February 14, 2025 • 51 mins
We continue our Love Stories series with actress, singer and podcast host Jana Kramer and her husband, former pro soccer player Allan Russell. This is Jana’s fourth marriage and it’s Allan’s second, but both say they’ve finally found their forever person. Allan is Scottish and was living in England when they fell in love, and so they began as a long-distance relationship. The two talk about the lessons they’ve learned, how they balance their blended families, how much alone time they need from one another and what Jana will never, ever say to her husband.
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey there, everybody. In this episode, our Love Stories series
continues with a couple number four, Jana Kramer and Alan Russell.
They started out long distance. By long distance, we're talking
Nashville to London. Now many frequent flyer miles later, they
are thriving and welcome to this Cuffing Season edition.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Up Amy and.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
TJ and Robes. This one is kind of personal to us.
We've gotten to know half of this couple really well,
I guess the past year or so, that's right.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Jenna was somebody who we met when we all came
together to do another podcast that we do called I
Do Part Two. And Jenna, of course is known to
so many as the actress and country music singer that
she is, and of course she has her own podcast,
but she came to us and was so vulnerable, just
laughing and saying, you know, yeah, so cause we were saying, yep,
(00:55):
we're divorced twice, and she's like, I can beat that,
I can top that. I'm on husband number four. And
she's young, she's gorgeous. That was a shocking thing to
even hear from someone so young. But she said, look,
look here's the thing, and she talked about all the
lessons she learned along the way.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
But yeah, she's she really is. I described her once
and it made headlines. I said she was nuts in
one of the podcasts and they put that in the headline.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
But she is our kind of crazy.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
She owns everything she does and has gone through. She
appreciates everything she's gone through. And this is why I
think really the two of us were so drawn to her.
She appreciates that every single hardship led her to something exactly,
and that's something we certainly can relate to. So, yes,
fourth marriage, he's on his second. But they did they
(01:49):
didn't just have to deal with distance ropes. Everybody knows
the immigration.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
Process is nine ninety day Fiance. We are avid fans,
and we talked about it a lot with them. They
don't watch, so it was kind of embarrassing for us
as we kept referring back to ninety day Fiance trying
to understand their situation, and they were really trying to
distance themselves from there because.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
They didn't have that. We just think anybody now who
has dating somebody who lives somewhere else Night Day Fiance.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
Right, right, you know what that's like, right? No, they
did not relate at all, which was funny. But I
had not met her husband Alan, you had, You and
Sabine actually went out to La when I couldn't go
because I was I had family issues back home, and
you had met him and you described him as a
kind of a quiet, reserved Scottish man.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Because we took a ride. It was me and Sabine,
Jenna and Alan in the back of this truck going
to an event, and we end up in traffic for.
Speaker 4 (02:42):
An hour plus shocking at LA.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Trying to get to an event. So we all just
into ended up shooting the shit and getting to know
each other a lot better in there. But yeah, he's
you know, she's how would you just throw? Because I
don't want to make it a heap.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
She's well, she even said, I'm an extrovert. He's an introvert.
And but when we keep saying this, when we as
a couple talk to another couple, all of the barriers
melt And it was wonderful to get to know Alan,
to see him coming out of his shell and I
could hear him talk all day.
Speaker 5 (03:15):
I love that broke yes.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
So it was it was so cool because here's this big, strong,
good looking guy, pro soccer player, and you saw his vulnerability,
and you saw him talking about Jana and talking about
how they got through issues and admitting fault in fights.
It was really cool to see people let their guards
down who might not otherwise do it and really let
(03:38):
us all feel like we can relate.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
There's no discomfort in his vulnerability. That is called manhood
in my opinion, right, even in being that kind of
vulnerable and open and admitting certain things, or even admitting that, yeah,
I like physical touch, are I like the whole Even
saying those things now it helps it. It comes from
this stud of a dun Okay, okay, never man, forget
(04:01):
everything I just said.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
No.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
But we do love these two so we were glad
we were able to add them to our series here,
a series which we are absolutely having a good good
time doing and learning a lot doing it as well.
But no matter where you are and your relationship, your
dating life, there's something you can get from these couples.
And we have a diverse group and we've been asking
them roll the exact same questions.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
Yes, we asked them questions like did your relationship have
the support of family and friends? How often do you fight,
how do you handle finances or household chores? And it
was really cool because we've seen some common themes in
these successful, happy couples and so yes, we are taking notes.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
All right, We're going to drop a new episode every
single day leading up to Valentine's Day. I believe Jenna
and Allen this makes a couple number four for us
in the series. So, without further ado, take a listen
to our conversation with Jenna.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
And Alan, and joining us now is Jana Kramer and
Alan Russell.
Speaker 5 (05:06):
Oh, you guys were so cute.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
Just a few moments ago before I introduced you, you
were just sitting there on the couch together and you
were holding hands.
Speaker 5 (05:13):
I loved it. Did you know you were doing that?
Speaker 4 (05:17):
Well, if he's sweet, he always will kind of give
me like a little touch before we start a podcast.
But we will have those moments we're in bed, or
we'll make fun of ourselves because we're just laying in
bed holding hands and we're like, this is but we
don't we catch ourselves doing it and we're like, we
are ridiculous. That is sweet, and I think everywhere else
(05:37):
at the same time, No, I.
Speaker 5 (05:39):
Don't think it's gross. At all. I think it's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
A look, we have to tell you we caught ourselves
today in the subway coming to this studio, standing in
the subway, and for some it is not a busy
it was impact. We're standing up against the door and
we were holding hands and didn't even realize we were
doing it. So don't think it's gross. We do same.
Speaker 4 (05:58):
I mean, I truly, I really love it because it's
you know, and I can think back and go, all right,
this is, you know, everything I wanted. I always I
love physical touch. So the fact that I've got someone
that equally likes physical touches is a beautiful thing.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
And he's a Scotsman too. Are they known for their
love of physical touch?
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Are you gonna have to do the accident every time?
Speaker 5 (06:18):
Every time I could have gone in even deeper. Glad
I didn't.
Speaker 4 (06:21):
You're like my dad and oh we had such fun
time in scotl every time I don't have to speak Scottish.
Every time you talk to Alan, it's fine, like you,
it's a terrible impersonation.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
I've got to an American friend that answers the phone
in Scottish.
Speaker 4 (06:37):
No, what does he say?
Speaker 2 (06:40):
All right? You're speaking American. You're not Scottish anyway. A
Scottish people naturally affectionate.
Speaker 4 (06:52):
Probably not, I would not think.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
I think we naturally lack empathy and any sort of
romance whatsoever.
Speaker 5 (07:00):
See, it's funny. I would have thought that I appreciate it.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
I'm German like ninety according to twenty three and meter,
So the Germans and the Scots have a lot in common.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
Yeah, we tend to do we think without.
Speaker 4 (07:15):
Thinking about it.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Appreciation for the environment of hearing the room. Yep, no,
I think I've I'm fairly romantic and butchi feely and
affect it.
Speaker 4 (07:28):
Yeah, you're you're the.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Well like I lack empathy at times.
Speaker 4 (07:34):
I think a lot of men do.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
Different episodes.
Speaker 4 (07:37):
We can get into that in just a bit.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
We're going to start with the question we asked all
of our couples when we began. Each of you, we'd
love for you to give us three words to describe
your relationship right now.
Speaker 5 (07:50):
Janna, we'll start with you.
Speaker 4 (07:52):
Three words to describe the relationship right now? Growing gosh, okay,
so that's a good one. So growing, patient and beautiful, okay.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Man, powerful, loving, and strong?
Speaker 1 (08:22):
What was colorful? The first one powerful, powerful, powerful thoughts
said colorful. I was gonna do a follow up. All right,
next questionnaire for you all. Was there immediate chemistry? Alan?
Will start with you. Was there immediate chemistry when you
two first met?
Speaker 2 (08:41):
Immediate?
Speaker 4 (08:42):
Immediate?
Speaker 1 (08:43):
That's the fast that's the quickest and most definitive answer
any couple has given us when we asked that.
Speaker 5 (08:49):
Oh, really, you remember the moment I'm guessing.
Speaker 4 (08:52):
Oh, he was like in his long trench coat and
his back was to me, and then he turned around.
It was like, oh wow, and he looked at me
and smiled and was like, oh my god. If I
if I wasn't crazy, like if I am crazy, but
if I didn't care in that moment, I would have
just like kissed him right away. But I didn't. He
kissed me right away.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
You refrained for about six seconds, and then no, you totally.
Speaker 4 (09:14):
Kiss me first.
Speaker 5 (09:16):
What was that moment like for you, Alan, I'm curious.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
The moment that it first matter.
Speaker 5 (09:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
Well, we'd spoken so much that week on FaceTime that
we there was a sense that we already knew a
lot about each other. But obviously FaceTime is FaceTime, and
it's completely different. The biggest thing that always got me
about Jana was a smile. So as soon as I
turned a round in the hotel and I seen her
and she smiled, I was like, this is it? I knew?
Speaker 5 (09:45):
And then oh you knew? So who said I love
you first?
Speaker 4 (09:50):
Alan?
Speaker 2 (09:51):
Yeah, because you shit yourself to say it and didn't
want to say it. So I took the pressure off
of you and I said it.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
You agree with all that? It looks like?
Speaker 4 (09:59):
Is that kind of Yeah?
Speaker 5 (10:01):
How long before you said I love you? I'm curious?
Speaker 2 (10:06):
It was in London?
Speaker 4 (10:07):
Actually it was in London on the second trip, No,
first trip, the first trip, so like a month, then
like a month?
Speaker 5 (10:17):
A month?
Speaker 2 (10:18):
Oh, London, London.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
We'll swap London stories later. That's another episode as well. Okay, next,
Ques brings out the lever. Next question here. How long
did you date before you got engaged? And how long
were you engaged before you got married?
Speaker 2 (10:37):
We dated, it's for.
Speaker 4 (10:39):
We're starting November. Yeah, six six.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Seven months before we got engaged.
Speaker 4 (10:47):
Now ask us when we got pregnant, because that was
four months.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
Did the pregnancy hurry up the timeline of the engagement
or was it just independent of one another?
Speaker 2 (11:08):
It was the timeline of the engagement was nothing to do.
There was no pressure to do it because Jana was pregnant.
We had already spoke about it before we even knew
Jannah was pregnant. So people assume and jump to conclusions,
but it absolutely wasn't And part of it. I was
waiting on the ring being custom made as well, but
that took a bit longer, so it was. Yeah, the
(11:32):
timeline between engagement and marriage was thirteen months.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
Thirteen months, but I actually you just sparked another question
for me. So you meet and then you said you
had to have her ring custom made, so you knew
there was going to be time. How soon after meeting
Jenna in person did you go to the jeweler and
start designing this range?
Speaker 4 (11:57):
Tell them the message you sent me on the plane
ride back from Nashville when we first met London.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
I had already touch base with my jewel Wow.
Speaker 5 (12:07):
Wow, when you know you know, that's you know what?
Speaker 1 (12:12):
That's my issue to Alan. The ring is taken forever
to get made. That's that's my delay. These things take forever.
I just want to get it right, So I'm with
you there. Next question, dear guys, what is your age difference.
