Steve Guttenberg

Steve Guttenberg needs no introduction, an actor, author, businessman, producer, and director. His lead roles in films include Cocoon, Police Academy, Three Men and a Baby and many many others. Steve has a new book out titled ’Time to Thank: Caregiving for my Hero’ and you can buy it here. The book chronicles the fun journey Steve took getting to Hollywood to become an actor, but also talks about how he recently had to put all on hold when he tended to his father after he was diagnosed with kidney failure. He even became a dialysis technician so that he can treat his father at home instead of bringing him into the hospital every other day. Don’t miss this episode, enJOY! 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello. It's Craig Ferguson. I'm going on tour with the
stand up comedy Tour this fall of twenty twenty four
with a brand new hour and a half material and
the tour is called Pants on Fire because I'm a
very truthful man. We start in September and go all
the way through mid December. Get your tickets now at

(00:20):
the Creek Ferguson Show Slash Tour and if you feel
like saying hello after the show, vipple I you just
are available. Oh la la. My name is Craig Ferguson.
The name of this podcast is Joy. I talk to
interest in people about what brings them happiness. I'm very

(00:44):
pleased that my guest today is one of the best
guys in show business. He's one of the best people
I've met in the years I've been an old show
business or selling my wares around Hollywood. He is just
a delightful human being. If you don't know him, you're
about to find that out. He's Steve Guttenberg. Do you

(01:12):
think your hearing has gone down a little bit? Probably
you know about the same age. I think you're.

Speaker 2 (01:18):
You and I are about the same age.

Speaker 3 (01:19):
Sixty five I'm sixty two. Oh you're sixteen.

Speaker 1 (01:22):
You're young, but yeah, you know, you know what funny
three years in your twenties, you're like, we're kind of
the same age as when you're in the sixties. Like,
I'm a lot younger than you.

Speaker 3 (01:32):
Yeah, what's it like to walk with that? Olympics must
be nice.

Speaker 2 (01:35):
But you're doing good for sixty five.

Speaker 3 (01:37):
You're pretty good.

Speaker 1 (01:38):
Yeah, like you like you you reached it.

Speaker 2 (01:41):
Oh really, it just happened.

Speaker 3 (01:42):
I just moved wrong where.

Speaker 1 (01:43):
Yeah, I get that. I just want to we were.

Speaker 2 (01:47):
Of course.

Speaker 1 (01:48):
Of course I have talent, I have courtison, I have
really oh yeah, don't oh no, no, no the cream
oh oh yeah, yeah, zone cream. Because getting old is itchy.
It's itchy especially I'll be happy know whatever that is.
I don't want you.

Speaker 3 (02:08):
So you got some cool artwork on your arms?

Speaker 1 (02:11):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (02:11):
I got some where'd you get it? All around the country?

Speaker 2 (02:15):
Around the best piece of you? You don't have any ink?

Speaker 3 (02:17):
I don't have anything. Well, you know, I don't have
anything never. You know.

Speaker 1 (02:22):
It's also Jews.

Speaker 2 (02:23):
Guys tend not to know, don't.

Speaker 3 (02:26):
Well.

Speaker 4 (02:26):
The Jews believe that if you get a tattoo, you
do something. You can't be buried in a Jewish cemetery. Oh, okay,
it's just a I don't know if it's a it's
a hard rule.

Speaker 1 (02:37):
I just I feel like a lot of things in
Judaism this kind of room for you know, let me
have a bacon.

Speaker 3 (02:47):
Let me have bacon.

Speaker 1 (02:48):
And my people.

Speaker 2 (02:51):
If you don't have a tattoo, you can't get into
the afterlife?

Speaker 3 (02:54):
Is that true?

Speaker 1 (02:55):
I just made it off.

Speaker 3 (02:56):
It's good. It sounds really good.

Speaker 1 (02:58):
We could put it in like one of those outlinder.

Speaker 4 (03:00):
I have a nephew has a he's a half Jewish,
half Catholic. So he has a Jewish star and.

Speaker 3 (03:06):
A very very guilty parent.

Speaker 1 (03:10):
Angle across and uh and a Jewish star and a
star David. Yeah, Like is it mixed together.

Speaker 4 (03:17):
Or just I think it is mixed together. I think
he had a friend of his in college.

Speaker 1 (03:21):
Like malgamate it. Bro. You gotta be careful though, because
you can go you can go Satanic without no one.
Like if you get your logos wrong, suddenly I'm the
dark Lord you require Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 4 (03:34):
Do you you heard anything about the ink being bad
for your bloodstream?

Speaker 1 (03:38):
I've heard that recently. Yeah, it's true. I hope it's
not true, but I heard that it can. You know,
it gives you Alzheimer's and stuff.

Speaker 3 (03:46):
Yeah, you seem so, you still seem great.

Speaker 1 (03:50):
I heard.

Speaker 3 (03:53):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (03:54):
I don't know. But you know what, here's the thing.
Here's the thing. You don't know what's in front of you, right,
you don't know what's in front You gotta let in
the day.

Speaker 2 (04:00):
You got to live in the day.

Speaker 3 (04:01):
I think. But I actually do know what's in front
of me. You do.

Speaker 4 (04:04):
I do live that way, but always live that way. Yeah,
I think that what's in front of me is good
and it's.

Speaker 3 (04:08):
Going to be great. That's a great attitude. And you
know there are there are glitches.

Speaker 2 (04:13):
Sure, I mean, because I wanted to talk to you
about your book.

Speaker 1 (04:16):
It's like a like a huge best seller about about
your dad.

Speaker 3 (04:20):
You know, I didn't bring it. I should bring it
with me.

Speaker 1 (04:22):
Well, you know, we'll buy one. I should right here,
People will buy them. We can also, because we have technology,
we can probably put up a picture of Yeah, yeah,
we could do that. But that's about I mean, that's
more than a glitch. So that's like when your dad
had kidney failure, right right, right? Did he die of
kidney failure kidney disease, So what is that just like

(04:44):
renal disease that.

Speaker 4 (04:45):
They yeah, exactly where there's so many cysts inside the
kidney that they start to not function, and that's kidney failure.
Because you can live with kidney disease, right, But then
when you when they when it comes so weak, then
you go on dialysis, which which is a marvelous, wonderful
life sustaining system.

Speaker 1 (05:03):
What is dialysis because that's the thing I'm surprised to hear.

Speaker 2 (05:06):
But when you were caring for your dad, which.

Speaker 1 (05:08):
Was as a spectacularly I have to say, as an
you know, looking at you as an actor, for an
actor to do something that selfless, kind of like Becker's belief,
it's uh.

Speaker 3 (05:22):
Well I think I'm a half actor, half human.

Speaker 2 (05:24):
Yeah right, okay, it was like mixed up like your
nephew is half.

Speaker 1 (05:28):
Jewish, chef Catholic?

Speaker 3 (05:29):
Right, actor, Like I'm going, how do I look at
but let me do your dials?

Speaker 1 (05:33):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (05:34):
So you learned to be a dialysis technician with.

Speaker 3 (05:36):
My sister Susan.

Speaker 4 (05:37):
Yeah, we went to a medical facility and we actually
learned to become dialysis technicians and were certified and I
actually my sister was certified and I was her assistant.
But we both learned how to canulate, which is putting
a needle into a fistula, which is a very very
large vein which is created from an art and a vein.

(06:01):
They mail them together, so it's a very large target.
So then you insert and the blood comes out. All
your blood blood, all your blood goes through a machine
chilled to thirty four degrees is cleaned. That's what your
kidneys do. Then it's returned from another needle and another
two you're just lying there. Yeah, you line there for

(06:22):
about three hours and you get your blood cleaned. It's
a marvelous system.

Speaker 1 (06:26):
Amazing.

Speaker 2 (06:26):
How often did you have to do that for you?

Speaker 4 (06:28):
Well, some people do it three days a week, depends
on how your kidneys are working. Sometimes four days a
week because you have fluid on your body. The great
thing about kidneys is it gets rid of all the
fluid in your body and excess fluid. But when your
kidneys don't work, you build up this fluid and that
has to be released and the dialysis machine does that.

(06:49):
But if it doesn't do enough in three days, you
have to do it four days, and if it's not
enough in four days, you have to do it five days.

Speaker 2 (06:57):
How did that?

Speaker 1 (06:57):
I mean, if you're doing this this fairly, Tan's medical
procedure on your father who was very ill. Yeah, I
mean you guys, you're going really well?

Speaker 3 (07:06):
Right?

Speaker 1 (07:06):
You were close?

