March 29, 2025 • 44 mins
RHONJ star Jennifer Fessler, along with fellow housewife and “Traitors” star Dolores Catania are confronting Dolores’ boyfriend Paul “Paulie” Connell about dating when you aren’t divorced yet. They also fill you in on why “I Do Part 2” is better than round one.
This Jersey couple discusses the scrutiny you’re under when you’re dating and not yet divorced. Should they get married? And will they have a prenup?
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
It's I Do Part two, and I'm Jennifer Wessler, one
of your celebrity mentors from the Real Housewives of New
Jersey and the podcast to Jersey Jays. Today is going
to be so much fun because I'm going to connect
with a couple that we have that have both gone
through divorce and found love in each other in their
chapter two. My guest today, you know because you've seen
(00:37):
their love while watching Jersey Housewives. So here we go.
Please welcome my friends Dolores Catana and Paully Connell to
the podcast. All right, my loves Hello, Hye, hi you guys.
Hi dog Dog's near? Dogs have dog? Hi baby?
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Part of Part two?
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Also oh right, very true? Right, this is Dogs Part two?
What was Dogs? Part one?
Speaker 2 (01:04):
A backyard a junk yard?
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Actually better Part two. It's a happy ending and they're
in love. They're in love. Listen. I mean, you guys
already know this, but this podcast is about second time,
third time. Well, if you ask my family, fourth time around,
my parents. But you know we're gonna talk a little
bit about your We're gonna call it second time around. Listen,
(01:28):
you guys met how old were you guys when you met?
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Well, twelve. No, what was I I was fifty and
you were, So we're four years.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
Apart, four years apart, younger men.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
This is a first for me.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
I don't right. But Paul's a man, yeah, honey. You
say a lot of things about Paul O'Connell. He is
all man. You have no feminine there's nothing feminine about
Paul O'Connor.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
Man.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
It palls a man. Yeah, but Christopher because he typically
dates twenty eight year olds.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
So let's go there, all right. So a little bit
you guys about relationship history.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
That's almost something good, right, the second price that had
to be better.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Honey, this is good to our listeners. We want to know.
We want to know it all the good, the bad,
the ugly. Okay, So just tell us a little bit,
Polly about I'm just going to touch on it about
your relationship history pre Dolores and after. Well, okay, so
you and your wife separated, broke up, and did you
have what kind of Do you have a lot of
(02:34):
relationships between the time that you guys split up, in
the time you met Dolores?
Speaker 3 (02:38):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely, I definitely, you know, met a bunch
of different people, you know, sometimes somewhat serious, not so
serious because you're finding yourself, right, Yeah, we can't be
serious till you find yourself, so by default, you know,
you go through these patrons of being with people and
then those relationships not working out until you find the
(02:59):
right person.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Do you think there was something that a common thread
in terms of like the women that you were dating
that where it just didn't work out because I don't know,
they all dot dot dot.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Yeah. I think the biggest common tread was I was
immature really yeah, definitely, so I'm matured when I met.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
The right person.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Well, it's also somebody sometimes you morph into the person
you you kind of adopt to who you're with. Like
if you were with a girl who wanted to go
out every night and drinking every night, you're going to
stay in that.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
I love that. But I'm just thinking, like, also, there
is there was something about Dolores from the get go
when you first saw her, met her. Tell us a
little bit about that, tell us about I think you
guys met in the Apple store.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
Yeah, yeah, that's so. I was a friend of ours,
mutual friend that introduced me by text to Dolores, and
she's like, my friend, is you know, recently single, and
is you know, would you go on a date with her?
And I'm like, of course, I'm like, you know, didn't
know what you looked like. And I honestly people keep saying, oh,
(04:11):
he's followed her. I never knew the Loris from the show.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
People say that you followed me.
Speaker 3 (04:17):
No, because he's better, because your housewife, blah blah blah. Right,
so yeah, you followed.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Me, by the way, Wait a second, So Paul, had
you ever watched the show?
Speaker 3 (04:27):
You know, my ex wife used to watch the show.
I think she she liked Dolors.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Yeah, everyone likes Dolores Dolorius.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
I think she you know, I used to look at
her and go.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
What watch watching?
Speaker 3 (04:38):
It was the time Carol Andmonzo threes and Judais was
turning over the tables. So I was like in and out,
going with the work, you know whatever. It was kids
running around and I couldn't understand that. I was like,
I don't know understand what that is. So yeah, so
it was obviously then I got to see a photograph
of Dolors and not you know, of course, I'm like, yes,
I would absolutely go on a date with this person.
(05:00):
And then we yeah, it's just it's a small, silly story. Ball.
I went to Apple store because my phone was broken.
We were texting at this time because there was like
a message about is all going for like a double
date to meet everybody? And I don't do that. I'm
not going on a double date.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
My girl, here's my nmer.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
Dates.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
No, no, man up baby mana.
Speaker 3 (05:27):
She goes, here's my number, this is my pass cade.
I know she's She goes, here's my number if you
want to like reach out. So we start talking to
say to where my phone has broke? I have to
go to the Apple store. Jen, I'm not bullshit. I'm
sitting in the Apple Store at a mask on the map.
I couldn't. I wish the mask could just uncover my
(05:48):
whole existence. In walks this chick with hair HiT's everywhere.
It was like everybody in the store twants around looking
at her, and I can hear the bracelet jingle and
I'm like, please don't tell me that's Dolores.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Can get the hell out of here.
Speaker 3 (06:04):
She walks literally, she loss right off to me and
she goes, hey, such a crowd.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Side get that hell, Hold on, hold on, hold on,
back this up. Hold on. You saw her coming and
you thought, let that not be Dolores my pants. Oh,
because she was because you were sitting there field because
she was so gorgeous. You're saying, you like were flustered.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
She was a billboard for Lula Lemons.
Speaker 4 (06:27):
They were like, I was like the body, flop box,
the body, the legs, like there was a I mean,
there was just so much going on in a moment,
and I'm like, sweat was dripping down the The guy
was like, can I help you, sir, And I'm like, yeah,
where's the exit I need?
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
So this is for a different podcast, but I'm just
going to say, and Dolorus, you've heard me say this before,
that's the best way for my opinion, for couples to
start out. I like when the man just loses his
I know that, so so yeah, I do too.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
It disarmed me completely, and you know, I think kind
of as well for her because she was like, you know,
well obviously she premeditated, because you know, I was there,
but I didn't. But when she came in, it was
from that point forward, it.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Was just everybody feels that way. Dolores has walks in
a room and I don't know the air gets everybody stands. Yeah,
I don't know. Sucked down the room? Is that the expression? Wait,
don't a little bit? Tell me a little bit about
why you think the other relationships didn't work out, and
and here you are with Polly because again.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Not the right person, just not not a lot of
you know, at the end of the day, you both
have to want the same thing, and that's what keeps
it going. Not it's not always easy. But if you're
with the person that has the same intentions as you,
there's something to work through an argument, there's something to
(07:57):
work through a fight, there's you know, it's worth staying around.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
What are the what do you guys think your common
intentions are a little bit?
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Well, we both were dating with a purpose.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
What's your comment for a relationship?
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Yeah, I mean long doing permanent longevity.
Speaker 5 (08:15):
Right, Yeah, it's like it's it's you know, I know
there's a lot of criticism about put a ring on
it and all this kind of stuff in marriage, and
we're getting a little bit for our ahead now, but
you know that's our goal is that, regardless to the piece.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
Of paper and regardless to the piece of jewelry, our
goal is to that obviously empty them. Things are all coming.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Yeah, you know, yeah, you got a lot of crap
about being married when you guys were first together. I
know you're divorced now, and it's funny. I had my
own opinions on it, like we're not babies anymore. And
for me watching Dolores, like who gives a sh Like
I knew you were going to get divorced.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
The people jen are buying married men that are saying
I'm still married, Like, give me a amen?
Speaker 2 (09:01):
I know, amen, brother, they so please girls sell down?
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Yeah yeah, no I felt like that too. I mean,
dol did you have any trepidation just being with a
man who was still married? I asked these questions, you guys,
I know that a lot of there are a lot
of ugers are going to listen to the podcast, but
a lot who who haven't watched.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Anybody should Yeah I did. But he had told me
that his divorce was going to be sooner than it was.
But as time went on, you know, time goes very fast.
I wasn't I wasn't keeping tabs. I was never going
to force his hand on it. Eventually, yeah, I was smart.
(09:41):
I Eventually I would have made a stand on it,
but it wasn't any time soon. I mean it was
like three years. Yeah, but you know, of course that's
not the ideal situation. But at our age, you're going
to come across things that are going to be around listen.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
And I agree one hundred percent, like I was when
Jeff and I were separated, we both had partners, other partners,
we were married, and we still had significant others in
our life, right, and so we were separated at the
time with the intention of getting divorced, and I didn't
(10:21):
have any I didn't feel any guilt about that. It
just you know, it was in my mind. Obviously things
did not work out that way, thank god, But in
my mind we were separated. We were two separate, single people.
So I don't know, and I don't I never sort
of ran into an instance where even when I was
first dating, anybody really gave a ship like as long
(10:42):
as you're separated and not living in the same house,
blah blah blah.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Right.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
I think credit to Delores is that credits of credit
credits of dolorous. He took a lot of sh on
the chin because there was no reason for it, and
people will always look for a reason to like, you know,
put the attention on it. I didn't look at it
as that critical because of it. To me, it's ending
(11:08):
of you know, it's dissolving some paperwork, and the relationship
was already over. We've already moved on. We're all in
different parts of our life. So to me, it was
like the final frontier. By the end of it, Jen,
it was bothering me so much, like to the point
of that I was very you know, upset to see
that people would say this to the doors or come
after it that way because now I felt responsible, which
(11:29):
I should be, because I should have you know, I
should have cleared that up beforehand. But I wasn't at
a position in my life where it was that top priority.
