there's fucking
days where I don't feel like this. Okay, I'm not
trying to say like I have served like you know, no,
there's shirty days, absolutely, but I've never felt lonely.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
So I'd love to hear that. Let me ask you
something super personal. You can be like sure, I want
to answer that. No, I know, okay, what are your
views on children? Is that something that you think about,
something that you want in your lifetime? Still don't know,
like kind of.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
Where you are. I actually talked about it with my
therapist recently, and she's like, the way you treat your dog,
are you sure you want to have kids? Because my
dog is a spoiled brat, like literally spoiled twenty four
hour care over here because she needs it, but or
I think she needs it. But you know, I believe,
(11:40):
and I've just okay, I believe. Okay, of course it's
great to raise a kid with two people, right like
obviously because I come from a divorce family, and because
I know how much it affected me and other stories
I've heard even if I was so young, it doesn't matter,
stills ingrained in my freaking identity, right I. And this
(12:06):
is not going to be popular, I don't. I believe
that it's okay to raise kids on your own, like
and actually to start it off like that would probably
be healthier than having to rely on another partner, not
knowing what mood that person's going to wake up in
and not knowing what this kid is going to observe.
And at least you have control for the most part
(12:27):
over yourself in your kids.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
I will say, Cheryl, you say that that's unpopular. I
think that's becoming more popular as time goes on. I mean,
I could draw a conclusion right now to like Lalla
on vander Pump Rules, after having one child in that relationship,
decided I still want to be a mom. That is
still really important to me. And she opted to have
a sperm donor and had that second child and is
(12:51):
raising it on her own because she does not want
to go through kind of the conflict that she went
through with her child's father.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
How has people, I guess it been celebrated at all.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
Or totally celebrated. She had a baby shower, She has
been you know, uh, embraced by her family. Yeah. So,
I mean that was a journey that she went on
on her own. And I think, you know, I I
know in my professional life, I have worked with women
that you know, were in their fifties and decided to
(13:24):
adopt on their own and become mothers later in life.
And one of them, I actually know ended up then
meeting a spouse later on after bringing you know, adopting
a child on her own. I know, like Coda on
the Today Show, she's done it on her own as well.
(13:45):
So I think it's it is becoming I think, a
more popular and mainstream decision for women because they feel
similar to what you're expressing, you know, like they want
the risk. You know, they've maybe gone through something. I mean,
I'm a product of divorce too, so when you talk
about that, I totally understand those feelings and how that
sticks with you. And I do think that you know, yes, ideally,
(14:10):
it's it's I think it's less about that a child
necessarily needs two parents as it's more it's a tough job.
So if you have somebody to share the workload with,
that I think does sound great. But I think that
you and I both know that there's a lot of
single parents out there in the world that are kicking
ass right now and doing yeah for sure.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
Yeah. And also, look, I didn't freeze. I've chosen not
to freeze my eggs and I don't plan on ever
doing that, So Noor, I don't think it'll be possible
soon or if it's not possible. Now, it's not possible.
It doesn't matter either way, that's not happening. So what
my therapist and I were talking about was like, Okay,
she does have a friend that she was able to,
you know, get a donor and then like have a
(14:52):
surrogate and do that whole thing. And at first I
was like, okay, adopt, but then I'm like, oh wait,
even realize that that was an option. So but I'm
not clearly, I'm not that like, Okay, tomorrow, we're doing this.
I'm not ready yet. And this is the beauty of
also in a way, where we are today in this
world as far as you know, technology, and it's scary
(15:16):
but also very helpful for women who feel like they
haven't finished what they're trying to do, whatever that is.
And I don't feel like I have started my second
chapter yet in my career yet, so like I don't
want to. I don't think it would be responsible for
me to bring in a kid right now if I
(15:38):
don't feel I mean, I guess I'm never gonna be ready.
No one is, and I guess I'm never going to
feel settled because like how boring is that? But I
know that there's more that I need to do as
an individual before sharing my life with somebody.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
And Cheryl, I know I'm not your mom, but I
can also say this to you. You are allowed to
change your mind at any time. Yeah, any of this too,
but not when you have the kid, not once you
have the kid. That's what I read. You have children
for sure, And so I think that's important, right because
I think sometimes people are put a lot of pressure
(16:14):
on themselves to make a decision and stick to that answer.
And you know, we are allowed to change our minds
about things. And you could want to get married again someday, yea,
not want to have children again someday and life changes.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
How about just the dating, Like I'm not dating and
I'm choosing not to date, like forget the marriage. How
much is meeting somebody? I'm like, I am perfectly content
in this home, with these four walls. I never have
to leave.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
Let's talk about it, Cheryl, because I do want to
talk about what's going on with the not dating.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
I knew this was a note from Amy Sugarman, wasn't it.
Yeah right, yeah right, All y'all think it's so weird, Like, well,
what is happening?
Speaker 2 (17:05):
Weird. Hello, I'm not dating either, Cheryl.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
I bet you you leave your house more than I do, though.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
Probably not Cheryl. But I want to know when was
your last date?
Speaker 1 (17:15):
Amy Shag from that dude that's Kelly's dating Yeah, mister Tennis.
But is she still dating him? I forgot, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
I haven't gotten up date. But I want to know
when was that date? So your last date was when?
Speaker 1 (17:26):
I don't know? I mean, I can check my calendar.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
Hold on, are we talking over three hundred and sixty
five days?
Speaker 1 (17:32):
Like? Oh, for sure it was when I was just moving. Okay,
zero interests, don't even try.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
But no, but tell me where where? Like I want
to know as a single you're gorgeous, you're talented, you have,
like you just said, you're so busy right now, it's
like so hard to even lock you down.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
No, but I'm not, like, I'm not.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
I just I want to know, Like, when Cheryl goes
out to the bank or to run errands, do you
turn your hand to me?
Speaker 1 (18:06):
They come to me attractive men?
Speaker 2 (18:08):
Are we not even looking at men? Are we blinders?
Speaker 1 (18:10):
On? Oh? Hell yeah, Like I'm following some hot dudes
on and mind you like errands come to me like
this is the invention. This is what I mean. Technology
like instacard, like you know, bank like you can do everything.
I don't remember the last time I set foot in
a bank anyway. Yeah, no, of course, I still think
(18:31):
guys are hot. That doesn't mean though, that they deserve me.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
Of course. Wait, are guys sliding into your dms.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
Ever old creepy ones? But like I think about it,
I'm not one to post like my tits are not out,
Like I don't do that right, Like.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Like you're still stunning and you're still active on social media.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
Well yeah, I mean no. But to answer you, I mean,
I don't know. I don't check like the other you know,
there's messages. There's so many sections of messages the others. No,
that's not what I meant.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
But like you know, oh, I know what you mean,
the other messages, the non blue check messages that come through.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
I got you. I was not giving off that vibe.
I truly believe that, Like my energy is not like
damn me.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
Sure, but listen, like I said, I think you're glowing.
You're gorgeous.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
I know I am. I am in the best shape
in the world right now. More than when I was
on Dancing with the Stars.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
You have great content that you're putting out about loving yourself.
It's not like it's not crossing any men's hats.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
That's intimidating for men.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
You know what, I don't know. I've never been attracted
to beta men's so I've never been like into a
guy that like, was ever intimidated by me anyways.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
That's just never how I heard interesting.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
I don't ever tend to like.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
So are you attracted to the opposite, then.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
I'm attracted to strong, quiet confidence, So I'm not attracted
to alpha males that are super loud and boisterous about it.
I'm attracted to more of a quiet confidence that doesn't
need to put that out to the world.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
That's great considering you came from a divorce family.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
Yeah, I mean I also, Cheryl, this is not my
therapy session.
Speaker 1 (20:14):
What It's so true though, I mean, come on it.
People can learn from you too, girl. We are normal people.
I'm normal, We're normal humans.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
Right, I do part two phase, Cheryl. I'm still I'm
not in.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
Your mid thirties. You just got out of a very
long relationship. You just moved as well, Like this is
a very similar path.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
Similar but haven't had the marital relationships and haven't.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
But you would have, don't lie.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
I would have for sure, I would have had my
relationship progress, but it did not.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
Correct until you bounced good girl.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
Yes, but I want to I want to go back
to you because we touched on this a minute ago
about the not dating, but I want to go back
on celibacy. So you have been very open on the
podcast about your decision to be celibate, and so I
want to know, though, where did that come from? Was
that a decision that you made on your own? Were
(21:13):
you inspired by somebody else that was talking about celibacy?
