August 31, 2022 • 58 mins
Be honest. Do you put the shopping cart back when you’re finished using it? If you have a good friend in your life, you might. On this special episode inside our pod, Commander Gem and her oldest and very best friend journey through the tangential world of friendship.
Featuring: Ariella Salinas
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Captain, I have you the same. Let's go to a
mission one that Freddy ready for during the same back
(00:25):
lunch Welcome back or brother, greetings your things. This is
a special episode aboard the Mothership. I have somebody very
important to me with us today. Her name is arie
(00:48):
La Selina's and she is And I don't know what
kind of award I owe you, because this is a
big thing. Not only my oldest but my truest and
bestest friend since I was eleven. I don't know if
you've done the math, but that means that we've been
friends for seventeen years. Oh my god, Oh my god.
I feel like we're too young to have friends that
(01:08):
are that many years is absolutely terrifying to so we're
here to talk about friendships because of the fact that
you are my most important friend in my life, and
you've been beyond my friend for a while. You're my
sister for a long time. I called your mom mom.
I still do, in fact, would be so weird to
(01:31):
call her anything other than that at this point, because
I call your mom Shena and mom because you also
call her Shena and true you're true wella, my Auela.
No I know but what are you going to call
my Aeuela? But Aula, she was like born onto the
earth to being Auila. Absolutely true. Anyway, I want you
to introduce yourself who you are? Oh God, well, see
(01:54):
it's funny because I introduced I introduced myself differently depending
on where I am, a little bit like Ariella Ariella,
which is like the bastardization of the Spanish pronunciation of
my name. But now I introduced myself as Ariella because
that's how you read it, right, Because people get confused.
(02:14):
I've had people think that there was a D in
my name. Can I say something that, in the last
few years of my life, I've actually tried to make
a conscious effort to introduce myself as a correct pronunciation
of my name. Because no, please don't go down the
rabbit hole Ariola exactly. There are two guns here that
(02:39):
to myself. Yeah you did, moving on, moving on here,
Jiminy cricket, there you were all thinking it. Germany, Jeremy,
I've heard Germ. Thank you. When I'm sick, I'm Germany.
Germ german Many. Actually, when Emily and I are both sick,
we're germanly speaking of him, speaking of them, m is
(03:04):
doing way cooler things right now. She had to fly
back to the Milky Way galaxy and visit the Motherland.
Visit the Motherland because she is accepting an honor, a
big honor from the Human Rights Campaign. She's receiving the
Visibility Awards. So hello, everybody around of applause for em
(03:24):
really quick before we get into it. I have some
facts one friendships that I've prepared. I love facts. Facts
are great, and these are were surprising to me, So
I hope that they're surprising to you, because otherwise this
is all a moot point. Obviously, it's you who I'm
trying to impress here. So I was honestly shocked, but
(03:47):
not so shocked at some of these. It's it's a
mixed it's a mixed review. Um, humans only need two friends.
We really only need to friends in life, and actually
having a lot of friends is linked to depression and anxiety.
Oh my god, I feel so validated one sentence. Well,
(04:09):
because especially recently, I've kind of been feeling that way. Um,
just an instance, like relationships that I've had, and I've
been trying to talk to people like my sister right
who you know, has a lot of best friends or
people who have a hard time making friends, Like I
feel like I had a hard time making friends, and um,
(04:32):
I mean you found me well. And also thinking like
how it's hard to make friends as an adult, but
quality rather over quantity, and I've been trying to do
that with a lot of things in my life. But
I feel like friendships it's kind of naturally happened over time,
where like I've streamlined, I feel like that's a big
(04:54):
indicator of your twenties. I feel like twenties is like
trimming the fat, like really like trimming the fat of
the parts of you that aren't actually you, trimming the
fat of the relationships around you that don't serve you,
trimming the fat of habits that don't serve you. I
mean like, I feel like that's kind of what we do.
I feel like it like protecting your energy kind of
thing to have people around you who value what you
(05:17):
value or value you as much as you value them. Yes,
I'm gonna get into that. No totally, totally the power
of no. No. It is a full sentence it thank you,
and I absolutely love that. First, I'm tired of explaining
myself to death. You know what you shouldn't. I tend
to explain myself too, and I feel like it comes
(05:39):
from some unearthed feeling of constantly feeling misunderstood, like needing
to explain yourself. I feel like to some kind of trauma.
I'm sure you want to pull your name to chart.
We can talk about it. I got mine right there.
I've noticed the people who want to understand you will
(05:59):
show you that they want to understand you. And now
that I don't think that you shouldn't go, you know,
try to give a reason for the things that you're
doing and speak in a way to for both of you,
whoever two people in a relationship to have a mutual understanding.
But I feel like when you get to that point
(06:22):
where all you're doing is explaining yourself or justifying or
even giving a reason why too much, you are like
not respecting your own self. And like the boundary that
we don't owe people explanations. Anytime I share something with
you is out of my own volition. It's not something
(06:42):
I owe you. And that's the problem. People get entitled
and they get comfortable in that cycle where you're constantly
explaining yourself, So of course you're exhausted, absolutely it's emotionally draining.
It's so emotionally draining. And I'm speaking to you like
as I'm speaking to myself. You know I suffer from
the same ailment. Oh damn, I've only gone into one
(07:04):
facts already. I told you facts. I know me too. Okay,
have you ever done your myer's brakes? Yes? What are you?
Should we say it at the same time. I forget, forget, forget,
forget you. I know what I am. I am f
(07:25):
P P, I could have um, I am an E
N t P. You're out of TXT. You're so funny
too soon? Excuse me? That just happened. I know, I know,
I don't know what it is. I have to get
into the habit of checking the bathroom for toilet paper
(07:48):
before I sit down. But then I'm already sitting there,
and I'm like, you know, you gotta make sure the
scene is safe before. Yeah, I do that in part
my restrooms. But I guess you know why. I know
what it is because I'm the kind of person that
if I run out of toilet paper, I replenished. So
I just assume you know what I think. All my
friends from now on, you can only be my friend
if you replace the toilet paper, I love that. If
(08:09):
you don't replace the toilet paper, where you can, we've done.
We were talking about this earlier toilet paper No, um,
oh like societal things, yeah, the meter of how what
is it that you said of how civilized you are,
or like the consideration that you have for those around you,
depending on whether or not you return the shopping cart
(08:29):
to its rightful place. And we both know which kind
we are, especially when I think the whole the point
of that whole thing, though, is that you do something,
You do the right thing, you know, quote unquote the
right thing, um, regardless of whether or not there are
negative consequences or if anybody's watching you. Exactly, you don't
lose anything by not returning the shopping cart, but by
(08:51):
doing it, you display your willingness to your willingness and
ability to function in a society politely with other people.
Can I say something? Of course, I'd like to amend
the rule. I would like the rule to be, do
you put the shopping cart back if it's late at
(09:13):
night and there's no one around to watch you? When
nobody's around, do you still put the shopping cart? Exactly?
You've yet to introduce yourself. By the way, Wow, well
my name is Ariela Anasta Salinas. Born in St. Augustine, Florida,
oldest city, raised in Miami. Get get raised in Miami
(09:34):
three or five till that was a real brief intro.
But that's that's all I need. They'll get to know
me light. Um. I remember when I went to college.
I moved away to four Myers, you know, two and
a half hours away, close enough, but far enough away
as well that um, i'd meet people at school like,
oh you're from Miami. Cool. Cool. Yeah, I'm from Miami too,
and we're like, oh cool. Like let's exchange numbers. And
(09:55):
they'd be like, oh nine five four by I like,
do you were from Miami? Fromer? Maddy? Daddy? You better
nine five four? Don't play that game, don't by I
see you. Yeah, I'm sure that happens in major cities.
(10:16):
They're like, I was raised in New York and like
they're really in terse No, I said, new work, Okay, okay,
wow we both have a d you guys are in
for a ride to Okay? So we I said, you
only need two friends, that's right. Having a lot of
(10:38):
friends is linked to anxiety and depression. I can see that.
And also having no friends is detrimental to your mental health,
which I feel like a lot of people overlook. Yes, yes, yes, yes,
I mean not everything. I'm not trying to do meth
and moderation. That's that's messed up. Same. There are just
(11:01):
some things that I'm not interested. Were friends I don't
want to do. Um. Ah, So people make an average
of four friends in a lifetime. Oh that's a lot, right,
But are we considered so I'm assumed there's a lot
of the average lifetime seventy eighty years at this point,
(11:22):
but out of twelve friendships, only one of them actually
like well they also and I don't know if this
is a fact that you have on your page of
it as I'm so sorry. Um they say that the
friendships that lasts longer than seven years will last are
more likely to last the rest of your life. Seventeen baby?
What what we're past? That our friendship is almost legal? Okay?
(11:50):
This you know? I feel like we all know this.
We know this. The human mind can only have complete
trust for somebody else once. Once it's broken, you can
repair your trust, but you can never fully regain it
is that with one person, like like per relationship, her
(12:12):
relationship to her relationship, you can repair trust, but you
can't fully regain it. Interesting um animals not only do
they have friendships can form lifelong friendships, they can also
form lifelong friendships with individuals of other species. Oh. Absolutely,
I have two dogs, two cats, three chickens, and the
(12:37):
black kitten is she was like a little street thing
and she's all black and Baine. Of course, my boy
is all black and he just adopted her as his
little baby. And she's like, I'm a dog. This is cool.
Like in the mornings she will go and find him
wherever he is in the house. She will lay between
(12:59):
his paws and he'll bathe her. It's adorable. And sometimes
I know and they're my black ease, so like those
are my black e's. And then Mary Jane and Zigar
mixed color. Yeah, she's um brindle, that's what they called brendle.
