February 14, 2025 • 47 mins
Next in our Love Stories series, Meet Dr. Jeff Gardere and his wife Dr. Amber Brody. Fans of this podcast will recognize Dr. Gardere as a friend and someone who has counseled Amy and T.J. in the past, but you probably don’t know his wife, or their story. This is an unlikely union. He’s black, she’s white. He’s Christian, she’s Jewish…. and there’s a 27-year age gap between them. They share two children together, along with Jeff’s children from a previous marriage, and even though they’re technically newlyweds, they share more than a decade of history. Hear from an actual relationship expert how he makes his relationship work.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey there, folks. In this episode, our Love Stories series
continues and up next doctor Jeff Gardier, doctor Amber Brody.
He's black, she's white, she's Jewish, he's not. They're twenty
seven years at bard in age and they are newlyweds.
Welcome everybody to this special Cuffing season edition of Amy
(00:25):
and Tjay and wrote to anybody who's familiar with our
podcast over the past year knows doctor Guardier and knows
that we adored as dude.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
We do, and we have leaned on him for more
than a decade now, but especially in the last couple
of years. He is known as America's psychologist. He talks
us through the tough times in this world, but also
talks about relationships. He is a relationship expert. In fact,
it's funny because any of you who might have a
(00:55):
therapist or someone who you lean on for advice, you
almost sometimes feel like you can't ask them about their
life or about what their relationship is like. So I
actually really didn't know that much about doctor Gardier's personal life,
and we've known his due twenty years.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
I mean, just going back to our days and cable news,
you've been interviewing this guy for a long long time.
Was not that familiar with his personal life. No, he
used to talk about it, his wife and this and that.
We hear this all the time who he's with, but
we never put it all together.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
We knew he was divorced, and we knew he was
with someone else, but other than that, we never really
pride or leaned in on that because we just didn't
feel We felt like there was a boundary, okay, healthy boundary.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
We got to lean in recently because we went to
his wedding.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Yes, we got the invitation. We thought, well, this is
an invitation to more than just a wedding. We can
start asking questions.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
So we did, and you know what we found out.
We found out that there is nearly a three decade
age difference between doctor Gardier and his wife, and they
love talking about it. It seems they love giving each
other hell about it. They love even at the wedding,
(02:08):
it was a part of the vows, even the ceremony.
They cracked little jokes about it.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
So I didn't know what to expect going to the
wedding or even meeting his better half.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
I think he would say that for sure, they're both doctors.
Doctor Jeff Gardier, doctor Amber Brodie. She's a physician.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Of course we mentioned he's America psychologist, but yeah, she's
twenty seven years younger than him. And this wedding was
incredible what it brought together and their level of comfort. Look,
these two have been together for more than a decade,
they have two children together, and they just recently, as
(02:46):
we pointed out, decided to actually make it official and
get married. So we wanted to ask them all the
questions that one would have about anyone, but specifically their situation.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Yeah, so we ask them, as we've been doing in
our series, the exact same list of questions that we've
asked all of our couples, and their answers were fascinating,
same questions, how often do you fight, you go to
bed angry? Who handles the household chores? But the questions
got interesting when it turned to age, when it turned
to certain things that it turned to family accepting a relationship,
(03:24):
things got a little interesting.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
They certainly did, and I have to say surprising I
And you know, I always think it's interesting when you're
asking a doctor who counsels other people on their relationships
about his own relationship, and no matter what he says, Oh,
you've got Wifey right there to tell him that's not
exactly what happened. We saw that happen quite a bit.
(03:47):
It was amazing. I mean think about it. If you've
ever been in any therapy, can you imagine turning the
tables on your therapist. That's exactly what we got to
do in this episode.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Yeah, and you know what, the folks, we can tell
you this is is one of our favorites and one
of the most enjoyable, and I think you're going to
find it to be as well. In this entire series
we've been doing. Again, reminded we drop a new one
every day of the week leading up to Valentine's Day
and today, enjoy it because we got a treat for you.
Doctor Jeff Guardier and doctor Amber Brody. Take a listen
(04:19):
to our conversation.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
And we have the doctors with us right now, Doctor
Jeff Guardier and his beautiful bride, doctor Amber Brody.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
Thank you for being with us, guys.
Speaker 4 (04:32):
Thank you, thanks for having us. Great to be on
with both of you.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
Yeah, and well we should apologize to Amber. We've had
doctor Guardia on several times. We didn't extend an invitation
to the amber until now that's our bad. That's our bad.
Speaker 3 (04:46):
Isn't it fun though?
Speaker 2 (04:47):
To be able to turn the tables and ask the
therapist questions about his relationship. I've really been looking forward
to this one. Guys.
Speaker 5 (04:57):
That's why my hands are shaving.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Well, we'll dig right in. So the first question is
the one that we ask everyone to start off with.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
And I love this both of you.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
If you would give us three words to describe your
relationship right now, Jeff will start with.
Speaker 5 (05:13):
You, Friendship, loving, passion.
Speaker 6 (05:22):
Those are good ones. Can I say?
Speaker 5 (05:28):
You could say anything you want?
Speaker 7 (05:30):
You can even gold, fabulous, envious, a nice and.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
Kind and kind. Now I have to say this first
time we've heard envious of them? Now, why did you
pick that one? I'm curious envious? Where did they come?
Speaker 6 (05:50):
Envy of everyone?
Speaker 1 (05:57):
That's awesome?
Speaker 5 (05:59):
Envious?
Speaker 8 (06:01):
I don't know when I feel that. When we're with
other couples, I feel that we're very lucky.
Speaker 5 (06:05):
That yeah, but they're not'm envious.
Speaker 4 (06:07):
They may be questioning, like, what the hell is he
dealing with her?
Speaker 5 (06:13):
Vice versa?
Speaker 1 (06:14):
Those these are her words, these are her words. Let'm
have a word.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
She's pinching his cheek right now. It's great.
Speaker 8 (06:21):
I'm old to stop saying old, by the way, relative really,
and most of the people I spend my days with
are you know, between eighty and one hundred. So every
time I come home Monday through Friday, there's this young,
dapper gentleman.
Speaker 5 (06:36):
And I'm only ten years younger than that.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
That is awesome. Okay, we're going to get into it
because that questions on here as well. But the next question,
I'll start with you on this one, Amber. Was there
immediate chemistry when you two first met?
Speaker 6 (06:51):
Now, well, and I think that's a good thing.
Speaker 8 (06:54):
I think that you know, when flames burned too hot,
they tend to burn out.
Speaker 5 (06:59):
As at the beginning. Yeah, so at the beginning, the.
Speaker 8 (07:03):
Fact that we had a nice concrete base and foundation
of a friendship to work with.
Speaker 6 (07:09):
When suddenly there was a flame, it was it was.
Speaker 5 (07:12):
And it wasn't my flame.
Speaker 4 (07:13):
It was her flame, right, it was her flame, not
my flame.
Speaker 6 (07:17):
It was easy.
Speaker 4 (07:18):
There was there was no attraction, there was nothing going on.
We were nothing but colleagues, and then from colleagues we
became friends.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
Wow, that sounds really familiar. We were also on the
slop story.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Yes, so who ultimately ended up saying I love you first?
Speaker 6 (07:41):
That was me, yes, and it must have been that.
I don't know. I've heard the term and I've mentioned
it to our rabbi as well.
Speaker 8 (07:52):
Godsmack where you're just going about your business and all
of a sudden you're.
Speaker 6 (07:56):
Just like, oh God, I love him?
Speaker 5 (07:59):
What do I do?
Speaker 6 (08:00):
Like that really actually happened?
Speaker 1 (08:02):
Oh wow, I.
Speaker 3 (08:04):
Am so relating with you. I felt the same way.
You're like, wait a minute, when did this happen? How
did this happen? But it's definitely happening.
Speaker 5 (08:13):
Didn't I do.
Speaker 4 (08:13):
That therapy session with you guys on your podcast?
Speaker 5 (08:17):
Right?
Speaker 1 (08:17):
We don't want to call it a therapy session. We
had you as a guest.
Speaker 3 (08:20):
Okay, it turned into a therapy We talked.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
Some things out, all right. Next question here, how long
did you date before you got engaged? How long were
you engaged before you got married?
Speaker 5 (08:32):
Okay?
Speaker 4 (08:34):
We dated for a very short period of time, right,
and we were friends first for how many colleagues and
friends for about what three years?
Speaker 6 (08:44):
He says for years, but I think it was six months.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
Now, that's a big discrepancy, guys.
Speaker 8 (08:49):
What Well, if you look at our daughter who was
born at a particular time.
Speaker 5 (08:53):
When did we start working at the medical school.
Speaker 8 (08:55):
It's great ither I came there in twenty thirteen. Yeah,
we were like we saw each other like for a
half of a semester in the spring.
Speaker 5 (09:05):
Semester, so we knew each other.
Speaker 6 (09:07):
We all like of each other. And then someone made us.
Speaker 4 (09:09):
Work on it for a couple of years and then
we started teaching together.
Speaker 8 (09:14):
I started working there July of twenty thirteen. I moved
from my hometown of Philly, Go Eagles to New York.
And our daughter was born March of fifteen. Okay, so
there's no couple of years there, all.
Speaker 4 (09:30):
Right, So this is confusing. So what happened was we
worked together at the medical school.
Speaker 5 (09:36):
We knew of one another for maybe two three years
you were.
Speaker 6 (09:42):
There, No, three years later Noble was born.
Speaker 5 (09:45):
Okay, so you were there for some period of time.
Speaker 6 (09:47):
Not long. I started there in twenty thirteen.
Speaker 8 (09:49):
So anyway, we had to work on a lecture and
then I fell in love with him, and then.
Speaker 5 (09:55):
We was it was bringing me lunch.
Speaker 4 (09:57):
It was bringing me lunch, and all the secretary usual
laughing because they were like, you don't know what's going on.
Speaker 5 (10:03):
And I was like I have no idea of what's
going on. Okay, this is.
Speaker 4 (10:07):
A colleague, you know, I'm not getting involved with the colleague.
And I was actually helping Jay dates Jewish days.
Speaker 5 (10:17):
I was her going on dates and we.
Speaker 8 (10:20):
Work on our lectures together and our powerpoints and be like,
let's go get a beer, okay.
Speaker 6 (10:26):
And then I was showing him how to use Tinder
the apps wipe lefts wipe right, and he goes to me,
I can't put.
Speaker 8 (10:33):
My face on there, and I'm going, what's wrong with
your face? I didn't know who he was.
Speaker 6 (10:48):
He was just you know, a.
Speaker 5 (10:49):
Lot of people don't know who I am.
Speaker 4 (10:53):
So anyway, long stories, because we know we're eating up
valuable time.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
This is great stuff.
Speaker 4 (10:59):
I love it. She invited me after I went through
you know, Jay dates with her, you know, helping her
pick her.
Speaker 5 (11:07):
Dates, and saw me, your date, How was your date
last night? How was it?
Speaker 4 (11:12):
And then so one day she said, meet me at
this restaurant in Harlem because we used to have Martini's
and clams dare oysters, you know, just as colleagues to discuss,
you know, the lectures. And then she said, I think
we should be together forever. That was the pitch. That
was the proposal. I said, absolutely.