And when I when I, when me and Dolores became
that that item that became a priority. It just it
took some distincts to take time. And I don't care
if it take someone says it should really take one
year or two years. I don't care. It took what
(11:51):
it took, and that's what it took.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Well, it's not just you, you know, trying to work
it through. There's someone else in this scenario. Okay, So
fafter you guys out of it. But from what you've
been through to our listeners who might be dating someone
who's separated, do you think there's any absolutes like cut
it off if if this person doesn't seem to want
to get divorced. Is there any red flags in terms
(12:14):
of dating somebody who's not fully divorced.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
If someone has no intention of getting divorced, do not
stay with that person in a serious relationship because at
the end of the day, this was my problem. I
had met his ex, I liked his ex. It's not
like this was like a real marriage. But technically, legally,
if something happened to Paul, I would be calling his
(12:38):
ex to get my stuff out of the house like
that was my biggest problem. And or God forbid, something
happened to Paul and there needed to be a life
or death decision, I wouldn't be able to had made
it because I wasn't his wife. Yet I'm giving him
my life every day, my family, my job. I'm sharing
my time, my youth, whatever's left of my my ab
(13:00):
with him. And at the end of the day, the
important important things you are not a part of. Because
I've been in the hospital with my mom one time,
and the person in the next room choked on a
hamburger and his girlfriend he had never gotten formally divorced,
legally divorced, and his girlfriend was thrown out of the
room and his ex that he had been separated with
(13:22):
for so long came in and took over. So always
weighed heavy on me. And that's why I say not
to let that drag out too long. If you're in
a serious relationship with someone, that has to be done.
I knew Paul was legally working on it because I
was here for the conversations. I was here for the
(13:43):
phone calls with the attorney. At one point, his attorney
got sick and had a heart attack, and that pushed
it off. So none of this was Paul's fault.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
This was what was my fault initially. For getting back
to your question, is if you're out, you shall be out?
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Yeah, And he drives his feet long.
Speaker 3 (14:00):
My advice is I wish I hadn't done it sooner,
not because of anything to do with my ex, but
because of the situation in my life. And really, if
you're out, get out, put the paper, and if you're serious,
people meet it up people. And that's the reason they
split up and they move on, and that's the direction
if you're with somebody. I think the best advice somebody
(14:22):
can have if you're with somebody who is still married,
as long as you, the person that you're dating, and
the person that they are married to are all on
the same page and you understand the process and the
goal is, Hey, we're getting divorced, this is my new life,
blah blah blah. It doesn't always work that way. If
that's the scenario, then everybody should be comfortable. Then the
nies on the outside shouldn't really matter.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
First of all, that is what you just said is
so key, because the truth is when I was separated,
Jeff did not want to get divorced, and the person
I was with at the time knew that, and so
we would go around about that. But I think that's
so interesting that Delors, you know, knew that that's where
(15:01):
you were both headed. Because Dolorus, being Dolorous, of course,
became friendly with your ex like only Dolores could in
these scenarios. But knowing that you were both that everybody
was on the same page, I think that's probably huge, right.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
That's to me, it was a big part even though, Listen,
there's some tricky moments to that as well, like it's
not a walk in the park, right, how long it's
been separated or not, it's still like it's it's the pressure.
My attorneys get involved.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
There's money involved, and that's always obviously.
Speaker 3 (15:30):
And then as also then there's like you as a person.
For Dolores, I felt guilty. I felt bad. I felt
like this is not going fast enough.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
But I have to ask you, did you feel less
bad because I didn't fight with you?
Speaker 1 (15:43):
Would it have been that's a great question.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
Would you have done it quicker? Had I put pressure
on you?
Speaker 3 (15:50):
No? Because I went as quick as I could actually go.
I did not. I didn't go slow because of any reason.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Listen.
Speaker 3 (15:56):
Unfortunately, the attorney had a heart attack going to court
with the documents.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
That's so crazy.
Speaker 3 (16:02):
I was like, that's a sign, well get better, let's
go back at it again because we have to we
have to finish this, you know.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Actually her attorney called the hospital, called the ambulance for him.
Speaker 3 (16:12):
It was a very un Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
Yeah, so what was I going to do? Was getting fussed?
Well he's health now, he's yeah, he's fine, he's fine.
But I was I was getting frustrated, but I held
my tongue because of a couple of things. Number one
is pride, and I feel if I have to ask
someone to do the right thing, it's already too late.
And the other reason is because there's a lot of
(16:36):
things to fight over, and I did see that he
was moving along with it.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
I love all of this, especially for our listeners. I
don't pretend to know what to tell people. When I
got separated and then back together, I told the story
that like the entire neighborhood, all the women, people strangers
(17:01):
started calling me to ask how that happened and how
I did it. I was like, I don't know how
I did it. I got lucky. I don't know what
to say. But I think that's so what you just said,
like Dolo about if you have to make it happen,
you know, if you're pushing through, maybe maybe that's key,
right like for those of us, for listeners who are
maybe in relationships after having been divorced or one is
(17:23):
still married to not if you're pushing, pushing, get divorced,
get divorced, get divorced, maybe that is a red flag if.
Speaker 3 (17:30):
You're with somebody.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
But also Paul, some people do need a fire lid
under their ass. Like, I don't blame anyone for pushing
that issue.
Speaker 3 (17:39):
Depends on the relationship that you're coming from, the marriage
you're coming from. It's so it can be manipulation on
different side.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
It is really, honestly so different for each couple and
each person. You just have to read the room. You
have to read. Paul wasn't shady about anything. You know
the guys shady at our Age Part two, Right, you're
being shady and if you don't, then you're in trouble
(18:06):
being out in this world not knowing. And listen to
your friends, Listen to your mom. My mom wasn't happy
to get divorced. I had friends saying he'll never get divorced.
We had very close friends. Actually, oh, he'll never get divorced.
He'll never marry her. I taken that in fault with
him about it. But there's no way I let other
(18:27):
people's opinions define my decisions in life.
Speaker 3 (18:31):
Ever, Can I say something right? People say he will
never marry her. I don't think that's a reflect that's
about reflection on thelor. It's not me, I know. I
don't think there you know if somebody says that, why
would you? Why would you? What makes you believe that
this is probably the best woman in the world to
be with. She's supportive, she'll do anything for you, she
(18:51):
does everything for everybody. She doesn't want anything back. Right, So,
as as perspective, that person who's writing that or who's
saying that about work.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
It's insulting. It's insulting, dolorous.
Speaker 3 (19:01):
You were stuck and you called she would so count
thought of it. Sometimes I'm like, uh, there there is.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
That's why you don't listen to people, Paul, I don't
listen closer. Were you affected sometimes by opinions that you
read and think people that called you and got you
worked up about things? Were you affected? I can't say
to you to be the way I am. I don't
expect that from you.
Speaker 3 (19:29):
The truth is the effect being effective is how it
affects you, not me. To me, I don't care about
reality lifestyle. It doesn't bother me in the slightest. I
came into this and a person that's already accomplished. I've
done my thing and I'm going to keep on doing it. Yeah,
this is her position in life, and I'm going to
support that yeah or not care less, I don't really care.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
No, I get that, I love that, I get that.
It it is like insulting, like who wouldn't feel like
they stepped in a golden pile of shit if they
get Dolores right? So like, of course you want to end.
Who wouldn't I love that you said that?
Speaker 2 (20:01):
What I want to say to couples listening Part two,
Second time Around? There is by now a lot of
people in your life that have a lot of opinions
about how you live your life. Because there's times you've
reached out when you're single and you don't have that person,
so you reach out to your friends, you reach out
(20:21):
to your family, and then that gives them the right
to weigh in on the decisions you make in your
life because you've gone to them. So I want people
to also understand although people you can allow them because
they've been there for you to have their opinion, you
don't have to listen to them because the real people
(20:41):
will be there in the end. You should hear them.
You should hear them, but they're not always right.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
Listen, and especially if you're on your second time around
or your third, you know stuff now that you didn't
know when you were young and dumb, and you do
things right at our age. After you've had this life
experience and you've been through the pain of going through
breakup or breakups right, you are wiser than ever and
know it's better for you than anyone else does, at
(21:13):
least right. Because I had people say to me, don't
get back together. You haven't really tried yet. You haven't
put yourself out there. And I'm talking about people that
were my closer who loved me said it to me
out of love. But Jen, why would you do this
yet even if it didn't work out with this first guy,
you haven't given yourself a chance and saying it to
(21:34):
me out of again out of love and care. But
I had to trust myself and I had I knew
what was right for me. I might not have if
I was twenty five going into my first marriage.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
You may have been wrong too, and.
Speaker 1 (21:50):
That would have been okay.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
So if somebody who's been married for twenty five thirty
years is telling you, oh, maybe you should do some more, No,
you aren't really out there.
Speaker 3 (21:59):
It's them, yeah, right, but they want to live through
your eyes because they know that they're miserable at the end.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
Yeah, have like, why aren't you having a good old time? Right?
But right's heart?
Speaker 2 (22:13):
Being single it's really hard, being agreed, being single as
a woman, it's hard being single as a man. It's
hard starting over, it's.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
All of it is a bitch, It's true.
Speaker 3 (22:24):
Honestly, I could say it is being single or being
with the right person. There's no comparison being single having
the fun. I get it. It's great you go around.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
I bet you did day man.
Speaker 4 (22:37):
To do.
Speaker 3 (22:37):
What's well?
