July 4, 2023 • 39 mins
This week, Tommy is joined by star of "The Vampire Diaries" and host of "A Superbloom Podcast," Candice King. Candice breaks down her favorite memories of working on a hit show, how she balances work with motherhood, and how she defines success.
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey guys, welcome to I've never said this before with
me Tommy Didario. Now, today's guest is someone that I
really couldn't love more. Candace King is an actress most
known for her starring role as Caroline Forbes in The
Vampire Diaries. We all know that smash hit series, and
she's least known for her role as the redheaded girl
complaining of menstrew cramps in two thousand and sevens film Juno.
(00:26):
You can listen to our weekly podcast, a Super Bloom Podcast,
where she interviews guests on the difficult moments in life
that taught them great life lessons and created space for
self growth. I love that she currently resides in Nashville, Tennessee,
with her two daughters and her many, many many dead
house plans. She's also one of my dearest friends that
(00:49):
from the moment I met her virtually during the pandemic,
of course, I knew that she would just be a
lifer for me. So let's see if today we can
get Candace to say something that she's never said before.
Candace King, my friend. Oh my god, I am so
(01:11):
excited to have you on today. Obviously, I think most
people know you are one of my very dear friends.
I don't know if everybody or most people knows that
you are also one of the most.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Humble people in the world.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
Candace came into town for fashion week and we went
out to a really fancy restaurant called Buddhacan, which is
delicious Asian inspired cuisine, and we were just talking and
I looked at you and I said, my god, do
people just recognize you all the time? You're such an
easily recognizable person, especially playing Caroline for our eight plus seasons,
(01:46):
and you were so like humble man. You said, hey,
sometimes but not really. You would be surprised it doesn't
happen as often as you think. Then meanwhile, on our
way out, two tables stopped and we're like shaking, saying,
oh my god, I just we have to say hi.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
We didn't want to bother you, but we're on our
way out and we love you so much.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
Then we go to the parties that my agents are
at for fashion week, and of all people, my agents
freak out and they're like, wait, you didn't say you're
bring Candice Caroline Forbes. Wait what we love her? And
I'm like, guys, like I'm here too. Hello, it's nice
to see you again. You are so humble, but who
doesn't know who you are?
Speaker 3 (02:25):
A lot of people. No, it's I'm sticking to what
I told you that night, and I know that it
might make some people uncomfortable, but I swear nobody recognizes me.
And then one time a month, everybody in the world
recognizes me. And I think it's because it's when I'm ovulating.
And I know that sounds crazy, but I believe in
the power of pheromones and the moon and whatever, the
(02:46):
currents of the oceans, whatever it is, it's one day
a month, all of a sudden, everyone's like, you're that girl,
and I'm like, oh yeah. What made me crack up
that night is when we were at the first party
and there was like this really awesome group of like
younger people, the youths as I like to call them
because I feel very old, and they were like, you're
(03:07):
the TikTok person. You're the voice on TikTok because there
was a snippet of the character I played Caroline Forbes.
There was a line that she said that kind of
went that trended and went viral on TikTok and so
so bad at social media. I actually hired someone to
help me, like learn how to do it, and she's
the one that made me do this little TikTok, and
(03:29):
I was like, that's so funny to the line. It's
a scene where Caroline has her humanity off and she
is basically trying to burn this letter that her mom
wrote to her on her deathbed. And so she's telling
this other character, Stephan, to burn the letter and she's like,
burn it. Did I say, stand there and look stupid? No,
(03:50):
I said burn it. And it's like this whole thing,
but it was just so funny because like, you just
forget these lines, you forget the scenes. They all and
in and the show premiered, going on, this will be
in the fall, it'll be fourteen years ago, and it's
just I forget I And we lived a very normal
life in Atlanta, Georgia. So even when I was on
(04:12):
the show at its height of popularity for the time
it was, it's not like it would it changed my
life beyond I could breathe and put food on the table,
like that was the biggest thing. I was like, Wow,
I can pay rent, I have job security to a
certain extent, and I can buy nice shoes. But those
(04:32):
are the biggest changes of my life. It wasn't like
suddenly anytime I did a red carpet event or a party,
like even when I was with you at those parties.
Those are so funny to me, like they're so uncomfortable
because I never rarely did them, Like I was more
of a social butterfly when my late teen pre vampire
diary club days like that was was way cooler then
(04:54):
than I ever was when I was working on the show.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
Two things.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Number one, you must be ovulating every day, because I
swear to go. You get recognized every day, whether you
want to admit it or not. Very cute, but come on.
And number two, you and I definitely bonded over our
mutual fear and or hatred for doing those little photo
op moments on the carpet and people scream in your name,
I break out into a sweat.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
I'm like, no, get me out of here.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
Goat. Yeah. If there was any sort of just don't know,
I would love like I'm in awe of people that
know just how to like stand in there and just
feel like comfortable, Like I will always feel like Will
Ferrell in Talladega Knights being like I don't know what
to do with my hands. I can fake it, I'll
fake it for a photo shoot, but it's just in
that scenario, I still I think it's just it's just
(05:39):
so magical and cool and what you dream of Hollywood
and being like successful in the tree to be And
there will always I will always still feel the girl
who's going to sit in the lunch room and then
is scared to figure out like if anyone will let
me sit at the table. That is just and that's
what I'll work on in therapy for the rest of
my life.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
I want to dive into Vampire Diary.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
Is I think I told you that during the pandemic,
I had never watched the show prior, and I actually
had time to watch an eight season show, and my
husband Geo and I just we loved it and I
really understood whoa This show still has such a following
and people go crazy over it. So I know You've
talked a lot about the show and your experiences on it,
(06:20):
So today I'm hoping to get some other insights from you.
One being was such a big part of your life
for so many years eight seasons, But I don't know
what that equates to in years. What is the one
thing you missed more than anything about being on that show?
Aside from people, aside from cast, aside from crew, that aside,
what do you miss the most about being on The
(06:42):
Vampire Diaries.
Speaker 3 (06:43):
I mean, you nailed it, and it's not just like
a here's the easy answer, Like it really is the
people that you have this kind of shared language with
because you are spending so many hours together in a day,
and in a matter of eight years, you go through
a lot together. I think what I really miss is
I just I really love being on a set like
(07:04):
I love to work. I had found a rhythm within that.
I really loved the character that I played. I feel
very grateful that I was never bored, Like the writers
found We're always doing something really fun with Caroline that
I just got to benefit off of. Whether it was
just season one. She's like this queen bee and but
(07:28):
also highly insecure, and I just I loved being able
to play those highly insecure parts. They're like why does
he never pick me? And I just I just felt
like that I could relate to that so much from
when I was younger and in high school. So that's
what I miss I know that I'm not going to
get that again. You know, you don't get that in
a movie. It's really hard to see a show go
(07:50):
that many years nowadays. So I'm very humbled by the
opportunity that I had to experience that.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
And with that being said, what was your favorite Caroline
Era throughout the entire show?
Speaker 3 (08:04):
I liked when she had her humanity off. It was
just so fun. It was just there was like a
scene where I think it's when Ian was appropriately directing,
because there's like a big club scene and so we
had we like did my hair like Britney Spears and
the I'm a Slave for You video. It's like all
twisted up and slashed like Jennifer Anison when she went
(08:25):
to the Oscars that year when it was all twisted
and it was just fun and it got to bring
a different side of me out and that I usually
keep more to myself. I guess she was a little
bit more dominating and more aggressive and assertive, and so
it was really fun to do that.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
She was a power bitch in that mode.
Speaker 3 (08:50):
Yes she was.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
Yes, do you ever go back and rewatch the show?
Is it weird for you to do that? You ever
catch it on, like, what's your relationship with the show?
Speaker 2 (08:58):
Now?
Speaker 3 (08:59):
I've never rewatched it in the first season. We all
watched it in the first couple seasons. Every once in
a while, if there was like a really big episode
in which the crew have busted their butts and we
were overtime a lot, they would during lunch they would
show the episode on a big screen to be like,
look how it turned out over the years. If I
had to recap, I would watch it. But you fall
(09:20):
off of it. It does become a job and you're there,
you were there to see it all. And so I
haven't rewatched it. I'm waiting because my seven year old
Florence wants to watch it. You're Bestieu, so she really
wants to watch it right now, but I'm like, it's
too soon. She's asked me a lot of questions and
she's horrified, horrified by the fact that because at first
(09:45):
I was like, mommy, had mommy, you're going to see
her playing Caroline and Caroline kisses a lot of boys,
kisses a lot of people, and she was like oh,
and then she was like, I forget what she had
asked me, but it was something about like clothes, like
being because she knows if I'm taking picture. She's aware
of like bath time and stuff like we've talked about
like body safety roles. And she was like, you wouldn't
(10:07):
be like you've never been in your underwear on TV
or something like that, and I was like, oh no,
And I had to say, mommy was in her I'm
in abroad underpants, and I just am like, what conversation.