And Ziggy is all gray, so they're the grays, but
they're also like the blacks and the gray blacks and
(13:20):
the grays and even the chickens. The chicken Starns curative
Jane at all, I didn't know you had chickens. Um,
so I can have three chickens at my house without
a permit or anything. No rooster because nobody wants an
extra cock in the backyard. Okay. Um. Psychologists believe that
(13:40):
it is a friendship aspect that makes marriages last. I
love that. Yeah, our brain, this is really interesting and
they've actually done studies and I read up on one
of them. Our brain responds the same way like our
what's it called our pre frontal metal metal front pre
frontal coro text core te pre frontal cortex, pre frontal
(14:03):
corn pre frontal pre front text. Okay, I got it.
I kept wanting to say, co text, prefrontal cortex, pre
frontal pre frontal cortex. Our brain were worth it. Our
(14:27):
brain responds the same way to dent man. Our brain
responds the same way to danger, whether it's us in
danger or a friend or like someone we care about,
but friends included. Yeah, sweet, Right, your friends can influence
your weight, which makes sense, which makes sense. You are
right right, If you're emotionally eating, I'm an emotionally eat
(14:50):
with you. I'm a good friend like that. Okay. Uh.
When faced with a major illness, having a good social
network and better position you just survive. Which, well, here's
here's where it gets important, all right. There are three
types of friendships and seven types of friends. Okay. The
first kind of friendship is friendship of utility, which is
(15:12):
kind of they're all sort of self explanatory. It's a
friendship between you and somebody that you have in your
life for a beneficial reason, whether you're useful to them
or they're useful to you. Second, which I feel like
I have a lot of these are friendships of pleasure,
people who you have as a friend because you enjoy
each other's company. And the third kind of friendship is
(15:34):
what they call friendship of the good, which is a
friendship like ours, with mutual respect and admiration. Now, the
seven types of friends, first being the lifelong friend, you know,
the one that you essentially go through life with that
witnesses the becoming of who you are, the creation fat
(15:55):
middle meat, and ending of your legacy hopefully you know, um,
which I think is so beautiful. You've already seen me
go through so much. Oh my god, you I mean,
obviously you remember me at that age. I was a
very rectangular and awkward child and you were super cool.
(16:18):
I know you did, and like you thinking that I
was super cool kind of made me think that I
was too. You are super cool. Okay, that's so funny.
Because I was a year younger than you, I had
that like looking up to I was like, oh, she's
in the seventh grade, because we went when I was
in sixth grade, and that's that one year we were
(16:40):
talking about. Yeah, and I thought you were just the coolest.
What was I like you? Dude? You were great? You
were great. I mean the way, how how do you
remember me? Like, if you think of me at that age,
you were I mean, you seemed very even from a
young age, you seemed very sure of yourself and not
in a shitty way. You just you were gem. Yeah,
(17:05):
you were a gem. You were cool, you were nice,
You weren't shaty to anybody. You weren't a book. I mean,
because I've had now that I'm older, now that i'm older,
I've had some people like you scared me at that age,
like I did, not like you had that like don't
funk with me attitude, And you know what it is
(17:27):
when I see that. I don't know if it's like
my mom being a therapist and the understanding, but It
just made me want to get to know you more,
just the fact that you exuded this don't funk with
me energy. There was a lot of people who couldn't
look past that, and I was like, she's probably so dope,
just protecting that ship from what you fucker's cool enough
(17:48):
to see the difference. Yeah, I definitely did not think
I was cool at all. I don't think just because
the people around us lacked taste doesn't mean you weren't
a star. You're amongst the car potastic um. Yeah, you're
my hype man. You're my hype man, the original hype man,
(18:10):
forever and ever beach uh So after lifelong friends best friends,
which I understand, I've had periods of time where I've
had a person for a few years be like my
best friend, the person that I speak to. But we've
all had several best friends. You and I have had
multiple We've been together through multiple best exactly, and those
(18:32):
relationships are extremely meaningful as they're completely valid and valuable
and and they were your best they like, these people
were my best friend when they were my best friend.
But for some reason or another, you girls, you go
your separate ways. People grow girl apart yeah, you start
having different interests and then you realize that when you're
(18:54):
trimming the fat, that you just don't have so many
things in common anymore. That's cool where you start realizing, wow,
I'm kind of drained after we hang out or after
we interact like that didn't really feel that doesn't really
feel good. And I think a lot of people it's
hard for people to put their finger on that feeling.
(19:18):
And I hate to say like, let a friendship die
because that just sounds really let it transform, But exactly
that a transform because I mean, of course we all
have people that were no longer friends with, but it's
not that we now that we wish them bad. No,
that's the thing. And also, dude, I have hung on
to so many friendships and you know what I'm talking
(19:40):
about out of a feeling of duty, out of feeling
like I've been duty, yes, but out of duty and
feeling like, Okay, I'll give you an example. I've been
your friend for ten years. We've lived all this together,
(20:01):
We've gone through so much together. I have to keep
being your friend. And I've kept people in my life
in my inner circle, given them access to me when
they were no longer serving me when before I was
ready to let the like you said, let the friendship transform,
(20:22):
the friendship had already transformed for them. They were no
longer showing up in my life the way that they
once were. And that doesn't take away from how they
showed up in my life at that moment. It just
means it's just not it's changed, exactly. Sometimes I wish
I was a robot, because I really wish I could
just be do all the things that I want to do.
And I don't give myself the grace of your just
(20:43):
a fucking meat sack, human meat sack, human sun. I
just feel like the involved version of human or humanoid
or whatever. It is. Just like blood feces you're in,
you're so permanent bodily functions. We avoid those practically a
(21:04):
single celled organism exactly. Yes, do you even put the
shopping cart back? After best friends, we have close friends,
(21:34):
there should be like an in between best friend and
close friend. It's more than a close really close friend.
Let's call that it's the eighth one. After close friends,
we have social group friends who socialize with you, spend
time with. You're not super close. Activity friends are the
ones that you do things with Jim, but your Jim buddies,
members of your book club or if you go to
(21:55):
a church. Friends of convenience are like carpool parents, um
PTA people, neighborhood groups, things like this. And then acquaintance friends,
which would be the people at work, like the people
who you know, the people in your neighborhood, the people
that you don't necessarily like, no personal attributes about them,
(22:16):
but they're your friend, you know, like they're not your enemy.
I mean when you talk about them in a conversation, right,
I don't consider acquaintances friends like consider them acquaintances. It's
a different word for a reason, exactly exactly, So you
know what, I think acquaintance friend should be eliminated and
really really close friends should be added. Okay, really really yeah,
(22:40):
it's different. And my last one, which is just socially
relevant for the hour, is that during the pandemic, because
we weren't able to convene the way that we always have,
the category of friend that was the most important was
(23:01):
the acquaintance because of our need for connections so desperately
that that was the priority in our life. Gets right,
didn't I very good? Okay? Do you know what I
was thinking about the other day, obviously, not I was
thinking about our seven I was you were in seventh grade.
(23:23):
I was in eighth grade trip that year, orchestra trip
to Orlando. You, me and Emma. Emma wasn't an orchestra
so why was she there? So that I was from
home school, but she was all that, Oh no it
wasn't Emma, Sorry, no, it was you. Me and Vanessa Vanessa.
(23:44):
Vanessa Vanessa was super dope. See so I feel like
that she was like a best friend for you for
a minute. Yeah, um, while we were in school. We
were in school. Absolutely, And now she is one of
those people who I I just peek at online and
it's just on the love from this sounds I said,
a lot of people love from a lot of people
(24:05):
love from distance. I like to see other people happy. Absolutely.
I like to see other people succeed. Why wouldn't I?
I don't, you know, especially like it just makes me
other women, like girls that I grew up with, like girl,
want the best for you, like I want the best
for everybody. Literally, there's why not there's a love cake
(24:25):
to go around, Absolutely true? Right, what what's that more
rights for other people? Doesn't mean fewer rights for you.
It's not it's not a pie. A rising tide lifts
all boats boom even more positive. Everyone losing their pants
about the student debt thing is super annoying. First of all,
there are people out there who never went to college
(24:47):
who feel like they have a say on the subject.
I mean, but realistically, aren't those people maybe mad that
they weren't able to go? You know, I feel like
it's a lot of has and have not. I understand
those people are mad at the wrong people, Like if
you didn't go, if you weren't able to go to school,
Like that's kind of why I rolled my eyes earlier
(25:07):
when you're like, oh, your degree, because you know, I
don't technically have my degree, right, I couldn't finish paying
for school. Um, that time. Like I did go back
to school. I got my e M team working as
an m T now, but um, originally when I first
went to college as an eighteen year old, Like, how
are we letting eighteen sometimes seventeen year olds, depending on
when you're graduating high school take out tens of thousands,
(25:31):
hundreds of thousands of dollars And I don't I can't
take out that much money for a house at eighteen
years old. Why can I do that for an education?
It's insane? And how has that education now when ten
twenty thirty years ago, like the cost of education has
(25:56):
sky racketed to the point where there are so many
people are below that line where they can't that's that's
just not an option for them. That's not an option
for them, and that's not fair. How can we as
a society invest in our future with no investing in
(26:22):
our future in education? Exactly exactly, And they're here mad
about forgiving bro ten thousand dollars. People have pelgrads, but
ten thousand dollars. I do not know. You're you're you're
you're talking about people who go to community colleges that
(26:43):
I know, people who have music degrees who are two
dollars in debt. These are teachers. It's people their teacher,
I mean. And for I know a lot of people,
I know a lot of the gate keeping education, their
gatekeeping education. Exactly. It's insanity. People who went or weren't
able to finish, weren't able to do whatever because of
a financial inability to to take care of college and
(27:06):
assessing it from a single facet of life because there's
no consideration for the human exactly exactly, dude. It happened
to me. And if eighteen year olds could get houses
easier than they could get an education, would that would
that be beneficial? Probably more so then that half hours
(27:29):
college degree that you you took out too much money
for you can't do anything with or or whatnot. Like again,
eighteen year olds, how is that legal? That's predatory, completely predatory.
I was reading an article maybe, like I don't know.
I guess my concept of time is lost because I
feel so young. I am super young, But I don't know.