Speaker 3 (07:06):
Yeah, very close?

Speaker 2 (07:08):
And that's so what did it?

Speaker 1 (07:11):
What was it like for you when you get into
that situation, because you know, I think with my father,
my father, you know, he passed fairly quickly. It wasn't
a long thing like that. Long ago two thousand and six,
my dad died. Sorry, yeah, sorry for you. It's hard.

Speaker 2 (07:29):
It doesn't go away.

Speaker 3 (07:30):
You know.

Speaker 1 (07:30):
People are like, you know when people talk about grief,
I think it's so weird. It's like it's kind of
like a scar. I think grief it's like really raw
and then it kind of healed a bit. It doesn't go.

Speaker 4 (07:44):
Away, no, And it depends on the type of person
you are. There are some people that don't want to
admit their pain. Yeah, so they just say, you know,
it's okay, I'm fine, and right they go on. Then
there are people who feel something and say it really
bothers me and I miss them a lot.

Speaker 1 (08:00):
Yeah, how bad? I still miss my dad Every Sunday.
I think about phone and my mom. She's been dead
since two thousand and eight. Yeah, I still think about
it still, of course you do, Yeah, because I thought
her every Sunday. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. When we were older.
Oh really yeah, when I was older, I got closer
with him. Whenever I was young, I was a little crazy.

(08:20):
Even I grew up in Scotland, I did. And did
your parents still live there? They moved here?

Speaker 2 (08:24):
No, no, there, they lived and died there.

Speaker 1 (08:26):
Okay, yeah, it's I grew up at You're from Brooklyn,
right right, but old school Brooklyn, not Helpster Brooklyn right now.

Speaker 3 (08:33):
So it's kind of like where I grew up.

Speaker 1 (08:34):
It's kind of like old school Brooklyn, but with a
lot more rain and had no good food. No good food, no, no,
like Brooklyn that's good food. Ransomish yeah, yeah, but Glasgow
in the nineteen seventies. That. So you're you're very close
with your dad, right, he's your best friend? I was,

(08:54):
and then he gets Kenny disease.

Speaker 3 (08:57):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (08:57):
So you were driving on my guest today as before that.

Speaker 4 (09:01):
Yeah, my sister and I and my mom and my
wife was driving him and then it it got so
bad that we had to do it three four, five
times a week. And that's when we went to school
and learned to do it at home. Because my dad
was an US Army ranger and he was an airborne
ranger and the Veterans Administration is great to all soldiers

(09:24):
and they gave us all the equipment, so we were
able to dialize him at home, which is pretty great.

Speaker 2 (09:30):
That's fantastic. So how long were you doing that for?

Speaker 3 (09:33):
Though?

Speaker 4 (09:34):
About over a year a little over year, and it
was much easier on him.

Speaker 1 (09:38):
Yeah, So did he cope with it well? Because I
don't know why I'd be with my kids looking after me.

Speaker 4 (09:44):
He did it every day, and he didn't like, like
anybody their dignity when somebody has to do things that
you usually do yourself. And it's tough for a kid too,
to shower your dad or mom when they used to
shower themselves, of course, and they used to when you
were a little boy. They taught you how to shower,
how to shave, and then I was shaving my dad.

Speaker 3 (10:07):
Was it tough? It was?

Speaker 2 (10:09):
It tough on you too? I guess it's gonna be right, Yeah,
really was?

Speaker 4 (10:12):
You're not you don't want to show it to your
dad or your mind by the time, because you wanted
to go it's gonna be great, Dad, You're gonna be okay.
And that actually helps you get through it by talking
so positively. Dad, you look you're doing great. My dad said, look,
look how skinny my legs are. And I go, Dad,
you look great. You're gonna gain some weight back. Everything's

(10:34):
gonna be okay. And I think for the caregiver too.
You know, there are fifty three over fifty three million
caregivers in this country. Some people estimated to one hundred
million caregivers.

Speaker 1 (10:45):
What is country?

Speaker 4 (10:47):
Yeah, I mean everybody knows somebody taking care of somebody.

Speaker 3 (10:50):
I know somebody what you.

Speaker 4 (10:52):
Mean, like magically taking care of somebody who can't take
care of themselves. They need to be looked after, eight
hours a day, ten hours a day, Yeah, helping them
go to the bathroom, helping them shower, helping them get
into bed. Everybody. At one point Rossland Carter opened up
the Caregivers Institute in Georgia and she said, at one point,

(11:15):
you're either going to be a caregiver or you're gonna
need a caregiver. That's just how it is and it's tough.
It's really tough.

Speaker 2 (11:22):
Where did you end up Whether did you get depressed?

Speaker 3 (11:25):
I think I did get depressed.

Speaker 1 (11:27):
It's fun because I think of you as one of
the most positive individuals I've ever met in this business.

Speaker 2 (11:31):
I mean, you really are appreciated. You're You're kind of.

Speaker 1 (11:34):
Like you're like a You're like a big shiny flashlight
in a world of vampires.

Speaker 3 (11:40):
I want to be you're like that.

Speaker 1 (11:42):
You are like that, and I wonder how did it
manifest itself for someone like you, because you're not big guy.

Speaker 4 (11:49):
I have to fight it and maybe have a you know,
a weep by myself and tell someone close to me
how I feel.

Speaker 1 (12:01):
But you know, that sounds appropriate though. That doesn't sound
like depression. That sounds like that sounds like you're feeling
what's going on.

Speaker 2 (12:09):
You know, Yeah, sadness and depression or so.

Speaker 4 (12:12):
I wouldn't say no, you're right, I don't think I
was depressed. I think that it was hard to see
someone you love any anytime. Yeah, see someone you love
in pain. Yeah, my mom right now has terrible pain
in her shoulders and it's it's it's hard, and they're
trying to find a solution to it, and it's hard.

Speaker 1 (12:33):
They don't know what it is.

Speaker 3 (12:33):
No, well they know it's arthritis. Right.

Speaker 1 (12:36):
My mother had that terribly.

Speaker 3 (12:37):
And they tried the shots. Did your mom take shots?

Speaker 2 (12:40):
Took shots?

Speaker 1 (12:41):
They give her gold injections at one point. Really yeah,
they were all sorts of experimentation.

Speaker 3 (12:48):
I don't know. She was like, sucks, it really sucks.

Speaker 2 (12:52):
Yeah, it really does. You knows a thing about my mom?

Speaker 1 (12:55):
Like my mom was. She came and visit me when
I was doing the Late Show. She was on the
she was on the show, and she was the week.
The week she was on the show, Riza from Wu
Tang client was on the show and I said to Risa, hey,
we we went to this bit for the show. You
can take my mom around La and take her to

(13:16):
cool places and shore around event.

Speaker 2 (13:18):
Sure, and he took her around town and showed filmed it. Yeah,
we filmed it. We put it on the show.

Speaker 1 (13:24):
But they kind of stayed in touch and they got
one really well. And when Wu Tang were playing in Scotland,
my mom wanted to take the ladies from a thright,
that's care to see. I was like, I don't know
if they really enjoy it. Well, I don't know if
they go. I don't think they did, but.

Speaker 2 (13:41):
I wish they did.

Speaker 1 (13:42):
I think in my mind I'm going to say, yes,
they did yours. No, my mom didn't go. I think
she got sick again. Do you know what that thing?
I remember this with my dad. I wonder if this
happened to be your dad. When he was sick, I
would make plans for us to do things, and then
he'd like he'd liked the idea of thing, but when
the day came to like go on a trip or

(14:02):
a road trip or something that you'd be like, I
can't ryan do it.

Speaker 4 (14:05):
I've seen that my dad and my mom, and it
really is disappointing.

Speaker 2 (14:10):
But the idea of it seems to be in.

Speaker 4 (14:12):
The last minute. A lot of times they'll say, but
the other day I wanted My sister and my brother
in law were going out to dinner. My mom lives there.
My mom and dad were living with them in Arizona
and wish I love Arizona, by the way, Yes, And
they were going out to dinner. I said, I'm gonna
take Mom out to dinner and they said, Mom will

(14:34):
never go. She won't go. So I said to Mom, Mom,
let's go out to dinner tonight. She's like, no, I
don't know. Go mom, come on, we'll go out to dinner.
We'll have a great Italian meal. There's this place called
Fabio on Fire, really hot hoping place, great Italian food, Italian. No,
it's not Fabio, the famous Fabio, who's a wonderful guy. Actually,

(14:57):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (14:57):
I never met Fabi.