Speaker 2 (22:38):
Yeah, the companion, having that person that's.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
Your everything, right, nothing better than that? I agree with you.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
Well, so let's just get into for a minute to
the kids of it all. So uh different second time
around for you both, obviously because you have these these children,
these adult children in Dolores's world, and different for you, Paul.
So how was that? Right? So was that difficult to navigate?
Because I know I know now that the children, no
(23:07):
big shock here, love the Dolores's kids love you, Paul,
and Paul's kids love you, Dolo. But was that ever hard?
Was that ever tricky? Was it hard because Doloreses were
older or because years were younger?
Speaker 2 (23:20):
No?
Speaker 3 (23:21):
It it was meant to be it's organic.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
Kids never had an issue. Huh.
Speaker 3 (23:26):
My kids love my Brooklyn and Cameron love Frankie, Gabby
and vice versa. It's so it's so rewarding to see
how well they get on and the way they like,
like they talk to each other and they push each
other open. It's so organic. But the thing about it is,
you square to have a really long term relationship. You
(23:47):
wouldn't think it's just like new like our relationship. They
look and there's in the same circle of like understanding
what they want in life.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
So it's so cool.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
How long did you guys wait to introduce each other
to your kids?
Speaker 3 (24:00):
Actually?
Speaker 1 (24:00):
Really?
Speaker 2 (24:02):
Yeah? Yeah, so you know, I mean that's I guess
what do you suggest wait to me introduce somebody or so?
Speaker 3 (24:11):
I lived in the premise that keep everything away from
your kids, don't let them know we're still married. I
was still married the kid. My kids never knew me
to date anybody.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
I never You never introduced any other up any of
the other women you were dating.
Speaker 3 (24:24):
You can't get someone out a diner like casual. There
was no like hey, dad's friends coming over, right, none
of that. That was a mistake.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
Interesting.
Speaker 3 (24:35):
I do believe I tried to protect my children. But
they know they're not stupid? You know me now, like
some of the comments they made me like that seriously
think like come on that. But I think if you
tried to protect your children that actually I understand it,
but I don't think.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
It really well. Like, would you suggest to listeners that
they should wait until they like obviously you guys knew
pretty quickly that it was going to get furious and
that you guys had something but other people that you date,
would you suggest to our listeners to wait if they
are I mean, is it just so individual? Is it depending.
Speaker 3 (25:11):
Upon don't forget we we'd probably been with different people, right,
So so the laws have been with other people for
a long relationships. I have been with other people, just
not met my kids. I chose not to do that
for the reason was because I taught the benefit was
not my children would be less damaged as you would, right.
I guess there's.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
There's so much guilt.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
Yeah, there is so much guilt.
Speaker 3 (25:35):
Something actually to add that. I think by doing that
penalized me to not force the divorce. Interesting, because you
know you're living this everything's cool, this family's lives, you.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Know, living two lives.
Speaker 3 (25:49):
I don't want to say I was living two lives
because I think that's a lot of tax in your brain.
But I think I was living a lot.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
But living interesting.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
You know, there's a lot of people culturally that's say,
Irish people don't get divorced most a lot of Irish
people don't even get married. They just live together forever. Right, Well, listen, you.
Speaker 3 (26:07):
Know you were brought up in a way to believe
that no matter what, you make them work.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
Well, you feel like it's like you just you just
kind of compartmentalize this is right, what's going on here?
This is going on here? They're separate and.
Speaker 3 (26:19):
Ireland is like this size and you break up. They
all talk about it.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
It's like it's like you think Irish people like are
very like concerned about what other people say. It's like
a small European I.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
Think everybody's concerned about what everybody says.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
Ireland what about so speaking of other people as well,
And again, I know a lot of listeners watch the show.
But in terms of meeting the X and Paul for
you with Frank the first time was that difficult? I mean,
I I know a little bit myself, but tell us
the listeners that don't.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
Know, family meeting.
Speaker 3 (27:02):
And it was about builds.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
The kids were leaving the lights.
Speaker 3 (27:11):
The light song, it was garbage whatever. So I walked
into a and found me feud get out, but I
was invited.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
To get out.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
You know, we still like, even though we're divorced, we
still parent together and we still are on the same page.
He'll call me I could brack me up on this.
I'm like, it's like a you know, yeah, a lot
to understand.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
Listen. I mean, you have such a unique situation with
Frank Delores, and it's been obviously the topic of many
discussions and on the show and off the show. So
but do you think that that was easier for you,
Polly than because they got along so well at the beginning.
Was that more difficult?
Speaker 3 (27:52):
I guess? I guess. So again, I didn't watch the show.
I didn't know anything about it. I didn't know who
Frank was to me. It was just another guy in
the gym pumping iron right to me. So when I
met him, I had to understand that he was for
X right. I think people like troll comments on me
and you know this, this this world is great insane.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
People like to tell you those friends either way, close
friends did not want to see us all get along,
close friends waiting on both sides behind. You know, I
would never have allowed that they didn't win.
Speaker 3 (28:25):
So they didn't win.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
I know that, Paul, But like people are like bro,
you're putting up with Bro.
Speaker 3 (28:30):
So anyways, so it wasn't that it was hard. It
was just very unusual. And I really and I and
I and I know I came off. I think it
was like the first time I filmed, and it was
like Frank needs to you know, maybe Frank needs to
rethink the situation, right, because I really didn't understand it.
But I'm not the only person that didn't understand it.
There's a whole audience that didn't understand this.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
You're also you also get to be the person that's
in love with Dolores and trying so even more so
than the audience. You're trying to reconcile the fact that
that it's a different thing than usual.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
But the weird thing is Paul works with his ex,
they get along, They've gone to family weddings together over
all these years. I don't see a big different interesting.
Speaker 3 (29:13):
So the team was and the big thing was I
think Frank seeing Dolorus in a different light from her
pastor maybe relationships, right, and he may be seeing a
different trend in Dolorous, right. And I think maybe Frank's
and alpha male, right, And I'm kind of one of
the guys as well to be like, hey, listen, this
is you know, I'm here now, see you later. Brow
(29:35):
We're good right, right, You don't need to go and
stick it on my head and drink and cotails. Right,
We're good, right, but we can hang out. So I
think Frank was having a hard time knowing that the
dynamic of his relationship with Dolorus may change, but not
in a bad way, just in the normality of like,
you know, what's happening. And I think at that point
(29:58):
maybe we were feeding off each other and it kind
of got like a little bit like different because you know,
but at the end of the day, we're we're we're.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
Okay. So how about this kind of hot spot Right now,
we're hearing a lot about pre nups, So I want
to know your thoughts on pre nups. I can just
let me just start out. I'll share my own thoughts.
If Jeff and I were divorced and I was getting
married again. I would absolutely have a prenup, but also
(30:37):
I don't even know if i'd want to get married again.
So that's whatever. Who cares, that's me. But how do
you guys feel?
Speaker 3 (30:43):
Honestly, we haven't even spoke about a prenup only because
I mean, it's not even a People say it's a
real conversation. Well it's really not. I mean, you you
go into something with that mindset, you're already you're in
a different place. I'm not thinking like that, are you like?
And I'm not saying and I'm watching what's going on
(31:05):
in the world and all these things that are happening.
I'm not saying they're not good for you and they
don't protect you.
Speaker 2 (31:10):
But you know, we're not there.
Speaker 3 (31:13):
It's not Yeah, I mean, the biggest thing that we
have to figure out is you know, where we go
to vacationally.
Speaker 2 (31:19):
That's you know, we're not we like that right now
that I'm good.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
I've did it as partially because I mean, you both
are coming to the table very independently. You know, nobody,
You don't need one of you needs the other financially.
At least that's that's what I know. So maybe that's also,
you think that makes a difference when I.
Speaker 3 (31:41):
Met the Laws. I'm gonna say this because I wanted
to be on record because this is what happen when
I met the Laurus. Another thing, why Frank did a
lot of stuff for her and I wanted her to
be independent of that, not because I didn't want Frank
doing it, because she's able to own that herself. And
I feel not a woman that's independent, it gets more
confident with in herself to be able to, like, you know,
just be in a moment.
Speaker 2 (32:03):
A woman should handle their own finances. Every woman should
handle their things that they own. They need to understand it,
they really do, because God knows what it meant.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
I think that is so key. I love that you're
saying that out loud. I think that is so important.
And I can tell you, yes, I could tell you.
Before Jeff and I got separated, he put a paper
in front of me and said, sign I signed. Not
that I don't and I trust Jeff implicitly, but I'm
an adult and I need to know factor out everything else.
(32:39):
It's my responsibility to know what I'm doing, what I'm signing,
what my finances are.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
One hundred percent and I'm a right to know and
it's not wrong.
Speaker 1 (32:50):
To ask, right, I think you know what and I'll
just I'll just say, Dolores, he said to me many times,
how much you like, Paul really supported you being independent
and financially responsible, and which I think is so great,
you know, like that he wants that for you. And
I think it's easy for women to give up that power,
(33:13):
and it's dangerous, regardless of prenups or anything else, you know.
Speaker 3 (33:18):
Very fous, because it also puts them on the on
the back. Yet, right, so spurt the moment deal or
anything scenario comes up, she's well capable of handling that situation.
More than not that she couldn't, but now she's more
reassured that.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
And also, God forbid something happens, you know, if a
million years from now somebody's partner passes away or my
part like, I need to know what happens next.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
You can only depend on yourself, amen. That is yeah,
it's not that you're me, but no, listen, I'm.
Speaker 3 (33:52):
All for it.
Speaker 1 (33:53):
Yeah, listen, you guys are so on the same page
with so much. What do you think it is? If
you were just to name a couple of things. The
reason that your relationship works so well, like you're gonna
pinpoint it's this really stands out.