But I want to be honest with her, So that's
I'm waiting till she will be ready for that. It
was difficult for my stepdaughters. I don't think that either
(10:27):
of them got through it all because it's weird. The
character that I played, she has a romantic relationship with
almost every character on the show at one point or another.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
The show is very sexy.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
There's a lot of love, a lot of kissing, a
lot of hooking up, a.
Speaker 3 (10:53):
Lot of hooking up. Even like by episode two, it
is aggressively. I remember having to tell my parents because
they were so excited. They're like our dog. They couldn't
believe it. I'd never grown up acting. They're like, how
the heck is all of a sudden Our daughter's on
TV and my dad is a doctor. And he's at
the hospital like turning the TV's on, trying to show
his patience, and I was like no, because there was
literally by episode two, it is in brown underwear in
(11:16):
the bed and Ian's head pops out from under the
There's just stuff going on that no parent or person
who's about to get a surgery should probably beat. They're searching.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
It's definitely spicy. It maybe would make their heart go
a little faster than needed. But if you pulled it off,
was the our favorite love story or a partner for
Caroline that you thought she was the best with.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
Fans of the series always love Klaus and Caroline, and
which I've said many times over that I've just never
understood it, and I think maybe it was just I
don't know, because I think it started off as just
a joke. There was a scene in which Klaus, who's
this big bad vampire like of the historical Vampire family,
(12:03):
and he comes in and he saves Caroline, and was
just supposed to be like a passing scene, like he
is supposed to be dealing with other people, and it's
just like I was the damselone distress of that episode.
And so the episode airs and all of a sudden
like clarline. The names put together is trending like fire
on Twitter. This is when like it was important for
things to trend on Twitter. And it was just going nuts,
(12:26):
and the writers are like, that's weird, that's not that
wasn't supposed to. It wasn't even a romantic scene, and
everyone's just like, we love them, we ship. So then
they kept just being like, Okay, we'll throw them a
bone and just writing another scene and then it would
go again, and then doing it again, and then it
would go again, and it just never ever stopped. So
it turned into this kind of like cat and mouse
between the writers and the fans of the show. As
(12:48):
a TV watcher, I love along. I love a slow
long burn, like I will be Pacey and Joey all
day long, like even Gray's Anatomy those early seasons, like
dreamy like I love a long burn. So I was
always and we were told early on that Caroline and
Stephen would could probably be end game within that realm.
So just as a TV watcher, to be a part
(13:11):
of a storyline that had that like long burn, I
was like, oh my gosh, this is so crazy. I
get to be a part of one of these slow
burning romances. So I just as a TV lover, loved that.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
How hard do you think it would be to get
the gang back together again for some sort of special
holiday episode or mini series.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Do you think that would ever happen?
Speaker 3 (13:35):
I don't know. I think it's still really soon. I
think everyone's really busy. I think that there's always room
for that down the road. It was very significant, it
meant I think it also meant something different for each
person that was a part of it, And those were
formative years for everyone, no matter what, no matter how
you look at it, And I think all of that
(13:57):
would definitely be an element of when and how that
would happen and what it would the context of what
this reunion would be. But we all see each other.
We a lot of us do comic cons and conventions,
and so a lot of us get to see each
other a handful of times a year, which is fun.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
You should be so proud.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
I think when any artists I talked to is on
a show for this along or part of something that
is such a huge part of pop culture and leaves
that lasting impression on people that it makes them feel
like they're part of something bigger than their own lives,
and they feel like they have.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
A community with you. Guys.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
I just think it's amazing that you were part of
that creation.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
Crazy. This was my first pilot that I booked. It
was which is an episode zero of a series. I
tested for a handful of them, but it was my
first pilot season. I was the greenest of the bunch.
I was told that from the higher ups. Just what
do you mean? You were told that because it was
this was a we were a vampire show. On our
(14:56):
first when we made it to Atlanta and our first
read through, we were told, welcome to the show. This
is the Vampire Diaries. No one's name is in the title,
and we are here to make a good television show.
We will be killing people off, so let's start. Everyone
was just like, oh god, okay, So you.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
Really didn't know your fate when you signed on to
do that show.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Isn't that never guaranteed?
Speaker 3 (15:21):
No? I wish I would like. I never even bought
anything in Atlanta, which is insane looking back. That was
my one thing by season three. By season two, at
the end of season two, I was looking to buy something.
And my parents have since been like, we're sorry, that
was probably bad advice, but they were like, don't do it.
Don't this second you buy something, you're gonna be off
that show because you just didn't know. And that's also
(15:44):
is I think the exciting thing of being a viewer
of a show like that, You really don't know what
was going to happen. And we didn't have spoilers back
then like you do now, where you see people have
exited the show or you see them working on something
else already. Then it was like week by week, you're
just like, what is going to happen next? And we actually,
(16:04):
even when social media began and Instagram did pick up,
we were signing things saying that we wouldn't We would
be legally like, look, I'm forgetting the exact I remember
it being. There would be ramifications if you posted about
being on set or spoilers, and you had to really
(16:25):
think before you tweeted or posted anything, which is now
everyone's like, please post as much as possible. We don't care,
go ahead and film the whole thing and post it,
and that's fine. It was just a different time.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
And that's so interesting to me that you were worried
about not making another season or your fate because you
just didn't know that was the nature of the show.
But you were obviously in all eight seasons, you were
one of the main characters, and you became like the girl, right, Like,
at that point did you say I'm okay.
Speaker 3 (16:55):
Well, by the time I would have one of the
actresses left the show in season six, and I knew
that there were some plans for what my trajectory was
going to be within the the following season. And then
I really threw them a loop when I showed up
to our first cast read through and was like, I'm pregnant.
(17:16):
Oh my god, surprise everything that you guys have just
spent the last four months writing, you're gonna have to
rewrite and reconfigure. Yeah, and I knew that I was
had job security. Then you can't really kill anyone off.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
That's would be a problem.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
That was probably the one time where I was like, ooh,
I'm safe. I'm safe now. But yeah, it just it's funny.
It just was always there was always something that's for sure.
He just never knew what was gonna happen in the
next season.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
You grew up playing this character essentially, right, there's so
much in our twenties that we learn about ourselves and
we're discovering who we are. And you were doing that
while one of the most popular shows in the world.
What do you think is one of the biggest life
lessons you learned about yourself during that time period?
Speaker 3 (18:07):
Ooh. I appreciated how much they would write Caroline. She'd
always say that she puts her foot in her mouth,
and she'd shame spirals, and she does all these things.
And the more that and I do those same things,
I definitely put my foot in my mouth, and I
have a lot of my own personal shame spiraling and
wanting to control everything. And also you realize when you
(18:29):
work on a long running TV show that the writers
do understart to begin to write to you. In a sense,
they're servicing the storyline and the characters that they the
trajectories that they need to accomplish in order for it
to be a good show, of course, but they're going
to write to the cadence of your voice. They're going
to start picking up on the way that you say
things and the way that you do things, and it's
(18:49):
going to find its way into the script. It always does.
And I think that the more I kept reading it
and seeing that it's actually okay. The more that I
could accept Caroline for her faults in a lot of
those ways, I started giving myself so much more grace
in my faults in those ways. And it even is
rooted in but so wild how we as people. Some
(19:09):
people can treat their friends and family with just such
support and lift them up and then turn around and
just be their own worst enemy. And that the lesson
of just having to be your own best friend. And
I feel like that is something I learned a lot
from playing that character, is to just the self acceptance
with her being that mirror of saying, oh, that's okay,
(19:31):
that's actually just a human quality and that's okay. Wow,
it's not the worst quality in the world to have.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
It's like your character holding up a mirror to you
as a human saying it's all good, it's okay.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
I love that. I love that.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
Do you feel like there was a struggle at all
with your mental health during those years being on the
show and being in the spotlight and all of that.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
No, it's funny, I will say the first year. I
know this is gonna sound silly, or it could be
I should remove the word silly. The first year of
working there. I never went to college. I never experienced
the freshman fifteen. I moved to Georgia. I moved to Atlanta.