Was that something that came hand in hand with your sobriety?
Like kind of about where the celibacy came from?
Speaker 1 (21:24):
I mean all of the above, but really what I
started laughing because it's like, well, if I'm not dating, right,
and I'm not necessarily like I'm not even texting like
anyone that I'm interested in, right, like whatever it comes
natural obviously, Like I'm also not the girl that does
like I would never I never have well I mean
maybe who cares, but the one night stands, like I
(21:48):
just don't especially as a sober woman and just respecting
and loving myself. Like I don't do that shit, so
it kind of.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
Take anybody who does if they're into now I.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
Wish I could do. I wish I could separate. Like
the thing is, you have sex with me, I fall
in love fast, so like this is not a good thing, right,
So we're working through this. We're like, Okay, well, maybe
it doesn't have to be so intense, like I am
such an intense you know woman, Like whatever it is,
what it is.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
That's really I mean I also think that.
Speaker 1 (22:20):
But it hurts, like it hurt like literally, like you
have some with me, it's like you're screwed. And this
was in the past, and I'm talking past tense, right,
and it's and the obsession, the uh not obsession like
scary like those weird movies, like that's not what I'm
talking about, but like the fact that like it'll completely
take over my my thought process, like this person and
(22:41):
the fantasy of this person, because it's not real. None
of it is real. Well the only thing that was
real with whatever happened physically that you allowed for it
to happen, right, And I think a lot of that
maybe back in the day when I would have casual
maybe relationships or intimacy, it really just continue to chip
away at my soul because at the end of the day,
(23:04):
that says a lot about me. Right.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
Well, yes, it's also important to have sex with feelings, though,
I mean I just personally, I think everybody can have
casual sex that means nothing, and that's fine and dandy,
but we all know that the best kind of sex
is when you have that emotional connection to somebody too.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
Well, I don't think that's what I'm talking about, because
I don't think that's ever happened.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
Wait, Cheryl unpacked that for me. What do you mean
that has nothing?
Speaker 1 (23:33):
It has nothing to do with the person that And
I've had sex with more than one person. People. People
are going to always everything that I say always relates
to my act Like you guys, I am I have
dated more than enough.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
Yes, we're being very clear. Cheryl is a grown woman.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
Yes, I'm not just referring to one every time I
do a stupid TikTok. You're like, oh my god, you're
not over it. I'm like, wait, what, I've had like
twenty relationships, Like actually, anyway, so what is another thing?
That has been an ongoing conversation in my therapy session
is have I ever been vulnerable enough right to, you know,
(24:13):
be truly intimate? And no, because I think it was
because of my sexual abuse as a kid. So for me,
certain things are very intimate that I don't do unless
and I'm talking about physical things, unless I am one
hundred percent feeling safe, and which is very rare. I
(24:35):
don't remember when the last time that happened.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
Actually, I think that all of that makes total sense.
It's interesting to hear you say that you struggle with
vulnerability because just in the brief amount of.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
Tay intimacy, physical intimacy.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
Physical intimacy is what you struggle with you you don't
you struggle with vulnerability.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
It depends I'm more vulnerable. This is another thing my
therapist pointed out via zoom than I am in person.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
Well, I was just about to say, in the short
amount of time that we've been each other's lives, I
feel like you've been incredibly vulnerable and an open book,
you know what I mean, Like you Jo when.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
You saw me in person, Yes, I felt.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
Like that when I saw you in person, you were
trying to talk to me about what yeah, going on
with me, of course, But I still think that I
didn't feel any part of you that was closed off
or evasive or anything like that.
Speaker 1 (25:31):
I don't think it's so dramatic, right, I don't think
it's black and white, But I understand, Like I mean,
like if you, if me and you were like by
ourselves like I am, like with my therapist, if I
saw her face to face, which I have just recently
versus zoom. I think that it's interesting because I can
feel it. My body's uncomfortable in person when I talk
about stuff like this on one on one, let's say,
(25:52):
in person versus zoom.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
Okay, that's interesting. Well, I kind of want to talk
about date. I know dating is not at the forefront
of your mind right now.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
Is it on you? Is it on yours?
Speaker 2 (26:05):
No? But my sadly, but my situation has not been
three hundred and sixty five plus days and market situation.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
He's counting, but honestly, who's count Why count? No?
Speaker 2 (26:16):
Also, Cheryl, if I'm just being totally honest, I am
not a bombshell like you.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
Yeah, you are, shut up. That's the number one thing
that has to change.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
What's the number one thing that has to change.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
You need to say to yourself because you are a
freaking bomb.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
You're a catch anyways, Cheryl. I want to know though,
because this is what happens with me. I I'm of
the mindset in this moment right now for me, I
don't know if I will ever date again. And I
know that that sounds really dramatic and really whoa because
(26:54):
I am not middle aged yet and whatnot A'm somebody
listening might right now might be like, is.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
But why are you thinking so far?
Speaker 2 (27:02):
Because I think similar to what you said, that it's
hard for me to connect and it's really difficult for
me to connect with men particularly. I have tons of girlfriends,
I have about zero male friends and it is just
not something that I just I don't like the small
(27:25):
chat with men. I don't want to talk about the
things that I want to talk about High Housewives, Bravo
like that kind of stuff. And no, I've had I've
had gay male friends in my life and I that's
not what I'm talking about. But it's like, it's very
it was. Dating was always was a struggle for me.
(27:46):
It was really hard.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
What part of the dating was Oh my.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
Gosh, the fact that I wasn't willing to get intimate
right away.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
Is this prior to your boyfriend?
Speaker 2 (27:57):
Yeah, when I was dating like heavily days.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
But how long ago was that?
Speaker 2 (28:02):
Ten years ago?
Speaker 1 (28:03):
Yeah? Things have changed, I think supposedly. Do you believe
that you're making it impossible for yourself because you feel
like you need to say why you're not willing to
date instead of just saying I'm just not into dating period.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
No, I'm pretty open. I think also with my therapist
and with my circle that I'm not interested in dating
at all right now. I don't think I have the
capacity anyways. But because also I remember how much effort
it took when I did date. So when I was single,
I did the blind dates, I did the setups, I
(28:45):
did online dating, I did group dating. I did set up.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
With people were group dating.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
Oh, there used to be a website back in any
of the thousands that was called grouper, And you went
on and signed up to go on a group date,
and what they were weird be paid for it in advance,
and the company made the reservation and you all met
up at said place.
Speaker 1 (29:11):
Wow, you really put way more effort than I ever
have or will.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
That's why I think that to me is the overwhelming
thing that makes me not want to get back out
there is I know how much effort I put in
to get to my ten year relationship, and I don't
have the stamina and the mental ensor okay to put
myself through that.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
Again right now today.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
You don't today, right now, in this moment. But that's
why I want to know for you that has had
the time physically the distance. You have more distance between
your relationship than I do. Right now. I want to
know why you're at this place where you're not putting
the effort into dating or interested in putting into it
right now in your life.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
Because I'm putting it into me. Because I was a
serial dater, right so, I dated from the age good
old ripe age of thirteen until three years ago, back
to back. I'm not even joking, not even a day, okay,
like it was back to back to back. And these
are all serious relationships. But because I was so scared
of being lonely, I always had a backup plan. That
sounds so bad, but it's true.
Speaker 2 (30:15):
But Cheryl, I know people exactly like you. I know
a lot of women specifically just like that.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
It's scary it's fear of being alone in your own head,
your voice and your voices in your head, the thoughts
that you think about about yourself. It isn't necessarily enticing,
right You're not like I look forward to it, No,
But then you do it, and then you realize, oh,
it's not that bad. And by the way, everyone thinks
like this about themselves and it's normal, but it's so empowering.
(30:44):
And I you know, like how the time is really
just an illusion? Like for me, I see it. I
was just saying this to my sister. She wants me
to do her makeup for her wedding, and I've been
like freaking out about that. Anyway, that's a whole nother podcast.