Speaker 2 (34:06):
There's a there's a lot of compromise. I feel like
in every relationship, compromise is so important because if it's
just one person always bending over backwards, bending over it,
there's always one person that does it more than the other.
But it has to be both give and take on both.
(34:26):
It really does.
Speaker 1 (34:28):
Like what do you think, Like give us an example,
like Dolo, tell us something that you feel like you
guys have compromised on.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
The thermostat that's true?
Speaker 1 (34:38):
Is it true? The lords because you're always complaining you're
too hot, you pour, and I'm like, it is. Jeff
and I fight. That's like one of the main we
can go to war over that. I can't take it.
Speaker 2 (34:48):
It's war. It's war.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
I don't compromise well on that.
Speaker 2 (34:51):
It's day to day, you know, even on on the
things that we like to eat. There was compromise on
sometimes how we spent the holidays or you know, just listen, everything.
Speaker 3 (35:04):
Is a compromise because it's new right.
Speaker 2 (35:06):
He hates Italian food, but I want to eat it sometimes.
So all these eight five nights a week and then
when I finally say I want Italian food, he has
to go and eat with me. I don't want to eat.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
Who hates Italian food? What does that even means? There
is no pasta?
Speaker 3 (35:25):
Is scrup it out? I eat it. I look at
her and I'm going to go.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
I can't. Are you serious? But no.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
But even if there were different things in our relationships
or our lives when we came into it that wasn't
ideal for us, so that we didn't love. There's certain
things I had to put up with, and then he would,
you know, he would say, Okay, well you did that,
so let me come and do this. Then I don't
want to it, you have to do it.
Speaker 3 (35:49):
I believe the biggest thing is letting it go straight away.
Speaker 2 (35:53):
Oh that's yeah.
Speaker 3 (35:54):
So we so something comes up, and it could be anything,
and it could be absolutely anything. You have that moment.
Speaker 1 (36:02):
I love that because I'm stubborn and I have learned
to be less stubborn. It's just so much easier if
you can let it go. But do you think in
terms of the hurdles that you've had, Well, I have
two questions. First, was the show a big hurdle for you? Paul?
And also just outside of the show, what would you
say was one of the major hurdles for both of you.
Speaker 3 (36:24):
I think for me the show was because I didn't
know what I was getting involved in because I never telt,
never taught it true because I was just for so
I was just like, oh, I'm just with doors having fun,
and then it becomes reality. You're on a TV right,
and you see all these things that come out and
you listen to all the nyes.
Speaker 2 (36:42):
So did it was a problem for us?
Speaker 3 (36:44):
It did play an effect because I think that emphasized
with the whole Frank situation. So now does it you know?
Then I've got these guys friends of mine, people I
don't even know. Oh my god, how could you let
this guy be in her life? So disrespectful because they
don't know what this scenario right, So it's like anything man, you.
Speaker 2 (37:03):
Plan imagine talking to somebody like that who's happy going
about their business and then you got.
Speaker 3 (37:08):
To call Well, it's it's it's about learning, right, so
you have to learn the process. So the show was
a big learning curve to me. Now, water off my
back now.
Speaker 2 (37:20):
But when it wasn't it wasn't easy. Well, it wasn't
easy to we piled through that.
Speaker 1 (37:25):
Listen, the show is and I've only been a friend
of for two years. It's all encompassing. It changes, it
definitely changes everything.
Speaker 3 (37:32):
The biggest part of that, as well as letting go
at the start, I couldn't figure out how to let
it go. And then as you realize, wait, this is
this is just the show, this is then you start.
Then you go, Okay, actually, you know what, I think
the show helped has become much better couple.
Speaker 1 (37:49):
Really wow, what do you think?
Speaker 3 (37:52):
And then I'll yeah, I mean again on the outside,
I mean, everywhere I go, people come up to me like,
you know, we love the Lors, we love the low
Oh my god, Like I FaceTime all the time of
people coming over to me everywhere. I'm not gonna say yeah, no,
it's pretty cool. And I do like it.
Speaker 2 (38:09):
Yeah it is, I mean very good.
Speaker 1 (38:12):
I like it too. I like to know that. I
want people to know that Dolores and I are are
not only friends, but such close friends. I'm very proud
of that.
Speaker 2 (38:21):
We're very close friends.
Speaker 1 (38:22):
Tell me about you, Doris, what do is you You
think one of your biggest hurdles was.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
Well in the relationship. Paul was very temperamental in the
beginning of filming regarding like what would people think what
they said? I felt like he was definitely influenced by
something he read, saying one comment, there'll be twenty five
good comments in one bad comment. He would harp on.
(38:50):
So my biggest hurdle was patience for that. Yeah, it
really was. That was my biggest hurdle.
Speaker 3 (38:56):
You were teaching me, you were also advising me not
to fall in.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
But the fact on the other side of it, sometimes
I didn't think that you would.
Speaker 3 (39:05):
I will tell you Jan, people very close were we're
the worst of the comments done people far away I am.
Speaker 1 (39:13):
I am very sad. I know that to be true,
and it makes me sad and confused. Really, it's depressing
a little bit.
Speaker 3 (39:20):
Let's just it just goes to show you how money
people are really unhappy for.
Speaker 2 (39:24):
Someone else's happiness.
Speaker 3 (39:25):
So when you see people happy, they tried to make
it an unhappy situation. And that's the part about the
second part of being I DO. When you've been trudish,
that kind of stuff doesn't really affect you because during
the second problem and the.
Speaker 2 (39:39):
Second part of I DO is the insecurity of the exes, right,
they're the least threat in the room. Yeah, they're talked
about it old news. Keep your eye on the new
people around, not the exes.
Speaker 1 (39:54):
I hate to say it, but I actually think that's
good advice.
Speaker 3 (39:57):
That's so.
Speaker 2 (39:59):
No them better than you get to know the ax
that no one knows the expect What does that mean?
Speaker 3 (40:06):
Snoopy?
Speaker 1 (40:07):
Snoopy's do you know what that means?
Speaker 2 (40:08):
What does that mean?
Speaker 1 (40:12):
I'm picturing Charlie Brown, me too. Know that people tell
me something, guys and then I'm going to let you go.
But and I'm sorry to ask the question because you
just get asked all the time, but I know that
listeners want to know. So you think you're going to
get probably hitched sometime soon? Do you have a time frame?
Speaker 3 (40:33):
I mean, i'd say we have to get engaged for us, right, Yep.
Speaker 1 (40:36):
I have to ask because I know what people want
to know. And I've heard you ask so many times.
It's not like you know I'm mad.
Speaker 2 (40:44):
And I watched what hap inside these so that I said,
he goes, what's your goal? I said, getting married isn't
the goal? Peace in harmony is the goal. And I
could tell you we've never been so good. No, we really,
I'm ready to go with it.
Speaker 1 (40:58):
I any time, there's no backing out. Now. I look
at you guys, and I can't imagine one without the other.
But there's always like the Goldie Hawn and kur Russell
of it, you know. I mean, look how long they've lasted.
People do believe in that, you know, not needing to
actually sign a paper.
Speaker 3 (41:17):
We're good and we're going to get better.
Speaker 2 (41:18):
That's all right, Yeah, I mean what I love to say,
Paul's my husband. I slipped yesterday and I said that,
who was I talking to? I said, my husband. I'm like, oh, oh,
I mean my boyfriend.
Speaker 1 (41:26):
You know I say that. I say that sometimes to
Paul I'll be like, yeah, I spoke to your wife,
and maybe even to you, Dolores. It's just like for me,
it just makes sense. Yeah. I just couldn't love either
one of you any more than I do.
Speaker 2 (41:40):
And it's a nice idle to have. But I wish
anybody the second time around all the best. It's so hard.
Be careful who you winds up with. Don't make decisions
at a vulnerable time. Going through divorce is very vulnerable,
very scary. Being single is very scary, very vulnerable. Take off,
(42:01):
you know, look at the red flags. Take off the
rose colored glasses.
Speaker 1 (42:05):
Learn from your mistakes, learn from your age and your experiences.
Speaker 3 (42:09):
Oh me, don't afraid of being somewhat private with some
of yourself boundaries.
Speaker 1 (42:17):
That's interesting, you know, I want to impart sure you
feel like this too. Frankie just got engaged and I
know how much you love your soon to be new
daughter in law. And I find myself with my kids
wanting to control who they're dating, seeing things that I
know that they don't see because they're too young to
see it. I have to give that up. That's what
(42:38):
therapy is for. I give up that control. Who knows.
I don't know everything. You know. I have to trust
that they're going to pick partners because it's so important
that will, you know, enrich their lives and make them
happy and peaceful and feel good about themselves. Doesn't always
work though, as we all know the first time around.
But I want them to know what I know, and
they just won't and they don't. I wish I did.
(43:00):
I wish that I could go back and you know,
they can know what I know now right.
Speaker 2 (43:06):
They need to hear it. Yeah, don't stop saying yeah,
well John you once you say it twice and it's
in their head. And when those times happen where they're like,
does this seem right? And then they hear your voice,
little voice in your head.
Speaker 1 (43:20):
That's great. I love I love that because they both
get really really pissed at me. They want me out
of their business when it comes to their love life.
Speaker 2 (43:27):
Say it and drop it, drop it.
Speaker 1 (43:30):
Yep, thank you, both of you. I love you so much.
Speaker 2 (43:34):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (43:36):
All right, bye you guys. So, are you in the
midst of a divorce or feeling stuck on what to
do when it comes to your love life, Call us
or email us or follow us on social All of
the information will be in the show notes. Make sure
to rate and review the podcast. I do Part two
at iHeartRadio Podcasts, where falling in love is the main objective.
