September 18, 2024 • 51 mins
In this two-part episode, Gem and Em welcome the incredibly talented Ana Villafañe to the Mothership. Named one of the New York Times' "30 Under 30," Ana is a true trailblazer in entertainment. She has wowed audiences on Broadway with her performances as Gloria Estefan in On Your Feet and Roxie Hart in Chicago, and she's made waves with her role as AOC in the critically acclaimed play N/A.
In part one, Ana opens up about her journey through the world of Broadway, television and film, what it's like to embody such diverse characters, her friendship with Holland Taylor, living with a chronic illness, body image, her passion for advocating Latinx representation in the industry, and much more. Expect behind-the-scenes stories, laughs, and insights as we dive deep into Ana’s career.
Stay tuned for part two, dropping tomorrow, where we continue our conversation and uncover even more of Ana's fascinating journey. This is an episode you won't want to miss!
Featuring: Ana Villafañe, Emily Estefan, Gemeny Hernandez
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
It's healthy to say I can't come in today. It's
healthy to say I need a minute. It's healthy to
say my mental health, my physical health, I'm deteriorating. I
moved to New York. I didn't know anybody. I met
the cast. They were my coworkers. That was my world.
The show was my world. There was nothing more important,
My family, personal relationships. Everything slipped through the cracks because
(00:23):
I was like, this was everything, and which I'm proud
of to a certain degree. But I would definitely handle
it differently today. And I just did.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Named one of the New York Times thirty under thirty.
Anna Villafanie is a true trailblazer in entertainment, breaking new
ground both on and off the stage. Anna has wild
audiences on Broadway with her dynamic performances as Glorious Stefan
in On Your Feet and Roxy Heart in Chicago, and
she's made significant waves with her recent role in the
critically acclaimed play Ma, where she portrayed the polarizing figure AOC.
(00:55):
On screen, she's starred in popular shows like Younger and
New Amsterdam. From embodying powerful historical figures to championing LATINX representation,
Anna's versatility is truly impressive. We dive into what it's
like to bring such diverse characters to life. Working with
Holland Taylor, Puerto Rican elves her secret backstage ritual, managing
a chronic illness, and much much more. Launching ladies, gentlemen,
(01:28):
gays and days. It is my absolute privilege to bring
you the Broadway star actress Triple Threat, the youngest mother
in law I've ever had anna friend.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Look at us in space, I love it.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
How do you feel?
Speaker 1 (01:49):
I feel good? I feel good. I mean, I woke
up in Miami today, so that's a win, you know.
But I'm good, I'm happy. I'm happy to see you guys,
like in real life.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
Will still comes are warm you up well. Like Jem mentioned,
we've known you for some time now, this is true.
Obviously the way that we met was.
Speaker 4 (02:09):
Unique, yes, But at the same time, over the years,
we've gotten to know so much more of what you do,
not only in your career, but in the person that
you are, the way you that you think your philosophy
is being a friend as well as being by your
(02:30):
side when it comes to your career highlights, which.
Speaker 3 (02:33):
You've been freaking killing.
Speaker 4 (02:35):
So you know, We're going to talk about a lot
of things today, but obviously the most recent thing you've
done is this incredible play that you just worked on.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
Na.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
So yeah, it was a long summer, you guys. It
was a long summer. When I first got the script,
my agent sent it to me and I was like,
you know, they're like, oh, we want you to read
this for interest. But Diane Poullis was attached to direct,
Holland Taylor was attached to st are, and it was
going to be at Lincoln Center, which I've never played
at Lincoln Center. And I was like, well, those three
(03:06):
things are all very very enticing and like, you know,
delicious for an actor, but it was also like highly political,
and it was also you know, just us two and
which that part I was excited about, but it was
I was I was not sure if I wanted to
live in that headspace over the summer, because I knew
that it was going to be a limited run. We
(03:27):
were supposed to close August fourth, but then it was
a hit and so we extended to September first, and
it was like going in day after day into that headspace.
Willingly was a lot. I'm just such a creative and
I'm such a like I'm such an artist, and like
I do believe really, really highly in being passionate about
(03:48):
politics and about like the world around us and existing
like more than just like with tunnel vision about like
what's right in front of us, because we all exist
in this world. I just also needed to take of
myself because it's an election here and all these things,
and so I was just like, do I want to
be thinking about that all day every day? But luckily
Holland was a badass and we just or is a badass,
(04:12):
and we just like developed this kind of instant rapport
with each other that it became clear that I was
like safe, you know. And so because we were fighting,
basically run ninety minutes every you know, eight times a week,
and so she's an incredible actress and it made me
like level my game up too, you know, Like is
it brings I love people who inherently just bring out
(04:34):
the best in the people around them, Like whether that's
in an interpersonal level or in like on a professional
level like that to me or yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:43):
Play with people, yeah better than you you always.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
Get better exactly, and that it's like playing one on
one with Jordan, you know, like that you're gonna come
out a better basketball player, Like there's no way around it.
So so yeah, it was wild.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
That's that's a really I can imagine a really difficult
role to prepare for, considering the fact that it's like
politically charge. How did you How did you prepare differently.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
For this role? I tried to like really anchor myself.
I mean I do this with every character that I played.
For whatever reason, I keep being asked to play these
like real women who actually yeah, like biographical pieces or whatever.
I was playing a woman who like is probably the
furthest from me in a lot of ways, just being
(05:25):
so analytical logical. It was like a more linear, like
scientific type brain. So I did a lot of research
on like what would make her tick, like what would
what drives her? And so like I landed on a
lot of like her family and like her like her upbringing,
(05:46):
and like certain things that I could really instantly like
kind of ground myself with. And then anything that was
external because again, like I'm kind of used to playing
people a little bit more like me. I kind of
left that I did it. I let that go. So
for every character, I always make a playlist because music
is like a very perfect way in. But usually I
(06:06):
also do like a scent because like the old flato,
like the olfla Tori or whatever is such a fast
trigger that you can like put a scent on and
like immediately be I can just immediately jump into that
headspace with the music, like it's a combination thing that
it's like my little trick for like backstage. And for
(06:26):
this one, I didn't do a scent, which is kind
of a test on myself, but I just didn't feel
like she would give a fuck about that, and so
it was kind of liberating. I also had never played
a character who, when I say their name to people,
isn't inherently oh my god, I love that person. So
someone who's a little bit polarizing, someone who isn't afraid
(06:47):
to be polarizing, someone who knows they're rubbing at least
fifty percent of the people the wrong way, that still
says her shit loud, and so that was really also
liberating for me. And you know, I always learned something
from all of them, and so it was, Yeah, it
was good, it was it sounds incredible. Yeah, I get
(07:10):
in there, I get really in there.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
Just to clarify we're talking about AOC.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
Yes, you're playing in the play.
Speaker 4 (07:16):
Which obviously hopefully you know that by now. Yeah, playing
such a polarizing character, making the decision to do so
and of itself is.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
Something that's scary, you know.
Speaker 4 (07:26):
And I feel like something that I've always wanted to
ask you is like, are your decisions in your career
gut based?
Speaker 3 (07:34):
Like?
Speaker 4 (07:34):
Are they based on your intuition? Do you talk to
other people and consult with them about making these decisions
or you like, you know, or do you follow your gut?
Speaker 1 (07:44):
I follow them on my gut. I think like ninety
percent of the time. I think I've asked to play
Alena Fernandez, which is this movie that I have coming out,
which is Fidel Castro's daughter. I needed my grandparents to
kind of sign off on that one first. So I
like flew here when I first spoke to the director
and all of that, which was in La in twenty eighteen,
(08:08):
mind you when you shoot until twenty twenty one, I
flew here. I flew to Miami and I went to
my grandparents' house and I like explained the situation and
I was like, because I the last thing you want
is like you know them to like read a headline
and be like what like and not understand, and so
I really wanted to like make sure with them that
it was cool. The only other time that I asked
(08:32):
somebody for advice was lin Manuel Miranda Amazing when I
did Chicago at the end of the pandemic Chicago on
Broadway asked if I would come in and be either
Roxy or Velma for them to reopen Broadway, and I
was like, yes, just because like what kind of a
situation is that, Like just historically, I'm like, Broadway's never
(08:54):
shut down, So I was like, I would love to
reopen it, Yes, especially in this iconic like show. But
I kind of wanted to do Roxy. Velma is like
technically a better sing than they raised the Keys for me.
Speaker 4 (09:11):
But but but Lynn uh said Roxy, and I was like,
oh cool.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
It was kind of like that was like a flip
a coin situation. But I always remember when I watched
the movie Chicago as like a kid, I remember being like,
oh my god, because I wanted to beat Catherine Zada
Jones of course, but then as an adult, like I
realized that Roxy and and this is what Lynn told me,
which swung me toward Roxy. Roxy gets like the arc,
(09:39):
like she kind of like goes through your going through
the story with her true and so so that's so
that's how.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
I've looked at it, Like, Yeah, you're incredible, You're incredible.
You have played a lot of historical figures. So I'm curious,
what would you say is your favorite part about stepping
into the shoes of someone like you said, as a
real person, and what would you say it's the hardest
part about that.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
I think the hardest part is that there is a
getting it wrong to me, I mean at least, but
I'm also like really a perfectionist, and I try to
You can't go into anything knowing you already knowing thing,
thinking you've solved the problem, because it it doesn't work
that way because then you're going in with an ego
that eliminates any kind of like room for artistry or
(10:24):
growth or curiosity or I don't know. You have to
kind of humble yourself. And so it's been wild because
I've had this career where like, if I make it
about me, even for like a split second, I lost
the game. And so that's kind of cool because it's
kind of been able to keep me in check also
because like you know, you you start working, it gets
exciting whatever you're like feeling yourself. But that quote of
(10:46):
like losing like loving the art in yourself, not yourself
in the art thing, Wow, it makes it a lot
kind of easier when you're playing somebody and it's and
it can't be about you, you know, Like with Gloria,
it had to be about her, that lady, you know,
it had to be about her. With AOC, it had
(11:08):
to be about her and what she stands for, even
though that show was a lot less biographical and a
lot more conceptual. With Castro's daughter, like it has to
be about her and like what this woman has gone
through and she was on set the whole time, so
like again there's a getting it wrong and then you know,
and then now Ava Gardner like it's it's all epic.
Like I love that. I love the transformation aspect. I
(11:30):
love the idea of like those little chameleons that change
color and like that can really transform, like be in
the element that you're spaced in. Yeah, so that's kind
of like what I like, get tingly and shit, you know,
I get off on that, I guess.
Speaker 4 (11:47):
So like we said, obviously you do a myriad of things,
including music, which we're gonna get to later, because that's
something that's selfishly, I would love as a fan of
yours to see you develop more like when you talk
about me, well, we'll get there.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
Yeah yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (12:02):
But anyway, now that we're on the bigness of like
Broadway and plays and things like that, I think it's
really cool if you're willing to share, like, for example,
something about Broadway or theater that is completely unexpected, Like
what's something that you would think that nobody would expect.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
It's something that comes along with Broadway or theater.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
It's a lot. I mean, it's it's very different than
film and TV. It's you're kind of expected to know
how to do certain things. I didn't realize when I
moved to New York it was to make my Broadway debut,
which is like a fairy tale look, but I didn't
know that, like, you know, you're doing your own makeup.