Has it had any impact one way or another on
your relationship?
Speaker 4 (12:30):
We are three years is that right?
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (12:33):
And for me zero who's older me?
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Yeah, that's why there's zero issue.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
What is that?
Speaker 4 (12:45):
No, I'm kidding, but I will say like when I
was three years older and the person was younger than me,
there was there was belts like there was issues there.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
I mean no, but man, I feel like it doesn't
really matter that much from society and also just even
in the relationship. I feel like that's that's like not
even controversial.
Speaker 5 (13:07):
Mm. Yeah, all right, did you Okay?
Speaker 3 (13:13):
Do we have to go over our age different every
single episode?
Speaker 5 (13:17):
All right?
Speaker 6 (13:18):
All right?
Speaker 5 (13:19):
Why did you want to be married?
Speaker 3 (13:20):
And if you had continued on as a couple stayed
together but you weren't married, do you think your relationship
would be different?
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Okay, first question, why did we want to be married?
I think what kind of I think we both have
old souls and we have a lot of position and
our outlook on life. So for me and also Joanna,
I'm speaking for Joanna here, but for me me, Mary
just cements your love and trust and affection for each
(13:53):
other in a way that I don't know it just
just in cases it and almost protect it a little
bit more so. Again, very early on, we we wanted to,
we wanted to get to get married and and from
a love and passion for each other. Very early on, didn't.
Speaker 4 (14:13):
We I'll say to that question. For me, obviously, I've
gotten it wrong one too many times. But I still
wholeheartedly believe in and love the idea and concept of
marriage and ah, and I wanted to feel what it
was like to you know, at least from what we
(14:36):
were in our relationship, Like I just I believe, I
don't know. I just believe in marriage, and I wanted to.
I wanted to feel that and the right way, not
with's the wrong.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Well, next next question here, now, did your relationship always
have the support of your friends and family?
Speaker 4 (14:55):
My friends, they they obviously know I had that. I've
moved really fast in certain situations. But my very best
friend Catherine said, there's just something about this that is
different with you, and you're not chasing the wrong things.
You're chasing the right thing this time, and you know
you know what you're doing. And so I really believe
(15:17):
I didn't have their support the last times, but I
did this time. And I think because they knew that
it was different, I was different, and then our relationship
was different.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
Yeah, I think my friends and family have been very
supportive are still as supportive even though we were, Yeah,
it was looking like I was going to move away
from London and go to and live in a different country.
At no point did my family's enthusiasm for Fajana diminish
(15:48):
in any way, despite the fact that they knew that
I was going to eventually move over here, move and
move away from them. So now we've always had full
support from friends and family.
Speaker 5 (16:00):
That's awesome and that's so key.
Speaker 3 (16:02):
You had a long distance relationship, so how did that
play into.
Speaker 5 (16:09):
The marriage?
Speaker 3 (16:09):
And where are you on that with everything that's going
on politically, I'm just curious. Our only frame of reference
is ninety day fiance, But how do you make that work?
And where where are you in that process?
Speaker 2 (16:24):
We only we only had to make it work for
a short period of time because I was I was
coaching in England and at that point, so November to March,
so almost four months, oh, four four and a half
months probably, Yeah, we had to make the long distance
the thing work, which was okay, I mean, it was tough.
It was tough at times, and we always managed to
(16:47):
limit it to three weeks. We would go no more
than three weeks without seeing each other. Those times Jana
would fly over just for a few days. It was
a time I flew back just for one day, one night.
Speaker 5 (16:58):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
So we always kind of really emphasized how important that was.
And then when I moved over here, I pretty much
secured a secured the visa through my professional coaching pretty
much straight away, so we don't it wasn't like we
have had to deal with the ninety day fiance.
Speaker 4 (17:19):
Think, and that's never I think the hardest part that
has been the green card though, because you have to
there's so many rules, but you have to be in
the country for ninety days. You can't leave the country.
So he's in that process right now of of with
the green card, and so that is and then you know,
just all the things they put on him that you
can't do this, and you can't work, and you can't
and so there are all these loopholes and now luckily
(17:41):
he's been able to get you know, all the.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
Yeah, we'll we'll get we're getting close to the completion
of it. But it's very limiting, but we've never had
to deal with the Okay, you're here for ninety days
and then have to leave.
Speaker 4 (17:55):
Well, we had to do that one where we were
the visa you had to redo your visa or something,
and then you got almost stuck in DC. I mean
it was I mean, there was a there were some
moments of that where there was a lot of you know,
he's got to go backstamp his visa and then he
has to stay there, but and then we don't know
how long he's going to be there for. And I'm like, well,
what do you mean you don't know how long you're
(18:15):
going to be there for? Like is it a week
or a month? And he's like, I don't know. The
ambassy could take this. So there was definitely some stressors
with with all the visa stuff, and because they're strict
on it, when people do it the right way, you.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
All have to forgive. But I think I actually broke
I think I actually talked to them about it in
the car in LA. So, hey, do you guys watch
ninety eight Beyond. We're such freaks about this show. We
are such fans, so that's why we always end up
bringing it.
Speaker 4 (18:44):
Oh, we need to because we need a new show.
Speaker 3 (18:47):
I would actually call it like a palett cleanser. It's
for us because we love horror movies. So it's a
palette cleanser for us, like let's just lighten things up here.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
Wait, and I heard y'all say, y'all need a new show?
Did you all just get through one that you what
do you all watch together that you love?
Speaker 4 (19:01):
We just watched The Gentleman, we loved that.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
We American Primeval.
Speaker 4 (19:07):
Primeval, American Primeval. That was another good on Netflix. I'm
on the new Hulu one right now called Paradise That
that's what James Marsden Sterling k Brown. And then we
obviously watched Yellowstone. We just binge that one.
Speaker 1 (19:24):
Oh wow, watching right, we do?
Speaker 3 (19:26):
We're like either total trash or complete gore, Like we're really.
Speaker 4 (19:31):
We liked Ultimatum and Love is Blind?
Speaker 3 (19:34):
We like, so, yeah, we watched the Ultimatum and Love
is Blind too? Yes, so embarrassing.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
Embarrassing at fine?
Speaker 5 (19:41):
We do.
Speaker 3 (19:41):
We actually look at it as like I'm taking notes
sometimes on what not to do about communication.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
We do.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
We learned a lot about communication that you all are
still newlyweds, I believe not even a full year yet
right officially married?
Speaker 3 (19:54):
Do I have? Right?
Speaker 4 (19:56):
Technically we are a full year mayor, but we're going
off of our off of our wedding day, which was
July thirteenth.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
So either way, you all still qualified, don't you as newlywed?
So tell me, so you all describe for me. Jene Elstowe,
were you on this one, how would you describe the
first year of marriage? Once you all finally said I do?
What was that first immediate months and first year of marriage?
Speaker 3 (20:24):
Like?
Speaker 4 (20:26):
The first month was amazing because we honeymoon in Italy
and I mean it was like our wedding was the
most magical. I mean it was the most perfect Scottish
day and sun and we had a rain. I mean
it was just it was beautiful. And then we went
to Italy and we honeymooned, and I think I had
it was so much leading up to the wedding too,
(20:46):
that when we got back in August from the honeymoon
and the kids starting school, it was like this not depression,
but I was like it was I was sad because
it was just it was over and I'm like, now
what now we're just married? You know what do we
not like I don't know, like we have nothing, like
(21:06):
nothing to look forward to. But I was like, I
just I was like, there was like this like I
don't know. I struggled a bit when we got back.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
I went back to London for a week to see Troy.
Speaker 4 (21:22):
Yeah, because I was.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
Going to have to then baton down the hatches for
ninety days from my dream card stuff.
Speaker 4 (21:29):
But I think it's been. I think it has been.
To answer the question, it's been. You know, we went
into the holiday season and I love the holidays, and
it's felt just it's so beautiful to just be to
have our blended family together and there's this I had
this like overwhelming just like peace and there I usually
(21:53):
live in kind of like a chaos, and I didn't
have that. Like once the holidays hit, I just everything
kind of just settled down. I was like, this is
everything I've always dreamed of. I've got happy kids and
we're all blended and it's beautiful and everyone's happy and healthy,
and it was I just it was really nice. And
so it's been really beautiful. Hell that was the beautiful piece.
Speaker 5 (22:12):
That's great.
Speaker 3 (22:13):
I'm going to ask you the next question, which is
something we've asked everybody answered, however you feel comfortable with.
But how would you describe your sex life? That's that
for mel johna whoever would like to take a stab
at it.
Speaker 7 (22:28):
No pun intended, no poke intended, Sally, I think it's incredible.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 4 (22:47):
Yeah, it's great.
Speaker 5 (22:50):
You knew.
Speaker 4 (22:51):
It's very passionate and very sexy, but yet loving.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
And we don't have sex. We make love.
Speaker 4 (23:02):
Yeah, I wasn't allowed. Yeah, it's we make love.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Wait, you just started a sentence by saying I wasn't
allowed and you stopped.
Speaker 4 (23:08):
What was that I did? Because remember remember, like in
the beginning, I had said something and you're like, don't
say that, it cheapens it. Yeah, oh wow, you think
we make love?
Speaker 1 (23:17):
Oh wow?
Speaker 4 (23:20):
Yeah, but it is very good.
Speaker 3 (23:25):
Well, we saw you earlier, so I pretty much already
know the answer to this. But how important is non
sexual physical touch to you and your relationship? How do
you prioritize that or do you not?
Speaker 2 (23:39):
I don't think we. I don't think we really pay
attention to prioritize. And I think it and I'm not
being cheesy at all here, but I think it's something
that just naturally a cause between us, whether it's a
stroke or like a pinch of the butt or a slap,
whatever it may be, I think, or just a hug
(24:00):
like quite often but during the day in our house
we have Johanna's offices up here, mains downstairs o kaind
of walking past each other and some things we're just
stop and hug each other and then okay, yeah, we'll
go about they I think affections. It's a it's a
nice natural affection without being I.
Speaker 4 (24:21):
Think something that we've tried to do too, because in
the morning, it's just you know, we got the baby,
we've got the two kids, make the lunches, get packed
their bags. Where it's starting the day embracing and giving
each other, even as simple as just like a hug,
just to be like hi, good morning, because if not,
we're just we get into a habit of just kind
of like passing. And for me, I need that like
closeness and just like a two second hug.
Speaker 5 (24:42):
Mm hmm. It makes a huge difference.
Speaker 4 (24:45):
It does. Yeah, and there's science behind it too, saying
having just that you know a few seconds of that
you know, touch and connection six seconds, six seconds, sorry,
six seconds.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
The next question here is on the flip side of that,
how often do you fight?
Speaker 2 (25:08):
Fight very very really have disagreements.
Speaker 4 (25:15):
Once a month, yeah.
Speaker 3 (25:18):
And is there something that you tend to fight about
specifically or can it be anything.
Speaker 4 (25:26):
I think a lot of our disagreements come from when
I try to explain something, he goes to the defense
and I'm like, I don't need you to defend it.
I just need you to hear me. I don't need
you to take on the fact that I've said, you know,
stuff in the house, is this, that, and the other.
He takes it on as can't you see what I do?
