Aisha Tyler

In Craig’s words "Aisha Tyler is so cool I’m always aghast that she agrees to hang out with me. Come share her elegance, poise and intelligence and my (a)ghastliness on this weeks Joy.”  Check out Aisha’s new cocktail company losophe and catch her on new season of Criminal Minds premiering June 6th. EnJOY! 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
When I do live gigs around the country, I'll be
honest with you. I sell T shirts and swag to
the folks who are there, and then people always say,
can we get this swag without sitting through a whole
evening of you. Well, it's happened. It's finally here. You
can buy Craig Ferguson merch on the Craig Ferguson Merch
website and you can buy it for yourself or someone

(00:20):
you hate or someone you love. For more information and
link to the web store, please go to the Craig
Fergusonshow dot com. That's all lowercase, the Craig Ferguson show
dot com. My name is Craig Ferguson. The name of
this podcast is joy. I talk to interest in people
about what brings them happiness. My guest today is someone

(00:45):
who I've known for a very long time. It was
one of my favorite guests when I was doing.

Speaker 2 (00:49):
The late night show.

Speaker 1 (00:51):
And she is maybe the coolest person I know. Now
I know some pretty cool people. She's certainly in the
top fifty. She's very very cool. Aisha Tyler, how are you?

Speaker 3 (01:13):
I'm so good?

Speaker 1 (01:14):
Is your coffee tasty?

Speaker 3 (01:15):
I love this coffee.

Speaker 2 (01:17):
It was described to me as a blonde Americano.

Speaker 1 (01:20):
That's right.

Speaker 2 (01:20):
Strange sexual subtext with the coffee, but it's got but
if a.

Speaker 1 (01:23):
Do belong tone, If you don't mind me saying it
really does, I don't mind it at all. This is
from a new company called.

Speaker 3 (01:32):
Never heard of Them? Yeah, no idea that right.

Speaker 1 (01:35):
So somebody just told me you've got a cocktail company.

Speaker 2 (01:38):
I started a cocktail company. Yeah, you know. I can't
remember the last time I saw you. It's been a
long time, a long time in person anyway.

Speaker 1 (01:46):
Right, Well, let me tell you this because I don't
know if you knew the time. I think you did,
because I think I said it to you, like because
you were when I when I quit late night, they
said who do you think should take over?

Speaker 3 (01:55):
And I said I used to Oh my god, thank
you for that.

Speaker 1 (01:57):
I thank you, But no one listens to me.

Speaker 3 (01:59):
So because no one listens to me either, because the whole.

Speaker 1 (02:02):
Time I was doing that shore, I was worried about,
you know, my weight and my accent. And then you
pick a fat guy with a working worse accent than me.
I'm like, what, that's not right at all? Are you
still working? For CBS.

Speaker 3 (02:12):
To me, yeah, I still work for CBS. I'm Criminal Minds.

Speaker 2 (02:15):
And well now Criminal Minds is on Paramount Plus, so
it's it's like the parent organization is it's not CBS anymore.

Speaker 1 (02:22):
Minds is like an institution though it's it's.

Speaker 2 (02:24):
In its seventeen season, which is just like a mathematic impossibility.

Speaker 1 (02:30):
Right, You've called you must be really rich. It was
like seventeen seasons and then.

Speaker 3 (02:35):
You're like, I've only done seven seasons, so I'm only.

Speaker 1 (02:38):
Oh yeah, so you're still in the kind of like
fifty bucks an episode.

Speaker 3 (02:42):
Still I'm still world building.

Speaker 2 (02:43):
But but yeah, I mean, I I realize now that
I had been working for CBS in some capacity or
another for probably two decades.

Speaker 3 (02:51):
My god, you know, I had done. I had done.

Speaker 2 (02:53):
I had like a couple of overall deals there, and
then I did Ghost Whisper and then I was on
you know, The Talk, and I did c S.

Speaker 3 (03:01):
I for a season.

Speaker 1 (03:02):
They was really they really love you.

Speaker 2 (03:04):
I don't know if it's me. It's a company of loyalty.
I mean, I think they bet on their own good instinct. Right,
It's like if they bet on you, they believe in you,
they stick with you.

Speaker 1 (03:14):
I never really worked for them, No, No, when I
was doing late and I worked for Dave my Time
Slow and CBS on the thing. Yeah yeah, you know.

Speaker 3 (03:25):
But did you ever interact with CBS? Yeah a little bit.

Speaker 1 (03:28):
No much. I mean I had to go to the building,
but not much. I had to have I had to
go to some Super Bowls every now and again.

Speaker 2 (03:37):
Oh. I just went to the Super Bowl this year
because it was it was a really really good game
and it was the Swifties versus everyone else. Yeah, the
Swifties versus the Internet. Yeah, from San Francisco.

Speaker 3 (03:50):
Yeah, just there last year, were you. It's awesome, right,
It's a great city.

Speaker 2 (03:54):
It's it's in my opinion, and obviously I'm biased, it's
the most beautiful city in America.

Speaker 3 (03:59):
It has beautiful It's like our Paris.

Speaker 2 (04:01):
Right, it's got this it's surrounded by water, it's walkable,
there's great restaurants. It's got the most beautiful baseball park
in the world. I will, I will actually get into
a physical altercation over it.

Speaker 1 (04:11):
I haven't been to the base.

Speaker 2 (04:12):
It's it's delirious, like it overlooks the bay and there's
splashed down alley where if there's like a home run,
it goes into the water and they're kayakers out there
catching the baseball, and you know, and then at San
Francisco's you can get like sushi, you know, like garlic
fries at the park.

Speaker 1 (04:26):
But because I was looking on social media, which I
you know, is a mistake. You shouldn't do that.

Speaker 2 (04:31):
No, you shouldn't, and I I'm shocked. That feels out
of character for you.

Speaker 1 (04:34):
Actually it actually did. I I don't have anything.

Speaker 3 (04:37):
And pull out your abacus to look at social media.

Speaker 1 (04:39):
Every now and again, I do it, like I download
Instagram because I have gone Instagram again. Yeah, And normally
it's just like ignore it, yeah, dude, Like somebody says,
all right, you're posting. I think about your podcast, like okay, good,
this is what we're going to say. Is that okay?

Speaker 3 (04:54):
Yeah yeah.

Speaker 1 (04:55):
But every now and again I go on it and
look at it. I was looking at for somebody in
San Francisco because I was go in there. It come
up and it's like San Francisco in the hell of
San Francisco fire. And then I was like you went
and it was like it's birds are tweeting and it's
it's perfect it's.

Speaker 2 (05:10):
A city because I grew up there. Like that, I
find that narrative specifically irritating. I'm like, right, there's always
been an intense I don't even say homeless problem. It's
just it's a progressive city and people help homeless people.
So homeless people go there because they know there are services.
They know it's a good place if you're poor, because
it's a progressive place and people are going to take

(05:30):
care of you. The big problem, honestly is tech. Right,
Tech took over the city and then they abandoned it,
and so there's a part of San Francisco it's pretty
small where they all left their offices. They empty, and
it's it feels a little bit like a ghost town.

Speaker 3 (05:44):
But like you know, I blame Zuckerberg.

Speaker 1 (05:46):
I blame in Zuckerberg for most things. I swear to God,
I think that that one of the worst things that's
happened to the human race in the past fifty years
and then, and there's been a few pretty bad things.

Speaker 3 (05:55):
It's been pretty bad.

Speaker 1 (05:56):
But social media is that's a civilization then there. If
we're not careful it is.

Speaker 2 (06:02):
It's interesting because I can see the value in it,
Like I remember during COVID feeling like they're like, and
my Twitter feed is pretty positive because I look at
positive things. So like, my Twitter feed was you know,
I looked at poppy videos and kitting videos or like
my primary source of information during COVID because it was
the only way not to lose your mind. But you know,
Twitter was responsible for, or at least partly responsible for

(06:24):
driving the Arab spring. It was partially, I think predominantly
responsible for driving Black Lives Matter. Like it was a
way for people to share information without the filter of
kind of corporate media. It was a way for you
to get information from people on the ground rather than
again from corporate media. But I mean, because I'm not
a twelve year old girl, I know when I'm looking
at something on the Internet that's going to make me
feel like shit for weeks after, So I don't look

(06:45):
at it. Right. I have an ability to filter with
my mind. I'm psychic, amusing my mind and brain. Yeah,
this is bullshit, this is real.

Speaker 1 (06:56):
I think that I could easily become a radicalized face
book mom if I had Facebook. I mean, it was
just because I don't I mean, I used to know
when I was looking at bullshit and now I kind
of don't. It's tough.

Speaker 2 (07:09):
It's tough to parse and those I mean, there are
elements that are trying to tell you, like everything you
see around you.

Speaker 3 (07:15):
I mean, this is like a thought, a thought experiment.

Speaker 2 (07:18):
What if all of a sudden every message you got
was the world isn't real. Everything you're looking at isn't real,
everything you've been told isn't real. You can't figure, you
can't get back on the Oh, his hand.

Speaker 1 (07:29):
Is up, guys. Yes, right, So here's what I think.
So you're familiar with the work of Renade the cart.

Speaker 3 (07:36):
Right, Yes, but I wouldn't say intimately.