(27:50):
I just it's weird for me to be, like, you know,
ten years away from high school and like us have
seventeen your friendship. That's strange for me. It's a big number.
But I think a lot about this article that I read.
It might have been ten years ago, might have been five,
I don't know. Whenever that college students today's age, let's guess,
(28:12):
and college students around this time have the same stress
levels as insane asylum patients in the sixties. Isn't that
fucking wild? Crazy? Not to He's upon there what I
needed to it irresistible. I appreciated that, but really isn't
(28:36):
that And through all of it, I'm supposed to be
a great friend. I'm supposed to I'm supposed to text
you back. No, I'm kidding. That's a lot. You know
(29:03):
what something that people don't really talk about a lot?
What's up? Friend breakups? Friend breakups? I was wondering when
we would get to this topic. Really, yeah, I mean
it's the other side of the coin, right, because if
you have all these friends we were talking about, not
everyone is going to be your lifetime friend, your lifelong
friend or you're really really close friends. People drive, like
(29:28):
we were talking about, People drift apart, people grow apart.
But the friend breakup, that's I went through a friend breakup.
I don't know if it was the beginning of last
year or the beginning of this year. I don't even
know if it feels so far away from me, but
it was unfortunately a breakup that ended to me, probably
(29:52):
not for the other person, but to me rather abruptly,
and um, there were a lot of unanswered questions for me.
I feel like that happens a lot, like confused. I mean,
a breakup, even a friend breakup, it's still a breakup.
It is It's what I'm trying to say. People don't
(30:13):
talk about it, but it's just hearts don't break, even
just as heartbreaking as a platonic breakup and a romantic
breakup can sometimes even hurt the same. Like I think
about this person, I'm not shooting you almost every single day.
(30:34):
The absence of their presence is something I'm still in
mourning about. And you know, eventually, you know, I'll be fine.
I'm just emotional and I have to grieve it. And
because I think that there wasn't to me a button
or like that closure that we all seek, it was
(30:55):
hard to wrap my head around it. Because when you
have somebody that you love so much, that you have
so much in common with, that you value so much,
you prioritize so much in your life, and then it changes,
and you do if you don't understand why, or was
it like at least to your under at least to
(31:16):
my understanding. Was it like a single act or something
that I did? And I still don't know, And I
would love you know whatever. I understand that I have
to release my desire to know. But I'm just being
an honest human here, you know, I would I would
love to have that answer, but it's so terrible, so painful,
and you know, you experience the same things that you
(31:38):
experience in a romantic breakup, that moment that you want
to share something with them that oh you can't. You
you come to like the surface of like crossing the line,
but you don't. It's it's so it's devastating. I think
it can be that. I think it can be devastating.
I mean, you you do have to grieve it the
(31:59):
way you would grieve a death right. That that might
sound dramatic, something anger, denial, bargaining, depression, acceptance. You got
to go through all five stages and those things. Like
I said too, it's not it doesn't happen evenly. It's
so tough. But just like with the friendships that don't
(32:21):
necessarily end, they just kind of fade. The ending of
that friendship doesn't invalidate the good times, No, it doesn't
all the beautiful moments, the years potentially of the Yeah,
the memories, I mean, it sounds so crazyy the memories,
but now it doesn't. But I think it does, but
it but it's so true. Yeah, the people oftentimes we're
(32:47):
so black and white all the time. I feel like
at large, Like if if I were a big kid
looking at earth, you know, in my hand, I'd be like, wow,
these people. I don't think the majority of us appreciate
the nuance, appreciate the gray area, and a lot of people,
even if they have a bad ending to a relationship,
(33:10):
being a polatonic or romantic one, will disregard it rather
than say what you just said, which is that it
doesn't change the ending, doesn't change the good time, It
doesn't chaint doesn't validate those moments, you know, like it
those were all real and they were true, so you
(33:36):
know you you should always wish wish everybody well, I'd
like to think, especially I mean even if it's not
for them, which like that doesn't make too much sense,
like don't wish them well for them, but wish them
well for yourself. Why would I actively be putting those
negative vibes even in my and myself to wish someone
(33:56):
anyone else, Like, I don't need that at all, at all,
at all, at all. I don't need that energy. I
value my peace too much to ruin it wishing anybody badly.
I don't know, it's a waste of time, to be honest,
because I'm I've already. I mean, carma is funny because
(34:19):
bad things happen to good people anyway. But I do
believe that you do bad and you get bad. Yeah,
So it goes around, comes around. People goes around, comes
around exactly, and usually stronger that thing has gained some
momentum when you left you with the first time around exactly.
Speaking of types of friends, I think this deserves his
(34:40):
own category. But your friends, boyfriend, girlfriend, significant other, your
friends person? Do you become friends with them? Do you
stay friends with them if they break up? What are
the rules? Okay? I don't know. What do you think?
(35:01):
I think it's case dependent. I think it's I think
they can't. I think it can preference. I think it's preference. No,
why depending on the friendship, depending on the breakup, at
least in my experience, and this is coming from somebody
who is friends with a lot of my X. Okay,
(35:28):
there's a lot of factors that contribute to this, not
only how does the breakup go, like what kind of
breakup is it? But also what kind of friend it is?
How do you mean? Okay? Because I think that people
are inherently disloyal, right, and I believe very funny, and
(35:52):
I believe that not everybody wants the best for you.
I think that there are a lot of envious people
in the world, and a lot of people who experience
it's envy and it's not even checked. They don't even
know they're experiencing envy. And calls haters and that yes, exactly,
I think there are a lot of haters, whether they
know that their haters or not. So I think that
(36:13):
it also it also depends what kind of friendship you
have with the friend in question. If I fear, if
I feel that you're loyalty and I think that's really
what it comes to. And also you have to understand
you're having this conversation with a leo. So we tend
to think about this pridefully. I'm just calling a space
to space again, could it resist myself? But we think
(36:39):
of it. We think of it pridefully because if it's
somebody that has loyalty to me, then let's say it's
a breakup that you feel you need space from somebody,
like I need a no contact period of time between
me in this person. That I believe that your friends
(37:03):
and family need to immediately fall in line because it's difficult,
especially if you're going through a difficult time, at least
in my experience, for you to heal and grieve when
your ghost is always lurking in the corner, you know,
And sometimes it's not even about healing and grievings. Sometimes
it is just about needing space. And I'd like to
(37:27):
think that we've we all have a more modern approach
to relationships and we understand coming off the bat that
if it's your partner, right and again, I'll give you
an example. I loved him. I think that he's great.
Is something we're to happen between you and him. Knock
(37:48):
on wood. My loyalty would be to you as it
should be now. It depends on what kind of friend
you are to me how I feel about this. If
you're somebody that I'm like, you know what, we weren't
that close anyway, My ex can have them like you
(38:11):
or or or I simply file them away in the
place where they fit, like this is somebody that I
can't maybe share the my deep my deepest feelings about
my breakup or whatever, because you know, after a breakup,
that's kind of the center of your universe is your breakup.
Assuming it's a serious relationship. But we're talking about flings here.
(38:32):
Don't even count. I don't even want. I don't care
to meet my friends flings. Yeah, I'm not trying to
like pretend to entertain. Yeah, I don't care to keep them,
keep them to yourself. But I think it really it
really depends. I try to keep the line clear in
(38:53):
my friendships. I try to keep the line clear in
my friendships. I think it's different if fits a marriage.
I think once you once you're a marriage, and the
notion that you're going to be with this person forever
comes into play, your friends and your family take a
step in their direction. There's like a usually or ideally right,
(39:16):
there's like a closeness that comes from that because you're like, oh, wow,
this is the person Idella's going to be with for
the rest of her life. Like that's the assumption. So
that longevity warrants a bit more investment. And then when
you divorce, I think at that point it's really hard
for you to ask your friends to pick a side
because they've probably looked at that friend of yours in
(39:38):
that way. But so long, in my opinion, as there's
no sign of long term commitment. You should just assume
that it's going to end personally, I don't even let
myself get that close because I don't feel like I
could be I don't think I could be an ethical friend.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I've been friends with
(40:01):
a couple, but usually I feel like after time I
end up either way. It's like sticking with one or
the other. What are the other? Not? Both? Never gotcha?
I feel like eventually it just happens. It just happens. Actually,
the drift, I think again, it definitely depends on the
original relationship, on a few things, right, the original relationship,
(40:25):
like how you know if it's going to be you
and I were the example, Um, you're my bitch, you
could be the best you could be. You could be
the second coming of Christ. She's my bit. Well that's
already like seventeen years, right, So I've been with Tim
going on nine years. So that's a lot almost double
(40:53):
I math, So, um, that's a lot that that holds
a lot of weight behind You're obviously you're obviously going
to pick me over Tim, even when we get married,
even with whatever exactly. Okay, that's that's apparent. But what
if it's people that you met around the same time,
(41:16):
where time is not so much a factor or closeness
is not as much of a factor. Like that's that's
where that aspect gets a little tricky. But on top
of that, like you mentioned too, what are the terms
of the breakup? What happened? What happened? Because me, regardless
(41:39):
of my closeness with the friend versus the friends boyfriend girlfriend,
the cheat, I will not, you know, if we're talking
about taking sides, I will not take the side of
the cheater or the wrong du or why I think
(42:03):
that's wrong with you? Especially I guess I don't want
to make I guess. I don't want to make that
a blanket statement. But it's just an example. Right, the
terms in the sense of the terms of the breakup, right,
I don't It would hard It would be harder, dur
hard der for me to be on the side of
(42:25):
the quote unquote bad guy, if, especially if those I
met them, I met the people around the same time,
kind of I think, or what kind of relationship you have,
like if you really feel like you equally, if you
(42:46):
have an equal relationship or you valuate the same way,
I would still think that how that person chose to
behave in their romantic relations and ship shouldn't be a
deciding factor whether or not you're friends with them because
it's none of your business, Like it's not of anybody's
(43:08):
business really, it's between those two people. And I also
feel like when it comes to like I know you're
just using an example, but like I feel like when
it comes to cheating, it's like so complicated because I
feel like, you know, we've been taught and I mean
it literally says it in the Bible, like adultery. You
know that you can't cheat, that it's the greatest sin,
but like it's not the sin or you know what
(43:29):
I mean, it's like a super big it's a huge
sin to cheat. It's a horrible thing to cheat. Um.