Speaker 5 (11:33):
Not, you're too young. I'm not gonna do it. Instead,
I'll give you more children.
Speaker 4 (11:40):
And then she said I'll change your diapers because I'm
a jenius when the time comes.
Speaker 5 (11:44):
And I said, okay, only.
Speaker 6 (11:45):
The first that was true.
Speaker 3 (11:51):
What what did he say, Amberwyn? You said that to him?
Speaker 8 (11:55):
He was pretty silent, but put his hand on my
leg and said okay.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
And that was that wow, And I.
Speaker 4 (12:03):
Said, okay, what am I doing for the next twenty years?
Speaker 5 (12:07):
All right? Fine?
Speaker 4 (12:08):
Just like that, I stepped out on faith Amy and TJ.
I was like, okay, we're friends, we know one another.
She seems to be a very nice person, you know,
why not? And it worked out really well because I
had four children. She immediately fell into the group.
Speaker 5 (12:29):
You know.
Speaker 4 (12:30):
They got along except for one child who was like but.
Speaker 6 (12:35):
She screamed for like an hour.
Speaker 4 (12:36):
Well because she's closer to your age, right, and so
after that was settled. But she's been an incredible mother
along with their mother, who is an incredible mother and team.
And then we had two more and that's how we're together.
And we've been together now. We lived in sin for
ten years and then we finally officially got married. Where
(12:58):
you guys, we we could tell folks you were there, yes,
at our wedding. It was the first Jewish wedding in
the Malcolm x Betty Shabbaz Center in the Muslim Center,
so we're proud of that.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
It was the most well, it was beautiful and it
was incredible, but it was definitely because of what you
just mentioned, one of the most unique weddings I've ever
been to in my life. To see all the different
and how cool is that all the different religions and
backgrounds and ages all coming together to celebrate your love.
Speaker 4 (13:26):
It was absolutely race, religion, political affiliations. Nice mix there, Yeah,
it was a very nice, nice mix. But we had
we had Democrats Republicans.
Speaker 3 (13:40):
Oh man, you were the tie that binded them all.
Speaker 5 (13:43):
Together, Republicans. That's why we didn't talk about politics.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
All Right, we've alluded. We've alluded to it quite a bit.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
But go ahead and tell us what is your age
difference and has that had an impact on your relationship?
Speaker 8 (13:57):
We are twenty seven years in a separation. We always
laugh that he got his PhD the year I was born,
If that puts any perspective on it. That's quite impressive.
Like you were a doctor. I was in diapers.
Speaker 4 (14:16):
You know, I think the important thing here, you know,
and I point this out to a lot of folks.
You know, this was not a vanity project. It's not
about looking for someone, you know, as an older person,
younger than myself. It just, you know, everything just fell
in place in that way. I would have preferred to
(14:36):
be with someone of my own age, but you know,
she's very mature, so it worked out.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
And we should say you all fully embrace and have
fun with and even you Amber at the wedding where
you also were making jokes up there at the altar
were as you were getting married, so you.
Speaker 6 (14:52):
All not laugh and you'd be crying, right, honey, that's
what he says.
Speaker 4 (14:55):
Well, yeah, I mean we you know, we talk about,
you know, our first date. It was the three of
us and it were like, what do you mean the
three of us? It was me, you and my walker.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
You're holding yourself, doctor GUARDI are you're a good looking
I am you're not good looking for your age. You're
good looking, okay.
Speaker 4 (15:15):
Person, I've said her, if you're going to put me
in a nursing home later on, because you're a geriatrician.
I'm getting a girlfriend in that nursing home, I said,
because I'm walking in there. And if you walk into
a nursing home at a certain age, you know what
they say.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
Hey, sexy, I thought you're going to say you ain't
walking out, so I will say.
Speaker 6 (15:37):
You did ask. The second part of that question was
on the relationship.
Speaker 8 (15:42):
The I only kind of just notice the difference, like
he'll talk about something that happened in the past, and
I will have zero recollection because it happened before I
was born.
Speaker 4 (15:52):
So I'm as far as music and culture and so on. Yeah,
she had no idea who Topo GJ was. For example,
remember that Sullivan to GJ.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
Okay, you got me even at Sullivan.
Speaker 5 (16:11):
Well, I'm much older than you guys.
Speaker 6 (16:14):
Do you guys have an age gap as well?
Speaker 2 (16:16):
Right, yes, I'm four and a half years older than TEJ.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Four and a half? What is she twelve? Who uses age?
Speaker 5 (16:25):
That's not an age gap?
Speaker 1 (16:26):
But Amber too, You got me be because I used
this line all the time I was in junior high
school when she was in college.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
You know what the see But no, but he's saying
ninth grade and I was a freshman in college. Ninth
grade was high school where I went to school. So
he likes to be dramatic and say it was junior high.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
Again, a factual statement. I was in junior high school
when she was in college, and we'll leave it to there.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
And then I just say, lucky you, lovey.
Speaker 5 (16:52):
You, TJ, lucky you. That's right.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
So why did you guys want to get married? You
had been together for ten years. Why was it important
to be married? And what do you think your relationship
would be like if you just chose to stay together
but be unmarried, Like why was the ring important?
Speaker 5 (17:13):
I don't even know that was your decision to get married.
Speaker 8 (17:18):
I figure if there was a zombie apocalypse tomorrow and
I never got.
Speaker 6 (17:23):
To be a bride, that would be a damn shape.
Speaker 8 (17:26):
I've spent my whole life, you know, I think honestly,
if you recall that movie twenty seven Dresses, that was me,
you know, going through college, then med school, then residency
and fellowship.
Speaker 6 (17:41):
I did not graduate from my.
Speaker 8 (17:42):
Training till thirty one, so there was no serious relationships
and I was the perpetual bridesmaid.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
That makes sense.
Speaker 6 (17:50):
I also do recall that.
Speaker 8 (17:51):
Sex in the City line that Miranda gave when she
was about to marry Steve, and she said, I think
it's important to stand there in front of the people
you love and say those words.
Speaker 4 (18:03):
And that she's not giving you guys any advice, by.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
The way, you know, I like that though.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
It's very good. That's one of the better arguments I've heard.
Speaker 8 (18:13):
Stuck with Nate, because at first Miranda did not She
was like, that's ridiculous. And then she was like, you
know what, it is important to stand in front of
those you love and say those words out loud to
the one you love.
Speaker 6 (18:23):
And so I wanted to do.
Speaker 5 (18:26):
That, Okay, And we did it. We did it, We
did it. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (18:30):
And then she had the nerve to renovate our apartment
in the same year as that wedding. And I looked
at my bank account and I was like, what happened
to the money?
Speaker 5 (18:40):
She said, besting in our future.
Speaker 7 (18:42):
I'm like, Okay, the money's still there, all right, all right,
all right, okay.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
Next next question for you to did your relationship have
the full support of your friends and family?
Speaker 5 (18:56):
Oh? You had to go there, right, It's on the list.
How to go there? Well, do you want to share?
I think we can share what we found out.
Speaker 6 (19:07):
On the We found out on the honeymoon.
Speaker 4 (19:09):
What I mean we found out. Oh no, you didn't
know either about your brother. No, that story, Yeah, you
want to tell that story?
Speaker 5 (19:18):
Should we tell that story?
Speaker 1 (19:20):
Please?
Speaker 5 (19:21):
All right?
Speaker 4 (19:21):
This was a big family secret that they finally revealed.
Speaker 5 (19:25):
Go ahead, tell the story.
Speaker 8 (19:26):
From what I got gathered, the family told me that
they had like had a meeting to get together and
how are we going to set.
Speaker 4 (19:37):
So they had an intervention, all right, they had an
intervention on zoom or telephone, yes, where they said Amber
has lost her mind. She's gotten together with the senior citizen,
and you know, we've got to stop this from happening.
(19:57):
What is happening with her?
Speaker 5 (19:59):
You know?
Speaker 4 (20:00):
And so they tried to figure out whether she was
mentally stable or not.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
No, that's that's serious.
Speaker 4 (20:08):
Keep in mind, and that bet we all get along.
I love her brother, her brother loves me.
Speaker 5 (20:13):
Where we're doing, Okay?
Speaker 6 (20:15):
Ten years ago this happened a long, long, long time.
Speaker 4 (20:18):
And now things have changed a lot, and her family
has been on both sides, her mother's side of the family,
her father's side of the family. They're very embracing, very
wonderful you know, very.
Speaker 6 (20:31):
Happy and all is well.
Speaker 8 (20:34):
Had that being said, they did admit to us that
that had occurred, and I did.
Speaker 3 (20:38):
Not know that.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (20:39):
I mean the cool thing is they've come around and
look at you now, and that's awesome.
Speaker 3 (20:42):
Exactly exactly.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
How would you this was the next question, but this
will be slightly amended for y'all because you're newlyweds. But
how would you describe your first year of marriage? I
would ask, how is your relationship now that you're married?
Speaker 3 (20:55):
Has it changed?
Speaker 8 (21:00):
Gonna say no, because I always felt married to you.
Speaker 4 (21:05):
Yeah, I would agree, But I think it's the years
have gone by Amy and TJ that I think we
get more and more romantic and more into the first
couple of years were more about friendship, being best friends
and changing diapers yeah, and supporting one another two Yeah.
(21:29):
But now we have really taken the time to be
We've always been kind to one another, but even kinder
and more romantic. We make it. We make it a job.
And what I mean by that is, well, but it's
you know, if you talk the talk, you walk the walk.
When I work with with couples, I say, you know,
(21:51):
it's really important that you do the necessary things check
off the boxes every day. A hug, a touch on
the shoulder, a kiss, saying I love you, even if
you're not feeling it, you should do it. So we
make it a job. We and but it's it's it's
it's great work. If you can get it right.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
You follow your own advice. That's good to hear.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
Yes, I do, he does, all right.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
I disclosure on this next question because we've asked everyone
this and you can answer it however you'd like. But
how would you describe your sex life?
Speaker 6 (22:30):
Wonderful?
Speaker 4 (22:33):
I think it's one you know, the word I would
use is very intimate. It's very intimate in that it's
something just for us. It's something where it's not just
a physical, you know, interaction, but an emotional and spiritual interaction.
Speaker 5 (22:59):
Wouldn't you say it's something that is so.
Speaker 4 (23:03):
It just it's it's gorgeous everything yet expresses love on
many different levels.
Speaker 6 (23:10):
Good, great, wonderful.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
Next question here. I know you'll kind of hit on
this already because you talk about just a simple touch
on the shoulder, a hug or kiss. But how important
is physical touch in your relationship? And kind of specifically
do you hold hands when you're just randomly walking down
the street.
Speaker 5 (23:28):
Yeah. Yeah, we even hold hands in the house.
Speaker 8 (23:34):
If we get a minute to sit down next to
each other and the kids are not driving, it's crazy.
Speaker 6 (23:38):
And if we're sitting down next to each other, we
are holding hands.
Speaker 4 (23:41):
Yeah, but we do have to tell them about your
aversion to sentimental Sundays.
Speaker 8 (23:47):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (23:47):
So on Sunday, when we're having dinner and a glass
of red wine, I'll tell her, you know, isn't it
wonderful that the most improbable relationship the couple people never
thought could happen? You know, how is it that we're together?