But I have been like saying to my sister of like,
I don't even know how much time has gone by
(31:05):
since my last relationship or whatever. But I also it's like,
you know, when something's just not in your zeitgeist, Yeah,
like it is not not even close to a priority
right now. And I am being so selfish in a
good way that I've never done this before in my life.
(31:26):
Like I said, I was a serial dater for twenty
years of my life, thirty just kidding thirty years.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
Can I say, because I during my single period last time,
I felt like I got really good at being single.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
Do you feel lonely ever?
Speaker 2 (31:41):
I felt lonely a lot of times, but I still
pushed through and made myself do things alone because I
wasn't going to miss out on activities and memories because
I didn't have somebody. And I felt that my relationship
came into my life when I was fully secure in
(32:01):
being alone, and throughout my relationship, I still did things
alone and never allowed myself to become codependent. Now maybe
that was a problem, maybe it wasn't. I don't know,
but that's who I was and am still. But I
want to ask you because some of the things I
did when I was single was like I went traveled
(32:22):
overseas by myself, went to the movies by myself. I
just did. The last Sunday, I went to a restaurant,
sat outside at the table by myself, had my lunch,
had my coffee, did not look at my cell phone,
did not bring a book, fully sat there in the
sun around mind you, this was a crowded restaurant, people
all around me. So I want to know, when's the
(32:44):
last time you did any of those things, Cheryl.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
I always, I mean the ballroom dancer in me right, So,
like I traveled the world alone all the time. But
so that's just like was that for work or for pleasure? No?
For pleasure? I was dating someone in England?
Speaker 2 (32:57):
Okay, but no, no, no, so you were dating somebody.
Speaker 1 (32:59):
So also now I won't travel around the world because
of my dog. They don't let the dogs go internationally, Okay,
But yes, I always, I mean I don't always cause
I don't always leave. But yeah, I have no fear
with I just don't like the movies. I think it's
a dirty place and I just can't sit still. And
I have no interest in watching a movie elsewhere when
I can watch it here if I wanted to. But
(33:21):
I'd rather watch the O. J. Simpson docu series at
this moment. Any who. But as far as restaurants go, yeah,
I mean, I have no fear with that. Like that
is okay for me. But I don't know if I
could do the whole no phone thing. It's part of it,
it's part of it, and it's intentional, that's very intentional.
But yeah, I guess I could. I mean, I could
definitely keep I mean people watching. It's a thing, you know.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
I will say I fully was invested in the people
sitting next to me in their conversation that they were
having having. I mean, I couldn't help the guy was
getting next to me and talking. So when you're not
looking at your phone, I just I just listened.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
And did people come up to you? Did like any
high dudes?
Speaker 2 (34:00):
No, No, nobody came up to me. But I'm just
saying that for anybody listening, those are some small kinds
of challenges that you can do for yourself while you're
in this. Before this, I do Part two era, because
you don't know what's going to happen if you don't
put yourself out there. And I know Cheryl doesn't like
(34:22):
going to the movies by herself.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
I don't like to go to the movies period, even
with somebody, sure, But going.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
To the movies alone is I think one of the
easiest entry points to doing things alone because it is
a dark theater, it is quiet. Nobody is going to notice.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
And nobody's going to be there. No one goes to
the movies, but you're in my sister.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
Some people go to the movie, Cheryl. But I'm just
saying that's an easy way to start, because some people
are like, go to a restaurant alone that is way
too daunting, you know what I mean? Andy, By the way,
do everything in safety first, So don't go to environments
that make you feel uncomfortable, or at night, or drinking
alcohol alone.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
Working underground garages.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
Don't put yourself I'm not saying put yourself in uncomfortable
situations where your safety is jeopardized, but I think that's
part of you know, doing this whole experience of your
next chapter in life is putting yourself into situations where
you are alone. I will say I traveled to Greece
by myself and it was I've also traveled to Paris
(35:25):
by myself, but I will say Greece was a really
exciting trip for me because it was inexpensive, it was warm,
and the people were incredibly friendly. So nobody asked me
where is my husband? Where is my boyfriend? It was
all about being by myself having this experience. I will
(35:46):
say it was difficult to take pictures of myself on vacation.
That was fun. But I really do encourage everybody to
have some sort of eat, prey love experience, you know,
post break up, post divorce, whatever it might be, because
you do get a sense of that the world is
(36:06):
so big that maybe your problems are your problems, but
there's so much more out there to experience in life.
And I just encourage anybody that maybe is going through
that too. I started with a small weekend trip honestly
before I went overseas. So I went from Los Angeles
to Big Sir one weekend. I went on Valentine's Day once.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
I love Big Sir. I also think you should do
all of this when you're in relationships. I don't think
it's just about post anything right prior to anything. It's
like because it just reminds you that you are loved
by yourself, Like this is part of self care. And
I just remember in my past relationships, not just this
(36:48):
last one. Sorry, I have to, like you make it clear.
I remember that those moments of like, okay, you know,
you do your thing. I do my thing. There was
a lot of insecurity there, like a lot of like
what ifs, what ifs, what ifs, what ifs they're gonna
do whatever they're gonna do with with you being like
in a relationship with you or without you, like there's
(37:08):
no control over that. But this is this if you
really want to ask, like why are you so single?
Because there's so much of the patterns that I want
to change, first and foremost for myself that I don't
want to be feeling or like not believing the thoughts
in my head that start to get worried that someone's
(37:29):
gonna cheat, someone's going to do this, someone's gonna lie.
And there's always that like that fear instilled in my
identity because of you know, my first memory with seeing
my father with another woman, like at two, and like
there's just all of that like and regardless, like I'm
not blame. It is what it is as my past
and I've moved forward. But in order for me to
(37:50):
move forward, I need to first of all put that
to rest, like all those feelings of insecurity and jealousy
and all of it.
Speaker 2 (37:57):
Yeah, I mean, this is what's so great about you
should is that you are doing the work and you
know what your lines are. And I think that that's great.
We touched on it just a second ago, but I
do want to talk about it is Valentine's Day this week?
How do you feel about Valentine's Day? Did you have
thoughts about Valentine's Day when you were in a relationship
versus what you have now, Like what do you think
(38:17):
about it?
Speaker 1 (38:18):
I have no thoughts about it, except but when I
was in a relationship, the amount of pressure it was
always like we have to go on a trip. You
have to get me, like you're gonna get me a
bunch of roses, right, Like, and if you're with somebody,
mind you, I've been in other relationships. And if you
are with somebody who may not be so good at
planning ahead or like always comes up with a oh,
(38:43):
I just haven't had the time. It's like it's just
a Debbie downer because the expectations. You see all these
instagram like rose pedals, like going from a mile away
to their you know whatever, wherever they're staying anyway, they's sanctuary.
It's like so mantic and picture perfect. And then you're like, great,
I got twelve, I got a dozen roses? Great, right,
(39:04):
And it's just like it's just it's the for me
because of my expectations. Now, if I were a Yogi
and I had no expectations, then man, would it be amazing.
It'd probably be amazing.
Speaker 2 (39:16):
I mean, I hear that. I think that social media
has really turned the dial on so many people and
how we view our relationships through this faith. But I
want to know, what do you think somebody should be
doing this Valentine's Day that is single, Like should I
don't know, should they have a journaling session? Should they
(39:38):
be having not? They don't want to do the ins
like writing stuff down and.
Speaker 1 (39:42):
Burning it, like you should be doing that tonight. There's
a full moon, so love it.
Speaker 2 (39:47):
Love it?
Speaker 1 (39:47):
Yeah, so you should be doing that tonight. Okay there,
But as far as I think honestly, when you give
anything so much energy right, like it's just I don't know,
maybe you do want to do something, maybe when do gallantines?
Like for me, I have a little sweater that I
was gifted from pr says Isabella on it. It's pink
and it has a heart. That's what I'm doing to celebrate.
(40:10):
And I'll be probably in this room maybe shooting content
on a how to do Valentine's Day makeup? Like I
don't freaking know, I don't know, you know what I'm doing.
I'm probably working. Most likely I don't have my calendar
in front of me. It's just another day. And another dollar.
Speaker 2 (40:26):
Yeah, and listen, I think anybody who maybe this is
their first Valentine's Day post split.
Speaker 1 (40:32):
Stop looking on social media. Then don't even do it.
Speaker 2 (40:34):
Agree, don't open the app.