(12:45):
It's you know, the grind is really it's more about
sustaining the thing than getting the part. Getting the part
is hard, right obviously, And like in terms of the
percentage of people who like want to do this professionally,
Like there's a very small percentage get the part. And
I understand that, right, once you get the part, then
what because a lot of people, I feel like, want
(13:06):
that cute little moment to post that they got such
and such part, but then they're not showing up. Then
they're not being disciplined enough to actually sustain the project.
I mean, that's eight shows, eight shows a week on
Broadway doing the same exact thing or not. Also, like
not to be elitist about it, Like there's Broadway, there's
off Broadway, there's regional theater, there's you know, all levels
(13:28):
of theater that are all equally you know, impressive because
you are doing it all and there's no take two.
There's no oh I got that note wrong? Please, you know,
there's no like, there's no safety net. You're out there
like raw, it's like naked, Like it's like you're you're
out there for the people and it's a conversation. It's
(13:49):
a communion with the people, with the room, everybody who
comes in that night, Like the audience will shape the
performance if you're if you're feeling that the audience is
with you versus against you, like, but it's your job
to still tell that story and like the script isn't changing,
the songs aren't changing, Like what you have to do
is in changing. But it's your job to keep it
(14:09):
as alive as the first time and to connect with
whoever's in there. And actually, your mom, I still do
this every single time I perform, and even on set.
So your mom told me one of the things when
I was researching to play your Mom is. I was
like is. I was like, do you do anything before
(14:29):
shows that is like specific to you before a concert?
And so she told me that she did this thing
where she stretches out her arms like a tea and
with her palms toward the audience, standing backstage with her
eyes closed and takes ten very deep, very focused breaths
and opening her chakras to give whatever that specific audience
(14:53):
that day needs in that house. So it's like right
before you go on. And I still do that to
this day with any thing, whether it's a play, whether
it's you know, I'm on set, like I'm that that
wild person there, and if I and if my brain
starts to derail, because you know, like if I'm on
breath like number four and I'm like, oh my god,
I forgot to put on eyeline or or something. I'm like,
(15:14):
start again, and you and I have to start again
and I and it has to be like the last
thing I do before going on, and so like it's
about it again. It can't be you have to like
eliminate yourself a little bit, because it has to be
about what it is that these people came in, These
people bought tickets. Yeah, what are they?
Speaker 3 (15:33):
Why?
Speaker 1 (15:33):
Why are they here? Why are they here specifically? Not
why did you show up? Not why did you want
to be an actor? Not all of this other crap,
because it's more it's that's not going to get you anywhere.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
Very mindful.
Speaker 4 (15:48):
Oh no, it's true though. I say that all the
time when I had that that class with Living Saint
Taylor in Berkeley.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
The audience you need them, Yeah, they don't need you.
Speaker 4 (16:03):
Yeah, you know, And it's an interesting kind of impast
to cross.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
But yeah, what a beautiful.
Speaker 4 (16:10):
Thing to continue to pass on and all the epic
things you do.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
So when I see a.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
T you'll figure it out. Obviously you don't do it alone.
I mean you're surrounded by people back there.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
Oh yeah for sure. Oh you have to let your
freak flag flag, I mean, come on. Also, like nobody
involved in these spaces, whether you're on set and it's
like a grip or whatever or like a camera op,
like they can't be sure your backstage. I mean, it's
just like we're all weird. And that's the thing. It's
like liberating to just like acknowledge we're all weird. We're
all human, We're all like trying to do our thing.
(16:46):
We all have our little idiosyncrasies that like help us
do the thing that we want to do, like at
our like our best level, and like do you you
know if you have to do your little ritual over
there amazing like Holland and would be like walking backstage
and she'd be like making all these like sad yeah
(17:08):
generals really just guttural sounds, and then she had to
do like her little squats like backstations, and we would
and then we would like stand like stand facing your caremeer. Yeah,
well I was always on the bottom.
Speaker 3 (17:19):
It was the bottom, of course, you are sucking straight
we holloween.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
Yeah, And we would stand in.
Speaker 5 (17:30):
We would stand in full wardrobe or whatever in our
little suits and would just like look at each other
and be liked like breathe, and then whatever crazy ship
was going on in the world, we would maybe talk
about it, maybe not, and we'd be like, let's go
out there, and then she would tell.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
Me be where your feet are?
Speaker 3 (17:47):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
Yeah, and then and that like became like one of
our things. We would say slowly and then that was it,
and then we'd be like, okay, you, grateful for you,
and then we would walk.
Speaker 3 (18:01):
On still Like you said, you're yelling at each other.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Oh yeah, well exactly. Well I started actually halfway through
the run to keep it real. It was hard to
do that to like just be fighting, you know, like
the animosity, because like the third scene of the play
gets like really intense and like I'm weeping about the
border crisis. I'm like trying to reason with her about
(18:25):
things that I that A believes in and and we're
like and we're going at it, and then it starts
getting really personal and we're like, you know the end,
you know, the audience is clutching the pearls, honey, like
it was. It was a lot. It was a lot,
and we would we wouldn't yell. There were we would
get loud, but like it was again, she's a really
(18:47):
great actress and like, yeah, I don't know, like I'm
not going to say that about myself, but like I
can fight, And so we were going at it. There
were days where I was like in my like other brain,
like I'm there like saying a lot, and then like
the back of my head, I'm like you, no, no,
you went a little too far, like she's going to
be actually.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
Mad at you?
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Is she actually mad at you? Whatever? Keep fighting, but
like going to be mad at you, Like, oh my god,
like you did something a little too much, like you know,
like because sometimes if you know, in a conversation or
in a fight, right if so, like if someone does
something really specific with your voice, Like there was this
one line that sometimes she would go because they're not
doing what you want, and I'm like what I want,
(19:29):
So I would like serve it back to her. And
those were the days where I was like I'd get
off stage and I'd be like, oh my god, oh
my god, oh my god, my god, my friendship with Holland,
Like I don't know, like I need to like give
her something the gift, like I don't know. And so
halfway through the run, I started going into her dressing
room before we got into like because she was wearing
a wig for as Pelosi, and I started like just
(19:53):
needing to see her as herself and needing her also
to see me as myself before we became the King
characters and before we got on the ice, because I
just needed like to make sure that we were super
super solid so then we could go and like kick right.
And it actually really was helpful, Like, for example, Sinatra,
(20:17):
best case scenario in my life is that the man
the Tony Winner who is playing Frank Sinatra, is gay,
so I can be in bed with him and be
making out with him and have all this freedom. And
me and Phoebe Paneritos, who plays Nancy Sinatra, like we
talk about it all the time, Like we were in
the UK last at this time last year for like
(20:39):
four months doing the project like for the first like
out of town, and then it'll come to Broadway next
year and we're over there and she and I would
just like go out and be like, oh my god,
it's just like so delicious to have a gay man
because it's just you're not worried, you know, so that
trust of like the person off stage can then allow
you to be so on stage to like let all
(21:02):
your walls down and like really really go there. So
whichever extreme, whether it's a fight, whether it's sex, whether
it's whatever.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
So speaking of God, I'm very curious about the segue.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
Yeah, So speaking of fighting, sex, no.
Speaker 3 (21:19):
No, no, sex, and all that shit is in the
back of mirror.
Speaker 4 (21:20):
We're gonna get to what really matters now, which is
your voice.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
Wait before you do that, I actually I have a question. Okay, yea, yeah, okay,
So you've You've I've heard, I've heard heard the birds
have heard the birds have told me that you've described
being on stage as a self healing experience. Yeah, and
I can even though I've known you for all these years,
I feel like I'm getting to know another side of
you here, which I'm like so happy you're here. And
(21:48):
I have so much respect for you as a professional,
as an actress, as a dancer, as a singer. But
this is really cool to hear the behind the scenes.
Has there ever been a moment where you've been on
stage and you've kind of like transcended the performance and
connected to something in your life, or that that moment
on stage impacted you personally.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
Yeah, I and it's and It's interesting because this is
actually a technique that some actors do use, is to
draw from their actual lives and their actual experiences and
kind of like placeholds for you know, if they need
to like draw from that emotion. If you think of
it as like a well or something, and you're like
trying to like put some of that water into here
so that you can like apply to the story. I'm
(22:32):
not that type of performer. I'm not that type of actor.
I think I just like really allow myself to like
surrender to like the context of what the scenario is
or what the script is, so I don't really I
try not to be like think of something sad, right,
(22:52):
that is not part of this. Like I try to
just be like, Oh, it's almost like radical empathy, like
where it's you're really really putting yourself in that situation
of like I've never had my backbroken, right, I've never
been in a car accident that almost ended my life
and my husband's and my son. I've never been in
(23:16):
that scenario. But practicing that radical empathy and again not
making it about me then allows me to like be
so in that character. And I think it all depends
on like the work you do before you even get there,
because if you haven't done the work, then then you
have to draw on something. So it makes sense to
(23:38):
be like I'll think about like that time my dog
died or something. But like, but I think that the
most like authentic connections are like when it's really really
rooted in honesty, whether that's like on stage around camera,
it's like, you know, it's the same but different. It's
kind of like playing the same song on a different
instrument because like the camera's obviously a camera, but you know,
(24:00):
I try to stay away from placeholding. But having that said,
when I was like little like when I wanted to
do this with my life, it was because I was
obviously yearning for somewhere to like belong right, and so
like I found that in performing and now I'm getting emotional,
(24:21):
but like I found that in being on stage. I
found that in singing. I found that in there there's
like something that comes over the moment and myself that like,
even if I'm like insecure and unsure of myself and
like not sure where I belong in real life, I
would get on stage and I was like, well, at
least for these fucking four minutes of this song I'm
(24:44):
gonna sing this is where I am, and like and like,
at least this is this is so tangibly real. And
when I was a kid, I used to call once
I learned like what acting was, and once I started
doing this for real, which my first my first musical
that I did was when I was nine years old.
And when I learned that you could act and sing
(25:04):
at the same time, my mind exploded and I was like, oh,
it's like living times ten, like in that moment, like
it's it's just that's the only way that I could
describe it. And for whatever reason, it does feel healing
because then like even if it's just like that glimmer
of like a moment, then in my real life, like
it's almost like my super self, Like you know, like
(25:26):
there's like Clark Kent and there's Superman, and I know
that Superman exists, then that makes Clark a little stronger.