I feel like as a society, we're starting to understand
that while bonogamy is a perfect way of life for
the majority of people, it's not natural. We're not penguins,
(43:49):
were not seahorses. We want to procreate with as many
people as possible. So I think if you choose monogamy,
then you should commit to your decision and be an
honest person. But I think we need to like not
see cheating as like severely as we do, because it's
(44:14):
more natural than not cheating. Well, I think more so. Rather,
I think less so the cheating as like you said,
being honest, right, if you see it as cheating for
the act of betrayal, yes, got you said, if you
have chosen to be in a monogamous relationship with someone
(44:37):
at that point, cheating like cheating on someone and being
in an open relationship or not the same thing, right,
So that's a little different, right, But um, I just
think honesty is really important. Granted, nobody really knows what's
going on in a relationship other than the people in it, right,
(44:59):
and that can that can be said for romantic relationships
as well as platonic ones. But I think the quality
of cheating and I don't I don't want to say
once a cheat or always a cheat, or I don't
think that it might be right. I mean, I think
there's a difference between cheating. I think it's like a cheater. Okay,
(45:23):
you think I do believe people can cheat once and
never I agree, But I think the tendency is there,
and it's just kind of like when humans cross the threshold,
we're just more likely to cross it again. Sure, you know,
like if you liked it, right, that's like we I mean,
that's like cheating is usually pleasure driven. So who absolutely,
but like, oh, you know, the gateway drug whatever, like
(45:46):
some people we talked about it a little bit earlier.
But you know, some people do cocaine occasionally. Some people
are addicted to cocaine. Literally, some people have cheated, but
they don't cheat on everyone they've ever been with. Yes,
Like that's not the same thing. That is not Wait,
(46:09):
so if you're cheating, hold on, let's let's go there.
News flash to the world. My opinion, you didn't ask
for it, but here didn't Here, I hope you asked
for it. If you're listening, Um, I think that if
you are the kind of person that has cheated in
every relationship that you're with, in every relationship that you're in,
(46:35):
you should consider that perhaps monogamy is not the right
relationship style for you. There you go, consider something else,
consider something else, and just be upfront about it, because
you don't have to do something you don't want to do.
But you should probably be honest about who you are. Yeah,
maybe see if your your lifestyle is maybe conducive to
(47:00):
something different exactly. The Greeks have. I don't even remember
how many different words for different kinds of love, romantic love,
platonic love, the love for a lifelong friend versus. But
it's true. I mean, not only do I think that
that's beautiful, but I think it exemplifies the human experience
(47:22):
of friendship pretty nicely. Like, oh, I don't just love
people the same way. Yeah, there's there's our family, our blood,
and then there's the family that we choose for ourselves.
Oh my gosh, you you just reminded me of something
that I feel that most people don't know. You know,
(47:44):
I've heard, we've all heard blood is thicker than water.
But that's the incorrect phrase, because I believe that your
friends are the family that you choose, and the actual phrase,
the correct phrase, is the blood of the covenant is
thicker than the water of the womb. And it comes
(48:05):
from the friendships formed. It comes from I believe the military.
I don't know how many years ago, friendships formed with
people that you essentially go through life with, that you
bleed with, that you bleed with. It's a community. We
need friends. You can't not have friends. We are a
species that requires community. No man is an island because
(48:28):
the reality is this, everybody's going to disappoint you at
some point or another. You're going to experience disappointment with
everyone you have any kind of relationship with, But you
can't cease to connect as the solution to coping with
that inevitable pain. In order to have positive force, you
(48:51):
must have negative force. It's not possible without. Someone once
told me that expectations to disappointments. At the time, it
kind of felt like a gut punch and I was like, Oh,
that does not taste good in the mouth. Like that, Ah,
(49:14):
that is upsetting. But even just that reaction, that's because
of that expectation that we subconsciously have that things are
going to go our way or the way that we
plan them in our minds. The moment you try to
(49:35):
plan that out or try to set that in stone
and it doesn't happen, how you think it can be
crushing and why I was talking to my mom about
that yesterday. I'm like, the universe will throw you curve
balls just to prove it can exactly. It's literally just
anything is possible. Anything is possible, good, bad, and everything
(50:00):
everything between, no wonder. We're friends exactly. It makes a
lot of blood, sweat and tears. Dude, I can think
of so many moments in my life other bodily fluids.
Oh my god, don't help me, like you can do it.
(50:22):
It's not that kind of podcast. It can be. It
can be, you can help me. I'm sure that people
would love to hear it. You mean they don't know
you're okay, very funny. No, they didn't. Actually, I can't
believe you just did that. I can't. I did not
out you. Um, but really, dude, I really feel like
(50:45):
what I was saying, the fact, that fact in the
beginning that I'm so happy that we've been able to
refer back to. If I wouldn't have had you as
a pillar in my life through so many moments, my
absolute worst moment in my life, I don't think I
(51:07):
would have survived it. I really don't think I would
have survived it. I can say I know. And I'm
so grateful to you for that, because not only have
you been a lifelong friend, you've been a spectacular friend.
And I'm grateful to you because I've experienced a beautiful
(51:30):
friendship through you know everything we've through us through our
friendship and through a hell of a lot. Dude, eleven
eleven is a young age and again we were instantly
attached at the hip. So you I mean, you know
(51:50):
it all animal magnetism. Yeah. Something I've learned about friendships
is that to to value them for what they are, yes,
priority for everything, but yes, to value them for what
they are and what they were. And again I think
that just goes back to not dwelling on the negative
(52:11):
aspects of of friendships and relationships, but really have anything right,
look at the good stuff. It's not about being blind
to the bad. But see the whole picture, See the
whole picture. Don't dwell on the negative. It's not doing
you any favors for any any kind of relationship, but
(52:34):
friendship being you know, one of the bigger teachers I
think for us as people. Forgiveness is imperative. Absolutely, you
cannot have a relationship that stands the test of time
without practicing forgiveness, period, empathy, compassion towards the person, assuming
(53:00):
you still want them to be in your life. Because
nobody's perfect and life has absolutely no guarantee. So and
if it's it's not even about the other person, it's
about releasing yourself from the bondage of not forgiving because
it suffocates you. It suffocates you. Practice forgiveness, Practice forgiveness,
(53:26):
and surround yourself with people who feed you positively, surround
yourself with people who feed your soul, and and with
people who who challenge you. I think that I think
a requirement for a good friend that we haven't discussed
is if you're surrounding yourself with people who are yes
(53:47):
people and the acquaintances, the acquaintance friends, and the social
friends and the activity friends, and the close friends and
the best friends are all people who are with you
don't have the ability to respectfully, kindfully and your friendship
(54:09):
be able to move past. I don't think that you're
right about that, or I think that was wrong of you,
or I disagree with that, or even to ask the
question two to challenge, to challenge the people that you love,
to challenge your friends. I feel like that quality is
(54:30):
super important in the friendship. For sure. It's a testament
to me of how close you are with someone or
how much you care about them. Not everybody needs to
be this kind of person, but you need to make
sure that there's at least one person in your life,
even if it makes you uncomfortable, that can look at
you and be and call you out and be honest
(54:51):
with and be honest with you because especially when it's
something that you don't want to hear exactly because their
love for you supersedes their desire to comfort you, because
it's necessary for us to grow otherwise, what the hell
are we doing? Absolutely? And that's you know. Sometimes when
I'm talking to some friends, I have to take a
(55:13):
step back and I think, in our conversation, are you
venting to me? Do you I just want to be
heard right now? Or do you want advice? Yeah? Because
I feel like a lot of miscommunications I've howd to
misunderstandings have come from not establishing not establishing that I'm
(55:37):
trying to give someone advice or you know, fix their problem,
when they weren't really asking you to fix their problem.
They were not asking you for advice. They just wanted
to be heard. And people don't know how to ask
for that. You know, if I, if I can't clearly
define myself like you know, recognize that this is what
(55:57):
they need. You know, you don't need to advice right
now if I can't pick that out for myself. I'm
gonna ask, I'm gonna ask, and having the emotional intelligent
someone to to recognize that, and it's huge. But I
think that that has more to do with you, to
be honest with you, because I feel like you're an
emotionally intelligent person. I've grown a lot. I mean, I'm
(56:20):
almost thirty. Oh my god, I'm almost thirty. Seventeen year friendship,
I'm almost thirty. Like I love the ship out of you.
And that's a gross, gross grace, but literally you've wiped
my ass. I I love you, I love you. I'm
(56:41):
sow happy you came. I'm so happy you invited me.
I'm so happy that you came to be on the podcast,
more happy that I get to go with you same
same super honored that you asked. But I would have
come down regardless we might have worked. It happened. The
universe aligned so that it can happen. M m m hmmm.
(57:02):
And I thanked the lucky stars that our planets collided
gently enough where we didn't leave damaged, not too much.
You just slopped me once? Was it just once in
the face once? Yeah, that's the one I'm thinking about
the face once. Ye I'm still hurt by that. Yeah again,
(57:24):
blood sweat and tears. Ditto. Well, this has been an
incredible time as usual, quite a long flight, and a
wonderful flight at that. I've really enjoyed you being here,
which is nothing new for us, and I hope that
(57:47):
you guys out there have enjoyed getting to know Ariella,
my best friend in the world, and we maybe a
little bit through her and the kind of people I
surround myself with a pillar of strength, my original hype girl.
Yeah wow, I should change your phone your phone contact
to that original hype girl. I'm going to do that
(58:09):
right now. Dude. I love you, I love you, Thanks
for going, Thanks for inviting. Bye till next time see you.