Speaker 1 (07:38):
All right, but enough to go to look at When
he was like, I've talked about this before on podcasts,
but when you use reason, when he went to try
and use reason rather than revelation to prove the existence
of God, and so he started with that he would
doubt everything, right, So you just doubt everything. I doubt
I doubt that I exist, I doubt that God exists,
I doubt the universe is real. Everything doubt everything. So

(08:00):
that's where we start. The only thing you can't doubt
is that you're doubting, right, I mean, you can if
you're doubting, you're doubting, right. So if you're doubting, the
what you need to do to doubt is to think right.
And if you're thinking, that's where he got to cognito
ergo simon. If I thinking I exist, so I think

(08:23):
therefore I am. And I wonder if, like with social media,
the answer is not to try and stop it, because
you're not going to stop it. It's not going to stop.

Speaker 2 (08:35):
It's gonna it may, it may devour itself itself. And
you know, at some point, I think X is eventually
going to winkle out of existence because it's.

Speaker 1 (08:43):
No longer as relevant as I meant the teeth that
it had when it was Twitter.

Speaker 2 (08:47):
It had literally like a party at four thirty in
the morning where like three people are still in there
and they're pouring getting all the beers together to make
one giant kind of one beer.

Speaker 3 (09:03):
Yeah, and they're just in the corner screaming at each other.

Speaker 2 (09:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (09:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (09:06):
But the whole idea of using reason to fight against
the power of social media, because I'm genuinely scared. I
don't know if I'm scared of it. I'm second it's.

Speaker 2 (09:20):
It's worth being, you know, frightened on behalf of people
who are living in a space of doubt and can't
fight their way out.

Speaker 1 (09:27):
Yeah, because their children.

Speaker 2 (09:28):
Yeah, And I mean I couldn't even imagine having kids
in this climate. Like my mother wouldn't let me watch television.
We didn't have a TV.

Speaker 3 (09:35):
I read a lot. I mean, it explains a lot.

Speaker 2 (09:39):
But she was like, you know, you've got to form
your own ideas, You've got to form your own perception
of the world.

Speaker 3 (09:44):
But reason, Yeah, you've got a reason.

Speaker 2 (09:45):
You've got you've got to take in as much information
as possible and make your own calculations.

Speaker 3 (09:50):
But kids don't do that.

Speaker 2 (09:51):
They're being they're being shaped by Forrest's outside of themselves
when at their most impressionable. And I was just having
a conversation with someone. We really went deep so fast.
I was having a conversation my Boos company. We're talking
about after after you free yourself out then. But it
was that that fear. You know that they are kind

(10:12):
of like these primary drivers in the human body, the
human mind, and one of them is fear, and that
fear and anger are like very closely coupled.

Speaker 1 (10:18):
Right.

Speaker 2 (10:19):
You know, we're animals and we've only been walking up
right for a very short period of time in our
evolutionary span. You know, we just figured out how to
turn the lights Otherwise we've been around for you know,
six hundred years, you know, and we were plopped on
the earth with a big fun or jump fake dinosaurs,
fake fake fossils, such an elaborate both what a what

(10:39):
a what a what a broad sprawling false flag operationating.

Speaker 1 (10:44):
If you're an all powerful deity, why would you pull
some kind of like.

Speaker 2 (10:48):
When you ask people these kinds of questions, right, like
who and how and why would somebody spread these false
fossils all over the world?

Speaker 3 (10:58):
I mean, what's a There's just no way. You can't
it can't beget You're.

Speaker 2 (11:02):
Just like you'll go fizzle in the corner with your
body with the work at the end of the party.
But that the fear and the anger because you know
we're you know, these kind of cowering creatures that we
were living in caves and we're going to be eaten.
They serve a purpose, right if you're frightened then and
you're you know, you're fearful, then you get angry, then
you fight, You protect yourself, you protect.

Speaker 3 (11:18):
Your family, you stay alive.

Speaker 2 (11:20):
Well, now you know, everybody's driving around in a cushy
car and you know, staring at a shiny box, and
so all that fear and anger, that kind of natural
fear and anger that has been a protective element of
you know, our species for so long, is now connected
to the Internet and to social media, and so because
it's a natural reaction, but it doesn't have anywhere to go.
It's tethered to images of these people are trying to

(11:41):
kill me, These people are threatening my way of life.
This person wants to steal my daughter. This person wants
to eat babies. None of these things are true, but
we have to put that energy somewhere. And because people
can't figure out what's real anymore, they become consumed by
false images.

Speaker 1 (11:57):
So what do we do? How do we how do
we figure out? I have a plan about a cocktail,
but we have a cocktail and we watched can you
see criminal mindy?

Speaker 2 (12:08):
You you are you know, I know you haven't had
a drink in a very long time, and I'm always
very very long time, which I'm very impressed by.

Speaker 3 (12:15):
But you're also like a very sophisticated thinker. I'll take
it you well, you are. You're a very high thinker.

Speaker 2 (12:21):
My relationship with booze is is is complex, you know,
because I love it and I'm a spirit enthusiast.

Speaker 3 (12:26):
I don't do a lot. I was. I'm a quality
over quantity lady.

Speaker 1 (12:29):
Well see that's I would say that was healthy then.

Speaker 2 (12:32):
Yeah, I mean, you know, I feel like it's it's
something that's been a tool of conviviality.

Speaker 3 (12:37):
It's a way to connect with people.

Speaker 1 (12:38):
If that's how it's for most people. Just for me
it's not, But for most people, I think booze is
reasonably healthful.

Speaker 2 (12:44):
And I think, you know, to think about it like
anything else in the world, like social media or whatever
it is, to try to find a way to have
a healthy relationship with it and realize if you can't,
to put it down right, because I think always a
good way to look at it. But I just used
to love the experience of going to a great bar,
having a great drink, talking to the bartender.

Speaker 3 (13:03):
You know, I was a stand up, you know what
I mean.

Speaker 2 (13:05):
That's when you're a stand up, you have your hour
on stage and then the other twenty three hours that
you have to like entertain yourself, I know, and you
gotta be careful. Yeah, and so I would go to
a bar. I would go to a bar, you know,
to talk to somebody, because you know, you can only
eat bar mix in your hotel and watch Law and
Order reruns so many nights before it's.

Speaker 1 (13:22):
Well with me. It's criminal minds. Thank you for that,
Thank you for that.

Speaker 2 (13:26):
And and then I wanted to find a way to
create that experience for people who didn't do that, you know,
the idea of like, rather than drinking some sad warm
beer or bad bottle of wine, to have one great
drink at home, but not have to make it yourself.

Speaker 1 (13:39):
So will you? Does it come like pre make.

Speaker 3 (13:41):
Creemate, it's ready to drink cocktail.

Speaker 2 (13:43):
It's the brand is the line is calledhlosophy like philosophy
all right, and which stands for the philosophy of elevation.
The idea of like, don't drink the worst thing. Have
have expression the best expression of what you're.

Speaker 1 (13:55):
Going to drink.

Speaker 3 (13:58):
Some oh my god in latin.

Speaker 2 (13:59):
Eless and so h and so it was really a
way of saying, you know, you deserve better, because so
much of this is ready to drink stuff is pretty trashy,
Like yeah, so we have a margarita. It's the first,
the first cocktail that we're launching with.

Speaker 3 (14:10):
It's a hundred percent organic.

Speaker 2 (14:12):
It's one hundred percent blue ebber agave tequila bottled in Mexico.

Speaker 3 (14:16):
It only has three ingredients tequila.

Speaker 2 (14:17):
Triple second line, which is all that should be in
a margarita, right, And it took us two and a
half years to develop. We hired a Citrus PhD, and
they know those things existed.

Speaker 1 (14:26):
Wait, so somebody goes to college like a fancy call,
very fancy. So what's your PhD going to be?

Speaker 3 (14:34):
Limes and limes and limes and.

Speaker 2 (14:36):
Women apart from limes and lemons, orange, tangerine, yellow, Buddha's hands.

Speaker 3 (14:41):
Oh my god, there are so many. I feel such a.

Speaker 2 (14:44):
Fool, you know, flung Latin in my face. I had
to come back very aggressively.

Speaker 3 (14:50):
I'm a citrus eletterate.

Speaker 1 (14:53):
That's unbelievable.

Speaker 2 (14:55):
There are many others that I couldn't even possibly meant.
Oh coume quats, ohquatch.

Speaker 1 (15:00):
The come quotes are in the doll Belong Tondre Hall
of Fame, along with Lake Tittykarca. Absolutely there's another one
as well. I can't remember what it asked the blue
Footed Booby, Bluefooted Booby, that's Bluefooted Booby, cum Quats and
Lake Tittykarca the.

Speaker 3 (15:16):
Dublo Hall Hall of Fame.

Speaker 1 (15:19):
Right. The Craig Ferguson Fancy Rascal Stand Up Tour continues
throughout the United States in twenty twenty four. For a
full list of dates and tickets, go to the Craig
Ferguson Show dot com slash tour.

Speaker 3 (15:35):
So you are there.

Speaker 1 (15:40):
When I said to you earlier that when I left
late night, you were my you know, like they said
to me, who do you think to take over? And
I said, I think, I used to hell of it
would be best for it because I think that you
had the class and the and the poise that I
hadn't done for further ten years previously. Is it something
that you would have been interested in?

Speaker 2 (16:00):
I was interested in at the time, and I guess hosted.
Oh yeah, yeah, A lot of people come through.

Speaker 1 (16:06):
Did you enjoy it?

Speaker 3 (16:08):
It's so interesting? You know, I love this.