(25:47):
And I'm like, I'm not I just need to voice
and explain and maybe ask for a little bit of help,
and he takes it on like he's not doing enough,
and I'm like, no, you are, Like in that same sentence,
I said, you know, thank you for what you do.
I just think I need a little more help with X.
And I think I don't know if I think it's
just a male thing too, but they think they might
go a little bit more on the defense of things.
(26:09):
And so where we just kind of miss each other
is I'm not trying to get down on him, but
I think our communication and that is just I just
want to be heard and he wants to just defend.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
Yeah, or have you seen the have you seen the
clip on social media on where the women that the
man and women are sitting on the sofa and the
woman's got a nail poking out of her head and
she's she's sitting saying her husband, I mean, I just
don't feel right. I've got these headaches and I mean
there's just there's just something going on. And the guy's
looking all like and he's like, well, it might be
(26:43):
the nail that's stuck. And she's like, you're always trying
to tell me what You're always you're always trying to
find solutions. Don't tell me it's a nail in my head.
He's like, well, you've got a nail stick. I think
when Jana, when Janna speaking to me and trying to
communicate a certain way and she just wants to be held,
(27:05):
I'm like, Okay, this is how we fix it. And
then I think is males we just try and me
just try and find solutions, don't we. So I think
rather than I some things I won't lessen as well
as I should, essentially, which can lead to the arguments.
Speaker 5 (27:24):
It was so cute.
Speaker 3 (27:25):
When I asked you guys, how often you fight or
what you fight about, you guys both got the cutest
sheep mote, like like sheepish grins on your faces.
Speaker 5 (27:33):
Like it was almost funny or sport.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (27:36):
It didn't seem malicious in any way. It was sweet.
Speaker 3 (27:39):
Actually, even to see you guys think about when you fight,
it actually still seemed cute. That is nauseating, but it
is actually.
Speaker 4 (27:45):
What I saw because our fights aren't like they're not
they're not anything I've ever experienced before. Like they're just
which is why I don't really call them fights. And
we've had some, don't get us wrong, you know, and
they've been you know, loud, and but it's all out
of love. That's the thing, you know, It's all and
(28:05):
we're just there's just missus with the passion the Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
All right, So for both of you here, can you
remember and tell us when was the last time you
needed to say I'm sorry to the other.
Speaker 4 (28:18):
Last week week.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
Over the same thing, over the same incident, Yeah, incident.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
I think we will leave it at that.
Speaker 2 (28:31):
Question.
Speaker 4 (28:32):
I think there's just we all can play. That's the
thing that we all play a part in conflict. You
know what I mean, like, and I think there's though
and I can't even remember honestly what it was about. Now,
well do you yeah?
Speaker 2 (28:45):
And I don't. I do remember, but I don't. I
don't deal Oh yeah, don't deal with conflict. Well, I
will either raise my voice and everyone cries, and.
Speaker 4 (28:58):
I don't deal well with raised voice.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
Oh okay, And so we tend not to get into
the conflict much because Johnna Johannah Lake's ansos and lakes
to be lessened. When I'm like, oh fuck this, I'm not.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
We're the the I don't like the conflict. I will
say I will stay here and I will work this
out with you. We can talk all day. But when
the voice goes up I raised my voice and that
thing I can't, then I'm completely checked out. That's a wrap.
Speaker 3 (29:37):
And I've learned that that is not just ineffective, it's
massively counterproductive.
Speaker 5 (29:43):
So I have worked on that significantly. Hopefully you've noticed.
Speaker 4 (29:49):
Do you all?
Speaker 5 (29:50):
Have you all gone to bed angry?
Speaker 4 (29:53):
Well, that's interesting to go back to what you just said. TJ.
The other that same incident, He's like, you know, it's
about it was quite late. It was for us. It
was late, it was like ten thirty, eleven o'clock and
he's like, okay, what like, let's go. We're not going
another day, you know, being in this conflict. And he's like,
let's talk about it, and I'm like, I'm exhausted. I
(30:14):
don't want to talk about right now. I don't think
we're both in a spot to talk about it right now.
I don't think that's like our therapists tell us to,
you know, when we're red, we go to bed, you
know what I mean. So, and he does not like
going to bed angry, which I do love that aspect
of things, but I also think if we're not in
the right place to talk about it, the fight's just
going to continue.
Speaker 3 (30:33):
True.
Speaker 4 (30:34):
Which then the next morning we went. I was like, okay,
are we in a good place to talk about this,
because I'm in a good place are you? And we
sat there for an hour, we hashed it out, and
then we gave kisses and hugs and we were on
our way.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
Yeah, but I'm not in a good place to talk
about it because I'm not slept the whole night of
it because I want to deal with it then, and
you don't want to.
Speaker 5 (30:55):
I'm the same way as you. I want to hash
it out right there. I don't want to sleep on
I can't sleep. I'm like tortured. Yes, it's so funny, but.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
It's gonna cost us another couple of nights because I'm
not in a good place. You're gonna make me talk
to you right now. I'm telling you I'm not in
a good place.
Speaker 4 (31:12):
And then people say things they don't mean the good places,
And that is what you cannot come back from. For me,
when you say something that is not nice, you you're
not coming back from that for a couple of days.
Like I don't do well with that because I know
how bad words affect end. You just can't take back
the words. So you gotta be really careful in those moments.
Speaker 3 (31:32):
It's so true, and I have learned, like it's so interesting,
it's so interesting. But even if I want or need something,
if he doesn't want or need it, it's not gonna
work and it's only gonna make things worse.
Speaker 5 (31:44):
And so that is you do you learn how what
you get. You have to be willing to say okay,
it's better to do it, and to talk it out
when you're.
Speaker 1 (31:52):
Calm'st to a happier note. For this next question, tell
me Alan what do you love most about And Jana
what do you love most about your.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
Both like a touched on earlier HU smile it brightens
up any any day. So for me, I love not
just us smile the physical appearance of a smile, but
what's going on inside and a soul. And I think
(32:23):
amazing smile reflects every bit of kindness and care that
she's got for everyone around them. So yeah, the biggest
thing I love about her is is her smile.
Speaker 4 (32:35):
I would say Allan is fiercely how he protects people
and how he like his loyalty to people is is
fierce and his protection and he's I just know that
when I'm when I'm you know, with him, like I'm good,
(32:57):
I feel I'm safe with him, He's going to always
protect me. And there's just this loyalty that I know
that he's always got not only me, you know, protected,
but us. And to know that he you know, he
wherever he goes or wherever we go, that you know,
he's always holding our relationship, our family in the highest
(33:19):
regards and protecting us.
Speaker 5 (33:20):
I love that that he's not just protecting you, but
that he's protecting us. I love that. That's really cool,
that's awesome.
Speaker 3 (33:29):
How do you guys handle some of the things that
so many couples end up fighting about are the mundane things,
but probably it's a deeper meaning.
Speaker 5 (33:37):
But how do you, guys, how have you tackled your finances?
Especially when you.
Speaker 3 (33:41):
Come into a relationship later, you have your own way
of doing things and maybe you've you know, you've been
through other divorces, so you have certain walls up financially
to say, I got to protect myself.
Speaker 5 (33:52):
How do you How have you guys handled that?
Speaker 2 (33:55):
Good question, A really good question, because we both have
exes that we pay, so therefore there's that side of things.
We've both got our own careers, our own professions. So
I think at the beginning things were really quite separate.
Went because I spend a lot of money going back
(34:18):
to London to see my son as well. So I
think at the beginning of fact, our finances were really
quite quite separated. I had come over to the US,
so I wasn't earning near what I earned in the UK.
I think since we got married, and since the wedding,
(34:39):
we've really started to I mean, we've really started to
join our finances and joint ventures and and now it
feels it feels a lot less, a lot less separate
and more more combined and more exactly what our relationship
is like. But yeah, that it does. It does, cause
(35:01):
it does. When you have those separate bells going out
for different things. It does cause end of a separation
at the beginning, doesn't it for sure? But no, it's
it's different.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
Next up here, how do you all handle stuff around
the house? The household little duties from cooking, cleaning, parenting,
and the one that's really tripped up a lot of
our couple's laundry. We'd like to hear as well.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
We just didn't.
Speaker 4 (35:34):
I don't know, are you Are you actually kidding right now?
I do laundry for everybody in the house, everybody, And
actually I would love to just ask you this question
right now while it's it's happening in the moment.
Speaker 2 (35:52):
You've been defensive. Yes, okay, go ahead.
Speaker 4 (35:57):
He rarely does the laundry, and that's okay. And because
we'll talk about all don't be like we're gonna.
Speaker 2 (36:03):
Tell you all that for five days and you win
them for five minutes.
Speaker 4 (36:07):
That's not true. And so he'll grab the laundry basket
and he'll leave it in the laundry.
Speaker 2 (36:13):
Room from the bedroom baskets in the bedroom.
Speaker 4 (36:17):
Well in the bedroom, but it's in the closet in
the bedroom. Yeah, and then he'll leave it in the
laundry room and he'll throw it in. But the problem
is is when he does the laundry, it doesn't get
finished right. So when I throw in laundry, I put
it in. I then transfer it to the dryer, and
then within that day, if not the next morning, I
make sure that it is folded and then put away
with allan it's in the wash for and and I
(36:39):
watched this happen because I'm like, all right, this is
his once the every few months, he's going to bring
the laundry thing in there. You leave it in there,
and then it stays in the wash for like four days.
Speaker 5 (36:50):
So it gets just molded and mildewy, and then yeah.
Speaker 4 (36:54):
It doesn't And I saw I saw him the other
day transfering it in the dryer, and I was like,
are you seriously transferring the four day wet, gross molded
stuff into the dryer?
Speaker 3 (37:05):
Now?
Speaker 4 (37:05):
Like, now is the time you want to do it,
like not four days ago or whatever. And he's like,
it's fine, it doesn't smell. So then he puts it
in the dryer. Well, it's still sitting in the dryer.
The laundry baskets still there. So now the clothes that
are in the closet are now piling up on the
floor and I'm like, least put the basket back in
the room. I'm like, please, just don't. I appreciate you trying.
And there must have been something you really needed to wash,
because that might have been the reason why you did it.
(37:27):
But I'll just take it from here. It's still because
now who's folding it?
Speaker 2 (37:33):
So to summarize that, Johana does all the washing until
I selfish needs something washed for myself.
Speaker 4 (37:42):
Are you admitting that, Yeah, we had a breakthrough.
Speaker 5 (37:50):
It is amazing and has Yes.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
He laundry gets everybody. Every couple gets going on laundry.
Speaker 5 (37:58):
It's so funny.
Speaker 4 (37:59):
Well, I think it heart and I'll say this, Alan
is an incredible house like partner in this where it's
like we he cooks. He's an amazing chef. I can't
cook to save my life, So this man cooks. I
just do the sides, like I'll do I'll throw in
the brussels or the steams and whatever. But when it
comes to like the main dish, I mean, he is,
he's our chef, like he's incredible, and then I usually
(38:21):
I'll I like cleaning. I love cleaning. My countertops are
my thing. I'm very anal about them. They must be
clean and white. So I like to clean. And but
like in the mornings, like we both empty the dishwasher together,
I'm like, babe, stop, no, I'll do it, and he's like, no, no,
I'll do it, and then we're both doing it together.