This is a Moonflower production in partnership with I Hearts
Mike was Dudup podcast Network. For more podcasts, visit the
I Heart Radio app or wherever you listen to your
(58:31):
favorite shows.
Captain, I have you the same. Let's go to a
mission one that Freddy ready for during the same back
(00:25):
lunch Welcome back or brother, greetings your things. This is
a special episode aboard the Mothership. I have somebody very
important to me with us today. Her name is arie
(00:48):
La Selina's and she is And I don't know what
kind of award I owe you, because this is a
big thing. Not only my oldest but my truest and
bestest friend since I was eleven. I don't know if
you've done the math, but that means that we've been
friends for seventeen years. Oh my god, Oh my god.
I feel like we're too young to have friends that
(01:08):
are that many years is absolutely terrifying to so we're
here to talk about friendships because of the fact that
you are my most important friend in my life, and
you've been beyond my friend for a while. You're my
sister for a long time. I called your mom mom.
I still do, in fact, would be so weird to
(01:31):
call her anything other than that at this point, because
I call your mom Shena and mom because you also
call her Shena and true you're true wella, my Auela.
No I know but what are you going to call
my Aeuela? But Aula, she was like born onto the
earth to being Auila. Absolutely true. Anyway, I want you
to introduce yourself who you are? Oh God, well, see
(01:54):
it's funny because I introduced I introduced myself differently depending
on where I am, a little bit like Ariella Ariella,
which is like the bastardization of the Spanish pronunciation of
my name. But now I introduced myself as Ariella because
that's how you read it, right, Because people get confused.
(02:14):
I've had people think that there was a D in
my name. Can I say something that, in the last
few years of my life, I've actually tried to make
a conscious effort to introduce myself as a correct pronunciation
of my name. Because no, please don't go down the
rabbit hole Ariola exactly. There are two guns here that
(02:39):
to myself. Yeah you did, moving on, moving on here,
Jiminy cricket, there you were all thinking it. Germany, Jeremy,
I've heard Germ. Thank you. When I'm sick, I'm Germany.
Germ german Many. Actually, when Emily and I are both sick,
we're germanly speaking of him, speaking of them, m is
(03:04):
doing way cooler things right now. She had to fly
back to the Milky Way galaxy and visit the Motherland.
Visit the Motherland because she is accepting an honor, a
big honor from the Human Rights Campaign. She's receiving the
Visibility Awards. So hello, everybody around of applause for em
(03:24):
really quick before we get into it. I have some
facts one friendships that I've prepared. I love facts. Facts
are great, and these are were surprising to me, So
I hope that they're surprising to you, because otherwise this
is all a moot point. Obviously, it's you who I'm
trying to impress here. So I was honestly shocked, but
(03:47):
not so shocked at some of these. It's it's a
mixed it's a mixed review. Um, humans only need two friends.
We really only need to friends in life, and actually
having a lot of friends is linked to depression and anxiety.
Oh my god, I feel so validated one sentence. Well,
(04:09):
because especially recently, I've kind of been feeling that way. Um,
just an instance, like relationships that I've had, and I've
been trying to talk to people like my sister right
who you know, has a lot of best friends or
people who have a hard time making friends, Like I
feel like I had a hard time making friends, and um,
(04:32):
I mean you found me well. And also thinking like
how it's hard to make friends as an adult, but
quality rather over quantity, and I've been trying to do
that with a lot of things in my life. But
I feel like friendships it's kind of naturally happened over time,
where like I've streamlined, I feel like that's a big
(04:54):
indicator of your twenties. I feel like twenties is like
trimming the fat, like really like trimming the fat of
the parts of you that aren't actually you, trimming the
fat of the relationships around you that don't serve you,
trimming the fat of habits that don't serve you. I
mean like, I feel like that's kind of what we do.
I feel like it like protecting your energy kind of
thing to have people around you who value what you
(05:17):
value or value you as much as you value them. Yes,
I'm gonna get into that. No totally, totally the power
of no. No. It is a full sentence it thank you,
and I absolutely love that. First, I'm tired of explaining
myself to death. You know what you shouldn't. I tend
to explain myself too, and I feel like it comes
(05:39):
from some unearthed feeling of constantly feeling misunderstood, like needing
to explain yourself. I feel like to some kind of trauma.
I'm sure you want to pull your name to chart.
We can talk about it. I got mine right there.
I've noticed the people who want to understand you will
(05:59):
show you that they want to understand you. And now
that I don't think that you shouldn't go, you know,
try to give a reason for the things that you're
doing and speak in a way to for both of you,
whoever two people in a relationship to have a mutual understanding.
But I feel like when you get to that point
(06:22):
where all you're doing is explaining yourself or justifying or
even giving a reason why too much, you are like
not respecting your own self. And like the boundary that
we don't owe people explanations. Anytime I share something with
you is out of my own volition. It's not something
(06:42):
I owe you. And that's the problem. People get entitled
and they get comfortable in that cycle where you're constantly
explaining yourself, So of course you're exhausted, absolutely it's emotionally draining.
It's so emotionally draining. And I'm speaking to you like
as I'm speaking to myself. You know I suffer from
the same ailment. Oh damn, I've only gone into one
(07:04):
facts already. I told you facts. I know me too. Okay,
have you ever done your myer's brakes? Yes? What are you?
Should we say it at the same time. I forget, forget, forget,
forget you. I know what I am. I am f
(07:25):
P P, I could have um, I am an E
N t P. You're out of TXT. You're so funny
too soon? Excuse me? That just happened. I know, I know,
I don't know what it is. I have to get
into the habit of checking the bathroom for toilet paper
(07:48):
before I sit down. But then I'm already sitting there,
and I'm like, you know, you gotta make sure the
scene is safe before. Yeah, I do that in part
my restrooms. But I guess you know why. I know
what it is because I'm the kind of person that
if I run out of toilet paper, I replenished. So
I just assume you know what I think. All my
friends from now on, you can only be my friend
if you replace the toilet paper, I love that. If
(08:09):
you don't replace the toilet paper, where you can, we've done.
We were talking about this earlier toilet paper No, um,
oh like societal things, yeah, the meter of how what
is it that you said of how civilized you are,
or like the consideration that you have for those around you,
depending on whether or not you return the shopping cart
(08:29):
to its rightful place. And we both know which kind
we are, especially when I think the whole the point
of that whole thing, though, is that you do something,
You do the right thing, you know, quote unquote the
right thing, um, regardless of whether or not there are
negative consequences or if anybody's watching you. Exactly, you don't
lose anything by not returning the shopping cart, but by
(08:51):
doing it, you display your willingness to your willingness and
ability to function in a society politely with other people.
Can I say something? Of course, I'd like to amend
the rule. I would like the rule to be, do
you put the shopping cart back if it's late at
(09:13):
night and there's no one around to watch you? When
nobody's around, do you still put the shopping cart? Exactly?
You've yet to introduce yourself. By the way, Wow, well
my name is Ariela Anasta Salinas. Born in St. Augustine, Florida,
oldest city, raised in Miami. Get get raised in Miami
(09:34):
three or five till that was a real brief intro.
But that's that's all I need. They'll get to know
me light. Um. I remember when I went to college.
I moved away to four Myers, you know, two and
a half hours away, close enough, but far enough away
as well that um, i'd meet people at school like,
oh you're from Miami. Cool. Cool. Yeah, I'm from Miami too,
and we're like, oh cool. Like let's exchange numbers. And
(09:55):
they'd be like, oh nine five four by I like,
do you were from Miami? Fromer? Maddy? Daddy? You better
nine five four? Don't play that game, don't by I
see you. Yeah, I'm sure that happens in major cities.
(10:16):
They're like, I was raised in New York and like
they're really in terse No, I said, new work, Okay, okay,
wow we both have a d you guys are in
for a ride to Okay? So we I said, you
only need two friends, that's right. Having a lot of
(10:38):
friends is linked to anxiety and depression. I can see that.
And also having no friends is detrimental to your mental health,
which I feel like a lot of people overlook. Yes, yes, yes, yes,
I mean not everything. I'm not trying to do meth
and moderation. That's that's messed up. Same. There are just
(11:01):
some things that I'm not interested. Were friends I don't
want to do. Um. Ah, So people make an average
of four friends in a lifetime. Oh that's a lot, right,
But are we considered so I'm assumed there's a lot
of the average lifetime seventy eighty years at this point,
(11:22):
but out of twelve friendships, only one of them actually
like well they also and I don't know if this
is a fact that you have on your page of
it as I'm so sorry. Um they say that the
friendships that lasts longer than seven years will last are
more likely to last the rest of your life. Seventeen baby?
What what we're past? That our friendship is almost legal? Okay?
(11:50):
This you know? I feel like we all know this.
We know this. The human mind can only have complete
trust for somebody else once. Once it's broken, you can
repair your trust, but you can never fully regain it
is that with one person, like like per relationship, her
(12:12):
relationship to her relationship, you can repair trust, but you
can't fully regain it. Interesting um animals not only do
they have friendships can form lifelong friendships, they can also
form lifelong friendships with individuals of other species. Oh. Absolutely,
I have two dogs, two cats, three chickens, and the
(12:37):
black kitten is she was like a little street thing
and she's all black and Baine. Of course, my boy
is all black and he just adopted her as his
little baby. And she's like, I'm a dog. This is cool.
Like in the mornings she will go and find him
wherever he is in the house. She will lay between
(12:59):
his paws and he'll bathe her. It's adorable. And sometimes
I know and they're my black ease, so like those
are my black e's. And then Mary Jane and Zigar
mixed color. Yeah, she's um brindle, that's what they called brendle.
And Ziggy is all gray, so they're the grays, but
they're also like the blacks and the gray blacks and
(13:20):
the grays and even the chickens. The chicken Starns curative
Jane at all, I didn't know you had chickens. Um,
so I can have three chickens at my house without
a permit or anything. No rooster because nobody wants an
extra cock in the backyard. Okay. Um. Psychologists believe that
(13:40):
it is a friendship aspect that makes marriages last. I
love that. Yeah, our brain, this is really interesting and
they've actually done studies and I read up on one
of them. Our brain responds the same way like our
what's it called our pre frontal metal metal front pre
frontal coro text core te pre frontal cortex, pre frontal
(14:03):
corn pre frontal pre front text. Okay, I got it.