Speaker 2 (44:01):
T
It's I Do Part two, and I'm Jennifer Wessler, one
of your celebrity mentors from the Real Housewives of New
Jersey and the podcast to Jersey Jays. Today is going
to be so much fun because I'm going to connect
with a couple that we have that have both gone
through divorce and found love in each other in their
chapter two. My guest today, you know because you've seen
(00:37):
their love while watching Jersey Housewives. So here we go.
Please welcome my friends Dolores Catana and Paully Connell to
the podcast. All right, my loves Hello, Hye, hi you guys.
Hi dog Dog's near? Dogs have dog? Hi baby?
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Part of Part two?
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Also oh right, very true? Right, this is Dogs Part two?
What was Dogs? Part one?
Speaker 2 (01:04):
A backyard a junk yard?
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Actually better Part two. It's a happy ending and they're
in love. They're in love. Listen. I mean, you guys
already know this, but this podcast is about second time,
third time. Well, if you ask my family, fourth time around,
my parents. But you know we're gonna talk a little
bit about your We're gonna call it second time around. Listen,
(01:28):
you guys met how old were you guys when you met?
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Well, twelve. No, what was I I was fifty and
you were, So we're four years.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
Apart, four years apart, younger men.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
This is a first for me.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
I don't right. But Paul's a man, yeah, honey. You
say a lot of things about Paul O'Connell. He is
all man. You have no feminine there's nothing feminine about
Paul O'Connor.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
Man.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
It palls a man. Yeah, but Christopher because he typically
dates twenty eight year olds.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
So let's go there, all right. So a little bit
you guys about relationship history.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
That's almost something good, right, the second price that had
to be better.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Honey, this is good to our listeners. We want to know.
We want to know it all the good, the bad,
the ugly. Okay, So just tell us a little bit,
Polly about I'm just going to touch on it about
your relationship history pre Dolores and after. Well, okay, so
you and your wife separated, broke up, and did you
have what kind of Do you have a lot of
(02:34):
relationships between the time that you guys split up, in
the time you met Dolores?
Speaker 3 (02:38):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely, I definitely, you know, met a bunch
of different people, you know, sometimes somewhat serious, not so
serious because you're finding yourself, right, Yeah, we can't be
serious till you find yourself, so by default, you know,
you go through these patrons of being with people and
then those relationships not working out until you find the
(02:59):
right person.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Do you think there was something that a common thread
in terms of like the women that you were dating
that where it just didn't work out because I don't know,
they all dot dot dot.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Yeah. I think the biggest common tread was I was
immature really yeah, definitely, so I'm matured when I met.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
The right person.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Well, it's also somebody sometimes you morph into the person
you you kind of adopt to who you're with. Like
if you were with a girl who wanted to go
out every night and drinking every night, you're going to
stay in that.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
I love that. But I'm just thinking, like, also, there
is there was something about Dolores from the get go
when you first saw her, met her. Tell us a
little bit about that, tell us about I think you
guys met in the Apple store.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
Yeah, yeah, that's so. I was a friend of ours,
mutual friend that introduced me by text to Dolores, and
she's like, my friend, is you know, recently single, and
is you know, would you go on a date with her?
And I'm like, of course, I'm like, you know, didn't
know what you looked like. And I honestly people keep saying, oh,
(04:11):
he's followed her. I never knew the Loris from the show.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
People say that you followed me.
Speaker 3 (04:17):
No, because he's better, because your housewife, blah blah blah. Right,
so yeah, you followed.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Me, by the way, Wait a second, So Paul, had
you ever watched the show?
Speaker 3 (04:27):
You know, my ex wife used to watch the show.
I think she she liked Dolors.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Yeah, everyone likes Dolores Dolorius.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
I think she you know, I used to look at
her and go.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
What watch watching?
Speaker 3 (04:38):
It was the time Carol Andmonzo threes and Judais was
turning over the tables. So I was like in and out,
going with the work, you know whatever. It was kids
running around and I couldn't understand that. I was like,
I don't know understand what that is. So yeah, so
it was obviously then I got to see a photograph
of Dolors and not you know, of course, I'm like, yes,
I would absolutely go on a date with this person.
(05:00):
And then we yeah, it's just it's a small, silly story. Ball.
I went to Apple store because my phone was broken.
We were texting at this time because there was like
a message about is all going for like a double
date to meet everybody? And I don't do that. I'm
not going on a double date.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
My girl, here's my nmer.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
Dates.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
No, no, man up baby mana.
Speaker 3 (05:27):
She goes, here's my number, this is my pass cade.
I know she's She goes, here's my number if you
want to like reach out. So we start talking to
say to where my phone has broke? I have to
go to the Apple store. Jen, I'm not bullshit. I'm
sitting in the Apple Store at a mask on the map.
I couldn't. I wish the mask could just uncover my
(05:48):
whole existence. In walks this chick with hair HiT's everywhere.
It was like everybody in the store twants around looking
at her, and I can hear the bracelet jingle and
I'm like, please don't tell me that's Dolores.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Can get the hell out of here.
Speaker 3 (06:04):
She walks literally, she loss right off to me and
she goes, hey, such a crowd.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Side get that hell, Hold on, hold on, hold on,
back this up. Hold on. You saw her coming and
you thought, let that not be Dolores my pants. Oh,
because she was because you were sitting there field because
she was so gorgeous. You're saying, you like were flustered.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
She was a billboard for Lula Lemons.
Speaker 4 (06:27):
They were like, I was like the body, flop box,
the body, the legs, like there was a I mean,
there was just so much going on in a moment,
and I'm like, sweat was dripping down the The guy
was like, can I help you, sir, And I'm like, yeah,
where's the exit I need?
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
So this is for a different podcast, but I'm just
going to say, and Dolorus, you've heard me say this before,
that's the best way for my opinion, for couples to
start out. I like when the man just loses his
I know that, so so yeah, I do too.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
It disarmed me completely, and you know, I think kind
of as well for her because she was like, you know,
well obviously she premeditated, because you know, I was there,
but I didn't. But when she came in, it was
from that point forward, it.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Was just everybody feels that way. Dolores has walks in
a room and I don't know the air gets everybody stands. Yeah,
I don't know. Sucked down the room? Is that the expression? Wait,
don't a little bit? Tell me a little bit about
why you think the other relationships didn't work out, and
and here you are with Polly because again.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Not the right person, just not not a lot of
you know, at the end of the day, you both
have to want the same thing, and that's what keeps
it going. Not it's not always easy. But if you're
with the person that has the same intentions as you,
there's something to work through an argument, there's something to
(07:57):
work through a fight, there's you know, it's worth staying around.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
What are the what do you guys think your common
intentions are a little bit?
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Well, we both were dating with a purpose.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
What's your comment for a relationship?
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Yeah, I mean long doing permanent longevity.
Speaker 5 (08:15):
Right, Yeah, it's like it's it's you know, I know
there's a lot of criticism about put a ring on
it and all this kind of stuff in marriage, and
we're getting a little bit for our ahead now, but
you know that's our goal is that, regardless to the piece.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
Of paper and regardless to the piece of jewelry, our
goal is to that obviously empty them. Things are all coming.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Yeah, you know, yeah, you got a lot of crap
about being married when you guys were first together. I
know you're divorced now, and it's funny. I had my
own opinions on it, like we're not babies anymore. And
for me watching Dolores, like who gives a sh Like
I knew you were going to get divorced.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
The people jen are buying married men that are saying
I'm still married, Like, give me a amen?
Speaker 2 (09:01):
I know, amen, brother, they so please girls sell down?
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Yeah yeah, no I felt like that too. I mean,
dol did you have any trepidation just being with a
man who was still married? I asked these questions, you guys,
I know that a lot of there are a lot
of ugers are going to listen to the podcast, but
a lot who who haven't watched.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Anybody should Yeah I did. But he had told me
that his divorce was going to be sooner than it was.
But as time went on, you know, time goes very fast.
I wasn't I wasn't keeping tabs. I was never going
to force his hand on it. Eventually, yeah, I was smart.
(09:41):
I Eventually I would have made a stand on it,
but it wasn't any time soon. I mean it was
like three years. Yeah, but you know, of course that's
not the ideal situation. But at our age, you're going
to come across things that are going to be around listen.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
And I agree one hundred percent, like I was when
Jeff and I were separated, we both had partners, other partners,
we were married, and we still had significant others in
our life, right, and so we were separated at the
time with the intention of getting divorced, and I didn't
(10:21):
have any I didn't feel any guilt about that. It
just you know, it was in my mind. Obviously things
did not work out that way, thank god, But in
my mind we were separated. We were two separate, single people.
So I don't know, and I don't I never sort
of ran into an instance where even when I was
first dating, anybody really gave a ship like as long
(10:42):
as you're separated and not living in the same house,
blah blah blah.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Right.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
I think credit to Delores is that credits of credit
credits of dolorous. He took a lot of sh on
the chin because there was no reason for it, and
people will always look for a reason to like, you know,
put the attention on it. I didn't look at it
as that critical because of it. To me, it's ending
(11:08):
of you know, it's dissolving some paperwork, and the relationship
was already over. We've already moved on. We're all in
different parts of our life. So to me, it was
like the final frontier. By the end of it, Jen,
it was bothering me so much, like to the point
of that I was very you know, upset to see
that people would say this to the doors or come
after it that way because now I felt responsible, which
(11:29):
I should be, because I should have you know, I
should have cleared that up beforehand. But I wasn't at
a position in my life where it was that top priority.