Isn't it strange but wonderful? She'll say, Oh, it's sentimental Sundays,
(24:10):
isn't it.
Speaker 5 (24:14):
She said.
Speaker 8 (24:15):
I always tell him he's more of a communicator than I,
which is a good thing. He thinks something and it
comes out, or he feels an emotion and it comes
out and he shows it, whereas I'm just like, oh,
I'm so lucky and great and I love Jeff so much.
But I'll just be like saying it while scrambling eggs,
like I don't say.
Speaker 4 (24:32):
It, but she says, but she says it while scrambling eggs.
Because we don't know how much longer we'll have with
eggs meaning to it.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
Oh my goodness.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
On the flip side, how often do you all fight
or have an argument?
Speaker 5 (24:54):
Rarely?
Speaker 6 (24:55):
If I were to quantify it, I'd say twice the year.
Speaker 3 (25:00):
Of Wow, was it always like that?
Speaker 5 (25:04):
Pretty much?
Speaker 4 (25:05):
And when we do, when we do argue or have
a disagreement, I think we solve it within what thirty minutes?
Speaker 5 (25:14):
Fifty? Not even that's amazing.
Speaker 1 (25:17):
What do you fight?
Speaker 5 (25:18):
I think? But I think that I think the reason
is amy. It's the difference in the ages. I think
that makes a difference. You know.
Speaker 4 (25:27):
I often said to her, if you married someone in
your own age, you might be divorced by now.
Speaker 5 (25:35):
I have the patience of ah.
Speaker 1 (25:39):
Ah, it is all coming together.
Speaker 3 (25:42):
Now do you what what? When you do fight? What
do you fight about?
Speaker 5 (25:46):
Most? Oh? I have an answer, but go ahead. What
do you think? What do you fight about? Most? I
don't have an answer, Okay, I have an answer. Time.
Speaker 6 (26:00):
Oh, I'm always running.
Speaker 4 (26:01):
Late, like this morning, Like when we went on that cruise,
I said, listen, the boat leaves, the ship leaves at
one or two o'clock. Let's get there by eleven. We
got there five minutes to two. Don't get me started.
Speaker 6 (26:22):
No, that's not true. We made it there.
Speaker 5 (26:24):
Way all right. We got there by one o'clock.
Speaker 6 (26:26):
I made you know.
Speaker 4 (26:28):
I don't take those kinds of chances he's operating on.
Speaker 5 (26:33):
Is there something resonating here with you?
Speaker 1 (26:35):
Yes, we do that. But but dogs the guard deer
we have we had this issue. But I give her credit.
She is now completely on her own. She will start
because you know what, it's it's bitten there in the
butt a couple of times to where she ends up
panicked or stressed because maybe there's the first uber canceled,
or maybe there was a flat tire, maybe there was
traffic you didn't anticipate. So she is seen where the
(26:58):
value is in making sure you're always always early.
Speaker 5 (27:03):
But isn't But isn't that the cosmic joke though? TJ.
People who look like you and I are.
Speaker 4 (27:10):
Always labeled as folks not being on times. Look who
we're with, and they're the ones who are always late.
Speaker 3 (27:18):
Yes, that's true.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
They own white people times right.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
They ain't even privileged people time exactly right.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
I'll own that you could afford to be late. I
kind of show up early.
Speaker 3 (27:33):
You know, so I also I see the value in it.
Speaker 5 (27:35):
Right amber, if you call me a DEI higher.
Speaker 3 (27:41):
All right, have you all? Do you all go to
bed angry?
Speaker 5 (27:47):
Never?
Speaker 7 (27:48):
No?
Speaker 5 (27:48):
Never?
Speaker 8 (27:50):
Wow?
Speaker 5 (27:50):
Never?
Speaker 6 (27:52):
It's important I think to separate.
Speaker 8 (27:55):
And I know you've heard of or read about like
certain energies. So and emotions are very powerful and strong things.
They make people do things that they otherwise wouldn't. So
if you are in the same room with someone and
you're arguing and you feel that energy, I think it's
important to separate until And that's one thing my mom
used to teach me, go into a different room and
(28:15):
take ten deep breaths.
Speaker 5 (28:17):
And I disagree with that. Why I disagree with that.
Speaker 4 (28:23):
I think it's really important to talk about it afterwards.
Then okay to talk about it, and then so for yeah,
so to talk about it before you go to bed,
or even say, let's agree to disagree, but out being
you know, together is important. But for some folks that
I know, I'm not mentioning any names. Sometimes I'm not
(28:44):
mentioning any names. Sometimes just having a couple of hours
apart works for them.
Speaker 5 (28:54):
She doesn't know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
We were trying to remember you told you gave us
a recommendation about going to bed angry, and we're getting
different reports from different couples about what they decide to do.
Some say, yeah, go to bed angry. It's okay, but
we could still kiss each other good night, but I'm
pissed at you. And then others say, no, there's too
much tension. We have to resolve this before we go
to bed, right.
Speaker 6 (29:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (29:17):
Yeah, so it's not one size fits all. Yeah, but
I will tell you one thing. If I have had
on sentimental Sundays as of red wine, I have the filter.
I have the sensor up here that says, do not
bring up any conflict. Is that red wine makes for
(29:38):
a loose tongue. And then you say something and then
you're like, why did I say that?
Speaker 1 (29:44):
Red wine? Yes, everything.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
I think we've gotten better at the going to bed
angry thing. I feel like even if we haven't resolved it,
and certainly we have gone to bed several times without
having resolved it, but I still feel like like I
can hold your hand in bed, or I can you
know we can?
Speaker 3 (30:01):
Yes, And it's.
Speaker 5 (30:02):
Play a little foot seat or what, yeah, a.
Speaker 3 (30:03):
Little something, just like hey, I'm still here. I'm not leaving, you.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
Know, Yeah, and Jeff, we have to get over it
quick because we got to work together in the morning,
all right.
Speaker 4 (30:16):
And you know, But and couples, it's healthy to have conflicts.
Speaker 5 (30:21):
It's healthy, all right.
Speaker 1 (30:23):
Next question here, and this is a practical one. A
lot of couples deal with how do you handle your finances?
Shared accounts, separate accounts? What do you all go with?
Speaker 8 (30:33):
We have both personal and shared, Yeah, and multiples of
there's full there's there's full transparency. Yeah, he doesn't log
into mind because there's really nothing there.
Speaker 6 (30:47):
That's okay.
Speaker 8 (30:48):
Everything's in the joint so we can both get in
there and yeah, we.
Speaker 4 (30:51):
We have no issues with that. And as well, same
thing with our cell phones. We share each other's pass pods,
but we don't go into each other's. And again, full
transparency in everything.
Speaker 1 (31:03):
Do you all do the life life three sixty? Thing
where you all or something where you know where the
other one is all the time? You can track.
Speaker 8 (31:09):
Them fause she knows where I am at all times.
Speaker 5 (31:13):
I have no idea of where she does use the
app and I don't. It's amazing there.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
And how do you all divide the household chores like cooking, cleaning,
to children, pets, et cetera.
Speaker 4 (31:30):
I take care of all the pets. We have two.
We have two dogs, so that's my job, right.
Speaker 6 (31:36):
But he doesn't brush their teeth.
Speaker 4 (31:37):
I don't brush their teeth. She does that, and she
gives them medication. I take care of the outside. I
do all the heavy labor. I move the cars, takes
out the trash, take out the trash. I do the
dishes during the day, you know. But she does all
the vacuuming and laundry right. And cooking, even though I
(31:58):
love to, even though I.
Speaker 6 (31:59):
Loved She's a much better cook than I have.
Speaker 5 (32:01):
Yeah, yeah, I use I use spices.
Speaker 4 (32:04):
When we first got together, I think I lost about
thirty pounds with her cooking.
Speaker 8 (32:09):
She would cooking. I was like a bra vegan. She
would buy my sho She would.
Speaker 4 (32:15):
Make salads with like with with with you know, unneeded
ingredients like like raisins and lots of the ballads.
Speaker 3 (32:26):
Do you like to make cast roles? I like to
make cast roles.
Speaker 8 (32:30):
Oh, cast roles are good. I need bigger casserole dishes.
I like them when they're nice and cheesy.
Speaker 3 (32:34):
Yes, same, TJ does not, And.
Speaker 8 (32:36):
You can prep them on Sunday and throw them in
on likeay.
Speaker 4 (32:44):
So that's how that's how we divvy up stuff, and
we divvy up everything, and we take the initiative to
just do whatever we can.
Speaker 5 (32:51):
So you're amazing.
Speaker 4 (32:52):
She she will go into the house and just clean
out a whole basement. That's her, that's her thing, and
it will make it amazing. Hyper focused, hyper focus.
Speaker 1 (33:03):
Let me confirm again, how is the laundry specifically handled?
Because couples give us different answers here, who handles the laundry?
Speaker 6 (33:10):
I do it all. Yeah.
Speaker 8 (33:14):
One time I asked Jeff quickly, honey, can you go
to the dryer, grab Nova's socks, throw them downstairs and
turn it back on.
Speaker 6 (33:23):
And I think.
Speaker 8 (33:25):
He paused, didn't know where the dryer was and nor
where the power button was.
Speaker 5 (33:31):
That's true.
Speaker 4 (33:33):
Wow, And I was like, I'm focused on there, I'm
focused on others.
Speaker 8 (33:40):
There.
Speaker 6 (33:40):
I haven't asked them to go in there.
Speaker 3 (33:42):
And that's funny.
Speaker 7 (33:43):
All.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
Next question here, now, how much alone time or time
away from each other do you find you need.
Speaker 6 (33:54):
Alone time? As you know, with young children, you don't
get any alone time.
Speaker 8 (34:00):
However, I feel like, well, I'm alone when I'm at
work because I'm not with my children and my family
and with my patients. But that feels alone to me
sort of, if that makes sense, because I'm not.
Speaker 4 (34:12):
Yeah, but alone time I would assume from one another.
Speaker 6 (34:16):
From one another.
Speaker 4 (34:17):
Yeah, I'll answer that question if I may take. Okay,
I don't need any alone time. I love being with them.
I love being with all six of my children. You know,
that's my thing. I just absolutely love it. However, we
do get alone time when I travel, when I work
(34:37):
in the city.
Speaker 5 (34:38):
You know, we are separated.
Speaker 4 (34:41):
In that way, but then we're on the phone zooming
that whole time. But it does feel good. I have
to be honest with you, to be away from you
for a day or two because more than enough, because
I miss you, and then when I see you, it's great.
Speaker 8 (34:55):
I miss the kids, and I honestly have trouble sleeping
when he's not next to me.
Speaker 6 (35:00):
I'll put a pillow there and pretend it's him so
I can fall asleep.
Speaker 3 (35:03):
That's really sweet.
Speaker 5 (35:04):
Used to it, you think to yourself, except except the
pillow doesn't drew.
Speaker 2 (35:10):
All right, I'm going to ask the therapist. Have the
two of you ever been to couple's therapy?
Speaker 5 (35:25):
Did we do couples therapy once? Oh that was my
ex wife. No, it was my ex wife. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (35:35):
No, we've never been to couple's therapy, though we've talked
about it a few times.