Speaker 2 (16:10):
I mean, I you know, I loved coming on the
show when you did it. Yeah, Because I came out
of stand up radio was a big fundamental part of
my life for such a long time.

Speaker 3 (16:18):
I love your art of conversation.

Speaker 2 (16:20):
I mean, I think comedians passionate comedians.

Speaker 3 (16:23):
I mean, and we were very very people.

Speaker 2 (16:26):
But I think like at our core, we just love
to have a conversation, right, I just want to sit
down and like talk shit. Well, there's some guys want
to scream at you or you know, our fart or
blow something up or you know, bring something with a
hammer amel, Yeah, exactly, But.

Speaker 3 (16:38):
I think we just want to have the chats, you
know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (16:41):
I think that's true. But I think there is a
generational uh divide, And maybe I'm just like a you know,
I'm on my lawn or yelling at people. But you know,
I'm not really complaining about it. I just noticed a
difference that there is a there is a thing now
where people will say I I would like to have
a career in comedy, and they make it sound like

(17:03):
like it's it's like being a citrus PhD or something.
Do you know, It's like like it's a like I
think the comedians that I like, and I include you
in this, are people who kind of are in some
way tortured into it. Do you know what I mean?
That there's like the chats thing you talk about. I

(17:24):
think that's true. Like, but comedians who are kind of
like I really need to talk to somebody.

Speaker 3 (17:30):
Want anyone because I'm going to explore it.

Speaker 1 (17:33):
Yeah, whereas you know, there are other comedians and I
guess it's maybe not that new though, come and say, hey,
you know, how about those airline peanuts everybody? Or what's
the deal with shoes? You have to tie them? You
don't tie them? And I'm like, well don't. I don't
worry about that. I worry a lot more about about
bigger maybe bigger, but maybe I should be worried about shoes.

Speaker 3 (17:55):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (17:56):
I feel like you know you. And then the guys
that I really admired when I was a baby comic
were the conversationalists, you know, that Bill Hicks's and the
Mark Marin's and I was, I mean, you know, Mark's
probably gonna just spin off into space, but I just
I wanted to be Mark because what it felt like
when I was watching him was this is a guy,
He's just sitting down and he's talking to the audience,

(18:17):
and it always felt really organic and natural.

Speaker 3 (18:19):
It felt like a conversation.

Speaker 1 (18:20):
I think with Mark is I mean, it's like he's
such a I mean, no one would no one embarrassed.

Speaker 2 (18:27):
Very choke he's been. He's been improving himself for quite
a bit of time.

Speaker 3 (18:30):
He's getting better.

Speaker 2 (18:31):
He does.

Speaker 3 (18:33):
Yeah, he's I think he's involved quite a bit.

Speaker 2 (18:35):
I mean, or Tom Rhodes or you know, or the
grandfather of all of us, Richard pryor you know what
I mean. Where it was you know, obviously a very
tortured guy, but it was also this conversation, right, like
versus the guys that were like here, poop fart sounds
way home.

Speaker 3 (18:49):
It was like, this is something that happened to me
and you've felt.

Speaker 2 (18:52):
I always say to baby comics now, like it's it's
important to be funny, but that's not the most important thing.

Speaker 3 (18:56):
The most important thing is to tell the truth.

Speaker 2 (18:58):
Because if you, if you, you can see when someone
leaves a show that was hilarious and when someone goes,
oh my fucking god, yeah.

Speaker 3 (19:04):
You have to hear what this guy was saying.

Speaker 2 (19:06):
When people are nodding their heads and they're punching their
friend in the arm because they're like they're feeling something,
and then the laugh is like important but complimentary, you know,
what I mean, and.

Speaker 1 (19:17):
Well, I think what you're talking about there is a
live stand up performance, yeah, I mean what exists now
that I don't think. I mean there used to be
like for a stand up you would try and get
a ten minutes for tonight shure, yeah yeah, or ten
minutes for the improv for ten minutes, but it was
always a ten minute.

Speaker 3 (19:33):
Yes, that was supposed to encapsulate your pointing a meal.

Speaker 1 (19:36):
Right in ten minutes. And now you have to do
that in forty five seconds thirty seconds. I don't know.
I mean, I could never do it in ten minutes.
It takes me half an hour to start the show,
you know, like I'm like, hey, good evening. Well when
I say good evening, and you know, and then it
takes me.

Speaker 3 (19:50):
Once of the word evening. Yeah, you know.

Speaker 1 (19:52):
If you look at Renee the card, but he said
good evening, he was a citress PhD. But the idea
of no, somehow it's different, I don't know. And maybe
it's better even I don't know, but it's certainly different.

Speaker 3 (20:07):
I don't watch a lot of comedy, and I don't
know why that is.

Speaker 1 (20:10):
There's not a comedian in living or dead I would
pay money you can see.

Speaker 3 (20:13):
Right, right.

Speaker 2 (20:13):
But then I'm like, why am I Maybe I'm the
person standing on my front line, like, oh, you kids
don't know what I think about it. Like I used
to not watch comedy because I didn't want other people's
jokes to get in my head exactly, And now I
strangely it's like I'm a retired porn star and I'm
never gonna have sex again. Like I'm not that compelled
by it. Like I'm not like, oh, let's watch a
special I did watch.

Speaker 1 (20:32):
Let me just roll you back to the retirement.

Speaker 3 (20:37):
That's just one for the kids that I did.

Speaker 2 (20:40):
I haven't watched the Gerrod Carmichael special Rathaniel, even though
I know it was really popular. But I watched his
reality show, which is like really really wild, and one
thing that there's a bunch of his comedy in there,
and he's doing that thing where he's just sitting on
a chair talking to people, right, and there's there's something
about like and I feel like you did this too.
There's something about like letting the air out of the room,
or there's not the pressure to have three jokes a minute,

(21:02):
and it is a conversation that also, let's take the
pressure off the audience too. Oh yeah, now we're just
going to connect with this guy, not like, well I
didn't laugh for the last thirty minutes, so I have
to have another rubbed coke and drown my feelings. Yeah
that but that that's that Or like tag Natara is
also very kind of conversationalist, right, that's interesting.

Speaker 1 (21:21):
Yeah, that's someone who that's the real deal. But but
for me, that the idea of stand up it is.
I don't like even putting the word comedy on.

Speaker 3 (21:32):
I know, I know, I mean, yeah, stand up, stand up.

Speaker 1 (21:34):
Yeah, because there's going to be times when you know,
no in a club, like if there's if there's you know,
chicken fingers coming out and you know, and it depends.
I think. I think sometimes you've got to kind of
read the audience a little bit and let them find you.
But it is odd to me.

Speaker 3 (21:53):
That wasn't exciting to me.

Speaker 2 (21:54):
That was an exciting kind of math problem to solve
walking into a room and seeing where the audience was
eating them, where they were like versus coming barreling in,
you know, with you know, your T shirt cannon. You
know we all did because you know, you're like, I
got to get this hour ends, I can get my
money and go back to the hotel and drink my
oxidized glass of Sauvignon blanc.

Speaker 1 (22:18):
Guitar of.

Speaker 3 (22:26):
Oh my god, oh this is so off pieced.

Speaker 2 (22:29):
Do you remember this was like when I was very
much like in my baby years that there was this
infamous video of this guy at the punchline in San
Francisco who was a guitar comic and he was being
heckled and everybody was really like on the comic side
and pissed off at the heckler. But then the heckler
approached the stage and the guitar comic you just see

(22:53):
the guitar like rear out of frame.

Speaker 3 (22:55):
And then whack this guy in the head.

Speaker 2 (23:00):
And then it comes back and it's just like the
neck and a few days he's just creamed this.

Speaker 3 (23:05):
Guy with this guitar.

Speaker 2 (23:06):
It disintegrated the guitar and you hear the audience just go.

Speaker 3 (23:11):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (23:12):
I remember like watching that and we, I mean, we
would laugh about it, and I think the guy was
I hope the guy was okay, but as like the
classic like and that's where he lost.

Speaker 1 (23:22):
That's where he lost.

Speaker 3 (23:23):
The audience lost, the audience.

Speaker 1 (23:24):
When you commit an act of violence on one of them.

Speaker 3 (23:27):
It's you're not There's no coming back.

Speaker 1 (23:28):
I don't think there is no no. I had a
I was doing a show I don't know, because I
still do stand up.

Speaker 3 (23:34):
I was gonna say, do you still do it?

Speaker 2 (23:35):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (23:35):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do it all the time, because
it's kind of for me. It's like, you know, I
learned to play the piano when I was a kid.
And although I've played in orchestras and I've written scores
for movies and I do that, I still like to
when I see a piano and the lunge of the hotel,
it's kind of my I like it. I like it
and it makes me feel good. And I was doing
a show in Texas, I don't know, a couple of

(23:56):
months ago. A gentleman collapsed, oh geez, and like we
had to get the paramedics in and the lights go
up across.

Speaker 3 (24:04):
The excitement I mean not great, but still excitement.

Speaker 1 (24:07):
I mean really, and the guy kind of he gets
taken out and I say, look, obviously we're going to
stop the show. And we stopped the show and the
audience is kind of sitting there and it's weird, and
I go out in the guy's regain consciousness. That Barnley,
it was like, you know, it wasn't a bad thing,
but the paramedics and we'll take you, take you another look,
but we think you're okay. It's like dehydration or something.
And it was all right. And I spoke to the

(24:27):
guy that collapsed. They brought him around. He was in
a gurney and he said, no, I'm fine. I said, well,
I'll just go back and finish the show, and he went, yeah,
I think you should. So I went back and I
was really excited because I thought, how am I going
to dude?