Speaker 1 (40:36):
And if you do it, realize that it's not picture perfect.
They're probably fighting right now as you're looking at their posts. Okay,
they're probably literally like that's not enough rose petals? How
dare you? It wasn't white enough, those white roses like
stuff like that, Like you don't want you should just
be counting your blessings you're single, or.
Speaker 2 (40:53):
Take a page out of Cheryl's book and maybe like
order something for yourself to be delivered.
Speaker 1 (40:59):
Yeah, just go shop. I do it every day. Every
day is Valentine's Day.
Speaker 2 (41:02):
Buy yourself the flowers, or have some ice cream delivered.
Speaker 1 (41:06):
You can get in person delivered too, Supposedly, who knows.
Speaker 2 (41:09):
I said to myself, I need some cute jammies. So
I just ordered jammys, ordered some new slippers.
Speaker 1 (41:15):
There's some great sales right now, you guys. Go on
my shop LTK for more info.
Speaker 2 (41:20):
I love that Cheryl. Cheryl's a hustler.
Speaker 1 (41:23):
I just had to plug that in.
Speaker 2 (41:24):
No, I love it.
Speaker 1 (41:25):
How about this just hug yourself like that. You don't
understand it. That's powerful. It is a powerful thing. You
know you hug you hug you. Hugging yourself is really
like all you need. I'm joking, I'm not trying to
be corny, but that's the easiest thing. And then also
in the mirror when you're brushing your teeth, you need
to say how much you love yourself, like I you
know what? You know what? Don't even say I love you.
(41:46):
You need to do what mel Robbins does and she
does this. She gives herself literally like this a high
five and it just gets her to laugh. And I
did that straight for like six months. It really changed
my day.
Speaker 2 (41:59):
Before me go, Cheryl is just because we are in
the Valentine's Day zone?
Speaker 1 (42:05):
Do you have any forcing this down my throat or.
Speaker 2 (42:07):
Have any funny Valentine's Day stories from It's not necessarily funny.
Speaker 1 (42:12):
It's more like why why, Like it's almost like I
was always the type and I'm speaking past tense where
I would be in a relationship and it's like, Okay,
clearly he's not gonna do it for me, so I'm
gonna do it. And then it look like that he
did it for me like I so I was like
the person who micromanaged, right, like the.
Speaker 2 (42:30):
The Instagram girlfriends.
Speaker 1 (42:32):
I planned the cancuon trips, I planned the you know,
it's Valentine's Day. And then it was like it's always
something day to celebrate, and it was always like, you know,
free trips because when you're in a relationship and you
know you have a following, they offer free sandals, Saint Lucia.
It's like it's always And then like, guess who does
all the booking? Like I might as well be a
(42:53):
travel agent, you know, in just organizing everything. And then
you're like, wait a second, this is supposed to be
celebrated together, like this day is not just about right,
and then resentment built. It's a whole thing. You guys
and I don't think when we scroll through Instagram, though
our lazy brain is active. Right when we're doing this,
just remind yourself that this is probably what's happening in
(43:15):
that relationship. Romantic it looks beautiful, it's not reality, no,
because it's really I mean, just remember all those doubt,
those times where you were just like like really like
you just didn't feel loved you didn't feel seen, you
didn't feel heard, and you know what, you're gonna have
to do that for yourself or learn how to, because
(43:37):
then you'll never need it from anybody, And then that's
when you're superhero soul mate. There's no such thing comes
into your life.
Speaker 2 (43:44):
You know, this kind of felt like a mini therapy session, Cheryl,
So they did there.
Speaker 1 (43:50):
You know what, thanks for joining me. This was it
went by so fast, like and I really believe I
know it was about me, but it's not. It's about
anybody who wants to talk about their story. So thank you.
And you know, a lot of people are going to
be able to relate to this, and you've helped so many.
I know that for a fact, including myself. So if
you're like me or like Heather single navigating life post
(44:14):
divorce in my case, do you want some advice, call
us or email us, follow us on socials. All the
information will be in the show notes. Make sure to
rate and review the podcast. I Do Part two an
iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the main objective.
Maybe
Welcome to I do part two, the pod for people
who didn't get it right the first time when it
came to love and now find themselves picking up the
pieces and putting themselves back together. I'm Cheryl Burke, one
of your celebrity mentors, and I'm just like you guys.
I'm divorced. I've been through the ringer. I know how
hard it is, and today I just want to kind
(00:33):
of take over and talk about my experience and where
I'm at post divorce. Valentine's Day coming up. But we
can't do this without my producer, Heather, who is also
single and almost forty, but she still has a few
more years. She's gonna grill me. So this should be fun.
Hi Share, Welcome, Hi, Hey girl, Welcome.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Hi, Thank you. So I want to talk obviously about
your ex experience a little bit, so kind of like
run us through the highlights. I know you had the
big wedding, but like talk about how long were you
married for and how long has it been since you're divorce.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Okay, well I was married first of all, so this
was a relationship that you know, we started dating when
I first moved to LA But I'm not going to
talk too much about him, but I'll definitely talk more
about just my experience and I I love convert in
any way, shape and form, So like I just it
(01:34):
was really it's always been weird for me to like
date and just to meet people, especially in the business
that I am. But even before this business, it wasn't that.
It was just that I'm naturally introverted, right, So when
I feel comfortable around somebody, you know, the and if
let's say, we break up, which I did with my
ex at that time after dating for the like for
(01:55):
a year back in two thousand and six or seven,
and then we reuni, I did and it just felt comfortable,
you know, and it was just like, Okay, we don't
have to do the whole like it's a small talk
that just gets me anyway. Then yes, then we get
married and we were married for we started dating again
for another year I believe a year and a half
(02:15):
before we got married or engaged, and then we got
married very soon later.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
Can I jump in and ask you this, whose idea
was it to get married?
Speaker 1 (02:25):
Totally mine? I'll take full accountability. Yeah, I don't think
he was. I Mean, look, there was conversations, but every
time it was me starting the conversation, right, because I
also was like older, so it was ten years of
that gap between when we first dated and then started again.
But it was kind of like okay, but when you're older,
(02:47):
you know, you're kind of thinking like, well, if this
person's not serious, then like why waste time? Right? And
I get I'm like what is time now? Now I'm
a different woman, and I'm like, it's it's just so
interesting how we put so much pressure, especially women, because
we think that there's this schedule that we need to
follow as far as getting married and having kids. It's like,
(03:11):
it's the conventional way, right, It's what society expects from you.
But it doesn't have to be in any order or
at any time, amen, or does it ever have to
happen period?
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Did you ever consider not getting married and just being
in a long term partnership?
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Not then, not back then? No, that was my goal.
The goal was to get married, Like it was literally
to get married. I wasn't even thinking kids. I was
just to get married.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
It was just to get married. And so where where
did you feel like that came from? Was that about
the environment you were raised in or was it about
all of your friends were getting married, like pressure being
in the public eye and not being married yet, Like
where or was it just you just wanted that you
just grew up wanting to get married. Where do you
think it came from?
Speaker 1 (03:56):
It came from like all those movies, like you know,
those rom comps. But also honestly, if you really want
to get deep here in a quick SoundBite. But it
was for my feeling at that time. I definitely didn't
love myself. I didn't even start that work, nor was
I interested, even though I was in therapy and I
(04:18):
have been forever. You know, there's certain things that you know,
my therapist now brings to my attention that I'll just
change the subject if it's something that I don't want
to talk about, And that was one of them, you know.
And it was so much about what the person outside
sources what can fill my cup up? And one of
that and one of my goals was to see if
(04:39):
I can get married, and has nothing to do with
the person I married. It has everything to do with
how no matter what I did, it doesn't matter, Like
you can't fill No one is going to fill your
cup up. Shopping's not going to fill your cup up.
You are, you need to do the internal work, and
that did not make any sense to me until recently.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Yeah, I mean that makes a lot of sense, though.
I want to know now post divorce, what has kind
of or right after the divorce, let's say, let's go
back to that. Right after the divorce, what was the focus.
Was it to get into therapy?
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Was it to build I was already in therapy, okay.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
Was it to build a new circle of friends. Was
it to focus more on yourself? Was it to start
a new life or what was kind of like that
when you first got divorced? What was the focus right
then and there?