So we do a lot of things together because we
don't want the other person to feel like, you know,
they're not. But the laundry is definitely one of those
(38:42):
things where you know, I'm washing for five people, you know,
the baby, the two, the three kids, me, him, and
so it does become But I will say this in
his defense. Whenever I am folding it when he's around,
he'll come and sit there and help me fold and
I'll be like, no, babe, don't worry about it. And
then he'll go, Okay, credit for the attempt.
Speaker 5 (39:04):
I get it. It's so funny.
Speaker 2 (39:05):
So Yeah, she does the laundry and I cook, and
I and I deal with the forty five Amazon boxes
that arrive every single day that pile up, that pile
up in the in the hallway. But people just think
they magically disappear in the house. I take them. I
take them to the dumpster every single day.
Speaker 1 (39:26):
And you have to fold them down before you take
them out there, right, that takes No, you don't do that.
Speaker 2 (39:30):
In the back of the truck. They get they get
taken as they are boxed up, fully structured, and they
go into the.
Speaker 1 (39:40):
I was trying to throw your bone there man about
how difficult it was to take the box to Wait.
Speaker 4 (39:44):
Which one do you guys do? I know you guys
are probably talked about this, but I'm just curious. What
does the laundry?
Speaker 1 (39:49):
Oh, we both do laundry because we still have two places,
but I end up doing the laundry for three between
her and my daughter Sabine, and so I probably wash more.
Speaker 5 (40:00):
You might.
Speaker 3 (40:01):
I mean, look, it's we have this weird thing that
we need to remedy at some point soon. But we
we we have two residences, but we spend every single
night together.
Speaker 4 (40:10):
So it's ridiculous and funds like it's money wasting.
Speaker 5 (40:13):
It is really the financial toilet bowl.
Speaker 3 (40:16):
But yes, but but we we actually kind of had
been so used to doing everything on our own for
our family. So now when we're together, it's just great
because we're just like each other's wingman, you know. And
I used to be the sole person who cooked before,
and he was the sole person who cooked before.
Speaker 5 (40:37):
So now he's better than me. And so I was funny,
I made Brussels sprouts last night. I was laughing when
you said that. I was like, and I made the
side last night.
Speaker 3 (40:45):
So yeah, I have now reverted to being maybe more
of the soux chef and the sides person. But I
am so happy after having decades of being the sole
person in charge of cooking.
Speaker 5 (40:59):
I'm grateful that he's so good at what he does.
Speaker 3 (41:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (41:03):
Oh, the laundry is hilarious everybody.
Speaker 5 (41:05):
That's not our issue.
Speaker 3 (41:06):
It gets to everybody, but it's everyone else's issue. It's fascinating.
Speaker 2 (41:10):
That's funny.
Speaker 1 (41:11):
How about this, guys, how much alone time or should
I say how much time away from each other do
you feel you ever need.
Speaker 4 (41:20):
I'm the worst person to ask for us, because I
could just be sitting next to him the entire day
and be so happy, like, I just love being with you.
You know, the other day I was with a sleepover
with my daughter. I took her to this water park
and slept over with her, and I'm like, I miss you.
I know that's silly, but that was in my text
because I just I love being next to him, and
sometimes it is nice to share a battle, to just
(41:41):
have your bed to yourself. He likes to say he
likes to have his bed like a bed alone because
he likes to fart, so like and I won't be
in the bed. But like for me, I just am like,
I just love being around him.
Speaker 2 (41:53):
So we didn't have that.
Speaker 1 (41:55):
Question on the list farts more. I'm sorry we missed
that one.
Speaker 2 (41:59):
Jenn thoughts, period, I just don't do it when she's around.
Speaker 5 (42:06):
How about you? How much alone time do you need?
Speaker 2 (42:10):
Not a lot? I mean, we don't really do alone
time anymore. I think we are. I don't. I don't
really need time away from her, to be honest, I don't.
It feels weird, like touching on the Johanna was at
(42:31):
the the place a few days ago, and it just
feels weird when she's not there. It just feels it
just feels odd when she's when she's not around. So
I don't think we I don't think we ever want
alone time, do we?
Speaker 4 (42:48):
I mean, what we could do it right now?
Speaker 6 (42:50):
Was there?
Speaker 4 (42:51):
Do you want like a one day a week where
you're like, I'm just going to go to my office
and or I want to just go to this room
by myself.
Speaker 2 (42:58):
Do I want that?
Speaker 4 (42:59):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (42:59):
My office anyway, so we have we have that time
away from each other during the day. But even then
I'll just wander upstairs to see you. Oh, she will
open her head in the office and the just just
a little thing. We don't need, We don't need a
long time. We probably don't do it well either.
Speaker 5 (43:19):
That's really sweet. Have you all ever been to a
couple of therapy together.
Speaker 4 (43:24):
Yeah, yeah, we have. We've needed We've had our our
therapists come together and do a joint session when we
weren't able to.
Speaker 2 (43:35):
We did a collab wed.
Speaker 5 (43:39):
Your therapist meets my therapist if we all get along.
Speaker 2 (43:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (43:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (43:43):
They work in the same building, so it's nice because
they know each other. But it's it's it was good.
I mean, we we had something that we needed help
walking through, and yeah, and it was, it was very helpful.
Speaker 1 (43:56):
All right, last few we're going to get through here.
Have you ever threatened to break up, leave, get divorced
in the middle of a heated argument.
Speaker 4 (44:04):
I have never.
Speaker 2 (44:09):
Never divorced. No a threated to leave, leave that leave
the house because I can't be asked with the argument anymore.
But I think I think, deep down I would. She
knows I would never ever want to be without ever.
Speaker 5 (44:31):
Therefore, no, okay, you just totally made up for that.
That was really sweet. And to that point, what is
the sweetest thing your partner has done for you?
Speaker 6 (44:42):
Maybe you can answer that first and some of the
most romantic, the sweetest thing my partners ever, I mean, well,
I mean this is a big thing, but I mean
he left the country that he lived and had, you know,
he had a he has a son that lives there,
and the fact that he.
Speaker 4 (45:01):
Came here and gave up so much to have this
life with me is you know, very appreciative of that.
And that's a very big gesture and a lot of sacrifice.
So and then the sweetest thing, I mean, he leaves
me notes all the time, and he's very he's very
thoughtful in that regard, and he brings me flowers all
(45:25):
the time. I've never had so many flowers in my life.
Every time he not every time, but every almost every
other He's always coming home with a bouquet of flowers
and he puts it and he puts it in the base.
It's not like he just leaves them like he's he's like,
you know, decorating the flowers and putting them on the table,
and it's just it's very sweet. He cares.
Speaker 2 (45:46):
Sweetest thing that you've done for me. I think that
from a bigger picture thing as ho Jana has taken
my son, my seventeen year old son and Bill. It's
depical because he loves in life and then we're here,
but how she will constantly text them and try and
make sure there's always part of things and always want
(46:08):
them here. So that's really sweet because it's not always
easy when kids are older and more of the like
a daily our lives together. Like Jana was leaving, I
had clients in town that I was coaching, and Jana
was leaving to go to Oklahoma for a movie. So
there was a period of about four days we weren't
(46:28):
going to be with each other, and I promise you
not that there must have been. And it's so funny,
like there was noes all over the house. Part of
it because she doesn't trust me with some things in
the house, like leaving the burner on.
Speaker 4 (46:42):
Constantly leaves the burners left.
Speaker 2 (46:45):
On sometimes, but again it's a lot of averages when
you cook every day sometimes.
Speaker 1 (46:51):
God, that's so good.
Speaker 2 (46:54):
So anyway, going back to my little sweet wife, like
there was a message on the shower, you're so sexy.
There was a message on There's a message on the kettle,
enjoy your morning coffee. There was a message I go
out and use We have an outside toilet which is
my second office, which I frequent and there was even
(47:15):
there was a note on the toilet. There was a
note on the mirror. The note on the toilet was
I'm going to miss you, stinky, and just everywhere, like
there was messages underneath the pillow and that's just that's
just she just goes the extra mile with everything to
make you feel loved and cherished and yeah, so sweet.
Speaker 1 (47:37):
All right, you'll hit on something that humor has been
a theme of all of our couple. That's absolutely president
in every one of those relationships, but last one will
get you out on it saves a little cheesy, hoky
and obvious. But everybody who meets a successful couple that
wants what that couple has will ask this question. So
I'll put it to you all, what is the key?
What is the secret to lasting relationship success? What would
(47:58):
you tell?
Speaker 2 (48:03):
Don't It's a good question, but I don't think it's
just one thing. I think it's.
Speaker 7 (48:13):
For me.
Speaker 4 (48:13):
I'll just say it's yeah, I'm thinking to appreciate the
person because I think so often in relationships when we
can nitpick. So instead of going to something like you
don't do this, it's thank you for what you do,
and so just to acknowledge everything that they do do
for you and to highlight that instead of always highlighting
what they don't do for you.
Speaker 2 (48:35):
And who speaks so well whether follow that that's why
you need to let me go faster? What is the key?
I think it's I think a part of it is
keeping the is keeping the passion and energy in it.
So I think the love making and sex life sight
(48:57):
of it is is so important. Think the trust and respect.
Say this so impotant because that ignites the passion and
the and the kind of sex life side of it.
But I think just just making sure, like I'm always
really wary of Okay, am I am I a good
(49:19):
person to be around today? Am I going to be
a good husband today? Or am I making how attached
from me because of my behavior? So I think just
the self recognition of just be a good person for
your wife to be around and she'll want to hang
around with you. So I think there's I think there's
a few things, but I think that's that's a big one.
Speaker 4 (49:41):
You can go a little inside your head sometimes.
Speaker 2 (49:43):
And yeah, I'm an I'm an introverted.
Speaker 4 (49:45):
He's an introverted and I'm very extroverted with my thinking
and thoughts, and he's just like in his head, I'm like,
are you here? You're listening to me?
Speaker 2 (49:50):
Are you? Or like?
Speaker 4 (49:52):
And so I do you even want me to be here?
But he's really just thinking of you know, probably one thing.
Speaker 3 (50:00):
You know what we we so appreciate your willingness to
just let us go in deep in your relationship. You know,
these are questions I think a lot of people want
to ask, like what's it really like in their relationship?
Speaker 5 (50:13):
And thank you for answering them.
Speaker 3 (50:16):
Honestly and with humor, and I we we learn every
time every quay, like I'm taking notes at what you all.
Speaker 5 (50:25):
Do that we could work on.
Speaker 3 (50:26):
And I think everyone listening is doing the same thing.
But first and foremost, just thank you for being willing
to answer these questions and share very private things with us,
because we love your love.
Speaker 5 (50:38):
You guys are adorable.
Speaker 3 (50:40):
I wish everybody could see what we're seeing and we'll
have some video of it. But you guys are like
you can tell like the love is real.
Speaker 5 (50:46):
Well, love is there. You've you've been down different paths
and you're together and it's really sweet witness and watch.
Speaker 4 (50:52):
So thank you well, thank you for having us out.
We appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (50:55):
We'll see you soon. Get on that laundry, brother
Speaker 4 (50:58):
Ye, I'm gonna go fold it there for ten days, Okay, bye,
god bye love work
Hey there, everybody. In this episode, our Love Stories series
continues with a couple number four, Jana Kramer and Alan Russell.