Speaker 8 (35:40):
My cousin, God bless her, brought it up and she said,
but you should do it while things are good, and
be proactive and do it prophylactically. And I said to
my cousin, you are absolutely right. It's better to have
the foundation there in a relationship with the therapist.
Speaker 6 (35:55):
That you like before it's needed. And I do believe
in that.
Speaker 5 (36:02):
How do you guys feel about that?
Speaker 7 (36:04):
We?
Speaker 1 (36:04):
I think we're the same as what Amberger said. We
wanted to go. We've been wanting to go find a
therapist while we're in a good place and just go
talk out and have a good time and get a
referee in the room. And but Jeff, you you have
been that for us. I mean, really, that's we talked
some things out with you for everybody to hear. We
didn't mean for that to be the case, but that was.
We enjoyed that.
Speaker 5 (36:25):
Uh yeah, I think it's a very healthy thing. I'm sorry, Amy,
Oh no, I think so too.
Speaker 2 (36:29):
And this has been my longest relationship outside of a marriage,
and I think it's cool to work on it before
you take that next step, which is something I hadn't
done before.
Speaker 3 (36:38):
So yeah, it's it's been good.
Speaker 1 (36:40):
We're fans. Next question for you all here. Have you
ever threatened to break up, leave, or get divorced in
the middle of a heated argument?
Speaker 5 (36:53):
Have you? No? No?
Speaker 8 (36:55):
Well, and neither of I right, you use the words
I'm done, but you has picked it up. Our son
were like, I've done, I've done, and I'm like, I
don't really know what that means.
Speaker 9 (37:07):
Like I think in the early I think, I think
in the earlier years, maybe in the first two or
three years, I might have said something like that, you know,
but out of frustration I didn't mean it.
Speaker 4 (37:20):
But the advice I give folks, and we've already talked
about that, is to not throw that divorce word around
because many times it's an empty threat that can turn
into something that can be very lethal and hurtful.
Speaker 5 (37:32):
So I don't think I've said anything like that.
Speaker 3 (37:34):
Is done.
Speaker 6 (37:36):
It upsets me.
Speaker 5 (37:36):
Well, she has.
Speaker 4 (37:37):
She has abandonment issues. Quite honestly, we're being true about that.
Her parents divorced very young.
Speaker 6 (37:46):
Did much of the raise.
Speaker 5 (37:47):
Her father raised all the children. That's why when she.
Speaker 4 (37:51):
Met me and found out that I was raising four children,
you know, as a father, she said, hey.
Speaker 5 (37:59):
Sexy, oh that's great. Be it ever so terrible? There's
no place like home?
Speaker 1 (38:08):
Do do you have? Does Amber have an equivalent? Right?
I mean you said he'll say I'm done. But does
Amber say anything? Doctor Gard in the middle of a
heated argument that anything like that, she's got nothing. Well,
good for you, no, no, ye should talk groups.
Speaker 3 (38:30):
So what is the sweetest thing your partner has done
for you?
Speaker 6 (38:36):
He always brings me flowers, yes, and not just like
one bouquet, two or three.
Speaker 8 (38:42):
Yes, And I'm like, okay, that's enough, that's enough, that's enough.
Speaker 6 (38:45):
And then they just keep showing up, especially in the summer.
Speaker 4 (38:48):
In the summer, every Saturday or Sunday, I bring her
red roses and then he.
Speaker 8 (38:55):
Gives them to our sun to then get on one
knee and hand to me like he'll follow the directions.
Speaker 6 (39:01):
And that's it's just so stinking cute. And I'm like,
thank you.
Speaker 5 (39:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (39:07):
And the most romantic thing that you've done for me
is been an incredible mother along with their mother as
far as raising my first four children and then giving
me two more children. I think that's the most romantic thing,
that's the most.
Speaker 1 (39:27):
That is so do these guys, that is really guys.
I'm We'll say it. We'll talk about it plenty here
with all the interviews we're doing, but we have gotten
so much out of these interviews we're doing with couples.
Really for us who still fairly new and navigating a
lot of things, there's a lot of hope that comes
out of the conversation with you. All. This is we've
(39:48):
known you a long time doctor guard dear, but Amber,
you've I guess you've added to the package here in
a way we didn't. We didn't even realize it could
be improved this much.
Speaker 5 (39:57):
But it's uh my secret weapon. A lot of people
don't know about her.
Speaker 4 (40:03):
But you know, when you invited us, I think this
is the first one of the first interviews we've done together.
I think there are a few magazine articles way back
when that we did for some friends. But you know,
when you requested, of course, we said.
Speaker 1 (40:19):
Yeah, well, we do appreciate that. We just have a
few more questions to get to here, and here is one.
What would you all say to couples, a couple that's
considering marriage, what is it that you would take the
opportunity to tell them to make sure you consider this,
you think about this, or even maybe you something you
want to warn them about. A couple considering going down
(40:40):
the aisle, what is it you would want to tell
them first?
Speaker 8 (40:45):
I would say, take note that it doesn't change much
in your relationship. It's not a magic on off button.
There's nothing digital about marriage. It's it's all analog. It's
it's this, it's from point A to point B, and
it's it's a constant journey. And so the actual marriage
(41:08):
doesn't change your relationship if you ask me in your head,
if it does, that's great. However, it takes two to
tango and it's a journey and nothing. Really the change
is constant, right, that's the only constant. Growth is optional,
So the growth part is important.
Speaker 5 (41:28):
I would say the first thing is prenup be don't
believe it or not. We don't have a pre nup.
Speaker 4 (41:39):
So I'm just joking on that, but the lawyers would
probably say, no, that's really good advice. I would say friendship.
Have a friendship first. Let that be the foundation. Of
the relationship, even if it's you know, a very physical attraction.
(42:00):
But make sure that the friendship is in place and
stays in place throughout the marriage. And of course transparency
and you know, whatever you expect from your partner, make
sure that you are ready to deliver the same thing.
Speaker 2 (42:17):
Yeah, people thinking about what they're getting, not what they
need to be giving.
Speaker 3 (42:21):
That's very important. I like that.
Speaker 2 (42:23):
So everyone describes the honeymoon phase of a relationship, and
then you hear these very non romantic things like and
then love is a decision, But how do you keep
the romance alive after so many years?
Speaker 8 (42:39):
I feel like I just met my soulmate, and I
cannot believe that it's already been more than a decade
that I've been with this amazing person.
Speaker 6 (42:50):
So truth be told.
Speaker 8 (42:51):
For me, it's very easy that I look back and
I think, like, I'm still enjoying my time.
Speaker 6 (43:00):
It's Jeff, and I'm still.
Speaker 8 (43:01):
Getting to know him, and so it's not that hard
on my end, because I truly do believe in soulmates.
Speaker 6 (43:08):
I believe in that.
Speaker 8 (43:08):
I believe in they say the light between us.
Speaker 6 (43:12):
We spoke about it when we were saying.
Speaker 8 (43:14):
Our vowels that we're energies that are moving around each other,
and when you meet that right energy, it just works.
Speaker 4 (43:23):
I would say, as we said earlier, make it, you know,
put it on the checklist as to the things that
you need to do to stay in love.
Speaker 5 (43:34):
And stay romantic. I think that's really important.
Speaker 4 (43:37):
The other thing that I think that really worked for us,
as I know that it's worked for the two of you,
is that we work out all the time, and so
it's important for us to stay healthy for ourselves, but
for one another to be present, to be able to
work through whatever medical issues may be, to support one
(43:59):
another in that way. But you know, staying physically and
spiritually healthy I think really does help in a romance
of a relationship.
Speaker 2 (44:10):
I love that, and I love that the two of
you were willing to sit down and talk with us
and so we can learn more about I just I
have been so fascinated by how everybody who we've talked to.
Speaker 3 (44:24):
Who are all happy, have figured out how to be happy.
Speaker 2 (44:27):
But I you know, look, you guys are black, white, Jewish,
non Jewish. You know, a twenty seven year age difference.
You had everything working against you, and yet look at you.
Speaker 5 (44:38):
That's right, that's right.
Speaker 6 (44:39):
It was tough.
Speaker 4 (44:41):
The greatest love story never told.
Speaker 5 (44:44):
Yes, right now it's being.
Speaker 3 (44:46):
Told, and it's going to end a lot better than
j LO.
Speaker 1 (44:50):
And I'm still.
Speaker 3 (44:53):
Okay, they could still reconcile, right.
Speaker 5 (44:55):
Well, I'm hoping for them.
Speaker 1 (44:57):
Actually, to me, I am genuine hoping for those two still.
Speaker 3 (45:02):
Yeah, yeah, because they had that friendship thing. I know.
Speaker 2 (45:05):
I know, well doctor Jeff Gardier, doctor Amber Brodie who's
soon to become doctor Amber Guardier.
Speaker 5 (45:13):
Yes, that is the one contention that we have.
Speaker 4 (45:17):
I think it's taken way too long for her to
do that, right, that is the one conflict that we've had.
Like I give you that that stink face when you say, oh,
I'll do it.
Speaker 5 (45:26):
I'm like.
Speaker 6 (45:29):
So busy with patients. There's like this much time.
Speaker 8 (45:32):
You have to go to the Social Security Office, right,
go to the DMV. I have to change three DA.
Speaker 1 (45:37):
Licenses three doctor guardian three.
Speaker 6 (45:39):
That's a lot EA licenses.
Speaker 8 (45:42):
Like that's like you know the Drug Enforcement Agency of
the United States.
Speaker 4 (45:46):
Well, you better do it, you better do it while
we still have a drug enforcement We're not going to
get into politics here, but you know what I'm talking.
Speaker 1 (45:56):
You know what this wasn't on the list, but I'm
curious about that. How important do you all think it
is a woman that changes her last name once they
get married. Robock has a look on her face right now.
Speaker 2 (46:09):
I've been married twice and I've never changed my last name.
It certainly worked out well for me in that sense.
Stand in any lines ever, that would have been annoying.
Speaker 5 (46:19):
So I think it's I think it's up to the couple,
but you feeling.
Speaker 4 (46:25):
Yeah, I think one of the things that you were
talking about was actually hyphenating.
Speaker 5 (46:29):
Right for Brody, guard.
Speaker 8 (46:31):
Take my middle name, which I'm sorry, my last name,
which happens to be used as a first and middle
name anyway, Brody, we all know many Brody's. Throw it
in the middle, that's easy, and then put Guardier at
the end.
Speaker 4 (46:45):
Right. Brady never asked her to do it, but it's
something that she said she would do. And because she
said she would do it, then I would if you
insisted on keeping the last name Brody, I wouldn't have
a problem with that. But Guardier sounds a whole lot nice.
Speaker 6 (47:00):
So don't you think it's a fully French name.
Speaker 4 (47:02):
Well, there you go, and it's a Haitian name, and
we need you in the Haitian core.
Speaker 1 (47:08):
It would be weird though, to doctor Guardian all the
doctor Guardia in my head is bald and has glasses.
I can't imagine picture.
Speaker 3 (47:17):
Just Brody Guardier, Brody gard Okay, there you go.
Speaker 1 (47:19):
All right, guys, really, it is so good to see
you all's faces, and we hope to see y'all in
here in studio possibly, but certainly when you all learn
the city. Let us know. Doctor Guardier, doctor Brody, thank
you all so so much for this all.