Speaker 3 (14:58):
They never met me. He's a great gush know.

Speaker 1 (15:00):
I have to say, the only thing I really know
about him is that when he got hit in the
face by a goose on the roller coaster.

Speaker 3 (15:05):
Oh yeah, what happened? Oh he was a roller coaster
and a goose flew by and hit him in the face.

Speaker 1 (15:12):
Yeah yeah, and he was like bleeding, oh no, yeah,
and then I don't know if this is true, but
in my mind it's true that he tried to kind
of put some activism together for people that had been
hit by birds on roller coasters. But there were he
was only one.

Speaker 3 (15:30):
Yeah one, Oh my god, what are the chances?

Speaker 1 (15:33):
Pretty What do you think the goose felt like as well?
It was like, oh my god, is that Fabio?

Speaker 3 (15:38):
That's pretty cool?

Speaker 2 (15:40):
You know, I hit Fabrio?

Speaker 3 (15:42):
You touched his face.

Speaker 1 (15:43):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (15:44):
Well I met him in a restaurant and he the Source. No,
I didn't meet him there. I met this place called
oh Cos, this great restaurant, tin restaurant. He was there
with his wife and a girlfriend or his wife and
he we were talking and my mom was there. She

(16:05):
met him and he takes he took care of his mom.

Speaker 1 (16:08):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (16:09):
In Italy he was a good good son. Yeah, yeah,
good son. Was he doing? I should have him on
the writing or something. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (16:17):
When I first came to Hollywood in the mid nineties,
he used to eat at the Source restaurant on.

Speaker 3 (16:23):
Sunset Yeah, the health food place.

Speaker 1 (16:25):
Yeah, every day, and I used to go there. I
used to go there because I thought you have to
go a health food restaurant Hollywood Detox after growling up Scotland.

Speaker 2 (16:34):
And I used to see him every day. But I
really yeah, like h I mean, what am I going
to say?

Speaker 4 (16:42):
But you know what I find about famous people. Yeah,
everybody likes to say hi.

Speaker 1 (16:47):
I saw that Instagram post you did the other day
when the guy said to you, hey, I like your
posts and you said yeah good yeah, and you're like
you were happy about it.

Speaker 3 (16:55):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (16:56):
We like to get everybody, and we're social animals, right,
Whether you're a carpenter, you're an actor, you're a doctor.
People like to say, hi, ay, doctor Puller, I saw
your I was a patient here as ten years ago.
Oh my god, good to see you again. You know hey,
you know, hey, Craig. I love your show. You're really great.
I love your podcast. You're gonna turn around and go

(17:16):
thanks a lot. That's so great. Can I have a picture, Yeah,
of course.

Speaker 1 (17:19):
Yeah. But it's like that fine. It's when people come
over this in Scotland. People will come over to you
and go, I don't know who you are.

Speaker 3 (17:27):
Oh, I know that one. I know that way.

Speaker 1 (17:30):
Well, then why are you talking to me? Everyone?

Speaker 3 (17:32):
You don't know? I tell them you don't know. This
is kind of a funny thing.

Speaker 1 (17:35):
It's a weird one. Well, I don't know who you are,
and why are you talking to my kids?

Speaker 3 (17:39):
Don't know who you are?

Speaker 4 (17:40):
But I think that's I go, okay, do they know
who the Secretary of State is?

Speaker 3 (17:44):
No? Okay, that's all right. But I I do.

Speaker 4 (17:47):
Think that everybody wants to say something clever and somewhat complimentary.
I think everyone wants to be complimentary. Sure, and I
think also as being a well known person. If you're
out in public, you know, if you have a little
bit of a responsibility.

Speaker 3 (18:07):
You're on I think so.

Speaker 1 (18:17):
My understanding about you, even when it was like burning
super hot for you at the very beginning, like the
police Academy and Cocoon and stuff like that, you.

Speaker 2 (18:25):
Were always pretty on the level.

Speaker 1 (18:26):
Though you weren't like you weren't a crazy drinkier drugger
or anything like that.

Speaker 4 (18:31):
I mean, I dabbled in all the fun, but I
was writing. Actually, there's a little part in my book
which is about the beginning of my career where my
mom and dad really gave me all the tools I
needed to learn. And it was at their kitchen table
they taught me to whether I was going to talk
to the President of the United States or talk to

(18:51):
the super in my building, that there's a way to
deal with people that makes life more palatable.

Speaker 3 (19:00):
That's what you want.

Speaker 4 (19:01):
The idea of life is to be happy. The idea
of life is to try to make somebody else happy
if you can, if you can, if you can, And
I've always felt that I wanted that I want to
get along. My dad actually wrote this in the book too,
my dad always said, come unarmed.

Speaker 3 (19:20):
You know.

Speaker 4 (19:20):
My dad was a cop, and whenever he would walk
into a store that there might be trouble, he would
always walk in with his left side and try to
lean to the right, so they never saw his firearm
because he wanted to come in with the illusion that
he was unarmed, because people are more comfortable that way.

Speaker 1 (19:42):
But the important one there is the illusion that he's
on arm.

Speaker 4 (19:45):
Well, the illusion that you're an armed because if you're
a strong individual, you're going to be you're armed to
an extent. But you and I are unarmed right now,
you know, And that's the way we should be all
the time, even tough guys.

Speaker 3 (19:59):
I'm sure you meet tough guys.

Speaker 4 (20:00):
And when you meet a tough guy and you're nice
to him, he's nice to you, and you're both on I.

Speaker 2 (20:07):
Make I make a point of being nice to of course,
but a little.

Speaker 3 (20:11):
Kids, well, sure you want to make them know.

Speaker 4 (20:13):
You want them to know that in the game, there's
nothing here to to go.

Speaker 1 (20:18):
What about you know? You said one of the things
I teach my own kids. This went to anyone who
wants to know and about show business, I tell and
I quote you, and I name you and that this
is the greatest lesson for anyone in show business. And
you told it to me. It's the Who's Steve Guttenberg.
Let's take it through it again stages? So it's the
five stages are who is Steve Guttenberg?

Speaker 4 (20:41):
Get me Steve Gutenberg. I want a Steve Gutenberg type.
I want a young Steve Guttenberg, And who is Steve Gutenberg?

Speaker 1 (20:54):
I think that is such a chilling, accurate portrayal of
this business.

Speaker 2 (21:00):
Paul Newman told me that one really was he in
joe business?

Speaker 3 (21:03):
No, no, no, he was. He sold salad dressing.

Speaker 4 (21:06):
My god, I mean but he said that I'm a
salad dressing guy man a lot of people.

Speaker 1 (21:10):
That's that's funny though, because he said. The embarrassing thing
is more money was made in that company. I mean,
it's for charity, but more money's made in that company
than he made as an actor. Yeah, that's incredible.

Speaker 4 (21:21):
Well, I think that I was on Hollywood Boulevard last night.
I went to see the musical. Yeah, I wasn't working.
I saw the musical Missus Doubtfire.

Speaker 1 (21:30):
All right, how was it?

Speaker 4 (21:31):
Which is fantastic, It's really great, but I was looking
at all the stars on Hollywood Boulevard and all the
ones that I recognized and the ones I did not recognize,
And I thought, at each one of those stars, there
was a ceremony, sure, with maybe hundreds or a thousand
people screaming this person's name. And now either they're gone
or something to that effect. So you get a perspective again.

Speaker 1 (21:54):
Doing my what was that gaz appontment? I I am
osi mundayas gaze of point in my works, he mighty
in despair? You know, No, it's it's I think it's
a Byron poem. It's about finding the tomb of Osiman
die So I think it's based on Rameses the Second,
Who is the pharaoh in Egypt that lived to be
ninety two years?

Speaker 3 (22:15):
Sure?

Speaker 1 (22:16):
Right, and like and when the average person was eleventy
about twenty five, someone lives to ninety two, they really
do think he's a god. Yeah, and it's like and uh,
and it was about coming across as two thousand years later.

Speaker 4 (22:29):
Yeah, that you know, you may not know who I am.
Now you'll know who I am, but I'm gone.

Speaker 1 (22:35):
Steve Goods, who's Ossiman?

Speaker 3 (22:38):
Dad's the game?

Speaker 1 (22:39):
I know?

Speaker 2 (22:39):
And that is the game.

Speaker 1 (22:40):
And I think that's the weirdest thing is that you know,
you you see people get I've been killing you this,
and I wonder, you know, when I was a younger man,
I believed in the it's still pretty young, by the way,
well a very select group of people. I am still young.