And when I when I, when me and Dolores became
that that item that became a priority. It just it
took some distincts to take time. And I don't care
if it take someone says it should really take one
year or two years. I don't care. It took what
(11:51):
it took, and that's what it took.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Well, it's not just you, you know, trying to work
it through. There's someone else in this scenario. Okay, So
fafter you guys out of it. But from what you've
been through to our listeners who might be dating someone
who's separated, do you think there's any absolutes like cut
it off if if this person doesn't seem to want
to get divorced. Is there any red flags in terms
(12:14):
of dating somebody who's not fully divorced.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
If someone has no intention of getting divorced, do not
stay with that person in a serious relationship because at
the end of the day, this was my problem. I
had met his ex, I liked his ex. It's not
like this was like a real marriage. But technically, legally,
if something happened to Paul, I would be calling his
(12:38):
ex to get my stuff out of the house like
that was my biggest problem. And or God forbid, something
happened to Paul and there needed to be a life
or death decision, I wouldn't be able to had made
it because I wasn't his wife. Yet I'm giving him
my life every day, my family, my job. I'm sharing
my time, my youth, whatever's left of my my ab
(13:00):
with him. And at the end of the day, the
important important things you are not a part of. Because
I've been in the hospital with my mom one time,
and the person in the next room choked on a
hamburger and his girlfriend he had never gotten formally divorced,
legally divorced, and his girlfriend was thrown out of the
room and his ex that he had been separated with
(13:22):
for so long came in and took over. So always
weighed heavy on me. And that's why I say not
to let that drag out too long. If you're in
a serious relationship with someone, that has to be done.
I knew Paul was legally working on it because I
was here for the conversations. I was here for the
(13:43):
phone calls with the attorney. At one point, his attorney
got sick and had a heart attack, and that pushed
it off. So none of this was Paul's fault.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
This was what was my fault initially. For getting back
to your question, is if you're out, you shall be out?
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Yeah, And he drives his feet long.
Speaker 3 (14:00):
My advice is I wish I hadn't done it sooner,
not because of anything to do with my ex, but
because of the situation in my life. And really, if
you're out, get out, put the paper, and if you're serious,
people meet it up people. And that's the reason they
split up and they move on, and that's the direction
if you're with somebody. I think the best advice somebody
(14:22):
can have if you're with somebody who is still married,
as long as you, the person that you're dating, and
the person that they are married to are all on
the same page and you understand the process and the
goal is, Hey, we're getting divorced, this is my new life,
blah blah blah. It doesn't always work that way. If
that's the scenario, then everybody should be comfortable. Then the
nies on the outside shouldn't really matter.
Speaker 1 (14:41):
First of all, that is what you just said is
so key, because the truth is when I was separated,
Jeff did not want to get divorced, and the person
I was with at the time knew that, and so
we would go around about that. But I think that's
so interesting that Delors, you know, knew that that's where
(15:01):
you were both headed. Because Dolorus, being Dolorous, of course,
became friendly with your ex like only Dolores could in
these scenarios. But knowing that you were both that everybody
was on the same page, I think that's probably huge, right.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
That's to me, it was a big part even though, Listen,
there's some tricky moments to that as well, like it's
not a walk in the park, right, how long it's
been separated or not, it's still like it's it's the pressure.
My attorneys get involved.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
There's money involved, and that's always obviously.
Speaker 3 (15:30):
And then as also then there's like you as a person.
For Dolores, I felt guilty. I felt bad. I felt
like this is not going fast enough.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
But I have to ask you, did you feel less
bad because I didn't fight with you?
Speaker 1 (15:43):
Would it have been that's a great question.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
Would you have done it quicker? Had I put pressure
on you?
Speaker 3 (15:50):
No? Because I went as quick as I could actually go.
I did not. I didn't go slow because of any reason.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Listen.
Speaker 3 (15:56):
Unfortunately, the attorney had a heart attack going to court
with the documents.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
That's so crazy.
Speaker 3 (16:02):
I was like, that's a sign, well get better, let's
go back at it again because we have to we
have to finish this, you know.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Actually her attorney called the hospital, called the ambulance for him.
Speaker 3 (16:12):
It was a very un Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
Yeah, so what was I going to do? Was getting fussed?
Well he's health now, he's yeah, he's fine, he's fine.
But I was I was getting frustrated, but I held
my tongue because of a couple of things. Number one
is pride, and I feel if I have to ask
someone to do the right thing, it's already too late.
And the other reason is because there's a lot of
(16:36):
things to fight over, and I did see that he
was moving along with it.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
I love all of this, especially for our listeners. I
don't pretend to know what to tell people. When I
got separated and then back together, I told the story
that like the entire neighborhood, all the women, people strangers
(17:01):
started calling me to ask how that happened and how
I did it. I was like, I don't know how
I did it. I got lucky. I don't know what
to say. But I think that's so what you just said,
like Dolo about if you have to make it happen,
you know, if you're pushing through, maybe maybe that's key,
right like for those of us, for listeners who are
maybe in relationships after having been divorced or one is
(17:23):
still married to not if you're pushing, pushing, get divorced,
get divorced, get divorced, maybe that is a red flag if.
Speaker 3 (17:30):
You're with somebody.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
But also Paul, some people do need a fire lid
under their ass. Like, I don't blame anyone for pushing
that issue.
Speaker 3 (17:39):
Depends on the relationship that you're coming from, the marriage
you're coming from. It's so it can be manipulation on
different side.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
It is really, honestly so different for each couple and
each person. You just have to read the room. You
have to read. Paul wasn't shady about anything. You know
the guys shady at our Age Part two, Right, you're
being shady and if you don't, then you're in trouble
(18:06):
being out in this world not knowing. And listen to
your friends, Listen to your mom. My mom wasn't happy
to get divorced. I had friends saying he'll never get divorced.
We had very close friends. Actually, oh, he'll never get divorced.
He'll never marry her. I taken that in fault with
him about it. But there's no way I let other
(18:27):
people's opinions define my decisions in life.
Speaker 3 (18:31):
Ever, Can I say something right? People say he will
never marry her. I don't think that's a reflect that's
about reflection on thelor. It's not me, I know. I
don't think there you know if somebody says that, why
would you? Why would you? What makes you believe that
this is probably the best woman in the world to
be with. She's supportive, she'll do anything for you, she
(18:51):
does everything for everybody. She doesn't want anything back. Right, So,
as as perspective, that person who's writing that or who's
saying that about work.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
It's insulting. It's insulting, dolorous.
Speaker 3 (19:01):
You were stuck and you called she would so count
thought of it. Sometimes I'm like, uh, there there is.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
That's why you don't listen to people, Paul, I don't
listen closer. Were you affected sometimes by opinions that you
read and think people that called you and got you
worked up about things? Were you affected? I can't say
to you to be the way I am. I don't
expect that from you.
Speaker 3 (19:29):
The truth is the effect being effective is how it
affects you, not me. To me, I don't care about
reality lifestyle. It doesn't bother me in the slightest. I
came into this and a person that's already accomplished. I've
done my thing and I'm going to keep on doing it. Yeah,
this is her position in life, and I'm going to
support that yeah or not care less, I don't really care.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
No, I get that, I love that, I get that.
It it is like insulting, like who wouldn't feel like
they stepped in a golden pile of shit if they
get Dolores right? So like, of course you want to end.
Who wouldn't I love that you said that?
Speaker 2 (20:01):
What I want to say to couples listening Part two,
Second time Around? There is by now a lot of
people in your life that have a lot of opinions
about how you live your life. Because there's times you've
reached out when you're single and you don't have that person,
so you reach out to your friends, you reach out
(20:21):
to your family, and then that gives them the right
to weigh in on the decisions you make in your
life because you've gone to them. So I want people
to also understand although people you can allow them because
they've been there for you to have their opinion, you
don't have to listen to them because the real people
(20:41):
will be there in the end. You should hear them.
You should hear them, but they're not always right.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
Listen, and especially if you're on your second time around
or your third, you know stuff now that you didn't
know when you were young and dumb, and you do
things right at our age. After you've had this life
experience and you've been through the pain of going through
breakup or breakups right, you are wiser than ever and
know it's better for you than anyone else does, at
(21:13):
least right. Because I had people say to me, don't
get back together. You haven't really tried yet. You haven't
put yourself out there. And I'm talking about people that
were my closer who loved me said it to me
out of love. But Jen, why would you do this
yet even if it didn't work out with this first guy,
you haven't given yourself a chance and saying it to
(21:34):
me out of again out of love and care. But
I had to trust myself and I had I knew
what was right for me. I might not have if
I was twenty five going into my first marriage.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
You may have been wrong too, and.
Speaker 1 (21:50):
That would have been okay.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
So if somebody who's been married for twenty five thirty
years is telling you, oh, maybe you should do some more, No,
you aren't really out there.
Speaker 3 (21:59):
It's them, yeah, right, but they want to live through
your eyes because they know that they're miserable at the end.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
Yeah, have like, why aren't you having a good old time? Right?
But right's heart?
Speaker 2 (22:13):
Being single it's really hard, being agreed, being single as
a woman, it's hard being single as a man. It's
hard starting over, it's.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
All of it is a bitch, It's true.
Speaker 3 (22:24):
Honestly, I could say it is being single or being
with the right person. There's no comparison being single having
the fun. I get it. It's great you go around.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
I bet you did day man.
Speaker 4 (22:37):
To do.
Speaker 3 (22:37):
What's well?
Speaker 2 (22:38):
Yeah, the companion, having that person that's.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
Your everything, right, nothing better than that? I agree with you.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
Well, so let's just get into for a minute to
the kids of it all. So uh different second time
around for you both, obviously because you have these these children,
these adult children in Dolores's world, and different for you, Paul.