Speaker 4 (47:34):
Right, great to see you both, Amy and TJ.
Speaker 5 (47:37):
Thank you, I thank you
Hey there, folks. In this episode, our Love Stories series
continues and up next doctor Jeff Gardier, doctor Amber Brody.
He's black, she's white, she's Jewish, he's not. They're twenty
seven years at bard in age and they are newlyweds.
Welcome everybody to this special Cuffing season edition of Amy
(00:25):
and Tjay and wrote to anybody who's familiar with our
podcast over the past year knows doctor Guardier and knows
that we adored as dude.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
We do, and we have leaned on him for more
than a decade now, but especially in the last couple
of years. He is known as America's psychologist. He talks
us through the tough times in this world, but also
talks about relationships. He is a relationship expert. In fact,
it's funny because any of you who might have a
(00:55):
therapist or someone who you lean on for advice, you
almost sometimes feel like you can't ask them about their
life or about what their relationship is like. So I
actually really didn't know that much about doctor Gardier's personal life,
and we've known his due twenty years.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
I mean, just going back to our days and cable news,
you've been interviewing this guy for a long long time.
Was not that familiar with his personal life. No, he
used to talk about it, his wife and this and that.
We hear this all the time who he's with, but
we never put it all together.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
We knew he was divorced, and we knew he was
with someone else, but other than that, we never really
pride or leaned in on that because we just didn't
feel We felt like there was a boundary, okay, healthy boundary.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
We got to lean in recently because we went to
his wedding.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Yes, we got the invitation. We thought, well, this is
an invitation to more than just a wedding. We can
start asking questions.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
So we did, and you know what we found out.
We found out that there is nearly a three decade
age difference between doctor Gardier and his wife, and they
love talking about it. It seems they love giving each
other hell about it. They love even at the wedding,
(02:08):
it was a part of the vows, even the ceremony.
They cracked little jokes about it.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
So I didn't know what to expect going to the
wedding or even meeting his better half.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
I think he would say that for sure, they're both doctors.
Doctor Jeff Gardier, doctor Amber Brodie. She's a physician.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Of course we mentioned he's America psychologist, but yeah, she's
twenty seven years younger than him. And this wedding was
incredible what it brought together and their level of comfort. Look,
these two have been together for more than a decade,
they have two children together, and they just recently, as
(02:46):
we pointed out, decided to actually make it official and
get married. So we wanted to ask them all the
questions that one would have about anyone, but specifically their situation.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Yeah, so we ask them, as we've been doing in
our series, the exact same list of questions that we've
asked all of our couples, and their answers were fascinating,
same questions, how often do you fight, you go to
bed angry? Who handles the household chores? But the questions
got interesting when it turned to age, when it turned
to certain things that it turned to family accepting a relationship,
(03:24):
things got a little interesting.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
They certainly did, and I have to say surprising I
And you know, I always think it's interesting when you're
asking a doctor who counsels other people on their relationships
about his own relationship, and no matter what he says, Oh,
you've got Wifey right there to tell him that's not
exactly what happened. We saw that happen quite a bit.
(03:47):
It was amazing. I mean think about it. If you've
ever been in any therapy, can you imagine turning the
tables on your therapist. That's exactly what we got to
do in this episode.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Yeah, and you know what, the folks, we can tell
you this is is one of our favorites and one
of the most enjoyable, and I think you're going to
find it to be as well. In this entire series
we've been doing. Again, reminded we drop a new one
every day of the week leading up to Valentine's Day
and today, enjoy it because we got a treat for you.
Doctor Jeff Guardier and doctor Amber Brody. Take a listen
(04:19):
to our conversation.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
And we have the doctors with us right now, Doctor
Jeff Guardier and his beautiful bride, doctor Amber Brody.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
Thank you for being with us, guys.
Speaker 4 (04:32):
Thank you, thanks for having us. Great to be on
with both of you.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
Yeah, and well we should apologize to Amber. We've had
doctor Guardia on several times. We didn't extend an invitation
to the amber until now that's our bad. That's our bad.
Speaker 3 (04:46):
Isn't it fun though?
Speaker 2 (04:47):
To be able to turn the tables and ask the
therapist questions about his relationship. I've really been looking forward
to this one. Guys.
Speaker 5 (04:57):
That's why my hands are shaving.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Well, we'll dig right in. So the first question is
the one that we ask everyone to start off with.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
And I love this both of you.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
If you would give us three words to describe your
relationship right now, Jeff will start with.
Speaker 5 (05:13):
You, Friendship, loving, passion.
Speaker 6 (05:22):
Those are good ones. Can I say?
Speaker 5 (05:28):
You could say anything you want?
Speaker 7 (05:30):
You can even gold, fabulous, envious, a nice and.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
Kind and kind. Now I have to say this first
time we've heard envious of them? Now, why did you
pick that one? I'm curious envious? Where did they come?
Speaker 6 (05:50):
Envy of everyone?
Speaker 1 (05:57):
That's awesome?
Speaker 5 (05:59):
Envious?
Speaker 8 (06:01):
I don't know when I feel that. When we're with
other couples, I feel that we're very lucky.
Speaker 5 (06:05):
That yeah, but they're not'm envious.
Speaker 4 (06:07):
They may be questioning, like, what the hell is he
dealing with her?
Speaker 5 (06:13):
Vice versa?
Speaker 1 (06:14):
Those these are her words, these are her words. Let'm
have a word.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
She's pinching his cheek right now. It's great.
Speaker 8 (06:21):
I'm old to stop saying old, by the way, relative really,
and most of the people I spend my days with
are you know, between eighty and one hundred. So every
time I come home Monday through Friday, there's this young,
dapper gentleman.
Speaker 5 (06:36):
And I'm only ten years younger than that.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
That is awesome. Okay, we're going to get into it
because that questions on here as well. But the next question,
I'll start with you on this one, Amber. Was there
immediate chemistry when you two first met?
Speaker 6 (06:51):
Now, well, and I think that's a good thing.
Speaker 8 (06:54):
I think that you know, when flames burned too hot,
they tend to burn out.
Speaker 5 (06:59):
As at the beginning. Yeah, so at the beginning, the.
Speaker 8 (07:03):
Fact that we had a nice concrete base and foundation
of a friendship to work with.
Speaker 6 (07:09):
When suddenly there was a flame, it was it was.
Speaker 5 (07:12):
And it wasn't my flame.
Speaker 4 (07:13):
It was her flame, right, it was her flame, not
my flame.
Speaker 6 (07:17):
It was easy.
Speaker 4 (07:18):
There was there was no attraction, there was nothing going on.
We were nothing but colleagues, and then from colleagues we
became friends.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
Wow, that sounds really familiar. We were also on the
slop story.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Yes, so who ultimately ended up saying I love you first?
Speaker 6 (07:41):
That was me, yes, and it must have been that.
I don't know. I've heard the term and I've mentioned
it to our rabbi as well.
Speaker 8 (07:52):
Godsmack where you're just going about your business and all
of a sudden you're.
Speaker 6 (07:56):
Just like, oh God, I love him?
Speaker 5 (07:59):
What do I do?
Speaker 6 (08:00):
Like that really actually happened?
Speaker 1 (08:02):
Oh wow, I.
Speaker 3 (08:04):
Am so relating with you. I felt the same way.
You're like, wait a minute, when did this happen? How
did this happen? But it's definitely happening.
Speaker 5 (08:13):
Didn't I do.
Speaker 4 (08:13):
That therapy session with you guys on your podcast?
Speaker 5 (08:17):
Right?
Speaker 1 (08:17):
We don't want to call it a therapy session. We
had you as a guest.
Speaker 3 (08:20):
Okay, it turned into a therapy We talked.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
Some things out, all right. Next question here, how long
did you date before you got engaged? How long were
you engaged before you got married?
Speaker 5 (08:32):
Okay?
Speaker 4 (08:34):
We dated for a very short period of time, right,
and we were friends first for how many colleagues and
friends for about what three years?
Speaker 6 (08:44):
He says for years, but I think it was six months.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
Now, that's a big discrepancy, guys.
Speaker 8 (08:49):
What Well, if you look at our daughter who was
born at a particular time.
Speaker 5 (08:53):
When did we start working at the medical school.
Speaker 8 (08:55):
It's great ither I came there in twenty thirteen. Yeah,
we were like we saw each other like for a
half of a semester in the spring.
Speaker 5 (09:05):
Semester, so we knew each other.
Speaker 6 (09:07):
We all like of each other. And then someone made us.
Speaker 4 (09:09):
Work on it for a couple of years and then
we started teaching together.
Speaker 8 (09:14):
I started working there July of twenty thirteen. I moved
from my hometown of Philly, Go Eagles to New York.
And our daughter was born March of fifteen. Okay, so
there's no couple of years there, all.
Speaker 4 (09:30):
Right, So this is confusing. So what happened was we
worked together at the medical school.
Speaker 5 (09:36):
We knew of one another for maybe two three years
you were.
Speaker 6 (09:42):
There, No, three years later Noble was born.
Speaker 5 (09:45):
Okay, so you were there for some period of time.
Speaker 6 (09:47):
Not long. I started there in twenty thirteen.
Speaker 8 (09:49):
So anyway, we had to work on a lecture and
then I fell in love with him, and then.
Speaker 5 (09:55):
We was it was bringing me lunch.
Speaker 4 (09:57):
It was bringing me lunch, and all the secretary usual
laughing because they were like, you don't know what's going on.
Speaker 5 (10:03):
And I was like I have no idea of what's
going on. Okay, this is.
Speaker 4 (10:07):
A colleague, you know, I'm not getting involved with the colleague.
And I was actually helping Jay dates Jewish days.
Speaker 5 (10:17):
I was her going on dates and we.
Speaker 8 (10:20):
Work on our lectures together and our powerpoints and be like,
let's go get a beer, okay.
Speaker 6 (10:26):
And then I was showing him how to use Tinder
the apps wipe lefts wipe right, and he goes to me,
I can't put.
Speaker 8 (10:33):
My face on there, and I'm going, what's wrong with
your face? I didn't know who he was.
Speaker 6 (10:48):
He was just you know, a.
Speaker 5 (10:49):
Lot of people don't know who I am.
Speaker 4 (10:53):
So anyway, long stories, because we know we're eating up
valuable time.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
This is great stuff.
Speaker 4 (10:59):
I love it. She invited me after I went through
you know, Jay dates with her, you know, helping her
pick her.
Speaker 5 (11:07):
Dates, and saw me, your date, How was your date
last night? How was it?
Speaker 4 (11:12):
And then so one day she said, meet me at
this restaurant in Harlem because we used to have Martini's
and clams dare oysters, you know, just as colleagues to discuss,
you know, the lectures. And then she said, I think
we should be together forever. That was the pitch. That
was the proposal. I said, absolutely.
Speaker 5 (11:33):
Not, you're too young. I'm not gonna do it. Instead,
I'll give you more children.
Speaker 4 (11:40):
And then she said I'll change your diapers because I'm
a jenius when the time comes.
Speaker 5 (11:44):
And I said, okay, only.
Speaker 6 (11:45):
The first that was true.