Speaker 3 (22:56):
Yeah you're a young guy.

Speaker 1 (22:58):
But when I was a kid, yeah, in this business,
I believed in the in the legend of show business.
And I believed in it right up until I did
Late Night. And then in the ten years I did
Late Night, I met everybody, sure, everybody sure, And the
men's to douchebag ratio was about the same as a

(23:19):
restaurant or a bar or anybody else. Some people were great,
So people were wressholes And what do you.

Speaker 3 (23:24):
Think that what would you say that percentage is too
I think.

Speaker 1 (23:28):
It was about seventy five twenty five mensed to douchebag
right most of the time. Yeah, maybe even a little
better that most people I think are pretty nice. Yeah,
because like you say, you want to get along. I
don't want any trouble trying to get along. I don't
want I don't want to. And in fight the older again,
the more. I'm like, I'm not looking for an argument, right.

Speaker 2 (23:50):
That's why I wonder about like the kids.

Speaker 1 (23:53):
Now, I was trying to get to this when you
were like when you were you know, kicking off with
the early part of your career.

Speaker 2 (23:58):
I'm talking about the ly Diner and you know that.

Speaker 1 (24:03):
And that period there's no cell phones, there's no social media,
there's no like. So if you behave like an idiot,
or you make a full of yourself.

Speaker 2 (24:10):
It's not public, you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (24:13):
And I feel for the young people right now, young
performers in particular. It's like, you make a mistake, it's
there forever, you know, it's yeah, digitously there forever. Yeah,
and I would so. And when I thought the same
thing about writing, You've written what three books? You ever
write Anthon in a book and then look at it

(24:36):
later and go, shit, I don't believe that anymore.

Speaker 3 (24:39):
Yeah, absolutely, I've done that.

Speaker 4 (24:41):
Yeah, of course. It same in life. Yeah, that you
change your perspective. Yeah, you know, as when you're at
a certain age you say this is black, that is black,
that's the color blue. It's blue, and it's never gonna change.
It's blue, and then later on you say it actually
wasn't blue yellow.

Speaker 3 (25:00):
That was yellow.

Speaker 1 (25:02):
It's funny that the no one when to shut up,
I think is a skill which is underestimated.

Speaker 3 (25:10):
Man.

Speaker 4 (25:11):
You know there's a guy like well, there was a
mafiosa boss in a back in. You should say, fish
with closed mouths don't get caught.

Speaker 1 (25:25):
Okay, that's fish with closed that's pretty scary though.

Speaker 3 (25:31):
This just yea, you don't get caught.

Speaker 2 (25:34):
You don't get caught.

Speaker 3 (25:35):
Nothing bad happ nothing bad happen. Yeah, no, no open.

Speaker 1 (25:38):
But you gotta eat.

Speaker 3 (25:40):
Yeah, you gotta be careful.

Speaker 4 (25:41):
You gotta be careful about And I find it in
life too that I am trying my best. I'm not
always successful to keep my mouth shut.

Speaker 2 (25:51):
You know I noticed that, you don't.

Speaker 1 (25:53):
I mean, like, I'm sitting here doing a podcast right
where I talk to people for an hour. My own
realize I only talk to people I want to talk to.
It's not a late night show. It's money. Rule is like, wow,
you know it doesn't It doesn't really even have to
be about joy. I mean, we call it joy, and
we'll try and focus it on joy, but it doesn't
really even have to be without. All I has to
be about is conversation with somebody I want to talk to.

(26:15):
But even as I say that, I think, should I
really be doing a podcast because everybody is doing it?
Maybe I should be quiet?

Speaker 3 (26:24):
Huh.

Speaker 2 (26:24):
And so that's what I'm starting to think right now.

Speaker 4 (26:26):
Maybe maybe you actually have a distinctive, intelligent, funny, three
dimensional way about you, and you're different than a lot
of guys. The other one side of it, you're trained,
you you know how to perform, you know how to
be entertaining. But you're also a very decent human being.

Speaker 2 (26:47):
Oh it depends on who you talk to and when
they knew me.

Speaker 3 (26:50):
I don't talk to anybody. Yeah, that's that's probably a thing.

Speaker 4 (26:52):
That's probably the one guy gave me like a face
when I walked in and I said me here, see, Craig.

Speaker 1 (26:57):
Went, oh, like that guy.

Speaker 3 (26:59):
I don't know. I actually didn't know what that meant.
Now I know what I mean that you said. But
you're you.

Speaker 1 (27:06):
You do have a very good way about you. Well,
you have a good way about you and your very
clever way about you because you do this thing. You
started me talking about me. You got me talking about
me again.

Speaker 3 (27:18):
Or tell me about I'm interested?

Speaker 2 (27:19):
All right, Well, I'm interested in you.

Speaker 4 (27:20):
I'm not like trying to do anything, but I'm interested.

Speaker 1 (27:24):
Yeah, I'm interested in you. I'm interested in this in
this period of your life. I mean, look, I'm interested
in all of it, but I'm interested in the recent
thing that spurget ray. Look, I've written books. I know
it's difficult, right, books, It requires a lot of your
time and usually is emotionally takes a toll. And you
wrote a book about something that was doing that anyway.

(27:45):
Did you write the book during that period? Was it
or was that Catharsis afterwards? That a kind of journal
at the time.

Speaker 4 (27:51):
Actually, I was doing it sitting next to my dad
and I would show him pages.

Speaker 1 (27:56):
That's great.

Speaker 4 (27:57):
Yeah, because a friend of mine, a guy named Jake's
Einfeld was Body by Jake. Yeah, you reme ever Body
by Jake?

Speaker 3 (28:05):
Meet Jake?

Speaker 2 (28:05):
I think I might have you never.

Speaker 3 (28:07):
Want to have him on his show? He's like, he's
super good guy.

Speaker 2 (28:11):
Yeah, but he lived down at the Palis.

Speaker 1 (28:13):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (28:13):
I used to see him in the Starbucks down there.

Speaker 3 (28:15):
Right.

Speaker 4 (28:15):
He's a good guy if you ever want to and
he's a terrific talker. He's a great personality. Does he
still do all that Yeah, he's really engaged.

Speaker 2 (28:23):
See I'm not in that world, so I wouldn't know.

Speaker 3 (28:25):
You know, he invested in broadway shows.

Speaker 1 (28:28):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (28:28):
He just invested in water for elephants okay.

Speaker 4 (28:32):
And he also he does all his exercise equipment and
he has a sports drink out like a billionaire. He's
very very well off and a great guy. Comes from
actually south through a long island when I moved to
Massapeaker when I was a kid.

Speaker 3 (28:46):
He comes from Baldwin, a couple of towns away.

Speaker 1 (28:49):
Do you know what's it's really funny I remember of
it body by the Body by Jake is that I
read something that an interview or something he did maybe
in the nineties, right, and he said, on Sunday a
bag of M and m's because you got to have
a day off. And I just I remember that. I
don't know if he still does it, but Betty does.
He said on Sunday, I gotta have a bag every morning.

Speaker 4 (29:09):
He's up at three forty five in his gym. He's
at the gym at three forty five. Yeah, he's you know,
but he's a workout guy.

Speaker 1 (29:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (29:17):
So anyway, I saw him in the supermarket and he
said to me, I haven't seen you in a while.

Speaker 3 (29:20):
Where you've been.

Speaker 4 (29:21):
I told him was looking after my dad, and I
told him a mat He said, I think that's a book.
He said, I'm gonna call my agent and you're gonna
talk to my agent, my book agent.

Speaker 3 (29:29):
I think it's a book. And that's how it happened.

Speaker 1 (29:31):
So you actually you'd sold the book, and then that's
good because then you write it.

Speaker 4 (29:35):
I wrote about forty to fifty pages, sent it to
my agent, Jan Miller, great lady. She sent it around,
she got a deal, and then I started writing sitting
next to my dad. Oh man, so he knew it
was going to happen. Yeah, I didn't know the end
of the book was my dad was going to pass.
But man, you see how excited I get. It was
such a good time being with my dad a lot,

(29:57):
even though he was sick, which you know, I have
to I can go to that side and get sad.
But my my enthusiasm is I got to sit next
to my dad a lot and write and show my
dad what I was writing. He would read from the
computer and meanwhile take care of my dad.

Speaker 1 (30:18):
What was it like when you were a little kid,
What forged that relationship. You and your sister. Right, it's
just two kids, is that right?

Speaker 3 (30:25):
We have a third, a second sister. It's Judy and Jersey.