I'm having the best time ever. I move into this
(20:14):
great little apartment, and I noticed that I wasn't I
had clothes weren't fitting. I saw myself on screen. I
could tell that, like my body had changed, and I
was like, God, am I how did this happen? Just
eating like bacon and a glass with a side of
homemade peanut butter and drinking beer, Like, how did this happen?
Obviously I was just making really poor food choices and
(20:38):
not taking care of my health because I was just
like riding the high of this new experience. And I
hear so often that like for actors or actresses that
struggle with that. I felt really grateful that I just
I went ahead and got a therapist and was like, Hey,
I need someone just to walk my hand to make
sure that I'm not overcorrecting or undercorrecting, and just make
(20:58):
sure that I'm doing this for health reasons and not
to serve like an unrealistic vanity perspective that because bodies
do change, it if I'm going to be on this show,
and if we're going to go first six seven years,
I can't, like all of a sudden just stop living
like I have to have a balanced lifestyle that just
makes me healthy and not trying to project an idea
(21:19):
of what I'm supposed to look like on the screen.
And that is the one like really big, like mental
health check that I did for myself and I and luckily,
I'm so grateful I don't struggle with any sort of
like food or eating disorder or body dysmorphia. Like I'm
very aware of that that it's out of hand, it's
(21:39):
out of your hands for a lot of people. But
that is the one like mental health check that I did.
I always saw a therapist that was always really helpful.
We had an on set acting coach throughout the whole
period of time who would walk us through scenes that
were maybe more emotional, that felt like vulnerable, and I
leaned on her almost like a second mom and therapist
in a lot of ways. We were just in Atlanta.
(22:00):
We had a great time. It was not like a
red carpet ego vanity thing. If anything, it was just
like be tiring, exhausting.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
Why did you starting therapy at what age.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
I started therapy when I was eighteen, when I was
living in LA I had other friends that were in
therapy and things I needed to sort out and behavioral patterns.
I was already starting to recognize that I didn't really
like and so I started seeing a therapist and loved it.
I was like, oh, this is cool. And I felt
very lucky at the time I could. I had. I'd
(22:36):
been making my own money, I'd started off in music,
and I had signed some pretty financially stable deals. I
had a part time job as a personal assistant. I
was always doing something, So I felt very lucky that
I was in a position to be able to go
and see a therapist financially be able to afford it.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
Something that I'm inspired by with you is that you talk,
so you know, openly about using a therapist and going
to therapy. And I told you privately and I haven't
talked about it publicly, but I went to therapy for
the first time over the holidays, and it's people like
you who made me feel like it was okay. And
I know it sounds ridiculous because I'm thirty six and
(23:16):
you think, of course it's okay. Everybody knows it's okay,
but there's still that thing that people have where you
think I'm the guy everybody comes to for their problems,
and I'm the one that always gives the advice, and
I play the therapist in my friend groups and my
family groups, so I can't possibly need to go myself.
And that was something I had to get over to
deal with some things I was working through. And it
(23:37):
is people like you who shed a light on it
that makes other people feel like it's okay. So I
think it's awesome you so openly talk about it.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
Oh man, I'm just really happy for you that you've
been able to not only take that step of found
someone that you really like working with, because I think
that's another element. There's so many roadblocks on why someone
might not go to therapy. One it is really scared.
Two it is really Sometimes I even go, this is
such a waste. What am I doing? I could I
(24:05):
let me total up all this money that I'm spending.
This is insane because it's it feels in that moment
like what I want immediate result. We are a generation
of just wanting You can order anything you want on
Postmates and we'll be there within an hour. You can't
do that with therapy. It does take a while. And
what I always think is interesting is you don't have
to be stuck with the first person that you meet.
(24:28):
Go meet a few people. No one's going to get
their feelings hurt. And if they do get their feelings
hurt and try to convince you not to leave them,
that is not the right therapist for you. That is
probably not a good therapist for anybody, and that they
need to go to therapy, even though all therapists usually
have their own therapist. But also it's usually I have
found in my years of going to seek counseling and therapy,
(24:49):
it's always the session that I show up going what
am I going to talk about? I feel great, everything's fine,
and then I just start rambling about some way in
the back of the brain cabinet thing and have the
biggest breakthrough from those sessions.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
And it's amazing what a good therapist can connect in
your life from past to present to make it all
make sense, which is what I find really valuable. And
I think that we're never not going through something. Everyone
has a struggle, everyone's going through something, right, So it's
good to talk it out.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
It's really good to talk it out. And I also
had realized that sometimes a healthy place to talk it
out before you talk it out with your friends is
with someone who like because it's a lot depending on
what subject matter you're dealing with at the moment. It
is nice to go to a safe place in which,
if you decide afterwards, you're like, actually, I don't really
want to share this with my friends yet because I
(25:43):
want to make sure I know how I feel about it.
And now I have this person who is legally obligated
not to tell anyone, and it could not be a
safer place. Yeah, it's nice to sometimes check in with
how you feel as opposed to people that you know
that are in your life all the time. Yeah, and
that you already can anticipate what they're going to tell
you and usually talk to the people that you know
(26:05):
will tell you what you want to hear. Or maybe
that's just me.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
No, I'm with you. I get it. It's so good
to be good to our mind, body, and souls. And
I know that's something you work on and strive to do.
And speaking of being good to ourselves, you very openly
(26:30):
have talked about a divorce you're going through, right, And
a lot of people listening today are going through their
own divorces or separations, breakups, whatever it may be. And
sometimes it feels so hard to put one foot in
front of the other and just keep going during it all.
So how do you just keep going during something like that?
Speaker 3 (26:51):
Oh? Man, I feel like as it is impossible to
say that since twenty twenty, and since March of twenty twenty,
we as a collect like it globally have not all
just gone through something very traumatic that is involved grief
or just the uprooting of our lives. So it is
(27:15):
very interesting to be going through something that one, yes,
I know that I'm not the first person in the
world to go through a divorce, but that everyone's been
going through something lately. It has been really interesting to
be walking through something while everyone else is also feels
very much more open and vulnerable to share in what
(27:37):
that they've experienced lately. So that has been really encouraging
and a beautiful thing during these crazy couple of years
that we've all been putting one foot in front of
the other. And I think that's part of it too.
We're all still no matter what you're going through we
are all still on one day or another putting just
one foot in front of the other. There's also so
(28:01):
I don't know. You just you have to, I think,
with anything in life unless you you don't really know,
like anyone who has lost a loved one, it's a
few haven't been through that before. You just don't know
if you've not given like for me there, if you
haven't had a similar birth experience, like there's certain out
(28:22):
things that you go through in life, or unless someone else,
unless you've also been through it, you just don't know.
So I'm very encouraged by the fact that that there's
so many wonderful people that just are willing to share
in their experiences with me, and and just watching them
put one foot in front of the other is like
such a wonderful thing. I keep joking. We're very big
(28:44):
into Frozen and Frozen two in this house. I have
two young daughters. And in my b session, it's funny
just putting one foot in front of the other. My
therapist the other day was like, yeah, and then sometimes
you just get to you just got to do the
next right thing, because it's easy in any spectrum of
life to get be overwhelmed. Whether it's like a new job,
or whether it's moving, or whether it's like people getting married,
(29:08):
or whether it's a divorce, or whether it's having a child,
or whether it's a matter what it can all. If
you start trying to conceptualize the entire process at once,
it's going to be overwhelming. And so just doing the
next right thing. And I was like, have you ever
seen Frozen two, because honest thing's an entire song about that,
and that's exactly so it's really like therapy coupled with
(29:29):
watching Frozen two over and over again, I think, is
what the world could benefit from.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
You just fixed the entire world.
Speaker 3 (29:37):
You're welcome, guys, Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
I am blessed to have that knowledge. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
I'm going to go home and watch Frozen two and
tell Geo that if it's not on when I get home, don't.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
Even show up.