Speaker 3 (11:51):
What what did he say, Amberwyn? You said that to him?
Speaker 8 (11:55):
He was pretty silent, but put his hand on my
leg and said okay.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
And that was that wow, And I.
Speaker 4 (12:03):
Said, okay, what am I doing for the next twenty years?
Speaker 5 (12:07):
All right? Fine?
Speaker 4 (12:08):
Just like that, I stepped out on faith Amy and TJ.
I was like, okay, we're friends, we know one another.
She seems to be a very nice person, you know,
why not? And it worked out really well because I
had four children. She immediately fell into the group.
Speaker 5 (12:29):
You know.
Speaker 4 (12:30):
They got along except for one child who was like but.
Speaker 6 (12:35):
She screamed for like an hour.
Speaker 4 (12:36):
Well because she's closer to your age, right, and so
after that was settled. But she's been an incredible mother
along with their mother, who is an incredible mother and team.
And then we had two more and that's how we're together.
And we've been together now. We lived in sin for
ten years and then we finally officially got married. Where
(12:58):
you guys, we we could tell folks you were there, yes,
at our wedding. It was the first Jewish wedding in
the Malcolm x Betty Shabbaz Center in the Muslim Center,
so we're proud of that.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
It was the most well, it was beautiful and it
was incredible, but it was definitely because of what you
just mentioned, one of the most unique weddings I've ever
been to in my life. To see all the different
and how cool is that all the different religions and
backgrounds and ages all coming together to celebrate your love.
Speaker 4 (13:26):
It was absolutely race, religion, political affiliations. Nice mix there, Yeah,
it was a very nice, nice mix. But we had
we had Democrats Republicans.
Speaker 3 (13:40):
Oh man, you were the tie that binded them all.
Speaker 5 (13:43):
Together, Republicans. That's why we didn't talk about politics.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
All Right, we've alluded. We've alluded to it quite a bit.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
But go ahead and tell us what is your age
difference and has that had an impact on your relationship?
Speaker 8 (13:57):
We are twenty seven years in a separation. We always
laugh that he got his PhD the year I was born,
If that puts any perspective on it. That's quite impressive.
Like you were a doctor. I was in diapers.
Speaker 4 (14:16):
You know, I think the important thing here, you know,
and I point this out to a lot of folks.
You know, this was not a vanity project. It's not
about looking for someone, you know, as an older person,
younger than myself. It just, you know, everything just fell
in place in that way. I would have preferred to
(14:36):
be with someone of my own age, but you know,
she's very mature, so it worked out.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
And we should say you all fully embrace and have
fun with and even you Amber at the wedding where
you also were making jokes up there at the altar
were as you were getting married, so you.
Speaker 6 (14:52):
All not laugh and you'd be crying, right, honey, that's
what he says.
Speaker 4 (14:55):
Well, yeah, I mean we you know, we talk about,
you know, our first date. It was the three of
us and it were like, what do you mean the
three of us? It was me, you and my walker.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
You're holding yourself, doctor GUARDI are you're a good looking
I am you're not good looking for your age. You're
good looking, okay.
Speaker 4 (15:15):
Person, I've said her, if you're going to put me
in a nursing home later on, because you're a geriatrician.
I'm getting a girlfriend in that nursing home, I said,
because I'm walking in there. And if you walk into
a nursing home at a certain age, you know what
they say.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
Hey, sexy, I thought you're going to say you ain't
walking out, so I will say.
Speaker 6 (15:37):
You did ask. The second part of that question was
on the relationship.
Speaker 8 (15:42):
The I only kind of just notice the difference, like
he'll talk about something that happened in the past, and
I will have zero recollection because it happened before I
was born.
Speaker 4 (15:52):
So I'm as far as music and culture and so on. Yeah,
she had no idea who Topo GJ was. For example,
remember that Sullivan to GJ.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
Okay, you got me even at Sullivan.
Speaker 5 (16:11):
Well, I'm much older than you guys.
Speaker 6 (16:14):
Do you guys have an age gap as well?
Speaker 2 (16:16):
Right, yes, I'm four and a half years older than TEJ.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Four and a half? What is she twelve? Who uses age?
Speaker 5 (16:25):
That's not an age gap?
Speaker 1 (16:26):
But Amber too, You got me be because I used
this line all the time I was in junior high
school when she was in college.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
You know what the see But no, but he's saying
ninth grade and I was a freshman in college. Ninth
grade was high school where I went to school. So
he likes to be dramatic and say it was junior high.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
Again, a factual statement. I was in junior high school
when she was in college, and we'll leave it to there.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
And then I just say, lucky you, lovey.
Speaker 5 (16:52):
You, TJ, lucky you. That's right.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
So why did you guys want to get married? You
had been together for ten years. Why was it important
to be married? And what do you think your relationship
would be like if you just chose to stay together
but be unmarried, Like why was the ring important?
Speaker 5 (17:13):
I don't even know that was your decision to get married.
Speaker 8 (17:18):
I figure if there was a zombie apocalypse tomorrow and
I never got.
Speaker 6 (17:23):
To be a bride, that would be a damn shape.
Speaker 8 (17:26):
I've spent my whole life, you know, I think honestly,
if you recall that movie twenty seven Dresses, that was me,
you know, going through college, then med school, then residency
and fellowship.
Speaker 6 (17:41):
I did not graduate from my.
Speaker 8 (17:42):
Training till thirty one, so there was no serious relationships
and I was the perpetual bridesmaid.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
That makes sense.
Speaker 6 (17:50):
I also do recall that.
Speaker 8 (17:51):
Sex in the City line that Miranda gave when she
was about to marry Steve, and she said, I think
it's important to stand there in front of the people
you love and say those words.
Speaker 4 (18:03):
And that she's not giving you guys any advice, by.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
The way, you know, I like that though.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
It's very good. That's one of the better arguments I've heard.
Speaker 8 (18:13):
Stuck with Nate, because at first Miranda did not She
was like, that's ridiculous. And then she was like, you
know what, it is important to stand in front of
those you love and say those words out loud to
the one you love.
Speaker 6 (18:23):
And so I wanted to do.
Speaker 5 (18:26):
That, Okay, And we did it. We did it, We
did it. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (18:30):
And then she had the nerve to renovate our apartment
in the same year as that wedding. And I looked
at my bank account and I was like, what happened
to the money?
Speaker 5 (18:40):
She said, besting in our future.
Speaker 7 (18:42):
I'm like, Okay, the money's still there, all right, all right,
all right, okay.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
Next next question for you to did your relationship have
the full support of your friends and family?
Speaker 5 (18:56):
Oh? You had to go there, right, It's on the list.
How to go there? Well, do you want to share?
I think we can share what we found out.
Speaker 6 (19:07):
On the We found out on the honeymoon.
Speaker 4 (19:09):
What I mean we found out. Oh no, you didn't
know either about your brother. No, that story, Yeah, you
want to tell that story?
Speaker 5 (19:18):
Should we tell that story?
Speaker 1 (19:20):
Please?
Speaker 5 (19:21):
All right?
Speaker 4 (19:21):
This was a big family secret that they finally revealed.
Speaker 5 (19:25):
Go ahead, tell the story.
Speaker 8 (19:26):
From what I got gathered, the family told me that
they had like had a meeting to get together and
how are we going to set.
Speaker 4 (19:37):
So they had an intervention, all right, they had an
intervention on zoom or telephone, yes, where they said Amber
has lost her mind. She's gotten together with the senior citizen,
and you know, we've got to stop this from happening.
(19:57):
What is happening with her?
Speaker 5 (19:59):
You know?
Speaker 4 (20:00):
And so they tried to figure out whether she was
mentally stable or not.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
No, that's that's serious.
Speaker 4 (20:08):
Keep in mind, and that bet we all get along.
I love her brother, her brother loves me.
Speaker 5 (20:13):
Where we're doing, Okay?
Speaker 6 (20:15):
Ten years ago this happened a long, long, long time.
Speaker 4 (20:18):
And now things have changed a lot, and her family
has been on both sides, her mother's side of the family,
her father's side of the family. They're very embracing, very
wonderful you know, very.
Speaker 6 (20:31):
Happy and all is well.
Speaker 8 (20:34):
Had that being said, they did admit to us that
that had occurred, and I did.
Speaker 3 (20:38):
Not know that.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (20:39):
I mean the cool thing is they've come around and
look at you now, and that's awesome.
Speaker 3 (20:42):
Exactly exactly.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
How would you this was the next question, but this
will be slightly amended for y'all because you're newlyweds. But
how would you describe your first year of marriage? I
would ask, how is your relationship now that you're married?
Speaker 3 (20:55):
Has it changed?
Speaker 8 (21:00):
Gonna say no, because I always felt married to you.
Speaker 4 (21:05):
Yeah, I would agree, But I think it's the years
have gone by Amy and TJ that I think we
get more and more romantic and more into the first
couple of years were more about friendship, being best friends
and changing diapers yeah, and supporting one another two Yeah.
(21:29):
But now we have really taken the time to be
We've always been kind to one another, but even kinder
and more romantic. We make it. We make it a job.
And what I mean by that is, well, but it's
you know, if you talk the talk, you walk the walk.
When I work with with couples, I say, you know,
(21:51):
it's really important that you do the necessary things check
off the boxes every day. A hug, a touch on
the shoulder, a kiss, saying I love you, even if
you're not feeling it, you should do it. So we
make it a job. We and but it's it's it's
it's great work. If you can get it right.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
You follow your own advice. That's good to hear.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
Yes, I do, he does, all right.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
I disclosure on this next question because we've asked everyone
this and you can answer it however you'd like. But
how would you describe your sex life?
Speaker 6 (22:30):
Wonderful?
Speaker 4 (22:33):
I think it's one you know, the word I would
use is very intimate. It's very intimate in that it's
something just for us. It's something where it's not just
a physical, you know, interaction, but an emotional and spiritual interaction.
Speaker 5 (22:59):
Wouldn't you say it's something that is so.
Speaker 4 (23:03):
It just it's it's gorgeous everything yet expresses love on
many different levels.
Speaker 6 (23:10):
Good, great, wonderful.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
Next question here. I know you'll kind of hit on
this already because you talk about just a simple touch
on the shoulder, a hug or kiss. But how important
is physical touch in your relationship? And kind of specifically
do you hold hands when you're just randomly walking down
the street.
Speaker 5 (23:28):
Yeah. Yeah, we even hold hands in the house.
Speaker 8 (23:34):
If we get a minute to sit down next to
each other and the kids are not driving, it's crazy.
Speaker 6 (23:38):
And if we're sitting down next to each other, we
are holding hands.
Speaker 4 (23:41):
Yeah, but we do have to tell them about your
aversion to sentimental Sundays.
Speaker 8 (23:47):
Wow.
Speaker 4 (23:47):
So on Sunday, when we're having dinner and a glass
of red wine, I'll tell her, you know, isn't it
wonderful that the most improbable relationship the couple people never
thought could happen? You know, how is it that we're together?
Isn't it strange but wonderful? She'll say, Oh, it's sentimental Sundays,
(24:10):
isn't it.
Speaker 5 (24:14):
She said.