Speaker 4 (25:33):
Yeah, yeah, or at least love him, so yeah, exactly,
there is more.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
Yeah, and now and it's funny because then as as
I've like grown up and like started doing this for real,
and then now I'm like really really doing it for
real and all this stuff, like yeah, once it became
like not a pastime, once it became like a like
legitimately what I do with my life. It does make
me love myself more, not for the jobs, but because
of like the audacity to keep going back to it
(26:00):
because it's hard. It's a hard thing.
Speaker 3 (26:01):
To do, like make it through it.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Yeah, and you and you get a lot of like
there's a lot of heartbreak. There's a lot of like illusion.
Every single time you audition for something, you have to
tell yourself, I can get it otherwise, right, do it?
You know? So, like so that's like a little heartbreak
every time. But then there's that thing and then it's
almost like the wand chooses the wizard, right, like then
(26:25):
then you do get a job. And like in my life,
for whatever they've been, these like major life events and
these like powerhouse characters and like extremely just these experiences
that I'm like pinging myself about still sometimes and I'm like, oh, okay,
maybe that's not a coincidence. So it goes back to
that whole like loving yourself thing. And it's like, yeah,
(26:46):
if that little girl hadn't gotten on stage, if that
little girl hadn't felt so out of place in like
the cafeteria at lunch as a kid enough to get
on stage and enough to like that like I needed
to keep doing it. I wouldn't be where I am,
so that little girl every single time.
Speaker 4 (27:05):
It's like a high five. I don't know, yes, question,
(27:26):
is it true that you played Glorious Steff on Broadway?
Speaker 5 (27:29):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (27:29):
Brother?
Speaker 1 (27:30):
Because it was a rumor.
Speaker 3 (27:31):
I don't even know who that is? Okay, I did?
Speaker 1 (27:36):
I feel like such a mystifying statement, You know what
I mean? That's great, But guess what.
Speaker 4 (27:40):
The mystifiers are not around now, so I have questions?
Speaker 1 (27:44):
All right? My first question is.
Speaker 3 (27:49):
Speaking of someone created from her DNA who has elements
of my voice that literally sound like hers, and elements
that are my own that.
Speaker 4 (28:00):
I now am confident in sane. Absolutely, I'm happy to sound.
I'm a fan of my mom. Anybody that knows me
for real knows that I'm a fan of her music.
I'm a fan of her voice. I'm a fan of
everything she did, regardless of whether I.
Speaker 3 (28:12):
Grew in her uterus. You to write you to row
watched last week's episode. You're gonna get that joke.
Speaker 4 (28:17):
But anyway, the point is that I'm a fan of hers.
Regardless of whether I came out that home or not.
So the point same that no, Wow, The point is
that I know that one of the things when on
your Feet was starting was the fear of acquiring a
(28:40):
female vocalist that was more in our range, the alto
lower register, such a specific voice, like the Karen Carpenters
of the other times, and you know, and like just
you know, females.
Speaker 3 (28:52):
Who have a little girthier voice. So my question for
you is.
Speaker 4 (28:59):
When you're on, when you're playing characters like jump Set
or even somebody that you're trying to get into the
vocal I don't know, get into shape vocally with that person.
Speaker 3 (29:10):
I don't even know what the words to use.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
R because I'm not even saying as yourself, no, that's
like hol this thing you have to sing like this?
Speaker 3 (29:18):
How do you even begin to learn to sing like
somebody else? What is a session with a vocal coach
who's going to teach you how to sing like somebody else?
Speaker 1 (29:28):
Look like I had to figure out a way to
sing like me. And mind you, I'm a soprano, which
is the wild thing about everything, because everyone now does
assume always that I'm an alto and I'm like a fellow.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
I wish I was an alto.
Speaker 3 (29:48):
No you don't, yes, we do.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
Well, but hold on. And but now there's also this
whole thing where like if you're not like belting a
high Z like you're like, it's like not impressive. But
that's like not, that's not how I see it at all,
because like I can hear singers who can do vocal
technique and backflips and all these things. Yeah yeah, and
it's just like but but I feel nothing. Oh yeah,
(30:11):
you know, and that sucks. I'm like, I'm sorry, I
don't care what you can do with your voice. I
care if I care feel yeah, and I feel yeah.
So having that said, I had to figure out a
way to sing still with like how I know how
to sing in order to not damage my actual instrument
or whatever. But it was more of like an oral.
Speaker 3 (30:33):
Not oral A A are not oral.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
It was an oral experience because I had. What I
did was I just like listened. There's listening like when
you're at a restaurant and there's music playing and you're
talking and then there's like active, really detailed listening. So
what I did in order to play your mom because
it's just the catalog is so beloved, those records are
(31:00):
so ingrained in pop culture that like there's a wrong answer.
And so I was like, I need to listen to
her phrasing, her vowels, what consonants she's holding and actually
singing on and like and how she's doing it. And
then like so I started with that, and I would
(31:22):
write out like on a like a piece of paper
with lines, I would write out the lyrics but like
how they sounded to me. So anything for you with
like six ends and like for you is almost like
thrown away or like little, like I would write like little,
like the way that it sounded phonetically to me. And
then I would use those even though I've known these
(31:43):
lyrics my whole life, but I would I would use
those sheets to then kind of like rehearse with myself
until I would listen because I would record it, and
I would listen to myself and be like almost or
you know, to get the phrasing specifically for those records
that are like so unmistaken. Right, But also she did
(32:03):
me a solid because she.
Speaker 4 (32:05):
She's alive first of all, correct, she's very much alive,
very much alive, And she did me a solid because
she brought her voice coach from Australia.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
That guy is incredible top pa to New York and
worked with me on her technique. And also he's not
even a musician, isn't a wild that's say who he is.
Please get comfortable.
Speaker 3 (32:31):
First of all, all I have to say is his
name is Torp.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
I know.
Speaker 4 (32:36):
Is named Torp number one, number two. He's the most
interesting man. Now I feel like I'm getting old anyway.
The third thing is that he used to listen to
people in the FBI they're vocal, Yeah, because he understands
the vocal cords so much so that he can tell
when you squeeze your chords, because your chords when you
talk kind.
Speaker 3 (32:54):
Of slapped together like this.
Speaker 6 (32:56):
So what guys, So when you just so when you squeeze,
when when you squeeze your cords and the wrong way,
it actually literally gives an indication that you're lying.
Speaker 3 (33:07):
And he used to do that.
Speaker 4 (33:08):
So tell me he's not a good vocal culture damn scary, right,
But you didn't tell you that.
Speaker 1 (33:13):
I know he did not tell me that shit. And
he's also twenty four and I was just like, literally,
what is even happening?
Speaker 3 (33:19):
For getting old. Oh my god, we're going to move
on from On your Feet.
Speaker 4 (33:23):
Cool, But I have one more question. It's going to
be the hardest one, Oh god. And only I can
ask you this question.
Speaker 3 (33:29):
Oh yeah, you.
Speaker 1 (33:30):
Better really nervous.
Speaker 3 (33:31):
You should be.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
I should have you don't have to try try I know.
I'm like now the nerves, I know.
Speaker 4 (33:40):
Before we move on from On your Feet, this is
a reality for those of you. Again, like she's displayed
the truth of what it's like to be on a
Broadway production, and she's made it very sweet, because it's grueling,
especially when you're in the lead role of something and
vocally have to not only physically move your body but
extra size that muscle in your voice every day, and
(34:03):
sometimes you get injured, and sometimes shit happens, and sometimes
you just don't want to fucking wake up in the morning. Sorry,
Like in the sense of like, sometimes you know what,
I don't want to freaking do this play today, but
you know what yourself to do it.
Speaker 3 (34:14):
And one day you have to do it twice.
Speaker 4 (34:17):
My very real question to you is, at any point
on the On your Feet run, did you feel like
it was too much and.
Speaker 3 (34:23):
You just wanted to just not do it.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
No, And I know that that sounds like it's complete
and utterable. I believe you. I believe you had to,
like I mean, we saw it. It's actually the opposite.
Speaker 4 (34:34):
You had to like physically remove you from carcass from
that stage.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
I actually didn't. I like almost like, really, well, I
did hurt myself. I'm not gonna like sugarcoat it because
it's you.
Speaker 3 (34:49):
No, no, well it's not me. It's me and them,
and they don't have to hear this, you know what.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
The reality is. I hurt myself because I didn't know
when to It's healthy to say I can't come in today.
It's healthy to say I need a minute. It's healthy
to say my mental health, my physical health, I'm deteriorating.
I moved to New York. I didn't know anybody. I
met the cast. They were my coworkers. That was my world.
(35:15):
The show was my world. There was nothing more important,
My family, personal relationships. Everything slipped through the cracks because
I was like this was everything, and which I'm proud
of to a certain degree, but like, I would definitely
handle it differently today, and I just did. Like I
learned a lot from that experience because I was really young.
(35:36):
I didn't know that it was okay because I loved
it so much that you know, like when you clutch something.
One of my friends it's actually the on your Feet
dance captain Natalie Crunchow, who's like.
Speaker 4 (35:47):
Very well, she's the best the shit.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
She told me this one day. She's like, if you're
trying to like hang on too, like a little pile
of sand and you clutch onto it with like everything
you've got, it's all going to spill out. If you
like let your hand relax and just trust that it's there,
you're not gonna drop any of it. Actually, yo, I was.
(36:13):
I was clutching for dear life. Nothing like that had
ever happened to me. I do not come from any
type of entertainment family. It felt like my purpose, like
and I still I still agree with that, but I
didn't know how to do it without losing myself, and
so like I lost myself completely. I lost my voice.
(36:34):
I lost like I mean, I was self medicating. I
was just like not speaking unless I was either her
or talking about her. Impress I was allowing Anna to
completely erode.
Speaker 3 (36:50):
In order to that has to happen to so many actors.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
Well, and that's and it does.
Speaker 3 (36:55):
It has to happen.
Speaker 1 (36:56):
You look at exactly, you look at all these people,
and it's and it's a very real thing and it's
and in one way it's beautiful, but like you also
can't like can't be your identity correct because if you're
not okay, I couldn't. There came a point where I
was so lost and like unhealthy that then I couldn't
(37:19):
do what I wanted most, which was the show and
and and be.
Speaker 4 (37:23):
Her well, like we're flesh and bone, like we're right beings,
like you said at the end of.
Speaker 1 (37:27):
The day, to be able to.
Speaker 2 (37:28):
Do our art.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
And if you're not, your cup's not full.
Speaker 3 (37:31):
Being.
Speaker 4 (37:33):
Girl literally being, you're being very vulnerable, and I'm going
to be equally as vulnerable. Like that's something that I
feel heavy.
Speaker 1 (37:41):
Yeah, Like if your.
Speaker 4 (37:42):
Cup is not full and then you can't fill other
people's cup, the only thing that's left is in other
people's eyes, to be selfish, to be Yeah, oh my god,
everything must come to a halt right now. But what's
the alternative that it's panic mode. It's panic mode, and
that's what happens with people to like in the arts,
like us that we get so our identity becomes even
(38:05):
something as silly as a song. I'm writing a song
and my entire identity is this song, and I need
to finish a song right now. And then it's like, oh,
but I'm not going to my best friend's birthday, Like
what the fuck?