Speaker 1 (30:31):
By the way, that's a sitcom, Judy and Jersey. Yeah,
that's a sycom.

Speaker 2 (30:35):
Let me call my sakemb.

Speaker 3 (30:36):
God, that is a sitcom. If you met my sister.

Speaker 1 (30:39):
Hey, how you sting?

Speaker 3 (30:40):
Oh my god? You's Judy. Yeah, it's me. It's me.

Speaker 1 (30:43):
It's me.

Speaker 3 (30:43):
It's me.

Speaker 1 (30:44):
I'm a Jersey.

Speaker 3 (30:45):
Yeah, I'm a.

Speaker 4 (30:46):
Yeah, I'm We're going down to the shore. We'll going
to the shore. She's a great lady, my sister, Judy.
So we grew up Brooklyn, Flushing, Queen's then massive people,
Long Island. My dad wanted to get us out of
the pit, which he thought was Flushing, and we moved
to Massapequa, a little house in a great neighbor, Long Island,

(31:07):
midway between you've been to the Hamptons. Midway between New
York City and the Hampton's about forty five miles near Smithtown,
not far, probably about fifteen miles in smith Town.

Speaker 2 (31:18):
Smith Town's first place I went to.

Speaker 4 (31:19):
Oh okay, that's yeah, that's mid Island, a little north yea,
A great town, right, nice people though, all right.

Speaker 1 (31:25):
So you go what easier when you move up to Massapeako.

Speaker 4 (31:28):
We went to massapicer at a seven years old and
the first thing we did with my dad it was
one hundred degrees or something. My dad painted the house.
In the inside of the house. We stayed at a
friend's house who Ellen and Jerry Kaufman. They're friends from
Brooklyn when they were kids, and they had air conditioning,
one air conditioner.

Speaker 3 (31:44):
We stayed there and then my father got done.

Speaker 4 (31:46):
We moved into the house and then my father pulled
out this machine that was in the garage and it
was a Toro lawnmower.

Speaker 1 (31:55):
Nice.

Speaker 4 (31:56):
And I remember I was seven years old and I'm
looking at this machine. My dad looking at the machine,
and we both said what do we do with it?
And my dad said, I think this cuts the grass?
And uh, you know, we never cut grass. So my
dad said, okay, I gotta get any ask the neighbor.
The neighbor told him, you know, you get gasoline, you
put it in, you pull the ripcord like a mini bike.

(32:18):
You started up and you mow and then you empty
the bank. So we the first day we were there.
My dad and I cut the lawn and my sneakers
and his sneakers got green.

Speaker 3 (32:30):
They got green.

Speaker 1 (32:31):
Yes, that would happen, because you know, you're walking.

Speaker 4 (32:33):
On there and it's a little little wet, and the
grass looked like like like velvet, like like emerald green velvet.

Speaker 1 (32:41):
I'm a dad, I understand the story of lawn man.

Speaker 4 (32:44):
So we did it, and we and my dad said,
we are suburbanites. And I wrote this in the book.
It was such a joy for me. I went, what's
a suburbanite? He goes, we live in suburbia. What is suburbia.
Suburbia is where all everybody has they're individual houses. That's suburbia.
We all have a little bit of land, our land.

(33:06):
And I never forget. He said, take your shoes off,
take your take your socks off. I took my shoes
and socks off. He said, walk around the grass. And
I'm walking around the grass. He goes, this is your land.
You own this land. When you live in an apartment,
you don't own any land, right, you own this land.

Speaker 3 (33:22):
This is your land, your suburbanite.

Speaker 2 (33:25):
That's kind of great. Are you still a suburbanite?

Speaker 4 (33:27):
You think no, I don't consider myself a suburbanite, even
though I live in Pacific Palisades. I don't really consider
that suburbia. Kind of find that La is sort of
one big city in a way.

Speaker 1 (33:38):
It's I think La could almost be one big suburbia
as well. It's kind of like that. I mean, where
we are right now.

Speaker 3 (33:46):
It's kind of this is city right well right would
you say, yeah, Hollywood?

Speaker 4 (33:50):
But I think if you go out to Valencia or
something like that, that's more suburbia is really from to me,
an actual city with sky scrapers, big buildings.

Speaker 1 (34:01):
Like a downtown, and then yeah.

Speaker 4 (34:04):
That's suburbia. This is La is kind of a sprawl,
you know. Yeah, it's an odd town.

Speaker 3 (34:10):
La.

Speaker 1 (34:10):
I remember coming here and thinking we're trying to find
where it was, right, Like, where's the.

Speaker 3 (34:16):
Where's the bed, there's where's the center.

Speaker 1 (34:18):
Where's where's downtown, where's the thing.

Speaker 3 (34:20):
It's a hard city that way.

Speaker 4 (34:21):
It's a sprawl, yeah, and I think that's the disadvantage
to La.

Speaker 3 (34:25):
La has been great to us.

Speaker 1 (34:26):
Yeah, it's been great to me. I don't live here anymore.
I live on the East Coast.

Speaker 3 (34:29):
Where do you live?

Speaker 2 (34:30):
I live in New York City.

Speaker 1 (34:32):
You do learn in New York City, and I've got
a little place out in New York City as well,
but I'm in I'm on the East coast. Oh.

Speaker 3 (34:40):
Where in the city do you live?

Speaker 2 (34:41):
Manhattan Upper East Side?

Speaker 3 (34:43):
Oh you do so.

Speaker 4 (34:45):
I lived on Columbus in sixty seventh for twenty years.

Speaker 1 (34:47):
Yeah, that's great.

Speaker 3 (34:49):
You live in the sixtiese. You don't want to say
a little north of that? But okay, great?

Speaker 4 (34:53):
And how far from like Lexington Park, Fifth Avenue and all.

Speaker 3 (34:57):
Yeah, right around there, right around there.

Speaker 2 (34:59):
Yeah, it's fantastic.

Speaker 3 (35:01):
And your kids are the round there too. Well.

Speaker 1 (35:04):
My oldest boy now lives out in Jersey.

Speaker 3 (35:07):
Oh he does. We're in Jersey.

Speaker 2 (35:09):
Oh wow, I can say.

Speaker 3 (35:11):
Okay, my sister lives in Scotch Plains.

Speaker 1 (35:13):
Really yeah, well they kind of like because for young
people affording places to live and work.

Speaker 3 (35:18):
In my nattan is not great. He's got a house.

Speaker 1 (35:21):
He's got a little house with his buddies and they
all live together, and they work together, and they do
a thing.

Speaker 3 (35:26):
It SATs about forty five minutes of the shit.

Speaker 1 (35:27):
It's nothing. I mean, it's like over the George Washington Bridge.
I have this like thing with my wife though every
time she goes over the torch the bridge, I try
and take a photograph over because my wife's Yankee.

Speaker 2 (35:39):
She doesn't like going to Jersey.

Speaker 4 (35:40):
She doesn't know I understand. It makes it's a weird thing.
It is a weird thing.

Speaker 3 (35:45):
I know. I just started to love Jersey.

Speaker 1 (35:48):
Yeah, I mean, I love Jersey. I'll tell you about
Long Island though. When I went to Long Island for
the first time, I came to America, I was thirteen
years old. I came over with my dad. Me and
my dad came over because they were cheap flight. It's
from Scotland and my uncle James lived in Smithtown, Long Island.
Uncle James and my aunts is. So we go there.

Speaker 2 (36:06):
We get these cheap flight I never had it.

Speaker 1 (36:08):
This is before a really cheap flights flew to Kennedy.
We flewent at Kennedy from Preswick and Scotland direct flight
on a DC ten Laker airway yeah lak yeah. And
we went to Smithtown and the first night, maybe the
second night we were there, we go to a bowling alley.
I'd never been a and I go there and they said,

(36:29):
do you want to root beer? And I thought I'd
never heard of beer.

Speaker 3 (36:34):
Thought, it's a beer.

Speaker 2 (36:35):
It's a beer.

Speaker 1 (36:36):
So do you want a root beer? And I went, yes, yes,
I want a root beer and they gave me. I
remember to this day a root beer over crushed ice
in a bowling alley and Long Island and I drank
it and I went, whatever this is and whoever these
people are, I need to be part of this and that.
I still will drink root beer over crushed especially in

(36:58):
the summer.

Speaker 3 (36:59):
I love. It's the best.

Speaker 1 (37:00):
It's the greatest. And I occasionally will go to a
bowling alley.

Speaker 3 (37:04):
Oh I'm a ball. I got my own ball.

