Just B Dating: Dating 101

Introducing Just B Dating. Whatever you want from dating, that's what you should have. Bethenny has been there, done that, and seen it all. You want real dating advice? Class is in session.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:12):
So I have been doing some posts on relationships dating.
There's this thing where there's like I need a guy
in finance six or five, trust Fun blue Eyes. That
girl that amazing, she marketed it, she capitalized it. It's
now songs everywhere. But I really thought about who that
guy is, because whether good or bad, I've dated every guy,

(00:35):
and my issue has never been capturing men. I have
mad game, and I'm not saying that any sort of
narcissistic or conceited manner. It's just a fact. And I
don't know if it's my life of navigating situations or
being emotionally intelligent, or inheriting it from my mother, because

(00:56):
in my life, my problem has never been captured during men,
intoxicating men, getting men. It's been wanting to be with
the men, or choosing the right men, or not going
with my gut. But I also have made so many mistakes,
and truthfully, it's not that I don't even meet amazing men,
because I do. And it's not that I don't meet

(01:17):
amazing men that want to marry me and fall in
love with me, because for the most part, I've never
had a problem meeting men because I've usually been the
least interested party. But I definitely have a lot of
wisdom to share on dating because I don't have to
want to be with the men. My biggest issue has
been not wanting to be with the men. And believe me,
I've been in therapy for years. But I don't get

(01:39):
cheated on, I don't get left, I don't get broken
up with. That's just not my area for whatever reason.
So I am absolutely qualified to discuss dating, getting the guy,
getting the good guy, not settling, not dating down all
of it, I mean, without getting into any kind of detail.
If I'm dating, my house becomes a florist, becomes the

(02:02):
Brooklyn Botanical Gardens. So like it, don't like it, I
don't really care. But people on social media are devouring
my brief and spitting facts dating advice, So I thought,
why don't I take it over here to you. You
guys are loyal, You guys are dating at many different ages.
You know, dating applies to someone fourteen to someone eighty five.

(02:26):
I mean, there are many different layers to it. And
I don't stutter or flinch when I think about how
qualified I am to discuss what other people should do.
Doesn't mean and by the way, I do take my
own advice. Not everybody wants to be married, not everybody
wants to be legally married. Not everybody wants to be
in a relationship. And guess what society tells women in particular,

(02:52):
They talk down as if you're getting a cookie or
getting a trophy like everybody else, Like it's okay to
be alone. They don't really mean that, because society also
says is I'm married, and you should want to be
married too. And the people who are more pushing the
marriage product are the people that are miserable in their
own marriages. Because I am not anti marriage. I think

(03:13):
marriage and commitment and partnership are amazing. I'm not anti
women stay at home moms. I think being stay at
home mom is amazing. I'm here forgetting what you want
and you being honest about what that is. If inside
your body you want to be alone, it's okay to
want to be alone. And sometimes you think you don't

(03:33):
want to be alone and you want to be in
a partnership because that's what everybody makes you think you
are supposed to want. So you're always pushing for this
thing you're supposed to want, somebody to complete you somebody
to buy you things, somebody to support you. You want
the dress you want, the wedding you want, the ring
you want, the trappings you want, the experience you want,
the attention you want, the honeymoon you want, the vacation

(03:54):
you want, all these things you want. The doctor you want,
the rich guy you want, the car you want to
be taken care of. And it may not be which
you actually want. And you have to find what you
really want, and how do you do that? You must
be capable of being alone. It is scary, It is haunting.
It can be traumatic. When you're in a bad relationship,
it seems like it might be better than being alone.

(04:15):
Being alone sounds like doom and gloom, the big monster.
Guess what being alone can be? Amazing? Is actually amazing,
And you know what, being alone is the best way
to be in a relationship because if you can be
comfortable and love yourself and be happy for a significant
period of time. I don't mean for a week after

(04:35):
a breakup. I mean if you commit to being alone
for six months. And that doesn't mean you're not dating,
doesn't mean you're not sleeping with people, doesn't mean you're
not meeting people, doesn't mean you don't want a life
partner ultimately or think you do. It means you have
to become happy, comfortable, and safe being alone. That's when
everything will come to you. That's when all the opportunities

(04:55):
will come. That's when you will be making decisions out
of truth, not fear. Have to be capable of loving
yourself and being a full enough, whole person to be alone,
and that's when the guys, the men, the boys, the charmers,
the flowers, the gifts, the opportunities will fly in. Another
thing that needs to be dispelled. So by the way,

(05:17):
it's okay to want to be alone for a period
or forever. Another thing that needs to be dispelled is
that looks have anything to do with capturing a man