Speaker 3 (29:48):
Yeah, And then that's the thing. It's the new You
just keep swimming it. So you just got to do
the next right thing.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
I want to ask you about the concept of success,
and what I mean by that is I look at you,
and you, to me have achieved success that people dream
of in their entire lives. Hopefully many receive it, but
many don't. And you achieve that so young and so
early in your life, do you look at yourself and say,
(30:16):
I am successful, and what's your relationship with like success today?
Speaker 3 (30:21):
Oh man, this question five years ago would have been
a completely different I would have had a completely different answer.
Success five years ago would have been I need to
be on another show, like I need to be on
a half hour sitcom that films at CBS Radford that
(30:42):
goes for ten seasons and I get to pick up
my kids from school and then I get to be
there and then it just it was so based on
optics and a checklist, and if I was doing all
of those things, then I would just suddenly feel capp
being complete and successful. Success now is could look different
(31:07):
on a daily basis. This whole concept of having it all.
I think for me, I realized having children that there's
something's got to give anyone that's trying to say, like
how do you do it? But then you have got
the kids, and then you got to build the lunch,
and then you get and then you got to work,
and then you got there's always something's got to give.
There are some days where I crush it with work
(31:28):
and I'm like bringing home the bacon. I'm like podcasting,
I'm auditioning, or I'm filming and I can't make it
to this recital thing, or I can't make it, or
I forgot to pack the little joke that my daughter
begged for in lunch and now she's opening her lunch
box and I disappointed her because I promised and I
broke the part. It's like there's always something. So I
(31:48):
think now my level of success is am I enjoying
what I'm doing with good people? Am I able to
provide for a roof food for myself and my children?
And am I like finding a bit of joy in
the day in some form of that? Like my two
(32:10):
year old didn't feel super great last night, but she
wanted to snuggle with me on the couch. And whereas yeah,
I needed, I had stuff I needed to do, It's okay,
let's let this be the little moment of joy. And
I didn't do the dishes. They just sat stinking up
the kitchen all night. We can't do it all, but
I'd rather soak up that little bit of joy. Whereas
the other day my level of success was the whole
(32:31):
house was clean and immaculate, both kids were tucked in.
I got all my work done and then danced with
a glass of wine doing all the dishes, and I
was like, success, It just looks different every day, but
it has simplified in these in the last couple of years.
It is definitely simplified, and so I think that's the
It looks different for everyone, but that's what it looks
(32:51):
like for me at this point.
Speaker 1 (32:52):
Sometimes success to me is windexing my glass coffee table.
Speaker 2 (32:56):
Yes, anything a.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
Better feeling than a clean coffee table. I don't know
about that.
Speaker 3 (33:04):
No, I get that, I totally get I have a
different version.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
Of that, But what's your version?
Speaker 3 (33:10):
Oh man? Mine is like planning something and exiting.
Speaker 1 (33:15):
Yep, when you come to New York, I know I
better be pencil de pend into your itinerary. And you
were here there everywhere.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
I know.
Speaker 3 (33:23):
I love crushing it. And I tell you, yeah, like
I just had. I just had a weekend away at
the lake with a bunch of my girlfriends in Atlanta
and we had one mom day and a friend of
ours lent us her lake house, which was so kind,
but we basically, instead of what would pay on an Airbnb.
We applied to like things that day, so I was
in charge of like planning it. So at ten ten
(33:46):
thirty the mobile Spa company showed up for massages, Manny's
and petties, and then they were there till two, in
which then we had the church couter replay, and then
by three I said, we all need to get to
the hot tub because we have one hour in the
hot tub before the tarot card reader gets here. And
then while the tear card is reading our tarots, the
chefs will be coming in through the back door preparing
our meal, and as soon as the sun is set,
(34:06):
we will be toasting our glasses. And it all went out.
I'm a psycho. I know they're like, we're not like
scheduled for anything. I was like, no, but we all
need to get in the hot tub now or in
the next fifteen minutes.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
But you know what, it's a place of love and
I love that about you. You want people to have
fun and enjoy their lives, and I love that.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
I love it so much.
Speaker 1 (34:22):
What is something that you're actively working on for yourself?
Speaker 3 (34:27):
Ooh, I think what I know what I'm actively working
on is the knowing is that if I know the
answers within myself to not quite I will always question myself.
I don't think that's a bad thing. But to not
question myself based off of other people, by other people,
(34:49):
I don't know if that makes it, but basically just
knowing and if like I'll use an example that actually
doesn't apply to me, but I know that could apply
to a lot of other people. I don't read, I
don't go through commic and on social media very often.
I also don't I've been very lucky in my realm
of social media that I've just gotten really nice things said.
(35:10):
But if there was, like something said that wasn't very nice,
instead of trying to like that I knew wasn't true
or didn't apply to me or had nothing to do
with me, instead of trying to fix that or make
it better, or then let that throw me off of
my own center of knowing myself and trying to like
(35:31):
see myself through that other person's eyes, like maybe I
am actually this and maybe which doesn't mean again that
you don't question things you don't receive like what other
people are saying, But having that filter just be a
little bit that filtration system being a little bit stronger,
so I'm not just letting everything in and being really
sure of the things that I do know about myself.
(35:53):
I'm turning thirty six this year. I feel like that
is what I've heard from a lot of women in
my life, that all of a sudden towards your late thirties,
especially in your forties, it is just like a knowing.
And so I'm starting to feel all that, but to
really to lean in and not let it throw me
off balance of when of questioning myself from things that
(36:15):
don't have anything to do with me.
Speaker 1 (36:17):
And does that also include not comparing yourself to other people?
Do you find yourself doing that from.
Speaker 3 (36:22):
Time to tind a lot better with that, a lot
better with that because they also realized that is such
an easy thing to do, and there's just at a
certain point you have to just accept it. This is
my butt, this is what it looks like, it is
what it is. I'm never going to just like this
is my body, this is my face, this is my personality,
(36:43):
you know, like I can go to therapy to forever
for the rest of my life and They're just going
to be characteristics of myself that are just myself and
guess what, not everyone is going to like that. And
there are other ways that people are incredible at what
they do and have the time and the energy and
the drive and the motivation to apply themselves to certain
things in their career that I maybe don't and maybe
(37:06):
that's okay, And like it goes back to also, what
does success look like? Maybe their version of success in
my version of success can look very different, and that
is okay. Again. Five years ago, ooh, I was drowning
in comparison. Now I am like, I'm actually like breathing,
and I actually am excited in a different way to
(37:29):
see people succeeding and also excited because I know when
you lift others up, it just makes you feel good
and it lifts you up and you're just elevating everyone
at that point, And that had to be That was
a reckoning. That was not just something I came up
with one day. I had to like really look at
myself and process all of that. And so I feel
(37:50):
like it doesn't mean I'm like healed and I'm not
gonna have bad days, but I definitely have gotten a
lot better with the comparison trap. But to like convince
someone I don't like when someone's mad at me, and
I don't like when someone might not like something about me.
I want to fix it. I want to convince them
why they don't have to be mad at me, and
(38:11):
just letting that go. Like sometimes we're just going to
get mad at each other. Sometimes we're going to see
things differently.
Speaker 1 (38:18):
Candice, you know how much I love you. I love
your heart, I love your spirit. I think that you know,
we met when you did my Instagram live pandemic show.
And I don't think that was by accident. I believe.
I don't believe in coincidences. I think we were meant
to be in each other's lives. And what a beautiful
friendship has bloomed and blossomed between us and you and
my husband Geo. And I'm just so grateful to have
(38:39):
you in my life.
Speaker 3 (38:41):
Same it is all reciprocated. Thank you so much, truly,
I'm so grateful that we met and it was just easy.
It's fun when life just makes sense. There's so many
days where you're just like what, why, and then when
it just makes sense, you're like, oh, Okay, I got this,
Yeah I can roll with this.
Speaker 2 (38:57):
It was meant to be. Thank you for coming.
Speaker 3 (38:59):
On, and I'm so excited for you. And truly, I'm
just so excited. I'm so excited for you. Thank you
for having me.
Speaker 2 (39:05):
Oh, thank you, my friend. We'll talk soon.
Speaker 1 (39:11):
I've Never Said This Before is hosted by me, Tommy Diderio.
This podcast is produced and edited by Mike Coscarelli, and
executive producers are Andrew Poglisi and Katrino Norvel at iHeartRadio.
I've Never Said This Before is part of the Elvis
Durant podcast Network on iHeart Podcasts. For more, rate review
and subscribe to our show and if you liked this episode,
(39:33):
tell your friends. Until next time, I'm Tommy Dederio.