Speaker 3 (24:42):
This is how am I going to turn this show?

Speaker 2 (24:45):
Like like the the the anxiety and the anticipation of
like can I make this work?

Speaker 3 (24:51):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (24:51):
And it was a great show.

Speaker 3 (24:52):
After that, people must have just been zinging, right.

Speaker 1 (24:55):
They were scared. And then I told him it was
all right and I talked to the guy. So there's
the relief relief, and then there's the running joke of
you know, I pretend to faint because I am, and
that's what let's talk about him because because you're doing
a lot of acting.

Speaker 2 (25:13):
Yeah, yeah, I've been lucky to stay pretty busy.

Speaker 1 (25:17):
And well, see that's the thing with me. I see,
you are one of the smartest people I have met
in this time. No, look, it's not a fucking high bar,
like you are the tallest little person in the circus.

Speaker 2 (25:30):
That's the one with other film of her own assholes.
She seems smart, but you are.

Speaker 1 (25:35):
I mean that being said, you are one of the
smartest people have man in this town. And I get
bored with the acting.

Speaker 2 (25:43):
And you've also created a lot of stuff for yourself.
I mean, you've written and produced and directed all these films,
and that's so all consuming that I could see it's
feeling relatively draining, you know, it's it's.

Speaker 1 (25:55):
It's boring though, I mean, because you've directed movies and
that that's not No.

Speaker 3 (26:00):
I love directing.

Speaker 2 (26:01):
Yeah, oh yeah, I mean I just directed I think
my fourteenth episode of television.

Speaker 1 (26:06):
You directing The Criminal Minds and.

Speaker 3 (26:07):
Direct on Criminal Minds. I've directed the Criminal.

Speaker 2 (26:11):
Minds television series show, Yes, the entertainment show. And I've
directed Walking Dead Fear the Walking Dead, which was a
really cool experience.

Speaker 1 (26:22):
I like when that is the that Norman Norman reads.

Speaker 3 (26:25):
He's a delightful fellow. He's a great actor.

Speaker 1 (26:28):
He's got that kind of like he's got that something.
What the fuck is he going to do? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (26:33):
Yeah, he doesn't have that good.

Speaker 1 (26:34):
Yeah, And I kind of like that and like in
a sportsperson or like an any artist, story of what
the Yeah.

Speaker 2 (26:44):
He's also he was an interesting actor as a young person,
and I think this is true of all actors. So
I wonder if maybe you'll return to it at some point.
Is that you get you just get more interesting as
you get older. I think there were so predisposed or
so obsessed with youth in Hollywood, but really the actors
just get interesting once they've like as Niko Costa used
to say, got fucked and got their heart broken, do

(27:06):
you know what I mean?

Speaker 3 (27:06):
Like you need to you need to live.

Speaker 2 (27:08):
And then you see these guys like god, this guy,
he's doing incredible work in his fifties and sixties.

Speaker 3 (27:13):
Yeah, you know, she's gotten so much more interesting.

Speaker 2 (27:15):
She's working all the time because you know, like stuff's
happen to them.

Speaker 1 (27:18):
Well, it depends, though, on what was your currency at
the beginning, because I wondered, this is something that I
thought about. Now, this is going to sound a little weird.
Let's stay with me a little bit, all right, So
you are very beautiful. Oh no, but you are a
very beautiful looking person. And I think that it's particularly

(27:39):
when you are a young performer, like when you were
doing this suit. You know, it's like, wow, look at this.
It's like a supermodel and she's funny, you know. And
I wonder if that is because I think for a
lot of young performers because like most people, when they're young,
they're cut mean, I mean, as cute as you, but
but young and cute. When that ncy goes away and

(28:00):
it hasn't for you, but you start to think that
that maybe I need to have that all the time.
I think that's why people end up mutilating themselves.

Speaker 2 (28:09):
Mutilating themselves. Yes, strange, it's like an alien race.

Speaker 3 (28:15):
You know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (28:16):
And then it becomes the tempo for everybody where, like
all of a sudden, if you have a normal face
like you, you are the one who's an outlier, which
I think is so odd. I mean, I mean, I'm
lucky I have the benefit of genetics. Like my grandmother
was just a young looking lady.

Speaker 3 (28:31):
My mom's she's eighty.

Speaker 2 (28:32):
She looks like she's maybe fifty five. Like I just
I just hit the jackpot. Yeah yeah, But also that's evident.
But I also feel like, you know, it's a constant
reminding yourself that your currency. And it's easy for me
to say that your currency are not your looks. You know,
I think Hollywood for men and for women, but obviously
more for women is so much about youth and how

(28:54):
thin you are and how but you know, like your
body is just carrying their fucking brain around, and the
brain is the most important thing, right the brain. This
is the thing that's gonna keep you vital and connected
for the rest of your life. And this kind of
obsession with like I don't know to me. And I
think because I was a stand up you know, and
when I was there weren't a lot I mean it

(29:15):
wasn't like I started in the thirties, but there weren't
a million women doing it at that time, so you know,
you just had to nut up right and and you know,
I never that was never my currency. I wasn't gonna
get there out there like a half shirt in the miniskirt.
I was like, you know, this is a job of
the mind. So maybe I was lucky that.

Speaker 1 (29:33):
You see male and female stand ups. No, they're like
they're really good looks.

Speaker 2 (29:36):
Oh yeah, there's that one guy who looks like an
underwear model or whatever.

Speaker 1 (29:41):
Women who are like oh wow, right, and who was
actually who did you watch?

Speaker 3 (29:46):
Did you watch the Tom Brady Rose?

Speaker 1 (29:48):
I didn't see you all of that so a bit.

Speaker 2 (29:49):
That's the the first time I've watched stand up in
a very long time, even though it wasn't really stand up.
And there was the one Nikki Glazier.

Speaker 3 (29:58):
Nicki Glazer set was like a perfect sech.

Speaker 1 (30:01):
I mean she's really really really.

Speaker 2 (30:03):
Really really funny and she's very glamorous, which also always
feels a little countertuitive, but she killed it. And then
Sam j like the two the best sets of the
night were like these two women, which was just great
to see, you know what I mean, Yeah, it was
really great to watch.

Speaker 1 (30:15):
I've always kind of like I remember thinking right about
the time, but twenty sixteen, twenty seventeen, it was one
time when I thought, you know, what the world really
is lacking right now is Joan Rivers? Like because I
feel like Joan was a real counter way.

Speaker 2 (30:35):
She was and she was a constant right and she
was just a machine.

Speaker 3 (30:39):
She was lovely lady. I got to know her like
late in life, and.

Speaker 2 (30:43):
She she was wow because she was such an institution.

Speaker 1 (30:47):
I loved there was a huge fan of her and
I never met her.

Speaker 3 (30:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (30:49):
It was The weird thing is because I worked in
Late Night and Joan had this big fallen out with
Johnny Carson and Peter Lasally and so they were I
was like, let's get John Rivers on the show and
they were like, no.

Speaker 2 (31:02):
Oh wow, You're like grow up. Also, like how long
ago was that pullet together?

Speaker 1 (31:06):
Everybody was mad. It was like they and it was
kind of weird. There was a couple of people like that,
Like I was like, why can't we have them on
the show, And they're like wow, because you know.

Speaker 3 (31:14):
Because of something that happened in nineteen eighty nine and
it wasn't even me.

Speaker 1 (31:17):
But know what was interesting is that later on, if
I'd have thought about it, oh yeah, fuck it.

Speaker 2 (31:23):
But you just forget, you know, and you're caught up
in kind of the gears of the machine sometimes, you know.

Speaker 1 (31:29):
I think they were a little concerned as well, because
when I first started and Late Night, they said, who
do you want on the show as your first guest.
I said, I would like Kurt wont to get junior
first guy. They were like, no, that's.

Speaker 3 (31:39):
Not going to happen, absolutely not.

Speaker 1 (31:42):
You'll have David Dakovny like everyone else's hell yeah, yeah,
and that was a smart guy. Also tell everybody, as
it turned out, you can write a bit. Yeah, that's right,
he said. He have you written books yet?

Speaker 3 (32:02):
I have. I've done two. I did two.

Speaker 1 (32:03):
Bucks, I've read them both.

Speaker 3 (32:05):
I just you just wanted to make sure I remember.

Speaker 1 (32:07):
Yeah, I was gonna because you read mine.

Speaker 3 (32:09):
I have, I have fred All.

Speaker 2 (32:16):
I just but I watched a movie of yours relatively recently.
Was it one where you go to a castle and Kethy?

Speaker 3 (32:22):
Yes, listen, I just watched that one recently.

Speaker 1 (32:27):
But here's the thing. I'm going to tell you something,
and I defy you. I defy you to disagree with me. Right,
that's much better than you think it's going to be.
That movie. You look at that movie like, oh.

Speaker 3 (32:39):
Man, I've got to see this, and you're like, really
not that bad.

Speaker 2 (32:42):
I love I love that You're like, like just the
narrative of the acquittal of your own work, because I mean,
it didn't suck as much as you thought it was.
I mean, I find you to be a riveting player,
like I always like watching you, and Kathy Lee Gifford
is consistently Kathy Lee Gifford.