Speaker 3 (38:14):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (38:15):
Or like shit like that.
Speaker 4 (38:16):
That's like it's it's complicated, Like and I'm gonna say this.
I don't know if there are studies on this ship
or not, but it's like I feel like there's a
million languages in the world, but either you're an artist
or you're not. Yeah, and like that's a language.
Speaker 3 (38:34):
I don't know. I don't know if it sounds maybe
it does. It's not even like I'll.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
Actually I am glamorous. I think it's people think it
is no at all. Being an artist is not that fun. No. No.
And and that's the thing too, is like I really
it bothers me to be honest when people are like, oh, like,
do what you love and you'll never work a day
in your life. It's like incorrect, absolutely incorrect, because when
you do what you love, we're not clocking in and
(39:01):
clocking No, we're not like you know, doing the thing
and it's like paint by numbers and you walk away
like you care so deeply and then it's round the
clock and honestly you're I mean in this case when
it comes to what I was saying, and when I
was younger, I was so scared of losing it all.
I was so scared that if I wouldn't be a hundred,
(39:24):
if I wasn't giving every last ounce that I had,
if I wasn't there, if I wasn't making sure that
not only was I doing the show, but everything that
came in terms of events around it, press, blah blah blah,
like everything. I needed to be there and represent the show.
And I couldn't let people down. And I couldn't let
her down. I couldn't let your family down. I couldn't
(39:46):
let which too much pressure. Yeah, like I and I
was and I was crumbling, but like I would, I
would do it out of you know. It was all
like positive but it was work, you know, and I
didn't know. I didn't know how to be like I
really need a break or I really need like the
(40:07):
one time I left was when I lost my voice,
and and it was brutal man, I was. I was.
It was absolutely the last. Then the last time I
were in ears until today was the comeback when.
Speaker 7 (40:19):
I I went when we did Capital fourth in DC,
and I performed and I was like, and your dad,
I think, was like, you need to wear in ears
because it's like two big and I was like there
in front of the Capitol and I'm like singing.
Speaker 1 (40:30):
Kunga with like the in ears or whatever, which that's
really hard.
Speaker 2 (40:32):
When you don't when you're not used to performing with heres.
Speaker 1 (40:34):
Oh my god, it was so hard because but I
was just so happy to be back. I was like
I hadn't because I had to take two weeks and
like I had like be I went and saw Shaman.
I went and saw Audre McDonald and I sat on
her couch in her dressing room backstage at Shuffle a Long,
and I lost it and I was just like I
don't know what to do. And she's like, you need
(40:56):
to go home whatever that means to you, and shut up.
And I flew to Miami and I was silent here
for two weeks and every day was just like the
biggest drama and I was like the show, the show,
you know whatever, And then uh, and then and then
(41:18):
came back and I was and I was better. I mean,
and it took time. I would still like get back
and I could hear in like the first two songs
of the show, I'd be like, and I really had
to think about technique and all this stuff. But I
had been trained as an opera singer in college, so
I relied on what I did know. And it's funny
because in order to then continue being Gloria, I actually
(41:40):
had to remember how to be Anna, which was wild
mind fucked of the century. That's amazing.
Speaker 2 (42:02):
I want to touch on Little Anna. You've mentioned her
a little bit. Yeah, and correct me if I'm wrong.
But this journey in your life started at a performance
at the Arthritis Foundation's Camp Fund Rise.
Speaker 1 (42:16):
That is true. Talent show, that is true. I'm saying
Lucky by Britney Spears.
Speaker 2 (42:19):
No, you wow, how the tables have turned.
Speaker 5 (42:25):
Wait, that's incredible, I you know, I mean it was
like very I mean yeah.
Speaker 2 (42:30):
One of the things that we haven't mentioned yet that
I think is very important to mention because throughout all
of this, you've been dealing with something you've been dealing
with you were little girl, and you've been very vocal.
Speaker 1 (42:40):
About which is arthritis? What is twofold question?
Speaker 2 (42:45):
Okay, okay, because you seem to be somebody that is
so prepared and I love the way that you approach
all of these different things of your life. Is there
a wellness tip that maybe people wouldn't expect that you
have integrated into your routine to prepare for these that
somebody with your kind of schedule, we wouldn't assume what
would be able to do.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
I mean, listen, I'm like still figuring out exactly what
the formula is. It kind of yeah and shifts like
with my mood. But I really I've I've learned that
I have to have like my I mean, first of all,
I've been on like prescription drugs since I was seven
(43:28):
years old. I give myself an injection. I take a
lot of pills, like I mean, I'm on real medication
to keep my arthritis in control. Being a person with
a chronic condition with a disability is weird, especially when
you don't look like you have one. But one of
my best friends, Ryan is uh he has cerebral palsy
(43:52):
and he's an actor, he's a writer, he's a genius,
and he he like really seared into my soul recently
because we were like having a conversation about something. He's like,
you're disabled enough, and I was like, because you know,
like the world sees me and and that's perception versus
reality is like one of the things that I find
(44:13):
fascinating and struggle with a lot. You can't really shut
out to therapist, correct, but especially then add to that
the entertainment industry, and it's like times a million.
Speaker 2 (44:25):
I know, but you could have had a desk job, yeah,
exactly right, and I'd still be like, I have a secret.
Speaker 1 (44:33):
But but the reality is.
Speaker 3 (44:37):
Like.
Speaker 1 (44:39):
I think that for me, like I keep my I'm
very specific about what I put into my body to
fuel my body. I had to learn to have a
better relationship with food. I had to actually be able
to eat. And we've talked about this, to be able
to eat and not be like, Okay, well, how can
I make up for that? Because you know this and
this and this. I was bleiemic in middle school and
(45:01):
like you know, I've always had like body issue things
because my body attacks me, Like my my disability is
that my body is attacking myself. So how could I
ever have a good relationship with it, and then to
add to that to put it on display in crop
tops and like exactly correct the dazzled crop tops and
(45:23):
like all these things. So I've learned through what not
to do. I think, like again, a lot of self
medicating when I was younger, a lot of just binge,
whether it's drinking or then eating, and then like making
up for it by like starving myself or just doing
the absolute most to feel like I deserve two order
(45:48):
fries or something, but then add to that the prescription drugs.
So like I've always been in this like weird in
between position where like I knew I had to take
care of my illness, but I also like wanted to
live as much as I could, you know, and like I,
(46:10):
I don't know, so I don't know that I'm like
here to give wellness tips, but I feel like I
need to move my body, I need to fuel my body,
and then like once that's handled, I can literally take
care of everybody else around me. And it took me
a long time to learn that, Like coming down to
Miami sometimes like my own like my family, who like
(46:31):
I would die for, like they wouldn't understand sometimes and
I'm like, no, I like I have to do these
things and I'm going to eat this way and I'm
going to like this is who I am and it's
part of the package, you know, especially exactly, and food
is such a heavy party.
Speaker 4 (46:50):
Also, like we have spoken about this before, but I
don't even know if I've told you this in detail,
Like my relationship with food is toxic, not in the
same way it is with you. But when my grandma
passed away, I just kind of like stopped eating, and
then my body got accustomed to not eating as much.
My stomach got smaller, and now like eating for me
(47:10):
feels like a chore in a way, like I don't
I don't enjoy it. It's something that I just have
to do because what happens is if I don't, I start.
Speaker 3 (47:20):
To lose my mind.
Speaker 1 (47:22):
Wow, like for real, Like.
Speaker 4 (47:24):
If i'm if I don't have the right nutrients in
my body, and if I don't get on my bike
or go for a walk or go for a run,
like I don't feel like myself and I will start
acting not like myself.
Speaker 1 (47:36):
I can't be I'm not good for anybody unless I
have done those like similar.
Speaker 4 (47:42):
But it gets like real serious man like like filling
your cup back to the filling your like understanding what
it takes to love somebody else adequately loving yourself first.
Speaker 1 (47:56):
Yo, But like, and it's so hard, and it sounds
like it's such a thing, and everybody says it and
it sounds so flippant or whatever, But like, it is really.
Speaker 2 (48:07):
Hard, especially I think in the context of where the
world we live in. Agreed, being Hispanic and being women,
I agree. Where we were raised almost to serve and
to be worried about everything around us and everybody.
Speaker 1 (48:22):
Else's mood around us.
Speaker 2 (48:23):
It's really hard to center yourself as the most important
thing in your life. And that's the things that we are.
We're the only people responsible for the bodies that we occupy.
Were the only people that are with ourselves one hundred
percent of the time. And I think it's something that
I absolutely relate to. I don't relate to the food thing. Yeah,
I struggle with them sometimes, you know, because it's I
(48:45):
can't understand what.
Speaker 1 (48:46):
It is like the food.
Speaker 4 (48:48):
I'm looking at the food and I literally want to vomit,
and I'm like to eat the food.
Speaker 2 (48:52):
I love like thinking, you know, right, Actually my love languages.
Speaker 1 (48:57):
Literally I got here today. I know I had language
and anxiety. I got your and no, no, I'm super
I'm very excited to you. You could take it home.
But if I had eaten before being on camera and
before having to have like thoughts that aren't thinking about
the fact that I just ate that like that would
it would throw like I would have to like go
(49:19):
like walk around the block or something. If I had one, Okay,
you know what I mean, like because it's because that's
I have really intense I don't know, and I think that,
like I told myself, like when I started singing, I
had a voice teacher who was amazing den I fitted
(49:39):
here in Miami, and she and we would talk about
like the diaphragm and whatever, and she's like, you know,
if you've just eaten, obviously you're you can't like expand
as much like you have to really be mindful about
like breathing and whatever you're going to perform physically. And
I was like starting right, and so I was starting
to perform and so like those types of things. But
then again to your point where women, you know, the
aesthetic of it all and like and some how it
(50:00):
turned into this other Her advice was not wrong or bad,
but it turned into this other thing where like I'm
like a little rabid raccoon after a show and I'm
there like I need like that's when I like eat
eat and actually just like relax, yes, and I and
I like to eat after I've done the things that
I need to do that are in any way like
in front of or presentational and and and it's and
(50:25):
it's I have like a lot of food anxiety today
at the hotel. I'm staying, like I'm at the breakfast
and like I wanted more food and I was like,
oh my god, did they see me? Like are they
going to see that I'm like going up for like
more smoked salmon right now? Like you know what I mean,
I'm like, how embarrassing for me? And I was by
my fucking self. But I was so paranoid that I
(50:47):
that I was going to get up and get more
smoked salmon, you know what I'm saying, like not even
like a pancake.
Speaker 2 (50:54):
Like literally, I love that you can laugh about it though,
get it.
Speaker 1 (50:58):
I'm over.
Speaker 3 (51:00):
Give me the number of your therapists.