Speaker 1 (05:33):
I didn't have any type of goal, like to be
quite like just transparent with you. It was really about
surviving day after day, and it was one day at
a time, sometimes one hour at a time, sometimes one
minute at a time. And I'm very goal oriented, right,
But it naturally, honestly, it naturally became about me ghosting
(05:57):
everybody around me and doing the work myself. Because what
I realized naturally, and I don't think I was able
to put it into words at that time, but I
can't be vulnerable with other people sometimes like that vulnerable
like when it comes to like really feeling grief. I
even have trouble doing that, but when I'm by myself,
you know, so it's like, because it's so painful that
(06:20):
like I am a professional disassociator, and I definitely numb,
and though it's not through alcohol anymore, there's so many
other things I can do, right, So the list goes on,
and I am in order for me to really make
progress and to really feel okay in my own skin
and to feel alone, not lonely, like I sound like
(06:41):
a broken record, but like it's it really does start within.
And first my first priority, to be quite honest, was
staying sober, so that was definitely something that I was
aware of at that time.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Yeah, that's an important thing that you channeled a lot
of energy into. And I do want to commend you
for being so open about that because I do think
that that's a huge step for anybody in life. Choosing
to be sober, and you choosing to share that on
a large platform I think is really incredible. I want
to talk about the fact that you are a childless.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
Woman, my friend. You accounts those well.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
Babies always count, but I want to talk about this
because I think it's something that sometimes gets overlooked when
it comes to divorce. I think a lot of people
focus on divorce single parent aspect and what that kind
of entails. But you know, just because you don't have
children doesn't make this experience that you went through any
(07:44):
less painful or meaningful. But I kind of want to know,
from your perspective and what you've gone through, did it
feel different because you didn't have children and you didn't
have somebody. I mean, you had a fur baby to
take care of, right, but you didn't have have a
human being to take care of. You didn't have somebody
to put on a brave face for. Sometimes we hear
(08:07):
a lot about single parents having to do that.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
I guess I don't know, because I've never had kids,
right Like, I don't know what that is.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Did you feel supported? I guess I want to know.
I think a lot of times we hear about stories
of people being rallied around because they need that extra support,
and sometimes us single girls that don't have kids, I
feel like we're viewed as you got this, you're strong.
What was your perspective like, did you have that?
Speaker 1 (08:34):
I don't I have never never crossed my mind and
I've never felt that, but I, like, you know, I
mentioned earlier if I needed the support, absolutely, and I did.
And I and though she is on someone I pay
my therapist for me because I am so sensitive to bias, right,
Like I don't want At that time in my life,
(08:57):
I needed just to hear the truth, right, and I
really need it, just to hear it, and not because
of any type of politics being played, like I and
for me, that person was my therapist. I really leaned
on her a lot. And you know, I've been with
her for fifteen years. And I have to say the
reason I have been with her because I'm sensitive, as
I said, to bias, I is because she's not biased
(09:18):
like by any means. And I have to say that
she definitely you know, it was difficult. It was hard.
It was hard, truth because like she also is very
much all about taking accountability, and that is a thing
that you know, and sometimes that's the last thing you
want to do, right when you have all this anger
and rage. But I leaned on her a lot, and
(09:41):
I also lean and then with that, you know, it
was my choice to leave Los Angeles and move and
I don't believe a lot of people would choose that
after a divorce not just with their partner, but also
leaving a job that they've done for seventeen years of
their life, and the same year choose to move right.
(10:03):
So those are three huge changes that I think it's
my addict brain that's like, okay, I have to if
I'm going to just change my whole life, then I'm
changing my whole life. That house I was in for
sixteen years just reminded me of everything, right, So it
was like it was very important for me to do this,
And I don't know if I were to, like if
(10:24):
I'm like thinking about those decisions now and I'm like, WHOA,
that was bold. That was like three life changes. Like
they say, if you go up to five in one year,
you need to like go to the nearest mental and
like it will make you mental, right, like because it's
just so much change. But then also with that, you know,
my friends have changed right too and naturally. But like
(10:45):
I've never felt so grounded, and so look, there's fucking
days where I don't feel like this. Okay, I'm not
trying to say like I have served like you know, no,
there's shirty days, absolutely, but I've never felt lonely.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
So I'd love to hear that. Let me ask you
something super personal. You can be like sure, I want
to answer that. No, I know, okay, what are your
views on children? Is that something that you think about,
something that you want in your lifetime? Still don't know,
like kind of.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
Where you are. I actually talked about it with my
therapist recently, and she's like, the way you treat your dog,
are you sure you want to have kids? Because my
dog is a spoiled brat, like literally spoiled twenty four
hour care over here because she needs it, but or
I think she needs it. But you know, I believe,
(11:40):
and I've just okay, I believe. Okay, of course it's
great to raise a kid with two people, right like
obviously because I come from a divorce family, and because
I know how much it affected me and other stories
I've heard even if I was so young, it doesn't matter,
stills ingrained in my freaking identity, right I. And this
(12:06):
is not going to be popular, I don't. I believe
that it's okay to raise kids on your own, like
and actually to start it off like that would probably
be healthier than having to rely on another partner, not
knowing what mood that person's going to wake up in
and not knowing what this kid is going to observe.
And at least you have control for the most part
(12:27):
over yourself in your kids.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
I will say, Cheryl, you say that that's unpopular. I
think that's becoming more popular as time goes on. I mean,
I could draw a conclusion right now to like Lalla
on vander Pump Rules, after having one child in that relationship,
decided I still want to be a mom. That is
still really important to me. And she opted to have
a sperm donor and had that second child and is
(12:51):
raising it on her own because she does not want
to go through kind of the conflict that she went
through with her child's father.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
How has people, I guess it been celebrated at all.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
Or totally celebrated. She had a baby shower, She has
been you know, uh, embraced by her family. Yeah. So,
I mean that was a journey that she went on
on her own. And I think, you know, I I
know in my professional life, I have worked with women
that you know, were in their fifties and decided to
(13:24):
adopt on their own and become mothers later in life.
And one of them, I actually know ended up then
meeting a spouse later on after bringing you know, adopting
a child on her own. I know, like Coda on
the Today Show, she's done it on her own as well.
(13:45):
So I think it's it is becoming I think, a
more popular and mainstream decision for women because they feel
similar to what you're expressing, you know, like they want
the risk. You know, they've maybe gone through something. I mean,
I'm a product of divorce too, so when you talk
about that, I totally understand those feelings and how that
sticks with you. And I do think that you know, yes, ideally,
(14:10):
it's it's I think it's less about that a child
necessarily needs two parents as it's more it's a tough job.
So if you have somebody to share the workload with,
that I think does sound great. But I think that
you and I both know that there's a lot of
single parents out there in the world that are kicking
ass right now and doing yeah for sure.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
Yeah. And also, look, I didn't freeze. I've chosen not
to freeze my eggs and I don't plan on ever
doing that, So Noor, I don't think it'll be possible
soon or if it's not possible. Now, it's not possible.
It doesn't matter either way, that's not happening. So what
my therapist and I were talking about was like, Okay,
she does have a friend that she was able to,
you know, get a donor and then like have a
(14:52):
surrogate and do that whole thing. And at first I
was like, okay, adopt, but then I'm like, oh wait,
even realize that that was an option. So but I'm
not clearly, I'm not that like, Okay, tomorrow, we're doing this.
I'm not ready yet. And this is the beauty of
also in a way, where we are today in this
world as far as you know, technology, and it's scary
(15:16):
but also very helpful for women who feel like they
haven't finished what they're trying to do, whatever that is.
And I don't feel like I have started my second
chapter yet in my career yet, so like I don't
want to. I don't think it would be responsible for
me to bring in a kid right now if I
(15:38):
don't feel I mean, I guess I'm never gonna be ready.
No one is, and I guess I'm never going to
feel settled because like how boring is that? But I
know that there's more that I need to do as
an individual before sharing my life with somebody.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
And Cheryl, I know I'm not your mom, but I
can also say this to you. You are allowed to
change your mind at any time. Yeah, any of this too,
but not when you have the kid, not once you
have the kid. That's what I read. You have children
for sure, And so I think that's important, right because
I think sometimes people are put a lot of pressure
(16:14):
on themselves to make a decision and stick to that answer.