(05:37):
or a boy or a woman. Whether you're gay, straight,
it doesn't matter or another. It is nothing to do
with looks. I have sat at tables with multiple twenty
seven year olds that are stunning. One is much better
looking than the others. I mean people that could be
my daughter. I mean people that literally are half my age,
crying they can't meet somebody. They're no good guys, They've
got extensions, they've got lashes, they've got made. Why they're

(06:01):
focusing on the frosting. They're focusing on the frosting. They're
not focusing on the cake. You know what the cake is?
Who you are. I have had men that are used
to banging hot models down in Miami, eating out of
my hand, literally worshiping me, throwing money at me, wanting me,

(06:22):
wanting me to commit to them, saying to me, you
are the least vain person I've ever met in my life.
They're shocked at themselves. They can't believe they're going out
with someone my age that allows themselves to walk around
in pajamas. Sometimes it doesn't give a shit. We'll say anything,
do anything, be anything, because I'm comfortable in my own skin,
shoes on my feet, eye bottom. I depend on me.

(06:43):
So i am a full person. Yes I'm evolving. Yes
I've got problems. Yes, my mother dying was a transformative experience. Yes,
I've made horrendous, horrific, life altering mistakes in relationships. No
I'm not perfect. Yes I'm flawed, but this is what
this is. I am a fully put together dresser. I
am not a piece of Ikea furniture. I come fully

(07:03):
put together. No one needs to come in and pay
for my dental work. No one needs to support me,
no one needs to completely no one needs to define me,
no one needs to put me back together. This is
me and men are drawn to that because I am
shocked too. At whatever age I've come out of being
in a relationship, I am always like, what the fuck

(07:24):
I'm thirty two, Holy shit, I'm thirty seven, I'm thirty five,
I'm this no age, I'll be ninety single and men
I'll be at my doorstep. Why Because I'm fun, I'm enjoyable.
And women, you even read that book The Giving Tree,
women are the taking tree, particularly divorced women that have kids. Somehow,
they get some plastic surgery. They look hot, they work

(07:46):
out at the gym. There's semi interesting. They think that
men are just gonna like want to support them, support
their kids, support their program, buy them new tits, get
them dental work. What men don't want that. The one
thing men don't want now is to have to fucking
be supporting a female charity. They don't want the women
become the taking tree. The older, they get them more entitled,

(08:07):
they get thinking yes things. I tell you that you're
the prize you are the price. I hope you're the prize.
You know how to beat the prize. Have your own job,
your own income, your own security. You come in not
like a piece of Ikea furniture in the box. But
women come with a bunch of fucking issues, luggage problems, bills, screws,

(08:28):
pieces of wood. They want to walk in and think
a man's gonna want to put them together. Why, that's
a beating. That's a bunch of work. No, you come
in and it freaks them out. It's almost like gaslighting.
They don't even know what to do with it. They're
in such shock by meeting this alien unicorn. Woman who
can support themselves, is smart, can go head to head
with them in any business conversation, and is confident and

(08:49):
is the least interested party in the business deal. That's
how to get a man. And I've had men that
are so good looking you would die, like you would
die the best looking man you've ever seen that, And
it doesn't happen the first minute. The first minute, you're
a basic pitch like every other basic bitch. But how
do you Jedi mind trick them? How do you enter
them into the mind control program? How do you show

(09:10):
them that you are different. Well, you just are different.
You're confident first, you're always no games, clear communication. The
dumb dumbs of the world pretend that when you sleep
with someone actually matters. You know when that matters, when
you're a desperate, thirsty person who's panic stricken over when
they're going to call you, you know, and it doesn't
matter when you're in control of your own body. A.

(09:31):
You may not like someone that much and you know
you're not going to be with them. Then if you
want to have a sexual encounter, fine, B. You've spent
some time with the person. You've emotionally hooked them in
so much that it wouldn't really matter. Or even after
you sleep with them, you get the ball back by
just being disinterested. If you are great in bed and
great in person, they're gonna want to come back for more,
and you can readjust you will have a better emotional

(09:54):
experience if you don't sleep with someone earlier, because you're
setting yourself up for success. It's better odds. But if
a guy can feel that you're game playing and why
you're not sleeping with them, then it doesn't even matter.
You're a desperado. That's like read some dumb book about
when not to sleep with someone that's equally as desperate
and as much of a turn off. But that's not
how you know. If you've had seven drinks and you're

(10:16):
a drunk disaster and start to sleep with someone, yeah,
then you're a mess who's on in control of your
own life. But don't do that anyway. Two drinks maximum.
It's like the opposite of a comedy club. Two drinks maximum.
You're not in fucking first year of college pounding querrevo
shots and I don't care how old you are. Keep
yourself together, keep control of your wits, and be a
grown ass woman. If you're going to go on a
date and want to meet a grown ass man. Because

(10:38):
water seeks its own level, you will reap what you sow.