Speaker 1 (51:03):
Bernie. We love Bernie, okay for real, though we have
an issue with food. But I have so many other girl,
I tell you, hey, we all do.
Speaker 3 (51:22):
Literally my gosh.
Speaker 8 (51:25):
And that's a wrap on Part one of Broadway's Big Bang.
We still have more to say, I know, can you
believe it? So make sure to check back tomorrow for
part two. We promise it's worth the way. Plus, who
doesn't love a good sequel
Speaker 1 (51:45):
Lunch
It's healthy to say I can't come in today. It's
healthy to say I need a minute. It's healthy to
say my mental health, my physical health, I'm deteriorating. I
moved to New York. I didn't know anybody. I met
the cast. They were my coworkers. That was my world.
The show was my world. There was nothing more important,
My family, personal relationships. Everything slipped through the cracks because
(00:23):
I was like, this was everything, and which I'm proud
of to a certain degree. But I would definitely handle
it differently today. And I just did.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Named one of the New York Times thirty under thirty.
Anna Villafanie is a true trailblazer in entertainment, breaking new
ground both on and off the stage. Anna has wild
audiences on Broadway with her dynamic performances as Glorious Stefan
in On Your Feet and Roxy Heart in Chicago, and
she's made significant waves with her recent role in the
critically acclaimed play Ma, where she portrayed the polarizing figure AOC.
(00:55):
On screen, she's starred in popular shows like Younger and
New Amsterdam. From embodying powerful historical figures to championing LATINX representation,
Anna's versatility is truly impressive. We dive into what it's
like to bring such diverse characters to life. Working with
Holland Taylor, Puerto Rican elves her secret backstage ritual, managing
a chronic illness, and much much more. Launching ladies, gentlemen,
(01:28):
gays and days. It is my absolute privilege to bring
you the Broadway star actress Triple Threat, the youngest mother
in law I've ever had anna friend.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Look at us in space, I love it.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
How do you feel?
Speaker 1 (01:49):
I feel good? I feel good. I mean, I woke
up in Miami today, so that's a win, you know.
But I'm good, I'm happy. I'm happy to see you guys,
like in real life.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
Will still comes are warm you up well. Like Jem mentioned,
we've known you for some time now, this is true.
Obviously the way that we met was.
Speaker 4 (02:09):
Unique, yes, But at the same time, over the years,
we've gotten to know so much more of what you do,
not only in your career, but in the person that
you are, the way you that you think your philosophy
is being a friend as well as being by your
(02:30):
side when it comes to your career highlights, which.
Speaker 3 (02:33):
You've been freaking killing.
Speaker 4 (02:35):
So you know, We're going to talk about a lot
of things today, but obviously the most recent thing you've
done is this incredible play that you just worked on.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
Na.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
So yeah, it was a long summer, you guys. It
was a long summer. When I first got the script,
my agent sent it to me and I was like,
you know, they're like, oh, we want you to read
this for interest. But Diane Poullis was attached to direct,
Holland Taylor was attached to st are, and it was
going to be at Lincoln Center, which I've never played
at Lincoln Center. And I was like, well, those three
(03:06):
things are all very very enticing and like, you know,
delicious for an actor, but it was also like highly political,
and it was also you know, just us two and
which that part I was excited about, but it was
I was I was not sure if I wanted to
live in that headspace over the summer, because I knew
that it was going to be a limited run. We
(03:27):
were supposed to close August fourth, but then it was
a hit and so we extended to September first, and
it was like going in day after day into that headspace.
Willingly was a lot. I'm just such a creative and
I'm such a like I'm such an artist, and like
I do believe really, really highly in being passionate about
(03:48):
politics and about like the world around us and existing
like more than just like with tunnel vision about like
what's right in front of us, because we all exist
in this world. I just also needed to take of
myself because it's an election here and all these things,
and so I was just like, do I want to
be thinking about that all day every day? But luckily
Holland was a badass and we just or is a badass,
(04:12):
and we just like developed this kind of instant rapport
with each other that it became clear that I was
like safe, you know. And so because we were fighting,
basically run ninety minutes every you know, eight times a week,
and so she's an incredible actress and it made me
like level my game up too, you know, Like is
it brings I love people who inherently just bring out
(04:34):
the best in the people around them, Like whether that's
in an interpersonal level or in like on a professional
level like that to me or yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:43):
Play with people, yeah better than you you always.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
Get better exactly, and that it's like playing one on
one with Jordan, you know, like that you're gonna come
out a better basketball player, Like there's no way around it.
So so yeah, it was wild.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
That's that's a really I can imagine a really difficult
role to prepare for, considering the fact that it's like
politically charge. How did you How did you prepare differently.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
For this role? I tried to like really anchor myself.
I mean I do this with every character that I played.
For whatever reason, I keep being asked to play these
like real women who actually yeah, like biographical pieces or whatever.
I was playing a woman who like is probably the
furthest from me in a lot of ways, just being
(05:25):
so analytical logical. It was like a more linear, like
scientific type brain. So I did a lot of research
on like what would make her tick, like what would
what drives her? And so like I landed on a
lot of like her family and like her like her upbringing,
(05:46):
and like certain things that I could really instantly like
kind of ground myself with. And then anything that was
external because again, like I'm kind of used to playing
people a little bit more like me. I kind of
left that I did it. I let that go. So
for every character, I always make a playlist because music
is like a very perfect way in. But usually I
(06:06):
also do like a scent because like the old flato,
like the olfla Tori or whatever is such a fast
trigger that you can like put a scent on and
like immediately be I can just immediately jump into that
headspace with the music, like it's a combination thing that
it's like my little trick for like backstage. And for
(06:26):
this one, I didn't do a scent, which is kind
of a test on myself, but I just didn't feel
like she would give a fuck about that, and so
it was kind of liberating. I also had never played
a character who, when I say their name to people,
isn't inherently oh my god, I love that person. So
someone who's a little bit polarizing, someone who isn't afraid
(06:47):
to be polarizing, someone who knows they're rubbing at least
fifty percent of the people the wrong way, that still
says her shit loud, and so that was really also
liberating for me. And you know, I always learned something
from all of them, and so it was, Yeah, it
was good, it was it sounds incredible. Yeah, I get
(07:10):
in there, I get really in there.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
Just to clarify we're talking about AOC.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
Yes, you're playing in the play.
Speaker 4 (07:16):
Which obviously hopefully you know that by now. Yeah, playing
such a polarizing character, making the decision to do so
and of itself is.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
Something that's scary, you know.
Speaker 4 (07:26):
And I feel like something that I've always wanted to
ask you is like, are your decisions in your career
gut based?
Speaker 3 (07:34):
Like?
Speaker 4 (07:34):
Are they based on your intuition? Do you talk to
other people and consult with them about making these decisions
or you like, you know, or do you follow your gut?
Speaker 1 (07:44):
I follow them on my gut. I think like ninety
percent of the time. I think I've asked to play
Alena Fernandez, which is this movie that I have coming out,
which is Fidel Castro's daughter. I needed my grandparents to
kind of sign off on that one first. So I
like flew here when I first spoke to the director
and all of that, which was in La in twenty eighteen,
(08:08):
mind you when you shoot until twenty twenty one, I
flew here. I flew to Miami and I went to
my grandparents' house and I like explained the situation and
I was like, because I the last thing you want
is like you know them to like read a headline
and be like what like and not understand, and so
I really wanted to like make sure with them that
it was cool. The only other time that I asked
(08:32):
somebody for advice was lin Manuel Miranda Amazing when I
did Chicago at the end of the pandemic Chicago on
Broadway asked if I would come in and be either
Roxy or Velma for them to reopen Broadway, and I
was like, yes, just because like what kind of a
situation is that, Like just historically, I'm like, Broadway's never
(08:54):
shut down, So I was like, I would love to
reopen it, Yes, especially in this iconic like show. But
I kind of wanted to do Roxy. Velma is like
technically a better sing than they raised the Keys for me.
Speaker 4 (09:11):
But but but Lynn uh said Roxy, and I was like,
oh cool.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
It was kind of like that was like a flip
a coin situation. But I always remember when I watched
the movie Chicago as like a kid, I remember being like,
oh my god, because I wanted to beat Catherine Zada
Jones of course, but then as an adult, like I
realized that Roxy and and this is what Lynn told me,
which swung me toward Roxy. Roxy gets like the arc,
(09:39):
like she kind of like goes through your going through
the story with her true and so so that's so
that's how.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
I've looked at it, Like, Yeah, you're incredible, You're incredible.
You have played a lot of historical figures. So I'm curious,
what would you say is your favorite part about stepping
into the shoes of someone like you said, as a
real person, and what would you say it's the hardest
part about that.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
I think the hardest part is that there is a
getting it wrong to me, I mean at least, but
I'm also like really a perfectionist, and I try to
You can't go into anything knowing you already knowing thing,
thinking you've solved the problem, because it it doesn't work
that way because then you're going in with an ego
that eliminates any kind of like room for artistry or
(10:24):
growth or curiosity or I don't know. You have to
kind of humble yourself. And so it's been wild because
I've had this career where like, if I make it
about me, even for like a split second, I lost
the game. And so that's kind of cool because it's
kind of been able to keep me in check also
because like you know, you you start working, it gets
exciting whatever you're like feeling yourself. But that quote of
(10:46):
like losing like loving the art in yourself, not yourself
in the art thing, Wow, it makes it a lot
kind of easier when you're playing somebody and it's and
it can't be about you, you know, Like with Gloria,
it had to be about her, that lady, you know,
it had to be about her. With AOC, it had
(11:08):
to be about her and what she stands for, even
though that show was a lot less biographical and a
lot more conceptual. With Castro's daughter, like it has to
be about her and like what this woman has gone
through and she was on set the whole time, so
like again there's a getting it wrong and then you know,
and then now Ava Gardner like it's it's all epic.
Like I love that. I love the transformation aspect. I
(11:30):
love the idea of like those little chameleons that change
color and like that can really transform, like be in
the element that you're spaced in. Yeah, so that's kind
of like what I like, get tingly and shit, you know,
I get off on that, I guess.
Speaker 4 (11:47):
So like we said, obviously you do a myriad of things,
including music, which we're gonna get to later, because that's
something that's selfishly, I would love as a fan of
yours to see you develop more like when you talk
about me, well, we'll get there.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
Yeah yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (12:02):
But anyway, now that we're on the bigness of like
Broadway and plays and things like that, I think it's
really cool if you're willing to share, like, for example,
something about Broadway or theater that is completely unexpected, Like
what's something that you would think that nobody would expect.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
It's something that comes along with Broadway or theater.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
It's a lot. I mean, it's it's very different than
film and TV. It's you're kind of expected to know
how to do certain things. I didn't realize when I
moved to New York it was to make my Broadway debut,
which is like a fairy tale look, but I didn't
know that, like, you know, you're doing your own makeup.