They started out long distance. By long distance, we're talking
Nashville to London. Now many frequent flyer miles later, they
are thriving and welcome to this Cuffing Season edition.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Up Amy and.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
TJ and Robes. This one is kind of personal to us.
We've gotten to know half of this couple really well,
I guess the past year or so, that's right.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Jenna was somebody who we met when we all came
together to do another podcast that we do called I
Do Part Two. And Jenna, of course is known to
so many as the actress and country music singer that
she is, and of course she has her own podcast,
but she came to us and was so vulnerable, just
laughing and saying, you know, yeah, so cause we were saying, yep,
(00:55):
we're divorced twice, and she's like, I can beat that,
I can top that. I'm on husband number four. And
she's young, she's gorgeous. That was a shocking thing to
even hear from someone so young. But she said, look,
look here's the thing, and she talked about all the
lessons she learned along the way.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
But yeah, she's she really is. I described her once
and it made headlines. I said she was nuts in
one of the podcasts and they put that in the headline.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
But she is our kind of crazy.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
She owns everything she does and has gone through. She
appreciates everything she's gone through. And this is why I
think really the two of us were so drawn to her.
She appreciates that every single hardship led her to something exactly,
and that's something we certainly can relate to. So, yes,
fourth marriage, he's on his second. But they did they
(01:49):
didn't just have to deal with distance ropes. Everybody knows
the immigration.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
Process is nine ninety day Fiance. We are avid fans,
and we talked about it a lot with them. They
don't watch, so it was kind of embarrassing for us
as we kept referring back to ninety day Fiance trying
to understand their situation, and they were really trying to
distance themselves from there because.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
They didn't have that. We just think anybody now who
has dating somebody who lives somewhere else Night Day Fiance.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
Right, right, you know what that's like, right? No, they
did not relate at all, which was funny. But I
had not met her husband Alan, you had, You and
Sabine actually went out to La when I couldn't go
because I was I had family issues back home, and
you had met him and you described him as a
kind of a quiet, reserved Scottish man.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Because we took a ride. It was me and Sabine,
Jenna and Alan in the back of this truck going
to an event, and we end up in traffic for.
Speaker 4 (02:42):
An hour plus shocking at LA.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Trying to get to an event. So we all just
into ended up shooting the shit and getting to know
each other a lot better in there. But yeah, he's
you know, she's how would you just throw? Because I
don't want to make it a heap.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
She's well, she even said, I'm an extrovert. He's an introvert.
And but when we keep saying this, when we as
a couple talk to another couple, all of the barriers
melt And it was wonderful to get to know Alan,
to see him coming out of his shell and I
could hear him talk all day.
Speaker 5 (03:15):
I love that broke yes.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
So it was it was so cool because here's this big, strong,
good looking guy, pro soccer player, and you saw his vulnerability,
and you saw him talking about Jana and talking about
how they got through issues and admitting fault in fights.
It was really cool to see people let their guards
down who might not otherwise do it and really let
(03:38):
us all feel like we can relate.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
There's no discomfort in his vulnerability. That is called manhood
in my opinion, right, even in being that kind of
vulnerable and open and admitting certain things, or even admitting that, yeah,
I like physical touch, are I like the whole Even
saying those things now it helps it. It comes from
this stud of a dun Okay, okay, never man, forget
(04:01):
everything I just said.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
No.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
But we do love these two so we were glad
we were able to add them to our series here,
a series which we are absolutely having a good good
time doing and learning a lot doing it as well.
But no matter where you are and your relationship, your
dating life, there's something you can get from these couples.
And we have a diverse group and we've been asking
them roll the exact same questions.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
Yes, we asked them questions like did your relationship have
the support of family and friends? How often do you fight,
how do you handle finances or household chores? And it
was really cool because we've seen some common themes in
these successful, happy couples and so yes, we are taking notes.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
All right, We're going to drop a new episode every
single day leading up to Valentine's Day. I believe Jenna
and Allen this makes a couple number four for us
in the series. So, without further ado, take a listen
to our conversation with Jenna.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
And Alan, and joining us now is Jana Kramer and
Alan Russell.
Speaker 5 (05:06):
Oh, you guys were so cute.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
Just a few moments ago before I introduced you, you
were just sitting there on the couch together and you
were holding hands.
Speaker 5 (05:13):
I loved it. Did you know you were doing that?
Speaker 4 (05:17):
Well, if he's sweet, he always will kind of give
me like a little touch before we start a podcast.
But we will have those moments we're in bed, or
we'll make fun of ourselves because we're just laying in
bed holding hands and we're like, this is but we
don't we catch ourselves doing it and we're like, we
are ridiculous. That is sweet, and I think everywhere else
(05:37):
at the same time, No, I.
Speaker 5 (05:39):
Don't think it's gross. At all. I think it's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
A look, we have to tell you we caught ourselves
today in the subway coming to this studio, standing in
the subway, and for some it is not a busy
it was impact. We're standing up against the door and
we were holding hands and didn't even realize we were
doing it. So don't think it's gross. We do same.
Speaker 4 (05:58):
I mean, I truly, I really love it because it's
you know, and I can think back and go, all right,
this is, you know, everything I wanted. I always I
love physical touch. So the fact that I've got someone
that equally likes physical touches is a beautiful thing.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
And he's a Scotsman too. Are they known for their
love of physical touch?
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Are you gonna have to do the accident every time?
Speaker 5 (06:18):
Every time I could have gone in even deeper. Glad
I didn't.
Speaker 4 (06:21):
You're like my dad and oh we had such fun
time in scotl every time I don't have to speak Scottish.
Every time you talk to Alan, it's fine, like you,
it's a terrible impersonation.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
I've got to an American friend that answers the phone
in Scottish.
Speaker 4 (06:37):
No, what does he say?
Speaker 2 (06:40):
All right? You're speaking American. You're not Scottish anyway. A
Scottish people naturally affectionate.
Speaker 4 (06:52):
Probably not, I would not think.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
I think we naturally lack empathy and any sort of
romance whatsoever.
Speaker 5 (07:00):
See, it's funny. I would have thought that I appreciate it.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
I'm German like ninety according to twenty three and meter,
So the Germans and the Scots have a lot in common.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
Yeah, we tend to do we think without.
Speaker 4 (07:15):
Thinking about it.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Appreciation for the environment of hearing the room. Yep, no,
I think I've I'm fairly romantic and butchi feely and
affect it.
Speaker 4 (07:28):
Yeah, you're you're the.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Well like I lack empathy at times.
Speaker 4 (07:34):
I think a lot of men do.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
Different episodes.
Speaker 4 (07:37):
We can get into that in just a bit.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
We're going to start with the question we asked all
of our couples when we began. Each of you, we'd
love for you to give us three words to describe
your relationship right now.
Speaker 5 (07:50):
Janna, we'll start with you.
Speaker 4 (07:52):
Three words to describe the relationship right now? Growing gosh, okay,
so that's a good one. So growing, patient and beautiful, okay.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Man, powerful, loving, and strong?
Speaker 1 (08:22):
What was colorful? The first one powerful, powerful, powerful thoughts
said colorful. I was gonna do a follow up. All right,
next questionnaire for you all. Was there immediate chemistry? Alan?
Will start with you. Was there immediate chemistry when you
two first met?
Speaker 2 (08:41):
Immediate?
Speaker 4 (08:42):
Immediate?
Speaker 1 (08:43):
That's the fast that's the quickest and most definitive answer
any couple has given us when we asked that.
Speaker 5 (08:49):
Oh, really, you remember the moment I'm guessing.
Speaker 4 (08:52):
Oh, he was like in his long trench coat and
his back was to me, and then he turned around.
It was like, oh wow, and he looked at me
and smiled and was like, oh my god. If I
if I wasn't crazy, like if I am crazy, but
if I didn't care in that moment, I would have
just like kissed him right away. But I didn't. He
kissed me right away.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
You refrained for about six seconds, and then no, you totally.
Speaker 4 (09:14):
Kiss me first.
Speaker 5 (09:16):
What was that moment like for you, Alan, I'm curious.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
The moment that it first matter.
Speaker 5 (09:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
Well, we'd spoken so much that week on FaceTime that
we there was a sense that we already knew a
lot about each other. But obviously FaceTime is FaceTime, and
it's completely different. The biggest thing that always got me
about Jana was a smile. So as soon as I
turned a round in the hotel and I seen her
and she smiled, I was like, this is it? I knew?
Speaker 5 (09:45):
And then oh you knew? So who said I love
you first?
Speaker 4 (09:50):
Alan?
Speaker 2 (09:51):
Yeah, because you shit yourself to say it and didn't
want to say it. So I took the pressure off
of you and I said it.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
You agree with all that? It looks like?
Speaker 4 (09:59):
Is that kind of Yeah?
Speaker 5 (10:01):
How long before you said I love you? I'm curious?
Speaker 2 (10:06):
It was in London?
Speaker 4 (10:07):
Actually it was in London on the second trip, No,
first trip, the first trip, so like a month, then
like a month?
Speaker 5 (10:17):
A month?
Speaker 2 (10:18):
Oh, London, London.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
We'll swap London stories later. That's another episode as well. Okay, next,
Ques brings out the lever. Next question here. How long
did you date before you got engaged? And how long
were you engaged before you got married?
Speaker 2 (10:37):
We dated, it's for.
Speaker 4 (10:39):
We're starting November. Yeah, six six.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Seven months before we got engaged.
Speaker 4 (10:47):
Now ask us when we got pregnant, because that was
four months.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
Did the pregnancy hurry up the timeline of the engagement
or was it just independent of one another?
Speaker 2 (11:08):
It was the timeline of the engagement was nothing to do.
There was no pressure to do it because Jana was pregnant.
We had already spoke about it before we even knew
Jannah was pregnant. So people assume and jump to conclusions,
but it absolutely wasn't And part of it. I was
waiting on the ring being custom made as well, but
that took a bit longer, so it was. Yeah, the
(11:32):
timeline between engagement and marriage was thirteen months.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
Thirteen months, but I actually you just sparked another question
for me. So you meet and then you said you
had to have her ring custom made, so you knew
there was going to be time. How soon after meeting
Jenna in person did you go to the jeweler and
start designing this range?
Speaker 4 (11:57):
Tell them the message you sent me on the plane
ride back from Nashville when we first met London.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
I had already touch base with my jewel Wow.
Speaker 5 (12:07):
Wow, when you know you know, that's you know what?
Speaker 1 (12:12):
That's my issue to Alan. The ring is taken forever
to get made. That's that's my delay. These things take forever.
I just want to get it right, So I'm with
you there. Next question, dear guys, what is your age difference.
Has it had any impact one way or another on
your relationship?
Speaker 4 (12:30):
We are three years is that right?
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (12:33):
And for me zero who's older me?
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Yeah, that's why there's zero issue.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
What is that?
Speaker 4 (12:45):
No, I'm kidding, but I will say like when I
was three years older and the person was younger than me,
there was there was belts like there was issues there.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
I mean no, but man, I feel like it doesn't
really matter that much from society and also just even
in the relationship. I feel like that's that's like not
even controversial.