Hey guys, welcome to I've never said this before with
me Tommy Didario. Now, today's guest is someone that I
really couldn't love more. Candace King is an actress most
known for her starring role as Caroline Forbes in The
Vampire Diaries. We all know that smash hit series, and
she's least known for her role as the redheaded girl
complaining of menstrew cramps in two thousand and sevens film Juno.
(00:26):
You can listen to our weekly podcast, a Super Bloom Podcast,
where she interviews guests on the difficult moments in life
that taught them great life lessons and created space for
self growth. I love that she currently resides in Nashville, Tennessee,
with her two daughters and her many, many many dead
house plans. She's also one of my dearest friends that
(00:49):
from the moment I met her virtually during the pandemic,
of course, I knew that she would just be a
lifer for me. So let's see if today we can
get Candace to say something that she's never said before.
Candace King, my friend. Oh my god, I am so
(01:11):
excited to have you on today. Obviously, I think most
people know you are one of my very dear friends.
I don't know if everybody or most people knows that
you are also one of the most.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Humble people in the world.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
Candace came into town for fashion week and we went
out to a really fancy restaurant called Buddhacan, which is
delicious Asian inspired cuisine, and we were just talking and
I looked at you and I said, my god, do
people just recognize you all the time? You're such an
easily recognizable person, especially playing Caroline for our eight plus seasons,
(01:46):
and you were so like humble man. You said, hey,
sometimes but not really. You would be surprised it doesn't
happen as often as you think. Then meanwhile, on our
way out, two tables stopped and we're like shaking, saying,
oh my god, I just we have to say hi.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
We didn't want to bother you, but we're on our
way out and we love you so much.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
Then we go to the parties that my agents are
at for fashion week, and of all people, my agents
freak out and they're like, wait, you didn't say you're
bring Candice Caroline Forbes. Wait what we love her? And
I'm like, guys, like I'm here too. Hello, it's nice
to see you again. You are so humble, but who
doesn't know who you are?
Speaker 3 (02:25):
A lot of people. No, it's I'm sticking to what
I told you that night, and I know that it
might make some people uncomfortable, but I swear nobody recognizes me.
And then one time a month, everybody in the world
recognizes me. And I think it's because it's when I'm ovulating.
And I know that sounds crazy, but I believe in
the power of pheromones and the moon and whatever, the
(02:46):
currents of the oceans, whatever it is, it's one day
a month, all of a sudden, everyone's like, you're that girl,
and I'm like, oh yeah. What made me crack up
that night is when we were at the first party
and there was like this really awesome group of like
younger people, the youths as I like to call them
because I feel very old, and they were like, you're
(03:07):
the TikTok person. You're the voice on TikTok because there
was a snippet of the character I played Caroline Forbes.
There was a line that she said that kind of
went that trended and went viral on TikTok and so
so bad at social media. I actually hired someone to
help me, like learn how to do it, and she's
the one that made me do this little TikTok, and
(03:29):
I was like, that's so funny to the line. It's
a scene where Caroline has her humanity off and she
is basically trying to burn this letter that her mom
wrote to her on her deathbed. And so she's telling
this other character, Stephan, to burn the letter and she's like,
burn it. Did I say, stand there and look stupid? No,
(03:50):
I said burn it. And it's like this whole thing,
but it was just so funny because like, you just
forget these lines, you forget the scenes. They all and
in and the show premiered, going on, this will be
in the fall, it'll be fourteen years ago, and it's
just I forget I And we lived a very normal
life in Atlanta, Georgia. So even when I was on
(04:12):
the show at its height of popularity for the time
it was, it's not like it would it changed my
life beyond I could breathe and put food on the table,
like that was the biggest thing. I was like, Wow,
I can pay rent, I have job security to a
certain extent, and I can buy nice shoes. But those
(04:32):
are the biggest changes of my life. It wasn't like
suddenly anytime I did a red carpet event or a party,
like even when I was with you at those parties.
Those are so funny to me, like they're so uncomfortable
because I never rarely did them, Like I was more
of a social butterfly when my late teen pre vampire
diary club days like that was was way cooler then
(04:54):
than I ever was when I was working on the show.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
Two things.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Number one, you must be ovulating every day, because I
swear to go. You get recognized every day, whether you
want to admit it or not. Very cute, but come on.
And number two, you and I definitely bonded over our
mutual fear and or hatred for doing those little photo
op moments on the carpet and people scream in your name,
I break out into a sweat.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
I'm like, no, get me out of here.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
Goat. Yeah. If there was any sort of just don't know,
I would love like I'm in awe of people that
know just how to like stand in there and just
feel like comfortable, Like I will always feel like Will
Ferrell in Talladega Knights being like I don't know what
to do with my hands. I can fake it, I'll
fake it for a photo shoot, but it's just in
that scenario, I still I think it's just it's just
(05:39):
so magical and cool and what you dream of Hollywood
and being like successful in the tree to be And
there will always I will always still feel the girl
who's going to sit in the lunch room and then
is scared to figure out like if anyone will let
me sit at the table. That is just and that's
what I'll work on in therapy for the rest of
my life.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
I want to dive into Vampire Diary.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
Is I think I told you that during the pandemic,
I had never watched the show prior, and I actually
had time to watch an eight season show, and my
husband Geo and I just we loved it and I
really understood whoa This show still has such a following
and people go crazy over it. So I know You've
talked a lot about the show and your experiences on it,
(06:20):
So today I'm hoping to get some other insights from you.
One being was such a big part of your life
for so many years eight seasons, But I don't know
what that equates to in years. What is the one
thing you missed more than anything about being on that show?
Aside from people, aside from cast, aside from crew, that aside,
what do you miss the most about being on The
(06:42):
Vampire Diaries.
Speaker 3 (06:43):
I mean, you nailed it, and it's not just like
a here's the easy answer, Like it really is the
people that you have this kind of shared language with
because you are spending so many hours together in a day,
and in a matter of eight years, you go through
a lot together. I think what I really miss is
I just I really love being on a set like
(07:04):
I love to work. I had found a rhythm within that.
I really loved the character that I played. I feel
very grateful that I was never bored, Like the writers
found We're always doing something really fun with Caroline that
I just got to benefit off of. Whether it was
just season one. She's like this queen bee and but
(07:28):
also highly insecure, and I just I loved being able
to play those highly insecure parts. They're like why does
he never pick me? And I just I just felt
like that I could relate to that so much from
when I was younger and in high school. So that's
what I miss I know that I'm not going to
get that again. You know, you don't get that in
a movie. It's really hard to see a show go
(07:50):
that many years nowadays. So I'm very humbled by the
opportunity that I had to experience that.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
And with that being said, what was your favorite Caroline
Era throughout the entire show?
Speaker 3 (08:04):
I liked when she had her humanity off. It was
just so fun. It was just there was like a
scene where I think it's when Ian was appropriately directing,
because there's like a big club scene and so we
had we like did my hair like Britney Spears and
the I'm a Slave for You video. It's like all
twisted up and slashed like Jennifer Anison when she went
(08:25):
to the Oscars that year when it was all twisted
and it was just fun and it got to bring
a different side of me out and that I usually
keep more to myself. I guess she was a little
bit more dominating and more aggressive and assertive, and so
it was really fun to do that.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
She was a power bitch in that mode.
Speaker 3 (08:50):
Yes she was.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
Yes, do you ever go back and rewatch the show?
Is it weird for you to do that? You ever
catch it on, like, what's your relationship with the show?
Speaker 2 (08:58):
Now?
Speaker 3 (08:59):
I've never rewatched it in the first season. We all
watched it in the first couple seasons. Every once in
a while, if there was like a really big episode
in which the crew have busted their butts and we
were overtime a lot, they would during lunch they would
show the episode on a big screen to be like,
look how it turned out over the years. If I
had to recap, I would watch it. But you fall
(09:20):
off of it. It does become a job and you're there,
you were there to see it all. And so I
haven't rewatched it. I'm waiting because my seven year old
Florence wants to watch it. You're Bestieu, so she really
wants to watch it right now, but I'm like, it's
too soon. She's asked me a lot of questions and
she's horrified, horrified by the fact that because at first
(09:45):
I was like, mommy, had mommy, you're going to see
her playing Caroline and Caroline kisses a lot of boys,
kisses a lot of people, and she was like oh,
and then she was like, I forget what she had
asked me, but it was something about like clothes, like
being because she knows if I'm taking picture. She's aware
of like bath time and stuff like we've talked about
like body safety roles. And she was like, you wouldn't
(10:07):
be like you've never been in your underwear on TV
or something like that, and I was like, oh no,
And I had to say, mommy was in her I'm
in abroad underpants, and I just am like, what conversation.