I kept wanting to say, co text, prefrontal cortex, pre
frontal pre frontal cortex. Our brain were worth it. Our
(14:27):
brain responds the same way to dent man. Our brain
responds the same way to danger, whether it's us in
danger or a friend or like someone we care about,
but friends included. Yeah, sweet, Right, your friends can influence
your weight, which makes sense, which makes sense. You are
right right, If you're emotionally eating, I'm an emotionally eat
(14:50):
with you. I'm a good friend like that. Okay. Uh.
When faced with a major illness, having a good social
network and better position you just survive. Which, well, here's
here's where it gets important, all right. There are three
types of friendships and seven types of friends. Okay. The
first kind of friendship is friendship of utility, which is
(15:12):
kind of they're all sort of self explanatory. It's a
friendship between you and somebody that you have in your
life for a beneficial reason, whether you're useful to them
or they're useful to you. Second, which I feel like
I have a lot of these are friendships of pleasure,
people who you have as a friend because you enjoy
each other's company. And the third kind of friendship is
(15:34):
what they call friendship of the good, which is a
friendship like ours, with mutual respect and admiration. Now, the
seven types of friends, first being the lifelong friend, you know,
the one that you essentially go through life with that
witnesses the becoming of who you are, the creation fat
(15:55):
middle meat, and ending of your legacy hopefully you know, um,
which I think is so beautiful. You've already seen me
go through so much. Oh my god, you I mean,
obviously you remember me at that age. I was a
very rectangular and awkward child and you were super cool.
(16:18):
I know you did, and like you thinking that I
was super cool kind of made me think that I
was too. You are super cool. Okay, that's so funny.
Because I was a year younger than you, I had
that like looking up to I was like, oh, she's
in the seventh grade, because we went when I was
in sixth grade, and that's that one year we were
(16:40):
talking about. Yeah, and I thought you were just the coolest.
What was I like you? Dude? You were great? You
were great. I mean the way, how how do you
remember me? Like, if you think of me at that age,
you were I mean, you seemed very even from a
young age, you seemed very sure of yourself and not
in a shitty way. You just you were gem. Yeah,
(17:05):
you were a gem. You were cool, you were nice,
You weren't shaty to anybody. You weren't a book. I mean,
because I've had now that I'm older, now that i'm older,
I've had some people like you scared me at that age,
like I did, not like you had that like don't
funk with me attitude, And you know what it is
(17:27):
when I see that. I don't know if it's like
my mom being a therapist and the understanding, but It
just made me want to get to know you more,
just the fact that you exuded this don't funk with
me energy. There was a lot of people who couldn't
look past that, and I was like, she's probably so dope,
just protecting that ship from what you fucker's cool enough
(17:48):
to see the difference. Yeah, I definitely did not think
I was cool at all. I don't think just because
the people around us lacked taste doesn't mean you weren't
a star. You're amongst the car potastic um. Yeah, you're
my hype man. You're my hype man, the original hype man,
(18:10):
forever and ever beach uh So after lifelong friends best friends,
which I understand, I've had periods of time where I've
had a person for a few years be like my
best friend, the person that I speak to. But we've
all had several best friends. You and I have had
multiple We've been together through multiple best exactly, and those
(18:32):
relationships are extremely meaningful as they're completely valid and valuable
and and they were your best they like, these people
were my best friend when they were my best friend.
But for some reason or another, you girls, you go
your separate ways. People grow girl apart yeah, you start
having different interests and then you realize that when you're
(18:54):
trimming the fat, that you just don't have so many
things in common anymore. That's cool where you start realizing, wow,
I'm kind of drained after we hang out or after
we interact like that didn't really feel that doesn't really
feel good. And I think a lot of people it's
hard for people to put their finger on that feeling.
(19:18):
And I hate to say like, let a friendship die
because that just sounds really let it transform, But exactly
that a transform because I mean, of course we all
have people that were no longer friends with, but it's
not that we now that we wish them bad. No,
that's the thing. And also, dude, I have hung on
to so many friendships and you know what I'm talking
(19:40):
about out of a feeling of duty, out of feeling
like I've been duty, yes, but out of duty and
feeling like, Okay, I'll give you an example. I've been
your friend for ten years. We've lived all this together,
(20:01):
We've gone through so much together. I have to keep
being your friend. And I've kept people in my life
in my inner circle, given them access to me when
they were no longer serving me when before I was
ready to let the like you said, let the friendship transform,
(20:22):
the friendship had already transformed for them. They were no
longer showing up in my life the way that they
once were. And that doesn't take away from how they
showed up in my life at that moment. It just
means it's just not it's changed, exactly. Sometimes I wish
I was a robot, because I really wish I could
just be do all the things that I want to do.
And I don't give myself the grace of your just
(20:43):
a fucking meat sack, human meat sack, human sun. I
just feel like the involved version of human or humanoid
or whatever. It is. Just like blood feces you're in,
you're so permanent bodily functions. We avoid those practically a
(21:04):
single celled organism exactly. Yes, do you even put the
shopping cart back? After best friends, we have close friends,
(21:34):
there should be like an in between best friend and
close friend. It's more than a close really close friend.
Let's call that it's the eighth one. After close friends,
we have social group friends who socialize with you, spend
time with. You're not super close. Activity friends are the
ones that you do things with Jim, but your Jim buddies,
members of your book club or if you go to
(21:55):
a church. Friends of convenience are like carpool parents, um
PTA people, neighborhood groups, things like this. And then acquaintance friends,
which would be the people at work, like the people
who you know, the people in your neighborhood, the people
that you don't necessarily like, no personal attributes about them,
(22:16):
but they're your friend, you know, like they're not your enemy.
I mean when you talk about them in a conversation, right,
I don't consider acquaintances friends like consider them acquaintances. It's
a different word for a reason, exactly exactly, So you
know what, I think acquaintance friend should be eliminated and
really really close friends should be added. Okay, really really yeah,
(22:40):
it's different. And my last one, which is just socially
relevant for the hour, is that during the pandemic, because
we weren't able to convene the way that we always have,
the category of friend that was the most important was
(23:01):
the acquaintance because of our need for connections so desperately
that that was the priority in our life. Gets right,
didn't I very good? Okay? Do you know what I
was thinking about the other day, obviously, not I was
thinking about our seven I was you were in seventh grade.
(23:23):
I was in eighth grade trip that year, orchestra trip
to Orlando. You, me and Emma. Emma wasn't an orchestra
so why was she there? So that I was from
home school, but she was all that, Oh no it
wasn't Emma, Sorry, no, it was you. Me and Vanessa Vanessa.
(23:44):
Vanessa Vanessa was super dope. See so I feel like
that she was like a best friend for you for
a minute. Yeah, um, while we were in school. We
were in school. Absolutely, And now she is one of
those people who I I just peek at online and
it's just on the love from this sounds I said,
a lot of people love from a lot of people
(24:05):
love from distance. I like to see other people happy. Absolutely.
I like to see other people succeed. Why wouldn't I?
I don't, you know, especially like it just makes me
other women, like girls that I grew up with, like girl,
want the best for you, like I want the best
for everybody. Literally, there's why not there's a love cake
(24:25):
to go around, Absolutely true? Right, what what's that more
rights for other people? Doesn't mean fewer rights for you.
It's not it's not a pie. A rising tide lifts
all boats boom even more positive. Everyone losing their pants
about the student debt thing is super annoying. First of all,
there are people out there who never went to college
(24:47):
who feel like they have a say on the subject.
I mean, but realistically, aren't those people maybe mad that
they weren't able to go? You know, I feel like
it's a lot of has and have not. I understand
those people are mad at the wrong people, Like if
you didn't go, if you weren't able to go to school,
Like that's kind of why I rolled my eyes earlier
(25:07):
when you're like, oh, your degree, because you know, I
don't technically have my degree, right, I couldn't finish paying
for school. Um, that time. Like I did go back
to school. I got my e M team working as
an m T now, but um, originally when I first
went to college as an eighteen year old, Like, how
are we letting eighteen sometimes seventeen year olds, depending on
when you're graduating high school take out tens of thousands,
(25:31):
hundreds of thousands of dollars And I don't I can't
take out that much money for a house at eighteen
years old. Why can I do that for an education?
It's insane? And how has that education now when ten
twenty thirty years ago, like the cost of education has
(25:56):
sky racketed to the point where there are so many
people are below that line where they can't that's that's
just not an option for them. That's not an option
for them, and that's not fair. How can we as
a society invest in our future with no investing in
(26:22):
our future in education? Exactly exactly, And they're here mad
about forgiving bro ten thousand dollars. People have pelgrads, but
ten thousand dollars. I do not know. You're you're you're
you're talking about people who go to community colleges that
(26:43):
I know, people who have music degrees who are two
dollars in debt. These are teachers. It's people their teacher,
I mean. And for I know a lot of people,
I know a lot of the gate keeping education, their
gatekeeping education. Exactly. It's insanity. People who went or weren't
able to finish, weren't able to do whatever because of
a financial inability to to take care of college and
(27:06):
assessing it from a single facet of life because there's
no consideration for the human exactly exactly, dude. It happened
to me. And if eighteen year olds could get houses
easier than they could get an education, would that would
that be beneficial? Probably more so then that half hours
(27:29):
college degree that you you took out too much money
for you can't do anything with or or whatnot. Like again,
eighteen year olds, how is that legal? That's predatory, completely predatory.
I was reading an article maybe, like I don't know.
I guess my concept of time is lost because I
feel so young. I am super young, But I don't know.
(27:50):
I just it's weird for me to be, like, you know,
ten years away from high school and like us have
seventeen your friendship. That's strange for me. It's a big number.
But I think a lot about this article that I read.