(12:45):
It's you know, the grind is really it's more about
sustaining the thing than getting the part. Getting the part
is hard, right obviously, And like in terms of the
percentage of people who like want to do this professionally,
Like there's a very small percentage get the part. And
I understand that, right, once you get the part, then
what because a lot of people, I feel like, want
(13:06):
that cute little moment to post that they got such
and such part, but then they're not showing up. Then
they're not being disciplined enough to actually sustain the project.
I mean, that's eight shows, eight shows a week on
Broadway doing the same exact thing or not. Also, like
not to be elitist about it, Like there's Broadway, there's
off Broadway, there's regional theater, there's you know, all levels
(13:28):
of theater that are all equally you know, impressive because
you are doing it all and there's no take two.
There's no oh I got that note wrong? Please, you know,
there's no like, there's no safety net. You're out there
like raw, it's like naked, Like it's like you're you're
out there for the people and it's a conversation. It's
(13:49):
a communion with the people, with the room, everybody who
comes in that night, Like the audience will shape the
performance if you're if you're feeling that the audience is
with you versus against you, like, but it's your job
to still tell that story and like the script isn't changing,
the songs aren't changing, Like what you have to do
is in changing. But it's your job to keep it
(14:09):
as alive as the first time and to connect with
whoever's in there. And actually, your mom, I still do
this every single time I perform, and even on set.
So your mom told me one of the things when
I was researching to play your Mom is. I was
like is. I was like, do you do anything before
(14:29):
shows that is like specific to you before a concert?
And so she told me that she did this thing
where she stretches out her arms like a tea and
with her palms toward the audience, standing backstage with her
eyes closed and takes ten very deep, very focused breaths
and opening her chakras to give whatever that specific audience
(14:53):
that day needs in that house. So it's like right
before you go on. And I still do that to
this day with any thing, whether it's a play, whether
it's you know, I'm on set, like I'm that that
wild person there, and if I and if my brain
starts to derail, because you know, like if I'm on
breath like number four and I'm like, oh my god,
I forgot to put on eyeline or or something. I'm like,
(15:14):
start again, and you and I have to start again
and I and it has to be like the last
thing I do before going on, and so like it's
about it again. It can't be you have to like
eliminate yourself a little bit, because it has to be
about what it is that these people came in, These
people bought tickets. Yeah, what are they?
Speaker 3 (15:33):
Why?
Speaker 1 (15:33):
Why are they here? Why are they here specifically? Not
why did you show up? Not why did you want
to be an actor? Not all of this other crap,
because it's more it's that's not going to get you anywhere.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
Very mindful.
Speaker 4 (15:48):
Oh no, it's true though. I say that all the
time when I had that that class with Living Saint
Taylor in Berkeley.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
The audience you need them, Yeah, they don't need you.
Speaker 4 (16:03):
Yeah, you know, And it's an interesting kind of impast
to cross.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
But yeah, what a beautiful.
Speaker 4 (16:10):
Thing to continue to pass on and all the epic
things you do.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
So when I see a.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
T you'll figure it out. Obviously you don't do it alone.
I mean you're surrounded by people back there.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
Oh yeah for sure. Oh you have to let your
freak flag flag, I mean, come on. Also, like nobody
involved in these spaces, whether you're on set and it's
like a grip or whatever or like a camera op,
like they can't be sure your backstage. I mean, it's
just like we're all weird. And that's the thing. It's
like liberating to just like acknowledge we're all weird. We're
all human, We're all like trying to do our thing.
(16:46):
We all have our little idiosyncrasies that like help us
do the thing that we want to do, like at
our like our best level, and like do you you
know if you have to do your little ritual over
there amazing like Holland and would be like walking backstage
and she'd be like making all these like sad yeah
(17:08):
generals really just guttural sounds, and then she had to
do like her little squats like backstations, and we would
and then we would like stand like stand facing your caremeer. Yeah,
well I was always on the bottom.
Speaker 3 (17:19):
It was the bottom, of course, you are sucking straight
we holloween.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
Yeah, And we would stand in.
Speaker 5 (17:30):
We would stand in full wardrobe or whatever in our
little suits and would just like look at each other
and be liked like breathe, and then whatever crazy ship
was going on in the world, we would maybe talk
about it, maybe not, and we'd be like, let's go
out there, and then she would tell.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
Me be where your feet are?
Speaker 3 (17:47):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
Yeah, and then and that like became like one of
our things. We would say slowly and then that was it,
and then we'd be like, okay, you, grateful for you,
and then we would walk.
Speaker 3 (18:01):
On still Like you said, you're yelling at each other.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Oh yeah, well exactly. Well I started actually halfway through
the run to keep it real. It was hard to
do that to like just be fighting, you know, like
the animosity, because like the third scene of the play
gets like really intense and like I'm weeping about the
border crisis. I'm like trying to reason with her about
(18:25):
things that I that A believes in and and we're
like and we're going at it, and then it starts
getting really personal and we're like, you know the end,
you know, the audience is clutching the pearls, honey, like
it was. It was a lot. It was a lot,
and we would we wouldn't yell. There were we would
get loud, but like it was again, she's a really
(18:47):
great actress and like, yeah, I don't know, like I'm
not going to say that about myself, but like I
can fight, And so we were going at it. There
were days where I was like in my like other brain,
like I'm there like saying a lot, and then like
the back of my head, I'm like you, no, no,
you went a little too far, like she's going to
be actually.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
Mad at you?
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Is she actually mad at you? Whatever? Keep fighting, but
like going to be mad at you, Like, oh my god,
like you did something a little too much, like you know,
like because sometimes if you know, in a conversation or
in a fight, right if so, like if someone does
something really specific with your voice, Like there was this
one line that sometimes she would go because they're not
doing what you want, and I'm like what I want,
(19:29):
So I would like serve it back to her. And
those were the days where I was like I'd get
off stage and I'd be like, oh my god, oh
my god, oh my god, my god, my friendship with Holland,
Like I don't know, like I need to like give
her something the gift, like I don't know. And so
halfway through the run, I started going into her dressing
room before we got into like because she was wearing
a wig for as Pelosi, and I started like just
(19:53):
needing to see her as herself and needing her also
to see me as myself before we became the King
characters and before we got on the ice, because I
just needed like to make sure that we were super
super solid so then we could go and like kick right.
And it actually really was helpful, Like, for example, Sinatra,
(20:17):
best case scenario in my life is that the man
the Tony Winner who is playing Frank Sinatra, is gay,
so I can be in bed with him and be
making out with him and have all this freedom. And
me and Phoebe Paneritos, who plays Nancy Sinatra, like we
talk about it all the time, Like we were in
the UK last at this time last year for like
(20:39):
four months doing the project like for the first like
out of town, and then it'll come to Broadway next
year and we're over there and she and I would
just like go out and be like, oh my god,
it's just like so delicious to have a gay man
because it's just you're not worried, you know, so that
trust of like the person off stage can then allow
you to be so on stage to like let all
(21:02):
your walls down and like really really go there. So
whichever extreme, whether it's a fight, whether it's sex, whether
it's whatever.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
So speaking of God, I'm very curious about the segue.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
Yeah, So speaking of fighting, sex, no.
Speaker 3 (21:19):
No, no, sex, and all that shit is in the
back of mirror.
Speaker 4 (21:20):
We're gonna get to what really matters now, which is
your voice.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
Wait before you do that, I actually I have a question. Okay, yea, yeah, okay,
So you've You've I've heard, I've heard heard the birds
have heard the birds have told me that you've described
being on stage as a self healing experience. Yeah, and
I can even though I've known you for all these years,
I feel like I'm getting to know another side of
you here, which I'm like so happy you're here. And
(21:48):
I have so much respect for you as a professional,
as an actress, as a dancer, as a singer. But
this is really cool to hear the behind the scenes.
Has there ever been a moment where you've been on
stage and you've kind of like transcended the performance and
connected to something in your life, or that that moment
on stage impacted you personally.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
Yeah, I and it's and It's interesting because this is
actually a technique that some actors do use, is to
draw from their actual lives and their actual experiences and
kind of like placeholds for you know, if they need
to like draw from that emotion. If you think of
it as like a well or something, and you're like
trying to like put some of that water into here
so that you can like apply to the story. I'm
(22:32):
not that type of performer. I'm not that type of actor.
I think I just like really allow myself to like
surrender to like the context of what the scenario is
or what the script is, so I don't really I
try not to be like think of something sad, right,
(22:52):
that is not part of this. Like I try to
just be like, Oh, it's almost like radical empathy, like
where it's you're really really putting yourself in that situation
of like I've never had my backbroken, right, I've never
been in a car accident that almost ended my life
and my husband's and my son. I've never been in
(23:16):
that scenario. But practicing that radical empathy and again not
making it about me then allows me to like be
so in that character. And I think it all depends
on like the work you do before you even get there,
because if you haven't done the work, then then you
have to draw on something. So it makes sense to
(23:38):
be like I'll think about like that time my dog
died or something. But like, but I think that the
most like authentic connections are like when it's really really
rooted in honesty, whether that's like on stage around camera,
it's like, you know, it's the same but different. It's
kind of like playing the same song on a different
instrument because like the camera's obviously a camera, but you know,
(24:00):
I try to stay away from placeholding. But having that said,
when I was like little like when I wanted to
do this with my life, it was because I was
obviously yearning for somewhere to like belong right, and so
like I found that in performing and now I'm getting emotional,
(24:21):
but like I found that in being on stage. I
found that in singing. I found that in there there's
like something that comes over the moment and myself that like,
even if I'm like insecure and unsure of myself and
like not sure where I belong in real life, I
would get on stage and I was like, well, at
least for these fucking four minutes of this song I'm
(24:44):
gonna sing this is where I am, and like and like,
at least this is this is so tangibly real. And
when I was a kid, I used to call once
I learned like what acting was, and once I started
doing this for real, which my first my first musical
that I did was when I was nine years old.
And when I learned that you could act and sing
(25:04):
at the same time, my mind exploded and I was like, oh,
it's like living times ten, like in that moment, like
it's it's just that's the only way that I could
describe it. And for whatever reason, it does feel healing
because then like even if it's just like that glimmer
of like a moment, then in my real life, like
it's almost like my super self, Like you know, like
(25:26):
there's like Clark Kent and there's Superman, and I know
that Superman exists, then that makes Clark a little stronger.
Speaker 4 (25:33):
Yeah, yeah, or at least love him, so yeah, exactly,
there is more.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
Yeah, and now and it's funny because then as as
I've like grown up and like started doing this for real,
and then now I'm like really really doing it for
real and all this stuff, like yeah, once it became
like not a pastime, once it became like a like
legitimately what I do with my life. It does make
me love myself more, not for the jobs, but because
of like the audacity to keep going back to it
(26:00):
because it's hard. It's a hard thing.
Speaker 3 (26:01):
To do, like make it through it.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Yeah, and you and you get a lot of like
there's a lot of heartbreak. There's a lot of like illusion.
Every single time you audition for something, you have to
tell yourself, I can get it otherwise, right, do it?