Speaker 3 (32:56):
Yeah, yeah, she Have.

Speaker 1 (32:58):
You met Kenny?

Speaker 3 (32:59):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (32:59):
I mean I feel like I must have done that
show like way back in the day, you know what
I mean? That era of daytime TV has ended right
like that, very I don't want to say strange, but
like a very kind of arch kind of Hey, everybody region.

Speaker 3 (33:15):
You know what I mean? Like that, like that, that era,
it seems to happen.

Speaker 1 (33:18):
We just used to be in the record books for
being the man who was on TV.

Speaker 3 (33:22):
Most long the longest.

Speaker 1 (33:23):
Yeah yeah, but none of his record's been smashed a
million times by just like kids who film themselves on phone.
So it's like it doesn't it doesn't mean a TikTok's
destroyed them home. I don't do the tickety talk. I've
got a tickety talk. Yeah, hold on to it for
songs again. Yeah it goes away. Yeah, yeah, it's gone away.

Speaker 2 (33:41):
Right, who knows? It's so interesting. I see why this
whole thing is happening with TikTok. But I it's it
seems strangely Unamerican. And I'm not saying that critically or
non critically. I'm just saying it's very odd for a
capitalist government to ban a giant corporation, Like, I don't
get it, really, yeah, I don't. So I don't think
it's going to hold to take.

Speaker 1 (34:02):
No, I think it's going to be there's some I
don't know if you're aware of this, but there's some
pretty good lawyers in this country.

Speaker 2 (34:07):
They are just salivating over. But it will go on
for a decade. You know.

Speaker 3 (34:12):
By that time, the kids will invent something else they were.

Speaker 1 (34:14):
They're hanging onto this until Harry and Meghan did to
get divorced. That's the big next legal opportunity is like
can we get some of that sweet royal family money?

Speaker 3 (34:25):
Can we pull it back? Oh my god?

Speaker 1 (34:27):
But the I kind of it's kind of weird to
me though, because I feel this could in one and
one part of the the like the zeitgeist, I feel
kind of disconnected from it, and then the other part
I kind of love that I'm disconnected from it. I
kind of I am the liberation of like you can
be in your own world and you don't have to.

Speaker 2 (34:46):
You know, I'm where you are, Like, I feel like
the unique nature of where we are with social media
is that for the first time in human history, we
are essentially and I know, not truly, but essentially connected
with everybody else in the world right in a way
that we never have been before, you know, I mean
in our lifetimes. Like email was invented, the Internet was invented, right,

(35:08):
Everything that feels like so fundamental to our existence right
now is relatively new, and so the idea and I
was always saying earlier about you know, something like Twitter,
driving the airb Spring, driving, Black Lives Matter, driving me
to driving, these these global movements that affected people all
over the world and literally in a lot of ways
improved their lives, like you know, the even.

Speaker 4 (35:27):
And had rivers been here, then we would have also
had great jokes, like what we needed was punchlines for
the Arab women demonstrating and driving without face, driving without
their head scars.

Speaker 2 (35:38):
We really needed Joan to have a head scar joke
in there, but that that we're in a unique time
and to say to yourself, I'm going to opt out.
You're only just going back to the way human existence
was twenty years ago. I mean it's not you know,
you're not living in a cave. You know, most people,
for the history of human existence couldn't fucking put something
on their phone and then have a guy and you

(35:59):
know Rush or South America read it. It's just this
is a new tool. It is a new tool, and
I think it's not critical for your for your personal
and like happiness, you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (36:10):
Like no, And I think it's a it's a little
bit like electricity or a knife. I mean, it can
kill you or make your tools. It's like it's it's
how you use it.

Speaker 3 (36:19):
Yeah, I stopped.

Speaker 2 (36:21):
I find social media to be like incredibly burdensome, Like
I uh, it's a tool that I started using so
I could like promote my stand up shows of course,
and you know, promote my TV shows. And it's nice
to connect with you and my alcohol and my cocka
God bless you. My brand new Coca company lock and
feed with the new Margarita.

Speaker 1 (36:40):
You can pre order it at lasophy dot com organic market.

Speaker 2 (36:43):
It's the only it's not the only organic margraine on
the market, but it is the best tasting, ready to
drink margareta.

Speaker 3 (36:49):
That one I'm going to work. I just take my
word for it.

Speaker 2 (36:52):
It'll never tastetric, punchy, arresting, a little arresty, but it
really is very delicious. But so for a little while
when I was going to launch the company, I did
with with kids do what kids do it?

Speaker 3 (37:04):
You know, like Beyonce does you know Donald Clover.

Speaker 2 (37:08):
A well, you know, yes, I know, but when the
kids are already even it's the Swift Taylor, I don't
know if Taylor Swift did this.

Speaker 3 (37:16):
Woman.

Speaker 2 (37:17):
You you wipe your you wipe your feed right, you
remove your feed so there's nothing when people go to
see you online, you have nothing in your feed, and
then they're like, oh, like it's like a watch this space.

Speaker 3 (37:26):
Kind of move.

Speaker 1 (37:26):
I don't think anybody would.

Speaker 2 (37:28):
They might do well, since you don't have a space,
it'd be hard to watch the space.

Speaker 1 (37:31):
But may have my spaces on my space.

Speaker 2 (37:36):
Everybody, please go back to Craig's Tumblr, pa agency what
he's got.

Speaker 3 (37:39):
Going on there. And so I had this.

Speaker 2 (37:41):
Freedom because I was waiting for the company to launch,
where I didn't I wasn't posting, and oh my god,
it was like skipping down the street with no shirt on.
Like I loved not not feeling obligated to look at
my social media and now I'm back to doing it,
and it's a big fat pain in the center of
my house.

Speaker 1 (37:57):
It has I have some experience with it, and it
has for me all of the hallmarks of that of
how it makes you feel. I'm doing this and I
don't want to do it. It makes it does something
for me that I that I kind of like, but
it makes me feel kind of I resent it at
the time.

Speaker 3 (38:14):
I can't pull my eyes away.

Speaker 2 (38:16):
I'm mad at myself for doing it, but I can't
put it down, and I'm wasting my time.

Speaker 1 (38:21):
I mean, like, well, here's the wasting time. Thing I
think is like, I wonder you've written two books. I've
written three. But I'm older than you, right, And also
I don't have a tequila company company. But I wonder
how many scripts and books and paintings and songs are
not happening because of.

Speaker 2 (38:39):
Yeah, like what what what can secures haven't been invented?
How much further along we'd be in space travel if
people weren't looking at cat videos.

Speaker 1 (38:47):
Even though I love I do like a kid, I
kind of.

Speaker 2 (38:51):
During COVID, it was a COVID and the Trump presidency
and the world felt like it was unraveling.

Speaker 1 (38:56):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (38:57):
The only thing that kept me from like losing my
mind mind was just cat and dog videos.

Speaker 3 (39:02):
I hate.

Speaker 2 (39:03):
I wish it was something more sophisticated than that, but
it was like a full It was like a good
thirty minutes every day of just looking at like cats
jumping off of tinfoil.

Speaker 1 (39:11):
Yeah, yeah, touching each other in the face.

Speaker 3 (39:13):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (39:14):
Or the dog with the Have you seen the dog
with the three card money says it the dog it's
a bolder Retriever, kicks the wrong cup and fixed it
and then there's only one snack under there.

Speaker 1 (39:22):
You've seen the one where the border collie uses a
little bridge to go over a river, but the labrador
comes something just swims under it.

Speaker 3 (39:31):
I haven't seen that one, but I will be googling
it immediately.

Speaker 1 (39:34):
Oh my god.

Speaker 3 (39:34):
Yeah, stoopid like he watches them.

Speaker 1 (39:40):
That's that's not a thing.

Speaker 3 (39:42):
It's river.

Speaker 2 (39:43):
I mean, like that was the stuff that I guess
made me feel at in a human time, like purely human.

Speaker 3 (39:48):
I was like, this is something deeply delightful that wasn't created.

Speaker 4 (39:51):
It contains no narrative and no I know it's not
driving the human experience for anyone.

Speaker 2 (39:56):
They know.

Speaker 1 (39:57):
That's why. I think it's kind of like it's sugar
is the ashes, and I like that it's here, I guess.
But the truth is it'll kill you. It'll kill your brain. Yeah,
I think. Yeah. Do you remember a gentleman called Drew Carry.

Speaker 3 (40:19):
I am.

Speaker 2 (40:21):
I'm quite familiar with him. I actually saw him relatively recently.
I saw him at the super.

Speaker 1 (40:25):
Bowl talk about someone growing an of themselves.

Speaker 3 (40:27):
Oh my god. Really he has really like just expanded
into space.

Speaker 2 (40:31):
Yeah, but yeah, in a positive in a pants way, no, no,
not a pantsway, and like an intellectual, self actualized way. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (40:38):
It's such a it's such an amazing generate. You watched
because I you know, I started working with Drew right
back when you were on the Drew Carry Show.

Speaker 3 (40:46):
Right, I was never on the Drew Carry show.

Speaker 1 (40:49):
Who's line?

Speaker 3 (40:50):
Whose line?

Speaker 2 (40:50):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (40:50):
I took over for him whose line? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (40:53):
But but you were I think you were part of
the improv.

Speaker 2 (40:56):
I was. I did a lot, I mean a lot
of stand a lot of improv, I feel like, and
I went on his our paths crossed a bunch before
whose line?