It might have been ten years ago, might have been five,
I don't know. Whenever that college students today's age, let's guess,
(28:12):
and college students around this time have the same stress
levels as insane asylum patients in the sixties. Isn't that
fucking wild? Crazy? Not to He's upon there what I
needed to it irresistible. I appreciated that, but really isn't
(28:36):
that And through all of it, I'm supposed to be
a great friend. I'm supposed to I'm supposed to text
you back. No, I'm kidding. That's a lot. You know
(29:03):
what something that people don't really talk about a lot?
What's up? Friend breakups? Friend breakups? I was wondering when
we would get to this topic. Really, yeah, I mean
it's the other side of the coin, right, because if
you have all these friends we were talking about, not
everyone is going to be your lifetime friend, your lifelong
friend or you're really really close friends. People drive, like
(29:28):
we were talking about, People drift apart, people grow apart.
But the friend breakup, that's I went through a friend breakup.
I don't know if it was the beginning of last
year or the beginning of this year. I don't even
know if it feels so far away from me, but
it was unfortunately a breakup that ended to me, probably
(29:52):
not for the other person, but to me rather abruptly,
and um, there were a lot of unanswered questions for me.
I feel like that happens a lot, like confused. I mean,
a breakup, even a friend breakup, it's still a breakup.
It is It's what I'm trying to say. People don't
(30:13):
talk about it, but it's just hearts don't break, even
just as heartbreaking as a platonic breakup and a romantic
breakup can sometimes even hurt the same. Like I think
about this person, I'm not shooting you almost every single day.
(30:34):
The absence of their presence is something I'm still in
mourning about. And you know, eventually, you know, I'll be fine.
I'm just emotional and I have to grieve it. And
because I think that there wasn't to me a button
or like that closure that we all seek, it was
(30:55):
hard to wrap my head around it. Because when you
have somebody that you love so much, that you have
so much in common with, that you value so much,
you prioritize so much in your life, and then it changes,
and you do if you don't understand why, or was
it like at least to your under at least to
(31:16):
my understanding. Was it like a single act or something
that I did? And I still don't know, And I
would love you know whatever. I understand that I have
to release my desire to know. But I'm just being
an honest human here, you know, I would I would
love to have that answer, but it's so terrible, so painful,
and you know, you experience the same things that you
(31:38):
experience in a romantic breakup, that moment that you want
to share something with them that oh you can't. You
you come to like the surface of like crossing the line,
but you don't. It's it's so it's devastating. I think
it can be that. I think it can be devastating.
I mean, you you do have to grieve it the
(31:59):
way you would grieve a death right. That that might
sound dramatic, something anger, denial, bargaining, depression, acceptance. You got
to go through all five stages and those things. Like
I said too, it's not it doesn't happen evenly. It's
so tough. But just like with the friendships that don't
(32:21):
necessarily end, they just kind of fade. The ending of
that friendship doesn't invalidate the good times, No, it doesn't
all the beautiful moments, the years potentially of the Yeah,
the memories, I mean, it sounds so crazyy the memories,
but now it doesn't. But I think it does, but
it but it's so true. Yeah, the people oftentimes we're
(32:47):
so black and white all the time. I feel like
at large, Like if if I were a big kid
looking at earth, you know, in my hand, I'd be like, wow,
these people. I don't think the majority of us appreciate
the nuance, appreciate the gray area, and a lot of people,
even if they have a bad ending to a relationship,
(33:10):
being a polatonic or romantic one, will disregard it rather
than say what you just said, which is that it
doesn't change the ending, doesn't change the good time, It
doesn't chaint doesn't validate those moments, you know, like it
those were all real and they were true, so you
(33:36):
know you you should always wish wish everybody well, I'd
like to think, especially I mean even if it's not
for them, which like that doesn't make too much sense,
like don't wish them well for them, but wish them
well for yourself. Why would I actively be putting those
negative vibes even in my and myself to wish someone
(33:56):
anyone else, Like, I don't need that at all, at all,
at all, at all. I don't need that energy. I
value my peace too much to ruin it wishing anybody badly.
I don't know, it's a waste of time, to be honest,
because I'm I've already. I mean, carma is funny because
(34:19):
bad things happen to good people anyway. But I do
believe that you do bad and you get bad. Yeah,
So it goes around, comes around. People goes around, comes
around exactly, and usually stronger that thing has gained some
momentum when you left you with the first time around exactly.
Speaking of types of friends, I think this deserves his
(34:40):
own category. But your friends, boyfriend, girlfriend, significant other, your
friends person? Do you become friends with them? Do you
stay friends with them if they break up? What are
the rules? Okay? I don't know. What do you think?
(35:01):
I think it's case dependent. I think it's I think
they can't. I think it can preference. I think it's preference. No,
why depending on the friendship, depending on the breakup, at
least in my experience, and this is coming from somebody
who is friends with a lot of my X. Okay,
(35:28):
there's a lot of factors that contribute to this, not
only how does the breakup go, like what kind of
breakup is it? But also what kind of friend it is?
How do you mean? Okay? Because I think that people
are inherently disloyal, right, and I believe very funny, and
(35:52):
I believe that not everybody wants the best for you.
I think that there are a lot of envious people
in the world, and a lot of people who experience
it's envy and it's not even checked. They don't even
know they're experiencing envy. And calls haters and that yes, exactly,
I think there are a lot of haters, whether they
know that their haters or not. So I think that
(36:13):
it also it also depends what kind of friendship you
have with the friend in question. If I fear, if
I feel that you're loyalty and I think that's really
what it comes to. And also you have to understand
you're having this conversation with a leo. So we tend
to think about this pridefully. I'm just calling a space
to space again, could it resist myself? But we think
(36:39):
of it. We think of it pridefully because if it's
somebody that has loyalty to me, then let's say it's
a breakup that you feel you need space from somebody,
like I need a no contact period of time between
me in this person. That I believe that your friends
(37:03):
and family need to immediately fall in line because it's difficult,
especially if you're going through a difficult time, at least
in my experience, for you to heal and grieve when
your ghost is always lurking in the corner, you know,
And sometimes it's not even about healing and grievings. Sometimes
it is just about needing space. And I'd like to
(37:27):
think that we've we all have a more modern approach
to relationships and we understand coming off the bat that
if it's your partner, right and again, I'll give you
an example. I loved him. I think that he's great.
Is something we're to happen between you and him. Knock
(37:48):
on wood. My loyalty would be to you as it
should be now. It depends on what kind of friend
you are to me how I feel about this. If
you're somebody that I'm like, you know what, we weren't
that close anyway, My ex can have them like you
(38:11):
or or or I simply file them away in the
place where they fit, like this is somebody that I
can't maybe share the my deep my deepest feelings about
my breakup or whatever, because you know, after a breakup,
that's kind of the center of your universe is your breakup.
Assuming it's a serious relationship. But we're talking about flings here.
(38:32):
Don't even count. I don't even want. I don't care
to meet my friends flings. Yeah, I'm not trying to
like pretend to entertain. Yeah, I don't care to keep them,
keep them to yourself. But I think it really it
really depends. I try to keep the line clear in
(38:53):
my friendships. I try to keep the line clear in
my friendships. I think it's different if fits a marriage.
I think once you once you're a marriage, and the
notion that you're going to be with this person forever
comes into play, your friends and your family take a
step in their direction. There's like a usually or ideally right,
(39:16):
there's like a closeness that comes from that because you're like, oh, wow,
this is the person Idella's going to be with for
the rest of her life. Like that's the assumption. So
that longevity warrants a bit more investment. And then when
you divorce, I think at that point it's really hard
for you to ask your friends to pick a side
because they've probably looked at that friend of yours in
(39:38):
that way. But so long, in my opinion, as there's
no sign of long term commitment. You should just assume
that it's going to end personally, I don't even let
myself get that close because I don't feel like I
could be I don't think I could be an ethical friend.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I've been friends with
(40:01):
a couple, but usually I feel like after time I
end up either way. It's like sticking with one or
the other. What are the other? Not? Both? Never gotcha?
I feel like eventually it just happens. It just happens. Actually,
the drift, I think again, it definitely depends on the
original relationship, on a few things, right, the original relationship,
(40:25):
like how you know if it's going to be you
and I were the example, Um, you're my bitch, you
could be the best you could be. You could be
the second coming of Christ. She's my bit. Well that's
already like seventeen years, right, So I've been with Tim
going on nine years. So that's a lot almost double
(40:53):
I math, So, um, that's a lot that that holds
a lot of weight behind You're obviously you're obviously going
to pick me over Tim, even when we get married,
even with whatever exactly. Okay, that's that's apparent. But what
if it's people that you met around the same time,
(41:16):
where time is not so much a factor or closeness
is not as much of a factor. Like that's that's
where that aspect gets a little tricky. But on top
of that, like you mentioned too, what are the terms
of the breakup? What happened? What happened? Because me, regardless
(41:39):
of my closeness with the friend versus the friends boyfriend girlfriend,
the cheat, I will not, you know, if we're talking
about taking sides, I will not take the side of
the cheater or the wrong du or why I think
(42:03):
that's wrong with you? Especially I guess I don't want
to make I guess. I don't want to make that
a blanket statement. But it's just an example. Right, the
terms in the sense of the terms of the breakup, right,
I don't It would hard It would be harder, dur
hard der for me to be on the side of
(42:25):
the quote unquote bad guy, if, especially if those I
met them, I met the people around the same time,
kind of I think, or what kind of relationship you have,
like if you really feel like you equally, if you
(42:46):
have an equal relationship or you valuate the same way,
I would still think that how that person chose to
behave in their romantic relations and ship shouldn't be a
deciding factor whether or not you're friends with them because
it's none of your business, Like it's not of anybody's
(43:08):
business really, it's between those two people. And I also
feel like when it comes to like I know you're
just using an example, but like I feel like when
it comes to cheating, it's like so complicated because I
feel like, you know, we've been taught and I mean
it literally says it in the Bible, like adultery. You
know that you can't cheat, that it's the greatest sin,
but like it's not the sin or you know what
(43:29):
I mean, it's like a super big it's a huge
sin to cheat. It's a horrible thing to cheat. Um.