Speaker 1 (37:06):
Shut up, you actually bowl like a bit? I mean
you never really left Long Island, then, did you.

Speaker 3 (37:11):
I don't talk about it a lot, no, but you know,
but I have.

Speaker 2 (37:14):
Because you know, fish with closed nuts.

Speaker 3 (37:16):
Don't get a car.

Speaker 4 (37:18):
But I actually have a bowling ball with my dad's
name on it, really and it has an Army insignia
on it. Yeah, and my wife got for me and
it's in the car right now. So I want to
go bowling if you want to go to bowling.

Speaker 1 (37:32):
I suck at bawling, all right, yeah, but that's good.
That's good for you because then you win. Well, it's
not about can we can we put the bumpers up
for me?

Speaker 4 (37:40):
Yeah, of course, if you want, I'll lay on the
on the alley.

Speaker 2 (37:44):
And I love that.

Speaker 3 (37:48):
Yeah, I love that.

Speaker 1 (37:49):
So that was a bonden thing with your dad when
you were when you became a suburban night when you
were a kid.

Speaker 3 (37:52):
Then you went we went bowling.

Speaker 4 (37:54):
We went bowling, and we played tennis and my dad
took me to met games and and uh but wait
wait when you were in Smithtown, did you go to
the the the water? Did you go to Long Island
Sound and cupar Water?

Speaker 1 (38:06):
Yeah? Yeah, I went to Long Island Sound and the U.
I went to see my first ever concert. Oh wait
in Smithtown.

Speaker 3 (38:15):
Wait? Oh in like in one of the parks.

Speaker 2 (38:17):
Yeah, it was no, it was like it was first
of a rock concert.

Speaker 1 (38:20):
I think it was. I don't know what it was
called Smithtown Arena or something. It was Blue Oyster Cult.

Speaker 3 (38:25):
Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (38:25):
Cool, yeah, very cool. That was the first concert.

Speaker 3 (38:28):
Oh that's very out takeing. Wow, blue icel color.

Speaker 1 (38:30):
Yeah wow. Yeah. And I that's when I first smelled
what the kids are now calling the marijuan.

Speaker 3 (38:36):
Oh wow, were they smoking marijuana? There?

Speaker 2 (38:38):
Some people were.

Speaker 3 (38:40):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (38:40):
I don't know if you know this, but marijuana has
been around for like over twenty five years.

Speaker 3 (38:46):
I mean, yeah, someone told me that, but I never
did You never smoke it? I did, I never cared
for Did you like it? I liked it.

Speaker 2 (38:53):
I liked it.

Speaker 3 (38:53):
I don't smoke it anymore.

Speaker 2 (38:54):
But I like sense of you being someone who medicates
it all.

Speaker 3 (38:58):
No, no, I actually I don't even drink.

Speaker 2 (39:01):
Yeah, you never drank.

Speaker 4 (39:02):
I did you have an occasional glass of wine? Yeah,
it's just not sort of my thing is like ginger ale.

Speaker 1 (39:07):
Now.

Speaker 3 (39:07):
I don't know why.

Speaker 4 (39:08):
I just like tody good for the for the stomach
or whatever. But you know what I got to tell you.
I think when I stopped smoking weed, and I didn't
and I just it wasn't a sober program. I just stopped. Yeah,
I start seeing that when you're very clear. It's kind
of like when you were thirteen years old and someone
would say, Hey, we're going to an amusement park Saturday night,

(39:31):
and it's Tuesday and Wednesday.

Speaker 3 (39:33):
You go.

Speaker 4 (39:33):
Saturday night, we're going to amusement park. And Thursday afternoon
you're going. It's only a few days, so Saturday and
then you know, a Friday, you go like, one more day,
we're going. There's an excitement, there's a thrill, there's a
normal not normal, there's a natural enthusiasm that comes out
of you when you don't have anything else in your body.

Speaker 1 (39:52):
I agree. And what was interesting is I think there's
a lie paramit about drugs and alcohol particular, that they
have some kind of creative advantage. Like and then you
know the people they always talk about drunk poets or
drunk artists, and you go, well, you know, Mgdigliani was
a great painter. He was an alcoholic and he died young,

(40:16):
but he was a great painter. Picasso also a great painter,
painted for a long time, not an alcoholic at all,
lived to be in his nineties, painted a lot. Now.
I don't know if Mugdiglianny would have painted any better
if he had not been drinking. But my theory is
people who are great artists and are great drunks are
great artists despite.

Speaker 2 (40:36):
The drugs alcohol, not because of the drugs.

Speaker 3 (40:38):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (40:39):
Alcohol. I think that that that that talent and that
vision in that genius cuts through the mud of that stuff.
Because I felt that do I remember talking to someone
when I first got sober, and and he said to me,
let's call him my sponsor. And I said, when I
go to when I go. I went to a party
last night, and when I walked to I didn't know
anyone there. I felt kind of shy, awkward. It's weird,

(41:01):
he went, that's a normal human response to walking into
a room where you don't know a bunch of people.

Speaker 2 (41:06):
You feel shy and awkward.

Speaker 3 (41:07):
That's what it feels like.

Speaker 1 (41:09):
So welcome to yet another emotion that you might not
have experienced.

Speaker 3 (41:14):
And it's and it's it's actually okay, okay, you are
going to go.

Speaker 1 (41:19):
I feel shy, okay, and then all.

Speaker 3 (41:20):
Of a sudden someone comes over and says, hello.

Speaker 2 (41:22):
Someone will talk to you.

Speaker 1 (41:23):
Yeah, although now you know I was young and cute.
Then now if I if I stand there, somebody more
and go, I don't know who you are.

Speaker 3 (41:32):
I don't know who I don't know.

Speaker 1 (41:33):
Who you are, but my friends think you're rubbish.

Speaker 3 (41:37):
No, I know.

Speaker 1 (41:45):
What gets you through the really because you are relentlessly positive.
And I'm trying to figure out where that comes from.
Like it's your it's your childhood, I would say, But
you ended up going you had a Juilliard or something, right.

Speaker 3 (42:02):
First summer, Yeah, with John Housman.

Speaker 2 (42:04):
Yeah, right, so that's pretty fancy actor.

Speaker 1 (42:07):
So I can't see how you go from like frankle
face kid of an.

Speaker 2 (42:14):
Army ranger going to be an actor. How does that happen?

Speaker 3 (42:17):
Dude?

Speaker 4 (42:17):
Well, when we had a family friend who was an actor,
and he was my parents' friend from Brooklyn, right, And
they grew up with him, and his name was Michael Bell.
Super talented guy, went to the high school performing arts,
went out to California, started becoming actor. But he was
brilliant with his voice, so he became one of the
top ten voiceover guys in the world. Paul Freezer did

(42:41):
Disney and he was that he was in that league
and he did and.

Speaker 1 (42:45):
He so that they had been demystified as a thing.
To your parents, yeah, they knew it was a legitimate
business and right right.

Speaker 4 (42:52):
And he would come and visit us all the time.
He was successful. Somebody said to me, what do you
want to do? I said, what does Michael Bell do?
Because he's got a cat lacke, and he's got great girlfriends,
and he's got money.

Speaker 3 (43:02):
I want to see. And they said he was an actor.
I want to be an actor.

Speaker 1 (43:04):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (43:05):
So I started doing children's theater when I was twelve,
then going to the city and taking classes, taking classes
on Long Island. And when I was seventeen, my parents
and I talk about this in the book. My parents
gave me three hundred dollars and they let me go
out to California and I had two weeks to become
a movie star. Well how much how much time does

(43:28):
it take?

Speaker 3 (43:28):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (43:28):
Probably, you know, two weeks. Two weeks, so ten days.
So I went out there and I got a commercial.
I got a Kentucky Fried Chicken commercial. They let me
stay a little longer. I got a little movie with
Phil Silvers.

Speaker 3 (43:41):
No, yeah, with Bill Cool. Yeah. Did you ever meet
the guy?

Speaker 1 (43:45):
No?

Speaker 3 (43:45):
I never did Cool. God, Oh my god, really.

Speaker 1 (43:48):
Cool talking about your legends.

Speaker 4 (43:49):
Comedy Yeah, wow, so exciting. And he also it was
he told a very funny story. He said that he
said he was very famous for having a large yeah
you know, yeah yeah, And and Milton Burrell also had
I believe that's true, and Forrest Tucker, the great actor,

(44:10):
and then the story goes.

Speaker 1 (44:12):
Liam Neeson also, oh really, I don't know if it's true.
I just tear to the scuttle lot.