Speaker 5 (13:07):
Mm. Yeah, all right, did you Okay?
Speaker 3 (13:13):
Do we have to go over our age different every
single episode?
Speaker 5 (13:17):
All right?
Speaker 6 (13:18):
All right?
Speaker 5 (13:19):
Why did you want to be married?
Speaker 3 (13:20):
And if you had continued on as a couple stayed
together but you weren't married, do you think your relationship
would be different?
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Okay, first question, why did we want to be married?
I think what kind of I think we both have
old souls and we have a lot of position and
our outlook on life. So for me and also Joanna,
I'm speaking for Joanna here, but for me me, Mary
just cements your love and trust and affection for each
(13:53):
other in a way that I don't know it just
just in cases it and almost protect it a little
bit more so. Again, very early on, we we wanted to,
we wanted to get to get married and and from
a love and passion for each other. Very early on, didn't.
Speaker 4 (14:13):
We I'll say to that question. For me, obviously, I've
gotten it wrong one too many times. But I still
wholeheartedly believe in and love the idea and concept of
marriage and ah, and I wanted to feel what it
was like to you know, at least from what we
(14:36):
were in our relationship, Like I just I believe, I
don't know. I just believe in marriage, and I wanted to.
I wanted to feel that and the right way, not
with's the wrong.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Well, next next question here, now, did your relationship always
have the support of your friends and family?
Speaker 4 (14:55):
My friends, they they obviously know I had that. I've
moved really fast in certain situations. But my very best
friend Catherine said, there's just something about this that is
different with you, and you're not chasing the wrong things.
You're chasing the right thing this time, and you know
you know what you're doing. And so I really believe
(15:17):
I didn't have their support the last times, but I
did this time. And I think because they knew that
it was different, I was different, and then our relationship
was different.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
Yeah, I think my friends and family have been very
supportive are still as supportive even though we were, Yeah,
it was looking like I was going to move away
from London and go to and live in a different country.
At no point did my family's enthusiasm for Fajana diminish
(15:48):
in any way, despite the fact that they knew that
I was going to eventually move over here, move and
move away from them. So now we've always had full
support from friends and family.
Speaker 5 (16:00):
That's awesome and that's so key.
Speaker 3 (16:02):
You had a long distance relationship, so how did that
play into.
Speaker 5 (16:09):
The marriage?
Speaker 3 (16:09):
And where are you on that with everything that's going
on politically, I'm just curious. Our only frame of reference
is ninety day fiance, But how do you make that work?
And where where are you in that process?
Speaker 2 (16:24):
We only we only had to make it work for
a short period of time because I was I was
coaching in England and at that point, so November to March,
so almost four months, oh, four four and a half
months probably, Yeah, we had to make the long distance
the thing work, which was okay, I mean, it was tough.
It was tough at times, and we always managed to
(16:47):
limit it to three weeks. We would go no more
than three weeks without seeing each other. Those times Jana
would fly over just for a few days. It was
a time I flew back just for one day, one night.
Speaker 5 (16:58):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
So we always kind of really emphasized how important that was.
And then when I moved over here, I pretty much
secured a secured the visa through my professional coaching pretty
much straight away, so we don't it wasn't like we
have had to deal with the ninety day fiance.
Speaker 4 (17:19):
Think, and that's never I think the hardest part that
has been the green card though, because you have to
there's so many rules, but you have to be in
the country for ninety days. You can't leave the country.
So he's in that process right now of of with
the green card, and so that is and then you know,
just all the things they put on him that you
can't do this, and you can't work, and you can't
and so there are all these loopholes and now luckily
(17:41):
he's been able to get you know, all the.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
Yeah, we'll we'll get we're getting close to the completion
of it. But it's very limiting, but we've never had
to deal with the Okay, you're here for ninety days
and then have to leave.
Speaker 4 (17:55):
Well, we had to do that one where we were
the visa you had to redo your visa or something,
and then you got almost stuck in DC. I mean
it was I mean, there was a there were some
moments of that where there was a lot of you know,
he's got to go backstamp his visa and then he
has to stay there, but and then we don't know
how long he's going to be there for. And I'm like, well,
what do you mean you don't know how long you're
(18:15):
going to be there for? Like is it a week
or a month? And he's like, I don't know. The
ambassy could take this. So there was definitely some stressors
with with all the visa stuff, and because they're strict
on it, when people do it the right way, you.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
All have to forgive. But I think I actually broke
I think I actually talked to them about it in
the car in LA. So, hey, do you guys watch
ninety eight Beyond. We're such freaks about this show. We
are such fans, so that's why we always end up
bringing it.
Speaker 4 (18:44):
Oh, we need to because we need a new show.
Speaker 3 (18:47):
I would actually call it like a palett cleanser. It's
for us because we love horror movies. So it's a
palette cleanser for us, like let's just lighten things up here.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
Wait, and I heard y'all say, y'all need a new show?
Did you all just get through one that you what
do you all watch together that you love?
Speaker 4 (19:01):
We just watched The Gentleman, we loved that.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
We American Primeval.
Speaker 4 (19:07):
Primeval, American Primeval. That was another good on Netflix. I'm
on the new Hulu one right now called Paradise That
that's what James Marsden Sterling k Brown. And then we
obviously watched Yellowstone. We just binge that one.
Speaker 1 (19:24):
Oh wow, watching right, we do?
Speaker 3 (19:26):
We're like either total trash or complete gore, Like we're really.
Speaker 4 (19:31):
We liked Ultimatum and Love is Blind?
Speaker 3 (19:34):
We like, so, yeah, we watched the Ultimatum and Love
is Blind too? Yes, so embarrassing.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
Embarrassing at fine?
Speaker 5 (19:41):
We do.
Speaker 3 (19:41):
We actually look at it as like I'm taking notes
sometimes on what not to do about communication.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
We do.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
We learned a lot about communication that you all are
still newlyweds, I believe not even a full year yet
right officially married?
Speaker 3 (19:54):
Do I have? Right?
Speaker 4 (19:56):
Technically we are a full year mayor, but we're going
off of our off of our wedding day, which was
July thirteenth.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
So either way, you all still qualified, don't you as newlywed?
So tell me, so you all describe for me. Jene Elstowe,
were you on this one, how would you describe the
first year of marriage? Once you all finally said I do?
What was that first immediate months and first year of marriage?
Speaker 3 (20:24):
Like?
Speaker 4 (20:26):
The first month was amazing because we honeymoon in Italy
and I mean it was like our wedding was the
most magical. I mean it was the most perfect Scottish
day and sun and we had a rain. I mean
it was just it was beautiful. And then we went
to Italy and we honeymooned, and I think I had
it was so much leading up to the wedding too,
(20:46):
that when we got back in August from the honeymoon
and the kids starting school, it was like this not depression,
but I was like it was I was sad because
it was just it was over and I'm like, now
what now we're just married? You know what do we
not like I don't know, like we have nothing, like
(21:06):
nothing to look forward to. But I was like, I
just I was like, there was like this like I
don't know. I struggled a bit when we got back.
Speaker 2 (21:20):
I went back to London for a week to see Troy.
Speaker 4 (21:22):
Yeah, because I was.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
Going to have to then baton down the hatches for
ninety days from my dream card stuff.
Speaker 4 (21:29):
But I think it's been. I think it has been.
To answer the question, it's been. You know, we went
into the holiday season and I love the holidays, and
it's felt just it's so beautiful to just be to
have our blended family together and there's this I had
this like overwhelming just like peace and there I usually
(21:53):
live in kind of like a chaos, and I didn't
have that. Like once the holidays hit, I just everything
kind of just settled down. I was like, this is
everything I've always dreamed of. I've got happy kids and
we're all blended and it's beautiful and everyone's happy and healthy,
and it was I just it was really nice. And
so it's been really beautiful. Hell that was the beautiful piece.
Speaker 5 (22:12):
That's great.
Speaker 3 (22:13):
I'm going to ask you the next question, which is
something we've asked everybody answered, however you feel comfortable with.
But how would you describe your sex life? That's that
for mel johna whoever would like to take a stab
at it.
Speaker 7 (22:28):
No pun intended, no poke intended, Sally, I think it's incredible.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 4 (22:47):
Yeah, it's great.
Speaker 5 (22:50):
You knew.
Speaker 4 (22:51):
It's very passionate and very sexy, but yet loving.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
And we don't have sex. We make love.
Speaker 4 (23:02):
Yeah, I wasn't allowed. Yeah, it's we make love.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Wait, you just started a sentence by saying I wasn't
allowed and you stopped.
Speaker 4 (23:08):
What was that I did? Because remember remember, like in
the beginning, I had said something and you're like, don't
say that, it cheapens it. Yeah, oh wow, you think
we make love?
Speaker 1 (23:17):
Oh wow?
Speaker 4 (23:20):
Yeah, but it is very good.
Speaker 3 (23:25):
Well, we saw you earlier, so I pretty much already
know the answer to this. But how important is non
sexual physical touch to you and your relationship? How do
you prioritize that or do you not?
Speaker 2 (23:39):
I don't think we. I don't think we really pay
attention to prioritize. And I think it and I'm not
being cheesy at all here, but I think it's something
that just naturally a cause between us, whether it's a
stroke or like a pinch of the butt or a slap,
whatever it may be, I think, or just a hug
(24:00):
like quite often but during the day in our house
we have Johanna's offices up here, mains downstairs o kaind
of walking past each other and some things we're just
stop and hug each other and then okay, yeah, we'll
go about they I think affections. It's a it's a
nice natural affection without being I.
Speaker 4 (24:21):
Think something that we've tried to do too, because in
the morning, it's just you know, we got the baby,
we've got the two kids, make the lunches, get packed
their bags. Where it's starting the day embracing and giving
each other, even as simple as just like a hug,
just to be like hi, good morning, because if not,
we're just we get into a habit of just kind
of like passing. And for me, I need that like
closeness and just like a two second hug.
Speaker 5 (24:42):
Mm hmm. It makes a huge difference.
Speaker 4 (24:45):
It does. Yeah, and there's science behind it too, saying
having just that you know a few seconds of that
you know, touch and connection six seconds, six seconds, sorry,
six seconds.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
The next question here is on the flip side of that,
how often do you fight?
Speaker 2 (25:08):
Fight very very really have disagreements.
Speaker 4 (25:15):
Once a month, yeah.
Speaker 3 (25:18):
And is there something that you tend to fight about
specifically or can it be anything.
Speaker 4 (25:26):
I think a lot of our disagreements come from when
I try to explain something, he goes to the defense
and I'm like, I don't need you to defend it.
I just need you to hear me. I don't need
you to take on the fact that I've said, you know,
stuff in the house, is this, that, and the other.
He takes it on as can't you see what I do?
(25:47):
And I'm like, I'm not I just need to voice
and explain and maybe ask for a little bit of help,
and he takes it on like he's not doing enough,
and I'm like, no, you are, Like in that same sentence,
I said, you know, thank you for what you do.
I just think I need a little more help with X.
And I think I don't know if I think it's
just a male thing too, but they think they might
go a little bit more on the defense of things.