But I want to be honest with her, So that's
I'm waiting till she will be ready for that. It
was difficult for my stepdaughters. I don't think that either
(10:27):
of them got through it all because it's weird. The
character that I played, she has a romantic relationship with
almost every character on the show at one point or another.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
The show is very sexy.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
There's a lot of love, a lot of kissing, a
lot of hooking up, a.
Speaker 3 (10:53):
Lot of hooking up. Even like by episode two, it
is aggressively. I remember having to tell my parents because
they were so excited. They're like our dog. They couldn't
believe it. I'd never grown up acting. They're like, how
the heck is all of a sudden Our daughter's on
TV and my dad is a doctor. And he's at
the hospital like turning the TV's on, trying to show
his patience, and I was like no, because there was
literally by episode two, it is in brown underwear in
(11:16):
the bed and Ian's head pops out from under the
There's just stuff going on that no parent or person
who's about to get a surgery should probably beat. They're searching.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
It's definitely spicy. It maybe would make their heart go
a little faster than needed. But if you pulled it off,
was the our favorite love story or a partner for
Caroline that you thought she was the best with.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
Fans of the series always love Klaus and Caroline, and
which I've said many times over that I've just never
understood it, and I think maybe it was just I
don't know, because I think it started off as just
a joke. There was a scene in which Klaus, who's
this big bad vampire like of the historical Vampire family,
(12:03):
and he comes in and he saves Caroline, and was
just supposed to be like a passing scene, like he
is supposed to be dealing with other people, and it's
just like I was the damselone distress of that episode.
And so the episode airs and all of a sudden
like clarline. The names put together is trending like fire
on Twitter. This is when like it was important for
things to trend on Twitter. And it was just going nuts,
(12:26):
and the writers are like, that's weird, that's not that
wasn't supposed to. It wasn't even a romantic scene, and
everyone's just like, we love them, we ship. So then
they kept just being like, Okay, we'll throw them a
bone and just writing another scene and then it would
go again, and then doing it again, and then it
would go again, and it just never ever stopped. So
it turned into this kind of like cat and mouse
between the writers and the fans of the show. As
(12:48):
a TV watcher, I love along. I love a slow
long burn, like I will be Pacey and Joey all
day long, like even Gray's Anatomy those early seasons, like
dreamy like I love a long burn. So I was
always and we were told early on that Caroline and
Stephen would could probably be end game within that realm.
So just as a TV watcher, to be a part
(13:11):
of a storyline that had that like long burn, I
was like, oh my gosh, this is so crazy. I
get to be a part of one of these slow
burning romances. So I just as a TV lover, loved that.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
How hard do you think it would be to get
the gang back together again for some sort of special
holiday episode or mini series.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Do you think that would ever happen?
Speaker 3 (13:35):
I don't know. I think it's still really soon. I
think everyone's really busy. I think that there's always room
for that down the road. It was very significant, it
meant I think it also meant something different for each
person that was a part of it, And those were
formative years for everyone, no matter what, no matter how
you look at it, And I think all of that
(13:57):
would definitely be an element of when and how that
would happen and what it would the context of what
this reunion would be. But we all see each other.
We a lot of us do comic cons and conventions,
and so a lot of us get to see each
other a handful of times a year, which is fun.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
You should be so proud.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
I think when any artists I talked to is on
a show for this along or part of something that
is such a huge part of pop culture and leaves
that lasting impression on people that it makes them feel
like they're part of something bigger than their own lives,
and they feel like they have.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
A community with you. Guys.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
I just think it's amazing that you were part of
that creation.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
Crazy. This was my first pilot that I booked. It
was which is an episode zero of a series. I
tested for a handful of them, but it was my
first pilot season. I was the greenest of the bunch.
I was told that from the higher ups. Just what
do you mean? You were told that because it was
this was a we were a vampire show. On our
(14:56):
first when we made it to Atlanta and our first
read through, we were told, welcome to the show. This
is the Vampire Diaries. No one's name is in the title,
and we are here to make a good television show.
We will be killing people off, so let's start. Everyone
was just like, oh god, okay, So you.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
Really didn't know your fate when you signed on to
do that show.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Isn't that never guaranteed?
Speaker 3 (15:21):
No? I wish I would like. I never even bought
anything in Atlanta, which is insane looking back. That was
my one thing by season three. By season two, at
the end of season two, I was looking to buy something.
And my parents have since been like, we're sorry, that
was probably bad advice, but they were like, don't do it.
Don't this second you buy something, you're gonna be off
that show because you just didn't know. And that's also
(15:44):
is I think the exciting thing of being a viewer
of a show like that, You really don't know what
was going to happen. And we didn't have spoilers back
then like you do now, where you see people have
exited the show or you see them working on something
else already. Then it was like week by week, you're
just like, what is going to happen next? And we actually,
(16:04):
even when social media began and Instagram did pick up,
we were signing things saying that we wouldn't We would
be legally like, look, I'm forgetting the exact I remember
it being. There would be ramifications if you posted about
being on set or spoilers, and you had to really
(16:25):
think before you tweeted or posted anything, which is now
everyone's like, please post as much as possible. We don't care,
go ahead and film the whole thing and post it,
and that's fine. It was just a different time.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
And that's so interesting to me that you were worried
about not making another season or your fate because you
just didn't know that was the nature of the show.
But you were obviously in all eight seasons, you were
one of the main characters, and you became like the girl, right, Like,
at that point did you say I'm okay.
Speaker 3 (16:55):
Well, by the time I would have one of the
actresses left the show in season six, and I knew
that there were some plans for what my trajectory was
going to be within the the following season. And then
I really threw them a loop when I showed up
to our first cast read through and was like, I'm pregnant.
(17:16):
Oh my god, surprise everything that you guys have just
spent the last four months writing, you're gonna have to
rewrite and reconfigure. Yeah, and I knew that I was
had job security. Then you can't really kill anyone off.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
That's would be a problem.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
That was probably the one time where I was like, ooh,
I'm safe. I'm safe now. But yeah, it just it's funny.
It just was always there was always something that's for sure.
He just never knew what was gonna happen in the
next season.
Speaker 1 (17:47):
You grew up playing this character essentially, right, there's so
much in our twenties that we learn about ourselves and
we're discovering who we are. And you were doing that
while one of the most popular shows in the world.
What do you think is one of the biggest life
lessons you learned about yourself during that time period?
Speaker 3 (18:07):
Ooh. I appreciated how much they would write Caroline. She'd
always say that she puts her foot in her mouth,
and she'd shame spirals, and she does all these things.
And the more that and I do those same things,
I definitely put my foot in my mouth, and I
have a lot of my own personal shame spiraling and
wanting to control everything. And also you realize when you
(18:29):
work on a long running TV show that the writers
do understart to begin to write to you. In a sense,
they're servicing the storyline and the characters that they the
trajectories that they need to accomplish in order for it
to be a good show, of course, but they're going
to write to the cadence of your voice. They're going
to start picking up on the way that you say
things and the way that you do things, and it's
(18:49):
going to find its way into the script. It always does.
And I think that the more I kept reading it
and seeing that it's actually okay. The more that I
could accept Caroline for her faults in a lot of
those ways, I started giving myself so much more grace
in my faults in those ways. And it even is
rooted in but so wild how we as people. Some
(19:09):
people can treat their friends and family with just such
support and lift them up and then turn around and
just be their own worst enemy. And that the lesson
of just having to be your own best friend. And
I feel like that is something I learned a lot
from playing that character, is to just the self acceptance
with her being that mirror of saying, oh, that's okay,
(19:31):
that's actually just a human quality and that's okay. Wow,
it's not the worst quality in the world to have.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
It's like your character holding up a mirror to you
as a human saying it's all good, it's okay.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
I love that. I love that.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
Do you feel like there was a struggle at all
with your mental health during those years being on the
show and being in the spotlight and all of that.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
No, it's funny, I will say the first year. I
know this is gonna sound silly, or it could be
I should remove the word silly. The first year of
working there. I never went to college. I never experienced
the freshman fifteen. I moved to Georgia. I moved to Atlanta.