You know? So, like so that's like a little heartbreak
every time. But then there's that thing and then it's
almost like the wand chooses the wizard, right, like then
(26:25):
then you do get a job. And like in my life,
for whatever they've been, these like major life events and
these like powerhouse characters and like extremely just these experiences
that I'm like pinging myself about still sometimes and I'm like, oh, okay,
maybe that's not a coincidence. So it goes back to
that whole like loving yourself thing. And it's like, yeah,
(26:46):
if that little girl hadn't gotten on stage, if that
little girl hadn't felt so out of place in like
the cafeteria at lunch as a kid enough to get
on stage and enough to like that like I needed
to keep doing it. I wouldn't be where I am,
so that little girl every single time.
Speaker 4 (27:05):
It's like a high five. I don't know, yes, question,
(27:26):
is it true that you played Glorious Steff on Broadway?
Speaker 5 (27:29):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (27:29):
Brother?
Speaker 1 (27:30):
Because it was a rumor.
Speaker 3 (27:31):
I don't even know who that is? Okay, I did?
Speaker 1 (27:36):
I feel like such a mystifying statement, You know what
I mean? That's great, But guess what.
Speaker 4 (27:40):
The mystifiers are not around now, so I have questions?
Speaker 1 (27:44):
All right? My first question is.
Speaker 3 (27:49):
Speaking of someone created from her DNA who has elements
of my voice that literally sound like hers, and elements
that are my own that.
Speaker 4 (28:00):
I now am confident in sane. Absolutely, I'm happy to sound.
I'm a fan of my mom. Anybody that knows me
for real knows that I'm a fan of her music.
I'm a fan of her voice. I'm a fan of
everything she did, regardless of whether I.
Speaker 3 (28:12):
Grew in her uterus. You to write you to row
watched last week's episode. You're gonna get that joke.
Speaker 4 (28:17):
But anyway, the point is that I'm a fan of hers.
Regardless of whether I came out that home or not.
So the point same that no, Wow, The point is
that I know that one of the things when on
your Feet was starting was the fear of acquiring a
(28:40):
female vocalist that was more in our range, the alto
lower register, such a specific voice, like the Karen Carpenters
of the other times, and you know, and like just
you know, females.
Speaker 3 (28:52):
Who have a little girthier voice. So my question for
you is.
Speaker 4 (28:59):
When you're on, when you're playing characters like jump Set
or even somebody that you're trying to get into the
vocal I don't know, get into shape vocally with that person.
Speaker 3 (29:10):
I don't even know what the words to use.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
R because I'm not even saying as yourself, no, that's
like hol this thing you have to sing like this?
Speaker 3 (29:18):
How do you even begin to learn to sing like
somebody else? What is a session with a vocal coach
who's going to teach you how to sing like somebody else?
Speaker 1 (29:28):
Look like I had to figure out a way to
sing like me. And mind you, I'm a soprano, which
is the wild thing about everything, because everyone now does
assume always that I'm an alto and I'm like a fellow.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
I wish I was an alto.
Speaker 3 (29:48):
No you don't, yes, we do.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
Well, but hold on. And but now there's also this
whole thing where like if you're not like belting a
high Z like you're like, it's like not impressive. But
that's like not, that's not how I see it at all,
because like I can hear singers who can do vocal
technique and backflips and all these things. Yeah yeah, and
it's just like but but I feel nothing. Oh yeah,
(30:11):
you know, and that sucks. I'm like, I'm sorry, I
don't care what you can do with your voice. I
care if I care feel yeah, and I feel yeah.
So having that said, I had to figure out a
way to sing still with like how I know how
to sing in order to not damage my actual instrument
or whatever. But it was more of like an oral.
Speaker 3 (30:33):
Not oral A A are not oral.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
It was an oral experience because I had. What I
did was I just like listened. There's listening like when
you're at a restaurant and there's music playing and you're
talking and then there's like active, really detailed listening. So
what I did in order to play your mom because
it's just the catalog is so beloved, those records are
(31:00):
so ingrained in pop culture that like there's a wrong answer.
And so I was like, I need to listen to
her phrasing, her vowels, what consonants she's holding and actually
singing on and like and how she's doing it. And
then like so I started with that, and I would
(31:22):
write out like on a like a piece of paper
with lines, I would write out the lyrics but like
how they sounded to me. So anything for you with
like six ends and like for you is almost like
thrown away or like little, like I would write like little,
like the way that it sounded phonetically to me. And
then I would use those even though I've known these
(31:43):
lyrics my whole life, but I would I would use
those sheets to then kind of like rehearse with myself
until I would listen because I would record it, and
I would listen to myself and be like almost or
you know, to get the phrasing specifically for those records
that are like so unmistaken. Right, But also she did
(32:03):
me a solid because she.
Speaker 4 (32:05):
She's alive first of all, correct, she's very much alive,
very much alive, And she did me a solid because
she brought her voice coach from Australia.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
That guy is incredible top pa to New York and
worked with me on her technique. And also he's not
even a musician, isn't a wild that's say who he is.
Please get comfortable.
Speaker 3 (32:31):
First of all, all I have to say is his
name is Torp.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
I know.
Speaker 4 (32:36):
Is named Torp number one, number two. He's the most
interesting man. Now I feel like I'm getting old anyway.
The third thing is that he used to listen to
people in the FBI they're vocal, Yeah, because he understands
the vocal cords so much so that he can tell
when you squeeze your chords, because your chords when you
talk kind.
Speaker 3 (32:54):
Of slapped together like this.
Speaker 6 (32:56):
So what guys, So when you just so when you squeeze,
when when you squeeze your cords and the wrong way,
it actually literally gives an indication that you're lying.
Speaker 3 (33:07):
And he used to do that.
Speaker 4 (33:08):
So tell me he's not a good vocal culture damn scary, right,
But you didn't tell you that.
Speaker 1 (33:13):
I know he did not tell me that shit. And
he's also twenty four and I was just like, literally,
what is even happening?
Speaker 3 (33:19):
For getting old. Oh my god, we're going to move
on from On your Feet.
Speaker 4 (33:23):
Cool, But I have one more question. It's going to
be the hardest one, Oh god. And only I can
ask you this question.
Speaker 3 (33:29):
Oh yeah, you.
Speaker 1 (33:30):
Better really nervous.
Speaker 3 (33:31):
You should be.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
I should have you don't have to try try I know.
I'm like now the nerves, I know.
Speaker 4 (33:40):
Before we move on from On your Feet, this is
a reality for those of you. Again, like she's displayed
the truth of what it's like to be on a
Broadway production, and she's made it very sweet, because it's grueling,
especially when you're in the lead role of something and
vocally have to not only physically move your body but
extra size that muscle in your voice every day, and
(34:03):
sometimes you get injured, and sometimes shit happens, and sometimes
you just don't want to fucking wake up in the morning. Sorry,
Like in the sense of like, sometimes you know what,
I don't want to freaking do this play today, but
you know what yourself to do it.
Speaker 3 (34:14):
And one day you have to do it twice.
Speaker 4 (34:17):
My very real question to you is, at any point
on the On your Feet run, did you feel like
it was too much and.
Speaker 3 (34:23):
You just wanted to just not do it.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
No, And I know that that sounds like it's complete
and utterable. I believe you. I believe you had to,
like I mean, we saw it. It's actually the opposite.
Speaker 4 (34:34):
You had to like physically remove you from carcass from
that stage.
Speaker 1 (34:40):
I actually didn't. I like almost like, really, well, I
did hurt myself. I'm not gonna like sugarcoat it because
it's you.
Speaker 3 (34:49):
No, no, well it's not me. It's me and them,
and they don't have to hear this, you know what.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
The reality is. I hurt myself because I didn't know
when to It's healthy to say I can't come in today.
It's healthy to say I need a minute. It's healthy
to say my mental health, my physical health, I'm deteriorating.
I moved to New York. I didn't know anybody. I
met the cast. They were my coworkers. That was my world.
(35:15):
The show was my world. There was nothing more important,
My family, personal relationships. Everything slipped through the cracks because
I was like this was everything, and which I'm proud
of to a certain degree, but like, I would definitely
handle it differently today, and I just did. Like I
learned a lot from that experience because I was really young.
(35:36):
I didn't know that it was okay because I loved
it so much that you know, like when you clutch something.
One of my friends it's actually the on your Feet
dance captain Natalie Crunchow, who's like.
Speaker 4 (35:47):
Very well, she's the best the shit.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
She told me this one day. She's like, if you're
trying to like hang on too, like a little pile
of sand and you clutch onto it with like everything
you've got, it's all going to spill out. If you
like let your hand relax and just trust that it's there,
you're not gonna drop any of it. Actually, yo, I was.
(36:13):
I was clutching for dear life. Nothing like that had
ever happened to me. I do not come from any
type of entertainment family. It felt like my purpose, like
and I still I still agree with that, but I
didn't know how to do it without losing myself, and
so like I lost myself completely. I lost my voice.
(36:34):
I lost like I mean, I was self medicating. I
was just like not speaking unless I was either her
or talking about her. Impress I was allowing Anna to
completely erode.
Speaker 3 (36:50):
In order to that has to happen to so many actors.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
Well, and that's and it does.
Speaker 3 (36:55):
It has to happen.
Speaker 1 (36:56):
You look at exactly, you look at all these people,
and it's and it's a very real thing and it's
and in one way it's beautiful, but like you also
can't like can't be your identity correct because if you're
not okay, I couldn't. There came a point where I
was so lost and like unhealthy that then I couldn't
(37:19):
do what I wanted most, which was the show and
and and be.
Speaker 4 (37:23):
Her well, like we're flesh and bone, like we're right beings,
like you said at the end of.
Speaker 1 (37:27):
The day, to be able to.
Speaker 2 (37:28):
Do our art.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
And if you're not, your cup's not full.
Speaker 3 (37:31):
Being.
Speaker 4 (37:33):
Girl literally being, you're being very vulnerable, and I'm going
to be equally as vulnerable. Like that's something that I
feel heavy.
Speaker 1 (37:41):
Yeah, Like if your.
Speaker 4 (37:42):
Cup is not full and then you can't fill other
people's cup, the only thing that's left is in other
people's eyes, to be selfish, to be Yeah, oh my god,
everything must come to a halt right now. But what's
the alternative that it's panic mode. It's panic mode, and
that's what happens with people to like in the arts,
like us that we get so our identity becomes even
(38:05):
something as silly as a song. I'm writing a song
and my entire identity is this song, and I need
to finish a song right now. And then it's like, oh,
but I'm not going to my best friend's birthday, Like
what the fuck?
Speaker 3 (38:14):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (38:15):
Or like shit like that.
Speaker 4 (38:16):
That's like it's it's complicated, Like and I'm gonna say this.
I don't know if there are studies on this ship
or not, but it's like I feel like there's a
million languages in the world, but either you're an artist
or you're not. Yeah, and like that's a language.