(26:09):
And so where we just kind of miss each other
is I'm not trying to get down on him, but
I think our communication and that is just I just
want to be heard and he wants to just defend.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
Yeah, or have you seen the have you seen the
clip on social media on where the women that the
man and women are sitting on the sofa and the
woman's got a nail poking out of her head and
she's she's sitting saying her husband, I mean, I just
don't feel right. I've got these headaches and I mean
there's just there's just something going on. And the guy's
looking all like and he's like, well, it might be
(26:43):
the nail that's stuck. And she's like, you're always trying
to tell me what You're always you're always trying to
find solutions. Don't tell me it's a nail in my head.
He's like, well, you've got a nail stick. I think
when Jana, when Janna speaking to me and trying to
communicate a certain way and she just wants to be held,
(27:05):
I'm like, Okay, this is how we fix it. And
then I think is males we just try and me
just try and find solutions, don't we. So I think
rather than I some things I won't lessen as well
as I should, essentially, which can lead to the arguments.
Speaker 5 (27:24):
It was so cute.
Speaker 3 (27:25):
When I asked you guys, how often you fight or
what you fight about, you guys both got the cutest
sheep mote, like like sheepish grins on your faces.
Speaker 5 (27:33):
Like it was almost funny or sport.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (27:36):
It didn't seem malicious in any way. It was sweet.
Speaker 3 (27:39):
Actually, even to see you guys think about when you fight,
it actually still seemed cute. That is nauseating, but it
is actually.
Speaker 4 (27:45):
What I saw because our fights aren't like they're not
they're not anything I've ever experienced before. Like they're just
which is why I don't really call them fights. And
we've had some, don't get us wrong, you know, and
they've been you know, loud, and but it's all out
of love. That's the thing, you know, It's all and
(28:05):
we're just there's just missus with the passion the Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:09):
All right, So for both of you here, can you
remember and tell us when was the last time you
needed to say I'm sorry to the other.
Speaker 4 (28:18):
Last week week.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
Over the same thing, over the same incident, Yeah, incident.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
I think we will leave it at that.
Speaker 2 (28:31):
Question.
Speaker 4 (28:32):
I think there's just we all can play. That's the
thing that we all play a part in conflict. You
know what I mean, like, and I think there's though
and I can't even remember honestly what it was about. Now,
well do you yeah?
Speaker 2 (28:45):
And I don't. I do remember, but I don't. I
don't deal Oh yeah, don't deal with conflict. Well, I
will either raise my voice and everyone cries, and.
Speaker 4 (28:58):
I don't deal well with raised voice.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
Oh okay, And so we tend not to get into
the conflict much because Johnna Johannah Lake's ansos and lakes
to be lessened. When I'm like, oh fuck this, I'm not.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
We're the the I don't like the conflict. I will
say I will stay here and I will work this
out with you. We can talk all day. But when
the voice goes up I raised my voice and that
thing I can't, then I'm completely checked out. That's a wrap.
Speaker 3 (29:37):
And I've learned that that is not just ineffective, it's
massively counterproductive.
Speaker 5 (29:43):
So I have worked on that significantly. Hopefully you've noticed.
Speaker 4 (29:49):
Do you all?
Speaker 5 (29:50):
Have you all gone to bed angry?
Speaker 4 (29:53):
Well, that's interesting to go back to what you just said. TJ.
The other that same incident, He's like, you know, it's
about it was quite late. It was for us. It
was late, it was like ten thirty, eleven o'clock and
he's like, okay, what like, let's go. We're not going
another day, you know, being in this conflict. And he's like,
let's talk about it, and I'm like, I'm exhausted. I
(30:14):
don't want to talk about right now. I don't think
we're both in a spot to talk about it right now.
I don't think that's like our therapists tell us to,
you know, when we're red, we go to bed, you
know what I mean. So, and he does not like
going to bed angry, which I do love that aspect
of things, but I also think if we're not in
the right place to talk about it, the fight's just
going to continue.
Speaker 3 (30:33):
True.
Speaker 4 (30:34):
Which then the next morning we went. I was like, okay,
are we in a good place to talk about this,
because I'm in a good place are you? And we
sat there for an hour, we hashed it out, and
then we gave kisses and hugs and we were on
our way.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
Yeah, but I'm not in a good place to talk
about it because I'm not slept the whole night of
it because I want to deal with it then, and
you don't want to.
Speaker 5 (30:55):
I'm the same way as you. I want to hash
it out right there. I don't want to sleep on
I can't sleep. I'm like tortured. Yes, it's so funny, but.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
It's gonna cost us another couple of nights because I'm
not in a good place. You're gonna make me talk
to you right now. I'm telling you I'm not in
a good place.
Speaker 4 (31:12):
And then people say things they don't mean the good places,
And that is what you cannot come back from. For me,
when you say something that is not nice, you you're
not coming back from that for a couple of days.
Like I don't do well with that because I know
how bad words affect end. You just can't take back
the words. So you gotta be really careful in those moments.
Speaker 3 (31:32):
It's so true, and I have learned, like it's so interesting,
it's so interesting. But even if I want or need something,
if he doesn't want or need it, it's not gonna
work and it's only gonna make things worse.
Speaker 5 (31:44):
And so that is you do you learn how what
you get. You have to be willing to say okay,
it's better to do it, and to talk it out
when you're.
Speaker 1 (31:52):
Calm'st to a happier note. For this next question, tell
me Alan what do you love most about And Jana
what do you love most about your.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
Both like a touched on earlier HU smile it brightens
up any any day. So for me, I love not
just us smile the physical appearance of a smile, but
what's going on inside and a soul. And I think
(32:23):
amazing smile reflects every bit of kindness and care that
she's got for everyone around them. So yeah, the biggest
thing I love about her is is her smile.
Speaker 4 (32:35):
I would say Allan is fiercely how he protects people
and how he like his loyalty to people is is
fierce and his protection and he's I just know that
when I'm when I'm you know, with him, like I'm good,
(32:57):
I feel I'm safe with him, He's going to always
protect me. And there's just this loyalty that I know
that he's always got not only me, you know, protected,
but us. And to know that he you know, he
wherever he goes or wherever we go, that you know,
he's always holding our relationship, our family in the highest
(33:19):
regards and protecting us.
Speaker 5 (33:20):
I love that that he's not just protecting you, but
that he's protecting us. I love that. That's really cool,
that's awesome.
Speaker 3 (33:29):
How do you guys handle some of the things that
so many couples end up fighting about are the mundane things,
but probably it's a deeper meaning.
Speaker 5 (33:37):
But how do you, guys, how have you tackled your finances?
Especially when you.
Speaker 3 (33:41):
Come into a relationship later, you have your own way
of doing things and maybe you've you know, you've been
through other divorces, so you have certain walls up financially
to say, I got to protect myself.
Speaker 5 (33:52):
How do you How have you guys handled that?
Speaker 2 (33:55):
Good question, A really good question, because we both have
exes that we pay, so therefore there's that side of things.
We've both got our own careers, our own professions. So
I think at the beginning things were really quite separate.
Went because I spend a lot of money going back
(34:18):
to London to see my son as well. So I
think at the beginning of fact, our finances were really
quite quite separated. I had come over to the US,
so I wasn't earning near what I earned in the UK.
I think since we got married, and since the wedding,
(34:39):
we've really started to I mean, we've really started to
join our finances and joint ventures and and now it
feels it feels a lot less, a lot less separate
and more more combined and more exactly what our relationship
is like. But yeah, that it does. It does, cause
(35:01):
it does. When you have those separate bells going out
for different things. It does cause end of a separation
at the beginning, doesn't it for sure? But no, it's
it's different.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
Next up here, how do you all handle stuff around
the house? The household little duties from cooking, cleaning, parenting,
and the one that's really tripped up a lot of
our couple's laundry. We'd like to hear as well.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
We just didn't.
Speaker 4 (35:34):
I don't know, are you Are you actually kidding right now?
I do laundry for everybody in the house, everybody, And
actually I would love to just ask you this question
right now while it's it's happening in the moment.
Speaker 2 (35:52):
You've been defensive. Yes, okay, go ahead.
Speaker 4 (35:57):
He rarely does the laundry, and that's okay. And because
we'll talk about all don't be like we're gonna.
Speaker 2 (36:03):
Tell you all that for five days and you win
them for five minutes.
Speaker 4 (36:07):
That's not true. And so he'll grab the laundry basket
and he'll leave it in the laundry.
Speaker 2 (36:13):
Room from the bedroom baskets in the bedroom.
Speaker 4 (36:17):
Well in the bedroom, but it's in the closet in
the bedroom. Yeah, and then he'll leave it in the
laundry room and he'll throw it in. But the problem
is is when he does the laundry, it doesn't get
finished right. So when I throw in laundry, I put
it in. I then transfer it to the dryer, and
then within that day, if not the next morning, I
make sure that it is folded and then put away
with allan it's in the wash for and and I
(36:39):
watched this happen because I'm like, all right, this is
his once the every few months, he's going to bring
the laundry thing in there. You leave it in there,
and then it stays in the wash for like four days.
Speaker 5 (36:50):
So it gets just molded and mildewy, and then yeah.
Speaker 4 (36:54):
It doesn't And I saw I saw him the other
day transfering it in the dryer, and I was like,
are you seriously transferring the four day wet, gross molded
stuff into the dryer?
Speaker 3 (37:05):
Now?
Speaker 4 (37:05):
Like, now is the time you want to do it,
like not four days ago or whatever. And he's like,
it's fine, it doesn't smell. So then he puts it
in the dryer. Well, it's still sitting in the dryer.
The laundry baskets still there. So now the clothes that
are in the closet are now piling up on the
floor and I'm like, least put the basket back in
the room. I'm like, please, just don't. I appreciate you trying.
And there must have been something you really needed to wash,
because that might have been the reason why you did it.
(37:27):
But I'll just take it from here. It's still because
now who's folding it?
Speaker 2 (37:33):
So to summarize that, Johana does all the washing until
I selfish needs something washed for myself.
Speaker 4 (37:42):
Are you admitting that, Yeah, we had a breakthrough.
Speaker 5 (37:50):
It is amazing and has Yes.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
He laundry gets everybody. Every couple gets going on laundry.
Speaker 5 (37:58):
It's so funny.
Speaker 4 (37:59):
Well, I think it heart and I'll say this, Alan
is an incredible house like partner in this where it's
like we he cooks. He's an amazing chef. I can't
cook to save my life, So this man cooks. I
just do the sides, like I'll do I'll throw in
the brussels or the steams and whatever. But when it
comes to like the main dish, I mean, he is,
he's our chef, like he's incredible, and then I usually
(38:21):
I'll I like cleaning. I love cleaning. My countertops are
my thing. I'm very anal about them. They must be
clean and white. So I like to clean. And but
like in the mornings, like we both empty the dishwasher together,
I'm like, babe, stop, no, I'll do it, and he's like, no, no,
I'll do it, and then we're both doing it together.
So we do a lot of things together because we
don't want the other person to feel like, you know,
they're not. But the laundry is definitely one of those
(38:42):
things where you know, I'm washing for five people, you know,
the baby, the two, the three kids, me, him, and
so it does become But I will say this in
his defense. Whenever I am folding it when he's around,
he'll come and sit there and help me fold and
I'll be like, no, babe, don't worry about it. And
then he'll go, Okay, credit for the attempt.