And you know, we are allowed to change our minds
about things. And you could want to get married again someday, yea,
not want to have children again someday and life changes.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
How about just the dating, Like I'm not dating and
I'm choosing not to date, like forget the marriage. How
much is meeting somebody? I'm like, I am perfectly content
in this home, with these four walls. I never have
to leave.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
Let's talk about it, Cheryl, because I do want to
talk about what's going on with the not dating.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
I knew this was a note from Amy Sugarman, wasn't it.
Yeah right, yeah right, All y'all think it's so weird, Like, well,
what is happening?
Speaker 2 (17:05):
Weird. Hello, I'm not dating either, Cheryl.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
I bet you you leave your house more than I do, though.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
Probably not Cheryl. But I want to know when was
your last date?
Speaker 1 (17:15):
Amy Shag from that dude that's Kelly's dating Yeah, mister Tennis.
But is she still dating him? I forgot, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
I haven't gotten up date. But I want to know
when was that date? So your last date was when?
Speaker 1 (17:26):
I don't know? I mean, I can check my calendar.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
Hold on, are we talking over three hundred and sixty
five days?
Speaker 1 (17:32):
Like? Oh, for sure it was when I was just moving. Okay,
zero interests, don't even try.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
But no, but tell me where where? Like I want
to know as a single you're gorgeous, you're talented, you have,
like you just said, you're so busy right now, it's
like so hard to even lock you down.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
No, but I'm not, like, I'm not.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
I just I want to know, Like, when Cheryl goes
out to the bank or to run errands, do you
turn your hand to me?
Speaker 1 (18:06):
They come to me attractive men?
Speaker 2 (18:08):
Are we not even looking at men? Are we blinders?
Speaker 1 (18:10):
On? Oh? Hell yeah, Like I'm following some hot dudes
on and mind you like errands come to me like
this is the invention. This is what I mean. Technology
like instacard, like you know, bank like you can do everything.
I don't remember the last time I set foot in
a bank anyway. Yeah, no, of course, I still think
(18:31):
guys are hot. That doesn't mean though, that they deserve me.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
Of course. Wait, are guys sliding into your dms.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
Ever old creepy ones? But like I think about it,
I'm not one to post like my tits are not out,
Like I don't do that right, Like.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Like you're still stunning and you're still active on social media.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
Well yeah, I mean no. But to answer you, I mean,
I don't know. I don't check like the other you know,
there's messages. There's so many sections of messages the others. No,
that's not what I meant.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
But like you know, oh, I know what you mean,
the other messages, the non blue check messages that come through.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
I got you. I was not giving off that vibe.
I truly believe that, Like my energy is not like
damn me.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
Sure, but listen, like I said, I think you're glowing.
You're gorgeous.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
I know I am. I am in the best shape
in the world right now. More than when I was
on Dancing with the Stars.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
You have great content that you're putting out about loving yourself.
It's not like it's not crossing any men's hats.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
That's intimidating for men.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
You know what, I don't know. I've never been attracted
to beta men's so I've never been like into a
guy that like, was ever intimidated by me anyways.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
That's just never how I heard interesting.
Speaker 2 (19:46):
I don't ever tend to like.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
So are you attracted to the opposite, then.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
I'm attracted to strong, quiet confidence, So I'm not attracted
to alpha males that are super loud and boisterous about it.
I'm attracted to more of a quiet confidence that doesn't
need to put that out to the world.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
That's great considering you came from a divorce family.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
Yeah, I mean I also, Cheryl, this is not my
therapy session.
Speaker 1 (20:14):
What It's so true though, I mean, come on it.
People can learn from you too, girl. We are normal people.
I'm normal, We're normal humans.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
Right, I do part two phase, Cheryl. I'm still I'm
not in.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
Your mid thirties. You just got out of a very
long relationship. You just moved as well, Like this is
a very similar path.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
Similar but haven't had the marital relationships and haven't.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
But you would have, don't lie.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
I would have for sure, I would have had my
relationship progress, but it did not.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
Correct until you bounced good girl.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
Yes, but I want to I want to go back
to you because we touched on this a minute ago
about the not dating, but I want to go back
on celibacy. So you have been very open on the
podcast about your decision to be celibate, and so I
want to know, though, where did that come from? Was
that a decision that you made on your own? Were
(21:13):
you inspired by somebody else that was talking about celibacy?
Was that something that came hand in hand with your sobriety?
Like kind of about where the celibacy came from?
Speaker 1 (21:24):
I mean all of the above, but really what I
started laughing because it's like, well, if I'm not dating, right,
and I'm not necessarily like I'm not even texting like
anyone that I'm interested in, right, like whatever it comes
natural obviously, Like I'm also not the girl that does
like I would never I never have well I mean
maybe who cares, but the one night stands, like I
(21:48):
just don't especially as a sober woman and just respecting
and loving myself. Like I don't do that shit, so
it kind of.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
Take anybody who does if they're into now I.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
Wish I could do. I wish I could separate. Like
the thing is, you have sex with me, I fall
in love fast, so like this is not a good thing, right,
So we're working through this. We're like, Okay, well, maybe
it doesn't have to be so intense, like I am
such an intense you know woman, Like whatever it is,
what it is.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
That's really I mean I also think that.
Speaker 1 (22:20):
But it hurts, like it hurt like literally, like you
have some with me, it's like you're screwed. And this
was in the past, and I'm talking past tense, right,
and it's and the obsession, the uh not obsession like
scary like those weird movies, like that's not what I'm
talking about, but like the fact that like it'll completely
take over my my thought process, like this person and
(22:41):
the fantasy of this person, because it's not real. None
of it is real. Well the only thing that was
real with whatever happened physically that you allowed for it
to happen, right, And I think a lot of that
maybe back in the day when I would have casual
maybe relationships or intimacy, it really just continue to chip
away at my soul because at the end of the day,
(23:04):
that says a lot about me. Right.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
Well, yes, it's also important to have sex with feelings, though,
I mean I just personally, I think everybody can have
casual sex that means nothing, and that's fine and dandy,
but we all know that the best kind of sex
is when you have that emotional connection to somebody too.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
Well, I don't think that's what I'm talking about, because
I don't think that's ever happened.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
Wait, Cheryl unpacked that for me. What do you mean
that has nothing?
Speaker 1 (23:33):
It has nothing to do with the person that And
I've had sex with more than one person. People. People
are going to always everything that I say always relates
to my act Like you guys, I am I have
dated more than enough.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
Yes, we're being very clear. Cheryl is a grown woman.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
Yes, I'm not just referring to one every time I
do a stupid TikTok. You're like, oh my god, you're
not over it. I'm like, wait, what, I've had like
twenty relationships, Like actually, anyway, so what is another thing?
That has been an ongoing conversation in my therapy session
is have I ever been vulnerable enough right to, you know,
(24:13):
be truly intimate? And no, because I think it was
because of my sexual abuse as a kid. So for me,
certain things are very intimate that I don't do unless
and I'm talking about physical things, unless I am one
hundred percent feeling safe, and which is very rare. I
(24:35):
don't remember when the last time that happened.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
Actually, I think that all of that makes total sense.
It's interesting to hear you say that you struggle with
vulnerability because just in the brief amount of.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
Tay intimacy, physical intimacy.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
Physical intimacy is what you struggle with you you don't
you struggle with vulnerability.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
It depends I'm more vulnerable. This is another thing my
therapist pointed out via zoom than I am in person.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
Well, I was just about to say, in the short
amount of time that we've been each other's lives, I
feel like you've been incredibly vulnerable and an open book,
you know what I mean, Like you Jo when.
Speaker 1 (25:12):
You saw me in person, Yes, I felt.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
Like that when I saw you in person, you were
trying to talk to me about what yeah, going on
with me, of course, But I still think that I
didn't feel any part of you that was closed off
or evasive or anything like that.
Speaker 1 (25:31):
I don't think it's so dramatic, right, I don't think
it's black and white, But I understand, Like I mean,
like if you, if me and you were like by
ourselves like I am, like with my therapist, if I
saw her face to face, which I have just recently
versus zoom. I think that it's interesting because I can
feel it. My body's uncomfortable in person when I talk
about stuff like this on one on one, let's say,
(25:52):
in person versus zoom.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
Okay, that's interesting. Well, I kind of want to talk
about date. I know dating is not at the forefront
of your mind right now.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
Is it on you? Is it on yours?