Speaker 3 (41:04):
But you know, it's all a blur.

Speaker 1 (41:06):
Yeah, I know, I hear. It's like when people talk
about you, did you ever watch BoJack?

Speaker 3 (41:11):
I did. I actually did a couple episodes of Jack.
All right, Yeah, what did you do? I played.

Speaker 2 (41:17):
Aquafina. She was a singing talking dolphin. Oh yeah, dirty, dirty,
wrapping dolphins.

Speaker 4 (41:24):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (41:26):
I loved bu Jack because I felt like, because I
was back in the nineties, I was a famous TV show.

Speaker 3 (41:32):
Famous talk show TV I was on I was I
was on a TV show in the nineties.

Speaker 1 (41:37):
Yes, and it was so if you get the combination
of Curby your enthusiasm, BoJack Horseman, and Ray Donovan, that's
what it's like to live in Eli maybe with a
sprinkling of modern.

Speaker 3 (41:48):
Fast that is fair that night. That's a fair assessment.

Speaker 1 (41:51):
It's like it's dangerous and awful.

Speaker 2 (41:53):
Dangerous and strange. Yeah, And if you don't work very
odd it's just like the Internet. If you don't work very,
very hard to parse what's real from what isn't, you
can get caught up in like the bizarro.

Speaker 3 (42:06):
World of Hollywood, such.

Speaker 1 (42:07):
A provencial time you haven't moved out.

Speaker 3 (42:10):
It's a company town. It's a company town.

Speaker 1 (42:12):
It's so weird. Man, you come in and you like,
I coming in from the airport the other day and
you see a bunch of like billboards for sure as
that you know are gonna die, and nobody else in
the country has haird of them, and the actors and
the producers driving by going well, the billboards up.

Speaker 3 (42:25):
We're just talking to ourselves.

Speaker 2 (42:26):
Yeah, oh, buddy, of I told me the other day,
Ah Man, I can't remember what I was talking about
talking to you. He's like, yeah, so if you have
a movie coming out, because we're talking about this movie
that was really really good but.

Speaker 3 (42:36):
Didn't didn't do well. It was a great movie and
it it didn't open, was in the.

Speaker 1 (42:40):
Big teas the nineties. I feel that way about that
movie to this day. It is a great movie and
it does.

Speaker 2 (42:47):
It might have been it might have been a monkey Man,
which I loved. Monkey Man is a great movie.

Speaker 1 (42:52):
I haven't even heard.

Speaker 2 (42:53):
Oh see, there you go, Depatel. It's kind of like
I love Batal. He wrote it, he produced it, he's
in it, he directed, I think, and it's he directed
it and it's like a kind of a South Asian
John Wick.

Speaker 3 (43:06):
It's amazing. It's an amazing movie.

Speaker 1 (43:07):
It's so awesome.

Speaker 2 (43:09):
I loved it, and I did fine, Like it should
have made way more money than it did. Everybody goes
see it, it's so great, and.

Speaker 1 (43:15):
Why not have a cocktail?

Speaker 2 (43:17):
Why why not watch it at home stream it criminal
minds as an appetizer as you enjoylosophy, a glass of
delicious organic margarite hilosophy, and then watch a monkey man
so and then after that, if you're still up, you
can stream all fourteen seasons of Archer on Netflix. Right.

Speaker 1 (43:32):
Oh yeah, I forgot you were.

Speaker 2 (43:38):
You know, you know what everything else to do. But
so I was talking to this guy, and I was like,
this movie should have done much better. It's a great fit.
Like sometimes you're like, I know why that movie didn't open,
and sometimes you like that movie sucked and it opened
for all these other reasons. But this movie should have
made a lot more money. And he said, and we
were talking about the fact that people didn't know that
it was coming out. He said, well, I got to
tell you something. As he worked at the studio, He's like,

(43:58):
studios will got a billboard directly down the street from where.

Speaker 3 (44:03):
The actor or the director lives.

Speaker 2 (44:06):
So that they think they spend a bunch of money
on the campaign and legacy. Oh there's my movie on
that billboard and they've done it nowhere else in the world.
And so it's just a town that's just talking to
itself about itself all the time.

Speaker 3 (44:17):
Yeah, and nobody knows what the fuck.

Speaker 1 (44:19):
It's crazy. And I think that's the reason why you
see people mutilate themselves, particularly actors. You know, it's like, well,
I have to be young. Yeah, well you kind of don't.

Speaker 2 (44:28):
Not only not only don't you, but it's impossible. Yeah,
time is coming for you. You look like a melted candle.
Relax yourself, like like we would have just enjoyed seeing
you be a human being. But now all we're fixated
on is this mutilation, this self mutilation, which you're not.

Speaker 1 (44:46):
Oh no, yeah, no, Now I'm going to start with
my testicles.

Speaker 3 (44:51):
Well, as long as we don't have to look at them.

Speaker 1 (44:53):
Well that what I feel is, first of all, they're
mostly concealed.

Speaker 2 (44:56):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (44:56):
Secondly, this is just for you.

Speaker 3 (44:57):
You're just doing this for me. This is some you time.
And it's so they're testicles.

Speaker 1 (45:01):
If they bought it, who cares? Are you even gonna know?

Speaker 3 (45:05):
Do you watch have you ever seen that show? Watched?

Speaker 1 (45:08):
Oh? God, I can. I'm too squeamish. I've tried, and
then like I'm like, oh my god.

Speaker 2 (45:13):
It's it's just like an orgy of of like psychological
I don't even know what the right word is, like
just incredible psych Like it's like the psychological self injury
paired with the physical self injury.

Speaker 3 (45:27):
It's one of those things that I would watch on
the road and you put it on, it's like a marathon,
you know.

Speaker 2 (45:32):
And then and these people that just you know, that
insane body dysmorphia and they are absolutely confident that like
having like a chin shaped like you know, like a
pip and apple or whatever, it's going to like change
their lives.

Speaker 3 (45:42):
And it's a bummer man.

Speaker 2 (45:43):
And you really think that that show should just be
people come in to get mutilated, and then it's like
a bait and switch. You think you're gonna talk to
these plastic surgeons and then instead, like a psychologist just
comes in. You sit down and talk about yourself, not
the plastic. Lets talk about your mother. Yeah, yeah, let's
talk because it's all with your mother. Also have lips
like pneumatic tiahs. It's so it's crazy.

Speaker 1 (46:06):
It is a little have you ever seen the show.
The kind of counterweight to that is the show on
Channel four in Britain called Naked Attraction.

Speaker 2 (46:15):
I have, First of all, people who are listening, I
know you guys love Craig and he's a delightful and
very sophisticated mind.

Speaker 3 (46:21):
But Europeans are insane. This show is insane.

Speaker 1 (46:24):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (46:24):
First of all, it's it's it's like see and then
also Americans are also insane because there's this Naked Attraction show.
It's essentially mostly men. I guess there's men and women,
but a lot of men women. You see three people,
it's kind of like a dating game, but you see
three people.

Speaker 3 (46:36):
From the neck down.

Speaker 1 (46:37):
They're fully no, they're revealed from the feet up, so
it goes up the legs and then they're naked behind
the screens and it's kind of like the dating game,
and it goes up and then you see their knees
and then you see there. You get all the way
to the job, Get the janital, You get the job,
get the ganital, you get boobs, you go up to it. Yeah, well,
after after what you've you've been passed that.

Speaker 3 (46:56):
Exactly. I don't I don't want to have the steak
after I've had this.

Speaker 1 (47:03):
Straight to the.

Speaker 2 (47:06):
But but I mean the American version of that is
naked and afraid, which you know, Americans have to make
it even more extreme. Like you in the safe studio,
you're not going to get a bug up your whole,
but in America, we want you to get bitten by
a scorpion directly at the center.

Speaker 3 (47:19):
Of your taint. Well you see that.

Speaker 1 (47:22):
You know, Look, everyone's got their cank and I don't
know how you found out about mine, but that's okay.
So I like it center the center of center, which
is not it's not a huge area.

Speaker 3 (47:32):
There's precisions, precision scorpions.

Speaker 1 (47:35):
It's like it's like top gun.

Speaker 3 (47:38):
They only exist in a very small area of the
South America.

Speaker 1 (47:42):
This precision scorpion miniature Tom Cruise has to fly a
scorpion up your pats and exactly.

Speaker 2 (47:47):
The right point in It's like Star Wars, State on target,
stay on target.

Speaker 1 (47:53):
Well, see, we're keeping a classy which I think.

Speaker 3 (47:56):
I don't even know what we were supposed to do today,
but I'm enjoy immensely.

Speaker 1 (48:01):
I don't have an agenda. They when I was starting
the podcast, they said to me, what do you want
to do. And I said, well, I just want to
talk to people I want to talk to Yeah. They
went all right, they said, but can you can you
do a thing? I said, well, I'm not going to
do a thing.

Speaker 3 (48:14):
Don't you remember the robot. He's not going to do it.

Speaker 1 (48:17):
I'm going to do the thing like I'm not going
to do a kind of like name five cats. Yeah,
like you know, let's you know, it's fucking BuzzFeed started
that show, you know, six celebrities who are taller than.

Speaker 2 (48:30):
It's also pretty much dead. I think it's like one
AI AI robot and a guy.

Speaker 1 (48:34):
That have you got the EI on your phone?

Speaker 2 (48:36):
No?