Speaker 3 (44:17):
I don't know, but he's a he's a he's a
he's a confident guy.

Speaker 1 (44:21):
Confident guy, great guy. I don't I don't know the gentleman.

Speaker 3 (44:24):
But let me tell you something about that. Liam Neeson. Yeah,
nice guy, nice guy, one of the and funny.

Speaker 2 (44:30):
Yeah, very funny.

Speaker 1 (44:31):
Really.

Speaker 2 (44:32):
You see him in the Ted movie where he's, oh.

Speaker 4 (44:34):
My god was great and he does great imitations.

Speaker 2 (44:38):
Yeah does he? He does.

Speaker 4 (44:40):
He does great imitations and he's really funny.

Speaker 1 (44:44):
And uh and so apparently anyway, you're apparently he's in
the Phil Silver's Milton Barrel.

Speaker 3 (44:49):
He's really funny.

Speaker 4 (44:50):
They say, well, so he's a he's a you know,
but I'm sure you're a big guy too, you're you know, Hey,
you don't want to say anything, but anyway, the story
goes to Milton Burrell and and for Stucker. We're having
a contest, and Fartucker said, the only way to see
what is so let's lay him on the table.

Speaker 3 (45:06):
So Partstucker laid his on the.

Speaker 4 (45:08):
Table, and Milton Burle laid his on the table, and
Milton weren't won, right, And Milton said to Phil Simmers,
goes good I'm glad you won.

Speaker 3 (45:16):
How'd you do it? He goes, I only took out
enough to win.

Speaker 4 (45:22):
But Phil Simmers really really great guy and wonderful, wonderful
actor and funny as hell.

Speaker 1 (45:27):
So so your parents are impressed now because now you're
working with a big stock.

Speaker 4 (45:31):
Then I did a big TV movie which called Something
for Joey about John Cappelletti, a football legend, and after
a year I quit. I just did not like la
I didn't like the culture out here.

Speaker 3 (45:43):
It's tough, it is. It's a brutal town.

Speaker 1 (45:45):
It's tough.

Speaker 3 (45:46):
It really is a brutal town.

Speaker 4 (45:47):
And I went back to school in Albany State and
I got another call about six months into it from
my agent to say, do you want to do the
Boys from Brazil? A?

Speaker 1 (45:57):
Oh yeah, I forgot you were that yeah right.

Speaker 4 (46:00):
Yeah, and they're going to remake it. Actually, yeah, they're
gonna remake it. It's when I heard, so I went over.
I took the job and went to Portugal and worked
with uh.

Speaker 3 (46:10):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (46:11):
But but because it's science fiction, it was kind of
takes the little darkness off because it's it's fiction, you know,
you know, of course, yeah, it's just fiction. You know,
so they The story goes that this scientist Mengal took
all of Hitler's DNA when he passed and was injecting
it into pregnant women so that they would have little Hitlers,

(46:35):
and that actually the little Hitlers all were identical, maybe
five hundred of them.

Speaker 3 (46:41):
A little mustache.

Speaker 4 (46:42):
And you know he when they say do you want cheerios?

Speaker 1 (46:46):
It's kind of when I think about it, it's kind
of a stupid.

Speaker 3 (46:49):
Yeah, it's actually if you want to, you know, play.

Speaker 4 (46:52):
But it was directed by this great director, Frank Franklin Schaffner,
who directed Patent the first Planet of the Apes. All Man,
you did live television. It was brilliant. You know, you
got Greg Pack, you got Larry Olivia, you got James Mason,
you got.

Speaker 2 (47:08):
Ud I'm heavy.

Speaker 1 (47:09):
It's a pretty cool group. So and I Remeben said.
The greatest thing about performance I ever heard, tell me.
I think about that when people say do you just
make up your stuff on stage? When you're doing it,
You're just like, oh, do you know what you're going
to say beforehand? I'm like, oh, yeah, I just I
just make it up. But Utta Hagen told the truth.
Utta Hagen said, that what a performer has to do

(47:32):
is create the illusion spontanet. Oh that's it, that's it,
that's it.

Speaker 4 (47:38):
That's it really is, because that's what the audience wants.

Speaker 3 (47:42):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (47:42):
Yeah, they want to think it's just happening right now.

Speaker 3 (47:44):
Yeah it's real, of course.

Speaker 1 (47:45):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (47:46):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (47:46):
They don't want you know, like like a compliment. Nobody
wants you to think that you were thinking it at home.
You know, I want to say you got great hair. Yeah,
what are you going to say to Craig great hair? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (47:59):
Yeah you do. By the way, so do you thank
you so much? Yeah, you know, and this is spontaneous.

Speaker 1 (48:05):
I didn't rehearse it.

Speaker 3 (48:05):
I didn't. I didn't think.

Speaker 1 (48:06):
The good thing about I guess the the disease of podcasts,
this is the kind of like absolute kind of playthrough
of podcasts, is that a lot of conversations are indeed
sp spontaneous. Because back in the day when I was
doing Late Night, they really forced you to try and
not do spontaneous.

Speaker 4 (48:23):
Yeah, well you have you have your your your segment producer,
who has you got to have three for good stories?

Speaker 1 (48:29):
Tell your story. This is what you're going to say.
He's going to ask you about this, you're going to
talk about that. I think they probably still do that
a bit.

Speaker 4 (48:35):
Of course, Yeah, they do because they want to make sure,
you know, we got something to talk about. And it
doesn't just because it's not an hour. If I tell that,
if we had ten minutes, that might be the system. Hey, Steve,
we want to talk about this and this and this.
But let me tell you something that I think about podcasts,
that I think about show business. Okay, you got to
be great and then you'll rise to the top and
people will listen to you. There are I don't know,

(48:58):
one hundred thousand podcasts, a million podcast whatever there are.
But if you're good, that's true, you'll there's people will
there's millions of musicians, there's millions, there's millions of.

Speaker 3 (49:08):
It's got to be good. Yeah, you gotta be so good.

Speaker 2 (49:10):
That's the only thing that you need to do.

Speaker 3 (49:12):
Is because Steve Morton had a great line. I heard,
you got to be so good that they can't ignore you.

Speaker 1 (49:17):
He's pretty impressive guy.

Speaker 4 (49:19):
Yeah, of course, Oh my god, you know him, No, No,
I don't know miner.

Speaker 1 (49:23):
I met him once in the Westwood Marquis Hotel when
I was out here trying to get a job, because
before I even moved here, I was walking out and
Steve Martin was walking in. Was like he was the
first famous person I met in law. And he held
the door open for me, and I went, I don't
know how to do it. I don't know where the
protocol is, but I just and I gushed a little

(49:44):
bit of work and stuff like that, and he was
so nice. Yeah, he was like just that thing you
were saying, I guess, yeah, you know about like people
like that, but I really meant it, of course, Like
I was like, you know, Steve.

Speaker 3 (49:56):
Martin, I mean yeah, wow, yeah, and he can tell
you really meant yeah.

Speaker 2 (50:00):
I think he could tell us yeah.

Speaker 4 (50:01):
And you know, everybody's got him, everyone's got you know,
a minute and two minutes to say something nice yeah
and say hey, thanks a lot.

Speaker 1 (50:08):
And he said what are you doing out here? And
I said, I don't recognize where you're from. And it was,
you know, it was really encouraging. Actually.

Speaker 3 (50:17):
I think he's known as a very very authentic person.

Speaker 1 (50:20):
Yeah, well it was certainly. I mean it's funny how
little things land. Yeah, like that thing you said about
who's Steve good? That is a thing in our family,
we say that to each other, you know. I mean
it's funny that the little lessons that come in. You know,
you're talking about your dad and the lawnmower. This is

(50:40):
the guy and his dad tacking around and then your
house first day. But you know he just woke fifty
years later, sixty years later.

Speaker 2 (50:47):
Yeah, you're sitting here talking about it.

Speaker 1 (50:49):
Yeah, maybe feel that's crazy. How you don't know how
it's going to land.

Speaker 3 (50:54):
Well, you know, it's so funny.

Speaker 4 (50:55):
I think there are certain experiences that you can still
smell the grass, feel the air.

Speaker 3 (51:01):
I'm you know, I keep thinking about moving back east
and do it?

Speaker 1 (51:06):
Do it?

Speaker 3 (51:07):
I did it? Do it? Do it right?

Speaker 2 (51:08):
Do it?

Speaker 3 (51:09):
And you could still work, You could do everything?

Speaker 2 (51:12):
Yes, do it?

Speaker 3 (51:13):
Wow? What a different What a great life back there?