Speaker 2 (26:05):
No? But my sadly, but my situation has not been
three hundred and sixty five plus days and market situation.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
He's counting, but honestly, who's count Why count? No?
Speaker 2 (26:16):
Also, Cheryl, if I'm just being totally honest, I am
not a bombshell like you.
Speaker 1 (26:21):
Yeah, you are, shut up. That's the number one thing
that has to change.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
What's the number one thing that has to change.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
You need to say to yourself because you are a
freaking bomb.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
You're a catch anyways, Cheryl. I want to know though,
because this is what happens with me. I I'm of
the mindset in this moment right now for me, I
don't know if I will ever date again. And I
know that that sounds really dramatic and really whoa because
(26:54):
I am not middle aged yet and whatnot A'm somebody
listening might right now might be like, is.
Speaker 1 (27:00):
But why are you thinking so far?
Speaker 2 (27:02):
Because I think similar to what you said, that it's
hard for me to connect and it's really difficult for
me to connect with men particularly. I have tons of girlfriends,
I have about zero male friends and it is just
not something that I just I don't like the small
(27:25):
chat with men. I don't want to talk about the
things that I want to talk about High Housewives, Bravo
like that kind of stuff. And no, I've had I've
had gay male friends in my life and I that's
not what I'm talking about. But it's like, it's very
it was. Dating was always was a struggle for me.
(27:46):
It was really hard.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
What part of the dating was Oh my.
Speaker 2 (27:49):
Gosh, the fact that I wasn't willing to get intimate
right away.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
Is this prior to your boyfriend?
Speaker 2 (27:57):
Yeah, when I was dating like heavily days.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
But how long ago was that?
Speaker 2 (28:02):
Ten years ago?
Speaker 1 (28:03):
Yeah? Things have changed, I think supposedly. Do you believe
that you're making it impossible for yourself because you feel
like you need to say why you're not willing to
date instead of just saying I'm just not into dating period.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
No, I'm pretty open. I think also with my therapist
and with my circle that I'm not interested in dating
at all right now. I don't think I have the
capacity anyways. But because also I remember how much effort
it took when I did date. So when I was single,
I did the blind dates, I did the setups, I
(28:45):
did online dating, I did group dating. I did set up.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
With people were group dating.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
Oh, there used to be a website back in any
of the thousands that was called grouper, And you went
on and signed up to go on a group date,
and what they were weird be paid for it in advance,
and the company made the reservation and you all met
up at said place.
Speaker 1 (29:11):
Wow, you really put way more effort than I ever
have or will.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
That's why I think that to me is the overwhelming
thing that makes me not want to get back out
there is I know how much effort I put in
to get to my ten year relationship, and I don't
have the stamina and the mental ensor okay to put
myself through that.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
Again right now today.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
You don't today, right now, in this moment. But that's
why I want to know for you that has had
the time physically the distance. You have more distance between
your relationship than I do. Right now. I want to
know why you're at this place where you're not putting
the effort into dating or interested in putting into it
right now in your life.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
Because I'm putting it into me. Because I was a
serial dater, right so, I dated from the age good
old ripe age of thirteen until three years ago, back
to back. I'm not even joking, not even a day, okay,
like it was back to back to back. And these
are all serious relationships. But because I was so scared
of being lonely, I always had a backup plan. That
sounds so bad, but it's true.
Speaker 2 (30:15):
But Cheryl, I know people exactly like you. I know
a lot of women specifically just like that.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
It's scary it's fear of being alone in your own head,
your voice and your voices in your head, the thoughts
that you think about about yourself. It isn't necessarily enticing,
right You're not like I look forward to it, No,
But then you do it, and then you realize, oh,
it's not that bad. And by the way, everyone thinks
like this about themselves and it's normal, but it's so empowering.
(30:44):
And I you know, like how the time is really
just an illusion? Like for me, I see it. I
was just saying this to my sister. She wants me
to do her makeup for her wedding, and I've been
like freaking out about that. Anyway, that's a whole nother podcast.
But I have been like saying to my sister of like,
I don't even know how much time has gone by
(31:05):
since my last relationship or whatever. But I also it's like,
you know, when something's just not in your zeitgeist, Yeah,
like it is not not even close to a priority
right now. And I am being so selfish in a
good way that I've never done this before in my life.
(31:26):
Like I said, I was a serial dater for twenty
years of my life, thirty just kidding thirty years.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
Can I say, because I during my single period last time,
I felt like I got really good at being single.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
Do you feel lonely ever?
Speaker 2 (31:41):
I felt lonely a lot of times, but I still
pushed through and made myself do things alone because I
wasn't going to miss out on activities and memories because
I didn't have somebody. And I felt that my relationship
came into my life when I was fully secure in
(32:01):
being alone, and throughout my relationship, I still did things
alone and never allowed myself to become codependent. Now maybe
that was a problem, maybe it wasn't. I don't know,
but that's who I was and am still. But I
want to ask you because some of the things I
did when I was single was like I went traveled
(32:22):
overseas by myself, went to the movies by myself. I
just did. The last Sunday, I went to a restaurant,
sat outside at the table by myself, had my lunch,
had my coffee, did not look at my cell phone,
did not bring a book, fully sat there in the
sun around mind you, this was a crowded restaurant, people
all around me. So I want to know, when's the
(32:44):
last time you did any of those things, Cheryl.
Speaker 1 (32:46):
I always, I mean the ballroom dancer in me right, So,
like I traveled the world alone all the time. But
so that's just like was that for work or for pleasure? No?
For pleasure? I was dating someone in England?
Speaker 2 (32:57):
Okay, but no, no, no, so you were dating somebody.
Speaker 1 (32:59):
So also now I won't travel around the world because
of my dog. They don't let the dogs go internationally, Okay,
But yes, I always, I mean I don't always cause
I don't always leave. But yeah, I have no fear
with I just don't like the movies. I think it's
a dirty place and I just can't sit still. And
I have no interest in watching a movie elsewhere when
I can watch it here if I wanted to. But
(33:21):
I'd rather watch the O. J. Simpson docu series at
this moment. Any who. But as far as restaurants go, yeah,
I mean, I have no fear with that. Like that
is okay for me. But I don't know if I
could do the whole no phone thing. It's part of it,
it's part of it, and it's intentional, that's very intentional.
But yeah, I guess I could. I mean, I could
definitely keep I mean people watching. It's a thing, you know.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
I will say I fully was invested in the people
sitting next to me in their conversation that they were
having having. I mean, I couldn't help the guy was
getting next to me and talking. So when you're not
looking at your phone, I just I just listened.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
And did people come up to you? Did like any
high dudes?
Speaker 2 (34:00):
No, No, nobody came up to me. But I'm just
saying that for anybody listening, those are some small kinds
of challenges that you can do for yourself while you're
in this. Before this, I do Part two era, because
you don't know what's going to happen if you don't
put yourself out there. And I know Cheryl doesn't like
(34:22):
going to the movies by herself.
Speaker 1 (34:24):
I don't like to go to the movies period, even
with somebody, sure, But going.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
To the movies alone is I think one of the
easiest entry points to doing things alone because it is
a dark theater, it is quiet. Nobody is going to notice.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
And nobody's going to be there. No one goes to
the movies, but you're in my sister.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
Some people go to the movie, Cheryl. But I'm just
saying that's an easy way to start, because some people
are like, go to a restaurant alone that is way
too daunting, you know what I mean? Andy, By the way,
do everything in safety first, So don't go to environments
that make you feel uncomfortable, or at night, or drinking
alcohol alone.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
Working underground garages.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
Don't put yourself I'm not saying put yourself in uncomfortable
situations where your safety is jeopardized, but I think that's
part of you know, doing this whole experience of your
next chapter in life is putting yourself into situations where
you are alone. I will say I traveled to Greece
by myself and it was I've also traveled to Paris
(35:25):
by myself, but I will say Greece was a really
exciting trip for me because it was inexpensive, it was warm,
and the people were incredibly friendly. So nobody asked me
where is my husband? Where is my boyfriend? It was
all about being by myself having this experience. I will
(35:46):
say it was difficult to take pictures of myself on vacation.