I feel like as a society, we're starting to understand
that while bonogamy is a perfect way of life for
the majority of people, it's not natural. We're not penguins,
(43:49):
were not seahorses. We want to procreate with as many
people as possible. So I think if you choose monogamy,
then you should commit to your decision and be an
honest person. But I think we need to like not
see cheating as like severely as we do, because it's
(44:14):
more natural than not cheating. Well, I think more so. Rather,
I think less so the cheating as like you said,
being honest, right, if you see it as cheating for
the act of betrayal, yes, got you said, if you
have chosen to be in a monogamous relationship with someone
(44:37):
at that point, cheating like cheating on someone and being
in an open relationship or not the same thing, right,
So that's a little different, right, But um, I just
think honesty is really important. Granted, nobody really knows what's
going on in a relationship other than the people in it, right,
(44:59):
and that can that can be said for romantic relationships
as well as platonic ones. But I think the quality
of cheating and I don't I don't want to say
once a cheat or always a cheat, or I don't
think that it might be right. I mean, I think
there's a difference between cheating. I think it's like a cheater. Okay,
(45:23):
you think I do believe people can cheat once and
never I agree, But I think the tendency is there,
and it's just kind of like when humans cross the threshold,
we're just more likely to cross it again. Sure, you know,
like if you liked it, right, that's like we I mean,
that's like cheating is usually pleasure driven. So who absolutely,
but like, oh, you know, the gateway drug whatever, like
(45:46):
some people we talked about it a little bit earlier.
But you know, some people do cocaine occasionally. Some people
are addicted to cocaine. Literally, some people have cheated, but
they don't cheat on everyone they've ever been with. Yes,
Like that's not the same thing. That is not Wait,
(46:09):
so if you're cheating, hold on, let's let's go there.
News flash to the world. My opinion, you didn't ask
for it, but here didn't Here, I hope you asked
for it. If you're listening, Um, I think that if
you are the kind of person that has cheated in
every relationship that you're with, in every relationship that you're in,
(46:35):
you should consider that perhaps monogamy is not the right
relationship style for you. There you go, consider something else,
consider something else, and just be upfront about it, because
you don't have to do something you don't want to do.
But you should probably be honest about who you are. Yeah,
maybe see if your your lifestyle is maybe conducive to
(47:00):
something different exactly. The Greeks have. I don't even remember
how many different words for different kinds of love, romantic love,
platonic love, the love for a lifelong friend versus. But
it's true. I mean, not only do I think that
that's beautiful, but I think it exemplifies the human experience
(47:22):
of friendship pretty nicely. Like, oh, I don't just love
people the same way. Yeah, there's there's our family, our blood,
and then there's the family that we choose for ourselves.
Oh my gosh, you you just reminded me of something
that I feel that most people don't know. You know,
(47:44):
I've heard, we've all heard blood is thicker than water.
But that's the incorrect phrase, because I believe that your
friends are the family that you choose, and the actual phrase,
the correct phrase, is the blood of the covenant is
thicker than the water of the womb. And it comes
(48:05):
from the friendships formed. It comes from I believe the military.
I don't know how many years ago, friendships formed with
people that you essentially go through life with, that you
bleed with, that you bleed with. It's a community. We
need friends. You can't not have friends. We are a
species that requires community. No man is an island because
(48:28):
the reality is this, everybody's going to disappoint you at
some point or another. You're going to experience disappointment with
everyone you have any kind of relationship with, But you
can't cease to connect as the solution to coping with
that inevitable pain. In order to have positive force, you
(48:51):
must have negative force. It's not possible without. Someone once
told me that expectations to disappointments. At the time, it
kind of felt like a gut punch and I was like, Oh,
that does not taste good in the mouth. Like that, Ah,
(49:14):
that is upsetting. But even just that reaction, that's because
of that expectation that we subconsciously have that things are
going to go our way or the way that we
plan them in our minds. The moment you try to
(49:35):
plan that out or try to set that in stone
and it doesn't happen, how you think it can be
crushing and why I was talking to my mom about
that yesterday. I'm like, the universe will throw you curve
balls just to prove it can exactly. It's literally just
anything is possible. Anything is possible, good, bad, and everything
(50:00):
everything between, no wonder. We're friends exactly. It makes a
lot of blood, sweat and tears. Dude, I can think
of so many moments in my life other bodily fluids.
Oh my god, don't help me, like you can do it.
(50:22):
It's not that kind of podcast. It can be. It
can be, you can help me. I'm sure that people
would love to hear it. You mean they don't know
you're okay, very funny. No, they didn't. Actually, I can't
believe you just did that. I can't. I did not
out you. Um, but really, dude, I really feel like
(50:45):
what I was saying, the fact, that fact in the
beginning that I'm so happy that we've been able to
refer back to. If I wouldn't have had you as
a pillar in my life through so many moments, my
absolute worst moment in my life, I don't think I
(51:07):
would have survived it. I really don't think I would
have survived it. I can say I know. And I'm
so grateful to you for that, because not only have
you been a lifelong friend, you've been a spectacular friend.
And I'm grateful to you because I've experienced a beautiful
(51:30):
friendship through you know everything we've through us through our
friendship and through a hell of a lot. Dude, eleven
eleven is a young age and again we were instantly
attached at the hip. So you I mean, you know
(51:50):
it all animal magnetism. Yeah. Something I've learned about friendships
is that to to value them for what they are, yes,
priority for everything, but yes, to value them for what
they are and what they were. And again I think
that just goes back to not dwelling on the negative
(52:11):
aspects of of friendships and relationships, but really have anything right,
look at the good stuff. It's not about being blind
to the bad. But see the whole picture, See the
whole picture. Don't dwell on the negative. It's not doing
you any favors for any any kind of relationship, but
(52:34):
friendship being you know, one of the bigger teachers I
think for us as people. Forgiveness is imperative. Absolutely, you
cannot have a relationship that stands the test of time
without practicing forgiveness, period, empathy, compassion towards the person, assuming
(53:00):
you still want them to be in your life. Because
nobody's perfect and life has absolutely no guarantee. So and
if it's it's not even about the other person, it's
about releasing yourself from the bondage of not forgiving because
it suffocates you. It suffocates you. Practice forgiveness, Practice forgiveness,
(53:26):
and surround yourself with people who feed you positively, surround
yourself with people who feed your soul, and and with
people who who challenge you. I think that I think
a requirement for a good friend that we haven't discussed
is if you're surrounding yourself with people who are yes
(53:47):
people and the acquaintances, the acquaintance friends, and the social
friends and the activity friends, and the close friends and
the best friends are all people who are with you
don't have the ability to respectfully, kindfully and your friendship
(54:09):
be able to move past. I don't think that you're
right about that, or I think that was wrong of you,
or I disagree with that, or even to ask the
question two to challenge, to challenge the people that you love,
to challenge your friends. I feel like that quality is
(54:30):
super important in the friendship. For sure. It's a testament
to me of how close you are with someone or
how much you care about them. Not everybody needs to
be this kind of person, but you need to make
sure that there's at least one person in your life,
even if it makes you uncomfortable, that can look at
you and be and call you out and be honest
(54:51):
with and be honest with you because especially when it's
something that you don't want to hear exactly because their
love for you supersedes their desire to comfort you, because
it's necessary for us to grow otherwise, what the hell
are we doing? Absolutely? And that's you know. Sometimes when
I'm talking to some friends, I have to take a
(55:13):
step back and I think, in our conversation, are you
venting to me? Do you I just want to be
heard right now? Or do you want advice? Yeah? Because
I feel like a lot of miscommunications I've howd to
misunderstandings have come from not establishing not establishing that I'm
(55:37):
trying to give someone advice or you know, fix their problem,
when they weren't really asking you to fix their problem.
They were not asking you for advice. They just wanted
to be heard. And people don't know how to ask
for that. You know, if I, if I can't clearly
define myself like you know, recognize that this is what
(55:57):
they need. You know, you don't need to advice right
now if I can't pick that out for myself. I'm
gonna ask, I'm gonna ask, and having the emotional intelligent
someone to to recognize that, and it's huge. But I
think that that has more to do with you, to
be honest with you, because I feel like you're an
emotionally intelligent person. I've grown a lot. I mean, I'm
(56:20):
almost thirty. Oh my god, I'm almost thirty. Seventeen year friendship,
I'm almost thirty. Like I love the ship out of you.
And that's a gross, gross grace, but literally you've wiped
my ass. I I love you, I love you. I'm
(56:41):
sow happy you came. I'm so happy you invited me.
I'm so happy that you came to be on the podcast,
more happy that I get to go with you same
same super honored that you asked. But I would have
come down regardless we might have worked. It happened. The
universe aligned so that it can happen. M m m hmmm.
(57:02):
And I thanked the lucky stars that our planets collided
gently enough where we didn't leave damaged, not too much.
You just slopped me once? Was it just once in
the face once? Yeah, that's the one I'm thinking about
the face once. Ye I'm still hurt by that. Yeah again,
(57:24):
blood sweat and tears. Ditto. Well, this has been an
incredible time as usual, quite a long flight, and a
wonderful flight at that. I've really enjoyed you being here,
which is nothing new for us, and I hope that
(57:47):
you guys out there have enjoyed getting to know Ariella,
my best friend in the world, and we maybe a
little bit through her and the kind of people I
surround myself with a pillar of strength, my original hype girl.
Yeah wow, I should change your phone your phone contact
to that original hype girl. I'm going to do that
(58:09):
right now. Dude. I love you, I love you, Thanks
for going, Thanks for inviting. Bye till next time see you.
This is a Moonflower production in partnership with I Hearts
Mike was Dudup podcast Network. For more podcasts, visit the
I Heart Radio app or wherever you listen to your
(58:31):
favorite shows.
Hosts And Creators
Gemeny Hernandez
Emily Estefan
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