Speaker 8 (24:15):
I always tell him he's more of a communicator than I,
which is a good thing. He thinks something and it
comes out, or he feels an emotion and it comes
out and he shows it, whereas I'm just like, oh,
I'm so lucky and great and I love Jeff so much.
But I'll just be like saying it while scrambling eggs,
like I don't say.
Speaker 4 (24:32):
It, but she says, but she says it while scrambling eggs.
Because we don't know how much longer we'll have with
eggs meaning to it.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
Oh my goodness.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
On the flip side, how often do you all fight
or have an argument?
Speaker 5 (24:54):
Rarely?
Speaker 6 (24:55):
If I were to quantify it, I'd say twice the year.
Speaker 3 (25:00):
Of Wow, was it always like that?
Speaker 5 (25:04):
Pretty much?
Speaker 4 (25:05):
And when we do, when we do argue or have
a disagreement, I think we solve it within what thirty minutes?
Speaker 5 (25:14):
Fifty? Not even that's amazing.
Speaker 1 (25:17):
What do you fight?
Speaker 5 (25:18):
I think? But I think that I think the reason
is amy. It's the difference in the ages. I think
that makes a difference. You know.
Speaker 4 (25:27):
I often said to her, if you married someone in
your own age, you might be divorced by now.
Speaker 5 (25:35):
I have the patience of ah.
Speaker 1 (25:39):
Ah, it is all coming together.
Speaker 3 (25:42):
Now do you what what? When you do fight? What
do you fight about?
Speaker 5 (25:46):
Most? Oh? I have an answer, but go ahead. What
do you think? What do you fight about? Most? I
don't have an answer, Okay, I have an answer. Time.
Speaker 6 (26:00):
Oh, I'm always running.
Speaker 4 (26:01):
Late, like this morning, Like when we went on that cruise,
I said, listen, the boat leaves, the ship leaves at
one or two o'clock. Let's get there by eleven. We
got there five minutes to two. Don't get me started.
Speaker 6 (26:22):
No, that's not true. We made it there.
Speaker 5 (26:24):
Way all right. We got there by one o'clock.
Speaker 6 (26:26):
I made you know.
Speaker 4 (26:28):
I don't take those kinds of chances he's operating on.
Speaker 5 (26:33):
Is there something resonating here with you?
Speaker 1 (26:35):
Yes, we do that. But but dogs the guard deer
we have we had this issue. But I give her credit.
She is now completely on her own. She will start
because you know what, it's it's bitten there in the
butt a couple of times to where she ends up
panicked or stressed because maybe there's the first uber canceled,
or maybe there was a flat tire, maybe there was
traffic you didn't anticipate. So she is seen where the
(26:58):
value is in making sure you're always always early.
Speaker 5 (27:03):
But isn't But isn't that the cosmic joke though? TJ.
People who look like you and I are.
Speaker 4 (27:10):
Always labeled as folks not being on times. Look who
we're with, and they're the ones who are always late.
Speaker 3 (27:18):
Yes, that's true.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
They own white people times right.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
They ain't even privileged people time exactly right.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
I'll own that you could afford to be late. I
kind of show up early.
Speaker 3 (27:33):
You know, so I also I see the value in it.
Speaker 5 (27:35):
Right amber, if you call me a DEI higher.
Speaker 3 (27:41):
All right, have you all? Do you all go to
bed angry?
Speaker 5 (27:47):
Never?
Speaker 7 (27:48):
No?
Speaker 5 (27:48):
Never?
Speaker 8 (27:50):
Wow?
Speaker 5 (27:50):
Never?
Speaker 6 (27:52):
It's important I think to separate.
Speaker 8 (27:55):
And I know you've heard of or read about like
certain energies. So and emotions are very powerful and strong things.
They make people do things that they otherwise wouldn't. So
if you are in the same room with someone and
you're arguing and you feel that energy, I think it's
important to separate until And that's one thing my mom
used to teach me, go into a different room and
(28:15):
take ten deep breaths.
Speaker 5 (28:17):
And I disagree with that. Why I disagree with that.
Speaker 4 (28:23):
I think it's really important to talk about it afterwards.
Then okay to talk about it, and then so for yeah,
so to talk about it before you go to bed,
or even say, let's agree to disagree, but out being
you know, together is important. But for some folks that
I know, I'm not mentioning any names. Sometimes I'm not
(28:44):
mentioning any names. Sometimes just having a couple of hours
apart works for them.
Speaker 5 (28:54):
She doesn't know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1 (28:56):
We were trying to remember you told you gave us
a recommendation about going to bed angry, and we're getting
different reports from different couples about what they decide to do.
Some say, yeah, go to bed angry. It's okay, but
we could still kiss each other good night, but I'm
pissed at you. And then others say, no, there's too
much tension. We have to resolve this before we go
to bed, right.
Speaker 6 (29:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (29:17):
Yeah, so it's not one size fits all. Yeah, but
I will tell you one thing. If I have had
on sentimental Sundays as of red wine, I have the filter.
I have the sensor up here that says, do not
bring up any conflict. Is that red wine makes for
(29:38):
a loose tongue. And then you say something and then
you're like, why did I say that?
Speaker 1 (29:44):
Red wine? Yes, everything.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
I think we've gotten better at the going to bed
angry thing. I feel like even if we haven't resolved it,
and certainly we have gone to bed several times without
having resolved it, but I still feel like like I
can hold your hand in bed, or I can you
know we can?
Speaker 3 (30:01):
Yes, And it's.
Speaker 5 (30:02):
Play a little foot seat or what, yeah, a.
Speaker 3 (30:03):
Little something, just like hey, I'm still here. I'm not leaving, you.
Speaker 1 (30:08):
Know, Yeah, and Jeff, we have to get over it
quick because we got to work together in the morning,
all right.
Speaker 4 (30:16):
And you know, But and couples, it's healthy to have conflicts.
Speaker 5 (30:21):
It's healthy, all right.
Speaker 1 (30:23):
Next question here, and this is a practical one. A
lot of couples deal with how do you handle your finances?
Shared accounts, separate accounts? What do you all go with?
Speaker 8 (30:33):
We have both personal and shared, Yeah, and multiples of
there's full there's there's full transparency. Yeah, he doesn't log
into mind because there's really nothing there.
Speaker 6 (30:47):
That's okay.
Speaker 8 (30:48):
Everything's in the joint so we can both get in
there and yeah, we.
Speaker 4 (30:51):
We have no issues with that. And as well, same
thing with our cell phones. We share each other's pass pods,
but we don't go into each other's. And again, full
transparency in everything.
Speaker 1 (31:03):
Do you all do the life life three sixty? Thing
where you all or something where you know where the
other one is all the time? You can track.
Speaker 8 (31:09):
Them fause she knows where I am at all times.
Speaker 5 (31:13):
I have no idea of where she does use the
app and I don't. It's amazing there.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
And how do you all divide the household chores like cooking, cleaning,
to children, pets, et cetera.
Speaker 4 (31:30):
I take care of all the pets. We have two.
We have two dogs, so that's my job, right.
Speaker 6 (31:36):
But he doesn't brush their teeth.
Speaker 4 (31:37):
I don't brush their teeth. She does that, and she
gives them medication. I take care of the outside. I
do all the heavy labor. I move the cars, takes
out the trash, take out the trash. I do the
dishes during the day, you know. But she does all
the vacuuming and laundry right. And cooking, even though I
(31:58):
love to, even though I.
Speaker 6 (31:59):
Loved She's a much better cook than I have.
Speaker 5 (32:01):
Yeah, yeah, I use I use spices.
Speaker 4 (32:04):
When we first got together, I think I lost about
thirty pounds with her cooking.
Speaker 8 (32:09):
She would cooking. I was like a bra vegan. She
would buy my sho She would.
Speaker 4 (32:15):
Make salads with like with with with you know, unneeded
ingredients like like raisins and lots of the ballads.
Speaker 3 (32:26):
Do you like to make cast roles? I like to
make cast roles.
Speaker 8 (32:30):
Oh, cast roles are good. I need bigger casserole dishes.
I like them when they're nice and cheesy.
Speaker 3 (32:34):
Yes, same, TJ does not, And.
Speaker 8 (32:36):
You can prep them on Sunday and throw them in
on likeay.
Speaker 4 (32:44):
So that's how that's how we divvy up stuff, and
we divvy up everything, and we take the initiative to
just do whatever we can.
Speaker 5 (32:51):
So you're amazing.
Speaker 4 (32:52):
She she will go into the house and just clean
out a whole basement. That's her, that's her thing, and
it will make it amazing. Hyper focused, hyper focus.
Speaker 1 (33:03):
Let me confirm again, how is the laundry specifically handled?
Because couples give us different answers here, who handles the laundry?
Speaker 6 (33:10):
I do it all. Yeah.
Speaker 8 (33:14):
One time I asked Jeff quickly, honey, can you go
to the dryer, grab Nova's socks, throw them downstairs and
turn it back on.
Speaker 6 (33:23):
And I think.
Speaker 8 (33:25):
He paused, didn't know where the dryer was and nor
where the power button was.
Speaker 5 (33:31):
That's true.
Speaker 4 (33:33):
Wow, And I was like, I'm focused on there, I'm
focused on others.
Speaker 8 (33:40):
There.
Speaker 6 (33:40):
I haven't asked them to go in there.
Speaker 3 (33:42):
And that's funny.
Speaker 7 (33:43):
All.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
Next question here, now, how much alone time or time
away from each other do you find you need.
Speaker 6 (33:54):
Alone time? As you know, with young children, you don't
get any alone time.
Speaker 8 (34:00):
However, I feel like, well, I'm alone when I'm at
work because I'm not with my children and my family
and with my patients. But that feels alone to me
sort of, if that makes sense, because I'm not.
Speaker 4 (34:12):
Yeah, but alone time I would assume from one another.
Speaker 6 (34:16):
From one another.
Speaker 4 (34:17):
Yeah, I'll answer that question if I may take. Okay,
I don't need any alone time. I love being with them.
I love being with all six of my children. You know,
that's my thing. I just absolutely love it. However, we
do get alone time when I travel, when I work
(34:37):
in the city.
Speaker 5 (34:38):
You know, we are separated.
Speaker 4 (34:41):
In that way, but then we're on the phone zooming
that whole time. But it does feel good. I have
to be honest with you, to be away from you
for a day or two because more than enough, because
I miss you, and then when I see you, it's great.
Speaker 8 (34:55):
I miss the kids, and I honestly have trouble sleeping
when he's not next to me.
Speaker 6 (35:00):
I'll put a pillow there and pretend it's him so
I can fall asleep.
Speaker 3 (35:03):
That's really sweet.
Speaker 5 (35:04):
Used to it, you think to yourself, except except the
pillow doesn't drew.
Speaker 2 (35:10):
All right, I'm going to ask the therapist. Have the
two of you ever been to couple's therapy?
Speaker 5 (35:25):
Did we do couples therapy once? Oh that was my
ex wife. No, it was my ex wife. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (35:35):
No, we've never been to couple's therapy, though we've talked
about it a few times.
Speaker 8 (35:40):
My cousin, God bless her, brought it up and she said,
but you should do it while things are good, and
be proactive and do it prophylactically. And I said to
my cousin, you are absolutely right. It's better to have
the foundation there in a relationship with the therapist.