Speaker 1 (51:15):
Oh my god?

Speaker 3 (51:16):
And New York City, Oh the best? Come on, man,
and you knew yorr fucking city. Do you go out?

Speaker 1 (51:23):
You go to plays and do stuff, see stuff and
I go and I go, let's go in there and
eat there?

Speaker 3 (51:31):
What is it?

Speaker 1 (51:31):
It's an Ethiopian Chinese fusion restaurant. Man, let's go Yeah?

Speaker 2 (51:37):
Yeah, I mean I love New York and I really
missed it.

Speaker 1 (51:42):
Yeah, how long were you here? I was twenty three
years I was in Los Angeles, right, and I.

Speaker 2 (51:52):
I feel like, I mean, I loved it, but I
feel like it it changed.

Speaker 3 (51:56):
He sure has.

Speaker 2 (51:56):
And you know, I mean when I came here in
the midnight is it it was?

Speaker 1 (52:00):
It was weirdly sleepy, if you know what I mean,
like Fabio would be at that restaurant.

Speaker 4 (52:04):
It was a second class city. It was, right, it was,
and it changed. It's the first class city now. Yeah,
and it has first class city problems and attitude and manners. Yeah,
and you know, and it's a great still a great city.
It's a Nemberlore city. But I do think when you
would think of La years ago, it would be the beach. Yah,
you would think about the beach. You don't think of

(52:24):
La as the beach anymore.

Speaker 1 (52:25):
And I would go up there that you would meet
people and it kind of yeah. I mean, look, maybe
I'm just an old guy saying things were better in
the other But I don't know, because I go to
New York and I think New York's just as good
now as it was in.

Speaker 2 (52:38):
The better than it was in the nineteen eighties.

Speaker 4 (52:40):
Yeah, yeah, Yeah, it's it's got so many opportunities. But
you know, my nephew lives out here. He works for
Serious right, he's a producer for college sports. He loves
la people do. He would never go back to New.

Speaker 1 (52:52):
York I know, I know I said that too, though, Yeah.

Speaker 3 (52:56):
You know, and so never that thing.

Speaker 1 (52:58):
As you get older, do you think I want to
go back? Well, I remember talking to a friend of mine.
We were talking about getting old and he and I said,
I want to get old in the country where I
can relax and all that stuff.

Speaker 2 (53:10):
And he was like, no, New York City. I went, what, Yeah,
New York City.

Speaker 1 (53:15):
If you're old in New York City, you put on
a nice coat, walks through the park, not even knows
you're old. You don't even know you're old. You're just
going somewhere.

Speaker 4 (53:24):
And and it's kind of easier to because you can
get in the cab, go to the supermarket, you get
stuff delivered.

Speaker 3 (53:29):
It's a little easier and old.

Speaker 2 (53:31):
I mean it's expensive.

Speaker 1 (53:32):
I will say that.

Speaker 3 (53:33):
It is an expensive city. Oh my, yeah, I.

Speaker 1 (53:35):
Mean sometimes you go to the store in New York.

Speaker 4 (53:38):
I know, how can live here? It's getting expensive here too? Yeah,
you know, I mean life is. Listen, everything gets more pricey.
It just is.

Speaker 1 (53:46):
I had a friend who who died some time ago,
and he was self made man, made a lot of money.

Speaker 2 (53:54):
And he said.

Speaker 1 (53:56):
Something that again is legend in our His name is
bellef and Bill said, if you have a problem that
can be solved with money, solve it, because so many
problems can be.

Speaker 3 (54:12):
That's a great one.

Speaker 1 (54:13):
And I was like, if you have the money to
solve a problem, heard that, solve it.

Speaker 4 (54:17):
My uncle would say, just if I could throw money
at something, solve it, do it.

Speaker 1 (54:21):
It's great. Well I wouldn't have any money left.

Speaker 2 (54:22):
That doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 (54:23):
You solve your problem.

Speaker 3 (54:24):
Yeah, and you and you'll get more money.

Speaker 1 (54:26):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (54:26):
Yeah, the pipes don't work, just call a plumber, throw
money out of and fix the pipes.

Speaker 1 (54:31):
Yeah. Yeah. It's it's kind of a I mean, maybe
it sounds a little simplistic, but these are it's weird
that I have in my life. I mean, we're both
in our sixties now. Crazy to think, yeah, but but
I think my life has become I don't know if
I've become more cranky or just more simplistic. I'm like, well,

(54:53):
I don't want to fight you if I don't agree
with you.

Speaker 3 (54:57):
It's fine, smart way.

Speaker 4 (54:59):
I think you just get a little smarter, you know,
you get you know, it's sort of like learning, right,
even when you were in your twenties, you learn you're
gonna go from point A to point B. You can
do ten different blocks and they'll take you twenty five minutes,
and then you learn maybe half a year later, Oh,
if I take these two blocks, I can get there

(55:19):
in ten minutes. I learned I don't need to do
that anymore. Same thing with an argument, or I learned
I can argue, argue, or I can just say okay,
and that's probably the same thing is gonna happen. Yeah,
the same outcome is probably gonna happen.

Speaker 2 (55:33):
I had never changed. I don't think I ever changed
anybody's mind in an argument.

Speaker 1 (55:36):
And if I ever did change some of these minded
in an argument, then they were really mad at me for
changing them.

Speaker 3 (55:41):
Yeah, so.

Speaker 1 (55:43):
Going it probably bad. Just let it go, unless I mean, look,
there comes a time when you got to say what
you got to say, but so many times it's not
that time, you.

Speaker 4 (55:56):
Know that is you know, yeah, it's better that you
just don't say anything, or or.

Speaker 2 (56:02):
As my wife's thing. Never miss an opportunity.

Speaker 1 (56:04):
Shut the hell up.

Speaker 3 (56:06):
That's really great.

Speaker 1 (56:07):
Yeah, she's a Yankee.

Speaker 3 (56:09):
Where's she from.

Speaker 1 (56:10):
She's from New Hampshire.

Speaker 3 (56:13):
Oh what's that life? I've never been up there.

Speaker 1 (56:15):
Oh it's beautiful, must be gorgeous, beautiful. Yeah, yeah, that's uh.
She's from just outside Hanover. Oh.

Speaker 4 (56:24):
Friends of mine go to Hanover all the time. They
talk about it all the time.

Speaker 1 (56:28):
It's a beautiful place, big college town, Dartmouth College.

Speaker 4 (56:30):
It's a cultural town too. They've got stuff going on, right, Yeah.

Speaker 1 (56:34):
And they, you know, they have.

Speaker 2 (56:36):
They got a science museum and stuff you'd like.

Speaker 3 (56:38):
Maybe you should move there, maybe go to Hanover.

Speaker 2 (56:40):
Well, you know what I think. I think you should
move back.

Speaker 1 (56:42):
He's don't move into the city, but move.

Speaker 3 (56:45):
Near this, near the city, near this. Yeah. Well, your
second place is upstate New York.

Speaker 1 (56:50):
No, it's further up, further up north of bost north North. No,
even further north than that. Maine.

Speaker 3 (56:57):
Oh Maine. So was it six hour drive?

Speaker 1 (57:00):
Yeah about that, it's five and a half. Do you
drive sometimes it's forty five minutes in the plane?

Speaker 3 (57:04):
Oh okay, Oh are you fly somethimes?

Speaker 1 (57:06):
I don't fly my own plane. That's a good idea, though.
You get a little airplane and fly around up there
busy airspace.

Speaker 4 (57:12):
Oh okay, yeah, so you drive up there once in
a while, or you'll how do you take the train?

Speaker 1 (57:17):
Take the train, you can drive, you can take the plane.
It's all all of these American facilities that are available.

Speaker 3 (57:23):
I've been made a few times.

Speaker 1 (57:24):
Yeah, it's beautiful. It's really beautiful, really beautiful. Yeah. I
love it. So that's enough about me and it's enough
about you. Apparently we're done. No, yeah, but I do
want to thank you for coming in. I want to
thank you for writing that book.

Speaker 2 (57:39):
A time to think.

Speaker 3 (57:40):
Thanks.

Speaker 1 (57:41):
Yeah, it's uh, it's not easy to write any kind
of a book. I think when you're going through the thing,
you're going through and writing the book at the same time.
That's a pretty authentic approach to it.

Speaker 2 (57:55):
I'm impressed. Gosh, Darna, and you've got good hair.

Speaker 1 (58:00):
Have good hair, alrighty, get out of here.

Speaker 3 (58:01):
Thanks man.