Speaker 3 (48:36):
I refuse, And in that way you should feel you
have company. I'm I.

Speaker 2 (48:40):
I use technology as a tool, but I'm strangely becoming
more of a leddite as I get older, and I'm like,
I'm not letting it in and I have all the
tracking things turned off on my phone and I don't
want to.

Speaker 3 (48:49):
Oh you use it.

Speaker 1 (48:50):
I don't use it. I downloaded a couple of days
ago chat GPT. Yeah, and I've been asking the questions
about God, oh wow, it's fascinating.

Speaker 3 (48:59):
So you're just trying to stump the chump as well.

Speaker 1 (49:01):
It's kind of a little bit I'm trying to sort
of perform a kind of weird my version of the
Turing test on it. But I've been asking the questions
about the deity and about the idea of a god,
and it's it's fascinating because really, what it is, I think,
is just Google. It just googles things. It's it's Google.

Speaker 2 (49:17):
You.

Speaker 3 (49:18):
You could do it with your own face. It's just
gging a little harder than you.

Speaker 1 (49:21):
It's just like it makes Google feel a little more intimate,
but it's not really already.

Speaker 2 (49:25):
Has like an AI driven kind of like a curated
or an assemblage result now, so like if you ask
a question, it used to be that you get pages,
but now what you get at the top is that
Google looks at all the answers and then writes you
a compiled answer based on Yeah.

Speaker 1 (49:42):
I do like that function, right, but but yeah, I
tell you what I know. It's in San Francis. You're
talking about the I is the cabs with no drivers.

Speaker 2 (49:50):
Yeah, San Francisco is just that. I mean, it's wild.
I know, I know we have them here too, we
have never here.

Speaker 3 (49:55):
Yeah, they're here. There.

Speaker 2 (49:56):
I mean, you know, it's la so there's like three
and they're spread out very very far and why But yeah,
San Francisco is just going to be like you know that,
what's that? What's that movie? The Minority Report? Very soon
just people rise cars.

Speaker 4 (50:08):
But the.

Speaker 1 (50:10):
Was I was kind of like doing a bit about it,
and I was talking to do you know Carrie Byron
from MythBusters?

Speaker 3 (50:17):
But I know the show. Yes, she's really.

Speaker 1 (50:19):
Cool and she's up in the city.

Speaker 3 (50:21):
I think like the whole MythBusters team is up, most
of them.

Speaker 1 (50:23):
Yeah, yeah, there, for my money, maybe the greatest show
ever on American.

Speaker 3 (50:27):
Clas not agree with you?

Speaker 1 (50:28):
Is such a great, believable show. I don't know why.

Speaker 3 (50:31):
And explosions, science, explosions and fun.

Speaker 1 (50:34):
Yeah exactly, Well explosions you've ready to go.

Speaker 2 (50:37):
That's fine, That's that's what science plus explosions equals equals.

Speaker 3 (50:40):
Come on, kids, it was.

Speaker 1 (50:42):
It was the greatest show. And I don't know. I mean,
my guess is pretty expensive, but it was a great show.

Speaker 3 (50:47):
Well yeah, it was expensive.

Speaker 2 (50:49):
And I don't even think I know the narrative, but
I think one of the guys and his name is
not in my hair right now, passed away.

Speaker 1 (50:54):
Great, Yeah, Grant got them. But Grant he built the
rule boat on my late night show.

Speaker 2 (50:59):
Do you know that?

Speaker 3 (50:59):
No, I didn't know.

Speaker 1 (51:00):
That was a friend of mine and he said to
me it was actually when Twitter was fun. And he said,
if you can get me one hundred thousand Twitter followers,
I'll build you a robot for your late night show.

Speaker 3 (51:11):
See Twitter used to be great, right, So that was fun.

Speaker 1 (51:14):
So I tweeted out, all right, we need Grant to
get one hundred thousand follows and twitters like forty minutes.
And he had even like gout it so and he
had he was Robot.

Speaker 3 (51:23):
Wars guy and he built just so awesome and he used.

Speaker 1 (51:25):
To commend every month and maintain him.

Speaker 3 (51:28):
I love.

Speaker 2 (51:29):
Twitter was also a place where you could just if
you rolled over the middle of the night and you
were bored, you could write a fart joke and everybody
would laugh at your fart joke.

Speaker 3 (51:36):
It used to be a really, really fun place to
just screw around. Yeah, that's dead. I think we'll have
msk ruins everything.

Speaker 1 (51:43):
Yeah he can't. Well, I'll tell you what. That fucking
truck that's that's bullshit. I don't care like that's I
do it. Lou Black I saw doing.

Speaker 3 (51:53):
Run do a bit about it.

Speaker 2 (51:57):
It's like a boat. You know, it looks like an
amphibious car as what that thing looks.

Speaker 1 (52:00):
You know, it went straight to stonewashed Dannim in like
thirty seconds, you know what I mean.

Speaker 3 (52:05):
It was like, oh my god, yescause it was emerging
from the assembly line.

Speaker 2 (52:09):
It's like it went straight cool de Laurian, Oh cool
Lan immediate.

Speaker 1 (52:14):
Glorian's kind of done the reverse reach around and now
it's almost ironically cool. But I mean, maybe in twenty
five years Elon Musk goes to jail for trying to
keep his company up by sailing cocaine, then you might
have a story.

Speaker 3 (52:28):
That could be pretty cool. I mean, I wouldn't I
wouldn't rule it out.

Speaker 1 (52:31):
Yeah. Anyway, I was talking to carry Byron in San
Francisco and I was talking about the driverless car and
I said I was kind of like being shitty about it,
and she went, let me tell you something. I use
them all the time.

Speaker 3 (52:40):
Yeah, a lot of people do. I'm not going to
do that, but yeah, I said.

Speaker 1 (52:44):
I'm not going to do it. She said, you know what,
I've never got in a driverless car and had the
guy hand on me asked me for my number. Be creepy?
Is he getting near my house?

Speaker 3 (52:52):
All that stuff?

Speaker 2 (52:53):
Is he intoxicated? This place smells like the car smells
like weed or listening to nekel Back. I can't can't
be trusted.

Speaker 1 (53:00):
Yeah, yeah, Huba steink. This This is not right. Huba stank.
But I don't know. I mean I kind of get it.
And then I said, but they're tracking you in the
in the car.

Speaker 3 (53:12):
Oh, it's too late. We're tracked.

Speaker 1 (53:14):
That's the thing.

Speaker 2 (53:14):
That's the thing that you and I and our curmudgeonly
anti technology positions need to take in. And really just
we know a lot of we're boned. They've been tracking
us for a really long time now. And the whole
idea that you're going to get off the grid is
just it's it's past, man. That opportunity is over.

Speaker 1 (53:30):
The good thing is that all of the behavior that
I exhibited, the better off grid is well in the
rear view mirror.

Speaker 2 (53:36):
For me, anyway, Like if they want to, God, you
got your dirt done before cell phone camp was like
by n ninety two, I was like, you can watch
me whatever you want.

Speaker 1 (53:44):
All I'm doing is going to whole food.

Speaker 2 (53:46):
Man, you want to dig up some records of what
I've done, You're gonna do a library and look at
a micro first, right.

Speaker 1 (53:51):
That's right. You're going to have to go to the
Glasgow Police Department and talk, you know, and give cash
money to a target.

Speaker 2 (53:57):
You got know the doing decimal system to look up
the stuff I did back in the eighties.

Speaker 1 (54:02):
Well, the truth is though I wasn't I mean, it
wasn't even I was doing anything. It was just embarrassing, shitty,
fall down drunk behavior. Yeah, I waiting for kids.

Speaker 2 (54:13):
Know that.

Speaker 1 (54:13):
You know, you you do something stupid or you fail
as a stand up right when you've got it. If
you want to be a stand up, you have to fail.
It's part of the Process's.

Speaker 2 (54:20):
There's no way around it, right, It is part of it.
I mean like literally, to get funny, you must bomb you, yes,
you must yes.

Speaker 1 (54:28):
And now that I mean bombing is is kind of
like it's so an integral part of the process. If
you remove that and they kind of have to, or
if you bomb and it stays and around forever.

Speaker 2 (54:41):
Ever forever, or or just the guys that are doing
those like stupid lazy, bad jokes, you know, the ones
that like every well not every because a lot of
young comedians are trying to lean into intellectualism or trying
to be original. But the guys that are just doing
the racist stuff for the sex oft stuff, the fart stuff,
you know, and and ed is memorial forever, and then
you know, now you're thirty, you're like, well that guy

(55:02):
was an asshole. Well you know what, that's the That's
the only guy anyone's ever going to know.

Speaker 1 (55:06):
Yeah, that's what I feel about writing books though, because
I wrote I've written some stuff, and I know you've
written two books. I've read them both, and yeah, the
that I wrote some stuff down when I was younger
and I look at.

Speaker 3 (55:19):
It now, I go, yeah, it's funny. I don't know
that I and I haven't looked at my stuff in
a long time.

Speaker 2 (55:25):
But because I was thinking about republishing my first book,
like the rits just reverted to me and I'll say,
maybe I'll do an maybe I'll turn into it. Oh
you look like you know, like rewrite it and re
release it, right, And I was like, I don't think
I have anything there that like I would cringe over.
There's just like a lot of like just simplistic thinking.
I mean, it was a long time ago, right Like
I was just like not that sophisticated, do you know
what I mean?