Speaker 3 (38:34):
I don't know. I don't know if it sounds maybe
it does. It's not even like I'll.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
Actually I am glamorous. I think it's people think it
is no at all. Being an artist is not that fun. No. No.
And and that's the thing too, is like I really
it bothers me to be honest when people are like, oh, like,
do what you love and you'll never work a day
in your life. It's like incorrect, absolutely incorrect, because when
you do what you love, we're not clocking in and
(39:01):
clocking No, we're not like you know, doing the thing
and it's like paint by numbers and you walk away
like you care so deeply and then it's round the
clock and honestly you're I mean in this case when
it comes to what I was saying, and when I
was younger, I was so scared of losing it all.
I was so scared that if I wouldn't be a hundred,
(39:24):
if I wasn't giving every last ounce that I had,
if I wasn't there, if I wasn't making sure that
not only was I doing the show, but everything that
came in terms of events around it, press, blah blah blah,
like everything. I needed to be there and represent the show.
And I couldn't let people down. And I couldn't let
her down. I couldn't let your family down. I couldn't
(39:46):
let which too much pressure. Yeah, like I and I
was and I was crumbling, but like I would, I
would do it out of you know. It was all
like positive but it was work, you know, and I
didn't know. I didn't know how to be like I
really need a break or I really need like the
(40:07):
one time I left was when I lost my voice,
and and it was brutal man, I was. I was.
It was absolutely the last. Then the last time I
were in ears until today was the comeback when.
Speaker 7 (40:19):
I I went when we did Capital fourth in DC,
and I performed and I was like, and your dad,
I think, was like, you need to wear in ears
because it's like two big and I was like there
in front of the Capitol and I'm like singing.
Speaker 1 (40:30):
Kunga with like the in ears or whatever, which that's
really hard.
Speaker 2 (40:32):
When you don't when you're not used to performing with heres.
Speaker 1 (40:34):
Oh my god, it was so hard because but I
was just so happy to be back. I was like
I hadn't because I had to take two weeks and
like I had like be I went and saw Shaman.
I went and saw Audre McDonald and I sat on
her couch in her dressing room backstage at Shuffle a Long,
and I lost it and I was just like I
don't know what to do. And she's like, you need
(40:56):
to go home whatever that means to you, and shut up.
And I flew to Miami and I was silent here
for two weeks and every day was just like the
biggest drama and I was like the show, the show,
you know whatever, And then uh, and then and then
(41:18):
came back and I was and I was better. I mean,
and it took time. I would still like get back
and I could hear in like the first two songs
of the show, I'd be like, and I really had
to think about technique and all this stuff. But I
had been trained as an opera singer in college, so
I relied on what I did know. And it's funny
because in order to then continue being Gloria, I actually
(41:40):
had to remember how to be Anna, which was wild
mind fucked of the century. That's amazing.
Speaker 2 (42:02):
I want to touch on Little Anna. You've mentioned her
a little bit. Yeah, and correct me if I'm wrong.
But this journey in your life started at a performance
at the Arthritis Foundation's Camp Fund Rise.
Speaker 1 (42:16):
That is true. Talent show, that is true. I'm saying
Lucky by Britney Spears.
Speaker 2 (42:19):
No, you wow, how the tables have turned.
Speaker 5 (42:25):
Wait, that's incredible, I you know, I mean it was
like very I mean yeah.
Speaker 2 (42:30):
One of the things that we haven't mentioned yet that
I think is very important to mention because throughout all
of this, you've been dealing with something you've been dealing
with you were little girl, and you've been very vocal.
Speaker 1 (42:40):
About which is arthritis? What is twofold question?
Speaker 2 (42:45):
Okay, okay, because you seem to be somebody that is
so prepared and I love the way that you approach
all of these different things of your life. Is there
a wellness tip that maybe people wouldn't expect that you
have integrated into your routine to prepare for these that
somebody with your kind of schedule, we wouldn't assume what
would be able to do.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
I mean, listen, I'm like still figuring out exactly what
the formula is. It kind of yeah and shifts like
with my mood. But I really I've I've learned that
I have to have like my I mean, first of all,
I've been on like prescription drugs since I was seven
(43:28):
years old. I give myself an injection. I take a
lot of pills, like I mean, I'm on real medication
to keep my arthritis in control. Being a person with
a chronic condition with a disability is weird, especially when
you don't look like you have one. But one of
my best friends, Ryan is uh he has cerebral palsy
(43:52):
and he's an actor, he's a writer, he's a genius,
and he he like really seared into my soul recently
because we were like having a conversation about something. He's like,
you're disabled enough, and I was like, because you know,
like the world sees me and and that's perception versus
reality is like one of the things that I find
(44:13):
fascinating and struggle with a lot. You can't really shut
out to therapist, correct, but especially then add to that
the entertainment industry, and it's like times a million.
Speaker 2 (44:25):
I know, but you could have had a desk job, yeah,
exactly right, and I'd still be like, I have a secret.
Speaker 1 (44:33):
But but the reality is.
Speaker 3 (44:37):
Like.
Speaker 1 (44:39):
I think that for me, like I keep my I'm
very specific about what I put into my body to
fuel my body. I had to learn to have a
better relationship with food. I had to actually be able
to eat. And we've talked about this, to be able
to eat and not be like, Okay, well, how can
I make up for that? Because you know this and
this and this. I was bleiemic in middle school and
(45:01):
like you know, I've always had like body issue things
because my body attacks me, Like my my disability is
that my body is attacking myself. So how could I
ever have a good relationship with it, and then to
add to that to put it on display in crop
tops and like exactly correct the dazzled crop tops and
(45:23):
like all these things. So I've learned through what not
to do. I think, like again, a lot of self
medicating when I was younger, a lot of just binge,
whether it's drinking or then eating, and then like making
up for it by like starving myself or just doing
the absolute most to feel like I deserve two order
(45:48):
fries or something, but then add to that the prescription drugs.
So like I've always been in this like weird in
between position where like I knew I had to take
care of my illness, but I also like wanted to
live as much as I could, you know, and like I,
(46:10):
I don't know, so I don't know that I'm like
here to give wellness tips, but I feel like I
need to move my body, I need to fuel my body,
and then like once that's handled, I can literally take
care of everybody else around me. And it took me
a long time to learn that, Like coming down to
Miami sometimes like my own like my family, who like
(46:31):
I would die for, like they wouldn't understand sometimes and
I'm like, no, I like I have to do these
things and I'm going to eat this way and I'm
going to like this is who I am and it's
part of the package, you know, especially exactly, and food
is such a heavy party.
Speaker 4 (46:50):
Also, like we have spoken about this before, but I
don't even know if I've told you this in detail,
Like my relationship with food is toxic, not in the
same way it is with you. But when my grandma
passed away, I just kind of like stopped eating, and
then my body got accustomed to not eating as much.
My stomach got smaller, and now like eating for me
(47:10):
feels like a chore in a way, like I don't
I don't enjoy it. It's something that I just have
to do because what happens is if I don't, I start.
Speaker 3 (47:20):
To lose my mind.
Speaker 1 (47:22):
Wow, like for real, Like.
Speaker 4 (47:24):
If i'm if I don't have the right nutrients in
my body, and if I don't get on my bike
or go for a walk or go for a run,
like I don't feel like myself and I will start
acting not like myself.
Speaker 1 (47:36):
I can't be I'm not good for anybody unless I
have done those like similar.
Speaker 4 (47:42):
But it gets like real serious man like like filling
your cup back to the filling your like understanding what
it takes to love somebody else adequately loving yourself first.
Speaker 1 (47:56):
Yo, But like, and it's so hard, and it sounds
like it's such a thing, and everybody says it and
it sounds so flippant or whatever, But like, it is really.
Speaker 2 (48:07):
Hard, especially I think in the context of where the
world we live in. Agreed, being Hispanic and being women,
I agree. Where we were raised almost to serve and
to be worried about everything around us and everybody.
Speaker 1 (48:22):
Else's mood around us.
Speaker 2 (48:23):
It's really hard to center yourself as the most important
thing in your life. And that's the things that we are.
We're the only people responsible for the bodies that we occupy.
Were the only people that are with ourselves one hundred
percent of the time. And I think it's something that
I absolutely relate to. I don't relate to the food thing. Yeah,
I struggle with them sometimes, you know, because it's I
(48:45):
can't understand what.
Speaker 1 (48:46):
It is like the food.
Speaker 4 (48:48):
I'm looking at the food and I literally want to vomit,
and I'm like to eat the food.
Speaker 2 (48:52):
I love like thinking, you know, right, Actually my love languages.
Speaker 1 (48:57):
Literally I got here today. I know I had language
and anxiety. I got your and no, no, I'm super
I'm very excited to you. You could take it home.
But if I had eaten before being on camera and
before having to have like thoughts that aren't thinking about
the fact that I just ate that like that would
it would throw like I would have to like go
(49:19):
like walk around the block or something. If I had one, Okay,
you know what I mean, like because it's because that's
I have really intense I don't know, and I think that,
like I told myself, like when I started singing, I
had a voice teacher who was amazing den I fitted
(49:39):
here in Miami, and she and we would talk about
like the diaphragm and whatever, and she's like, you know,
if you've just eaten, obviously you're you can't like expand
as much like you have to really be mindful about
like breathing and whatever you're going to perform physically. And
I was like starting right, and so I was starting
to perform and so like those types of things. But
then again to your point where women, you know, the
aesthetic of it all and like and some how it
(50:00):
turned into this other Her advice was not wrong or bad,
but it turned into this other thing where like I'm
like a little rabid raccoon after a show and I'm
there like I need like that's when I like eat
eat and actually just like relax, yes, and I and
I like to eat after I've done the things that
I need to do that are in any way like
in front of or presentational and and and it's and
(50:25):
it's I have like a lot of food anxiety today
at the hotel. I'm staying, like I'm at the breakfast
and like I wanted more food and I was like,
oh my god, did they see me? Like are they
going to see that I'm like going up for like
more smoked salmon right now? Like you know what I mean,
I'm like, how embarrassing for me? And I was by
my fucking self. But I was so paranoid that I
(50:47):
that I was going to get up and get more
smoked salmon, you know what I'm saying, like not even
like a pancake.
Speaker 2 (50:54):
Like literally, I love that you can laugh about it though,
get it.
Speaker 1 (50:58):
I'm over.
Speaker 3 (51:00):
Give me the number of your therapists.
Speaker 1 (51:03):
Bernie. We love Bernie, okay for real, though we have
an issue with food. But I have so many other girl,
I tell you, hey, we all do.
Speaker 3 (51:22):
Literally my gosh.
Speaker 8 (51:25):
And that's a wrap on Part one of Broadway's Big Bang.
We still have more to say, I know, can you
believe it? So make sure to check back tomorrow for
part two. We promise it's worth the way. Plus, who
doesn't love a good sequel
Speaker 1 (51:45):
Lunch
Hosts And Creators
Gemeny Hernandez
Emily Estefan
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