Speaker 6 (35:55):
That you like before it's needed. And I do believe
in that.
Speaker 5 (36:02):
How do you guys feel about that?
Speaker 7 (36:04):
We?
Speaker 1 (36:04):
I think we're the same as what Amberger said. We
wanted to go. We've been wanting to go find a
therapist while we're in a good place and just go
talk out and have a good time and get a
referee in the room. And but Jeff, you you have
been that for us. I mean, really, that's we talked
some things out with you for everybody to hear. We
didn't mean for that to be the case, but that was.
We enjoyed that.
Speaker 5 (36:25):
Uh yeah, I think it's a very healthy thing. I'm sorry, Amy,
Oh no, I think so too.
Speaker 2 (36:29):
And this has been my longest relationship outside of a marriage,
and I think it's cool to work on it before
you take that next step, which is something I hadn't
done before.
Speaker 3 (36:38):
So yeah, it's it's been good.
Speaker 1 (36:40):
We're fans. Next question for you all here. Have you
ever threatened to break up, leave, or get divorced in
the middle of a heated argument?
Speaker 5 (36:53):
Have you? No? No?
Speaker 8 (36:55):
Well, and neither of I right, you use the words
I'm done, but you has picked it up. Our son
were like, I've done, I've done, and I'm like, I
don't really know what that means.
Speaker 9 (37:07):
Like I think in the early I think, I think
in the earlier years, maybe in the first two or
three years, I might have said something like that, you know,
but out of frustration I didn't mean it.
Speaker 4 (37:20):
But the advice I give folks, and we've already talked
about that, is to not throw that divorce word around
because many times it's an empty threat that can turn
into something that can be very lethal and hurtful.
Speaker 5 (37:32):
So I don't think I've said anything like that.
Speaker 3 (37:34):
Is done.
Speaker 6 (37:36):
It upsets me.
Speaker 5 (37:36):
Well, she has.
Speaker 4 (37:37):
She has abandonment issues. Quite honestly, we're being true about that.
Her parents divorced very young.
Speaker 6 (37:46):
Did much of the raise.
Speaker 5 (37:47):
Her father raised all the children. That's why when she.
Speaker 4 (37:51):
Met me and found out that I was raising four children,
you know, as a father, she said, hey.
Speaker 5 (37:59):
Sexy, oh that's great. Be it ever so terrible? There's
no place like home?
Speaker 1 (38:08):
Do do you have? Does Amber have an equivalent? Right?
I mean you said he'll say I'm done. But does
Amber say anything? Doctor Gard in the middle of a
heated argument that anything like that, she's got nothing. Well,
good for you, no, no, ye should talk groups.
Speaker 3 (38:30):
So what is the sweetest thing your partner has done
for you?
Speaker 6 (38:36):
He always brings me flowers, yes, and not just like
one bouquet, two or three.
Speaker 8 (38:42):
Yes, And I'm like, okay, that's enough, that's enough, that's enough.
Speaker 6 (38:45):
And then they just keep showing up, especially in the summer.
Speaker 4 (38:48):
In the summer, every Saturday or Sunday, I bring her
red roses and then he.
Speaker 8 (38:55):
Gives them to our sun to then get on one
knee and hand to me like he'll follow the directions.
Speaker 6 (39:01):
And that's it's just so stinking cute. And I'm like,
thank you.
Speaker 5 (39:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (39:07):
And the most romantic thing that you've done for me
is been an incredible mother along with their mother as
far as raising my first four children and then giving
me two more children. I think that's the most romantic thing,
that's the most.
Speaker 1 (39:27):
That is so do these guys, that is really guys.
I'm We'll say it. We'll talk about it plenty here
with all the interviews we're doing, but we have gotten
so much out of these interviews we're doing with couples.
Really for us who still fairly new and navigating a
lot of things, there's a lot of hope that comes
out of the conversation with you. All. This is we've
(39:48):
known you a long time doctor guard dear, but Amber,
you've I guess you've added to the package here in
a way we didn't. We didn't even realize it could
be improved this much.
Speaker 5 (39:57):
But it's uh my secret weapon. A lot of people
don't know about her.
Speaker 4 (40:03):
But you know, when you invited us, I think this
is the first one of the first interviews we've done together.
I think there are a few magazine articles way back
when that we did for some friends. But you know,
when you requested, of course, we said.
Speaker 1 (40:19):
Yeah, well, we do appreciate that. We just have a
few more questions to get to here, and here is one.
What would you all say to couples, a couple that's
considering marriage, what is it that you would take the
opportunity to tell them to make sure you consider this,
you think about this, or even maybe you something you
want to warn them about. A couple considering going down
(40:40):
the aisle, what is it you would want to tell
them first?
Speaker 8 (40:45):
I would say, take note that it doesn't change much
in your relationship. It's not a magic on off button.
There's nothing digital about marriage. It's it's all analog. It's
it's this, it's from point A to point B, and
it's it's a constant journey. And so the actual marriage
(41:08):
doesn't change your relationship if you ask me in your head,
if it does, that's great. However, it takes two to
tango and it's a journey and nothing. Really the change
is constant, right, that's the only constant. Growth is optional,
So the growth part is important.
Speaker 5 (41:28):
I would say the first thing is prenup be don't
believe it or not. We don't have a pre nup.
Speaker 4 (41:39):
So I'm just joking on that, but the lawyers would
probably say, no, that's really good advice. I would say friendship.
Have a friendship first. Let that be the foundation. Of
the relationship, even if it's you know, a very physical attraction.
(42:00):
But make sure that the friendship is in place and
stays in place throughout the marriage. And of course transparency
and you know, whatever you expect from your partner, make
sure that you are ready to deliver the same thing.
Speaker 2 (42:17):
Yeah, people thinking about what they're getting, not what they
need to be giving.
Speaker 3 (42:21):
That's very important. I like that.
Speaker 2 (42:23):
So everyone describes the honeymoon phase of a relationship, and
then you hear these very non romantic things like and
then love is a decision, But how do you keep
the romance alive after so many years?
Speaker 8 (42:39):
I feel like I just met my soulmate, and I
cannot believe that it's already been more than a decade
that I've been with this amazing person.
Speaker 6 (42:50):
So truth be told.
Speaker 8 (42:51):
For me, it's very easy that I look back and
I think, like, I'm still enjoying my time.
Speaker 6 (43:00):
It's Jeff, and I'm still.
Speaker 8 (43:01):
Getting to know him, and so it's not that hard
on my end, because I truly do believe in soulmates.
Speaker 6 (43:08):
I believe in that.
Speaker 8 (43:08):
I believe in they say the light between us.
Speaker 6 (43:12):
We spoke about it when we were saying.
Speaker 8 (43:14):
Our vowels that we're energies that are moving around each other,
and when you meet that right energy, it just works.
Speaker 4 (43:23):
I would say, as we said earlier, make it, you know,
put it on the checklist as to the things that
you need to do to stay in love.
Speaker 5 (43:34):
And stay romantic. I think that's really important.
Speaker 4 (43:37):
The other thing that I think that really worked for us,
as I know that it's worked for the two of you,
is that we work out all the time, and so
it's important for us to stay healthy for ourselves, but
for one another to be present, to be able to
work through whatever medical issues may be, to support one
(43:59):
another in that way. But you know, staying physically and
spiritually healthy I think really does help in a romance
of a relationship.
Speaker 2 (44:10):
I love that, and I love that the two of
you were willing to sit down and talk with us
and so we can learn more about I just I
have been so fascinated by how everybody who we've talked to.
Speaker 3 (44:24):
Who are all happy, have figured out how to be happy.
Speaker 2 (44:27):
But I you know, look, you guys are black, white, Jewish,
non Jewish. You know, a twenty seven year age difference.
You had everything working against you, and yet look at you.
Speaker 5 (44:38):
That's right, that's right.
Speaker 6 (44:39):
It was tough.
Speaker 4 (44:41):
The greatest love story never told.
Speaker 5 (44:44):
Yes, right now it's being.
Speaker 3 (44:46):
Told, and it's going to end a lot better than
j LO.
Speaker 1 (44:50):
And I'm still.
Speaker 3 (44:53):
Okay, they could still reconcile, right.
Speaker 5 (44:55):
Well, I'm hoping for them.
Speaker 1 (44:57):
Actually, to me, I am genuine hoping for those two still.
Speaker 3 (45:02):
Yeah, yeah, because they had that friendship thing. I know.
Speaker 2 (45:05):
I know, well doctor Jeff Gardier, doctor Amber Brodie who's
soon to become doctor Amber Guardier.
Speaker 5 (45:13):
Yes, that is the one contention that we have.
Speaker 4 (45:17):
I think it's taken way too long for her to
do that, right, that is the one conflict that we've had.
Like I give you that that stink face when you say, oh,
I'll do it.
Speaker 5 (45:26):
I'm like.
Speaker 6 (45:29):
So busy with patients. There's like this much time.
Speaker 8 (45:32):
You have to go to the Social Security Office, right,
go to the DMV. I have to change three DA.
Speaker 1 (45:37):
Licenses three doctor guardian three.
Speaker 6 (45:39):
That's a lot EA licenses.
Speaker 8 (45:42):
Like that's like you know the Drug Enforcement Agency of
the United States.
Speaker 4 (45:46):
Well, you better do it, you better do it while
we still have a drug enforcement We're not going to
get into politics here, but you know what I'm talking.
Speaker 1 (45:56):
You know what this wasn't on the list, but I'm
curious about that. How important do you all think it
is a woman that changes her last name once they
get married. Robock has a look on her face right now.
Speaker 2 (46:09):
I've been married twice and I've never changed my last name.
It certainly worked out well for me in that sense.
Stand in any lines ever, that would have been annoying.
Speaker 5 (46:19):
So I think it's I think it's up to the couple,
but you feeling.
Speaker 4 (46:25):
Yeah, I think one of the things that you were
talking about was actually hyphenating.
Speaker 5 (46:29):
Right for Brody, guard.
Speaker 8 (46:31):
Take my middle name, which I'm sorry, my last name,
which happens to be used as a first and middle
name anyway, Brody, we all know many Brody's. Throw it
in the middle, that's easy, and then put Guardier at
the end.
Speaker 4 (46:45):
Right. Brady never asked her to do it, but it's
something that she said she would do. And because she
said she would do it, then I would if you
insisted on keeping the last name Brody, I wouldn't have
a problem with that. But Guardier sounds a whole lot nice.
Speaker 6 (47:00):
So don't you think it's a fully French name.
Speaker 4 (47:02):
Well, there you go, and it's a Haitian name, and
we need you in the Haitian core.
Speaker 1 (47:08):
It would be weird though, to doctor Guardian all the
doctor Guardia in my head is bald and has glasses.
I can't imagine picture.
Speaker 3 (47:17):
Just Brody Guardier, Brody gard Okay, there you go.
Speaker 1 (47:19):
All right, guys, really, it is so good to see
you all's faces, and we hope to see y'all in
here in studio possibly, but certainly when you all learn
the city. Let us know. Doctor Guardier, doctor Brody, thank
you all so so much for this all.
Speaker 4 (47:34):
Right, great to see you both, Amy and TJ.
Speaker 5 (47:37):
Thank you, I thank you
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