Speaker 1 (55:45):
It's a snapshow who you are in the moment. I
mean the problem is if if you get too many
snapshots that it starts to look like that's who you are,
right right? You know if I write a book when
I'm thirty years old and then it's sixty two nearly,
I feel differently.

Speaker 3 (56:01):
Yeah, well you've you've experienced a bunch of stuff. You
are different. You are a different person. You're a different
assembly of cells.

Speaker 1 (56:07):
But you know what one's the real one?

Speaker 3 (56:09):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (56:09):
And then you got the problem of well time does
it fold?

Speaker 3 (56:12):
Or this is a question for the AI in your phone?
This is a question chat?

Speaker 1 (56:17):
Yeah you wait, chat time?

Speaker 3 (56:19):
Phone? You were you were?

Speaker 2 (56:21):
You were in the prime cycle of like introspection, right
like this is the part of your life where you
start thinking about what does it all mean? Oh? Yeah,
and I'm going to ask you a big question since
this is apparently a big question hour did you look
at the web telescope.

Speaker 3 (56:36):
Pictures like the pictures of space?

Speaker 1 (56:38):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (56:39):
That really fucked me up. Like that was that was
the thing that really put me into what does it
all mean? Headspace for quite a bit of time, because
there were they were beautiful.

Speaker 3 (56:47):
They were like the.

Speaker 2 (56:48):
Most kind of detailed pictures of space we've ever seen.
And there was one of them, and it's got something
like three hundred thousand galaxies in this one image right right,
and they're pointing them out to you, these little worlds,
these old spirals, different colors, different shapes, different sizes, and
they said, so, within this one photo, there are three
hundred thousand galaxies like our galaxy that are visible. And

(57:09):
this is the size this area of space is one
grain of sand held at arm's length, right, That's how
much we're seeing those many galaxies in that part of space.

Speaker 3 (57:19):
And then of course there's those infinite grains of sand.

Speaker 2 (57:22):
We could be looking at any part of space and
see another three hundred thousand galaxies filled of billions of stars.

Speaker 1 (57:25):
It could not be there because it's taken so much
time for the light to get here. You're million years.

Speaker 2 (57:30):
Exactly, and so like, I mean, so then this little
puny computer that's telling you about whether God exists, I mean, this.

Speaker 3 (57:37):
Is just wow, some kind of stage play you do.

Speaker 1 (57:41):
You do come with me? And this is this is
a good question because I watched with.

Speaker 3 (57:46):
That's why you should drink lots of drink to Grock.

Speaker 1 (57:52):
But here's the But here's the thing. I when one
of my boys was about ten years old. You watch
a lot of YouTube videos at the universe and you know,
lego stuff. So I'm not in this universe thing and
it was only usual. I can't remember what it was,
but it was. It was as you describe. You know
about the trillions and billions and things, but mostly what
our the observable universe is is nothing.

Speaker 3 (58:14):
It's just emptiness, right, black hole.

Speaker 2 (58:17):
Yeah, like so as much mass as you can see,
but within between that mass is just nothingness, infinite nothing,
that's infinite.

Speaker 1 (58:24):
Nothing.

Speaker 3 (58:24):
Oh, I have to lie down.

Speaker 1 (58:25):
And so the best I've ever felt in meditation or
in any kind of God contemplation, or quietly in a church,
or in a or in a field, or or in
a in a moment of face down in a damp puddle,
whatever it is, whatever thing is when the scorpion is

(58:46):
the right center of the day, whenever you it's always
about silence. And then I think most of the universe
is silence. And there's a quote in a there's there's
a book Bible. There's a lot of bad stuff in it,
there's a little weird stuff in it, but there's an
interesting quote and it says, be still and know that

(59:06):
I am God. And I think that the idea of
a god, I'm not talking about angry Santo in a
cloud and after you die you get you know, a prize.
It's sod your handed a ridiculous, you know, and like
here's your cloud and here's your place where you're gonna
like walk around wearing.

Speaker 2 (59:27):
Slacks slacks in a meadow with your family assembled around here.

Speaker 1 (59:31):
I mean, it's so beyond fucking ludicrous, it's insulting. The
I don't I don't have any kind of grip on
the idea of of an after life, but the idea
that the silence exists infinitely, I find that quite comforting.

Speaker 3 (59:53):
Yeah, I mean, I I can see how you would.

Speaker 2 (59:57):
It could also really just kind of rock your world,
depending on you know, your framework.

Speaker 3 (01:00:01):
I think two things.

Speaker 2 (01:00:03):
I think that the thing I've become very comfortable with
knowing is that I am never going to know. I
can make some decisions I can hold on to some perceptions,
but that the universe. Because one thing I thought a
lot about after the web seeing those web photos was like, well,
then what's beyond that and what's beyond that and what's
beyond that?

Speaker 3 (01:00:22):
And that is just ungroppable to the human mind. It
can't be groped.

Speaker 2 (01:00:26):
There's just no way just understood right like that, there's
but like comprehensively understood, like there's just no way, which
is why we've created a guy and this guy who's
peering down over the side of our fish bowl looking
at us and you know, fucking us up and ruining things,
because otherwise, if you think about the vast expanse of space,
it's it just goes on forever, and you're trying to

(01:00:48):
reach beyond that with your mind and it cannot be reached.

Speaker 1 (01:00:51):
Or, as Saint Augustine of Hippo said, trying to understand
the mind of God is like trying to pour the
ocean into a cup.

Speaker 2 (01:01:00):
You're not it's just to do the creatures, you know,
And we're pretty we're more advance than we've ever been.
I imagine we'll advance further if we don't destroy this
place and blow ourselves out.

Speaker 1 (01:01:10):
Have you seen Oppenheimer.

Speaker 3 (01:01:12):
I have I have pretty hilarious God a laugh a minute.
Although you know the.

Speaker 1 (01:01:19):
Murphy character, he could lose a little way.

Speaker 3 (01:01:24):
Like Jeff Peterson, like, oh my god, God. And even
in the movie they say to him something I think.

Speaker 2 (01:01:31):
I mean, I think in real life he was a
guy who just lived on tobacco and you know, meditating
on the determination of human life.

Speaker 1 (01:01:37):
He was on the old Late Night Show and he's
he's lovely. He's such a nice guy, a nice guy,
and I'm very envious of his.

Speaker 3 (01:01:44):
Really thoughtful actor.

Speaker 2 (01:01:45):
I saw him, I went to Uh, there's an Irish
there's like an Irish Oscars.

Speaker 3 (01:01:49):
Every year it's.

Speaker 2 (01:01:51):
Called the It's called God because your Scott is.

Speaker 3 (01:01:56):
I'm gonna let you touch it, but you're gonna have.

Speaker 2 (01:01:58):
Irish people do love they love this buds though. Oh
they love the spuds and uh. It's called the Oscar
Wild Awards and they have it at Bad Robot in
Santa Monica every year and they kind of honor all
the Irish, you know, the different Irish artists that have
been nominated. And this was a big year for Irish artists.
I mean, there were a lot of nominees and he
was there at the killing, was there at the very beginning.
And he's just about the most delightful guy. Like he
just exudes. I mean, talk about a guy who I

(01:02:21):
don't know what he does in his private time, but
he looks like he meditates for six hours day.

Speaker 3 (01:02:24):
He's the most serene.

Speaker 1 (01:02:26):
Yeah, cool guy, He's got something for sure.

Speaker 2 (01:02:30):
It's just you know, I just said hi to him
for a beat, and you know he's I'm sure, being
dragged in every single direction. This what I love about
Oscars because almost everybody in the town is no nomination, nothing,
no way, in no way they related to what's gonna
happen on Oscar. But there's twittering around town in a skirt.
I'm like, you're not nominated for shit.

Speaker 3 (01:02:48):
Go home? Why are you dressed up on a Tuesday
at go back? Go home, have a TV dinner and
you know, do you know what I think?

Speaker 1 (01:02:55):
It's like I remember once doing a corporate gig and
eating the second most successful car salesman in the Grand
Rapids area.

Speaker 3 (01:03:06):
I cannot this is like the fucking Oscars.

Speaker 1 (01:03:12):
It's like it's exactly like the os because everyone gets
dressed up, gets in the stupid cars. And walks in
and who is going to be the greatest the second
art car salesman in the Grand Rapids area, A fucking.

Speaker 3 (01:03:25):
Oscars is exactly the relations gym. Well done. You are
an inspiration runner up.

Speaker 1 (01:03:31):
This is for all the little fat kids out there
that wanted to sell automobiles and didn't know if they.

Speaker 3 (01:03:37):
Can follow your dream. For all of you out there
who never believed in me, you can suck it. You
suck it.

Speaker 1 (01:03:45):
Oh my god, we've been talking for way too long
about Oh no, yeah, will you come bined and do
another one?

Speaker 3 (01:03:50):
I love talking to you that much. I love talking
to you. What a delight you are just great, You're great.
It's great to see you in person.

Speaker 1 (01:03:59):
It's great to see you. And and good luck with
the cocktails. Criminal man, I came in here to.

Speaker 2 (01:04:05):
Talk about criminal minds at my cocktail company, and we
just talked about the vast expanse, the unknowable, unknowable nature
of God and the universe.

Speaker 1 (01:04:13):
What the fun do you think it is?

Speaker 3 (01:04:17):
And after you listen to this episode, you will

Speaker 2 (01:04:19):
Need a drink to philosophy dot com get and I
get it.