That was fun. But I really do encourage everybody to
have some sort of eat, prey love experience, you know,
post break up, post divorce, whatever it might be, because
you do get a sense of that the world is
(36:06):
so big that maybe your problems are your problems, but
there's so much more out there to experience in life.
And I just encourage anybody that maybe is going through
that too. I started with a small weekend trip honestly
before I went overseas. So I went from Los Angeles
to Big Sir one weekend. I went on Valentine's Day once.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
I love Big Sir. I also think you should do
all of this when you're in relationships. I don't think
it's just about post anything right prior to anything. It's
like because it just reminds you that you are loved
by yourself, Like this is part of self care. And
I just remember in my past relationships, not just this
(36:48):
last one. Sorry, I have to, like you make it clear.
I remember that those moments of like, okay, you know,
you do your thing. I do my thing. There was
a lot of insecurity there, like a lot of like
what ifs, what ifs, what ifs, what ifs they're gonna
do whatever they're gonna do with with you being like
in a relationship with you or without you, like there's
(37:08):
no control over that. But this is this if you
really want to ask, like why are you so single?
Because there's so much of the patterns that I want
to change, first and foremost for myself that I don't
want to be feeling or like not believing the thoughts
in my head that start to get worried that someone's
(37:29):
gonna cheat, someone's going to do this, someone's gonna lie.
And there's always that like that fear instilled in my
identity because of you know, my first memory with seeing
my father with another woman, like at two, and like
there's just all of that like and regardless, like I'm
not blame. It is what it is as my past
and I've moved forward. But in order for me to
(37:50):
move forward, I need to first of all put that
to rest, like all those feelings of insecurity and jealousy
and all of it.
Speaker 2 (37:57):
Yeah, I mean, this is what's so great about you
should is that you are doing the work and you
know what your lines are. And I think that that's great.
We touched on it just a second ago, but I
do want to talk about it is Valentine's Day this week?
How do you feel about Valentine's Day? Did you have
thoughts about Valentine's Day when you were in a relationship
versus what you have now, Like what do you think
(38:17):
about it?
Speaker 1 (38:18):
I have no thoughts about it, except but when I
was in a relationship, the amount of pressure it was
always like we have to go on a trip. You
have to get me, like you're gonna get me a
bunch of roses, right, Like, and if you're with somebody,
mind you, I've been in other relationships. And if you
are with somebody who may not be so good at
planning ahead or like always comes up with a oh,
(38:43):
I just haven't had the time. It's like it's just
a Debbie downer because the expectations. You see all these
instagram like rose pedals, like going from a mile away
to their you know whatever, wherever they're staying anyway, they's sanctuary.
It's like so mantic and picture perfect. And then you're like, great,
I got twelve, I got a dozen roses? Great, right,
(39:04):
And it's just like it's just it's the for me
because of my expectations. Now, if I were a Yogi
and I had no expectations, then man, would it be amazing.
It'd probably be amazing.
Speaker 2 (39:16):
I mean, I hear that. I think that social media
has really turned the dial on so many people and
how we view our relationships through this faith. But I
want to know, what do you think somebody should be
doing this Valentine's Day that is single, Like should I
don't know, should they have a journaling session? Should they
(39:38):
be having not? They don't want to do the ins
like writing stuff down and.
Speaker 1 (39:42):
Burning it, like you should be doing that tonight. There's
a full moon, so love it.
Speaker 2 (39:47):
Love it?
Speaker 1 (39:47):
Yeah, so you should be doing that tonight. Okay there,
But as far as I think honestly, when you give
anything so much energy right, like it's just I don't know,
maybe you do want to do something, maybe when do gallantines?
Like for me, I have a little sweater that I
was gifted from pr says Isabella on it. It's pink
and it has a heart. That's what I'm doing to celebrate.
(40:10):
And I'll be probably in this room maybe shooting content
on a how to do Valentine's Day makeup? Like I
don't freaking know, I don't know, you know what I'm doing.
I'm probably working. Most likely I don't have my calendar
in front of me. It's just another day. And another dollar.
Speaker 2 (40:26):
Yeah, and listen, I think anybody who maybe this is
their first Valentine's Day post split.
Speaker 1 (40:32):
Stop looking on social media. Then don't even do it.
Speaker 2 (40:34):
Agree, don't open the app.
Speaker 1 (40:36):
And if you do it, realize that it's not picture perfect.
They're probably fighting right now as you're looking at their posts. Okay,
they're probably literally like that's not enough rose petals? How
dare you? It wasn't white enough, those white roses like
stuff like that, Like you don't want you should just
be counting your blessings you're single, or.
Speaker 2 (40:53):
Take a page out of Cheryl's book and maybe like
order something for yourself to be delivered.
Speaker 1 (40:59):
Yeah, just go shop. I do it every day. Every
day is Valentine's Day.
Speaker 2 (41:02):
Buy yourself the flowers, or have some ice cream delivered.
Speaker 1 (41:06):
You can get in person delivered too, Supposedly, who knows.
Speaker 2 (41:09):
I said to myself, I need some cute jammies. So
I just ordered jammys, ordered some new slippers.
Speaker 1 (41:15):
There's some great sales right now, you guys. Go on
my shop LTK for more info.
Speaker 2 (41:20):
I love that Cheryl. Cheryl's a hustler.
Speaker 1 (41:23):
I just had to plug that in.
Speaker 2 (41:24):
No, I love it.
Speaker 1 (41:25):
How about this just hug yourself like that. You don't
understand it. That's powerful. It is a powerful thing. You
know you hug you hug you. Hugging yourself is really
like all you need. I'm joking, I'm not trying to
be corny, but that's the easiest thing. And then also
in the mirror when you're brushing your teeth, you need
to say how much you love yourself, like I you
know what? You know what? Don't even say I love you.
(41:46):
You need to do what mel Robbins does and she
does this. She gives herself literally like this a high
five and it just gets her to laugh. And I
did that straight for like six months. It really changed
my day.
Speaker 2 (41:59):
Before me go, Cheryl is just because we are in
the Valentine's Day zone?
Speaker 1 (42:05):
Do you have any forcing this down my throat or.
Speaker 2 (42:07):
Have any funny Valentine's Day stories from It's not necessarily funny.
Speaker 1 (42:12):
It's more like why why, Like it's almost like I
was always the type and I'm speaking past tense where
I would be in a relationship and it's like, Okay,
clearly he's not gonna do it for me, so I'm
gonna do it. And then it look like that he
did it for me like I so I was like
the person who micromanaged, right, like the.
Speaker 2 (42:30):
The Instagram girlfriends.
Speaker 1 (42:32):
I planned the cancuon trips, I planned the you know,
it's Valentine's Day. And then it was like it's always
something day to celebrate, and it was always like, you know,
free trips because when you're in a relationship and you
know you have a following, they offer free sandals, Saint Lucia.
It's like it's always And then like, guess who does
all the booking? Like I might as well be a
(42:53):
travel agent, you know, in just organizing everything. And then
you're like, wait a second, this is supposed to be
celebrated together, like this day is not just about right,
and then resentment built. It's a whole thing. You guys
and I don't think when we scroll through Instagram, though
our lazy brain is active. Right when we're doing this,
just remind yourself that this is probably what's happening in
(43:15):
that relationship. Romantic it looks beautiful, it's not reality, no,
because it's really I mean, just remember all those doubt,
those times where you were just like like really like
you just didn't feel loved you didn't feel seen, you
didn't feel heard, and you know what, you're gonna have
to do that for yourself or learn how to, because
(43:37):
then you'll never need it from anybody, And then that's
when you're superhero soul mate. There's no such thing comes
into your life.
Speaker 2 (43:44):
You know, this kind of felt like a mini therapy session, Cheryl,
So they did there.
Speaker 1 (43:50):
You know what, thanks for joining me. This was it
went by so fast, like and I really believe I
know it was about me, but it's not. It's about
anybody who wants to talk about their story. So thank you.
And you know, a lot of people are going to
be able to relate to this, and you've helped so many.
I know that for a fact, including myself. So if
you're like me or like Heather single navigating life post
(44:14):
divorce in my case, do you want some advice, call
us or email us, follow us on socials. All the
information will be in the show notes. Make sure to
rate and review the podcast. I Do Part two an
iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the main objective.
Maybe
Hosts And Creators
Amy Robach
T.J. Holmes
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