I'm having the best time ever. I move into this
(20:14):
great little apartment, and I noticed that I wasn't I
had clothes weren't fitting. I saw myself on screen. I
could tell that, like my body had changed, and I
was like, God, am I how did this happen? Just
eating like bacon and a glass with a side of
homemade peanut butter and drinking beer, Like, how did this happen?
Obviously I was just making really poor food choices and
(20:38):
not taking care of my health because I was just
like riding the high of this new experience. And I
hear so often that like for actors or actresses that
struggle with that. I felt really grateful that I just
I went ahead and got a therapist and was like, Hey,
I need someone just to walk my hand to make
sure that I'm not overcorrecting or undercorrecting, and just make
(20:58):
sure that I'm doing this for health reasons and not
to serve like an unrealistic vanity perspective that because bodies
do change, it if I'm going to be on this show,
and if we're going to go first six seven years,
I can't, like all of a sudden just stop living
like I have to have a balanced lifestyle that just
makes me healthy and not trying to project an idea
(21:19):
of what I'm supposed to look like on the screen.
And that is the one like really big, like mental
health check that I did for myself and I and luckily,
I'm so grateful I don't struggle with any sort of
like food or eating disorder or body dysmorphia. Like I'm
very aware of that that it's out of hand, it's
(21:39):
out of your hands for a lot of people. But
that is the one like mental health check that I did.
I always saw a therapist that was always really helpful.
We had an on set acting coach throughout the whole
period of time who would walk us through scenes that
were maybe more emotional, that felt like vulnerable, and I
leaned on her almost like a second mom and therapist
in a lot of ways. We were just in Atlanta.
(22:00):
We had a great time. It was not like a
red carpet ego vanity thing. If anything, it was just
like be tiring, exhausting.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
Why did you starting therapy at what age.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
I started therapy when I was eighteen, when I was
living in LA I had other friends that were in
therapy and things I needed to sort out and behavioral patterns.
I was already starting to recognize that I didn't really
like and so I started seeing a therapist and loved it.
I was like, oh, this is cool. And I felt
very lucky at the time I could. I had. I'd
(22:36):
been making my own money, I'd started off in music,
and I had signed some pretty financially stable deals. I
had a part time job as a personal assistant. I
was always doing something, So I felt very lucky that
I was in a position to be able to go
and see a therapist financially be able to afford it.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
Something that I'm inspired by with you is that you talk,
so you know, openly about using a therapist and going
to therapy. And I told you privately and I haven't
talked about it publicly, but I went to therapy for
the first time over the holidays, and it's people like
you who made me feel like it was okay. And
I know it sounds ridiculous because I'm thirty six and
(23:16):
you think, of course it's okay. Everybody knows it's okay,
but there's still that thing that people have where you
think I'm the guy everybody comes to for their problems,
and I'm the one that always gives the advice, and
I play the therapist in my friend groups and my
family groups, so I can't possibly need to go myself.
And that was something I had to get over to
deal with some things I was working through. And it
(23:37):
is people like you who shed a light on it
that makes other people feel like it's okay. So I
think it's awesome you so openly talk about it.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
Oh man, I'm just really happy for you that you've
been able to not only take that step of found
someone that you really like working with, because I think
that's another element. There's so many roadblocks on why someone
might not go to therapy. One it is really scared.
Two it is really Sometimes I even go, this is
such a waste. What am I doing? I could I
(24:05):
let me total up all this money that I'm spending.
This is insane because it's it feels in that moment
like what I want immediate result. We are a generation
of just wanting You can order anything you want on
Postmates and we'll be there within an hour. You can't
do that with therapy. It does take a while. And
what I always think is interesting is you don't have
to be stuck with the first person that you meet.
(24:28):
Go meet a few people. No one's going to get
their feelings hurt. And if they do get their feelings
hurt and try to convince you not to leave them,
that is not the right therapist for you. That is
probably not a good therapist for anybody, and that they
need to go to therapy, even though all therapists usually
have their own therapist. But also it's usually I have
found in my years of going to seek counseling and therapy,
(24:49):
it's always the session that I show up going what
am I going to talk about? I feel great, everything's fine,
and then I just start rambling about some way in
the back of the brain cabinet thing and have the
biggest breakthrough from those sessions.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
And it's amazing what a good therapist can connect in
your life from past to present to make it all
make sense, which is what I find really valuable. And
I think that we're never not going through something. Everyone
has a struggle, everyone's going through something, right, So it's
good to talk it out.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
It's really good to talk it out. And I also
had realized that sometimes a healthy place to talk it
out before you talk it out with your friends is
with someone who like because it's a lot depending on
what subject matter you're dealing with at the moment. It
is nice to go to a safe place in which,
if you decide afterwards, you're like, actually, I don't really
want to share this with my friends yet because I
(25:43):
want to make sure I know how I feel about it.
And now I have this person who is legally obligated
not to tell anyone, and it could not be a
safer place. Yeah, it's nice to sometimes check in with
how you feel as opposed to people that you know
that are in your life all the time. Yeah, and
that you already can anticipate what they're going to tell
you and usually talk to the people that you know
(26:05):
will tell you what you want to hear. Or maybe
that's just me.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
No, I'm with you. I get it. It's so good
to be good to our mind, body, and souls. And
I know that's something you work on and strive to do.
And speaking of being good to ourselves, you very openly
(26:30):
have talked about a divorce you're going through, right, And
a lot of people listening today are going through their
own divorces or separations, breakups, whatever it may be. And
sometimes it feels so hard to put one foot in
front of the other and just keep going during it all.
So how do you just keep going during something like that?
Speaker 3 (26:51):
Oh? Man, I feel like as it is impossible to
say that since twenty twenty, and since March of twenty twenty,
we as a collect like it globally have not all
just gone through something very traumatic that is involved grief
or just the uprooting of our lives. So it is
(27:15):
very interesting to be going through something that one, yes,
I know that I'm not the first person in the
world to go through a divorce, but that everyone's been
going through something lately. It has been really interesting to
be walking through something while everyone else is also feels
very much more open and vulnerable to share in what
(27:37):
that they've experienced lately. So that has been really encouraging
and a beautiful thing during these crazy couple of years
that we've all been putting one foot in front of
the other. And I think that's part of it too.
We're all still no matter what you're going through we
are all still on one day or another putting just
one foot in front of the other. There's also so
(28:01):
I don't know. You just you have to, I think,
with anything in life unless you you don't really know,
like anyone who has lost a loved one, it's a
few haven't been through that before. You just don't know
if you've not given like for me there, if you
haven't had a similar birth experience, like there's certain out
(28:22):
things that you go through in life, or unless someone else,
unless you've also been through it, you just don't know.
So I'm very encouraged by the fact that that there's
so many wonderful people that just are willing to share
in their experiences with me, and and just watching them
put one foot in front of the other is like
such a wonderful thing. I keep joking. We're very big
(28:44):
into Frozen and Frozen two in this house. I have
two young daughters. And in my b session, it's funny
just putting one foot in front of the other. My
therapist the other day was like, yeah, and then sometimes
you just get to you just got to do the
next right thing, because it's easy in any spectrum of
life to get be overwhelmed. Whether it's like a new job,
or whether it's moving, or whether it's like people getting married,
(29:08):
or whether it's a divorce, or whether it's having a child,
or whether it's a matter what it can all. If
you start trying to conceptualize the entire process at once,
it's going to be overwhelming. And so just doing the
next right thing. And I was like, have you ever
seen Frozen two, because honest thing's an entire song about that,
and that's exactly so it's really like therapy coupled with
(29:29):
watching Frozen two over and over again, I think, is
what the world could benefit from.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
You just fixed the entire world.
Speaker 3 (29:37):
You're welcome, guys, Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
I am blessed to have that knowledge. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
I'm going to go home and watch Frozen two and
tell Geo that if it's not on when I get home, don't.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
Even show up.
Speaker 3 (29:48):
Yeah, And then that's the thing. It's the new You
just keep swimming it. So you just got to do
the next right thing.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
I want to ask you about the concept of success,
and what I mean by that is I look at you,
and you, to me have achieved success that people dream
of in their entire lives. Hopefully many receive it, but
many don't. And you achieve that so young and so
early in your life, do you look at yourself and say,
(30:16):
I am successful, and what's your relationship with like success today?