Speaker 5 (39:04):
I get it. It's so funny.
Speaker 2 (39:05):
So Yeah, she does the laundry and I cook, and
I and I deal with the forty five Amazon boxes
that arrive every single day that pile up, that pile
up in the in the hallway. But people just think
they magically disappear in the house. I take them. I
take them to the dumpster every single day.
Speaker 1 (39:26):
And you have to fold them down before you take
them out there, right, that takes No, you don't do that.
Speaker 2 (39:30):
In the back of the truck. They get they get
taken as they are boxed up, fully structured, and they
go into the.
Speaker 1 (39:40):
I was trying to throw your bone there man about
how difficult it was to take the box to Wait.
Speaker 4 (39:44):
Which one do you guys do? I know you guys
are probably talked about this, but I'm just curious. What
does the laundry?
Speaker 1 (39:49):
Oh, we both do laundry because we still have two places,
but I end up doing the laundry for three between
her and my daughter Sabine, and so I probably wash more.
Speaker 5 (40:00):
You might.
Speaker 3 (40:01):
I mean, look, it's we have this weird thing that
we need to remedy at some point soon. But we
we we have two residences, but we spend every single
night together.
Speaker 4 (40:10):
So it's ridiculous and funds like it's money wasting.
Speaker 5 (40:13):
It is really the financial toilet bowl.
Speaker 3 (40:16):
But yes, but but we we actually kind of had
been so used to doing everything on our own for
our family. So now when we're together, it's just great
because we're just like each other's wingman, you know. And
I used to be the sole person who cooked before,
and he was the sole person who cooked before.
Speaker 5 (40:37):
So now he's better than me. And so I was funny,
I made Brussels sprouts last night. I was laughing when
you said that. I was like, and I made the
side last night.
Speaker 3 (40:45):
So yeah, I have now reverted to being maybe more
of the soux chef and the sides person. But I
am so happy after having decades of being the sole
person in charge of cooking.
Speaker 5 (40:59):
I'm grateful that he's so good at what he does.
Speaker 3 (41:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (41:03):
Oh, the laundry is hilarious everybody.
Speaker 5 (41:05):
That's not our issue.
Speaker 3 (41:06):
It gets to everybody, but it's everyone else's issue. It's fascinating.
Speaker 2 (41:10):
That's funny.
Speaker 1 (41:11):
How about this, guys, how much alone time or should
I say how much time away from each other do
you feel you ever need.
Speaker 4 (41:20):
I'm the worst person to ask for us, because I
could just be sitting next to him the entire day
and be so happy, like, I just love being with you.
You know, the other day I was with a sleepover
with my daughter. I took her to this water park
and slept over with her, and I'm like, I miss you.
I know that's silly, but that was in my text
because I just I love being next to him, and
sometimes it is nice to share a battle, to just
(41:41):
have your bed to yourself. He likes to say he
likes to have his bed like a bed alone because
he likes to fart, so like and I won't be
in the bed. But like for me, I just am like,
I just love being around him.
Speaker 2 (41:53):
So we didn't have that.
Speaker 1 (41:55):
Question on the list farts more. I'm sorry we missed
that one.
Speaker 2 (41:59):
Jenn thoughts, period, I just don't do it when she's around.
Speaker 5 (42:06):
How about you? How much alone time do you need?
Speaker 2 (42:10):
Not a lot? I mean, we don't really do alone
time anymore. I think we are. I don't. I don't
really need time away from her, to be honest, I don't.
It feels weird, like touching on the Johanna was at
(42:31):
the the place a few days ago, and it just
feels weird when she's not there. It just feels it
just feels odd when she's when she's not around. So
I don't think we I don't think we ever want
alone time, do we?
Speaker 4 (42:48):
I mean, what we could do it right now?
Speaker 6 (42:50):
Was there?
Speaker 4 (42:51):
Do you want like a one day a week where
you're like, I'm just going to go to my office
and or I want to just go to this room
by myself.
Speaker 2 (42:58):
Do I want that?
Speaker 4 (42:59):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (42:59):
My office anyway, so we have we have that time
away from each other during the day. But even then
I'll just wander upstairs to see you. Oh, she will
open her head in the office and the just just
a little thing. We don't need, We don't need a
long time. We probably don't do it well either.
Speaker 5 (43:19):
That's really sweet. Have you all ever been to a
couple of therapy together.
Speaker 4 (43:24):
Yeah, yeah, we have. We've needed We've had our our
therapists come together and do a joint session when we
weren't able to.
Speaker 2 (43:35):
We did a collab wed.
Speaker 5 (43:39):
Your therapist meets my therapist if we all get along.
Speaker 2 (43:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (43:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (43:43):
They work in the same building, so it's nice because
they know each other. But it's it's it was good.
I mean, we we had something that we needed help
walking through, and yeah, and it was, it was very helpful.
Speaker 1 (43:56):
All right, last few we're going to get through here.
Have you ever threatened to break up, leave, get divorced
in the middle of a heated argument.
Speaker 4 (44:04):
I have never.
Speaker 2 (44:09):
Never divorced. No a threated to leave, leave that leave
the house because I can't be asked with the argument anymore.
But I think I think, deep down I would. She
knows I would never ever want to be without ever.
Speaker 5 (44:31):
Therefore, no, okay, you just totally made up for that.
That was really sweet. And to that point, what is
the sweetest thing your partner has done for you?
Speaker 6 (44:42):
Maybe you can answer that first and some of the
most romantic, the sweetest thing my partners ever, I mean, well,
I mean this is a big thing, but I mean
he left the country that he lived and had, you know,
he had a he has a son that lives there,
and the fact that he.
Speaker 4 (45:01):
Came here and gave up so much to have this
life with me is you know, very appreciative of that.
And that's a very big gesture and a lot of sacrifice.
So and then the sweetest thing, I mean, he leaves
me notes all the time, and he's very he's very
thoughtful in that regard, and he brings me flowers all
(45:25):
the time. I've never had so many flowers in my life.
Every time he not every time, but every almost every
other He's always coming home with a bouquet of flowers
and he puts it and he puts it in the base.
It's not like he just leaves them like he's he's like,
you know, decorating the flowers and putting them on the table,
and it's just it's very sweet. He cares.
Speaker 2 (45:46):
Sweetest thing that you've done for me. I think that
from a bigger picture thing as ho Jana has taken
my son, my seventeen year old son and Bill. It's
depical because he loves in life and then we're here,
but how she will constantly text them and try and
make sure there's always part of things and always want
(46:08):
them here. So that's really sweet because it's not always
easy when kids are older and more of the like
a daily our lives together. Like Jana was leaving, I
had clients in town that I was coaching, and Jana
was leaving to go to Oklahoma for a movie. So
there was a period of about four days we weren't
(46:28):
going to be with each other, and I promise you
not that there must have been. And it's so funny,
like there was noes all over the house. Part of
it because she doesn't trust me with some things in
the house, like leaving the burner on.
Speaker 4 (46:42):
Constantly leaves the burners left.
Speaker 2 (46:45):
On sometimes, but again it's a lot of averages when
you cook every day sometimes.
Speaker 1 (46:51):
God, that's so good.
Speaker 2 (46:54):
So anyway, going back to my little sweet wife, like
there was a message on the shower, you're so sexy.
There was a message on There's a message on the kettle,
enjoy your morning coffee. There was a message I go
out and use We have an outside toilet which is
my second office, which I frequent and there was even
(47:15):
there was a note on the toilet. There was a
note on the mirror. The note on the toilet was
I'm going to miss you, stinky, and just everywhere, like
there was messages underneath the pillow and that's just that's
just she just goes the extra mile with everything to
make you feel loved and cherished and yeah, so sweet.
Speaker 1 (47:37):
All right, you'll hit on something that humor has been
a theme of all of our couple. That's absolutely president
in every one of those relationships, but last one will
get you out on it saves a little cheesy, hoky
and obvious. But everybody who meets a successful couple that
wants what that couple has will ask this question. So
I'll put it to you all, what is the key?
What is the secret to lasting relationship success? What would
(47:58):
you tell?
Speaker 2 (48:03):
Don't It's a good question, but I don't think it's
just one thing. I think it's.
Speaker 7 (48:13):
For me.
Speaker 4 (48:13):
I'll just say it's yeah, I'm thinking to appreciate the
person because I think so often in relationships when we
can nitpick. So instead of going to something like you
don't do this, it's thank you for what you do,
and so just to acknowledge everything that they do do
for you and to highlight that instead of always highlighting
what they don't do for you.
Speaker 2 (48:35):
And who speaks so well whether follow that that's why
you need to let me go faster? What is the key?
I think it's I think a part of it is
keeping the is keeping the passion and energy in it.
So I think the love making and sex life sight
(48:57):
of it is is so important. Think the trust and respect.
Say this so impotant because that ignites the passion and
the and the kind of sex life side of it.
But I think just just making sure, like I'm always
really wary of Okay, am I am I a good
(49:19):
person to be around today? Am I going to be
a good husband today? Or am I making how attached
from me because of my behavior? So I think just
the self recognition of just be a good person for
your wife to be around and she'll want to hang
around with you. So I think there's I think there's
a few things, but I think that's that's a big one.
Speaker 4 (49:41):
You can go a little inside your head sometimes.
Speaker 2 (49:43):
And yeah, I'm an I'm an introverted.
Speaker 4 (49:45):
He's an introverted and I'm very extroverted with my thinking
and thoughts, and he's just like in his head, I'm like,
are you here? You're listening to me?
Speaker 2 (49:50):
Are you? Or like?
Speaker 4 (49:52):
And so I do you even want me to be here?
But he's really just thinking of you know, probably one thing.
Speaker 3 (50:00):
You know what we we so appreciate your willingness to
just let us go in deep in your relationship. You know,
these are questions I think a lot of people want
to ask, like what's it really like in their relationship?
Speaker 5 (50:13):
And thank you for answering them.
Speaker 3 (50:16):
Honestly and with humor, and I we we learn every
time every quay, like I'm taking notes at what you all.
Speaker 5 (50:25):
Do that we could work on.
Speaker 3 (50:26):
And I think everyone listening is doing the same thing.
But first and foremost, just thank you for being willing
to answer these questions and share very private things with us,
because we love your love.
Speaker 5 (50:38):
You guys are adorable.
Speaker 3 (50:40):
I wish everybody could see what we're seeing and we'll
have some video of it. But you guys are like
you can tell like the love is real.
Speaker 5 (50:46):
Well, love is there. You've you've been down different paths
and you're together and it's really sweet witness and watch.
Speaker 4 (50:52):
So thank you well, thank you for having us out.
We appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (50:55):
We'll see you soon. Get on that laundry, brother
Speaker 4 (50:58):
Ye, I'm gonna go fold it there for ten days, Okay, bye,
god bye love work
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Decisions, Decisions
Welcome to "Decisions, Decisions," the podcast where boundaries are pushed, and conversations get candid! Join your favorite hosts, Mandii B and WeezyWTF, as they dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often-taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday, Mandii and Weezy invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, they share their personal journeys navigating their 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engaging in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that resonate with your experiences, "Decisions, Decisions" is your go-to source for open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections—tune in and join the conversation!