So how was that? Right? So was that difficult to navigate?
Because I know I know now that the children, no
(23:07):
big shock here, love the Dolores's kids love you, Paul,
and Paul's kids love you, Dolo. But was that ever hard?
Was that ever tricky? Was it hard because Doloreses were
older or because years were younger?
Speaker 2 (23:20):
No?
Speaker 3 (23:21):
It it was meant to be it's organic.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
Kids never had an issue. Huh.
Speaker 3 (23:26):
My kids love my Brooklyn and Cameron love Frankie, Gabby
and vice versa. It's so it's so rewarding to see
how well they get on and the way they like,
like they talk to each other and they push each
other open. It's so organic. But the thing about it is,
you square to have a really long term relationship. You
(23:47):
wouldn't think it's just like new like our relationship. They
look and there's in the same circle of like understanding
what they want in life.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
So it's so cool.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
How long did you guys wait to introduce each other
to your kids?
Speaker 3 (24:00):
Actually?
Speaker 1 (24:00):
Really?
Speaker 2 (24:02):
Yeah? Yeah, so you know, I mean that's I guess
what do you suggest wait to me introduce somebody or so?
Speaker 3 (24:11):
I lived in the premise that keep everything away from
your kids, don't let them know we're still married. I
was still married the kid. My kids never knew me
to date anybody.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
I never You never introduced any other up any of
the other women you were dating.
Speaker 3 (24:24):
You can't get someone out a diner like casual. There
was no like hey, dad's friends coming over, right, none
of that. That was a mistake.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
Interesting.
Speaker 3 (24:35):
I do believe I tried to protect my children. But
they know they're not stupid? You know me now, like
some of the comments they made me like that seriously
think like come on that. But I think if you
tried to protect your children that actually I understand it,
but I don't think.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
It really well. Like, would you suggest to listeners that
they should wait until they like obviously you guys knew
pretty quickly that it was going to get furious and
that you guys had something but other people that you date,
would you suggest to our listeners to wait if they
are I mean, is it just so individual? Is it depending.
Speaker 3 (25:11):
Upon don't forget we we'd probably been with different people, right,
So so the laws have been with other people for
a long relationships. I have been with other people, just
not met my kids. I chose not to do that
for the reason was because I taught the benefit was
not my children would be less damaged as you would, right.
I guess there's.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
There's so much guilt.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
Yeah, there is so much guilt.
Speaker 3 (25:35):
Something actually to add that. I think by doing that
penalized me to not force the divorce. Interesting, because you
know you're living this everything's cool, this family's lives, you.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Know, living two lives.
Speaker 3 (25:49):
I don't want to say I was living two lives
because I think that's a lot of tax in your brain.
But I think I was living a lot.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
But living interesting.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
You know, there's a lot of people culturally that's say,
Irish people don't get divorced most a lot of Irish
people don't even get married. They just live together forever. Right, Well, listen, you.
Speaker 3 (26:07):
Know you were brought up in a way to believe
that no matter what, you make them work.
Speaker 1 (26:12):
Well, you feel like it's like you just you just
kind of compartmentalize this is right, what's going on here?
This is going on here? They're separate and.
Speaker 3 (26:19):
Ireland is like this size and you break up. They
all talk about it.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
It's like it's like you think Irish people like are
very like concerned about what other people say. It's like
a small European I.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
Think everybody's concerned about what everybody says.
Speaker 1 (26:33):
Ireland what about so speaking of other people as well,
And again, I know a lot of listeners watch the show.
But in terms of meeting the X and Paul for
you with Frank the first time was that difficult? I mean,
I I know a little bit myself, but tell us
the listeners that don't.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
Know, family meeting.
Speaker 3 (27:02):
And it was about builds.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
The kids were leaving the lights.
Speaker 3 (27:11):
The light song, it was garbage whatever. So I walked
into a and found me feud get out, but I
was invited.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
To get out.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
You know, we still like, even though we're divorced, we
still parent together and we still are on the same page.
He'll call me I could brack me up on this.
I'm like, it's like a you know, yeah, a lot
to understand.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
Listen. I mean, you have such a unique situation with
Frank Delores, and it's been obviously the topic of many
discussions and on the show and off the show. So
but do you think that that was easier for you,
Polly than because they got along so well at the beginning.
Was that more difficult?
Speaker 3 (27:52):
I guess? I guess. So again, I didn't watch the show.
I didn't know anything about it. I didn't know who
Frank was to me. It was just another guy in
the gym pumping iron right to me. So when I
met him, I had to understand that he was for
X right. I think people like troll comments on me
and you know this, this this world is great insane.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
People like to tell you those friends either way, close
friends did not want to see us all get along,
close friends waiting on both sides behind. You know, I
would never have allowed that they didn't win.
Speaker 3 (28:25):
So they didn't win.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
I know that, Paul, But like people are like bro,
you're putting up with Bro.
Speaker 3 (28:30):
So anyways, so it wasn't that it was hard. It
was just very unusual. And I really and I and
I and I know I came off. I think it
was like the first time I filmed, and it was
like Frank needs to you know, maybe Frank needs to
rethink the situation, right, because I really didn't understand it.
But I'm not the only person that didn't understand it.
There's a whole audience that didn't understand this.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
You're also you also get to be the person that's
in love with Dolores and trying so even more so
than the audience. You're trying to reconcile the fact that
that it's a different thing than usual.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
But the weird thing is Paul works with his ex,
they get along, They've gone to family weddings together over
all these years. I don't see a big different interesting.
Speaker 3 (29:13):
So the team was and the big thing was I
think Frank seeing Dolorus in a different light from her
pastor maybe relationships, right, and he may be seeing a
different trend in Dolorous, right. And I think maybe Frank's
and alpha male, right, And I'm kind of one of
the guys as well to be like, hey, listen, this
is you know, I'm here now, see you later. Brow
(29:35):
We're good right, right, You don't need to go and
stick it on my head and drink and cotails. Right,
We're good, right, but we can hang out. So I
think Frank was having a hard time knowing that the
dynamic of his relationship with Dolorus may change, but not
in a bad way, just in the normality of like,
you know, what's happening. And I think at that point
(29:58):
maybe we were feeding off each other and it kind
of got like a little bit like different because you know,
but at the end of the day, we're we're we're.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
Okay. So how about this kind of hot spot Right now,
we're hearing a lot about pre nups, So I want
to know your thoughts on pre nups. I can just
let me just start out. I'll share my own thoughts.
If Jeff and I were divorced and I was getting
married again. I would absolutely have a prenup, but also
(30:37):
I don't even know if i'd want to get married again.
So that's whatever. Who cares, that's me. But how do
you guys feel?
Speaker 3 (30:43):
Honestly, we haven't even spoke about a prenup only because
I mean, it's not even a People say it's a
real conversation. Well it's really not. I mean, you you
go into something with that mindset, you're already you're in
a different place. I'm not thinking like that, are you like?
And I'm not saying and I'm watching what's going on
(31:05):
in the world and all these things that are happening.
I'm not saying they're not good for you and they
don't protect you.
Speaker 2 (31:10):
But you know, we're not there.
Speaker 3 (31:13):
It's not Yeah, I mean, the biggest thing that we
have to figure out is you know, where we go
to vacationally.
Speaker 2 (31:19):
That's you know, we're not we like that right now
that I'm good.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
I've did it as partially because I mean, you both
are coming to the table very independently. You know, nobody,
You don't need one of you needs the other financially.
At least that's that's what I know. So maybe that's also,
you think that makes a difference when I.
Speaker 3 (31:41):
Met the Laws. I'm gonna say this because I wanted
to be on record because this is what happen when
I met the Laurus. Another thing, why Frank did a
lot of stuff for her and I wanted her to
be independent of that, not because I didn't want Frank
doing it, because she's able to own that herself. And
I feel not a woman that's independent, it gets more
confident with in herself to be able to, like, you know,
just be in a moment.
Speaker 2 (32:03):
A woman should handle their own finances. Every woman should
handle their things that they own. They need to understand it,
they really do, because God knows what it meant.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
I think that is so key. I love that you're
saying that out loud. I think that is so important.
And I can tell you, yes, I could tell you.
Before Jeff and I got separated, he put a paper
in front of me and said, sign I signed. Not
that I don't and I trust Jeff implicitly, but I'm
an adult and I need to know factor out everything else.
(32:39):
It's my responsibility to know what I'm doing, what I'm signing,
what my finances are.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
One hundred percent and I'm a right to know and
it's not wrong.
Speaker 1 (32:50):
To ask, right, I think you know what and I'll
just I'll just say, Dolores, he said to me many times,
how much you like, Paul really supported you being independent
and financially responsible, and which I think is so great,
you know, like that he wants that for you. And
I think it's easy for women to give up that power,
(33:13):
and it's dangerous, regardless of prenups or anything else, you know.
Speaker 3 (33:18):
Very fous, because it also puts them on the on
the back. Yet, right, so spurt the moment deal or
anything scenario comes up, she's well capable of handling that situation.
More than not that she couldn't, but now she's more
reassured that.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
And also, God forbid something happens, you know, if a
million years from now somebody's partner passes away or my
part like, I need to know what happens next.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
You can only depend on yourself, amen. That is yeah,
it's not that you're me, but no, listen, I'm.
Speaker 3 (33:52):
All for it.
Speaker 1 (33:53):
Yeah, listen, you guys are so on the same page
with so much. What do you think it is? If
you were just to name a couple of things. The
reason that your relationship works so well, like you're gonna
pinpoint it's this really stands out.