Speaker 3 (30:21):
Oh man, this question five years ago would have been
a completely different I would have had a completely different answer.
Success five years ago would have been I need to
be on another show, like I need to be on
a half hour sitcom that films at CBS Radford that
(30:42):
goes for ten seasons and I get to pick up
my kids from school and then I get to be
there and then it just it was so based on
optics and a checklist, and if I was doing all
of those things, then I would just suddenly feel capp
being complete and successful. Success now is could look different
(31:07):
on a daily basis. This whole concept of having it all.
I think for me, I realized having children that there's
something's got to give anyone that's trying to say, like
how do you do it? But then you have got
the kids, and then you got to build the lunch,
and then you get and then you got to work,
and then you got there's always something's got to give.
There are some days where I crush it with work
(31:28):
and I'm like bringing home the bacon. I'm like podcasting,
I'm auditioning, or I'm filming and I can't make it
to this recital thing, or I can't make it, or
I forgot to pack the little joke that my daughter
begged for in lunch and now she's opening her lunch
box and I disappointed her because I promised and I
broke the part. It's like there's always something. So I
(31:48):
think now my level of success is am I enjoying
what I'm doing with good people? Am I able to
provide for a roof food for myself and my children?
And am I like finding a bit of joy in
the day in some form of that? Like my two
(32:10):
year old didn't feel super great last night, but she
wanted to snuggle with me on the couch. And whereas yeah,
I needed, I had stuff I needed to do, It's okay,
let's let this be the little moment of joy. And
I didn't do the dishes. They just sat stinking up
the kitchen all night. We can't do it all, but
I'd rather soak up that little bit of joy. Whereas
the other day my level of success was the whole
(32:31):
house was clean and immaculate, both kids were tucked in.
I got all my work done and then danced with
a glass of wine doing all the dishes, and I
was like, success, It just looks different every day, but
it has simplified in these in the last couple of years.
It is definitely simplified, and so I think that's the
It looks different for everyone, but that's what it looks
(32:51):
like for me at this point.
Speaker 1 (32:52):
Sometimes success to me is windexing my glass coffee table.
Speaker 2 (32:56):
Yes, anything a.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
Better feeling than a clean coffee table. I don't know
about that.
Speaker 3 (33:04):
No, I get that, I totally get I have a
different version.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
Of that, But what's your version?
Speaker 3 (33:10):
Oh man? Mine is like planning something and exiting.
Speaker 1 (33:15):
Yep, when you come to New York, I know I
better be pencil de pend into your itinerary. And you
were here there everywhere.
Speaker 2 (33:22):
I know.
Speaker 3 (33:23):
I love crushing it. And I tell you, yeah, like
I just had. I just had a weekend away at
the lake with a bunch of my girlfriends in Atlanta
and we had one mom day and a friend of
ours lent us her lake house, which was so kind,
but we basically, instead of what would pay on an Airbnb.
We applied to like things that day, so I was
in charge of like planning it. So at ten ten
(33:46):
thirty the mobile Spa company showed up for massages, Manny's
and petties, and then they were there till two, in
which then we had the church couter replay, and then
by three I said, we all need to get to
the hot tub because we have one hour in the
hot tub before the tarot card reader gets here. And
then while the tear card is reading our tarots, the
chefs will be coming in through the back door preparing
our meal, and as soon as the sun is set,
(34:06):
we will be toasting our glasses. And it all went out.
I'm a psycho. I know they're like, we're not like
scheduled for anything. I was like, no, but we all
need to get in the hot tub now or in
the next fifteen minutes.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
But you know what, it's a place of love and
I love that about you. You want people to have
fun and enjoy their lives, and I love that.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
I love it so much.
Speaker 1 (34:22):
What is something that you're actively working on for yourself?
Speaker 3 (34:27):
Ooh, I think what I know what I'm actively working
on is the knowing is that if I know the
answers within myself to not quite I will always question myself.
I don't think that's a bad thing. But to not
question myself based off of other people, by other people,
(34:49):
I don't know if that makes it, but basically just
knowing and if like I'll use an example that actually
doesn't apply to me, but I know that could apply
to a lot of other people. I don't read, I
don't go through commic and on social media very often.
I also don't I've been very lucky in my realm
of social media that I've just gotten really nice things said.
(35:10):
But if there was, like something said that wasn't very nice,
instead of trying to like that I knew wasn't true
or didn't apply to me or had nothing to do
with me, instead of trying to fix that or make
it better, or then let that throw me off of
my own center of knowing myself and trying to like
(35:31):
see myself through that other person's eyes, like maybe I
am actually this and maybe which doesn't mean again that
you don't question things you don't receive like what other
people are saying, But having that filter just be a
little bit that filtration system being a little bit stronger,
so I'm not just letting everything in and being really
sure of the things that I do know about myself.
(35:53):
I'm turning thirty six this year. I feel like that
is what I've heard from a lot of women in
my life, that all of a sudden towards your late thirties,
especially in your forties, it is just like a knowing.
And so I'm starting to feel all that, but to
really to lean in and not let it throw me
off balance of when of questioning myself from things that
(36:15):
don't have anything to do with me.
Speaker 1 (36:17):
And does that also include not comparing yourself to other people?
Do you find yourself doing that from.
Speaker 3 (36:22):
Time to tind a lot better with that, a lot
better with that because they also realized that is such
an easy thing to do, and there's just at a
certain point you have to just accept it. This is
my butt, this is what it looks like, it is
what it is. I'm never going to just like this
is my body, this is my face, this is my personality,
(36:43):
you know, like I can go to therapy to forever
for the rest of my life and They're just going
to be characteristics of myself that are just myself and
guess what, not everyone is going to like that. And
there are other ways that people are incredible at what
they do and have the time and the energy and
the drive and the motivation to apply themselves to certain
things in their career that I maybe don't and maybe
(37:06):
that's okay, And like it goes back to also, what
does success look like? Maybe their version of success in
my version of success can look very different, and that
is okay. Again. Five years ago, ooh, I was drowning
in comparison. Now I am like, I'm actually like breathing,
and I actually am excited in a different way to
(37:29):
see people succeeding and also excited because I know when
you lift others up, it just makes you feel good
and it lifts you up and you're just elevating everyone
at that point, And that had to be That was
a reckoning. That was not just something I came up
with one day. I had to like really look at
myself and process all of that. And so I feel
(37:50):
like it doesn't mean I'm like healed and I'm not
gonna have bad days, but I definitely have gotten a
lot better with the comparison trap. But to like convince
someone I don't like when someone's mad at me, and
I don't like when someone might not like something about me.
I want to fix it. I want to convince them
why they don't have to be mad at me, and
(38:11):
just letting that go. Like sometimes we're just going to
get mad at each other. Sometimes we're going to see
things differently.
Speaker 1 (38:18):
Candice, you know how much I love you. I love
your heart, I love your spirit. I think that you know,
we met when you did my Instagram live pandemic show.
And I don't think that was by accident. I believe.
I don't believe in coincidences. I think we were meant
to be in each other's lives. And what a beautiful
friendship has bloomed and blossomed between us and you and
my husband Geo. And I'm just so grateful to have
(38:39):
you in my life.
Speaker 3 (38:41):
Same it is all reciprocated. Thank you so much, truly,
I'm so grateful that we met and it was just easy.
It's fun when life just makes sense. There's so many
days where you're just like what, why, and then when
it just makes sense, you're like, oh, Okay, I got this,
Yeah I can roll with this.
Speaker 2 (38:57):
It was meant to be. Thank you for coming.
Speaker 3 (38:59):
On, and I'm so excited for you. And truly, I'm
just so excited. I'm so excited for you. Thank you
for having me.
Speaker 2 (39:05):
Oh, thank you, my friend. We'll talk soon.
Speaker 1 (39:11):
I've Never Said This Before is hosted by me, Tommy Diderio.
This podcast is produced and edited by Mike Coscarelli, and
executive producers are Andrew Poglisi and Katrino Norvel at iHeartRadio.
I've Never Said This Before is part of the Elvis
Durant podcast Network on iHeart Podcasts. For more, rate review
and subscribe to our show and if you liked this episode,
(39:33):
tell your friends. Until next time, I'm Tommy Dederio.
Host
Tommy DiDario
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