Speaker 2 (34:06):
There's a there's a lot of compromise. I feel like
in every relationship, compromise is so important because if it's
just one person always bending over backwards, bending over it,
there's always one person that does it more than the other.
But it has to be both give and take on both.
(34:26):
It really does.
Speaker 1 (34:28):
Like what do you think, Like give us an example,
like Dolo, tell us something that you feel like you
guys have compromised on.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
The thermostat that's true?
Speaker 1 (34:38):
Is it true? The lords because you're always complaining you're
too hot, you pour, and I'm like, it is. Jeff
and I fight. That's like one of the main we
can go to war over that. I can't take it.
Speaker 2 (34:48):
It's war. It's war.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
I don't compromise well on that.
Speaker 2 (34:51):
It's day to day, you know, even on on the
things that we like to eat. There was compromise on
sometimes how we spent the holidays or you know, just listen, everything.
Speaker 3 (35:04):
Is a compromise because it's new right.
Speaker 2 (35:06):
He hates Italian food, but I want to eat it sometimes.
So all these eight five nights a week and then
when I finally say I want Italian food, he has
to go and eat with me. I don't want to eat.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
Who hates Italian food? What does that even means? There
is no pasta?
Speaker 3 (35:25):
Is scrup it out? I eat it. I look at
her and I'm going to go.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
I can't. Are you serious? But no.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
But even if there were different things in our relationships
or our lives when we came into it that wasn't
ideal for us, so that we didn't love. There's certain
things I had to put up with, and then he would,
you know, he would say, Okay, well you did that,
so let me come and do this. Then I don't
want to it, you have to do it.
Speaker 3 (35:49):
I believe the biggest thing is letting it go straight away.
Speaker 2 (35:53):
Oh that's yeah.
Speaker 3 (35:54):
So we so something comes up, and it could be anything,
and it could be absolutely anything. You have that moment.
Speaker 1 (36:02):
I love that because I'm stubborn and I have learned
to be less stubborn. It's just so much easier if
you can let it go. But do you think in
terms of the hurdles that you've had, Well, I have
two questions. First, was the show a big hurdle for you? Paul?
And also just outside of the show, what would you
say was one of the major hurdles for both of you.
Speaker 3 (36:24):
I think for me the show was because I didn't
know what I was getting involved in because I never telt,
never taught it true because I was just for so
I was just like, oh, I'm just with doors having fun,
and then it becomes reality. You're on a TV right,
and you see all these things that come out and
you listen to all the nyes.
Speaker 2 (36:42):
So did it was a problem for us?
Speaker 3 (36:44):
It did play an effect because I think that emphasized
with the whole Frank situation. So now does it you know?
Then I've got these guys friends of mine, people I
don't even know. Oh my god, how could you let
this guy be in her life? So disrespectful because they
don't know what this scenario right, So it's like anything man, you.
Speaker 2 (37:03):
Plan imagine talking to somebody like that who's happy going
about their business and then you got.
Speaker 3 (37:08):
To call Well, it's it's it's about learning, right, so
you have to learn the process. So the show was
a big learning curve to me. Now, water off my
back now.
Speaker 2 (37:20):
But when it wasn't it wasn't easy. Well, it wasn't
easy to we piled through that.
Speaker 1 (37:25):
Listen, the show is and I've only been a friend
of for two years. It's all encompassing. It changes, it
definitely changes everything.
Speaker 3 (37:32):
The biggest part of that, as well as letting go
at the start, I couldn't figure out how to let
it go. And then as you realize, wait, this is
this is just the show, this is then you start.
Then you go, Okay, actually, you know what, I think
the show helped has become much better couple.
Speaker 1 (37:49):
Really wow, what do you think?
Speaker 3 (37:52):
And then I'll yeah, I mean again on the outside,
I mean, everywhere I go, people come up to me like,
you know, we love the Lors, we love the low
Oh my god, Like I FaceTime all the time of
people coming over to me everywhere. I'm not gonna say yeah, no,
it's pretty cool. And I do like it.
Speaker 2 (38:09):
Yeah it is, I mean very good.
Speaker 1 (38:12):
I like it too. I like to know that. I
want people to know that Dolores and I are are
not only friends, but such close friends. I'm very proud
of that.
Speaker 2 (38:21):
We're very close friends.
Speaker 1 (38:22):
Tell me about you, Doris, what do is you You
think one of your biggest hurdles was.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
Well in the relationship. Paul was very temperamental in the
beginning of filming regarding like what would people think what
they said? I felt like he was definitely influenced by
something he read, saying one comment, there'll be twenty five
good comments in one bad comment. He would harp on.
(38:50):
So my biggest hurdle was patience for that. Yeah, it
really was. That was my biggest hurdle.
Speaker 3 (38:56):
You were teaching me, you were also advising me not
to fall in.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
But the fact on the other side of it, sometimes
I didn't think that you would.
Speaker 3 (39:05):
I will tell you Jan, people very close were we're
the worst of the comments done people far away I am.
Speaker 1 (39:13):
I am very sad. I know that to be true,
and it makes me sad and confused. Really, it's depressing
a little bit.
Speaker 3 (39:20):
Let's just it just goes to show you how money
people are really unhappy for.
Speaker 2 (39:24):
Someone else's happiness.
Speaker 3 (39:25):
So when you see people happy, they tried to make
it an unhappy situation. And that's the part about the
second part of being I DO. When you've been trudish,
that kind of stuff doesn't really affect you because during
the second problem and the.
Speaker 2 (39:39):
Second part of I DO is the insecurity of the exes, right,
they're the least threat in the room. Yeah, they're talked
about it old news. Keep your eye on the new
people around, not the exes.
Speaker 1 (39:54):
I hate to say it, but I actually think that's
good advice.
Speaker 3 (39:57):
That's so.
Speaker 2 (39:59):
No them better than you get to know the ax
that no one knows the expect What does that mean?
Speaker 3 (40:06):
Snoopy?
Speaker 1 (40:07):
Snoopy's do you know what that means?
Speaker 2 (40:08):
What does that mean?
Speaker 1 (40:12):
I'm picturing Charlie Brown, me too. Know that people tell
me something, guys and then I'm going to let you go.
But and I'm sorry to ask the question because you
just get asked all the time, but I know that
listeners want to know. So you think you're going to
get probably hitched sometime soon? Do you have a time frame?
Speaker 3 (40:33):
I mean, i'd say we have to get engaged for us, right, Yep.
Speaker 1 (40:36):
I have to ask because I know what people want
to know. And I've heard you ask so many times.
It's not like you know I'm mad.
Speaker 2 (40:44):
And I watched what hap inside these so that I said,
he goes, what's your goal? I said, getting married isn't
the goal? Peace in harmony is the goal. And I
could tell you we've never been so good. No, we really,
I'm ready to go with it.
Speaker 1 (40:58):
I any time, there's no backing out. Now. I look
at you guys, and I can't imagine one without the other.
But there's always like the Goldie Hawn and kur Russell
of it, you know. I mean, look how long they've lasted.
People do believe in that, you know, not needing to
actually sign a paper.
Speaker 3 (41:17):
We're good and we're going to get better.
Speaker 2 (41:18):
That's all right, Yeah, I mean what I love to say,
Paul's my husband. I slipped yesterday and I said that,
who was I talking to? I said, my husband. I'm like, oh, oh,
I mean my boyfriend.
Speaker 1 (41:26):
You know I say that. I say that sometimes to
Paul I'll be like, yeah, I spoke to your wife,
and maybe even to you, Dolores. It's just like for me,
it just makes sense. Yeah. I just couldn't love either
one of you any more than I do.
Speaker 2 (41:40):
And it's a nice idle to have. But I wish
anybody the second time around all the best. It's so hard.
Be careful who you winds up with. Don't make decisions
at a vulnerable time. Going through divorce is very vulnerable,
very scary. Being single is very scary, very vulnerable. Take off,
(42:01):
you know, look at the red flags. Take off the
rose colored glasses.
Speaker 1 (42:05):
Learn from your mistakes, learn from your age and your experiences.
Speaker 3 (42:09):
Oh me, don't afraid of being somewhat private with some
of yourself boundaries.
Speaker 1 (42:17):
That's interesting, you know, I want to impart sure you
feel like this too. Frankie just got engaged and I
know how much you love your soon to be new
daughter in law. And I find myself with my kids
wanting to control who they're dating, seeing things that I
know that they don't see because they're too young to
see it. I have to give that up. That's what
(42:38):
therapy is for. I give up that control. Who knows.
I don't know everything. You know. I have to trust
that they're going to pick partners because it's so important
that will, you know, enrich their lives and make them
happy and peaceful and feel good about themselves. Doesn't always
work though, as we all know the first time around.
But I want them to know what I know, and
they just won't and they don't. I wish I did.
(43:00):
I wish that I could go back and you know,
they can know what I know now right.
Speaker 2 (43:06):
They need to hear it. Yeah, don't stop saying yeah,
well John you once you say it twice and it's
in their head. And when those times happen where they're like,
does this seem right? And then they hear your voice,
little voice in your head.
Speaker 1 (43:20):
That's great. I love I love that because they both
get really really pissed at me. They want me out
of their business when it comes to their love life.
Speaker 2 (43:27):
Say it and drop it, drop it.
Speaker 1 (43:30):
Yep, thank you, both of you. I love you so much.
Speaker 2 (43:34):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (43:36):
All right, bye you guys. So, are you in the
midst of a divorce or feeling stuck on what to
do when it comes to your love life, Call us
or email us or follow us on social All of
the information will be in the show notes. Make sure
to rate and review the podcast. I do Part two
at iHeartRadio Podcasts, where falling in love is the main objective.
Speaker 2 (44:01):
T
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Amy Robach
T.J. Holmes
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